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Tag: Conflict Management

  • How to Create and Maintain a Positive and Respectful Work Environment | Entrepreneur

    How to Create and Maintain a Positive and Respectful Work Environment | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    If you’re like me, you may often question where our civility has gone. We encounter rude behavior on our streets and highways. TV talk shows draw audiences by promising high-stakes conflict. Consumers think nothing of berating a retail worker who is just doing their job.

    While certain people can find rude and uncivil behavior entertaining, uncivil behavior is never entertaining in the workplace. Whether co-workers are being deliberately rude or just plain mean, the behavior destroys productivity. Left unchecked by managers, it also drives turnover.

    Because each individual may view uncivil behavior differently, it’s important to define the boundaries before we can attempt to correct incivility in an organizational setting.

    Related: 7 Ways to Create a Friendly Environment at Work

    Defining uncivil behavior

    Employees from many backgrounds and cultures populate today’s workplaces, and managers may struggle to set guidelines for what constitutes proper behavior. In the simplest terms, if an employee feels slighted or undervalued because of the way a co-worker or manager interacts with them, you have a problem.

    Managers who look at their phone during one-on-one meetings are being rude and are silently telling their employees they don’t matter. Employees who chastise co-workers who think differently than them are engaging in uncivil and potentially threatening behavior.

    The negative impact of uncivil behavior

    I learned firsthand how uncivil behavior can bring productivity to a standstill. I was away at a conference with a new employee where we were engaging with potential prospects and important contacts in the industry.

    Suddenly, my phone began to blow up with activity on our corporate Slack channel for senior leadership. After several minutes, with no letup in activity on the messaging platform, I realized there was an emergency — one that was far different from what I could have imagined.

    Two of our senior leaders, whose offices were no more than 20 feet apart, were arguing via text messages. As the argument grew more heated and showed no signs of being resolved, I had to excuse myself from the conference and my new employee, who was also witnessing everything in real time on Slack.

    What I needed most at that moment was for my two leaders to come to an agreement and return to productive work. I instructed them to walk down the hallway, get together in person and resolve the conflict. They did. And I learned a lesson.

    Having emotionally elevated conversations by email or text is a bad idea. People almost always find it easier to say things in those formats that they wouldn’t say to someone in person. Often, uncivil remarks emerge when the recipient misunderstands, usually due to the lack of vocal tone or facial expression. It is always better to have face-to-face conversations when you can’t agree on something.

    Our rule is this: If you need to write more than a paragraph, have the conversation person-to-person.

    Related: 6 Tips for Helping Employees Work Through Conflicts

    Setting and communicating your boundaries

    After that incident, I established a code of civility at my business. My leaders are expected to set the example for civil behavior. The major tenants of the code include:

    • Everyone deserves dignity and respect regardless of their role in the company, age, appearance, what they did last night or their political allegiances. When you engage in conversation with a co-worker, especially one you’ve disagreed with in the past, be intentional about maintaining civility in your remarks. Your job title is not a license to be condescending; it’s a responsibility not to be.

    • Always assume positive intent. When you encounter a dispute, or you believe an employee may have done something wrong, proceed slowly. Allow them to explain, whether it’s a co-worker or a member of your team. Instead of reacting emotionally and making a tense situation worse, listen closely. You may learn that you’ve read the situation incorrectly.

    • Don’t get furious, get curious. If you feel tense or anxious, your body is signaling you to ask more questions. When you are trying to diffuse an argument, your goal should be to clearly understand the problem through their eyes before you leap to offering a solution.

    • Speak to the person who is causing, or who can solve, the problem. When one team member has an issue with a co-worker, we encourage them to have the courage to speak directly to that person. “Sideways conversations” lead to gossip and misinformation. And we are also mindful not to make mountains out of molehills.

    • You can’t always control what happens, but you can always control how you react to it in every situation. You may not always be able to make the situation better, but you can always avoid making it worse. Loud or abusive language toward another employee cannot be tolerated.

    I expect all my employees to follow our code of civility and to always be trustworthy in all they say and do. This is mission-critical for management.

    Leaders set the standard for workplace culture

    As a CEO, I make it a point to emphasize civility in my workplace, which means I should be modeling the behavior I want to see. It can be challenging to self-monitor. When I suspect (or realize) I’ve failed, I own it and seek feedback.

    It’s not easy to hear candid feedback, especially from people who aren’t privy to all the information you are. So, I’ve had to learn, rather than responding to their comments immediately, to first thank them for having the courage and candor to offer it.

    Employees will not see you as a weak leader if you project a kind and self-aware persona. They’ll respect you for admitting to your shortcomings as they watch you work to improve yourself. The right managerial mindset can make a huge difference.

    Related: Here Are 4 Ways to Develop a Culture of Respect and Trust

    Maintaining civility in the workplace requires leaders to set examples through their words and actions. More importantly, managers should hire individuals who will be a good fit with a civil workplace.

    At my company, an employee who fits well with our culture and our customers is highly valued. But a team member who contributes to civility in our workplace is invaluable.

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    C. Lee Smith

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  • Why Is My Husband Yelling at Me?

    Why Is My Husband Yelling at Me?

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    You might find yourself feeling stuck, lonely, and helpless. When your husband yells at you, it can feel scary and alone. The fact you are reading this means you are looking for help and support to make things better, and that is a good sign. You say to yourself ‘Why is my husband yelling at me?’ And it can feel like the burden of understanding and resolving this inappropriate behavior falls on you and not your husband. From a clinical perspective, this can be problematic as it can inadvertently shift responsibility away from the individual exhibiting the harmful behavior. It’s important to recognize that while understanding the underlying reasons for yelling can be beneficial, addressing such issues often requires professional counseling to ensure both partners’ well-being and to foster healthier communication patterns within the relationship.

    Mental Load

    We know from the research that 80% of the time women are the ones to bring up problems in their relationship. Women carry the mental load of family, kids, career and the health of the relationship. In other words…you are not alone.

    This is hard and frankly not fair. The reasons run deep….related to social constructs and a patriarchal society. But in this moment that probably doesn’t matter. You just want to be in a relationship of mutual respect, friendship, understanding and connection. So how can you get there?

    While it is not “your” problem, if it negatively impacts you then it is a relationship problem. This means that while you might not be able to fix it, there are actions you can take to improve the situation. 

    Strategies to address your husband yelling at you

        1. Self Soothing and Taking Breaks

      When one of us gets flooded, it is important to take a break since interactions will likely escalate if one partner is experiencing flooding. Once you get back to a regulated state, you are more likely to be able to have a productive conversation. 

      During the break, you can use self soothing techniques. It is important to not keep thinking about and rehashing the disagreement in your head as that will keep your body in a flooded state.

          1. Softened Start Up

        It is important to tell your husband how you feel when you are yelled at. You can use Dr. John Gottman’s softened start up. This means starting with ‘I feel ______ about _______ and I need______.

        When you start a discussion off with how you feel, it is much more likely to be a conversation that is productive and healthy.

            1. Boundaries

          Boundaries are an important tool to use to protect ourselves and tho change our own behavior versus trying to change our partner’s. They are a way of protecting ourselves and setting clear limits about what we will and will not tolerate from someone else.

              1. Aftermath of a Fight

            After a regrettable incident occurs, it is important to process what has happened. There is a Gottman recipe for doing so which takes the guesswork and volatility out of the situation. During the process you both have an opportunity to talk about how you felt and how you perceived the situation.

            Understanding why my husband is yelling at me

            While this behavior is not ok, it can be helpful to gain some understanding behind why it is happening. Here are some potential reasons:

            Seeking professional help

            For many couples working through these issues is too hard to do on their own. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, and a trained therapist can help support you through the process to improve your relationship. They can also be helpful in identifying whether there are individual issues that need to be addressed. You can specifically look for a Gottman trained therapist or use this larger network to find a licensed clinician.

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    The Gottman Institute

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  • What Is the Difference Between Stonewalling and Gaslighting?

    What Is the Difference Between Stonewalling and Gaslighting?

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    In any relationship, it’s natural to encounter challenges and conflicts. But what happens when those conflicts turn toxic? 

    Gaslighting and stonewalling are not the same thing, but both can wreak havoc on a relationship. It’s crucial to understand the difference between these two behaviors so that you can decide how to react when or if they show up in your relationship.

    What is gaslighting?

    Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse.

    Gaslighting involves manipulating someone’s perception of reality, and deliberately causing them to doubt their sanity, thoughts, feelings, and memories. This insidious form of emotional abuse can lead to self-loathing, anxiety, and doubting one’s own mental stability.

    The term originates from the play Gaslight, written by Patrick Hamilton in 1938. It is a story about Bella and Jack, set in 1880 London. Playgoers realize right away that Jack is not a good guy. He flirts with staff in front of Bella, leaves the home without explanation, and is generally rude and dismissive. 

    As the play progresses, it turns out there is a mysterious disappearance of an opera singer (who used to live upstairs). Jack starts searching for the starlett’s jewels and acts incredulous when Bella mentions she hears footsteps above her. The plot thickens as Jack starts randomly turning their gas lamp lights on and off, and then denies it. He attempts to convince Bella she is insane. 

    You’ll have to see the play to learn what happens next, but the important takeaway from this story is that Jack’s behavior is deliberate and intentional. Not only does he lie to her, but he lies to her with the premeditated intention of upending her mental stability. This is what gaslighting is.

    What To Do If There is Gaslighting in Your Relationship

    Emotional abuse needs to be taken extremely seriously and requires immediate assessment and intervention from a licensed professional. 

    If you believe that your partner is consistently, deliberately trying to make you feel like you are out of touch with reality, we recommend reaching out for help. You can call 988 if you live in the United States or visit the Gottman Referral Network to find a therapist near you. 

    What is Stonewalling?

    Unlike gaslighting, stonewalling is a maladaptive defense mechanism versus a form of emotional abuse. 

    Dr. John Gottman uses the term to define one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. His research indicates that stonewalling leads to relationship dissatisfaction, separation and divorce. 

    Stonewalling is a behavior characterized by one partner withdrawing from interaction, shutting off emotionally, and discontinuing communication.

    When someone is stonewalling, to others they often appear indifferent and usually have a blank expression on their face. They might appear callous or uncaring. It can be very hurtful to look up and see what appears to be an emotionless reaction when you are talking to your partner; especially if you are being emotionally vulnerable. You might wonder if your partner is even listening or cares what you are feeling.

    But stonewalling is not as it appears. 

    What we know from the research is that when someone is stonewalling, even though they may appear calm on the outside, internally, they are in a state of fight, flight, or freeze. Stonewalling is the freeze reaction to perceived danger. Heart-rates are well over one hundred beats per minute, accompanied by difficulty breathing, muscle tension and internal panic.

    What To Do if There is Stonewalling in Your Relationship

    The solution to relational stonewalling is easy in concept, but difficult to practice in everyday life.

    There is only one thing to do, and that is to take a timeout. 

    It is emotionally dangerous to continue conversation when one or both parties are triggered. If you keep talking, you or your partner might do and say things you regret. When you take a short break, both of you can catch your breath, do some self-care, and then return to the conversation when you’re calm. 

    Usually one partner wants to keep talking while the other wants space. In order for a time-out to be effective, both parties need to commit to disconnecting and then reconnecting. When you learn how to do this in your relationship, you can avoid the unnecessary pain that occurs from continuing an unproductive conversation. 

    Next Steps

    It takes time to reduce stonewalling in your relationship, but it is possible. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work to implement this strategy. If you are the kind of couple who like worksheets and cheat sheets, you can download a free copy of chapter 7 of my workbook which includes a Time-Out Planning Exercise to help you avoid stonewalling in your relationship. 

    Congratulations on your commitment to relationship health and thanks for reading this article 🙂

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    Laura Silverstein

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  • What Are We Fighting For?

    What Are We Fighting For?

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    They were perfectly matched in so many ways. She was a young lawyer (land use law) and so was he (media rights). They were both Midwest transplants to Seattle. They were busy and ambitious, and loved to pack their free time with new experiences. When they first met, they’d venture out someplace new every weekend. They hopped in the car and drove up to Vancouver for the weekend to wander the open-air market or pop in for some late-night sushi. They headed off into the mountains for an overnight camping trip. Or they grabbed last-minute tickets to a play. They both worked long hours but loved to be spontaneous in their time off. 

    There was just one tiny problem. She wanted a puppy. He didn’t. 

    A year later, there was indeed a puppy—one that had grown into a big, happy, playful dog. But the marriage was ending. Divorce papers were signed. The two moved out of the house they’d bought together before they got married, the one they came home to the night of their wedding, still shaking the sparkly confetti the guests had tossed out of their hair and clothes, laughing. They split up all their furniture, books, pots and pans. She, of course, took the dog.

    How did a puppy break up this marriage?

    The fight started out simply: with a difference of opinion. He thought dogs were too much responsibility, too much work, too much commitment. You couldn’t leave a dog home for very long—you couldn’t even go away for the day. And dogs could get expensive. Didn’t they want to use their extra money in other ways? Hadn’t they talked about traveling?

    But his job required frequent business trips, and he was gone a lot, leaving her alone in the house, where she worked long hours from home. She felt lonely, and when he was away overnight she got spooked. They hadn’t really been traveling like they’d once talked about—why not get a puppy, a buddy for her to keep her company? She imagined the dog accompanying them on weekend hikes, riding in the car with its head out the window. It was nice to picture them as a threesome: a couple with their dog.

    They weren’t getting anywhere. They just kept looping around inside the same argument, with no resolution. His concerns about time, money, and commitment seemed so overblown—if he would just try it, she was sure, he’d see it wasn’t that much work! So, she decided: she would just get a puppy and give it to him as a gift. Once there was a real, live, adorable fuzzball in his lap, how could he re- sist? He’d come around.

    He did not come around.

    The conflict escalated. He was upset that she’d ignored him and done what she wanted to. She was upset that he continued to dig his heels in, even after she’d told him how important this was to her. To him, the puppy in the house was a constant reminder of how she’d completely disregarded how he felt and what was important to him. To her, his refusal to accept the dog felt like a rejection of her and her needs. Every little thing about the dog sparked a fight: Who would take him out. The vet bill. Having to add his food to the grocery list. Worse, they were fighting about other stuff now too—more than they ever had before.

    She started to notice how little he did around the house. Okay, fine, she thought, she’d do most of the dog stuff—it had been her idea. But he seemed to leave the rest of the housework to her too. Either he didn’t care, or he just expected it—is that what it would be like, she wondered, if they had a baby? For his part, the way she brought stuff up grated on him. She never just asked for help. She’d say, “I guess I’m doing the dishes again tonight,” and some little flash of anger inside him would make him snap, “Yeah, I guess so.” Later, feeling bad, he’d try to do more—he’d put a few loads of laundry through, clean the bathroom—but she never noticed.

    They were spending less and less time together. And one Friday afternoon, when he reminded her that he was going away for the weekend on a camping trip with an old high school buddy, she felt overwhelmed by anger and sadness.

    “Oh, so you’re just going to take off,” she said, suddenly on the verge of tears, “and I can stay home with this dog you never wanted.”

    Blindsided, he blew up. “What is the matter with you?” he shouted. “I’ve had this trip planned for months! It has nothing to do with the stupid dog!”

    There was fuel behind this fight, just under the surface, like underground oil feeding a fire: each of them had a hidden agenda.

    His hidden agenda: he wanted freedom and adventure.

    Her hidden agenda: she wanted a family.

    But they barely acknowledged these deeper truths to themselves, much less to each other.

    They retreated further and further from each other, each digging into his or her own separate foxhole, from which they lobbed accusations and criticisms like grenades. One day, she caught a bad cold and couldn’t take the dog out—he had to do it. He was filled with resentment every time he had to stop doing something important to clip the leash on—he hadn’t signed up for this! On another day, the puppy made his own sign of protest: he did his little dump right under the husband’s desk, where he worked when he was home.

    He said he wasn’t cleaning it up.

    She said she wasn’t cleaning it up.

    That tiny pile of poo marked the line nobody would cross—to cross it would be to admit defeat, to let the other side win.

    When they sold the house in the divorce, they had a cleaning service come in. The cleaners moved from room to room, washing away all the evidence of this couple’s life together—their fingerprints and cooking spices, dust and left-behind papers—to make the space spotless for the prospective buyers who would be coming through, imagining themselves living there instead. And then they came to the desk.

    Do you know what happens when you leave dog poop for a long time?

    It turns into a hard, white lump.

    Yes, the punchline of this story is . . . mummified dog poop. And we’re sorry! But we’re telling you this story because it’s so universal: every couple has some small disagreement that won’t go away, snowballs, and turns into a huge blockage. And it seems so trivial! It’s easy to hear this story and think: What a terrible reason to break up a good marriage—over a puppy?

    Well, the fight wasn’t really about the puppy. Or the poop. The puppy represented major life philosophies for each person. When they fought about taking the dog out, or the vet bill, or who should perform the errand of shopping for dog food, they weren’t really fighting about those things. They were fighting about their values, their dreams, their vision of what they wanted out of marriage, and out of life. They were fighting about some really foundational stuff— stuff that would have been good for them to dig into, and might even have saved their marriage if they had. But they never got there. They never really figured out what they were actually fighting about, or how to talk to each other about it. Their fights became destructive, and eventually that strong relationship they’d once had splintered apart.

    This was a long time ago, before John started his work studying couples. He didn’t fully understand the depths of their conflict until much later, when his research taught him more about the science of relationships. In the end, he wasn’t able to help them. They did unfortunately split up. But since then, we have helped thousands of other couples who were just as gridlocked, just as stuck, just as desperately out of sync.

    In writing this book, we thought about that long-ago couple a lot. We wish we’d known then what we know now, with fifty years of research under our belt. If we could go back in time, this is the book we would write for them.

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    Drs. John and Julie Gottman

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  • Overcoming Gridlock this Holiday Season

    Overcoming Gridlock this Holiday Season

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    That’s not the kind of gridlock I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is the emotional traffic jam that happens in a relationship which has all the same accompanying emotions and more –  feeling stuck, frustrated, or powerless. The holiday season is as good a time as any to reconsider how to approach gridlocked problems that arise in your relationship.

    In Dr. Gottman’s New York Times bestselling book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he points out that 69% of conflicts in relationships are about unresolvable issues. You’d still have them even if you married someone else, they’d just be a different set of perpetual problems.

    Relationship gridlock is a state in which your argument with your partner has come to a standstill because you both disagree on how to move forward. A couple can experience gridlock on any issue, and often the more gridlocked they are, the more gridlocked they become on other things as well.

    Gridlock is difficult because it is often caused by our deepest dreams, desires and feelings being blocked. I’ve seen couples come to a standstill on topics such as how to raise kids, practicing a certain faith, or taking a new job. Overcoming gridlock this holiday season is the best gift you can give your relationship.

    What To Do When You Feel Stuck

    Ironically, gridlock is an opportunity. I know it feels terrible in the moment, but it actually can create an opportunity for you to better understand your partner and become closer to them. Here are some exercises you can do to help move you out of a complete standstill.

    1. Empathize with your partner.
    As difficult as it might be, try to ask them details about their point of view. Chances are there is a story behind their desires. Find out their story, listen carefully, and empathize.

    2. Be respectful.
    You don’t have to understand or agree with your partner’s perspective, but it’s important to accept it. Saying “Well, your way of celebrating Christmas is crazy” will alienate your partner and possibly prevent further discussion. Being respectful is a choice and helps define the kind of partner you want to be.

    3. Make temporary compromises.
    Dr. Gottman’s research shows that you don’t need to and probably won’t solve your problem.  Chances are you will keep talking about these issues for decades. The trick is to get accustomed to talking to each other in a particular way that allows you to find common ground and to make temporary compromises.

    4. Recall the honeymoon phase.
    Remember when you first met and traded stories over dinner? You laughed together and shared personal details. You weren’t trying to change one another; you were celebrating the new person that you just met. Get back into that mindset this season. When your partner suggests an idea, recall what you may have said during the first few dates and try saying something similar. Be open to suggestions!

    Finding a Middle Ground

    Unresolvable issues are inevitable since we are growing and changing as people. As uncomfortable as it is to disagree with your partner, it is part of the deal when you decide to be with another person. Psychologist Dan Wile says it best in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unresolvable problems.” They will change over the years, and while it might sound scary, it is also a chance to deepen your connection and to continue to get to know one another better over time.

    A good compromise does require two people to have self-respect and respect for their partner. Everyone has values and dreams, but you can still find some common ground. Dr. Gottman calls this the “flexible area.” Perhaps you don’t want your kids to practice your partner’s faith as children, but maybe you are OK with them celebrating the holidays, with the caveat that they will choose for themselves when they’re old enough. Perhaps you want a dog and your partner doesn’t, so you might agree to cover the costs of taking care of the dog.

    You don’t need to change your mind for your partner or act in ways that don’t make sense for you, but you do have to be nice to one another and to allow each other to grow. The alternative is akin to being stuck in traffic for a long, long time.

    Yielding to Win

    One of the most powerful ideas related to relationship gridlock is the concept of yielding . To yield is to summon your best self and offer your partner grace and acceptance. Yielding requires emotional intelligence and love for your partner, but it works because your partner is more likely to see your kindness and return the favor. Saying “yes” is an act of faith and a decision to move forward in your relationship instead of staying stuck.

    Overcoming Gridlock This Holiday Season

    Remember, it is by your side that your partner wants to grow. You are co-creators of your lives together. Allowing room for both partners to be happy during the holidays will breathe new life into every part of your bond, your friendship, and your romance throughout the year.

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    Sanaa Hyder

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  • How to Structure and Build a Team For Long-Term Success | Entrepreneur

    How to Structure and Build a Team For Long-Term Success | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    My dad was a high school basketball coach in the middle of rural Arizona. He rarely had the exact same group of players on a team year after year, so he never had just one system that he relied on. Instead, he learned to accept that he got who he got, reviewed what talent he had been given, and built that year’s system based on the player’s strengths.

    And I’ve learned from his example. As a manager, that’s how I try to structure my teams. I ask myself who I have or can hire that can fill a role based on their temperament, abilities and goals. Ultimately, that puts people in places where they can contribute, and if those individuals succeed, the team and organization will grow, too. On a larger scale, this can position a company for stronger growth and competitiveness.

    Four core components necessary for success

    There are many ways to structure an organization: A leader can use a matrix structure with various employees reporting across functions or teams. Or, organizations can employ a more formal pyramid structure. Some marketing departments will align their teams around the various audiences or channels they’re trying to reach.

    However, who I’m hiring for the team is much more important to me than how the business charts out. I prioritize who candidates are as a person, looking for four considerable qualities:

    1. Grit — Have they experienced failure in their life, and did they rise above it? Do they own up to that failure and understand the lessons learned from the mistake, or are they still just running from it?
    2. Optimism — I wish I could tell you that I am naturally optimistic. Unfortunately, I’m a glass-half-empty kind of person and know keeping a sunny outlook isn’t easy. I look for consistently positive people because it fosters stronger team bonds. I have found that optimism can often get a person noticed, which tends to move them up the ladder as people gain confidence based on their positivity.
    3. Written communication — I have spoken at several marketing conferences, and the one skill that I have told young marketers is to hone their writing skills. Communicating your ideas within an organization through email, creating an effective AI prompt, or drafting a persuasive marketing plan relies on the written word.
    4. Seeking “good enough” — Marketing budgets are rarely as large as the team believes they need. A good marketer has to make do and figure out how to get things done despite a lack of budget. In my experience, people will often sacrifice “good enough” to reach perfection. They don’t understand that perfection is illusory. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and everybody will make mistakes. The ability to effectively solve a problem in a matter that is efficient and effective without being perfect is a skill that leaders highly value.

    Related: 5 Effective Ways to Build a Winning Team

    Strategic placement means everybody wins

    When leaders are actively developing the structure of their company, it’s wise to hire individuals who are good at things they are not. But they also can look at what individuals have the potential to be good at. In a previous organization, I had an employee who was involved in event management but who wanted to move into marketing; I had another employee who was tired of email marketing but wanted to learn event management. Both employees had to learn new skills to move forward with these new paths. Being in this situation allowed me to help both of them achieve their career goals while putting them in positions where they could learn and be happier.

    Related: 10 Simple Steps to Build an Exceptional and Efficient Team

    True relationships are worth the balancing act

    Leaders have to be careful not to get caught in a situation where somebody could misconstrue their kindness or attention, but being in leadership doesn’t have to mean sacrificing gaining friendships. Balance being too friendly with being able to offer necessary corrections. By nature, I tend to be a people pleaser, so I must work on being tougher — especially early in relationships. After my collegiate basketball career ended, I became a high school basketball referee. I found that the whole game went smoother if I was tough in the first quarter of a game. It is important to establish a sense of control when they first hire a new team member, and then they can infuse the second, third and fourth quarters with more friendship.

    Leaders can have situations that test the relationships they’re working to build. Let’s say someone has two people on their team, and they have to decide which one gets promoted. The one who didn’t get promoted might feel like the leader let them down. Leaders must maintain enough professional distance so that an employee knows it was not due to favoritism in this situation.

    Sometimes, giving certain people opportunities to learn conflicts with the experience others already have. Suppose an employee is an excellent marketer, so they’re put in charge of a small team. What happens if one of the people who will now be reporting to this new manager already has experience as a manager? If the first employee is not given this opportunity, they won’t learn how to manage a team without the promotion — but if they get the position, jealousy could set in with the second employee who has proven skills. In this particular instance, it helps maintain clear communication between those getting the promotion and those not. Utilizing various conversations, such as during mid-year or other reviews, points about your plans for the individual and the overall team can help you manage through the inevitable tough times.

    As I think through my career, it is actually not just my team’s work that I am most proud of. It is seeing those team members go on to become great managers in their own right. If, at the end of the day, I can look back and see many of my former team members becoming great managers, I will feel like I was a success.

    Related: Not Sure How to Grow Your Team? Focus on These 3 Things.

    For a responsive foundation that lasts, build on people

    Company structure matters, but I consider who employees are to be more important when building a business. By intentionally playing chess to move workers where they can have the greatest development and influence, leaders can set themselves and their teams up for success.

    Along the way, leaders shouldn’t be afraid to pursue good relationships, even though doing so requires balancing potentially conflicting goals or interests. By making people the heart of the company and viewing success through a different lens, leaders can establish a reliable, flexible framework that can respond continuously to the future.

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    David Partain

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  • Challenging Behaviors in Couples Therapy

    Challenging Behaviors in Couples Therapy

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    One of the challenging behaviors we are seeing in couples therapy is gaslighting. While it has become a cliche term, this set of behaviors is becoming more common in couples therapy. 

    What is Gaslighting?

    The American Psychological Association definition of gaslighting is to manipulate another person into doubting his or her perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events.

    According to Dr. Dana McNeil, PsyD, LMFT, CGT the gaslighter implies that you misunderstood what they said versus taking responsibility or showing any remorse for their bad behavior. There is an implication that their partner is overreacting. McNeil sees these types of gaslighting behaviors in her San Diego practice:

    • Negative body language and minimizing statements about the other person’s perspective or feelings 
    • Unwillingness to accept any part of the responsibility for a misunderstanding or conflict 
    • Intentional implication that the other person has fabricated a situation in order to create doubt or challenge the other person’s reality 
    • Cutting off the other person, not allowing them to make points or ask questions during a disagreement
    • No acknowledgment of partner’s hurt feelings when expressed, lack of empathy

    The partner of the gaslighter may experience self doubt and internalize that they didn’t work hard enough in the relationship. As a result they might feel guilty bringing up issues in the relationship.

    How does it show up in therapy?

    Here are some examples of what you might hear in session:

    • “You’re making things up.” 
    • “That never happened.“
    • “You’re being dramatic.“
    • “You’re blowing things out of proportion.“
    • “I am sorry you feel that way.”

    McNeil says that the gaslighter often times exhibits these behaviors because they:

    • Have low self-esteem and don’t know how to deal with it.
    • Have low capacity to sit with their own emotions.
    • Want to “fix” their partner’s feelings and don’t know how, so they minimize to avoid feeling like a failure.
    • Feel out of control in the relationship and wants to gain power in maladaptive ways.
    • Have difficulty in accepting influence from their partner due to discomfort with vulnerability.

    How to decrease gaslighting behaviors

    Usually by the time the couple seeks out therapy, one partner is seriously questioning their ability to be a good partner. It is important to validate the experience of the partner who has been manipulated and help them understand the pattern of behaviors. Work with them towards understanding what is in their control versus taking responsibility for all of the relationship problems.

    It is important as the therapist that you assume the best and maintain a positive perspective of the partner who is gaslighting. You will need to help them gain perspective about their behavior and how it is impacting the relationship. The behaviors are keeping them from getting their needs met which might be counterintuitive to them at first.

    Gottman Interventions to use in session:

    • Introduce the idea of a subjective reality and coach each partner to describe theirs (remind them that this isn’t about agreeing with their partner’s perspective).
    • Teach them to validate their partner’s experience and feelings.
    • Redirect partners to use “I” statements.
    • Use the antidotes for defensiveness and criticism (softened start up and taking responsibility, respectively).
    • Do some psychoeducation on softened start up where you ask partners to name their emotion and ask for their needs even if the other partner is unable to do it.
    • Practice the Aftermath of a Fight/Regrettable Incident.

    Gaslighting is a challenging behavior for a couples therapist to deal with. However, with the right tools and structure these dynamics can be changed for the better.

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    Kendra Han

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  • This Workplace Policy Is Igniting Fiery Debates In The Boardroom — Here’s Why. | Entrepreneur

    This Workplace Policy Is Igniting Fiery Debates In The Boardroom — Here’s Why. | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    What’s the biggest battle in the corporate boardroom? Perhaps it’s about adopting Generative AI? Or maybe about DEI or perhaps ESG? The biggest flashpoint, as revealed by a recent Gartner survey, is the return-to-office (RTO) strategies that are stirring the pot, igniting fiery debates among top-tier executives. The survey unveils a startling revelation: 74% of HR executives believe RTO policies are the biggest breeding grounds for boardroom clashes. The next most popular candidate, at 52%, is workplace flexibility. And investors are watching. Increasingly, they are using RTO and work-from-home policies to decide whether to invest. Boardroom clashes are definitely not attractive for investors.

    Why unraveling cognitive bias is the first step to resolving conflict

    As we delve deeper into the anatomy of this discord, we stumble upon cognitive biases that cloud the judgment of the corporate crusaders. The first culprit is confirmation bias, a veil that blinds leaders to any evidence that contradicts their preconceived notions about RTO strategies. A leader, once hooked on the allure of a full-office comeback, may turn a blind eye to alternative flexible work models, thus sowing seeds of discord among the leadership ranks.

    On the flip side, the anchoring bias is the invisible chain that shackles leaders to the first piece of information encountered. In the throes of RTO strategy deliberations, the initial proposals often cast a long shadow over subsequent discussions. This cognitive entrapment stifles creativity and fosters a breeding ground for conflict as leaders entrench themselves in their anchored positions.

    The journey towards boardroom accord demands a deliberate unraveling of the cognitive biases that obscure the path. The first stride involves cultivating an awareness and understanding of these biases among the leadership. A culture of open discourse could serve as the beacon of hope, illuminating the path toward a consensus on RTO strategies. This discourse should be enriched with a diverse array of insights, shredding the veil of confirmation and anchoring biases.

    Related: We’re Now Finding Out The Damaging Results of The Mandated Return to Office — And It’s Worse Than We Thought.

    How to facilitate an open dialogue to resolve boardroom discord

    The odyssey towards harmonizing the boardroom on RTO strategies is a nuanced endeavor, often requiring a blend of strategic acumen and empathic understanding. My journey with various clients across diverse sectors provides a window into the practical facets of navigating the RTO quagmire.

    A mid-sized tech firm was embroiled in internal debates surrounding the adoption of an appropriate RTO strategy. The board was polarized, with one faction advocating for a complete return to the office while the other supported a hybrid model that allowed for more flexible work arrangements. The stalemate was hindering strategic decision-making and threatening to erode the cohesive culture of the organization.

    Upon engagement, my approach involved orchestrating structured discussions between the opposing factions to thoroughly understand their concerns and perspectives. I facilitated dialogues that encouraged open communication and presented evidence-based data showcasing the merits of a hybrid work model, especially focusing on productivity, employee satisfaction and operational efficiency.

    Furthermore, I introduced them to successful RTO implementations in similar tech firms, which provided a practical perspective on the feasibility and benefits of a hybrid model. Over time, these discussions led to a more informed and collaborative decision-making process. Eventually, the board reached a consensus on adopting a balanced RTO strategy that accommodated the concerns of both factions and used a data-based approach to adopt a flexible hybrid model. This resolution significantly reduced boardroom discord and positioned the firm on a path toward a smoother transition to the new working model.

    In another case, a regional banking institution found itself in a quandary due to differing views within the leadership regarding the RTO policies. The divergent stances were causing operational disruptions and affecting the overall morale within the organization. My intervention started with conducting workshops aimed at identifying and addressing the cognitive biases influencing the decision-making process. Through these workshops, I fostered an environment that encouraged open communication and objective evaluation of different RTO models.

    Additionally, I provided insights on how similar financial institutions had navigated RTO transitions successfully. We explored various RTO models, evaluating their impact on operational efficiency, employee satisfaction and client service delivery. This process allowed the leadership to have a more comprehensive understanding of the implications of their RTO decisions. Gradually, a consensus emerged around a flexible RTO model that balanced the need for in-office collaboration with the flexibility of remote work. This consensus significantly eased the boardroom tensions and set the stage for a more harmonized operational transition.

    Related: Conflict Is Inevitable But Necessary. Here’s How to Stay Calm During an Argument and Rebuild Afterward.

    Steps you can take to resolve RTO strategy debates

    Addressing boardroom conflicts over RTO strategies requires a decisive and structured approach. Start by fostering a culture of open dialogue in the boardroom. Ensure every member voices their concerns and opinions on RTO strategies. Make it clear that you value all perspectives in the decision-making process.

    Use data to steer your discussions. Present empirical evidence from reputable sources or case studies from similar organizations to shift the debate from personal biases towards a fact-based dialogue.

    If necessary, bring in a neutral facilitator, preferably an external consultant with expertise in RTO strategies and organizational change, to guide the discussions. A neutral facilitator can keep discussions constructive, focused, and free from personal disputes.

    Engage the board in scenario planning. Discuss the implications of various RTO models by exploring potential scenarios and their impact on the organization. This visual representation of potential outcomes can aid in more informed decision-making.

    Encourage compromise and demonstrate a willingness to adapt. Finding a middle ground that addresses the major concerns of the board is crucial. Show that you are open to balanced solutions to resolve conflicts.

    Invest in team-building and conflict-resolution training for the board. Enhancing interpersonal relations and communication skills among board members can create a more harmonious decision-making environment.

    Lastly, once the board reaches a decision, communicate it clearly and promptly to all stakeholders within the organization, along with the rationale behind the decision. Transparency in decision-making processes can garner support for the chosen RTO strategy across the organization.

    By following these steps, you can navigate through boardroom conflicts surrounding RTO strategies, fostering a more cohesive and effective decision-making process within your organization.

    Conclusion

    The RTO-induced boardroom discord is a call to arms for organizations. It unveils the urgency of not only addressing cognitive biases but also fostering a culture of open discourse and empathy. The road ahead may be fraught with challenges, but with a compass of awareness and collaboration, the corporate ship can navigate through the stormy seas toward the calm waters of consensus and productivity.

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    Gleb Tsipursky

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  • Don’t Let Your Ego Make You a Controlling Leader. Here’s How. | Entrepreneur

    Don’t Let Your Ego Make You a Controlling Leader. Here’s How. | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    I’m sure we’ve all had moments where we let our pride and ego get in our own way of success. I’ll be the first to admit that this has been something I’ve been working on.

    In a world where we tend to overly glorify the accumulation of fame, power and resources, we can often overlook the many principles and character traits that would allow us to be naturally attractive to these things. We tend to act from a forceful place as we often unconsciously pursue self-aggrandizement over self-actualization. From our ignorance, we learn to chase and hustle after our desires instead of working to become the people these things chase after. As a result, many of us unconsciously look to control and manipulate things, people and situations as we subconsciously feel inadequate in comparison to the ideals we pedestalize.

    In acknowledging these patterns within myself, I’ve seen that many of today’s leaders struggle with the same ways of thinking. Many of us take the exhausting, brute-force approach to getting things done without ever knowing how to make things flow and unfold naturally in our favor. Rarely are we taught how to live an inspired life and inspire others to take action under our charge. Many of us only know of and look up to forceful leaders who mask their insecurities with the self-inflating nature of their egos.

    Related: Why Mindfulness Is a Must-Have Mental Skill

    The art of letting go

    Transcending the ego to find genuine inspiration can be arduous for many people. We often grow up in environments that are not conducive to emotional intelligence and mental hygiene. Our caretakers and peers usually do not understand these things and thus unconsciously project their traumas and limiting beliefs onto us. As we also do not know any better, we internalize these things to perpetuate the same patterns that hold us back.

    To effectively let go of our limiting thought pattern, one must follow a simple three-step reconditioning program:

    1. Acknowledge that we hold a limiting thought pattern.
    2. Understand where the thought pattern came from.
    3. Adopt higher principles to live by and begin experiencing the opposite energy in our lives.

    Of course, following these steps is much easier said than done; it is the very nature of our egos to be blind to its ways and limitations. This blindness is why it is essential to practice mindfulness and critical thinking. By becoming more mindful of our patterns, we can open our minds to living with more creativity, flow and overall abundance. The following are a few ways to fast-track your journey toward effortless attraction and continuous inspiration.

    Adopt a meditation practice

    As a meditation teacher, I couldn’t recommend this enough. Practicing mindful breath awareness and zen meditation are great ways to increase our self-awareness. Studies often show how meditation works to reduce stress and anxiety. Beyond that, consistent practice also cultivates detachment from our thoughts and emotions.

    With this detachment, we can observe our consciousness to see that we are not our thoughts and emotions. Instead, we are the awareness that can witness, produce, and change these things with the proper understanding and approach.

    In practicing meditation, we also open ourselves to understanding the nature of our consciousness, thus enhancing our ability to empathize with others. As we know ourselves, we know those around us as well.

    Related: 7 Proven Ways Meditating Prepares You for Success

    Find an accountability partner

    Your accountability partner should be someone emotionally intelligent. Hire a good coach or therapist if you’re serious about this. A great accountability partner should be able to understand your situation and call you out when they see you’re unconsciously acting out of integrity. They should also have straightforward and time-tested systems and principles to get you the results you want in life.

    Develop your communication and conflict management skills

    While we are interfacing with the world, we inevitably will interact with other people. Social science research has repeatedly shown us how the emotional states we carry and communicate are often contagious to those we interact with. Being mindful of our speech and body language is paramount to deepening our relationships and expanding our leadership potential.

    In particular, conflict management skills are essential to effortless communication. In a world where most of us either shy away from confrontation or are overly aggressive in conflict, learning how to effectively communicate our more complex emotions, give negative feedback and set boundaries are excellent skills to have.

    Regularly do things that challenge you to grow

    In exposing ourselves to new situations, we give ourselves the opportunity for self-discovery and reflection. Should these situations be particularly challenging, perhaps they can illuminate our unconscious patterns and faults to work on.

    For example, I used to be very socially anxious in college. I struggled with most of my relationships and knew I had to make significant changes if I wanted more from life. When I left college, I decided to become a salesperson to actively work on my social and persuasion skills. Doing so helped unlock massive leadership and income-earning potential for me!

    Hopefully, these principles and suggestions are insightful to you. May we live a contemplative life that takes us to our highest potential and service to those around us.

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    Jonathan Brierre

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  • How to Navigate Conflict While Building Trust | Entrepreneur

    How to Navigate Conflict While Building Trust | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    When a prospective client contacts my law office about representation in a legal action, one of the first things my staff does is conduct a “conflicts check.” As an attorney, I am ethically bound to provide my clients with the best advocacy. This won’t be possible if I have a real or perceived conflict with them or their case.

    For business people, the possibility of a conflict is no less critical. Whether hiring staff, negotiating agreements or seeking counsel, entrepreneurs should feel confident that the person on the other side of the table will have their best interests at heart.

    As professionals, our primary mission should be to face conflicts with integrity, ensuring we honor our commitments to our clients and ourselves.

    What is a conflict?

    For lawyers, the most prominent kind of conflict is representing both sides in a dispute. Imagine a divorce attorney agreeing to represent both the husband and wife in their divorce: It simply wouldn’t happen unless there was a full written disclosure of the conflict and a knowing waiver by both sides. The legal code of ethics says that if I have a relationship with or have worked for a party on the other side in a dispute, I cannot possibly provide my prospective client with unbiased representation. I should refer them to another attorney.

    Not all conflicts are so apparent, however. Even when there isn’t an obvious overlap, there could still be bias or some personal agenda that colors how the lawyer — or any other professional — views or will handle the matter before them. Judges, for example, are expected to recuse themselves (step away from a case) if they have any type of interest in a party or matter before them. They may have invested money in a company, played golf with the company’s president or sat on the church board with one of the parties, and this could cause them to favor that party over the other for reasons other than the facts or the law.

    For business people, some conflicts are clear-cut. You would probably not want to work with a consultant who provided the same services to one of your direct competitors. You might also have good reasons not to hire someone married or related to a key person at a competitor.

    But what about a potential investor? A C-Suite candidate? At what point could an interest, relationship, or connection with that other party become hazardous to your business?

    Related: 6 Strategies to Resolve Conflict at Work

    Why are conflicts bad?

    In my legal role, if I have had any kind of relationship with the other party, I probably know too much about them – their strategies, finances and other internal matters – to be able to offer unbiased insights to a new client. I might even put my first client at risk by inadvertently disclosing trade secrets or other confidential information. Even if I strongly believe that I can distance myself from the prior engagement, the very appearance of conflict should be enough to stop me from agreeing to take on the new case.

    The same holds true in business transactions. A clear conflict of interest threatens to expose confidential information such as processes, formulas and customer lists, but bias or personal interest can also taint the information and advice we receive from others. Despite the best intentions of the consultant or contractor, the risk is high that they could compromise your business or otherwise not act in your best interest.

    Any time an individual has a personal interest in a matter, whether it’s a financial investment, a friendship, or even a religious or political belief, it can affect how they view it. Although the person may truly believe he can set his interests aside, it is the rare individual who can actually remove the tinted glasses from his eyes.

    Related: Have a Business Idea? Here’s How To Put It into Action.

    How do you identify conflicts?

    It starts with asking questions. Unlike law offices, businesses aren’t legally or ethically required to check for conflicts whenever a client or vendor walks in. But this doesn’t mean that checks shouldn’t be performed.

    Before hiring a worker or engaging a contractor, take the time to learn about where they have worked and what they have done. Not only will this protect you against negligently exposing your information, but it may prevent your company from unknowingly learning another company’s trade secrets.

    Nondisclosure agreements are important tools for ensuring that your confidential information is respected and protected. Still, the bottom line is that once a trade secret has been shared, the barn door can never be closed. It is far better to keep the door shut first than seek damages after the horse has escaped.

    In the best-case scenario, the contractor, consultant, or job candidate will be candid and up-front during your introductory meeting, putting their cards on the table so you can make an informed decision. But they may not always recognize potential conflicts, so the onus is on you to ask questions until you feel satisfied that you know what you need to know.

    Related: Online Legal Tools Save Time and Money. But They Aren’t Lawyers.

    The bottom line

    Although you cannot ask your workers to share legally protected information — medical or family history, politics or religion, gender identity — the more you know about their prior work, priorities and values, the better informed your decision will be.

    If, at any time during their tenure with your company, you identify a real or potential conflict, address it immediately. Share your concerns with the other party and ask for information to confirm or rule out any conflict. Contractors or consultants with real or perceived conflicts can be phased out and replaced if necessary. For conflicted employees, document your decision and conduct an exit interview to remind them of their obligation to maintain trade secrets and other protected information.

    Remember, the journey of business is fraught with competition and conflict. The truly successful entrepreneur will navigate these issues proactively, ensuring that any real conflicts are outside rather than within their own walls.

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    Arash Homampour

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  • How to Master Conflict in Remote Teams | Entrepreneur

    How to Master Conflict in Remote Teams | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    Despite the many CEOs throwing tantrums over return-to-office mandates and the numerous headlines about large companies like JP Morgan Chase demanding full-time office work, the data doesn’t lie. And the data shows that we’ve seen a growth in remote work in recent weeks, according to the latest edition of LinkedIn’s Workforce Confidence Index, which surveyed 5,860 U.S. professionals.

    Mostly onsite work has decreased from a high of 55% in November 2022 to 50% by January 2023, while remote work went from 25% to 28% in that time period, and hybrid increased from 16% to 18%. And similar data emerges from research by Stanford University’s Nicholas Bloom, who reported in March 2023 that in cities like New York, Chicago and Atlanta, more postings are open to remote workers than at any time in the past three years. In fact, office occupancy has decreased from over 50% compared to pre-pandemic levels at the beginning of 2023 to just 46% by mid-April 2023.

    Related: You Should Let Your Team Decide Their Approach to Hybrid Work. A Behavioral Economist Explains Why and How You Should Do It.

    Leaders need to face the music: remote work, full-time or part-time — what is known as hybrid — is here to stay. That’s what I tell the 5-10 leaders I speak to every week on the subject.

    That means addressing the unique challenges associated with this new work modality can make or break a team’s success. Conflict resolution is one such challenge that, when mastered, can significantly boost your remote team’s performance and morale.

    The virtual water cooler: Fostering a positive environment

    No amount of advanced technology can substitute the magic of in-person water cooler chats. But fear not, my fellow remote warriors. By creating a virtual water cooler environment, you can foster positivity and camaraderie in your remote team.

    In one instance of a client with whom I worked, a large financial services company faced significant communication breakdowns among its remote employees. The solution? Establishing a designated online space for casual conversations and team-building activities. This virtual gathering spot allowed team members to connect and build rapport, ultimately leading to improved conflict resolution.

    Most of my clients who I helped adapt to the future of work, like the large financial services company mentioned above, implemented a “Morning Update” for four to eight-person teams within their company. Teams establish a separate channel for personal, non-work discussions using collaboration software, such as Microsoft Teams, Slack, Trello or other similar tools.

    Every morning, all team members send a message answering the following questions:

    1) How are you doing overall?

    2) How are you feeling right now?

    3) What’s been interesting in your life recently outside of work?

    4) What’s going on in your work: What’s going well, and what are some challenges?

    5) What is one thing about you or the world that most other team members do not know about?

    This activity provides an excellent foundation for developing relationships, rebuilding trust and accommodating differences.

    Related: How Has Remote Work Impacted Our Relationships With Other Employees? The Findings of This Study Will Surprise You.

    The art of active listening: Be the Sherlock Holmes of communication

    Remote communication leaves ample room for misinterpretation. Active listening is your secret weapon in this battle. Train your team to be the Sherlock Holmes of communication: observing, analyzing and empathizing with their counterparts.

    Another client, a regional insurance company, found success with this technique after experiencing a series of misunderstandings between remote team members. By implementing active listening training sessions, the company saw a significant decrease in conflicts and an increase in overall satisfaction.

    Embrace the E.T. approach: Empathy and transparency

    When it comes to remote conflict resolution, empathy and transparency are as vital as phoning home for E.T. Ensure your team members express their emotions and concerns openly while empathizing with their colleagues, which helps address bias and intolerance while improving relationships.

    A mid-size IT company with whom I worked experienced a breakthrough in team dynamics when it adopted the E.T. approach. Managers encouraged employees to be open about their feelings and held regular check-ins to address any concerns. This practice not only resolved conflicts more efficiently but also strengthened team bonds.

    Video killed the miscommunication star: Leverage video calls for clarity

    Never underestimate the power of face-to-face communication — even in the virtual world. Video calls provide visual cues and help prevent miscommunication.

    A professional services company of about 100 staff members which I advised found their conflict resolution dramatically improved after switching from text-based to video communication for team meetings. This simple yet effective change enabled employees to pick up on nonverbal cues and clarify any misunderstandings in real time.

    The three Cs: Clarity, consistency and constructive feedback

    Imagine trying to assemble a jigsaw puzzle with ambiguous instructions and inconsistent feedback. That’s how remote teams feel when they lack the three Cs: clarity, consistency and constructive feedback.

    Another client, a late-stage SaaS startup, overcame a major communication hurdle by incorporating the three Cs into their workflow. Managers provided clear instructions, maintained consistent communication channels and offered constructive feedback. The result? A highly motivated and conflict-free team.

    The power of the (virtual) huddle: Regular team check-ins

    In remote work, out of sight shouldn’t mean out of mind. Regular team check-ins are essential for addressing potential conflicts before they escalate.

    The largest law firm in a Midwestern city saw a marked improvement in team dynamics after implementing weekly check-ins based on my advice. This practice provided a platform for employees to raise concerns and resolve conflicts proactively.

    Related: Employers: Hybrid Work is Not The Problem — Your Guidelines Are. Here’s Why and How to Fix Them.

    Cultural intelligence: Embracing diversity for conflict resolution

    With remote work comes the opportunity to build a team from a diverse pool of talent. While this diversity can be an incredible asset, it also presents unique challenges in conflict resolution. Developing cultural intelligence is the key to unlocking the full potential of your global remote team.

    A direct-to-consumer e-commerce company of about 200 staff decided to hire talent around the globe after going remote during the pandemic, finding this modality worked well for them, and committing to maintaining a remote-first culture after the end of the pandemic. However, what it failed to realize was that by hiring globally, it would face cultural clashes within its remote workforce, causing conflicts to escalate. They asked me to help, and I assisted them in implementing cultural intelligence training and encouraging employees to learn about their colleagues’ backgrounds and customs. As a result, the company was able to transform potential conflicts into opportunities for growth and collaboration.

    Peer-to-peer mediation: Empowering your team to resolve conflicts

    One of the most effective ways to handle remote conflict resolution is by empowering your team to resolve conflicts among themselves. Peer-to-peer mediation can foster a sense of ownership and responsibility within the team, leading to stronger connections and better conflict management.

    A prominent healthcare organization that I consulted with faced escalating tensions among remote team members. By implementing a peer-to-peer mediation program, the organization was able to address conflicts more proactively and efficiently, allowing team members to feel heard and respected.

    Flexibility: The remote workforce’s superpower

    Finally, in a world where change is the only constant, flexibility is the superhero cape every remote team needs. Being adaptable to new situations, technologies, and communication styles can make a world of difference in conflict resolution.

    A multinational tech company faced an uphill battle with conflicts arising from different time zones and communication preferences. Using my advice and encouraging flexibility and adopting asynchronous communication tools, the company witnessed a significant reduction in misunderstandings and an overall improvement in team cohesion.

    The path to remote conflict resolution mastery

    Remote work — part-time or full-time — is an inevitable part of the future, no matter how much the Jamie Dimons of the world want to get back to full-time in-office work. That means leaders need to learn new methods for managing in a hybrid world. Doing so comes with its unique set of challenges, but with the right strategies and tools, conflict resolution can be mastered. By embracing advanced techniques outlined above, you can help your remote team thrive and navigate the remote work landscape like seasoned pros. Remember that the key to success lies in your commitment to creating an inclusive, supportive, and open environment where conflicts are viewed as opportunities for growth and improvement. By empowering your remote team to communicate effectively, embrace diversity, and resolve conflicts proactively, you will not only enhance team performance and morale but also set the stage for long-term success in the remote work arena.

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    Gleb Tsipursky

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  • 5 Reasons Your Team Keeps Making Mistakes & What to Do | Entrepreneur

    5 Reasons Your Team Keeps Making Mistakes & What to Do | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    Muhammad Ali, Tom Brady, Babe Ruth and Michael Jordan are some of the greatest professional athletes the world has ever known, but even these legends occasionally dropped the ball (as it were). It’s only natural, then, that your team members will occasionally do the same.

    Even the best employees will occasionally miss out on an opportunity to deliver, but, of course, it’s especially concerning for management when they keep dropping the ball and impact organizational growth in the process.

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    John Boitnott

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