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Tag: compromise

  • Who do you celebrate Christmas with? Marriage counselor’s advice to new couples making holiday plans – WTOP News

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    Rachel Dack, a licensed clinical professional relationship counselor based in Bethesda, Maryland said it starts with communication with your partner about what the ideal holiday season looks like.

    Many new couples face a challenge in the holiday season — figuring out how to split time between their own family and their partner’s.

    Rachel Dack, a licensed clinical professional relationship counselor based in Bethesda, Maryland, said it starts with communication with your partner about what the ideal holiday season looks like.

    “Think about your relationship or your marriage as a clean slate, and then try to integrate whatever you want to bring in, and then also develop new holiday traditions as a couple,” Dack said.

    That could look like merging past traditions and coming up with new ones.

    “Digging deep and reflecting around what are your own values and what’s the meaning that you want to give to the holidays as a couple,” she said.

    Even if there’s pressure from your families, she said to try to stay on the same page.

    “Without sounding totally cold, and only coming from a place of being completely realistic, you are not responsible for everyone else’s feelings or holiday joy,” Dack said. “It’s going to be impossible to please everybody.”

    Depending on the couple’s circumstances, hitting two homes in one day could do the trick, or rotating celebrations of Thanksgiving and winter holidays between sides of the family.

    “If somebody is trying to keep score down to the second, that’s not going to work for anybody,” Dack said.

    But sometimes, it could mean celebrating just the two of you.

    “There’s a difference between spending time with your family or your partner’s family because it’s important to you and to each other, and not just doing that because it’s what’s been done before or it’s important to your extended family,” she said.

    Outside of geographical constraints, Dack said to think about family dynamics, such as divorces, deaths or other factors that could play into holiday plans. When opening a conversation with your partner about holiday plans, she said to avoid talking negatively about their family.

    “If you feel like the conversation is getting tense or your partner’s not listening or being defensive, then I think it’s important to acknowledge that for both of you, there’s compromise that goes into this, and it’s not going to look the same,” she said.

    Whatever game plan is strategized, Dack said you should handle telling your own parents.

    “It’s easy for families to paint the partner as the bad guy,” Dack said.

    And when you break the news, she said to have a delicate and loving conversation with your family.

    “Also validate that it’s hard for your parents not to see you on a certain holiday that you’ve always been together,” she said.

    She recommended sharing your holiday plans well in advance.

    “Don’t keep everybody hanging and feeling anxious to the last minute,” Dack said. “Make the plans in advance. If you’re going to travel, where are you going to stay? How long are you staying?”

    It’s also normal to have growing pains when spending the holiday away from home.

    “As excited as you are to spend a holiday with a partner, and a partner’s family, you might feel kind of sad about missing it with your own family,” she said. “Just know that that’s OK. But if you can focus on each other and making these new memories and shared experiences with your partner, I think it will also feel better.”

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    Jessica Kronzer

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  • Commentary: In shutdown fight, this Nevada Democrat stands (almost) alone. And she’s fine with that

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    As the partial government shutdown grinds on, with no end in sight, Catherine Cortez Masto stands ready to end it right now.

    The lawyerly senator from Nevada is one of just two Democrats to repeatedly vote with Republicans and Maine’s independent senator, Angus King, to have the federal government up and running.

    She’s not only bucking her Senate colleagues with her contrarian stance, but also placing herself squarely at odds with the animating impulse of her party’s political base: Stop Trump! Give no quarter! Now is the time! This is the fight!

    Cortez Masto evinces not a flicker of doubt.

    “I have been very consistent about the cost of a shutdown and the impact to Americans and the fact that I believe we need to work in a bipartisan way to find solutions to what we’re seeing right now, which is this looming healthcare crisis,” Cortez Masto said from Washington.

    “And I think we can do that by keeping the government open. I don’t think we should do it by swapping the pain of one group of Americans for another.”

    Unlike the Democrats’ other defector, Pennsylvania’s quirky Sen. John Fetterman, Cortez Masto hasn’t developed a reputation for partisan heresy, or antagonized party peers by playing footsie with President Trump and the MAGA movement.

    Despite her temporary alliance with the GOP, she’s unstinting in her criticism of the president and the Republican stance on healthcare, the issue at the heart of the shutdown fight.

    “Of course we need to stand up to Trump’s attacks on our families and our country,” she said. “I’ve been one of the most vocal opponents of Trump’s disastrous trade and tariff policies.”

    Her split with fellow Democrats, she suggested, is not over ends but rather means.

    It’s entirely possible, Cortez Masto insisted, to keep the government open for business and, at the same time, work through the parties’ differences over healthcare, including, most imminently, the end of subsidies that have kept insurance costs from skyrocketing.

    It comes down to negotiation, trust and compromise, which in Cortez Masto’s view, is still possible — even in these rabidly partisan times.

    “That’s what Congress is built on,” she said. “Congress is built on compromise, working together across the aisle to get stuff done. I still believe in it.”

    Although she noted — with considerable understatement — “there are those in the administration and some of my colleagues” who disagree.

    Not to mention a great many Democratic activists who believe anything short of jailing Trump and dispatching the entire GOP-run Congress to a far-off desert island amounts to cowardly capitulation.

    Nevada, where Cortez Masto was born and bred, is a state that was Republican red for a very long time before turning blue-ish for a while, starting under Barack Obama in 2008. It went back to red-ish under Trump in 2024.

    Cortez Masto, a former state attorney general, was first elected to the Senate in 2016, replacing the onetime Senate majority leader, Harry Reid, after the Democrat retired.

    Six years later, when she sought reelection, Cortez Masto was widely considered Democrats’ most endangered incumbent. She was not nearly as powerful or prominent as Reid had been. Inflation was raging, and Nevada was still suffering an economic hangover from the COVID-19 pandemic.

    Her opponent was a middling Republican, Adam Laxalt, a failed gubernatorial candidate and one of the architects of Trump’s Big Lie about the 2020 election. He also seemed to harbor a soft spot for the Jan. 6, 2021, rioters.

    Still, Cortez Masto barely beat him, winning by fewer than 10,000 votes out of more than 1 million cast. In retrospect, the result could be seen as a harbinger of Trump’s success in carrying the state after twice losing Nevada.

    Cortez Masto next faces reelection in 2028, which is politically ages away. By then, the shutdown will be long forgotten. (And presumably long over.)

    Her focus, she said, is the here and now and, especially, the shutdown’s economic effect at a time Nevada is already feeling the negative consequences of Trump’s trade and immigration policies. Las Vegas, which runs on tourism, has experienced a notable slump, and Cortez Masto suggested the shutdown only makes things worse.

    That, however, hasn’t deterred Nevada’s other U.S. senator, Jacky Rosen, who has repeatedly voted alongside nearly every other Democrat to keep the government shuttered until Republicans give in.

    “Nevadans sent me here to fight for them,” Rosen said in a speech on the Senate floor. “Not to cave.”

    Asked about the fissure, Cortez Masto responded evenly and with diplomacy. “She’s a good friend.… Our goal is to fight for Nevada and we are doing it,” she said. “We both are doing it in different ways.”

    So, negotiation. Bipartisanship. Compromise.

    What makes Cortez Masto think Trump, who’s run roughshod over Congress and the courts, can be trusted to honor any deal Democrats cut with Republicans to reopen the government and address the healthcare crisis she sees?

    “Well, that’s the rub, right? We know what he’s doing,” she replied. He’s “flouting the law when it comes to … taking the role of legislators and appropriating funds at his own whim…. So, of course, no, you can’t trust him.

    “But he is there. What you got to figure out is how you work together with Republican colleagues to get something done.”

    Cortez Masto noted, dryly, that Congress is, in fact, a separate branch of government with its own power and authority. Republicans have ceded both to Trump and if they really want to solve problems, she said, and do more than the president’s bidding, they “need to come out and do bipartisan legislation to push back on this administration.”

    “We’ve got to govern,” Cortez Masto said. “We’ve got to work together.”

    Wouldn’t that be something.

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    Mark Z. Barabak

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  • Getting Parents on the Same Page

    Getting Parents on the Same Page

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    Differences in a relationship are often seen as something negative, but they actually can serve a great purpose. They can deepen our empathy, respect, communication skills, and our resolve. Dr. John Gottman, co-founder of The Gottman Institute and author of many books on love, marriage, and relationships, says that we grow in our relationships by reconciling our differences, and that’s how we truly experience the fruits of marriage.

    Dr. Gottman explains that “every marriage is a cross-cultural experience” because each individual comes from a unique family system. According to William Doherty in The Intentional Family: Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family Ties, partners establish a new culture when they come together, and the more intentional that culture is, the stronger the family ties become. At the same time, bringing two people with different stories and different families together to form a new family does not come without stumbling blocks. Couples rarely talk about these differences before having children because it simply doesn’t occur to them. So, when parenting styles begin to clash, problems often arise.

    It stands to reason that in order to build a strong, connected family, couples must take the initiative to reconcile their differences regarding parenting and family values. While discrepancies in parenting styles may well remain, to reconcile them means to come to a compromise on practices that both are comfortable with. Dr. Gottman’s research has shown us that there are three steps to reaching a compromise – let’s look at how these steps can help get parents on the same page.

    Step 1: Create Physical and Emotional Safety

    The research has made clear what we already know: we cannot reach a compromise until we feel safe both physically and emotionally. Compromises cannot be reached in the heat of a disagreement. Both brains must be calm and receptive, and you should use positive communication skills, avoiding what Dr. Gottman calls the Four Horsemen (contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling).

    Step 2: Define Your Core Needs

    What are you absolutely not willing to compromise on because it is just too important to you? These should be defined clearly before you go into the conversation. Hold your ground on your strong values, but be flexible everywhere you can possibly be.

    Step 3: Be Willing to Accept Influence

    You have to be willing to hear your partner’s side of the issue. It’s better to bend than to break. Gottman says, “Remember, you can only be influential if you accept influence. Compromise never feels perfect. Everyone gains something and everyone loses something. The important thing is feeling understood, respected, and honored in your dreams.”

    Once you and your partner are ready to compromise, try this exercise to work toward same-page parenting with your partner.

    EXERCISE:
    Have an honest and open conversation where you each state your parenting beliefs, goals, and ideals. It’s imperative that each of you remain respectful of the other during this conversation. Name your core needs and allow your partner to do the same. Discuss your childhoods and where your beliefs came from. Talk about what they mean to you and what you fear will happen if you bend.

    Answer the following questions together:

    • I feel that you are a good parent because ____.
    • I feel that my role as a parent is to ___.
    • My parents were ___ and I feel that was ___.
    • Discipline means ___.
    • It’s most important to me for my child to be ___.
    • My goal in raising my child is ___.

    Create a plan of action for common behavior problems that your children are experiencing. By doing so, you have both agreed upon how you will handle each situation and you will be united in front of your children.


    If want to build a deeply meaningful relationship full of trust and intimacy, then subscribe below to receive our blog posts directly to your inbox:


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    Rebecca Eanes

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  • Risk of government shutdown soars as House Republicans leave town in disarray amid hard-right revolt

    Risk of government shutdown soars as House Republicans leave town in disarray amid hard-right revolt

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    WASHINGTON — With House Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s latest funding plan in ruins and lawmakers leaving town for the weekend, there’s no endgame in sight as hard-right Republicans push closer to a federal government shutdown.

    The White House will tell federal agencies on Friday to prepare for a shutdown, according to an official with the Office of Management and Budget who insisted on anonymity to discuss the upcoming instructions.

    That’s a standard seven days out from a federal disruption.

    ‘This is a whole new concept of individuals who just want to burn the whole place down.’


    — Kevin McCarthy on his intraparty Republican critics

    McCarthy, the Republican speaker whose narrow majority and intraparty detractors meant it took 15 votes in January before he secured the gavel, has repeatedly tried to appease his hard-right flank by agreeing to the steep spending cuts they are demanding to keep government open. But, cheered on by Donald Trump, the former Republican president who is the current frontrunner for the party’s 2024 presidential nomination, the right wingers are flexing their outsize influence.

    In a crushing defeat for McCarthy on Thursday, a handful of Republican hardliners blocked a typically popular defense bill from advancing — the second time this week it was set back, an unheard-of loss for a House speaker.

    Even a stopgap bill to keep government funding past the Sept. 30 deadline, called a continuing resolution, or CR, is a nonstarter for some on the right flank who have essentially seized control of the House.

    Read on: How a partial government shutdown would affect you

    “This is a whole new concept of individuals who just want to burn the whole place down,” McCarthy said after Thursday’s vote, acknowledging he was frustrated. “It doesn’t work.”

    The open revolt was further evidence that McCarthy’s strategy of repeatedly giving in to the conservatives — in evidence as early as January when McCarthy is believed to have made undisclosed concessions to secure holdout GOP votes for his long-desired speakership — is seemingly only emboldening them, allowing them to run roughshod over their own House majority. Their far-right bills have almost no chances in the Senate.

    See: Gaetz threatens to oust McCarthy from House speaker post

    Trump urged the hardliners to hold the line against the higher funding levels McCarthy had agreed to with President Joe Biden earlier this year and to end the federal criminal indictments against him.

    “This is also the last chance to defund these political prosecutions against me and other Patriots,” Trump wrote on social media.

    “They failed on the debt limit, but they must not fail now. Use the power of the purse and defend the Country!” the former president wrote.

    The White House and Democrats, along with some Republicans, warn that a shutdown would be devastating for people who rely on their government for everyday services and would undermine America’s standing in the world.

    Rep. Jamie Raskin, a Maryland Democrat, observed Friday on the MSNBC program “Morning Joe” that investigations into, and prosecutions of, Trump are funded by continuing, indefinite appropriations and thus would be unaffected by a federal government shutdown.

    Also see: Government shutdown: Analysts warn of ‘perhaps a long one lasting into the winter’

    Raskin went on to voice a hope that Republicans ultimately would honor the government-funding agreement McCarthy struck in May with the Biden White House — but conceded Democrats are aware operating in a bipartisan fashion could cost McCarthy the speakership.

    “We need the extreme MAGA Republicans to get their act together,” said House Democratic leader Hakeem Jeffries of New York, referring to Trump’s “Make America Great Again” slogan.

    “End the civil war,” Jeffries urged the Republicans. “Get your act together.”

    But one of Trump’s top allies, Rep. Matt Gaetz, a Florida Republican, who is leading the hard-right flank in the current skirmish, said the House Republicans now have almost no choices left but to spend the time it takes to pass each of the 12 spending bills needed to fund the government — typically a laborious process — even if it means going into a shutdown.

    Or they can join with Democrats to pass a CR, putting McCarthy at risk.

    What Gaetz said he, and several others, would not do is vote for a continuing resolution that fails to slash spending. “I’m giving a eulogy for the CR right now,” Gaetz told reporters after a late afternoon meeting Thursday at the Capitol.

    “I represent Florida’s First Congressional District, where, during the shutdown, tens of thousands of people will go without a paycheck, and so I know the impact of a shutdown,” Gaetz said. “So it may get worse before it gets better, and I have little to offer but blood, sweat, toil and tears, but that may be what it takes.”

    A government closure is increasingly likely as time runs out for Congress to act.

    McCarthy’s bid to move ahead with a traditionally popular defense funding bill as a first step toward keeping the government running was shattered, on a vote of 216-212. Five Republicans refused to vote with the increasingly endangered speaker. A sixth Republican voted no on procedural grounds so the bill could be reconsidered.

    Moving forward with the defense bill was supposed to be a way for McCarthy to build goodwill among the GOP House majority as he tries to pass a temporary measure just to keep government running for another month. It, too, had catered to other hard-right priorities, such as slashing spending by 8% from many services and earmarking further funds for security at the U.S.-Mexico border.

    Many on the right flank opposed the deal McCarthy struck with Biden this year over the spending levels and are trying to dismantle it now. They want to see progress on the individual appropriations bills that would fund the various federal departments at the lower levels these lawmakers are demanding.

    From the archives (May 2023): How Joe Biden and Kevin McCarthy got to yes on their debt-ceiling compromise

    The morning test vote on Thursday shattered a McCarthy strategy that had emerged just the night before. Republicans had appeared on track, in a tight roll call, to advancing the measure. Then the Democrats who had not yet voted began rushing into the chamber.

    New York Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and fellow Democrats yelled out to hold open the vote. She was a “no.” A few others came in behind her and tipped the tally toward defeat.

    The Democrats oppose the military bill on many fronts, including Republican provisions that would gut diversity programs at the Pentagon.

    As passage appeared doomed, attention turned to the five Republican holdouts to switch their votes.

    GOP leaders spent more than an hour on the floor trying to recruit one of them, Rep. Dan Bishop of North Carolina, to vote “yes.”

    “Every time there’s the slightest relief of the pressure, the movement goes away from completing the work,” Bishop said.

    When asked what it would take to gain his vote, Bishop said, “I think a schedule of appropriations bills over Kevin McCarthy signature would be meaningful to you, to me.”

    Others were dug in, including some who had supported advancing the defense bill just two days ago when it first failed.

    Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, a Georgia Republican and a clamorous opponent of more aid for Ukraine in its defense against the unprovoked Russian invasion, said she voted against the defense bill this time because her party’s leadership refused to separate out war money.

    Her stand came as Ukraine’s president, Volodymyr Zelensky, was at the Capitol during a high-profile visit to Washington.

    McCarthy had pledged to keep House lawmakers in session this weekend for as long as it took to finish their work. But they were sent home and told they could be called back on ample notice.

    Many Republicans were starting to speak up more forcefully against their hard-right colleagues.

    Mike Lawler, who represents a swing district in New York carried handily by Joe Biden in 2020, said he would not “be party to a shutdown.”

    “There needs to be a realization that you’re not going to get everything you want,” he said. “Just throwing a temper tantrum and stomping your feet — frankly, not only is it wrong — it’s just pathetic.”

    Lawler had said in an interview with CNN earlier in the week that barreling toward a shutdown was not Republican conservatism but “stupidity.”

    MarketWatch contributed.

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