Bob
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Tag: days
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Best Photos of the Week! (100 Photos)
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7 Days in Hell did Challengers before Challengers — threesomes and all
It sometimes seems surprising that tennis doesn’t inspire more movies. Its one-on-one gladiatorial clashes are inherently dramatic and psychological, while the devious scoring system means no match is ever lost until it’s lost. Nail-biting climaxes and last-minute turnarounds are baked into the design. On the other hand, the fast-moving, seesawing action is technically difficult to frame in a way that’s both exciting and legible — and that same scoring system might drastically confuse anyone who doesn’t follow the sport.
Or maybe there are only so many tennis stories to tell. It’s certainly true that after watching Challengers, the torrid, wildly entertaining new tennis melodrama starring Zendaya and directed by Call Me by Your Name’s Luca Guadagnino, I was struck by some surprising similarities to an earlier film. Only this film isn’t a proper sports movie, or even a pseudo-serious bit of prestige pulp like Challengers. 7 Days in Hell is a profoundly silly 43-minute HBO mockumentary from 2015, starring The Lonely Island’s Andy Samberg and streaming on Hulu and Max.
It’s tough to prove my point without comprehensively spoiling either film. You should watch them both; they’re both lots of fun. Let’s just say that both feature a hotly contested, emotionally (and maybe sexually) charged match between rival male players that goes the distance — and far beyond. Both movies also feature varying degrees of hot threesome action; an absurdly extended, physically impossible rally at the net; and a certain gesture that takes things up a gear. And they both end in strikingly similar ways, even though the actual outcomes are very, very different.
Image: HBO
Image: HBO
Photo: Niko Tavernise/Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Pictures
Above: Andy Samberg and Kit Harington in 7 Days in Hell. Below: Mike Faist and Josh O’Connor in Challengers.
Perhaps the key to both films’ success is that they recognize that tennis, with its strange rituals, hourslong matches, hushed intensity, and soundtrack of echoing pops, grunts, and smacks, is actually pretty ridiculous. Guadagnino’s movie spends more than two hours edging along the border of high camp, urged along by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross’ pounding gay-club score. 7 Days in Hell is an all-out parody; it has no such restraint, if restraint is the word.
7 Days in Hell spoofs an ESPN 30 for 30-style sports documentary. Its subject is the longest match in tennis history, a first-round clash at Wimbledon that lasted for seven days. The top seed is Charles Poole (Game of Thrones’ Kit Harington), a tragically dim Brit carrying the nation’s hopes on his shoulders. The wild card is Aaron Williams (Samberg), a washed-up “bad boy of tennis” in the Andre Agassi mold who happens to be Venus and Serena Williams’ adoptive brother. (In one of many talking-head cameos from famous real-world tennis figures, Serena explains that her father, Richard, adopted a white boy off the streets and turned him into a tennis pro in a “reverse Blind Side.”) Aaron is on the comeback trail after killing a line umpire with a 176 mph serve in the 1990s.
7 Days in Hell’s prime target is the absurdly extended matches that the Grand Slam tournaments are known for — particularly Wimbledon, where rain often delays play into the next day, and tie breaks weren’t used in the final set until 2019, making endless matches theoretically possible. The movie delights in the absurdism and masochism of both playing and watching this sport, as rain, streakers, traffic accidents, conjuring tricks, and more conspire to imprison the two players and their audience in an agonizing weeklong death spiral.
The fun comes from 7 Days in Hell’s extremely broad, even crude, humor (you’re going to need to enjoy dick jokes — this is a Samberg joint, after all) mixed with its savage parody of both the tennis world and the sports-documentary format. The film’s best gag is a brilliantly sustained digression into the history of Swedish courtroom sketch art, delivered with completely straight faces by tennis legends John McEnroe and Chris Evert, as well as the film’s stacked cast of comic actors. It’s a sly satirization of the way docs can use celebrity and misappropriated expertise as a vehicle for all kinds of barely relevant, unexamined information.
Among those self-mocking talking heads, McEnroe is particularly good value throughout. (His best line delivery: “Aaron probably should have forfeited after killing a guy. But he didn’t, because he’s an asshole.” McEnroe remains undefeated at cursing.) David Copperfield also sends himself up beautifully. The pro performers are great, too, with Fred Armisen as All England Club chairman Edward Pudding, MCU veteran Karen Gillan as Charles Poole’s supermodel ex-girlfriend, Mary Steenburgen as his overbearing mother, Lena Dunham as a fashion CEO, and an unforgettable turn from Michael Sheen as Caspian Wint, a pervy, chain-smoking British sports broadcaster. The smooth narration comes from Jon Hamm.
Before things come to a head on day seven of the match, the two players hold a joint press conference. A dispute starts, and they square up against each other, hurling insults, in an argument that briefly turns into a confused, thwarted embrace. Fundamentally, 7 Days in Hell and Challengers are saying the same two things. One: Sport may be about competition and dominance, but it’s a thin line between dominance and desire. And two: Tennis is absurd.
7 Days in Hell is streaming on Max, Hulu, and YouTube (with a subscription) and can be rented on Apple TV, Google Play, and other digital platforms.
Oli Welsh
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Snapped Out Of It
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7 days sober
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Not Healthy
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The Fruit Aisle Is Getting Trippy
On a recent visit to the supermarket, I found myself terribly disturbed by a carton of fruit. There, among the raspberries and blueberries, were ghostly white strawberries. They were the inverse of every strawberry I had ever seen—fully ripe berries with pale flesh bleeding pinpricks of red. Their seeds called to mind clogged pores in need of a nose strip. Rattled, I pivoted my cart toward less haunting produce.
The little freaks, I later learned, are pineberries, a cultivar named for their supposed subtle pineapple flavor but far better known for their spooky hue. Slicing one open reveals an interior that is unnervingly white. They aren’t the only wacky-colored fruit in the produce section these days: Other strawberries come in pale yellow or creamy blush, pink-pearl apples are a shocking magenta inside, and there are now kiwis to match every color of a traffic light. You can get yellow watermelon at H-E-B, pink pineapples on Instacart, and peach-colored raspberries at Kroger.
This is the era of bizarro fruit: Unusual colors are “a clear trend in the produce section,” Courtney Weber, a professor of plant breeding at Cornell University, told me. The variations in color sometimes come with a subtle flavor shift, but the difference is primarily aesthetic. People don’t buy peach-colored raspberries because they taste peachy. They buy them because they look cool.
Fruits that are the “wrong” color are not new. Some, like the Arkansas Black apple, arise spontaneously in nature. In other cases, breeders develop them by crossing different-colored fruits. But these haven’t historically made their way to your supermarket, because growing them at the volume necessary to serve large chains is risky and expensive. Typically, produce found in big stores must be grown in huge quantities, packed and shipped long distances, and sold quickly enough to not rot on the shelf. To tick all of those boxes, breeders developed hardy supermarket stalwarts such as the Gala apple, the Cavendish banana, and Thompson seedless grapes. In many cases, breeding efforts aimed to bring out appealing and uniform color—a major reason the Red Delicious apple came to be so popular.
Now things are getting goofy. Although breeders largely still use traditional techniques, such as cross-pollination and grafting, to produce fruit with certain traits, the process is now more efficient because of advances in genomics. “If you understand how the trait is inherited, it’s easier to make the appropriate genetic combinations to get what you’re after,” Weber said. He previously developed a purple strawberry; these days, he’s working on raspberries in sunshine hues.
The appetite for bizarro fruit has led some big companies to invest in creating new varieties. Driscoll’s, the berry giant, developed pale-yellow “Tropical Bliss” and baby-pink “Rosé” strawberries over decades of breeding in-house. Fresh Del Monte has gone a different route: The company’s coral-fleshed “Pinkglow” pineapples have been genetically engineered to accumulate lycopene, the compound that turns tomatoes red. The fruit is sold only at a smattering of retailers in certain states (notably not Hawaii, which restricts pineapple imports). But it has been so popular that Fresh Del Monte recently suggested that the pineapple has boosted the company’s bottom line.
You can’t go into just any grocery store and find these kinds of weird fruits. They are stocked at some mid-priced stores—Trader Joe’s, for example, sells pink-fleshed oranges—but they are far more likely to be found at higher-end groceries. At least for now: Fruit innovation beyond ghostly berries and colorful kiwis is “on the horizon,” Lauren M. Scott, the chief strategy officer of the International Fresh Produce Association, told me. To a lesser extent, the vegetable aisle has gone kaleidoscopic too, with candy-striped beets, violet-colored green beans, and cauliflower in shades of lavender, marigold, and lemon-lime. “People love new things, but they’re also creatures of habit,” Scott said. That is, they don’t want things that are too new. For the average customer bored of regular old fruit, the barrier to entry is lower for a pink apple than it is for, say, a rambutan.
For consumers who stumble upon them, the experience can be trippy. The new colors can come with tastier fruit—a red kiwi is sweeter than the original tart green. But color shapes our expectations for flavor, which weird-colored fruit can thwart in a way that feels novel and exciting, if not nonsensical. White strawberries look unripe, but don’t taste it. Yellow is usually associated with tropical flavors such as citrus and pineapple, so people expect a yellow watermelon to taste “like banana popsicle,” Weber said. But it just tastes like a watermelon. Likewise, he said, a yellow raspberry tastes like a raspberry.
The golden age of golden raspberries is what happens when advances in plant breeding coincide with a cultural obsession with aesthetics that also gave us indigo-hued Empress 1908 Gin and the pastel-colored nightmare that is the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino. Color makes food fun, even when it doesn’t make any sense. People do it for the ’gram—or, at least, to satisfy the same craving for visual excitement that social media fosters. Even though I’m weirded out by white strawberries, I have to admit that they make a fruit platter look super chic.
In time, the grocery store could become a bounty of blue bananas and purple mangos, and in the process, bizarro fruit may reshape our basic conception of produce. Ask an American child to draw you an apple, and they’ll sketch a Red Delicious. They will paint grapes purple. But maybe someday, they’ll consider some other colorways because of what they see in the produce aisle. Fantastical as that future supermarket seems, it would be one step closer to nature—where fruit colors are far less predictable than a clamshell of perfect berries would have you believe. Yes, white strawberries are weird. So is the fact that we expect all strawberries to be red.
Yasmin Tayag
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UPDATE
A few days ago I posted this photo. Some brave souls ascended a peak above town in the middle of the night and cut in a thousand foot dong visible for miles.

Welp, the decided risk a heli drop ski patrol to wipe it out. But after several hours at max altitude they only managed to give it hairy balls and a dick vein before admitting defeat.
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The basics
After some seriously hard days and lean weeks, God does it ever feel good to open the fridge and see fruits in the drawer, eggs on the shelf and even some hot sauce. (Valentina black label if anyone’s interested, highly recommend).
Feeling thankful. Can’t wait for my first pay cheque from the new job. I got a little advance Friday just for food.
Huge thank you to the FJ users who helped me out with a bike lock, and a pair of boots that will actually fit. You guys rock. I’d tag you but I’m not sure if that would be cool. Happy Sunday, faggots. Find something to be thankful for. -
Austin Pets Alive! | Overnight Lifesaving Support Needed
Dec 07, 2021
In September of this year, a fire at a pet boarding facility north of Austin tragically took the lives of 75 dogs in the middle of the night.
Just days earlier, an overnight fire took nearly two dozen feline lives at a shelter in Florida. As much as we wish they were, these are not isolated cases. From natural causes like lightning and heat waves to accidents like electrical shorts, the causes of fire are innumerable.
At Austin Pets Alive!, we are ever vigilant and hyper-aware of the devastating effects of fire. We know that the number one way to prevent these catastrophic events is proper sprinkler systems and alarms. We have installed alarms that alert leadership upon activation, and cameras that enable us to view our facilities remotely, but we are not able to install an automatic sprinkler system due to the low water pressure available for us.
The next best thing is for us to have someone onsite 24/7 to monitor for any warning signs of fire and act immediately so that we don’t lose time moving animals to safety. The Humane Society of the United States agrees, recommending that “the shelter is left unmanned as little as possible.”
This is where we need YOU! We are in need of adding staff willing to work overnight 3-4 days a week. Ideally, we would love to have someone onsite who can assist with basic medical care as well. We are willing to train you! Apply to join our lifesaving operations and help protect APA! animals overnight by clicking here or emailing [email protected].
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Austin Pets Alive! | Fostering Saves Lives Like Zucchini’s
Jul 20, 2021
An absolutely adorable pup, Zucchini was heartworm positive and shy around people when he first arrived at APA!.
Despite his timid nature, he displayed signs of wanting to be close to people. There were clear signs when he was in playgroup that he wanted to give his love to someone, he just had to find the right person. Before Zucchini could be ready to do so, he needed a home to feel safe in. Shelter staff determined that placement in a foster home could really help Zucchini open up and manage his anxiety, so Zucchini found a temporary home with Bailey!
Bailey is a seasoned foster, and she wanted to help Zucchini adjust to living with people and grow his confidence. Bailey shared that, when considering potential adopters, she knew “he needed a low-traffic household with adopters who would be patient with him and give him time to settle in.” With this in mind, Bailey “made a point of selling his potential because he hadn’t quite fully opened up to [her] in the home” by showing adopters videos of Zucchini playing with toys. This sold his adopter, who was determined to give Zucchini a home and everything he needed to thrive. Zucchini has found his forever home and is now receiving treatment through APA! for his heartworms. He has opened up and continues to work through his anxiety with the help of his people.
When asked why she decided to foster, Bailey explained that fostering gives her a way “to help save these dogs, especially the undersocialized and fearful ones, and give them a safe and less stressful place to learn that people are not all bad.” Fosters are essential to helping the dogs at APA! overcome their behavioral challenges and match them with their forever home. Thanks to Bailey, these days you can find Zucchini basking in the sun at his forever home.
Do you have it in your heart to open up your home to a pup who just needs some time to recover? Become a foster today to help improve the lives of dogs just like Bailey: https://www.austinpetsalive.org/foster/dogs




