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Tag: confidence booster

  • Here’s How Taylor Swift Gained Confidence and How You Can Too

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    Can you learn to be more confident? Most of us know by instinct or from reading the research that people who show more confidence tend to be seen as more capable and likable by others. There’s just no question that greater confidence can make you more successful. But how do you get there? Consider Taylor Swift and her confidence, or lack of it, when it came to dancing.

    We may think of Swift as a superstar who can do no wrong, as far as her fans are concerned. But before the Eras Tour, she spent years being criticized as a stiff, awkward, and generally very bad dancer. She acknowledged that criticism, and laughed with her critics, in the video for “Shake It Off,” which she described as “an entire music video of me awkwardly, badly dancing.”

    Apparently, shaking it off wasn’t really that easy. At least not according to choreographer Mandy Moore (not to be confused with the singer and This Is Us star with the same name). Moore did the choreography for the Eras Tour as well as the intensely complex “Fate of Ophelia” video. When she first started working with Swift, the pop star was quite self-conscious about dancing, Moore said in a New York Times interview. “She’d gotten a bad rap for a long time about her dancing, so she was really in her head,” Moore recalled.

    Moore helped Swift gain confidence in her own dance abilities. Here’s how she did it, and how it could work for you.

    1. Start with yourself.

    The first challenge was to get Swift out of her head. “We shifted the focus to how movement was already manifesting in her body–the way she naturally wanted to move,” Moore said in the interview. “And then we fine-tuned that: ‘OK, that looks a little weird with your shoulders,’ or, ‘Let’s straighten your knee here.’”

    When you’re feeling uncertain about a task or challenge, it’s always a good idea to go back to what feels most natural and comfortable to you. That’s a great place to start building your confidence because it’s likely something you have lots of experience doing and know you can do well. Use that as the first building block and slowly add other challenges and tasks, increasing your skills as you go.

    2. Put in the work.

    Swift is famous for being an extraordinarily hard worker. She prepared for her three-hour Eras Tour performances by singing all the songs in the set list while running, fast walking, or jogging on a treadmill (depending on the tempo of the song). She also completed a three-month fitness training regimen designed specifically for her.

    Her fiancé Travis Kelce is still a star of the NFL at 36, partly because he never skips any of the team’s grueling workouts. But even Kelce said he admired Swift’s athleticism and work ethic during the tour.

    Moore agrees. “I really admire Taylor’s tenacity,” she said. “She works so hard. Whatever I was putting down, she was picking up.”

    It may not be the most fun way to boost your own confidence. But it’s undeniably effective. Putting in extra hours of work practicing your skills and honing your strengths will give you greater confidence when you see those skills improve. It’s one of the most reliable ways to increase your own confidence.

    3. Ask for help.

    Dancing in public may be one of the most embarrassing things you can do. It can be a real challenge to your confidence, especially if you get criticized the way Swift has been. “The nature of this job is that I’m often seeing people–not just celebrities, everyone–in very vulnerable positions,” Moore says. “Dance is so vulnerable, and that feeling is only magnified by how famous the person is. Some of these artists have been sort of traumatized by dance.”

    How does Moore get them past their trauma? By turning dance into something they can love. “A lot of it is really just getting in a room and being like, ‘Look, here’s this thing that I love, and you can love it too!,’” she said. “Teach them the love first and the steps later.” That’s a great approach, and likely one Swift couldn’t have come up with by herself. Fortunately, she turned to Moore for help.

    A singer about to launch an international tour with 15 professional dancers knows she needs a choreographer to get the job done. But even if the task ahead of you is smaller and less public, asking for help from a coach, subject matter expert, mentor, or even a trusted colleague or friend can really help your confidence level. You can get constructive feedback on your work. You can practice your presentation or networking skills. This can give you the extra lift you need to face the challenge ahead feeling sure you can handle it instead of afraid that you can’t.

    There’s a growing audience of Inc.com readers who receive a daily text from me with a self-care or motivational micro-challenge or tip. Often, they text me back and we wind up in a conversation. (Want to know more? It’s easy to try it out and you can easily cancel anytime. Here’s some information about the texts and a special invitation to a two-month free trial.) Many of my subscribers are entrepreneurs or business leaders. They know the importance of feeling as confident as they can when they embark on a new challenge or role. Following Swift’s example can be a great way to get there.

    The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

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    Minda Zetlin

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  • Confidence in the Workplace Actually Starts With the Conversation in Your Head

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    Recently, I explored how communication habits can impact the confidence you feel and the confidence that others perceive. However, how you communicate with others isn’t the only piece of the confidence puzzle. What you say to yourself, your self-talk, is just as important. Here are three self-talk habits that might be hurting your confidence, and how to change them so they give you a boost instead.  

    You compare yourself with others.  

    I have a client who has over 20 years of experience in her field and a proven track record of success. However, that evidence alone isn’t enough to overcome her constant stream of diminishing self-talk. She compares herself with others, listing all the ways they have more experience, more advanced education, or more tenure at her company. The constant comparisons don’t really serve any productive purpose. They only make her feel inferior, which projects how she presents herself to others, too.  

    I didn’t advise my client to stop noticing others completely. However, instead of obsessing over what she’s lacking, I told my client that she could shift her focus to what she can emulate. If you find yourself comparing yourself with others, think of people you know who have qualities you admire, and think about what you can learn from them.  

    My client mentioned a senior executive at her company and explained that she’s a confident leader. I asked her to describe the behaviors that make her come across as confident. She explained that the senior executive is succinct when she speaks. She also doesn’t rush, and she puts others at ease with her sense of humor. By noticing these strengths and framing them as something to emulate, my client started to feel inspired instead of inferior.  

    You use negative self-talk when the pressure is on.  

    If you’re ever in a high-pressure situation—a pitch before investors, a presentation for a potential client—it can be easy for the nervous energy to lead to self-disparaging statements. While some people might insist that a little self-criticism is the boost of motivation they need, research shows that positive self-talk is more beneficial in the long run.  

    In 2009, a team of sports psychologists at the University of Thessaly studied athletes under pressure. They found that when players replaced negative self-talk with short motivational phrases, their confidence rose, their anxiety fell, and their performance improved. A simple mental script change shifted how they showed up in the moment. 

    If you’re having trouble finding the words to flip the script, think about reframing the nervous energy you feel. Challenges aren’t threats but opportunities. Instead of thinking “I’m anxious,” think “I’m excited.” Instead of “This is going to go badly,” think “I’ve done the prep, and I’m ready.” 

    You keep telling yourself old stories that are no longer true.

    Ten years ago, another one of my clients had the opportunity to present a proposal to his company’s senior leadership team. During the presentation, he was challenged by the company’s legal counsel, criticizing his work in front of the others. My client was humiliated, and he did his best to avoid the colleague—until, 10 years later, he found himself working alongside him on that very same senior leadership team.  

    While a decade has passed, when it comes to his perception of himself, my client is frozen in time. He still sees himself as that young, nervous leader, and his colleague as someone who doesn’t respect him. In fact, in recent feedback, his colleague described him as a “brilliant leader” he wishes he could collaborate more closely with. However, my client misses out on that opportunity by continually repeating a script that’s outdated and inaccurate. 

    These stories not only impact your work opportunities, but they even affect the way your brain operates. A 2021 brain-imaging study found that negative self-talk activated areas of the brain tied to self-criticism and stress, while positive self-talk engaged reward and motivation networks. Over time, repeating the negative patterns wore down motivation. So that mental track you play on repeat doesn’t just shape mood, it rewires how your brain approaches challenges. 

    Confidence starts with the voice in your own head. When you learn to notice unhelpful patterns and rewrite the script, you’re not only boosting your own sense of self, but you’re also shaping how others see you, too. The story you tell yourself becomes the story you live out loud. 

    The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

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    Maya Hu-Chan

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