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  • How to Build a Marriage That Goes the Distance: My Top 3 Game-Changing Pillars

    How to Build a Marriage That Goes the Distance: My Top 3 Game-Changing Pillars

    We said “I do” over 16 years ago. Wow! That’s crazy to write out. In our wedding photos, you see a 20-something couple grinning ear-to-ear, clueless about the tests, trials, and triumphs ahead.

    Now in our late-30s with five kids under 10, you can imagine all that our marriage has been through. But we’ve also laughed hard and loved deeply. We once were two, and now we’re a family woven together.

    Along the way, we’ve learned a few unexpected secrets to building a marriage that goes the distance. These pillars keep us grounded when storms hit, united in our purpose, and willing to daily choose “us.”

    I want to share them with you today. If you’re dreaming of a marriage that stands strong for the long haul, read on.

    When I was a brand-new husband, I imagined that our marriage was going to be full of passion and excitement and that those feelings would simply last forever.

    But we quickly found out just how untrue that was. Marriage has seasons of struggle and times that will test your commitment. As reality set in, I had to anchor to something more.

    I discovered that marriage is far more than a legal contract or piece of paper. According to the Bible, the covenant of marriage is sacred because it involves not just us but God.

    We stood before God and promised faithfulness, service, and love until death do us part. Our union is exclusive and permanent. We became one flesh in a bond and promise before God.

    This covenant perspective changed everything. During times when feelings faded or circumstances crushed dreams, we could still say: “But God, we made a vow, and we need you to help us keep it.” Clinging to this truth stabilized us when storms hit.

    We had to rely fully on God’s power to glue us back together, humble ourselves, and move forward in unity. And He has been so faithful to do that again and again!

    2. Embrace Your Shared Purpose for Greater Impact

    Early on, we saw marriage as being mostly about us. We wanted to feel happy, satisfied, and loved in the relationship. When things got rocky, I thought, “This marriage isn’t working. Why, Lord?”

    Slowly, God opened my eyes to the truth that marriage isn’t ultimately about my feelings or “what I get out of it.” Marriage is a ministry meant to reflect the love of Christ!

    We are called to lay down our lives for each other and love each other without condition and out of love for Christ. Our union is meant to serve as a light and blessing to others.

    Embracing this shared purpose changed our entire outlook. We started asking, “How can we honor God and point people to him through our marriage?”

    Instead of tearing each other down during conflict, we build each other up in love. We parent our kids with wisdom and grace so that they grow to follow Jesus. We open our hearts and home to welcome others.

    United in vision, we now weather hardship not just for our sake but for the sake of witnessing God’s faithfulness to the world. Our trials have a purpose in glorifying Him!

    3. Offer Your Spouse a Willing Heart

    Let’s be real: some days, your heart wants to shut down. Resentment, exhaustion, and disappointment can brew just below the surface.

    During those times, we have two options:

    • Stay stubborn, cold, and self-protective.
    • Soften our hearts, let go of “rights,” and freely give love.

    The second option might sound nearly impossible when you’re hurt or worn thin. But over the years, I’ve learned that willingness is essential for intimacy, communication, and sacrifice.

    Here are some ways to offer a willing heart:

    • Initiate meaningful conversations even when it’s not easy.
    • Fight the temptation to stonewall during a conflict.
    • Pursue physical connection joyfully, even on tired nights.
    • Accept imperfect apologies and let go of petty offenses.
    • Surrender your schedule and priorities when your spouse really needs you.

    I constantly have to check my heart. Will I embrace opportunities to love, listen, and be present? Or do resentment and stubbornness shut me down?

    Pursuing willingness doesn’t mean being a doormat. You can still set healthy boundaries! But it does mean bearing each other’s burdens, forgiving quickly, and giving your best even when you don’t feel like it.

    The more you exercise willingness, the easier it becomes. You reap exponential blessings in your bond.

    Lasting Love Is Possible

    If you’re navigating difficult seasons or feel like giving up, take heart: it is possible to build a marriage that stands the test of time. God desires to use your union for His glory!

    When you anchor to Him as your rock and refuge, you gain perspective. The storms still rage, but you have a secure foundation.

    I urge you to reject hopelessness and cynicism. Your sweetest victories, most overcoming testimonies, and deepest intimacy are still ahead.

    Commit to covenant, seek purpose, and choose willing love. One day, you’ll look back in awe of how the Lord sustained you through it all.

    Here’s to marriages built to last!

    For further reading:

    Building a Strong Marriage: How Humility Leads to Unity and Safety

    How to Pray for Your Wife: 6 Prayers Influenced by How Jesus Prayed for His Church

    Christian Community: The Secret Ingredient for a Stronger Marriage

    Building a Strong Foundation: 6 Divine Callings for Every Marriage

    How to Pray for Your Husband: 8 Specific Areas to Pray Over Your Husband

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes

    Aaron and Jennifer Smith recognize the beauty and power of how God designed every marriage unique. We are passionate about encouraging couples to set their eyes on God while boldly asking the question, “God, what can our marriage do for you?” In our books, we share personal stories of failure and victory from our own marriage while pointing to the wisdom in God’s Holy Word. We have been married for over 16 years and are currently raising five young children, and we are no strangers to the enemy’s attack on marriage. We hope to equip you to be prepared, inspired, and encouraged to live boldly, chasing after God’s purposes together. Ever since we got married, we have purposed to serve God and build His kingdom together. We blog, write books, and host a weekly podcast urging couples to say yes to God and to be used by God for His extraordinary purposes.

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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    Click here to read the full article.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

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    Aaron and Jennifer Smith

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  • Dear Widow, it’s Okay to Let Yourself Love Again

    Dear Widow, it’s Okay to Let Yourself Love Again

    Losing a spouse is the most stressful event in a woman’s life, with divorce and moving trailing close behind.

    A widow does not just experience the loss of her husband but also her way of life. She may lose friends, financial security, companionship, parental support, sexual intimacy, plans for the future, etc. The list is long and devastating. Essentially, a widow is forced to rebuild a life from scratch.

    She is often faced with deep personal reflection and is journeying to find a new way of life. When a widow comes to a place in her grief where she may be able to open her heart to someone new, she is often faced with scrutiny and judgment from those around her.

    When my husband passed, I felt like I was living in a fishbowl as everyone around me watched my grief and was on the edge of their seats, waiting for my next move. Will she start dating? How long will it take for her to move on?

    There is one thing for sure. A widow never gets over her late spouse. She will heal and begin to envision a life without him, but that does not mean she stops loving him.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/kupicoo

    When I started dating, I faced many judgments from those who didn’t understand that I could open my heart to someone new but still love my late spouse. I often liken it to having a second child. You don’t push out your first child to make room for another. Your heart simply expands to make room for another baby in your life. It is the same with a widow getting remarried. She can place her late spouse in a different space in her heart. This takes time, intentionality, and many tears, but it is possible.

    I prayed for the hearts of those around me to expand and accept the changes in my life, even as it made them wildly uncomfortable.

    I had to intentionally let my late husband sit in a different space. After a decade, he is safely in my heart as my best friend and the father of my children. I no longer think of him romantically, and that is okay. I have been remarried for nearly nine years, and we have had to walk down many rough roads.

    My new husband has learned to be patient with my unpredictable emotions when anniversaries roll around. He has had to process a lot within himself as a second husband and allow space for my late spouse to reside in our home in a small way.

    When I remarried, I had two small boys. They were crushed when they lost their daddy but were excited to welcome a new man. Their little hearts hurt then, and they still do now, but we have healed miraculously. I understand that it can be more complex if you have older children, as getting remarried may be less well received. This may take more time to be accepted, and the guilt may take over, but if the Lord is leading a widow, He will support her.

    If you know a widow and are struggling with her life choices, give her grace. She is only trying to rebuild a life that was shattered. She is not aiming to harm anyone or cause more heartache; she is simply trying to live.

    Older senior woman thinking remarriage grief mourning

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/RgStudio

    Dear Widow,

    I am sorry for your loss. Losing a spouse guts you to the core and threatens everything you ever thought about life and everything you ever thought about yourself.

    When you are ready to find love again, you may experience deep guilt. You may feel like you are cheating on your husband and breaking your vows. Those are all normal feelings. Embrace them, accept them as usual, and push through them. Ignore the judgment coming from all the voices around you. Your choice to get remarried is between you, God, your new spouse, and no one else.

    Lift us your desire to be married again to Jesus and follow Him in His leading.

    Biblically, it is a good thing for a widow to remarry. We read in 1 Timothy 5:14, “So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.” When your husband passes, you have fulfilled your vows until death do you part. You are free to love love again and free to marry again. Take a deep breath and rest in this truth.

    God has a special place in his heart for you as a widow and is profoundly concerned for you.

    God is “a father of the fatherless, a defender of widows…in his holy habitation.” (Psalm 68:5) Jesus cared for his widowed mother and condemned those who exploited widows.

    Getting remarried after the death of a spouse can be complex and challenging. You will be bringing grief into a new marriage. There will be situations that arise that are difficult for your new spouse, especially on anniversary days or when a memory triggers you.

    But it is all okay. It is possible to walk the narrow roads of remarriage with Jesus. He will be with you to help you navigate the rough waters and use them to bring you and your new spouse closer together.

    Remember to keep God in the center of your marriage. Allow space for grief and memories to live in your home. Talk about your spouse, especially if your children lost a father. Expect to face guilt for loving again, but know that no matter how you lost your spouse or whether or not he gave you a blessing to love again, you are in a blessed space when you choose to walk down the aisle again.

    It’s all okay. God knows the inner workings of your heart and your grief and will help you every step of the way.

    It may seem unfair that you have to deal with the world watching you and making you feel guilty about your decisions, but that is, unfortunately, the life of a widow. God is keenly aware of the intricacies and hears your prayers for help. I pray blessings over you, sweet Widow. It is brave to love again. It is courageous to open up your heart.

    “Draw near to Jesus, and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8

    Related Content:

    9 Things to Know about a Widow’s Grief

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Heidi Vegh is a writer, speaker, and ministry leader living in Gig Harbor, WA. She is a remarried mother of four, navigating the blended family life after the loss of her first husband to cancer in 2013. She longs to use her writing as a way to encourage others who have experienced loss and guide them on the road to healing. She contributes to her blog found at www.mrsheidivegh.com , sharing stories and devotionals of faith stemming from her loss and healing, mothering, and her blended and complex family. She graduated from Southern New Hampshire University with a degree in Creative Writing and English and is working on her first book. Heidi is the Women’s Ministry Director at Gig Harbor Foursquare and has a deep heart for sharing Jesus with women and encouraging them in their faith walk. When she is not writing she loves to travel, read, craft, and experiment in the kitchen. Visit her Facebook and Instagram (@mrsheidivegh) to learn more.

    Related podcast:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    Related video:

    If you are currently grieving, here are five prayers for your grieving heart.

    Stock Footage & Music Soundstripe.com, Getty Images

    Heidi Vegh

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  • Creative Mother-Daughter Date Ideas for Fall

    Creative Mother-Daughter Date Ideas for Fall

    Hey there, are you a girl momma too? Well, welcome to the club! As a mom of three daughters, I am always on the hunt for fun ideas and special ways to spend time with each of my girls. Now that I have two teens, let’s just say that this momma has to get a little (or a lot) creative. And let me tell you – I am so thankful it is fall! Bring on the harvest festivals and many mother/daughter date ideas. Yahoo!

    Yep, I really do love fall! There is just something truly special about this time of year. It’s as if the whisper of the wind and the glow from this sweet season waft in with an open invitation to spend time with those we dearly love! As cute scarecrows and plump pumpkins make their debut once again, they carry a warm welcome that declares, “Come on in, get cozy, and soak it all in – the sights, the smells, and all the fall flavors.”

    So, maybe, like me, you are ready to relish this season and create some lasting memories with your precious daughter, but you need some ideas. Well, my sweet “girl momma” friend, you have come to the right place. Below, you will find merely a few ideas to get you started. Whether you have a sweet little miss or an adoring adult, there is something to meet every momma and daughter. But let me assure you, nothing is too crazy or costly, as this is more of a means to bond with your sweet girl, keeping it simple yet fun! At the same time, realize that taking some time (even briefly) for a festive fall mother/daughter date will cultivate your relationship and be so worth it!

    And now, without further ado, here we go, my friends; let’s step into fall together with our dear daughters and enjoy the moments and the glorious gifts this season has to offer!

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/AzmanL

    Alicia Searl

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  • When Dates Run Dry

    When Dates Run Dry

    Today marks three months since my husband and I got married. I wish I could tell you that time slows down, but the old adage that it only speeds up is proving to be accurate. In the blink of an eye, we’ve traveled time and space from July 3rd to October 3rd. Almost one entire 9-weeks as a high school English teacher might say, or summer to fall for those of you who possess 9-5 careers. 

    While it might sound cliche or concerning, one thing that Ben and I wanted to emphasize before we got married was premarital counseling. While premarital discipleship is generally encouraged, marital counseling is often frowned upon. It’s a myth, however, that only people who are having trouble in their marriages should participate in marital counseling. Ben and I started premarital counseling a few months before we got married, and we’re still pursuing it now (as marital counseling). 

    In a recent session, our counselor encouraged us to continue having fun and pursuing one another. We always took this seriously during dating and engagement because we wanted to emphasize our friendship over our romance. It also helped greatly in adhering to boundaries. 

    But just because you’ve caught the fish, per se, doesn’t mean you let it off the hook and swim away. In other words, just because you’re finally married doesn’t mean you stop pursuing or having fun with your spouse. In fact, it’s essential that you prioritize those dates to foster and grow your relationship as a married couple. 

    I’ve heard it said that while sex and romance can be fun in marriage, and are essential parts of it, you’ll spend most of your time just hanging out with the other person. This is why marriage coaches and counselors strongly encourage you to be friends and make sure you just enjoy being with the other person. 

    Typically, in Ben and I’s relationship, I’m the one to plan and schedule dates. I always have a never-ending list of options in my mind, and because I love to explore and travel, I’m always thinking of the next idea. Ben, on the other hand, struggles with thinking of fresh or new date ideas. I believe there are probably a lot of guys out there that can relate. And though I’m generally good at coming up with this list, I’ll be honest in saying that making room for dates post-marriage has proven to be a challenge.

    Between laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, teaching, writing, dancing, and running, I have started to have trouble prioritizing our dates. I’ve even run dry of ideas because I’m so distracted by things I need to do, places I need to go, and assignments I need to complete. Maybe you can relate?

    If you’re in this boat, I want to encourage you with three simple ways you can prioritize your relationship tonight–even when date ideas run dry:

    1. Focus on Getting Out

    One of the best tips Ben and I have learned for prioritizing our relationship and having dates might sound oversimplified, but it’s been a game-changer. Choosing to have dates outside of the house not only requires us to move around and go somewhere but also helps me to not cave and start doing chores. 

    When you’re home, you’re constantly surrounded and bombarded by stimuli. Especially stimuli that look like piles of laundry, mounds of dishes, and 3,000 other tasks bombarding your brain. By removing yourself physically from the home, you’re creating space to get out, go somewhere (even if it’s just a local park or theater), and get away from tasks and to-dos that might otherwise try to entice your attention. 

    2. Focus on Letting Loose

    Although Ben and I still struggle with this, the second piece of advice that has helped us greatly when dates run dry is focusing on letting loose. Letting loose simply means not taking ourselves so seriously, remembering to be playful, and laughing a lot. Some days, this is easier than others, and there will probably be times and moods when you just simply don’t feel like laughing. But that’s okay. 

    The emphasis here is to aim for smiles and laughter. Even if it requires telling old jokes and stories or watching a few silly videos on YouTube while you try out stupid “dad jokes” on one another, the laughs, in the end, will be worth it. Sometimes, taking the time to unwind, relax, and let go together can be just as rewarding.

    3. Focus on Each Other

    At the end of the day (or date), perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind is focusing on each other. Especially in the day and age in which we live, overstimulation through TV shows, phones, social media, and sports can be distracting to our relationships. I know for me, I hate nothing more than talking to someone who is physically present but mentally isn’t. 

    Focusing on each other during your date time is crucial to connection and communication. Put the phones away, look into one another’s eyes, and take the time to bask in the presence of your loved one. These are memories and moments you won’t have again, so don’t take them for granted. 

    If you’re struggling to make time for dates, or your well has simply run dry, be encouraged. You’re not alone. But having dates doesn’t have to be a daunting and terrifying task. It merely asks you to spend time with the one you love by prioritizing that time, getting out, and focusing on each other. How will you pursue your spouse this week?

    15 Simple Ideas to Get You Started

    1. Go for a hike

    2. Go to the movies

    3. Create your own movie night at home

    4. Explore an indoor amusement park 

    5. Check your city for local events

    6. Recreate your old date favorites

    7. Get dressed up and go out for the night (think fancy dinners and dancing)

    8. Take a dance class (I’m biased on this, but it creates great chemistry!)

    9. Take a cooking class together (or create your own at home)

    10. Go on a double date with friends 

    11. Go for a run 

    12. Go for a bike ride

    13. Find an online scavenger hunt that takes you through a local town or city

    14. Play board games

    15. Learn to play an instrument and sing together 

    Happy dating!

    Agape, Amber

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Constantinis

    Amber Ginter is a teacher, author, blogger, and mental health activist who resides in the beautiful mountains and cornfields of Ohio. She loves Jesus, granola, singing, reading, dancing, running, her husband Ben, and participating in all things active. She’s currently enrolled in the Author Conservatory Program and plans to pitch her book: Mental Health and the Modern Day Church for Young Adults, soon. Visit her website at amberginter.com.

    Amber Ginter

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  • 5 Simple Habits for a Happy Marriage

    5 Simple Habits for a Happy Marriage

    When they get married, every couple sets out to have a happy marriage. Couples often have ideas about how to achieve this happiness, often focusing on their own needs rather than the other person’s needs. When those needs go unmet, however, it can quickly turn into discontent, causing the couple to turn on each other to look for fulfillment. But that fulfillment only comes from Christ. Couples buy every self-help book or other resource to help them have a happy marriage. They may also go to counseling to work on their issues, which is a great first step. But there are some things couples can do to give themselves the needed attitude adjustment. Here are five simple habits for a happy marriage:

    Couples who are unhappy in their marriage need to ask themselves: are my needs focused on myself or the needs of my spouse? When each spouse vows to take the focus off themselves and place it on their partners, they can have a more fulfilling marriage. Seek to put your spouse first in everything. This can range from simply helping out with chores to sacrificing your time and resources to take them out of a toxic situation that is harming them. Marriage takes sacrifice. But in this culture, sacrifice is a thing of the past. Couples often feel if their needs are not being met, they can simply get a divorce or put up a boundary that does not leave room for open, honest, and direct communication.

    Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

    People who take this verse out of context believe the woman must allow the man to do whatever he wants. But a man who is doing his part to give himself up for her and put herself first as Christ did for the church will find a woman who wants to submit to him. This passage directs couples to put each other first. When each person can put aside their own selfish needs and focus on the other, they’ll have a much easier and ultimately happier marriage.

    Related:

    What Is Submission in Marriage?

    2. Put Christ at the Center

    Above all else, couples need to put Christ at the center of their marriage. That means seeking the Lord on every decision moving forward. This is everything from how to spend their money to how to divide household chores and to how to raise their children. As humans, couples will run into issues that cause this conflict. But if both seek the Lord and his will for their lives, it will be easier for them to yield to the Lord and not to their own opinions. Christ sought for couples to have easier lives if they are yoked together with someone who has the same beliefs and perspectives. For the areas in which they disagree, Christ asks them to put aside their differences, cast their cares upon the Lord, and watch him work as they seek his will for their lives.

    3. Be Good Stewards

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Nattakorn Maneerat

    Couples can have a happier marriage if both seek to be good stewards of what God has given them. This means both people caring for their home, their bodies, their children, their finances, and possessions, among other things. While we all make mistakes and are far from perfect, if each partner has good time management and dedicates a portion of their time to care for the things God has given them, it will demonstrate how much they care for each other. Another great way to be a good steward is to make time for each other. Investing in your marriage is an investment in the covenant between man and wife. This is also an investment in the gospel message as it seeks to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church. If couples are doing everything they can to achieve intimate connection communication and striving to make each other better in their relationship, taking care of other areas of their lives will become much simpler.

    4. Leave and Cleave

    Genesis 2:24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” A couple needs to understand that once they get married, they are no longer bound to their former immediate family. This Scripture dictates that husbands and wives must come together to create a new family unit. This does not mean they have to forsake their parents and siblings altogether, but rather re-prioritize so their spouse is a part of their new family. That new family should come first, period. For example, if there is a conflict between parents and spouse, the spouse’s feelings, opinions, and perspective should come before the parent’s.

    This is the same for any children. While the children are a necessary part of the family unit, you must put your spouse and their feelings ahead of your own children’s. You have eighteen years with your children, and then they grow up to have their own lives. But when you got married, you vowed to be with your spouse “till death do you part.” You’ll be with your spouse much longer than you’ll have your children in your home. Set a good example of what a healthy marriage will look like by putting each other’s opinions first, even if there are moments when you don’t agree with your parenting strategy or the other’s perspective on life.

    5. Set Good Boundaries

    Although both couples vow to share every part of their lives together in a marriage, there are times when couples need to set good boundaries with each other in situations where trust has been broken, or unhealthy patterns develop. Part of your vows and marriage is to honor one another. But when the trust has been broken, or one person consistently violates someone else’s space, proper boundaries must be put in place for a happy marriage to be sustainable. Talk openly about this situation and let the other person know the boundaries you were going to set. Don’t simply set the boundary and then not communicate why and what you are doing. It will be unfair to your spouse if they violate that boundary to understand where the line ends and where their access to you begins. If the partner consistently crosses over boundaries because of control or selfishness, ask them to seek the help of a professional to help them process why they do what they do. It is not honorable for someone to constantly break boundaries and create unnecessary emotional stress. Seek to set these boundaries for her time and then remove the boundaries once you feel the person has repented. Slowly build back your trust by granting them greater access to your thoughts, emotions, and feelings.

    Marriage can be one of the most difficult relationships in your life. But it could also be the most rewarding. Although our true happiness only comes through Christ Jesus, Jesus places men and women in marriage covenants so that they can achieve the same contentment and joy we will feel with Jesus in heaven. By putting the tips above into practice, you may find a healthier and happier marriage in the new year.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/monkeybusinessimages

    Writer Michelle LazurekMichelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

    Related podcast:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    Read the full article here!

    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • 5 Ways to Make Friends As An Adult

    5 Ways to Make Friends As An Adult

    I popped a DVD into the player, opened the lid to a takeout meal, and pulled up the covers; this quickly became my Friday night routine. It was the third weekend in a row I was spending alone. I moved to Montreal shortly after college, hoping to make new friends. We would fill our weekends with late-night dinners, excursions to nearby towns, and experiencing everything the big city offers. Yet, there I was, on another Friday night, the only friend being a cashier at the local Chinese takeout. The subway system overwhelmed me, so I didn’t do much traveling. The few times I did venture out alone, I couldn’t shake the intense feeling of loneliness. So eventually, I stopped trying and settled into a routine with me, myself and I.

    As a social butterfly, I’d never had problems making friends. I prided myself on having multi-friend groups, choosing to surround myself with people of different races, cultures, and backgrounds. Being easy to talk to and open to new experiences, I thought I was good company. So why was I finding it such a challenge to make adult friends?! If you are in a similar situation or a new set of circumstances, try one or many tips to help you make and keep adult friendships.

    1. Get out of your head.

    It always amazes my husband that my girls can play effortlessly within minutes of meeting another child as if they have known them all their lives. Whether it’s the local playground, beach, or a bus ride a thousand miles from our home, they can make instant friends. Yes, my girls have a natural outgoing disposition, but they don’t overthink before they act. They aren’t riddled with “what-ifs” or “what will they think?” Instead, another child is an opportunity to make a new friend! 

    • How often have you typed an e-mail to a colleague asking to grab a bite only to delete it because you were worried they might think you were weird?
    • Have you ever walked across the playground to introduce yourself to another mom, only to stop mid-way, convincing yourself she probably has too many friends already and doesn’t need another one?
    • Was there an empty chair on the bus, a spot at the table in the teacher’s lounge, or free space at the end of the pew that you wanted desperately to take but you told yourself it would be too forward?

    If you want to make friendships as an adult, you must start thinking like a kid! Don’t think about what could happen or even think past the introductions. Start with, “Hi, my name is,” or “Is this seat taken?” or maybe, “I just wanted to introduce myself.” And let the conversation flow from there. 

    2. Make an effort to be involved in your community. 

    I would be remiss if I didn’t strongly encourage you to join a local church. Church is one of the best ways to make friendships. There’s a good chance most people are Christians and, therefore, have a common interest: faith. This is a bonus as the hope would be with a shared faith, your priorities and extracurricular activities will focus on “good, clean fun.” While this doesn’t mean being members of the same church guarantees the same stance on engaging in certain activities, it’s an excellent place to start.

    If you are already involved in a local church, consider joining a sports league, taking an art class, getting back into dancing, or reigniting your passion for another childhood pastime. There are numerous adult clubs, groups, and meetups; Facebook, Meetup.com, or a simple internet search will tell you how to get plugged in. Are you passionate about helping underprivileged youth? Do you feel a strong desire to help those less fortunate? Sign up to volunteer at a local charity or non-profit organization. Many big cities have festivals and events requiring staff and volunteers; consider helping. Not only will you meet other volunteers, but who knows who you might connect with in passing. 

    3. Reconnect with old friends and create new connections.

    One great thing social media offers is an easy way to connect with old friends. With the ability to search by location, groups, and events, one can quickly see if a long-lost friend is in the area. A great way to meet new people in your community is through mutual connections with friends or acquaintances. There are also online book clubs, political forums, and interest groups through social media, and when meeting in person isn’t an option, these provide social outlets, support, and connection. 

    4. Reach out to parents of your children’s friends.

    Listen, I know it is impossible to form relationships with every kid’s parent your child talks to, especially if you have social kids like me. I am not advocating you form bonds with every parent out there, but pick a few of your child’s closest friends and invite them over as a family. Like making friends at church, you already know that you have at least one thing in common: your children. Chances are, even if you are opposites, the deep desire to see your children happy and form friendships will help to foster friendships among the adults. At the very least, it will allow you to get to know your child’s friends better. 

    5. Don’t forget your neighbors.

    In a world where it is becoming increasingly common to live years next to someone and never meet your neighbor, break the cycle, and knock on some doors. If cold calling your neighbors gives you hives, say hello at the mailbox, wave when they pull in their driveway, or pause the mower and introduce yourself next time they are outside. Neighborhood friends make some of the best relationships for multiple reasons. You have a built-in walking buddy, an impromptu game night companion, and, if you are lucky, a house sitter when you go on vacation. Only having to walk a few steps makes friendship rather effortless once you get past the initial pleasantries. 

    The reality is making friendships as an adult can be difficult. We are trying to balance our careers, marriages, families, and other responsibilities, all while working not wholly to lose ourselves in the middle of it all. It may take a few tries, but I suggest you get off your couch and make some friends; even if they don’t become bosom buddies, you’ll make some good memories in the meantime, which is well worth it! 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Rido Franz

    Laura Bailey is a Bible teacher who challenges and encourages women to dive deep in the Scriptures, shift from an earthly to an eternal mindset, and filter life through the lens of God’s Word.  She is the author of Beyond the Noise, and loves any opportunity to speak and teach women of all ages. She is a wife and momma to three young girls. Connect with her on her website,  www.LauraRBailey.com, Facebook and Instagram.

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    So when sin is not being confronted, or even viewed as sin at all, it’s time to address it with the hope of gently helping to restore believers caught in its web. Here are 10 sins that often go overlooked in Christian community.

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    Laura Bailey

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  • 5 “Togetherness” Activities to Strengthen Your Marriage

    5 “Togetherness” Activities to Strengthen Your Marriage

    It sounds simple, but it can profoundly affect drawing the two of you closer. After all, there is something therapeutic about taking a walk. In a society that tends to literally be on the run, taking a walk requires you to slow down and enjoy life – together.

    My Uncle Owen and Aunt Alice, who have been married 65 years, have discovered the beauty of taking a walk together. Having raised four children and weathered the storms of life together (including the loss of their two oldest sons), they still try to walk together at least three times a week.

     “Talking isn’t so important while we’re walking,” Owen said. “When you’re walking, you can be together, and you don’t have to talk. And other times, it’s good to have that time together because we do get more of a chance to talk.”

    Try walking with your spouse in the evenings, before or after dinner, as a way of reflecting on the day, talking about your blessings, or reconnecting away from the busyness of life. Even if you can only do it once a week, find your “walking day” and make it an activity you do together – for your physical health, as well as for your relational health.

    4. Take a Day to Play

    Have you ever just taken a day to play together? We make sure our children have regular play days when they’re young. And when we were teenagers, we recognized the value of playing, as well. But playtime can never go away in a relationship if you want to cultivate a closer connection. If you’re a hard worker and feel guilty taking a day to play, consider it an investment in your marriage. Also, consider it a spiritual activity. God wants us to play, enjoy life, and have some return for our labor.

    King Solomon, known as the wisest man who ever lived, penned the purpose of life in Ecclesiastes 3:12-13: “I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil – this is the gift of God.”

    Did you get that? Playing is a gift from God! God knows you will one day leave this earth, so in addition to glorifying Him with your life while you’re here, He wants you to enjoy this life, as well, within the means of right and pure living – and especially with your spouse!

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

    Steve and Rhonda love the loud roar of motorcycles. To them, that’s play. “We have motorcycles and love to go for long rides,” Rhonda said. “It’s an inexpensive way to travel and an enjoyable way to spend time together and be quiet.”

    My husband and I enjoy taking a day to hike, even if it’s near our home. Exercising together feels like play for us, and we’ve realized both – exercise and play – are necessities, not luxuries. Take at least one day a month to play (although one day a week is far better), and here are some ideas if you don’t yet have any:

    • Rent a movie (or stream one online) and make popcorn at home
    • Run out for ice cream after dinner at home
    • Walk through nurseries and home improvement stores, dreaming about how to make your house and yard look better
    • Pull out your old board games and play for a couple of hours

    Are you starting to get inspired? There’s nothing that will bring back your youthful vigor than taking a day to play together. Consider it a form of worship. And go for it!

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages-monkeybusinessimages

    Cindi McMenamin

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  • 6 Guiding Verses about Family Relationships

    6 Guiding Verses about Family Relationships

    One day my grandmother will pass away, and that day will mark a distinctly dark time for my family. Grandparents tend to be the meeting place where older and younger generations gather for food and good times, especially during the holidays. My grandmother is no exception. Cooking on more Sundays than I can count. Hosting for just about every holiday. I’m not sure what will happen once she dies. 

    Being the family glue requires time and effort, an amount most of us don’t showcase. We get so used to seeing the same faces at various functions. We take the relationships, however meaningful or insignificant, for granted. See you next time, we say, parting ways.

    But what happens when we don’t? 

    What happens when so-and-so gets into a car crash or so-and-so goes to prison? Suddenly, life turns upside down in ways we never could have predicted.

    Beyond taking the existence of our relatives for granted, many of us today find our families dissolving, often before we’re old enough to realize. Take one look around, perhaps a look in the mirror, and you’re likely to find someone who comes from divorce, a blended family, a single-parent household, someone raised by a grandparent instead of a mom or a dad. We see all around us people sprung from less-than-ideal families.

    And then they, we, produce our own less-than-ideal families. The cycle continues so on and so forth.

    Even within families, there’s a disconnect between the generations. The older adults treat the younger ones as though they are still children, neglecting to listen or give the same respect that they expect. Younger adults don’t look after the elderly as was once custom in the culture. And the children, our children, are unable to socialize well with anyone, even other kids. They’re stuck on their devices, preferring the company of a phone to a person.

    There are so many barriers to producing and maintaining a family, especially in the way God desires.

    Do any of us ever stop to wonder, how should we treat our relatives? Does anybody wonder what the ideal family looks like?

    I don’t pretend to have all the answers or even present myself as someone who has a strong relationship with family. What I can say with certainty is that Scripture admonishes us about how we ought to treat one another, how we ought to treat our families. These words of wisdom can be edifying if we allow them. Let’s look at these six guiding verses about family relationships:

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/imtmphoto 

    How to Treat Spouses

    “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body.” (Ephesians 5:22-23)

    “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.” (Ephesians 5:25-26)

    Scripture outlines in such detail how we should treat one another that little is left to the imagination. We may not always understand the why behind God’s tenets, but He gives us clear direction. In summary, as believers, we submit to God in faith. That submission determines how we treat other people. Likewise, when we marry, we submit to our spouse and treat them in a godly fashion.

    Where our marriages struggle today is the lack of submission to one another. Instead of a covenantal union, we opt for something more akin to a business partnership. People get married with the idea of forging a 50/50 relationship so that they aren’t taken advantage of by the other person. Yet, the scorekeeping makes us more likely to find ‘evidence’ of just that. The end result, as many of us have experienced, is divorce – the death of a marriage.

    We can escape this trend by changing how we treat marriage and the dating process that precedes it. With a focus on serving our spouse, we will cause the marriage and, as a result, our children to flourish.

    How to Treat Children

    How to Treat Children

    “Start a youth out on his way; even when he grows old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

    Society ends without the creation of more children, as do family lines. We as individuals benefit from children too. They humble us, make us laugh, and even cry. They have an uncanny ability to point us back to God as our creator and provider. As great as they are, societal trends are encouraging adults not to become parents. Aside from the atrocity of abortion, young people are being encouraged not to have children at all. Lifestyles like SINK (single income, no kids) are glamorized on social media.

    There’s no doubt that having children comes with challenges, the expected and unexpected variety, but when we find ourselves single, and everyone else is tucked away with their spouses and children, we could find ourselves in bad shape, especially as we grow older.

    For those of us who have children, we must remember that raising them in a God-fearing way doesn’t equal incessant coddling, nor does it mean acting as a micromanager for their every decision. We’re called to teach wisdom, and adhere to the same wisdom we give. There’s no point in telling them to socialize and not be on their devices if we ourselves don’t know how to communicate. How else can we be role models? Living by the ideology of “do what I say, not as I do” is a clear sign of hypocrisy and not worthy of emulation.

    How to Treat Parents

    “Honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)

    Culturally, our treatment of the elderly has taken a nosedive, probably because how we treat our parents has significantly changed. The increase in divorce and broken families has not led to children having more respect for their elders, but less.

    Part of the solution is for our elders to set a better example, but ultimately we can’t control them. We can only control ourselves and use the insight God has given us on how to behave. What He says is to honor our parents. There are no explicit caveats to the commandment. Honoring our parents is a display of gratitude both to them and to God. The end result strengthens our family bonds and gives our children insight into how to treat us. 

    Admittedly, following this commandment can be difficult. Our parents aren’t perfect, and sometimes, maybe often, their idiosyncrasies annoy us to no end. Sometimes they hurt us. But as believers, do we envision God wanting us to live in such a way where we have no contact with family just because they bother us? Or can we instead set boundaries that protect us and still allow us to have an honoring relationship?

    Photo Credit: ©Getty/MoMo-Productions 

    How to Treat the Elderly

    “Listen to your father who gave you life, and don’t despise your mother when she is old.” (Proverbs 23:22)

    Wisdom comes with experience, and the elderly often have experience. Maybe grandpa needs help setting up a Facebook account, but he knows the importance of marriage and hard work. Young people, myself included, take for granted the wisdom held by older generations. The temptation is to look down on them for being physically inept or socially unaware. Phrases like “Okay Boomer,” give us a good laugh, but what exactly are we doing to show appreciation to those who came before us? Our answer to that question should inform how we can expect the younger generations to treat us. 

    How to Treat the Youth

    “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” (James 1:19)

    As a society, young people usually get a bad rep for not listening. They see themselves as having all the answers, but ask none of the questions. This is the critique by teachers of their students, and parents of their children, whether as kids or adults. There’s truth to this. Ignorance is bliss, and younger folks are more likely to be ignorant, depending on the subject. However, what society and families don’t grapple with as much is the lack of listening older folks offer to younger people.

    Being older does not automatically make you wiser. Everyone grows old, naturally. There’s no effort we put in. Our bodies simply age. Wisdom comes from experience, first-hand and second-hand. Parents and other older adults do themselves and their relationships a disservice when they decide not to listen, figuring that there’s “nothing you can tell me” or “I’m X years older than you.”

    This does not mean everything a young person says is valid – we know that is not the case. But every word a young person says shouldn’t be readily dismissed just because a young person said them. And every word spoken by the elderly is not true simply because they spoke it.

    sillhouette of a family,

    Conclusion

    Nobody’s perfect, and therefore no family is perfect. The ideal family simply doesn’t exist. Yet, despite the fact that we will never be as immaculate as Christ, we are still called to emulate Him. That same dedication to growth and positive change should be what we give to our families. Broken marriages and broken homes don’t have to be the norm. As a society, we make that determination.

    As a society, we set the rules for how we engage one another. We can choose to care for and adhere to the wisdom of older generations. At the same time, we can respect and acknowledge the worthiness of younger adults. We can be positive examples of communication for our children, showing, not just telling them, that in-person human connection trumps anything you can garner from a device.

    We can do this every time we get together, at every function, with all of our relatives. Maybe that’s the ideal family.

    Sometimes I still imagine my Nana will live forever, maintaining the same level of gray on her head, wrinkles on her skin, and tolerable health issues in her body. I imagine her being around even after I’m gone, still serving those delicious home-cooked meals to relatives and people from church.

    The truth is, she will leave. She will die. But until that day comes, I will continue trying to love her as I believe Jesus would have me, not taking her existence for granted but cherishing her. May we all learn to do that with all of our relatives, redeeming the time afforded to us. Day by day by day.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Bassitt ART 

    headshot of author Aaron BrownAaron D’Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes work to iBelieve, Crosswalk, and supports various clients through the platform Upwork. He’s an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo. Check out his short story “Serenity.”

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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    These verses serve as a source of renewal for the mind and restoration for the heart by reinforcing the notion that, while human weakness is inevitable, God’s strength is always available to uplift, guide, and empower us.

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    Originally published Thursday, 21 September 2023.

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  • How to Love Well

    How to Love Well

    “Picture this—you’re out going to pick up your lunch and there’s this random guy walking by with a handmade sign. I’m sure like most of us, we’d glance and keep it moving, but I decided to read his sign since I was at a stop light.”

    This is how a woman in Jacksonville, Florida, described a recent experience to a local reporter. Here’s what made it newsworthy: The sign read “HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!! I LOVE YOU.” The man also held up another sign that read “YOU are RELEVANT.” As the woman snapped a few pictures, the man holding the signs gave her a sunflower. The reporter shared the story with the reminder that the kind messages came during National Suicide Prevention Month.

    We need this reminder as much now as ever.

    Billy Miller, an actor who played Marcus Specter on Suits and won three Emmy awards for his role in The Young and the Restless, died by suicide last Friday in Austin, Texas, at the age of forty-three. His mother stated that he “surrendered his life” after “a long hard valiant battle with bipolar depression.”

    The number of deaths by suicide in the US increased last year to the highest rate ever. Globally, a person dies by suicide every forty seconds. Gallup notes that depression rates in the US have reached their highest levels ever reported.

    These facts can seem overwhelming. What can you and I do to make a practical difference in our hurting world? One biblical answer is both counterintuitive and countercultural, but it offers hope we can embrace and share with those who need it most today.

    “In its welfare you will find your welfare”

    Peter called his fellow believers “sojourners and exiles” (1 Peter 2:11). The former describes someone who is a foreigner or stranger; the latter refers to temporary residents. Taken together, they remind us that this world is not our home and that we are only here for a short time.

    How are we to live in this foreign land?

    The Lord’s letter to his Jewish exiles in Babylon is instructive (Jeremiah 29). It was preserved in Scripture because it has value not just for its original readers twenty-six centuries ago but for all readers across all times and cultures.

    It begins: “Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce” (v. 5). This is the opposite of what they might have expected. Rather than finding temporary shelter, they were to construct lasting structures in which to “live” (the Hebrew is literally translated as “sit down and remain”). Creating gardens takes time, but they were not only to plant them but to “eat their produce” in the years to come.

    In addition, they were to “take wives and have sons and daughters” to fulfill God’s call that they “multiply there, and do not decrease” (v. 6). Rather than allowing their nation to wither in exile, they were to seek to grow and prosper.

    Now comes the most shocking instruction of all: “Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare” (v. 7). “Seek” means to “run diligently after”; the “welfare” of the city refers to its peace, prosperity, health, and success. The exiles were to do all they could to promote the Babylonian city’s welfare and then to “pray to the Lord on its behalf” that he might do what they could not.

    The reason was simple: “In its welfare you will find your welfare.”

    Three ways to “seek the welfare” of our city

    One response to the brokenness of our secularized culture is to withdraw into spiritual “huddles” with little concern for those outside our circle. But this ignores our commission to “go therefore and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19). And it impoverishes us while denying others the good we can offer them in Christ.

    What are some biblical ways we can “seek the welfare” of our broken culture?

    One: “Show kindness and mercy to one another” (Zechariah 7:9). As the sign-holding man in Jacksonville reminds us, we cannot know the larger impact of a single act of encouragement and affirmation.

    Two: “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another” (1 Peter 4:10). John Grove argues persuasively in Public Discourse: “We do not need more self-conscious crusaders for the nation or even for Western Civilization, but instead more priests, teachers, businessmen, artists, writers, and parents who perform their own activities faithfully, serving . . . as ‘leaven for the whole lump.’”

    Three: “Bring salvation to the ends of the earth” (Acts 13:47). Paul was “not ashamed of the gospel” because it is “the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes” (Romans 1:16). According to Tim Keller, “The gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope.”

    How to love well

    Christians have a unique gift for our culture today: we alone can demonstrate the kindness of Christ by offering our best service to hurting souls while sharing the good news of God’s love. But we cannot love well until we embrace the fact that we are well loved.

    To that end, let’s close with this intercession from the Anglican Book of Common Prayer: “Help us so to know you that we may truly love you, and so to love you that we may fully serve you, whose service is perfect freedom.”

    Will you join me in offering these words from your heart to your Father today?

    NOTE: If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, I encourage you to call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or go here. For Denison Forum articles on mental health, please go here.

    Publication date: September 20, 2023

    Photo courtesy: ©Getty Images/Irina Vodneva

    The views expressed in this commentary do not necessarily reflect those of Christian Headlines.

    For more from the Denison Forum, please visit www.denisonforum.org.

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  • Cultivating Faithfulness in an Unfaithful World

    Cultivating Faithfulness in an Unfaithful World

    In today’s world, faithfulness is rare a commodity, with individuals finding it increasingly difficult to trust another person to be faithful to their word and commitments.

    Unfaithfulness is displayed in politicians who fail to follow through on campaign promises, as well as employers who let staff go after decades of loyal service, and even more devastating, spouses betray marital trust.  

    Heartbreakingly, a relative’s best friend ran off with her husband. She didn’t see it coming, and it was devastating when the two people she wholeheartedly trusted the most in her life to be faithful to her dished out the ultimate betrayal.

    Holding Ourselves Accountable in Marriage

    It’s easy to overlook signs that others may be unfaithful in keeping their promises, forgetting what Luke 16:10 warns of: “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”

    Still, when it comes to our own relationships, it’s vital we examine ourselves, especially in our marriages, to see where we can strengthen our faithfulness to our spouses in little things so that when it comes to the bigger things, we will be found faithful.

    2 Corinthians 13:5 encourages us to “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?”

    6 Ways to Help Cultivate Faithfulness in Marriage

    Following are six ways to help us cultivate faithfulness in our marriages:

    1. Choose our friends wisely. 

    It’s wise to spend time with women who have worked out or are in the process of working out issues in their own marriages. Find like-minded wives who are committed to staying in their marriages, with an unwillingness to throw in the towel.

    Like-mindedness in the friends we choose to hang out with can make all the difference in how we view our own marriage and affect our thoughts and actions. Choosing women willing to pray along with us and cheer us on will help us keep on course when trying times in marriage are at work to take us out.

    Surrounding ourselves with women committed to fighting the good fight of faith for their own marriages is vital to our preserving our own marriages. 1 Timothy 6:12 urges, “Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” 

    2. Fill our hearts and minds with God’s truth. 

    Colossians 3:2 directs us to, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

    One way we can do this is by filling our hearts and minds with biblical wisdom and teachings that encourage longsuffering and endurance in marriage. 1 Corinthians 3:19 reminds us, “For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight. As it is written, ‘He catches the wise in their craftiness.’” 

    If we fill ourselves with worldly wisdom concerning marriage and relationships that contradicts God’s Word, it stirs up doubt, causing us to question whether or not it’s true or right and leads to decisions that don’t line up with His truth. As James 1:8 explains, “Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” 

    3. Honor our husbands with our words. 

    Speaking well of our husbands to others is vital to our marriages. Even in jest, it’s not good to make fun of, joke, or criticize them to others, because it matters to God how we speak about our husbands. Ephesians 5:33 urges wives to respect their husbands, which includes what we say about them.

    Likewise, it matters to our husbands and reveals our true commitment to them and our marriage. Proverbs 31:11-12 describes how “The heart of her husband trust in her, and he lacks nothing of value. She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life.”

    Rather than calling out our husband’s weakness to others, God calls us to do everything within our ability to bring honor to him. 

    4. Give our husbands undeserved privilege. 

    Look for ways to care for our own husbands, as if we are doing it for Jesus. In Matthew 25:40, Jesus explains how if we do something for the least of our brothers and sisters, we’ve done it for Him.

    However, often, wives are more willing to do something for the least of these, like individuals they see as needing their help, but not so much their own husbands. Women may feel a husband can take care of himself or hasn’t earned or is deserving of their kind efforts towards him. 

    Truthfully though, all of us are undeserving, yet, God gives us a place of undeserved privilege, freely pouring out His love upon us in our unworthy state. Still often when it’s up to us, we want to determine if we consider our husbands deserving enough for us to do the same.

    Romans 5:2 explains, “Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s Glory.”

    5. Guard our husbands from loneliness. 

    It’s important to spend time with our husbands even if we might find it challenging at times to do. Although we may feel we need the support of Bible studies, friendships, and outside activities more than spending time with them, it’s wise to try and schedule these around our husbands’ schedules so that we can be available and present to spend time with them. 

    It’s too easy for a bored or lonely husband to be led astray, even one who isn’t looking for trouble. Genesis 2:18 says, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 

    Sometimes it’s easy for us to just skip over a truth God is telling us, not taking it seriously enough to live it out. However, if God points out how a man’s loneliness is not good for him, we want to sit up and take notice because He didn’t speak this in a passing moment, or merely in observance, but as a deep truth about a man’s heart, as a truth wives are wise to keep in serious consideration. 

    6. Keep eternity at our forefront.

    Relationships can be uncomfortable, unpleasant, and inconvenient at times, but earthly situations and circumstances don’t last forever. Rather than walking away from decades of marriage, we can ask God to help us look towards eternity. 

    This life is temporal with so much more to look forward to eternally. As 2 Corinthians 4:18 urges, “So fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 

    Looking forward to our everlasting life with Jesus, with the hope of being with Him forever, can help us live each day with the joy of knowing where our future lies. 2 Corinthians 4:17 reminds us, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”

    Cultivating faithfulness in marriage in an unfaithful world is possible with God’s truth to lead us, understanding regardless of other’s actions, God remains faithful. As Romans 3:3 assures, “What if some were unfaithful? Will their unfaithfulness nullify God’s faithfulness?”

    Photo Credit: ©Sandy Millar/Unsplash

    Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.

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  • 5 Myths about Marriage That Are Not Biblical

    5 Myths about Marriage That Are Not Biblical

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    Biblical marriage is a beautiful representation of the marriage of Christ to his Church. “My soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest” (Isaiah 61:10).

    Revelation 19:7 echoes this Old Testament verse with its joyous tone: “Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready.”

    Christian churches typically encourage a man and a woman not to live together before they get married, and not to forgo the ceremony. A wedding doesn’t have to be expensive, but declaring vows in front of other people provides accountability to everyone.

    Husband and wife are now accountable to each other and to the Body of Christ. If one party openly engages in sins and a member of the church witnesses the activity, that member has the responsibility of declaring the truth and leading this person back to the cross.

    My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins (James 5:19-20).

    Married couples can also become mentors to younger brides and grooms. Their relationship is designed to be an expression of the relationship between a person and his or her Savior, one in which there is grace, forgiveness, mercy, gentleness, loyalty, humility, generosity, trustworthiness, and so on.

    Marriage is a great friendship, and the Bible has a lot to say about it, but much of what is written is taken out of context or overlooked in the modern world, leading to the proliferation of damaging lies. Here are five myths about biblical marriage.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Anchiy

    Candice Lucey

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  • 5 Ways to Add Sunshine to Someone’s Life

    5 Ways to Add Sunshine to Someone’s Life

    All of us need a little bit of sunshine in our lives each day. Oftentimes, we think we cannot add sunshine into someone’s life unless we are also happy, full of joy, and beaming.

    This isn’t true, as we can often add sunshine into other people’s lives while we are struggling with something ourselves. As someone who struggles with depression, I can still add sunshine to someone’s life even if I might feel like a storm cloud, and you can, too.

    1. Grab a Coffee or Tea with Them

    One way to add sunshine into someone’s life is to take them out for coffee or tea. This small gesture can make your friend feel appreciated and cared about. Most people enjoy coffee or tea and by spending time with them, you will be adding some sunshine into their life.

    Even just having a small conversation with them as you enjoy your beverages can make a world of difference to someone.

    Even if your friend doesn’t appear to be struggling, it doesn’t mean they aren’t. It could be that they are hiding their feelings and emotions for the purpose of not feeling like a burden. Your friend is your friend for a reason, and it is good to be there for them.

    In fact, since you are their friend, you should be able to tell when they are feeling down or need some encouragement in their life.

    Whenever you notice a change in their tone, a gap in between your messages, or them becoming more distant, it is time to add a little sunshine to their life and reach out to them.

    2. Plan an Event to Do with Them

    A second way to add sunshine to someone’s life is to plan an event to do with them. This can be anything from taking a walk around a park or going to see a movie. Whatever your friend enjoys or likes to do is what you should consider doing.

    Since you are seeking to add sunshine to their life, avoid picking something that only you want to do. Be selfless and choose to do something that interests them.

    Maybe your friend enjoys painting, then take them to an art center or paint a picture with them. It could be that your friend enjoys reading. Take them to a bookstore or start a book club with them.

    All of these small acts of sunshine can really brighten your friend’s day and know that they are cared about. If you choose to do the opposite and avoid planning an event with them or spending time with them, it could make them feel even more down or as though they don’t matter.

    3. Have a Real Conversation with Them

    A third way to add sunshine to someone’s life is to have a real conversation with them. What I mean by this is that you need to have a raw conversation and be genuine in your feelings. Avoid small talk and choose to talk about the things that matter.

    If your friend is struggling, it is highly possible they have a lot of things they want to talk about. It is best to let them talk and truly listen to them. Don’t minimize their feelings and don’t act as though their emotions are invalid.

    The worst thing you could do is invalidate the feelings of your friend. This will only cause them to become more distant from you or choose to keep you on the surface level.

    Once you have been placed on the surface level, it can be hard for your friend to let you back in again. Since they saw you minimized and invalidated their feelings, they are not going to be open to sharing their feelings again.

    As human beings, we tend to only share our deep feelings with those who care. If someone proves to us that our feelings don’t matter, we are not going to make the same mistake again of sharing our feelings with them.

    For many people, this one-time instance of someone minimizing and invalidating their feelings could cause them to continue to push down their emotions. It can be hard to deal with emotions as an individual once we start pushing them down and burying them deep.

    4. Buy Them a Gift

    A fourth way to add sunshine to someone’s life is to buy them a gift. Some people might feel really cared about and loved when someone buys them a gift. Especially for those who have the love language of gifts, it can really make their day by gifting them with a present.

    When you choose a present for them, think uniquely. Don’t get them something that is basic, such as a water bottle or a pair of slippers. If you are truly their friend, you should know what kind of things they like and what interests them.

    Maybe if your friend loves dolphins, buy them a plush dolphin, a notebook with dolphins on it, or a necklace that has a dolphin design on it. When you pick out something that is unique to them, it can make them feel much more cared about and add sunshine to their life.

    If you wanted, you could also include a handwritten note to brighten their day attached to their gift. This will be going the extra mile and will help them feel even more cared about.

    As the person trying to bring sunshine into someone’s life, this can really help them and bring them out of a dark place.

    5. Be There for Them

    A fifth way to add sunshine to someone’s life is to be there for them. When I say to be there for them, I mean truly be there for them. Don’t just sit there and not pay attention to what they are saying.

    Be intentional about listening and making sure your friend knows that they matter. Even if you might have had a long day, give your full attention to your friend and be there for them.

    Listen to them and let them know through your words as well as your actions that you are there for them. If you are fake or don’t truly mean what you are saying, your friend will be able to tell.

    Most people can tell when someone is only pretending to care about them. Being there for them means being there during the good and the bad times. It is often during the bad times that your friends need you the most.

    You can add a ray of sunshine into your friend’s day by genuinely being there for them. Call them, send them a text, or meet them in person. Go out of your way to show them that they matter to you.

    True friends are there for each other and they don’t see brightening their day as an inconvenience. If you are having a hard time allotting time for your friend, it could be you are not being a good friend to them.

    If this is true, work on being a real friend and then try to start bringing sunshine into their day. One has to earn trust with their friend before they can start brightening their day.

    In time, your friend will be able to see that you care for them, and they will appreciate you going the extra mile to make them smile. Be there for them truly, and you are sure to be a source of sunshine in their day.

    For further reading:

    o-celebrate-your-loved-ones.html”>5 Ways to Celebrate Your Loved Ones

    Prayer for Friends: Pray for Strength and Healing of Friends

    How to Be Wise When Choosing Your Friends

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/eclipse_images

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    So when sin is not being confronted, or even viewed as sin at all, it’s time to address it with the hope of gently helping to restore believers caught in its web. Here are 10 sins that often go overlooked in Christian community.

    Stock Footage & Music Courtesy of Soundstripe.com Thumbnail by Getty Images

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

    Vivian Bricker

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  • 5 Scriptures That Differentiate Between Effective and Ineffective Communication

    5 Scriptures That Differentiate Between Effective and Ineffective Communication

    As babies, we learn to communicate as we take in all different types of communication, both written and verbal. Our parents are the biggest example of good communication versus bad communication at that stage. As we get older, we learn to use both spoken words and nonverbal communication (including gestures) to communicate to the world around us. As we get to be adults, however, that becomes more difficult than ever. We must evaluate what’s being said, but also the interpretation of what’s being said. It’s through the interpretation that we often make mistakes, and conflict sometimes results. 

    Communication allows people to express their thoughts and feelings freely. It is also appropriate communication when the receiver interprets it properly. Communication is more difficult because what we think we hear, we filter through biases that result from unprocessed trauma, wounds, and pain from our past. When we filter our communication through these lenses, it makes it more difficult to understand what the communicator is really trying to say. 

    As Christians, this can get muddy, especially in the church setting. People hear what they want to hear, and in so doing, can often create unnecessary conflicts. I have been embroiled in several conflicts due to miscommunication or misunderstanding between the giver and the receiver. Sometimes, I was able to resolve it; other times, I was not able to resolve it. After each incident, I learned the importance of asking for help when it comes to communicating feelings clearly and not allowing unprocessed pain to stain my ability to love others the way Christ loves them. I am still a work in progress. 

    Scripture helps us differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate communication. As a communications major, I studied different types of communication: both the importance of verbal—what is being said—and non-verbal, including gestures, body language, and tone. These elements of communication are critical to evaluate when it comes to determining whether something that was communicated is appropriate. Most importantly, the receiver needs to evaluate their feelings after a communication exchange. If they feel uncomfortable, it’s possible it was inappropriate. Here are some ways through the Bible to be able to differentiate between effective and ineffective communication:

    First, Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Communication doesn’t begin with what comes out of the mouth but rather what is thought in the head. Gone unchecked, incorrect thoughts can turn into Satan’s lies. These thoughts can affect how we perceive and understand communication. It is important to think about things in our lives that align with scripture. If you’re unsure how you should think in regard to Scripture, start with the promises of God. God sees us as his children. He loves us. Because of grace, we are no longer under the law. All our sins we’ve done or ever will do are covered under Christ’s blood and shed on the cross. Therefore, if we ask for forgiveness and repent from our behavior, God will, in turn, forgive our sins and cover those sins under his blood. 

    Second, Romans 12:2 tells us to “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will.” This is important because if we’re not renewing our minds with the truth of God’s word and allowing those lies to go unchecked, they will hamper how we communicate with others. This is where prayer is so important. In situations where accountability is needed, it is important to check what you’re about to say with someone else. Allowing someone else to hear our thoughts (whether written or spoken) will help us understand what the receiver is truly hearing. Although there is a level of perception that we cannot change, we can certainly check to see if the words we say will benefit the person or cause further conflict. 

    Third, Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Although there are times when we cause discouragement in others’ hearts, our communication should be encouraging for the process of building people up, rather than tearing them down. If someone hurts us, for example, it is important to take that to the Lord in prayer rather than hurt the person with our words. Taking it to God in prayer and forgiving that person will help us to see that person clearly and therefore not allow communication to build positive relationships to continue. 

    Fourth, Ephesians 4:15 says, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” This 

    is where churches miss out on spiritual growth. Many people slip into Sunday service, sing the songs, listen to the sermon, and slip out without ever having any accountability as to how to apply it to their lives. Small groups are an option rather than a requirement, and people are not held accountable for their actions towards others. If we love others, we must speak the truth. However, this does not give us permission to speak however we want or assassinate someone’s character. This is not what Jesus meant for us to do. Leaders need to make sure their souls are healthy before they handle any communication issues. We see through our own biases they may do more harm than good by resolving our own pain and wounds to deal with the situation as diplomatically as possible. 

    Fifth, we should always demonstrate the fruits of the spirit. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” We need to exemplify the fruits of the spirit. Ephesians 5: 22-23 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.” As we seek to see more of the Holy Spirit in our lives and ask him to fill us every day, we will treat others with the fruits of the spirit, including kindness and gentleness. We will not speak out of our own pain or woundedness but rather speak to people out of the love of Christ. When we love others the way Christ loves us and are driven by the fruits of the spirit, our communication will always be beneficial and appropriate rather than harsh and inappropriate. 

    It is difficult to differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate communication. However, the Bible gives us a great pathway to understand what it means to speak for the benefit of the receiver. Although there are some areas that we cannot control, we can do our best to make sure we follow the guidelines outlined in Scripture so that every word that comes out of our mouth will reflect the Christlike character God wants for us. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PrathanChorruangsak 

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    So when sin is not being confronted, or even viewed as sin at all, it’s time to address it with the hope of gently helping to restore believers caught in its web. Here are 10 sins that often go overlooked in Christian community.

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  • How Does Forgiveness Strengthen Marriage?

    How Does Forgiveness Strengthen Marriage?

    Forgiveness is a fundamental means of maintaining and restoring harmony and unity within a marriage. Spouses will inevitably hurt or offend each other at some point in their journey together. These offenses, whether major or minor, can create a rift between partners if not addressed. So, forgiveness acts as the bridge that spans this divide, allowing couples to mend their wounds and move forward together in love and understanding.

    The Bible considers forgiveness a virtue that Christians should practice. One of the most well-known passages regarding forgiveness is in the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6:12, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” This verse highlights the reciprocal nature of forgiveness; it implies that as we seek forgiveness from God, we should also extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us. 

    This principle applies directly to marital relationships, where spouses should forgive each other as they seek forgiveness from God. Ephesians 4:32 further reinforces this idea: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” 

    Forgiveness also aligns with love, as mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5: “Charity suffereth long and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, does not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.” In marriage, this means that love is patient, slow to anger, quick to forgive, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Practicing forgiveness is a manifestation of the love that God expects in a marital relationship.

    In other words, forgiveness in marriage is more than a practical strategy to maintain peace; it is a reflection of the Christian duty to forgive as we have been forgiven by God. By embracing forgiveness, couples can nurture love, unity, and spiritual growth within their marriage.

    The Role of Forgiveness in Strengthening Marriages

    Forgiveness plays a profound role in fostering empathy and understanding between spouses within the context of marriage. 

    Forgiveness paves the way for open and honest communication between spouses. When one partner forgives the other, it creates an environment where they both feel safe to express their feelings and concerns. This leads to greater empathy as each partner gains insight into the other’s perspective and emotions.

    As spouses forgive and seek reconciliation, they often share their vulnerabilities and insecurities. This vulnerability can lead to a deep sense of empathy as both partners become aware of each other’s weaknesses and fears. This shared vulnerability fosters a more profound understanding of each other’s struggles.

    Holding onto grudges and resentments can build emotional walls between spouses. These walls hinder true understanding and connection. Forgiveness, however, breaks down these barriers, allowing spouses to see each other’s authentic selves. This transparency leads to increased empathy as they witness each other’s humanity.

    Forgiveness often accompanies personal growth and transformation. When spouses forgive and are forgiven, they have the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and make positive changes. Witnessing this growth in each other can enhance empathy, as both partners appreciate the efforts to become better individuals and spouses.

    Forgiveness is acknowledging that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. When spouses forgive each other, they extend empathy for each other’s human weaknesses and imperfections. This shared empathy can deepen their bond as they understand that they are on a journey of growth together.

    Trust is a fundamental component of any marriage. Forgiveness is closely tied to rebuilding trust. When one spouse forgives the other, it signifies a willingness to trust again. This act of trust boosts empathy, as both partners understand the importance of rebuilding and maintaining trust within the relationship.

    Forgiveness also creates an emotional connection that goes beyond words. It involves actions and gestures that demonstrate care and concern. These acts of love and compassion contribute to a deeper emotional bond between spouses. It plays a pivotal role in breaking the cycle of negative patterns and arguments within a marriage.

    Practical Steps Towards Practicing Forgiveness

    Developing a forgiving attitude in a marriage is a crucial endeavor that requires intentional effort and commitment. Here are some strategies that couples can employ to nurture forgiveness in their relationship:

    Regular Communication: Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a healthy and forgiving marriage. Couples should make it a habit to discuss their feelings, concerns, and grievances with each other. This includes addressing issues promptly rather than letting them fester. When both partners are willing to listen and express themselves respectfully, misunderstandings can be clarified, and forgiveness can be more readily extended.

    Active Listening: Active listening is an essential skill in promoting forgiveness. When one spouse is sharing their feelings or concerns, the other should listen attentively without interrupting or immediately offering solutions. Instead, focus on understanding your partner’s perspective, empathizing with their emotions, and validating their feelings. Active listening creates an environment where both spouses feel heard and valued, reducing the likelihood of escalated conflicts.

    Practicing Empathy: Empathy is a powerful tool for fostering forgiveness. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and try to understand their emotions and motivations. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and has moments of weakness. By empathizing with your partner’s humanity, you can find it easier to forgive their shortcomings.

    Setting Boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries within the marriage can prevent recurring conflicts. Clearly define acceptable behavior and expectations, and communicate them to your spouse. When both partners respect these boundaries, it reduces the likelihood of hurtful actions that require forgiveness.

    Seeking Professional Guidance: Sometimes, the challenges within a marriage may be too complex to resolve independently. In such cases, seeking the assistance of a qualified marriage counselor, a therapist, and your pastor is a wise decision. Professional guidance can provide valuable insights, teach effective communication skills, and offer strategies for forgiveness and conflict resolution. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength and commitment to the marriage.

    Prayer and Spiritual Guidance: Prayer and seeking spiritual guidance can be particularly impactful. Praying together for guidance, wisdom, and a forgiving spirit can strengthen the spiritual bond and reinforce the importance of forgiveness within the marriage. Reading and meditating on relevant Bible verses, such as Colossians 3:13, “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man quarrels any; even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye,” can serve as a source of inspiration and guidance.

    Reflecting on Personal Growth: Encourage both partners to engage in self-reflection and personal growth. Encourage each other to learn from past mistakes and strive for improvement. A commitment to personal growth can reduce the likelihood of repeated offenses and promote forgiveness as part of the journey toward becoming better spouses and individuals.

    I assure you that by implementing these strategies, couples can create a forgiving and harmonious marital environment that aligns with Christ’s principles and values.

    The Ripple Effect of Forgiveness

    Forgiveness is a virtue that extends far beyond the boundaries of the marital relationship, reaching into the lives of children and other family members and serving as a powerful example that can profoundly influence their behavior and values.

    When spouses demonstrate forgiveness within their marriage, they create a nurturing and harmonious environment that directly impacts their children. Children are highly perceptive and learn from observing the actions and behaviors of their parents. When they witness their parents forgiving each other’s mistakes and offenses, they absorb the importance of forgiveness as a constructive way to address conflicts and maintain loving relationships.

    This example of forgiveness also helps children develop emotional intelligence and conflict-resolution skills. They learn that it is acceptable to make mistakes and that reconciliation and forgiveness are healthy ways to repair relationships. This not only benefits their future relationships but also contributes to their overall emotional well-being.

    Moreover, the impact of forgiveness within a family extends to other family members such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. When they see forgiveness as a central tenet of the family, it fosters a culture of compassion and unity. Disagreements and conflicts will inevitably arise in extended families, but the practice of forgiveness promotes reconciliation, ensuring that family bonds remain strong and unbroken.

    Embrace forgiveness as a daily practice, not just a reaction to conflicts. Make it a part of your marital foundation, woven into the fabric of your relationship. As you do so, you will find that it has the power to mend wounds, strengthen your love, and lead you to a more profound connection with your spouse.

    Make forgiveness the cornerstone of your marriage, a source of hope, and a testament to the enduring power of love. Embrace it wholeheartedly, and may your marital journey be filled with the beauty of reconciliation, unity, and the unwavering love that God intended for couples.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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  • 10 Relevant Lessons Job Has about Relationships

    10 Relevant Lessons Job Has about Relationships

    Relationships are complicated. People are complicated. When approaching friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers, it involves a lot of unstated politicking that even for the most extroverted person can be challenging. While the Bible is not a book about etiquette or the ins and outs of interpersonal behavior, there are examples in the Bible of real people who exhibited healthy and unhealthy relationships that can serve as a guide for navigating difficult situations.

    One of the most unique places to glean that kind of information is from the experiences of Job. In it, there are several layers of stated and unstated cultural, religious, and personal dynamics at play in their conversations that can help people learn how to navigate their own complicated relationships after careful study.

    The Players

    Job: A father, a husband, an intercessor to God for others. Experiences great loss due to circumstances outside of his control, confronted by people he used to intercede for, accusing him of bad behavior.

    Job’s Wife: A mother and wife. Expresses anger at her husband for his behavior as he grieves.

    Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar: Job’s three friends. Implied Job had served as intercessor before God on their behalf.

    Elihu: Accompanied Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar to comfort Job. Younger than the other men.

    God: Their creator, the one whose characteristics are ultimately debated by the men.

    10 Lessons about Relationships in the Book of Job

    1. Everyone Grieves Differently

    After the loss of his children, his crops, and his livestock, Job enters a period of deep grieving in which he practices traditional mourning for his culture. His wife does not, rather she condemns Job’s behavior and exhibits anger at God.

    Everyone copes with hardship differently, and it is not appropriate to expect universal reactions to difficulties.

    “Then his wife said to him, ‘Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die’” (Job 2:9).

    2. It Is Good to Grieve with Others

    When Job’s four friends heard about his loss, they came out to support him. Sometimes the best way to support is in strong silence, sometimes to cry with someone, sometimes to bring words of encouragement. Understanding what’s appropriate in the moment can be difficult, but it is always worth it to bring comfort.

    “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great” (Job 2:11-13).

    3. Sometimes People Mean Well, but They Say Hurtful Things in Ignorance

    When Job’s friends tried to coax him out of his depression, they tried to convince him there must be some reason God would punish Job. Early on, they say things intended to be prudent and helpful, but the reader knows these things are not true, which only serve to further cause a rift between the friends and Job.

    “If your children have sinned against him, he has delivered them into the hand of their transgression” (Job 8:4).

    4. Many People Are Fair-Weather Friends

    As the discourse continues, Job reveals that he used to have more friends, but they have turned against him because of the tragedies in his life and his subsequent mourning. They believed God is punishing him, and that he deserved it. When Job had land, influence, power, and outward manifestations of God’s favor, people loved him. When it appeared God had removed His favor, though He had not, people turned on Job. This behavior has proved common throughout history.

    “I am a laughingstock to my friends; I, who called to God and he answered me, a just and blameless man, am a laughingstock” (Job 12:4).

    5. Some People Will Always Take Disagreement as a Personal Attack

    At several points, it seems that what aggravates Job’s friends is that he is not agreeing to their points. They make cutting and personal attacks, as if Job’s disagreements are because he thinks they’re stupid, rather than entertaining the possibility they may be incorrect in their assessment of the situation.

    “Why are we counted as cattle? Why are we stupid in your sight?” (Job 18:3).

    6. Knowing When to Stop a Conversation Is Important

    Sometimes the best thing to do between two people, especially if they’re close, is to know when to put a pause in a heated disagreement. At several points Job pleads with his friends to stop trying to get him to confess to sins he didn’t commit. This man was already suffering deeply from loss, and their relentless attacks were wearing him down, not helping him, and creating further tension. It was also serving to kick him while he was down.

    “Have mercy on me, have mercy on me, O you my friends, for the hand of God has touched me! Why do you, like God, pursue me? Why are you not satisfied with my flesh?” (Job 19:21-22).

    7. Sometimes We Have False Friends, or People Who Look for Reasons to Tear Us Down

    Eliphaz gets so exasperated with Job that he eventually accuses him of all manner of wicked behavior which the reader knows is false, because God affirmed Job’s righteousness at the beginning of the text. While Eliphaz does not know what went on in Heaven, he does know that Job was not injuring widows, extorting people, or withholding charity, but he accused him anyway.

    “Is not your evil abundant? There is no end to your iniquities. For you have exacted pledges of your brothers for nothing and stripped the naked of their clothing…Therefore snares are all around you, and sudden terror overwhelms you, or darkness, so that you cannot see, and a flood of water covers you” (Job 22:5-11).

    8. Arguments Can Often Devolve into Useless Finger-Pointing

    When people allow a disagreement to continue, people have a tendency to stop making good, salient points and start making ad hominem attacks, blame-share, or bring up irrelevant points. Job and his three friends who have been speaking up until this point all do this the further into the dialogue they get.

    “Therefore snares are all around you, and sudden terror overwhelms you, or darkness, so that you cannot see, and a flood of water covers you” (Job 26:2-4).

    9. It Is Good to Respect Our Elders, but Be Willing to Voice the Truth When Appropriate

    Historically and in contemporary times, there are many cultures where younger individuals defer to their elders and try not to publicly contradict them, out of respect. Job’s friend Elihu was younger than everyone else, but he saw the foolishness and divisiveness and stepped up to assert God’s truth and chastise his elders for their inappropriate conduct. He saw Job being self-righteous, and the other three making false accusations. They were unable to argue with Job’s bad mentality because they suffered the same sin. 

    “I am young in years, and you are aged; therefore I was timid and afraid to declare my opinion to you” (Job 32:6b).

    10. Man’s Relationship with God Is Separated by Sin

    People cannot have a direct relationship with God in their natural states. Elihu reminds Job, their friends, and by extension the reader that they are sinners in need of forgiveness in order to have a right relationship with God. We are reminded of this daily by the difficulties of life.

    “Man is also rebuked with pain on his bed and with continual strife in his bones, so that his life loathes bread, and his appetite the choicest food. His flesh is so wasted away that it cannot be seen, and his bones that were not seen stick out. His soul draws near the pit, and his life to those who bring death” (Job 33:19-22).

    Eventually God stepped in, correcting Job, rebuking Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar, and creating a path for all four men to reconcile with Himself and with one another. The final lesson from the Book of Job about relationships is this: pursuing reconciliation with one another is an extension of being reconciled with God. In order to have a right relationship with Him, people can put their faith in Jesus Christ, our ultimate mediator.

    Sources

    Chesterton, G.K. Introduction to the Book of Job. Ravenio Books.

    Hartley, Joh. The Book of Job. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1988.

    McGee, J. Vernon. Job. Nashville: Thomas Nelson. 1995. 

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/KTStock

    Bethany Verrett is a freelance writer who uses her passion for God, reading, and writing to glorify God. She and her husband have lived all over the country serving their Lord and Savior in ministry. She has a blog on graceandgrowing.com.

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  • 9 Ways to Make Your Marriage Last a Lifetime

    9 Ways to Make Your Marriage Last a Lifetime

    “God created marriage. No government subcommittee envisioned it. No social organization developed it. Marriage was conceived and born in the mind of God” (Max Lucado).

    Marriage between a man and a woman is God’s joyful and valuable gift. The love between a man and a woman is irreplaceable and is a challenging yet wonderful gift of life on earth. Marriage may seem like a Lego project without instructions.

    But, God’s plan, complete with instructions, will make marriage last a lifetime. Since it’s His idea, being bone of bone, equal before God, and each carrying unique attributes of our Creator, we are declared “one flesh” (Genesis 3:23-24).

    One of the first words a toddler learns is “no.” “Mine.” Human nature tells us sex is free to share without the bonds of marriage.

    Although human nature is self-centered, God’s is selfless, grace-giving, and merciful. A successful marriage calls us to emulate God’s love, and sacrifice, as Jesus did for us. God’s principles applied reap powerful rewards.

    God designed Eden to be a perfect, pristine place for Adam and Eve and provided everything needed to share a lifetime together.

    Adam and Eve were driven away from God’s care because of Satan’s deception and their prideful decision to ignore God’s love. As always, self-pride, thinking we are smarter than God, leads to a fall (Proverbs 16:18).

    God’s established boundaries for our safety and freedom. The world says you can become your own god. You’re smart. You know what is best. Put yourself first and obtain what you desire.

    But, in God’s economy, we are to serve others first and “in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

    Throughout Scripture, the selfless way Jesus loved the Church and gave Himself for her is the prime example of marriage and an ideal to live up to. God wouldn’t have told us to aim for it if it weren’t possible.

    Although “the heart is deceitfully wicked” (Jeremiah 17:9), God is the One who changes hearts and gives the strength to become what we think may seem impossible.

    We can expect God’s help to lay down selfishness and pride. Selfishness and anger of quarreling lead to separations that break vows and hearts.

    Growing in God’s love and grace will enhance self-control and forgiveness, the fruit of a lifelong marriage. The Holy Spirit transforms selfishness and pride into righteousness, emulating the nature of Jesus (Galatians 5:22-23). When we love Jesus more, we grow to love our spouse more.

    We just celebrated our 54th year of marriage. The most significant “tool” that has shaped our lives is Scripture. Applying God’s Word strengthens our ability to serve each other as we grow in understanding and generosity of spirit.

    By God’s grace, and with His principles for life and love, these few practical aspects have worked on building a lifetime marriage.

    1. Go to Bed Together

    In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat — for he grants sleep to those he loves (Psalm 127:2).

    This is a crucial moment for intimacy. A wise woman gave me this advice early in marriage.

    God’s gift of marriage is a sacred covenant that enjoys the deepest bonds, even when we don’t feel like it. Giving to the other, from either spouse, is an act of love.

    2. Pray Together Every Night

    “For where two or three have gathered in My name, I am there in their midst” (Matthew 18:20).

    Prayer builds a strong bond in marriage. Praying was a significant part of life, but we didn’t pray together at bedtime until we were co-pastoring a difficult church.

    Then, the bedtime praying built a new strength of encouragement, direction, and wisdom. Today, we continue our bedtime prayer together.

    We name each family member, from our sons to our great-grandson. We also include friends, churches, missionaries, and more.

    3. Do What God Says to Do

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

    If we did what these four love verses entail, marriages would thrive. Feelings are often fickle and are not good leaders. They need to be trained by God’s truth that sets the boundaries of behavior, curbs appetites, and turns selfishness into serving.

    Obeying God’s commands and principles enables us to “put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:24).

    4. Be Generous Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

    “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Luke 6:38).

    Learning to be generous towards your spouse’s needs before your own will add many deposits to your love bank. God’s principle of generosity never falls short of rewards.

    5. Deal Quickly with Anger and Quickly Forgive

    Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Colossians 3:13).

    “Do everything without complaining or arguing…” (Colossians 1:14).

    Don’t let anger take root (Ephesians 4:26). The relationship is more important than the quarrel which reveals our own selfishness. “Why do you fight and argue among yourselves? Isn’t it because of your sinful desires? They fight within you” (James 4:1-2).

    Avoid the silent treatment, which is harmful and doesn’t resolve the conflict. Learn when your spouse is open to conversations without the emotions or heat of anger.

    If there is no remedy, pray and ask for God’s help. He will. He “opposes those who are proud, but gives grace to those who are humble” (James 4:6).

    Ruth Bell Graham said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

    6. Remember to Say Please and Thank You

    Let your speech always be with grace (Colossians 4:6).

    My husband says thank you so often. Those two words are keys to grace-filled conversations. Sugar goes a lot farther than vinegar. Thankful people are cheerful people.

    7. Be Grateful

    “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you…” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

    A thankful heart goes a long way. Being grateful for your blessings can shift your perspective from wanting more to acknowledging God’s work and gifts in your life.

    8. Laugh Often

    A cheerful heart is good medicine (Proverbs 17:22).

    In the most unexpected times, John makes me laugh. I complimented a green shirt that brought out the color of his hazel eyes.

    When I bought an apricot-colored shirt, he tried it on and said, “It matches my eyes.” I looked puzzled, but he explained, “You say a shirt brings out my eye color?” I just giggled. Life is short. Laugh every day.

    9. Don’t Criticize

    There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18, NASB).

    Being redemptive in motives and conversations rather than critical strengthens the marriage bond. Criticism often arises from my selfishness at work rather than thinking of him.

    We are all unique, with unique skills and gifts. Encouragement towards Christlikeness can replace attempts to change one’s spouse.

    A gentle conversation can tackle issues of difference without the heat. James 3:8 says the tongue is “full of deadly poison.” Our words can honor Christ or hurt like a sword.

    Words wound or heal. When it is unkind or mean, it can’t be recalled. So, we must guard our tongues and bite them if needed.

    Why Does This Matter?

    Many of God’s principles take work and effort. They may seem impossible to achieve. However, with the Holy Spirit’s help and guidance, we can develop deeper love, become less self-centered, and honor God by our behavior and words.

    God’s principles work! He is perfect and knows what is best in relationships since He’s the Author of love. Implementing His commands reaps success.

    When we cannot measure up to love like Jesus, God continues to help us. The Holy Spirit convicts, corrects, comforts, and instructs us as we yield.

    God promises success in everything in life when we obey His Word and live out His principles (Joshua 1:8). Marriage is God’s idea, and He will help us achieve a marriage that lasts a lifetime, especially when we are addicted to His Word and do what He says.

    For further reading:

    Building a Stro

    ng Marriage: How Humility Leads to Unity and Safety

    Building a Strong Foundation: 6 Divine Callings for Every Marriage

    What Is the Biblical Definition of Marriage?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/CherriesJD

    Judy McEachran loves to worship the Author of life and love. She is an ordained pastor and gifted musician who writes and speaks to encourage believers. She pastored churches in the Midwest and after retirement moved to Arizona. She is humbled not only by the gracious love of God but by her devoted husband, two sons, and ten grandchildren. You can visit her website at God Secrets that Impart Life. Find her music on YouTube. Judy’s natural musical giftings invite worshippers into the presence of the Lord.

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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  • Increasing Intimacy: Strengthening Emotional Bonds in Marriage

    Increasing Intimacy: Strengthening Emotional Bonds in Marriage

    Emotional intimacy plays a pivotal role in nurturing a strong, Christ-centered marital bond. It’s more than just a feeling; it’s a deep connection that allows spouses to share their innermost thoughts, fears, and joys, fostering an environment of trust and love that reflects the teachings of Christ.

    Ephesians 5:25-28 says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it… So ought men to love their wives as much as their bodies? He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” This underscores the importance of husbands nurturing emotional intimacy by sacrificially loving their wives, mirroring Christ’s love for the church.

    Similarly, Colossians 3:19 advises husbands to “love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” This verse emphasizes the need for husbands to maintain emotional openness and refrain from harboring negative emotions that can hinder intimacy.

    For wives, Proverbs 31:11 speaks to their role in nurturing emotional intimacy: “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall not need spoil.” This verse highlights the importance of trust in marriage, a foundational element of emotional intimacy.

    To cultivate emotional intimacy, couples must engage in open and honest communication, sharing their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. They should actively listen to one another, offering support, empathy, and encouragement. This mirrors the biblical principle of bearing each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).

    Moreover, praying together as a couple deepens emotional intimacy by inviting God into the marriage. Matthew 18:20 reminds us, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” This shared spiritual journey strengthens the marital bond.

    Forgiveness is another vital aspect of emotional intimacy, echoing Christ’s teachings about forgiving others. Ephesians 4:32 instructs, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” When couples forgive each other, they create an atmosphere of grace and reconciliation.

    My Take 

    From a Christian standpoint, the concept of emotional intimacy aligns with the principles of love, compassion, and empathy that are at the core of Christ’s teachings. The Bible emphasizes the importance of love in various aspects of life, including marriage.

    My understanding of emotional intimacy in a Christian marriage is grounded in the belief that it’s a reflection of the selfless and sacrificial love exemplified by Jesus Christ. It involves a deep connection where spouses genuinely care for each other’s emotional well-being, just as Christ cares for His followers.

    One of the key aspects of this understanding is the idea that emotional intimacy in marriage is not solely about receiving love but also about giving it selflessly. This echoes Christ’s commandment to “love one another as I have loved you” (John 13:34). In a Christian marriage, emotional intimacy is nurtured by both partners seeking to love and serve each other.

    Emotional intimacy in a Christian marriage is a safe space where couples can be vulnerable, just as we are called to be transparent before God. This vulnerability allows spouses to share their fears, insecurities, and joys, knowing that they will be met with understanding, compassion, and support, much like our relationship with God.

    In essence, emotional intimacy in a Christian marriage involves aligning one’s actions and attitudes with the biblical principles of love, forgiveness, humility, and selflessness. It’s about creating a partnership where both spouses continuously seek to grow together in their faith, supporting each other on their spiritual journeys and reflecting the love of Christ in their interactions.

    Opening Up to Your Spouse Is an Act of Trust

    Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but rather a demonstration of profound trust and love. James 5:16 says, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.” This verse encourages believers to share their struggles and sins, highlighting the healing power of confession and vulnerability within the context of the Christian community.

    In marriage, vulnerability means being open and transparent with your spouse about your thoughts, feelings, fears, and desires. It’s an act of trust that says, “I trust you with my innermost self.” This vulnerability fosters a sense of safety and emotional closeness within the couple. 

    Overcoming Barriers to Intimacy

    Communication Barriers

    Nurturing effective and empathetic communication in a marriage is crucial for building and maintaining emotional intimacy. Effective communication is like the glue that holds a marriage together, and when infused with empathy, it reflects the teachings of Christ in how we relate to one another.

    You can nurture effective and empathetic communication in your marriage by actively listening to your spouse when they speak. This means giving them your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and showing genuine interest in what they’re saying.

    Try to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and understand their perspective. This empathetic approach can diffuse conflicts and strengthen emotional connections.

    Proverbs 18:21 states, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Be mindful of your words, ensuring they are gentle and edifying. Avoid hurtful language and instead speak words of encouragement and love.

    Also, praying together as a couple invites God’s presence into your conversations and can bring clarity and wisdom to difficult discussions.

    Colossians 3:13 reminds us to “forgive one another if any man has a quarrel against any.” When conflicts arise, be quick to forgive, just as God forgives us through Christ. Forgiveness is essential for maintaining a healthy communication environment.

    Instead of blaming or becoming defensive during disagreements, focus on addressing the issue together. Ephesians 4:31-32 advises, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice; And be ye kind one to another.”

    Past Wounds

    Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” This can be best approached by acknowledging past wounds and the pain they have caused. Open, honest, and empathetic communication is crucial here. Share your feelings with your spouse and encourage them to do the same.

    Turn to God in prayer to seek His guidance and strength in the process of forgiveness. Letting go of bitterness is essential for healing. Understand that forgiveness benefits both the forgiver and the forgiven.

    Busy Schedules

    Balancing busy schedules while prioritizing quality time in your marriage can be challenging but vital for maintaining emotional intimacy.

    Just as you schedule work meetings or appointments, schedule quality time with your spouse. Make it a non-negotiable part of your routine. This demonstrates your commitment to the relationship. And when spending quality time together, disconnect from digital devices and other distractions. Give your full attention to your spouse, which shows respect and love.

    Combine tasks or hobbies with quality time. For instance, you can cook a meal together, go for a walk, or attend a Bible study group as a couple. This way, you’re not only spending time together but also enriching your shared experiences.

    Learn to say no to commitments that may overwhelm your schedule. Prioritizing your marriage sometimes means saying no to other obligations. Divide household and family responsibilities equitably to free up time for each other. Teamwork in managing daily life can reduce stress and create more opportunities for connection.

    Fostering Emotional Intimacy 

    Building emotional intimacy in a Christian marriage can be achieved through various means, and two significant aspects are active listening and shared experiences. 

    Active Listening: Attentive and Respectful Listening as an Expression of Love

    Active listening involves not just hearing the words your spouse is saying but also understanding their emotions, feelings, and underlying needs. In a Christian marriage, active listening becomes an expression of love and respect for your spouse. When you actively listen, you create a safe space for them to share their thoughts, fears, and dreams without fear of judgment. 

    Active listening involves maintaining eye contact, nodding in acknowledgment, and asking clarifying questions to ensure you fully understand what your spouse is saying. It’s about showing empathy and validating their emotions, even if you may not agree with their perspective. This practice builds trust, deepens understanding, and fosters emotional closeness.

    Shared Experiences: Creating Memories That Strengthen the Bond

    Shared experiences play a crucial role in building emotional intimacy in a Christian marriage. These experiences create cherished memories that bind couples together and provide opportunities for growth and connection. 

    Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 captures this idea: “Two are better than one. For if they fall, the one will lift his fellow.” Shared experiences can range from simple activities like cooking together or going for walks to more significant events like attending church services, participating in volunteer work, or embarking on family vacations. The key is to engage in activities that promote togetherness and quality time.

    These shared experiences allow you to strengthen your emotional bond as you navigate life’s joys and challenges together. They provide opportunities for communication, laughter, and mutual support. Moreover, they create a sense of unity and shared purpose.

    Standing by Each Other in Challenges and Triumphs

    Mutual support is a cornerstone of emotional intimacy in a Christian marriage. It involves spouses being each other’s steadfast allies, not only during challenging times but also in moments of triumph. Spouses should be a source of encouragement and strength for one another, whether facing difficulties or celebrating achievements.

    It also means sharing the burdens of life and working together to overcome challenges. By being emotionally available and providing unwavering support, spouses can deepen their emotional intimacy, reflecting the love and compassion exemplified by Christ.

    Scriptural Guidance

    Scriptural guidance is an essential component of emotional intimacy in a Christian marriage. Couples can turn to scripture for guidance on how to love, forgive, and communicate effectively. 

    Incorporating scriptural guidance into daily life and decision-making can help couples navigate challenges and triumphs while deepening their emotional connection. It reinforces the idea that a Christian marriage is not solely a human endeavor but a partnership guided by God’s Word.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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  • Are You Looking for Approval from People?

    Are You Looking for Approval from People?

    The trap of seeking our self-worth in something, anything, outside of the Lord is one that we all fall into at one time or another. The lure of success and popularity is strong. The desire to be part of a group, to fit in, to be recognized as special sinks its claws into us at a young age and rarely lets go. As believers, we know that our value is in who God says we are – His children (Galatians 3:26, John 1:12) – but we may still get caught up in the cycle of looking for approval from others. When we find ourselves in this unhealthy and sinful pattern, we need to take steps to change our behavior. 

    We can be blind to our own faults, so we must test our thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:15) and behaviors to determine if we are focused on the approval of the Lord or the approval from others. Each of us must allow the Holy Spirit to guide us and correct us as needed (John 16:13). The way that you seek approval will look differently from how I seek approval, so we each have to be alert for individual indications that we are headed down this negative path. Keep an eye out for some of these “red flags” that may be signs that you are looking for approval from the wrong source: 

    When we repeatedly check for how many “likes” and comments our posts receive, we may be seeking approval from people. 

    When we sacrifice personal time to get a project done early just to please our supervisor, we may be seeking approval from people. 

    When we repeatedly look for reassurance from our friends and family that they think our choices are good ones, we may be seeking approval from people. 

    When we fish for compliments and are jealous when we hear others be complimented, we may be seeking approval from people. 

    When an acquaintance makes inappropriate jokes and we stay silent but feel ashamed, we may be seeking approval from people. 

    What Does the Bible Say?

    The Bible is clear that we are to seek our approval from God and not from people. Our Lord’s view of us is what matters, and He defines our worth. People are flawed and sinful and fickle. We will constantly be searching if we are looking for approval from man, but God, who does not change (Malachi 3:6, NIV), loves us fully. So much so that He sent His only Son to die for us. What other approval could we need?! Many Bible verses speak clearly on this topic, leaving no doubt that our worth is defined by our Heavenly Father, and seeking praise from people is not the path the Lord has for us. 

    “How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44, NIV).

    “Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on Him God the Father has placed His seal of approval” (John 6:27, NIV). 

    “Peter and the other apostles replied: ‘We must obey God rather than human beings!’” (Acts 5:29, NIV).

    “Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain” (1 Corinthians 15:58, NIV).

    “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:17, NIV). 

    “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving” (Colossians 3:23-24, NIV).

    “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10, NIV). 

    “Serve wholeheartedly as if you were serving the Lord, not people” (Ephesians 6:7, NIV). 

    “On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts” (1 Thessalonians 2:4, NIV).

    “We were not looking for praise from people, not from you or anyone else, even though as apostles of Christ we could have asserted our authority” (1 Thessalonians 2:6, NIV).

    What to Do About It?

    Now that we have identified some of the ways that we might be seeking approval from others and we understand what the Bible clearly says about it, we can take steps to eliminate this behavior. There are three main things we can do to grow closer to the Lord as we work to please Him and not people:

    Recognize

    To make changes, we must recognize the situations where we need the most help. We may need to bring in an accountability partner, remove social media from our phones, or make sure we pray immediately after receiving feedback or a compliment to offer our praise to the Lord and ground ourselves in the truth of His Word. As we grow in recognition of the areas in which we struggle the most, we can also begin to take preventive steps before specific situations arise to decrease the likelihood of falling into the approval trap. 

    Repent

    After we recognize the areas where we are seeking approval from others, we need to repent. Begin by admitting it to the Lord, knowing that He offers forgiveness (1 John 1:9, NIV). Then ask Him for help to get out of the alluring trap of desiring praise from others. We know that the Lord is our help (Psalm 121:2, NIV) and will provide what we ask of Him (Matthew 7:7, NIV, John 14:13-14, NIV). While we may continue to be tempted to find our self-worth in what others say about us, we know that God always provides us a way to endure our temptations (1 Corinthians 10:13, NIV) so pray to Him and ask Him to provide a way out!

    Read

    Intentionally begin your day by reading the Bible. Starting the day off with the Lord puts us on the right track from the beginning. When we have connected with God before anyone else, we are prioritizing Him and His view of us. Keeping the Lord first in your life will help you to seek His approval only. Reading some of the verses listed here can be a great reminder. Writing and displaying these biblical affirmations and truths where you will regularly see them is an easy way to take in the Word. Perhaps you want to put Post-it notes on your bathroom mirror or a small chalkboard next to the coffee pot. However you approach it, read biblical reminders of what God thinks about you and feel His love in your life! His approval of you, which has already been given, is the only approval that matters!

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes

    Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.

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  • 4 Ways to Cultivate Deeper Relationships with Other Christians

    4 Ways to Cultivate Deeper Relationships with Other Christians

    With all the laughter, smiles, and camaraderie I see day to day at church, the library, the grocery store, wherever, I struggle to believe that about 1 in 3 people suffers from loneliness. If anything, I seem to be the only one.

    Looking around, everyone else appears connected to family, friends, and more. But in this case, the statistics aren’t wrong. Dig a bit deeper, talk to some folks, do some research, and the truth becomes clear. We are lonely people.

    With the advent of technology, social media, the response to the recent pandemic, loneliness is high. Very high.

    And the reason I think I’m alone in loneliness is part of the reason many of us suffer. Loneliness is a problem we don’t acknowledge and thus, never resolve.

    When I think about Christian relationships, especially friendships, one verse always comes to mind. “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). Two people have the potential to bring out the best in one another. What a pleasant verse to consider when venturing to church every Sunday, or small group, or meeting a fellow Christian somewhere else in the world. The issue is that too often, another cultural norm manifests.

    People don’t mingle with strangers, they stick to those they know, and even then, conversations are kept to the surface. Nothing too deep, nothing too revealing. Otherwise, we risk being vulnerable. When someone asks, “How are you?” the answer is always the same, “Good.” And on impulse, you return the question, and they say the same thing. Every Sunday. Every time. Without fail.

    But you aren’t always doing good, and neither are they, and neither am I.

    How does iron sharpen iron when we aren’t honest with one another, or being more intentional and connecting on a deeper level? Instead of saying “Good,” we could say, “I’ve actually been feeling pretty lonely,” but such a response is too open, too honest, too awkward.

    This is one of the issues plaguing the church and our society as a whole. today. From scandals, to political conflict, to dating, we struggle to understand one another because we struggle to communicate.

    As Christians, we say that we’re committed to living like Christ, but without meaningful connections, how much faith are we actually showing?

    Let’s try a different approach. Here are four ways we can cultivate deeper relationships with other Christians.

    1. Be Intentional

    “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” (James 1:19)

    The reason many Christians fall into the lie of saying, “I’m good,” in response to, “How are you?” is because we’re being unintentional. We’re going through the motions of being polite without being real. No relationship can develop depth without being real.

    Here’s what we do instead – be specific instead of generic. Don’t ask someone how they’re doing that day. Ask them about something specific that relates to them. Work. Family. Hobbies. Goals. Even better, follow up on a topic that they’ve shared before.

    Don’t you appreciate it when people remember important dates or events in your life? Other people appreciate the same. Show them how much you care and watch the relationship grow.

    2. Prioritize the Other Person

    “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)

    Many of us can name at least one person we try to avoid, not because they’re mean, but because they make every conversation about them. Every conversation.

    Listening is a great way of serving others, but if you’re like me, never getting a chance to talk about yourself can be draining. Moreover, you start to get the impression that you’re more of a tool than someone that they actually care about. Or maybe you are that person that makes most conversations about you.

    If relationships are going to be mutual, both people need to be seen as important. Enter into conversations not eager to talk about what you did over the weekend, but focus instead on the other person. And don’t go tit for tat every time they say something either. Instead, ask follow-up questions and delay talking about yourself. You’ll feel great for serving the other person and will feel happy once you see that same behavior mirrored for you.

    Prioritize the other person, but not to their detriment or yours.

    3. Be Vulnerable

    “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect.” (James 5:16)

    Choosing to be vulnerable with someone allows for trust to grow. Within any relationship, some trust is given at the start, but the rest is earned. By being vulnerable, you give someone the opportunity to prove themselves (or not), which means potentially cultivating a deeper relationship.

    This doesn’t always pay off, but despite some people sinning against us, that doesn’t mean everyone would treat us the same way. Eventually, someone will show us the love we deserve as image-bearers of God.

    4. Abide by the Golden Rule

    “Therefore, whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12)

    When thinking about ways to deepen our relationships with fellow Christians, the easiest thing to do is consider what’s important to us in a relationship. What would we want someone to do for us as a friend, lover, or relative? Whatever the answer, we should do those same things for others.

    Want people to ask about things important to you? Do the same for them.

    Want people to listen to you? Do the same for them.

    The Golden rule is a great guide for managing any and all relationships.

    Conclusion

    If we are to consider the church a family and talk so much about loving one another, then we need to ensure we’re living this out as best we can. Our love will never meet the ideal, but where there is room for improvement, we can always strive to be better. And the deeper our commitment to one another, the less pervasive loneliness will ever be.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/ Maskot 

    Aaron D’Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes work to iBelieve, Crosswalk, and supports various clients through the platform Upwork. He’s an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo. Check out his short story “Serenity.”

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    So when sin is not being confronted, or even viewed as sin at all, it’s time to address it with the hope of gently helping to restore believers caught in its web.

    Here are 10 sins that often go overlooked in Christian community.

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    Aaron D’Anthony Brown

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  • 9 Proverbs for Your Family to Memorize This School Year

    9 Proverbs for Your Family to Memorize This School Year

    A couple of years ago, I found an old set of Scripture memory cards I’d made for my kids in the early 90s. It was before the internet, so I used my old word processor, some generic clip art, and laminating sheets to make them. Talk about archaic!

    When I sent these cards to my oldest son, he FaceTimed me to tell me what a blessing it was to receive them. He still remembered the days of memorizing the Proverbs – one for each chapter. And surprisingly, he could still recall many of them! Of course, this warms my heart as a mom, knowing that even 30 years later, God’s truth is planted in his heart (and will now be planted in the hearts of my grandkids).

    Even though Scripture memory has seemingly gone by the wayside, it’s not too late to implement it in your own family. Here are 9 Proverbs your family can memorize this school year – one for each month!

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    Jennifer Waddle

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