Tag: Conversation Starters

Words have the power to shape reality. The right phrase dropped at the right moment can uplift someone, shift their perspective, or spark a much-needed sense of hope. 

But in a world saturated with tired clichés, how do you find words of encouragement that don’t just sound good but actually hit home? Whether you’re uplifting a friend, boosting your coworker’s morale, or giving yourself a pep talk, the words you choose matter more than you think.

Here, you’ll find more than just well-worded positive vibes. The following phrases you’ll encounter next can tug at the inner strength, resilience, and empowerment you might not already realize you had all along—and unleash your inner superhuman.

20 words of encouragement and strength

Life can throw curveballs, and sometimes, strength isn’t easy to find. But miraculously, the human mind and body are built to power on.

And what is life without challenges to push you into your greatness? Just like a diamond, you can only reach your full brilliance after enduring immense pressure.

Behold some encouraging words to guide you through the tough times and unleash your inner shine along the way… even when it feels like everything’s against you. 

When you’re facing a fresh challenge

1. Tough times don’t last, but you do.
2. Each challenge is an opportunity to grow stronger.
3. You’re capable of facing this head-on, no matter the difficulty.
4. Challenges are stepping stones—take them one at a time.
5. You’ve handled tougher situations before, and this is no different.

When you need to find inner strength

6. Resilience is built in the moments you think you can’t go on but do.
7. Your strength is found in how you rise after a fall.
8. Even when the path is unclear, trust that you have what it takes.
9. Every setback is a setup for a comeback.
10. You carry the strength to overcome any obstacle thrown your way.

When you’re on the brink of giving up

11. Take one more step; you’re closer than you think.
12. Every small victory counts, even if it feels insignificant.
13. When you feel like quitting, remember why you started.
14. You’ve survived all your bad days so far. This is no different.
15. Success is on the other side of perseverance.

When you need to remember your value

1. You are worthy of the success you’re working towards.
2. Your strength doesn’t lie in perfection but in perseverance.
3. Believe in your value; the world needs your unique strengths.
4. You are enough, just as you are, and you’re capable of greatness.
5. Strength is not about never being knocked down; it’s about standing up every time.

How to incorporate these words in daily life

• At the start of every day. Start your mornings with one affirmation that resonates with you, saying it aloud to set a positive tone for the day.
• Visible reminders. Write down a quote from the list on a sticky note and place it where you can see it—your mirror, fridge, or workspace.
• Pay it forward. Share one of these phrases with a friend who might be going through a tough time, reminding them of their strength and worth.

20 words of encouragement for women

Women go through a lot due to the constant pressure to do and be everything for everyone. In times when they want to be uplifted instead of always doing the uplifting, words of encouragement that stick can really go the distance. 

A study that observed the impacts of supervisor-led verbal assurance on female Ph.D. students showed an increase in advisor-advisee rapport over time. So, just like knowing someone’s love language, finding the right words for your mother, sister, female friend, or even strangers improves not only their self-view but also the quality of your shared experiences. 

Thankfully, with soul-feeding phrases like the ones below, you can be quick to make them feel heard and supported.

When they need to balance it all

1. You’re doing great.
2. You don’t have to be everything to everyone—put yourself first.
3. Progress is progress, no matter how fast or slow.
4. You’re allowed to ask for help; no one’s meant to carry the weight alone.
5. Prioritizing your well-being is never selfish; it’s necessary.

For inspiring confidence

6. You are strong enough to face any challenge that comes your way.
7. Your voice matters—don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
8. Believe in yourself the way I believe in you.
9. You’re allowed to take up space and make your presence known.
10. You are more than enough, even on your most challenging days.

When career challenges arise

11. Your hard work is paying off, even if it’s not immediately visible.
12. You’ve earned every success you’ve achieved—don’t downplay it.
13. You are capable of far more than you give yourself credit for.
14. Don’t let setbacks define you; they are stepping stones to success.
15. Your potential is limitless; keep pushing forward

Self-worth reminders

16. Never doubt the fact that you’re worthy of love, success, and happiness.
17. Strength isn’t in never falling; it’s in always getting back up.
18. The value of who you are isn’t tied to what you do, but rather, who you are.
19. You’re irreplaceable, unique, and extraordinary—embrace that.
20. By being yourself, you’re bringing so much light into the world.

How to use these words of encouragement in your life

• Compliments. Next time you compliment a woman, add one of these affirmations to remind her of her inner strength or value. For example? “You look great today, and don’t forget—you’re capable of anything.”
• Personal notes. Slip one of these phrases into a text message, email, or handwritten note. Whether it’s a simple “You’re doing fantastic” or something more profound, these words can lift someone’s spirits instantly.
• Supportive conversations. When a female friend or family member shares their struggles, use these phrases to reinforce their inner strength and remind them of their inherent value. Sometimes, hearing the right words from someone else is all they need to shift their mindset.

20 words of encouragement for men

You’ve heard the outdated trope: “Real men don’t cry.” But ultimately, it’s human to want assurance from others—and lest we forget, men are human, too. 

Perhaps building them up often starts with acknowledging their struggles and gently encouraging them to open up while still reinforcing their masculine resilience.

Keith Ferrazzi, the trainer of Mindvalley’s Mastering Authentic Networking Quest and the best-selling author of Never Eat Alone, for one, believes that men need reminding that real strength comes from transparency.

“Leaders don’t need to have all the answers,” he says, reminding us that it’s okay for men not to know everything and then ask for help. It’s all part and parcel of mindful communication that can create room for their personal growth.

Now, speaking of communication. Here are some positive phrases that can have the men around you realize they’re more than the world’s protectors and providers—that they matter.

To inspire emotional openness

1. Strength doesn’t come from bottling things up; it’s in being honest about your feelings.
2. It’s okay to express your emotions; that’s what makes you human.
3. Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s a sign of courage.
4. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak; it makes you wise.
5. You are never alone.

When giving support

6. Leaning on others is a strength, not a weakness.
7. It’s okay to take a step back and breathe in between everything.
8. Your struggles don’t define you; how you rise from them does.
9. You’re way stronger than any challenge life throws your way.
10. It’s okay to cry and release your stress.

When provider pressures are mounting

11. You’re truly appreciated and loved.
12. Thank you for your hard work; it’s showing in how others are cared for.
13. Your dedication to providing for others will pay off, even if it feels hard right now.
14. Every setback is a stepping stone to creating a better future for yourself and those you care about.
15. Your commitment is an incredible source of strength for your family.

Celebrating their impact

16. You’re more than what you do—you matter for who you are.
17. Your efforts leave a lasting mark on the people around you, even when you don’t see it.
18. The strength you show every day inspires those who look up to you.
19. You make a difference in ways that go far beyond what can be measured.
20. Your presence alone brings stability and reassurance to the people you care about.

How to apply these wise words in real life

• In men’s circles. Sharing encouragement while starting conversations in a collective space can strengthen bonds and allow men to feel heard and valued.
• Casual catch-up chats. Drop in one of these phrases casually when chatting with a male friend, family member, or colleague—especially after a long day or when you notice tension. 
• In an existing relationship. Your reassurance can help your partner feel supported, understood, and appreciated, especially during times of frustration.

20 words of encouragement for a friend

Whether they’re celebrating a big win or going through a rough patch, friends often rely on words of encouragement to feel valued and special. After all, friendships thrive on the power of communication and connection.

Lisa Nichols, the trainer of Mindvalley’s Speak and Inspire Quest and the best-selling author of Motivating the Masses, believes in the transformative power of communication in strengthening bonds. “Communication is the distance between you and everything you want,” she explains in her Quest.

So, be inspired to close that distance in your friendship in any scenario—with the following words of encouragement.

When your friend is feeling stuck

1. You might not see it now, but you’re heading toward better days.
2. It’s okay not to have all the answers right now.
3. You’ve made it through tough times before, and you’ll do it again.
4. Life is tough, but so are you.
5. Sometimes, just getting through today is more than enough.

After a fight or disagreement

6. Our friendship means too much to let this come between us.
7. It’s okay to disagree, but I’ll always value your perspective.
8. No matter what happens, I’m here for you, and I always will be.
9. We’re both humans, and we’ll work through this like we always do.
10. Let’s find a way to move forward together.

During special occasions

11. You’ve worked hard to get here, and you deserve to celebrate.
12. This is your moment—enjoy every second of it.
13. I’m so proud of everything you’ve achieved.
14. You deserve all the good that’s happening right now.
15. Today is about you and all you’ve accomplished.

Reassuring the importance of connection

16. You’re irreplaceable to me—never forget that.
17. Your kindness and strength are what make you unique.
18. Don’t ever underestimate the impact you have on me and others.
19. You deserve all the happiness coming your way! I’m excited for you.
20. You matter more than you realize.

How to use these words of encouragement in friendships

• Friendship anniversaries. Mark the special moment since you became close or overcame challenges together with a thoughtful note.
• After a personal win. Acknowledge your friend’s growth from experiencing a significant achievement. Let them know—verbally or in writing—how much they inspire you as a friend.
• During rock bottom moments. When your friend feels like they’re at their lowest, offer a steady reminder of their strength. Sometimes, knowing someone believes in them is enough to help them rise again.

20 words of encouragement for children

Children are constantly absorbing and internalizing everything they hear. Offering the right words can help them build confidence and a strong sense of self. Yes, no matter the challenges of the day, from math homework to navigating early friendships.

“When we honor the different ways children process the world, we give them the confidence to thrive in their unique way,” says Vanessa Van Edwards, the trainer of the Magnetic Charisma Quest, on the impact of encouragement on a child’s developing personality.

Want to build such confidence in your kid while they’re in their formative years? Consider imparting these positive words to spark and maintain their curiosity and self-belief.

When learning something new

1. You’re doing great.
2. Keep trying, and you’ll see just how capable you are.
3. It’s okay to make mistakes; that’s how we learn.
4. Every step you take gets you closer to understanding it.
5. You’re smarter than you think—keep going!

When they feel discouraged

6. Believe in yourself—you’ve got what it takes.
7. You are so much braver than you realize.
8. Everyone has challenges, but you always find a way through.
9. You don’t need to be perfect; trying your best is what matters.
10. Your ideas are essential—don’t be shy to share them.

When they need to feel seen

11. You bring so much joy to the people around you.
12. You matter—the world wants to, and should, hear your voice.
13. The kindness you show makes the world a better place.
14. You’re unique, and that’s what makes you amazing.
15. You’re enough, just as you are.

When they feel frustrated

16. It’s okay to feel upset—let’s take a big, deep breath together.
17. Everyone has tough days, but you always find a way to feel better.
18. Don’t give up; you’re super strong and can handle this.
19. It’s okay to take your time—you’ll get it right when you’re ready.
20. Every try helps you get closer to figuring it out.

How to encourage children every day

• Inject positivity right after a small win, even if they don’t realize it. Recognizing your kid’s achievements—no matter how small—builds up their confidence in subtle ways.
• Leverage moments of calm and creativity. Children are more receptive when they’re relaxed. Offering encouragement during playtime, for example, helps nurture their natural strengths.
• Be receptive when they ask for help. Assuring them at their most vulnerable helps those positive words you share sink in.

20 words of encouragement for a coworker

Sometimes, all it takes is a few kind words from a coworker to shift the mood and refuel your motivation at work. That they’d benefit from the same thing from you isn’t rocket science.

Ask Keith about this, and he would agree. As he would mention in his Mindvalley Quest, “Your communication is the key to success, not just for yourself but for those around you.”

In the spirit of teamwork, why not be quick to affirm your coworker whenever the chance arises? When they feel valued and motivated, the whole team wins anyway. Use these samples of encouraging words as the springboard for your samaritan pursuit at the workplace.

When tackling a tough project

1. You’ve got this—your hard work is always impressive.
2. If anyone can pull this off, it’s you.
3. Don’t worry, we’re all in this together.
4. You’re handling this like a pro.
5. One step at a time, and we’ll get there.

When acknowledging their efforts

6. Your positive energy keeps the team going.
7. The way you handle challenges inspires everyone around you.
8. We’re lucky to have you on the team.
9. You always know how to keep us moving forward.
10. Thanks for being such a reliable team player.

When dealing with setbacks

11. Problems are part of the journey—they’re how you learn and grow.
12. Don’t stress too much; you’re already bouncing back stronger.
13. Every misstep brings us closer to the right solution.
14. Mistakes are just opportunities in disguise.
15. It’s amazing that you’re seeing challenges as opportunities.

To boost career confidence

16. Your skills are invaluable; you’ve proven that time and again.
17. You’re a key player in our success.
18. Your ideas always push us forward.
19. Never doubt your impact; you bring so much to the table.
20. Your contributions make a huge difference.

Key moments to say encouraging words to your coworker

• Before a big deadline. A few motivating words can help calm nerves and refocus their energy as they push through the pressure.
• After a tough meeting. No matter if the session was stressful or disappointing, the right words of encouragement can lift your teammate’s spirits and restore confidence.
• During a challenging project. Sometimes, a quick acknowledgment of their efforts can keep them going strong in the midst of the grind.

Bonus: 20 words of encouragement for yourself

It’s no secret that humans are prone to being their own worst critics—and sometimes, the hardest person to encourage is yourself. But it’s the most important thing you’ll ever do in life.

As Florencia Andrés, trainer of The Champion Mindset Quest on Mindvalley, notes, “What you say to yourself affects how you feel, and how you feel determines how you act.” Positive self-talk is, therefore, the bedrock of confidence and your ability to push through tough times.

Want to minimize the constant chatter so you’ll start believing in more for yourself? Just turn to these words of affirmation that can incite self-love to blossom and take root in you.

When self-doubt creeps in

1. I trust in my abilities—I’m more capable than I think.
2. I am enough, just as I am right now.
3. Every step I take is progress, even if it’s small.
4. I don’t have to have it all figured out today.
5. Self-doubt is just a reminder of what I can let go.

Celebrating small victories

6. I deserve to celebrate even the most minor wins.
7. Look how far I’ve come; I’m so proud of my progress.
8. Every accomplishment, no matter the size, is worth crediting.
9. I am constantly growing and evolving—well done, me.
10. Each victory, however small, brings me closer to my dreams.

Simple confidence boosters

11. I am worthy of the love and success I seek.
12. I have everything I need within me to succeed.
13. I believe in my ability to create the life I want.
14. I bring value to every space I enter.
15. I am deserving of good things, and they’re on their way.

Building resilience

16. I am stronger than any challenge I face.
17. Every effort I make counts toward my growth.
18. I’ve got what it takes to overcome this—I’ll keep pushing.
19. It’s okay to take things one day at a time.
20. The journey may be long, but I’m getting closer every day.

How to apply self-encouraging words every day

• Morning meditation. Begin your day with a short meditation to ground yourself. You can also include any law of attraction affirmations in the session to be more intentional.
• Affirmations before sleep. Write and speak positive affirmations to yourself before bed to let your subconscious mind capture your intention and lock it in while you sleep. 
• Manifestation journaling. Clarity comes from putting your thoughts on paper. What’s more, you can achieve goals faster with scripting manifestation—that is, writing down desirable outcomes as if you’ve already experienced them in the present moment.
• Daily reminders. Set phone alerts or post sticky notes around to encourage yourself every day.

Become a changemaker

Words have the undeniable power to shift perspectives, reignite hope, and inspire resilience—yours and everyone else’s. Even the simplest words can spark the biggest ripple effects that transcend conversations.

So, why not be intentional with how you speak every day? 

If you need help getting started, Mindvalley’s Conversation Starters can be a great way to do so. The kit is carefully curated questions that set the stage for meaningful conversations in any social situation.

Remember, at their best, words of encouragement don’t just change moments—they can change entire lives.

Welcome in.

“How you doin’?” might be one of the most iconic lines in television history. It’s witty, it’s charming, and, surprisingly, it’s mindful.

Wait…what? How is Joey from Friends’ pickup line possibly mindful? 

That’s the thing many of us aren’t aware of—mindful communication isn’t only listening intently. There are other aspects that make it so enriching.

“It requires you to be intentional, vulnerable, and respectful so you can create a safe space to connect,” says Neelam Verma, the founder of Integrity Dating and trainer of Mindvalley’s Finding Love with Integrity Dating Quest. 

When you do, you open up a whole new world—one with fewer misunderstandings, fewer frustrations, and more meaningful (not to mention deeper) relationships.

What is mindful communication?

Mindfulness is being in the moment, paying attention to what’s going on around you and within you without judgment or distraction. Take that concept and apply it to the interactions you have with others, and that, in a nutshell, is mindful communication.

Like Joey’s famous line—it may seem like a simple pickup line, but part of its charm comes from being fully present. He wasn’t just spitting out words; he was connecting in the moment, which is a core part of mindful communication.

It fosters understanding, empathy, and mutual respect. In fact, research shows that mindful communication can help people cooperate better by increasing acceptance and understanding in conversations.

The thing with engaging with someone is, it’s your responsibility to deliver your message in a way that the other person understands what you’re trying to say. What’s more, it’s also your responsibility to listen so that you understand what they’re trying to say. (And vice versa, of course.)

8 principles

In a study about mindfulness and leadership, researchers found that when leaders used mindful communication, their team members felt more satisfied. This shows how mindful conversations can really improve relationships.

That’s why, with mindful communication, it’s important to follow these eight principles:

• Listening actively,
• Paying attention to verbal and nonverbal cues,
• Interacting without judgment or preconceived notions, 
• Being in the moment,
• Showing cognitive empathy,
• Expressing yourself clearly and thoughtfully,
• Taking the time to let conversations unfold naturally, and
• Being open to the perspectives of others.

As career coach Rafa Sarandeses says in Michael Thompson’s Shy by Design, “Our time isn’t the greatest gift we can give to someone; our presence is.”

The importance of being mindful in communication

There’s one thing that Michael does point out in his book, and it’s this: “The most valuable people take the time to understand what other people value. They’re supportive. They’re interested. They listen.”

That’s what communicating mindfully is about. It allows for more authentic, conscious interactions where both you and the other person feel heard and valued.

What’s more, it enhances emotional intelligence. This means you and the other person better manage your reactions and responses.

In doing so, you’re likely to respect and trust one another. You’re likely to improve conflict resolution. You’re likely to foster healthier, more supportive relationships.

“Conscious conversations lead to conscious relationships,” explains Neelam. “Conscious relationships are relationships where two people come together as partners and growth fully expressed. They co-create a beautiful and fulfilling relationship.”

Granted, she’s talking about mindfulness in relationships (or the potential of it). However, what is that but just two people learning how to have in-the-moment conversations so that there’s a safe space to build a meaningful bond?

And if Joey’s “How you doin’?” taught us anything, it’s that even the simplest (albeit corniest) lines, when said with genuine attention, can spark a connection. 

The bottom line is, it’s not always about the words; it’s the intention behind them. That’s the power of mindful communication—it turns casual moments into opportunities for something deeper.

How to practice mindful communication

Short of “How you doin’?” it to everyone you meet (and, to be frank, no one’s interested in a copycat), here are some communication skills you can brush up on to make your conversations more thoughtful, engaging, and authentic.

1. Treat others the way they want to be treated

The saying goes, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” However, Vanessa Van Edwards, a speaker with Science of People and the trainer of Mindvalley’s Magnetic Charisma Quest, says otherwise. She says, “Treat others the way they want to be treated.”

What does that mean?

Well, research has found that 30–60% of our personality is genetic. That means, when you interact with others, it’s important to recognize that their personality traits aren’t easily changed—they’re a part of who they are.

In her Mindvalley Quest, Vanessa explains that when you understand and respect these traits, you can adapt the way you communicate to meet their needs.

For example, a friend who thrives on routine and predictability—“they like to do the same thing for dinner, watch the same show, on the same couch, with the same snack, in the same blanket”—may not appreciate spontaneity. On the other hand, a friend who craves adventure may feel stifled by too much predictability.

This approach shows you’re being more mindful and considerate in your interactions. That can help build stronger bonds.

2. Be aware of their body language

They lean back, they lean in, they’re yawning, their leg is twitching… So much talking without even saying a word. 

You, too, project. The way you stand, move, or make eye contact can convey messages that may or may not align with what’s coming out of your mouth.

According to Michael in Shy by Design, it’s important to make the other person feel comfortable rather than trying to project confidence. Like standing to the side, adopting a relaxed posture, a gentle smile, or taking your time when you speak.

“There are times when speaking quickly can help you come off as more knowledgeable or confident,” he writes. “Even though it may work in a debate, this strategy can backfire when meeting someone new.”

Remember, people need time to assess both your words and actions. So, instead of coming on too strong, try, instead, to mirror their body language. It builds rapport and helps create an atmosphere where everyone feels more at ease.

3. Be clear and candid

“Transparency and openness and candor—that really doesn’t exist to the extent that it should,” says Keith Ferrazzi, the founder and CEO of Ferrazzi Greenlight, in his Ultimate Leadership Quest on Mindvalley.

He emphasizes that being clear and candid is essential for strong, trusting relationships. It means sharing your thoughts honestly.

It’ll take a level of self-awareness, for sure, especially since it’s likely to be uncomfortable or risky. But here’s the thing: sugarcoating or avoiding tough topics can lead to misunderstandings. So, when you’re giving feedback to someone, address them directly but with kindness. 

What’s more, you make space for the other person to share their true thoughts and ideas. This openness can lead to stronger collaboration, fewer misunderstandings, and deeper connections in both your personal and professional relationships.

4. Listen to understand

“Society as a whole has a problem with silence,” says Warren Schaefer, a three-time startup founder, in Shy by Design. 

The thing is, many of us have been taught to listen to respond. But what we should be doing is listening to understand. 

This mindful listening takes a certain kind of confidence—something Michael calls “quiet confidence.”

It’s the kind where you don’t feel the need to always speak or push your point across. It’s also about creating trust so everyone involved in the conversation feels safe to share openly. In essence, it’s when you “just listen and let others talk.”

This will allow the other person to feel heard and valued. Additionally, you also learn more about them, which can deepen the conversation and lead to more thoughtful, meaningful exchanges. 

5. Be curious

Curiosity may have killed the cat. When it comes to mindful communication, though, it’s the thing that brings conversations to life.

“Meaningful questions are the ones that can help you know someone’s heart and soul,” says Neelam. So what do you want to know? What do you want to share? (Or, in Joey’s case, “How you doin’?”)

In his book, Michael tells the story of his one-on-one with Denise Young Smith, the former Chief of Human Resources at Apple. She was genuinely interested in his work and wanted to get to the heart of who he was.

One tip he noticed that she used was padding statements. These are prompts like “I’m curious…”, “I never thought of it that way…”, or “That’s interesting…”

“Without the prompts, the questions can come off as harsh or abrupt,” Michael explains. “These transitionary statements help make the conversation more fluid.”

When you approach every conversation not only with mindful listening but also with curiosity, you help bring out the stories of others. That sets the stage for your interactions to flow naturally and uncover insights that you might’ve otherwise missed.

Mindful communication in the workplace

When it comes to any kind of relationship, even professional ones, there are three words you must know: Communication is key.

“The kind of communication,” Keith says in his Mindvalley Quest, “that includes the willingness to challenge and speak your mind, and be bold, and maybe even have a bit more candor than what you normally would have.”

As a matter of fact, a study at Stanford University identified the traits of the most successful MBA students. What they found is that verbal fluency, not grade point average, is the common trait.

So if being able to have open, clear discussions creates a strong team dynamic, what are the steps you can take to do so? Here are some mindful communication exercises Keith recommends:

• The “Yoda Moment.” A few team members are designated to point out unspoken thoughts or potential risks during meetings. This simple yet powerful activity allows for more transparency and ensures that important ideas are not missed.
• Dial Up, Dial Down. It helps you reflect on how you communicate—whether you need to speak up more (“dial up”) or listen more and interrupt less (“dial down”). This practice encourages self-awareness and thoughtful adjustments to your communication style, making interactions more effective and mindful.
• Check-ins. Give team members a space to be vulnerable and share both their personal and professional challenges. By opening up in this way, teams create deeper connections and establish a foundation of trust, making it easier for everyone to communicate openly.

“If someone feels disrespected or unheard, they’re not going to communicate,” Keith points out. “They’re going to stay quiet, and you don’t want that.”

So remember: if your team member says something, consider and validate their efforts. It’ll make a world of difference.

Become a changemaker 

While it does have the word “communication” in it, mindful communication isn’t solely about talking. It’s also about listening, understanding, and creating a space where everyone feels heard.

So, why not make each interaction count? After all, the more mindful you are in how you talk to people, the better your relationships will be—both at work and at home.

If you’re looking for an easy way to spark deeper, more meaningful connections, The Connection Kit is a great tool to have on hand—plus, it’s free and instantly accessible.

The deck is packed with thoughtful conversation starters (no, none of them are “How you doin’?”). With it, you can engage in truly mindful discussions, whether with your friends, your kids, your loved ones, your colleagues, or strangers.

Welcome in.

If there’s one thing that kills the mood of any interaction, it’s the lull. And when it happens with someone you really fancy, it can be damn awwwkward.

You stare at them. They stare at you.

You’re both waiting for the other to pull this stalled dialogue out of the dead air. It’s like the romantic boat scene from The Little Mermaid…except you haven’t lost your voice (and there are no animals singing “sha-la-la-la-la-la, my, oh, my” in your ear).

Wouldn’t it be great if you had, oh, let’s say, a set of questions to ask your crush?

Fortunately for you, this carefully curated list of conversation starters is designed to spark genuine interest. And those awkward silences? You’ll steer clear of them. For as long as you both shall live.

21 deep questions to ask your crush

“What do you do for work?” or “How many siblings do you have?” are the kinds of questions we typically ask a person we’re starting to get to know. They’re light. They’re safe. And they’re boring.

To get to really know someone, you have to ask the questions that tap into the person’s core beliefs, experiences, and desires. In fact, research shows that “having a deep conversation” and “asking good questions” are some of the top behaviors that lead to a second date.

As conscious dating expert Neelam Verma puts it in her Mindvalley Quest, Finding Love with Integrity Dating: “Conscious conversations lead to conscious relationships.”

So if you need help going beyond the idle chit chat, here are 21 questions (like the game) you can ask your crush:

1. What does “love” mean to you?
2. How do you feel about the idea of there being one person meant for each of us?
3. What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned in life so far?
4. When it comes to relationships, what’s your biggest fear?
5. If you could go back and change one thing about your past, what would it be?
6. What kind of legacy do you hope to leave behind?
7. What does happiness look like to you?
8. How do you typically approach conflict or disagreement in a relationship?
9. Which trait do you value most in a friend or partner?
10. Right now, what’s your biggest personal goal?
11. How do you manage stress or handle tough situations?
12. What’s a mistake you made that you’re now grateful for?
13. If you could achieve just one dream this year, what would it be?
14. What’s the most meaningful compliment you’ve ever received?
15. How important is personal growth to maintaining a healthy relationship?
16. Looking back, what’s your biggest regret, and how has it shaped you?
17. How do you personally define success?
18. In your opinion, what makes a relationship last?
19. Who has had the most significant impact on your life?
20. What keeps you motivated during difficult times?
21. What’s something you wish people understood better about you?

21 romantic questions to ask your crush

To make a good first impression romantic-style, small talk isn’t going to cut it. You may want to consider asking questions that determine if you’re both truly aligned, much like Prince Eric’s speed round with Ariel.

“When you ask questions that show if your date is aligned to your values and relationship vision, you can save precious months and deepen your connection fast,” Neelam advises.

So check out the conversation starters for your crush that can have the potential to spark your own sha-la-la-la-la-la, my, oh, my’s.

1. Describe your idea of a perfect date.
2. Tell me about the most romantic gesture someone has ever made for you.
3. In what ways do you like to show affection?
4. How would you describe your love language?
5. What’s the one thing that instantly makes you feel loved?
6. Which love song is your favorite?
7. Do you believe in love at first sight?
8. What’s the most romantic thing you’ve done for someone?
9. How do you recognize when you’re truly in love?
10. Do you have a favorite romantic movie or book?
11. When it comes to a partner, what quality is most important to you?
12. What’s your biggest turn-on?
13. How would you envision your dream relationship?
14. How do you show someone you care without saying a word?
15. What’s the best relationship advice you’ve received?
16. Share your most cherished memory with someone you’ve loved.
17. What’s your ideal way to spend a romantic weekend?
18. How do you keep the spark alive in a relationship?
19. What gesture would you find the sweetest from someone?
20. Describe your dream date.
21. How do you know when someone is “the one”?

21 flirty questions to ask your crush

Ah, flirting. The art we all attempt at, but very few of us succeed in.

The thing is, batting your eyelashes, flexing your muscles, or even getting into a conversation on your crush’s favorite topics can give you that attractive appeal.

However, your tone—the thing that conveys emotion, intention, and context beyond the words themselves—can be way more effective at attracting the attention of your crush.

“Our words are 7% of our communication,” explains Linda Clemons, a body language expert and trainer of Mindvalley’s Body Language for Dating & Attraction Quest. “But our tonality is 38% of our communication.”

So take that tone and ask these questions:

1. How do you enjoy being flirted with the most?
2. What’s something you secretly hope someone would notice about you?
3. Which quality do you find most attractive in someone?
4. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever been given?
5. If we were to go on a date, where do you think we’d go?
6. What’s your go-to move when you’re interested in someone?
7. Describe your idea of a perfect first kiss.
8. When spending a night in with someone special, what’s your favorite way to do it?
9. What’s the most fun you’ve had on a date so far?
10. How would you describe your personal flirting style?
11. Imagine we were stuck on a deserted island—how would we pass the time?
12. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done in a relationship?
13. What’s your favorite way to be pampered?
14. In your opinion, what’s the sexiest thing someone could wear?
15. What’s your guilty pleasure when it comes to romance?
16. How would you go about making someone blush?
17. What’s the most adventurous date you’ve ever been on?
18. What’s your biggest turn-on?
19. Do you prefer slow and steady connections or fast and fiery ones?
20. What’s something about you that you consider irresistible?
21. How do you know when someone is genuinely interested in you?

21 juicy questions to ask your crush

Let’s get a little more daring with a lineup of intimate questions to ask your crush. They’re playful. They’re spicy. And they’re perfect for turning up the heat when the time is right.

Ladies, it’s time to awaken your inner sex goddess. Men, it’s time to channel that confident charm. 

Here are 21 questions to ask someone you like to get to know their wilder side:

1. What’s your biggest turn-on that you’d only admit in private?
2. Describe the wildest thing you’ve ever done on a date.
3. How daring have you been in the name of love?
4. Do you have a secret guilty pleasure?
5. Is there a fantasy you’ve never shared with anyone?
6. What’s the most seductive thing someone could do to you?
7. Have you ever sent a text that was a bit naughty?
8. How would you describe your idea of the perfect steamy night in?
9. Where’s the craziest place you’ve had a romantic moment?
10. Is there something you’ve wanted to try in a relationship but haven’t yet?
11. What’s the most tempting thing someone could whisper in your ear?
12. What’s the most spontaneous romantic gesture you’ve ever made?
13. How do you like to be kissed?
14. Is there a romantic secret you’re dying to reveal?
15. Can you recall your most memorable kiss?
16. What’s a naughty thought that’s crossed your mind recently?
17. Is there something wild you’ve always wanted to try?
18. How do you usually make someone feel special?
19. What’s something that instantly turns you on?
20. How do you like to show affection when the mood is right?
21. What’s your favorite way to spice things up in a relationship?

21 questions to ask your crush to see if they like you

It’s completely natural to wonder if your crush feels the same way. The fact of the matter is, very few of us were taught how to talk to a crush.

So it’s no surprise that many of us have the case of the jitters. As a Gen Z D.A.T.E. (Data, Advice, Trends, and Expertise) report by Hinge found, Gen Z singles are 47% more likely than millennials to feel nervous talking to people after the pandemic.

Rather than overanalyzing or pulling flower petals with “They like me, they like me not,” here’s a list of good questions to ask your crush to gauge their interest:

1. What’s the first thing that caught your eye about me?
2. Describe how you feel when we spend time together.
3. Is there one quality you find really attractive in someone?
4. Do you ever imagine what it would be like if we dated?
5. Out of all our moments together, which one stands out the most?
6. How do you usually know when you like someone?
7. Is there something you think we’d be amazing at doing together?
8. How would you describe your ideal partner?
9. If you could plan the perfect date for us, what would it involve?
10. In your opinion, what makes two people compatible?
11. How do you feel when you get a text from me?
12. Is there something you’ve always wanted us to do together?
13. How do you prefer to be flirted with?
14. What’s the biggest green flag that catches your attention in someone?
15. In your opinion, what makes a connection truly special?
16. If we spent an entire day together, what do you imagine we’d do?
17. How important is chemistry to you in a relationship?
18. What’s the most fun you’ve ever had on a date?
19. What do you enjoy most about our conversations?
20. When you’re interested in someone, how do you usually show it?
21. Do you believe in letting things happen naturally, or do you prefer to make the first move?

21 questions to ask your crush while texting

For some, the thought of talking to a crush can be downright nerve-wracking. The good thing is, today’s modern connections often start with texting.

Even if you’re not socially awkward, it’s a space where you can share flirty banter and get to know someone in a low-pressure environment. Plus, throwing in a few funny questions to ask your crush can keep the conversation breezy while sparking that playful chemistry.

Here are a few to get you started:

1. Tell me the best thing that happened to you today.
2. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you choose to be?
3. Do you have a go-to comfort food?
4. Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
5. How would you spend your perfect lazy day?
6. If you could have any superpower, which one would you pick?
7. What’s your favorite way to unwind after a long day?
8. Is there something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?
9. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done lately?
10. If we could only eat one type of food forever, which one would you choose?
11. Which movie or show could you watch over and over without getting bored?
12. If we were stuck on a deserted island, what’s the first thing you’d do?
13. What’s the silliest reason you’ve ever gotten in trouble?
14. What’s the weirdest thing that made you laugh recently?
15. Is there a skill you’ve always wanted to learn?
16. What was the most fun thing you did last weekend?
17. Say you’re famous for something totally ridiculous; what would it be?
18. What’s your favorite song to vibe out to?
19. Do you have a secret talent?
20. How do you usually cheer yourself up when you’re feeling down?
21. If we were characters in a TV show, which one would we be and why?

Love deeper, connect stronger

Unlike a certain mermaid we all know, you don’t have to lose your voice to get noticed by your crush. Asking the right questions can spark that magic.

Romantic ones can help you find out if you’re both dreaming of the same “happily ever after.” Flirty ones might just make sparks fly. Even the juicy ones can bring out a side that you never knew existed.

But if you’re having trouble getting past “What do you do for fun?” or find yourself in one too many awkward silences, Mindvalley’s The Connection Kit may be the thing you need.

It’s not only for those seeking sparks, but this free conversation starter deck has something for all kinds of relationships and connections:

• Friends
• Family
• Love connections
• Work buddies
• Kids and teens
• Someone new

As Neelam Verma points out, “meaningful questions are the ones that can help you know someone’s heart and soul.” And this deck serves as your perfect starting point.

Welcome in.