Introducing the “Is My Relationship Over?” quiz, created by Dhriti Bhavsar, a psychologist with a master’s degree who specializes in counseling. If you’re at a crossroads in your relationship and wondering whether there’s still hope or if it’s time to move on, you’re in the right place. We understand ending a relationship is not easy but constantly fighting for something that is never going to work will be harder.
This expertly crafted quiz is designed to help you gain valuable insights and signs into whether your relationship is over. Get ready to discover whether the flame can be rekindled or if it’s time to embrace a new chapter in your life. Let’s embark on this journey together!
“When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive,” said Paulo Coelho in The Zahir. But is it that easy to let go of a man you once loved? Especially, if you’re still in love but you see clear signs the relationship is over for him? Well, not really. So, what do you do when you feel he is giving up on you or that he is leaving you for another woman? Yes, moments that you’ve spent together in the past matter. Your memories together matter.
But can you really push a relationship forward on your own when a man is done with you? What can you do to address the signs he wants out of the relationship? Is it a good idea to cling on to someone in spite of him making it clear it won’t work out for the two of you? Well, we will provide answers to all such burning questions in this article. If you’re wondering, “Is he done with me?,” read on.
21 Warning Signs The Relationship Is Over For Him – A Breakup Is Coming Your Way
Whether you’re in a long-term relationship with your man or have just been dating for a while, it breaks your heart to see signs he is cutting you off. Interestingly, a study shows women initiate breakups more often than men. Nonetheless, nobody knows how many of those breakups were catalyzed by the actions of the men those women had been dating. After all, women can be devastated when they break up with someone they once loved with all their heart and soul.
So, what happens when you see signs he’s over you? And how do you know when a relationship is ending? Are you so addicted to your partner that you’re in denial even after he clearly indicates a breakup and wonder, “Is it really over between us?” Well, these 21 signs the relationship is over for him may help you realize where you stand in terms of your equation with him:
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1. You’re left with nothing to do together anymore
One of the major signs he is giving up on you is when your partner is no longer making an effort to be in the relationship. In such cases, you’ll often find yourself wondering what to do when you’re together. The relationship becomes boring and monotonous. Some signs are:
● You run out of topics to discuss ● He stops laughing at your jokes ● He leaves immediately after sex ● You don’t enjoy any activity or hobby together ● Spending time together has become a chore
2. He doesn’t argue
When a man argues back or tries to reason with you on important topics, it’s a clear sign that he is still making an effort to stay in the relationship or trying to figure out a way to end your differences. In fact, some arguments are healthy. You should, however, worry when he stops arguing and turns passive. This is a good indicator that the relationship is over for him. In such cases, he might:
● Leave the room in the middle of an argument ● Dismiss your concerns ● Give you insipid or short responses, such as “Oh yes! You’re right.” In fact, the first sign your relationship is over could be these words
In any healthy relationship, long-term plans are inevitable. And more often than not, they are made by not one partner but both. But when you find your man shying away from any plans about the future, it’s probably because he changed his mind about you recently. In such cases, he may even stop planning about the imminent future, such as trip plans for the weekend.
4. He has cheated on you more than once
Yes, he may have cheated on you once, and you may have forgiven him. But if he becomes a habitual cheater, chances are, he has lost interest in you and wants a way out. In fact, he is likely to provoke you to react or end the failing relationship, by cheating on you or showing you he is leaving you for another woman. This way, they can then feel less guilty for leaving their partners.
Yes, we know women in the 21st century are independent and don’t need men to foot their bills. In fact, these days, women don’t mind paying on dates. They are even capable of pampering themselves with diamonds and lavish vacations. Gone are the days when one partner, usually the man, pampered the other. These are days of gender equality.
But, with that being said, women still expect their boyfriends or husbands to shower them with romantic dinners, expensive gifts, and exotic trips. These little acts of love take the relationship a notch higher.
So, if your man, in spite of earning well, doesn’t spend as much on you as he used to at the onset of your relationship, it could be a sign that:
● He wants a way out and is indirectly hinting at it ● He already has someone else in his life who he’s been splurging on ● He is saving for himself and his future and doesn’t have you in the picture
6. He has issues remembering significant dates
You still remember the way he once surprised you by being at your doorstep at midnight on your birthday, when he was actually supposed to be away on a work trip! But that was years ago. And now, you have to remind him of important dates, such as your anniversary or your birthday. Well, this could be one of the signs the relationship is over for him.
7. He isn’t careful while handling things that matter to you
A friend of mine, Brenda, once told me how days before her boyfriend of 2 years, Chris, broke up with her, they had gone out for dinner. Brenda had gifted him a pretty showpiece she got from her trip to Europe. Once they had had dinner, Chris got up and was about to leave, when a waiter reminded him of the souvenir he had left back at the table.
There are prominent signs that a relationship is over for him
Likewise, if your man forgets about or mishandles the objects of love that you hold dear to your heart, such as gifts from Valentine’s Day or other prized possessions of yours, they could be done with the relationship.
8. You feel like walking on eggshells
It’s possible he changed his mind about you if he is often agitated when you try and show him how much you love him. This is when you’ll feel you’re walking on eggshells. But how do you know when it’s over? Well, you may look out for these signs:
● He misinterprets everything that you say ● You’re careful with your words and try not to rub him the wrong way ● He often turns verbally abusive during discussions and arguments with you
We often come across people who wonder if their partners would still love them after getting into a new job or relocating to a new city. It’s true that people’s priorities change over time, and that may also change their relationship dynamics.
If you notice any sudden and significant change in your man’s personality after a significant life event, it’s a huge relationship red flag. It’s possible that his priorities have changed and so has your position in his life. This is also one of the glaring signs he wants you to leave him alone.
10. He is indifferent to your success
Picture this: you just won a scholarship to your favorite institute or have just been promoted. But you see your husband or boyfriend showing little interest in your joy. What’s worse, they are indifferent. This is a big sign the relationship is over for him.
You’re being stonewalled in your relationship when he deliberately stops all communication to manipulate your actions. This could be a sign that he probably wants a breakup but doesn’t have it in him to initiate it. He can, thus, stop sharing details about his life or stop communicating with you totally, so that he can indirectly hint at the end of the relationship. In this case:
● You may be provoked to ask him if he needs a break from the relationship ● He may dodge important concerns that you may have about the relationship, as he makes his way out
12. He hangs out with mutual friends, but not with you
A clear sign of disinterest in the relationship is when your partner is pally with your mutual friends and shares details of his life with them but not with you. In this case, your friends may know more about what’s going on in his life than you. You may also find that he stops inviting you to parties that have mutual friends.
Do you miss the depth of physical intimacy that you once enjoyed with your partner? Have you recently noticed that he no longer initiates sex? Are you in a sexless relationship? Well, it’s likely that he is losing interest in sex with you, because:
● He is mentally distancing himself from you ● He already has someone else in his life who’s making him happy in bed
14. He asks you if you need space
Often, we find men shying away from breaking up directly. There could be plenty of reasons for this:
● They avoid the social stigma of having “used a woman” ● They avoid emotional reactions or arguments ● They don’t wish to offer explanations
When a man is done with you, he will avoid being at social gatherings with you
But how do you know when it’s over? Well, in such cases, a man who wants to break up may just turn the tables and ask you if you need space.
15. His gestures tell all
When men don’t love you anymore, they are less protective of you. In that case, their body language says more than words do. You’ll often find him:
● Avoiding eye-contact ● Avoiding loving gestures such as hugging or holding hands ● Looking away when talking to you
Have you noticed that his football match is more important than spending quality time with you? Or, is he always busy at work or glued to his phone? Well, these could be signs the relationship is over for him.
17. He avoids attending social events with you
If he has stopped attending social events, such as office parties, weddings, and family gatherings with you, it could be a tell-tale sign that he is planning his way out of the relationship and that a breakup is coming. Men are often proud of their partners and like flaunting them to others. It’s not just a male ego booster but also a display of his love.
18. He’s absent from significant life events
Your boyfriend wasn’t there when you got your mother admitted to hospital. He also missed your graduation party. Guess what! He may be opting out because he is no longer making an effort to please you. This is one of the most prominent signs of a breakup from him.
Have you often found him saying that he is in the relationship only ‘because of the kids’? The first sign your relationship is over could be these words. What’s worse, you might notice him spending almost all his time at home with the kids while you hardly have any ‘couple time’ with him. Chances are, he is making the kids an escape route from the monotony of your relationship. Trust us, you’re not overreacting if you’re thinking to yourself, “I think my relationship is over.”
20. He criticizes you often or draws comparisons
One of the signs he wants you to leave him alone is excessive criticism from his end. Accepting a partner’s flaws is the first step to a healthy relationship. But it’s possible that the relationship is over for him if you find him:
● Constantly criticizing your looks and other things about you, such as your career or dress sense ● Comparing you with his exes or friends ● Ridiculing you or your taste in food, music, or clothes
Lastly, when the relationship is over for him, your friends and family will be the first people to notice the difference. You, being an active part of the relationship, may not be able to notice how you’re being ignored or mistreated by your husband or boyfriend. But the signs of a breakup from him will never escape the notice of your loved ones. So, keep your eyes and ears open for anything that they may have to say about you two.
Dumped
What To Do If The Relationship Is Over For Him – 5 Actionable Tips
What can you do if the relationship has soured beyond repair for him? Can you get back the zing of your early days? Well, a long-term relationship is tough, and you’re bound to have
rough patches. If you think the relationship requires a push to survive the tough days, why not give it a try? But if you think you’re better off without the toxicity of a partner who has given up on you and the relationship, it’s better to reconsider your choices. Here are a few tips to deal with such a situation:
1. Communicate
If your relationship is heading nowhere, it’s possible that you and your partner have stopped talking. But the best tried-and-tested solution to this issue is honest and open communication. Communicate with your husband or boyfriend and try to understand the underlying causes behind the impending breakup. Let him speak – be it the good, the bad, or the ugly. Instead of getting into the blame game, focus on the issue at hand and try to fix things if they can be.
2. Detach and reflect
Instead of being in denial, detach yourself emotionally for a day or two or go on a temporary breakup. In fact, spending time together can increase bitterness in such situations. Before taking any further steps, you need to be sure if the relationship is over for good. Give him and yourself some time to reflect on whether you wish to make the relationship work or end the connection once and for all. Ask yourself if the relationship is worth saving. After all, you should know when to end a relationship too. Recognize the signs a relationship is not working and step back if you need to.
Don’t punish yourself for his decision. Remember, it’s not always the partner’s fault when a relationship ends. Try to make amends if you wish to continue but stop blaming yourself for the negative outcome. Switch the focus on you. Pamper yourself with day outs, spend time with friends and family, and indulge in some self-love.
4. Avoid social media
When you notice the signs he is no longer interested in you, you’re likely to go through an emotional rollercoaster. The worst possible mistake that a woman can commit at this stage is vent on social media. That will make the situation bitter. In fact, social media often affects relationships adversely and, in such cases, can cause irreparable emotional damage. So, when you see signs he isn’t interested, avoid:
● Posting rants on social media blaming your partner ● Deleting photos or changing your relationship status right away ● Making snarky comments or engaging in social media gossip about your partner
If you need to vent, ask mutual friends for their advice or confide in a trusted few, in private.
5. Consult a counselor
Be it individual counseling to help you nurse your broken heart or couples counseling to help the two of you deal with the situation, there’s no alternative to speaking to a professional. Many couples struggle to reach an amicable end. If your man doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore, don’t hesitate to speak to a counselor or relationship coach. Skilled and licensed therapists on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
Key Pointers
Women need to take a good look at their romantic relationships if they aren’t sure their partners want to continue
Some of the glaring signs the relationship is over for him are: a change in personality, absence from key life events, lack of future or long-term plans, infidelity, and excessive criticism
When a man is done with you, you can deal with the situation by communicating with him, detaching and reflecting on the issue, focusing on yourself, avoiding reacting on social media, and consulting a counselor
We hope you now have a clear picture of the signs he is no longer interested in you. We hope you’re still not left googling, “How do you know when a relationship is over?” No relationship is a cakewalk, and to deal with a man who wishes to end it is far worse. After all, there’s a limit to how much effort you can put in the relationship.
But, remember, it’s not the end of the world even when a man says he is done with you. After all, a relationship shouldn’t define your worth. And even you should look out for signs a relationship is not working. You should know when to end a relationship too. So, chin up, princess! Go, face it. But don’t be beaten by a breakup or let it decide your path in life. Remember, tough times don’t last, tough people do.
“The narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom: No matter how much you put in, you can never fill it up,” said popular American psychologist and professor Dr. Ramani Durvasula. Of course, self-love should be an integral aspect of our lives. But when the cup of self-love overflows and narcissism starts hampering an individual’s relationships, it’s a dangerous place to be in. And what happens when a narcissist attracts an empath? Well, this article will delve deeper into the 21 Stages of a narcissistic relationship with an empath.
You might have guessed by now that such a relationship is bound to be one-sided. But what are the subtleties of such relationships and what can you expect in a toxic relationship such as this one in the long run? What are some signs a narcissist is using you? What happens when a narcissist meets his match? How long can a partner tolerate emotional abuse by a narcissist?
Let us help you explore the complex relationship dynamics between a narcissist and an empath with the help of our expert relationship counselor Ruchi Ruuh (Postgraduate Diploma in Counseling Psychology). We’re sure by the time you finish reading this article, you would’ve gained some valuable insights on such connections and have a clear idea about when to step back. So, let’s get started.
What Happens When An Empath And A Narcissist Get Into A Relationship?
Before we get into the details of the stages of a narcissistic relationship with an empath, let’s look at the two terms ‘narcissist’ and ‘empath’ and find out how each differs from the other. Drawing from the Greek mythological character Narcissus, a hunter who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool as the result of a punishment, narcissism is a personality disorder that involves excessive self-importance, to the extent of being abnormally concerned about oneself.
Empaths, on the other hand, are people who, by psychological terms, display hyperempathy, or excessive empathy for people around them. These highly sensitive people can care about others to the extent of ignoring their own needs and wants.
What’s the difference between a narcissist and an empath?
Interestingly, a narcissist’s psychological dynamics are so complicated that one can’t simply say they don’t possess empathy. In fact, a study once suggested that narcissists don’t simply lack empathy. Narcissists live with dysfunctional empathy that depends on various motivational and situational factors.
But it goes without saying that an empath and a narcissist are poles apart in terms of their needs and behavior. Ruchi explains, “An empath is a highly sensitive person who knows how to empathize and detect the feelings of other people.” Empaths possess qualities such as:
Active listening skills
Picking up on non-verbal cues
Reading thoughts, feelings, and emotions
Making people feel happy and comfortable around them, often at the cost of their own well-being
Trying to find positive things among the chaos
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Ruchi adds, “A narcissist, however, is someone who’s looking for someone with such skills.” Some narcissistic tendencies and traits are:
Need for excessive love and affection
Thirst for absolute control and power over other people
“As we all know, opposites attract. So, since empaths don’t have healthy boundaries, people with narcissistic personality disorder love to penetrate those weak boundaries. The empath–narcissist pairing seems like an ideal couple, but such relationships are also full of manipulation and selfishness and soon become very toxic,” Ruchi says.
What are the features of a narcissist empath friendship or relationship?
Now that we know that empaths and narcissists are prone to be attracted to each other, let’s look at what happens when they get into a relationship. Well, it is common knowledge that a narcissist’s overpowering charisma and fake confidence attracts an empath like a magnet. But how do such relationships function over time? We’ll look at a few features of a relationship or friendship between a narcissist and an empath. Here they are:
● Narcissists control empaths: Empaths admire the charm and decisiveness of narcissists. In fact, a narcissist attracts an empath with a fake show of confidence.
● Narcissists put up a show of being ideal: In trying to showcase themselves as ideal wives, husbands, or partners, narcissists also sometimes mirror the empath’s qualities. An empath will thus feel they have found an ideal partner in a narcissist.
● It turns into a God–devotee relationship: Ruchi says, “A narcissist’s ego is like that of a movie star. Narcissists almost appear to be God-like figures to empaths, while empaths become their fans or devotees. While narcissists are constantly looking for validation, their fans (the empaths) are always encouraging and worshiping them like Gods. Empaths often shower them with gifts, compliments, and encouragement.”
● Narcissists complain and empaths manage them: The narcissistic relationship pattern involves complaining, while empaths are always there to respond with love and compassion. Ruchi adds, “Narcissists are always in disharmony with the world and think everyone is against them and that nobody likes them. Empaths offer a safe space to help them feel good about themselves and, in turn, become their punching bags.”
● Narcissists manipulate empaths: Narcissists are manipulative and often don’t take any blame when something bad happens. Ruchi adds, “When things go south, narcissists exploit empaths, but empaths don’t realize that they’re being manipulated.”
● Narcissists gaslight empaths: Narcissists somehow convince the empaths that they need to fix themselves. Ruchi explains, “When a narcissist blames or gaslights an empath, the empath tries to change themselves, without questioning them back. They fall prey to the narcissist’s gaslighting.”
● Narcissists become the empath’s protector and then their abuser: One of the features of the narcissistic relationship pattern is that narcissists make empaths feel that they are protecting them. Ruchi adds, “Empaths enjoy the protection in the beginning. But this feeling wears off pretty quickly when an empath realizes the narcissist is trying to manipulate them. Narcissists destroy empaths if this continues for too long.”
21 Stages Of A Narcissistic Relationship With An Empath
The complexity of the narcissist–empath friendship or relationship dynamic is such that psychologists have categorized it in phases. Though stages of a narcissistic relationship aren’t always linear, it’s believed all narcissist–empath connections more or less go through the same progressive order. So, let’s delve deeper into this interesting bond and find out more about the narcissistic relationship cycle:
Idealization
In the idealization stage, the narcissist portrays themselves as an ideal human being, full of charm, charisma, and intellectual depth. They seem to be flawless and often try to match the traits of an empath or mirror their needs and thoughts. This is the beginning of the intense attraction between a narcissist and an empath, in which the empath starts idealizing their partner. Let’s see what this phase entails:
1. Love bombing
In the first stage, the narcissist tries to manipulate the empath with an intense expression of love, also known as love bombing. Ruchi adds, “The narcissist will impress you by giving you excessive love and shower you with gifts, compliments, PDA, and declaration of love on social media. They show you that they value you excessively, making you get into an emotional bond quickly.”
A narcissist starts the relationship with love bombing
But how would you distinguish between love bombing and genuine care? A Reddit user says, “Usually love bombing appears very fast” and then adds, “Genuine care is mostly about respecting your feelings, and being comfortable to discuss things without walking on eggshells.”
The second stage has narcissists portraying themselves as flawless, self-assured, successful people. They make you feel like you have shared values, interests, and hobbies. They mirror your interests. Ruchi explains, “So, if you like politics, they will start talking about politics. If you’re a student of French, they might start speaking in French. Narcissists create a fake shared identity and a false image of compatibility.”
3. Rapid escalation of relationship
Generally, relationships progress with partners falling in love and discovering each other over time. But in narcissist–empath relationships, the narcissist pulls the empath into a serious relationship right from the beginning. So, a narcissist may:
Ruchi adds, “By showing this beautiful side of themselves, narcissists trap empaths in bonds of emotional intimacy.”
As the relationship progresses, the devaluation phase begins, with the narcissist putting a sudden end to the love and adoration that they had been showering their empath partner with. Empaths suddenly find themselves being criticized and targeted with negative comments by the narcissist. They are undermined by the narcissist and don’t feel as valued as they were in the initial days of the relationship.
4. Criticism and negativity
The fourth stage begins with hyper-negativity. Ruchi adds, “After so much appreciation in the beginning, this stage comes as a blow- to an empath. Suddenly, narcissists start finding faults, or talk about trivial flaws that did not matter in the past.” In such cases, narcissists can criticize an empath’s:
Views
Jobs
Physical appearance
Accomplishments
Narcissists easily dismiss anything positive about empaths and that results in low self-esteem in their partners.
5. Emotional manipulation and abuse
In this stage, narcissists go all out with their claws. They start doing things that would make an empath feel bad about themselves. Ruchi explains, “In this stage, an empath may start questioning if they’re the toxic person. What follows is a lot of blame shifting and rejection. Narcissists set empaths up for failure.”
In the sixth stage, the attention that was abundant in the first phase becomes sparse. Ruchi adds, “Narcissists may withhold affection and emotional connection consciously in this stage. They become strangely cold.” In fact, this is one of the signs a narcissist is using you or your vulnerability to their advantage.
7. Threats of abandonment
Next, comes the narcissist’s favorite weapon: the fear of abandonment, which may already be present in an empath due to their hypersensitivity. A narcissist loves to prey on a sensitive empath’s fear of being left alone, and this eventually leads to emotional blackmail. In fact, by now, they may have already begun the initial gaslighting and their empath partner is probably seeking the narcissist’s approval and attention.
Ruchi explains, “Suddenly, the empath is worthless and undeserving. In this stage, narcissists may try to assert their power and control. They start threatening you through their words and actions. It’s like if you don’t step up or do things according to them, they will leave you. Love is a drug for the empath now and it’s difficult for them to understand it’s a threat. But the fear of abandonment creeps in and causes anxiety. When a narcissist abuses an empath partner emotionally, the partner can develop a low self-esteem too.”
This phase is all about manipulative tactics that narcissists employ to destroy their partner’s perception of reality. They tell their empath partners that their reality is not true, and the empaths start doubting their own sanity. Let’s look at the various stages of this phase:
8. Denial of reality
Gaslighting begins with the narcissist denying the empath’s reality or experiences. In such cases, they might:
Dismiss the empath’s feelings, saying things such as “You’re just overreacting.”
Deny events that happened, by saying things such as “Are you sure that happened? Are you imagining things?”
Try to convince the empath that they remember things incorrectly
Change the narrative according to their whims This creates a lot of confusion in the empath’s mind.
In this stage, narcissists start accusing their empath partners of manipulating or exaggerating. Ruchi says, “Narcissists start turning the tables and resort to blame shifting. So, if they’re lying or cheating, they blame the empath for their toxic actions. If they should be responsible, they make the empath feel they’re not doing enough. This is a subtle form of manipulation.”
In such situations, you may find the narcissist saying things such as:
“How does it matter if I’ve been texting my assistant? How can I be sure you’re not up to something with your boss?”
“Yes, I know I should’ve paid the rent on time last month. But you didn’t remind me at all.”
10. Minimizing and trivializing your concerns
Narcissists now go from validating your concerns and needs to saying you’re always complaining. Ruchi adds, “Your convenience isn’t important to them anymore. They start downplaying your emotional pain. This is a very big blow to an empath’s self-esteem.” Here’s one example:
Rita, a friend of mine, had a narcissistic husband, Chris. While they initially seemed like a loving couple, things changed later. At one point, everything in their lives depended on Chris’s whims. When Rita once complained that she had been facing harassment at her new workplace, Chris said she was probably exaggerating. Rita would also often be too tired after the long commute and would order in food instead of cooking. Chris had a problem with that too and blamed her for being lazy, saying all wives should know how to take care of their husbands. This is a classic case of the narcissistic behavior of minimizing a partner’s concerns.
Narcissists love creating the hot-and-cold situation where dichotomous ideas pop up often. This involves:
Making contradictory statements
Changing sides often
Showering love on you one day and distancing themselves the next
A narcissist tries to confuse the empath with their actions
Ruchi explains, “This contradictory nature makes it challenging for the empath partner to trust narcissists. Self-doubt creeps in and they start questioning their reality. An empath in this situation will go through an emotional rollercoaster.”
12. Isolation and dependency
In this stage, the narcissist’s manipulative game reaches a crescendo. They start isolating empaths from their other support systems. So, the empath is so busy dealing with the confusion in their relationship, they don’t have the time to interact with or seek support from their family and friends.
Ruchi adds, “Now the empath stops confiding in their friends and family members. They often do this to avoid angering the narcissist partner. So, there’s a huge emotional dependency on the narcissist for emotional validation. Most victims of such manipulation feel trapped and stop trusting their own gut feeling or perception of reality.”
In this phase, the narcissist uses silence to punish the empath for not ‘obeying’ them or for not pleasing them enough. This is another emotionally manipulative tactic of the narcissist and has an immensely detrimental effect. It is also often anxiety- inducing for the empath partner. Let’s look at the stages of this phase:
13. Communication shutdown
This is one of the most painful stages of a narcissistic relationship, as all or most communication between the narcissist and empath stops. This is a classic case of narcissistic emotional stonewalling. Ruchi adds, “The narcissistic partner, who was very vocal earlier, suddenly stops communicating. They make you feel they are about to leave you. Soon, the silence feels like a breakup. There is complete withdrawal of attachment and a lot of confusion. All of this makes the empath desperate for attention.”
14. Emotional control
The narcissist, in this stage, is in a position of power over the empath emotionally. In this stage:
The empath is left feeling absolutely challenged and may feel the narcissist is pulling their strings
The empath, when blocked or unfriended on social media and other channels of communication, starts searching for the narcissist partner or asking people for their whereabouts.
The empath has no way of knowing what’s going on until and unless the narcissist begins communicating again
Narcissistic hoovering is a phase which finds the narcissist trying to re-establish the relationship or pretending to do so. Ruchi adds, “The narcissist, who was absconding for a while and had blocked all channels of communication, now suddenly comes back and tries to reignite the relationship.” Here are some stages of this phase:
15. Love bombing II
This is the return of the love bombing stage and is characterized by:
Sudden excessive attention
Compliments
Constant contact
Ruchi explains, “This is when the narcissist creates an idealized relationship again, making the empath hopeful about the relationship once more.”
16. Fake apologies and promises
This is when the narcissist makes promises to change themselves and the situation. Ruchi says, “The empath might feel the narcissist is admitting to their flaws and has finally realized their mistakes. And the empath starts trusting the narcissist again, because the apologies and promises feel real and heartfelt.”
So, in this stage, you might see a narcissist say things like:
“I promise, I’ll make it up to you next time.”
“I know I can be unreasonable at times. Trust me, I’m working on it.”
“I’m so sorry I made you feel that way. This won’t happen again, I promise.”
17. Manipulative guilt entity
In this stage, the narcissist tries to portray themselves as the victim. They make you feel you’re not trying to communicate and that you’re toxic. Ruchi adds, “Narcissists downplay their emotional and mental abuse and make the empath feel like the abuser. They also start telling the empath sob stories of their previous relationships to evoke empathy.”
18. Flying monkeys
When all their strategies fail, narcissistic abuse moves to the next level by taking the help of flying monkeys, or mutual friends and connections. These connections become peacemakers. In such cases, the mutual connections may:
Convince you to forgive the narcissist
Believe in the versions of your story that a narcissist may have told them
Give the narcissist information about you, without consulting you
Dismiss your feelings
Trivialize your emotions
Gaslight or manipulate you on behalf of the narcissist
And why do flying monkeys side with the narcissist? Well, they may have their reasons:
They may be benefitting from the narcissist in some way
They may have unresolved issues with you
They may just be people pleasers who don’t wish to offend the manipulative narcissist
They may not be willing to be in the bad books of the narcissist
Ruchi explains, “There is suddenly a lot of pressure to reconcile. This is challenging for the empath, something quite similar to what we see in many divorce cases, where the victim is made to believe they need to reconcile and not leave their partners.”
Discard
The last of the 21 stages of a narcissistic relationship with an empath is the ‘discard’ phase. This phase is one of the most prominent signs a narcissist is finished with you and the most painful of all. It’s in this phase that the narcissist abruptly ends the relationship and discards their partner. So, there is no scope for a gradual breakup in such cases. There is no mutual resolution or amicable parting either. Let’s look at the stages of this phase:
19. Sudden cold disengagement
This is in fact a form of silent treatment that the narcissist ends the relationship with. This is when the narcissist decides to cut off all forms of communication and the empath partner is left with nothing. Ruchi adds, “The empath doesn’t know what the narcissist is up to or whether there is any future of the relationship. It seems like a sudden death of the connection and may lead to emotional trauma.”
20. Emotional cruelty, with lack of closure
In this stage, the narcissist may:
Engage in name calling or abuse
Create a false narrative about their empath partner
Ruchi adds, “This can make the empath feel humiliated, exploited, shamed, and insecure, directly affecting their self-esteem. Here, the narcissist is controlling the story. The lack of closure almost amounts to cruelty. The narcissist moves on but leaves the empath thinking they’re wrong and makes them go through emotional turmoil.”
21. Hoovering II
One would think the narcissist is done with the empath once the relationship reaches the final stage of ‘discard’. But narcissists surprisingly love disrupting the healing process of their empath partners. So, even after the relationship is over, the narcissist may come back from time to time, hoovering for years, not allowing their partners to forget them or move on. In such cases, the narcissist may:
Offer short-lived apologies for years, such as “I’m sorry for what I did to you. Can we remain friends?”
Send you surprise gifts
Shower compliments and attention on social media
Wish you on your birthday or special days
Ruchi adds, “This is detrimental for the empath’s emotional well-being, as they may feel exploited over and over, for years
Key Pointers
Narcissists tend to display traits such as excessive self-absorption, attention-seeking behavior, grandiosity (or excessive self-importance), and an inability to show empathy
Empaths are known to be hypersensitive to people around them and even pick up non- verbal cues
The relationship between an empath and a narcissist may seem ideal in the beginning
With time, the narcissist–empath dynamic turns into a one-sided relationship, with the narcissist turning into a ‘taker’ and the empath being the ‘giver’
The 21 stages of a narcissistic relationship with an empath include several sub-stages of these phases: idealization, devaluation, gaslighting, silent treatment, hovering, and discard
The narcissist–empath relationship either ends when the empath stops giving their all or the relationship turns into a long-drawn and painful bond of exploitation
Narcissistic abuse is a magnetic trap for an empath. As already mentioned in the article above, in an empath-and-narcissist marriage, an empath’s hyper-empathetic nature makes them vulnerable to the self-centered narcissist’s abusive behavior. The ensuing relationship doesn’t just make the empath’s life painful but also pushes the narcissist to a point of no return in terms of mental health issues. A narcissist, if led on to such toxic behavior, may never recover and may continue to harm themselves and other people in the long run.
Thus, it’s important for the empath to step back whenever they realize they are being abused by their narcissistic partners or are becoming victims of narcissistic rage. Empath–narcissist couples can also opt for counseling, as consulting a mental health professional has no alternatives. Most importantly, they should take the help of their friends, family, and coworkers to see if things can improve. If you’re an empath who has noticed signs a narcissist is done with you, you should realize your value and work on self-care. Remember, abusive relationships are bound to end on a bitter note someday. So, never sacrifice your mental well-being and self-worth just to be with someone. Break free from the narcissist’s control!
FAQs
1.Do narcissists get worse with each relationship?
Narcissists may wish to settle down or tie the knot with people they may think are suitable for them. But their repeated narcissistic abuse and patterns of disrespect and emotional exploitation prevent most narcissists from being in stable relationships or marriages. So, they may not be theoretically getting worse with each relationship but may just be exhibiting their narcissistic traits over and over again.
2. How long do narcissistic relationships usually last?
Since narcissists value power over their partners more than the emotional aspects of a relationship, their bonds too are mostly superficial and may last only for a few months. As a result, the narcissistic relationship cycle is short and narcissists usually move on from one relationship to the next, changing their partners just like parasites moving on to new hosts. An empath-and-narcissist marriage or relationship will end when the empath finally decides to regain control. Additionally, such one-sided relationships are emotionally draining and painful. However, narcissistic relationships may last longer when a narcissist meets his match, i.e., another narcissist.
As Victor Borge quotes, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” It is often said that couples who laugh together, last together! You can spice up your love life with the help of these top 100 romantic questions to ask your boyfriend to make him laugh that we’ve listed here in this article. Remember, fun intimate questions to ask your partner are the easiest way to bond with your partner.
And getting to know the sense of humor of your beloved is a part of strengthening your relationship. Studies have proven that a healthy relationship has ‘laughter’ as its core essence. When a guy says you make him laugh, well, then you are definitely on the right track. But if you still struggle to come up with random funny questions to ask a guy, we’re right by your side to help!
You can make a list of freaky questions for him, and we bet it will prove fruitful in striking up a rapport with your special someone. We have a long list of questions to get to know your significant other, some saucy questions to ask, questions to ask in a new relationship, and a bunch of quirky and dirty questions to ask a guy to make him laugh hysterically. So, let’s dive into the world of giggles and chuckles with your ‘boo’.
100+ Quirky Questions To Make Him Smile and Laugh
Finding out romantic situations to involve your partner can be tiresome sometimes. Nevertheless, if you have humor, you have won half the game and are bound to win the race to your man’s heart. When you and a guy laugh together, it boosts your connection, chemistry, and commitment.
Researchers have emphasized that “shared laughter signals that they see the world in the same way.” It wouldn’t matter if you have a new relationship or if you’ve been in the thick and thin for 10 years. Cute romantic questions to ask your boyfriend are brilliant conversation starters, and if you ever feel there’s a lack of communication, you can back on this to rejuvenate your connection.
What are some flirty questions to ask your boyfriend
There are some really weird questions to ask boyfriends that are considered part of a romantic gesture. Such questions are a fun way to get to know the best version of your bae. And now, you don’t need to cook up questions in your own mind, because here is a list of some cute romantic questions to ask your boyfriend to make him laugh:
Trick questions to ask your boyfriend for some laughs
As crafty and cunning as it might sound, trick questions to ask your boyfriend are truly an awesome way to playfully cross some lines. You can ask him about his deepest and darkest truths, but with a jolly tone. These kinds of relationship questions can embark romantic chats, giving the right balance of amusement and sobriety. The drill is to ask some tricky questions while being lighthearted and aiming entirely on ‘how to make my boyfriend laugh’.
The discussion can range from random questions to silly yet sly ones. The perks of romantic questions to ask your boyfriend to make him laugh is that you get to enjoy his wit, humor, and make him stutter before he speaks. He might even shy away from some questions, trying to escape the tension-building questions, but at the end, when he answers them, it will be a treat for you.
We have dug into several questions to put him in a hilariously compromised state. So, let us have a look at the perfect blend of humorous, foxy, and crazy questions to ask your partner:
1. What is the most embarrassing moment of your life?
2. What was the most ridiculous fashion trend that you followed?
3. Tell me about the silliest thing you believed as a child.
4. If you came with a warning label, what would it say?
5. What are the lamest dad jokes you’ve heard?
6. What is one fictional character that you found relatable and funny?
7. Who is the celebrity crush you’ve daydreamed about?
8. What can be the most embarrassing thing you would do to win someone over?
9. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done in a serious relationship?
25. What is the most memorable moment with your best friend?
26. Do you remember the most embarrassing thing you’ve done along with your best friend?
Some questions in the list above contain absurd ideas, while some can make your man think outside the box and use his intellect. There are many rare questions that make it to the top of the list of funny things to ask your lover. Such questions add meaning to conversations too. Just remember to avoid some daunting questions which may put him in a state of discomfort. The whole idea behind this questionnaire is to be able to help you spend a splendid time with him, and not intimidate him with heavy quizzes. However, comparing his exes, asking for a proposal, and asking political questions should be firmly avoided.
Dirty questions to ask a guy to make him laugh
Couples often get bored of the dull and repetitive conversations between them. One fun way to give a plot twist to your love story is by trying out these romantic questions to ask your boyfriend to make him laugh. The one-stop solution for all your distressed questions, such as, “What to talk with bf at night romantically?” and “What are some new relationship questions to ask him?” is here. You can start by asking these amazing, spicy questions.
Dirty questions are like double-edged swords which have the potential to infuse hilarity and hotness simultaneously. Exploring sexual compatibility by asking some downright naughty questions is considered one great take. His responses to these saucy quizzes can create a storm of erotic desires within you.
We’ve got a bunch of sexual questions to ask your boyfriend to make him laugh. Interestingly, 99% of guys blush when asked these questions. So, without further delay, let’s look at some kinky questions to ignite his libido:
27. What is the weirdest thing you like about your celebrity crush?
28. Have you gone skinny dipping with someone?
29. Who is your favorite porn star and why?
30. Do you have a favorite guilty pleasure movie? Name it.
31. What is the wildest fantasy you’ve had for a celebrity crush?
32. Tell me the weirdest thing you’ve done in bed.
33. If you were down for a one-night stand, who would it be with? A stranger or a friend?
34. Have you ever done a one night stand?
35. What is the most outrageous lie you’ve told your best friend?
36. Show me the weirdest thing from your search history.
37. In your opinion, does playing video games together count as a romantic gesture?
38. What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen in a romantic comedy movie that you’d try in real life?
48. What is the most horrific yet silliest thing you’ve experienced alone?
49. Have your parents ever caught you drooling over your favorite fictional character?
50. Describe the craziest thing you’ve done to ask a girl out.
51. Do you remember an incident when you made a fool of yourself in front of your best friend?
52. What is the most awkward place you got laid in?
Juicy questions to ask your boyfriend for some laughs
Whenever you wonder, “What are some flirty questions to ask your boyfriend?”, it simply shows that you’re willing to keep the relationship alive and happening. And there is no better way to spice up one’s relationship than by trying out these fun questions to ask a man with a hint of hidden naughtiness. Who doesn’t want to create a happy couple space for themselves where a natural pull keeps you both excited and turned on?
Men organically tend to love a relationship where there is shared laughter, intimacy, and romance. After a hectic day at work, a couple needs to have their private time, and these juicy questions to ask your boyfriend serves as that happy pill. The inner satisfaction that comes with the knowledge that you make him laugh a lot is enough to make your day.
The list of romantic questions to ask your boyfriend to make him laugh is vast, and might include the funniest things, such as bizarre questions about topics you can only discuss with your boyfriend over the phone, smutty scenarios, or even about embarrassing childhood memories. So, if you ever find your relationship in a slump, sit with him and try asking him the juicy set of questions listed below:
53. Do you prefer ‘vanilla sex’ or are you the wild kind?
54. Are you a balloon? Because I want to blow you.
55. Is there an intimate scene you want to reenact with me?
71. How long should foreplay last according to you?
72. When did you lose your virginity?
73. What is the one thing you want me to do to you?
74. Do you have random questions in your mind, like what color lingerie am I wearing today?
75. What are your thoughts about roleplay in the bedroom?
76. How often would you like us to have sex?
77. Do you like it when I pull your hair?
78. If you could choose my clothes in the bedroom, what would you do?
Flirty questions to ask your boyfriend
This is yet another collection of questions in the category of cheesy questions for boyfriends. The motive here is to make your man smile and give him a memory of a lifetime. In the stressful world, where people hardly even manage to make time for themselves, ensure some chuckles and mischief together. If communication is the head of a secure relationship, humor and playfulness are the heart of it.
Flirting is basically an art that takes skills and finesse. If you are one of those who often google ‘What are some flirty questions to ask your boyfriend?,’ then this bit is for you. We have a perfectly curated array of enticingly sweet questions to ask a guy that will make him flushed and rekindle your romance.
99% of guys blush when asked this question
So, be ready to ask some alluring questions to make him fall in love all over again. These flirtatious and romantic questions to ask your boyfriend to make him laugh are possibly the answer to ‘What to talk with bf at night?’ So, discover some fantasies with giggles. Here is the list of some handpicked flirty questions for him:
79. What is one family tradition of yours that you can imagine me practicing?
80. Am I your favorite snack?
81. What is a romantic gesture you’d like to see in your future wedding?’
82. If given a chance, will you spend a day without underwear?
83. If you met your celebrity crush, would you still choose me?
84. Explain the sequence of your shower routine.
85. What has been your biggest romantic failure?
86. Do you sleep hugging your pillow and will I be allowed to replace it?
103. Have you ever stolen anything? Of course, other than my heart.
104. How would you feel if I kissed you right now?
The right kind of questions asked at the right moment effectively elevate the compatibility of a couple. You can customize the questions for different occasions to get cozy with your boyfriend. Make sure to get hold of the flow and analyze his humor. The questions shouldn’t appear like a questionnaire but should be an addition to playful moments of shared laughter. Remember that 99% of guys blush when asked these questions related to their love life and fun moments.
So, let the sizzle take over and be ready to ask crazy questions, listen to his funny answers, reveal fantasies and secrets, and fire up the romance! Unwinding with your partner is the perfect gift after a long day of work. So, without giving a second thought to it, try these questions out. You may not realize it right away, but you are creating memories to relish forever. A day spent without laughter is a day wasted. As Marcus Aurelius rightly said, “Very little is needed to make a happy life.”
It is believed Benjamin Franklin once wrote, “Half a truth is often a great lie.” While we agree that telling the truth is the best bet in a relationship, most often, partners do keep things from each other or lie to each other. Additionally, lying by omission often becomes a major issue in relationships.
So, when is omission of certain details considered lying? Is telling a white lie harmful? Does lying by omitting a few details have the potential to destroy an otherwise happy relationship or does it not matter that much? Are you also wondering how to get over someone lying to you this way? Read on, as our expert psychologist Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), who specializes in CBT, REBT, and couples counseling, helps us explore ‘lies by omission’ and their potential consequences and tells us what to do to address this issue in relationships.
What Is Lying By Omission?
Nandita explains, “In general terms, lying by omission, meaning lying without giving a false statement, is withholding information in a relationship deliberately. It’s the same in any kind of relationship, whether romantic or not. It’s when we don’t fully disclose the real or actual facts or information intentionally.” Is it detrimental to a relationship? Well, yes, it can be. In fact, an article on The Cut states how people generally view telling lies by omission as equally toxic as paltering, or focusing on selective truths to mislead people, just like politicians often do. In fact, some believe lying by omission is worse than lying by commission.
However, omission may not always be considered lying by some. A Reddit user says, “It’s only a lie of omission if the thing omitted changes the truth as the person understands it. Otherwise, it’s just a lack of detail.” Another Reddit user believes there’s no such thing as a lie of omission, as there could be a vast number of things that we probably don’t mention to others.
However, this user is probably talking about instances of honest omission without any malice or hidden agenda. After all, the intention matters. But why do people omit important details? To find the answer, let’s look at some reasons why people would lie by omission:
● To avoid conflict: People often lie by omitting crucial details that may cause conflicts or differences of opinion ● To avoid hurting someone’s feelings: People also lie by omission so as not to hurt someone close to them ● To protect one’s self-image: Nandita says, “When people start keeping secrets, it could be to maintain a positive self-image or to not lose face.” Hiding their flaws seems to be a good idea for some ● To gain respect: Nandita adds, “When people lie by omitting some details they could actually be concerned about gaining respect in the eyes of their partners.” ● Because of past traumaor emotional baggage: One partner can lie by omitting details about their life because they may have been ridiculed or been at the receiving end of hostile behavior for speaking the truth in the past ● To be in control: Omitting certain details about one’s life is a clear way of gaining control of the relationship dynamic. Some people like manipulating a situation by not giving their partners access to complete information about themselves as a power tactic
Lying by omission can stem from a number of reasons, ranging from one’s own insecurities to external elements, such as a loved one whose feelings you don’t wish to hurt. We’re sure you’re now wondering how lying by omission affects our everyday lives. Read on to find out.
7 Everyday Examples Of Lying By Omission In Relationships
Now that you have a clear idea about the reasons behind telling lies by omission, let’s look at some everyday examples of this deception in relationships. Yes, lying by avoiding talking about the unpleasant aspects of one’s life is a common phenomenon. And lying by omission examples are found aplenty in our everyday lives. Here are 7 things from our daily lives which people tend to omit details about:
1. Professional details
Often, people tend to lie to their partners by omitting details related to their jobs or careers. A few instances of such lies are: ● Omission of details about what one does at work: This involves lying about the type of work one does, especially when one is lying at the beginning of a relationship. For instance, a person can say he works at a Michelin-star restaurant, to make it sound like he holds an important post, while in reality, he may just be waiting tables there ● Omission of details about job loss: People often keep news about losing their jobs, be it due to layoffs or dismissal. Nandita adds, “If a boss has fired or made a bad case of one partner, they may not want to come home and say it. This could be because of the fear of their partner’s reaction or their supposed loss of prestige.”
Talking about money is often the most crucial thing in a relationship. And the trouble begins when one partner withholds significant details regarding their financial status, as life goals may suffer. Nandita adds, “Not revealing details about one’s financial status or money problems is a serious issue that can affect the relationship in the long run. And yes, it amounts to lying.”
3. Past relationships
People also often omit facts about their past relationships to avoid conflicts or unpleasant topics. Nandita explains, “Not telling your partner about your exes, even though your partner has asked you about them, is definitely a lie. And such omissions can cause a permanent relationship breakdown in future. While it’s okay to not get into the absolute minutest details of a partner’s past relationships, both partners should have some idea about each other’s previous dating lives, as the past can catch up with us eventually and cause a rift.”
Lying by omission is worse than telling a lie actively
In such cases, a person tends to lie about: ● How long they had been with the exes ● How intimate they had been or whether they had had sex with their exes ● The reason that led to the breakup. People lie about this because the actual reason could reveal some flaw at their end, such as abusive behavior or substance abuse ● Who ended the relationship
Quite often, people also withhold details or facts about their personal history. Some even hide facts about their families. Some instances of such omissions are: ● Not revealing all the details about one’s criminal record, even if it’s about spending a night in jail for a student rally in college days ● Not revealing the professions of one’s family members. So, a person who’s not particularly proud that his father is a janitor may not reveal the details of his father’s profession to his potential girlfriend ● Withholding information about a mental illness or physical disability of a family member
5. Health conditions
A classic case of lying by omitting details is withholding facts about one’s health issues. One may have been diagnosed with a rare illness in the past or may even be suffering from a terminal illness. But not revealing that to a potential partner amounts to lying. A relationship can only grow when there’s transparency regarding all issues, including major medical conditions, such as cardiac issues or infertility.
A friend of mine, Linda, who suffered from vitiligo, a rare skin pigmentation disorder, would often put on concealing makeup before going on dates, to hide her condition. This ruined her relationships later, when her dates eventually found out about her condition.
6. Affairs
Omission of details is what any cheater resorts to hide their tracks from their partner. For instance, one of my friends, Susan, once went on a girls’ trip with us. We went to a club, where she got drunk and hooked up with a guy. They got cozy and shared some intimate moments too. We were all worried how it would impact her marriage. But when she went back home, she apparently told her husband about everything except the hook-up. This is how affairs begin and this is where it should stop if you want a healthy relationship.
Another great example of lying by omitting details is when your partner doesn’t wish to share information about what their family thinks of you. Picture this: your boyfriend called you home to meet his parents and he’s dying to pop the question to you. You’re all excited too. But his mother apparently didn’t like the way you dress. He withholds this from you to avoid unnecessary bickering or to avoid hurting you. This is a classic case of lying at the beginning of a relationship.
9 Consequences Of Lying By Omission On Relationships
Now you know that lying by omission involves intentionally omitting details about something. We’ve also given you an idea of how omitting details about our lives actually works. So, let us look at a few ways in which this form of lying affects relationships. Here are 9 effects of lies of omission on relationships:
1. Lack of trust
Lying by omitting significant details about something may affect the trust quotient of a relationship. Nandita says, “When a partner is caught intentionally omitting information or not disclosing certain information, there’s bound to be a loss of trust between the partners. This lack of trust can lead to a huge issue in the relationship in future. It also has the potential to break the relationship entirely, as the partner who has been lied to may never be able to trust the other partner even when they’re not lying.
“Over a long period of time, even if the lying partner decides to mend their ways, the other partner may lose faith in them. So, one should never reach the point where one’s partner stops believing in them altogether. It may be difficult to start afresh”
2. Feeling of being betrayed
Omitting information about certain aspects of life is betrayal even if there has been no obvious act of cheating. Nandita says, “Some people try to dismiss the impact of omission by saying that it’s not lying if you’ve been told partial truths. Some also believe not all lies are toxic. But a lie is a lie. And withholding information in a relationship can come across as a huge act of betrayal.”
Once your partner withholds key facts, you may feel betrayed
3. Lack of self-esteem
In many cases, if one partner finds out that they have been lied to by omission of major facts, they tend to feel they were perhaps not important enough to be told the truth. So, the partner who’s been lied to may feel lost and disillusioned. Nandita adds, “They may feel they aren’t worthy enough to have the full information. This creates self-doubt and low self-esteem.”
One of the negative consequences of such an act of omission is stress for both partners. So, while the one who has lied may feel guilty for lying this way, they may also feel stressed to keep up with the lie, since one lie is never limited to itself and often leads to more lies. Likewise, such lies, if discovered, may also cause the other partner to be stressed. They may not be able to be vulnerable with their partner anymore.
5. Permanent emotional damage
Lying to your partner by omission may cause them to suffer from permanent emotional damage when they discover the lie. In fact, they may turn overly suspicious in future and may stop trusting other people altogether.
Nandita explains, “Omission brings out the suspicious nature of the liar’s partner. The other person will always be suspecting the lying partner of withholding crucial information. They may overreact too. In fact, there will be friction on many other fronts, not limited to the issue that is being lied about.”
Hiding major details of your life from your partner may stunt the growth of your relationship. For relationships to grow, apart from love, there should be trust and the scope to be
vulnerable and to confide. A relationship should be a safe space where both partners can lay their hearts out. Omitting significant facts only helps in stopping growth. The relationship may never reach the depth it requires and may eventually fizzle out.
7. Lack of honest communication
Hiding crucial details from your partner results in lack of open and honest communication. And in any relationship, communication barriers give rise to emotional and physical distance. So, in such cases you may witness the following: ● The liar doesn’t talk freely for fear of exposing their lie ● The person at the receiving end of such lies stops asking questions and grows distant
Most often, liars withhold important information for fear of judgement. They are afraid that after knowing the full truth about them, their partners might leave them. But what if the partner in question is empathetic and understanding? There’s a chance that the person being lied to may have pitched in to help, had they not been told half-truths by their partner, be it about financial issues or family problems. Lying by omitting certain details thus actually acts as a barrier of potential problem-solving in a relationship.
9. Lack of balance
Lying by omitting crucial details of your life can also create an imbalance of power in the relationship. Here’s how: ● It makes you more selfish: When you lie by omission, you tend to focus on your own needs or what you think is right, giving less importance to your partner’s right to know the truth ● It makes you more manipulative: Omitting major facts lets you manipulate the relationship according to your will ● It gives you an unfair advantage in the relationship power dynamic: Lying by omitting details shifts the power in the relationship to you. So, you know something that your partner doesn’t and that is unfair
How To Deal With Lying By Omission
Lying by omission, meaning lying by hiding certain information, is detrimental to the relationship. But just like other relationship issues, it’s not the end of world if a partner omits or withholds certain details. In fact, there are effective ways to handle this situation. So, how
to get over someone lying to you by hiding facts? Well, we’ll look into a few ways to deal with such cases of lying. Here’s want you can do to deal with this issue:
1. Acknowledge the problem
Nandita says, “To solve a problem, it’s important to ditch denial and start accepting that the problem exists. So, be honest with yourself and accept that you’ve been lied to by your partner.” No more trying to hide their flaws to save your face and theirs.
To understand the situation better, get to the reasons that must’ve made them lie. Dissect their story. Nandita suggests, “Locate why they are doing this. Is it because they fear something or because of shame or a sense of guilt associated with disclosing certain facts? Are they suffering from cheaters’ guilt or are they scared they might lose you if they tell you the truth?”
3. Have an open communication
An open heart-to-heart talk can solve most relationship issues, and this is no different. Nandita explains, “Once you identify the reason behind their lies, it’s important to be open, honest, and vulnerable with your partner. This goes for both partners. One should create a safe space for communication and allow their lying partner to admit their faults or own up to the issues they want to hide.”
But be prepared for difficult conversations, because if they’re hiding something, it’s an emotional wound that needs to be addressed and not a place to play the blame game. Focus on the present and not the past.
4. Empathy
Nandita suggests, “One of the ways a lying partner can mend their ways is by practicing empathy, or trying to put themselves in the other person’s shows. They should try and realize how they would feel if they had been lied to.”
On the other hand, most people lie to their partners because they feel they might be judged if they speak the truth. Of course, there can be other reasons, such as hiding a crime or a manipulative act. But if you’re being lied to, it’s important to introspect and ask yourself, “Am I being judgmental?” Loosen up and be easy-going for your partner to accept themselves as they are, so that they don’t need to lie to you by hiding information.
Dealing With Insecurity
5. Set firm boundaries
Nandita says, “A healthy relationship is built on the pillars of trust, honesty, and integrity. While we all tend to lie sometimes, it’s crucial to have boundaries.” Thus, when you find out your partner has been withholding key details, you need to set clear and healthy boundaries. Be kind but firm in your demands. If they start dismissing you, saying you’re overreacting, tell them that you need them to be honest to go ahead with the relationship.
Lastly, if all your efforts to make your partner stop lying by withholding key information fail, try going for couples counseling. There’s no alternative to expert advice when it comes to relationship issues. If you’d like to explore this option to deal with lying by omission, skilled and licensed therapists on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
Key Pointers
Lying by omission involves intentionally withholding some information or facts while communicating or not telling the whole truth. But it doesn’t involve honest omission
Such lies have multiple reasons, such as protecting self-image, avoiding conflict, and gaining control of a relationship
Lying by omission examples include lying about one’s personal history, family, past relationships, financial status, or health conditions
You can deal with such liars by focusing on the reasons behind their lies, opening channels of honest communication, showing empathy, setting boundaries, and consulting a counselor
Though some people still feel that there’s no such thing as a lie of omission, we’d like to believe that lies, be it by omission or commission, have the potential to hurt the person who’s being lied to. More so, if that person is a long-term partner. Trust is the basis of any relationship, and being transparent about oneself is the best way to go forward. Hope this article helped you understand how telling lies by omission destroys relationships and how you can manage such situations. So, don’t let petty lies spell the end of the beautiful bond with your partner.
FAQs
1. Is lying by omission still lying?
Yes, very much. Lying is lying, whether you actively tell a lie by providing false information or lie by withholding certain information. Both have the potential to destroy relationships. Some believe lying by omission is worse than lying actively, as it’s all about not telling the whole truth and can be a tool for manipulation.
2. Can lying be justified?
Some people justify lies by saying ‘white lies’ that don’t harm anybody are justified if they are a means to a positive end. For instance, though you hate the French toast your wife cooks every Sunday, you tell her it’s tasty so that she isn’t hurt.
Have you ever felt you can’t go out wearing a dress until your husband comes and tells you, “You look great”? Or do you need to ask your wife which restaurant you’ll order food from every single time? Well, chances are you are codependent. You may feel stifled in such relationships because of how much you care about your partner’s validation and concerns. So, is that a bad thing? Well, more often than not, such a connection can’t be termed a healthy relationship. So, how to heal from codependency? Before we answer that question, let’s look at how this word originated.
Interestingly, the word codependency was first used in the context of alcoholics and victims of substance abuse and their relationships with their friends, partners, and families. The idea was, in such relationships, one person becomes the enabler of the abuse. Now, the word denotes unsatisfying relationships where one partner keeps no stone unturned to appease the other, often at the expense of their own individuality. Read on, as we explore codependency and its signs, find out how it affects you, throw light on the stages of codependency recovery, and offer some tips for healing codependency, with the help of our expert relationship counselor Ruchi Ruuh (Postgraduate Diploma in Counseling Psychology).
On Codependency And Its Role In A Relationship
So, what is codependency, really? When does it affect your relationship negatively? Is it only seen in dysfunctional relationships? Ruchi says, “Codependency is a relationship dynamic in which partners rely on each other for emotional validation and a sense of identity. In a lot of cases, it can be a healing dynamic, but it can become unhealthy where there are extreme levels of emotional attachment.”
We’ll look at some basic features of codependency: ● In such cases, boundaries are blurred, making it difficult for people to maintain their well-being and independence ● Individuals lose a sense of self and they start prioritizing their partner’s needs over their own ● There is a lack of personal space, and partners end up becoming too clingy ● When codependency is normalized, it can lead to destructive codependent behaviors too. “For instance, people can blackmail their partners or make them feel inadequate,” Ruchi adds.
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However, codependency is a term that many use in a positive sense. Women often take pride in being codependent and not fiercely independent, indicating that they are more balanced in their lives and value their partners’ opinions. Certainly, codependency is also not a hated word like feminism is in a man’s world. But too much codependency can be tricky. So, codependency may not necessarily be negative, but it can turn toxic and abusive if it is extreme. Though not much research has been conducted on this concept, one of the few studies on it has proved that its core components include “a lack of clear sense of self” and emotional imbalance, among other factors.
How To Know If You Are Codependent
Codependency has clear signs, and to address it in your relationship, you need to know if you are codependent in an extreme way. So, if you or your partner show any of the following signs, you are definitely in a codependent relationship:
● Excessive focus on your partner: If you’re constantly bothered about your partner’s needs and desires over your own and find yourself agreeing to every choice they make (to avoid arguments), you may be in a codependent bond ● Loss of identity: Ruchi says, “When you become so entwined with your partner that your entire identity is based on what your partner identifies as or interested in, you are codependent.” An example of this could be an artist who quits painting and takes to golf to please their golfer spouse ● Low self-esteem: In codependency, your self-worth depends on your partner’s validation. One critical comment from them can leave you feeling worthless. Ruchi adds, “In such cases, you’re waiting for them to motivate you to take up a hobby or excel at your work. You don’t see your own accomplishments.” ● Lack of boundaries: Not being able to say “No” or take up personal space is a sign of codependency. Ruchi adds, “An example of this is when your husband spends a lot of money and then asks you for more. So, even if you don’t have money to spare or are unable to help them, you don’t say “No” just to avoid conflict.”
● You’re terrified of your partner leaving: One clear sign of codependency is a constant fear of abandonment. Ruchi adds, “In such cases, people are either constantly checking on their partners or are anxious when their partners are out with their friends.” You also tend to accept disrespect for fear of being left alone ● You neglect yourself: Your own needs, family, and ambition take a backseat, in such cases. Ruchi explains, “You may not want to make any plans with your family, because you’re scared of losing focus on your partner. You’re scared you might drift apart.” ● You dismiss or minimize clear signs of relationship problems: In codependency, you tend to ignore your partner’s flaws and become self-critical instead. Ruchi says, “Even if your partner is verbally abusive or takes advantage of you, you dismiss these patterns.” ● Lack of autonomy: Since in codependency, your self-worth is low, you are incapable of taking decisions without consulting your partner. Ruchi feels, “When it comes to big life decisions, considering your partner’s opinions is normal. But the problem begins when you start consulting them for every minor issue, such as whether you should go out with your friends.”
How To Heal From Codependency – 6 Practical Tips
So, now that you know what codependency entails, you may ask, “Can you heal codependency while in a relationship?” More importantly, how do you heal from codependency after a breakup? What are some overcoming codependency exercises that you can put to use? Well, in this section, we will give you some practical tips on how to cure codependency:
1. Raise self-awareness
Though the stages of codependency recovery may not always be linear, the most significant way to start recovering is being self-aware. Ruchi adds, “Recognizing you’re codependent and acknowledging the behaviors and patterns that are detrimental to your relationship is important. You must locate the signs and find out how codependency is affecting your relationship.”
It’s important to be aware if you’re codependent
2. Set boundaries
One of the best tips for healing codependency is learning to set boundaries. Most people in such relationships are unable to establish healthy boundaries. Ruchi feels, “Understanding why you aren’t able to establish this boundary and why it’s difficult to say “No” is crucial to saving the relationship. Likewise, we need to realize that boundaries aren’t bad. More often than not, any boundary is a self-protective measure.” Here are some ideas on setting healthy boundaries:
● Tell your partner they need to ask you before calling their friends to a house party ● Make it clear that you aren’t available for household activities during work hours, even if you work from home ● Tell them they can eat whatever they want but shouldn’t stop you from enjoying a meal of your choice
If you’re still wondering how to cure codependency, you can try self-love. A codependent person will overlook their true identity in relationships because the focus is on seeking their partner’s validation. So, it’s your personal responsibility to make yourself a priority. Ruchi feels, “One should shift the focus to working hard for oneself, building self-compassion, finding a sense of self through activities that one likes.” You have to switch your focus to your own happiness and not feel guilty about it. Likewise, while prioritizing your emotional health, don’t forget about your physical health. You can do this by:
● Pampering yourself with a spa day ● Eating nutritious foods, getting enough sleep, and taking care of your well-being ● Taking up a hobby that you had quit earlier, such as music or sports ● Doing things that bring you joy and you don’t find time for anymore, such as reading or writing poetry ● Restarting your career if you quit it in the past because of the relationship
4. Build a network of supportive friends
Friends and family can be of great help in a person’s recovery process. They offer a safe space to express your concerns. Ruchi agrees, “If you have supportive friends and family, who understand that it’s a tough emotional journey for you, have a conversation with them. This will help you realize that there are parts of you that need to heal.” Likewise, fun and social connections will also help you focus on other things apart from your relationship.
One of the best ways to overcome codependency is to ditch perfection. Nothing in the world is perfect. And relationships aren’t either. So, the unrealistic expectations and standards in our relationships should be done away with. Ruchi feels, “Aiming at so much perfection isn’t necessary. One should work on the relationship issues to build a healthy bond instead.” You can do this by:
● Not worrying about how clean the house is, as long as you make an effort to clean it ● Focusing more on the quality time you spend with your partner than whether you appear perfect to them
Dysfunctional relationship
6. Seek professional help
If you aren’t able to fix codependency in your relationship or if you’re facing an uncomfortable or unsafe situation because of it, it’s always better to get help from a counselor who specializes in relationship issues. Ruchi adds, “A counselor can offer the guidance and tools required to address codependency. They can also provide a safe space for you to understand the negative patterns of codependency and help you navigate better.” If you need help with professional counseling, skilled and licensed therapists on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
What If You Are Addicted To Codependency
The other name of codependency is ‘relationship addiction’. But can you be addicted to codependency? If yes, what leads to this addiction and how can it be addressed? Ruchi explains, “Codependent patterns develop in childhood. They stem from childhood trauma or peculiar dynamics in dysfunctional families, such as neglect, abuse, over-protection of children, and other unhealthy behaviors. Children in such relationships with their parents feel only their parents can save them and protect them from the world. What entails is an insecure attachment with parents. So, their parents’ approval is the only motivating factor in their lives.
Codependency is also known as ‘relationship addiction’
“Parents of such children may have been too anxious or avoidant. So, their children couldn’t create a secure bond with them,” she adds. These children, as adults later, may display repetitive patterns in their relationships, such as:
● The need for someone to fix their relationships or rescue them ● Abandonment issues, or the fear that if they don’t act in a certain way, they will be left ● Obsessive thoughts, such as worrying that whatever they do might affect their partners
All such emotional highs and lows in their relationships as adults may create an addiction that they need to heal from. They can’t function in healthy relationships. What is needed is the urge to heal and focus on codependency recovery. Ruchi suggests that one should “work with a good therapist, have a good support system, and let go of addictive beliefs and repeated patterns” to de-addict themselves of codependent behavior patterns. Group therapy and family therapy also help in such cases. She adds, “Healing from codependency can be a challenging process but may offer people a chance to discover a new side to their relationships. It may eventually be great for their self-esteem and confidence.”
Key Pointers
Codependency is a relationship dynamic wherein one of the partners becomes too concerned about pleasing the other partner, often at the expense of their own interests and individuality
Codependent people usually show tell-tale signs, such as lack of boundaries, lack of self-worth, self-neglect, lack of autonomy, and other codependent tendencies
Overcoming codependency exercises include raising self-awareness, creating boundaries, focusing on self-care, building a network of trustworthy and supporting friends, and ditching unrealistic expectations
So, now that you know what codependency entails, what its signs are, and how to deal with codependency in a relationship, we hope you will no longer let codependency ruin your bond with your partner. We hope you now have an answer to the question, “Can you heal codependency while in a relationship?” Remember, a relationship isn’t about being entangled irreversibly in a stifling mesh, it is about rediscovering yourself with your partner. Likewise, recovering from codependency is possible. So, instead of looking for external validation in your relationship, focus on your own feelings. Let the love and connection build up from within and show you the path ahead.
