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  • How Can We as Christians Choose People over Tasks?

    How Can We as Christians Choose People over Tasks?

    I’m doing it again. I am getting so caught up in the dishes that need to be done but missing out on play time with my son. Why do I care about the material items more than an eternal soul?

    I’m doing it again. I am half listening to my friend who is sharing her heart because I am thinking about the workload I took on this week. Why can I not seem to slow down and be present in the moment?

    I’m doing it again. I am grocery shopping so quickly that I didn’t even think to talk with the cashier and ask how they were doing today.

    If we are not careful, the “to do” can take the place of the people in front of us. What does the Bible says about loving people over tasks?

    There is no greater place to which we can go for answers than the Word of God. The Bible is a place where we can learn and grow in our understanding of who the Lord is and what He says. Isaiah 40:8 says, “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.” In a similar way we can easily go to our Bibles as a check-off. However, we are essentially pursuing a relationship and knowing Jesus more when we study the Bible.

    So, what does God have to say about us putting the tasks at hand above the people around? Let’s hear His heart and purpose behind His answers.

    Choosing the Relationship Is the Greater Option

    “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’ ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed — or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her’” (Luke 10:38-42).

    Martha missed the person of Jesus because of the preparations. I recently heard a convicting idea, that entertainment is when we feel like we have to clean up and host, but hospitality is when we welcome someone else into the mess of our lives to do life (Habits of the Household).

    Mary knew to direct her focus on Jesus. He had her full attention and heart. Martha was “distracted by all the preparations.” Tasks are not essentially evil, however they can become distractions from the most important relationships. First, we each need to ask, am I focused on loving Jesus or just going through a spiritual checklist? Second, we each need to ask, am I caring more about the tasks around me, or the people in front of me?

    Tasks Can Have Relational Purposes

    “In the same way, let your light shine before people, so they can see the good things you do and praise your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).

    Good deeds (tasks) are not a bad thing in and of themselves. Matthew teaches us that the purpose of them is to praise God and to let our lights shine so others would be witnessed to. The ultimate hope is that others can have a relationship with Jesus. This poses questions like, “Is my task meaningful?” or “Is the Lord glorified in this?” We can become more aware of the purpose of our to do list and pray by asking God to help us to do our actions from the right place of love for Him and others.

    “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters” (Colossians 3:23).

    Colossians also backs up this concept. Whatever we do is ultimately for the glory of God. This re-centers our hearts on the gift of love. When we are working from a place of resting in our identity in Christ, our task overflows from a strong understanding of Who we represent.

    Slow Down and See Others

    “In reply Jesus said: ‘A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him’” (Luke 10:30-34).

    One of the most beautiful, heroic accounts of kindness and selflessness was the good Samaritan, whom Jesus mentions in Luke 10. A Jewish man was attacked and left half dead on the road. A Priest and a Levite each passed by him and refused to help. How heartless do you have to be? Could they have been too focused on their religious duties? They were supposedly closer to God. However the Samaritan, the unsung hero, stepped in and rescued this man. He saw the man in need and took action. His acts of bandaging and dressing the Jewish man’s wounds were out of selfless love.

    We might be thinking that we would never be so hard-hearted to leave someone dying next to us on the street. However, what about the many people spiritually dying all around us every day who need to be seen and spoken to? What about that coffee shop barista? Or that girl looking saddened on a bench downtown? What about the kid who is being bullied at school? How about the co-worker who just wants a friend to eat lunch with sometime? Or the janitor cleaning the bathroom? Do we truly care about the people around us and their needs? Is our speed of life and the “Get it done” mentality breeding self-centered decisions? Can we let go and slow down our pace to listen and follow the Holy Spirit’s leading?

    The Second Greatest Commandment

    “And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:38).

    We are called to love others. Maybe you think that doing a task is equivalent to love? This can be part of showing love to another. But, if we neglect to be present by only doing service work for others, we forsake the relational depth and closeness.

    One of the ways that I have challenged myself this year is instead of having a “to-do” list, I create a “People to Love” list. It reminds me that God has called me to care for certain people today or this week and how I am going to rise to the occasion in word, presence, and tasks. Tasks are not bad when put in the correct place in our lives. May all that we do be done out of love.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/People Images

    Emma Danzey’s mission in life stems from Ephesians 3:20-21, to embrace the extraordinary. One of her greatest joys is to journey with the Lord in His Scriptures. She is wife to Drew and mom to Graham. Emma serves alongside her husband in ministry, she focuses most of her time in the home, but loves to provide articles on the Bible, life questions, and Christian lifestyle. Her article on Interracial Marriage was the number 1 on Crosswalk in 2021. Most recently, Emma released Treasures for Tots, (Scripture memory songs) for young children. During her ministry career, Emma has released Wildflower: Blooming Through Singleness, two worship EP albums, founded and led Polished Conference Ministries, and ran the Refined Magazine. You can view her articles on her blog at emmadanzey.wordpress.com and check out her Instagram @Emmadanzey.

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)

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    READ: 10 Sins That Often Go Overlooked in Christian Community

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  • 5 Boundaries to Set with Toxic Parents

    5 Boundaries to Set with Toxic Parents

    Setting boundaries with toxic parents can be very difficult; however, it is not impossible. If you struggle with toxic parents, you know how damaging their interactions can be.

    As nice as it would be if all of our parents were supportive, caring, and loving, the reality is that not all of our parents are like this. For many individuals, our parents are toxic, and they are not helpful in the growth of our lives.

    If you have toxic parents, know you are not alone. There are many people across the world who also have toxic parents, and it can make your entire life toxic.

    Whether you live away from your parents or you are still living under their roof, there are still many things you can do to protect your own well-being.

    Here are five boundaries to set with toxic parents.

    1. Don’t Invalidate My Pain

    One boundary to set with toxic parents is that they don’t need to invalidate your pain. Parents who are toxic have a way of invalidating their children’s pain.

    Many parents have the false view that their children are “overly emotional” or see things from a different perspective.

    This is not true, especially if you are a teen, preteen, or an adult. Even as children, we can see when our pain is being invalidated, or a parent tells us to “just grow up.”

    While we still love our parents, it’s hard to ignore when they invalidate our pain. I shared my struggles with my mom about my anorexia and depression, but she never really understood my pain.

    Rather than walking beside me and encouraging me, she only tore me down. I love my mom, and I always will, but this was a flaw on her behalf. I’m not sure if she just could not understand these feelings or if it was something she was never capable of doing.

    If your parents have ever invalidated your pain, know that I see you. Not only this, but know that God sees you as well. He sees all of your pain, and He wants to carry it for you.

    When you set this boundary with your parents, they might not take it well, but it is something you need to stand by. 

    Even if they do not honor your boundary, know that you can still keep reinforcing it. If they won’t honor your boundary, it is best to just change the topic to something less stressful.

    2. I Need Time Alone

    A second boundary to set with toxic parents is that you need time alone. Everyone needs time alone, including yourself. It is okay to set this boundary with your toxic parents, especially during the holidays.

    During the holidays, we are normally around our parents more often, and this can cause tensions to grow fast. Instead of allowing yourself to be overcome with anxiety and stress, set down the boundary ahead of time that you need time alone.

    Don’t give your parents any time to object to your boundaries. Instead, tell them that you need time to just be by yourself and to be away from everyone. Take a walk, stay in your room for a while, or watch a movie by yourself.

    Despite your parents being toxic, it does not mean that they should not allow you to have some self-care time by yourself. If they are rude about it, respond as the Lord would. This can be hard, but it is what you must do.

    3. Respect My Decisions Just as I Respect Yours

    A third boundary to set with toxic parents is for them to respect your decisions just as you respect theirs. Parents have a way of wanting to helicopter over our lives and toxic parents will use this as a way to micromanage your life.

    This can feel overwhelming and suffocating at times. Don’t allow yourself to experience this anymore. Set the boundary that they need to respect your decisions just as you respect their decisions.

    Most of us have seen our parents make some poor choices throughout their lives, but we never judge them for it. Rather, we are supportive and help as best as we can. In the same way, our parents need to do the same.

    They need to respect you and your decisions without passing judgment. If they cannot adhere to this boundary, you need to convey to them that you might not be able to spend much time with them anymore.

    All relationships are built upon respect and if your parents don’t respect you, they are going to have a hard time being kind to you when you make a decision that they don’t agree with.

    When you set the boundary with your parents that they need to respect you just as you respect them, you can tell them that they don’t have to agree or accept your decision, but they need to respect it.

    Toxic parents are not normally respectful; however, this is a boundary you need to set down. If they don’t honor it, consider removing yourself from the situation.

    4. If You Have Nothing Nice to Say, Don’t Say Anything at All

    A fourth boundary to set with toxic parents is if they have nothing nice to say, they don’t need to say anything at all. Our parents can be our worst critics. They make unnecessary remarks about our jobs, our life decisions, and our appearance.

    Most of the time, these remarks are not kind or helpful. In order to prevent yourself from hearing any more of these hurtful comments, you need to establish the boundary that if they don’t have anything nice to say, they don’t need to say anything at all.

    I had a friend who recently went home for the holidays, and her mother made many insensitive comments about her body. This caused my friend to have many negative emotions and struggles in her relationship with her body.

    As healthy-minded people, we can see how damaging this remark is; however, my friend’s mom probably didn’t even think about it.

    This is why it is crucial to establish this boundary ahead of time. Even our parents do not have the right to critique us or make us feel bad about ourselves.

    5. Don’t Comment on How I Am Living My Life

    A fifth boundary to set with toxic parents is to tell them that they don’t need to comment on how you are living your life. Since your parents are toxic, they are not going to give you good advice.

    If they were healthy-minded parents, it would be great to hear their feedback and what they think is best, but since your parents are toxic, they are not going to have anything helpful to say.

    Therefore, it is best to establish a boundary so that they don’t need to comment on how you are living your life.

    If you are living your life to the glory of God, there is no reason for anyone to say anything bad. We all sin and mess up, but there is no reason for a toxic parent to condemn us for something that God has forgiven.

    The Lord loves you, and He will give you direction in your life. Your toxic parents will not be much help in the way you should live your life, but you can use them as an example of how you do not want to live.

    Toxic parents are extremely unhappy with themselves. They become bitter and judgmental because of the lack of love in their hearts. Rather than being hateful and angry, they need to open their hearts to love.

    You can’t do this on your own, but you can pray for them. Even if they do not change, keep on praying for them. You still love your parents, and you hope that one day they could be the parents you need.

    For further reading:

    How to Set Boundaries and Still Live Wild and Free

    5 Biblical Boundaries to Set with Others

    How Do We Show Love to Toxic People?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/evgenyatamanenko

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

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  • The Beauty of New Friends

    The Beauty of New Friends

    When we are growing up, we often think our friends from elementary school will be our best friends forever. As we get older and go to different schools, we tend to drift away and lose contact with each other. Even though this happens and it is sad, it gives us the opportunity to make new friends. No matter what stage of life we are in, there are many opportunities to make new friends. It is difficult to make friends as adults, but it is not impossible.

    There is beauty in making new friends. In fact, you might make some of your best and closest friends in your latter days of life. Personally, as an adult now, I have found it hard to make new friends; however, new friends have a way of coming into my life. If you want to try to find some new friends, walk around a new neighborhood, go to a different coffeeshop, or go to a church function at a different church than you normally go to. All of these things can help you make new friends.

    Being Thankful for New Friends

    When you make new friends, it makes you very thankful. I recently made a few new friends in a neighborhood I started walking in about a year ago. Despite only knowing these individuals for a short period of time, they have been some of the kindest and caring people I have ever known. They truly care about me, which is something that is unusual for me. They are faithful followers of Christ, and it is good to know there are others out there who still follow Christ. 

    It can be discouraging at times when our longtime friends don’t have time for us or they are busy with their own lives. This is why we need to have many friends and soak in all the beauty of new friends. Just because you are making new friends does not mean you are somehow forgetting your friends from a long time ago. Rather, new friends are friends that you can talk to about other subjects and get a fresh perspective on things. Especially if you make friends with wiser Christians, it can help you grow in your relationship with Christ.

    It will also challenge your walk with Christ because your new friend might be more encouraging in your relationship with God. Not many of my friends in the past have talked to me much about Jesus though we are all Christians; however, the new friends I have made talk to me about Jesus all the time and all the things God has been teaching them in the Bible. This is beautiful to see as it is hard to find individuals who are so devoted to the Lord and are excited to learn more about Him. 

    A Wiser Word

    Making new friends will also give you the opportunity to hear wiser words from your friends. When you make new friends with other believers, they will be able to help disciple you through the Bible and through their own life experiences. In one of my undergrad classes, one of my professors spoke about the importance of always being discipled by an older Christian and always discipling a younger Christian. In this way, you as an individual Christian are always being discipled as well as discipling others. 

    Never underestimate how much new friends can help you as you walk with the Lord. They can help you and share previous experiences of their lives to warn you of going down a different path. As believers, we always need to be focusing on the Lord and following Him; however, sometimes the worries of this life pull our eyes away from Jesus. Your new Christian friends will be able to help point you back to Jesus when you are feeling weary or lost. They will be there as a source of support and guidance when you are struggling in life or in your faith. 

    Not Being Alone in Your Walk with God

    Not only will new Christian friends be able to help you in your walk with God, but they will also help you know that you are not alone in your walk with God. It can be easy to think we are alone in this life. We look around us and it can feel as though there are no Christians in the world. While this isn’t true, it can feel really real at times. If anything, it can feel as though the Christians are in hiding and are too afraid to stand up for the Lord. By making new friends, you have the opportunity to build a great friendship with a mature Christian who will be able to help you not feel as alone.

    Feeling alone is all too common for most of us in the present day, but it is not true. We are never alone because God is with us (Joshua 1:9; Isaiah 41:10). God is always on our side and He will never walk away from us. Our Christian friends will also help us not feel alone because they will be there in our time of need. If you struggle with depression, anxiety, or another co-occurring disorder, you know how hard it can be to not feel alone even if you are surrounded by people. 

    Maybe you feel lost, alone, and hopeless even in a crowd of people. By having a few close friends, such as your new friends, it can help you feel found, seen, and full of hope. One individual friend who goes out of their way for you can leave you with a heart of fullness and contentment. True friends make you feel seen and loved. This is the beauty of friendships because God never intended for us to walk this life alone. He knows we need help from other believers and He wants us to go to them when we are in need.

    We can always go to God and we should, but God also wants us to talk with others. We should not neglect either part of it because the Lord wants us to come to Him, pour our hearts out to Him, and tell Him everything as well as He wants us to go to our Christian friends for support. This world is too difficult to walk through on our own. The Lord wants us to be in fellowship with Him as well as other believers and have people we can rely on. Without trusted friends, the world can feel really lonely and scary. With God and our trusted Christian friends, the world feels less lonely and not as scary. 

    If you have recently made new friends, continue to develop a friendship with them. Spend time with them and listen to their wise words. If you are trying to look for new friends, try to go somewhere new or somewhere you know other Christians will be. It can seem impossible to make new friends at times, but there are many wonderful people out there to meet—you just have to find them. Having a true friend is a beautiful thing and by making new friends, you might find a friend that will last a lifetime.

    While we are to be a friend to everyone, there are friends we are closer to than others. These are the friends who help us the most with our walk with Christ, and they can call us out when we are doing wrong. If you don’t presently have a friend who helps you in your walk with Christ, try to seek out a new friend today. There are Christians across the world who would love to be your friend. They too are in search of a friend because true friends are hard to find. When you find a true friend who will help you in your walk with Christ, it is a beautiful thing.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images 

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • 5 Prayers for Stronger Communication and Connection in Today’s Culture

    5 Prayers for Stronger Communication and Connection in Today’s Culture

    Connection isn’t easy, but the experience is worthwhile. The tighter our bonds with other people, the better our marriages, families, and children. The impact even extends from our homes all the way to society at large. Political strife becomes nonexistent, and wars obsolete. With so many people walking the Earth today and technology so readily available, none of us have to go through life alone, yet, the current loneliness epidemic indicates that many people are doing just that.

    Any one of us can look around and take note of the sheer number of broken families, superficial friendships, and people in need of constant affirmation. These factors are all representative of a culture that has fallen short of an ideal community.

    But why is loneliness so rampant?

    There are many answers to that question, but they all boil down to one key answer – our culture promotes living more for ourselves and less for God. “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another” is one of many verses in Scripture highlighting the benefits and importance of connection (Proverbs 27:17, CSB). At the heart of these various passages, we understand that connection is formed when we live both in service to God and to other people. 

    However, our society encourages self-care over care for others. Add that to the natural awkwardness that comes with talking to people and the fear of uncertainty and rejection we so often feel. This leads many of us to stick to our comfort zone. Plus, we can chat via social media without making ourselves vulnerable in any meaningful way and ghost anyone when we get too uneasy.

    Yet, the results show. Doing things the way we have been will ensure that loneliness continues to thrive. Only by reclaiming the lost art of communication can we hope to end this epidemic.

    And how do we do that? The solution is two-fold: we act, and we pray.

    I know first-hand what the struggle with loneliness looks and feels like in the darkest way, but I’ve never quite understood those who complain about loneliness and do nothing to change their circumstances. Loneliness may be something you’re struggling with today, but you have some control over what tomorrow looks like.

    Here are a few ways you can start building connections with other people:

    • Get involved in church or a recreational group.
    • Strike up conversations with strangers at the store, library, and similar places.
    • Make plans to connect with someone you know.
    • Abandon any fear of coming off as weird or awkward.
    • Consider how you can grow relationally wherever God has placed you currently.

    In addition to acting, the Bible calls us to pray on the things we care about (1 Peter 5:7). God is invested in your well-being and, therefore, in your connections. If there’s any doubt you want to assuage for yourself or anyone else, then here are five prayers for stronger communication and connection in today’s culture.

    A Prayer for Communication

    God,

    I come before you now with deep concerns for my culture. Today’s people are not centered around you. We’re occupied with ourselves and our interests. Dedication to you and our neighbors has fallen by the wayside.

    Unsurprisingly, a lot of people are lonely.

    But God, truthfully, even those who choose to follow you find themselves lonely today. There just aren’t as many people who are after your heart.

    So, we feel lonely if we chase you and lonely if we don’t.

    Lord, I pray that you would help all of us to first find stability in you. Let those who know you, learn more, and those who don’t, find Christ. Help us to get to know you, understand you, and ultimately, dedicate our lives to you. From there, I pray that we would learn to communicate better with one another. Help us to become more aware of one another’s needs and discern how to better serve one another.

    These days, there’s so much conflict, so much arguing, and everybody wants to be right. We all seem to be suffering, yet no one knows how to come together. Please, give us the tools to cooperate. Instead of sweeping problems under the rug and ignoring what obviously burdens us, Lord, would you grant us the courage to speak up? Would you give us the courage to be humble? Would you show us how to make tomorrow better than today?

    Thank you, Lord. Amen.

    A Prayer for Self-Awareness

    Lord,

    I pray for greater self-awareness in today’s culture. So many of us can easily diagnose the problems in others, but we have a difficult time holding a mirror up to ourselves. Something about being honest about our problems makes us afraid. Perhaps we feel incapable of change, prideful, or just plain lazy. I suppose everybody has their reason, but I pray that no excuse would ultimately prevent us from growing, both to you and one another.

    Amen.

    A Prayer for Humility

    Father,

    Humility makes such a difference when we communicate. However, humility is in short supply today. We think about ourselves all the time, and culture pushes us to do so. Proverbs 21:2 says that every man is right in his own eyes, but you weigh our hearts. I pray that you will move in your people today to create a culture of humility. Change our hearts to think of ourselves less often and to have more thoughts about you and other people. Make the church the embodiment of humility, and may our example go on to change the culture at large.

    Amen.

    A Prayer for Reconciliation

    God,

    This society is in need of deep reconciliation. Families have been broken apart, marriages abandoned, and children neglected. Has anyone been spared from some kind of hurt in recent years? There are societal problems related to transgenderism, the Covid response, and so many other political topics. The media tells us to treat those who disagree with us like our enemies. Social media encourages the same. And the fact that we don’t know how to communicate well with each other doesn’t help.

    Lord, please restore sensibility to our culture. Restore a sense of civility. Give us a greater understanding of those we disagree with and ourselves. Just as we see the shortcomings in others, please help us to be introspective, too. The more we know, the greater our problem-solving can be.

    Help us to come together again as a society before things get any worse.

    In Jesus’ name. Amen.

    A Prayer for Change

    Lord,

    Loneliness is being labeled an epidemic, and truthfully, I see no end to it in sight. People complain about loneliness and yet seem to be working against finding connection. Then there are those working hard to find connection and praying to you, yet still coming up short. What are we to do, God? How do we actually make change?

    Could you please show us the way out of this strife? Please bring an end to this loneliness, both for individuals and for society. Deliver us into a brighter tomorrow where we can experience the beauty of connection with you and people.

    Amen.

    Conclusion

    Connection isn’t easy. It’s hard. But the experience is worthwhile. There will be times in life when you feel lonely, either in the absence or presence of other people. I’ve been there, and more than once. Yet, what I have also realized, and what I hope you learn too, is that though you feel lonely, you are never truly alone, not because of people but because of God. He is always present.

    Loneliness is a result of reality contrasting with our expectations. When we rewrite our thinking and focus more on what we have than what we don’t, our attitude changes. We begin to see God more than what we lack. And while that doesn’t erase what we don’t have, and believe me, human connection is important, connecting with God does remind us that we can get through the day. He will provide our needs. All because He cares.

    Photo Credit: Unsplash/Christina @ wocintechchat.com

    Aaron D’Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes work to iBelieve, Crosswalk, and supports various clients through the platform Upwork. He’s an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo. Check out his short story “Serenity.”

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    This article is part of our Prayer resource meant to inspire and encourage your prayer life when you face uncertain times. Visit our most popular prayers if you are wondering how to pray or what to pray. Remember, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, and God knows your heart even if you can’t find the words to pray.

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  • Is Marriage Meant to Be a Headship or a Partnership?

    Is Marriage Meant to Be a Headship or a Partnership?

    Ephesians 5:22– 28 gives instructions on how to run a household based on godly principles: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

    Submission is a difficult concept for people to accept in modern-day society. When people hear the word “submission,” they often think of women who don’t have an opportunity to speak their minds and must be silent, allowing their husbands to make all the decisions. However, that’s an archaic understanding of the word submission.

    In day-to-day life, marriage should work as a partnership, with both parties having a say in how the marriage functions. However, in times of conflict, when both parties feel they are right, one person must submit. This helps to promote peace and allow for conflict to be properly resolved. In Ephesians 5, Paul calls the woman to be the one who submits first. A woman yielding herself to God will submit to Christ and allow Christ to direct the husband to make the decision. When a decision is made, the wife needs to support her husband. If a wrong decision is made, it’s not the time for the wife to gloat or say, “I told you so.” Instead, this is an opportunity for them both to grow in how they communicate, support, and mutually respect each other.

    A healthy marriage is both a partnership and a headship. But how can a marriage reflect both principles from Ephesians 5? Here are some ways a marriage points to both headship and a partnership:

    A Husband Who Submits to Christ Will Value His Wife’s Input

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards

    A marriage not based on mutual respect and love will cause one party to feel excluded or not valued. If a husband is in obedience to Ephesians 5, he will love his wife enough to put her first above all else, including his own opinion. When appropriate, it’s possible the husband would decide to allow the wife to make the main decision, even if the two are in conflict. This would allow the wife to be heard and for her input to be valued. When her husband makes the final decision or submits to his wife, both give God glory when one submits to the other.

    A Wife Who Submits to Christ Will Allow Her Husband to Lead

    It is difficult for a wife to submit to her husband even if she knows his decision is not the right one. A proper decision is not one in which the man gets to make the decision and make everything okay but instead makes a decision with his wife’s input in mind. He is making a decision that will mutually benefit both people. Her wife will honor and respect her husband and allow him to make decisions. If he loves her and puts her first in everyday life, it will be much easier for her to submit to him than to someone who ignores and devalues her. It’ll be more important for her to be heard even if she feels devalued somehow. However, if she is feeling honored, valued, and appreciated for who she is, it will be easy for her to submit when the time is right.

    A Husband Who Submits to Christ Makes the Best Decision for His Family

    Although it may be difficult for a wife to submit to her husband, it will be easy for her to do so if his prior decisions have always been in the best interest of his family. When a husband puts his family first and makes decisions to benefit them while making sacrifices, he has demonstrated a sacrificial attitude. This is an attitude most like Christ and one that a wife can trust when a decision becomes difficult to make. When her husband operates within a sacrificial attitude, it helps build trust and intimacy between him and his wife. She knows she can trust him because she knows he has her best interests in mind.

    Couple on couch researching on computer finances

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Delmaine Donson

    A Husband Loves God as Much as Himself

    The last verse in the Ephesians 5 passage talks about a husband who loves his wife as much as he loves himself. This is speaking highly of a husband if he loves himself. When we were born, we were born with a sin nature. We are naturally inclined to think of ourselves first. When we yield our lives to Christ, the Holy Spirit teaches us how to be more sacrificial and live our lives according to the fruits of the spirit. The fruits of the spirit are the antithesis of selfishness as they are others-centered—fruits such as kindness, love, patience, and gentleness benefit others, not ourselves. When a husband loves God as much as he loves himself, he will put God above all things. Even when a decision needs to be made, and he disagrees with his wife, he will make that decision based on what will be in his family’s best interest. He will not think of himself or put himself first, but rather what is in the best interest of his family. A wife who has difficulty with submission will be able to submit more readily with an attitude of sacrifice, love, and respect for her.

    Verse twenty-eight also discusses how a man loves his wife as much as he loves his own body. In addition to being born with a sinful nature, we are all born with an inclination to avoid pain and enjoy pleasure. Therefore, they will avoid anything that will cause them suffering or harm of any kind. But with the Holy Spirit, he can change from a selfish person to a selfless person. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice, enduring suffering at the cross. In the same way, when a husband is working to do the same for his wife, submission will come easily to both parties.

    Ephesians 5 demonstrates that a marriage can both be a partnership and a headship. When a man is the head of his home, it does not mean he acts in a controlling or manipulative way, making decisions that only benefit himself. On the contrary, he makes decisions in the best interest of his family, putting her and his family first above all else. When the family operates correctly, and the husband, who is the head of the home, operates with integrity, sacrifice, and love for his wife, a marriage can demonstrate both a headship and a partnership as both people work together for the good of each other. They also give God glory by placing him at the head of their marriage.

    Related Articles:

    What Submission Is Not

    What Is Submission in Marriage?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Love portrait and love the world

    Writer Michelle LazurekMichelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

    Related Podcast Resource: 5 Ways to C.O.V.E.R. Your Marriage in Prayer

    One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is to pray for your marriage. Learning communication skills, conflict resolution techniques and intimacy hacks are great. However, if you’re leaving your marriage uncovered by failing to pray for your spouse and your marriage, it will always be vulnerable to attacks. Prayer is an essential guiding tool to get you and your spouse on the same page and create unity in your marriage. In this episode of Real Relationship Talk, Dana Che shares her acronym C.O.V.E.R., which teaches you how to specifically pray for your marriage. To listen, just click the play button below:

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: Signs You Married for the Wrong Reasons

    Click here to read the full article.

    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • 3 Reasons Accountability Fails and What to Do about It

    3 Reasons Accountability Fails and What to Do about It

    Every so often, we hear of leaders (some well-known and others not as much) who fall into some level of sin or indiscretion. When this happens, it shocks many people, and when it happens in the church, it damages many people in the flock. Some end up leaving that church and for some, it even causes them to question their own faith.

    Yet the potential to fall victim to sin and indiscretion does not just happen to leaders, it can happen to everyday people like you and me, too. Whenever these things happen, you may try to piece together why it happened. While there are many potential reasons, there is one thread that seems to run through each situation. In just about every case, there was a lack of accountability in the person’s life.

    While I am a believer in accountability, I also recognize that it has its own set of pitfalls. In fact, some people who fell into sin had people around them who were responsible for keeping them accountable, yet it didn’t work. So where are the holes in accountability and how do we plug them?

    While I don’t know all the reasons accountability fails, I know at least three. I want to share those with you along with some ways to fix them.

    What Is Accountability?

    When you look at various definitions of this word, accountability is the willingness to give an account. You are taking responsibility and acknowledging what you have said and what you have done. In the way we are using the word, it is giving someone else permission to question you about what you have done, what you have said, or where you have been. This is not an inquisition, but a willingness to open your life so that there are no hidden places in it. 

    This matters because sin and temptation grow in the dark, but they die in the light. When you are accountable, you are shedding light on your life so that sin and temptation cannot flourish in it. When accountability is working, you may give someone access to your life. This should include all the places where your choices and decisions are made. Depending on the situation, this could be your phone, email, or even your finances. The goal is simply to keep you from making sinful decisions and to find additional support if you are being tempted.

    3 Reasons Accountability Fails

    1. You Are Not Honest

    While you may think accountability begins with others, it begins with you. Accountability only works to the degree you will be honest. The entire house of accountability is built on the foundation of how truthful you will be to those who are there to help you. If you purposely keep secrets, then accountability does not work. So, for it to work, it must begin with you. 

    A good friend of mine and I were helping each other manage our diets because we wanted to eat heathier. In our conversations with each other, if we didn’t truthfully disclose what we ate, then we rendered the accountability ineffective. This is the fatal flaw in any accountability situation.

    2. You Surround Yourself with the Wrong People

    For accountability to work, you must ensure you position the right people around you. If the surrounding people will not be honest with you and tell you the truth, then they are worthless regarding accountability. If you really want to be held accountable, you need people who will tell you the truth, no matter what – even when you don’t like it or don’t want to hear it.

    I have read the stories of many leaders who surround themselves with yes people who only rubber stamp everything they do. These kinds of people add no value to your life. When these are the people leaders surround themselves with, is it any wonder that the leaders fell in that situation? Honestly, it was only a matter of time.

    3. You Control What You Will Reveal

    Another fatal flaw in accountability is that most often, you have control over what you reveal. For people who are wrestling with a specific sin or temptation, they can find creative ways to cover their tracks. When they do this, they eliminate the value of accountability in their life.

    How Do You Solve These Problems to Make Accountability Work for You?

    You must have complete transparency.

    If you really want to be accountable, then you must allow people to see everything, warts and all. This is not to shame or embarrass you, but to help you stay on track.

    The process must exist outside of your control.

    For this to work best, this process of transparency cannot be within your control. If you control it, then you go back to the problem of only revealing what you want people to see. However, if you know someone can see everything, that alone makes you think twice before making a sinful choice. That moment of rethinking before you do something is exactly what accountability is supposed to do.

    There is a highway near our house where the speed limit is 65 MPH. This road is smooth and well maintained and people usually go well above 65 (obviously I am talking about all the other drivers out there, not me). There are two places on this highway where the frequent drivers know state troopers will be. Sometimes they are there and sometimes they aren’t. However, just knowing they could be there causes the drivers to slow down whenever they reach that part of the highway. This is accountability at work. Knowing that someone else will see the choices you make will hopefully cause you to make better choices.

    You must surrender to the process.

    As good as accountability can be, again, you are the central figure in whether it will work. You must choose to surrender to the process and give someone else the right to ask you the tough questions. If that is not part of the process, then your accountability structure is nothing more than a sham and it will fail.

    Some Last Thoughts on Accountability

    You should be accountable to people you trust with your life and life’s struggles. Accountability does not mean you don’t have struggles or face temptations. It means you have a mechanism in place that will help you overcome them. When you have the right people around you, they won’t judge your struggle, but will walk with you through it. They are there to have your back in the areas you may be vulnerable, so you don’t fall into the temptation. Their job is not to enable you and cover your sin; their job is to support you so you don’t give into sin. If your accountability partners are enabling your sin, then they are not helping you at all. If you surround yourself with these kinds of people, it is only a matter of time before you fall.

    When you sum up the conversation on accountability, it all comes back to you. It relies on your integrity, your honesty, and your willingness to submit to the process. If you remove these things, then you can have the right people and the right system in place, but if you don’t have the right heart, then accountability is going to fail.

    I guess the summary is not that accountability doesn’t work. Better said is that accountability works in your life only if you want it to.

    Related articles
    3 Reasons People Fail New Years Resolutions, and How to Overcome Them
    3 Questions to Ask Yourself as You Think about Jesus’ Return
    The Most Important Thing to Remember about the Upcoming Election Season

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Sanja Radin

    Clarence L. Haynes Jr. is a speaker, Bible teacher, and co-founder of The Bible Study Club.  He is the author of The Pursuit of Purpose which will help you understand how God leads you into his will. His most recent book is The Pursuit of Victory: How To Conquer Your Greatest Challenges and Win In Your Christian Life. This book will teach you how to put the pieces together so you can live a victorious Christian life and finally become the man or woman of God that you truly desire to be. Clarence is also committed to helping 10,000 people learn how to study the Bible and has just released his first Bible study course called Bible Study Basics. To learn more about his ministry please visit clarencehaynes.com. 

    Clarence L. Haynes Jr.

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  • What True Friendships Mean

    What True Friendships Mean

    If you go through your social media connections, how many people do you really know? Ten percent? Fifty percent? All? It’s already been proven by research that we have taken the meaning of “friendships” out of context. And with the increase of loneliness despite thousands of connections, we know that we are not building true friendships.

    But even outside of social media, we misinterpret friendships. Watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills—one of my guilty pleasures—is a classic example. The women hang out, party, and go on vacations together. Yet, they start peeling away at their conversations to backstab and trash-talk one another. Sometimes, they even like to confront one another publicly either for an admission of the truth or a lie. Shouldn’t friends speak privately first—and without badgering—to chat about serious matters or concerns? 

    Here’s one encounter between Kyle and Sutton. Sutton confronts Kyle with these words: “There’s something wrong with your life. You’re not drinking. Why? Is there a problem? Did you drink too much?” While still reeling from Sutton’s harsh words, Kyle admitted that she felt depressed after drinking in the past. So, she committed herself to lifestyle changes including exercise and refraining from alcohol. But Kyle’s response wasn’t acceptable to Sutton. It was still suspect to Sutton, so she talked about the non-drinking situation of Kyle to their other friends, making it an issue. Should a true friend be upset if you stop drinking? Shouldn’t a friend celebrate and give you a high five as you focus on your health journey?

    David and Jonathan

    Enough about the housewives’ world! Let’s explore the famous friendship of David and Jonathan from 1 Samuel. Here we read of David and Jonathan’s encounter following David defeating Goliath. King Saul was getting to know David, and Jonathan was there. “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:1). Surprisingly, the instant connection came from Jonathan, who could have been jealous of David’s victory. Instead, when Saul decided to have David stay in their home, “Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt” (vv. 3-4).

    Have you ever “clicked” with someone you just met? It’s like you have known this person all your life and have a deep understanding of each other! Perhaps you like the same movie or the same author or the same food—same interests that it’s weird. Whatever it is, you are just drawn to each other.

    Their Friendship at the Next Level

    Well, Jonathan took this instant connection to the next level. Short of making a blood compact, he decided to seal the friendship with David by honoring him with his robe. As the son of a king, Jonathan’s robe meant he was giving David a privileged rank. David was no longer just a shepherd meant only for the fields. He has been promoted to nobility, to sit at the king’s table. Remember the time when Joseph became the vizier of the pharaoh: “the king removed from his finger the ring engraved with the royal seal and put it on Joseph’s finger. He put a fine linen robe on him, and placed a gold chain around his neck” (Genesis 41:42). 

    Second, King Saul dressed David in his own armor before he fought Goliath. But David didn’t feel comfortable wearing it, saying, “I cannot go with these, for I have not tested them” (1 Samuel 17:39). So, when David faced Goliath, he was donned only in his normal clothes, not wearing armor nor a helmet nor a coat of steel. David even replaced the sword with his usual staff, the one he carried while taking care of the sheep. Jonathan, a military man himself, dressed David with his own battle-worn combat utilities as part of their covenant. They became comrades-in-arms, military brothers. 

    This beautiful picture of armor dressing was also vividly drawn for us by the Apostle Paul. He began with, “Finally, build up your strength in union with the Lord and by means of his mighty power. Put on all the armor that God gives you, so that you will be able to stand up against the Devil’s evil tricks” (Ephesians 6:10-11). Did you notice the passage first mentioned “in union with the Lord” before “put on all the armor that God gives you”? God is asking, “Are you one with me?” And if our answer is “Yes!”, then it’s game time! Dress yourself in full gear! (You can read Ephesians 6:14-17 to learn about the full armor of God.)

    Their Friendship Tested

    This unity, the friendship, between David and Jonathan will be tested by King Saul, when the king sought to kill David out of jealousy for all David’s victory. Jonathan should have been jealous of David’s winning streak for he was also in the king’s army. But he wasn’t. Instead, Jonathan delivered the warning to David: “Saul my father seeks to kill you. Therefore, be on your guard in the morning. Stay in a secret place and hide yourself. And I will go and stand beside my father in the field where you are, and I will speak to my father about you. And if I learn anything I will tell you” (1 Samuel 19:2-3). Jonathan didn’t throw David under the bus but kept his word to protect David from the evil plan of his own father!

    How many times have we been caught forgetting ourselves from gossiping about our own friends, even the first to throw fiery darts? How could we not stop ourselves from saying mean things, like “I can’t believe that ______ looks so old and haggard!” or “Do you know that ______ just told me that ____ and her husband are on the brink of divorce?”, to others? Do we realize that we are excited to relay juicy tidbits to others? Yet we, the trusted ones, intentionally betray private conversations. Sadly, the ones we share the gossip with become powerless to stop us from malicious talks because they, too enjoy, hearing the news and adding fodder to the gossip.

    What kind of friends do we have? Are they worth keeping around because they truly care about us? Are we positive they will hold our hands when our lives are in shambles and walk with us until we can do so on our own again? Will they have our backs when someone starts talking and digging up dirt about us, saying “No! This is not right!”? If so, we are blessed! Ask yourself if your friends are blessed to have you as well. 

    “Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers,” says Proverbs 18:24. True friendships offer loyalty and support, just like what the Bible described as “knit to the soul.” They are rare to find, so treasure them!

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/MangoStar_Studio

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

    Luisa Collopy

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  • 10 of the Greatest Things about Being a Grandparent

    10 of the Greatest Things about Being a Grandparent

    Many of us have walked with the Lord most of our lives and have decades of faith stories to pass along to our grandchildren. Not only can we share how we came to faith in Christ, but we can also tell them how God answered our prayers, provided for our needs, and rescued us from impossible situations.

    My grands love to hear my husband and me tell how God provided money for us to go to college, gave us a computer when ours died, and sent a trucker to rescue us from the side of the road when our car broke down.

    Children need to hear that faith is real and relevant. Our lives provide the perfect backdrop for contemporary faith stories that connect an abstract God to real people. What a privilege to share our faith with the next generation.

    10. Praying for Our Grandchildren

    One of the greatest privileges and one the greatest responsibilities Christian grandparents have is the honor of praying for future generations. When I was pregnant with my children, we began praying for their health, growth, and safety. We prayed God would save them early in life, keep them pure, and provide godly spouses. Now we pray the same things for our grandchildren.  

    Each morning we ask God to protect them physically, spiritually, and emotionally. We ask Him to call them to Himself at a young age and grow their faith. We ask God to make them mighty men and women of God. As they’ve grow older, they’ve begun to share their own prayer requests with us.

    We pray with them and follow up to see how God answered.

    In Exodus 20:6, God promises to show “love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.” As Christian grandparents, we can pray for God to continue the legacy of faith He began in us and extend it for a thousand generations, raising up mighty men and women within our family.

    When my friends went on and on about the joy of grandparenting, I thought to myself, It can’t be that great. Now that I have four grandchildren, I know better. Grandparenting comes with all the privileges I mentioned here and a hundred more. For these, we can thank God, the giver of all good gifts.

    Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Eduardo-Braga

    Lori Hatcher

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  • There Are Two Sides to Family Relationships

    There Are Two Sides to Family Relationships

    Scene 1: A father expresses his final wishes in his will. Unfortunately, the oldest son, the executor, had little desire to honor it, causing trouble in the family. His thinking? Their father is no longer around to witness any of this. He is in command.

    Scene 2: A mother has been cut off by her married son because she likes to express her opinion on all matters. Her thinking? She is a vocal person and should be allowed to speak her mind. She does not really care about the effects of her opinion.

    How many families have been broken because of upsetting statements and nonsensical arguments? Too many to count, that the Bible even includes how we need to treat each other as a family unit. Writing to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul said, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (6:1-4). This same passage was also brought to the Colossians by Paul, highlighting the fact that wherever families are, there will be an ongoing battle between parents and children.

    Very often, we only see one side of the coin—and it’s dependent on what role we are playing in the family relationship. If you are the parent, you always think you have the most important role in the family and your children better show you respect. It doesn’t matter what you say or do that may be contrary and divisive. What matters is your authority is encompassing no matter the age of your children.

    If you are the child—an adult one, too—you are also looking for respect. You are all grown, an independent individual—perhaps even with a family of your own—and you need to live your own life without being told how to. You don’t need your parents to interfere with every move you make, nor do you want your dad or your mom throwing in their two cents’ worth.

    Parents’ Responsibility

    Parents do have the explicit responsibility of raising a child from birth to teens. And this is not just about providing the basic physical needs of food, clothing, and shelter. It also includes caring for the emotional and spiritual well-being of the child. God provided parenting as a special stewardship, so it’s most important to honor this role. As parents, we should desire to “train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). The idea of nurturing discipline is for our sons and daughters to listen and be attentive to our instructions (Proverbs 4:1) and to remember our teachings (Proverbs 3:1) not just today, but for always. 

    As parents, we need to understand that child-rearing patterns will also change along with child development. As Scripture says, “For everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil” (Hebrews 5:13-14). We need to help our children dig deeper into their faith, allowing them the opportunity to fully understand, embrace, and live out their own personal relationships with Christ; not just mimic our modeled faith.

    Children’s Responsibility

    A child is also instructed to value parental discipline. Several times in Proverbs 4, we read of the result of listening and remembering parents’ instructions: you will “live” (v.4) and “the years of your life may be many” (v.10). These instructions are meant to set up boundaries to prevent a child from going down the wrong path and to avoid evil. How many times have we heard of a child, even at a young middle-school age, start wandering away to walk the wide road of darkness? There are many who have experienced juvenile detention, been put in foster homes, or have died because of disobedience.

    Family relationships are indeed complex. Sometimes they are hard to navigate because of some difficult characters within the family unit. A dominating parent may force his or her opinion on the children without a care about the effect of such. The black sheep or prodigal child may increase the stress level of everyone; sometimes, even causing a physical illness such as a heart attack. Some may claim authenticity with words such as “This is who I am!” or “I don’t care how you feel because this is how I feel!” that even the empathy “welcome mat” is worn out and needs to be thrown away. There may not be any respectful conversation left to have, where everyone is hoping to keep conflict at bay by learning how to behave and focus on healthy communication.

    Navigating Family Relationships God’s Way

    A family with a strong spiritual well-being will have more success because of the desire to have a positive outlook on life, recognizing that the parent-child relationship is also transforming. The parents of these adult children lean on accepting the “letting go and letting God” phase, but parental support is available when needed. In the same way, adult children can fully embark on their independent lives knowing that parental encouragement is, likewise, available.

    Balancing family roles will be easier if we remember to “honor our father and mother” and “do not provoke our children to anger.” We don’t need to be heavy-handed in our discipline nor use intimidation to solicit a certain response or behavior. We know that nothing good will come out of bullying, only resistance and rebellion. In the same way, there is no need to be disrespectful and impatient towards parents, especially as they age. It is good to show appreciation and affection for them, explaining in a positive manner how responsibilities and decision-making for adult children are now an important facet of one’s own life.

    Family relationships are important. As we constantly upgrade and freshen up our homes, we need to make changes in how we handle our relationships, giving each other the chance to change and become the persons God designed us to be. It is best to avoid stress in our relationships and frustrating each other by deliberately saying or doing things that are triggering and annoying. Let’s stay away from insults and degrading comments that hurt all of us.

    It’s time for us to value our families! Let’s set aside family drama and share the love of God with one another instead.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Thomas Barwick

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

    Luisa Collopy

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  • Why Isn't My Christian Marriage Working?

    Why Isn't My Christian Marriage Working?

    Sandy and Frank both grew up in divorced families. So both were committed learn how to enjoy a loving marriage.

    The couple spent six weeks in premarital counseling with their pastor before they married.  Equipped with biblical principles for a happy marriage, they were convinced they would be happy.

    During their first year, Sandy and Frank were happy. However, as life’s responsibilities pressed in, their relationship became strained.  

    Over the next few years, life was more about accomplishing tasks, paying bills, and caring for kids. Between piles of laundry and carpools, they found working toward a happy marriage had become a low priority to immediate pressures of life.

    “Angry” wasn’t the word Sandy would have used to describe her feelings toward Frank, but she most certainly had developed a habit of responding to him in a short and irritated tone. Frank knew he was not measuring up to Sandy’s expectations––the harder he tried, the less adequate he felt.

    So, Frank retreated to his place of work where he felt approval and acceptance. Unintentionally, Frank was responding to the stresses in his marriage the way he had observed his own father react––right before his parents divorced. 

    Frank’s concerns grew, but he refused to seek out any guidance. Not wanting people to know they were struggling, Frank put on a happy face on Sundays, but avoided fellowship with others––so they would not see through his facade.

    Sandy on the other hand, was painfully aware of the struggles they were having at home. When she pressed Frank to talk about it, she only triggered his anger and caused a fight. So, Sandy turned her attention onto the children. While she found a sense of accomplishment in parenting, she knew there was a big hole in their marriage, and she had no idea what to do about it.

    Maybe you can relate to this couple’s story. Over the many years my husband and I have walked couples through biblical marriage counseling, this scenario is all too familiar. 

    So what’s the problem? And what help can we offer to couples like this who fill our pews every Sunday at church? What is the answer to the question: Why isn’t my Christian Marriage Working? 

    Let’s unpack this question––shall we?

    What Went Wrong? 

    Remember the wife you meant to be? You know, the one who was going to be such an encouragement and joy to your husband. The one who promised to “love, honor and cherish” the man of your dreams. 

    How are you doing? Are you measuring up to your own expectations––let alone those of your husband’s? Has your husband measured up to be the husband you hoped he would be? Both husband and wife enter into a marriage with expectations. In my book IF MY HUSBAND WOULD CHANGE I’D BE HAPPY & Other Myths Wives Believe I share this insight:

    The Danger of Unrealistic Expectations

    One of the biggest threats to a happy marriage is when one or both parties have unrealistic expectations of each other. When those expectations are not realized, you might feel betrayed. 

    When my expectations of my husband were not being met, I remember feeling betrayed because he had promised to always make me happy. How self-absorbed I was back then. 

    God used my disillusionment to show me my selfish heart. Have you ever had expectations come crashing down around you when reality sets in? How did that experience make you feel?  Let’s talk for a moment about how disappointment turns to disillusionment.

    You might feel betrayed when you come to realize the man you married is not the man you had perceived him to be. If you have been married for any amount of time, I am sure that by now you have your own secret list of things you wish you could change about your husband.

    Have you considered your husband may have his own secret list of disappointments about you as well? Rather than dwelling on what you wish your husband would change, what if instead you work to be the woman your husband had hoped you would be––the wife you meant to be––on the day you said, “I do.”

    In more 30 years of ministry, Steve and I have listened to countless couples reveal how disappointed they were in the person whom they married. Whenever a wife can convince her husband to come in for marriage counseling, she often secretly says to herself, “Oh good. Now my husband is going to find out all the ways he needs to change to be a better husband––so that I can be happy.”

    Can I let you in on a little secret? Looking to your husband to make you happy is an unfair expectation. 

    No matter how “perfect” he is, he will never bring you true joy. Because the purpose for which you exist is not to find happiness in your marriage relationship––contrary to every fairytale you ever heard as a little girl.

    You were created to delight in your Creator. God made you to long for intimacy with Him—to delight in Him. So any other relationship that you pursue to fill the void only God can fill will always come up short. In the same way, you can never be your husband’s source of true joy.

    What Can You Do?

    Across the country, I have had countless conversations with women at my speaking engagements. Over and over, I hear stories of the resentment women have toward their husbands. While the husband’s may not be the godly, kind person God is calling him to be, the answer is not in changing their husband.

    What’s the Answer?

    You might be surprised to learn that the secret to a happy marriage isn’t related to how “ideal” your spouse is. Rather, it is grounded in a love that is deeper than your love for each other. 

    A marriage flourishes when both husband and wife love Christ more than any other person in life––including one’s own spouse.

    In Mark 12:30, Jesus declared that the priority of life is to love God with all of your being—all of it. 

    It All Comes Down to This:

    The key to having an all-out love for your husband and experiencing fulfillment in your marriage does not lie in how well your husband measures up to your expectations, but in how well you love God.*

    It is humanly impossible to love selflessly because we are all born with a sin nature that seeks our own good above anyone else’s. The only people who are able to love the way Jesus intended are those who know Christ, and are pursuing a deeper love for the Lord. Because God provides His supernatural love to those who love Him, He offers hope for true love. 

    God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:5

    Where Do I Find Help? 

    Titus 2 calls the older women to teach the younger how to love their husbands so find godly mentors. And read my new book: IF MY HUSBAND WOULD CHANGE I’D BE HAPPY for help.

    Listen to Rhonda’s short message: Too Busy to Build a No Regrets Marriage

    *Excerpt: If My Husband Would Change I’d be Happy and Other Myths Wives Believe

    Rhonda Stoppe is a pastor’s wife, speaker, and author. As the NO REGRETS WOMAN, Rhonda has more than 20 years experience of helping women live life with no regrets. Through humor, and honest communication, she helps women build NO REGRETS LIVES by applying sound teaching from Scripture. Rhonda appears on radio programs, speaks at women’s events, MOPs, and homeschool conventions throughout the nation. Rhonda Stoppe’s book Moms Raising Sons to be Men is mentoring thousands of moms to guide sons toward a no-regrets life. Her new book If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy: And Other Myths Wives Believe is helping countless women build no-regrets marriages. 

    Publication date: July 25, 2016

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/People Images

    LISTEN: Overcoming Fear in Marriage

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: Signs You Married for the Wrong Reasons

    Click here to read the full article.

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  • What Does Spiritual Leadership in Marriage Look Like?

    What Does Spiritual Leadership in Marriage Look Like?

    Our God is orderly. He created our world, ordered the hours, days, months, and seasons. God was intentional about His design of everything. He left us His guidebook, so we know how to order our days.

    In His design, He ordained the beautiful thing we call a family. (Genesis 2:18-25) He created order within marriage and assigned roles to family members. In this article, we will look at spiritual leadership’s role and why it is important.

    What Does the Bible Say About Spiritual Leadership?

    Let’s look at a couple of verses in the Bible to guide us on this topic.

    Ephesians 5:22 states, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.”

    Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 11:3, “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and head of the women is man, and the head of the Christ is God.”

    Lastly, Colossians 3:18-19 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

    The Bible says the man should lead his wife. That doesn’t mean he has more value than his wife. Dale Partridge, Pastor and founder of Relearn church, uses the phrase, “equal value, different role.” Men and women have equal value in God’s eyes, yet a different role to fulfill.

    Marriage is a partnership. A healthy, thriving couple seeking God values each other’s strengths and input. A godly biblical leader seeks advice from his trusted council. The purpose of marriage is to glorify God and have an opportunity to exhibit how Christ loves the church. The Bible clearly states the man should be leading the house. If we look to Jesus as our model, a true leader exhibits humility, compassion, love, forgiveness, protection, provision, gentleness, and more. That said, no husband will lead their wife or family perfectly because we are all sinners, and they are not Jesus.

    What Does Spiritual Leadership Look Like?

    I think some people have a misunderstanding of what spiritual leadership looks like. They envision a power hunger husband bossing around his wife and kids. This is the opposite of true spiritual leadership. A man leading his family biblically is about being in a right relationship with the Lord. It’s about the husband reading his Bible, humbly seeking the Lord in all that he does. Most importantly, it’s a man fearing the Lord. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” (Proverbs 9:10)

    A godly man knows he is accountable for his wife and kids when he gets to heaven. He is responsible for teaching them, guiding them, making wise decisions, serving them, and loving them well. He is to protect them at all costs. When you understand this correctly, it’s a massive responsibility God has put on the head of the house. It’s a huge honor and a task with great importance that men need to take seriously. A man seeking the Lord through reading the Bible and prayer will be convicted and led by the Lord. “I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.” (Proverbs 8:18)

    A husband who is leading his marriage strives to be a good communicator. He values his wife’s opinion, serves her, and prays for her. He serves her not because she deserves it but rather because that’s the role God assigned to him. If you look to the Bible for an example of spiritual leadership, I think of Abraham, who led his wife on a journey trusting in God for every need. God blessed their family because of Abraham’s great faith.

    Men and Their Role in Spiritual Leadership

    As discussed above, husbands have an instrumental role in leading their wives. I realize that stepping up to this role is challenging, exhausting, and doesn’t come with many short-term rewards. This job requires steadfastness, persistence, and God’s strength and wisdom. Regardless of the difficulty, this world desperately needs men to step into their role as the spiritual leader of their marriage and family. A marriage and a family need leadership. If the husband doesn’t step up, the spouse will fill the role and remain out of order until the positions are reoriented.

    This happened in our own house. Before my husband and I truly understood our roles, I was constantly vying for leadership in our home. It’s a natural fleshly desire to want to take over leadership, especially as a strong-willed, independent woman. Our house has run more smoothly and peacefully as my husband and I continually seek the Lord and better understand our roles. When you stay within God’s design for marriage, things don’t always work out perfectly, but there is an unexplainable harmony, a beautiful dance that occurs.

    Men who are sitting back, letting others lead their wives and families, need to take the reins. Yes, it will mean more work and responsibility, but it’s a job that’s been assigned to them by our Heavenly Father. This job is of utmost importance, and it’s a job they’ve been created to fulfill. Genesis 2 defines the man’s role to work and keep. A godly man provides stability and security that is needed in his home. He nurtures the heart and the mind of his wife and children. If every man and dad knew how impactful their role is, our world might be a different place.

    Photo credit: ©Unsplash/Ben White

    Why Is Spiritual Leadership Important in Marriage?

    A ship sails aimlessly about without a captain, a classroom turns to chaos without a teacher, and a company needs a CEO to make final decisions. A married couple and a family need a leader. They need a guide who is seeking the Lord’s guidance in this sinful world. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go.” (Psalm 32:8)

    Spiritual leaders guide and direct the ship. They look out for potential danger ahead. They make sure everyone aboard is safe, and their needs are met. If trouble arises (as it always does), they develop a plan to solve the problem. They take advice from their shipmates and constantly provide encouragement. They develop the best route to get to their destination. They ensure the ship stays on course and are responsible for everyone getting safely to their destination.

    Sally Clarkson has a quote pertinent to this topic, “In the absence of biblical conviction, people will go the way of culture.” Meaning, if a couple is not actively working to have the right relationship with the Lord, their decisions will be heavily influenced by culture. By not deciding to lead your marriage actively, you are deciding to let others lead your house by default.

    A solid biblical leader will not take their role for granted or boast about their knowledge. Instead, they will model the ultimate servant leader Jesus and make sure He is aboard the ship. They will acknowledge their shortcomings, repent, and ask for help.

    How Can a Wife Support Her Husband in Spiritual Leadership?

    How can a wife support her husband as he leads their family? Or, if your husband is not stepping into this role, what can you do?

    The Bible says in Proverbs 21:9, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Based on this verse, a wife cannot nag, coerce, or argue her way to force her husband to spiritually lead them. Only God can change hearts, but there are a few things a wife can do. The first is prayer. The word pray is used 313 times in the King James Bible. Psalms 37:4 tells us, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Pray a specific Scripture for your husband’s heart to be turned to Jesus every day. I am talking about consistent, heart-felt prayers you say for years.

    I have been praying Isaiah 11:2-5 for my husband for over five years. I take God’s words and insert my husband’s name to personalize the prayer. “May the Spirit of the Lord rest on Jonathan, give him a Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, a Spirit of counsel and of might, the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord – that he will delight in the fear of the Lord.”

    Photo credit: ©Pexels/Luis Quintero

    You can encourage your husband to be in groups and build relationships with other solid Christian men, preferably an older man who has experience with marriage and family. Let him speak truth into your husband. Pray your husband’s ears and heart are open to this man’s advice. You can model healthy habits by reading your Bible and having your prayer time.

    Respect goes a long way in a marriage, especially with men. If you are frustrated with his lack of leadership, lovingly communicate your desires, but respect him regardless. Give him time to grow into this role. The culture doesn’t teach men how to spiritually lead; if anything, the opposite. Be patient with him, and never stop praying!

    A husband seeking God and truly leading his wife and children biblically is a beautiful thing. The house is in order. “He rewards those who earnestly seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6) The role of a spiritual leader is a critical one, and it’s being attacked by culture. In today’s climate, men are backing down from the job for many good reasons, but the Christian community is paying the price. We need husbands accepting and committed to the role God designed for them. We need them leading their wives and children. We need husbands fearing less in what others think of them and fearing more in the Lord.

    Photo credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Carolyn Horlings

    Katie Kennedy headshotKatie T. Kennedy lives in Richmond, VA. She is married to a wonderful husband Jonathan and they have three girls. She is a writer, blogger, and employee of the family business. After a mid-life spiritual transformation, she discovered her love of writing. She loves to travel, read, be in nature, cook, and dream.  She would love to connect with you online at www.katietkennedy.com, Instagram or Facebook.

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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  • Setting Goals for a Good Year of Marriage

    Setting Goals for a Good Year of Marriage

    Resolutions are rarely kept past 30 days, but goals can be life changing. More than good intentions, goals help you put in place concrete steps to create a different life, and a different kind of love. Goals are simply dreams with deadlines. So take some time to dream together!

    If life feels too hectic to sit and write goals for your future, as a couple or family—  take goal setting on the road! While you are both in your car, have the non-driver interview the other and write down some goals for the coming year that will make your love stronger and last longer.(We offer a “Your Best Year Ever” goal planning sheet that can walk your through goal setting set by step at www.Love-wise.com) This may lead to some deeper, richer, or more lively discussions, so it might take a few sessions to work your way through the questions. Enjoy the forward movement!  

    Here is a sampling of a few questions to fine-tune your life, your marriage or family life:  

    • As you look at the year ahead, what is the most important issue or goal you have on your heart for the coming year for yourself?
    • As you look at the year ahead what is the most important issue or goal you have on your heart for the coming year for our marriage?
    • As you look at the year ahead what is the most important issue or goal you have on your heart for the coming year for our family?  
    • What adjustments on the home front would make reaching these desires easier?
    • How are you planning to grow yourself
      -Spiritually?
      -Physically?
      -Emotionally?
      -Socially?
      -Academically or in your career?

    What can I do to help you? (Each answer this for the other.)

    • Can we write these desires into tangible measurable goals? (Write below.)
    • Can we create a personal motto, family or marriage motto for the year? (We detail this in our book 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make)

    We like to create a theme for the year too. One couple we know selected “Think Young” for a year in their mid 40’s. One of our friends who were drifting apart made theirs’ “Love again in 2010”—and guess what? They went from the brink of divorce to a vibrant and strong loving marriage before the Thanksgiving holiday.

    • Do you have a verse for the year that captures what you think God is saying to your heart? (To find a verse, select a few keywords and place them into the word search on www.Biblegateway.com or Logos Bible software, and you’ll get a list of verses to select from.)

    Samples of “The Verse for the Year” we have used in the past to motivate forward movement:

    2013: With a goal of becoming stronger in all areas

    “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

    This year both Bill and I selected the same word (STRONGER), the same verse Joshua 1:9, and the same motto for the year (“Stay Strong”). All year, all our choices were made with one question in mind, “Will this make me/us stronger?” The outcome was we got stronger as a couple physically, financially, and our ministry and family were strengthened as we checked off goals.

    2008: With a goal of becoming a better leader publicly and privately

    “Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to him” (2 Corinthians 5:9 NASB).

    My one question that provided focus was, “Is this pleasing God?”

    See if each of you can come up with a verse that will motivate you personally in a way that will case positive impact on your love and life together. We then memorize the verse and meditate on it daily. Try to create a singular question that can serve as a focusing lens for life.

    The key to success is not just voicing your goals, but go back to your Outlook or personal planner system and place time to actually DO your goals into your scheduling. We also place a date to review our progress every three to four months.

    The final secret to success is to reward yourselves and celebrate every possible victory all along the path. If your goal is to argue less, then the first day you go all day without a fight, celebrate it! If your goal is to save money, plan ways to pat yourselves in the back that don’t cost: share a sunset moment, walk along the beach or in the park holding hands. Make it a goal to list off five ways you can celebrate each other as you make progress in your goal to stay in love. A long-lasting love is just a couple who have made it their goal to go one more day in love and invested the time and effort to pull it off—one day at a time. 

    Pam and Bill Farrel are the authors of 40 books including their newest: 7 Simple Skills for Success for Men. For more information on goal setting, we have a few books available with goal information in them: Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti or 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make or download a goal setting sheet at www.Love-Wise.com 

    Publication date: December 31, 2014

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Ippei Naoi

    Pam and Bill Farrel

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  • Raising Responsible Parents: Guiding Your Adult Children in Parenthood

    Raising Responsible Parents: Guiding Your Adult Children in Parenthood

    As seasoned parents who have weathered the storms and reveled in the joys of raising children, we find ourselves positioned to impart the wisdom garnered through our journey. Our role as experienced parents goes beyond mere advice; it includes a nurturing presence, a beacon of support, and a wellspring of shared experiences. 

    It also includes teaching and guiding them in matters of faith and righteous living. 

    Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Responsible parenthood involves the consistent and intentional transmission of values throughout various aspects of daily life.

    In building responsible parenthood in our adult children, our experiences become the compass that guides them, nurturing a legacy of love, resilience, and unwavering commitment to the sacred duty of parenting.

    The Changing Dynamics

    As we go through parenting, a significant shift occurs when our children transition into adulthood and take on the profound responsibility of parenthood. This demands a subtle yet crucial recognition: our role evolves from being the primary caretaker to becoming a steadfast supporter and guide. 

    This transition is not a relinquishment of our responsibility but a metamorphosis into a role that seamlessly integrates our wisdom and support into our adult children’s parenting journey. It’s a paradigm shift that calls for a delicate balance between offering guidance and allowing them the autonomy to shape their unique parenting paths.

    The journey of guiding adult children into parenthood is a significant expedition marked by challenges and successes. The challenges are many, from navigating the complexities of modern parenting philosophies to addressing the ever-changing landscape of societal expectations. 

    Yet, intertwined with these challenges are the joys of witnessing the growth of a new family, the triumphs of overcoming obstacles, and the shared moments of laughter and love. 

    Practical Tips for Guiding Adult Children in Parenthood

    Navigating the intricate path of guiding our adult children in their journey of parenthood requires a thoughtful and supportive approach. Here are some practical tips that can serve as guiding lights in this meaningful endeavor:

    1. Allow open dialogue on parenting philosophies. 

    Encourage an environment where open dialogue thrives. Recognize that each family is unique, with its own set of values, traditions, and dynamics. Emphasize the importance of adapting advice to suit their family structure. This promotes a sense of flexibility and respect for diverse approaches to parenting, allowing for more personalized and effective guidance.

    2. Encourage a supportive environment.

    Create an atmosphere where your availability for advice is evident, yet it remains non-intrusive. Offer your wisdom as a resource rather than an imposition, creating a space where your adult children feel comfortable seeking guidance when needed, knowing it comes from a place of genuine support rather than judgment.

    Strike a delicate balance between providing support and allowing autonomy. While your experience can offer valuable insights, respect the independence of your adult children in making their parenting decisions. This balance ensures they feel empowered to navigate their unique journey while benefiting from your wisdom.

    3. Emphasize the value of learning from mistakes.

    Make your adult children acknowledge the inherent challenges that come with parenthood. Engage them in candid conversations about the realities of parenting, sharing your own experiences of overcoming difficulties. This openness sets the stage for a realistic understanding of the journey, preparing them for the joys and tribulations that come with raising a family.

    Instill in them the understanding that mistakes are inherent in any journey, including parenthood. Encourage resilience by emphasizing the importance of learning and growing through experiences. Share stories of how challenges, when approached with resilience, can become stepping stones to personal and familial growth. This will ultimately create in them a mindset that views setbacks as opportunities for development.

    4. Embrace continuous learning and adaptability.

    Advocate for a culture of continuous learning within the family. Encourage reading, attending parenting workshops, and staying informed about evolving parenting trends. This commitment to ongoing education will enrich their collective knowledge base and promote an environment where growth and adaptability are valued.

    Remind your adult children that parenting is an ever-evolving journey. Teach them to cultivate flexibility in their approaches, emphasizing the importance of adapting strategies based on the changing needs of their children and the evolving dynamics of family life. This adaptability ensures a dynamic and responsive parenting style that aligns with the evolving nature of family dynamics.

    5. Nurture connection through quality time.

    Recognize the importance of spending quality time with both your grandchildren and adult children. Nurturing familial bonds through shared experiences creates a foundation of trust and mutual understanding. Whether it’s through family outings, dinners, or simple gatherings, quality time fosters a connection that goes beyond the realm of advice, reinforcing the familial support system.

    Encourage the establishment of family traditions and rituals. These contribute to a sense of identity continuity and provide a framework for building lasting memories. Shared traditions create a sense of stability and belonging, becoming touchpoints that strengthen the family unit.

    6. Instill the importance of self-care.

    Remind adult children of the significance of self-care amidst the demands of parenthood. Encourage the cultivation of personal well-being through practices such as mindfulness, exercise, and adequate rest. Emphasize that a nurtured caregiver is better equipped to provide effective and compassionate parenting.

    Lead by example in prioritizing self-care. Demonstrate the value of balance by showcasing your commitment to maintaining your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. This serves as a powerful illustration of the positive impact that self-care can have on both the individual and the family unit.

    7. Leverage technology for support.

    Introduce the benefits of leveraging technology to access parenting resources. There is a plethora of parenting apps and online communities that provide valuable insights, parenting tips, and a sense of community. Guide them toward reliable platforms that align with their parenting philosophies.

    Highlight the potential of virtual support networks. In the digital age, connecting with other parents through online forums and social media can offer a sense of camaraderie. Encourage the exploration of these platforms for shared experiences, advice, and a sense of community.

    8. Encourage intergenerational wisdom-sharing.

    Create opportunities for intergenerational conversations within the family. Encourage the sharing of parenting experiences not only between you and your adult children but also among different generations. This exchange of wisdom fosters a rich collection of insights, blending traditional values with contemporary perspectives.

    Emphasize the importance of valuing the wisdom of elders, including grandparents and great-grandparents. Their experiences, often rooted in a different era, can provide unique perspectives on parenting that enrich the family narrative. Facilitate avenues for these individuals to share their stories and insights with the younger generations.

    The goal here is to create a holistic framework that encompasses not only practical parenting advice but also nurtures the emotional, spiritual, and social dimensions of the familial journey. Each of these tips serves as guidance and support for your adult children as they navigate the terrain of parenthood.

    Nurturing a Legacy of Responsible Parenthood

    We must also imbibe in them the fortitude to adhere to responsible parenting. The seeds of responsible parenting, sown with intentionality and care, possess the transformative power to shape not just the character of our own children but to imprint upon the collective consciousness of our descendants a legacy woven with threads of empathy, resilience, and unwavering commitment to the well-being of the familial unit.

    It is a recognition that the actions and choices we make in guiding our adult children today reflect into the future, influencing the ethos of families yet unborn. In understanding this, the weight of our role as stewards of responsible parenthood takes on a higher significance—a sacred duty that transcends the boundaries of our immediate familial space.

    We must, however, implore not only the wisdom garnered from our own experiences but also advocate for a commitment to continuous learning and growth—a commitment that stands as a beacon, illuminating the path toward an ever-evolving understanding of the intricacies of parenthood. 

    This commitment to learning is not confined to the academic realm but extends into the heart of familial interactions, where each interaction becomes a lesson, each challenge an opportunity for growth, and each joy a testament to the rewards of resilient and responsible parenting.

    Why It’s Important to Raise Responsible Parent 

    Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This highlights the impact of early guidance and the responsibility of parents to instill values that withstand the tests of adulthood and parenthood.

    The need for parental guidance during the transition to adulthood and parenthood is even more apparent in the modern era, which is characterized by quick changes in society and shifting family dynamics. The Apostle Paul’s counsel in Ephesians 6:4 reinforces this need, urging fathers to “bring [their children] up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The call to nurture and admonish implies an active and intentional role in guiding our adult children, not just in their spiritual journey but also in the practical aspects of parenthood.

    The challenges of contemporary society, with its myriad distractions and shifting cultural landscapes, make the role of parental guidance indispensable. As adult children journey through the complexities of parenthood, they encounter a barrage of influences that may not align with godly principles. Therefore, providing them with guidance firmly rooted in the unchanging Word of God becomes a compass, directing them through the stormy seas of conflicting ideologies and societal norms.

    Consider the example of Timothy in the New Testament, whose faith was nurtured and strengthened by the guidance of his mother Eunice and grandmother Lois (2 Timothy 1:5). This intergenerational transmission of faith and wisdom exemplifies the lasting impact of parental guidance on the spiritual heritage of families.

    Guiding adult children into parenthood is not only about imparting rules but also about modeling a Christ-centered life. The words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 11:1 say, “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.” As parents, our lives become living epistles, and our guidance serves as a roadmap for our adult children to follow in the footsteps of Christ in their journey of parenthood.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/DGLimages

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

    Emmanuel Abimbola

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  • 6 Ways to Deal with Unmet Expectations in Marriage

    6 Ways to Deal with Unmet Expectations in Marriage

    I had a set of idyllic dreams of what our marriage would look like before I got hitched. For instance, I envisioned that my husband and I would always wind down our days together. Perhaps we would savor the sunset, have dinner together and then cozy up on the couch. However, my husband often works late, and by the time he gets home, the sunset is long gone, and the day has been swallowed up by night. He is also often exhausted and hungry. All he needs at that moment is a hot bath and a meal.

    Over time, I have learned to take this and several other unmet expectations in my stride. But this wasn’t always the case. Earlier on in my marriage, I would blow a gasket whenever I felt my spouse was falling short of my expectations. I would huff and puff, demanding that he acts or behaves in a certain way. Sometimes he would indulge me, giving in to pressure, but other times he would not. Eventually, we would both get entangled in a web of resentment.

    Because we all get married to fellow human beings with their fair share of flaws and weaknesses, it goes without saying that we have to contend with unmet expectations. Our spouses are far from perfect. They may try their best, but they are still incapable of meeting all our needs and attending to all our whims. It may feel like you are getting the short end of the stick as you come face to face with this reality.

    Unmet expectations can spark resentment and frustration. This article will help you put things in perspective as you deal with unmet expectations in your marriage.

    1. Be Realistic

    Let’s be honest; sometimes, we expect too much from our spouses. For instance, a husband may expect his wife to always be in the mood for intimacy, maintain her body size even after becoming a mother, and keep a clean home at all times. A wife, on the other hand, may expect that her knight in shining armor will always be at hand to listen to her rumblings, organize weekly date nights without fail, and spend all his free time with her.

    And while both of you need to do all it takes to love each other and meet each other’s needs, don’t forget that you are limited. You are bound to fall short of each other’s expectations. Additionally, men and women often have very different needs. What you may consider a priority in your marriage may seem like a non-issue to your spouse. They have to learn your needs and master your love language over time. As they do that, they may stumble and falter. You need to be patient with them and give them the benefit of the doubt.

    2. Separate the Wheat From the Chaff

    It’s important to exercise sobriety where unmet expectations are concerned. Not all unmet expectations should be shrugged off. Some are indeed “deal breakers” and should not be swept under the rug. For example, we expect our spouses to be faithful to us. When that expectation is not met, and one spouse is involved in adultery, the offended spouse should not chalk it up to “unmet expectations.”

    Adultery is a harmful vice in a marriage that often requires therapy for the couple to find healing. But some other unfulfilled expectations are not deal breakers. For instance, if your spouse irritates you because they don’t pick up after themselves, that is something you can easily shrug off because it does not significantly threaten the health of your marriage.

    As such, couples should separate the chaff from the wheat while dealing with unmet expectations. If the issue at hand majorly concerns personality differences and does not threaten the heart of the marriage, then the offended spouse can choose to overlook it.

    3. Accept Your Spouse’s Weaknesses

    “With all lowliness and gentleness, with long-suffering, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)

    Part of the reason your spouse will not meet all your expectations is that, just like you, they have various weaknesses. Scripture tells us that we all stumble in many ways (James 3:2). None of us are perfect. Perhaps your spouse’s weakness is forgetting important dates or procrastinating. However, that doesn’t mean that they are an awful person or that they don’t mean well. It just shows that they are human.

    It helps to study your partner and note their weaknesses so that you are not too gutted when they fall short. As their companion, you could also help them work on their weaknesses instead of judging them and taking offense. Remember that forgiveness is a daily component of a healthy marriage—rise above obsessing over your spouse’s weaknesses and learn to bear with them in love.

    4. Uphold Clear Communication

    I know the importance of clear communication firsthand because it has revolutionized my marriage. Earlier on, I used to hold on to grudges, expecting my husband to read my mind and figure out what was making me grumpy. Your guess is as good as mine – never once did he have an idea of the issue at hand. I quickly realized this tactic didn’t work and tossed it out the window. I learned to instead clearly communicate my grievances.

    Clear communication will help you cope with unmet expectations. Perhaps your spouse has a good reason why they acted the way they did, but you will never know until you get talking. Clear communication helps weed out misunderstanding, increases marital satisfaction, and spells out expectations. It also fosters respect and trust, which leads to greater emotional intimacy. Every time you choose to communicate with your spouse instead of sweeping issues under the rug, you give your marriage a new lease on life.

    5. Connect with Other Couples

    “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire, he rages against all wise judgment.” (Proverbs 18:1).

    “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25).

    Connecting regularly with other couples helps you appreciate your spouse. As you interact with other couples, you are likely to notice that they, too, have their disputes and weaknesses. This helps you put your relationship into perspective and makes you feel better about your marriage. It helps you realize that you are not the only one facing some bumps in the road in your pursuit of a great marriage. Many other couples are walking the same path.

    Besides that, connecting with other couples gives you new ideas and perspectives, rekindles your passion, injects fun into your marriage, keeps you accountable, and fosters a stronger marriage. Remember that as iron sharpens iron, so does a man sharpen the countenance of his friend (Proverbs 27:17).

    6. Do Not Compare Your Spouse

    Yes, you are feeling awfully discontent in your marriage as you deal with a flurry of unmet expectations. But. Do not go down the rabbit hole of comparing your spouse to others because it may be the last straw that breaks the camel’s back. Comparing your spouse will usher you into a path of no return as you elevate other people above your spouse. Even the good attributes that your spouse possesses will soon fizzle out in your eyes.

    Instead, choose to bear with their weaknesses, communicate clearly and empathize with them. This will go a long way in helping you handle unmet expectations.

    Related Resource: Listen to The Real Relationship Talk Podcast!

    Dana Che is the founder of Thrive Relationships, where she serves as a marriage and relationship coach and host of the Real Relationship Talk podcast. Dana’s mission is singular: to help people thrive in their relationships with the Lord and with each other. Listen to her episode on Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage by clicking the play button below:

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/People Images

    Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.

    LISTEN: Overcoming Fear in Marriage

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: Signs You Married for the Wrong Reasons

    Click here to read the full article.

    Keren Kanyago

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  • Learning to Receive

    Learning to Receive

    “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.” Ephesians 1:3

    Most women I know are excellent givers, but not always good at receiving. As I ponder this, I wonder if it’s because of how God created us as helpers for our husbands, companions to our coworkers and friends, and even nurses for our kids when they’re sick.

    It comes natural for us to serve our families, contribute to our workplaces, and give of ourselves until we have nothing left to give. Yet, learning to receive is vitally important to our health and growth. It’s part of who we were created to be – to receive every blessing we’ve been given through Christ Jesus.

    If you’re an excellent giver but struggle to receive, I pray this post is of great encouragement to you. It is possible to receive with a joyful mindset, open hands of faith, and a heart of gratitude. 

    It Starts with Belief

    When we read the verse in Acts 20:35 that says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive,” we might assume Paul is telling the early church that receiving is bad. However, in the context of the entire chapter, we see that Paul is talking about covetousness and how he avoided this issue by working to supply what was needed for himself and his companions. 

    What we believe about receiving matters greatly. If we have the mindset that we must always give, serve, and help but never get, be served, or be helped, we’re going to run ourselves ragged and miss out on the blessings around us.

    Many times, I’ve witnessed my mom or mother-in-law busy in the kitchen while the rest of the family is enjoying time together. Usually, with a bit of coaxing, I’m able to get them to stop and join the fellowship, but it’s apparent their natural tendency is to serve.

    In Psalm 34:8, David said, “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes. refuge in Him.” This passage invites us to partake of the Lord’s goodness and take refuge in Him. It doesn’t once mention giving, but instead, receiving.

    Learning to receive starts with belief – the belief that God gives good gifts to His children and wants us to accept them with joy and thanksgiving. Pray and ask the Lord to change your mindset around “receiving” and begin to embrace the amazing blessings He pours out to you.

    Here are more helpful resources for your journey:

    Why Does the Book of Acts Say It’s Better to Give Than Receive?

    A Prayer for Changing the Way You Think

    15 Things to Do If You Need a Change in Perspective

    It Requires Humility

    It can feel awkward when someone gives us a compliment or word of affirmation, especially when we’re not good at receiving. Our tendency might be to say things like, “Oh, it’s nothing, really,” or “If only you knew the real me!” But what could happen if we humbly received the kind words of others with sincerity and gratitude? Imagine how their words of affirmation would continue to bless us instead of being instantly dismissed and forgotten.

    In the ESV, Proverbs 22:4 says, “The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life.” This verse first emphasizes humility, but it also highlights the riches, honor, and reward we receive when we are humble before God.

    Learning to receive requires humility – the kind of humility that accepts things from others with genuine appreciation. Instead of glossing over the act of kindness, or receiving it flippantly, we are intentional about pausing long enough to realize the graciousness of others and the blessings of God.

    This isn’t always easy, but the more we practice humbly accepting what others give with a simple and sincere “Thank you,” the better we’ll get at receiving. So, the next time you’re offered a compliment or unexpected act of kindness, pause for a moment before you respond. Look the person in the eye and let them know you truly appreciate them. 

    Here are more helpful resources for your journey:

    What is Humility? Bible Meaning and Importance for Christians

    Why We Need to Learn to Take Compliments Well

    The Grace and Greatness of True Humility

    It Takes Practice

    Learning to receive well isn’t going to happen overnight, but, fortunately, there are many times throughout the year when we can practice it. Holidays, celebrations, work gatherings, church settings… all of these provide opportunities to not only serve others but receive from them as well. This can be in the form of:

    -Tangible gifts

    -Awards and promotions

    -Verbal compliments 

    -Help with projects or tasks

    -Wisdom, counsel, and guidance

    In each scenario, we can learn to receive graciously without false guilt or false humility. Yes, it takes practice, but just like anything else, the more we do it the better we get at it. At your next gathering, be intentional about receiving. Don’t let compliments slide. Don’t downplay the promotion. Don’t reject the help people offer. Be willing to receive what others are more than willing to give. Before long, you’ll be an expert giver and receiver!

    Here are more helpful resources for your journey:

    6 Ways to Seek Wise Counsel in Your Life

    What James 1:17 Means By ‘Every Good and Perfect Gift’ is from Above’

    It Grows with Gratitude

    It might seem counterintuitive to give more in order to receive more, but when it comes to gratitude, that’s exactly how it works. In fact, have you ever prayed with open hands, waiting in eager expectation for what God has for you that day? 

    This is a simple habit to incorporate into your personal time with the Lord, and as you do, you’ll find yourself growing in gratitude for His abundant blessings. With anticipation, you’ll seek His truth, His will, and His way and learn to receive the spiritual blessings He’s already given you according to Ephesians 1:3.

    Remember, the Lord is a Giver – He’s the Giver of life, love, and limitless grace. That means, as His daughters, we are to be receivers of His abundant life, eternal love, and endless grace. When we view receiving from this perspective, it will become wonderful and joyful for us. And the more lavish we are in gratefulness and praise to our good, good Father, the more eager we will be to receive daily gifts from Him.

    It was John Wesley who said, “Thanksgiving is inseparable from true prayer; it is almost essentially connected with it. One who always prays is ever giving praise, whether in ease or pain, both for prosperity and for the greatest adversity. He blesses God for all things, looks on them as coming from Him, and receives them for His sake.”

    Let’s learn to receive as we grow in our gratitude to the God who loves us and blesses us with every good thing. Let’s practice receiving with sincerity and pause. And let’s humbly accept the kindness others offer by believing in the goodness of both giving and receiving with joy.

    Here are more helpful resources for your journey:

    4 Ways Gratitude Can Change Your Mindset

    There’s a Good Reason for Gratitude

    The Attitude of Gratitude

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Tom Merton

    Jennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth. 

    Jennifer Waddle

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  • Restore the Peace After an Awful Marital Argument

    Restore the Peace After an Awful Marital Argument

    The milk frother is working again! I didn’t replace the batteries, but I know exactly who did. If you love milk in your coffee and you have never tried a milk frother, I suggest you look into it right now. It could be just what you need to save your marriage! Ok, maybe not really, but it may be a great peace offering. 

    Let me start with this, my husband is a coffee snob – literally. He drinks that goodness with no extra fluff (unlike my cup which is filled with seasonal syrups and almond milk). He sips on his strictly black coffee and adamantly declares anything else is just added nonsense. He is a simple, minimalist type of guy, and honestly, I love him for that. 

    So, how did a simple coffee thingamajig (a.k.a. coffee frother) save our marriage? Well, let’s start with a story:

    A few weeks ago, our marriage was tested in a mighty big way. As much as I love my hubby, the “like him” part was on the low end of my wife barometer. Truth be told, the past year and a half has been extremely hard, and we’ve often found ourselves just going through the motions to get by – one day at a time. 

    Unfortunately, this made a perfect path for the enemy to weasel his way right into our home, our family, and within the sacred confines of our marriage. Grr. It all began after our teen disobeyed our boundaries again, leaving us both flustered, frustrated, and severely disappointed. Maybe it was the straw that broke the camel’s back or the fact that we were both running on empty.

    Needless to say, this situation put a huge damper and strain on our marriage. So, after my oldest and I exchanged some rather harsh words, I plopped down angrily on the couch and felt the heat of my husband’s side-eye. And well, let me tell you – that was all I needed to take the bait and feed my frenzy of fury. 

    I could have just gone on to bed (which I have done in the past), woke up refreshed, and then hugged my dear hubby, saying something along the lines of, “We’ve got this.” But… I didn’t. I let the enemy win by getting his big ‘ole ugly foot in the way, adding unneeded and unnecessary fuel to the fire!

    My not-so-Proverbs-31 wife reaction landed us in a place of tension for quite a few days. We were sort of cordial, I guess, but it was most certainly forced. The greetings, sweet smiles, and loving gestures were fake (almost demeaning) and not at all genuine. 

    That is until I picked up the frother… and it was working. My husband’s peace offering. I hadn’t been using it because I was too lazy to change out the batteries, yet there it was – working, almost as if to say, “We’ve got this. We will work this out.”

    A few tears slipped into my coffee that day, but it just got me thinking, we can’t be the only couple that has these awful marital arguments, can we? After all, parenting is hard, jobs are draining, and life is plain, downright challenging at times – all this and more can eventually take a toll on any marriage. 

    Ever been there?

    If so, how can we restore the peace in our marriages after a not-too-pretty argument? Well, as much as I wish I had all the answers, I know Who does! Let’s see how God ministers to our hearts during a marital conflict.

    Take Time to Cool Down

    Some of the best advice we got when we were a younger couple was to get a kitchen timer and keep it handy. This couple, who must have been our current age now (yikes, time really flies), told us that when they got into a heated argument, they took the time to “cool down.” Meaning that they set an actual timer as a visual reminder that they would not allow an argument to linger and hover for more time than necessary. During that time, they would pray and seek God’s discernment on how to handle the situation. It also prohibited them from letting a heated discussion go any further, which generally leads to hasty retorts and harsh words (Ephesians 4:29).

    Now, I realize with small children, this may be hard to do, but once you complete your parental responsibilities, and the little ones are in bed, or you have time throughout your day, set the timer, then each of you step away and pray. You can go for a long walk or take a drive too, just to cool off, clear your head, and seek wisdom (James 1:5). Then rejoin after that timer goes off and share your heart while striving to be open and receiving what your spouse has to say.

    Identify the Real Issue

    Many times, arguments form from an accumulation of things. It’s not just one thing. It’s those little things that build up, and build up, and build up – then bam! Just like that, one comment is said, or a snarky look is given, and that’s it – game on! But, wait! Hold on just a moment. Maybe before we even let it get to that point, we start by recognizing the stumbling blocks before they even take place (Matthew 18:15). 

    Is it the demands of parenting, the housework that is piling up, the stress in your jobs, or other activities? Maybe it’s the lack of trust as boundaries or lines are being crossed, or it’s several little foxes that have gotten into your vineyard (Song of Solomon 2:15). Friend, we must protect our marriages and guard them against all the brutal attacks this world will continually throw at them. We must also realize that Christian marriages are not jaded by this! In fact, the enemy has his evil eye on faithful marriages that love God; they are his prime target!

    So, it is so important that we identify the potential threats, call them out, and pray out loud over our marriage. Start in your bedroom as you proclaim Scriptures over your bed, sanctuary, and safe place that is meant to bring passion and restore love in your union. Invite God into your marriage and cast out all evil. We cannot let the deceiver get a foothold!

    Be Quick to Apologize

    This sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? But why is it so hard? Sigh. I will admit that I am not generally quick to apologize. In fact, arguments emotionally drain me, so much so, that I have been known to fall asleep shortly after we have one. You can imagine this slightly irritates my hubby, who really likes to fix problems as soon as they come up.

    While Ephesians 4:26 may tell us not to let the sun go down on our anger, oftentimes, we misunderstand this verse, and pausing for a while may be the best thing we can do. It’s the bitterness that this passage is referring to, so that is what we should keep in mind. Paul tells us that anger is not necessarily wrong or sinful when it is controlled. Yet, when we let it fester and long for vengeance, this leads to sinful thoughts and actions. As believers, there should be issues that are offensive to our God and should stoke righteous anger. When the enemy is tampering with our marriage, that is most certainly a time to be angry – with the enemy!

    That being said, when we take a moment to cool down (or rest for the night), we realize we are both dealing with outside pressures that are trying to sabotage what God joined together. This should move us to be angry about the enemy trying to strip us of joy, peace, and love. The easy fix is to simply say, “I’m sorry….”

    A heartfelt and sincere apology can go a long way in your marriage (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Start with simply saying, “I’m sorry.” Then, add to it what you are sorry for and validate the feelings of your spouse.

    Extend a Simple Peace Offering

    As you may already be well aware, these heated marital situations can take a bit of time to restore and reclaim peace. It may take hours, days, or even weeks. Maybe you have been dealing with tension for a while now. Sometimes we need outside help from a professional to get us through hard and trying seasons. Recognize the season you and your spouse are in and take the steps needed to head toward healing. 

    However, we mustn’t disregard the peace and joy that can come from simple gestures of kindness (Ephesians 4:32). When we take the time to truly think about our spouse and their needs and extend forgiveness, something truly beautiful can happen. We allow God to move in our hearts and repair the wounds acquired. 

    So, whether it’s replacing batteries in a milk frother or making him a cup of coffee the way he likes it and bringing it to him in bed, do something that shows you are extending forgiveness and welcoming peace. Other simply sweet gestures include writing a touching note, extending a hug, making his favorite meal, or speaking his love language.

    I’ll end with this, sweet sister, my simple words of encouragement for you – you are not alone. It can often feel like that after an intense and ugly argument, but God is with you, He is rooting for you, and He deeply cares for the sanctity of your marriage. Let Him lead and guide you, as you place your trust in Him. 

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/gorodenkoff

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

    LISTEN: Overcoming Fear in Marriage

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: Signs You Married for the Wrong Reasons

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    Alicia Searl

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  • How Do We Honor Our Father and Mother if They Were Abusive?

    How Do We Honor Our Father and Mother if They Were Abusive?

    As a parent, there are some parts of the scriptures that I have taught my children, despite the nagging going on in my own heart. Over the years, it has come up from time to time, even though I tried to push it down.

    Honor Your Father and Mother

    As believers, my husband and I have done our best to raise our children with a biblical worldview, trying to represent the Lord in the way we love and protect them. 

    For many of our friends and people we go to church with, I would say they also strive to parent in very much the same way. For the most part, it has been easy not just to teach that concept to our kids, but for them to see it modeled in the lives of those around us.

    If I am honest, though, there has always been something in the back of my heart and mind when I have spoken those words. 

    What does it mean to honor a father and mother that didn’t represent Christ? How do we, as believers, uphold the commandment that is in both the Old and New Testaments while trying to figure out how to heal from the painful parts of our past?

    I think for many years, I sat with this tension, allowing the enemy to speak shame and guilt into my life. More than once, I allowed those feelings to push me into situations that left me with more pain than when I started. 

    While I knew God wanted me to break the chains of abuse in my family, I also couldn’t reconcile how I could do that, while also holding the tension of trying to honor my parents when they clearly were not living for the Lord. 

    As I took that tension and pain to the Lord, He revealed some things to me that I think may also be helpful for you.

    1. We Need to Read Through the Lens of What We Know about Jesus

    Jesus said a lot about abuse, how to treat people, and what it means to represent Him well. The intention of the command to honor your parents included the assumption that those parents were themselves submitted to the Lord. 

    If someone is submitted to the Lord, then there really is no problem with honor. The problems come when someone demands honor while not first honoring Christ themselves. Jesus does not ever condone abuse. 

    His heart is for those who are broken to be restored, for captives to be freed, and for our human relationships to represent His love as we serve others. We also see Jesus throughout the New Testament exhibit and teach good boundaries. 

    2. The Best Way We Can Honor Our Parents Is to Surrender Them to the Lord

    Ultimately, we can never change our parents, as much as we may want to. The one who can?  Jesus. If we have parents who are not safe emotionally, spiritually, or physically, then the best way we can honor them is to surrender them to the Lord. 

    We can honor them from a distance by praying for them. Sometimes, it takes the loss of a relationship before someone realizes that they need to change. It may take losing a relationship with a child for someone to seek Jesus for their own healing. 

    3. Our Biblical Obligation Is to Protect Our Children

    As we grow spiritually, we start to heal from the things the enemy has tried to use in our lives to keep us bound. Part of that healing means we have to parent our own children differently than how we were raised. 

    That is part of the process of breaking the “generational curses” that have plagued some of our families. Addictions, abuse, mental illness, etc. are all ways that the enemy has impacted generations of families. 

    While it can be difficult, we have a biblical responsibility to protect our children, sometimes from our own parents. This may mean keeping our distance, and not allowing some of the same things that affected us to affect them.

    None of this is easy. There are people who may not understand. Sometimes people who don’t come from abusive homes may have damaging advice, even if it is well-meaning. 

    The key? Leaning into our relationship with the Lord and listening to the counsel of the Holy Spirit. That is the only way we can effectively navigate these tricky relationships. 

    As we continue to surrender our parents to the Lord, the hope is that He will change their hearts in a way that only He can. And until He does? We can remember that we are not alone. God is not just our Father, but He is a good Father.

    And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty (2 Corinthians 6:18).

    Rachael Groll is a missionary, a podcaster, and the author of She Hears: Learning to Listen to Jesus. You can listen to more about Matthew 15 on the Hearing Jesus Podcast: 

    Read more from Rachael at SHEHEARS.ORG

    For further reading:

    How Long Do We Have to Honor Our Parents?

    What Should We Say to Victims of Abuse?

    5 Biblical Boundaries to Set with Others

    3 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries Between Yourself and Toxic People

    5 Prayers for Parents with Alzheimer’s

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PIKSEL

    Rachael Groll is a missionary, a podcaster, and the author of She Hears: Learning to Listen to Jesus. You can listen to more about Matthew 10 on the Hearing Jesus Podcast, What to Do When Others Reject the Gospel: A Devotional Bible Study on Matthew 10:7-15. Read more from Rachael at SHEHEARS.ORG

    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

    Rachael Groll

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  • How to Love and Support Your Spouse When They Are Grieving

    How to Love and Support Your Spouse When They Are Grieving

    Grief is something that most of us experience intensely at least once in our lifetimes. For some of us, grief washes over our lives repeatedly. In some ways, grief is one of the most personal experiences we can go through. Each loss settles into our souls differently, and we respond to our pain uniquely. And yet grief is so universal to all of creation that, in some ways, it can powerfully bind us together.

    After experiencing a number of losses, I observed a pattern in my grief process. It didn’t particularly matter, in my case, what the loss was; if it was significant enough to cause grief, I processed it with certain patterns.

    My husband has also been through a significant number of tragic losses. I’ve walked these “valleys of the shadow of death” with him. More than anything, I wished I could create a grief-lifter-type recipe for just the right TLC. It is agonizing to watch your spouse or child have the wind knocked from them in grief. And for some losses, the grieving process is painstakingly long.

    As a pastor’s wife, there is much ministry devoted to grief. Not necessarily formal grief ministry, but the hours of listening and prayer that are consumed with the grieving process others experience are significant. And again, I’ve wished for the formula to relieve these dear hearts from the crushing weight of grief.

    I don’t have any foolproof recipes for the right way to comfort people, but I have found some common ways to offer comfort.

    In English, the word “comfort” breaks down into Latin roots quite beautifully. Com comes from the root con, which means with. Fort comes from the Latin fortis, meaning strong. True comfort means that we go through something with another person to make them stronger. I think understanding that we weren’t meant to “fix” someone else’s grief is one of the first, best ways to comfort them. We just need to be with them in their pain. The act of being with our spouse is most powerful.

    As a wife, I have sometimes sought to “be with” my husband in more smothering than helpful ways. For some husbands, that approach might have been just what they needed. But my husband needs space to grieve. So, being “with” him is sometimes more of an emotional and spiritual reality than a practical/physical one. Supporting him as he took the time he needed to pray and process was more the kind of comfort he needed than me arranging extra time or activities for us to do together. Telling him in a note that I was praying for him and that I saw all he was carrying on his heart was more “with” him in the sense of supporting him than going for a walk on the beach to hash out a disappointing loss or memories of a deceased relative. More than doing or talking through things together, he needed to know I was with him through my expressions of support.

    For each spouse, the best way to offer “togetherness” in grief differs. And it is possible this will change for each grief your spouse walks through. The way I grieved my grandmother’s passing was different than the way I grieved our miscarriage. So, the kind of support and “with-ness” I needed from my husband was different.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/ Hispanolistic

    While there can be specific needs for each grief we process, there can also be similarities. As a wife, I have found it helpful to look for the broader commonalities in the ways I express my support.

    Regardless of the loss, I know my man’s need for space to process means it isn’t the time to overbook the schedule or start a major house repair/project. He needs room to breathe. Giving him that space and time expresses my support for him.

    Yet, a different spouse might need support because they work with their hands to process their grief, and they are going to need the time, financial resources, and support to dive into a project. The project might eat up their family time, make a mess all over, and require more funding than expected.

    The thing about being married is that as our spouse’s partner in life, we get to learn what they need and try to be part of the process with them. We can offer “with-ness” that no one else really can because God mysteriously makes us one with our spouse.

    A big part of learning to comfort my husband through his grief has been observing him to understand what does and doesn’t bless him in his moments of grief (rather than simply giving him large doses of what I think he needs).

    When our young son wants to help, I tell him the first rule of helping is to listen to what a person needs. So often, we rush in to lift a burden but sometimes make more of a mess than help. Comfort is the same. We must listen and observe our spouse before rushing in with our prescription for the pain.

    The second point of comfort is based on the Hebrew definition of the word. In Hebrew, the word for comfort is sometimes translated as rest. Rest is a form of relief and, thus, a form of comfort. Processing grief is exhausting. There are moments you are emotionally running as hard and fast as you can, moments you are fighting, moments you feel like you’ve been emotionally and spiritually doggie paddling in the middle of the ocean for as long as you can remember. Grief will require rest along the way so it can be processed.

    An elderly man looking sadly at a picture frame

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/DGLimages

    What rests your spouse’s heart? This is another one of those observe-and-listen kinds of support we can give our beloved—no formulas, but still a necessary ingredient.

    My husband rests when he doesn’t have to do anything. He rests with extra sleep. He recharges in quiet moments of solitude and stillness. Rest is simpler for him than for me. I rest on a hike in the mountains. I relax while doing something with my hands that is simple enough to be successful but challenging enough to be fulfilling once done. I rest in sweet fellowship with an intimate circle of family or friends.

    Regardless of how you or your spouse rest, it is necessary for the grieving process, and learning how to support times of true and deep rest for your spouse is an important part of helping them through this valley.

    The last point, and perhaps the easiest to implement, comes from the verse at the start of this article – comfort through God’s Word. As a younger Christian, I often tried to apply God’s Word like a salve to the pain I saw others experiencing. After all, it has and is the best healing balm for my hurts. But in my eagerness to help, I frequently applied scriptures at the “wrong” moment, in less than helpful ways, or passages that did not end up being the blessing I intended. However, God hears our hearts through prayer, and He is able to apply His healing Word at just the right moment, in just the right way. So I began praying Scriptures of comfort, rest, hope, healing, and relief over those I loved who were walking the valley of grief. His Word revives us in our affliction, but it isn’t always the right thing for us to pour God’s Word over a grieving heart. It can come across as cliche and even terribly hurtful for someone to quote Romans 8:28 at us when we are grieving. But it is always right to ask God to work the good out for our spouse or loved ones in ways that are clear to them, in ways that bring peace and closure to this pain in their heart, etc.

    Two years ago, our church lost our very dearly loved associate pastor. He left this life through the painful doors of a paralyzing lymphoma. I have watched people leave this world in all manner of ways, but his passing (just as his living) overflowed so powerfully with God’s grace. In the last few weeks of his days here with us, unbeknownst to us, God orchestrated a marathon of prayer warriors. I started to realize it in our home, but after his passing, I saw a glimpse of what God did for our brother through the prayers of many others as well. My husband was deeply devoted to praying for his dearest friend and ministry partner. He prayed at all hours. But the moment he would fall asleep, I would wake up and feel so strongly the need to pray for our brother and his wife. I had this sort of picture in my head that it was like the moment you run alongside someone in a relay race. We were running next to him; this was his long marathon to finish, but each of us had a short sprint to simultaneously run next to him, praying, encouraging, comforting, and cheering him on through our fervent prayers. We all know how loudly the Lord’s voice must have echoed over heaven’s courts when our brother came into glory, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Comfort, relief, and even rest were needed in the last stretch of his race. And God moved so many of us to pray His Word and strength over our brother. We often think of praying for the grief of those who have lost a loved one, but there can be much personal grief as we transition from this life to the next for a variety of reasons. And I watched as God called a host of believers to the side of our associate pastor in prayer for the last stretch of his well-run race.

    There hasn’t been a loss in our family, friends, or church life where I haven’t prayed God’s words over those grieving. And in each loss, in some little way or another, they shared how God comforted them, describing it in the specific ways I’d been praying. Combining God’s Word and prayer for our loved ones who are grieving is a vital ministry of comfort.

    How much more ought we pray God’s words of comfort over our spouse? There is something precious and unique about the powerful prayers of a husband or wife. When the storm clouds of grief darken our view of our spouse or strain the desired sense of unity between us, prayer connects our hearts. And it is sometimes the best and only gift of comfort we can give to them amid profound grief.

    If you or your spouse are experiencing grief right now, contact us for a set of Scripture Prayer Cards to help you get started praying God’s Word for comfort over your spouse.

    Related: 

    Grief, Gratitude, and Coping with Loss on Thanksgiving

    8 Types of Unrecognized Grief and the Importance of Processing it with God

    How to Help Your Spouse Grieve

    How to Survive the First Year of Grieving a Loved One

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/milan2099

    April Motl is a pastor’s wife, homeschool mom, and women’s ministry director. When she’s not waist-deep in the joys and jobs of motherhood, being a wife, and serving at church, she writes and teaches for women. You can find more encouraging resources from April here and here. 

    LISTEN: How to Grieve Well

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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  • 3 Ways to Know if You Are Trapped in a Cycle of People Pleasing

    3 Ways to Know if You Are Trapped in a Cycle of People Pleasing

    Most Sunday mornings, I love going to church. I grab a cup of hazelnut coffee from the lobby and settle in near the front row.

    I grow from the sermons. I enjoy the assortment of worship opportunities — from acoustic guitar hymns to modern songs that include a spoken word poet.

    Most of all, I’m grateful for the people who make up the congregation, each uniquely made in God’s image.

    1. You Tell White Lies to Make Others Happy

    One Sunday morning, I found myself wanting to break free from that place and run as far as my legs would take me. What caused me to want to escape the spiritual family I adore so much?

    It was when my pastor made an assertion smack-dab in the middle of a sermon I was rather enjoying, completely wrecking me. It was this: People pleasers often lie.

    Suddenly, no longer was I a face in a crowd, sweetly sipping my creamy, hot beverage and taking notes in my whimsical journal.

    I felt as if one of the spotlights that hung from the ceiling — normally fixated on the stage — had suddenly drop-swiveled directly toward me, placing my bright red face in portrait mode.

    I imagined everyone giving me a side glance, surely knowing that Pastor Justin was referring to me.

    That morning, I had to concede in my heart that my pastor was right. People pleasers often lie in order to make others happy. And I was one fantastic fibber.

    Oh, I had good reasons for my less-than-straightforward speech. Sometimes, I slightly twisted the truth so I wouldn’t hurt someone’s feelings when asked for my opinion.

    Other times, I failed to be honest because I was afraid my response might upset a friend or coworker.

    2. You Avoid Confrontation

    Still, in other situations, I outright lied just to avoid a confrontation with someone over a political or other hot-topic issue.

    And I also admit there were times I only told half the truth, conveniently leaving parts out. However, as I often tell my children, “A half-truth is still a whole lie.”

    At the root of all these varied forms of dishonesty is this commonality: I lied to please someone else and due to this, I’d become trapped in a cycle of people-pleasing.

    However, all this twisting, shading, fibbing, and half-truth telling certainly does not please the only One who matters — the Lord.

    In Colossians 3:9, the Apostle Paul urges believers, “And stop lying to each other. You have given up your old way of life with its habits” (CEV). Deceit is associated with our behavior before we become followers of Christ.

    It is not something designed to be a character quality of those who’ve responded to the gospel and become believers.

    The original Greek word for the English phrase “have given up” (v. 9) is the verb apekduomai. It means to strip something completely and emphatically off yourself, to throw something far away. This action is to be performed by the person who is being untruthful.

    Elsewhere in Scripture, we are told to hold two seemingly opposite actions in tension as we interact with others — to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).

    I find often we perform only one of those actions while leaving the other behind, depending on our personality types.

    3. You Don’t Know How to Respond

    Either we bark out the truth in an unloving manner or we falsely assume that the only loving thing to do is not to tell the truth at all.

    Thankfully, I know from experience that God can empower us to stop the cycle of people-pleasing. We can learn to roll our truths in a blanket of love — remembering it is God we seek to please, not others.

    Biblical Love

    Let’s learn to retrain our brains, not thinking “What do they want me to say?” but instead praying “Lord, help me to speak the truth in love.”

    For further reading:

    How to Set Boundaries and Still Live Wild and Free

    What Is Authentic Love?

    5 Biblical Boundaries to Set with Others

    What Temperature Does Our Love Need to Be?

    How Are We to Be the ‘Sweet Aroma of Christ’?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/ipopba

    Karen Ehman is a New York Times bestselling author, a Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker, a contributing writer for Encouragement for Today online devotions, and a teacher in the First 5 Bible study app which has over 2 million daily users. She has written 19 books and Bible studies including Keep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All and the 2020 ECPA devotional book of the year Settle My Soul: 100 Quiet Moments to Meet with Jesus. She is a Cum Laude graduate of Spring Arbor University with a major in Social Science. Karen has been featured on TODAY Parenting, Redbook.com, Foxnews.com, Crosswalk.com, and YouVersion.com, and is a monthly columnist for HomeLife Magazine. Her passion is to help women live their priorities as they reflect the gospel to a watching world. 

    She is married to her college sweetheart, Todd, and is the mother of six children—three biological and three in-laws by marriage—although she forgets which ones are which. Karen enjoys collecting vintage Pyrex kitchenware, cheering for the Detroit Tigers, and spending her days feeding the many people who gather around her mid-century dining table to process life and enjoy her county fair blue-ribbon winning cooking. You can find more about her here.

    LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)

    Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)

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    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com. Christianity.com

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  • What Does the Bible Have to Say about Marriage Problems?

    What Does the Bible Have to Say about Marriage Problems?

    Marriage is one of the most life-influencing relationships you will ever have. That’s why after you decide to receive Christ as your savior, the person you decide to marry is the next most important decision you will ever make in this life.

    Being in a strong marriage can propel you. Being in a terrible marriage can destroy you. Some people never recover from the horrors of being in an awful marriage. However, regardless of how great the relationship may be, there can be moments when you will have marriage problems. Some of these problems are more severe than others and can stretch the limits of your marital commitment.

    Nevertheless, if two people commit themselves to the Lord and each other, they can overcome any marriage problem. If a challenging situation should arise in your marriage, then what does the Bible say about marriage problems? In case you were wondering, there is a lot you can learn from the Bible about dealing with marriage problems.

    Who Are Some People in the Bible Who Experience Marriage Problems?

    There are different marital issues we see in the Bible. Sometimes, the problem was obvious; in others, not as much. Here are some people we know in the Bible that experienced marriage problems.

    Abraham and Sarah: The Problem of Trusting God

    The Bible commends Abraham for his faith, and rightfully so. Yet, despite his faith, there were moments when he and Sarah failed to trust God. On two occasions, Abraham identified Sarah as his sister (Genesis 12, 20). The Bible describes Sarah as a beautiful woman. On one occasion, when they were in Egypt, Abraham was afraid they would kill him but let her live because she was so beautiful (Genesis 12:11). His solution was to say Sarah was his sister. By the way, this happened after he had received the promise from God; Abraham still had his issues even after he began following God.

    Abraham wasn’t the only one to suggest ideas that created problems. Later, we see Sarah giving her servant Hagar to Abraham to have a child with. It had been 13 years after God promised a great legacy with numerous children, and they did not have any. So, they tried to help God along—but as the story about Hagar and her son, Ishmael, shows, it did not solve anything. Abraham and Sarah were people of faith, but they were human. They had moments where they did not trust God or where they hurt each other.

    Potiphar and his Wife: The Problem of Adultery

    We know that Potiphar’s wife frequently tried to get Joseph to have sex with her (Genesis 39). We don’t know if there was a deeper issue that motivated this. Regardless, she had no problem committing adultery in her marriage.

    Elkanah and Hannah: The Problem of Missed Desires

    This couple is mentioned in 1 Samuel and are the parents of the prophet Samuel. Though Elkanah loved his wife, he missed the deep desire Hannah had within her to have children. He overlooked this and thought his love for her could overshadow this desire (1 Samuel 1:8).

    Each of these stories shows a different marriage problem. Just as sometimes the problem was obvious, sometimes the solution was obvious. Other times, the problem and the solution were complex. Each story teaches us at least one clear lesson: marriage is an intimate relationship that can cause great pain or great joy.

    What Does the Bible Say Make Marriage Problems So Damaging?

    One reason marriage problems are so devastating is they can affect every area of your life. When you are having marriage problems, it can affect your work life, home life, and friendships. If children are involved, it most likely will spill over to them too.

    Some people have marriage problems so challenging they even look forward to being out of the home. Those moments become a temporary escape from their situation. That’s why it is crucial to choose who you marry carefully and prayerfully and not take it lightly. Listen to this proverb that highlights the challenge of marriage problems.

    “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (Proverbs 21:9)

    Marriage is the joining of two people into one union, both physically and spiritually. That’s why marriage problems that threaten this union are so dangerous. When marriages break beyond repair, it is like tearing apart two intertwined lives.

    What Advice Does the Bible Give for Handling Marriage Problems?

    There is a wealth of advice you can find throughout the Bible about how to handle marriage problems. There are far too many to fit into one article, but let me share three. Even doing these three things will go a long way to helping you address any problem in your marriage.

    1. Talk less and listen more

    “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19)

    When there is a problem, there can be a tendency to want to find an immediate solution. However, sometimes, before you get to the solution, you need to make sure you understand the problem. This is where listening will help. You have probably heard the old saying God gave us two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak. If you will listen to understand what your spouse is trying to say to you, it will transform your marriage.

    2. Don’t let things that trouble you linger

    “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” (Ephesians 4:26)

    Silence can be devastating in a marriage if one spouse is unwilling to share some of their frustrations with the other spouse. If you are around someone long enough, there will be something they say or do that you may not like or even annoy you (yes, this happens in the best of marriages). You must share these things, especially if they make you angry. Holding them in only drives a wedge between you and your spouse. In addition, it is unfair to the other spouse if they don’t know something they are doing is bothering you. By identifying it, you give them the ability to fix it.

    3. Forgive quickly

    “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

    No marital relationship can survive without forgiveness. In every marriage, there will be a moment where you do something that offends or hurts your spouse, even if you didn’t intend to. When that occurs, two things must happen. One person must apologize, and the other party must forgive. If either person neglects these steps, the marriage moves toward failure. Imagine if God stopped forgiving you. That would be the end of your relationship. A marital relationship (or any relationship) is no different.

    How Does the Bible Advise to Keep Marriage Problems From Happening?

    Solving marriage problems after they begin is one thing. Preventing them from happening is a better option. Thankfully, the Bible offers advice on how to keep marriage problems from happening. Again, the Bible says a lot, but let me limit it to three.

    1. Be willing to have honest conversations

    “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” (Ephesians 4:25)

    The best thing you can do in your marriage is to speak honestly to each other. You will not always like what your partner says, but it can help prevent potential problems. Honest talk should not be meanspirited, but it should be authentic. Yes, the truth may sometimes hurt (me and my wife can attest to this). However, it can prevent future marriage problems from developing.

    2. Don’t Keep Records of Wrongdoings

    “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)

    Your marriage must be a safe space to have honest communication. Part of the communication could involve asking for forgiveness. When this happens, forgiveness should be the end of bringing up that issue. As challenging as it may be, make it a point not to hold that issue against your partner. When you let go of the record, you treat your spouse like God.

    3. Be willing to seek help if you need it

    “Where there is no [wise, intelligent] guidance, the people fall [and go off course like a ship without a helm], But in the abundance of [wise and godly] counselors there is victory.” (Proverbs 11:14)

    For most people, we are learning how to build our marriages while we are in them. This means there may be times when you need help. That is okay. There is nothing wrong with getting counsel, especially if you see a potential issue that could develop in your marriage. Taking preventative measures has the potential to save you a lot of future heartaches.

    Final Thought on the Bible’s Advice about Marriage Problems

    I pray you will have a long, happy, and prosperous marriage if you are married. Just know it will not be without its challenges along the way. When you hit those bumps, remember what the Bible says about marriage problems. It has a wealth of knowledge, and regardless of the problem, there is an answer to help you.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/gorodenkoff

    Clarence L. Haynes Jr. is a speaker, Bible teacher, and co-founder of The Bible Study Club.  He is the author of The Pursuit of Purpose which will help you understand how God leads you into his will. He has also just released his new book The Pursuit of Victory: How To Conquer Your Greatest Challenges and Win In Your Christian Life. Do you want to go deeper in your walk with the Lord but can’t seem to overcome the stuff that keeps getting in the way? This book will teach you how to put the pieces together so you can live a victorious Christian life and finally become the man or woman of God that you truly desire to be. To learn more about his ministry please visit clarencehaynes.com. 

    LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)

    Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.

    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

    WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)

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    Clarence L. Haynes Jr.

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