ReportWire

Tag: dating

  • Can I Date a Nonbeliever?

    Can I Date a Nonbeliever?

    [ad_1]

    I so want the answer to be yes.

    Don’t get me wrong. The man who courted and later married me isn’t just a Christ follower. John also exemplifies the love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13, on a daily basis. Get to know my husband, and you’ll see how the above description fits him like a tailored suit. There’s no way I would’ve nodded yes if John weren’t a Christian, to begin with.

    Yet here I am, toiling to see if there could be any loophole that might sanction dating a nonbeliever. This is partly because I abhor adding yet more bad rep about Christians or Christianity. But the main reason is that I don’t want anyone to mistake God for a grouchy killjoy.

    At the same time, I won’t be doing you any good by lying to you. So, can we talk about this? One tip to help you make it through this article is to keep an open heart. (Especially if you’re already dating an unbeliever.) Let’s review possible reasons why you might consider relaxing your standards by dating just anyone. 

    1. Compromise

    As the people of God, we are set apart for His use (1 Peter 2:9). Because of this, God draws a boundary around who we are allowed to marry: “Stop becoming unevenly yoked with unbelievers. What partnership can righteousness have with lawlessness? What fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, ISV).

    Dating is meant to serve as a precursor to marriage. As such, dating an unbeliever means you’re endorsing the possibility of sharing the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t share your faith.

    Which is a risky business.

    As Jesus said, “even if you were to gain all the wealth and power of this world—at the cost of your own life—what good would that be? And what could be more valuable to you than your own soul?” (Matthew 16:26, TPT).

    Compromise poses significant risks. Before compromising your convictions by dating outside biblical boundaries, weigh things carefully.

    2. Nothing Serious

    But perhaps you’re just having fun. Maybe you’re not ready to settle down and are only in the market for free food. Flirting. What’s the harm in dating a nonbeliever if this is your mindset?

    Plenty. Even if you set out to date with a pure heart because we all influence each other, dating a nonbeliever might sway you to their way of thinking.

    Here’s how the Living Bible puts it: “If you listen to them you will start acting like them” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

    Besides, someone with little to no regard for God’s Word may thoroughly welcome unwholesome and destructive activities. After all, while Scripture serves as our compass for what’s edifying and what’s not (1 Corinthians 10:23), non-Christians don’t necessarily view it this way.

    A nonbeliever may embrace everything as fair game, regardless of how it might impact you. For instance, what if your non-Christian date wants to cap off the evening sexually? Mix your drink with a dangerous substance? Force you to abandon your moral convictions?

    Will you suppress your conscience and sin for the sake of your date?

    3. Loneliness

    Do you feel lonely? You’re not alone. Post pandemic, 58% of Americans share your sentiment.

    But if loneliness drives you to date just anyone, think twice. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a date as “a usually romantic social arrangement to meet with someone.” But no romantic undertone is necessary if the goal is to cure loneliness. Adding romance to the mix—especially when the other party isn’t a believer—is begging for trouble. At best, you might get your heart broken, and at worst, you might walk away from your faith.

    You can enjoy a meal or a movie with another. Even while keeping things strictly platonic.

    4. Evangelistic Dating

    Perhaps the person you’ve been dating isn’t just a knockout but also caring. So what if they don’t confess Christ? You can evangelize them while dating. Right?

    I have a cousin whose love story took this trajectory, so yes, this route may pay off. However, for every successful evangelistic dating story, there are even more stories of Christians who lost their convictions after dating nonbelievers. In one case, a devout atheist married a Christian woman, and while both retain their respective worldviews, their kids and grandkids are agnostic.

    Ultimately, the next generation is why dating an unbeliever is inadvisable. Malachi 2:15 explains it this way, “Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring.”

    We don’t just get married for our sakes. We marry fellow believers so that together, we can reproduce and raise the next generations for God.

    5. Sexual Health

    Can we be brutally honest? Some single adults date for the companionship. Others, for sex.

    I heard about one such man. When his friends asked how this guy, who professed to be a Christian, could justify sleeping around, he explained it’s for the benefit of his “sexual health.” This kind of logic finds no backing in Scripture. In fact, God commands the exact opposite: “But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies” (1 Corinthians 6:13, NLT).

    God designed sex to be practiced only within marriage (1 Corinthians 7:2). Anything that violates His perfect standard will yield future heartaches because His Word carries a protective function for us (Psalm 81:14).

    If remaining single and celibate is tough, remember how Jesus roamed the earth in a male body while maintaining sexual purity. Ask Him for the secret. Plus, reread the end of 1 Corinthians 6:13, the verse we passed by a couple of paragraphs ago. The Lord cares about your body; as such, pray for help so you can “control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable” (1 Thessalonians 4:4).

    6. God Takes Too Long

    Maybe you’ve been holding out for that compatible Christian to date, but that person is still absent. Perhaps it’s the arid—not to mention long—waiting that drives you to date a nonbeliever.

    I get it if your patience wears thin because time seems powerless to shift your single status.

    Nobody who waits on God will be ashamed (Psalm 25:3). He hears your petition for a mate. Not only that, our compassionate Father has flawless memory. God remembers your need and will come through no matter how long it has been.

    Habakkuk 2:3 says, “This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed” (NLT). Use this verse to bolster your commitment to never settle for less—even if it may feel like your God-given spouse will never arrive.

    The Only Yes

    Found it! While I stand by everything we have just discussed, there’s indeed a yes to the question we started off with.

    Is it okay to date a nonbeliever? The only yes is if God says so.

    Whether or not you hear Him correctly, however, is something we can tackle another time.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    Audrey Davidheiser, PhD is a California licensed psychologist, certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist and IFSI approved clinical consultant, as well as author of Surviving Difficult People: When Your Faith and Feelings Clash. After founding and directing a counseling center for the Los Angeles Dream Center, she now devotes her practice to survivors of trauma—including spiritual abuse. Visit her on www.aimforbreakthrough.com and Instagram @DrAudreyD.

    [ad_2]

    Dr. Audrey Davidheiser

    Source link

  • How Do I Enjoy Sex in My Marriage after Past Sexual Abuse?

    How Do I Enjoy Sex in My Marriage after Past Sexual Abuse?

    [ad_1]

    “How do I trust someone with my body after domestic violence?”
    “What if sex triggers me?”
    “What if I’m unable to please my spouse sexually?”
    “What if I’m too damaged to have a relationship?”

    These are practical questions and real concerns from abuse survivors. Some of us were married to our abuser. Others were abused by a parent, teacher, pastor, or sibling. Whatever the case, the distortions of love and sexuality – the lies that constrict our hearts and minds – leave echoes of fear and shadows of insecurity long after we’ve broken free. We may desire a romantic relationship, yet fear our past will sabotage our future.

    Because every abuse survivor is different—different personalities, different experiences, and different triggers—it’s impossible to write a one-size-fits-all solution. Nevertheless, while I encourage you to speak with a counselor about your unique situation, I will give you a general response and pray it sets you on the right path.

    God Made Sex

    When I was a kid, I felt like walking cancer. I thought I was a trigger for the sins of my father. Like a spiritual Typhoid Mary, I feared I was infecting men with sexual perversion wherever I went. People I loved, even my own dad, were falling sick with sin because of me. I was afraid to get too close to Godly men, like my pastor or elders, because I feared causing them to stumble.

    But one Sunday, our pastor preached a sermon about sex. It was one of those services where they send out all the kids, and warn adults to grab their smelling salts because things are about to get awkward.

    Rather than daunt me, these warnings made me curious. I sat in on that sermon and I listened well. I learned that when God made Adam and Eve, he told them to, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it,” Genesis 1:28. After God created man and woman, he said, “It is very good,” Genesis 1:31. Because of this, we know that sex is good. Sex was invented, designed, and purposed by God for good.

    Adam and Eve were intended to have a loving, physical, marital relationship; one man and one woman, faithful and affectionate. Had they not become sinful, their marriage could have lasted forever. But sex existed before the Fall; before sin entered the world.

    While sinful people may use sex in sinful ways, sex itself is not sinful or anything to be ashamed of. It is only when sex occurs outside marriage and without love that someone has sinned.

    That sermon threw a wrench in my abuser’s mind games. The lies my father shouted and that Satan whispered began to unravel. I started to realize that my dad’s perversion was entirely his own creation. It was nobody fault but his. Not mine. Not God’s. Not maleness as a gender. Not even Satan’s. My abuser’s sin was totally my abuser’s fault.

    End the Guilt-Trip

    Abusers often try to convince us that all sexuality, even loving sex within the bounds of marriage, is shameful or evil. Transversely, they may claim that all sex—even violent or non-consensual sex—is acceptable within the bounds of marriage. My father taught me both these lies simultaneously, and the effect was confusion and despair.

    Abusers may claim that our anger at their evil is just as sinful as their violence. They may misrepresent our justifiable fear, revulsion, or indignation, by accusing us of being unforgiving, disrespectful, self-righteous, or unsubmissive. They minimize their own sin, while piling shame on us. They may hope we’ll feel too embarrassed or guilty to seek help or report them.

    Understanding this pattern—that evil people falsely accuse to maintain control over us—is vital. Seeing through their lies is like ripping off a blindfold. Rejecting their patterns of thought is like severing the fetters which chain us to misery.

    We may feel confused because we found our abusive spouse attractive. But of course we found them attractive! It’s not sinful to be attracted to your spouse. On the contrary, it’s good and healthy. At some point, we loved our violent or perverted husband.

    But love is not a sin, nor does it make us complicit in theirs.

    We may have felt flattered by a parent’s inappropriate attention, but it is not wrong for a child to want to please their father or mother, or desire to impress a teacher, pastor, or family “friend.” Children are supposed to trust adults.

    Innocence is not a sin, nor does it make us complicit in theirs.

    Love Is Not Lust, Truth Is Not Shameful

    And hope is not weakness. As survivors, we have to redefine concepts our abusers have wrongly defined. We need to reorient our perspective on fundamental concepts like romance, sexuality, masculinity, and marriage. Slowly but surely, we need to learn to differentiate our natural instincts and wholesome desires from sinful choices and evil intent.

    For example, lust is inappropriate thoughts which a person meditates on, obsesses over, and develops. Lust may start as a small idea, but it’s fed over time until it grows into fantasies and obsessions. Eventually, lust can impede our ability to think pure thoughts or feel wholesome love. It affects how we treat others.

    To lust is to choose and chase temptation. Simply finding someone attractive or sexually desiring a spouse is not the same thing.

    Attraction is a natural feeling that happens to healthy adults. We know this because, like sex, God made it. The chemicals he incorporated into our bodies react to stimuli resulting in emotional and sometimes physical responses. For example, if an attractive person smiles at you, you may blush. That doesn’t make you evil. It makes you human.

    But unlike abusers, when we see an attractive person, rather than lusting, we recognize them as God’s creation. Meaning we treat them with honor and dignity. We don’t fantasize about them, take advantage of them, try to seduce them, or intentionally make them feel awkward. Basic emotions and chemical reactions are not sin in and of themselves. It’s how we act upon them (both in our imaginations and in real life) that may be sinful. That’s why one of the fruits of the Spirit is “self-control” (Galatians 5:22).

    Nevertheless, the guilt-tripping and trauma from past abuse can inhibit godly and loving Christians who desire a wholesome sexual relationship, yet fear sin.

    If this is you, consider reading through the Song of Solomon. Remember, these words were inspired and ordained by God himself. They are not just good; they are holy. They are the divine ideal for how a loving groom romances his bride, and an honorable wife flirts with her husband. It’s OK.

    There’s no shame in expressing the feelings and desires God designed you to enjoy. Your sexuality is not “dirty” or anything to be afraid of. Rather, it is a gift from God intended that you may glorify him through your love, life, and marriage.

    Identify Your Triggers and Create Anti-Triggers

    Many survivors fear that sex or flirtation may trigger their anxiety or PTSD. Triggers are strange things. They may be the layout of a room, the scent of a particular aftershave, a song, or a particular pick-up line. Work on narrowing down what exactly triggers you. Often, you’ll find it’s not sex in general, but something much more specific. A hand on your shoulder from behind. A particular room in the house. The act of getting undressed in front of someone.

    Once you recognize your triggers, you can hopefully avoid them, work around them, or at least mentally prepare yourself for them. Tell your spouse what they are, so they can avoid them too.

    Decorate your home so it looks nothing like the place where you were abused. Use scented candles, laundry detergent, and other fragrances that are different than what you might have smelled where you were abused. Create a new environment for your new relationship that won’t reminded of your old relationship, even subconsciously.

    One trigger of mine was the smell of freshly mown grass. Obviously, I couldn’t expect our neighbors to let their yards run wild, and I couldn’t cloister myself indoors to avoid such a common scent. So, I came up with an anti-trigger. I selected a good memory—the day my mom gifted me rose perfume—and leveraged it to combat my PTSD. I bought a small rose-scented candle and kept it in my purse. Whenever I began to feel depressed or anxious, I pulled it out and smelled my memory. It took me back to that happy moment; that feeling of being loved and safe.

    While triggers create panic, anti-triggers bring calm. Think back to your own happy memories; a time when you felt safe, cared for, and at peace. It doesn’t have to be monumental, just sentimental. Now think of a little thing (a song, smell, activity, or item) that you could use to create an anti-trigger. Use that anti-trigger to relax when you feel stressed. You may have to try several before you find one that works well, but don’t give up. When this technique works, it’s a game changer.

    Look for Jesus in Your Loved One

    Like all people, abuse survivors understand the world based on what we know. We see people and situations through the lens of our experiences, many of which were negative. Past events have informed our expectations and perception of others. But our fear is a learned behavior.

    Abusers taught us to fear abuse. To fear sex. To fear trust. The good news is, if you could be taught to feel afraid, then you can also be taught to feel loved and safe. And you can teach yourself.

    So, in closing, I’d like to encourage you to practice thinking about your godly spouse—not through that learned lens of abuse, but through the lens of Jesus. At first, it may feel awkward or unnatural, but after a while, equating your loved one with God’s love will begin to happen instinctually.

    Is your loved one patient? Think about The Good Shepherd, patiently tending his sheep (Psalm 23, John 10).

    Is your loved one great with kids? Meditate on how Jesus loved the little children and blessed them (Matthew 19:13-15).

    Do they help with housework? Recall how Jesus washed the disciple’s feet (John 13).

    Are they the life of the party? Jesus was quite popular at that wedding in Cana! (John 2).

    By doing this, you’re replacing painful triggers with new and positive emotional triggers. You’re turning your spouse into an anti-trigger.

    So, practice emotionally linking your spouse with Jesus. The goal is to slowly unravel negative thought patterns and reknit your mind in patterns of grace and joy. We’re throwing out those old relationship blueprints of fear and shame, and replacing them with blueprints drafted by God himself.

    It’s a process, but eventually, your new method of thinking will become ingrained. I had to make intentional repeated efforts to equate my husband with Jesus to avoid being subconsciously reminded of my abuser.

    It took years, and I still work on it, but the result is ongoing spiritual growth and an increase in love, trust, and a feeling of safety.

    I pray that this article, albeit a brief overview, encourages you as you grow and progress away from the mindset of abuse and into the mindset of God’s love. He created you. He created your spouse. He loves marriage and affection and family.

    You are not defined by what others have done to you. In fact, you’re not defined even by what you yourself have done.

    If you place your faith in Jesus, you are defined by the perfect and holy love of God.

    Jennifer Greenberg was abused by her church-going father. Yet she is still a Christian. In her courageous, compelling book Not Forsaken, she reflects on how God brought life and hope in the darkest of situations. Jenn shows how the gospel enables survivors to navigate issues of guilt, forgiveness, love, and value. And she challenges church leaders to protect the vulnerable among their congregations. Her reflections offer Biblical truths and gospel hope that can help survivors of abuse as well as those who walk alongside them.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    [ad_2]

    Jennifer Greenberg

    Source link

  • How to Embrace the Awkwardness of Your Small Group

    How to Embrace the Awkwardness of Your Small Group

    [ad_1]

    Oh, did you think you were the only one that has an awkward small group? A small group that dutifully meets together very regularly, but still feels like strangers? A small group that looks like a motley crew of completely different backgrounds, interests, maturity levels, or availability? 

    Well, rest assured, you are not the only one who is experiencing this. Sometimes small groups just “click,” and that’s great. But for the groups that don’t click, there is so much hope. It isn’t because you’re doing anything wrong if your group is like this–in fact, it is very within God’s character to make the most beautiful relationships come from the most unlikely circumstances!

    Take the Tower of Babel, for instance (Genesis 11). God didn’t confuse all the people’s languages so that they couldn’t build the tower that they wanted to. God confused their language so that they could build the tower the right way–by seeing one another’s very different perspectives!

    So, if your group feels stale, shallow, or just plain awkward, try these 4 practicals to pump lots of love and patience into your group, and see what God can do!

    1. Embrace the Awkwardness

    You know that within the church body, we’re supposed to be as close as family. So it can be tempting to grin and pretend like your group feels super close, or to feel embarrassed that it doesn’t.

    But there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Relationships are hard and they take time. So instead of faking family or giving up altogether–just embrace where you are!

    Take a look at your group and ask yourself, if they didn’t have God in common, would any of you naturally be friends? If the answer is no–what a glorifying situation for God to move in.

    That answer can also validate why it has been so tough to connect. So embrace that “no.” Give God the time and the room to forge lifelong friendships out of your current awkward silences. 

    Get comfortable being uncomfortable. What I’m saying is, acknowledge the awkwardness so you can move forward authentically and without shame. And then celebrate the awkwardness, because God is about to get so much glory!

    2. Plan Fun Times as Well as Spiritual Times

    One frustration for many small groups is that it feels like people just won’t open up. You want to be the vulnerable, open, loving community that God calls you to. But there’s awkward silence whenever there’s an open-ended question about Scripture or when you call for prayer requests. 

    Although it seems counterintuitive for a small group to have times together that aren’t focused on spiritual things, they may be just what your group needs in order to feel like they really know the people they’re with, and therefore open up!

    Some people need deep talks to be able to loosen up and have fun. But some people need to have fun before they trust people enough to be deep. So, planning spiritual times and fun times can help your group tremendously.

    Plus, this gives your group a chance to find common ground and love up on individual people. Even if someone’s interest feels totally awkward at first, it will become so fun if the group commits to it. 

    Does someone in your group really love obscure anime films that no one has else has ever heard of? Instead of shunning this person’s interest, explore it as a group. You’ll all have fun and bond over doing something new, and the person whose favorite movie it is will feel so special that their interests were paid attention and honored.

    Is there a person in your group who is really athletic, but the rest of the group isn’t? Plan a low-stress volleyball game or a bowling night. You’ll start to see where your venn diagram of interests overlaps, the more new things you try.

    Take advantage, of course, when these times do provide you with the opportunity to share something you’re learning from the Bible or a prayer request you have. But let your group blow off some steam and bond together as full people, just like you would your family!

    3. Initiate, Initiate, Initiate

    Ah, what a wonderful world it would be if every relationship you were in met you 50/50. Or, even better, everyone reached out to you! But unfortunately, that’s just not how the real world works.

    People are busy. People are worried about their families, their finances, their dogs. As much as they might love to know you, they will never get a chance to unless you reach out. That’s just reality.

    So, don’t take it personally if no one in your small group is reaching out to spend time with you or get to know you as a person. Chances are, they really would like to, but week after week gets away from them. So pick up the phone!

    And do it again. And again. And again.

    Relationships take a lot of time and a lot of effort. This is a beautiful thing, because it’s how God loves us, without expecting anything back. So, as much as you can tolerate it while still taking care of yourself and getting your relational needs met elsewhere, reach out without expecting anything in return.

    If you know someone prefers to hang out one-on-one, ask them to meet you at their favorite coffee shop. If you know someone who likes bigger groups, plan a game night. Be like Jesus and meet people where they’re at. (And if you don’t know what people’s preferences are, just ask! That alone goes a long way).

    4. Commit to the Long Haul

    If you’re like me, you’re very tempted to want results right away. I’ll have one good conversation with someone, and then am frustrated when we’re not best friends. When this happens, I need to remember that good things take time.

    Relationships are one of the things that God has created that take a lot of time to grow. You don’t plant a seed and expect to eat a meal from it the next day. You don’t put $100 in a savings account and expect to be a millionaire by that night. Good. Things. Take. Time.

    To help you tolerate this, think of something really big that God has done in your life that took a lot of time. It could be all the sleepless nights you endured in order to get your degree. Or the number of diapers you had to change before your toddler was finally potty trained. Or all the phone calls you had to make before your girlfriend finally moved to your town to be with you. 

    The process feels excruciating, but the reward is wonderful. Relationships, especially for groups that don’t naturally have a lot in common, are the same way. 

    Resist the temptation to compare where you are now to where you were a week ago. Instead, think 6 months back, or a year ago! Are people at least smiling when they see each other, instead of shrugging? Is there at least a little bit of easy-going small talk that happens before the passage you’re discussing gets read?

    Soak in those little victories and feel confident that God is not done with your group yet. 

    You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re not less spiritual or less worthy. You’re just a group of humans that needs lots of time, love, and patience, just like everyone else.

    So, try to enjoy the process as you embrace the awkward. It’s about to get really good.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/AndreyPopov

    Kelly-Jayne McGlynn is a former editor at Crosswalk.com. She sees the act of expression, whether through writing or art, as a way to co-create with God and experience him deeper. Check out her handmade earring Instagram and Etsy for more of her thoughts on connecting with God through creative endeavors.

    [ad_2]

    Kelly-Jayne McGlynn

    Source link

  • 5 Ways for the Introvert to Make Friends

    5 Ways for the Introvert to Make Friends

    [ad_1]

    Making friends as an introvert can be extremely difficult at times. As an introvert, I understand how hard it can be to put myself out there in front of new people. It can be easier when you are younger and attend the same school as tons of other kids; however, it can become difficult the older you get and the more isolated your routine becomes. 

    If you are having trouble making friends, you are in the right place. Here are five ways for us as introverts to make friends:

    1. Find Common Interests 

    One way for introverts to make friends is to find common interests with others. A friendship cannot be bonded between two people unless they have common interests. As introverts, we often have a hard time carrying on conversations; therefore, it is much easier to talk with others if we can talk about something we are interested in. Introverts normally don’t enjoy small talk, which is why it is important for introverts to be able to connect with others on a deeper level. 

    If you want to make new friends, try to talk with others as you feel comfortable and try to discover their interests. If you both have shared interests, it will be much easier to build a friendship. By having shared interests, you will have many things to talk about, and you will never run out of content to share with one another. Since introverts try to avoid being awkward, it can help if the conversation is centered on something the introvert feels knowledgeable and/or comfortable with. 

    2. Adopt A Pet and Have Them Introduce You to New People

    A second way for the introvert to make friends is to adopt a pet and have them introduce them to new people. As a disclaimer, not all pets will help you make friends, such as fish or cats. However, if you adopt a dog, it will likely help you make friends because many people will be more open to waving hello to a dog than striking up a conversation with a stranger. As a fellow introvert, I know it can cause great comfort to have the barrier of a dog when communicating with others.

    Since you have a dog, it can make it easier to leave the conversation when you need to, as you can simply say, “I need to get my dog home.” This will make it easier to leave without being rude when you are feeling overwhelmed. It also helps in the sense that you will feel more comfortable talking to others because your dog will be there, and your dog can be a gateway to open conversation with others. A dog can help you remain calm and become grounded if you find yourself drifting off mid-conversation with others.

    While my family dog passed away many years ago, I have noticed it is easier to talk with others if they are walking a dog. I never directly start a conversation with others since I’m an introvert and tend to be shy; however, if others start a conversation and they are walking a dog, it makes me more comfortable to talk with them. Through other people owning dogs and being kind enough to make conversation, I have made many friends that I wouldn’t have made on my own. Maybe you will find this helpful as you seek out new friendships. 

    3. Join a Book Club  

    A third way to make friends as an introvert is to join a book club. I personally love books and have found it easy to connect to the characters in the stories. Maybe you also enjoy reading and enjoying connecting with characters. In a way, it can almost seem as though the characters in the stories become your friends. You can use this in a positive way by talking about the characters you have read about and relate to within the community of a book club. It can be hard to start a new group, such as a book club, yet you might be able to find some new friendships by joining a pre-existing club.

    There are many book clubs you can join, whether online or in person. If you choose an online book club, it might be harder to maintain a good connection sometimes; however, it might be the perfect friendship for you. If you decide to go in person, try not to allow yourself to be swallowed in anxious thoughts. Pray for God to help you in this area, and He will. By going in person, you will be able to have a better feel of the room and be able to read others better.

    Choose to sit beside or talk with someone who looks friendly. Since you will all be reading the same book in the book club, you will be able to discuss deep topics of the book and hear each other’s views and opinions surrounding the book. In addition, book clubs tend to offer guided questions/conversations, so the pressure isn’t on you to start and carry on conversations. This will be a great place to hear others’ viewpoints and see how you relate to their opinions. Through book club, you can form new friendships and connect with others on a creative level.  

    4. Volunteer 

    A fourth way for introverts to make friends is by volunteering. Volunteering is a great way to meet new people and build friendships. I personally have volunteered many times over the course of my life, and each time, I made friends. While it can be scary to talk with people, volunteering helps diminish the scariness because multiple people are working toward the same goal. Understanding each other’s passions is its own form of silent but powerful communication. 

    Consider volunteering at the library and making friends with the other workers or other volunteers. You could discuss topics such as books, films, or other things that are typically checked out from the library. Or you could check in with your local pregnancy crisis center, animal shelter, or kids’ community center to see if they need a helping hand; this is an ideal way to find friends who love investing in the community–furry friends included.

    Since volunteering is typically a more long-term commitment, it will give you plenty of time to build strong friendships. Even if you volunteer at a place you don’t particularly enjoy, the other people there might make the experience better. Never underestimate how much volunteering can bring people together and help them form friendships.

    5. Talk with Your Neighbors 

    A fifth way for the introvert to make friends is to talk with her neighbors. Whether you live in a house or an apartment, talking with your neighbors can be a great way to make friends. My family and I are mostly introverts. However, we have found it easier to make friends with our neighbors since we see them on a regular basis. Making friends with neighbors is also unique because you will probably make friends with people of different ages and backgrounds, yet you have your culdesac community in common. 

    One of our neighbors became my friend after we talked about birds and how we enjoyed bird-watching. I first started talking to this neighbor over a decade ago, and we still talk whenever we run into each other in the present day. In the same way, you too can make friends with those around you. Being an introvert can bring unique challenges to the table; however, it doesn’t have to impair your ability to make friends. 

    Many individuals believe introverts don’t want to talk to people, yet this isn’t always true. Introverts do want to talk with people—we just have to be comfortable talking with you first. In truth, introverts can make great friends and are often fantastic listeners. If you are an introvert, trust in the process and know that you can make lasting friendships, even if it might take some time. On the other hand, if you are an extrovert, try to be kind to introverts and seek out a friendship with them. Oftentimes, some of the best friendships are between an introvert and an extrovert. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/nicoletaionescu

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    [ad_2]

    Vivian Bricker

    Source link

  • 6 Truths for Every Single Christian Woman

    6 Truths for Every Single Christian Woman

    [ad_1]

    When a man loves a woman, he wants to make her happy. No expense or sacrifice is too great. God loves us and sent His Son to repair our relationship so our joy may be full. This joy does not depend on our past, circumstances, or struggles. It entirely rests on who Christ is.

    Behold what manner of love the Father has lavished on us that we could be called daughters of God! Our joy grows as we experience and re-experience the glories of His love.

    Oh Lord, how manifold are Your works! Our joy grows as we realize the graciousness of His plans for us.

    All the promises of God in Christ are yes and Amen, so that God may glorify Himself through us. As we come to trust all that God has told us and promised us, our joy overflows. There is no greater comfort or strength than Him.

    Learn more about Alisha’s newest book, Confessions of a Christian Spinster:

    Being single in today’s church often feels like a waiting game. You’re put on hold in ministry, service, even spiritual growth until you say “I do,” and you’re either pitied or not seen at all. Unlike today’s church, God is not mystified by the presence of unmarried Christ-followers in the pews. In fact, he has masterful plans for those without a ring on their finger. Alisha Plummer points out how God is eager to empower them with purpose and passion. In Confessions of a Christian Spinster, Alisha explores God’s design specifically for Christian singlehood through amusing tales and scripturally based truths. She tackles the difficult questions the church often ignores, like: Where do I fit in? Does the church even want me? Has God forgotten about me? What happens if I never get married? Further, she confronts the church, calling for an adjustment to its couple-centric culture, and asking Christians to understand that their single brothers and sisters are not only valued by God but integral to his kingdom.

    Singles will feel seen through Alisha’s words; they’ll be encouraged to seize their role in the church and inspire their pastoral staff to reinvent their culture on singleness. is a powerful resource for those seeking to live and thrive in a perplexed church–and a way forward for the church itself.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/stockfour

    [ad_2]

    Alisha Plummer

    Source link

  • Comforting Ways to Support Families Experiencing Miscarriage

    Comforting Ways to Support Families Experiencing Miscarriage

    [ad_1]

    Pastors and other Christians face many challenges in ministry, not the least of which is providing comfort when the tragedy of a miscarriage strikes families. The loss of a child presents parents with a heartache which seems insurmountable. But the loss of a baby even before they are born is grievous almost to the point of being unassuageable.

    What does a pastor, a family member, or a friend say and/or do to help ease the bereaved ones’ burden? The best place to start is on our knees in prayer, and in God’s Word. Only God’s Word will bring healing to one’s spirit and soul. It’s our responsibility as His ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20) to speak God’s loving truth to the bereaved, as led by His Spirit.

    Does the Bible Mention Miscarriage?

    The Bible directly mentions miscarriage in 2 Kings 2:21 when the Lord God addresses His peoples’ need to rely on Him as opposed to the false god, Baal, to heal them from such things as miscarriage.

    The word miscarry is used in Exodus 23:26 as the Lord’s promise to the Hebrews of no miscarriages, and also to make them fruitful in the Promised Land. “Miscarry” is also used in Job 21:10 as Job rails against the wicked, whose cows do not miscarry.

    While the Bible does not directly speak to the affects of miscarriage, it does give us at least one important account of a suffering parent. 

    In 2 Samuel 12, we read about David’s sin against the Lord, and against Bathsheba and her husband, Uriah. David and Bathsheba’s adultery led to the conception of a child. In verse 14, Nathan the prophet tells King David his child with Bathsheba will die. The child was born and the Lord afflicted the child as He said He would.

    David sought the Lord by prayer and fasting, and after seven days, the child died. When he was told of the child’s death, however, David “arose from the earth and washed and anointed himself and changed his clothes. And he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. He then went to his own house” (2 Samuel 12:20). David explained to his confused servants he fasted and wept in case the Lord would be gracious to him and allow the child to live.

    Christian parents who suffer a miscarriage without doubt wonder why God allowed the tragedy to happen, and they also ask Him where their child is. Verse 23 gives parents who have lost children great hope, for David, who had an understanding of the afterlife, said, “But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.”

    David rested in the promises of God told to him by Nathan in 2 Samuel 7:16, “And your house and your kingdom shall be made sure forever before me. Your throne shall be established forever.” David’s countenance changed after his child’s death partly because of the covenant God made with David. And through it we learn of the possibility the child of one of God’s children will live and a reunion will take place.

    Scripture also reminds us again and again of where our help, hope, and peace comes (e.g., Psalm 121:1).

    20 Comforting Things the Bible Has to Say to Families Experiencing Miscarriage

    Christians, share these comforting and strengthening passages with families suffering through miscarriage. We can also comfort unbelievers with the same passages, assuring our beloved ones of the hope we have in Christ. Immerse yourself in God’s Word and rely on the Holy Spirit’s prompting for the right timing for all encouragement to the bereaved. There are times for hugs and silence and times for greeting cards with verses. Prayer ahead of time is critical.

    1. Psalm 30:5: Weeping lingers through the night, but the Lord brings joy in the morning.

    2. Deuteronomy 31:8-9: The Lord God will never leave us or forsake us.

    3. Psalm 23:4: We may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but it’s just a shadow.

    4. Psalm 27:1: The Lord is our light and our salvation. We have no need to fear anyone or anything.

    5. Psalm 145:18-19: God is ever near. He hears our cries.

    6. Isaiah 41:10: Don’t fear. God will strengthen and help us.

    7. Isaiah 43:1-2: We are God’s and He protects us.

    8. Matthew 10:29-31: The Lord values us. We are worth so much to Him.

    9. John 16:22: Jesus promises secure joy will come out of sorrow.

    10. Colossians 1:11: We gain strength from His glorious might.

    11. James 1:2-3: These trails of life bring great faith through perseverance.

    12. Psalm 119:76: God’s unfailing love brings comfort.

    13. John 14:27: We have Christ’s peace.

    14. John 16:33: Jesus has overcome the world. One day He will set things right.

    15: Philippians 4:6-7: Go to God with all our petitions with thankfulness, knowing He will give us peace.

    16. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: God’s will is perfect. It will be difficult at first to rejoice in it, but His perfect peace will instill our joy in Him.

    17. Romans 8:28: Loving God means everything we go through will turn out for our good and for God’s glory.

    18. 1 Peter 5:7: God cares for us, therefore we cast all our anxieties on Him.

    19. 1 John 4:4: Many doubts indeed arise, but greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. Rest in that.

    20. James 4:8a: God is waiting for you to draw near to Him, for He will then draw near to us.

    One more:

    21. Revelation 21:4: “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

    How Can We Support Families Experiencing Miscarriage?

    Our four directive actions should include:

    1. Prayer
    2. Visitation
    3. Remembrance
    4. Patience practiced by listening and honoring their time of grief.

    The following guidelines will help when interacting and comforting parents who undergo such a loss.

    Privately

    God can and does use any circumstances He wills to call people to Him. We, as believers in the Lord Jesus, know this and we can direct our private prayers accordingly, for the Lord may use a miscarriage to:

    Draw the grieving unbelievers to Himself. 

    Grow the faith of the suffering believers.

    Show His glory and providence in all situations.

    Magnify His name.

    As we pray for believing families who undergo such a loss, we trust our God of all comfort to bring many passages to mind for those who are grieving.

    Corporately

    The life of a believing parent often includes small groups (Sunday school, Bible study, fellowship group). The members of each group are intimately connected, as prescribed in the Bible. We are to hold fast to our confession of hope in our faithful Lord Christ, stir each other up to love and good works, and regularly meet and encourage one another (Hebrews 10:23-25).

    A unified church stands as one body and trusts one another with life’s details, sharing the joys and heartaches. As such, prayers for parents subjected to miscarriage are powerful and effective (James 5:16). This is not gossip; this is righteous prayer for our brothers and sisters.

    Family

    Christians can come alongside entire families who are devastated by the loss of an unborn child. And family members will stand together with their relatives to comfort them with their presence and with day-to-day tasks to alleviate pressing needs. What a strong witness to unbelieving families when Christians take the time to be with them and to share the best news ever — Jesus Christ (John 6:44; Hebrews 7:25; Hebrews 11:6). Our hope is found in no one else (Acts 4:12).

    Friends

    Friends perhaps know the bereaved parents better than anyone else. Great friends love each other in ways others can’t. Friends, take time to just sit with your beloved ones. Listen. Hug. Visit as often as they say they want company.

    Practical Ways to Help Assuage Grief

    Pain is pain — no matter the circumstance. Although God’s Word doesn’t mention specific parental miscarriage, what it does have is myriad passages which bring hope and healing. With this truth in view, the same practical ways to help parents grieving over a miscarriage can help anyone in a time of loss (except for specifics related to the baby).

    Helpful Actions

    A special playlist of hymns sent via email. Possible songs to include are In Christ Alone by Keith and Krystin Getty, Is He Worthy by Andrew Peterson, My Hope is Built on Nothing Less by Sovereign Grace Music.

    Devotionals and other books which point grief toward the help and peace only the Lord can give.

    A handprinted grouping of helpful Bible passages personal to you. You can share how they helped you.

    Arrange for meals and offer to drop them off for any who cannot. Stay for a brief visit if the parents are amenable to it.

    God’s Providence

    For an unbeliever who suffers a miscarriage, this moment might be the most important in her and her family’s life. Many Christians came or come to faith at our “lowest low” because we have lost faith in what we or the world can do. God may use suffering to draw us out of the miry pit (Psalm 40:2).

    God wastes nothing, and He’s the only One who can completely soothe grief. Jesus invites the weary and burdened to come to Him (Matthew 11:28). If a person remains unsaved, how will they ever know the Lord is our God of tomorrow?

    Dr. Sinclair Ferguson adds this note of assurance in God, “The first, of course, is that the Judge of all the earth will do right and that He is a God of tremendous grace, that He sent His Son to bring us to Himself. There is no dark side in God, and so we can rest in the fact that He is a God who everything He does is right and true and good.”

    If you are reading this and have suffered a miscarriage, please accept our condolences and our heartfelt prayers for your healing. If you don’t know Jesus Christ, may God bless you with the grace and knowledge of Him. If you do walk with the Lord Jesus, may He fill you with His peace which surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7).

    Photo credit: Unsplash

    Lisa Loraine Baker is the multiple award-winning author of Someplace to be Somebody. She writes fiction and nonfiction. In addition to writing for the Salem Web Network, Lisa serves as a Word Weavers’ mentor and is part of a critique group. She also is a member of BRRC. Lisa and her husband, Stephen, a pastor, live in a small Ohio village with their crazy cat, Lewis. 

    [ad_2]

    Lisa Loraine Baker

    Source link

  • How to Grandparent When You’ve Lost the Love of Your Life

    How to Grandparent When You’ve Lost the Love of Your Life

    [ad_1]

    In the blink of an eye, the love of Sharon’s life was gone. She wanted just to curl up and hide under the covers. To wallow. All their hopes, plans, and dreams evaporated in that moment when Tom died. If ever there were a time to collapse and zone out on responsibilities, this was it. No one would expect or demand anything of her at this time. But there were these people—little ones and teenagers—clamoring for Nana. Their grief-stricken Nana.

    Sharon couldn’t imagine navigating through the waves of grief crashing over her life, let alone grandparenting without the love of her life. Perhaps you, too, are in her boat.

    I offer the following six gentle suggestions gleaned from real-life experiences of those* who have gone before you on this journey. These ideas should not be viewed as a rigid to-do list with condemnation that inevitably results when something is missed. Instead, consider how you can grieve the loss of your love as you simultaneously move into the next season of grandparenting life.

     *Names are changed

    1. Look Outside Yourself

    Karina: When my Dave died, I felt paralyzed. I didn’t want to go anywhere or see anyone. I just couldn’t function. But my grandkids’ needs motivated me. I couldn’t let them down by not coming to see them. I thank God for using them to help me put one foot in front of the other.

    Grief brings both emotional and physical pain. Excruciating pain. Our minds fix on simply surviving. It seems impossible to look outside yourself at these moments. But if we follow Christ, we are never excused from imitating Him (Philippians 2:7). Even in our grief. Even in pain. Jesus gave up His divine privilege—what He deserves—to die on a cross for our sins. As imitators of Christ, we give up what we think we deserve to do what He has called us to do.

    Children have a way of pulling us out of ourselves. Their needs press us, drawing us into their world. We can, and sometimes do, resist. We reason that our grandchildren don’t really need us. That they have parents to take care of them. We might think it’s okay to ignore their needs to tend to our own. While we balance processing our loss and reaching out, grandparents must recognize their important role in influencing grandchildren.

    2. Don’t Try to Fill the Shoes of Your Love

    Gabriella: It was tempting to try and continue the things my husband did with the grandkids. He liked to do building projects with them. But I realized it just wasn’t me. It wouldn’t be authentic. So I did what felt natural for me. I can’t be him.

    When the love of your life is gone, you shoulder so many new responsibilities. Where work was once shared, it now falls entirely to you. You find yourself doing tasks you never dreamed of—fixing a leaky faucet, cleaning out gutters, keeping track of birthdays, and much, much more.

    In the same way, it’s tempting to try to keep up with all your spouse’s traditions with the grandkids. To pick up where they left off. Perhaps they worked on a car together. Or played a particular card game. Or went to breakfast together once a month.

    Photo credit: © Getty Images/g-stockstudio

    Before jumping in, ask God to direct your steps. Don’t be afraid of allowing a void if you know you can’t continue the tradition. No matter how much you’d like to be both grandma and grandpa to your grandkids, you probably cannot fill your spouse’s shoes. Trust God to permeate the emptiness in their lives left by your spouse. Concentrate instead on doing what you do best and helping your grandkids accept and cope with their loss.

    3. Cry Together

    Linda: Tears were always close to the surface. While being with my grandbabies sometimes relieved my pain, there were times tears just spilled out. Sometimes you just have to cry together.

    Remember that your grandchildren have experienced loss too. Often, it’s the first time they’ve faced death. Though losing the love of your life is different and more profound, children acutely mourn the loss of a grandparent. The Bible tells us there’s power in experiencing the ups and downs together.

    Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15 NLT).

    You have the challenging but blessed opportunity to help grandchildren sort through their grief even as you process your own.

    4. Remember Together

    Teresa: Most people were afraid to talk about Mark around me for fear of hurting my feelings. My grandkids are too young to know any better. They blurt out whatever they remember. Surprisingly, it felt good to talk about him. I love keeping his memory alive in their hearts.

    Friends often tiptoe around when someone has died, afraid to mention their name. They feel awkward, not knowing what to say. But children don’t know the social norms of mourning. They naturally talk about whatever comes to mind. While unpredictable, their chatter often relieves and releases pent-up emotions.

    Being able to reminisce with your grandchildren about your spouse fills the void left by the usual silence. You may be surprised at how your grandkids perceive and remember your spouse. When you hear their take on events, you may even see your love in a new light. Laughing together and crying together as you remember pours healing balm on wounded hearts.

    grandchild hugging grandfather from behind, prayer for grandparents heart during quarantine

    Photo credit: © Getty Images/perfectlab

    We also want grandchildren to know their heritage. Hearing about and remembering their Mimi or PawPaw helps form their identity. Sharing favorite memories reinforces that they are loved. If faith was integral in your spouse’s life, make sure your grandkids know it. When you intentionally weave threads of faith into memories, grandchildren learn to honor God in their own lives.

    5. Offer Hope

    Amy: I knew Paul was in a better place with the Lord. I knew God promised I would see him again. But I felt so vacant – so hopeless after he died. The last thing I wanted to do was put a happy face on it. But I could see my grandkids were devastated too. They needed me to tell them how to trust and hope in Jesus. Looking back, I see how encouraging them bolstered my own faltering faith.

    And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13).

    Your grandkids probably don’t know how to grieve with hope. Though it’s not an assignment you requested, God has uniquely positioned you as their teacher.

    So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you (1 Peter 4:19 NLT).

    God promises to give purpose to our suffering. Helping grandchildren understand there’s hope of life after death is undoubtedly a purpose grandparents should embrace. Remind them that this lifetime is limited, but an amazing eternity with God awaits all who put their trust in Jesus.

    6. Spend Time

    Megan: Every summer, Rick and I took the grands for a week of Grammy and Pappy Camp. After he died, I couldn’t imagine pulling it off on my own. I wanted to sit in a corner and cry. But I pulled up my big girl pants and did it for their sake. I wanted them to know I was still there for them even though Pappy was gone.

    In my ministry with elementary-aged children, I often hear the sadness that comes from losing a grandparent. Kids fondly describe how Nana made cookies with them or how Grandpa always came to watch their sports.

    Time equals love.

    When grandparents spend time with children, it communicates they are important. They feel loved by the one who takes the time to be there. If you spent time with your grandkids before you lost the love of your life, try to continue. Children depend on your faithfulness, just like we need steadfast God, as the world around them rapidly changes.

    Time also equals opportunity.

    It takes time with kids to get to the deep stuff. Especially as they get older, children need to spend time with you before revealing what’s underneath the surface and opening their hearts. Be patient and consistent. You will be rewarded with opportunities to sow seeds of God’s truth and unconditional love into their minds and hearts that will yield an abundant crop in due time.

    You are equipped for such a time as this.

    Your life is in God’s hands. He prepared you in advance for this awful yet bittersweet season of grief and purpose. May he [God] equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to him forever and ever! Amen (Hebrews 13:21).

    Right now, you may be simply slogging through the muck of your grief. And that’s okay. Processing grief is not a race. But remember, God joins you there in the mire. He grips your hand to direct you to new and solid paths as you learn to grandparent without the love of your life. Will you allow God to instill His good and pleasing purpose into your loss to bring glory to Himself?

    Ultimately, you will find that God uses your commitment to grandparent without the love of your life to heal and restore your shattered heart.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/DGLimages

    Writer Annie YortyAnnie Yorty writes and speaks to encourage others to perceive God’s person, presence, provision, and purpose in the unexpected twists and turns of life. Married to her high school sweetheart and living in Pennsylvania, she mothers a teen, two adult children (one with intellectual disabilities), and a furry beast labradoodle. She has written From Ignorance to Bliss: God’s Heart Revealed through Down Syndrome. Please connect with her at http://annieyorty.com/, Facebook, and Instagram.

    [ad_2]

    Annie Yorty

    Source link

  • Is There More to ‘He Who Finds a Wife, Finds What Is Good’?

    Is There More to ‘He Who Finds a Wife, Finds What Is Good’?

    [ad_1]

    Jane Austen began her famous novel Pride and Prejudice with the words, “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

    Although a rich, single man in the 19th century had all he needed to live comfortably, he found himself longing for a wife. He needed someone whom he could spend his life with, to have a companion in his everyday experiences.

    Proverbs 18:22 presents an equally memorable statement to Jane Austen’s opening line. Men throughout time have generally found that when and if they marry, having a wife is good.

    Man’s longing for a wife stretches back to the beginning of creation when Adam was lonely and in want of a helper. God knew that “it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). Eve was the answer to Adam’s loneliness.

    Christians uphold and celebrate the biblical sanctity of marriage. However, we should properly interpret the proverb and not go beyond its meaning. For instance, what does it mean that a man receives favor from the Lord for having a wife?

    How does this apply to men or women who choose to remain single to serve Christ? Is it a secure promise that a wife will be treasured by her husband? We need to consider questions like these when meditating on this proverb.

    Reading Proverbs: Important Reminders for Interpretation

    The Book of Proverbs is part of Scripture, which is divinely inspired and completely inerrant as the Word of God (2 Timothy 3:16).

    When interpreting Proverbs, though, or any book of the Bible, we need to keep many things in mind, such as historical and immediate context and literary genre.

    As part of wisdom literature, the Book of Proverbs presents general truths through memorable sayings, often by using contrasts. Solomon presented the purpose of Proverbs as gaining wisdom, which starts with fear, or reverence, of the Lord (Proverbs 1:7).

    Those who fear the Lord and think deeply about the proverbial sayings will gain “wisdom and instruction,” learn to do what is “right and just and fair,” and the young will receive training in “knowledge and discretion” (Proverbs 1:2-4).

    A proverb presents a general truth, but we need to remember that things in life do not always end up the way a proverb teaches. Also, they do not apply to every situation and are not meant to be promises.

    For example, we read in Proverbs 21:21 that “whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor.” Although this is true, those who follow God’s righteousness and seek to do what is loving and good will sometimes find that they are opposed and hated by others.

    Many faithful followers of Christ around the world, who try to do good, live in harsh conditions, facing mistreatment and persecution.

    Furthermore, believers are not promised financial prosperity in life. If someone is rich and honored by others, this does not always mean they are believers who pursue righteousness and love.

    Therefore, we need to remember that the Book of Proverbs is an inspired book of the Bible and can help us grow in godly wisdom.

    However, the sayings are not meant to serve as secure promises. They are general truths that are usually observable in life but are not strict rules of how situations in life will occur. We need to be careful in how we apply them.

    In Proverbs 18:22, we read, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD” (ESV). If we read this proverb with the idea that it is a promise from God, then we might expect that every marriage is good and enduring.

    We may also assume that those who are married are more blessed or favorable to God than those who are single.

    The Amplified Bible provides further context to the first part of this verse: “He who finds a [true and faithful] wife finds a good thing and obtains favor and approval from the LORD.”

    The clarifying phrase “true and faithful” contrasts with the many warnings in Proverbs about the contentious or quarrelsome wife and a morally deficient wife (Proverbs 21:19; 25:24; Proverbs 11:22; 12:4; 14:1).

    A wife with moral strength and character is a good thing to find. Hence, we see the model wife (and woman) in Proverbs 31, who is compassionate, faithful, and strong in faith.

    A man who finds a Christ-loving wife finds what is good, which is a gift from the Lord. Such a man does not earn salvation, merit, or favor because he marries a virtuous wife. Rather, his wife is a treasure, worth more than rubies (Proverbs 31:10).

    The NET Bible translation conveys this in Proverbs 18:22: “The one who finds a wife finds what is enjoyable, and receives a pleasurable gift from the LORD.”

    In the Latin Vulgate and Septuagint translations of this verse, there is an extra part that contrasts a good wife with an adulterous wife.

    In the Brenton Septuagint Translation, the added part of the verse reads, “He that puts away a good wife, puts away a good thing, and he that keeps an adulteress is foolish and ungodly” (Proverbs 18:22).

    We need to remember that most versions of the Bible do not retain this addition because it is not found in Hebrew manuscripts.

    A devoted Christian husband would know from the rest of Scripture that divorcing his wife is denounced. Jesus explained that the only basis for divorce is adultery (Matthew 5:31-32).

    Is There More to This Verse?

    Proverbs 18:22 is true since a man who finds a good wife finds what is good and receives a gift from God. Problems occur, though, when we try to apply this proverb to every situation. First, not every Christ-following wife will be treasured by her husband.

    Many women find themselves in unhappy marriages. When a woman’s husband does not see her worth, she can receive comfort in the truth that the Lord loves and values her more than anyone else.

    Similarly, Proverbs 18:22 does not apply to every marriage. For example, Ahab married Jezebel, and he did not receive what is good. He was already a wicked king, but Jezebel urged him to do more evil (1 Kings 21:25).

    Also, Solomon married multitudes of women, which is unbiblical, and his wives led him astray (1 Kings 11:3).

    As I mentioned above, the proverb generally applies when a man finds a wife that is virtuous, specifically a follower of Christ. Proverbs 18:22 would not apply to a Christian man who marries a non-believing woman.

    Furthermore, there are limitations to the verse. A man (or woman, for that matter) who never marries due to situations in life and chooses to remain single to serve Christ is not missing out on blessings or favor (1 Corinthians 7:38).

    The Apostle Paul explains that married couples will experience difficulties that single people will not (1 Corinthians 7:28). Those who are married will struggle with giving undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

    Both marriage and singleness come with their own hardships, but one state is not better than the other. We should not misuse verses like Proverbs 18:22 to make those who are single feel unfulfilled or less than whole. In Christ, we are complete (Colossians 2:10).

    What Does This Mean?

    When reading Proverbs 18:22, we need to remember that a proverb conveys a general truth. A man who finds a wife does find what is good, but the proverb is not meant to serve as a promise or rule.

    There is more to Proverbs 18:22 in that it is not a promise that every wife will be cherished by her husband, that marriage based on unbiblical grounds will be blessed, or that a married person gains special approval from God that a single person does not.

    We need to recognize the limitations of applying this proverb to avoid misusing and misinterpreting it.

    For further reading:

    /bible/what-does-it-mean-to-be-a-wife-of-noble-character.html”>What Does it Mean to Be a Wife of Noble Character?

    What Does the Church Think of Those Who Have Never Been Married?

    Pray for Your Husband

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/shapecharge

    Sophia Bricker is a freelance writer who enjoys researching and writing articles on biblical and theological topics. In addition to contributing articles about biblical questions as a contract writer, she has also written for Unlocked devotional. She holds a BA in Ministry, a MA in Ministry, and is currently pursuing an MFA in Creative Writing to develop her writing craft. As someone who is passionate about the Bible and faith in Jesus, her mission is to help others learn about Christ and glorify Him in her writing. When she isn’t busy studying or writing, Sophia enjoys spending time with family, reading, drawing, and gardening. 

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com.

    [ad_2]

    Sophia Bricker

    Source link

  • 10 Ways to Support Military Spouses

    10 Ways to Support Military Spouses

    [ad_1]

    Military Spouse Appreciation Day is observed on May 12th. Have you considered ways to support military spouses? This often subtle, under-the-radar outreach and ministry opportunity stands open to participation from fellow military community members or those of us nestled deep in civilian surroundings—young and young-at-heart as well.

    Life can be exciting and full of new experiences in the military community, but it can also be hard for the military spouse.

    During my nearly twenty years as a Navy wife, I recall many situations in which outside support helped me conquer daily tasks and much bigger needs. Assistance from others proved to be vital, but I often struggled to ask for help.

    The excuses often ran something like this: I don’t want to inconvenience them. I should be able to do this myself. Or I simply didn’t know what to ask for or how to ask.

    So I didn’t. (It’s not a path or plan I’d recommend, by the way.)

    Being hundreds of miles away from family, shuffling a schedule of uncertainty, safety concerns, and spousal absence due to month’s-long deployments or frequent weeks-long exercises all play a part in the life of a military wife or husband. It’s up to military spouses to keep our family and house together and running fluidly while the active member is away. That’s sometimes a tough order. As a result, life can be lonely, exhausting, and difficult for military spouses. But with a little help, joy often filters back in as rest, and deepening faith, too.

    That’s where Christians, whether civilian or otherwise, have a wonderful opportunity to pull up alongside military spouses and support them through the hard days and seasons through prayer or practical means. And the best part? This outreach remains possible whether we’re in person or across the miles.

    How to Support Military Spouses During Deployment

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    Matthew 7:12 (WEB) tells us this: “Therefore, whatever you desire for men to do to you, you shall also do to them; for this is the law and the prophets.”

    The Golden Rule offers wisdom for daily life. Simply treat others the way we’d like to be treated—including supporting military spouses during deployment and at other times too. It’s an opportunity to help others like we’d appreciate help, stepping in to support spouses battling overwhelm, exhaustion, fear, anxiety, and many other emotions amid various situations.

    How do we support military spouses during deployment? Simply be there. Below are ten ways to support them during deployments as well as throughout the year.

    10 Ways to Support Military Spouses

    1. Cook a Meal

    Healthy, home-cooked meals go a long way. So does the inclusion of paper goods. I spent far too many late nights washing dishes after our young trio went to bed, exhausted but knowing I didn’t want to wake to a mess. A home-cooked dish and paper utensils helped.

    2. Offer to Babysit or Pay for a Babysitter

    Pregnant with our second child, a kind, empty-nester from our church offered to watch our two-year-old son during my obstetrician appointments. (Kids weren’t allowed to accompany the parent, which is especially tricky if you’re new in town.) My son and this sweet woman bonded in a way that continues twenty-one years and many relocations later. Meanwhile, I found relief knowing Joel was safe (and having loads of fun!) with someone I trusted.

    My husband and I were especially particular concerning babysitters. As a result, we didn’t go out often. However, I found breaks from the kids necessary during his absences for my mental health as well as simple things like Christmas shopping without children in tow.

    3. Housecleaning Help

    Housekeeper expenses and military family budgets rarely blend, so this one’s a nice outreach to consider. Offer an hour each week during deployment to assist with general cleaning. Show up with a lawn mower if they live in the civilian community, and whack those grass blades. It’s much safer than a military spouse trying to mow with their child perched on their lap. Hire a housekeeper to clean once a month or quarterly during deployment. Offer to watch the kids or pay for a babysitter so the military spouse can clean without interruption. Or, even buy a book with cleaning and organizational tips in it.

    4. Invite Them to Church or Small Group

    It’s amazing how far a small invitation can go. When moving to a new location, everything seems foreign. Military families dig in to find mechanics, dentists, specific stores and resources they’ll need, and relationships—both with Jesus and people.

    Help them with the transition. Invite them to church. Open the door for a small group. Many of my family’s lifelong relationships stemmed from either church or church small groups. We remain in touch with these people, and the bond remains special years later.

    5. Invite Them into Your Home

    Get to know them, and allow the spouse and families to get to know you. Open the doors to your life and home—with wisdom, of course.

    At one of our duty stations, a couple from church invited us to their home often. We chatted about Jesus and wrestled with faith things together. They introduced us to their world and allowed our kids to become part of it. This tickled my husband and me because we were both “country kids.” This couple’s generosity helped expose our children to the lifestyle my husband and I thought was not possible because of our military lifestyle.

    6. Invite Them to Dinner and Help Them Sample Local Cuisine

    People bond over food. And being invited to another’s dinner table? It’s special.

    We sat at our country friends’ dinner table and enjoyed delicious Southern food more times than I can count. But if your culinary skills teeter, never fear. Invite a military spouse to join you at a local favorite. Or explore new options together.

    7. Check with Them

    Call, text, or visit in person, but check in on military spouses. They won’t ask for it, typically, so intentionality helps. It might take a while before they trust you with their concerns or needs, but they’ll appreciate being thought of and the generosity of this action.

    A couple once helped us decorate for Christmas. Our kids were young, and my husband was gone. That was a special afternoon that came about because, through conversation, they checked in on me.

    8. Exchange Phone Numbers

    It’s easy enough to add folks to phone contact lists. Exchanging contact information indicates a first step in relationship buy-in, and it gives that spouse a local connection to inquire about stores, repairs, etc.

    9. Pray

    The Bible, in 1 Thessalonians 5:17, prompts us to pray continually. The military spouse’s list of needs and concerns runs long, especially during deployment, exercises, or whenever the active duty member is away. Encourage them to take the daily needs to their Creator and the lover of their soul in prayer regularly. For in Him, our needs are truly met.

    Ask about and bathe their daily task list in prayer. Their needs, concerns, and struggles, too. Pray quietly alone or one-on-one with the military spouse. Include the family in a prayer walk or circle. Whatever the approach, take those daily needs to the feet of the One who remains faithful, and encourage the military spouse to do the same.

    10. Be There

    With a husband deployed and our third child’s due date facing me, several friends rallied. Some watched our two older children until my parents arrived in town. Another friend drove with me to the hospital. A few stayed with me as I labored unsuccessfully, and one even stayed the night at the hospital, then attended the birth in the operating room the following day. They showed up. And we can too. Whether in person, through letters, video, text, or a call, we have a wonderful opportunity to be there for them.

    Grab one or more ways to support military spouses, walk out the “golden rule,” and watch a possible lifelong relationship unfold. May the Lord be praised.

    Check out Kristi’s new book, 101 Prayers for Military Wives, which you can pre-order here!

    About the book: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV) Kristi Woods, a military wife herself for 19 years, offers heartfelt prayers to encourage the unsung heroes of the military. 101 Prayers for Military Wives is a collection of topical prayers that brings hope and reminds military wives that whatever situation they find themselves in, God is near, He can be trusted, and they are never alone.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    Kristi Woods, author of 101 Prayers for Military Wives, loves to tell stories about God, real people, and a few pretend couples, too. She writes Christian nonfiction and Christian fiction that’s often threaded with a hero or military life. She and her retired-from-the-Navy husband have set roots in Oklahoma, where she keeps dibs on their three adult children while also keeping watch for tornadoes and creamy, mouth-watering chocolate. Follow the journey, grab free faith resources, and find out more about her latest releases at KristiWoods.net.

    [ad_2]

    Kristi Woods

    Source link

  • 6 Ways to Heal When a Friendship Ends

    6 Ways to Heal When a Friendship Ends

    [ad_1]

    Friendships matter. Our friends are there to hold our hands when life gets messy. They bring us laughter. Your memories together are a treasure you can hold onto for your lifetime. When these special ones you call friends leave your life for one reason or another, it leaves a hole.

    A friend I shared many years of motherhood with unexpectedly exited my life not long ago. We had spent endless mornings commiserating at the park, weekends away together trying to recuperate to love our families better, and even share a tattoo to make the friendship official. But life comes with many unexpected detours, which brought us to different places recently. The funny thing is that even though I have accepted the need for the change, my mind and body still grieve the loss. She visits me in my dreams. I often consider what could have been if the road between us had looked just a little different. My prayers often include her because even though we are distanced, I will forever love her.

    Sometimes it’s easy to think a friend can come and go without causing us to grieve, but that’s not the truth. The place friends hold in our lives is a deeply important one. It’s our source of joy, community, support, and love. We need friends! I’m learning to process my own sense of grief as I move forward without one I loved in my daily life. Here are a few ways to find healing when you are facing the end of a friendship:

    1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/AntonioGuillem

    There can be so many complex feelings we face when a friendship ends. Often, this happens because there is some kind of falling out or change in lifestyle. It’s tough to process all the reasons why a friendship is over. Give yourself the grace to acknowledge all the crazy feelings in your head. This doesn’t mean you need to hold onto these emotions; acknowledging them is one way to process them so you can eventually let the negative feelings you may be struggling with go. Find a trusted person in your life to share how this loss is affecting you and share that burden with another.

    2. Pray

    Pray for healing if there has been a rift between you and your beloved friend. If you just can’t be in the same space with the other person, but there are no hard feelings, continue to pray for that friend as a way to continue to hold them close to you and support them from a distance. Pray that God would help you to graciously process your hurts and loss associated with the situation so you can navigate any future interactions with grace, love, and mercy.

    3. Live Above Reproach

    Sometimes friendships end because you’ve hurt each other. These wounds can go deep, yet God calls us to live above reproach. This means we give up our right to get in the last word, justify our bad behavior, or get revenge. We have to allow God to be the one who makes things right for us. Trust that he is still working in both of your lives and will find ways to teach you through this ordeal. It’s tough not to want to defend ourselves when we feel wronged, but it’s not our job. It’s up to God to care for our hearts and convict others that have hurt us.

    4. Offer Forgiveness

    two women holding hands, church is under fire after they expelled a woman who divorced her husband and came out as lesbian

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Maria Korneeva

    Allow forgiveness to be a part of your story. Even if distance is a must in your friendship in order to maintain health, don’t let bitterness well up in your heart. We can offer grace and forgiveness for ourselves and to others. It’s our job to let our friends know we are not there to hold a grudge. We can move forward with peace and give no space for the enemy to plant seeds of bitterness and unforgiveness in our hearts.

    5. Embrace Boundaries

    While forgiveness is important, boundaries are still healthy. We can forgive but still understand that we are worth being treated with respect and love. If you are stepping away from a toxic friendship, it’s okay to say I can’t share the same spaces I once did with that person with love and grace. It can be really hard to establish boundaries with a person that once was close to you, but they can help you process and move forward without getting sucked back into an unhealthy situation.

    6. Give it Time

    I am the most impatient when something feels freshly out of whack in my life. I just want to get as far away from my discomfort as quickly as possible. I want to find the perfect words to make better what I feel has been broken. I’m learning as I grow older that sometimes the right words don’t exist, especially in the immediate aftermath of a loss. When we are patient and sit in discomfort a bit before reacting, things somehow feel a little less raw and urgent.

    Time gives your mind and body a chance to level out. Time gives you space to seek out wisdom if you aren’t sure what the next right step should be. It also gives others in your life space to do that same kind of searching and healing. In time you will find more clarity about what life moving forward should look like, and it may inform you of what things from the past you need to apologize for. Time is a gift when things feel murky.

    Ultimately we have to trust that the Lord will work in our lives, even in the situations we haven’t handled perfectly. He is able to lovingly bring grace that can cover our failures. Continue to pray and ask that he continue working in your and your once-friend’s lives. God is never finished with us! He is working and moving even when we don’t see it, and we can be so grateful for his sovereign hand at work on our behalf.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

    [ad_2]

    Amanda Idleman

    Source link

  • 5 Ways to Avoid Temptation As a Single Christian

    5 Ways to Avoid Temptation As a Single Christian

    [ad_1]

    Road construction is evil. No one can get where they are going in time for anything. Invariably, the orange barrels are blocking off a lane where no work is being done, and the guy holding the STOP/SLOW sign is thinking about penguins in Antarctica. Therefore, when possible, most of us avoid these areas, like the plague. Even if it means taking a longer or more circuitous route, it will still be better than becoming gridlocked in a construction zone.

    Temptation in life is like road construction in cars. It is better avoided completely than wading through at risk of life, limb, and sanity. So break out your map or app, and let’s look for ways to avoid temptation.

    1. Don’t Get a Ticket – Police Your Thoughts

    If you haven’t gotten a ticket in a construction zone, it is the grace of God because it seems likely that all of us have desired to do something in a construction area that would warrant a ticket.

    James tells us that is how sin starts. First is the desire. We lust after that pleasure, person, or experience until our desire overcomes us. Then, when we begin to scheme how we can get what we want, sin is born. And when sin is fully grown, it leads to death.

    The logical place to cut off this progression is at the beginning with our thoughts. Controlling our thoughts is a moment-by-moment battle. Our human tendency is to form unhealthy patterns in the way that we think. Places that we retreat to enjoy and comfort ourselves – often by soothing ourselves with lies and playing with temptation.

    To avoid this, those habits must be torn out of our minds and replaced with godly thoughts. This can be done, but it is not simple. It involves memorizing God’s Word so it is constantly available to substitute for wrong thoughts. It involves an honest prayer life that invites God to correct, instruct, and discipline. And it involves surrounding ourselves as much as possible with music, entertainment, and relationships that glorify God rather than sex, violence, or pleasure.

    “Let…the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.” – Psalm 19:14

    2. Find Others Who Are Following Jesus, Not the Crowd

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Sanja Radin

    By and large, the general public appears happy to sit in traffic created by construction projects. By and large, the general public appears happy to be buzzed and/or high, juggling three significant others and gambling their money at the craps tables. Sin does have an upside, be it small. And if the fun of sin is what our friends, especially our close friends, are constantly parading in front of us, we are allowing temptation to be a consistent part of our lives.

    But God assures us that sin has a steep downside, and if our friends remind us of the cost of sin, they provide us a measure of protection against temptation. As we pick out close friends who are walking with Jesus rather than with the crowd, we are able to build each other up and affirm each other’s wise decisions.

    “He who walks with wise men will be wise.” – Proverbs 13:20a

    3. Use Temptation Roadblocks

    Roadblocks are invasive. They are so frustrating, particularly if there seems to be no reason for them. But it is worth it because wet concrete looks almost the same as dry concrete. Similarly, it can be inconvenient to purposefully put roadblocks in our paths to avoid temptation. But when our goal is to glorify Christ, it is completely worth it because sin looks safe until it doesn’t.

    Different people need different roadblocks to protect them from temptation but:

    Most of us would be wise to install and use filters on our devices and avoid spending time alone with members of the opposite sex.

    Many of us would benefit from having an accountability app on those same devices or telling someone else your goals in a particular area and having them hold you to it.

    Some of us should purposefully refrain from driving by the adult entertainment establishment, the casino, or the bar.

    Others should plan to have someone else review our monthly credit card statements and explain our stewardship.

    Setting our phones to allow only a certain number of hours of screen time may help a significant number of us pursue what is truly important in life.

    For those of us dating, not spending time alone in our cars or at each other’s homes may keep us from running into wet concrete. And it is much easier to avoid the wet concrete than it is to get out once the car is in past its axles.

    “A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished.” – Proverbs 22:3

    4. Practice Running

    There is essentially nothing more envy provoking than an emergency vehicle in a construction zone. They get lights and sirens. They get to go fast. And all the un-special cars grind to a halt and get out of the way.

    When it comes to temptation, we get to be emergency vehicles. So refuse to get hung up on what you are missing or what the other cars might think. It’s time to turn on those lights and sirens and run. Running takes practice, and it starts in little ways.

    Reading a book with a steamy chapter, coarse language, or godless morals? Close it. Dispose of it. Watching a movie that suddenly devolves into a nude scene or a gory mess? Close your eyes. Walk out. Everyone at work is going out for drinks? “I can’t go out for drinks with you guys. Why don’t we go to the grill instead?” Your date puts their hand somewhere that makes you feel too warm. Get up and walk away.

    Your family wants to go out to a buffet – but you tend to overeat. Offer to watch the youngest kids at home.

    Running practice is no fun until you win the prize.

    “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13

    5. I Got a Ticket – Now What?

    Getting a ticket in a construction zone is the worst because everyone can see into your car as they creep past. But once you’ve been pulled over, there is nothing to do but slouch in your seat and wait for the police officer to hand you a ticket that costs more than your car.

    But spiritually, when we sin, there is much more for us to do than simply slouch and wait. And there is much more we should do.

    First, we talk with God and tell Him exactly what we did. We agree with Him that it is wrong and our actions dishonored our Savior and hurt others.

    Second, we accept God’s forgiveness. There is no sin that Christ’s sacrifice was not enough to cover, and there is no sin that His grace is sufficient enough to redeem.

    Third, we ask God to lift us up and show us how to try again. Our Lord is not surprised when we fall and is right there with us.

    Fourth, we go back, ask forgiveness, and make things right with those we wronged.

    No one said it would be easy. But we can rest assured that we were not saved to continue being slaves of sin. We were rescued from this power to become servants of the Most High God Who has promised us victory.

    “But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered. And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.” – Romans 6:17-18

    Learn more about Alisha’s newest book, Confessions of a Christian Spinster:

    Alisha Plummer Book Confessions of a Christian SpinsterBeing single in today’s church often feels like a waiting game. You’re put on hold in ministry, service, even spiritual growth until you say “I do,” and you’re either pitied or not seen at all. Unlike today’s church, God is not mystified by the presence of unmarried Christ-followers in the pews. In fact, he has masterful plans for those without a ring on their finger. Alisha Plummer points out how God is eager to empower them with purpose and passion.
    In Confessions of a Christian Spinster, Alisha explores God’s design specifically for Christian singlehood through amusing tales and scripturally based truths. She tackles the difficult questions the church often ignores, like: Where do I fit in? Does the church even want me? Has God forgotten about me? What happens if I never get married? Further, she confronts the church, calling for an adjustment to its couple-centric culture, and asking Christians to understand that their single brothers and sisters are not only valued by God but integral to his kingdom.

    Singles will feel seen through Alisha’s words; they’ll be encouraged to seize their role in the church and inspire their pastoral staff to reinvent their culture on singleness. is a powerful resource for those seeking to live and thrive in a perplexed church–and a way forward for the church itself.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/urbazon
    Photo credit: ©Kregel Publications/AlishaPlummer

    Alisha Plummer is the author of the new book Confessions of a Christian Spinster, as well as an emergency department physician assistant and writer in Rio Rancho, New Mexico. A self-described “perpetual Christian single,” she is also a church leader in women’s and children’s ministries. While this is her first book, Alisha writes for multiple periodical and online publications and regularly blogs at her devotional site, pandorasporch.com.

    [ad_2]

    Alisha Plummer

    Source link

  • Will There Be Dating in Heaven?

    Will There Be Dating in Heaven?

    [ad_1]

    Heaven. The goal for every believer in Christ. It’s the place described as having streets paved with gold, filled with unimaginable mansions and pearly gates upon entry. Heaven is the home of Our Heavenly Father. It is God’s dwelling place designed for total praise and worship. Earth. The world we live in. The place where humans dwell. The ground on which we walk on. The place that God Himself formed for His glory. As we can see by the brief descriptions, it is clear that heaven and earth are naturally two different realms that have few similarities.

    Nonetheless, heaven and earth are both God’s creations, with distinct purposes for existing. Many people wonder many things about heaven. For instance, some wonder how soon they will see Jesus; will they reunite with loved ones, or will their pets be alive in heaven? While these and other wonders ponder through the minds of numerous believers, another question lingers in the thoughts of Christian singles; will there be time for dating in heaven? There are a number of unmarried believers here on earth who are either searching for their soulmate or patiently awaiting their arrival. Unfortunately, many of them never get the chance to meet them before God calls them home to live with Him. Not only this, but many single Christians have a difficult time dating here on earth, so this question gives them hope for the possibility of better dating options. The answer to the question of dating heaven is a hard no. Here’s why.

    Dating is a multifaceted action with many purposes and definitions. The world defines it as a period in one’s life where a person is actively seeking intimate connections. It’s further defined as an action designed for unmarried individuals to discover the one they will spend the rest of their lives with on earth through the process of trial and error, heartbreaks, and disappointments. During this time, an unmarried individual decides the type of dating relationship they desire for different periods of their single lives. For instance, someone can decide on casual dating, meaning they are not seeking long-term commitment. There are monogamous dating relationships where people decide to commit to one another to see if they are compatible for a long-term commitment. There are heterosexual, homosexual, and even sexual dating relationships.

    From the Christian perspective, many may argue that dating isn’t biblical because it is often associated with many sins; fornication, lying, backbiting, covetousness, lust, jealousy, and other sinful temptations. In the dating world, these are some of the things/sins that people (believers and non-believers) engage in, consciously and subconsciously, that are covered up as typical, physical and emotional actions and reactions resulting from dating interactions. Unfortunately, many Christians fall prey to these dating expectations simply because standards for dating have not been established for believers based on biblical standards, so it’s hard to understand why many would wonder if there will be dating in heaven.

    With dating, temptation can be at an all-time high. Physical attraction, financial attraction, and the need to compete with others to secure the heart of someone can tempt a person to indulge in sinful activities to fill their fleshly desires. Temptation is a sin that does not exist in heaven. We will no longer exist in fleshly bodies; therefore, we will no longer have a sinful nature.

    While dating, many people often confuse lust with love in search of it. I Corinthians 13:4-7 says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” The traits that describe love seem to be missing in many relationships in this world. Many people fail to be patient with others. They don’t show kindness. Some are envious of others’ relationships, dating, or marriage. People who are casually dating or in some dating relationships are often self-seeking; they’re only concerned with what they can get from someone else. Others post and boast about their dating relationships on social media for the approval of onlookers/on-likers, while others date multiple people simultaneously and are untruthful about it. This is not love or the process of seeking it. This is lust of the flesh. 1 John 2:16 says, “For everything in the world- the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.” Desires of the flesh will not be the experience in heaven. Why? Because, again, we will no longer exist in sinful natures; desires will automatically be different. Besides, lust for the flesh and satisfying them are temporary, and who wants temporary satisfaction? There will be a different experience with love in heaven. Honestly speaking, true love will be experienced in heaven. It will be the unconditional, everlasting love of God. The love that we should show each other every day while on earth.

    Heaven will be filled with peace and joy. While dating is an exciting time, it comes with ups, downs, and disappointments which can disturb someone’s peace. The agony of uncertainty with certain relationships. Anticipating hearing from someone. The various pressures from the world and even family can accompany dating. Now again, dating is an exciting journey but can bring unpeaceful and unpredictable situations. Heaven is filled with the peace of God that only He creates.

    Heaven will be filled with praise and worship of the Most High God. Souls will be focused on praising and uplifting God, so there won’t be time to focus on dating. Heaven will also be filled with adoration and joy for God. In the game of dating, people focus on admiring the traits of others to see if they are a compatible partner for them. If the focus is on someone else, then the focus won’t be on praising God.

    The game of dating has varying purposes with varying outcomes. However, no matter what the end goal is, one thing’s for sure: people are seeking love and companionship. While the methods of seeking it here on earth can be difficult to fathom, believers who are saved and secure in that knowledge won’t have to be concerned with finding love on the other side of this world. Therefore, they won’t have to be concerned about dating in heaven. And let’s be honest; if heaven is truly the believer’s goal, then they should know that things we do on earth will not be the same in heaven. Not only this, but they should look forward to seeing God, meeting Jesus, and praising Him. Honestly, I believe if more people included God in their dating relationships, choices, and actions here on earth, things would not seem so daunting. Not only this, they would have experienced dating at its fullest and won’t have to look for it in heaven. Dating is a blessing that teaches lessons that can change someone’s life forever. While it is a learning experience, it is meant for dwelling on earth.

    Related Articles:

    Will I Recognize My Spouse in Heaven?

    Will I Still Be Married to My Spouse in Heaven?

    Will We Know Each Other in Heaven?

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/shapecharge

    Author Liz Lampkin is an experienced writer, teacher, and speaker. She is an advocate for singles who encourages them to live their best life God’s way. Follow her on Instagram @Liz_Lampkin.

    [ad_2]

    Liz Lampkin

    Source link

  • 3 Ways God Protects Women in the Design of Sex

    3 Ways God Protects Women in the Design of Sex

    [ad_1]

    This article is for women who have had negative sexual experiences and traumas and need reassurance and hope that God sees them and protects them, even in the act of sex itself. 

    Personally, I think God knew how scary sex could be when he created it, especially for women, since we are (typically) physically weaker and historically more dependent on our husbands —and therefore more likely to be taken advantage of. Truthfully, sex is vulnerable for everyone. But the beautiful thing is that God put up safeguards in the design of sex to ensure that his daughters are protected and given proper love and attention.

    Whether you are currently married, engaged, dating, or single, I pray that you find hope and healing in these acknowledgments of how beautifully God created sex and his protection of women therein so that you can find freedom.

    My Story

    I have been married for a whole nine months and have had to wrestle with so many fears around sex since my husband asked me to marry him last year.

    While I was engaged (and celibate), one of my bridesmaids and best friends was in town to help set up my bridal shower. She casually slid down onto the couch where I was sitting and abruptly asked me, “So, Kelly-Jayne, how does it feel that you’re about to have sex!?”

    She was single and genuinely curious about how I was feeling about my next stage in life. But with this simple question, I almost immediately began to cry. Sex, at this time, did not have a positive connotation for me. At all.

    Sex meant a lack of safety. It meant a loss of control. Sex, in my mind, was all about the man getting what he wanted, and the woman being used up and disposed of. It did not feel safe enough to talk about casually and sure as heck did not feel safe enough to experience.

    My negative sexual history with unloving men had led me to this extremely sensitive and fearful state. And even more than that, it was in the deep emotional processing of the fact that I was soon going to be sexually active that I remembered that I was molested as a child. I only share that detail with you to say that I get it.

    If you are like me and feel like sex equals fear rather than love, I understand. Sex is one of the most vulnerable experiences a human can have. That is why it is so beautiful. But it can also be so damaging when not enacted as God intends.

    God is the God who sees you (Genesis 16:13). You are not wrong, unfaithful, or weak for having fears around sex.

    But you can also be completely healed.

    For my healing journey in this area, I needed to know that God saw my pain and fears and that I wasn’t dumb for having them. I wasn’t broken just because I reacted to the idea of sex differently than other people would. Just because I had some extra healing work to do, didn’t mean that I didn’t trust God or didn’t love my husband.

    I just needed to reframe sex to think about it the way that God does, as a safe place. Maybe even the safe place.

    Sex as a Safe Place: A Replica of the Garden of Eden

    Fortunately, my husband and I received a lot of counseling in this arena before we got married. The wise couple who mentored us gave us a mental picture to hold onto: the marriage bed can be seen as a mini-Garden of Eden.

    In the Garden, “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame,” (Gen 2:25). We get to re-experience this state of being free of shame, totally vulnerable, totally visible, with nothing to hide when we experience sexual intimacy with our spouse.

    Another way that sexual intimacy is reflective of the Garden of Eden is that the best sexual experiences are the most selfless ones, where each partner is attuned to the desires and needs of the other. Surely, if we were still in the Garden, this is how we would always exist: completely selfless and giving to one another. Thankfully, we can practice this in the act of marriage.

    Hebrews 13:4 exhorts us to keep the marriage bed pure. How beautiful is it that the marriage bed is pure in the first place? Undefiled and innocent. Safe from anything that would debase it. It truly is a gift.

    Plus, I love that it’s called a marriage bed. Beds are a place of warmth, rest, and comfort. This is what God wants for our sexual experiences.

    Understanding that God designed the marriage bed to be a place of safety changed everything for me. And I believe that God underscores and proves this desire for his beloved daughters to feel safe through how he designed the very act of sex itself.

    Here are three ways that helped heal my view of sex through God’s inherent protection:

    1. Foreplay Necessitates That Wives Are Pursued Selflessly

    Foreplay provides time for the wife to be “wooed and won.” The act of intimacy can be painful or even impossible if her body has not been made ready for it through foreplay. Without the intimate kissing, thoughtful touching, cuddling, and closeness that foreplay provides – things that the wife needs to feel loved – actual intercourse might feel less connected, more domineering and less special overall. Either that or penetration might not be physically possible at all.

    I love that it’s almost like God put up this safeguard for women through the necessity of foreplay. The husband must slow down and be selfless towards his wife if intercourse is to be pleasurable and intimate.

    The Christian book Intended for Pleasure puts it this way: “Most women like to be wooed and won. Let the man indicate by the way he approaches his wife that he is demonstrating his love for her, not claiming sex as his right. The husband must be careful not to appear hurried, crude, rude, mechanical, or impatient!”

    It means so much to me to know that God creates a space for his precious daughters to be loved and pursued and that that pursuit is almost like it’s a prerequisite for sex to happen at all. God knows our need to be approached with affection and gentleness, so he wove that into the design of sex itself.

    2. The Way for a Husband to Increase His Wife’s Sex Drive Depends on His Own Selflessness

    It’s no secret that husbands typically have a stronger sex drive than their wives. Before I was engaged, I had unfortunately been exposed to many negative attitudes about this fact, and it made sex out to be a duty for women more than a delight.

    It seemed like the only two options were for the wife to grin and bear it or for the husband to bottle up his own needs and suffer through it instead. But luckily, I was able to stumble upon this passage from The Act of Marriage that highlights a beautiful third option:

    “The wise and loving husband will therefore learn as much as he can about this subject in order to bestow on his bride the greatest lovemaking experience possible for both her benefit and his own. The more he strives for her enjoyment, the more he will help to create in her a favorable and exciting attitude toward the relationship. And the more she enjoys it, the more she will welcome and take delight in it.”

    The world makes it seem like the sex drive of the husband drives him right towards impurity and a caveman attitude. But God’s design is to usher this sex drive towards greater joy for his wife and greater union between the two of them. How beautiful is that?

    I felt so protected and special to God when I read this for the first time. God’s design for sex is for both partners to be uplifted and given to! And he makes it so that the most satisfying relationship is one where the wife is also given attention and honor. Selflessness on the husband’s part is 100 percent necessary for this to happen, or he loses out, too.

    3. God Celebrates Women Through Sexual Climax

    I know, I know, you might be blushing by now while reading this. But pleasure is nothing to be ashamed of. As the book title suggests, we were intended for it! And the well-known, biological fact that women have the capacity to experience multiple orgasms within a single session, while males can only experience one, makes me feel really special to God.

    There isn’t any scripture to back me up on this, but this is how I interpret this fact: it’s almost like a counterbalance to men’s stronger sex drive. Yes, they may be driven to initiate intercourse more often, partially out of pleasure for themselves, but God makes it so it isn’t all about them.

    This isn’t as much physical protection as it is protecting your attitude. I feel God’s heart to give women special attention and care by creating women’s ability to achieve multiple orgasms. It ensures the spotlight is shared and reads to me like a little wink from God, ensuring his daughters feel pampered and beautiful.

    Every orgasm is also a chance for the wife to feel special and connected to her husband, naturally helping her to trust him more and more. As I’ve said, God knew that sex could be scary – and every time a wife reaches climax, she feels relaxed and grateful for the love shown to her. It is so kind of God to increase this capacity for women because he knew we would need it to trust our husbands increasingly.

    There is much more to be said about the spiritual implications of sexual intimacy and how to heal from sexual wounds, but I hope these thoughts give you a starting point for trusting God. I believe he went out of his way to design sex with protections for women in mind. He sees you, and he loves you! And wants nothing more than for you to feel pursued, special, and safe at all times – especially in an area so vulnerable as intimacy.

    Photo Credit: ©Annette Sousa HW/Unsplash

    Kelly-Jayne McGlynn is a former editor at Crosswalk.com. She sees the act of expression, whether through writing or art, as a way to co-create with God and experience him deeper. Check out her handmade earring Instagram and Etsy for more of her thoughts on connecting with God through creative endeavors.

    [ad_2]

    Kelly-Jayne McGlynn

    Source link

  • 5 Ways to Use Worship as a Weapon against Spiritual Attacks

    5 Ways to Use Worship as a Weapon against Spiritual Attacks

    [ad_1]

    We live in a spiritual realm. Many times, what we consider fleshly battles with other people or circumstances may in fact be a full-on attack from the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

    Ephesians 6:11-12 instructs believers: “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (NIV).

    It’s interesting that Ephesians 6 tells us to put on the “full armor of God” so that we can withstand spiritual attacks, and then every piece of armor listed in verses 14-17 refers to the Person of Jesus. That passage is basically telling us to clothe ourselves in Christ – to bear His truth and righteousness, exercise faith in Him, yield His Word as our sword, and trust in Him as our salvation. In other words, abiding in Christ, and worshipping Him is our full defense against Satan’s attacks.

    Here are five ways to put on the full armor of God and worship Him as your weapon against spiritual attacks:

    1. Say the name of Jesus.

    Ephesians 6:17 tells us the “armor of God” includes “the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Ephesians 4:12 says “Salvation is found in [Jesus and] no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.” Furthermore, Scripture tells us the word of God was made manifest in Jesus (John 1:1,14). Simply put, there is power in the name of Jesus. So incorporate that power not just by ending your prayers with the words “In Jesus’ name,” but start praising Jesus and Who He is to remind yourself (and the spiritual forces of darkness) of the power in that name. For example, pray: “Jesus, You are more powerful than my enemy.” “Jesus, when You are for me, who can be against me?” (Romans 8:31) “Jesus, Your name is above every name in heaven and earth” (Ephesians 1:21). “Jesus, You have all authority” (Matthew 28:18).

    When you say His name aloud, through praise or a call for help, you are enlisting all of heaven’s armies, which respond to the beck and call of Jesus and His loved ones (Psalm 18:6-19, Romans 10:13).

    2. Keep a heart of praise.

    First Thessalonians 5:18 exhorts us to “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” To give thanks in all circumstances means to praise and thank Him in the midst of disappointment, in the midst of heartache, in the midst of pain. As those are often times when we are at our weakest, and most prone to spiritual attack, your praise-in-all-things mentality just may ward off the enemy’s attacks in the first place.

    But if you’re like Job, and you’re being attacked in spite of your upright living, then obey 1 Thessalonians 5:18 and thank Him that He is stronger than any forces that will ever come against you. Thank Him for how the trial or attack is developing you spiritually and perfecting and maturing your faith (James 1:2-4). As you keep a heart of praise, which is the essence of worship, you are abiding in Him. Psalm 22:3 says God inhabits the praises of His people or is enthroned in our praises. When God is inhabiting the person of praise, Satan’s attacks can irritate but not penetrate. Keep your heart and mind set on thanking Him and you will be wielding spiritual attack with a weapon of praise.

    3. Sing the scriptures.

    One thing I love about the old hymns and even some of the newer contemporary worship music is that many of them contain direct quotations from Scripture which make them easier to memorize and recite. All of Scripture’s Psalms (which literally mean “songs”) were originally set to music and meant to be sung. Compose your own tune in your head as you sing the Bible’s Psalms aloud or sing some Psalms or New Testament passages that have been set to music by 19th-century composers or contemporary music artists.

    As you sing the scriptures you remind yourself of who you are in God’s eyes. For example, you are His beloved (Jeremiah 31:3), you are His friend (John 15:13-15), you are His adopted child (Romans 8:15), you are “His masterpiece” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT). When you quote scripture back to Satan, he knows that scripture, and he trembles – and backs off – at the power of the written word of God.

    4. Pray Scripture aloud.

    We tend to think of worship as singing or some other form of praise, but worship also involves prayer, reading the Word, quiet admiration of and reflection on God, and focusing on His worthiness. In fact, think of worship as a focus on God’s “worth-ship.”

    I have found Psalm 145 particularly effective for teaching young believers how to pray through Scripture. Read each verse aloud, then paraphrase it and personalize it in a prayer back to God. For example, Psalm 145:8 reads: “The Lord is gracious and compassionate; Slow to anger and great in mercy” (NASB). Pray that back to God by personalizing it: “Lord, You are gracious and compassionate. Thank You for being slow to anger and great in mercy when it comes to Your love toward me. I know I can bring anything to You.”

    By personalizing the Word to your life and situations, keeping God’s attributes and the truth of Who He is intact in your prayer, you are applying Scripture to your everyday life. That is what it means to pray Scripture over your situation and to use it as a weapon in spiritual attack.

    5. Remember Who has the power and authority.

    If you learned in Sunday School or believe today that God and Satan are equals, that is a lie. Satan is a created being, a fallen angel, one who is still subject to God’s authority and judgment. Satan’s attacks are nothing compared to the Almighty omnipotent everlasting God who was not created but created all things. The battle – and any battle of yours – truly belongs to the Lord (Proverbs 21:31). First John 4:4 tells us greater is He who is in you (Christ Jesus), than he who is in the world (Satan and his minions). Romans 8:31 asks the rhetorical question: “If God is for us, who can be against us?” Those verses build our faith in the One who has absolute power and authority.

    Spiritual attacks often come when we are already feeling defeated — or when we believe we could never be defeated. Guard yourself against pride and a belief that you are above attack by reminding yourself of God’s authority and ability, not your own. Humble yourself before the Lord (James 4:10) and depend on His power to get you through.

    According to Ephesians 1:20-23, God raised Jesus from the dead and “seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.” Jesus, Himself said in Matthew 28:18: “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.” Praise Him for that authority, call upon Him and His authority, and realize the authority you have, in Him, as believers. When you worship and remember Christ’s authority, you are also reminding yourself and Satan of Satan’s imminent defeat.

    For more on abiding in Christ so you can withstand spiritual attack, see Cindi’s books, Women on the Edge and When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts.

    For further reading, see 8 Ways Praise Delivers You from Evil.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Sakorn Sukkasemsakorn 

    Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker, Bible teacher, and award-winning writer who helps women and couples strengthen their relationship with God and others. She is also a mother, pastor’s wife, and author of 17 books, including When Women Walk Alone (more than 150,000 copies sold), When God Sees Your Tears, When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts, and When Couples Walk Together:31 Days to a Closer Connection, which she co-authored with her husband of 35 years. For more on her speaking ministry, coaching services for writers, and books to strengthen your soul, marriage, and parenting, see her website: www.StrengthForTheSoul.com. 

    [ad_2]

    Cindi McMenamin

    Source link

  • 5 Subtle Signs Your Friend Is a Narcissist

    5 Subtle Signs Your Friend Is a Narcissist

    [ad_1]

    Many of us have questioned whether or not a friend is a narcissist. Sadly, there are many narcissists in the world, and they will try to abuse your friendship. Rather than being a friend to you, they will put you down, manipulate you, and hurt you. It is not good to remain friends with a narcissist because they will continue to hurt you and abuse your kindness. 

    If you are wondering if your friend is a narcissist, here are five subtle signs to look out for:

    1. They View Themselves As “Better Than You”

    One subtle sign your friend is a narcissist is if they view themselves as better than you. This is very common among narcissists. By viewing themselves as better than you, they think they can walk all over you and abuse the kindness you have shown to them by being their friend. This is not how a friend is supposed to treat you. A friend is supposed to be caring, loving, and supportive.

    Narcissists view themselves as better than others because of their pride and false view of the outside world. They believe others are inferior to them and that other people (including their “friends”) are not as important as they are. If you have noticed your friend has been viewing themselves as better than you or has directly told you they are better than you, it’s time to step away from the friendship. Remaining friends with a narcissist will only cause more problems for you in the future. 

    2. They Aren’t There When You Need Them Most

    A second subtle sign your friend is a narcissist is if they aren’t there when you need them the most. Narcissists only stay around when something exciting is going on. They will not stick around when you are grieving, hurting, or going through a difficult time. Narcissists don’t stick around because they only think about themselves. They are not going to be thinking about you in your time of need. 

    If your friend isn’t there when you need them most, you won’t be able to rely on them. If they are only there for the good times, summer vacations, and parties, but not in the difficult times, you won’t be able to form the strong bond known as friendship. Friends who are not narcissists want to be there for you and won’t put you down during your difficult times. They will surround you with prayer, hope, and encouragement. 

    3. They Make You Feel Bad About Yourself

    A third subtle sign your friend is a narcissist is if they make you feel bad about yourself. If you have noticed your friend has been making you feel down about who you are, or where you are in life, it is best to take an honest, real look at your friendship to see what’s going on. Friends shouldn’t make each other feel bad about themselves. Narcissists will make you feel bad about yourself because they will always be putting you down and reminding you of how much “better” they are than you. It’s a subtle, cruel ego boost for them.

    If you are constantly feeling bad about yourself because of friends, it is probably because they are narcissists. While you should still be kind and friendly, you are under no obligation to remain in the friendship. The Lord doesn’t want you to surround yourself with people who will make you feel bad about yourself. Always putting yourself down can result in a negative self-image, depression, anxiety, or an eating disorder. It is best to step away from any and all friendships that cause you to feel bad about yourself. 

    Since we are all prone to be our own worst critics, we don’t need someone else to reinforce negative thoughts or views about ourselves. If a “friend” is making you feel bad about yourself or comparing who they are to who you are in a negative light, the best route to take is to step away from the friendship. If you are already struggling with anxiety, depression, or another mental illness, you must surround yourself with friends who encourage and uplift you. When you take the step to make new friends, ask God to guide you to these individuals and help you be a good friend in return. 

    4. They Never Feel Bad When They Hurt You

    A fourth subtle sign your friend is a narcissist is if they never feel bad when they hurt you. If your friend has recently hurt you and has shown zero signs of remorse, it is probably because he or she is a narcissist. Since the individual is a narcissist, he or she is not going to accept the fact that they hurt you. Instead, they might try to place the blame on you and gaslight you. Narcissists don’t have much of a bandwidth for sympathy. Therefore, they most likely won’t feel bad when they hurt you.

    You don’t deserve to be in a friendship with a narcissist. Rather, you deserve friends who uplift you, sit by your side in your grief, and stand up for you. You won’t find any of these qualities in a narcissist. Part of the friendship process will involve having to apologize for mistakes and working at fixing those mistakes. A narcissist will never make this effort and will instead try to act like they did nothing wrong. 

    This can be extremely taxing on your mental health because it can make you feel as though you are going crazy. If you know this “friend” has hurt you and tries to make it out to be that nothing happened, they are gaslighting you. You have the choice to step away and remove yourself from the situation. As long as this friend isn’t a roommate, you should be able to properly distance yourself from this individual. If this individual is a roommate, it would be a good time to look into new places to stay. 

    5. You Feel Exhausted and Drained After Spending Time with Them

    A fifth subtle sign your friend is a narcissist is if you feel exhausted and drained after spending time with them. If you are spending time with someone who makes you feel good about yourself, you will go home feeling great, loved, and recharged. However, if you go home feeling exhausted and drained, you might be dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists drain the energy out of others because they normally make you feel uncomfortable, invalidate your feelings, and can even make you feel crazy at times (gaslighting).

    If you have noticed you are feeling exhausted and drained after spending time with a friend, try to see the reason why. Was the person making you feel bad about yourself, putting you down, or insulting you? If so, it would be best to distance yourself from the person. Sadly with narcissists, they might not even notice you distancing yourself and will move on to other friends. Don’t let this get you down because there are always new friends you can make who won’t be narcissists. 

    Even if you invested a long time in a friendship with a narcissist, know that it is okay to let this person go. You can mourn the friendship, but you also have to remember all the times you were hurt by them. You can experience healing and growth in the future by making new friends. Some great places to meet friends are church, a Bible study, college, or work. There are many great people out there who need a friend just like you. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Wavebreakmedia

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    [ad_2]

    Vivian Bricker

    Source link

  • Why the Online Dating Experience Needs to Change | Entrepreneur

    Why the Online Dating Experience Needs to Change | Entrepreneur

    [ad_1]

    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    In today’s world, online dating has become the norm for many singles looking for love. However, despite the growing popularity of dating apps, many problems still plague the industry. From ghosting to toxic behavior, online dating can be a frustrating and exhausting experience for many users. In this article, we explore why we need a new online dating experience and how it can revolutionize how we connect with others.

    Turn dating apps from a chore into a thrill

    A study by Singles found that 78.37% of adults have experienced online dating burnout. We got used to spending more time since the pandemic’s beginning, but it takes its toll on everyone’s mental health and overall online dating excitement. Instead of mindlessly swiping through profiles, dating apps might incorporate gamification elements that can increase user engagement and help foster more authentic connections. By adding games or challenges, users can interact with each other in a playful and non-intimidating way, helping to break the ice and create a more relaxed atmosphere.

    Additionally, interesting prompts can help spark conversation and allow users to showcase their personality and interests beyond just a few photos and a bio. These elements can ultimately lead to more meaningful connections and a more positive overall dating experience.

    Related: 7 Ways Dating Apps Are Lying To You

    Silent treatment, leaving (dating apps) users disconnected and frustrated

    Dealing with sudden silence or breadcrumbing is a common frustration for dating app users, with 43% of dating app users in the United States reporting having been ghosted at least once. Breadcrumbing is also prevalent, with 22% of respondents reporting that they have experienced it.

    To address these issues, dating apps have introduced new features. For example, some apps use machine learning algorithms to detect potentially offensive or inappropriate messages, while others offer read receipts to let users know when their messages have been read. By implementing such features, dating apps are helping to reduce the negative experiences that users often encounter on their platforms.

    Get it right, or avoid being matched with a wrong type

    Matching with the wrong type of person is a common problem on dating apps. Often, the issue lies in how users portray themselves on their profiles. A survey conducted at the end of 2022 found that nearly 47% of respondents had lied on their dating profiles. The solution to this problem is for dating apps to encourage users to be more authentic and showcase their true lifestyle. For example, some dating apps have a feature that allows users to upload videos to their profiles, giving potential matches a better sense of who they are.

    Related: Online Dating Scammer Steals $1.8 Million from His Victims

    Toxic behavior is lurking around every corner

    Many online dating users are experiencing harassment or verbal abuse. According to a survey by Pew Research Center, 41% of women have experienced online harassment. Dating apps need to come up with solutions to stop it. This can include introducing reporting features, moderating user-generated content and collaborating with organizations that promote online safety.

    Shield yourself from fraud and outsmart scammers

    Scammers are a growing problem on dating apps, with many users falling victim to fraud. As reported by the Federal Trade Commission, romance scams resulted in $1.3 billion in losses in 2022 — median $4400. The solution to this problem is for dating apps to introduce better verification processes. This can include verifying users’ identities through social media or requiring users to take a selfie to prove they are who they say they are. For example, a combination of a phone number-only registration with a photo verification can narrow fake profiles to the minimum.

    Related: Your Identity Could Be Used in Online Dating Scams. Here’s How to Protect Yourself

    Is online dating on the verge of failing or blossoming?

    In conclusion, the world of online dating is constantly evolving, but many of the problems that plague existing dating apps persist. These issues can lead to frustration, disappointment, and even harm. We need a new online dating experience that prioritizes fun, authenticity, safety, and connection. Whether through gamification, better communication formats or more authentic user profiles, there are ways to create a better online dating experience for all. By recognizing and addressing the common problems of dating apps, we can create an environment that fosters healthy relationships and real connections. The time has come for a change in the online dating landscape, and we’re excited to be a part of it.

    [ad_2]

    Marina Anderson

    Source link

  • Dear Military Wife, You’re Not Alone

    Dear Military Wife, You’re Not Alone

    [ad_1]

    To the military wife and ones who love, support, and desire to encourage her, this one’s for you.

    Life’s not always a bowl of juicy peaches, sweet cherries, or fresh tree-ripened mangoes. Sure, our tenure includes bright sunny seasons sugared with laughter, joy, and good times. But dotted among those experiences and memories simmers a topic many wives refuse to discuss.

    Quiet as the sea mist, though, we bare it and trudge on. Because tradition assumes we should.

    A notion ripples through the military community and civilian world alike. Military wives are a strong batch. Don’t mess with ‘em.

    With a branding of pride, we military wives carry the weight of the world while twirling a dozen virtual dishes. Not a single one falls. Our fix-it know-how seemingly flows better than Bob Vila’s, and if anyone faced Chuck Norris toe-to-toe, it’d be the military spouse. So it seems with this well-touted notion that military wives are be-all, do-all kinds of women. They hold the world together, sewing torn seams on a moment’s need and never, ever, EVER fall apart. 

    Because that’s what military wives do. 

    Or is it?

    We feel pressured to stand strong one hundred percent of the time, never faltering or allowing weakness to see the crack of day, let alone shine brightly for all to see.

    Because that’s what’s expected. But by whom?

    Are we falling prey to those thoughts? Is it the enemy’s ploy in this unseen battle for the heart, bending us toward self-sufficiency, shame, or pride when, in truth, weakness, holy confidence, and an overwhelming need for an Almighty God trump all else?

    Military wife, you’re not alone.

    Don’t fall prey to the notion. It’s okay to wobble with weak knees, to raise a hand for help, to showcase those vulnerabilities stuffed for far too long.

    Because when we are weak, He is strong.

    You’re not alone. Trust this. Our Father abandons not His loved ones.

    Military wives experience heavy feelings at times. The worn and torn, I’m-ready-to-fall-apart, I-can’t-do-it chorus sounding on replay can nearly do us in. However, tuning into to the truth, we find hope.

    We’re not alone. God is with us.

    It’s okay to allow our weaknesses and imperfections the light of day, because often then we see the power and work of God.

    I came to my realization of this after a rough journey.

    In 2006, my husband deployed. Again. We were building a house in the North Carolina countryside on some acreage—the slower-paced, rural life we’d longed to offer our three children was morphing into reality. The house was to be completed before my husband shipped out. Instead, we faced multiple construction delays, leaving me to sell our existing home, close on the new house, and move with three youngsters in tow. Tagging along was a long punch list of items headlined by mineral issues in the water, which left me stumped. It brought a rise of frustration I found difficult to shake, and I spiraled downward.

    To add to this list of issues, my husband and I felt guided by the Lord to homeschool our children—all this around the time he deployed. My selfish bent pined for those quiet moments while the oldest was at school. Erase that with homeschooling. What about “me” time? After all, I’d be the pseudo-single parent.

    I focused on the negatives versus the wonderful opportunity we faced. Negative self-talk became the norm.

    Other wives could handle this. Why couldn’t I?

    Why did I react like a deer in the headlights whenever fresh problems arose?

    Would history pen me as the world’s only weak military wife?

    A declaration of godly obedience somehow surfaced, though. By golly, I’d obey God no matter what it took. Buckle up. Pull up the bootstraps. I was a military wife. Pride and self-sufficiency took the wheel. Again.

    And so I trudged forward with hubby half a world away, punch list in hand, and kids at my heels.

    I refused to ask for help or share about my struggle. In all honesty, knowing how to do either was part of the problem. 

    And the spiral continued.

    A few friends and a long-distance relative expressed concern. I held them at bay. Shouldn’t I be able to handle daily life? Others did. I determined to hold the world together in my husband’s absence—whatever the cost.

    So I continued forward, until one night, the weight proved heavier than typical. I stood beside my bed and considered ending it all. Loneliness kept me company. Desperation and exhaustion, too. I needed a way out from under the heaviness, and life seemed to offer no other options.

    The lie touted its goods. Shame heaped on top of it because any “good” Christian wouldn’t teeter like I was. Surely.

    The enemy wove those thoughts, threading a mindset that he could kill, steal, or destroy. After all, that’s Satan’s ploy. As children of God, we’re to be on call against this deception—to resist it, flee, and stand firm on the foundation of Jesus Christ. And sometimes, as Aaron and Hur did with Moses as Joshua battled, then defeated the Amalekites (Exodus 17), we need fellow arm-holders. Others. People. And the God who strengthens us to win spiritual battles.

    That night, I curled up in bed and continued until the deployment ended. I’m grateful to God.

    I never sought outside help but should have. Over several months, and with wisdom from Above, healing came. We moved out of the Carolina house and headed to Joint Base Pearl Harbor Hickam in Hawaii. There, through a conversation with a fellow Navy wife, I realized the truth. Other spouses struggle, too.

    I realized I wasn’t broken or weak after all. And most definitely not alone. 

    These women battle against emotional lows, feelings of overwhelm and weakness, exhaustion, and even the “d” word: depression. It happens, and it’s okay to not have it all together—to need and ask for help.

    Because when we are weak, then He is strong. And God’s strength causes mankind’s to pale. Under His wings, friend, we rest in safety. We’re wise to run to Him.

    A few practical tips include searching for a local friend or two. Try church, small cell groups, moms or military organizations, or in the neighborhood. With wisdom, doors open to share about daily life with authenticity and transparency. Prayer helps, too, as does digging into God’s word. So does bartering with a trusted friend for babysitting services and pushing ourselves to take that step and ask for help. 

    For those who love and want to see military spouses succeed, offer help regularly, and put action to words. Don’t wait, simply bring that meal. Listen. Help put up the Christmas tree or offer to watch the kids during doctor appointments or grocery runs. Mow the yard. Invite them to your dinner table, and don’t be afraid to share, because real friends challenge us and whisper the hard truths when others won’t.

    National Military Appreciation Month and Mental Health Awareness Month occur in May. Military Spouse Appreciation Day is observed on the 12th as well. So when that day rolls around and for the remaining three-hundred-sixty-four days each year, know that you are appreciated, military wife. Dearly.

    God sees you, and He is near. Friends, too.

    Be strong in His mighty power, and carry on, beautiful one. Because of Christ, you’ve got this—even if some pieces fall along the way.

    “‘Behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.’” Amen. (Matthew 28:20 WEB)

    With gratitude to the King of Kings, 

    Kristi

    Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Wyatt

    Kristi Woods is a writer, podcaster, and speaker—but mostly a Jesus girl. She offers a free 30-Day Psalms Bible reading plan, Bible studies, prayers, and other faith-building tools for a deeper walk with God at www.KristiWoods.net. You’ll also find her new podcast, Intentional Living with Kristi Woods at LifeAudio.com.  Kristi, her handsome, retired-from-the-Navy husband, and their three children survived a nomadic, military lifestyle and have set roots in Oklahoma—where she keeps a close watch for tornadoes and good chocolate.

    [ad_2]

    Kristi Woods

    Source link

  • Is Ephesians 4:26 Perfect Marriage Advice?

    Is Ephesians 4:26 Perfect Marriage Advice?

    [ad_1]

    A common bridal shower activity is to offer advice to the soon-to-be-wife on how to make this marriage work for a lifetime. A popular piece of advice is to ‘not go to bed angry with one another.” This idea actually comes from the Bible!

    Ephesians 4:26 says, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” This section of Scripture is a list giving the early believers instructions for Christian Living. The verses also highlight the need to be honest, not steal, work hard, avoid unwholesome talk, avoid anger, be kind, show compassion, and offer forgiveness. This is a beautiful list that helps us understand the Christian life that Jesus desires us to pursue. These words also offer wonderful advice on how to be a loving spouse. Anger, dishonesty, unkind words, rage, unforgiveness, and a lack of empathy all have the power to destroy our relationships. We need the power of the Holy Spirit at work in our life to live this way!

    Is it okay then to wait until morning to work through your anger when conflict arises in your marriage?

    I am married to a man who has many times expressed that if he gets heated in a conversation, it is best if we table it and revisit this at a later date. As the big feeler in our home, I have trouble stepping away from conflict. Throughout our marriage, we have had to compromise in how we agree to handle fights, and this is still very much a work-in-progress for us.

    Here are a few ideas on how to manage marriage conflict biblically:

    1. Agree to Take a Time-out From the Argument

    Sometimes you find yourself in a very heated dispute, and there can feel like there is no way out of this tense conversation. This can lead to conflict escalation and often does not lead to a good place. Yet, I have found that as the one who wants to hash things out, I need to know that we will take up the subject again and not just brush it off because it feels too hard to address.

    A good way to de-escalate a conversation that has gotten your blood boiling is to choose together to table the topic until an agreed-upon time that you will revisit the conversation. Stepping back can give you a chance to control your emotions better. Once you have hit that fight-or-flight stress response in a situation, logic is no longer heard, and emotions are all that are ruling the interaction.

    A few tips to make sure this strategy is utilized in a helpful way include:

    Decide ahead of time that time-outs are okay. Don’t wait until you are in the middle of an argument to say I need a break. Stepping away during a fight without communicating this can feel like avoidance/abandonment and can make things worse.

    Communicate that you need a time-out. If you find yourself getting upset, choose a way that works for you to calmly state you need a break. Do not storm off.

    Make time-outs short. To the point from Ephesians that we should not let the sun go down on our anger, we should not let these arguments drag on without resolving the issue. Our relationships are the most valuable thing we have in this life, and making sure we are living in unity with one another should be a top priority.

    Take time to calm yourself down and come up with a new approach. Don’t use this time to fester on all the ways your spouse is wrong but take advantage of this break in the conversation to calm your mind and body so you can get back on the same page as your partner.

    Return to the conversation and resolve the conflict. When you come back to the conversation, calmly talk through the issue at hand. Remember that you are on the same team. Conflict is not the goal but working together to find a reasonable resolution is in the best interest of your marriage.

    2. Focus on Improving Your Communication Skills

    Cultivating positive communication skills in your marriage looks a lot like working to live out the fruits of the spirit. We have to practice these skills every day before conflict arises, so we are better able to de-escalate fights when they break out. Some useful phrases that can help you better express yourself in order to help diffuse tense conversations include using “I feel” statements, “I need to calm down” statements, “I am sorry” statements, and “I appreciate” statements.

    When we make sure we are using “I” rather than “you” in a tough moment, it helps us avoid placing blame on our partner when we are trying to communicate about a situation that we are feeling concerned about. Blame statements and words like “always” or “never” can very quickly add flame to the fire.

    Conflict is inevitable when merging the lives of two imperfect people, but being prepared for the best way to speak to one another when these situations arise can help us avoid allowing anger and bitterness to grow in our marriages. When we allow anger to grow, we give the Devil a foothold to slowly tear apart our homes.

    3. Work to Empathize with Your Spouse

    Conflict happens when we feel attacked by our partners. Our anger grows because we feel threatened, hurt, or unseen by our partners. Empathy helps us selflessly set aside our own feelings for a moment to hear and see the position of our husbands or wives. When you feel your blood pressure starting to rise because of something your partner has said or done, take a deep breath and pause to visualize how they must be feeling in that moment.

    What is it that they truly are trying to say to you? Is their snippy tone due to them being stressed or exhausted? Can you respond by asking them how they are doing rather than responding in kind? Empathy helps us see past our own feelings of hurt and into what the issue really is at that moment.

    I know from personal experience that there has been almost nothing my husband and I have fought about that was worth being so very angry about. These terrible fights have really resulted from exhaustion, worry, stress, anxiety, disconnection, or carelessness. If one of us had the ability to see the other in these moments, these huge fights could have been resolved. If one of us had been willing to lay down our right to be offended and ask about how the other was doing, the fight would have never happened. We are working hard on this, but fifteen years in our pride seems to continue to make living in unity hard.

    We can apply Ephesians 4 to our marriages in one crucial way; we should never let anger and bitterness grow in our hearts toward one another. If you decide to make up before bed or talk it out first thing in the morning, what matters most is that you don’t let moments of anger and conflict steal all the joy and connection from our union. The unity that is supposed to define our marriage relationships cannot thrive when anger, unforgiveness, unkindness, dishonesty, and unrighteous living go unchecked in our lives. Christian living and the gracious power of the Holy Spirit at work in our lives is what it takes to make a marriage work.

    Related articles:

    How to Have Conflict in Your Marriage without the Combat

    Why the Bible Says to Never Go to Bed Angry

    8 Ways to Communicate More Effectively in Your Marriage

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

    [ad_2]

    Amanda Idleman

    Source link

  • 4 Reasons Why We Have a Hard Time Talking about Loneliness

    4 Reasons Why We Have a Hard Time Talking about Loneliness

    [ad_1]

    In society, we are bombarded by media as well as social media. We live in a world that’s more connected than ever. Yet so many people are lonelier than ever. This is especially true for people within the church.

    Although we may feel like we’re really connected to people, the reality is we have people in our lives that know the least about us. We go to church on Sunday, grab a cup of coffee, worship the Lord, and then leave without anyone even saying hello or wanting to know more about us.

    This contributes to a superficial level of communication that we think solves the problem of loneliness. Not only that, but people often don’t want to talk about loneliness as Christians because they feel if they do, they’re not connected to God, or they’ll be judged in some way.

    We all experience loneliness from time to time. Jesus himself went to lonely places to pray. Loneliness can be a good thing if we take the time to be alone to examine our thoughts and analyze behaviors.

    However, people often put on a fake smile when in church or at work. It’s difficult to tell people that we’re lonely. Here are some reasons why people don’t like to talk about loneliness.

    1. We Believe Something Is Wrong with Us

    As a pastor’s wife, I often get ostracized in my local church. It is difficult for me to achieve intimacy with people in the congregation.

    Because people think they can’t be real in front of me because I might tell my husband what we discuss, it only increases the amount of loneliness and the desperate need for affection in the community.

    You may feel because you don’t have friends or connect with people often, people will think and believe there’s something wrong with you. God created community for a reason.

    Communities afford us fellowship with one another. You can’t have community without isolation. Yet it is important for us to be alone so God can speak to us.

    2. We Don’t Want Pity

    Once we start talking about how lonely we are to others, people feel like they must meet up with us out of guilt.

    People don’t want to feel lonely because they feel like they’re being punished or their personality is too hard to deal with. Yet God created us all individually with a purpose and a plan.

    God speaks through prophetic visions and dreams, but if we’re not alone long enough to hear from him, we can’t achieve deeper intimacy with God.

    People often want to avoid loneliness by turning on a television or music just to take away the fact that they have no one around them.

    Loneliness can come in a couple of forms: we can feel lonely because no one knows us, or we feel lonely even with a crowd of people around us. Either way, you can use that loneliness to your advantage and take time to be with God.

    3. We Don’t Want to Be Vulnerable

    People don’t like to talk about loneliness because they must deal with issues buried deep in the soul. People don’t like talking about loneliness because it seems like a bad thing. But loneliness isn’t always bad. Here are some ways loneliness is a good thing.

    First, it gives us a deeper relationship with the Savior. Although God can speak in any capacity he wishes, it is more difficult when we are surrounded by other technologies that don’t allow the Lord to speak.

    By being alone, I can read the Word in more depth and ask God to share his deep thoughts with me. But I can’t do that if I’m with people constantly.

    Second, it allows me to pray. Scripture says we should “pray without ceasing.” This means praying continuously throughout the day. But this is hard to accomplish at work or at home with their families.

    If Jesus found it appropriate to get up early, go to lonely places, and pray, then we should too. We should begin every day with this time of silence and aloneness, ready to hear from God and pray we give over to him every need and desire we have.

    Third, when we are lonely, it gives us an opportunity to commune with God through his Word.  When we are lonely, the first thing we should grab is the Bible. If we grab for other things, such as music, television, or food or drink, we need to analyze why we’re doing it.

    Loneliness is there for a reason. We need to make new friends and commune with people whom we trust. The lonelier we are, the more untrusting we become. We become untrustworthy individuals when we are alone for long periods of time.

    When we’re going about our day, it is easy to think we don’t need anyone. This creates independence when we should be in community. Analyze your church and see if there are people who are in similar situations, backgrounds, or ages as you.

    Strive to increase your fellowship this year by participating in events or simply exercise your gift to hospitality by having people over your home. Some of the best moments I’ve communed with God were not in the Sunday church service but rather having people over at my home.

    The ability to become vulnerable eradicates superficiality when we are at home. This will help you not feel lonely but realize that people accept you as you are.

    4. We Fear Rejection

    Loneliness can make us feel rejected and unaccepted. Some of people’s deepest needs of acceptance and approval from others. Although we are to run to God with our needs, fellowship does have its place.

    When we are being encouraged by our local church brothers and sisters, we get rid of loneliness and embrace community. As you meet with people regularly, you will find any critical spirit you may have made all but dissipate.

    Loneliness can be difficult at times. But there’s hope. By sharing fellowship with people and engaging in real fellowship, you will experience acceptance and approval like never before. We all need people to hold their hands up when we are struggling.

    That is part of the whole community in your life. When we are absent from that community, we experience loneliness. Holiness is also a lure for the enemy to speak lies into our lives. If gone unchecked, those lies can become what we believe.

    When we exchange the Word of God for a lie, we don’t experience an interdependent life in Christ. If we can learn to be in fellowship and accept people as they are, we can speak into their lives when they’re struggling.

    We were never meant to do life on our own. Throughout Scripture, we see disciples going out two by two. Adam had Eve and there are many other examples of people who were never alone on their journey. Above all, you know that God has not left you. He’s there more than you realize.

    Loneliness can be the catalyst for us to experience true community as we become more vulnerable and allow others to accept us as we are. When we do, we experience an intimate relationship with God like never before.

    For further reading:

    What Does the Bible Say about Loneliness?

    hristianity.com/wiki/god/can-god-help-us-in-our-loneliness.html”>Can God Help Us in Our Loneliness?

    How Does the Bible Help with My Loneliness?

    5 Ways to Overcome Loneliness in Your Marriage

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/martin-dm

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

    [ad_2]

    Michelle S. Lazurek

    Source link

  • How To Reset Relationships As A Sensitive Person Or Empath

    How To Reset Relationships As A Sensitive Person Or Empath

    [ad_1]

    This can be challenging if someone’s going through a particularly tough time, or if they’ve been leaning on you a lot. Try offering quality over quantity support, and encourage them to seek support from other sources, like health care providers.

    If you’re a sensitive person who finds themselves going on healing rescue missions often with clients, friends, and family, check out my book, Empath Heart: Relationship Strategies for Sensitive People, for more tools. Instead of trying to change the other person, accept them more for who they are and where they’re at in their life. 

    [ad_2]

    Tanya Carroll Richardson

    Source link