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Tag: Difficulties

  • What is Resilience and Why is it Vital to Your Success?

    What is Resilience and Why is it Vital to Your Success?

    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    Resilience is the ability to adapt successfully and recover from challenging life experiences. It is the ability to endure adversity and grow despite challenges. Resiliency doesn’t mean there won’t be setbacks, but it’s the strength and will to continue through pain. Take the COVID-19 pandemic as an example. Many people showed resilience by finding means to cope and work through a very challenging period.

    Resilience is not a lack of stress, emotional disturbance or suffering. It is the strength to work through whatever disturbance and suffering life throws you.

    Related: 5 Ways to Adapt to Change and Build a More Resilient Business Model

    Why is resilience important?

    Resilience is important because it’s an essential life skill. Perhaps the best example of resilience was shown by the late Nelson Mandela, who said, “Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”

    Without resilience, you get easily overwhelmed by challenges and what was supposed to be a temporary setback paralyzes you. Our very survival in this new world depends on our ability to adjust and thrive in the face of trauma and hardship. Without resilience, we fall back on unhealthy traits like avoidance and helplessness. Resilience not only empowers us to accept, adapt and move forward in difficult situations, but it is also the core strength that makes bearing the load of life possible.

    What it takes to change

    When I was in eighth grade, one of my teachers called a student to the front of the class to express how disappointed he was in the student for his performance with school work, despite his obvious potential. The student was none other than me.

    As I stood in front of the class, he explained why he was disappointed in me and how I showed up late to class even though my house was just a few minutes from school. It wasn’t that I flunked; my grades were mostly average. The reason for his disappointment was the potential and opportunity going to waste.

    Related: 8 Ways Successful People Master Resilience

    Although I felt his gesture was harsh, his assessment was accurate. I devoted my time to other things, like playing sports and messing around with my friends. I was an excellent reader as long as it wasn’t schoolwork. I was slacking, my teacher knew it, and I knew it too.

    Anytime results came out, I got nervous and promised myself that “I would change” and put in real effort. Deep down, I knew I was capable of much better than my grades suggested. I felt I just needed to put in real effort to become a success. I had to change something. But how?

    At the end of my senior year, I became so uncomfortable with some of my antics and the kind of person I was becoming. I wanted to be a role model for my siblings; someone others could admire. I realized this was something I would have to do for myself. What I wanted to make out of my life was up to me. And that was when I began to change.

    I was going to college, but I decided to do things differently this time. Right from that moment, I began to direct my energy toward building life skills and habits that reflected the kind of person I wanted to become. I began to spend my weekends getting familiar with the courses I was going to do not only in college but also in my private time. I began to plan and work toward my success.

    There were times I lost focus, but I put myself back on track. I knew I would be a few steps ahead of my colleagues by planning for my success, which gave me a positive feeling. I could see myself changing; I would not be the class clown. I was going to become a more responsible and committed student.

    And that was how it happened. I showed up in college as a student enthusiastic to succeed. After the first semester, I had a reputation as an A student. Sticking to that path of success was no longer an option; I had already set higher standards for myself.

    Related: 7 Keys to Developing Resilience

    Sometimes I think about what would have become of me if I didn’t have that resilience and courage to change. What kind of life would I have? One thing I know for sure is it may have been a life filled with regrets. Regrets for taking the easier way out, regret for not putting in enough effort even though I knew I was capable of more. And even though the change happened slowly and gradually, there were times my friends who knew me as the class clown made fun of me and times I slipped up. The fact that I made the decision to change and showed resilience made me ready at the right moment.

    However, what brought about this much-desired change? Having my new girlfriend certainly influenced me; however, it was nothing more than the fact that I had reached my emotional rock bottom and wasn’t happy with the lack of focus in my life. I began to think of myself and my actions in line with what I wanted to be. More importantly, I didn’t wait to be in college to start changing, I started the journey immediately, even though I was still in high school.

    Perhaps you find yourself in a challenging or overwhelming situation and need to pull through. Resilience will play an essential role in getting you over that line. As a first step, if you can make and stick to the decision to change the way you work, reflect on yourself, and challenge your thought patterns. Over time, you’ll begin to see changes in your life too. By tapping into resilience, you can change how you think and behave to achieve your definition of success. My lived experience says don’t wait, start now!

    Jon Michail

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  • It’s Very Healthy to Masturbate, But Is It Possible to Overdo It?

    It’s Very Healthy to Masturbate, But Is It Possible to Overdo It?

    It’s Perfectly Healthy to Masturbate, But Is It Possible to Overdo It?

    What do you call a completely normal behavior that a majority of adult men partake in regularly, but that society oftentimes likes to make you feel guilty about? You may have euphemistically referred to this activity as “choking the chicken” or “playing pocket pool” at an earlier age, believing the word itself too taboo to touch, but you know what we’re talking about here is masturbation.

    If you’ve masturbated in the past month, the past week, even the past 24 hours, give yourself a congratulatory pat on the back. You, dear pal, are part of a super, non-exclusive group made up of the vast majority of adult men living in the U.S. According to one study, over 70 percent of boys have masturbated at least once by the time they reach age 17. By the time they reach adulthood? Well, by then it’s viewed as a universal behavior.

    There’s nothing inherently wrong with masturbating on the regular (whatever that may mean on an individual level). In fact, it’s viewed as an integral part of normal sexual development, and can lead to a number of benefits.

    RELATED: It’s About Time You Switch Things Up When It Comes to How You Jerk Off

    “Many people find masturbation to orgasm to be a stress reliever and mood elevator due to both the chemical response it causes, as well as the tension and then relaxation of muscles after the fact,” says Dr. Vanessa Valentino, a New York City-based psychologist and sex therapist.

    “[Masturbation] often helps people know their body and experience more pleasure in sexual encounters with others,” she adds.

    You might be wondering what the catch is here. Is there a dark side to masturbation you should know about? In short, as with all good things, too much of it — at least too much reliance on it, in terms of both your physical and mental well-being — can become problematic.

    Here’s what you need to know about the potentially negative side effects of masturbating too much.

    Psychological Impact

    The reason we masturbate is pretty straightforward: it makes us feel good, even if only temporarily. But there is a drawback when you return to the well too many times.

    “When you masturbate, you experience a release of the neurotransmitter dopamine,” explains Michele Day, sex addiction therapist, coach, consultant and director of the Chicago Center for Sex & Wellbeing. “Dopamine hits the reward centers of the brain and is the same neurotransmitter that is released when people abuse drugs — cocaine, heroin, alcohol, etcetera. People who compulsively masturbate receive ‘dopamine hits,’ which leaves them sated temporarily, but when that doesn’t last, they return for more.”

    That, as Day points out, is when compulsive behavior can come into play, which is where things can go south.

    “Compulsive or addictive masturbation can leave you feeling depressed and shameful due to depletion of neurotransmitters and your inability to stop the behavior,” she says.

    Also of concern, according to Valentino, is using masturbation as a coping mechanism.

    “It should not be relied on to manage mood,” she says. “If you are becoming dependent on masturbation to function or feel happy, it is time to see a psychologist who specializes in sex therapy.”

    Its Impact on Your Sex Life

    Masturbation is an equally normal behavior whether you’re riding solo or boo’ed up (in which case mutual masturbation can come into play). That said, your method(s) of masturbation can sometimes lead to issues in the bedroom with your partner.

    “The way you are masturbating, both physical technique, duration, and what porn you watch or your fantasies, can all potentially have negative side effects if they are not similar to what your experience is during real sex with your partner,” says Dr. Valentino. “Many of my patients have an issue due to a longstanding pattern of non-transferable fantasy with masturbation, resulting in sexual performance issues.”

    In addition to being unable to perform the way you would like to, this can also lead your partner to think they are doing, or have done, something wrong — or worse. “The partner often feels that there is ‘something wrong with them’ when their lover isn’t aroused,” explains Day. “Compulsive masturbators will frequently let their partners believe this as a way to escape the shame that they feel.”

    Its Impact on Other Aspects of Life

    There is no over/under on the number of times it’s considered appropriate to masturbate within a given timeframe, whether we’re talking a day, a week, or a month. Everyone masturbates at a different frequency, and it only becomes problematic when it begins to interfere with other aspects of your life that deserve your attention.

    These are the questions you need to confront, according to Day, if you feel the behavior has become compulsive: “Are you masturbating and/or looking at pornography at work? Are you isolating from others so you can stay at home and masturbate? Have you been in a car accident because you were looking at pornography and/or masturbating? Do you hide your masturbation from your partner? Are you tired in the morning because you were up late watching pornography and/or masturbating?”

    If any of these situations sound familiar, seeking out professional help could be tremendously beneficial.

    “If you are neglecting your partner, your work, your social life, etcetera, it may be time to rein it in and seek the help of a psychologist who specializes in sex therapy,” advises Valentino. “You probably will not be able to undo this on your own, but some brief therapy can be very helpful.”

    Developing Feelings of Guilt or Shame

    A final aspect of too much masturbation to consider is the guilt/shame factor. Meaning, you like to masturbate but can’t help feeling guilty after having done so, as if you’ve done something wrong or are a bad person for engaging in that kind of behavior.

    As Day puts it: “A lot of people were raised that their bodies and sex are something to be ashamed about, especially in American culture, but they are not.”

    Guilt and shame surrounding masturbation stem from different places, explains Valentino. The former signifies that you have a negative perception of masturbation, likely internalized by social influences, while the latter suggests you think society would judge you for engaging in the act. 

    “These are rooted in different causes, and are treated somewhat differently in therapy,” says Valentino. “Psychotherapy focused on sex issues that applies cognitive behavioral techniques would help resolve this issue, and the underlying confidence issues in your own decision making.”

    Masturbation is a normal behavior that an overwhelming majority of men engage in. Whether you partake or you don’t, what’s most important is that your decision is coming from a positive place (as opposed to, for example, feeling so shameful about the activity that you are unable to engage in it).

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    Masturbation

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    Logan Hansen

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