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Tag: Darcie Fuqua

  • What Does “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin” Mean?

    What Does “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin” Mean?

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    Words are powerful. Words can build a person up or tear a person apart. Proverbs 18:21 tell us, “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” Words can be a weapon of grace and mercy – breathing life into weary souls. And then there are those words spun from malicious tongues that can strip the oxygen from our lungs.

    Inspiring words can change circumstances for the better – legendary speech transcends time. There are sentences begging to be highlighted in our favorite books and pages to dog-ear and reread a thousand times. Healthy aspirations and stirring quotes get penned on sticky notes. And then lies a sacred space for the words committed to memory. They meld together like they were always meant to be. These words play a lyrical prose of soothing notes or dramatic keys stored tightly in your temporal lobe. Yes, these words are often attached to a moment when they had set sail to your soul, mended your heart, or ripped it apart. 

    The Origin of “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin”

    I have heard these exact words several times in my life. Some call it a cliché or quote. I call it legendary because “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin” has stood the test of time. According to an article on Catholic Answers, these words are first attributed to St. Augustine. “His Letter 211 (c. 424) contains the phrase Cum dilectione hominum et odio vitiorum, which translates roughly to ‘With love for mankind and hatred of sins.’” Then the article says, “The phrase has become more famous as ‘love the sinner but hate the sin’ or ‘hate the sin and not the sinner’ (the latter form appearing in Mohandas Gandhi’s 1929 autobiography).”

    Although “love the sinner, hate the sin” does not appear word for word in the Bible, the concept and command to love the sinner but despise the sin certainly appears throughout the New Testament. Jude 1:22-23 says, “Be merciful to those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.” Our job is to love the human who is perfectly human but hate the tainted flesh that desires the very actions and things that seek to destroy the person’s relationship with God. And this is a tough job to succeed at. 

    Throughout the living pages of the Bible, Jesus shows us how this is done. He shows us how to dine with the sinner, exude kindness to the ostracized and outcast, and forgive the unforgivable – right up to His very last breath on this fallen earth. “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Jesus’s ultimate sacrifice on that tree demonstrated that flawed sinners are worthy of His compassion and love. He perfectly separated the human from his flaws. He gave His life so that we would have eternal life with Him, free from the stain of our fleshly desires.

    The Testing of Faith

    “He is a very flawed man, but he is still worthy of your compassion.” I have repeated these words over and over again lately. The past several months have been trying, and my faith has been put to the test repeatedly. And I have been hanging on to every last letter of that wisdom as I come to terms with a new revelation in the life of someone I love. Someone who needs me to love them despite their flaws. 

    Certain sins can change everything you know and think about a person. I recently heard, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” As I said, I had listened to this statement before. However, this time, the words were used in context as I braced myself while learning of the sinful acts of someone close to me. My breath escaped me, with clouded vision and ringing ears. And yet I heard every syllable annunciated loud and clear as if it was commanded through a bullhorn. My heart and mind beckoned to the will of time to rewind a few minutes and let me go on in my blissful, naive state. It would be better that way. But instead, I would have to learn to separate sin from the soul – to love and hate simultaneously. 

    I want to report that I am handling this situation and challenge like a champ, but I regress that it has been hard to walk this line of love and hate. A line has been drawn in the sand, and I’ve battled with the ship-wrecking wind breaking my heart into millions of grain-sized pieces. Every time I draw the words “I love you” in the coarse yet soft combination of minerals and rocks, a wave erases that emotion. Again, I stare at the blank canvas before me while my fragile heart sways to the rhythm of the sea. How easy is it to bestow compassion on the victim? To the oppressed? But the challenge lies in extending this empathy to the oppressor. 

    For years, I’ve been faithfully and consistently writing in my prayer journal for God to teach me to love unconditionally or “love them anyways,” as I like to put it sometimes. I always thought I was good at loving. It’s easy to love, I decided. And I’ve been praying for this moment to love without conditions. To throw all reasoning and caution to the wind, channel my inner “Mother Teresa” and rise to the occasion. But I thought my test would be to love an unfriendly neighbor, an unruly child, or an old classmate who gossiped about me.  

    But that is not how God usually works. And I know from experience that if I write or will for God to teach me something, I must be willing to roll up my sleeves and dig deep. God often seems to lead me experientially with hands-on training, or hearts-on training in this case. I’ve been tasked with writing the second of The Greatest Commandment on double-lined paper, much like a child writes his spelling words. Committed to memory, etched in my heart, and lived out by my actions – I will learn to “Love my neighbor as myself” (Mark 12:31). And I’m adding the word ‘regardless’ here – to love without conditions means to love regardless of someone’s sins.

    What Does “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin” Truly Mean?

    It doesn’t mean to condone the sin or turn a blind eye to it. It means to go against the grain and every natural impulse to associate the person with sin. After all, sin without repentance and salvation leads to death, and if we love someone, even our enemies, we want everlasting life for them. “Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (James 1:15). It certainly doesn’t mean to drop your boundaries or allow the sinner in your life when that person is your oppressor. However, there is a place in our hearts for everyone we come across, and our actions of love have the power to heal. 

    Hating sin also means we must humbly approach the fact that we are all sinners, taking inventory of our fleshly nature. Otherwise, we must bear the label of a hypocrite. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:3-5).

    It means we choose to love or to “love them anyways,” as I like to write it. And how do we do that? It takes prayer, faith, and courage, my friend. It takes small steps to uncast the stone hardening our hearts and fully trusting God with the command He asks of us. We must prepare to be tested and refined to learn how to be Christ-like. We must step uninhibited and fully willing to walk the road He has set for us. 

    As for me and this path God has me stumbling through, I will choose the actions of love and compassion until my heart and mind have time to catch up. I’m choosing love, even when it hurts. I’m loving the sinner while hating the sin.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/ Blasius Erlinger

    Darcie Fuqua is a Business Analyst, Auburn Grad (War Eagle!), Christian blogger & podcast host, and mental health advocate. She is from the deep south of Alabama, where she currently resides with her husband, two energetic fun-loving boys, and a dog named Charlie. She loves sinking her toes in the sand, cuddling with her boys, and having great conversations over a table of good food. You can read more of her writing on her website www.leightonlane.com and connect with her on Facebook and Instagram. Check out Darcie’s latest project as cohost of Therapy in 10.

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  • 5 Bits of Encouragement for the Overlooked

    5 Bits of Encouragement for the Overlooked

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    We were born to live in a community, riding the ups and downs together. No one likes to be overlooked; even the most introverted person residing off the grid, one sitting in sweats and reading a book, needs human connection. When others fail to notice us, it can emotionally deplete us. It can cause us to withdraw and retreat, especially when we feel the offense is intentional.

    When I mentioned that I was writing this article to my husband, he looked at me wide-eyed and asked if I felt overlooked. “Do you feel overlooked by me?” he asked. My response, combined with a typical southern woman’s mean mug, was, “No. It is not always about you.” We’ve been married seventeen years, y’all. What can I say? I went on to explain that several times in my life, I’ve felt unseen, overlooked, or passed over in different relational areas. Some instances have seemed intentional, while others are just part of life.

    The beautiful thing about life’s trials is that they drive compassion deep into your blood. And although you can never step in the shoes of someone else’s challenging experiences, your heart can bleed with them. You can embrace them warmly, sit with them, and listen. It gives you a different perspective, a more down-on-your-knees, humble level.

    Whether you have been overlooked in friendships, relationships, sports, careers, or especially by the church, rest in the fact that you are never ignored by Jesus. Friend, I know we aren’t sitting on the same couch, but consider this my giant teddy bear hug for you. I may not be able to see you, but I know the One who does, and I pray these bits of encouragement give you restored hope.

    1. God Sees You When No One Else Does

    Among the many names of God that describe His perfect character, I find El Roi to be one of the most comforting. It means “The God who sees me” (Genesis 16:13). While you may feel invisible, know that God sees you. Hagar was the woman in the Bible who attributed this name to God, and she is the only character in the Bible to name God. She was pregnant and alone in the wilderness, running from Sarah’s cruelty and jealousy when the angel of the Lord visited her (Genesis 16). Friend, there is no place on earth you can ever run from God’s compassionate presence.

    2. God Hears You When No One Else Does

    I love how the Bible uses different names to explain the perfect harmony of God’s character and gives meaning to most biblical characters’ names. An article on Faith Gateway explains the significance of biblical characters’ names. “Many biblical accounts explain the meaning of a person’s name, and those names were significant to who those individuals were or who they were to become. In Jewish tradition, a child’s name was revealed in the same ceremony in which they were circumcised, a sign of the covenant.”

    Continuing with the story of Hagar, the angel of the Lord says in Genesis 16:10 that the Lord will increase her descendants so much they will be too numerous to count. “The angel of the Lord also said to her: ‘You are now pregnant, and you will give birth to a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery’” (Genesis 16:11).

    When we put the story together with the meaning of the characters’ names, it paints the most beautiful picture for those of us who have felt neglected or abused. God takes this enslaved Egyptian, whose name means “forsaken,” and gives her a massive lineage through her son, Ishmael, whose name means “God hears.” Sister, God sees you, hears you, and knows the number of hairs on your head (Luke 12:7).

    3. God Loves You Always

    My prayer journal contains a box that says, “Lord teach me to….” I often ask the Lord to teach me to love unconditionally. Some days it is hard to love without conditions or judgments, especially when hurt, but I try my best. I inevitably fail at times, but I pray again and start over the next day. We are all a work in progress, but God is always the same (Hebrews 13:8). His love for us and our love for him is termed agape in Greek and is the highest form of love.  

    Knowing that God never changes and God is love (1 John 4:7-8), we can concur that God will always love His children even though we don’t deserve it. After all, God sent His only Son to pay the price for our sins because He loves us so much that He wants to spend eternity with us.

    “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16, NIV)  

    4. God Always Has a Perfect Purpose for You

    The most notable story in the Bible of someone who is overlooked is King David. As kids, we hear the highlight reels of David’s life—like when David defeated Goliath with only a rock and a sling. But before becoming king, David started as a young shepherd boy. His dad, Jesse, didn’t remember to call him to the line-up when Samuel came to anoint David as king. Talk about overlooked! Yet, God set apart this lowly shepherd boy for a great purpose. While we may not be destined for earthly royalty or fame, God hand-picked us to fulfill a unique role in His kingdom.

    5. God Wants to Hear from You

    I’ve been passed over for jobs and writing opportunities throughout my life. I’ve been overlooked by peers, boys, and the church. When I was younger, these occurrences would rip my heart out. As I’ve matured, I’ve realized God often opens and closes doors because He has something better in store or is protecting me from harm. Not to say it doesn’t bring about distress and discouragement anymore, but I’ve grown to trust in His plan even when I don’t understand (Proverbs 3:5-6).

    On some of those loneliest days and nights, God was the only One I knew could hear and wanted to hear from me. And we would talk. Sometimes, He would answer with an overwhelming feeling of peace to get me through the next day. Some prayers have gone unanswered still, and some were responded to many years later. But there is a prayer He answered with a phone call right after the “Amen” rolled off my tongue:

    It was New Year’s Eve, and I was a sixteen-year-old who felt invisible to boys. Alone in my room, crying and depressed, I asked God to send me my soul mate. Two seconds later, the phone rang, and a boy I had been crushing on said, “Hello,” and invited me to a party. At that party, I met a new boy who made me forget about my crush who called me. We’ve been together twenty-three years this New Year’s Eve, and I never felt overlooked by him.

    Friend, prayer is not always answered instantaneously or as we wish, but His plans are only in place to prosper you. So keep talking to the One who sees and hears you.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes

    Darcie Fuqua is a Business Analyst, Auburn Grad (War Eagle!), Christian blogger & podcast host, and mental health advocate. She is from the deep south of Alabama, where she currently resides with her husband, two energetic fun-loving boys, and a dog named Charlie. She loves sinking her toes in the sand, cuddling with her boys, and having great conversations over a table of good food. You can read more of her writing on her website www.leightonlane.com and connect with her on Facebook and Instagram. Check out Darcie’s latest project as cohost of Therapy in 10.

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