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Tag: Clarence L. Haynes Jr.

  • 6 Principles to Help You Love Other People, Even Difficult Ones

    6 Principles to Help You Love Other People, Even Difficult Ones

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    Jesus said the greatest command is to love God, but the second greatest command is to love people. I will admit that sometimes loving people seems like a much bigger challenge than loving God. Yet we are commanded throughout the Bible to love people. So to help you, I want to share six principles that will help you do this.

    The reason God can command every believer to love is because he loved us first. This truth alone removes every excuse you could possibly give for not loving other people. Any reason you want to bring as evidence why you should not love someone gets overturned by the truth that God loved you first.

    God did not love you when you were good or had everything together. He loved you when you were engaged in your sin, at your worst, when you weren’t even thinking about him. If he can love you when you were at your lowest moments, then surely you can show that same kind of love to other people.

    2. Love Is Not an Emotional Response, It Is a Decision of the Will

    While there are emotional aspects of love, the root of love has nothing to do with emotions. The truth is we don’t feel to love, we will to love. If love was based on our feelings or emotions, then love would be unstable, unsteady, and unpredictable. Your love would change from day to day and moment to moment just as your emotions do.

    Since love is based on your will, that means whether you love someone is a matter of choice. Choosing to love is intentional. That also means choosing not to love is intentional too. We all have people in our lives who are easier to love than others, but the command does not change. When you think of the most difficult person in your life to love, remember that God loved you first. Remembering that truth will help you to choose to love that person.

    3. Choosing Not to Love Is a Form of Self-Righteousness  

    One of the most challenging groups of people to love are those who have hurt you. However, the Bible does not add being hurt by someone as a reason for not loving them. Jesus said it plainly in Matthew:

    “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you’” (Matthew 5:43-44).

    When someone has hurt you, it is possible you will use that hurt as a reason to justify why you won’t love them. Here’s the problem: You don’t understand what you are really saying. When you choose not to love someone, you are saying they are not worthy of your love or they don’t deserve your love.

    Could there be a more self-righteous statement than that?

    Consider all the times we have hurt God by our sin and disobedience. We don’t deserve his love, but he still gives it anyway. He gives it not because we deserve it but because we need it. In the same way, we don’t love people because they deserve it. We love them because we have been recipients of God’s great and underserved love. So, the same manner you have received love should be the same manner in which you give love.

    4. Love Does Not Mean You Like the Person or That You Will Get Along with That Person

    Sometimes we think to love someone means we must maintain a close relationship with them. This is not always true. Sometimes there may be personality clashes or people you don’t get along with very well. These can be friends or even some family members. In these cases, sometimes it only makes sense to not be too close to them. However, that does not mean you cannot love them. It just means you may have to do it from a distance.

    Corinthians tells us love is patient, kind, not jealous or rude. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. You may not like or agree with a person, but you can still be kind, patient, and not rude. You can care about their well-being and not keep a record of their wrong doings. Let’s not forget you can also pray for them. Notice you pray for them not against them.

    There is one person in my life who is more difficult for me to love than others. Something about his personality and the way he has treated me and other people rubs me the wrong way. However, this does not give me license not to love him. I can still be kind, patient, not rude if I ever encounter him. I may keep my distance, but I can still love him. If I choose not to love him, I am saying he is not worthy of my love, which is a form of self-righteousness, and that is sin.

    One caveat: If you are married, then this principle will apply differently. The main difference is you have made a commitment to your spouse to be with them until death do you part. That covenant requires you to work out any potential differences you and your spouse may have.

    5. Love Does Not Mean Blanket Acceptance

    The world has a misguided view of love. It often defines love as acceptance. According to the world, the evidence you love the person is you love their behavior, their lifestyle, and everything about them. That is not true. Love means you love the person. It does not require you to love their behavior. God loved us while we were sinners, but he did not and does not love the sins we commit.

    There may be people in your life who are engaged in sinful lifestyles you don’t approve of. That does not give you permission to be self-righteous and judgmental. But, we must continue to love the person the same way God still loves sinners today. The challenge we have is separating the behavior from the person. We often tie them together and we often see their sin and define them by their sin.

    This is why God’s love is so different. He looks at our sinful condition and sees our need. Sometimes as Christians we can be quick to judge and when that happens, we lose our compassion. All we see is their sin and we don’t see their need to be set free from that sin.

    When Jesus walked the earth, he had this habit of sitting and eating with sinners. Never once did he accept their sinful lifestyle, condone their sin, or engage in it. However, he knew that they were lost without him, so he had to attempt to reach them. After all, that is why he came. 

    Let’s make sure we are loving sinners and recognizing that loving the sinner does not mean we must love and accept their sin. As we love them, the hope is they would experience the love of God and recognize he wants to call them out of their sin and into a new life in Christ.

    6. Loving Like Jesus Requires Courage

    “Later, Levi invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. (There were many people of this kind among Jesus’ followers)” (Mark 2:15, NLT).

    Tax collectors were among the worst sinners at that time, and people hated them. Yet we find Jesus in Levi’s home with other tax collectors and disreputable sinners sitting down and having a meal. Here is how the Pharisees responded.

    “But when the teachers of religious law who were Pharisees saw him eating with tax collectors and other sinners, they asked his disciples, ‘Why does he eat with such scum?’” (Mark 2:16, NLT).

    If there was social media back then, I am sure this image of Jesus eating with sinners would have gone viral. A Pharisee would have posted this with a caption, Jesus eats with scum or Jesus seen with devious tax collectors and other horrible sinners.

    Jesus knew he would get backlash from the religious leaders, yet he did it anyway. That’s because love takes courage. If you are going to love like Jesus, you will need some courage too. Loving people, especially sinners and those we self-righteously deem as unworthy of our love, is about building bridges. When you seek to do this, sometimes the ones who won’t like the bridge you are trying to build are those in the church. But build them anyway because we have a responsibility to reach those who are lost with the gospel and to go after sheep who may have wandered away. This is going to take courage, but remember if we don’t do it, nobody else will.

    Final Thought

    As you go forward and you choose to love people I will leave you with one thought that sums up why we need to be people who love others.

    “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35).

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/carles miro

    Clarence L. Haynes Jr. is a speaker, Bible teacher, and co-founder of The Bible Study Club.  He is the author of The Pursuit of Purpose which will help you understand how God leads you into his will. His most recent book is The Pursuit of Victory: How To Conquer Your Greatest Challenges and Win In Your Christian Life. This book will teach you how to put the pieces together so you can live a victorious Christian life and finally become the man or woman of God that you truly desire to be. Clarence is also committed to helping 10,000 people learn how to study the Bible and has just released his first Bible study course called Bible Study Basics. To learn more about his ministry please visit clarencehaynes.com. 

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  • 3 Reasons Accountability Fails and What to Do about It

    3 Reasons Accountability Fails and What to Do about It

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    Every so often, we hear of leaders (some well-known and others not as much) who fall into some level of sin or indiscretion. When this happens, it shocks many people, and when it happens in the church, it damages many people in the flock. Some end up leaving that church and for some, it even causes them to question their own faith.

    Yet the potential to fall victim to sin and indiscretion does not just happen to leaders, it can happen to everyday people like you and me, too. Whenever these things happen, you may try to piece together why it happened. While there are many potential reasons, there is one thread that seems to run through each situation. In just about every case, there was a lack of accountability in the person’s life.

    While I am a believer in accountability, I also recognize that it has its own set of pitfalls. In fact, some people who fell into sin had people around them who were responsible for keeping them accountable, yet it didn’t work. So where are the holes in accountability and how do we plug them?

    While I don’t know all the reasons accountability fails, I know at least three. I want to share those with you along with some ways to fix them.

    What Is Accountability?

    When you look at various definitions of this word, accountability is the willingness to give an account. You are taking responsibility and acknowledging what you have said and what you have done. In the way we are using the word, it is giving someone else permission to question you about what you have done, what you have said, or where you have been. This is not an inquisition, but a willingness to open your life so that there are no hidden places in it. 

    This matters because sin and temptation grow in the dark, but they die in the light. When you are accountable, you are shedding light on your life so that sin and temptation cannot flourish in it. When accountability is working, you may give someone access to your life. This should include all the places where your choices and decisions are made. Depending on the situation, this could be your phone, email, or even your finances. The goal is simply to keep you from making sinful decisions and to find additional support if you are being tempted.

    3 Reasons Accountability Fails

    1. You Are Not Honest

    While you may think accountability begins with others, it begins with you. Accountability only works to the degree you will be honest. The entire house of accountability is built on the foundation of how truthful you will be to those who are there to help you. If you purposely keep secrets, then accountability does not work. So, for it to work, it must begin with you. 

    A good friend of mine and I were helping each other manage our diets because we wanted to eat heathier. In our conversations with each other, if we didn’t truthfully disclose what we ate, then we rendered the accountability ineffective. This is the fatal flaw in any accountability situation.

    2. You Surround Yourself with the Wrong People

    For accountability to work, you must ensure you position the right people around you. If the surrounding people will not be honest with you and tell you the truth, then they are worthless regarding accountability. If you really want to be held accountable, you need people who will tell you the truth, no matter what – even when you don’t like it or don’t want to hear it.

    I have read the stories of many leaders who surround themselves with yes people who only rubber stamp everything they do. These kinds of people add no value to your life. When these are the people leaders surround themselves with, is it any wonder that the leaders fell in that situation? Honestly, it was only a matter of time.

    3. You Control What You Will Reveal

    Another fatal flaw in accountability is that most often, you have control over what you reveal. For people who are wrestling with a specific sin or temptation, they can find creative ways to cover their tracks. When they do this, they eliminate the value of accountability in their life.

    How Do You Solve These Problems to Make Accountability Work for You?

    You must have complete transparency.

    If you really want to be accountable, then you must allow people to see everything, warts and all. This is not to shame or embarrass you, but to help you stay on track.

    The process must exist outside of your control.

    For this to work best, this process of transparency cannot be within your control. If you control it, then you go back to the problem of only revealing what you want people to see. However, if you know someone can see everything, that alone makes you think twice before making a sinful choice. That moment of rethinking before you do something is exactly what accountability is supposed to do.

    There is a highway near our house where the speed limit is 65 MPH. This road is smooth and well maintained and people usually go well above 65 (obviously I am talking about all the other drivers out there, not me). There are two places on this highway where the frequent drivers know state troopers will be. Sometimes they are there and sometimes they aren’t. However, just knowing they could be there causes the drivers to slow down whenever they reach that part of the highway. This is accountability at work. Knowing that someone else will see the choices you make will hopefully cause you to make better choices.

    You must surrender to the process.

    As good as accountability can be, again, you are the central figure in whether it will work. You must choose to surrender to the process and give someone else the right to ask you the tough questions. If that is not part of the process, then your accountability structure is nothing more than a sham and it will fail.

    Some Last Thoughts on Accountability

    You should be accountable to people you trust with your life and life’s struggles. Accountability does not mean you don’t have struggles or face temptations. It means you have a mechanism in place that will help you overcome them. When you have the right people around you, they won’t judge your struggle, but will walk with you through it. They are there to have your back in the areas you may be vulnerable, so you don’t fall into the temptation. Their job is not to enable you and cover your sin; their job is to support you so you don’t give into sin. If your accountability partners are enabling your sin, then they are not helping you at all. If you surround yourself with these kinds of people, it is only a matter of time before you fall.

    When you sum up the conversation on accountability, it all comes back to you. It relies on your integrity, your honesty, and your willingness to submit to the process. If you remove these things, then you can have the right people and the right system in place, but if you don’t have the right heart, then accountability is going to fail.

    I guess the summary is not that accountability doesn’t work. Better said is that accountability works in your life only if you want it to.

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    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Sanja Radin

    Clarence L. Haynes Jr. is a speaker, Bible teacher, and co-founder of The Bible Study Club.  He is the author of The Pursuit of Purpose which will help you understand how God leads you into his will. His most recent book is The Pursuit of Victory: How To Conquer Your Greatest Challenges and Win In Your Christian Life. This book will teach you how to put the pieces together so you can live a victorious Christian life and finally become the man or woman of God that you truly desire to be. Clarence is also committed to helping 10,000 people learn how to study the Bible and has just released his first Bible study course called Bible Study Basics. To learn more about his ministry please visit clarencehaynes.com. 

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  • What Does the Bible Have to Say about Marriage Problems?

    What Does the Bible Have to Say about Marriage Problems?

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    Marriage is one of the most life-influencing relationships you will ever have. That’s why after you decide to receive Christ as your savior, the person you decide to marry is the next most important decision you will ever make in this life.

    Being in a strong marriage can propel you. Being in a terrible marriage can destroy you. Some people never recover from the horrors of being in an awful marriage. However, regardless of how great the relationship may be, there can be moments when you will have marriage problems. Some of these problems are more severe than others and can stretch the limits of your marital commitment.

    Nevertheless, if two people commit themselves to the Lord and each other, they can overcome any marriage problem. If a challenging situation should arise in your marriage, then what does the Bible say about marriage problems? In case you were wondering, there is a lot you can learn from the Bible about dealing with marriage problems.

    Who Are Some People in the Bible Who Experience Marriage Problems?

    There are different marital issues we see in the Bible. Sometimes, the problem was obvious; in others, not as much. Here are some people we know in the Bible that experienced marriage problems.

    Abraham and Sarah: The Problem of Trusting God

    The Bible commends Abraham for his faith, and rightfully so. Yet, despite his faith, there were moments when he and Sarah failed to trust God. On two occasions, Abraham identified Sarah as his sister (Genesis 12, 20). The Bible describes Sarah as a beautiful woman. On one occasion, when they were in Egypt, Abraham was afraid they would kill him but let her live because she was so beautiful (Genesis 12:11). His solution was to say Sarah was his sister. By the way, this happened after he had received the promise from God; Abraham still had his issues even after he began following God.

    Abraham wasn’t the only one to suggest ideas that created problems. Later, we see Sarah giving her servant Hagar to Abraham to have a child with. It had been 13 years after God promised a great legacy with numerous children, and they did not have any. So, they tried to help God along—but as the story about Hagar and her son, Ishmael, shows, it did not solve anything. Abraham and Sarah were people of faith, but they were human. They had moments where they did not trust God or where they hurt each other.

    Potiphar and his Wife: The Problem of Adultery

    We know that Potiphar’s wife frequently tried to get Joseph to have sex with her (Genesis 39). We don’t know if there was a deeper issue that motivated this. Regardless, she had no problem committing adultery in her marriage.

    Elkanah and Hannah: The Problem of Missed Desires

    This couple is mentioned in 1 Samuel and are the parents of the prophet Samuel. Though Elkanah loved his wife, he missed the deep desire Hannah had within her to have children. He overlooked this and thought his love for her could overshadow this desire (1 Samuel 1:8).

    Each of these stories shows a different marriage problem. Just as sometimes the problem was obvious, sometimes the solution was obvious. Other times, the problem and the solution were complex. Each story teaches us at least one clear lesson: marriage is an intimate relationship that can cause great pain or great joy.

    What Does the Bible Say Make Marriage Problems So Damaging?

    One reason marriage problems are so devastating is they can affect every area of your life. When you are having marriage problems, it can affect your work life, home life, and friendships. If children are involved, it most likely will spill over to them too.

    Some people have marriage problems so challenging they even look forward to being out of the home. Those moments become a temporary escape from their situation. That’s why it is crucial to choose who you marry carefully and prayerfully and not take it lightly. Listen to this proverb that highlights the challenge of marriage problems.

    “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (Proverbs 21:9)

    Marriage is the joining of two people into one union, both physically and spiritually. That’s why marriage problems that threaten this union are so dangerous. When marriages break beyond repair, it is like tearing apart two intertwined lives.

    What Advice Does the Bible Give for Handling Marriage Problems?

    There is a wealth of advice you can find throughout the Bible about how to handle marriage problems. There are far too many to fit into one article, but let me share three. Even doing these three things will go a long way to helping you address any problem in your marriage.

    1. Talk less and listen more

    “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19)

    When there is a problem, there can be a tendency to want to find an immediate solution. However, sometimes, before you get to the solution, you need to make sure you understand the problem. This is where listening will help. You have probably heard the old saying God gave us two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak. If you will listen to understand what your spouse is trying to say to you, it will transform your marriage.

    2. Don’t let things that trouble you linger

    “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” (Ephesians 4:26)

    Silence can be devastating in a marriage if one spouse is unwilling to share some of their frustrations with the other spouse. If you are around someone long enough, there will be something they say or do that you may not like or even annoy you (yes, this happens in the best of marriages). You must share these things, especially if they make you angry. Holding them in only drives a wedge between you and your spouse. In addition, it is unfair to the other spouse if they don’t know something they are doing is bothering you. By identifying it, you give them the ability to fix it.

    3. Forgive quickly

    “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

    No marital relationship can survive without forgiveness. In every marriage, there will be a moment where you do something that offends or hurts your spouse, even if you didn’t intend to. When that occurs, two things must happen. One person must apologize, and the other party must forgive. If either person neglects these steps, the marriage moves toward failure. Imagine if God stopped forgiving you. That would be the end of your relationship. A marital relationship (or any relationship) is no different.

    How Does the Bible Advise to Keep Marriage Problems From Happening?

    Solving marriage problems after they begin is one thing. Preventing them from happening is a better option. Thankfully, the Bible offers advice on how to keep marriage problems from happening. Again, the Bible says a lot, but let me limit it to three.

    1. Be willing to have honest conversations

    “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” (Ephesians 4:25)

    The best thing you can do in your marriage is to speak honestly to each other. You will not always like what your partner says, but it can help prevent potential problems. Honest talk should not be meanspirited, but it should be authentic. Yes, the truth may sometimes hurt (me and my wife can attest to this). However, it can prevent future marriage problems from developing.

    2. Don’t Keep Records of Wrongdoings

    “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)

    Your marriage must be a safe space to have honest communication. Part of the communication could involve asking for forgiveness. When this happens, forgiveness should be the end of bringing up that issue. As challenging as it may be, make it a point not to hold that issue against your partner. When you let go of the record, you treat your spouse like God.

    3. Be willing to seek help if you need it

    “Where there is no [wise, intelligent] guidance, the people fall [and go off course like a ship without a helm], But in the abundance of [wise and godly] counselors there is victory.” (Proverbs 11:14)

    For most people, we are learning how to build our marriages while we are in them. This means there may be times when you need help. That is okay. There is nothing wrong with getting counsel, especially if you see a potential issue that could develop in your marriage. Taking preventative measures has the potential to save you a lot of future heartaches.

    Final Thought on the Bible’s Advice about Marriage Problems

    I pray you will have a long, happy, and prosperous marriage if you are married. Just know it will not be without its challenges along the way. When you hit those bumps, remember what the Bible says about marriage problems. It has a wealth of knowledge, and regardless of the problem, there is an answer to help you.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/gorodenkoff

    Clarence L. Haynes Jr. is a speaker, Bible teacher, and co-founder of The Bible Study Club.  He is the author of The Pursuit of Purpose which will help you understand how God leads you into his will. He has also just released his new book The Pursuit of Victory: How To Conquer Your Greatest Challenges and Win In Your Christian Life. Do you want to go deeper in your walk with the Lord but can’t seem to overcome the stuff that keeps getting in the way? This book will teach you how to put the pieces together so you can live a victorious Christian life and finally become the man or woman of God that you truly desire to be. To learn more about his ministry please visit clarencehaynes.com. 

    LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)

    Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)

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  • What Is the Significance of Fatherhood in the Bible?

    What Is the Significance of Fatherhood in the Bible?

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    When you think of the significance of fatherhood in the Bible, our greatest example is our heavenly Father. For some, relating to God as Father can be difficult because you may tie it to your relationship with your earthly father. Regardless of your relationship with your earthly father or the kind of father you have been, there is hope. You have a model which you can always refer to in God, our Father.

    It is not by coincidence that Jesus tells us to pray by calling God Father. This establishes a relationship that forms the basis for the significance of fatherhood in the Bible. As you strive to be a better father (hopefully, that is your goal), then as you look at God as a father, four things underscore the significance of fatherhood. Four truths emphasize the importance of fatherhood in the Bible.

    1. Fathers provide

    “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.” – Matthew 6:31-32

    God is Jehovah Jireh, a name for Him which means God who supplies our needs. Because God is a provider, earthly fathers should also be providers. Today, men and women contribute to household income, and income is usually the primary source of provision. For the record, I have no objection to that at all. Yet even with this, I believe something ingrained in a man’s DNA (at least there should be) makes you want to provide. 

    As crucial as income is, let’s not make the mistake of thinking your provision stops there. When you consider God as our model, he doesn’t just provide physical needs. The provision we all need goes beyond food and shelter. We also have emotional and spiritual needs, which our Father provides for us. If you are going to embrace fatherhood in its complete form, then you must consider being a provider of all your children’s needs. This means you can’t just throw money at every need; you must show up and be present in your children’s lives, especially if you want to be a good father.

    2. Fathers protect

    “The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior;
         my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.
     He is my shield, the power that saves me,
         and my place of safety.
     He is my refuge, my savior,
         the one who saves me from violence.” – 2 Samuel 22:2-3 NLT

    Another aspect of God’s character is protection. My daughter is afraid of big dogs; honestly, I don’t blame her. If we are walking and she sees a big dog, she will hide behind me until we get past the dog. It becomes a safe place when she does that because she knows I will protect her. God does this for us, and this plays an important role in fatherhood. As a father, when you show up, the anxiety of the house should go down. The people in your home should feel a little safer because you are present. As a father, you can’t protect your children from everything, but you can comfort them to know you will do your best to protect them. That’s why when fathers vacate this duty or violate their children’s trust, it can have a devastating effect on their lives.

    3. Fathers provide identity

    “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” – John 1:12-13

    One thing that highlights the significance of fatherhood in the Bible is identity. As a believer in Jesus Christ, you are identified as a child of God, and this identity defines who you are. As a father, you provide identity by giving a child their name. Along with the name, your identity gives you a sense of belonging and connection. Since God identifies those in Christ as his children, it means we belong to him. For example, I have two children; my son and daughter both carry the name, Haynes, meaning they belong to me. 

    For the last few years, my son has participated in unified sports, and when they gave him his jersey, the name Haynes was on the back. When he wears the jersey, the audience may not know my son personally, but they know who he belongs to and is connected to. As a father, when you give your child identity and connection, that also gives your child confidence. As fathers, your job is not just to provide them with a name. Focus on being such a tremendous father that your children would be proud to carry that name. I am happy to call myself a child of God because God is such a wonderful father. You should use that as your motivation to be the same in your children’s lives.

    4. Fathers instill purpose

    “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” – 1 Peter 2:9

    The fourth truth that highlights the significance of fatherhood is purpose. We just established that God gives identity. Here we understand why. You are a child of God, his special possession, called and chosen for a purpose. However, you could not fulfill the purpose in your life until he changed your identity. As a father, when your child is confident in who they are, it helps them pursue what they were created to do. When a child does not have to question who they are, where they come from, and who they belong to, it gives them a head start to fulfilling their purpose in life. As a father, you need to help your children discover their why in life. I am not saying you will have all the answers, but you should be able to help them ask the right questions.

    Final thoughts

    Fatherhood is significant. Your role as a father will have a lasting impact on your children. So, if you are a father reading this, there are two questions I want you to think about. 

    • What type of father are you now?
    • What type of father do you want to be? 

    Regardless of the type of father you have been, there is always room for improvement. It begins with prayer and intently follows it up. I know some of you may have broken relationships with your children. If that is you, keep praying and intentionally trying to repair the relationship. Don’t give up because your role is significant. Remember, God, our Father, is not just a provider and protector. He is also a miracle worker. He specializes in fixing broken things. If your relationship with your children is broken, he

    can help you fix that too.

    For fathers with healthy relationships with their children, be thankful and continue to be intentional. Those relationships did not happen by accident but by work. Regardless of where your fatherhood journey is right now, keep striving to be the best father you can be. You are playing a significant role, and the job you do matters. If you don’t believe me, all you have to do is, ask your children. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

    Clarence L. Haynes Jr. is a speaker, Bible teacher, and co-founder of The Bible Study Club.  He is the author of The Pursuit of Purpose which will help you understand how God leads you into his will. He has also just released his new book The Pursuit of Victory: How To Conquer Your Greatest Challenges and Win In Your Christian Life. Do you want to go deeper in your walk with the Lord but can’t seem to overcome the stuff that keeps getting in the way? This book will teach you how to put the pieces together so you can live a victorious Christian life and finally become the man or woman of God that you truly desire to be. To learn more about his ministry please visit clarencehaynes.com. 

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

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  • 4 Steps to Take When You Need to Forgive Someone

    4 Steps to Take When You Need to Forgive Someone

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    The last step is to just say yes and forgive. As Nike would say, “just do it.” However, when you forgive, do it sincerely and completely. When you do this and you release the person who hurt you, you are actually releasing yourself.

    Unforgiveness is a prison that you walk into and willingly lock the door behind you. It keeps you trapped in the past and hinders you from living fully and freely in the present. Therefore, it hurts your future. I am not saying this from a place of condemnation. I am saying this from a place of experience because I was the one who was trapped. When I came to the place where I forgave, the unnecessary weight I was carrying was gone and it made me wonder why I waited so long to do this.

    How Do You Know When You Have Forgiven Someone?

    As I wrap this up, there is this last question to address. How do you know when you have truly forgiven someone who hurt you? Here are two quick answers.

    The first is when you remember the hurt, but the sting is gone. There really is no such thing as forgive and forget because our minds don’t work that way. Only God can forgive and forget. However, you can get to the place where, even though you remember the offense, it no longer hurts and you don’t hold it against that person.

    The second way you know you have forgiven is when you can do something towards that person which you could not do before. This might be as simple as praying sincerely for them, having a conversation with them, sharing a meal, writing a letter, or sending a card for their birthday. Whatever the action is, it is one you could not do before, but you can do now.

    Conclusion

    Let me recap the 4 steps to help you forgive others.  

    1. Perspective

    2. Remember

    3. Acknowledge

    4. Yes

    If you caught it the acronym is P.R.A.Y. When you are struggling with unforgiveness, then remember P.R.A.Y. and don’t just remember it as an acronym, but also as an action, because as you pray, God will empower you to help you choose to forgive.

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  • What Does the Bible Say about Remarriage?

    What Does the Bible Say about Remarriage?

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    Adultery is a biblical ground for divorce and as such the person who has remained faithful in the marriage is free to remarry. I will point out that even though adultery is grounds for divorce, that does not automatically mean if there is adultery in the marriage that this is the step you should take. Remember God’s desire is for marriages to stay together. However, if the adultery is something you cannot work through, if you choose to divorce on those grounds, then you are free to remarry.

    3. Abuse

    If you are in an abusive relationship, you have every right to leave that marriage because those are legitimate grounds for divorce. Abuse is an abdication of marital responsibility, and you are not required to stay in that type of relationship. Should you divorce on these grounds it is absolutely okay to seek remarriage.

    4. Other Reasons

    There are a host of other reasons people get divorced, but we must be careful because divorce should only take place when there is a legitimate, Biblical reason. If there are no Biblical grounds for divorce, then remarriage should be off the table. Let me repeat what Paul said in 1 Corinthians.

    “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).

    For these other situations, remarriage is not an option, but reconciliation is. This command is why we need to treat marriage seriously and not enter into it lightly.

    Is Remarriage after Divorce Adultery?

    Is it possible that if you remarry after divorce, you could be committing adultery? The answer is it depends on the reason why you got divorced. If your divorce is for Biblical reasons, then remarrying is not committing adultery.

    If it is not for Biblical reasons, then it is adultery because in God’s eyes that remarriage is illegitimate. It may be legal according to the laws of the land, but it is not sanctioned in God’s eyes. Because each situation is different, I want to be careful about making a blanket statement about an individual marriage. True wisdom would require you to consider each situation on a case-by-case basis so that an effective determination can be made.

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