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Tag: christian woman blogs

  • The Wisdom of Elders

    The Wisdom of Elders

    During my college years, I was one of the most involved students on campus. From working in the Writing Center to being a reporter for the school, and local city, my work life was busy. However, so was my personal life. I led the Dance Team, helped with two to three worship teams at a time, invested in running and working out, had field experience for teaching, and was eventually student-teaching. I somehow managed to snatch my first boyfriend, too! 

    On the outside, I was thriving. Everyone saw me as happy-go-lucky. Joy exuded from my presence, and I loved life. I was happy, carefree, and passionate. But over time, I grew weary. And my Grandma was someone who saw this first.

    “You need to take a break, Amber.” Her soft lips spoke what I didn’t want to hear. 

    “I think you are over-extending yourself, and [you’re] too busy. You need some time for yourself. I’m afraid you’re going to eventually burn yourself out.” Her words muffled over my ignorance to listen. 

    I was set in my ways. 

    I was also in denial. 

    The Error in Ignorance

    At the time, I truly did not believe her. I was busy and stressed, but I loved it. That’s just who I was. But looking back now, I am ashamed to admit that she was right, and I wish I would have listened to her sooner. 

    Today, I am a twenty-seven-year-old girl who feels like she’s surviving rather than thriving. I have been diagnosed with nearly half a dozen mental and physical health conditions, and I can’t help but think if I would’ve listened to the wisdom of my Grandma when I had the chance, my life would look much different. 

    In Exodus 18, I believe that Moses’ interactions with his father-in-law, Jethro, teach us a similar lesson:

    The Fruit in Obedience

    After leading the Israelites through the Red Sea and freeing them from Pharaoh’s wrath, Moses is called to be the leader of these people. And Jethro, his Father-In-Law, saw this:

    “Now Jethro, the priest of Midian and father-in-law of Moses, heard of everything God had done for Moses and for his people Israel, and how the Lord had brought Israel out of Egypt. After Moses had sent away his wife Zipporah, his father-in-law Jethro received her and her two sons. One son was named Gershom, for Moses said, “I have become a foreigner in a foreign land”; and the other was named Eliezer, for he said, “My father’s God was my helper; he saved me from the sword of Pharaoh.” Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, together with Moses’ sons and wife, came to him in the wilderness, where he was camped near the mountain of God. Jethro had sent word to him, “I, your father-in-law Jethro, am coming to you with your wife and her two sons” (Exodus 18:1-6, New International Version). 

    But upon his arrival, Jethro becomes concerned. 

    Moses is certainly leading the people. But he’s also the only one handling their additional affairs. And to me, that sounds a bit exhausting, and a bit like teaching or running on empty 365 days a year.

    “The next day Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening. When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, “What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning till evening?” Moses answered him, “Because the people come to me to seek God’s will. Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God’s decrees and instructions” (Exodus 18:13-16, New International Version). 

    In my mind, I picture many of the conversations:

    The Weight in Responsibility

    “Moses, Bob’s cow stepped on my sheep, and now both have injuries. What do we do?”

    “Moses, Sara ate my extra portion of food. How is that fair?”

    “Moses, my family sinned today. How many offerings and sacrifices do we need to bring?”

    “Moses..” the list grows on as his mind grows fuzzy. And in an odd sense, I can relate to this moment.

    “Amber, did you write that article?” my boss would question.

    “Amber, we need you to work another shift.” the Writing Center would request.

    “Amber, our dances need some extra practice.” the dance team would note.

    “Amber, we need you at three additional teacher meetings after school.” the state would require.

    And just as Moses began to push on, so did I. But like my Grandma, Moses’ Father-In-Law grew concerned.

    “Moses’ father-in-law replied, “What you are doing is not good. 18 You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. 19 Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people’s representative before God and bring their disputes to him. Teach them his decrees and instructions, and show them the way they are to live and how they are to behave. But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied” (Exodus 18:17-23, New International Version).

    The Gift of Wisdom

    At that moment, Moses had a choice: to listen to Jethro or to ignore his advice. And I believe there is a reason the Scriptures talk about learning wisdom from our elders. That there is victory in gray hair and learning from our experiences. 

    Perhaps that is why verse 24 reads as follows:

    “Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything he said” (Exodus 18:24, New International Version). 

    Not only did Moses learn from Jethro and take his advice, but he was better off in doing so.

    “He chose capable men from all Israel and made them leaders of the people, officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. They served as judges for the people at all times. The difficult cases they brought to Moses, but the simple ones they decided themselves. Then Moses sent his father-in-law on his way, and Jethro returned to his own country” (Exodus 18:25-27, New International Version). 

    The intent of many elders’ advice is not to offend or provoke; it is to bring peace and help from years of wisdom. While many may grow opinionated at times, or give outlandish and outdated advice, most seek out our best interests at heart. Moses knew this with Jethro, and I knew this with my Grandma. But unlike Moses, I chose to be stubborn and go my own way. I would give anything to go back and listen to her advice.

    Be Open to the Gift

    In life, God may call us to great and magnificent things. Things far greater, wider, and bigger than we could ever ask, plan, or imagine for ourselves. However, He never asks us to do so for the expense or sake of ourselves–our health, and sanity.

    It was not good for Moses to handle so many affairs on his own. Neither is it good for me and you to think we are super-humans who can go 75 miles a day, 7 days a week without a pause. There is a reason for the Sabbath. For Selah. For sharing our burdens with one another to lighten the load. 

    “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2, New International Version).  

    This is a lesson I’m still learning, but I encourage you the same: Listen to those who give you advice. Their advice may not be what you want to hear, and they may not always be right. But if they love you, it is worth a listen. They might just have your best interests at heart. 

    Agape, Amber

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/DisobeyArt

    Amber Ginter is a young adult writer that currently works as an English teacher in Chillicothe, Ohio, and has a passionate desire to impact the world for Jesus through her love for writing, aesthetics, health/fitness, and ministry. Amber seeks to proclaim her love for Christ and the Gospel through her writing, aesthetic worship arts, and volunteer roles. She is enrolled in the YWW Author Conservatory to become a full-time author and is a featured writer for Crosswalk, ibelieve, Salem Web Network, The Rebelution, Daughter of Delight, Kallos, Anchored Passion, No Small Life, and Darling Magazine. In the past, she’s also contributed to Called Christian Writers, Southern Ohio Today News, Ohio Christian University, and The Circleville Herald. Visit her website at amberginter.com.

    Amber Ginter

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  • 5 Ways Small Groups Are Impactful

    5 Ways Small Groups Are Impactful

    On Sunday mornings, we walk into our sanctuary, grab a cup of coffee, and chat with friends. Our friends may ask us how we are doing, how our children are, or how work is going. We raise our hands in unity and clap on beat to the worship music, and then, we scrawl furiously in our notebooks to take notes and remember the pastor’s Bible teaching. Then we leave for the week, only to put aside the corporate worship experience and go out into the world. We then reconvene the following Sunday, never allowing our Sunday experience and our daily lives to intertwine.

    Small groups are the most effective way to create community and allow people an intimate look into our lives. The current Sunday morning model is not set up for an intimate culture. At best, congregation members keep conversations at a superficial level, so we’ll never get into the deep spiritual support and wisdom community can provide. If you are looking for an intimate connection within the community of the Body of Christ who will champion for you in your triumphs and encourage you in your discouragements, the small group model is where it’s at. 

    Here are five ways small groups are impactful: 

    1. They Help Us Enjoy Community

    Throughout the Bible, no person does life alone. The disciples were sent out two-by-two to meet the needs of their communities. Jesus often took two or three people with him when he ministered. This is clear throughout both the Old and New Testaments. We were never meant to do life alone. We need each other to help us through difficult times and rejoice with us during the good times. As people meet regularly within the small group model, community is created. When a member of the small group has a prayer need, the first person they go to is usually in their small group. The entire congregation is not meant to know every little detail about every person in the church. It is impossible to keep up that standard. But with the creation of small groups, people in groups of 10-12 can get to know each other in an intimate way, and those people can be prophets and priests to each other. 

    2. We Study God’s Word

    Most small groups use a particular book of the Bible or the pastor’s sermon as a focus for the group. After groups begin in prayer, they often study a particular Bible passage. It is here that those who have the spiritual gift of teaching teach others more about God’s Word. Furthermore, it is here that each person can share what God has placed on their heart: 1 Corinthians 14:26 says, “What then shall we say, brothers and sisters? When you come together, each of you has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. Everything must be done so that the church may be built up.” The small group model is the place and time for people to share a hymn or verse that God has been speaking to them to encourage the rest of the group.

    3. Spiritual Gifts Are Explored

    1 Corinthians 12:8-11 highlights the spiritual gifts given to each person in the Body of Christ: “Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.”

    Yet, the current church model is not set up for everyone to be able to use their spiritual gifts. However, they can use their spiritual gifts within a small group model. Each person with the gift of teaching can take a turn facilitating the discussion. Those with encouragement can add a word of encouragement for each person. A person with the gift of prophecy can test a prophetic word that they have been chewing on for the week in front of this community. If a person is unsure what their spiritual gifts are, the group can take a week and conduct a spiritual gifts inventory. They can score the inventories together and discover their spiritual gifts. Each person can go around the room, stating what their spiritual gifts are as revealed in the test. Other members who know them well can then affirm or question the gifts. Once the spiritual gifts are discovered, the small group leader can brainstorm ways each person can use their spiritual gifts within this small group setting. This is a great way to involve each person so that they can make a difference within the Kingdom and make a direct impact for the local church and community. 

    4. Trust and Intimacy Develop

    When the small group first meets, the host should initiate a covenant that each person signs. Within the covenant, it will explain the expectations and requirements to attend this small group. If a small group is going to be successful, the expectations must be set high. People cannot flit in and out whenever it’s convenient. They must commit to the small group to attend most of its sessions. This will help develop trust and intimacy within the group. People who then quit the group will upset the dynamic and flow of the group setting. People cannot trust one another if their attendance is not regular. They cannot get to know someone intimately without meeting with them regularly. That’s why group attendance is so vital. Each person must commit to putting away their cell phone and being completely engaged in the discussion. Proverbs 27:17 says it best: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Each person sharpens the other when they get into a small group setting regardless of the topic of conversation. One member can challenge the other in a particular area once trust is developed within the group. Each person greatly benefits when each person is sharpened to display more Christlike behavior.

    5. We Share Intimate Prayer Requests

    Most churches can send out a group text or e-mail when a member has a specific prayer need. Prayer can start with a small group member’s neighbor who has cancer or a friends in need. While these are important to God, the most intimate requests come out during a small group setting. This is where people share the intimate details about their struggling marriage, their repetitive sin, or other emotional issues hindering them from having an intimate relationship with Christ. These are not things that would go out to a whole congregation but rather shared only within a smaller setting. Small groups allow for intimacy and private prayer requests to be shared among members who have taken the time to get to know one another. 

    Although a small group within different churches might have a different look, when done successfully, they all can foster community, build trust and intimacy, allow people to explore their spiritual gifts, and ultimately replicate leaders. These leaders will then multiply these groups and make the small group model the primary way for people to connect and understand and demonstrate Jesus’ presence in their lives.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • 5 Bits of Encouragement for the Woman Learning to Say No

    5 Bits of Encouragement for the Woman Learning to Say No

    For some of us, it’s the most difficult word to utter aloud. This powerful word can bring much-needed relief—to our schedule, our daily lives, and even our attitudes. We know this from experience, but for some reason, we struggle to use it. So we keep practicing. We continue learning how to say no. The single most impactful lesson I’ve learned in my journey of faith is how to say no. To discern God’s best for me amidst all the things I want to do. It’s a nugget of wisdom more precious than rubies, like Solomon wrote about in Proverbs 8:11. (And one I secretly wish I’d found sooner.)It hasn’t been easy. Still isn’t. I’ve fought hard for each no, and I’m committed to the work, because learning to say no will not only draw us closer to God. It also causes a ripple effect of good things that can be felt by the people around us. For those of us who love to help and serve, learning to say no means making time to honor the Lord and follow him alone. So even though it takes intentional effort on our part, the fruits are totally worth it.If you’re a woman who’s learning to say no today, take heart. Turning down a request doesn’t mean giving up opportunities or letting others down. We can reframe the way we view our “no” in order to gain clarity on God’s divine assignments for us. Here are a few tidbits of encouragement for you as you learn the value of your no:Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Fizkes

    Kristine Brown

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  • What Should I Never Say to Someone Who Is Grieving?

    What Should I Never Say to Someone Who Is Grieving?

    He sat in the ashes, scraping oozing sores with a pottery shard. Once a wealthy man, Job mourned alone in the city’s trash heap.

    Following an encounter between God and Satan in the heavenly courts, the enemy set his sights on Job. Determined to prove that the man would only remain faithful to the Lord while under cover of blessing, Satan killed Job’s 10 adult children, enlisted men to destroy Job’s property and source of wealth, and attacked Job with festering boils from head to heel. Grief consumed Job. Scripture tells us that three friends “made an appointment together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him” (Job 2:11 NKJV). If you’ve read the full story, you know that things did not go as anyone planned.

    This story of Job and his friends raises an important question: should Christians say anything to someone who is grieving? If so, what things can we say? When should we avoid saying anything to someone who is grieving?

    We will consider these questions and a few others in this article.

    What Can Be Harmful to Say to Someone Grieving?

    As part of my annual Bible reading plan, I am going through the book of Job. I am always a little surprised that Job’s friends so easily turned from their goal of supporting Job to words of accusation. The passage where they switch attitudes reminds me of Bible verses like Romans 12:15 (NKJV), “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep,” and Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV), “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted….”

    The word translated as “tenderhearted” comes from the original word eusplagchnos which means gut-level empathy and compassion. A gut-level compassion reaches into the core of our experience and personal pain. It invites understanding and helps us relate to another’s experience. That sort of tenderhearted empathy neither minimizes, disregards, or judges the grief with which someone is struggling.

    A few years ago, a friend lost her teenage son to suicide. A gentleman we both knew approached her and said with a bright smile, “He’s in a better place.” My friend blanched and tried to offer a response, but she was visibly uncomfortable. She longed for her child to experience life and grow into adulthood, but her grief and the manner of her son’s death were downplayed.

    Though well intended, many other platitudes may illicit anger or injure an already hurting person. They include the following:

    1. “God needed another angel.” Not only is this statement theologically unsound, but God does not need people. (Acts 17:25) Instead, we are his unique creation in need of Him.

    2. “The Lord never gives us more than we can handle.” If we could manage life, then why would we depend on God? And those of us who have lost loved ones know that death feels far from bearable.

    3. “I know how you feel.” Every individual walks through grief differently. Other people can empathize, but assuming another’s feelings might make the bereaved feel misunderstood.

    4. “You’re young. You can [get married again], [have another baby] [insert other “you can do it again” action here].” Youth does not diminish death’s impact on the spirit. People are not commodities to be replaced. Grief, though uncomfortable, must be allowed its place for those in mourning to process their loss.

    4. “Time heals all wounds.” While tender thoughts of remembrance eventually replace the raw ache left when death occurs, the absence felt when a dear one passes remains.

    5. “At least they are not in pain anymore.” If the individual who died was a believer, family and friends will eventually find comfort in knowing their loved one is in heaven with the Lord. But to say this immediately following a loved one’s death? They are in pain. Empathizing with their situation would make a far more positive difference.

    What Helpful Things Can We say to Someone Grieving?

    While rash, haughty words tear down, empathetic words often provide comfort—like salve to a bleeding wound. Consider the words below that can help someone who is grieving.

    1. “I’m here for you. Why don’t I (fill in the blank).” Examples include watching the kids on Wednesday, organizing a meal train this month, or stopping by to pick up laundry on Saturday. Immediately following a death or funeral, those left behind may struggle to concentrate, deal with depression or anxiety, and require assistance with household tasks as life falls into a new rhythm.

    2. “It must be so hard to have lost ___________.” A blog post by funeral and cremation service Tippecanoe Memory Gardens observes that an important key to expressing empathy is indicating to the grieving individual that you understand their emotion. This sort of sentence conveys a willingness to listen to the heart of a friend in suffering.

    3. “Do you want to talk about how you are feeling today?” This question invites conversation and the healthy voicing of difficult feelings that may otherwise leave a mourner experiencing inner isolation.

    4. “I remember when we all….” Sharing a special memory or trait with a grieving family member or friend will encourage them during a dark time.

    5. “I would love to know more about ____________. Tell me about them.” Do not avoid mentioning the name of the loved one who has passed away. Instead, invite your friend to talk about them. The invitation will be a welcome one.

    6. “I can imagine how painful this must be.” While not every situation is the same, we all have or will experience emotional pain—including the searing sorrow associated with death. If we have not already experienced such loss, we can at least put ourselves in a similar position.

    When Shouldn’t We Say Anything to Someone Who Is Grieving?

    Some situations require wisdom and careful evaluation. As Proverbs 15:2 (NKJV) reminds us, “The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.”

    In Job’s situation, his companions initially joined in his pain—weeping, mourning, and sitting in the dust with their bereaved friend for the traditional number of days. They empathized both through their actions and silent presence. But when each man opened his mouth? Stinging words pierced Job as much as the lesions Satan inflicted upon him.

    Job’s companions hoped to encourage and instead inflicted pain. To avoid adding to someone’s emotional distress, we should sometimes avoid saying anything. A few general guidelines to consider include the following:

    – Knowing ourselves

    – Knowing the bereaved

    – Knowing the situation’s needs

    Are we verbose or known to exaggerate? When a friend or family member experiences a difficult situation, do we tend to make comparisons? If so, it may be best to choose a different way to express care and concern.

    Is the grieving individual an unknown colleague in a remote part of the building? Many of the personal statements listed in the previous section would seem disingenuous. At the same time, avoiding a coworker out of discomfort appears uncaring, while a group sympathy card or flowers might effectively communicate caring.

    When heartache and loss are involved, we should err on the side of caution. As Aaron D’Anthony Brown wisely shares, “Less is often more, or in other words, the greater the grief, the less you say.”

    How Can We Say Something with Actions to Someone Who Is Grieving?

    When my friend lost her son, I hurt for her. One of my children had battled mental health issues, and my friend and I had been praying for each other. It was not difficult to imagine myself mourning at the graveside of my own child.

    A few months after my girlfriend’s son died, she asked if I would like to participate in a suicide awareness walk as part of her son’s “team.” Her fresh, new pain poured out like water—sometimes like a brook filled with laughter as she spoke of favorite moments with Tucker. Other times, the raw ache came down as fierce as a summer storm—sudden and cathartic.

    Even though I was invited to support a grieving companion through one specific action, other helpful actions include:

    – Babysitting

    – Petsitting

    – Cleaning

    – Yardwork

    – Laundry

    – Car maintenance

    – Grocery shopping

    – Meal preparation

    – Sitting together

    – Donating to a cause the deceased supported

    What Is the Most Important Thing We Can Do For The Grieving?

    In A Sacred Sorrow: Reaching Out to God in the Lost Language of Lament, Michael Card writes, “And as His loving wisdom does with all things… God would redeem… sorrow, transforming it by means of His hesed into a pathway back to the loving-kindness of His Presence.”

    We may provide some comfort to the bereaved through words of hope, acts of service, or listening. But praying regularly for—and, perhaps, with—the bereaved as we gently point them to the love of Christ is the pattern scripture provides.

    Through prayer, we seek God’s intervention which is far more powerful than our own.

    Further Reading:

    5 Prayers for a Child Who Is Grieving

    5 Beautiful Prayers for a Friend Who Is Grieving

    Grieving

    6 Loving Things You Should Say to Someone Who Is Grieving

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Drazen Zigic

    Tammy Kennington is a writer and speaker familiar with the impact of trauma, chronic illness, and parenting in the hard places. Her heart is to lead women from hardship to hope. You can meet with Tammy at her blog www.tammykennington.com where she’ll send you her e-book, Moving from Pain to Peace-A Journey Toward Hope When the Past Holds You Captive.

    Tammy Kennington

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  • Is it Pride That Keeps Us from Forgiving Ourselves?

    Is it Pride That Keeps Us from Forgiving Ourselves?

    Forgiveness is not an option for Christians — the Bible teaches — it’s mandatory.

    As Jesus teaches in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

    The Apostle Paul, in Ephesians 4:32, urges, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

    Scripture is clear that it doesn’t mean once but over and over. “Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them,” Jesus says in Luke 17:3-4.

    But what about when it comes to ourselves? It’s one thing to forgive another person, but what about when we have sinned? Sometimes, we have a difficult time extending forgiveness to ourselves, even as we are able to forgive others.

    In 1 John 1:9, we’re taught that if we confess our sins, God “will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

    Yet perhaps we struggle, thinking we’re too “bad” or that our sin is somehow exceptional, that God shouldn’t forgive us, or that even if he does, we shouldn’t accept that forgiveness or forgive ourselves sin in turn.

    Is it pride that keeps us from forgiving ourselves?

    It is indeed usually pride that stands in our way, preventing us from accepting the gift of forgiveness God offers each one of us.

    What Is Forgiveness?

    In the Bible, forgiveness is a release or dismissal of something, such as when charges are dropped against a person in court.

    In Matthew 6:14, the original text is the word aphiēmi, from the root aphesis, meaning remittance or forgiveness. Another meaning is dismissal, a sending away.

    Basically, we are to get rid of, put off, dismiss, or send away any negative feelings or debt. In essence, the slate is wiped clean, and the person can start anew as if it never happened and no punishment awaits.

    Romans 8:1 tells us there is “no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

    Similarly, in Colossians 1:14, we’re told that in Jesus, we have “redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

    Just before Jesus died, he said, “It is finished.” That the word translated as “finished” is actually teleō, which means to complete, fulfill, or pay off, as in a debt. Forgiveness is, then, letting a sin or penalty go completely, erasing it forever.

    We are to do this to others — and to ourselves.

    What Is Pride?

    Pride in the Bible is typically an over-absorption with ourselves, considering ourselves superior to or outside of the typical. It’s an exaggerated sense of our own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority.

    Pride’s opposite is humility. The Bible is clear that God hates pride, and pride is a sin.

    Proverbs 16:18 tells us, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

    In Luke 14:11, Jesus says, “For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

    Isaiah elaborates, “The Lord Almighty planned it, to bring down her pride in all her splendor and to humble all who are renowned on the earth” (Isaiah 23:9).

    Pride isn’t just thinking we are great or even on par with God. It’s also thinking we are an exception to the norm or we are somehow different or special outside of the graces and gifts God gave to us.

    Adam and Eve exhibited pride in the Garden of Eden when they were tempted to believe they could be like God and ate the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil (Genesis 3).

    We exhibit pride when we think we are above the law (whether God’s or human law) or better or more deserving than others in some way.

    As 1 Corinthians 4:7 puts it, “For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?”

    Why Does Pride Keep Us from Forgiving Ourselves?

    At its core, pride rejects the gift of grace that God extends to us, and that is why it is such a sin. It is a self-imposed wall between the Lord and us.

    While we might know intellectually that God forgives people for doing wrong things, we perhaps think something along the lines of, “But I knew better. I shouldn’t have done this. I wouldn’t forgive me if I were God.”

    That’s the crux, that notion of “if I were God.” For we must understand that none of us is God, nor can we ever come close. If God, the Alpha and Omega, beginning and end, and creator of the universe, chooses to bestow the gift of forgiveness on anyone who repents and believes, why do we believe we have the power to do anything but accept that gift?

    When we punish ourselves by denying us self-compassion, we’re, in essence, “playing God.”

    Or perhaps we think punishing ourselves prevents us from doing the same thing over and over. By beating ourselves up and not forgiving ourselves, we hold on to the sin, and in a sense, it’s a way of avoiding genuine repentance.

    Repentance is recognizing we did wrong and then striving to walk in a new way. It’s taking that new and better path, living for the “new self,” that new creation in Christ, that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 5:17 and Ephesians 4:24.

    Not forgiving ourselves is an attempt to cling to the old self, even as we publish ourselves for what that old self did.

    Why Should We Forgive Ourselves?

    God calls us to embrace humility and acceptance. The humble heart not only acknowledges that God is Lord but also accepts with grace and gratitude all that God bestows.

    Fighting against what God wants — forgiveness — is actually not true punishment of ourselves but rather disrespect toward the Lord Almighty.

    Forgiveness translates to acceptance. When we forgive others, we accept that God wants us to set aside anger, wrath, judgment, or any other consequence or negative emotion toward another person.

    When we forgive ourselves, it’s much the same. We accept God’s gracious actions and intentions toward us. We enter into a right and righteous relationship with God because we honor and heed his wishes.

    We accept his love.

    It’s not about fixing poor self-image or struggles with self-worth, but rather about accepting that God has chosen to forgive us.

    Who, then, are we to challenge God’s plan and God’s will?

    Does Forgiveness Tie in with Love?

    Forgiveness is part of love. When asked about the greatest commandment in the law, Jesus pointed to love, telling us,

    “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40).

    Part of loving our neighbor is forgiving our neighbor. Part of loving ourselves is forgiving ourselves.

    God commands us to love him, love our neighbor, and love ourselves. We are an important part of that. When we deny ourselves forgiveness, we are not effectively loving ourselves and hence, not following God’s commands.

    One might wonder whether the Apostle Paul, who had much to say about forgiveness, struggled with accepting God’s grace and mercy for his own sins.

    After all, though he was instrumental in the development and spread of the early church, at one point, he was an enemy of the church, arresting and imprisoning followers of Jesus before his own conversion to Christianity.

    However, Paul is clear in his letter to Timothy that he, too, is forgiven, as are we all. There is no sin too big or too bad for God’s perfect, cleansing liberation.

    If you are having trouble forgiving yourself for something you did wrong, consider reflecting on these words from Psalm 103:10-14:

    He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.

    Amen. Thanks be to God.

    For further reading:

    Why Is it So Hard to Forgive Ourselves?

    What Does it Mean for Christians to Forgive?

    Does God Really Forgive Our Sins?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Koldunov

    Jessica Brodie is an award-winning Christian novelist, journalist, editor, blogger, and writing coach and the recipient of the 2018 American Christian Fiction Writers Genesis Award for her novel, The Memory Garden. She is also the editor of the South Carolina United Methodist Advocate, the oldest newspaper in Methodism. Learn more about her fiction and read her faith blog at jessicabrodie.com. She has a weekly YouTube devotional, too. You can also connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and more. She’s also produced a free eBook, A God-Centered Life: 10 Faith-Based Practices When You’re Feeling Anxious, Grumpy, or Stressed.

    Jessica Brodie

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  • 10 Ways to Sabotage Your Marriage (Without Realizing It)

    10 Ways to Sabotage Your Marriage (Without Realizing It)

    She looked smoking hot and she knew it. Blonde. Curvaceous. Suede stilettos with a way-too-short leather skirt. Beckoning green eyes and a killer smile to match. She wanted everyone’s attention in the room and boy, she got it (including mine).

    She floated through the crowd, giggling with one group and then another. Finally, she sauntered over toward a group of men—one of whom was my husband. Before she walked away, she patted his arm with her graceful, manicured hand—maybe a little too much.

    Really?

    She probably meant nothing by it, but after the party my husband and I talked about the situation, laughed a little and moved on. Although this happened years ago, I’m glad we chose to talk about it and reassure each other, rather than pretend like it didn’t happen. Recognizing and talking about things (or people) that might sabotage our marriage helps us protect it.

    I wish we’d done that even more.

    After 31 years of marriage, I’ve learned a lot of things not to do, both by observing others and by making a lot of mistakes, myself. And I’m still learning. With each anniversary, my appreciation grows for our beautiful, quirky and sometimes less-than-perfect relationship. I want to guard what we have and work to make it better.

    I’m sure you do, too.

    While nobody sets out to sabotage their marriage, it’s not that hard to do. And often, we may not realize that we’re doing any damage at all—until it’s too late. Here are ten ways to sabotage your marriage that I’ve learned to avoid.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/dragana991

    May Patterson

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  • 5 Reasons to Forgive When You Can’t Forget

    5 Reasons to Forgive When You Can’t Forget

    As Christians, we know the benchmark of our faith is the ability to forgive others when they’ve wronged us. But this is easier said than done. Due to the nature of the offense, it could take months or even years to forgive someone. Forgiveness is a process. However, it is necessary for us to go through the process of forgiveness even when we can’t forget what someone has done to us, or they’re not sorry. Why should we forgive someone when we’re afraid they may do it again? 

    Here are five reasons to forgive when you can’t forget: 

    1. God Calls Us to Forgive

    Throughout Scripture, God calls us to forgive others. We are called to forgive someone repeatedly, even if they commit the same offense. Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive your sins. God will not forgive us if we don’t forgive others. This is one of the only commands that comes with this promise.” 

    God chooses to forgive us no matter how grievous our offense is and chooses to remember it no more. He gives us the chance to come to him and experience the freedom that Christ’s death on the cross afforded us. Because we have been forgiven, it is our duty to forgive others, even if our offense isn’t as severe as someone else’s. Going through the process of forgiveness means we believe in God. When we forgive others, we fulfill God’s calling to forgive others.

    2. It Sets Us Free

    People often believe forgiveness is about the other person. They believe if we forgive them, we’re letting them off the hook for their offense. On the contrary, however, forgiveness is more about us than it is about the other person. Forgiving others sets us free from the emotional bondage unforgiveness has on our hearts. When we forgive, we feel lighter and freer. We can better demonstrate love to others when we have forgiven them.

    If you are having difficulty forgiving someone, start with prayer. Declare to God you choose to forgive a person and specifically name the offense. Tell God you are choosing to forgive, even if you don’t feel like it. God knows our hearts. He knows when we were doing something willfully and when we were doing it simply out of calling. But God honors us when we choose to forgive, even if it’s just that of God’s calling to forgive. Forgiveness starts us on the pathway toward healthy relationships. If the relationship is strained due to unforgiveness, our ability to forgive may help in the process of reconciliation. Although the relationship may never be the same as it was before, we can do our part to live in peace with everyone. Mental health issues are on the rise. This is in part due to the unforgiveness we carry in our hearts because we won’t confess the sin that weighs it down. By making ourselves clean before God and then choosing to make others clean before him, we experience emotional freedom like never before.

    3. It Demonstrates God’s Love

    John 15:13 says, “Love has no greater love than this: when we were still sinners Christ died for us.” Christ, who had no sin, chose to take on the sins of the world so we could all experience freedom. When we don’t forgive others, it is like saying Christ’s death was for nothing and that there are some offenses that are not worth forgiveness. When we imply this, we imply that Christ’s death was meaningless and that Christ didn’t know what he was doing when he died on the cross. Although forgiving someone may bring up past pain, it is best to deal with it effectively. It’s not good to stuff our feelings or deny that the problem exists. Rather, we demonstrate God’s unconditional love to others when we forgive the people in our lives. When we do this, we demonstrate that God loves us, too, and we believe in him and the power of Christ’s sacrifice. 

    4. We Demonstrate the Fruits of the Spirit

    Galatians 5:22 gives us an understanding of what the Fruits of the Spirit are: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Forgiveness helps us acknowledge that we have the Holy Spirit living within us. When we forgive, we cultivate these fruits in our lives. Forgiveness demonstrates these fruits because we demonstrate love, peace, gentleness, and kindness in a way that unforgiveness cannot. When we forgive, we pave the way for the Holy Spirit to work more effectively in our lives. When gone unchecked, unforgiveness can hinder our relationship with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will not work in a heart that’s hardened. Forgiveness softens the heart and allows the Holy Spirit to move freely within our lives. 

    5. It Becomes a Natural Practice

    Once we’ve done the hard act of forgiving once, it makes it easier to forgive more than once. Even if the offense is severe, we will have the tools and spiritual skills necessary to go through the process of true forgiveness. Forgiveness can be tough to detect if we have truly forgiven someone because we often may still feel anger, hurt, or other emotions associated with the offense. If I repeatedly bring up the offense, continue to vent to friends about it, or bubble over with anger or resentment every time I see that person, chances are I have not forgiven them. Every time you feel this emotion, get a journal and write out your feelings. Deal with the hurt that’s hidden deep within. A hurt not processed effectively can lead to a host of other physical, emotional, and mental issues. 

    Take a blank sheet of paper and ask the Lord to reveal any people with whom you still have an offense. Write down their name and the nature of the offense. In your quiet time, speak their names and declare you are choosing to forgive them for the offense today. Ask God to help you not recall or bring it up anymore so you can practice the peace and freedom of forgiveness. Declare that Satan has no foothold in your life and that you will not allow unforgiveness to hinder your relationship with God. When you are finished, you may find you’ve gone deeper in your intimacy with God. 

    Forgiveness may be one of the most difficult things to live out as a Christian. Yet, when we do so, we show an unbelieving world who God is and his presence in our lives. God chose to use his Son to carry the weight of all the sins of the world. God chose to demonstrate great love to us when he forgave us, and he calls us to do the same. There is nothing we can do that will negate the salvation Christ’s death allows us. We best demonstrate that when we forgive others. Forgiveness not only sets the other person free but releases us from physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental anguish that hinders us from a vibrant relationship with the Lord. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • How to Pray When Your Husband Feels Like Your Enemy

    How to Pray When Your Husband Feels Like Your Enemy

    Of all the human relationships we experience, marriage holds the unique power to do and be so much in life. It fills our aspirations before we’ve entered into them. It forms the backbone of families and communities, rendering them strong or weak. It is a monument of mundane moments that all form together to create something that can if tended rightly, reflect the very heart of God. Because marriage holds so much potential, it is also a great battleground.

    All places of influence and importance in our lives have bright red targets on them for the enemy of our souls to pursue his ultimate goal. In John 10:10, Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”

    Our marriage will come face to face with the thief Jesus warned us about. And there will be times he tempts us so fiercely to see the battle as if it were against our spouse instead of against the thief himself.

    The moments you feel like your husband has become the enemy, take heart and slow down your thoughts and feelings to get a better hold of your emotional responses.

    Here are five practical steps to center your perspective in truth when your husband feels like the enemy:

    1. Guard your heart by removing non-Scriptural, perspective-influencing inputs. 

    Social media, TV, movies, music, friends, and family that speak unbiblical discontent into your heart about your marriage shouldn’t be given heart/mind space while you fight for your marriage. One could argue that they ought not to have a place in a Christ-following woman’s life at all. But especially in moments where the temptation to see your marriage in such hostile terms is on the line, cut off those negative emotional influences.

    2. Remember that your spouse could be facing the exact same spiritual bait to feel that you are their enemy! 

    So often, the enemy of our souls turns us on each other at the very moments we need to team up to defeat the real enemy!

    3. Speak truth to your heart about your husband and your marriage. 

    Instead of replaying the hurt, remember the blessings God has worked into your marriage and the good He has brought you through your husband.

    4. Pray for yourself and your husband! 

    At one particularly low point in our journey, I poured out my complaints to the Lord, and I felt deep conviction over the fact that I had allowed disappointments to move my heart away from my once dedicated and fervent prayer for my role as a wife, for my husband, and our marriage in general. No wonder this challenging time was even harder! We often talk about keeping intimate passion alive, but what about the passion of our prayers for our marriage? Are they diligent? Are they passionate? Are they expectant?

    Here are some Scripture prayers I regularly use to lead me into my own prayers for my husband and my marriage:

    Lord, thank You that You have begun a good work in ________________________ (husband’s name) and that You will be faithful to complete it! Please allow me to see Your hand at work in _________________ area. Give me grace and faith that You are working even when I can’t see it. Help me rest in Your faithfulness to work in both of us. Accomplish all that is in Your heart according to Your good pleasure in ______________________ (husband’s name). (Based on Philippians 1:6 and 2:13.)

    I pray that the eyes of ________________ (husband’s name) heart would be enlightened so that he will know what the hope of Your calling is, what the riches of the glory of Your inheritance in the saints are, and what the surpassing greatness of Your power toward him when he believes You is. (Based on Ephesians 1:18-19)

    Lord, please remind my husband that he can do all things through Christ who strengthens him. Send your Spirit to encourage him today! And make me part of your plan of encouragement for him. (Based on Philippians 4:13)

    Father, please grow my man to be the spiritual leader You want him to be. Give him a desire to lead our home, but also give him the heart to search out Your word so that he will have Your perspective, wisdom, and guidance. Grow his understanding in Your Word and Your ways so that his walk with You would bring leadership and blessing to our marriage and family. (Based on 1 Timothy 2:11, 1 Corinthians 14:35).

    Lord, please surround my husband with Your favor as a shield. (Based on Psalm 5:12)

    Lord, please make me a wife that is easy to rejoice in and a delight to my husband. Make our marriage and love a source of joy and fulfillment for him. (Based on Proverbs 5).

    Father, please lead _______________ (husband’s name) to be on the alert, to stand firm in his faith, to act like man, and be strong in Christ. Pour a spirit of sensitivity and responsiveness on him so that he would follow Your leading with his alertness to spiritual battles, and give him ample grace and strength for those battles so that he might stand firm for Your glory. (Based on 1 Corinthians 16:13.)

    5. Rightly identify the true source of the battle for your marriage. 

    This comes with prayer and remaining anchored to some hard-to-swallow truths about ourselves. Not only could our husband struggle with the sense that we are against him, just as much as we might struggle to feel that our husband is against us, but the enemy can use us against our spouse! We must be aware of this and guard our lives against this potential. It is interesting to note that when Satan was attacking Job, after the initial wave of loss and when God allowed Satan to touch Job’s body, Job’s wife (who was spiritually one with Job before God) spoke against him (Job 2:9). To my utter dismay I have seen moments of intense internal battle surrounding my heart toward my husband correspond to moments when God was using him in an important way or moments when the enemy was hot on his trail. How very sad it is that we can all be used by the enemy if we are not careful to guard our hearts and ensure we are fully surrendered instruments to God and His purposes.

    Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death or of obedience resulting in righteousness? But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness. Romans 6:16-18

    It is wise to check our hearts with the question, am I presenting my thoughts, feelings, words, and actions as instruments to serve Christ?

    In general, if we are following hard after Christ, we won’t see other people as our enemies.

    Paul says it this way:

    Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:10-12

    If we perceive that a person, especially our other half, is the enemy, we may face a spiritual problem. The winning battle perspective won’t be to draw lines between our spouse and us; it will be to identify who the battle is really against – the enemy of our souls, not our spouse.

    Over the years, I have sought hard to understand and find great marriage tools. I’ve read a ton, listened a lot, and studied God’s Word for them. And although I have not found the one-size-fits-all, satisfaction-guaranteed techniques I originally set out to discover, patience has, time and time again, been the key to unlocking victories for me. It’s not a sexy solution, but it is nonetheless Biblical and, in my experience, practical. After all, the very first describing characteristic of love in the famous “love chapter” from 1 Corinthians is “love is patient.” It won’t be patient once or twice. The expression of love will always require patience.

    Some of the most hopeful marriage wisdom I’ve received was an off-the-cuff comment from my grandmother-in-love. We were enjoying an afternoon on their patio when both our hubbies stepped into the house for iced tea or something. She mused, “You know this is the happiest time in our whole marriage. It’s a total surprise to me that in our 80s, we would find so much joy in our relationship. After years of struggling with finances, struggling to raise the kids right, struggling with each other, all the struggles are done. And we are just enjoying each other.”

    I pray you and your spouse will soon find an oasis where the struggles rest. And you are restored together in God’s love and care. And that in the meantime, passionate prayer, committed love, and anchored truth would carry you through the battle into victory.

    If you’d like a free list of Scripture prayers for your marriage, please email info (at) motlministries.com.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    April Motl

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  • A Letter to Single Women Who Wish Eligible Men Were More Mature

    A Letter to Single Women Who Wish Eligible Men Were More Mature

    I married a Redwood.

    No, this isn’t a piece on horticulture. I’ll get to your annoyance with immature men later, but may I start by sharing my solo journey prior to John?

    Before my husband, my single status felt like a parasite I couldn’t exterminate. That freeloader stuck with me throughout college, grad school, after earning my license, and even after starting my private practice. 

    My peers were busy getting married and assembling IKEA furniture and skipping sleep to tend to their newborns. Some even went so far as to divorce their first spouse and marry another.

    Guess who dragged her sister to birthday parties and get-togethers through it all?

    Yep. Your new friend over here has definitely traipsed through the singleness wilderness. 

    It wasn’t like I didn’t meet anyone during those years. Elsewhere I wrote about “Matt” the evangelist and how I learned he wasn’t the one. 

    None of the men I encountered felt right.

    Oh, how I wish we could swap stories about Mr. Wrongs over coffee and cake. I’m sure you can regale me with your own false starts. 

    During those alone years, I flung a bunch of questions at the Lord. Why am I still single? Is there something wrong with me? Will I ever get married? 

    I imagine you have your own versions of these questions, too.

    Perhaps you’ve gone a step further and compiled a list of probable answers for why you’re still single—at your age, to boot:

    1. There are no decent candidates.

    2. There is, indeed, something wrong with you.

    3. Eligible ones are immature.

    Let’s take them up one by one.

    No Decent Candidates

    Many have dismissed online dating as depressing. Meeting a potential partner in person, meanwhile, feels like a fairy tale reserved only for novels and rom-coms.

    It doesn’t help that more women than men attend church. How can you hope to meet a potential date at church when the pool is so tiny there’s hardly room for both feet to splish-splash?

    I get why you’d think there are no good candidates. 

    Or rather, my sister did.

    Back when I used to doubt my prospect of landing a decent guy, she reminded me, “it only takes one.”

    The thought cheered me up. I didn’t need to date half of LA or lower my standards and date non-Christians. All I needed was to trust the Lord to introduce me to the right man.

    May her wise words encourage you too.

    Something Wrong with You?

    If this question has assailed you before, relax. All it proves is that you have an inner critic that’s vocal about its low appraisal of you. 

    The good news is most of planet earth shares your plight. That is, most—if not all—of us hear a critical voice inside, ready to pounce on our chipped tooth, grotesque birthmark, or a million other reasons why it thinks we fall short. 

    Just because you’re still single—at your age—doesn’t mean you have a deficiency. 

    Still, it’s wise to glance at the mirror. Introspect. Go inward. 

    Because I’m a certified IFS therapist, I recommend an IFS therapist to walk you through this process. This model has helped many transform their lives. 

    Of course, you can soul search on your own. But if you do, watch out. Don’t slide into a shame spiral.

    Eligible Ones Are Immature

    Let me detour back to the Redwoods for this point.

    These trees are resistant to an impressive array of intruders: Fire. Bugs. Freezing cold weather. 

    Well, okay, not exactly freezing. I just called it that because I grew up on the Equator, where the average temperature hovers around a pleasant 80 degrees. Year-round. 

    But back to Redwoods, who just stand there and resist hazardous environments.

    And grow—albeit slowly.

    Take a particular Redwood as an example. As of this writing, the tree is 308 feet tall and 1,400 years old. Let me spare you the math to give you the bottom line: someone planted this tree in AD 622, and to date, it has been growing by 2.2 inches every year. 

    Which means that the tree only grew by about the width of your credit card every 12 months.

    If you visited it by, say, its 35th year, you might have dismissed the sapling as unimpressive. There wouldn’t have been any discernible change height-wise even if you scrutinized it for a whole week.

    But if I were to tell you that by the 21st century, this stubby thing would have towered over humans and even hotels, you might have grimaced my way on your way out.  

    Which brings me back to the topic at hand.

    God drew my attention to their slow growth rate at an opportune time. 

    I had lent my expertise to help my husband overcome a familiar—but unwanted—issue the day before we visited the Redwoods. Right before we arrived, however, another episode had reared its ugly head. 

    My interpretation of this incident? John failed to change fast enough. 

    Which, in turn, prompted my emotional outburst. Why isn’t John changing faster? 

    Let me translate this sentiment to better suit your predicament. Why aren’t eligible men more mature?

    Onward with Patience 

    There could indeed be various answers to your inquiry. 

    It could be you’re right, and these men need to do some maturing before they qualify as marriage material. 

    Or perhaps the Lord might ask you, as He did me, to take the New Testament seriously—specifically, to let patience have its perfect work (James 1:4, NKJV). 

    For me, it means appreciating the 2.2 inches’ worth of growing that John has faithfully done in this past year. 

    So what if he’s still grappling with his issues? Don’t we all have our challenges? Besides, I need to give credit to whom credit is due (Romans 13:7). John’s bouts with his personal thorn in the flesh have lessened compared to the first years of our marriage.

    How patience applies to you might be different. First off, you still have to decide on who to marry. Whether you’re still early in the dating stage or whether you’re now engaged, it’s okay to keep asking the Lord for verification that you’ve got the right guy.

    When your guy misbehaves or does anything to stir up your dissatisfaction, remember the lesson of the Redwoods. He may not be growing fast enough, but it doesn’t mean he hasn’t attained more maturity today compared to some moons ago.

    I wonder if this is how God sees all His children in general. Perhaps He makes it a personal policy to focus on the inch we’ve managed to add to our spiritual stature rather than the failures we’ve committed. 

    Perhaps that’s why He is ever ready to forgive and grant us new mercies every morning (Lamentations 3:22-24). 

    But I digress. 

    When your guy disappoints you again, no need to throw a tantrum or threaten to leave (unless God has made it clear that you’re supposed to exit). 

    Instead, pray that he can withstand the pressures in his inner world—not to mention the world at large—and keep growing. Pray that his faith won’t fail (Luke 22:32). Pray for you and your own growth too. Pray so you can see all the growing he has done.

    Your future self will thank you when years from now, he morphs into a 300-foot-tall spiritual giant. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio

    Audrey Davidheiser, PhD is a California licensed psychologist, certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist and IFSI approved clinical consultant, as well as author of Surviving Difficult People: When Your Faith and Feelings Clash. After founding and directing a counseling center for the Los Angeles Dream Center, she now devotes her practice to survivors of trauma—including spiritual abuse. Visit her on www.aimforbreakthrough.com and Instagram @DrAudreyD.

    Dr. Audrey Davidheiser

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  • How to Pray for the Toxic People in Your Life

    How to Pray for the Toxic People in Your Life

    There are many phrases used in our culture that we may not completely understand or that might be used as a broad brush label for people who either have certain character traits or behave in a particular way. We need to be very careful with how we use these phrases so that they aren’t overused and we don’t mislabel someone.

    One of these phrases refers to someone as being a toxic person.

    What Are the Qualities of a Toxic Person?

    I researched the behaviors that might be found in the daily life of a person who would be considered to be toxic, and although this is not exhaustive, I have compiled a short list to read and keep in mind:

    -The person might have a victim mentality and feel as though they are always the one being treated poorly or that they are the one who is always being wronged.

    -They might thrive on gossip and slander, talking negatively about others and often spreading lies and ruining the reputation of others.

    -They might be a person who does not know how to treat others in a loving fashion and might even be abusive in some way – emotionally or physically.

    -There will be a level of control over the people in their lives, and you might feel like you cannot make your own decisions, think the way you want to think, or do what you want to do.

    -They are very manipulative people and will do what it takes to get you to do what they want you to do.

    -They will be critical and negative of others, unable to see anything positive in others or circumstances.

    -They like to get their way and will often belittle those around them in order to get what they want.

    -They might relate with a lot of sarcasm and are not sensitive or caring about the feelings of others. If you bring it to their attention, they will make you feel like you are too sensitive.

    -They might have an addictive personality, using a substance or bad habit to fill an unmet need. They might try to pull you into their addictions to make themselves feel better about what they are doing.

    When you are around a person with all or some of these traits, you will probably walk away feeling stressed, anxious, and generally negative. There are many reasons why a person might have these personality traits or behaviors, and those reasons are probably too many for us to delve into in this article. Still, I would venture to say that they are people who are dealing with their own hurts, past traumas, or stresses and have not been able to process them correctly. They probably don’t even realize how they are behaving toward others, as they might even be in survival mode!

    How to Pray for the Toxic Person:

    The first (and best) thing we can do for people exhibiting toxic behavior is to pray for them.

    God is in the business of opening people’s eyes and changing them. Only God can turn a heart of stone into a heart of flesh. Pray that He will make them aware of their sinful behavior and change them.

    “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36)

    Pray that God will show them what is behind their behavior. There must be a reason why they act the way that they do. Ask God to expose the motives, trauma, or hurt that might be causing them to act in a way that could be labeled toxic. Ask Him to let them see what is going on in their hearts.

    “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? “I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

    “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart…” (Matthew 15)

    Pray that they would be open to loving confrontation from you or another godly believer. If he is not ready, it will be unprofitable.

    “Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.” (Proverbs 9)

    “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” (Matthew 18)

    “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6)

    You Must Relate to the Toxic Person in a Biblical Manner:

    After confronting them and bringing to their attention how they behave, be prepared to bring other godly believers with you if the person will not listen to you.

    “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. (Matthew 18)

    Although you might need to walk away from a relationship with a person with toxic qualities, as a believer, that should be the last resort. But you do need to be careful to relate to the toxic person biblically. There is room for protecting yourself and following biblical principles in how much time you spend with them and whether or not you make them your “companion.”

    “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15)

    “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13)

    “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” (Proverbs 22)

    You must prayerfully and carefully consider how to handle all relationships, use the Word of God as your guide, and keep in mind that we are all sinful human beings. We are not going to be perfect. Toxic behavior is a heart problem, and we all are capable of exhibiting these behaviors if we are not in fellowship with God.

    None of us have grown up in perfect homes, experienced perfect relationships, or are immune from situations that can hurt us or cause emotional trauma. We need to remember to treat the “toxic people” in our lives in the way we would want to be treated if we were behaving in this way because of something we have gone through in our past.

    We need each other, and God uses us in each other’s lives to help us see our areas of need. That is how the body of Christ is meant to function.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Wavebreakmedia

    Gina Smith

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  • 5 Tips for Communicating with an Introvert

    5 Tips for Communicating with an Introvert

    The fourth tip for communicating with an introvert is to choose a quiet, calm setting. Quiet and calm settings help us out in many ways. Loud noises and fast-paced surroundings can quickly overwhelm us. It can be extremely difficult to hear what you are saying or pay attention if we are in a crowded mall or a busy restaurant. Instead of choosing a loud, fast-paced setting, choose a quiet coffee shop, a bookstore, or a park. These locations can help us feel more at ease and more relaxed. 

    Since we tend to stay away from loud, crowded, fast-paced places, we won’t meet in one of those places if you want to talk. These types of places are overwhelming, and it’s best to stick with a quiet, calm setting, preferably without a great number of people. It can be hard for us to focus at times when we are feeling overwhelmed, therefore, make sure to choose a quiet, calm setting. These settings let us feel more comfortable with communication. 

    5. Give Them Space

    A fifth tip for communicating with an introvert is to give them space. This might sound strange for a tip on communicating with an introvert; however, it is crucial. It is important to not place unrealistic expectations on introverts, such as expecting them to come to every event, reply to every phone call, or text back as soon as you send a message. Make sure to give us some space and time. If we don’t message you right back, it doesn’t mean we hate you. Rather, it means we need time to recharge. For each introvert, the recharging time could last for a few hours, a few days, or a few weeks. 

    It is important to give introverts space until they are ready to communicate. By respecting their time and space, it shows you truly care. This will go a long way in our hearts, and you may become one of the people who understands us better than others. If a person chooses to be pushy or doesn’t respect the introvert’s space, it will make the introvert more likely to shut down or feel guilty over being introverted. It is important that nobody makes someone else feel guilty if they are not up to going out to a party, having a video call, or automatically texting back. 

    Even though the world has transitioned to an instant communication platform, it doesn’t mean that introverts are ready for it. We need time to recharge and process everything. For each introvert, this can look different. It is important for you to respect this boundary and this need for the well-being of your friend. Choose to give them space, and respect their need to recharge. This will make the world of difference to your introverted friend and help you communicate better with them in the future. 

    Vivian Bricker

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  • 5 Ways to Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

    5 Ways to Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

    “Hidey Ho, Neighbor.” Who doesn’t remember hearing this friendly welcome from next-door neighbor Wilson of the clumsy but endearing Tim Taylor from the popular nineties television show Home Improvement? If you remember well (or need some television education), Tim was usually out in his backyard dealing with the latest, usually comical dilemma to befall him and his family, and Wilson would always acknowledge him with this rousing greeting. As their conversation went on, Wilson would quote some little-known philosopher to help solve Tim’s problem and when it was clear Tim wasn’t getting it, Wilson will give him the sound, sage advice that would always work out in the end.

    Nowadays, I think we would all love to have a Wilson next door to us so that we could go to him with our problems and, after spouting off some ancient jargon, would remind us of who we were and what advice was best for our situation. In a similar way, Jesus explained the two greatest commandments to a scribe. He told the scribe the two greatest commandments are to love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, followed by loving your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:31, NKJV).

    What does it look like to love our neighbors as ourselves? As we dig more into Scripture, we will see that a neighbor is not just your friendly next-door neighbor but everyone around you.

    “One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, ‘Of all the commandments, which is the most important?’ ‘The most important one,’ answered Jesus, ‘is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.’” –Mark 12:28-31

    Jesus spoke these endearing and profound words during a conversation He had with a scribe who wanted to know the first commandment to follow. Before this conversation, Jesus had already been accosted by some Pharisees, Herodians, and Sadducees intent on disproving the preaching of Jesus. At this point in the Book of Mark, Jesus had become known around town for not only claiming that He was the Son of God but for miraculously healing people and sharing that He would be resurrected from the dead.

    The spiritual leaders didn’t like how Jesus didn’t align with their teachings nor was He willing to submit to their authority, so they tried the tactics of spouting parables or questions meant to make Him second-guess Himself. With the question of the greatest commandment of all, this scribe had already been privy to all the interactions the leaders had with Jesus at that point and believed Jesus answered their questions or parables well (Mk. 12:28). When Jesus replied that it was to love God with everything you had and love your neighbors as you love yourself, the scribe was so pleased by the response that he told Jesus:

    “‘Well said, teacher,’ the man replied. ‘You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.’ When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.’ And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.” –Mark 12:32-34

    This revelation would be upsetting to the Pharisees and Sadducees especially because they made their fortune through people giving them their offerings and sacrifices. But what Jesus was sharing here is that our words and actions, whether public or private, to God and to those around us are more precious to God than what we can give in appointed offerings. If we love God with everything and share that love with those around us, it is the greatest offering God could ask for. This truth continues to remain true today. When we place God above all else and share His love with those around us, it pleases Him immensely.

    It is also important to remember to love your neighbor as yourself, which means you need to see the love God has for you first; that Jesus died for YOU in order for you to be freed from sin and become the person God intended. For if you don’t realize all the sacrifices God made for you, how can you love others in the same way He has loved you?

    Who Qualifies as Your Neighbor in the Phrase ‘Love Your Neighbor as Yourself’

    As anyone probably would be wondering at this point, who is included as my neighbor nowadays? Remember that when Jesus gave this intuitive statement, neighbors were usually considered people in your village or town; people you would usually see on a regular basis. Today, neighbor still carries some of the same sentiment, as we should share the love of Christ with those in our neighborhoods. But with the advantages of technology and travel now, our neighbors are now global and come from different races, cultures, and sometimes religious beliefs. But in Jesus’s eyes, a neighbor is every living, breathing human God created and Jesus died for. They are the people who are closely walking with Christ, as well as those whose hearts God may still tranform. 

    Even Merriam-Webster Dictionary quotes from the Bible in saying that neighbors are not just those who live locally but “our fellow man.” So, it is safe to say that anyone who has a pulse is your neighbor and needs to be loved as you love yourself. The real question is how do you love your neighbor? Are you supposed to shower them with gifts, as though you were courting them, or flatter them with compliments, or always agree with them to avoid any kind of conflict?

    5 Ways You Can Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

    Before we move forward in giving our list of ways, please be mindful that your neighbor is everyone around you, and that God will place you in situations where you will have to love your neighbor as yourself, whether you want to or not. These are sometimes situations where your neighbor might be the most unpleasant person or someone you don’t think you can relate to at all. But God never lets an opportunity to use you as a vessel of His love slip away.

    1. Say hello and smile to your neighbor, your co-worker, the mailman, the cashier, anyone.

    Something as simple as a smile and a hello can help someone feel he or she matters to someone else. If many are asked, and they are honest, they may say they have never spoken to their next-door neighbors they have lived near for years, or they never have been in a cheerful conversation with their mailman or co-workers. Just taking a moment to get out of your head and problems to say hello and smile to someone else could mean the world to that person who might be in the same dilemma, or worse, as you are. Plus, it also increases your mood as well, as whatever you might have been thinking is now gone, for the moment, from your head.

    2. Continue the conversation past hello by asking how they are, sharing common interests, or even asking about prayer requests.

    Okay, so the interaction has been initiated with the hello and smile, but you can move past the face-value pleasantries with an actual conversation with your neighbor, co-worker, member of your community. Let’s say, for example, you know your mailman is a huge football fan, and you happen to like the same team. If, one Saturday, your mailman is delivering the mail and you happen to see him, take a moment to go out to your mailbox to collect the mail and mention to him about the game last week. That opens the door for you two to have a conversation, which can continue the next time you see your mailman.

    Or, let’s say you always see this one cashier at the grocery store who never seems to smile or just looks like the weight of the world is on her shoulders. Take a moment to get in her check-out lane, say hello and smile, and then ask how her day is going. This could be the opportunity for her to take a moment out of her day to say how her day is going and give you the chance to talk, or even ask to pray for her, as she does her job. You never know until you ask.

    3. Offer to help your neighbor, co-worker, community member with chores.

    Of course, no one wants to add work to their plate, but it is the idea that sometimes if you aren’t comfortable talking to someone you don’t really know, actions can speak louder than words. Whether it is offering to cut the grass of the little, old lady down the street, taking a neighbor’s garbage down to the street when you take your own, or bringing a meal to a family with a new baby or death in the family, simple acts like this let a person know that you care and are showing them the love that Christ has for them as well.

    4. Ask your neighbor over for a meal or to go out to eat somewhere.

    Taking a break from the regular routine and interacting with food always helps people to feel more comfortable and talkative. If you are a whiz in the kitchen, invite a neighbor and his/her family over for a tasty meal and use the opportunity to get to know them on a personal level. If cooking isn’t your thing, suggest to your neighbor about going out to a restaurant and allow him or her to pick. Just as at home, a restaurant of a neighbor’s choosing may allow for the conversation to be more fluid and enjoyable. You could then have the opportunity to discuss jobs, families, thoughts on the world, and hopefully belief in God.

    5. Invite your neighbor over on holidays or bring treats to them for Christmas.

    The holidays can sometimes be the hardest time for some people, especially in light of recent events where people may not get together for safety, so remember your neighbor, co-worker, church member, whoever might be alone during a holiday. Invite your neighbor over for your yearly Fourth of July BBQ, which might give them the opportunity to meet other neighbors, or have them over for dinner with your family on Thanksgiving or Christmas. I’ve gotten in the habit, passed down from my family, of making treats during holidays for our neighbors and have done more of this as a way to check on neighbors during the pandemic. This will allow your neighbor to feel special on that day and erase feelings of sadness or loneliness that the day/the holidays always bring to them.

    These opening connections, facilitated hopefully through more conversations, might present the opportunity to share with them about Jesus or to ask if they have anything you can pray for them about.

    Love God and Love Others

    Jesus told us in Mark 12:31 that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves, to extend the love we have for ourselves and for God to all those around us, whether they are our best friends or people nearby we never talk to. The understanding is that our neighbors are not just the friendly Wilsons next door but God’s children all around us, who God has called us to reach out to when maybe others pass them by. Through the suggestions above, you can take a moment out of your day to greet people with a smile, a conversation, even a home-cooked meal to let them know that they are noticed and loved. It also gives us the chance to see and help someone else despite what is going on in our lives, trusting God more to take care of our problems as we minister to someone else.

    You may not be a philosophy quoting ‘Wilson,’ but you can be the caring neighbor who never lets anyone forget that you love God and love others.

    Further Reading

    What Does it Mean to Love Your Neighbor as Yourself?

    How to “Love Your Neighbor As Yourself” – Bible Meaning of Mark 12:31

    10 Ways to Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Shironosov

    Blair Parke is a freelance writer for BibleStudyTools.com and freelance book editor who wrote her first book, “Empty Hands Made Full,” in 2021 about her journey through infertility with her husband. She previously worked for eight years with Xulon Press as an editor. A graduate of Stetson University with a bachelor’s in communications, Blair previously worked as a writer/editor for several local magazines in the Central Florida area, including Celebration Independent and Lake Magazine and currently writes for the Southwest Orlando Bulletin. She’s usually found with a book in her hand or enjoying quality time with her husband Jeremy and dog Molly. You can order her book at Christian Author Bookstore – Xulon Press Publishing and visit her website at Parkeplaceediting.

    This article is part of our larger resource library of popular Bible verse phrases and quotes. We want to provide easy-to-read articles that answer your questions about the meaning, origin, and history of specific verses within Scripture’s context. We hope that these will help you better understand the meaning and purpose of God’s Word in your life today.

    Listen to our Daily Bible Verse Podcast Now!

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    Blair Parke

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  • What Does the Fellowship of Believers Entail?

    What Does the Fellowship of Believers Entail?

    They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer (Acts 2:42).

    The Day of Pentecost is vitally significant to believers today as we devote ourselves to being people of the Word of God and enjoy the fellowship of believers as the body of Christ and with our Savior, Jesus.

    It reaches new believers through fellowship in the unity of faith, shared purpose, and powerful prayer. As in Acts 2:42, being dedicated to the apostles’ teaching, breaking of bread, and prayer opens the doors of heaven.

    The most significant event of all time was now history. The disciples witnessed their dear friend and teacher die. Still, in awe of the miracle of His resurrection, filled with joy and sorrow, they watched those nail-pierced feet lift from the ground and ascend to heaven.

    The words continued ringing in their ears, “wait for the gift my Father promised,” “you will be baptized in the Holy Spirit,” “you will receive power,” and “you will be my witnesses.” Returning to Jerusalem, they went to the upper room to wait (Acts 1:4-5).

    After 10 days of waiting, Acts 2 tells us a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the house where they were sitting.

    They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. They spoke in other tongues as the Holy Spirit enabled them — another miracle.

    Miracles were familiar to the disciples. They saw blind eyes and deaf ears open, lame people walking, and the dead raised to life.

    People from many neighboring nations celebrating the annual required Jewish festival of Pentecost heard these disciples speak and magnify God in the languages of their nations (2:5-11). Perplexed, they asked, “What does this mean?” (2:12). Others made fun of them, thinking they had too much wine.

    Peter took the opportunity to preach the death and resurrection of Jesus with a call to repentance and forgiveness of sin. This “gift of promise” began bearing fruit.

    Three thousand people accepted the message growing in number from 120 believers in the upper room to 3,000 — an instant family.

    As new followers of Jesus, they “devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to breaking bread, and prayer” (Acts 2:42).

    They met daily in the temple courts and broke bread in their homes, and shared possessions with those in need. Many wonders and signs performed by the apostles fascinated everyone and displayed the power of God through the Holy Spirit. 

    Like-minded faith was essential for the followers of Jesus. Paul, the apostle, wrote, “But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse” (Galatians 1:8).

    Unity in what they believed about Jesus and His teachings was crucial to the fellowship and unity of the faith.

    1. Fellowship in Unity

    Jesus exampled the value of unity: “I and the Father are one” (John 10:30). Unity in the teachings of Jesus became the bedrock that connected them with each other and with Jesus.

    This fellowship, “one Lord, one faith, one baptism” (Ephesians 4:5), paved the way for transformation from the old self to a new self, being “created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:22-24).

    The Apostle John wrote, “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ” (1 John 1:3, emphasis added).

    Unity in the teachings of Jesus shaped and empowered the purpose of evangelism, “you shall be witnesses,” as they took the gospel everywhere.

    2. Fellowship in Purpose

    To further the purpose, God enabled the apostles “to equip the saints for works of ministry and to build up the body of Christ” (Ephesians 4:12).

    With the Holy Spirit’s help and the apostles’ teaching, their purpose was clear: “Go and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19-20). And “the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:47).

    The work of the Holy Spirit within the lives of the believers gave them the power to live in faith and share the gospel. This fellowship of unity and purpose was strengthened through prayer.

    3. Fellowship Is Prayer

    The disciples knew the closeness and conversation with Jesus in the three years they walked with Him. The apostles’ discussion times with Jesus were precious encounters with the Divine, and the new converts were learning from them.

    Jesus taught the disciples, “When you pray, say, ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven’” (Matthew 6:9-13).

    The apostles continued those cherished conversations with Jesus, devoted themselves to prayer, and taught the new converts how to talk and listen to God.

    The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective (James 5:16b). As the apostles, disciples, and new converts prayed and lived in the unity of Jesus’ teachings, the fruit of the Spirit helped them learn to control emotions, live for the eternal, forgive each other, love their enemies, boldly witness, and sharing in the sufferings of Christ through persecution.

    When Peter and John healed a lame man on the way to prayer (Acts 3:1), the authorities threw them in jail, asking, “By what power or what name did you do this?” (4:7).

    Peter, full of the Holy Spirit, proclaimed Jesus, “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved” (4:12).

    When the authorities saw the courage of Peter and John, “they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus” (4:13).

    Reprimanded and warned to stop speaking and teaching in the name of Jesus, they let them go, unable to punish them because all the people were praising God for the miraculous healing.

    The believers were devoted to the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, breaking bread, and the Lord’s Supper.

    They followed the pattern Jesus and the disciples did on the night before the crucifixion: “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me” (Luke 22:19).

    Through fellowship with God, prayer, sharing meals, communion, and caring for one another, the body of Christ continued to grow and thrive.

    Jesus’ prayer was being fulfilled, “that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you… I in them and you in me — so that they may be brought to complete unity” (John 17:21-23, emphasis added).

    The oneness in faith, purpose, and prayer was the expression of the fellowship of the believers: “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer” (Acts 2:42).

    Today, we as believers are directed to live as they did in the Book of Acts, by the same unity of faith, purpose, and prayer. Through the Scripture, we “grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus” (2 Peter 3:18) and are trained to live to please the Lord (2 Timothy 3:16).

    In Know the Scriptures, Dr. Arthur Pierson tells us: “Our Lord is found in the Word, in the letter: the Word is found in Him in the life” (p 29).

    We were made for fellowship with the Lord and with each other, becoming like-minded in faith’s unity, pursuing the purpose of sharing the gospel, “you shall be my witnesses,” through ongoing prayer while living in the power and presence of the Holy Spirit.

    For further reading:

    What Does the Bible Say about Fellowship?

    Can We Have Fellowship with God Through His Word?

    What Is the Meaning of the Body of Christ?

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/rosiesun

    Judy McEachran loves to worship the Author of life and love. She is an ordained pastor and gifted musician who writes and speaks to encourage believers. She pastored churches in the Midwest and after retirement moved to Arizona. She is humbled not only by the gracious love of God but by her devoted husband, two sons, and ten grandchildren. You can visit her website at God Secrets that Impart Life. Find her music on YouTube. Judy’s natural musical giftings invite worshippers into the presence of the Lord.

    Judy McEachran

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  • How to Trust God Again after Your Divorce

    How to Trust God Again after Your Divorce

    It is so easy to say we trust God in all things and situations.

    We know we’re supposed to “trust in the Lord with all your heart and not depend on your own understanding” as stated in Proverbs 3:5. But life doesn’t always go as planned. We face many trials and dark, uncertain times.

    Especially when a spouse leaves and refuses to come back. When you’re forced to be the sole provider and main caregiver for your children. And when your entire world falls apart; you don’t know what is going to happen next.

    This is when doubt moves. This is when the devil whispers, did God really say He was going to take care of you? Can you really trust Him with your future?

    Uncertainty about the future is a very real concern for many during and after their divorce. What will life look like when walking this path alone, without the spouse you expected to spend the rest of your life with?

    We often wonder, where is God when all of this is going on. And why is He allowing my partner to leave and/or sin against me?

    Many times in the Bible we read about the lives of others who were living with uncertainty. In my newest book, Your Restoration Journey, an 8-week Bible study for divorced women, I share the stories of many of my favorite Bible characters who also faced mistrust about their future but managed to push through as their restoration story unfolded.

    God wants to give you your restoration story as well!

    Where Is God When Your Marriage Falls Apart?

    The story of the Israelites in the desert was one example I shared for when we wonder where God is when faced with leaving an abusive marriage and walking the path during and after divorce.

    We want Him to come to the rescue and give us our old life back (to the happier times in our marriage) but that’s not always part of His plan.

    For the Israelites, He had something much better planned. They only needed to get through this difficult journey to inherit the divine promise. But they wanted to go back to the land and the life they had known in Egypt.

    The uncertainty and dependence on God for everything were just too much, that’s why they grumbled.

    “The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.” – Nahum 1:7

    Even while the Israelites struggled, God sent a constant reminder of His presence, in the form of a cloud by day and a pillar of fire at night (Exodus 13:21).

    The Hebrew phrase ananei hakavod (pronounced: ah-nah-A-hak-a-vard) means divine cloud or Cloud of Glory. God was in the clouds guiding and protecting. He is close to His children both day and night; they find His refuge there in the clouds.

    So when you wonder where is God in my situation, just look up! He’s right there watching over you. And when things seem very dark, remember He keeps you secure under His wing (Psalm 91:4).

    Can I Trust God When I Feel So Much Doubt and Uncertainty?

    I wrote this Bible study to help people of faith understand that they can stop searching for how to obtain their faith and just learn to accept it as a free gift (Ephesians 2:8).

    What is faith? Faith is defined as “a complete trust or confidence in someone or something; a strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than truth.” 

    In the seven years since my divorce, I talked to countless women who said they feel they have lost their faith during the divorce trial or after.

    They explained they could no longer open their Bible without their eyes being filled with tears and hearts filling with doubt and fear about all they were experiencing. They feel as though God’s Word no longer applies to them.

    That is a lie from the enemy to persuade you to walk away from God and your faith (trusting in God).

    The truth is faith can be present at the same time as doubt. You are free to struggle!

    God still loves the doubter.

    Job knew both pain and uncertainty. He even argued with God. He felt uncertain about the future and why he was experiencing this destruction in his life while remembering that God is in control. He even worshipped God in his grief (Job 1:20) showing God that he had hope and faith even in his anger and resentment.

    Instead of seeing faith as a byproduct of the life you always wanted, understand that it’s the practice of accepting hope when all you feel is despair about your circumstances. Jesus is the divine persuasion to believe in something better in this world.

    Something better is coming. It is the truth about His promises. You only have to believe. There is nothing you can do to work for it; only accept it.

    And when Jesus left this earth to ascend into heaven, He left you an Advocate who is walking with you now (John 14:16-17). The Holy Spirit helps remind you of essential truths about God’s character. He keeps His promises, even to divorced people.

    Through listening to your Internal Guide you understand that no matter what happens or where you go, God is always with you on the journey. He goes before you, is above you watching over you with a protective eye, and inside you directing your paths.

    Why Do You Have to Experience This Pain of Divorce?

    It can be very hard to see any benefit coming from the painful experience of divorce. Why would God allow this to happen, especially to you?

    There is no simple answer to this question, as Job found out when he asked God (Job 7:20). But we can look at the rest of God’s Word for the understanding of what kind of outcome God is guiding us towards.

    Joni Eareckson Tada, in her book The God I love, says, “God allows what he hates to accomplish what he loves.”

    He doesn’t love divorce. He actually hates what it does to innocent victims. It is violence against the one who should have been protected (Malachi 2:16). But He allows it for your protection and to strengthen your faith in Him.

    “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

    “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” – Philippians 4:6

    “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:6-7

    “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

    “For we live by faith, not by sight.” – 2 Corinthians 5:7

    “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

    Throughout the Scriptures, we read to not worry, be anxious, or have fear about the future.

    God will lift you up and strengthen you as you endure. He is your constant Helper. He just asks you to seek Him in prayer and petition; He wants to keep you close.

    He promises to work things out for good. And He will see you through everything and give you hope and a future.

    You Are Accepted, Not Rejected

    One of the main reasons divorced people struggle with their faith after divorce is because they feel unloved and no longer accepted by God. Rejection may be a human reaction to divorce (I too have been shunned), but it’s not God’s response.

    God accepts and loves divorced people.

    Jesus, being God’s character personified, showed us through His encounterings with hurting, oppressed, destitute, and even sinful people that He didn’t condemn them. He just showed them His great compassion and lovingkindness.

    When people cry out to Him, no matter the reason, He sees them and hears their cry.

    Not only does Jesus know the pain of being rejected here on earth but so have several women in the Bible, that I affectionately call “Women of Fearless Faith.” In my book, I talk about five prominent women who remind me that I too can step out in faith and trust God for everything from my basic needs to my heart’s desire, and even in times of trials.

    It’s so hard to pick a favorite, but Hagar, Abraham’s second wife and mother of his firstborn son is a notable mention.

    She was a slave with a name that meant “resident alien.” After being impregnated, and abused by her masters, she thought surviving alone in a desert would be easier than staying in that family. It was in the desert that she met God and gave Him the name, “the God who sees (or looks after) me.”

    This is such a great reminder that no matter what you’re facing now, or after divorce, God sees you, the abuse you have endured, the needs you have, and accepts you right where you are.

    You don’t need to clean yourself up for Him or be married again to gain His acceptance. He walks with you when you are at your lowest point. He hears your cry and comes to your rescue, just as He did the alien slave girl, Hagar.

    It is through this uncertain time, walking with God and getting your needs met, that your faith becomes stronger.

    With a deeply rooted, strong faith, you will be able to weather any storm that comes your way. Then, you’ll be free to share that same comfort and acceptance you felt from God, with other hurting and destitute people.

    You will thrive and shine! This is the restoration journey after divorce.

    Parts of this article was taken from Jen’s book, Your Restoration Journey: Rediscovering Your Faith & Yourself After Divorce, published by Surviving + Thriving Ministries, LLC, used with permission.

    Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Ismael Sanchez

    Jen Grice is a divorce coach and author of the books, You Can Survive Divorce and Your Restoration Journey about recovery and redemption after divorce. After her own unwanted divorce in 2013, Jen started a ministry to encourage and empower Christian women to not only survive but thrive after divorce caused by adultery, abuse, or abandonment. You can learn more about her ministry at JenGrice.com. Jen can also be found on YouTube talking about preparing for and divorcing a narcissist. And her books can be found at B&N or on Amazon.

    Jen Grice

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  • 5 Hope-Filled Prayers for Your Marriage

    5 Hope-Filled Prayers for Your Marriage

    Hope. It’s what we all need more of these days, not only in our personal lives but in our marriages as well. To hope means to want something to happen or something to be true. So, let me ask you this: What do you want to happen in your marriage? What do you want to be true?

    Today, I encourage every married couple to pray these life-giving, hope-filled prayers to the God who hears. Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

    Trust in the One who is able to fill you with abounding hope by the power of His Spirit. Look to Him for the joy and peace you seek. He can be trusted to fill your marriage with life-giving hope again.

    Here are five hope-filled prayers for your marriage:

    1. A Prayer for Togetherness

    Heavenly Father, please unify our hearts under Your loving authority and bring us together like never before. Lord, as life pulls at us and demands our time and energy, help us prioritize time together. We need Your presence in our marriage – Your constant presence of love, joy, and peace. As we schedule date nights, getaways, and times to reconnect, please remind us of the hope we have in You – hope for our future together. As Romans 5:5 says, “Hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Thank You, Father, for uniting us in Your love. Bind us together in perfect harmony and strengthen us for the journey ahead. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.

    2. A Prayer for Trust

    Lord God, please renew our trust – first in You – then in each other. Cast all doubt, fear, and unbelief far from our marriage, and help us to lean into one another with confidence and strength. Rebuild the areas of our marriage that have been worn down over time or chipped away by difficult circumstances. Forgive us for our mistakes, and help us forgive one another. Let our marriage be a faithful example of Your work in our lives – a work of redemption, renewal, and reliance. As Psalm 13:5 says, “I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.” We look to You in the days ahead and put our hope firmly in Your hands. In Jesus’ precious name, amen.

    3. A Prayer for Communication

    Holy God, please open the lines of communication with my spouse in a healthy, honorable way. As Proverbs 15:3 (NLT) says, “Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!” Please help us carve out time to talk about our week, plan for our future, and recall Your mighty blessings in our marriage. Please create more time and space for us to listen to each other – really listen. Remove all criticism and judgmental thoughts that try to divide us. Replace our negative thinking with hope-filled excitement that opens our eyes to the possibilities awaiting us. Thank You, Lord, for giving us the right words to say at the right time. We ask for wisdom in this and trust You to lead the way. In Jesus’ name, amen.

    4. A Prayer for Intimacy

    Lord, please help my marriage in the area of intimacy. Prevent busyness, overwhelm, and exhaustion from getting in the way of closeness with my spouse. Show me ways to nurture my marriage by creating an atmosphere of romance and connection. Help us listen to 1 Corinthians 7:3, which says, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” And if there needs to be a discussion about our individual needs, let it happen according to Your timeline when both of us are open to what the other has to say. Thank You, God, for creating marriage for intimacy and allowing us to express our love in such a meaningful way. In the holy name of Jesus, amen.

    5. A Prayer for Faithfulness

    Gracious God, I look to You to bless my marriage with a hope-filled future and pray for a deep, committed faith in You. Please draw my spouse close to Your heart and strengthen their faith right where they are. Remind us of Proverbs 3:3, which says, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” Please fill our marriage with good fruits – the fruit of Your Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. Help us live by these characteristics and show these holy attributes in the way we interact. Remind us of our wedding vows – vows to be faithful and true to one another through good times and bad. Strengthen our commitment to remain in Your will and walk in the hope you provide. Our faith is in You, Lord, and we trust You to do mighty things in our home and in our marriage. In the name of Jesus, our Savior, amen.

    More Hope-Filled Prayers for Your Life:

    10 Prayers for Hope When You’re Tired of the Struggle

    Prayers for Strength to Find Comfort and Hope

    5 Hopeful Prayers for New Beginnings in Your Life

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/InnerVisionPRO

    Jennifer Waddle

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  • A Prayer for My Husband

    A Prayer for My Husband

    When God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him,” it was for the beautiful purpose of blessing Adam with a life companion. Together, they would build a home, a family, and a legacy.

    God’s perfect design for marriage is to unite husbands and wives – first to Himself – then to each other. “And the two shall become one flesh.” In this context, a wife’s prayers are powerful intercessions for her husband. She knows him intimately, what concerns him, what keeps him awake at night, what motivates him and brings him joy.

    So, no matter how busy we are, praying for our husbands is vital to our role as wives. They need it, they deserve it, and they will greatly benefit from it. As 1 John 5:15 says, “And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.”

    Here are five specific prayers to pray for your husband:

    1. For Their Heart

    Gracious God, please touch my husband’s heart with Your love today. Give him the assurance that You love him with everlasting love and want what is best for him. When he is frustrated, please give him a sense of peace and calm to handle the situation with integrity. When he is down, be the lifter of his head and draw his eyes towards you. Thank You, Lord, for safeguarding his heart, keeping him close, and reminding him of Your great love. Help me to be understanding, kind, and loving towards him so that he always has a soft place to land. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.

    2. For Their Mind

    Lord God, please fill my husband’s mind with good and pleasant things today. Whenever negative thoughts come in, please replace them with things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and worthy of praise. I ask for a deep sense of peace to fill his mind so that he knows everything will be alright. Give him wisdom in all his decisions and interactions with others and grant him understanding when confusion arises. Most of all, help him set his mind on You, the Author and Perfecter of his faith. In the name of Jesus, amen.

    3. For Their Soul

    Heavenly Father, I pray for my husband’s soul, the very depths of who he is. Please settle all feelings of unworthiness and shame. Remind him of the redemption he has in Your Son, Jesus. Fill his soul with hope and joy that surpasses all understanding. I ask for a mighty work of Your grace to inhabit the center of his being so that he will not walk in the heaviness of his soul but in the lightness of Your presence. Please assure him that Your yoke is easy, and Your burden is light; he can do all things through Christ who strengthens him. Thank You for my husband’s precious soul – for who You created him to be. Help me be supportive of him in good times and bad. In Jesus’ mighty name, amen.

    4. For Their Strength

    Lord, thank You for being my husband’s strength today. In all that he does, please continue to lead him by Your Spirit and strengthen his frame. When he feels tired, be the refreshment he needs. When he is sick, be his gentle Healer. And when he is worn out, please fill him with life and vitality to face another day in the joy of knowing You. Lord, show me ways I can help meet my husband’s needs and fill in some gaps when he is overwhelmed. Help me be aware of his struggles so I can be the companion You created me to be. Thank You for strengthening our marriage and keeping us in step with Your Spirit. In Jesus’ name, amen.

    5. For Their Purpose

    Lord God, as life becomes mundane, please remind my husband of Your divine purpose. Speak new life into his heart, mind, and soul so that he won’t allow complacency to take root. As a couple, please clarify what you want us to do for Your glory and the good of others. Awaken us to the bigger purpose of drawing others to Your Son. Help us work together in every way, making our home a haven of peace and our family a unified force for good. We want to live within Your purpose for our lives. Thank You for leading my husband in the way he should go so that he can lead our family on the narrow path of righteousness, for Jesus’ sake. It is in His precious name I pray, amen.

    Check out these articles for more ways to pray for your husband:

    How to Pray for Your Husband

    20 Essential Prayers for Your Husband

    How to Pray for Your Husband instead of Trying to Change Him

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/PeopleImages

    Jennifer Waddle

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  • 7 Inexpensive Ways to Encourage Your Friend

    7 Inexpensive Ways to Encourage Your Friend

    We all experience seasons of feeling discouraged. We go through difficult situations, or something unexpected happens. We know that hard times are just part of life, and we know that Jesus is victorious in the end (John 16:33), but sometimes, we still feel stuck in the here and now. When we have a friend who is in need of encouragement, we are called to support that friend in a godly way. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to “encourage one another and build each other up,” and Hebrews 3:13 says, “encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘today.’” We aren’t to let people take advantage of us—Jesus modeled good boundaries—but when a friend needs some healthy encouragement, we can be the ones to offer it. 

    Don’t let the fear of saying the wrong thing keep you from reaching out. Friends need to know that you care and that you are available. The willingness to be involved while a friend is going through a difficult season is what counts. You don’t have to get it all right or know what to do, but you do have to try. Avoidance for fear of doing the wrong thing unnecessarily destroys relationships. Be willing to be the one to go first, admit that you don’t know what is best to do, and keep showing love. Pay attention to what your friend says, needs, and responds well to. When you reach out in love, you truly can’t do it wrong. “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). 

    Here are some inexpensive or free ways to encourage a friend: 

    1. Cards or Letters

    In a world of technology, we have begun to forget the power of the handwritten card. The joy and encouragement you can so easily bring to someone by sending them a piece of handwritten mail is a hundredfold the effort it takes to complete the task. When an encouraging note from a friend is mixed in with the bills and junk mail, the impact is felt in the soul. “Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body” (Proverbs 16:24, NLT).

    2. Texts

    In addition to handwritten notes, a quick text to let a friend know you are thinking of her is always welcome. You do not have to solve all of her problems or be able to fix her pain. You just have to be a friend, and “a friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17). A text as simple as “Thinking about you and praying for you today” or “Hope today is a good one!” can put a smile on her face. If you have a funny story to share or an encouraging Bible verse, text your friends, and it will let them know they are loved. 

    3. Talk and Walk

    It has been proven that exercise impacts mood. Our bodies and our minds benefit from exercise and fresh air. If possible, take a walk outside. If outside isn’t an option, find an indoor place. You could try a gym or even an indoor mall. If walking doesn’t work, you can find a low-impact exercise inside the house– yoga or simple arm movements. Get creative. Most of us can find some way to move our bodies. When we exercise, we are not only caring for our physical component but our emotional one as well. Our moods improve, and we can often think through things with a new perspective. If you have a friend who needs a little pick-me-up, offer to talk a walk with her and see the benefits pour in. You don’t even have to discuss the issue at hand for a nice, long walk to help her with that issue. Just being with a friend can be an encouragement in itself. Not every meeting has to be a problem-solving one. A lovely conversation about anything can relieve stress about something else. “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up” (Proverbs 12:25). 

    4. Homemade Gift

    If you are crafty, a homemade gift can be a beautiful way to encourage a friend. Taking the time to create something from your own heart and talent shows how deeply you care about a person. Perhaps you paint or draw or write poetry. Maybe you make your own jewelry or cross stitch or create handmade cards. Whatever your talent, friends will feel loved and cared for when you make something for them.  

    I, for one, do not possess many creative talents. But I have a deep passion for feeding people. When a friend is grieving, discouraged, confused, or just going through a difficult time, you can rest assured that I will bring a meal. It may not be fancy, but it will be intentional. There is a good chance that I doubled the meal I was making for my own family, and it is a guarantee that I thought of you and prayed for you as I cooked. When my family adopted our son with special needs, we were blessed for weeks by friends’ bringing us dinner. It was a very difficult time of transition, but I felt so loved by all of the people who fed us. My older kids and I still say, “Life is good when people bring you meals.” Bonus points when dessert is included!

    5. Ask 

    Sometimes we don’t know what to do to lift up a friend. You are allowed to ask when you don’t know. Just remember that asking “how can I help?” is often overwhelming to someone going through a hard time. She is trying to process so much that she can’t even think about giving you guidance on how to help. A better option is to tell her what you are going to do and then give her choices: 

    “I am going to bring you dinner. Would you like it on Tuesday or Friday?” 

    “I will take the dog for a walk tomorrow. Is morning or afternoon better?”

    “I’m heading to the grocery store. You can text me a list, or I can pick up a few things for dinner.” 

    “Would it be more helpful if I took your kids to the park for the afternoon or washed your laundry?”

    6. Speak Encouraging Words/Praise

    The Bible is full of verses to encourage us, and we can use Scripture to encourage others. We can speak these words to our friends when they are in need of encouragement during challenging times. We should also speak God’s Word to ourselves to remind our souls of God’s great love and eternal presence. Here are some of my favorite encouraging verses: 

    “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

    “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

    “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

    “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.” Psalm 34:4-7

    “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

    7. Prayer

    May we never forget that in every situation, we have direct access to the Creator of the universe, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Savior of the world. Prayer is effective. Prayer changes hearts and minds and situations. Whatever you do to directly encourage your friend, do all of it with a prayerful heart, and watch God work. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/DMEPhotography

    Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.

    Megan Moore

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  • 4 Prayers for a Struggling Marriage

    4 Prayers for a Struggling Marriage

    Growth in marriage sometimes requires us to take a step back in order to move forward in a fresh direction. When we see a negative cycle spinning out of control in our relationship, it can be easy to want to throw all we have into “fixing” the problem. Even worse, we can run away feeling defeated and powerless to change the broken spaces in our relationships. While taking action is important (it’s never wise to ignore red flags in our marriages), sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is to take a step back just to pause and invite God into our mess. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Our mysterious God reminds us that he does his best work when we step aside and take a posture of still surrender in his presence.

    This space isn’t the I’m-so-fed-up-with-you-I-never-want-to-talk-again kind of space. It is you, as a spouse, intentionally choosing to be still. It’s in these moments of stillness we are reminded that God is the one that empowers us to be the spouses we are called to be! In the stillness, we realize our marriages are more than just about us and our needs but a place where we can live out the Bible’s call to “serve one another with love” (Galatians 5:13).

    In this space of humble, prayerful invitations or sometimes desperate cries for help to our capable and big God, we can have the grace to step back and allow the waters of our relationship to calm. When we relinquish our rights and control and realize that God is the only one able to heal the damaged places between us, we are also free to stop poking and pestering one another over the same old failures. We are free to begin to forgive each other for the mounting hurts that want to tear us apart.

    Being still may look like not pointing out every flaw or choosing to extend grace when things don’t go as planned rather than fighting for your right to right. It even can look like turning the other cheek (Matthew 5:38-40). Biblical marriage is one filled with humility, sacrificial love, and forgiveness.

    In this place of holy invitation, prayer is our weapon! We can call on the Angel armies of Heaven to do what only God can do in our homes. It takes such trust and humility to lay down our own battle weapons. It’s a deep surrender to let go of our own right to defend ourselves and trust God to be our guard and guide. We are not alone in this fight; God is with us and gives us the strength to step back and love our partners beyond what could ever be considered reasonable.

    Here are some prayers for your struggling marriage:

    1. A Prayer for Forgiveness

    Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

    Father, would you give each of us the strength, grace, patience, and wisdom to display your kindness and compassion towards one another. Would you bring to light the ways unforgiveness has made way for a root of bitterness to poison our relationship. Give us the strength to unpack the baggage that the years have created gracefully. Open our hearts to experience your miraculous gift of forgiveness. May we follow your example of loving beyond what is reasonable. Please help us stop counting wrongs and embrace your example of amazing grace in our home. Amen.

    Ephesians 5:33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

    God, graciously give us the ability to see each other as you see us. Show us the ways that you love your spouse. Help us focus on their gifts, talents, service, and love. Open our eyes to the reality of the endless mercy you have bestowed on each of us. Empower us to regard each other with love and respect. Grant us the self-control and humility to pause and hear each other before defending ourselves. Let love and respect permeate our interactions. Amen.

    3. A Prayer for Renewed Love

    1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

    God, I thank you for being a God of love and teaching us to be like you. I am so thankful that your word instructs us on how to follow your ways and gives us practical advice for our lives. May you help our marriage to be once again filled with love. Give both the ability to be patient, kind, humble, protect each other, lay down resentment, and rejoice in all things. May you bear the heavy things we have endured. Would you give us hope in the dark seasons of life! Bless them with a lasting love that carries them through a lifetime together. Bless each of us with a heart of love for one another. Amen.

    4. A Prayer for Wisdom

    James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him.

    God, give each marriage the wisdom it needs to step forward, one step at a time. Give us the strength to follow you first in a world that does not understand God’s way. Speak to our hearts about the wise next step for our marriage and family. Help us to see past the distractions that are thrown at us and be able to follow your narrow way. Silence the voices of confusion, discouragement, distraction, or temptation that would want to entrap us in folly. Help us to trust you and follow you for all of our days. Amen.

    If you are in need of a new direction, God invites you to take a moment and pause before searching out one more self-help article. He wants you to go to him before throwing up your hands in defeat or packing that beg out of anger. There is a different option that includes God’s miraculous marriage healing power! It goes against our every instinct to run, defend, justify, or fix. God prompts us to be still in his presence, to remember that God is in control of all the threads that make up your life together, and invite him in to do the restorative work that only he can do. Seek Him first, and then find that new path forward together.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

    Amanda Idleman

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  • How Fathers Positively Impact Their Children’s Lives

    How Fathers Positively Impact Their Children’s Lives

    Fathers fill a role in every child’s life that no one else can. This role can significantly impact a child’s development and help shape him or her into the person they will become in the future. Fathers, like mothers, play an important role in the emotional development of their children. Children look to their fathers to establish and enforce ground rules. They also look to their fathers to provide both physical and emotional security.

    Children want to please their fathers, and an involved father encourages inner growth and strength. A child’s cognitive and social development is immensely influenced when the father is affectionate and supportive. It also promotes overall well-being and self-confidence. As we grow, fathers shape not only who we are on the inside but also how we interact with others. What a child looks for in other people is influenced by how he was treated by his father.

    Friends, lovers, and spouses will all be chosen based on how the child perceives the meaning of the father’s relationship. A father’s behavioral patterns in his relationships with his children will influence how his children interact with others. Young girls rely on their fathers for emotional and physical security. Besides physical security, a father demonstrates to his daughter the benefits of having a good relationship with a man. If a father is gentle and loving, his daughter will seek those qualities in men when she is old enough to start dating. And if a father is strong and supportive, his daughter will be drawn to similar men.

    Boys emulate their fathers’ personalities as well. From a young age, they seek approval from their fathers subconsciously. We grow up as humans by imitating the behavior of those around us; this is how we learn to function in the world. If a father is kind and respectful to others, his sons will be similarly raised. When a father is absent, young boys look to other male figures for guidance on how to behave and survive in the world.

    Reasons Why Children Require Fathers

    Having two loving parents in their lives benefits children. Whether their father is still living in the family home or their parents have divorced, fathers play a vital role in raising their children. There are so many advantages to having a father actively involved in a child’s life that it’s worth reviewing the advantages and remembering why it’s important for children to spend quality time with their father.

    1. For fun and friendship 

    Fathers engage in more physical and vigorous play with their children. They have more physical contact and spend more of their time playing. How fathers interact with their children improves their coordination and ability to control their strength. Children who have an involved father are likely to have better social skills and more intimate friendships with less conflict.

    2. To maintain equilibrium

    Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”  

    Children benefit from having two parents with opposing viewpoints and personalities. Having both parents with diverse strengths, weaknesses, and perspectives helps children grow up more well-rounded.

    3. To help them understand men 

    Children can best learn about manliness by watching male role models. And a father is uniquely suited to be that role model. This is especially true for boys over the age of six. They learn the male tendencies to protect, provide, educate and establish firm boundaries. Fathers are responsible for demonstrating to children that real men can be self-sufficient, do housework, and hug and kiss their children! And they see how men dress, eat, and grow stubble on their chins differently!

    4. To further improve their education

    Responsible fathers are interested in their children’s education. When children see their fathers regularly, they are more likely to perform well in school. Dads instill in their children the value of education and how to succeed. One of the most important factors influencing how well girls perform academically is their father’s faith in them. When fathers are involved in their children’s education, they are more likely to get good grades, enjoy school, and participate in extracurricular activities. 

    5. For good mental health and self-esteem

    Children who have an actively involved father are less likely to suffer from depression, suicide, self-harm, and other mental health issues than those who do not. Children who despise their fathers will experience far more mental and emotional problems as they grow older. Children’s self-esteem is heavily influenced by their father’s time and attention. Spending time with a father can improve a child’s self-esteem. The more fathers interact with their children, the more influence they have. 

    When children do not have a father figure in their lives, they experience guilt, upset, and self-doubt well into adulthood.

    Ways for Dads to Have a Positive Influence on Their Children

    1. Make yourself available and approachable to them

    Fathers must make time in their busy schedules to give their children their undivided attention. Children who have emotionally available parents outperform their peers in terms of social, academic, and well-being outcomes. We can lose sight of the fact that our children are people, especially as they mature into intensely private, hormonal adolescents. We become dismissive or disapproving, snappy, and snarky. By responding to our children warmly, even when we don’t feel like it, we demonstrate that we value them as people rather than as inconvenient nuisances.

    A gentle touch, a smile, or soft words warm up a relationship and increase the likelihood that we will be heard and have a positive influence on our children’s lives. You must love them unconditionally and demonstrate your love for them through your actions and the way you communicate with them. The love you have for your children is what they will remember for most of their lives as they grow up.

    2. Teach them the ways of the Lord

    As a father, you are the ultimate teacher and the figure your child will look to as they grow up. This automatically makes it your responsibility to teach them the ways of the Lord. 

    Introducing them to the words of God and teaching them to have faith in God and live according to his commands will make you a responsible spiritual mentor and make your life much easier as a parent. 

    Proverbs 22:17-19 “Bow down thine ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply thine heart unto my knowledge. For it is a pleasant thing if thou keep them within thee; they shall withal be fitted in thy lips. That thy trust may be in the Lord, I have made known to thee this day, even to thee.”

    3. Be fair to them and learn to set boundaries

    Fairness is a strength that helps us maintain positive family relationships. Children have a keen sense of what is fair and what is not. Find as many ways as you can to help your children perceive your efforts to make life more equitable for everyone in the family. You might think about chores and responsibilities, pocket money, and spending time with you.

    Also, learn to set boundaries. Our children, including our teenagers, perform best when their behavior is checked. The children will frequently argue with you. Setting limits indicates that you are having a positive influence on your children. The goal is to avoid becoming too authoritarian, which will drive undesirable behavior underground.

    4. Learn to listen without always trying to fix them

    Parents are, without a doubt, excellent problem solvers. We can mend sprained ankles, broken hearts, tangled friendships, and even solve homework assignments. But, sometimes, our children do not require us to fix them. They want us to listen and understand what they are going through. We are more understanding—and more likely to be listened to—when we see the world through their eyes.

    5. Set high but reasonable goals

    Parents who set high expectations for their children tend to have children who live up to those expectations, as long as they are communicated warmly within reasonable boundaries and we have our children’s (rather than our own) best interests in mind.

    Set high standards for academic achievement, morality, alcohol and drug use, and friendships. You will have a long-lasting positive influence on your children and their decisions if you do it with warmth and kindness.

    6. Tell them about your difficulties

    Don’t act as if you’re immune to life’s difficulties because you’re a man. Instead, explain some of your difficulties to your children. Give them insight into how you solve problems. Demonstrate to them that good things do not come easy; they require hard work, sacrifice, and a great deal of discipline. 

    As a father, your resilience in the face of adversity can have a tremendous positive impact on the lives of your children.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/yacobchuk

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  • How Does the Bible Caution Us about Toxic People?

    How Does the Bible Caution Us about Toxic People?

    “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

    The word “toxic” evokes an image of something poisonous that poses a danger to anyone who approaches it. We often use this word in relation to chemicals and waste matter. Every once in a while, though, a person can be described this way.

    Like signs that caution us not to touch hazardous material, Scripture warns us about the danger of spending time with someone who can spread false and destructive beliefs. Part of the problem is the actual behavior they display. But perhaps the more concerning issue is how easily their attitudes can contaminate those around them.

    What Is a Toxic Person?

    Being toxic goes beyond being disagreeable or even troublesome. In fact, one definition of the term reads, “very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way.” This points to the seriousness of having someone toxic in our lives: not only can they affect our mood by what they do and say, but their negative spirit can end up bringing our hearts down as well.

    In the Old Testament book of Proverbs, we find cautions about getting too closely connected to someone with a noxious personality because of the trouble it brings to us:

    “A troublemaker and a villain, who goes about with a corrupt mouth, who winks maliciously with his eye, signals with his feet and motions with his fingers, who plots evil with deceit in his heart — he always stirs up conflict. Therefore disaster will overtake him in an instant; he will suddenly be destroyed — without remedy” (Proverbs 6:12-15).

    “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20).

    “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared” (Proverbs 22:24-25).

    What the Bible Says about Toxic People

    Scripture tells us repeatedly that a person’s true beliefs will eventually show themselves in an outward way. Jesus Himself spoke of the connection between toxic thoughts and toxic behavior.

    “He went on: ‘What comes out of a person is what defiles them.  For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come — sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person’” (Mark 7:20-23).

    Many times, a toxic person has lived that way for so long, he or she is unaware of their heart condition. That can lead someone to believe they are always right, and to freely express all their opinions.

    “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless” (James 1:26).

    If confronted about it, that person might not see the problem with their thoughts or actions. So, they may not respond well to correction, even given in love – at least at first.

    “‘I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you’” (Psalm 32:8-9).

    Verses and Examples of Toxic People in Scripture

    God’s Word gives us examples of those who not only disregarded His Ways, but openly tried to turn others against Him. Some were willing to repent and become aligned again with the Lord, but others stubbornly kept to their ways and suffered the consequences.

    King Saul

    “He was prophesying in his house, while David was playing the lyre, as he usually did. Saul had a spear in his hand and he hurled it, saying to himself, ‘I’ll pin David to the wall.’ But David eluded him twice” (1 Samuel 18:10-11).

    “Now Saul’s daughter Michal was in love with David, and when they told Saul about it, he was pleased. ‘I will give her to him,’ he thought, ‘so that she may be a snare to him and so that the hand of the Philistines may be against him’” (1 Samuel 18:20-21).

    The Pharisees

    “‘Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to’” (Matthew 23:13).

    “Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him in his words” (Matthew 22:15).

    Some at the End Times 

    “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God — having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people” (2 Timothy 3:1-5).

    As Christians, How Should We Respond to Toxic People in Our Lives?

    God is passionate about protecting the purity of His people, and yet hopes that all will eventually come to repentance. So while He calls us to reach out to and show His love to all we meet, the Lord warns us not to let ourselves be contaminated in the process. But it is a challenging balance to strike.

    Part of that balance has to do with staying strong in our own faith. Studying God’s Word daily and fellowshipping with other believers are just two activities that keep us aligned with Him. When we have a strong foundation, ministering to others becomes another way to worship the Lord.

    Some verses instruct us to keep seeking the good of others, no matter what their manner toward us might be.

    “‘…bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you’” (Luke 6:28).

    “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9).

    Another way to maintain the right balance in this area is to keep our personal boundaries healthy and secure. If we become too weary or tempted, our own faith could be at risk. So, while working for the good of others, we must respect our needs, too.

    “Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure position” (2 Peter 3:17).

    And in the end, we must give others the respect of making their own choices, and realize that God will decide their fate.

    “Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).

    Is God’s Grace Sufficient for the Toxic People in Our Lives?

    When people are willing to be honest, self-aware and humble, God’s grace is more than enough do a life-altering work in them. He longs to be asked into someone’s heart, so He can help them become more like Christ.

    “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

    God often works through His people as well:

    “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them” (Ephesians 5:8-11).

    “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them” (Luke 17:3-4).

    Though we may long to help even the most toxic people, we must protect our own well-being. As we decide whether to actively reach out to them, or to quietly keep them in prayer, we must look to God to help us keep our faith pure and strong in the process.

    In Psalms 101, David declares a pledge that we can say for ourselves:

    “I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it. The perverse of heart shall be far from me; I will have nothing to do with what is evil. Whoever slanders their neighbor in secret, I will put to silence; whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart, I will not tolerate. My eyes will be on the faithful in the land, that they may dwell with me; the one whose walk is blameless will minister to me. No one who practices deceit will dwell in my house; no one who speaks falsely will stand in my presence” (Psalm 101:3-7).

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/kieferpix

    Heather Adams is an author, speaker, and singer living in Connecticut. Heather’s passion is to equip and encourage believers to seek more of God’s truth and to experience more of His joy each day. Her book, Bow Down: The Heart of a True Worshipper is a practical, 30-day devotional about worship based on the writings of King David. Heather’s blog, Worship Walk Ministries, offers weekly Scripture passages and insights to ponder. A native New Englander, Heather is settling into her home in the South, trying out local foods and watching for the alligators that live nearby! You can connect with her on her website: heatheradamsworshipwalk.com

    Heather Adams

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