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  • 16 Signs You Are Unattractive And How To Improve Yourself

    16 Signs You Are Unattractive And How To Improve Yourself

    Do you often find yourself getting friendzoned, or see people swooning over your friends while you go unnoticed? If yes, it is possible that you exhibit signs of unattractiveness, not necessarily in the sense of physical appearance but personality traits as well. To understand this better, we talked to a California-based psychiatrist and Cognitive Behaviour Therapist, Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues. Here are 16 signs you are unattractive as per the expert.

    16 Signs You Are Unattractive — Fix These Now

    Do you ever wonder, “Am I ugly?” When you feel unattractive, it’s difficult to tell if you’re actually an unattractive man or unattractive woman or if you just need to build your confidence. Well, here are 16 signs you are ugly or unattractive — and what you can do about them.

    1. Avoiding eye contact

    If you notice that people often avoid eye contact with you, and not in a coy but awkward way, then chances are that you are not confident and avoid eye contact yourself because you feel unattractive. Dr. Batra says, “Confidence is the key to attractiveness and without it no outfit or accessories could make you look beautiful.”

    How to improve

    The first step to improving is to accept the issue. If you think you have a low self-esteem, here are some ways to look confident:

    • Make eye contact
    • Keep a straight posture, don’t slouch
    • Smile
    • Avoid fidgeting

    Related Reading: Why And When A Man Avoids Eye Contact With A Woman – 5 Reasons And 13 Meanings

    2. You’re go unnoticed at parties

    Are you invisible at parties or any social events? It can be because you don’t have a unique aspect to catch someone’s eye, making you an unattractive man or unattractive woman. Your outfit and overall style is generic and maybe your conversations aren’t that interesting to make you stand out.

    How to improve

    The trick to standing out in a crowd is to add something that’s ‘you’ — something that is unique to you. This could be:

    • An eye-caching dressing style
    • Humorous or interesting conversation starters
    • Displaying a skill like playing an instrument or something as simple as solving a rubik’s cube
    Going unnoticed in parties is a sign of unattractiveness

    3. “You have a great personality” is a common compliment you get

    If you find yourself wondering, “Am I ugly?”, pay attention to what kind of compliments you get. Don’t get me wrong, getting compliments for your personality is great. However, just a generic “You have a great personality” is code for “Your personality outshines your looks.”

    How to improve

    Dr. Batra says, “Being attractive is not only about having an hourglass figure. There are many small changes you can make to enhance your looks.” Here are some things you can try to catch more eyes:

    • Mix up your style
    • Try a new haircut
    • Explore new accessories such as jewelry, bags, etc.

    Related Reading: 20 Interesting Personality Traits Of Pisces Women

    4. People avoid sitting near you on public transport

    If people usually avoid sitting with you or initiating conversation with you, maybe you have a resting face or a do-not-disturb body language, giving off grumpy vibes. This could be due to unattractive face features, such as droopy eyes or frowned lips, and closed body language.

    How to improve

    To be attractive and generally more likable, it is important to look approachable. If you look like you are in a bad mood, people will naturally try to avoid you. Here are some tips to look more approachable:

    • Avoid crossed arms or keeping your hands in your pockets
    • Don’t slouch
    • Don’t have headphones on all the time
    • Smile
    • Make eye contact when appropriate (But don’t just stare at strangers)

    Related Reading: Dating And Social Anxiety – 10 Tips To Ace That Date

    5. You don’t get matches on dating apps

    If your dating app gets more tumbleweeds than matches, it could be one of the 16 signs you are unattractive, or at least your profile is. When was the last time you updated your bio and your profile pic?

    How to improve

    Dr. Batra says, “Making a good online dating profile is a skill not everyone has. There’s a wide sea of users out there and you need to stand out if you want someone to match with you.” Here are some tips on how to enhance your dating profile:

    • Click pictures with your good angles and add them to the profile
    • Fill more specific details about you in the profile and not just generic quotes
    • Use the questions or prompts to make your profile more interesting
    Unattractive face features
    Getting no matches on dating apps can indicate that you are unattractive

    6. You don’t get asked for selfies

    If you are not sure how to know if you’re ugly, see if people initiate taking selfies or photos with you. If people don’t ask you to be in their photos or, when they do, you are always hiding in the back in group photos, it can be of the 16 signs you are unattractive or at least look so in pictures. It could be an issue of low self esteem, which stops you from being in the spotlight. Either that, or you just need better friends in your life.

    How to improve

    No matter how good you look or how interesting of a personality you have, unless you display signs of confidence you will not come off as attractive in real life or in pictures. Some people are naturally more photogenic than others. But that doesn’t mean you can’t improve your selfie-taking skills. Here are some helpful tips:

    • Experiment with different angles to see what suits you better
    • Practice your smile so that you don’t have a resting face in the picture
    • Look up some poses that enhance your body type
    • Try to be natural in pictures

    Related Reading: Top 10 Couple Poses For Selfies And Unique Pictures To Stand Out

    7. You don’t get compliments on your appearance

    How to know if you’re ugly? Your outfits or looks don’t get complimented. It could be because they are too repetitive or too basic to attract a woman or a man. Dr. Batra says, “How you dress yourself greatly influences how people perceive you.”

    How to improve

    Changing your style does not only mean buying new clothes, which is not always possible if you are on a budget. Here are other ways you can enhance your style:

    • Figure out what looks good on your body type
    • Try mixing and matching different pieces to create more outfits
    • Add colorful accessories — a scarf or a bag could do wonders

    Related Reading: 13 Female Physical Features That Attract A Man Immensely

    8. People laugh at your friends’ jokes more than yours

    A study at The University of Texas at Austin found that both sexes are more likely to initiate humor, respond more positively, and consider the other person to be funny when initially attracted to that person. On the flip side, it is also a common notion that people who are funny are deemed more attractive. So maybe your lack of humor is holding you back.

    How to improve

    While some people are naturally more funny, it doesn’t mean you can’t improve your comedic skills. Here are some tips on how to be more funny:

    • Be confident when telling a joke or a funny story
    • Work on your timing
    • Know your audience — What is funny to a group may to offensive to another
    • Loosen up and make jokes at your expense

    Related Reading: 31 Funny Ways To Start A Text Conversation And Get Responses!

    9. You are often asked if you’re angry/upset/tired

    One of the common signs of unattractiveness is having an angry resting face. It makes you look like an unpleasant person and generally unapproachable.

    How to improve

    Of course, being seen as pleasant and approachable is the first step to being attractive. Try these to change your angry resting face.

    • Practice in the mirror
    • Be aware of your expressions when in social situations
    • Avoid zoning out when in public

    10. You get friend-zoned a lot

    Being friend-zoned often is one of the 16 signs you are unattractive. Dr. Batra says, “If people like having you as a friend, but don’t seem to be interested romantically, maybe you’re coming off too platonic.” Being a kind and amiable person is enough to befriend someone but when you want to be more than friends, you need to add a little charm to the equation as well.

    How to improve

    Here are some tips to make someone like you and not just as a friend:

    • Hold eye contact just a second longer
    • Compliment them
    • Add some playful banter or teasing to your conversation
    • Occasional flirting to drop hints or test the waters

    11. You’re often mistaken for someone else (not a celebrity)

    Being mistaken for other people often may indicate that you have a generic appearance and are not standing out in the crowd. This doesn’t necessarily make you unattractive but generally invisible.

    How to improve

    You can’t be attractive if you have no unique quality that makes you easy to remember or catch someone’s attention. Here are some ways you can stand out in the crowd as per Dr. Batra:

    • Find a signature look — glasses, hats, something to make people remember you
    • Be true to your style instead of swaying toward every trend that comes and goes
    • Explore new hairstyles/beard styles if your current one seems too common

    Related Reading: Do Women Like Beards? 5 Reasons Why Women Find Bearded Men Hot

    12. People rarely invite you out

    Maybe you are just a homebody and people around you know it, which is fine. However, Dr. Batra says, “If you want to get invited but don’t, it could be because you are perceived as uptight, boring, or unpleasant — and these are not the indicator of an attractive person.”

    How to improve

    Are you giving off “I’d rather stay home” energy even when you don’t want to? Here are some ways to change that:

    • Initiate — reach out to people and make plans
    • Don’t be too reserved when in a social setting
    • Loosen up — laugh, open up, and don’t be too worried about embarrassing yourself

    Related Reading: 5 Things That Happen When An Introvert Falls In Love

    13. Friends don’t try to set you up

    When a person is single, friends often try to play matchmakers and set them up with a potential match. Have your friends tried doing that for you? If not, it may be one of the 16 signs that you are unattractive. It may be because of your looks or poor social skills, or your friends may just think you are not open to dating.

    How to improve:

    If you are in fact open to dating, there are a few ways to get your friends to find ‘the one’ for you:

    • Let your friends know that you’re open to dating and the type of person you are looking for
    • Pay attention to your appearance and put efforts in grooming yourself
    • Be more engaged in social settings
    • Be more positive and upbeat so people perceive you as a pleasant company
    • Expand your social circles to meet more people

    14. The cute curse

    Another one of the signs that you are not good looking guy or gal is that you often get called adorable or cute but never hot or sexy. That is the cute curse and a sure shot path to getting friend-zoned. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are unattractive, being called cute is, in fact, a compliment. But such a compliment can be given in both romantic and platonic relationships — a child can be called cute or even a puppy. However, when someone calls you hot or sexy, there’s no misinterpreting that signal.

    How to improve

    Want to dial back the cuteness and raise the hotness meter? Try these tips:

    • Switch up your wardrobe — ditch the overly cutesy stuff for something a little edgier
    • Pick outfits that accentuate your body shape
    • Add a bold element to your look — a piece of jewelry, a bold lipstick shade, a tattoo, etc.

    Related Reading: 5 Things Women Find Attractive and Sexy in Men

    15. You’re the last to get picked in group activities

    Feels like gym class all over again, right? If you’re the last to get picked in team games or any group activities, it can be an indicator that people don’t like you. While this could be due to appearance, it’s more probable that your personality is being disliked in such a scenario. Maybe you’re perceived as passive, lame, or just plain boring.

    How to improve

    Socializing is nothing but a skill. It may come to some people naturally, but for us awkward introverts (Yes, I am one of you guys), practice makes all the difference.

    • Work on your social skills
    • Find social circles that match your vibe
    • Loosen up and stop taking yourself too seriously
    More on being single

    16. people try to avoid or escape interaction with you

    Do you often feel that people are trying to leave the conversation or giving you one-word replies? Aside from the possibility that they could just be distracted or a mean person, there’s also a chance that they find the conversation boring or awkward. Dr. Batra says, “Generally, people who can converse fluently and keep it interesting are deemed more attractive and charming.”

    How to improve

    Want to become better at conversations? Here are some suggestions by Dr. Batra:

    • Move the conversation past small talk toward deeper topics
    • Talk on common points that are relevant to the other person
    • Keep the focus on the other person
    • Ask open-ended questions
    • Display an engaged body language

    Remember, attractiveness is as much about how you carry yourself as it is about your looks!

    Frequently Asked Questions

    1. Why am I not good-looking?

    There can be several reasons for why you feel you are not good-looking:

    • Low self esteem
    • You are wearing ill-fitting clothes or clothes that don’t flatter your body type
    • Your haircut doesn’t do justice to your face
    • You have an angry/tired resting face
    • You look good but are clicking pictures from the wrong angles

    2. How do I know if I am unattractive?

    If you feel invisible at social events, people don’t really notice or remember you and avoid interaction with you, these can be signs you have unattractive face features. Getting friendzoned often, not getting matches on dating apps and not receiving compliments also indicate that you are not unattractive. But don’t worry, as mentioned in the article, all these things can be improved upon.

    Key Pointers

    • Signs you are not good looking guy or gal include getting friendzoned, not being invited to social events, and not being complimented on your looks
    • People avoiding conversation with you, not asking you for pictures, or often asking if you’re tired also indicate that you have attractive face features
    • Some ways to improve include working on your self-confidence, smiling more, and switching up your style

    Final Thoughts

    These were the 16 signs you are ugly or unattractive and the ways you can improve them. Remember that at the end of the day, attractiveness is subjective and people have different preferences. So, instead of changing yourself completely to attract someone, work on improving your self-confidence and communication skills and enhance the qualities that make you unique.

    9 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem In A Woman You Are Dating

    21 Definite Signs You Are An Attractive Guy

    When Husband Always Criticizes Your Looks

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  • The Weight of Our Words

    The Weight of Our Words

    “Never make light of the king, even in your thoughts. And don’t make fun of the powerful, even in your own bedroom. For a little bird might deliver your message and tell them what you said.” Ecclesiastes 10:20 (NLT)

    When I was in high school, name-calling was the rage. My mom had warned me about bullies, but I thought times had changed… that was until I, too, became a victim.

    Whispers seemed to protrude through the walls I walked by, echoing secrets of those who had tread the same path before me. Most days, I hung my head low, shuffling from class to class as quickly as I could. Though their accusations were cruel, some made me stop and think. 

    I was used to being called “skinny,” a “twig,” a dog that needed “meat on my bones.” I was somehow mocked and yet praised for my intelligence; someone always wanted something from me, mainly help getting an ‘A’ on the next week’s assignment. Maybe those were compliments. To me, they felt like slaps across the face. 

    But one day, the words went a bit further. I was on my way to pick up fruit for a fundraiser I had participated in when I stumbled upon a new weighted word: Someone had written “Jew” across my order form. 

    While I was initially stunned, a smile erupted within my Spirit. My faith was evident, even in the face of judgment. If I was going to be bullied for something, let it be my unwavering faith in Jesus. I understood the power of standing firm in who I am, regardless of the whispers around me. 

    The weight of our words is powerful. They can hurt and they can build up. It’s a mystery that cursing and blessing can come from the same tongue (James 3:10). But these words, as hurtful as they once were, shaped my understanding of identity, faith, and the power of our speech.

    Here are three truths when it comes to knowing the weight of our words:

    1. The Impact of Words on Identity: You’re Not Who You Think You Are

    In a recent conversation with my therapist, we dug up some deep-seated beliefs I’ve had about myself. Some of them stem back to these days of bullying, while others seem to have come from things I’ve bullied myself into believing. But friend, just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true. 

    It’s true that the more you think about something, the truer it becomes regardless of its validity. That’s just human nature. We believe what we tell ourselves and listen to. But this is all the more reason to be aware of these thoughts. Ecclesiastes 10:20 reminds us to not say bad things about other people, even within our minds or hearts. But what about the things we say to ourselves?

    At the end of the day, we must remember that we are not our thoughts or others’ thoughts about us; we are who Christ says we are. Maybe like me, you struggle to read and believe reaffirming passages like Psalm 139:14. For years, I refused to acknowledge this passage because I didn’t feel like it was true. I knew it in my head, but my heart hadn’t caught up yet. Here’s the good news: God’s Word is infallible, and it remains the same regardless of whether you internalize it or not (Titus 1:2; 2 Peter 1:19). 

    Recently, I put Psalm 139:14 on my bathroom mirror. Every day, I see it and recite it not because I feel good about myself but because I believe in the power of God’s Word. It’s alive and active to help me believe and acknowledge God’s truth over time. It serves as a reminder that I’m not who I think I am, but I am who God says I am regardless of how I feel at that moment. 

    2. A Change in Perspective: Choosing Faith Over Fear

    The second truth that the weight of our words has taught me is to adapt a change in perspective. Nothing is pleasant about being bullied, made fun of, or called names. I learned this the hard way in adulthood (because, newsflash, the criticism doesn’t stop when you grow older; there are just fewer repercussions for adults who bully). But changing how I view these hurtful words has changed me. 

    John 16:33 is a familiar passage to all of us when it comes to persecution and hardship. Jesus doesn’t promise an earthly world without these kinds of sufferings. But He does promise that His presence will be with us to the end. Learning to see our sufferings this way requires an eternal change of perspective. It doesn’t negate or minimize what we’re feeling here, but it helps us look beyond despite these turmoils. 

    The next time you’re faced with the weight of words, remember to choose faith over fear. Negativity and bullying present us with a choice: to succumb to hurt or to stand firm in our beliefs. Embracing our faith empowers us to rise above the words that aim to tear us down (2 Corinthians 10:5). Being proud of our identity as children of God can transform our perspective on adversity.

    3. Be Mindful: Watch the Ripple of Your Words

    Once we’ve realigned our thoughts with who Christ says we are and learned to stand firm in those truths, we must remember to watch our thoughts and tongues, the third truth that the weight of words has taught me. As much as I’d like to say I’ve never bullied anyone, I’m confident there have been times I’ve thought choice words about unkind people. Ecclesiastes reminds us this, too, is meaningless.

    Just as others’ words can deeply impact us, we must be mindful of the words we speak about ourselves and others. Our private thoughts can have public consequences. God knows our every thought before we ever think them (Psalm 139:1-4), but we’re still responsible for what comes out of us.  

    If we want to change the weight of our words, it begins by speaking life, encouragement, and respect to ourselves and those around us. Not because it’s always easy, or we believe it, but because we know it’s the right thing to do. Want to transform the weight of your words? Here are some practical action steps you can take to implement this practice:

    Practice Daily Affirmations. Begin every day with positive truths found in the Word, like Psalm 139:14 or 1 John 4:4. Reciting these daily affirmations will help reinforce your identity in Christ even if you don’t yet believe them. Speaking these truths aloud sets the tone for your day and allows God’s Word to penetrate the divide between flesh and spirit (Hebrews 4:12). 

    Choose Your Words Wisely. Whether you’re in high school, college, or adulthood, choosing to think before you speak is wise. If we’re honest, most of us find it easier to fly off the cuff and speak what’s on our minds than to pause, be patient, and reflect before responding. But choosing our words wisely has eternal benefits. It allows us to think about the choice of our words to value the weight of each one. Are these words life-giving, or are we saying them out of spite? Making a conscious effort to replace unkind words with thoughtful ones can not only benefit you but also those you engage with. 

    Pray for Transformation. As human beings, we have free will. But this free will is powered by the Spirit’s work within us to transform who we are and bring us from where we’ve once been. Seeking God’s guidance is one of the best ways to transform your heart, soul, and mind. It’s also the best way to transform the words that come out of you. 

    Proverbs 4:23 (ESV) says it this way: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” When we pray for God’s Spirit to transform us and the power of our words, we receive wisdom—wisdom to discern when to speak and when to listen, even and especially in speaking to and listening to ourselves. 

    Which practical action step will you try this week to transform the weight of your words?

    Agape, Amber

    Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Liza Summer

    Amber Ginter is a teacher-turned-author who loves Jesus, her husband Ben, and granola. Growing up Amber looked for faith and mental health resources and found none. Today, she offers hope for young Christians struggling with mental illness that goes beyond simply reading your Bible and praying more. Because you can love Jesus and still suffer from anxiety. You can download her top faith and mental health resources for free to help navigate books, podcasts, videos, and influencers from a faith lens perspective. Visit her website at amberginter.com.

    Amber Ginter

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  • This Is Definitely The Most Romantic Sign Of The Zodiac—Is It Yours?

    This Is Definitely The Most Romantic Sign Of The Zodiac—Is It Yours?

    Time to wine and dine.

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  • Asking Eric: Friend’s drinking is causing a problem

    Asking Eric: Friend’s drinking is causing a problem

    Dear Eric: A couple of years ago I reconnected with an old friend, and I invited her and her husband to my cottage where she and I had spent some good times together over 20 years ago.

    Back then I often had a few too many drinks and also smoked. I don’t anymore. But she still does.

    Over the two days at my cottage, her drinking was to the point where she was unable to carry on a conversation and I had to help her to walk.

    When she is sober and not smoking, she’s smart, fun and engaging.

    I invited them up again last year hoping that I could be more tolerant, but it was worse.

    She’s been proactive about getting together over the past year. At the last lunch, she strongly hinted about an invite for this summer. I responded by text to say that it won’t work out this year due to family commitments (which is partially true). However, the real reason is her smoking and drinking.

    Her response to my text was, “are you breaking up with me”? I didn’t respond.

    Her life isn’t going the way she’d hoped. She has a very fractured relationship with her teenage son, and I think her marriage is struggling. It also appears that she doesn’t have many friends anymore and the relationship with her siblings has fractured, too.

    Do I disappear or prepare for the hard conversation?

    — Dry Friendship

    Dear Friendship: I suspect your friend may have had similar breakup conversations or been ghosted in the past. And she may be marginally, or evenly acutely, aware of the reasons why. So, a conversation may not be as bad as you fear, and it might actually lead her to getting some help. Give her that opportunity.

    As someone who used to paint the town red with you, your friend could be having trouble adjusting to the new rhythms of your life now. But, from what you describe, she seems out of sync in her own life. You’re in a unique position to help her see that and, potentially, inspire a change.

    Don’t disappear. What if you’re the only person who cares enough to express concern about how her drinking is affecting her and how it’s affecting you? Speak out of love and without moralizing. I hope she’s in a place to hear you.

    Dear Eric: I’m a gay man (58) married to a man (61). We have been together for more than 20 years. My younger sister and her husband have been a part of our lives since the beginning and have never shown any sign of not accepting our relationship. We have all traveled together and have stayed in each other’s homes.

    Several years ago, we took them to our favorite vacation spot to renew their vows and, in 2026, they would like us to take them back for a milestone anniversary they are celebrating. We are happy to do it.

    We have come to learn from other family members that my brother-in-law often disparages the LGBTQ+ community at parties. My sister, while not participating, does not challenge her husband on what he is saying. We have not experienced this in person, but I absolutely believe this is happening and won’t tolerate that type of hatred.

    I’m not comfortable confronting them about this with just secondhand information. If this is true, I don’t want to take them on a vacation and potentially have to have an unwanted confrontation in person if he were to say something intolerable. Do I bring it up now or just not say anything and make up an excuse as to why we can’t take this vacation together?

    — Intolerable In-Law

    Dear In-Law: You write that you absolutely believe that your brother-in-law’s disparaging comments are happening. I’m wondering why you believe it and why you would want to continue having a close relationship with someone you think is likely to talk about you behind your back.

    R. Eric Thomas

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  • Asking Eric: Husband doesn’t approve of wife’s lifesaving friends

    Asking Eric: Husband doesn’t approve of wife’s lifesaving friends

    Dear Eric: Mid-pandemic, my family and I moved to my husband’s hometown, hundreds of miles from our old city. It was a very difficult transition for me. I am a stay-at-home mom and the opportunities to meet people were very limited because of the pandemic.

    However, about a year ago, I met two other moms with young children in the neighborhood. We became very close and now spend two to three days together every week, at the library, playground, or each other’s houses.

    Meeting them was truly a lifesaver, giving myself and my children opportunities to socialize and pulling me out of my loneliness and depression.

    However, my husband does not approve of these new friendships. He has come up with every excuse why we shouldn’t spend time together — their children misbehave and are a bad influence on our children (they act typical for their age, like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum); they make a mess of our house (which our children also do, with or without them); and their husbands have ill intentions toward me (which is absurd).

    He even went so far as to ask his friend to come supervise when one of my friend’s husbands picked their kids up from our house when she was not there. I love my husband and want to have a happy and harmonious home. However, I value these friendships greatly and believe they make me a happier person, and therefore a better mother and wife.

    — Finally Have Friends

    Dear Finally: Your husband must not have much going on at work, because minding your business seems like a full-time job. This isn’t right. He’s acting out a very misplaced feeling of insecurity and until he works on that, I doubt any friendship you have is going to pass his quixotic standards.

    Tell it to him straight: It’s important for me to have friends. Without them, I struggle with depression and loneliness. I know that you want the best for me and for our kids, so you need to tell me what this is really about.

    He may not have a good answer. Again, that’s his work to do. The end of the conversation should be: These are the friends that bring me happiness. Is my happiness important to you? If so, I need you to support me in this.

    And then don’t entertain any further complaints. This doesn’t need to be debated. If he’s not supportive of your happiness, that’s a bigger problem. But I hope he’s willing to do the work.

    Dear Eric: My son is getting engaged to a wonderful woman. They are in their late 20s. My husband and I are retired and have a limited yet comfortable income.

    The bride is the oldest of two children and first to marry. Her parents are younger and wealthy. Her mother has told them that the wedding must be a large and lavish affair she has been planning for years with more than 120 of their guests.

    My husband and I have told the couple that we will give them a sum of money for the wedding needs — what we can afford — and will make no demands or get in their way to do whatever they want. They are relieved.

    We are unsure how this will go over with her family as they may want us to fork out all the expenses for a lavish groom’s dinner, full open bar, etc., they plan or want. I cannot count on the bride to stand up for us as her mom is so manipulative.

    Our only dilemma is how much money is a normal sum to give the couple if they were a normal, average couple, not considering her wealthy situation. I am not planning to mortgage our home or hand over five figures for this.

    — Wedding Gift Dilemma

    R. Eric Thomas

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  • Heartache Prevention via Valuable Relationship Lessons (22 GIFs)

    Heartache Prevention via Valuable Relationship Lessons (22 GIFs)

    We all want to find our person, but it ain’t easy.

    In fact, sometimes it feels damn near impossible.

    How do you know you’re with the right partner? If things don’t seem to be working, should you walk away or try harder? What can you live with, and what are your dealbreakers?

    One Redditor asked, “What’s the most valuable lesson you’ve learned from a relationship?” and the responses might be just what you need to hear to save yourself some heartache.

    Laura Lee

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  • Ghosting: The Silent Breakup

    Ghosting: The Silent Breakup

    In the modern world of dating and relationships, ghosting has become all too common. It’s the silent breakup – when someone you have been emotionally involved with suddenly disappears without a trace, leaving you puzzled and heartbroken. 

    But What Exactly is Ghosting, and Why Does it Happen?

    Ghosting is a modern phenomenon that has become all too common in the world of dating and relationships. It’s when your partner suddenly cuts off all communication without any explanation or warning. They simply vanish, leaving you puzzled and wondering what went wrong.

    The term “ghosting” is an apt description of this behavior, as the person you thought you knew well disappears into thin air, like a ghost. They may stop responding to your calls, texts, or messages, and you’re left with a sense of confusion and abandonment. Ghosting is a form of passive relational aggression, where the person chooses to withdraw from the relationship rather than engage in a direct and honest conversation about their feelings or reasons for ending the relationship.

    This silent breakup can be particularly devastating, as it leaves the ghosted individual without any closure or understanding of what happened. The lack of communication and the sudden disappearance can be emotionally jarring, leaving you feeling rejected, hurt, and questioning your self-worth. Ghosting can have a lasting impact on trust and future relationships so here are some coping strategies in case you are suffering from being ghosted, or if you have trouble ending relationships directly and honestly. 

    What to Do If You’re the One Who Was Ghosted

    Recovering from the aftermath of being ghosted requires a strong emphasis on self-care. The emotional impact of this experience can be profound, and it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being during this challenging time. Remember, the ghosting was not a reflection of your worth or desirability. It was a choice made by the other person, and their actions say more about them than they do about you.

    You might be blaming yourself or obsessing over things you “should” have done differently (in the mental health world we affectionately call this “shoulding on yourself”). It’s hard not to be able to process your feelings with the person you have lost, so oftentimes this excess energy is directed at yourself. Or it could land as hopelessness, outrage or a conviction never to date anyone again, ever. None of these strategies will help you heal and grow.

    Here are some alternatives:

    1. Seek Support From Loved Ones 

    Reaching out to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist can provide a much-needed source of emotional support and validation during this difficult time. Suffering alone will only intensify the pain and loneliness.

    2. Practice Self-Care 

    Engaging in activities that nourish your physical, emotional, and mental well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or engaging in hobbies, can help you regain a sense of control and stability. HERE is a link to a 7 minute progressive muscle relaxation exercise which can help you self-soothe and calm your nervous system. 

    3. Feel Your Own Feelings Instead of Focusing on the Ghost

    Resist the urge to constantly check the person’s social media or try to make sense of their disappearance. You probably have a lot of unanswered questions that will remain unresolved no matter what you do. Instead of focusing on your past partner, focus on yourself instead. It’s important to acknowledge and validate your feelings of hurt, anger, and grief if you want to heal and grow. While feeling the feelings might be unpleasant, it is more likely to bring closure than chasing the ghost.

    What to Do If You’re the Ghost

    If you have ghosted someone, you probably feel badly about it, but might not understand why. You might not know what to do instead.

    One of the primary reasons for ghosting is avoidance. It’s never easy to have direct conversations about dissatisfaction or hurt feelings. Breaking up with someone you care about is very difficult to do. You are not alone in detesting this process. (That’s why there are so many country songs and reality t.v. shows about it.)

    Most people who ghost their partners do not actively decide they’re going to cut off contact. It usually starts by not knowing what to say, and postponing a difficult conversation. They try to buy some time by explaining how busy they are,discounting their partner’s concerns or requests for reassurance that everything is okay. Once this pattern starts it becomes harder and harder to face the truth and admit that there really is a problem. Ghosting might feel like the only option in an attempt to make it all go away without having to engage in a challenging conversation.

    If any of this relates to you, it’s important to start by being honest with yourself. When you avoid difficult conversations, not only do you hurt people you care about, but you also don’t get to enjoy the intimacy that occurs through transparent and vulnerable dialogue. Even when it’s time for a relationship to end, a courageous break-up conversation can allow both parties to honor their time together, have some closure and enter new relationships with increased self-awareness. 

    Here are some concrete steps and resources if you are guilty of ghosting, or tempted to do so because you see no other options.

    HERE is an article by Zach Brittle, a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist who walks you through how to break up with someone step-by-step. 

    • Brush Up on Your Communication Skills

    Good communication requires two main skills: (1) Asking for what you need clearly, directly and respectfully, and (2) Validating your partner’s needs and feelings with empathy, warmth and generosity. HERE is a YouTube video where I walk you through how to talk about differences productively. 

    While fear of confrontation is normal, and usually has deep roots connected to past experiences, the best way to confront any fear is by taking a small step toward it instead of away from it. Start with baby steps, like speaking up about a different opinion, or texting someone back when you’re tempted to ignore them.

    Rebuilding Trust and Moving Forward After a Ghosting Experience

    Recovering from the aftermath of ghosting can be a challenging and gradual process, but it is possible to rebuild trust and move forward in a healthy way. The key is to approach the situation with self-compassion, patience, and a willingness to learn from the experience.

    By prioritizing clear, compassionate, and consistent communication, we can build stronger, more resilient relationships that are less susceptible to the devastating impact of ghosting. This approach not only benefits our current relationships but also prepares us for future connections that are built on trust, understanding, and mutual respect.

    Whether you have been ghosted, or a ghost, try to have compassion for yourself and move forward by implementing just one thing from this article that you’d like to do a tiny bit differently next time.

     

    Laura Silverstein

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  • 7 Obvious Signs He Likes You, As Per A Relationship Expert

    7 Obvious Signs He Likes You, As Per A Relationship Expert

    “Does he like me or is he just being nice?” is a question most of us have grappled with at some point in our lives. But it is not so confusing when we know what clues to look for. We talked to a California-based psychiatrist and Cognitive Behaviour Therapist, Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues. She shared with us 7 obvious signs he likes you but is hiding it.

    Dr Batra says, “When a guy likes you but doesn’t say it, there are many non-verbal and social signs that can reveal the truth. Notice his body language, how he talks to you, how his friends talk to you, etc. Once you know what to look for, you can easily find out if he’s looking to be more than friends.”

    7 Obvious Signs He Likes You — Don’t Overlook These

    Don’t know how to tell if a guy likes you or is just being nice? Don’t worry, we’ve all been there—over analyzing texts, rereading compliments, and playing detective with the mixed signals. Well, here are 7 obvious signs he likes you but is hiding it as per the expert. Let’s discuss them in detail.

    1. Non-verbal cues

    One of the 7 obvious signs he likes you is that his body language is different when interacting with you. Dr. Batra says, “Even if he doesn’t tell you through words that he likes you, there are always some non-verbal cues that give the truth away. It could be how he looks at you, or the tone of his voice, or a simple nervous tic.” Here are some body language signs he likes you, discussed in detail:

    1. Eye contact

    As they say, eyes are the window to the soul. A research found that when a man holds eye contact, it is one of the signs he’s into you. So notice if he holds eye contact with just a second longer than usual.

     Long eye contact is a sign he’s into you

    2. Mirroring your movements

    A study found that when one person’s movements match another, almost like they are mirroring the other’s body language, it indicates the first person is interested in being in a relationship with the other. 

    3. Fidgeting 

    We’ve all been there — fidgeting nervously when talking to our crush, fumbling our words, tapping our foot, looking adorably jittery. Is he displaying any such nervous tics when around you? That is one of the body language signs he likes you.

    4. Tone of voice

    Don’t just notice the words he is saying but also how he says it. Does he deepen his voice when talking to you? Because that is one of the things guys do when they secretly like you. A study has discovered that men tend to lower the pitch of their voice and use varied intonation to appear more masculine when talking to someone they are interested in. 

    2. He pays extra attention to you

    One of the 7 obvious signs he likes you but is hiding it is that he pays attention to all the little things. Every detail that you tell him about, what you order at a cafe, even that rant about that one girl who always gave you back-handed compliments. Here are some ways to know if he pays attention to you:

    1. Knows your favorites

    A guy that likes you remembers what you like. Everything from your usual coffee order and your comfort food to the series you binge watch every time you are sad.

    Related Reading: Exploring The 6th Love Language: ‘Feeling Known’

    2. Can tell when you’re feeling down

    If a guy can easily tell if something is off, it’s one of the signs he likes you more than you think. It’s because he is paying close attention to your body language and notices when your shoulders are slouched and you are not smiling with your eyes.

    3. Remembers little details about you

    Dr. Batra gives an example, “He brings up that random fact you mentioned about loving watermelon-flavored candy weeks ago. You barely remember saying it, but he does. That’s not just a good memory—it’s one of the signs he’s into you.” Bonus points if he shows up with watermelon candy on your next meet-up.  

    3. He maintains regular contact

    Talking about the 7 obvious signs he likes you, Dr. Batra says, “A guy that likes you puts in extra effort to keep in touch with you. No ghosting, no going MIA. even if he’s busy, he’ll make time for, at least, a quick text/call.” So if you’re wondering, “Does he like me?” Notice how often you guys meet or talk. Let’s discuss this in more detail:

    1. Texts/calls you first

    If he likes you, you’d notice that he never lets the conversation die down. If one topic ends, he’ll bring up something else. Also, he’d find excuses to call you often — needing help with an assignment, asking for your opinion on an outfit, etc.

    signs he secretly wants you
    Regular calls are a sign he wants you

    2. Adjusts his schedules to hang out with you

    Maybe not always, but most of the time, you’d see that he is willing to move his plans around to hang out with you. If the weekend works for you, it works for him as well. If not, a week night is fine too. That’s not because he’s always free or a pushover, it’s one of the signs he secretly wants you and doesn’t want the plan to get canceled.

    3. Finds reasons to be close to you

    You’re at a group hangout, and somehow he always ends up sitting next to you. Coincidence? Hardly. Whether it’s sharing popcorn at the movies or offering to “show you something cool” on his phone, he’s making sure he’s within arm’s reach. This is one of the biggest signs a man is attracted to you. Next time, count how often he pulls the “accidental” brush of the arm move—classic.

    Related Reading: 20 Tips To Get Close To A Girl And Win Her Heart

    4. He tries to be involved in your life

    Another one of the 7 obvious signs he likes you is when he tries to be a bigger part of life than a friend would. Dr Batra says, “Does he ask you how your day went? Wants to know updates from your school/workplace? Asks questions about your goals and aspirations in life? These are all signs he secretly likes you and wants to know you better.”

    1. Shows interest in your hobbies

    Showing interest in what the person likes is one of my favorite ways to indicate that I like them. It’s the same with guys. When they like you, they want to be a part of things you do. Maybe he gave a try to your favorite book even if he’s not a reader or looked up some history facts because you are a history buff.

    Related Reading: 101 Hobbies For Couples – Make Quality Time Count

    2. Shares details of his day

    When you ask him how his day went, he doesn’t just respond with “Fine.” He tells you the little details like how he had a row with a coworker or a puppy he spotted on the road, maybe you receive a few pictures even. And chances are, he expects the same from you as well. This is how to tell if a guy likes you.

    3. Asks thoughtful questions

    Your conversations are not just filled with superficial stuff. Apart from work/school and chores, he also wants to know what goes on in your mind. He asks you deep questions like “Did you have a good childhood? What do you do when you are sad? What is the meaning of life for you?” He wants to know you on a deeper level.

    5. The friends know everything

    If the guy likes you, he may think he is playing it cool, and you may be stuck between the does-he-like-me-or-is-he-just-nice conundrum. However, it’s very easy for a person on the outside, especially friends, to notice the clues. They can see him looking at you when you are looking away, and they know how he talks about you and blushes when you are not present. So if the below-mentioned points resonate with you, it is one of the 7 obvious signs he likes you.

    1. His friends act weird around you

    Have you noticed his friends giggling when you’re around? It’s like they know something you don’t. If his buddies are subtly teasing him in your presence, trust me, either they’ve had the conversation about you or the friends have noticed the clues.

    Related Reading: 27 Sure Shot Signs Your Crush Likes You

    2. Your friends suspect he likes you

    Similarly, it’s easier for your friends to notice the signs than you because they can see his body language and expressions when you are looking away. Also, girls just have a sixth sense about this stuff when it comes to their friends. So if your friends say he likes you, he probably does.

    3. You often get mistaken for a couple

    If he’s head over heels for you and can’t keep it hidden well, then yeah, the strangers are gonna notice it too. So if “You’re such a cute couple.” is a compliment you hear often, maybe it’s time you become one.

    Related Reading: I Had A Crush On An Older Woman And It Changed Me

    6. He does you favors

    There are friendship favors and then there are I-have-a-crush-on-you favors. Speaking about how to tell if a guy likes you, Dr. Batra says, “When a guy likes you, he goes out of his way to help. Whether it’s assembling your Ikea furniture or helping you with a “difficult” spreadsheet, he’s your knight in shining Excel. That’s effort, not friendship.” So, pay attention if he does favors like:

    1. Bringing you coffee/food

    Food has basically become a love language in these times. So if he brings you food often and unprompted, there is definitely something going on other than friendship.

    Related Reading: 9 Heartwarming Actions Of Love That Speak Louder Than Words

    2. Going out of his way to help with assignments/errands

    Now we know friends can help you with this kind of stuff too. But a guy that likes you is there to help you even if it inconveniences him. Plus, he’ll go the extra mile to make sure everything is taken care of. 

    3. Picking you up or driving you to places when needed

    Not only would he be okay to pick you up, he’d be happy to do so. As discussed above, when a guy likes you he wants to be close to you. What better opportunity for that than sitting in a car side by side as a sweet melody plays on the radio?

    7. He flirts with you

    Flirting is the easiest to notice among the 7 obvious signs he likes you. It could be something subtle or more obvious, but there’s definitely gonna be some flirting if a guy likes you. Maybe he sends you flirty emojis, or calls you endearing names (even as a joke). Here are some of the signs a man is attracted to you and is flirting with you:

    1. Compliments

    Here’s how to tell if a guy likes you. See if he compliments you a lot. And not the generic “You look nice today,” but more specific compliments such as “You look great with hair down.” or “You have a beautiful laugh.”

    on crushes

    2. Playful banter

    Does he ever tease you or take light-hearted jabs at you? These are things guys do when they secretly like you. It’s also a sign of chemistry between you two.

    3. Joking about being a couple

    It’s one thing when strangers say it, but when he starts joking about getting together? Girl, he wants you bad, don’t even second-guess it. This is one of the clearest signs he secretly wants you and is observing your reaction to test the waters.

    These were the 7 obvious signs he likes you but is hiding it. Now go ahead and text him back—he’s been waiting for you to notice all along.

    Key Pointers

    • If he pays attention to you, it is one of the 7 obvious signs he likes you but is hiding it
    • If a guy goes out of his way to help you, it is one of the signs he likes you more than you think
    • Other subtle signs include nervous body language and flirting
    • If he tries to keep constant contact with and tries to know you better, that also indicates he’s interested in you

    Final Thoughts

    I hope now you don’t need to keep wondering, “Does he like me?” and decoding what every text means. Just pay attention to his body language, how he treats you, and how other people perceive you together.

    21 Signs He Wants You To Notice Him REALLY BADLY

    5 Things To Analyze In Your First Date’s Body Language

    He Still Loves His Ex But Likes Me Too. What Do I Do?

    Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.

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  • 100 Best Hinge Prompts With Answers For Instant Connections

    100 Best Hinge Prompts With Answers For Instant Connections

    Swiping through profiles feels like an endless loop, right? You craft the perfect bio, match with someone cute, and then… crickets. Stuck in “what’s the weather like?” land. But what if there was a way to break the ice, ditch the small talk, and connect with someone interesting? That’s what the best Hinge prompts help you achieve. 

    To help you ace them, we’ve got 50 of the best prompts, along with some killer Hinge prompt responses to inspire you. And hey, we’ve categorized them for both men and women. First, we’ll give you the best Hinge prompts for guys and then the best Hinge prompts for girls. Whether you’re a travel fiend, a pun-loving foodie, or a goofball with a heart of gold, there are dating questions for everyone. Ready to find your perfect match? Let’s do this!

    What Are Prompts On Hinge?

    Hinge is a unique dating app. Its USP is that it ditches the generic bio format. Instead, it relies on a system of Hinge questions to help you showcase your personality, interests, and what you’re looking for in a match. These dating app prompts act as conversation starters, giving potential partners a glimpse into who you are beyond just photos. So if you have a Hinge dating profile, then you need to check out those prompts. And oh, there is a voice prompt feature too!

    Understanding Hinge prompts

    So, how do Hinge prompts work? Hinge offers many dating questions, categorized into different themes like Fun Facts & Quirks, Life Goals, and Relationship Goals. You can choose from these pre-written prompts or craft your own using the ‘Custom Prompt’ option. The app allows you to select up to six prompts to display on your Hinge dating profile. There are two types of prompts on Hinge:

    Related Reading: 26 Things To Text When A Conversation Dies

    • Text prompts on Hinge: These are classic prompts where you answer a question with a written response
    • Voice prompts on Hinge: The voice prompt is a unique feature that lets you record a 30-second audio clip answering a prompt. It adds a personal touch and allows your voice and personality to shine through

    Why are prompts important?

    Hinge prompts go beyond the superficial aspects of dating questions. They serve several key purposes:

    • Reveal your personality: Prompts allow you to showcase your sense of humor, passions, and values. This helps potential matches connect with you on a deeper level and see if you fit perfectly
    • Spark conversation: Most of the Hinge best prompts act as conversation starters, so you gotta play it right. They give potential matches something to comment on or ask you about, making it easier to break the ice and initiate a meaningful conversation
    • Stand out from the crowd: With clever and funny Hinge prompt answers, you can separate yourself from the crowd and grab the attention of potential matches

    Crafting effective Hinge prompts

    Now that you understand the importance of prompts, here are some tips to craft responses that will make your dating profile stand out:

    • Be Yourself: Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Authenticity goes a long way in attracting genuine connections
    • Show, Don’t Tell: Instead of simply stating your interests, use Hinge best prompts to tell a story or anecdote that reveals something unique about you
    • Balance Seriousness & Fun: While you want to showcase your values and goals through Hinge questions, incorporate prompts that showcase your humor and lightheartedness

    Related Reading: 69 Tinder Icebreakers That Are Sure To Yield A Response

    50 Best Hinge Prompts For Guys—With Answers 

    Struggling to write prompts that showcase your personality and snag those right swipes? You’re not alone! But fear not, because we’ll give you 50 of the best Hinge prompts, complete with winning answers, to help you craft a profile that’s both informative and irresistible.

    1. Deal breaker: Someone who…

    This will be a funny quirk that wouldn’t work in a casual relationship for you. Check out some funny Hinge prompt answers below:

    • Doesn’t understand the sarcasm in “fine”
    • Thinks that pineapple belongs on pizza 
    • Never wants to try a new restaurant
    • Doesn’t like the same type of cuisine

    2. Most likely to find me…

    This is one of the best Hinge prompts that lets you showcase your talents and hobbies. Let’s say you love working out. So they’ll find you in the gym.

    • Belting out show tunes in the shower
    • Lost in a bookstore for hours
    • Trying to convince my cat to be friends with my new dog

    3. My biggest flex is…

    Now this can turn out to be one of the funniest Hinge prompts, giving you a chance to put a humorous twist to your talents. But hey, don’t get too cocky!

    • I can fold a fitted sheet like a pro
    • I can name all 50 states in under a minute
    • I can win any dance-off to old-school Britney Spears

    Related Reading: What Are Some Good First Date Questions To Get To Know Someone?

    4. Unpopular opinion: I actually enjoy…

    One of the best Hinge prompts to showcase your taste and opinions that you think aren’t mainstream.

    • Reality TV — the drama is addictive
    • Folding laundry while watching documentaries
    • Pineapple on pizza

    5. The best weekend involves…

    Tell them about your preferred activities during the weekend. It could be something extravagant, or could be just one of the simple pleasures of your life. Check out some cool Hinge prompt responses to make this work to your advantage: 

    • Exploring a new city with a delicious food tour
    • Hiking a challenging trail and enjoying the view on a typical Sunday
    • Cozy nights in with takeout and a good movie marathon
    new restaurant with an exotic cuisine

    6. Always down to try…

    Want others to know about your adventurous side? This is how you tell them!

    • A new restaurant with an exotic cuisine
    • A spontaneous weekend getaway/adventure vacation
    • Learning unusual skills together, like pottery or rock climbing

    7. My go-to karaoke song is…

    Now this is how you tell others about the songs you swear by!

    • “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen 
    • “Dancing Queen” by ABBA 
    • “Karma Chameleon” by Culture Club

    Related Reading: 65 Best Instagram Pickup Lines To Start A Conversation

    8. Fact about me that surprises people…

    This is how you tell people something unexpected about yourself. And you also have the chance to make it one of the funniest Hinge prompts on your profile.

    • I’m a black belt in karate 
    • I can speak fluent French
    • I’m secretly a huge nerd and love fantasy novels

    9. Something I’m really bad at, but want to get better at…

    Easily one of the best Hinge prompts for guys because it shows room for improvement. Feeling a bit self-reflective? Tell people that you have self-awareness and are working toward becoming the better version of yourself 

    • Public speaking—butterflies take over
    • Learning a new language—takes dedication
    • Cooking healthy meals—takeout is tempting

    10. Unpopular opinion: I actually believe…

    This question is a certified banger in dating prompts. Time to show your convictions

    • Kindness is the most important quality in a person
    • Taking a break from social media can be beneficial
    • There’s nothing wrong with enjoying alone time

    Related Reading: Sending The First Message On A Dating App – 23 Texts For That Perfect Start

    11. In five years, I hope to…

    This one shows that you’re a goal-oriented individual. So give it a good thought before answering.

    12. My ideal Friday night…

    We all need to unwind on a Friday night, right? The first round is on you! Tell everyone how you prefer it.

    • Cooking a delicious meal with friends and great conversation
    • Hitting the dance floor at a local club
    • Curling up with a good book and a glass of wine
    Your secret sauce to a stand-out dating profile!
    Love is just a click away.

    13. The perfect first date involves…

    First impressions matter, be it an interview or a first date. Talk about how you want your first date to go. 

    Related Reading: 21 Exciting Conversation Games For Couples — Keep The Playfulness Alive!

    14. My relationship deal breaker is…

    Easily one of the most popular Hinge prompts. Try to steer clear of funny or quirky takes, this is a serious one. It will state a thing or a trait that you absolutely wouldn’t allow in a good relationship.

    • Lack of communication and honesty
    • Disrespect towards others
    • Unwillingness to try new things and be adventurous

    15. I bet you can’t…

    Challenge others with a playful dare. Let’s hope your potential match sees it!

    • Beat me at a board game 
    • Make me laugh harder than I’ve laughed in a week
    • Guess my favorite movie based on three emojis

    16. You swiped right because…

    A pretty lighthearted prompt, so keep it cool. It’s a fun prompt to address why someone might like you.

    • …you appreciate my questionable dance moves
    • …you’re intrigued by my pet tarantula 
    • …you think I can actually win MasterChef
    • …you’re straight up weirdly attracted to me

    Related Reading: The Ultimate Funny Online Dating Questions

    17. The most interesting thing in my fridge right now is… 

    Now this is quirky and sparks curiosity. What could it be? Cheese? Leftover pasta? Well, your potential partners will find out. 

    • A jar of glowing pickles 
    • Leftover ingredients for a mystery dish I’m about to invent
    • A collection of hot sauces from around the world

    18. We should match if you…

    This is your chance to show what you value in a future partner.

    • Believe in the power of a good laugh
    • Can appreciate a well-timed pun
    • Are always up for trying a new adventure
    • Are adventurous  and want to try an open relationship
    • If you will show me the best spot to hangout

    19. My spirit animal is…

    We all love to talk about our spirit animals, don’t we? Share yours and wait for their responses.

    • A curious otter 
    • A majestic owl
    • A playful dolphin 

    Related Reading: 20 Beautiful Summer Date Ideas For Couples

    20. The weirdest thing I’m good at is… 

    Easily one of the funniest Hinge prompts. Got an unconventional talent? Tell everyone about it!

    • Parallel parking in the tightest spots
    • Mimicking celebrity voices
    • Folding laundry in record time
    Hinge prompts so good
    Curiosity meets connection.

    21. Something I’m passionate about is…

    Now’s your chance for some advocacy or a cause you care about. Or it could be as simple as a hobby. Totally your call.

    22. The most important lesson I’ve learned in life is…

    Gather everyone around! It’s time for some good old wisdom. Maybe tell everyone about some quick and basic life lessons. Or maybe something personal. 

    Related Reading: 18 Questions To Ask A Romance Scammer To Identify Them

    23. My signature dish is…

    Step aside, Gordon Ramsay. This is where you tell people about your special late-night ramen bowl.

    • The fluffiest pancakes you’ve ever tasted
    • A mean pot of chili that will warm your soul
    • A mind-blowing fusion dish I invented

    24. My ideal partner is someone who…

    Time to talk about green flags. Here, tell your potential partner about the positive things you’re looking for in a person. 

    • Is a good listener and communicator
    • Shares my sense of adventure and curiosity
    • Makes me laugh until my sides hurt

    25. I’d travel anywhere in the world for…

    You can use this to highlight your favorite food experience.

    • Authentic ramen in Tokyo
    • Freshly baked croissants in Paris
    • The best street food scene in Bangkok

    Related Reading: 160 Best Pickup Lines For Guys

    26. The fictional world I’d most like to visit is…

    Bring out your nerdy side and use this to showcase your fantasy interests.

    • Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
    • The Shire from Lord of the Rings
    • Wakanda from Black Panther 

    27. The TV show I could rewatch a million times is…

    Tell them about the series you love. Is it Friends? Is it The Wire? Let them know!

    • The Office 
    • Law & Order
    • Game of Thrones 

    28. The most underrated travel destination I’ve been to is…

    Time to share a travel story. Tell everyone about a hidden gem you recommend. Who knows, you might even get a few travel tips

    • A charming coastal town you’ve never heard of
    • A breathtaking mountain range off the beaten path
    • A vibrant city with a unique culture

    Related Reading: 100 Romantic Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend And Make Her Heart Melt Every Time

    29. Two truths and a lie about me… 

    One of the funniest Hinge prompts out there. Keep this one light. And, of course, be creative.

    • I can quote every line from The Princess Bride. I once rescued a baby bird that fell out of its nest. I’m a professional ballroom dancer
    • I can hold my breath for over two minutes. I’m a published author. I once cooked a five-course meal for Gordon Ramsay
    • I’m fluent in sign language. I’ve hiked the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. I can play five different instruments
    hinge questions
    Connected by thoughts and smiles.

    30. My dream adventure is…

    This will be a bucket list experience you have been craving. 

    • Backpacking through Southeast Asia
    • Going on a safari in Africa
    • Hiking the Inca Trail in Peru

    31. My ideal weekend involves…

    Tell them about your average weekend. Lively or low-key? 

    • Dancing the night away at a club with friends
    • Catching a live music performance at a local bar
    • Trying a new cocktail bar with a sophisticated atmosphere

    Related Reading: Online Flirting – With These 17 Tips You Will Never Go Wrong!

    32. The question I’m most curious about right now is…

    Feeling a bit philosophical? Share it!

    • What is the meaning of life?
    • Does free will really exist?
    • What will the future hold for humanity? 

    33. The one thing I hope we can talk about on our first date is…

    Here’s to hoping for a deeper conversation. Could it turn into your dream date? You’ll find out

    • Our aspirations and dreams for the future
    • What truly matters to us in life
    • Our most irrational fear or challenge

    34. The board game I could play for hours is…

    Any classic board games you still enjoy? Let them know.

    • Monopoly
    • Scrabble 
    • Pictionary 

    Related Reading: 100 Topics To Talk About With Your Crush

    35. The best way to spend a typical Sunday is with…

    How do you like to wind down after a long week and gear up for the next? 

    • A stack of old movies and a mug of hot cocoa. It’s a win-win
    • A board game marathon with friends and family
    • Reading a classic novel by your favorite author
    • Lots of self-care

    36. The creepiest thing that’s ever happened to me is…

    Anything spooky from your past? Let everyone know about it. 

    • My childhood home had a resident ghost
    • I once saw a UFO in the night sky 
    • My dog can sometimes sense things I can’t 

    37. My biggest fear is…

    One of the best Hinge prompts for guys because it stimulates your vulnerable side — trust me when I say this, it’s attractive. If you have any phobias or irrational fears, share them. And you can be funny about it. 

    • Public speaking 
    • Heights. Vertigo, anyone?
    • Running out of cheese 

    Related Reading: What To Talk About On A First Date?

    38. A shower thought I had recently…

    We all love to hop on the train of thought while showering. Don’t be shy and list a few of them.

    • If a tomato is a fruit, does that make ketchup a smoothie?
    • Do crabs think fish are flying?
    • If we have daylight-saving time, why don’t we have night-saving time too?
    • If you’re a dating coach, do you argue with your partner? 

    39. I’m convinced that…

    Got any crazy theories about certain things? State them and see if people are on the same page.

    • Ketchup with fried, a big yes
    • Everyone has at least one talent they haven’t discovered yet
    • Dogs can understand more of our conversations than we think
    • Aliens exist

    40. The best thing about having a pet is…

    Talk about your love for furry friends. Maybe this way you can find people who have pets as well. 

    • The unconditional love and cuddles
    • The endless entertainment and laughter they bring
    • The motivation to get outside and be active

    41. My dream pet is…

    This has to be something out of the box, and your answer can be fictional.

    • A majestic Maine Coon cat 
    • A playful otter 
    • A loyal and intelligent wolf 
    • A fiery dragon

    Related Reading: 50 Bumble Conversation Starters To Grab Your Match’s Attention

    42. “Let’s make sure we…”

    Show your spontaneity! This will help you get people with a similar lifestyle, who live life on the go.

    • Plan a day where we have absolutely no plans and see where it takes us
    • Try out that quirky new restaurant downtown and order something we’ve never had before
    • Always make time for a spontaneous thing or an adventure

    43. The most important quality in a partner is…

    Go beyond the typical and name a quality that you want your partner to have.

    • Intellectual curiosity and a thirst for knowledge
    • Emotional intelligence and empathy for others
    • A strong sense of humor and the ability to laugh at themselves

    44. My go-to comfort food is…

    Feeling low or lazy and only a specific dish can cheer you up? Name it and tell everyone about one of the simple pleasures of your life.

    • My grandma’s famous chicken pot pie 
    • A steaming bowl of pho on a cold day 
    • A plate of perfectly cooked pasta with a simple sauce 

    Related Reading: 10 Actionable Steps To Increase Tinder Matches

    45. A random piece of trivia I know…

    Who doesn’t like a piece of information that they probably would never use in life? Show them how smart you are. 

    • Honey never spoils. Archaeologists have found pots of honey in ancient Egyptian tombs that are over 3,000 years old and still edible
    • Octopuses have three hearts and blue blood
    • Bananas are technically berries, but strawberries aren’t

    46. The dorkiest thing about me is…

    Bring out your nerdy side and woo them with your goofiness. 

    • I have a collection of vintage comic books that I’m very proud of
    • I can recite the entire opening monologue from ‘The Lord of the Rings’ movies
    • I’ve been known to attend Renaissance fairs in full costume

    47. The most interesting concert I’ve ever been to was…

    Got any unique musical experience? Share it and maybe you’ll find someone with something similar. What if they attended it too? The possibilities are endless.

    • A local band playing in a hidden speakeasy
    • A classical music performance under the stars
    • An electronic music festival with incredible light shows

    Related Reading: 201 How Well Do You Know Your Partner Questions To Test Your Intimacy

    48. Currently reading…

    If you’re a bookworm, then you definitely need to spark a conversation about your favorite genres or authors.

    • A captivating historical fiction novel that transports me to another era
    • A thought-provoking science fiction book that explores the future
    • A lighthearted and humorous rom-com or a pure love story book that’s perfect for unwinding

    49. One thing I’ll never apologize for…

    Time to be unapologetic and bold! Put your opinion on the table and wait for the reaction.

    • My love for cheesy 80s movies. They’re so bad, they’re good
    • Blasting my favorite music and having a dance party in my living room
    • Being incredibly enthusiastic about celebrating holidays, big or small

    50. A life goal of mine…

    Could be long term, could be short term. This one tells others about your aspirations. 

    • Is to learn a new language fluently and live abroad in the upcoming year
    • To run a marathon in every continent
    • To write and publish my own novel

    50 Best Hinge Prompts For Girls—With Answers

    Tired of the same old “beach or mountains?” swiping routine? We’re gonna show you 50 of the best hinge prompts for girls, specifically chosen to attract matches who resonate with the amazing you. And not just that, we’re also giving you some equally fitting answers for those prompts.

    Related Reading: Looking For The Perfect Headline For Dating Site? 200+ Ideas

    1. The most unexpected thing I have learned about myself recently…

    What’s the most out-of-the-box thing that you have discovered about yourself? Share it!

    • I’m surprisingly good at baking sourdough bread! Turns out, I have a hidden talent for patience and attention to detail
    • I can actually hold a decent conversation about cryptocurrency. My friend dragged me to a conference and I ended up fascinated
    • I’m not afraid of heights! I took a leap of faith and went skydiving. It was terrifying but exhilarating

    2. A random fact that makes me smile…

    Share some cool facts that are sure to intrigue others.

    • Did you know that a group of owls is called a parliament? Makes me picture them debating the best owl puns
    • There’s a species of jellyfish that’s immortal. They can reverse their aging process! Makes me want to be one
    • There’s a town in Germany called “Wetwang.” It always makes me chuckle

    3. The craziest thing I’ve ever eaten…

    Crazy foods always inspire a strong reaction—awe, intrigue, or disgust. So tell yours to reel your potential matches in:

    • I tried fried grasshoppers in Thailand
    • I had durian fruit for the first time. The smell was intense, but the flavor was surprisingly good
    • I once ate a whole plate of raw oysters. I’m not sure if I’d recommend it to anyone though

    4. What’s my favorite thing about being a woman…

    This is one of the best Hinge prompts for girls because it lets you share your insights as a woman. Being a woman is a privilege. So don’t be shy and share what you love about womanhood.

    • I love the strength and resilience that women possess. We’re incredible beings capable of so much
    • Being a woman is a journey of self-discovery. It’s amazing to learn and grow alongside other amazing women
    • I love that women are constantly breaking down barriers and defying expectations

    Related Reading: Romantic French Phrases And Words To Impress Your Significant Other

    5. The one thing I’m learning or trying to learn right now…

    Never too late to learn! Tell everyone about the new things you have been trying to learn.

    • I’m learning how to play the guitar, even though I’m not very good yet
    • I’m trying to be more mindful and present in my daily life
    • I’m learning a new language, I’m always up for a challenge

    6. My favorite pick-up line is…

    Share a nice pick-up line that has yielded some favorable responses for you.

    • Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see
    • Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
    • Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for

    7. My favorite way to spend a weekend morning…

    Take a detour from the usual conversations about weekend nights, and share how you like to spend your weekend mornings.

    • Sleeping in, then a big brunch with my friends. We always end up chatting for hours
    • Hitting the farmers market, picking out fresh ingredients, and then cooking a delicious meal
    • Exploring a new part of my city or trying out a new coffee shop. It’s all about discovering hidden gems

    8. The most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done for a date…

    We’ve all done crazy things to impress people, so go ahead and tell yours. 

    • I once went on a blind date dressed as a superhero
    • I learned a funny dance routine just to impress them
    • I spent hours trying to find the perfect quirky gift for them

    Related Reading: Flirting With Your Eyes: 11 Moves That Almost Always Work

    9. If I could have dinner with any three people (dead or alive), they would be…

    Because there’s nothing better than having good company for dinner.

    • Oprah Winfrey, Beyoncé, and Marie Curie — strong women who inspire me
    • Stephen King, Neil Gaiman, and J.R.R. Tolkien — masters of storytelling
    • My grandparents, to hear their stories and learn from their wisdom

    10. The most memorable compliment I’ve ever received…

    Take a moment to blush and then share a compliment that really stuck with you.

    • You have the most infectious laugh I’ve ever heard
    • You’re one of the most genuine and kind people I know
    • I’m always inspired by your passion and creativity

    11. The most embarrassing thing I’ve done in public…

    Did you fart in public? Or did you fall down? Tell everyone about a very embarrassing incident in your life.

    • I tripped and fell right in front of my crush in high school. It was awkward, but we laughed it off.
    • I once forgot to put on my pants while running errands. Luckily, I was wearing leggings!
    • I accidentally walked into a glass door in broad daylight. I still cringe thinking about it.

    12. My favorite movie quote….

    Movie buff? Why not talk about a quote or heart-touching love dialogue that has stayed with you? 

    • My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get
    • I’m the king of the world!
    • May the force be with you

    Related Reading: 100 Rizz Pickup Lines To Up Your Flirting Game

    13. The best travel advice I can give you…

    Traveling is fun but it takes a lot of planning and preparation. Showcase how you ace it every time 

    • Get lost and find yourself
    • Always pack a little extra cash for unexpected adventures
    • Don’t be afraid to try new things, even if they seem scary

    14. My favorite thing about my hometown is….

    There’s no place like home. Tell everyone about your favorite thing from your hometown.

    • The vibrant food scene! I love trying out new restaurants and supporting local businesses
    • The small-town charm and sense of community. Everyone knows everyone, and there’s a real feeling of belonging
    • The beautiful parks and outdoor spaces. I love spending time in nature and enjoying the fresh air

    15. My favorite movie genre…

    Are you a comedy person or a drama geek? 

    • Comedies! I love a good laugh
    • Sci-fi and fantasy. I’m a sucker for anything imaginative and thought-provoking
    • Documentaries. I love learning new things and different perspectives

    16. My favorite thing about myself…

    A good response to this requires a mix of self-love and humility. 

    • I’m kind and compassionate. I always try to see the best in people
    • I’m independent and resourceful. I can handle anything life throws at me
    • I’m always up for an adventure. I’m not afraid to step outside of my comfort zone and try new things

    Related Reading: How To Make A Girl Think About You — 18 Tricks That Always Work

    17. My biggest dream is…

    Share a dream that you see while you’re awake. 

    • To travel the world and see all the amazing things it has to offer
    • To make a positive impact on the world and help others
    • To find love and build a happy and fulfilling life with someone special

    18. The most important thing to me in a relationship is…

    Highlight what you seek in a romantic connection.

    • Honesty, trust, and communication
    • Mutual respect, understanding, and support
    • Love, laughter, and adventure

    19. I’m most passionate about…

    No matter how big or small, talk about your passions passionately.

    • My work
    • Animals, and I volunteer at a local animal shelter
    • Social justice, I’m always trying to make a difference

    20. An interesting thing I have learned from a stranger…

    Sometimes strangers teach us the most valuable lessons. Have you experienced something similar? Talk about it. 

    • A woman on the bus taught me the importance of living in the present moment
    • A man at a coffee shop shared his passion for photography and inspired me to pick up my camera again
    • A bartender told me a story about his journey to self-discovery, which made me reflect on my own path

    Related Reading: 100+ Epic Hypothetical Questions For Couples

    21. My favorite inspirational quote is…

    What is that one quote that has become your life’s mantra?

    • “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” – Steve Jobs
    • “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi
    • “Live life to the fullest and focus on the positive.” – Unknown

    22. A ridiculous thing I believed in…

    Aliens exist and Santa is real. Got any more things you used to believe in?

    • That I could fly if I jumped off a really high building 
    • That aliens are living among us disguised as humans
    • That I’m a secret princess who is destined to rule a faraway kingdom

    23. My favorite way to waste time…

    Instead of talking about how organized you are, talk about your favorite way to waste time. Could there be a better way of keeping it real? 

    24. A very embarrassing song I secretly love…

    Own up to your guilty pleasures

    • “Baby One More Time” by Britney Spears – it’s a guilty pleasure
    • “Macarena” – I can’t help but dance along when it comes on
    • “Barbie Girl” by Aqua – it’s so cheesy, but I love it

    Related Reading: 200+ Ideas For A Username For Dating Site — Set Yourself Apart

    25. What’s the most random fact that I know…

    Who doesn’t love random facts? Share your favorite ones. 

    • A group of owls is called a parliament
    • The average person spends six months of their life waiting for red lights to turn green
    • The world’s largest rubber duck is 61 feet tall and weighs 10 tons

    26. If my life were a movie, the genre would be….

    Is your life as dramatic as a movie? Might as well give a genre to it.

    • A rom-com with a touch of action and adventure
    • A dark comedy with unexpected twists and turns
    • A heartwarming drama with a message of hope and resilience

    27. My favorite emoji is definitely….

    Yes, that go-to emoji you turn to every time you can’t think of an appropriate response to a text. 

    28. My favorite season…

    Do you like the chilly winds or the scorching heat? 

    • Spring. I love the feeling of new beginnings and the beauty of blooming flowers
    • Fall. I love the crisp air, changing leaves, and cozy sweaters
    • Summer. I love spending time outdoors, swimming, and enjoying the sunshine

    Related Reading: 13 Genuine Tips To Help You Slide Into Someone’s DMs

    29. My favorite song to dance to is….

    This is your jam, tell everyone about the song that makes you want to get on the dance floor. 

    • “Uptown Funk” by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars. It’s impossible to stand still when this song comes on
    • “Dancing Queen” by ABBA. It’s a classic for a reason!
    • “Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift. It’s a great song to let loose and forget about your worries

    30. My all-time favorite place to be….

    Has to be a place where you feel comfort and peace like none other. 

    • On a beach, listening to the waves crashing and feeling the sand between my toes
    • In a cozy coffee shop, surrounded by books and the smell of freshly brewed coffee
    • In nature, hiking through the forest and enjoying the fresh air and beautiful scenery
    Hinge prompts that prepare for an ego boost and a full inbox
    In the moment, wondering what’s next.

    31. My preferred way to surprise someone…

    Surprise! Showcase your spontaneity. 

    32. My favorite thing to cook is….

    Is it your comfort food? Or a signature dish? Share the favorite meal that you like to cook from time to time.

    • Pasta. It’s a classic comfort food that always hits the spot
    • Pizza. You can’t go wrong with a delicious pizza!
    • Anything with fresh vegetables and herbs. I love experimenting with different flavors and textures

    Related Reading: Looking For 3 Words To Make A Woman Want You? 51 Phrases To Try

    33. My favorite thing about my job…

    What is the one thing about your job that makes you want to get out of bed and embrace the hustle lifestyle? And yes, a paycheck is a perfectly legit answer.

    • The people I work with. I’m lucky to have a great team
    • The challenges it presents. I love learning and growing
    • The feeling of accomplishment when I complete a project

    34. Something I’m really good at, but wouldn’t call it a “skill”…

     Not all skills get you paid, but they do come in handy one way or another. 

    • I can make anyone laugh. My sense of humor is a gift
    • I can always find the best deals. I’m a master bargain hunter
    • I can make people feel comfortable. I have a knack for connecting with others

    35. A weird quirk or habit that I have…

    We all have a silly quirk that will probably never go away, so why not embrace it and talk about it?

    • I talk to my plants. I swear they listen
    • I can’t sleep without my stuffed animal. It’s my comfort item
    • I have a habit of collecting vintage teacups. I love history and charm

    Related Reading: 35 Love Letters For Him That’ll Make Him Cry

    31. My preferred way to celebrate my birthday is….

    Some prefer it with a selected group of people, and some prefer to go all out and throw a big bash. What’s your preference? 

    • A low-key dinner with close friends and family
    • A night out dancing and having fun
    • A weekend getaway to somewhere new and exciting

    37. What’s my favorite restaurant in town…

    That one place you keep going back to, despite having a hundred other options. 

    • The one with the best pasta dishes
    • The one with the cozy atmosphere and delicious coffee
    • The one with the unique menu and creative cocktails
    using these prompts may result in excessive flirting
    Love is just a tap away.

    38. My favorite drink is…

    Here comes the weekend and pop goes the cork. Share your favorite drinks. Cheers!

    • A classic margarita, always a good choice
    • A strong cup of coffee to get me going in the morning
    • A refreshing glass of wine to unwind after a long day

    39. My favorite dessert is…

    Got a sweet tooth? Talk about your favorite desserts.

    • Chocolate cake, I can’t resist!
    • Strawberry shortcake, it’s light and refreshing
    • Anything with fruit and ice cream, a perfect combination

    40. Things I love to eat for breakfast…

    May seem like an unusual thing to put on your dating profile, but it can offer a lot of insight into your personality. 

    • A hearty breakfast burrito with all the fixings
    • A bowl of oatmeal with fresh berries and a drizzle of honey
    • A classic stack of pancakes with maple syrup

    Related Reading: 50 Incredible Responses To The “Dating Me Is Like” Hinge Prompt

    41. My dream job is…

    Could be what you aspired to be as a child or even the job you’re currently in.

    • To be a travel writer and explore the world while writing about my experiences
    • To start my own business and be my own boss
    • To work in a field that makes a positive difference in the world

    42. What do I do for a living…

    A mention of profession can open the gates to endless conversations, with the right person, of course.

    • I’m a teacher, I love helping children learn and grow
    • I’m a graphic designer, I love creating beautiful and impactful visuals
    • I’m a freelance writer, I love to tell stories and connect with people through words

    43. My biggest career accomplishment is…

    The one thing that makes you walk a little taller and your heart swell with pride. 

    • Getting my first job in my dream field
    • Winning an award for my work
    • Successfully launching my own business
    More on dating tips

    44. The one thing I’m proud of achieving in my life…

    Bring out your medals and trophies for this one.

    • Graduating from college with honors
    • Overcoming a major challenge in my life
    • Making a positive difference in the lives of others

    Related Reading: 9 Heartwarming Actions Of Love That Speak Louder Than Words

    45. The one thing I’m still working toward achieving…

    Nobody’s perfect, but working toward perfection is what motivates us. Share something that you’re currently working on and soon plan to master.

    • Improving my skills and knowledge in my field
    • Overcoming my fear of public speaking
    • Traveling to a specific country or continent

    46. My style is…

    Whatever floats your boat, go ahead and announce it proudly. 

    • Bohemian chic, with flowing dresses and statement jewelry
    • Classic and timeless, with simple but elegant pieces
    • Trendy and edgy, with a mix of high and low fashion

    47. Women I admire…

    The women whose paths we tread on, the women who broke glass ceilings for us, the women who made it possible for us to embrace our full potential, who inspires you the most? 

    • Maya Angelou
    • Amelia Earhart
    • Rosa Parks

    48. My favorite TV show…

    Could be something you’re currently watching, or something you keep going back to for comfort and delight. 

    • The Good Place, a funny and thought-provoking comedy about ethics and morality
    • Stranger Things, a nostalgic and suspenseful sci-fi series
    • Friends, a classic sitcom with relatable characters and heartwarming stories

    Related Reading: 170 Cute Names For Your Girlfriend She’ll Love

    49. My favorite music genre…

    Tell everyone what’s your jam.

    • Indie folk, with its beautiful melodies and relatable lyrics
    • Pop, I love catchy tunes and high-energy beats
    • Classical music, I appreciate the elegance and complexity

    50. If I could have any fictional character as my roommate, it would be….

    Choose wisely, you don’t want to be in the same room with Darth Vader or Thanos.

    • Hermione Granger 
    • Sherlock Holmes
    • Walter White

    Key Pointers

    • Don’t just list facts, use prompts that invite others to ask Hinge questions or share your experiences
    • Pick prompts that reveal your interests, humor, or unique quirks. You might find a common ground or shared interests with someone
    • Don’t be afraid to stand out! Let your true personality shine through
    • Your profile answers should be a jumping-off point for someone to connect with you
    • Stay away from overused or generic prompts and responses. Unique and specific answers are more memorable

    Final Thoughts

    As we promised, we got the best Hinge prompts for you, along with the best Hinge prompt answers. With these Hinge questions, you can craft a Hinge dating profile that’s both informative and engaging. Don’t be afraid to showcase your unique personality and niche interests, whether it’s your adventurous spirit, your love for a particular hobby, or your sense of humor. Put yourself out there, have fun with these dating prompts, and get ready to make those instant connections that could blossom into something more! Happy Hinging!

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  • How To Get Over Trust Issues — A Therapist Shares 9 Tips

    How To Get Over Trust Issues — A Therapist Shares 9 Tips

    As Ernest Hemingway said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” But is it really that easy to trust people, especially if you’ve been betrayed in the past? Trust doesn’t come that easy. It takes a lot of tears, arguments, and silence between couples to get to a level of trust that is unshakeable. There can be times when you may find yourself frustrated with your love life while figuring out how to get over trust issues. 

    In this article, we’ll give you a low-down on trust issues and how they can affect your relationship, with the help of expert insights from California-based psychiatrist and cognitive behavior therapist Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in Psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues. 

    What Are Trust Issues?

    Before we go any further, let us first look into the trust issues meaning. Is it just confusion over whether your partner is being honest or if there is transparency in your relationship? Or a far more severe case of distrust that can ruin your bond? Dr. Batra says, “A trust issue is the inability to place faith in your partner that they are being honest with you, will be there for you, and will be loyal to you at the dire hour when you need them.” Trust issues can stem from a lot of things. All of these revolve around some activity or thought of your partner that puts you off or makes you alert. 

    Related Reading: Trust Issues – 10 Signs You Find It Difficult To Trust Anyone

    Dr. Batra adds, “Trust issues meaning is not just about questioning their words or actions. It’s about feeling a constant undercurrent of anxiety and suspicion that past experiences can trigger, other people’s opinions or media, even when they are genuinely trying to be transparent.”

    Types of trust issues

    Before we get on with how to get over trust issues, let’s look at a few types of trust issues. Dr. Batra lists out a few such issues that may unsettle your mental peace or make you anxious:

    Fear of infidelity

    Picture this: you’re sitting across from your partner, discussing plans for the weekend. They mention they have a work trip coming up, but something feels off. You recall a story your friend narrated to you earlier that day regarding an unfortunate colleague of hers who got cheated on while her partner was on a so-called ‘work trip’. This casts a shadow of doubt over what your partner just said. This is a major trust issue related to fidelity. 

    Here’s what a reader shared with us: “I thought I met my soulmate when I met him. Things were very nice initially. I loved him with all my might. and I thought he loved me the same way. But he also turned out to be a cheat. He has another girlfriend who is his neighbor, and he always hid her from me. He wanted me to quit my job because he felt insecure about my office colleagues. We keep on doubting each other and haven’t been able to cope. It has made us both miserable, always questioning each other and always thinking the other is cheating.” You can read their complete story here.

    Trust issues can ruin your bond in the long run

    Concerns about financial honesty

    One of the types of trust issues involves fear of financial infidelity. This could come up when a partner is not too well-versed with finances and leaves it to the other. And more often than not, it’s women who are not so well-acquainted with money matters. A study has proved that women are still lagging behind men when it comes to financial literacy. However, after a while ignorance does not seem like bliss anymore and one suddenly feels that the other might dupe them of finances. This feeling intensifies more so when other issues are cropping into the relationship.

    Related Reading: 21 Ways To Be A Better Partner For A Better Relationship

    Insecurity

    Can you love someone and not trust them? Trust is the foundation of any relationship, especially romantic relationships. Without it, every explanation or commitment from your partner can feel like a potential betrayal. Building trust and transparency in relationships takes time and patience. One type of trust issue that can plague the initial stages of the relationship is the issue of friendships.

    If you find your potential partner/love interest spending time with a lot of friends of the opposite gender (or the gender they fancy), or texting/calling them throughout the day, you are bound to be suspicious of their activities behind your back. It may not directly amount to infidelity, but your partner may divulge your secrets to their friends. 

    Revelation of secrets

    Trust issues regarding the revelation of secrets can ruin relationships too. For instance, a friend of mine, Ashley, trusted her husband with all her secrets. She even told him about her past affairs. But when his sister-in-law once made a jibe at her, mentioning how many affairs she had had before marriage, Ashley started to realize she couldn’t trust her husband with her secrets. She realized her husband’s family connections probably knew all her secrets now. This caused her deep anxiety, as she felt her secrets could now go out in public, among her neighbors too.

    Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Thinking About Divorce

    Bad habits and addictions

    Trust can be hampered by some bad habits of your partner, which can lead to other issues, such as infidelity or financial loss. For instance, your partner may be into gambling or may be addicted to drugs or alcohol. They may be lying to you often about their whereabouts, in that case, just to hide what they’re doing, to avoid conflict. And if you ever find this out, you are bound to not trust them again. The same goes for habits such as stalking women online and texting or flirting with them too. Trust once lost, in such cases, can hardly get back on track.

    What Causes Trust Issues?

    You might find yourself questioning why you have such deep-seated trust issues in your romantic relationships. Trust issues don’t just appear out of the blue. There are quite a few concerns that may cause trust issues. Dr. Batra talks about a case she dealt with: “I recall the case of a couple wherein the woman, Angela, was an aspiring model while her husband, John, ran a video game parlor. Clearly, the mistrust was from John’s side, wherein he was uncomfortable about her participating in photo shoots, ads, and short movies. 

    Related Reading: 13 Signs To Know If A Relationship Is Worth Saving

    “He was worried about her proximity to other men and was increasingly anxious and uncomfortable. He said that he trusted her to not cheat on him, but the obsessive thoughts that she possibly could, did not stop haunting him and it was affecting the relationship deeply.” So, you see, a lack of trust in relationships can be immensely detrimental. But in order to get to how to get over trust issues, you need to get to the depth of the reasons behind such issues. Here’s what causes trust issues, according to Dr. Batra:

    1. Your partner lets you down

    Well, imagine this: you’ve been in relationships where your partners promised to always be there for you. Yet, they consistently let you down during crucial moments. Here are some instances:

    • They canceled plans last minute to spend time with friends
    • They ‘forgot’ they made plans with you
    • They couldn’t make it when you had to admit your mom to the hospital

    Dr. Batra says, “Each time something like this happens, their actions shatter your expectations and leave you feeling betrayed and insecure.”

    2. Emotional manipulation

    Dr. Batra cites one more such instance: “Perhaps you’ve been in situations where you opened up to your partner about your deepest fears or dreams, only to have them use that information against you in an argument later.” This amounts to emotional manipulation, which can deeply scar your ability to trust in intimate relationships.

    Related Reading: 15 Examples Of Manipulation In Relationships

    3. Betrayal

    If you don’t know how to trust your partner, betrayal could be one of the reasons for it. So, what happens when you find out your partner has been doing something behind your back without telling you, knowing that their actions could ruin your relationship for good? 

    Well, to begin with, the shock of discovering betrayal in a relationship can shatter your trust in not only your partner but in future relationships too. Betrayal comes in many forms. Trust issues can stem from the following forms of betrayal:

    • Financial dishonesty: Imagine discovering that your partner has been hiding significant debts or making major financial decisions without your knowledge
    • Emotional neglect: Your partner may also promise to be there in times of need, only to disappear when you need them the most
    • Talking to an ex behind your back: Your partner may have promised to always be faithful and loyal. But you discovered they were secretly communicating with an ex behind your back
    how to overcome trust issues in a relationship
    Past trauma can cause major trust issues

    4. Habitual disappointment or past trauma

    Dr. Batra says, “Trust issues often develop from repeated instances of disappointment and betrayal in romantic relationships. Each hurtful experience builds walls around your heart, making it increasingly difficult to let others in or to believe in the sincerity of their words and actions. Over time, you may find yourself instinctively bracing for the worst, fearing that vulnerability will only lead to further pain.” The more you come across people who’ve let you down or betrayed you in the past, the more intense your trust issues get.

    Related Reading: Emotional Baggage – Causes, Signs, And Ways To Cope

    How To Overcome Trust Issues In A Relationship: 9 Therapist-Recommended Tips

    Dr. Batra says, “Healing from trust issues requires addressing these past hurts directly, fostering open communication, and rebuilding a sense of security and reliability with yourself and your partner.” Here’s how she tried helping the couple (previously mentioned in the article) to get rid of their trust issues. She says, “I took on Angela’s case with a structured 8-week Couples Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I gave them specific tasks. For instance, they needed to speak to each other 2 to 3 times a day to exchange notes about how they felt, how their day was going, and what they might like to do with each other at night when they got home. 

    “Once in a while, I suggested that she could call him for the photo shoot if she had the time and inclination. I gave them tips and strategies to keep the spark of their relationship alive. She reaffirmed that business was pure business. This clarity, honesty and openness, and expression of worry and apprehension, helped ease the anxiety. They also planned activities like pottery, painting, and cooking together at the end of the day on several days. Very soon the mistrust died down.” Likewise, Dr. Batra here enumerates 9 such tips, in case you’re wondering how to overcome trust issues in a relationship:

    Related Reading: 15 Core Values In A Relationship For A Happy And Lasting Bond

    1. Don’t let your partner’s online behavior consume you

    Dr. Batra says, “You should not let your partner’s actions on social media, chat apps, or the internet consume you or govern your actions. Even if you don’t trust them completely, sort things out by talking and not by reacting instantly.” For instance, this is how can bring back some trust:

    • Realize real relationships have ups and downs. Stop comparing your relationship to unrealistic portrayals of relationships on social media. Own your differences and conflicts 
    • Stop getting paranoid over the tons of options your bae can have on social media. Remember that they chose you for a reason, and they may not let you go just because of some flimsy options on social media
    • Stop checking your partner’s phones or ask them for their social media passwords. Try having an open conversation instead

    2. Set boundaries and maintain healthy privacy

    In case you’re wondering how to overcome trust issues in a relationship, well, remember, boundaries are of paramount importance in maintaining trust. Dr. Batra says, “Establishing boundaries around privacy can build trust.” For instance, discuss what information is okay to share with friends and family. If you’ve been hurt by a partner sharing personal details without your consent, openly communicating your boundaries in the relationship can prevent future misunderstandings and build a sense of security. 

    Related Reading: 18 Promising Tips To Survive Infidelity In A Relationship — For The Betrayer And The Betrayed

    3. Make peace with your past 

    Wondering how to trust your partner completely? Don’t let your past relationships hamper your present. Dr. Batra advises, “Confront your past experiences. For instance, if a previous partner cheated on you, addressing how it affects your current relationship can prevent you from unjustly accusing your current partner.” This is one of the best ways if you’re clueless about how to get over trust issues.

    Therapy or self-reflection is needed to help you process these emotions and prevent them from wrecking your current relationship. This is the best way if you’re clueless about how to get over trust issues.

    4. Set your relationship goals

    Setting relationship goals is the best way if you’re wondering how to get over trust issues. That’s because goals help you align your paths and work together as a team. Dr. Batra says, “You need to have clear goals about the future.” For example:

    • Life goals: Discuss with your partner regarding where your relationship is heading and what both of you want in the long term 
    • Fidelity goals: If you’ve ever doubted your partner’s commitment in the past, discuss expectations and build mutual trust
    • Financial goals: Set some tangible money goals too, such as who spends how much, which big purchases you need to discuss with each other, who contributes how much, etc. This negates the chance of financial distrust

    Related Reading: 17 Non-Negotiables In Relationships You Must Never Compromise On

    5. Engage with your partner

    If you’re often asking yourself how to trust your partner, well, indulge in open communication about your feelings. For instance, if you feel suspicious about your partner’s friendships, talk it out calmly and listen to their perspective to prevent misunderstandings. Dr. Batra says, “Regular communication fosters emotional intimacy and reduces unfounded suspicions.” This is one of the ways to address the ‘how to overcome trust issues in a relationship’ issue. 

    6. Be independent

    This is one of the best ways to approach a situation where you’re clueless about how to get over trust issues. It’s important to have your own life, apart from your relationship. This independence can extend to:

    • Having your own set of friends
    • Cultivating your own hobbies
    • Having your own finances

    Dr. Batra explains, “Maintaining independence promotes trust and self-assurance. For instance, if you’ve felt dependent on a partner for validation or financial support in the past, cultivating individual interests and friendships can boost self-esteem. Having separate finances and personal space reinforces autonomy and reduces dependency-related problems.”

    Related Reading: Drawing The Line Between Love And Privacy In A Relationship

    7. Stop projecting insecurities

    Now, this is one of the best solutions to bring back trust in a relationship. Dr. Batra says, “Recognizing and addressing insecurities prevents projecting them onto your partner. For example, if you have been lied to by a previous partner, and your current partner mentions having a work event that runs late, you might find yourself imagining scenarios where they are flirting with someone else instead of working.” Such projections of insecurity can lead to:

    • Constantly questioning them
    • Checking their phone for messages or calls
    • Accusing them without any hard evidence
    Stories about suffering and healing

    8. Keep the romantic spark alive

    Dr. Batra says, “Maintaining physical and emotional intimacy strengthens trust. For example, if you’ve struggled with feeling disconnected from your partner, prioritizing date nights or shared activities can rekindle closeness.” Here are some more tips on how to let someone in without distrust:

    • Make small gestures of affection and appreciation, such as a handwritten note or a thank-you card. They reinforce emotional bonds and build mutual trust over time
    • Treat your relationship like a rom-com, with cute surprises and dinner dates
    • Spice it up in bed. Take a mid-week leave from work and cuddle and make love the entire day

    Related Reading: 7 Ways To Get The Romance Back After Having A Baby

    9. Speak to a friend or a professional

    This work wonders if you’re wondering how to let someone in, without distrust. When you start to develop a lack of trust, you cannot see things objectively. You begin to think catastrophically and may not be able to make the right judgment. Dr. Batra says, “In times such as these, you could speak to a senior family member, a friend, or a mental health professional.” Feel free to get in touch with Bonobology’s panel of licensed counselors.

    This will help you look at things objectively and from a logical point of view. This is thus one of the best ways to bring back trust in a relationship. Don’t let mistrust hamper your relationship.

    Infographic On Why Is Trust Important In A Relationship

    Now that we know how trust issues hamper relationships, let’s get straight to why it’s such a sensitive topic. Why do you think maintaining trust is important in a relationship? Here’s a list of some of the reasons why:

    Infographic on Why Is Trust Important In A Relationship
    The importance of trust in relationships

    Frequently Asked Questions

    1. Why do I have trust issues?

    You can have trust issues due to many factors, such as issues related to past trauma, betrayal, and emotional manipulation. You can also have trust issues when you end up being hurt due to your partner letting you down constantly.

    2. Can trust issues ruin a relationship?

    Yes, trust issues can ruin relationships for good. You may end up hurting an innocent person just because you don’t trust them. So, make sure you address the real issues that cause distrust in your relationship.

    3. Is overthinking a lack of trust?

    Overthinking can be caused by to lack of trust. For instance, you may end up suspecting your partner of having an affair with a coworker when they get back late from work. This has to be addressed by an open conversation and some third-party intervention.

    Key Pointers

    • You know you have trust issues in a relationship when you can’t have faith in your partner or are constantly in fear that they will betray you or leave you
    • The many types of trust issues are issues related to fidelity, habits, and finances
    • Trust issues can stem from your partner letting you down, emotional manipulation, betrayal, etc.
    • Some tips on how to get over trust issues are: making peace with your past, setting boundaries, and engaging in open communication
    • Why is trust important in a relationship? Simply because it reduces conflict, brings in positivity, and lets you focus on life goals

    Final Thoughts

    Can you love someone and not trust him/her? Well, not really, because trust is the main pillar on which a relationship balances itself. So, it is a ‘non-negotiable’ in all relationships and partnerships. And by now you know why trust is important in a relationship and how to get over trust issues. We hope you get over the distrust in your relationship and are not in doubt about how to overcome trust issues in a relationship. Go ahead and have that talk with your partner if their actions are bothering you. 

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  • 5 Ways to Bridge the Generational Gap

    5 Ways to Bridge the Generational Gap

    In Psalm 145:4, we’re reminded that “generation after generation stand in awe of your work; each one tells the story of your mighty acts” (MSG). This passage encapsulates a timeless truth about the power of generational influence. Yet, in today’s world, where the gap between the older and younger generations seems wider than ever before, we’re often left wondering: how can we bridge this divide? 

    Here are five practical ways we can create a “now generation” — one where the wisdom of the past and the energized perspectives of the future unite to create a legacy of lasting ministry:

    1. Model Consistency and Commitment

    One of the greatest gifts the older generation can offer is to lead by example in consistency and commitment. While society is less concerned with commitment than ever before, our example of faithfulness and consistency is invaluable in raising our children. Just as Jesus’ parents were consistent in attending the Passover festival every year, the older generation can model what it looks like to stick with something — in faith, work, and relationships. Younger generations need to see examples of steady faithfulness to know that success, in any area, comes through persistent devotion to God and respect for others.

    Practical Tip: If you’re part of the older generation, be intentional about sharing stories of your long-term commitments with younger people. Whether it’s how you maintained a career, stayed committed to your faith, or nurtured a relationship, showing the value of perseverance can inspire the next generation.

    2. Lead by Example and Discipline with Love

    The next generation often looks to their elders for guidance on navigating life’s challenges. Whether it’s at home, work or in community settings, the older generation should lead with love, wisdom and necessary discipline. Mary and Joseph guided Jesus to attend the Passover as an exemplary regimen. In the same way, parents and mentors today should lovingly exhort younger people to engage in meaningful activities and valuable disciplines, like consistently engaging in the life of the local church. 

    Practical Tip: Create opportunities for shared experiences where you can offer guidance, whether that’s working on a project together, attending church or mentoring a younger colleague. Be firm but fair, knowing your leadership can steer them in the right direction.

    3. Listen to the Next Generation

    Listening is one of the most important skills when bridging the generational gap. James 1:19 reminds us to be “quick to listen and slow to speak.” Younger generations often have fresh perspectives and innovative ideas, but they may feel dismissed if they aren’t given a voice. In the Bible, Jesus — at only 12 years old — was found sitting among religious leaders, listening, asking questions, and sharing insights. His example reminds us that the younger generation has valuable contributions to make.

    Practical Tip: Make a conscious effort to ask younger people for their input on projects or ideas. Whether you’re a boss, parent or coach, create an environment where they feel heard and respected. Listening to their perspectives makes them feel valued and simultaneously teaches us new perspectives and considerations.

    4. Challenge the Status Quo in a Biblical Way

    For the younger generation, there’s power in asking “Why?” Just as Jesus questioned the religious leaders, it’s important to challenge norms and think critically about the ways in which things have historically been done. This is how innovation happens. As the younger generation seeks to learn and grow from the wisdom of the elder generations, they have the opportunity to also offer new insights and solutions from a fresh perspective of God’s Word that can and will change history for the better. 

    Practical Tip: If you’re part of the younger generation, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Whether it’s in your workplace, church or community, challenge practices that seem outdated or ineffective. For the older generation, be bold in your encouragement and mentorship, urging those younger individuals to challenge the status quo and think outside the box. Ultimately, we must all approach these conversations with respect, knowing that both generations have wisdom to share.

    5. Work Together to Create a “Now Generation”

    Our challenge today is to create a “now generation” — a united generation that transcends age, where both young and old come together to make a positive impact. When the wisdom, commitment, and guidance of older generations combines with the curiosity, energy, and innovation of younger ones, the result for the Kingdom of God is powerful. In Christ-centered love, both groups must be willing to learn from, respect, and submit to one another in areas where they have less experience or knowledge.

    Practical Tip: Seek out opportunities for intergenerational collaboration. If you’re older, mentor or sponsor younger individuals in your community. If you’re younger, volunteer to help older generations with new technologies or innovative ideas. The key is mutual respect and a willingness to learn from one another.

    Building a Better Future Together

    In an era where division seems to be the default, we have a divinely unique opportunity to demonstrate unity across the generational spectrum. Whether you’re part of the older generation or the younger, I challenge you to step up. If you’re an elder, model commitment, teach work ethic, and share your wisdom. If you’re younger, dare to ask questions, challenge the norm, act in loving obedience, and set the tone for today’s culture. But above all, let’s listen to one another and work together to establish a legacy that reflects the heart of God. To build a culture that thrives, it’s time to embrace the power of a “now generation” — one that stands together to reflect God’s glory and tell His story to the world.

    “… and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me—holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation.” Luke 1:47-50

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/SolStock

    For more than twenty years, Pastor Troy Gramling and his wife Stephanie have led Potential Church, a fast-growing church with more than 20,000 members at locations in the United States and Latin America. A former teacher and college basketball coach, Gramling is passionate about partnering with people to reach their God-given potential to impact the world for good. Gramling’s latest book, “Potential: The Uncontainable Power of God Within You” released on June 11, 2024.

    Troy Gramling

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  • Are You Still Dating Like You Did in Your Teens and 20’s? | FindAQualityMan.com

    Are You Still Dating Like You Did in Your Teens and 20’s? | FindAQualityMan.com

    As A Woman Over 50, Are You Still Dating Like You Did in Your Teens and 20’s?

     

    You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here.

    Doesn’t it feel like just yesterday you were in high school or college?

    Chances are you still wear jeans and like many women our age, your hair is probably longer than your mother’s was at this time in her life.

    They used to cut their hair once they were married.

    With vibrant memories of your school years still floating around in your head, it’s likely you don’t even feel or look like you’re in your 50’s, 60’s or 70’s, right?

    And that’s why when you’re out there looking for Mr. Right, you may be using the same criteria as you did in your teens or 20’s.

    What this means is instead of wanting the handsome football captain like you did in high school, today you’re looking for his older version . . .  a man who is successful, good looking and charming.

    But when you go online with your 20-year-old mindset of Mr. Right, who pops up?

    Pictures of men who look like your grandfather did with grey, thinning hair, a belly and a boatload of baggage.

    No wonder it seems like no one’s out there to date – they all seem too old for you!

    A couple of years ago, I remember seeing a picture on Facebook of my handsome high school sweetheart who, by the way, did play football back in the day.

    I was shocked!

    The young man I remembered had long black hair and wore cool “painter’s pants.”

    In my mind, I expected an older version of this 18 year old man.

    Instead, there he was with snow-white hair and a suit.

    Although he was still handsome, he looked just like his father.

    The thing is we don’t see ourselves aging and it’s why we are so shocked when we see men our age pop up on dating sites.

    I remember a man once sharing with me that he was getting ready to post his picture on a dating site and his daughter asked him, “Dad, why are you posting a picture of you from 10 years ago?”

    He confided in me that the picture was how he still saw himself and he hadn’t realized his face had aged so much since it was taken.

    None of us likes to think we are getting older, but we are and so are the men we are looking to date.

    There are some men who have kept their looks and have aged well.

    Yet there are others who haven’t.

    And when they haven’t, you usually end up passing them by especially online.

    Yet if you’d met that same man in real life, you might think twice about his potential because all of a sudden his personality shines and that combined with his looks can make him one handsome man in your eyes.

    Attraction is important.  But more important is who he is underneath those looks.

    Wouldn’t you love to be with a man who will be at your side through thick and thin?

    Who you can have fun with on weekends and on vacation?

    Who sees you as beautiful even as you age?

    He’s out there and might possibly be one of those men who’s staring back at you online from your computer screen.

    That’s why I suggest if he seems nice, to give him a chance and go on a second, third and maybe even fourth date.

    He just may turn out to be the wonderful, loving man you’ve been looking for.

    And if you haven’t seen it already, check out how my client Lisa found her soulmate in her 50’s by clicking here.

    Believing in you!

    Believing in You!

    Lisa

    P.S. Whenever you are ready, here are four ways I can help you find love after 50

    #1: Get a copy of my book The Winning Dating Formula on Amazon



    Where I will walk you through a step-by-step breakdown of the exact tools and strategies you need for attracting the right man into your life — Click here

    #2: Join the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group

    It’s our Facebook community where you can connect with me and a community of women ready to support you on your journey for finding love after 50 — Click here

    #3: Work with me 1-on-1 or in my Group Program

    I would love to learn more about your dating journey, understand where you might be stuck, and give you a personalized step-by-step blueprint to attract the right man. And maybe even talk about how we can work together.

    If you are interested in learning more about how I can help, you can Click here to answer a few quick questions and schedule a call.

    #4: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel

    Click here to explore my YouTube channel for valuable tips on dating and relationships after 50! Discover insights that will empower you to attract the right partner with confidence.

    Copyright© 2024 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.


    On October 2, 2024       /   Dating Advice Over 50, Dating After 50, Dating after 60, Dating after 70, Dating After Divorce, Dating Challenges after 50, Dating Mindset after 50, Mistakes Women Make Dating After 50, Relationships after 50, Relationships after 60, Relationships after 70, Senior Dating  

    Aurelija Guerraea

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  • Still People-Pleasing? Do This Instead

    Still People-Pleasing? Do This Instead

    “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10

    One of my earliest memories of people-pleasing was around the age of four when my older cousin took me to one of her college classes. As she introduced me to her friends, I remember the intense feeling of wanting to be liked. It was as if I was center stage, putting on a performance in hopes of gaining their applause.

    Fast forward fifty years and I still find myself getting caught in cycles of people pleasing. I’m more aware of it now, and better able to realign my thoughts, but the desire for acceptance is still a very real issue.

    Sadly, our preoccupation with people’s approval hinders us from the freedom we have in Christ—the freedom to love and serve others. Often, we miss divine opportunities to pour into people because we are so consumed by what they think of us. This isn’t something we like to admit, but it’s true.

    If you’re still people pleasing, here are a few things to do instead:

    Remember Your Audience

    “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” Colossians 3:23 (ESV)

    Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase, “Live for an audience of One.” When I think of this, I picture an auditorium with one person in the front row—Jesus. As I stand on the stage of my life, I have nothing to prove, nothing to perform. In fact, I envision welcoming Him onto the stage, allowing Him to be front and center.

    Through Jesus, we have the acceptance we most desire, as Ephesians 1:3-6 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved” (NKJV).

    My friends, we will never be more loved, accepted, or approved of than we already are. And because we live for an audience of One, we are free to share our gifts and talents without the need to perform. We don’t need the applause of man or the standing ovation of the world. We only need Jesus as center stage of our life.

    A Prayer to Remember Your Audience:

    Gracious God, when I’m tempted to perform for others, remind me that You are my audience of One. Please remain front and center in my life, keeping my gaze fixed on You. Thank You for loving me, choosing, me, and accepting me. I am blessed to live a life pleasing to You. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.

    Remember Your True Desires

    When trying to break the cycle of people-pleasing, it can be helpful to remember your true desires. What fulfills you most? What gives you peace and joy? I’m not talking about superficial desires that often involve man’s approval, but instead, your true desires that bring lasting fulfillment and contentment. For example:

    -Spending more time with God through prayer, Bible study, and worship

    -Loving your spouse openly and lavishly

    -Cherishing time with your family, pouring into them as God leads

    -Valuing people, making them feel seen and heard

    -Serving the Body of Christ with your God-given talents

    -Doing your work with excellence and integrity

    -Taking good care of your temple—mind, heart, body, and spirit

    By listing the most important things in life, you’re redirecting your thoughts away from self-centeredness to others-centeredness. Anytime you’re caught in a cycle of people-pleasing, you can remember what matters most and realign your focus.

    A Prayer to Remember Your True Desires:

    Heavenly Father, please help me stop chasing after superficial things. Remind me of what’s most important—loving You and others. Whenever I get caught in an unhealthy cycle of people-pleasing, redirect my thoughts back to Your will. I truly want to live to please You and serve others with the heart of Jesus. In His precious name, amen.

    Remember Your Focus

    “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:2

    People-pleasing is often rooted in insecurity, and there’s a reason the word insecurity starts with the letters “i-n.” When we go through life with an inward focus, we lose sight of our God-given purpose. It’s like holding a pair of binoculars the wrong way, which causes our view to be narrow and limited.

    In contrast, if we turn the lens upward, toward heavenly things, we see the world from a godly perspective. We yearn for the things of heaven instead of Earth’s fleeting achievements. Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10) A kingdom perspective can work wonders in turning us away from people-pleasing and toward a life focused on pleasing God.

    A Prayer to Remember Your Focus:

    Lord, please turn my focus away from my insecurities, which so often lead to people-pleasing. Expand my view to see the wonderful future You have planned for all eternity. From a kingdom perspective, renew my purpose to serve others with the gifts and talents You’ve given me, storing up treasures in heaven. As Jesus taught us to pray, “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven,” I offer this prayer to You today, in Jesus’ holy name.

    Get Rid of Doubt and Fear

    “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

    From my experience, doubt and fear are the biggest culprits when it comes to people-pleasing. We doubt we’re capable enough, which leads to fear of failure, which leads to striving for man’s approval. 

    Recognizing what drives our people-pleasing tendencies is an important step towards lasting change. Here are a few helpful questions to ask yourself:

    -Who am I afraid of disappointing right now? 

    -Am I doing this for recognition or because it’s the right thing to do?

    -Would I still perform this act of service even if no one noticed?

    -Am I doubtful people will accept me, or am I trusting my acceptance in Christ?

    Removing doubt and fear is a huge step in the right direction. With the fear of man gone, and God’s peace in its place, we are free to interact with our families, friends, and coworkers with calm assurance of our acceptance in Christ.

    A Prayer to Remove Doubt and Fear:

    Gracious God, please help me recognize when I’m people-pleasing through doubt and fear. In those moments, help me stop and take a deep breath, remembering the assurance I have in Christ. He is my portion and my prize. In Him, I can do what You’ve called me to do without worry or fear. Thank You, Lord, for removing my anxiety and replacing it with Your peace. In Jesus’ name, amen.

    Step into Christ-Confidence

    “For they loved human praise more than praise from God.” John 12:42-43

    There’s a big difference between self-confidence and Christ-confidence. The first includes continuously building ourselves up in order to feel worthy or successful. The second involves living from the victory Jesus achieved for us through His finished work on the cross.

    My friends, it’s by His strength that we are empowered to live and move and breathe. So why do we consistently do things in our own strength, depending on others for acceptance and approval?

    One definition of approval is the belief that someone is good or acceptable. The Christ-centered definition, however, is that we’re made good and acceptable through His righteousness. Wow. What a difference Christ-confidence can make!

    1 Thessalonians 2:4 says, “We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.” This verse sums it up, doesn’t it? Our people-pleasing ways are brought into submission when we surrender our hearts to the King of Kings. He is our focus, our desire, and our devotion. All that we say and do is for Him and because of Him, and when we finally grasp this truth, people-pleasing will become a thing of the past.

    A Prayer for Surrender:

    Gracious Heavenly Father, I have spent far too many years seeking man’s approval, and I’m ready to step into a new way of doing things. I surrender myself to You now. Please turn my focus to heavenly things, reminding me this is not all there is. Please remove the doubt and fear that have held me hostage and replace them with Your peace. Help me step into Christ-confidence and the knowledge of who I am in Your Son. Let His finished work be my focus and the grace upon which I build my life. I pray these things in His precious and holy name, amen.

    More resources for your journey:

    Why People Pleasing Is Not What God Wants for You

    How to Break the Cycle of People-Pleasing

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Motortion

    Jennifer Steward

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  • Emotional Abandonment In Marriage: Signs, Causes, And Ways To Cope

    Emotional Abandonment In Marriage: Signs, Causes, And Ways To Cope

    Sitting on your couch, late into the night, all alone while your spouse is in the bedroom, fast asleep, oblivious to the angst of loneliness you’re grappling with. You crave that intimacy and connection you had hoped marriage would bring your way. But even the thought of making any real effort in that direction makes you shudder and shut down emotionally. The chasm continues to grow wider. If that sounds relatable, you’re dealing with emotional abandonment in marriage.

    There is nothing more heartbreaking than having the person you chose to share your life with right next to you and yet not being able to reach out to them. Research shows if allowed to fester, this pattern of alienation and emotional suppression can take a toll on the psychological well-being of the people involved.

    That’s why it’s important to recognize emotional abandonment in a relationship and actively work toward breaking the vicious cycle that keeps pulling partners apart. To that end, let’s look at the signs, causes, and effects of emotional abandonment and how to cope with it.

    What Is Emotional Abandonment In Marriage?

    Given the complexity of this issue, we must get the basics right so that you can be sure that the loneliness in marriage you’re struggling with amounts to emotional abandonment and isn’t a manifestation of an altogether different issue. So, what is emotional abandonment in marriage? It refers to the pattern of one spouse becoming emotionally distant or detached, leaving the other feeling lonely, rejected, or abandoned.

    Unlike spousal abandonment, emotional abandonment is subtle and doesn’t require a couple to be physically apart from one another. In fact, more often than not, it happens while a couple still shares a life and is characterized by a lack of intimacy, communication, and emotional connection, leading to feelings of isolation and neglect.

    To shed light on how emotional abandonment in a relationship takes hold, counseling psychologist Devaleena Ghosh shares the story of a couple she counseled. Let’s call them Sarah and David. Married for 12 years, their life together was smooth as can be when the 2008 recession cost David his job. It was a few months before he could find another, and their savings were wiped out just meeting everyday needs.

    Afraid of ever having to contend with a similar fate ever again, David threw himself into his new job, working long hours, often weekends and holidays. Their relationship began to change. David was so consumed with thriving professionally that it took his focus off Sarah altogether. They rarely talked or spent any quality time together. Their once vibrant relationship turned into a routine of short, surface-level exchanges.

    Emotional distance leads to feelings of loneliness and dejection

    Meanwhile, Sarah was also juggling her work and most of the household duties. She began to feel lonely, neglected, and taken for granted. Whenever she tried to talk to David about it, he would brush her off. As the emotional distance grew, Sarah became increasingly frustrated and isolated. After many failed attempts at reconnecting with David, she decided on a trial separation. There was no point in living in the same house and sharing a life with someone who barely recognized her existence, she felt. It was this jolt that opened David’s eyes to what a shambles their marriage was. Eventually, they went into therapy and were able to work toward rebuilding trust and emotional intimacy.

    Unmet emotional needs threatening a couple’s future together is hardly uncommon or unexpected. Experts agree that emotional abandonment can cause long-lasting harm in a marriage, often leading to depression, anxiety, or feelings of unworthiness in the abandoned spouse.

    Related Reading: I Am Feeling Trapped In My Marriage

    Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes the role of emotional responsiveness in relationships, and says, “When couples turn toward each other, they build an emotional bank account. When they turn away, they deplete it.” According to Gottman, emotional abandonment happens when couples consistently “turn away” from each other, failing to meet emotional bids for connection. This creates a disconnect that, if unaddressed, can lead to a relationship breakdown.

    Echoing the same thought, Dr. Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) writes, “Emotional abandonment is often the result of unresolved attachment injuries. When we do not feel safe or valued in our emotional connection with our partner, we disengage to protect ourselves.”

    Types of emotional abandonment in a relationship

    Emotional abandonment can take different forms, depending on the underlying cause as well as the personalities of the people involved and the dynamics of the relationship between them. Here is a quick roundup of the different types in which emotional abandonment in a relationship manifests:

    infographic on types of emotional abandonment in marriage
    Emotional abandonment can be of many types

    Differences between emotional abandonment and emotional neglect in a marriage

    A similar issue that couples sometimes have to contend with is emotional neglect in marriage. While the underlying causes and manifestations overlap, the two are not the same. Emotional abandonment is often a conscious choice and its impact can be far more grievous. To be sure whether it’s neglect or abandonment you’re dealing with, take a look at the key differences between the two:

    Emotional Abandonment Emotional Neglect
    Emotional withdrawal where one partner detaches or distances themselves, making the other feel isolated or rejected A pattern of failing to meet a partner’s emotional needs, leading to emotional deprivation without intentional withdrawal
    The abandoned partner feels rejected, and unwanted, and often experiences deep loneliness or distress Usually unintentional and results from a lack of awareness or attention to emotional needs
    The abandoned partner feels rejected, unwanted, and often experiences deep loneliness or distress The neglected partner feels ignored or uncared for, but may not experience outright rejection
    One partner is emotionally unavailable and disinterested in rekindling the connection. Both partners may still desire emotional connection but fail to understand or meet each other’s emotional needs.

     Related Reading: Emotional Abuse Checklist – 18 Devastating Signs 

    Causes Of Emotional Abandonment In Marriage

    No one just wakes up one day and chooses spousal abandonment, even the emotional kind. People come together in marriage with the hope of companionship, love, and togetherness. So what brings a couple to a point where one of them checks out emotionally and the other is left grappling with loneliness in marriage? To understand, let’s look at these common causes of emotional abandonment in marriage:

    1. Unresolved conflict

    effects of emotional abandonment in marriage
    Small issues can pile up, driving you and your partner apart

    Leaving conflicts unresolved causes pain, hurt, and disappointment to build up over time, which can, in turn, lead to emotional distancing. These unresolved issues can turn even the most benign arguments or disagreements into breeding grounds for hostility, triggering resentment and emotional withdrawal.

    When repeated often enough, this cycle impedes a couple’s ability to tackle issues head-on, causing a breakdown in emotional intimacy. Dr. Gottman says, “Unresolved conflicts are like toxins in a marriage. When partners avoid or ignore difficult conversations, it leads to emotional estrangement and feelings of abandonment.”

    2. Lack of emotional communication

    An inability to communicate openly and be vulnerable with each other is a major cause of emotional abandonment. When one or both spouses shy away from sharing their feelings, frustrations, or emotional needs, it creates a disconnect, which leads to a lack of emotional transparency. In such an environment, trust and closeness cannot be fostered.

    “Emotional communication is the lifeblood of a marriage. When couples stop expressing their feelings and concerns, they risk creating a deep emotional void.”

    Dr. Sue Johnson, Creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

    3. Busy lifestyles and prioritizing other commitments

    When life gets busy and it feels like everything from your work to your children, household responsibilities, social commitments, and hobbies is pulling you in different directions, it’s easy to put your relationship with your spouse on the back burner because of the inherent sense of security that they’re always going to be there. However, it doesn’t quite work that way.

    If you keep prioritizing external obligations over your relationship, you will invariably end up neglecting your spouse’s emotional needs. This can trigger feelings of abandonment and cause the emotional connection to deteriorate. As psychotherapist Ether Perel writes in her book, Mating in Captivity, “Couples often fall into the trap of living parallel lives, where the demands of work, children, and personal interests take precedence over the marriage. This creates an emotional distance that can feel like abandonment.”

    4. Emotional burnout caused by stress

    signs of unloving wife
    Stresses of everyday life can impede your connection with your spouse

    Chronic stress from work, financial strain, or family issues can cause emotional burnout. When a partner is overwhelmed by stress, they may retreat emotionally, becoming less available to their spouse. This withdrawal can result in one’s spouse feeling emotionally abandoned and lead to relationship burnout. Clinical psychologist Dr. Alexandra Solomon says, “When people experience high levels of stress or burnout, they may not have the emotional resources left to give to their partner, leading to feelings of emotional isolation.”

    5. Unhealed emotional trauma

    Our past greatly determines how we behave in our relationships. Any unhealed emotional trauma, be it from childhood or past relationships, can cause emotional blockages in marriage. The person carrying such emotional wounds may find it difficult to show vulnerability and thus form an authentic connection with their significant other. They might unconsciously distance themselves from their spouse to protect themselves, leaving them feeling abandoned. 

    Explaining the impact of unresolved trauma on marriages, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, writes, “Unresolved trauma often plays a silent role in marriages. It creates emotional walls, making it hard for spouses to connect on a deeper level and leaving one partner feeling abandoned.”

    9 Signs Of Emotional Abandonment In Marriage

    Now that we’ve talked about what is emotional abandonment in marriage and its triggers, let’s shift our attention to another significant aspect: how it manifests. While different people may exhibit their emotional detachment from their partners differently and different people may experience loneliness in marriage to varying degrees, some common patterns do emerge. These are best summed up in these 9 tell-tale signs of emotional abandonment in marriage:

    1. Frequent feelings of loneliness

    A key sign of emotional abandonment is loneliness in marriage. Even when you’re physically with your partner, they may feel distant and unapproachable. Despite sharing a home and daily routines, you may feel like you’re going through life like you’re on your own. This dichotomy of being married but feeling single indicates that you feel isolated and left to fend for yourself.

    Dr. Johnson says, “The most painful form of loneliness is feeling alone in a relationship, where emotional disconnection creates an internal sense of isolation.”

    Related Reading: Why Am I So Depressed And Lonely In My Marriage?

    2. Lack of emotional support

    Nothing says spousal abandonment than not having your life partner by your side when you need them the most. Dr. Gottman says, “Emotional support is the backbone of a healthy relationship. When it’s missing, partners feel undervalued and abandoned.” So, if you often feel that your partner fails to provide support during difficult times or avoids engaging in emotional conversations, it’s one of the signs of unloving wife/husband who seems to have given up on you emotionally.

    3. Reduced physical and emotional intimacy

    spousal abandonment
    Emotional abandonment wrecks intimacy

    Of all the different forms of intimacy in a relationship, physical and emotional are perhaps the most crucial to cement a couple’s bond and keep it strong. However, when emotional abandonment in a relationship begins to take hold, these forms of intimacy begin to decline as well. This could manifet as,

    • Reduced displays of affection like hugging and kissing
    • Decline in sexual intimacy
    • Lack of meaningful conversations

    4. Avoiding conflict and difficult conversations

     As much as we’d like marriage to be a bed of roses with a side of rainbows and sunshine, the hard truth is that conflict and rough patches are par for the course when you embark on a lifelong journey with another person. In a healthy marriage, couples find a way to address issues as they arise, have difficult conversations, and work through their problems.

    However, when there is an emotional disconnect, instead of confronting disagreements or conflicts, one spouse may shut down, making the other feel ignored or unimportant.

     “When couples avoid conflict, they also avoid the opportunity to repair emotional wounds, which fosters emotional abandonment over time.”

    Dr. Terri Orbuch, relationship expert

    5. Apathy and indifference

    Do you often feel that your spouse is indifferent to your emotional or personal struggles? Do you experience emotional invalidation in your marriage? Do you find yourself lamenting, “My wife/husband dismisses my feelings like they don’t matter”? Does your partner go about their day like nothing’s happened even when you’re visibly emotionally distressed? Do they go to sleep leaving you in tears after a big argument?

    These are classic displays of apathy and indifference that indicate that your partner has become so emotionally withdrawn that they no longer care about you and your feelings. This can be a particularly distressing sign of emotional abandonment that can leave you thinking, “My wife/ my husband doesn’t love me anymore.” Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner says, “Apathy in relationships is a major red flag. It signifies that one or both partners have emotionally checked out, often leaving the other feeling abandoned.”

    Related Reading: Indifference In Relationships — Causes, Signs And Coping Tips

    6. Your spouse is emotionally withdrawn during difficult times

    signs of emotional abandonment in marriage

    When tough times come calling, you expect your partner to be there by your side, as a rock-solid source of support. Just as you want to be there for them. Be it a financial crisis, a death in the family, dealing with sickness, professional hurdles, or any other crisis, surviving it becomes easier when partners lean on each other.

    However, in an emotionally abandoned marriage, one spouse may withdraw during tough times. You may feel uneasy approaching your partner about how to deal with challenges or find yourself walking on eggshells around them during difficult times because you don’t know how they’d react.

    This can intensify feelings of rejection and neglect. Clinical psychologist Dr. Alexandra Solomon says, “Emotional withdrawal during difficult times is often a defense mechanism, but it leaves the partner feeling unsupported and disconnected.”

    7. Decreased interest in daily life

    Dr. Gottman says, “When partners stop showing interest in each other’s inner world, it’s a sign that emotional abandonment is taking hold.” When a woman shuts down emotionally or a man checks out a relationship emotionally, this dwindling interest becomes inevitable. Your partner may stop asking questions or showing curiosity about your feelings, dreams, or aspirations. Or they may exhibit complete indifference and disinterest even when you share your day-to-day experiences, struggles, achievements, or future plans.

    Related Reading: Why Is My Husband Not Interested In Me? 8 Reasons And Tips To Cope

    8. Feeling unvalued

    One of the most telling signs of emotional abandonment in marriage is that you constantly feel unvalued and unappreciated. This is when thoughts like, “My wife/my husband doesn’t love me anymore” or “My wife/husband dismisses my feelings like I don’t matter”, begin to circle your mind.

    Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages, says, “Feeling unvalued is a core experience of emotional abandonment, where one partner feels their worth is no longer recognized in the relationship.” This feeling often stems from a lack of acknowledgment or emotional investment from one’s spouse.

    9. Emotional numbness

    loneliness in marriage
    You feel emotionally numb

    The constant rejection from your partner, lack of recognition, absence of affection and meaningful engagement, and feeling of loneliness in marriage can make the emotionally abandoned spouse shut down as a way to protect themselves. If repeated attempts to reconnect with your spouse have failed, it is only natural that you will begin to hesitate to reach out, open up, and be vulnerable.

    This is one of the most worrying signs of emotional abandonment in marriage because it indicates you’ve resigned to the distance. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, Author of The Body Keeps the Score, says, “Emotional numbness is often the result of repeated emotional neglect, where the partner gives up on trying to connect, believing that nothing will change.”

    Related Reading: 9 Signs You Are In An Emotionally Draining Relationship

    Effects Of Emotional Abandonment In Marriage

    Emotional abandonment in marriage is often a gradual process that erodes emotional intimacy over time. However, if you and your partner fail to recognize the red flags in time and allow this distance to grow, the impact on your marriage can be devastating. Here are the most common effects of emotional abandonment in marriage:

    1. Loneliness

    The partner experiencing abandonment struggles with feelings of loneliness in marriage and feels as though they are navigating life alone.

    2. Low self-esteem and self-worth

    emotional neglect in marriage
    Emotional abandonment can make you question your worth

    Emotional abandonment can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. If your spouse has given up on you emotionally, you may start to believe you are unworthy of love or attention. This can slowly chip away at your self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

    3. Risk of anxiety and depression

    The effects of emotional abandonment in marriage can extend to your mental health as well, putting you at higher risk of issues such as anxiety and depression. When prolonged, the constant feelings of rejection, loneliness, and worthlessness can take a toll on your emotional well-being.

    Related Reading: “My Anxiety Is Ruining My Relationship”: 6 Ways It Does And 5 Ways To Manage It

    4. Breakdown of trust

    If you’re dealing with a breakdown of emotional support and connection, trust begins to erode. You may begin to feel you can no longer rely on your spouse, which, in turn, creates a deeper emotional divide and leads to insecurity in the relationship.

    5. Resentment and anger

    Of course, constantly being rejected, ignored, or shot down by your spouse can make you resent them. When this emotional disconnection is allowed to fester, resentment can turn into bitterness and anger, further escalating the hostility in the marriage.

    6. Risk of infidelity

    When your need for intimacy and connection is not met within your marriage, you may seek it outside the marriage. The lack of fulfillment within the relationship may push you or your spouse or both to pursue validation and intimacy elsewhere, exposing your marriage to the risk of extramarital affairs. 

    Related Reading: Expert Lists Out 9 Effects Of Cheating In A Relationship

    7. Potential for separation or divorce

    If emotional abandonment persists and is left unaddressed, it can lead to the breakdown of the marriage. Like Sarah, who moved out after getting tired of her husband’s indifference toward her, you, too, may begin toying with the idea of cutting the cord and turning over a new leaf when all your efforts to reconnect fall flat.

    Emotional-Manipulation

    How To Cope With Emotional Abandonment In Marriage — 7 Expert-Backed Tips

    Given the extent of damage emotional abandonment can cause, it can bring about feelings of dejection and hopelessness. So, before I take you through expert-backed tips on how to cope with emotional abandonment in marriage, allow me to share a story that demonstrates it’s possible to bounce back from this abyss.

    Emily and Jake had been married for seven years when suspicions of infidelity rocked their relationship, driving them to the brink of separation. It all started when after seeing some rather cryptic texts on Jake’s phone, Emily started accusing him of infidelity without any proof. At first, Jake tried to placate her suspicions. But Emily found it hard to believe him.

    She started snooping on him, demanded to check his phone, and tracked his whereabouts, day in and day out. After a while, Jake shut down and withdrew completely. This only further fueled Emily’s suspicions. “My husband doesn’t love me anymore,” she rued. Things got so out of hand that they not only disengaged emotionally but barely spoke to each other anymore.

    husband-dismisses-my-feelings
    You can find a way to reconnect and rebuild your emotional bond

    Soon, Emily reached a breaking point and felt she couldn’t continue in a relationship where she felt emotionally abandoned. Jake, on the other hand, felt she displayed all the signs of unloving wife and was purposefully hurting him. Ultimately, they decided to give their marriage a chance by seeking professional help.

    Through acknowledgment of the problem, continued efforts at improving communication, healthy boundary setting, and exercises to rebuild intimacy, they were able to reconnect emotionally. It took several months but their marriage became stronger, with both of them feeling more valued and supported. If you are in similar dire straits, don’t lose hope. It’s possible to reverse emotional abandonment. Here are a few steps that can help:

    Related Reading: 9 Signs Of Bad Communication In A Relationship

    1. Acknowledge and communicate your feelings

    The first step in coping with emotional abandonment is acknowledging the feelings of disconnection and loneliness in marriage. It’s crucial to express these emotions to your partner openly and honestly, even if it’s uncomfortable. On the importance of communication in a relationship, Dr. Gottman says, “Healthy relationships are built on open communication. Expressing your feelings, even the difficult ones, is essential for emotional connection.”

    2. Focus on self-care

    Spousal abandonment can take quite a toll on your emotional well-being. To protect yourself, it’s important to prioritize emotional balance and inner strength by engaging in self-care activities like,

    • Exercise
    • Mindfulness
    • Pursuing hobbies

    Researcher and author Dr. Brené Brown says, “When we prioritize our self-care, we build resilience, making it easier to cope with emotional challenges in relationships.”

    3. Work toward rebuilding emotional intimacy gradually

    when a woman shuts down emotionally
    Take baby steps toward finding a way back to one another

    Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner says, “Intimacy grows through small, consistent acts of emotional responsiveness. By being present for each other in everyday moments, couples can reconnect.” When dealing with emotional abandonment in marriage, you cannot lose sight of the fact that your bond has taken a hit and resolution cannot happen overnight.

    Instead of expecting an immediate change, take gradual steps to rebuild emotional intimacy. This might involve,

    • Spending quality time together
    • Engaging in meaningful conversations
    • Being more present for each other emotionally

    4. Set boundaries and manage expectations

    It’s important to set healthy boundaries and communicate your emotional needs clearly to your partner. Dr. Henry Cloud, author of Boundaries, says, “Clear boundaries define what is acceptable and expected in relationships. They are essential for protecting emotional well-being and fostering intimacy.”

    You must make sure your partner understands what you expect emotionally and what behaviors make you feel emotionally abandoned. This can prevent future misunderstandings.

    Related Reading: What Is Forgiveness In Relationships And Why Is It Important

    5. Practice forgiveness and patience

    Coping with emotional abandonment requires patience, as rebuilding trust and connection can take time. Forgiving your partner for past emotional neglect needs to be a part of the healing process, as long as you’re both on the same page and committed to working on the relationship.

    “Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting the hurt, but it allows couples to let go of resentment and rebuild emotional trust.”

    Dr. Gary Chapman, Author of The 5 Love Languages

    6. Reconnect through shared activities

    Therapist Dr. Laura Berman says, “Shared activities create positive interactions and memories, which help reinforce the emotional connection between partners.” Whether it’s cooking together, going for walks, or pursuing a joint interest, doing things as a team can foster bonding and help break emotional barriers.

    7. Seek professional help

    Marriage counseling or individual therapy can be an effective way to address emotional abandonment. Dr. Johnson explains, “Counseling creates a safe space where couples can explore their emotions and learn how to rebuild the emotional bond.” A trained therapist can help you and your spouse understand the root causes of the disconnection and provide strategies to reconnect emotionally. If you’re struggling with emotional abandonment and looking for help, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.

    Related Reading: 9 Ways To Fix A Broken Marriage And Save It

    Key Pointers

    • Emotional abandonment happens when one spouse becomes emotionally distant or detached, leaving the other feeling lonely, rejected, or abandoned
    • The causes can range from unresolved conflict to lack of communication, busy lifestyles, and unhealed trauma
    • Signs of emotional abandonment include feelings of loneliness, lack of emotional support, reduced intimacy, apathy, and emotional numbness
    • If allowed to fester, emotional abandonment can result in low self-esteem and self-worth, risk of anxiety and depression, risk of infidelity, and even breakdown of marriage
    • To deal with emotional abandonment, you must acknowledge the problem, focus on self-care, work toward improving communication, and rebuilding intimacy
    • If necessary, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A trained therapist can help you and your spouse understand the root causes of the disconnection and provide strategies to reconnect emotionally

    Final Thoughts

    Emotional abandonment neither takes hold in a vacuum nor does it happen overnight. It’s a gradual process fueled by a string of incidents that slowly pull you and your partner apart. The best resource is to prevent this emotional distance from taking root by staying vigilant, checking in with your partner often, and not sweeping issues under the rug. However, if you do find yourself in a situation where your spouse seems to have abandoned you emotionally, don’t lose heart. As long as both you and your partner are committed to making the relationship work, you can recover from this setback and find a way back to each other.

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  • How To Get A Guy To Like You: 20 Simple Techniques, No Mind Games

    How To Get A Guy To Like You: 20 Simple Techniques, No Mind Games

    Have you fallen for a guy but are not sure if he sees you just as a friend or if he also wants something more? If you’re too shy to make the first move, you need to figure out how to make him want you. But this isn’t a movie and there isn’t a magical love potion available. However, we do have a few tricks up our sleeves on how to get a guy to like you. 

    What Do Men Find Attractive In Women

    Before discussing how to get a man to like you, let’s talk about how to attract a man first. While preferences can be subjective and different people can find different features attractive, there are some general preferences that are more commonly seen. We’ve curated a list of the features that men find attractive in women:

    1. Hourglass figure

    An hourglass figure includes a wide bust, narrow waist, and wide hips. While its common conception among women that a skinny figure is attractive to men, biology says different. Men instinctively find a figure attractive that is perceived better for reproduction, which includes wide hips. 

     Hourglass figure

    Now there’s not much you can change about your body type and that’s okay. But if you do have wide hips, be proud to be a curvy girl and embrace those curves confidently.

    2. Long and dark hair

    When wondering how to attract a man, pay attention to your hair. Glamour cited a poll conducted by Pantene, that revealed that hair is an important feature for getting a guy’s attention. Here’s are the findings:

    Quote: “74% of men said that they notice women because of their hair while 44% of men revealed that the first thing they notice in a woman is hair, as compared to her clothes (26%), legs (25%), or makeup (4%).”

    Okay, but what type of hair? What style, what color? Let’s find out.

    A 2003 study published in Human Nature found that long to medium length hair was perceived as more attractive among six different hairstyles, including: the top bun, disheveled, unkempt, short, medium-length, and long. This may be because long hair indicates health and longevity. Also, short hair is often associated with manliness and updos with being uptight. 

    As for hair color, Huff Post posted the results of a poll conducted by Badoo on men’s hair color preference. This poll surveyed over two thousand British men about their hair color preference in a female. Here are the results:

    Quote: “60 percent of men found dark hair to be more preferred than light, with 33.1 percent picking brown hair as the most attractive and 28.6 saying black hair is the sexiest.”

    3. Red is for Valentine

    Black is a sexy color, no doubt, but a study has found, red may be sexier. A 2008 study conducted by researchers at the University of Rochester found that the color red is highly seductive and a big turn-on for guys. So, if you’re looking for advice on how to get a guy interested in you, here’s one. Try to incorporate some red in your look. Here are ways to do so:

    • Wear a red dress
    • Wear red lipstick
    • Red accessories such as heels, bag, earrings, etc.
    How to get a guy to notice you
    Red dress looks attractive

    4. Eye color and shape

    They say eyes are the windows to the soul and rightly so. Beautiful eyes play a big role in attracting man. Here are some insights about eyes and their attractiveness: 

    • Almond-shaped eyes are uniquely effective for drawing the attention of a man
    • When it comes to eye color, bright and light shades are perceived as more attractive than darker shades
    • Other than shape and color, eyes with curvy slopes and dark eyelashes are more successful in catching a man’s eye.

    Related Reading: Flirting With Your Eyes: 11 Moves That Almost Always Work

    5. Voice

    Voice, while not being a part of physical attractiveness, plays a great role when focusing on how to attract a man. Women with a high-pitched voice are perceived as more conventionally attractive while deeper voices can be seen as manly.

    The tone of voice also influences how people judge your personality. A mellow and sweet voice is associated with a kind and pleasant person, while a harsh tone may be perceived as rude.

    6. Makeup

    This is a tricky one, because we often hear guys saying, “I like girls with a natural look.” But is it really true? An analysis done by Zoosk, as cited by Bustle, found that female profiles with makeup on received three times as many male responses as received by bare-faced women.

    Related Reading: What Do Men Want In A Woman? 11 Things That May Surprise You

    So when guys say they don’t like makeup, it probably means they don’t like exaggerated or unnatural makeup. So if focusing on how to attract a man, maybe opt for a nude makeup and avoid bold shades. Except for the lipstick.

    Lipstick is an exception when bolder shades are seen as more attractive. Red lipstick is especially a great addition to your look if your priority is how to make him want you.

    20 Simple Techniques On How To Get A Guy To Like You 

    If you’re reading this, chances are that you have a crush on a man and are not sure if it’s mutual or one-sided. Maybe he doesn’t even know you exist yet, or maybe you have his number but don’t know how to make a guy like you. No matter which stage you’re at, we’ve compiled a list of techniques on how to get a man to like you.

    Crush on a guy
    Crush on a guy

    How to get a guy to notice you

    If it’s a classic case of love at first sight, these ones are for you. You’ve fallen heads over heels but he doesn’t even know you yet. Don’t worry, here are tips on how to get a guy to notice you:

    1. Dress well 

    To clarify, this does not necessarily mean you should wear trendy or revealing clothes. Stay true to your style. Wear something that makes you feel confident and accentuates your body type. Choose an outfit that enhances your shape and best features. This will draw his attention.

    Related Reading: 10 Outfits For First Date – What To Wear On A First Date [Expert Advice]

    2. Apply red lipstick 

    If makeup isn’t usually a part of your look, then this tip isn’t for you. But if you do wear makeup, red lipstick is a simple but effective tip on how to make a guy like you. This is because red is a sexy color and is often associated with seduction. 

    Stylecaster referenced a University of Manchester study in which fifty men were shown images of either red-lipped, pink-lipped, or bare-lipped women. Here’s what the study found out:

    “Men spent an average of 7.3 seconds staring at the women wearing red lipstick, 6.7 at the pink-lipped ladies, and only 2.2 seconds at those who wore no lipstick.”

    A classic red lipstick is good enough. But if you wanna get creative, you can match the red to your skin tone: red with bluish undertones suits cool skin tones while red with orange undertones look better on warm skin tones.

    3. Wear a scent

    This is my favorite advice on how to get a guy to notice you as it can work even from across the room. Not only can a unique scent draw his attention, it will make him remember you. Choose a specific scent that you like and wear it around him multiple times. This way, he’ll associate the scent with you. For the scent, you may use:

    • Essential oils
    • Perfume
    • Scented lotion

    Related Reading: Science Of Scent: You Have To Smell Good To Attract Attention

    4. Hold eye contact

    Holding eye contact for at least 2-3 seconds gives a hint that you’re interested. Add a smile to amplify the effect. While smiling adds to your attractiveness, it can also be seen as a subtle flirting.  But don’t stare at him for too long — you don’t want to seem like a creep.

    How to make a guy like you
     Use eye contact to flirt

    5. Give a compliment 

    Nothing makes a guy remember you more than receiving a compliment from you. Trust me, he’ll be thinking about it all day. So see if you can incorporate some compliments for men in the conversation.

    It could be something about his appearance: 

    • “Nice shirt!”, 
    • “Your hair looks great today.”
    • “Cool Shoes!”

    Or a compliment for his personality:

    • “You’re so funny!”
    • “You’re such a gentleman”

    Related Reading: 15 Quick Compliments For A Man’s Smile To Make Him Smile More

    How to get a guy to like you over text

    If you’ve already got his number but are not sure how to move ahead from friendly conversations to flirty texting, don’t worry, we’ve got you. Here are some tips on how to get a guy to like you over text:

    6. Ask him thoughtful questions

    If you’re wondering how to make a guy like you for your personality, questions are a great tool to move the conversation beyond the generic and superfluous topics. Gradually dive deeper with thoughtful and bonding questions. Asking questions will also make him think that you want to know more about him. Plus, it will give you space to share about yourself as well. This will create a bond between you two.

    Try to keep the questions open-ended that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. You could ask questions like:

    • How do you usually unwind in the evening?
    • What’s your favorite spot in the city?
    • What’s your favorite childhood memory?

    Related Reading: 20 Questions To Build Emotional Intimacy And Bond With Your Partner On A Deeper Level

    7. Share pictures

    Texting can get boring after a while and the conversation can fade out. So, if you’re wondering how to get a guy to like you over text, incorporate fun pictures in your texts to keep the conversation going. The picture can be:

    • A goofy selfie
    • Showing off a new dress
    • Displaying a hobby you purse (A crocheted penguin, for example)
    • Showing your location if you’ve come out for an event, hiking, or any place worth showing

    Bonus points if you have good photography skills, because then you can impress him with your cool shots.

    How to get a guy to like you again
    Share pictures to keep your texts interesting

    8. Share memes

    Memes are the new love language. And they’re easy to incorporate between light fun conversations. Memes not only make the conversation less monotonous, but also opens a whole new door for sending indirect hints. Once they become a regular thing between you two, you can use memes to flirt, be playful, and drop hints.

    9. Flirty texts

    Of course, this tip depends on your comfort level. If you don’t feel as bold yet, let it be. But if you’re up for it, a little teasing or banter is a fool-proof answer to how to get a guy interested in you. So, try sprinkling a few flirty texts here and there, such as calling him cute or handsome.

    10. Don’t text too fast

    If he takes 2 hours to text back, don’t jump up and reply the minute you see the notification. It may seem petty but matching his energy is important. Seeming too eager or desperate may push him away. However, if he’s responding quickly, you can too. Quick replies mean he’s not busy, and if you aren’t as well, why not dedicate some time to your conversation?

    Related Reading: 23 Tips On How To Respond When He Finally Texts You Back

    How to get a guy to like you back

    Are you already at the stage where you’re hanging out together, but feel like your feelings are one-sided? Check out these tips on how to get a man to like you back:

    11. Act confident

    Confidence makes you attractive. Your outfit and makeup are all secondary things. Here are some ways to display confidence:

    • Stand up tall
    • Don’t slouch
    • Make eye contact
    • Smile

    If you have low self-esteem, work on building your confidence through positive self-talk by reminding yourself of your strengths and achievements.

    how to make a guy like you
    Make eye contact to look confident

    12. Display your passions

    What are you passionate about? Maybe you’re a hard-core fan of a particular band, or hyper fixated on a hobby. Share these passions with him. You can either: 

    • Weave these in the conversation 
    • Reflect them through items such as t-shirts and hats
    • Post about them online

    Being passionate about something makes you an interesting person. Plus, it makes you stand out and easy to remember. For example, if you tell him about a band you love, he’ll remember you every time the band is mentioned.

    Related Reading: The Talking Stage: How To Navigate It Like A Pro

    13. Don’t make yourself too available 

    When figuring out how to make a guy like you, remember to not seem too desperate. You don’t want the efforts to be one-sided. This applies to a couple of scenarios:

    • Checking your phone constantly and immediately replying even when you’re busy
    • Changing your plans constantly to hang out with him
    • Always choosing places or activities he likes, not taking your choice into consideration

    If you want him to realize your worth and like you back, make him put efforts for you as well. Tell him sometimes that you have other weekend plans. The chase is an important factor in how to make him want you.

    14. Make him laugh

    No matter if it’s a guy or a girl, having a sense of humor is always an attractive trait. So if you want to make him like you back, make him laugh. Sometimes, a bit of playful flirting or a witty banter is all it takes to make a guy fall for you.

    how to get a man to like you
    Make him laugh

    15. Put efforts in getting to know him

    How to get a guy to like you back? Make him feel valued. Put in efforts to get to know more about him. This shows him that you’re invested in him and not only for his looks but for his personality. Here are some methods for how to get a man to like you:

    • Ask questions about his personal life such as his family and childhood
    • Ask questions about details of his work or hobbies.
    • Ask thought-provoking questions about his opinions about different subjects such as world affairs

    Related Reading: 51 Bonding Questions For Couples To Strengthen A Relationship

    How to get a guy to like you again

    Did you have a guy like you but lose interest over time? As a relationship moves forward, sometimes the romance can fade and things can get monotonous over time. But don’t worry, here are some tips on how to get a guy to like you again: 

    16. Make him feel needed

    James Bauer, a relationship counselor,  has mentioned hero instinct in his book, His Secret Obsession. He says that men have a biological need to feel needed in a relationship. So that’s how you make a guy like you again, by making him feel needed. Here are some ways to do that:

    • Ask him to help with physical work. Something as little as opening a jar or changing the oil in your car. 
    • Ask for his opinions and make sure to show that you value them
    • Celebrate his achievements 

    Related Reading: Hero Instinct In Men: 15 Ways To Trigger It, With Examples

    17. Ensure physical proximity

    If you sense that he is losing interest in you, check if you guys are spending too much time apart from each other. Physical proximity is important in keeping a relationship going. Dr. Jennifer Croyle, a licensed psychologist, mentions in her book Social Psychology, that proximity is an important factor in ideal relationships. 

    To increase proximity, you guys can take on a project together, like painting your room or building furniture. Alternatively, you can go on a vacation or attend an event together to spend time with each other and remind him of your fun side.

    how to get a guy interested in you
    Take up a project together

    18. Take a break

    If you’re already in close proximity, maybe a little too much, then that may be the issue. Without some alone time, partners can start to feel suffocated in a relationship and even get bored of each other. If this seems to resonate with you, consider spending some time apart to give him, and yourself, some space.

    Distance can be a good tip on how to get a guy to like you again. As they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. If love exists in the relationship, and has dulled down a bit, then he’s bound to miss you when you’re away.

    Related Reading: 5 Reasons Why Taking a Break in A Relationship is Healthy

    19. Don’t play games

    Do you often play mind games where you make him feel jealous, pretend to ignore him, or test the ‘relationship tests’ on him that are popular on social media? As popular as these tricks may be, they are not the answer to how to make him want you more. 

    These gimmicks don’t work long-term and are definitely not signs of a healthy relationship. In fact, they may frustrate your man and push him away further. 

    20. Don’t be clingy

    Guys don’t want a clingy girlfriend. Clinginess may seem cute initially but it taxes the other person and makes them feel suffocated. So avoid these behaviors to keep him interested:

    • Pushing him for public displays of affection if he feels uncomfortable with it
    • Constantly texting or calling him when he’s busy
    • Expecting him to spend all his free time with you

    Making The Next Move: 9 Simple Tips To Keep Him Interested

    You liked a guy, he liked you back and now you’re together. Yay! Congrats on your happily ever after. But remember, getting together doesn’t mean you stop putting in efforts to impress each other. For the relationship to work, you should be falling in love everyday and so should he. 

    So how do you keep a guy interested and prevent things from getting boring? While each relationship is different and has different needs, here are some general tips on how to keep him interested:

    1. Appreciate his efforts

    Nobody wants to be taken for granted. Appreciate the efforts he puts in to make you happy. Compliment if he dressed up really nice for a date or brought you a sweet treat. It will make him feel valued and want to continue making romantic gestures.

    Related Reading: 15 Quick Compliments For A Man’s Smile To Make Him Smile More

    2. Surprise him

    Another tip for how to keep him interested is to pay attention to what he likes and dislikes in terms of food, fashion, hobbies, etc. And then surprise him with the stuff he likes. Here are some things you can do:

    • Bring him his favorite dessert treat
    • Buy him a shirt of his favorite color
    • Gift him a collectible/figurine associated with his favorite show/movie
    • Bring him something related to his hobbies (Such as a color palette for someone who practices 
    • art)

    Feeling known is a lovely feeling, and he’ll surely appreciate you paying attention.

    how to keep him interested
    Surprise him to make him feel appreciated

    3. Don’t stop the flirting

    Just because you’re now together doesn’t mean the flirting has to stop. In fact, flirting is more important in a relationship to not fall into a dull routine. All it takes is some naughty comments and playful touches to keep a guy interested. 

    4. Lose the hard-to-get game

    A little chase keeps the relationship interesting but don’t play too hard-to-get. If he has to work hard all the time to get your attention, he may feel you’re not interested or may lose interest himself.

    Related Reading: Mind Games In Relationships — What They Look Like And Why People Do It

    5. Dress up for him

    Dressing up is one of the most effective tips on how to keep him interested. It tells your man that you value him and your relationship with him. Everyone appreciates when their partner puts in efforts to keep the relationship interesting. Plus, dressing up will also make you feel sexy and confident, which may lead to some interesting activities in the bedroom.

    how to get a guy interested
    Dress up to keep him interested

    6. Make the first move sometimes

    Don’t put it upon him to initiate sexy deeds every time. Keeping intimacy alive in the relationship is not his sole duty. Every so often, you should be the one to suggest getting intimate. You don’t have to make it too obvious. Maybe drop little naughty comments throughout the day to get him fired up. Or give him a sexy, suggestive smile for a quickie.

    Related Reading: How Do Guys Feel About Girls Making The First Move?

    7. Resolve issues calmly

    Every relationship is going to face issues sooner or later. But not every issue needs to be escalated to a heated argument. Nobody wants a partner who fights constantly over petty things. So, to keep a guy interested, try having calm conversations instead. Most issues arise from simple misunderstandings and can be resolved with open communication.

    Remind yourself that you love this person and both of you are on the same team. Here’s some things to keep in mind when trying to resolve an issue

    • Start the conversation with something positive 
    • State what’s bothering you clearly, and try using “I feel” statements
    • Avoid name calling
    • Keep your tone calm 
    • Make sure to reconnect once the issue is resolved

    8. Know when to let go of a fight 

    So maybe things escalated a bit and ended in an argument — it’s okay, once in a while. But do not stretch out such fights. Try to let go as soon as possible. Or at least take a pause to cool down before coming back to the problem. 

    A major aspect of a healthy relationship is that your partner becomes your safe space. However, if there are constant dragged out fights, your guy may start wanting to escape instead of coming closer. 

    Relationship Advice for Women

    9. Recreate the initial days

    Remind him what made him fall for you to keep the spark alive in your relationship. Occasionally, recreate the things you did at the beginning of your relationship to reconnect with your spouse. This could include:

    • Recreating your first date
    • Rewatching the first movie you saw together
    • Pursuing a hobby you used to do together

    Key Pointers

    • Some attractive physical traits in women include an hourglass figure, long dark hair, and light and sharp eyes
    • Confidence, eye contact, and interesting hobbies also make a woman attractive to a man
    • To make a guy fall for you or keep him interested, try to make him feel needed, value him, and compliments are always a plus
    • Remember to not change yourself completely and lose your personality only to impress a guy

    Final Thoughts

    While there are studies that reveal some body types, hair colors, eye shapes, etc. to be more attractive, remember that preferences are still very subjective. Also, as mentioned in the above techniques, confidence is of highest priority, anything else is secondary.

    So, here’s what to do to get a guy to like you. Wear what you feel the most confident in. Sure, a little experimentation here and there is alright. But don’t change your whole style only to impress someone. 

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  • Sick Of Dating Apps? This Personalized Matchmaking Service Is Coming To The Rescue

    Sick Of Dating Apps? This Personalized Matchmaking Service Is Coming To The Rescue

    But membership costs $70,000?

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  • When Health Challenges Affect Your Relationship Dynamics

    When Health Challenges Affect Your Relationship Dynamics

    Poor health and medical conditions always take a toll on relationships, invariably causing tensions and uncertainties. Be it a major surgery like a hysterectomy or some ongoing medical treatments, the interactions between partners may change. 

    At such times, adjustment becomes paramount to keep the couple prepared and resilient to face whatever changes are swinging around them. Here are the top ways health challenges impact relationships and how to maintain a good connection in trying times.

    Emotional Impact On Both Partners

    When a serious health problem occurs, such as surgery or diagnosis, it can rake up a lot of emotions in one or both partners, ranging from fear to anxiety, and frustration. The patient may become anxious about recovery, while his partner feels there is more to do as a caregiver.

    This is a period in which open communication must be ensured. The couple must allow feelings and vulnerabilities to come through for each other. Reassurances and apprehensions are some of the building blocks that help in maintaining emotional intimacy during the trying times that every relationship must confront, as in cases of surgery or chronic illness.

    Related Reading: 11 Warning Signs Of Lack Of Emotional Connection In Relationships

    Physical Limitations And Changing Intimacy

    With health challenges often comes physical limitations that can not only inhibit daily living but also intimacy between partners. For instance, a spinal disc replacement surgery may leave the recovering partner with limited motion and changes in sexual health. Such changes can cause feelings of inadequacy or frustration for both partners.

    What is most needed is to put up with those challenges sensitively and patiently. Couples would have to redefine their expectations about physical closeness and find other ways of showing affection. Intimacy could be maintained through small acts of love, such as spending quality time together.

    Seeking Legal Advice For Medical-Related Issues

    Medical procedures can bring forth unexpected complications or disputes with healthcare providers. In the instance of a hysterectomy, if it leaves the patient long-suffering health-wise or finds negligence developing, legal assistance is crucial. 

    A competent hysterectomy malpractice attorney will know how to prove the flaws in the medical procedures, increasing your chances of fair compensation. It also means more peace of mind knowing your legal needs are safe.

    Knowing when you require legal advice on medical malpractice is crucial to safeguard your rights and take proper medical care. Early legal advice can support couples by allowing them to face the adversities of medical malpractice or insurance disputes.

    Related Reading: Navigating In-Law Toxicity and a Husband’s Betrayal

    Increased Stress And The Importance Of Patience

    Medical decisions and surgeries often bring additional stresses, whether concerns about managing doctor visits, financial burdens, or even the uncertainty of outcomes. These may overflow into the relationship, leading to increased conflict or misunderstandings.

    Patience with such stressful times is what it takes. Understanding that recovery does take time and that disrupted areas may be part of life can ease the pressure on everyone. Both partners should work together to manage stress, divide responsibilities, or take the time to relax together.

    Related Reading: 5 Ways To Overcome Financial Stress In Relationships

    Communication Breakdowns And How To Avoid Them

    Communication can break down under the strain of health-related challenges. The patient may not fully express their needs or discomforts out of fear of not wanting to burden their partner. Meanwhile, the caregiver suppresses their feelings of fatigue and stress so as not to add to tension. A communication breakdown can lead to misunderstandings and emotional distance.

    The solution is for the partners to ask each other about feelings and concerns regularly. If the lines of communication are kept open and honest, minor issues will not escalate, and an atmosphere of support will be established throughout their recovery process.

    Adjusting Roles And Responsibilities

    Couple Dynamics

    A recovering partner may be unable to contribute to household duties, childcare, and all that, leaving the other with more work. This sudden shift may create imbalances, and unresolved issues might build resentment.

    Such changes will have to be approached with a great degree of flexibility. Partners will have to discuss how they can best support each other during that time, understanding that such changes are temporary. Enlisting outside help, either in the form of one’s family or professional services, also lessens the load so the scales stay balanced.

    Finding Strength Through Adversity

    Despite the challenges a health issue may bring about, many couples have reported that their relationship seems to become even stronger through trials. To face together and overcome adversity can give them a sense of unity and resilience. Both partners can survive even very trying circumstances if each is committed to supporting the other.

    It’s essential to recognize small victories, whether a step forward in recovery or having had a difficult day and manage them effectively. These moments, celebrated with accolades, help rebuild the bond between both partners, reminding them of their strength.

    Final Thoughts

    Navigating health challenges can significantly affect the dynamics of relationships, but couples can rise above the challenges with the right approach. Much commitment should go to open communication, adaptability, and mutual support. Whether physical limitations, emotional stress, or legal issues burden them, partners can learn to nourish their relationships and regain strength.

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  • Gaslighting In Taylor Swift’s “All Too Well” Short Film, Explained

    Gaslighting In Taylor Swift’s “All Too Well” Short Film, Explained

    By now, you’ve probably seen All Too Well: The Short Film, written and directed by none other than Taylor Swift. If you haven’t, the nearly 15-minute short details the rise and fall of an intense and toxic relationship, with one of Swift’s most infamously heart-wrenching songs as its soundtrack.

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  • The Role of Fathers in Christian Parenting

    The Role of Fathers in Christian Parenting

    Despite life’s challenges and unknowns, I’m convinced that being a father is about being present, involved, and being the father God has called me to be.

    The role of fathers in Christian parenting is multifaceted and profound. It’s a calling that requires strength and tenderness, wisdom and humility, and above all, an unwavering commitment to following Christ’s example. 

    1. The Spiritual Leader Guiding with Grace and Wisdom

    When it comes to being a spiritual leader in the family, I’ll be the first to admit that it can feel like trying to navigate a ship through stormy waters—blindfolded. But here’s the thing: God doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies the called. And boy, does He have a sense of humor about it!

    I remember the first time I attempted to lead a family devotional. I had it all planned out—we’d read a Bible passage, discuss its meaning, and end with a beautiful prayer. Reality? My toddler was more interested in eating the Bible than reading it.

    But you know what? We kept at it. Slowly but surely, those awkward family devotionals have become cherished moments of connection and growth. As fathers, we’re called to be the spiritual leaders of our households, guiding our families in the ways of the Lord. It’s a responsibility that can be overwhelming for us at times, but it’s also an incredible privilege.

    The Bible gives us clear direction on this. Ephesians 6:4 says, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” This verse reminds us that our role isn’t to be dictators but nurturers of our children’s faith. We’re called to create an environment where our kids can experience God’s love and grow their understanding of Him.

    Being a spiritual leader doesn’t mean we have all the answers. Some of the most powerful moments in my journey as a Christian father have been when I’ve admitted to my child that I don’t know everything, but I know the One who does. It’s about pointing our families towards Christ, even, and especially, when we feel inadequate.

    2. The Protector Shielding with Love and Discipline

    When I think about being a protector as a Christian father, I remember a time I tried to assemble a backyard playset for my kids. Armed with a set of instructions that might as well have been written in ancient Aramaic, surrounded by pieces of wood and hardware, I was determined to create a haven for my children to play. Six hours, three bandages, and one near-nervous breakdown later, I stood back to admire my handiwork—a structure that looked less like a playset and more like an abstract art installation.

    But you know what? My kids loved it. Not because it was perfect, but because they knew I had poured my heart and a good portion of my sanity into creating something to keep them safe and happy. And isn’t that what being a protector is all about?

    As Christian fathers, we’re called to protect our families not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. It’s a role that goes far beyond assembling playsets or checking for monsters under the bed (though those are important too!). We’re tasked with creating a safe environment where our children can grow, learn, and develop their faith.

    The Bible speaks to this role in beautiful ways. Psalm 127:3-5 reminds us that our children are precious gifts from God, and it’s our job to protect and guide them like a skilled archer aiming his arrows.

    But here’s the thing about being a protector—it’s not just about shielding our kids from harm. It’s about equipping them to face the world with confidence and faith. It’s about teaching them discernment, helping them understand right from wrong, and showing them how to stand firm in their beliefs even when the world pushes back.

    I’ve learned that sometimes the best way to protect my children is to let them face challenges, standing nearby ready to catch them if they fall, but allowing them the freedom to grow and learn. It’s a delicate balance, much like trying to walk across a room covered in Lego bricks—it requires careful navigation and a willingness to endure a little pain for the greater good.

    3. The Provider 

    When it comes to being a provider, as a Christian father, I’ve found that it’s like trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle—it requires balance, skill, and a healthy dose of faith. And just like that circus act, there’s always the risk of getting burned or falling flat on your face.

    As Christian fathers, we’re called to be providers, but this role encompasses so much more than just bringing home a paycheck. Yes, meeting our family’s material needs is important. But here’s the thing: providing isn’t just about money and material possessions. It includes nourishing our children’s souls, feeding their minds with wisdom, and cultivating an environment where they can grow in faith and character. It’s about providing them a living example of what it means to follow Christ.

    I’ve learned (often the hard way) that true provision is about balance. It’s about working hard to meet our family’s needs while also making time for the things that truly matter—family dinners, bedtime stories, impromptu dance parties in the living room, and heart-to-heart talks about life and faith.

    Sometimes, being a provider means making sacrifices. Maybe it’s turning down a promotion that would mean less time with family or choosing a simpler lifestyle so we can invest more in our children’s spiritual growth. These decisions aren’t always easy, but they’re part of the sacred duty we have as Christian fathers.

    4. The Teacher

    I once tried to explain the concept of the Trinity to my 5-year-old. I thought I had it all figured out—I’d use the classic analogy of water existing as liquid, ice, and steam. Clever, right? Well, for the next week, he told everyone that God was like a popsicle that could melt and turn into a cloud—not exactly orthodox theology, but points to creativity, right?

    This experience taught me an important lesson about being a teacher to my children: it’s not about having all the answers but encouraging an environment of curiosity, learning, and growth. As Christian fathers, we’re called to be the primary educators of our children, especially when it comes to matters of faith and character.

    Deuteronomy 6:6-7 instructs us, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” This passage reminds us that teaching our children about God should be an ongoing, everyday process, deeply incorporated into our daily lives.

    As fathers, we’re required to teach with our words and actions. Our kids are watching us, learning from how we handle stress, how we treat others, and how we prioritize our time. It’s a sobering thought. But it’s also an incredible opportunity to model what it means to live out our faith.

    5. The Nurturer

    Being a Christian father is not just about providing food, shelter, and discipline. It’s about creating an environment of love, understanding, and emotional intelligence. It’s about being the safe harbor our children can always return to, no matter how stormy life gets.

    The Bible gives us a beautiful picture of God’s nurturing love in Psalm 103:13: “Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him.” This reminds us that our role as nurturers is a reflection of God’s own heart towards His children. We’re called to show compassion, comfort, encouragement, and love unconditionally.

    But being a nurturer doesn’t always come naturally, especially for those who grew up in homes where emotions weren’t freely expressed. We must learn how to create an emotionally safe space for our children. This can be achieved by being okay with tears, not shying away from difficult conversations, and showing our kids that it’s alright to be vulnerable.

    As Christian fathers, we have the incredible opportunity to model emotional intelligence for our children. This means being in touch with our own emotions, expressing them in healthy ways, and teaching our kids to do the same. It’s about showing them that real strength isn’t about suppressing feelings but about understanding and managing them.

    Nurturing also involves celebrating our children’s unique qualities and helping them develop their God-given talents. It also requires seeing the potential in them, even when they can’t see it themselves.

    As we wrap up, we must remember that this journey of fatherhood is as much about our growth as it is about our children’s. Each bedtime story read and each heart-to-heart conversation shapes us into the men God has called us to be.

    The path of Christian fatherhood is not always easy, but it is infinitely rewarding. It’s a journey filled with laughter and tears, triumphs and challenges, moments of great wisdom, and moments of utter cluelessness. But through it all, we have the help and guidance of our Lord Jesus and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/max-kegfire

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

    Emmanuel Abimbola

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  • Confessions of a Hinge Power User

    Confessions of a Hinge Power User

    That’s all changed. “To be honest, I probably have missed out on a lot of dates because of the way Hinge is set up. You can’t search for keywords in your direct messages. You can’t search names. You can’t search by location.” But it hasn’t stopped him.

    The longer we spoke, the more it became evident how much his story was part of a growing chorus of power users hungry for romance but bound by the sometimes unfair rules of the game.

    Our uneven dependence on dating apps is to be expected, University of Warwick professor Carolina Bandinelli told me when we spoke about Gen Z’s push for dating alternatives. Bandinelli’s research focuses on the shifting cultural codes of online relationships, and over the years she has noticed app makers have gotten eerily good at “replicating the solutionistic ideology of digital technology.”

    Even as younger generations bring a new look to dating culture, which has contributed to thinning profit margins for tech companies, “I believe we are going to live in a world where dating apps are very much present,” Bandinelli says. “But they are not the only way people meet—they have never been, for that matter.”

    Got a Tip?

    Do you have an unusual story about an experience using dating apps? How has the internet shaped your relationship to romance, sex, and desire? Email jason_parham@wired.com with the subject header “WIRED Desire.”

    Still, it does get exhausting. Of JB’s 200 dates, the majority were first dates, and he estimates only 10 to 15 percent included sex. “I sometimes don’t even want to look at the apps. I definitely hit the fatigue people talk about. What do they call that? The paradox of choice or whatever.” He takes breaks from time to time, he says, but “then you open that shit back up.”

    I ask if he’s learned anything in all this time.

    For one, “I’m not shutting the door just because someone doesn’t respond for a week or two.” He believes most people are too quick to cut off a connection. “I try to stay open-minded and not take anything personally. At the end of the day, these are strangers. You don’t know what’s going on in that person’s life right off the bat.”

    Just as his relationship to the apps has changed, so has his approach to dating. Immediately after the relationship with his most recent ex ended, in April 2023, “I would just take girls out to dinner, drinks, this, that, the works. I’d try to be funny. I was spending hella bread—like $250 a date.” Now, he says, there is less impressing going on.

    In part he credits the change in mindset to rapper turned pundit Cam’ron. “Did you ever see Cam’ron’s response to Jordan Poole taking Ice Spice out? He was like, ‘You spent $500,000 on an Ice Spice date. You’re a munch and you’re playing like a f***ing munch.’” Poole denied the rumor.

    “I know it’s a little problematic,” JB continues, “but that became my thing. I keep it chill—pizza and drinks. It becomes very clear if they actually want to get to know you or if they are trying to get their dinner paid for. It’s a great way to cut through bullshit.”

    He met the girl that he’s dating now on Raya. “It’s pretty serious. I do like her a lot.” Only, their chance meeting almost didn’t happen. “I was on the fence about going. It was a Sunday. I was very tired. She was cool, pretty. So I go meet her—and she’s stunning. We had an amazing conversation,” he says. They’ve been talking to each other for two months now. “I should’ve probably stayed home and slept that night and not gone out drinking with her, but then I would not have met this girl who I’m thinking about deleting the apps for.”

    That day hasn’t arrived, and it may never. For now, his accounts are active. “You never know which date is gonna hit or not. It’s a crapshoot,” he says. “It’s low-key addicting.”

    Jason Parham

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