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  • 4 Biblical Purposes of Premarital Counseling

    4 Biblical Purposes of Premarital Counseling

    When God created marriage, He had one thing in mind. To create a human union that reflected how He loves the church (His people). He designed the beautiful relationship to reflect His perfect love. We want to step into marriage with a biblical and God-honoring foundation.

    He desires that the relationship be fueled by each spouse putting the other first and encouraging them in their purposes for the Lord.

    We, as humans, can’t love perfectly; we need all the help we can get. That is why participation in premarital counseling can be so life-giving for your future marriage. Before we get married, there are many things to consider.

    Related: 6 Things to discuss before saying I DO!

    We need to dig deep into the lives of our betrothed and get to the bottom of important issues. We want all things brought to light to avoid trouble in the future. As we prepare to walk down the aisle, one of the most beneficial things we can do is get premarital counseling.

    So what is premarital counseling, you ask?

    Premarital counseling is a type of counseling or therapy that helps couples get to a healthy place before they say I do. They have an opportunity to discuss important topics and to get their expectations aligned. You can hire a professional counselor specializing in premarital, or your pastor will most likely offer his services before officiating your wedding. Christian counseling or meeting with your pastor would be most beneficial as you can incorporate your faith and relationships with God in the process, learning how to put Him in the center of marriage. This can help sustain the relationship when issues do arise.

    God empowers us with truths from His Word that give us guidance and direction when it comes to marriage. He equipped us with basic and solid truths that we can stand firm on when we enter marriage. Christian premarital counseling can help us pull out these truths and give us practical ways to apply them to our lives.

    4 Biblical Purposes for Premarital Counseling 

    1. Understanding Marriage Commitment

    If a man vows a vow to the Lord or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. Numbers 30:2

    In our modern world, too often, people enter into marriage not fully understanding their lifelong commitment. When the engagement ring has been placed on the girl’s finger, the focus is often on planning the wedding and all that it entails. The wedding preparation can be all-consuming, leaving little room for preparing for what life will look like after the celebration ends. God has a lot to say about what he desires for marriage. When we spend time with a counselor truly understanding the commitment, it can put our heads in the right space so that we are not bombarded when the honeymoon ends. We want to truly understand what we are getting into as much as possible, so that when conflict and issues arise, we have the commitment needed to withstand marriage’s difficulties.

    2. Improve Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

    A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. Proverbs 15:18

    Everyone is brought up in a different home, with different families and different ways of communicating with each other. It is often the case that each person has been modeled in different ways of navigating their communication skills growing up. Understanding these aspects of childhood can be extremely beneficial before the walk down the aisle. It is impossible to know everything, but talking about how you desire to communicate and learning how your future spouse expresses his feelings and thoughts will only serve you well in your marriage. A counselor can help you understand yourself and your future spouse.

    Conflict is inevitable in marriage. You will disagree, and you will fight. This is normal and healthy. You want to be in a marriage that provides a safe space to express emotion and issues openly. Talking about your conflict resolution skills with premarital counseling can smooth out issues before they arise. This doesn’t mean you will always sail in and out of the conflict in your marriage. However, entering the marriage with a rich understanding of how you each resolve or avoid conflict can give you a head start in your marriage relationship.

    3. Setting Realistic Expectations

    For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. Psalm 62:5

    The world tells us that marriage was created to make us happy and bring us all the fulfillment we need. This could not be further from the truth. Although God longs for us to find joy in our marriage and our spouse, this can not be why we get married. Too many marriages fail, and the reason is often “he/she didn’t make me happy.” That is quite a lofty expectation to put on another person. One person should not have to carry that responsibility, especially a spouse. Even on our best days, it is impossible to be perfect, and we will most likely disappoint our spouse at some point in the marriage. This happens often. When we seek out premarital counseling and discuss the expectations of the marriage, it can even the playing field so that we are not left shell-shocked when we realize that our person is not perfect. They make mistakes and can even make us unhappy. When we gain a good perspective on navigating disappointment, we won’t be tempted to take the world’s advice and walk away when things get hard. You will learn how to stick it out and have grace and forgiveness for your spouse.

    4. Opportunity to Get Things Out in the Light

    Couple submission in marriage

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards

    Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. Ephesians 5:11-12

    No one likes to talk about their past relationships with their future spouse. It can be uncomfortable and awkward. However, disclosing your past in the safe space of premarital counseling can relieve any mystery regarding your person’s past. There do not need to be details or even names, but revealing each person that you have had a serious or sexual relationship with will help you get to know each other better and give you opportunities to clear the air. Praying for a release from any soul ties with other people can give you a clean slate as you start your marriage. You can enter the marriage knowing that you know everything and won’t have any questions later. If, in the future, people from the past get brought up, or you have a chance encounter, you will not be taken off guard or left feeling like there were any secrets. You can have complete confidence that there are no hidden things regarding your past.

    Use this time to expose any addictions or hidden sin you need to work on. This can be a vulnerable place to be in, but it is better to get it out in the open before you are married and allow your spouse to work through any issues they have.

    Secret sin will kill a marriage. It will give the enemy a foothold in your marriage and create distance, resentment, and unhealthy conflict. Bring all things into the light, as awkward and uncomfortable as it may be. Working with premarital counseling to talk about these awkward issues can expose past sin and bring it to light so that it does not have a hold on your marriage before it even starts.

    Do your future marriage a favor and get started on premarital counseling. It is possible to have a healthy, life-giving, and God-honoring marriage, even amongst life’s biggest issues. When you get started on the right foot with everything out in the open, you will have the best chance of a beautiful and fulfilling marriage.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    Heidi Vegh is a writer, speaker, and ministry leader living in Gig Harbor, WA. She is a remarried mother of four, navigating the blended family life after the loss of her first husband to cancer in 2013. She longs to use her writing as a way to encourage others who have experienced loss and guide them on the road to healing. She contributes to her blog found at thebreathingmama.com, sharing stories and devotionals of faith stemming from her loss and healing, mothering, and her blended and complex family. She graduated from Southern New Hampshire University with a degree in Creative Writing and English and is working on her first book. Heidi is the Women’s Ministry Director at Gig Harbor Foursquare and has a deep heart for sharing Jesus with women and encouraging them in their faith walk. When she is not writing she loves to travel, read, craft, and experiment in the kitchen. Visit her Facebook and Instagram (@mrsheidivegh) to learn more.

    Heidi Vegh

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  • 5 Hard Facts of Marriage and How to Face Them

    5 Hard Facts of Marriage and How to Face Them

    “It wasn’t supposed to be this way.”

    In marriage, we struggle in the tension between hopeful ideals and the very real hurts we feel as husbands and wives. Blind optimism says our spouse is our perfect soulmate who can do no wrong—but this only sets us up for painful disappointment.

    That pain then feeds negativity that can only see the worst in our partner. Unrealistic expectations set us up for frustration, confusion, and distance in our marriage.

    Hope and help are found in confronting the hard facts of marriage together. You can discover what subtle, false messages you’re believing about each other. You can name the threats to your relationship and tackle them head-on.

    By facing these 5 hard facts of marriage together, you can grow closer and stronger together than ever before. 

    1. The Odds Are Against You

    At the moment you said, “I do,” you stepped onto a battlefield.

    Our culture’s high divorce rate is proof that many couples are losing the war. For those in the trenches, marriage and family therapists make up the fastest-growing segment of mental health professionals. Marriage is tough and we know it.

    The Bible describes exactly why it’s a struggle to love each other for life. The enemies of your soul—the world, the flesh, and the devil—are coming against your marriage every day.

    The world says a faithful, lifelong relationship is either a hopeless ideal or a miserable trap to steal your happiness. Your flesh, or your sinful desires and thoughts, is selfish and wants its own way.

    The devil is constantly denying God’s truth, tempting you to break your vows, and working to destroy your home. 

    Yet in the middle of all the bad news, God offers hope. We’re not in the battle alone. “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3).

    If we abide in Christ, we can walk in the truth of his Word(3 John 4). We can overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). In him, we can experience love that never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8).

    No matter how beaten and battered your marriage might be, “with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).

     2. Marriage Isn’t Math

    In our marriage, we might dream of a 50-50 equation. We’re confident if we bear an equal load of work and effort, we’ll strike a happy balance in our home.

    Yet a 50-50 marriage soon runs into trouble.

    It keeps score, measuring if each partner is doing their fair share. It refuses to go above and beyond. Frustration and resentment grow until giving to one another is a burden instead of a joy.

    We can also hold to the ideal that one plus one equals one. Surely if we each give our whole selves to the marriage at all times, our lives will be whole and complete.

    We find, though, that hardships and struggles hold us back. A husband battling depression won’t have a full measure of energy and motivation to offer. A wife who’s lost her job can’t bring her top-earning potential to the budget.

    Caring for infants, kids with special needs, or aging parents may limit your ability to meet the needs of your spouse. A one plus one equals one equation falls apart in the “for worse” seasons of life.

    For our marriage to thrive, we need to toss the math book. Our measuring stick is Jesus, whose love is so “wide and long and high and deep,” it’s beyond understanding. (Ephesians 3:18-19) God invites us to pray for that same love: “May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other” (1 Thessalonians 3:12).

    His Spirit will give us the compassion and humility we need to put each other first. He’ll multiply our patience, our generosity, and our love to be greater than ever before.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

     3. Your Spouse’s Family Is Your Family, Too

    A husband and wife enter marriage with a lifetime of memories and family relationships attached to their heart. As you unite to one another, you become joined to the people who shaped your spouse’s habits and view of the world.

    Navigating a whole new set of parents, siblings, and relatives puts you in uncharted waters. The differences in your family traditions and personalities can put a strain on your marriage.

    Chances are, your families have shaped the way you celebrate holidays. Plan vacations. Spend or save your money. Discipline your kids.

    They influence how you deal with conflict and stress. Your background can impact the way you put down roots or crave variety and change. Every time your family differences collide, you have a choice: You can seek to understand and compromise, or you can fight for what’s familiar. 

    God wants to use your family relationships to grow you closer to him and each other. He places each person in your life to refine you to be more like Jesus. Take a fresh look at your in-laws to see the character strengths they instilled in your spouse.

    Practice empathy for the setbacks and hardships that wounded their spirits. Ask God how he’s using your in-law relationships to expose sin and grow your faith. He’ll help you to “get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger” so you can “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).

    4. You Can’t Change Your Spouse

    Remember how excited you were to discover your spouse was “the one”? And, do you remember when those cute little quirks were not so endearing anymore? With the best of intentions, you started a mission to fix and change the weaknesses you see in your spouse.

    Perhaps your partner could stand to be more organized. She could be more punctual and pick up the pace when she’s driving. His table manners leave a bit to be desired. She needs a little backbone with her pushy boss. He should keep his cool when the neighbor’s dog makes a mess in your yard. Again.

    It’s easy to spot all the ways your spouse could shape up and wise up by taking your input to heart.

    Yet all that “help” won’t bring the results you’re hoping for. Your spouse is a unique creation of God with a personality, appearance, and character of their own. Sure, you can influence each other’s taste in meals and movies, but you can’t dictate anyone’s dreams and desires. Fears or motivations. Beliefs and emotions.

    You and your spouse are called to love each other just as you are.

    If your husband or wife is struggling with immaturity or you need more grace, take it to prayer. Put your trust in God, who “teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age” (Titus 2:11-12).

    Real change is possible through the loving work that only God can do.

     5. Your Spouse Can’t Make You Happy

    Marriage has the potential to flood your life with blessings. It offers companionship to ease your loneliness. It holds the joys of affection and sexual intimacy.

    Your spouse can be a teammate who lightens your load and tackles life’s challenges by your side. In marriage, you can find a shoulder to cry on, a cheerleader for your dreams and goals, and a friend who cares. 

    Yet even the best marriage has limitations. Your spouse can’t erase the pain of the past and heal your wounds. Marriage won’t set you free from stress, anxiety, and trouble. It won’t give you the sense of worth or identity you crave.

    No matter how devoted your spouse may be, they’re not perfect.

    At times they’ll let you down and lose your respect. They’ll fail to say the words you long to hear. Your spouse’s shoulders were never meant to carry the entire weight of your hopes, your needs, and the desires of your heart.

    While marriage is a good and wonderful gift, our best happiness comes from the Giver himself.

    In him, we find salvation and new life. He transforms our thinking, meets our needs, and gives purpose for our lives. His love is constant and greater than we can comprehend. If we look to God for joy, the Word becomes our own:

    Praise the Lord my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s (Psalm 103:2-5).

    Once you depend on God for your happiness, you’re free to love and bless your spouse more than ever. Jesus’ love can fill your home with the greatest joy you’ve ever known. 

    Joanna Teigen and her husband Rob have shared over 25 years of marriage and life with five kids, plus a beautiful daughter-in-law. They’re a neat-freak married to a mess, an explorer to a homebody, and an introvert to a ‘people person.’ But they agree their vows are for always and prayer is powerful. Joanna is the co-author of Mr. and Mrs., 366 Devotions for Couples, A Mom’s Prayers for Her Son, and a variety of other resources for couples and parents. She looks forward to meeting you at https://growinghometogether.com/

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Vadym Pastukh

    Joanna Teigen headshotJoanna Teigen and her husband Rob have shared over 28 years of marriage and life with five kids, plus a beautiful daughter-in-law. They’re a neat freak married to a mess, an explorer to a homebody, and an introvert to a ‘people person.’ But they agree their vows are for always and prayer is powerful. Joanna is the co-author of Mr. and Mrs., 366 Devotions for Couples, Powerful Prayers for Your Son, and a variety of resources for your family. She looks forward to meeting you to share a free devotional and the Growing Home Together Podcast at growinghometogether.com.

    Joanna Teigen

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  • How Can We Practice Biblical Hospitality?

    How Can We Practice Biblical Hospitality?

    When you think of hospitality, what comes to mind? For me, I think of inviting people into my home and creating a space for them to feel loved and welcomed. I think of providing food and comfort for them—making the home feel warm, and visitors feel appreciated no matter what they carry in the door.

    Paul tells us in Romans 12:9-13, “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.  When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.”

    These verses remind me of God’s heart for His people. He desires for us to truly see His people and love them. Sometimes, people can tell when the love isn’t real so Paul tells us to really love and serve them. We are to advocate for His image bearers and set our eyes on helping them. Often, it means putting aside our own agendas to be of service to someone else. Being hospitable isn’t always convenient or favorable.

    When someone shares things that are concerning them, it is hard for me not to want to help. Sometimes, I have to pray and ask the Lord to show me what my role is in helping them because I acknowledge my limitations. I know I may not be able to meet all of the needs on my own. In some circumstances, what concerns them is beyond my skillsets or abilities, but I have noticed how God will allow my ears to hear about someone who may be in a field or better position to provide better assistance.

    Different Forms of Hospitality

    Hospitality comes in many forms. Sometimes, it is us directly by offering help, monetary resources, or a listening ear. Other times, it could be introducing the need to someone else in our sphere of influence who can best assist. God has given each of us ways to be hospitable. 

    Sometimes, I have trouble asking others for help. Whenever I feel this happening, I am reminded of someone telling me “not to rob someone else of an opportunity of being a blessing.” These words have rested on my heart as I never want someone who is led to be a blessing to not be able to do so because of me.

    When I think of hospitality, I can’t help but be reminded of the Scripture in Acts 2:44-46, which tells us, “And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had.  They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity.” What a beautiful picture this would have been to witness! To have an opportunity to see people worshipping together and sharing everything they had. How kind would that be to witness in our world today?

    God’s Ultimate Plan for Hospitality

    Years ago, I read the book The Gospel Comes with a House Key by Rosario Butterfield. In this book, she talks about seeing our home as a place where we exemplify the gospel message. When we can open our homes to our neighbors from all walks of life, we see how the gospel can bring different people together that the world would think could never get along. We don’t always have to recite the Scripture; sometimes, it is a matter of just living it out. 

    We may not know why the Lord will put us in specific neighborhoods or zip codes, but we can be certain that there is a strategic reason. God is intentional about all things. He can use our homes to ignite conversations that show people they are loved, seen, valued, and cared for. 

    For the single neighbor, maybe it is showing her that she doesn’t have to eat dinner alone, or for the neighbor who just moved to the city, showing that there is a friendly face willing to assist. We have an opportunity to walk out Scripture every day through our hospitality. We can’t underestimate how hospitality can open the door for someone to experience Jesus in a fresh way. If we allow God to use us, He will open doors for us to show love and kindness to and for His people.

    When God allows our eyes to see a need, it opens the door for us to search for ways to show hospitality to them.

    Practical, Biblical Hospitality

    Below are some practical ways we can practice biblical hospitality:

    1. Pray and ask the Lord for ways to be hospitable: We all have different passions and skill sets. Ask the Lord how you can use what you have in this season to practice hospitality. It can be as simple as inviting someone to go on a walk, offering a single mom a helping hand, or opening your home to college students in your church. God can reveal ways to be hospitable to meet the needs of your community. He delights in seeing us show love to His people. What a beautiful picture of the gospel when we can choose to help someone else and not keep it all for ourselves.

    2. Create an environment to foster community: One of the ways we can be hospitable is by making people feel seen, valued, and safe. This can be in your home and your daily conversations. We should authentically seek to provide comfort to those we are entrusted with. When we foster this type of community, it will open the door for them to soften their hearts to receive what the Lord could lead you to share. We were not created to do life alone, and we shouldn’t be ok seeing others living in that manner. 

    3. Always look for opportunities to serve: There will always be an opportunity to serve someone in big or small ways. We just have to keep a heart’s posture where there is a desire to see the ways we can serve. This can be done in different ways, but as you build community with those you are entrusted with, ask them for ways you can help lighten their load. Jesus came to earth and served others; we can follow His example by finding ways to serve those in our world. Be hospitable to those you see and look for ways to serve them.

    4. Steward our words honorably: Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Our words have power. We can choose words to build someone up or to tear them down. As believers, we should seek encouraging ways to use our words to be helpful to someone else. This world is beating people down enough; they don’t need what leaves our lips to do the same.

    Being hospitable should seep from within us believers. We should be people who are always looking for ways to be a blessing to others. Let the gospel be displayed through us in how we practice biblical hospitality daily. Allow God to show us why He has placed us at our workplace, in our neighborhoods, and our churches. There is always a bigger reason why He has us in those places and around certain people. God is good and kind. He desires His goodness and kindness to be displayed through us and for His people. God can build His kingdom in many ways, yet He chooses to allow us to partner with Him in doing so. Let’s be partners who seek to display hospitality to His people however He leads us.

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Aaron Burden

    Shakia Clark is a writer, marketer, and servant leader who is passionate about encouraging women to experience God’s best for their lives. She has a heart for women to see themselves the way that God sees them. She finds joy in coming alongside them in their journey. When she isn’t writing, you can find her spending time with friends and family, traveling, reading, trying new recipes, or actively serving her community. She blogs at www.shakiaclark.com.

    Shakia Clark

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  • 4 Ways to Overcome Insecurities about Being the Spiritual Leader of Your Home

    4 Ways to Overcome Insecurities about Being the Spiritual Leader of Your Home

    We conquer leadership insecurities by preparing ourselves. Spiritual preparation involves a consciously, regularly, deliberately focused study of the Word of God. Paul, in 2 Timothy 2:15, wrote to “study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” The household spiritual leader must do “spiritual pushups” to be equipped to lead and teach the family over which leadership was given.

    Great insecurities will abound if we attempt to lead a family Bible study in the manner we gave an oral report on a novel we did not read in the eighth grade. When not sufficiently prepared, we begin with self-doubts. A lack of preparation gives fertile land to the devil and all of his insecurities which deplete any confidence. Intellect and education have nothing to do with this preparedness. The Holy Spirit leads, guides, and instructs an individual who is doing the work of the Lord. In Hebrews 13:21 we are given the promise that God will “equip [us] with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight.” The Holy Spirit gives understanding and spiritual discernment which are outside the curriculum of any public school system or awarded degree.

    In James 1:5, we are taught, “if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” The ability to spiritually understand and convey scripture and doctrine is only given by the Holy Spirit by and through our faithful prayers asking for boldness and guidance. As Psalm 23 reminds us that God is our good shepherd, the family’s spiritual leader is its shepherd. This role requires that we pray for the ability to lead our families on paths of righteousness through the Spirit and Word of God. Further, we have confidence as Paul wrote in 1 Thessalonians 5:24, “faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.” We can have confidence that we will be equipped for the position for which we were called.

    Prayers are necessary for our protection and our preparation. William Gurnal wrote that “the Christian’s armor will rest except it be furbished with the oil of prayer.” The prayerful reading and studying of the Word are buttressed by deliberate meditation. David wrote in Psalm 1:2 that the blessed man’s “delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night.” Thus, our preparation consists of reading, studying, and meditating on the Word of God as well as fervent prayers for the full realization of His promises.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/B-C-Designs 

    Chad Napier

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  • 5 Things Christians Need to Stop Saying on Facebook

    5 Things Christians Need to Stop Saying on Facebook

    Trust us. We get it. Someone talks about you behind your back or lies to your face. It makes you mad. You want to vent, but you don’t necessarily want to give all the details to everyone. So, up on Facebook goes a passive-aggressive post that you hope the person sees.

    Maybe they will, or maybe they won’t. Either way, this isn’t what Jesus meant about us approaching that person privately to discuss the problem (Matthew 18:15–18). More than likely, you’ve made your innocent friends feel like maybe they were the ones who hurt you in some way, but they don’t know how. Now they’re paranoid.

    If you need to vent, do it to someone you trust in person so that they can bear your burden (Galatians 6:2). Don’t post that vague status update.

    Photo credit: ©Unsplash/Joice Kelly

    Inside BST

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  • 8 Reasons Ghosting Is Ungodly

    8 Reasons Ghosting Is Ungodly

    By single-handedly severing the communication cord, ghosting prevents any attempts at reconciliation. This is unfortunate because many conflicts end up shattering hearts simply because the responsible parties never attempted to discuss what happened.

    I wonder if this is one reason Paul preferred singleness. “I want you to be without concern,” he explained in 1 Corinthians 7:32.

    Makes sense. A single person doesn’t need to continually touch base with her significant other about what went wrong and how things can be made better.

    But since ghosting happens to married couples and singles alike—some folks ghost former friends too, remember?—let’s return to this concept of reconciling. 

    Reviewing past pain with the person who caused it is, by definition, unpleasant. I’ve shared how in one case, it took years to pursue reconciliation myself. 

    Even though the pressures to avoid reconciling are real, our God is a God of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-19). The least we can do is to enable the possibility of talking things out rather than ghosting another person.

    8. Generates More Ghosting

    Strong emotions have fascinating characteristics. One of them is the unconscious tendency to transfer to an innocent bystander the strong feelings induced in us by someone else’s behavior. 

    Think about the famous joke concerning a string of violence: a man was humiliated by his manager. He felt so enraged that when he came home, he yelled at his wife, who then spanked the kid, who then kicked the dog, which then barked at the cat, which then—

    Beats me. How do upset cats behave?

    The point is, if you could interview every victim of ghosting, I doubt there were any who relished the phenomenon.

    What’s more likely is those who have felt the pain of being ghosted turn around and then ghost another person. 

    Ghosting No More

    Jesus once left an adulterous woman with a simple—but significant—goodbye. “Go and sin no more” (John 8:11). Please recognize the gravity of his response. Here was the sinless Son of God, the Great I Am, standing next to a woman guilty of sexual sin. 

    In spite of her obvious role in breaking the seventh commandment, however, Jesus didn’t condemn her.

    But if Jesus didn’t condemn her for adultery, he wouldn’t condemn anyone for ghosting either.

    So how about if you adapt Jesus’ instruction? Go and stop ghosting. 

    This is the essence of repentance: to drop the old behavior and do the opposite. 

    But to faithfully fulfill this mandate, you’ll need to develop skills that would make ghosting unnecessary by, for instance, learning how to best manage conflict resolutions. 

    Consider spotting—and scrubbing—other unhealthy boundaries. The momentum gained from removing one unwholesome behavior from your life can spur you to purge even more.

    Who knows, maybe I’ll also address how to quit ghosting in the future.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/sticker2you

    Dr. Audrey Davidheiser

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  • What Can Men Do to Help Eliminate Toxic Purity Culture?

    What Can Men Do to Help Eliminate Toxic Purity Culture?

    As a Christian teenager in the 1980s, I had an eyewitness account of the rise of the purity culture. From seventh to ninth grade, I attended a Baptist Christian school and well remember my frustration over the hypocrisy I saw there—namely, female students couldn’t wear slacks, our skirts had to cover our knees and touch the ground if we kneeled, and we had to wear culottes the same length for gym class. On the flip side, the male students had no such clothing restrictions and could even remove their shirts during sports practice (which nearly all of them did on a regular basis). When I asked a teacher why it wasn’t immodest for the boys to be shirtless, I was tagged as a troublemaker who clearly didn’t understand my place in the Christian home.

    This one example showcases how easily the purity culture can become toxic—and why there’s been a lot of backlash over the past few years about the purity culture and how poisonous it has become. While much of the purity culture itself is focused on women and what our role should be, men too have responsibility to eliminate the lethal nature related to sexual purity.

    First, let’s get on the same page as to what we mean by a purity culture. One writer defined it as “the notion that a woman’s place and worth in life is defined solely by how she chooses to express her sexuality, thus implying that her sexual ‘purity’ is her only value.” Toxic purity culture “is anything that adds to or avoids the whole content of God’s commands for sex and sexuality.”

    While women have been fighting to change the noxious nature of the purity culture, men should also work to reduce the toxicity residing within the purity culture. Here are six things men of all ages can do to redeem sexual purity.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages 

    Sarah Hamaker

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  • Why Should I Be Grateful in a Season of Grief? Grief Mini-series, Part 2

    Why Should I Be Grateful in a Season of Grief? Grief Mini-series, Part 2

    Continuing on from how can I be grateful in a season of grief, we now reflect upon the question of why I should be grateful in a season of grief. Maybe you have often wondered the same question. Why should we be grateful when all we are experiencing is pain and grief? This is a question that needs to be answered in order to help us healthily navigate our heartache and pain. 

    To be honest, it is a difficult concept to know the why behind most things. Especially in the matter of grief, it can feel nearly impossible to see why we should be grateful while surrounded by so much hurt. If anything, we feel we should be crying and hiding from the world as we experience our grief. This is a valid response to grief and one that I still experience, but we can still be grateful. We should be grateful in a season of grief because God is teaching us something through the pain. 

    Similar to many people who have lost loved ones, I have never been the same since they died. I used to be more bubbly and extroverted, but now I battle depression and prefer to keep people at a distance. Maybe you have noticed the same to be true in your own life. Whether a loved one died or another reason for grief has come into your life, it may have changed you as a person. If this has happened, know that it is alright and there is nothing wrong with you. Tragic times have a way of changing people. 

    Through these seasons of grief, we can be grateful because God is teaching us about loss, pain, and the importance of turning to Him. How many times have you turned to God when your life was going smoothly, and everything was happy? Now think about how many times you turned to God when you were going through a season of grief. More likely than not, you turned to God more in times of distress than you did during times of happiness. Our seasons of grief can teach us this vital lesson and explain why we can be grateful. 

    We can be grateful because we know God is always there for us. Unlike human beings, God will never die. He will never leave, nor will we ever be away from His love. Since this is true we can know why we should be grateful in our grief. God is with us, and through Him, we have the promise of seeing our loved ones again in heaven. We can be grateful to God because even though death is ultimately mankind’s fault, our mistake has been fixed through the saving work of Jesus Christ. If it wasn’t for Jesus, we would all be lost and without hope. Grief reminds us of this hope. 

    The Journey of Grief

    It can be hard at the beginning to see anything to be grateful for, but there is much to be thankful for. It can be even harder to find a reason why to be grateful. Oftentimes, right after the cause of the grief, it’s too early to start seeing all the things you are grateful for. It is good to give yourself time to grieve, cry, and miss your loved one. Throughout the months and years, you will discover a state of peace and a new rhythm where you can begin to be grateful and see the reason why to be grateful even in the midst of your grief. 

    As I mentioned in part one, my loved ones have been gone for seven years at this point, and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss them. Even though I still grieve for them, I am able to see the why. Why should I be grateful in the season of grief? I should be grateful because of Jesus’ saving grace through the cross and how I will see my loved ones once again in heaven. I can also be grateful because, through these seasons of grief, I have become emphatic and more understanding of people. Maybe you have noticed some things to be thankful for in your own life too not despite this season of grief but because of this season of grief. 

    Be thankful for the lessons, the love, and the laughter that your loved one left with you. We often think of our loved ones being gone when they pass away, but nobody is ever actually gone. They are just somewhere else. If our loved ones placed faith in Jesus, they are in heaven with Him, and you will see them again. Our grief will never remain forever as there will be a time when every tear will be wiped from our eyes (Revelation 21:4). Choose to be thankful for all these little things, and don’t allow the grief to cause you to grow bitter.

    Looking to Eternity

    We can also be grateful that our earthly life isn’t forever. As was the case for my dog, Beauty, and my mom, they were both in terrible pain up to their death. I’m grateful they don’t have to be in pain anymore. They are with God, and never again will they have to experience any discomfort. 

    I remember about a week after Beauty passed, I asked my mom how long the pain in my heart was going to last—the deep aching in my heart. My mom told me that it might never go away, but it would lessen as days went on. My mom was right; the pain has lessened, but the grief still remains. If I keep myself busy, I don’t have much time to think about the sadness, but if I have a free day, I find myself drifting back to that dark place. Something else my mom told me that day changed my perspective greatly. I told my mom I just wanted Beauty back, and my mom told me that she knew how badly I was hurting, but the hard truth is that it’s often our own selfishness that causes us to want the person or furry friend with us. We want them with us even though they are far happier and without pain in heaven with God. 

    I’ve had many years to reflect on the death of my loved ones, so don’t get discouraged if you’re not at the stage to start feeling grateful or to know the why in why you should be grateful. Grief comes in waves, and everyone’s grief journey is different. Some might heal faster, while others might take longer. If you are grieving, extend yourself grace, and don’t beat yourself up or play the “what if?” game. I have done this millions of times, and it never does anything to help. 

    Seasons of grief are hard, but through these seasons, God helps us grow, and He always blesses us with the comfort of His love. As you are walking through this season of grief, know that God is walking right beside you. He isn’t going anywhere, and He will be with you through it all (Psalm 23). Whether your reason for grief is new or old, know that your feelings are valid and God cares about each one. Turn to God in your pain and tell Him everything you are experiencing. He will continue to be with you, and He will comfort you with the comfort only He can provide. 

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/kaipong

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • How Can I Be Grateful in a Season of Grief? Grief Mini-series, Part 1

    How Can I Be Grateful in a Season of Grief? Grief Mini-series, Part 1

    Grief is difficult. The ever-gnawing pain at your heart, the deep emptiness, and the never-ending tears that fall from your eyes are present throughout grief. If you have gone through grief or are currently grieving, you know the pain associated with this season of life. Even if you have gone through grief on many occasions, it is impossible to get used to the feeling in our daily lives. It is always present, and it is always painful. However, despite this season of grief, you can still be grateful. 

    About 7 years ago, I went through the worst year of my life. Shortly after the year began, in the month of February, our family dog passed away from cancer. She was the sweetest dog and was always loyal to us. Even on the worst days, she was ready to greet you with eyes full of joy and a wagging tail. Our dog was a Scottish Terrier Beagle mix and she was with us throughout much of our childhood and our teen years. If you have a pet, you know how much they become like family to you. When they pass away, it is like a knife to the heart that is never taken away. 

    Our dog’s name was Beauty. Our mom named her Black Beauty after the classic book Black Beauty, but we always called her Beauty for short. All throughout elementary school, Beauty was the talk among our friends, and everyone wanted to meet our furry friend. She was always sweet and never tried to bite anyone. The only times she ever growled was if you tried to take her bone, so we learned from a young age not to mess with her while she was gnawing on her bone. Outside of that, Beauty was always ready to give you love and to play. 

    My older sister often got sick or would break a bone, which forced her to rest a lot. Beauty was her constant companion and kept her company throughout the sickness and healing. In fact, my sister and Beauty were best friends. After the death of Beauty, I believe it hurt my sister the worst. I was experiencing grief and pain after Beauty’s death, but it was nothing compared to my sister’s grief. She went into a deep depression and had trouble wanting to do anything. I completely understand her pain, and I understood it back then too. Does Beauty’s death still cause us to cry? Of course, because we loved her and she is no longer here, but I am grateful for all the time we had with her. 

    We can be grateful in a season of grief because we can be grateful to God for allowing the individual or the furry friend into our life even if for only a short time. Through our time with Beauty, we learned responsibility, and we learned the unconditional love that comes from a pet. A dog doesn’t care if you stayed in your pajamas all day, didn’t do your hair just right, or that you burnt the toast. A dog loves you just because you are you. This was true for Beauty, and I know it is true for many other dogs and other furry friends across the globe. 

    Gratefulness doesn’t mean that you are happy, but it does mean you are grateful for the time you were able to spend with your loved one. Through Beauty’s death, I experienced my first actual season of grief that I have never been able to shake. To be honest, I don’t know if I will ever be able to shake it because of the love Beauty had for us and the knowledge that I won’t ever see her again in this life. Even still, I can be grateful for the time I had with Beauty while grieving. In the same way, you can still be grateful despite this season of grief. 

    More Pain and Death

    In hindsight, Beauty’s death almost acted as a preparation for what was going to happen next. About eight months after Beauty passed, my mom passed away. She was young, but she had been having heart problems for several years. We had hoped her condition was improving, yet she was only getting worse. My mom had to be in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) for ten days before God called her home. Those ten days felt like an eternity. To see your mother in the hospital with a machine pumping to keep her heart beating is something I wish nobody has to ever experience. 

    It was traumatizing, to say the least, and death provoking to say the worse. The strongest woman I ever knew was on life support in ICU. My mom became alert at times, and we got to talk with her a few times, but what we didn’t know was that my mom was never going to be coming home. I remember the day my mom left for the hospital like it was yesterday. My dad went to pull the car down to take her to the hospital, and I was the only one awake. My mom told me everything was going to be okay and that I needed to go back to sleep. 

    Something told me that morning, as I saw my mom standing on the porch, that she wouldn’t be coming home. When I saw her standing on the porch, it would be the last time she would ever be home. Or at least at her earthly home. I never did go back to sleep that morning, but instead started praying for my mom to get better and that everything would be okay. Within those ten days, my mom passed on, and I have never stopped grieving since. 

    It’s more than simply grieving the loss of a loved one because it’s grieving your mom–the one person on earth who knows you better than you know yourself. It’s also grieving the pain of all the memories you will never make with her. Never would my mom see me drive a car, never would she see me graduate college, and never would I share the privilege of getting to know my mom better as I grew older. There’s much to grieve for in a season of heartache, but we can also be grateful for all of the time, all of the love, and all of the lessons our loved ones gave us. 

    Being grateful doesn’t mean that you aren’t in pain, just as someone who needs shelter from rain is wet and is in pain from the cold doesn’t mean the person isn’t grateful for an umbrella. In the same way, even though we are deep in grief that doesn’t mean we can’t be grateful. We can be grateful for all the memories and time we had with our loved ones. I once read somewhere, though I can’t remember where, that the greater our grief, the greater our love was for that person. Your grief is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it anything that will heal overnight. 

    If you are going through grief today, know that you can still be grateful. Remember all of the good times you had with your loved one, and remember all the lessons they shared with you. Grief will happen to all of us at one point, but we don’t have to allow it to swallow us whole. We can turn to God in our grief and find support in His love. Death was never in God’s plan for us; however, after the fall, death came into being because of sin. But because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, we can have eternal life and share this good news with our loved ones. 

    Choose to be grateful and try to remember all of the things you are grateful for because of your loved one. 

    Click here for Part 2. 

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Riccardo Mion

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

    Vivian Bricker

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  • 5 Signs a Couple Is Called into Missions Work

    5 Signs a Couple Is Called into Missions Work

    In addition to having a plan and purpose for each of our lives, he is also wired each one of us with spiritual gifts. These spiritual gifts can be used both in a secular setting and in a church setting to strengthen both believers and nonbelievers. It is important to know how you and your mate are wired so that you can use those gifts in the best way possible. Scripture names different spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12 and Romans 12. While these are not the only spiritual gifts God uses, this is a great place to start if you are not familiar with your gifts. Additionally, you can purchase spiritual gifts inventories online and in print. These are similar to exams schools administered years ago. These inventories consist of a set of multiple-choice questions. Fill in the bubble of the corresponding number with how you rate within that gift. For example, a question might be, “I hear from the Lord through visions and dreams and feel called to deliver that message to others.” This statement would correspond to the gift of prophecy. You must answer depending on how similar you relate to that statement. The answer could range from “most likely” to “never. “Then, add the numbers using the grid in the back. The gifts with the highest numbers are most closely aligned with how you are gifted. Although this is not an absolute authority on this subject, it will give you a good idea of what spiritual gifts you might have given your personality, passions, and tendencies.

    If you’ve never taken a spiritual gift inventory before, this might be a very refreshing process for you. It is exciting to discover God’s unique pattern in your life. Understand that no one is completely gifted the way you are. No one can do what you do. You were placed on this earth for a reason, and spiritual gifts are a part of that. As you take the test, you will determine if missions or evangelism are a part of those spiritual gifts. If you feel called, yet missions did not come up as a spiritual gift, don’t fret. Pray together as a couple. Ask God to confirm this calling in your life in a way that would be evident to both of you.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/BrianAJackson

    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • The Wisdom of Women, an Interview with My Grandmother

    The Wisdom of Women, an Interview with My Grandmother

    The Bible speaks very highly of wisdom. King Solomon sought it above all other things. But what exactly is wisdom? For the longest time, I thought wisdom was obtained by years spent on this earth. However, I have learned that while the time one spends on earth can add to their wisdom, a person’s experiences are what truly shift the pendulum from “smart” to “wise.” 

    My grandmother, Bonnie Sue (a.k.a. Maw Maw), met the Lord on Sunday night in February 1961. Since then, she has had many experiences at the feet of Jesus. Her biblical knowledge expands far beyond many scholars, and her conviction in God’s truth is what gives me hope for our world. 

    I think everyone could use some of Maw Maw’s wisdom, both biblical and non-biblical. Therefore, I sat down with her to share her nuggets of truth with you, dear reader:

    “What advice would you give women in their 20’s?” 

    Mawmaw quickly told me that women in their 20s needed to do three things. “Get all the education you can. Establish a foundation for a great future, and be independent.” While I was growing up, my Maw Maw always told me to fiercely pursue my education. She emphasized how learning a skill or obtaining a degree could ensure that a woman could succeed in a man’s world. 

    Secondly, women in their 20s should “Hold on to very high moral standards”. So often in today’s culture, women are encouraged to compromise their morality and modesty in order to succeed. Whether this success is climbing the corporate ladder, attracting the attention of men, or finding friends, Maw Maw wants to ensure that all women know that their worldly success and approval aren’t worth compromising morality. 

    Finally, Mawmaw wanted all 20-year-olds to “Enjoy life—you won’t ever be 20 again”. This beautiful and chaotic decade of your life is meant for you to make mistakes. You are not supposed to know what you are doing next. No matter how put-together another may look, no one has their life figured out before 30. So, enjoy being in a decade where you are allowed and expected to make mistakes, change your mind, and adventure. Enjoy and praise Jesus for your health and your youth. Your 20s are the most hectic and capable time of your life. Enjoy the season! 

    “What Advice Would You Give Women in Their 30’s?” 

    Let’s be real, your 30’s are the new 20’s. Now is the time to be the cute soccer mom, the independent CEO, the traveling junkie, or whatever else the Lord has led you to! I loved hearing Maw Maw talk about this stage of life. She themed this decade with stability and fierce womanhood. First, women in their 30’s, “Decide exactly what you want out of life and do it.” Yes, friend, it is that simple. Talk to the Lord, pick your path, and with Jesus’ hand in yours, run after it. If your 20’s were a mess, now you get to clean it up. Maybe life doesn’t look anything like what you wanted, so change it. You are still thinking about getting that degree? You still want to open that business? Honey, you aren’t getting any younger. Do. It. 

    Next, “Make plans for a family, if you desire a family”. Some women don’t seek motherhood; it is not a season that God has called them into. Some struggle with starting a family and are relying on their faith. Some are in the midst of four kids under the age of eight and are overwhelmed. Whomever you may be, Maw Maw and I want you to take a deep breath, say a long prayer, and make a plan. Plan how you will raise your children. Plan and pray for the household you want them to grow up in. 

    Last, “Start a financial security plan—an IRA or a CD.” Investing is not just for the rich. My grandparents set an exponential financial example. They did not idolize money, but they knew the value of a dollar. They used their financial blessings to invest in my and my sister’s future as well. 

    “What advice would you give women in their 40’s-50’s?”

    I have often heard that women in their 40’s-50’s begin to experience a mid-life crisis, prompting me to ask my Maw Maw how she navigated this life phase with grace, joy, and purpose. 

    “Start preparing for an empty nest.” My grandparents had two children who both flew from the nest in their 20’s. Maw Maw missed her children being at home, and as any mother, suffered a stage of grief that comes with your children paving their own path and leaving home. Therefore, she says that preparing for that stage of life can better aid in coping. Learning to let go when it’s time can be hard, but it also can be a time to rekindle the romance with your spouse, pick up a new hobby, or travel! 

    Women in this stage might also want to begin “planning for retirement.” Now, Maw Maw doesn’t just mean planning financially. Retirement is your time for it to be about you again. Life is no longer about climbing the ladder or getting a corporate promotion. You no longer have to pack a diaper bag or worry about soccer practice on the weekends. You can allow yourself to enjoy the life God has blessed you with comprehensively in this season of well-earned rest. 

    “Enjoy life because it flies after 40.” I think this is a piece of advice everyone could take from Maw Maw. Enjoy the time God has given you because it’s truly a gift. 

    2 Corinthians 9:8 reminds us of this when it says, “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 

    “After 52 years of being married, how did you make it?”

    In typical Maw Maw fashion, she opened with a “joke.” “Well, be deaf, dumb, and blind.” She might be on to something here… But in all honesty, Maw Maw said that “You care more about each other’s feelings than your own” and “when you don’t like them, go sit down and read your Bible. God will tell you why you will like them.” 

    Marriage can seem to be a production in modern-day America with all the finances, filmography, and theatrics surrounding the event. Marriage can even seem like a social obligation to keep up with your inner circle or Instagram fans. Perhaps it’s a checklist item to appease the family or get the elderly church ladies off your back. Yet, Maw Maw and Pepa’s marriage outlasted any financial struggle, film, or social pressure I’ve ever seen, proving to be the real thing.

    Finally, I want to encourage you, reader, to go to the wise people God has placed in your life, just as I went to Maw Maw to ask for her wisdom on life, career choices, finances, and relationships. He has special people in your life for a reason. They have walked through valleys and mountains you have yet to experience, so listen to them, and take what they say to heart. 

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes

    Olivia Lauren is a graduate student passionate about Scripture, particularly the Book of Romans showcasing God’s grace. Outside her studies, she enjoys teaching her dog new tricks and finding quicker ways to silence the smoke alarm after trying a new recipe. 

    Olivia Lauren

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  • How Social Media Impacts Christian Marriages, for Better or Worse

    How Social Media Impacts Christian Marriages, for Better or Worse

    Whether we like it or not, social media has come to stay. And more importantly, it has become an integral part of our daily lives, providing various benefits ranging from improved communication to entertainment and networking, and possibly much more in the future. 

    However, it is increasingly clear that social media also has negative consequences for people and their relationships, particularly in the context of Christian marriages.

    Excessive social media use can lead to increased marital conflict and decreased marital satisfaction; some divorces are even caused by social media. There are numerous cases where social media has had a bad influence on marriages involving people from across the world. Nevertheless, it is essential to note that responsible and mindful use of social media can help mitigate these effects.

    While it is essential to be aware of the potential negative impacts of social media on Christian marriages and families, it is equally important to recognize the benefits social media offers in contemporary times.

    Importance of Social Media in Contemporary Times

    Social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram have changed how we communicate, obtain information, and connect with our surroundings.

    One of the biggest advantages of social media is its capacity to connect people from all over the world. This is impressive as it breaks down geographical barriers and boosts communication and collaboration around the world.

    Social media has also made it simpler for people to stay in touch with spouses, relatives, and friends who live or work far away, offering a sense of connection, community, and support that might otherwise be impossible.

    Social media can provide opportunities for learning, growth, and spiritual development in your relationship. 

    Platforms like YouTube and podcasts offer a wealth of resources for Christian couples seeking to deepen their understanding of the Bible and grow in their faith. Christian bloggers and influencers offer insights and inspiration that can help married couples live out their faith in practical ways. It can also provide valuable resources for seeking knowledge and understanding regarding ways to improve their relationship.

    Social media can be a powerful tool for sharing and spreading the gospel. Platforms like Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok offer opportunities for Christians to share their love stories online and give inspiration to others in new and creative ways. Also, by using hashtags and engaging with others, Christians can reach a wider audience and share the good news of Jesus Christ with people who might not otherwise have encountered it.

    Jesus Himself spoke to the importance of spreading the gospel, with Matthew 28:19-20 stating, “Go ye therefore and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost; teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you; and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” 

    With thoughtful and responsible use, social media can be a powerful tool for connection, growth, and positive change.

    Positive Impacts of Social Media on Christian Marriages

    It is necessary to recognize that social media, like any other tool, can have positive and negative implications for Christian marriages and families. 

    While certain potential dangers and pitfalls are associated with social media use, there are also many positive ways social media can benefit Christian relationships.

    Couples who share their relationship online by posting pictures and status updates about their partner could develop higher relationship satisfaction. Social media, if used decently, could also positively impact families and relationships, possibly by facilitating communication and creating shared online experiences.

    Since communication plays a vital role in keeping and boosting the longevity of a marriage, couples who use social media to stay connected and communicate during times of separation, such as during deployment or long-distance relationships, can stand a chance of achieving higher levels of marital satisfaction and lower levels of divorce. 

    I believe that social media can positively affect Christian marriages and families when used responsibly and with care. 

    By fostering connections and communication and providing opportunities for learning and growth, social media can help strengthen our relationships with our spouses, families, and God. Therefore, as we navigate the double-edged sword of social media, let us seek to use it for good and for the glory of God.

    Negative Impacts of Social Media on Christian Marriages 

    While social media can offer many benefits, including increased connectivity and access to information that can help your marriage blossom, it can also present many challenges and temptations that undermine the health and stability of your relationships with your spouse and children. 

    Let’s explore some key ways social media can negatively impact Christian marriages and families, drawing on examples and teachings from the Bible.

    Comparison and Envy 

    One of the most common negative impacts of social media on Christian marriages and families is the tendency to compare our lives and relationships to others online, leading to feelings of envy, inadequacy, and discontentment.

    This is often exacerbated by the highly curated and idealized images that many people present on social media, which can create unrealistic expectations and standards for ourselves and others.

    As the Apostle Paul warns in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “For we dare not make ourselves of the number or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves; but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” Instead, we are called to focus on the unique blessings and challenges of our lives and relationships and be content with what God has given us.

    Addiction and Distraction

    Social media can also be highly addictive and distracting, pulling us away from our responsibilities and relationships with our spouses and families. In many cases, social media use can become compulsive and interfere with our ability to be present and engaged in our daily lives and interactions with our loved ones.

    Ephesians 5:15-16 says, “See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” We must be mindful of how we spend our time and prioritize our relationships with our spouses and families above social media.

    Infidelity and Temptation

    Social media can also present many opportunities for temptation and infidelity through direct messaging, communication with others, and exposure to sexually explicit or provocative content online. 

    This can erode trust, intimacy, and commitment in Christian marriages and lead to devastating consequences. But Jesus warns in Matthew 5:28, “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” 

    Therefore, as Christians, we must guard our hearts and minds against the temptations and distractions that social media can present and remain faithful and committed to our spouses.

    Conflict and Misunderstanding

    Social media can also contribute to conflict and misunderstanding in Christian marriages, especially when communication online is not clear, honest, and respectful. Misinterpretation, miscommunication, and even cyberbullying can undermine the trust, respect, and love essential to healthy relationships. 

    As Christians, we must be mindful of the potential negative impacts of social media on our marriages by remaining focused on our relationship with God and family. 

    We can navigate the challenges of social media and build strong, healthy, and loving marriages to the honor and glory of God.

    I believe that social media is a double-edged sword because, while it has the potential to bring couples together and help them build a strong and healthy relationship, it can also lead to conflicts and even destroy the relationship when misused.

    Like any other tool, social media can be used for good or evil. We should be mindful of how we use social media and consider how our online interactions can impact our relationships with others, including our spouses, families, and even God.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Ridofranz

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

    Emmanuel Abimbola

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  • How Reframing Rejection Heals Our Hearts

    How Reframing Rejection Heals Our Hearts

    Dismissed. Disregarded. Cast aside. These experiences sideline us from life and rob us of peace in our relationships. Words cut. Actions pierce. They steal life from us, yet there’s hope. God’s peace can still reign in the middle of a battle raging in our hearts when we grab onto God’s hand. It’s like the story of a little boy hanging onto a bigger boy’s hand as they raced to the cellar in the face of a tornado. The wind lifted the little boy into the air, but he gripped his cousin’s hand and made it to safety.

    When rejection blows into our life, it’s like we’re racing a tornado to safety. The pain of disregard sends our hearts into a tailspin, and we can get caught in the damage it causes. Our hearts rage with anger and bitterness. We spend far too much time mulling the conversation over in our heads, examining what we said and what they said. Our heart turns against us, and we entertain thoughts that indicate we deserve what we got because we’re not likable, and we shouldn’t expect any other kind of outcome. Finally, we accuse God of not preventing this, and we demand he does something.

    When we say yes to a personal relationship with God, he makes us new. It’s beautiful and wonderful, but at the same time, we still have old mindsets, habits, and default responses to the circumstances we encounter. Rejection strikes a destructive blow, and, in our pain, we reach for our old ways of responding to the heartache, which can lead to more destruction in our relationships with God, ourselves, and other people. Transformation takes time and a willingness to wade into the muddy waters of sifting the old patterns from the new way of thinking.

    Into the Mud
    Rejection is a three-pronged weapon that wounds three areas in our lives: our relationship with others, how we view ourselves, and our understanding of God. In our pain, we can wallow in the mud, splashing it all over others, or we can use it to create something. Like a potter who adds water to the clay to make mud to shape it into something beautiful, we can trust God to make something good out of something bad.

    The Israelites spent centuries making mud bricks for the Egyptians. They knew years of slavery and felt abandoned by God. Their place of rescue during Joseph’s leadership in Egypt became their place of rejection. Joseph stood second to Pharoah, and God made a way to avoid the famine by guiding them to Egypt. But eventually, the new Pharaohs forgot about Joseph and viewed the Israelites as a threat, so they sought to enslave them. God did not forsake the Israelites, and he made a way for them to be free. Rejection can make us feel abandoned, but God promises never to leave us or forsake us. When we turn to God, we can count on him to make a way for us too.

    Flip the Script
    Our default response to rejection is to fixate on the external event, turn our negative thoughts toward ourselves, and finally point an accusing finger at God. A new way to deal with disregard and rejection is to start with God. Reframing rejection involves bringing all our pain to him and dumping every negative thought and emotion into his lap. We come to him unedited and honest. Then he helps us sift through the thoughts and feelings, redirecting us to let go of the things that need letting go. This is how he uses them to bring us to another level of spiritual maturity.

    In Psalm 62:8, the Psalmist encourages us to express our hearts to God. “Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.” Our pain can pull us away from the very source of our comfort. When our hearts break, we can be tempted to gather the shards and carry them in our pockets, where they continue to cut us. But when we leave all the pieces at the feet of Jesus, he begins to put them back together again. We’re left with scars that tell a story of his gentle faithfulness.

    These scars become filled with his grace. I broke a decorative plate, and instead of throwing it away, I superglued it back together. The plate resumed its circular shape as the larger pieces came together. The smaller pieces were a bit trickier and messier, but this plate became a symbol of how God works in our life. His grace fills the cracks, and his mercy glues the pieces together again. In rejection experiences, our perception of ourselves can shatter, and the lack of forgiveness toward others can keep us broken. However, when we begin with God, we receive the grace and mercy to forgive and to keep our identity in Christ intact.

    Intern at Jesus’ Feet
    When Pharoah finally told the Israelites to go, they walked away from Egypt dressed for battle. They were finally set free! Imagine the bravado they felt as they carried off Egypt’s gold and silver. Yet, God knew them better than they knew themselves. He did not take them to their freedom through the most direct route. They may have been dressed for battle—weapons in hand and armor on—but they didn’t have the warrior’s mindset. God had set them free, but he took them to freedom via the desert.

    In our spiritual journeys, we face desert roads and impassable seas too. In our battles with consistent disregard and rejection, we can have all the equipment we need to fight the battles, like the Israelites, but not have the internal fortitude to face the battle. Interning at Jesus’ feet means we walk into the desert, trusting him with our hearts, including our pain over past disregard and the fear of future rejections—and practice faith, hope, and belief in what he says about us and accept his consistent presence.

    Crossing Our Red Sea
    Walking by faith starts with small steps toward God. We grow into our healing as we determine to let go of bitterness about past rejections along with the untruths we’ve believed for too long about God and how we perceive ourselves. Flipping the script on our default reactions to rejection is the first step we take. We can let rejection enslave us again, or we can fix our attention on the freedom in front of us.

    The Lord can use rejection experiences to restore, redirect, and refine us. At times, he uses them to point our feet in a different direction. Even in pain, we can trust him to lead us onward into a new future. Other times, rejection reveals areas in our lives that need refinement. Our transformation involves the renewal of our minds by rejecting thought processes and attitudes that don’t line up with God’s Word. Restoration comes when we surrender our broken hearts to him. He puts us together again and infuses us with greater amounts of his mercy and grace.

    The next time rejection shatters your life, pause before you respond. Take every broken piece to God, give him the ugly feelings and thoughts, and share your hurt and confusion with him. He will meet you in the mess and lead you to greater healing, trust, and freedom in him.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/interstid

    Jessica Van Roekel loves the upside-down life of following Jesus as she journeys to wholeness through brokenness. As an author, speaker, and worship leader, she uses her gifts and experiences to share God’s transformative power to rescue, restore, and renew. She longs for you to know that rejection doesn’t have to define or determine your future when placed in God’s healing hands. Find out more reframingrejectionbook.com You can connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

    Jessica Van Roekel

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  • Lonely Grandpa Sends Tear-Jerking Text to His Granddaughter Asking Her to Sleepover

    Lonely Grandpa Sends Tear-Jerking Text to His Granddaughter Asking Her to Sleepover

    This sweet viral video shows a lonely grandpa asking his granddaughter over for a sleepover and the plans that they end up making for the night.

    Megan Elizabeth is 29 years old, and she grew up in Illinois across the street from her grandparents. Her grandmother died of Alzheimer’s a few years ago, but her 92-year-old grandfather is still with us, although his health is declining.

    Recently, Megan’s grandfather texted her asking is she wanted to have a sleepover at his house. And she made a video that she shared on TikTok where she showed his heartwarming text messages.

    “Hi Megan it’s grandpa,” her grandfather wrote. “Would you like to come over and have a sleepover? I haven’t been feeling well and miss you. We can order food and watch a mystery show. Love, grandpa.”

    “Yes! I’ll be over around 7!” Megan replied. “Would you like me to get you something from the store or anything for dinner?”

    Lonely Grandpa Texts Granddaughter and Their Bond Is so Touching

    “Could you pick up applesauce?” her grandfather wrote back. “The cinnamon kind. And if you go somewhere with mash potatoes, I would like that because I have no teeth and can only eat soft things. Ha. Love you, Grandpa.”

    “Okay! I will see you soon,” she answered.

    “Thank you. You are my favorite granddaughter,” he wrote. But Megan made sure to point out that she was his only granddaughter.

    Then he followed up with more text: “Can you bring me strawberry ice cream too?”

    Later that night, Megan stopped by her grandpa’s house with all the goodies that he requested. And the pair had a nice evening together while they watched a show and ate some dinner. Then Megan’s grandfather got a bed made up for her and even woke up at 5:30 am to say goodbye to her before she left for work.

    “I am thankful for my grandpa and he will never understand how much love he truly has shown me,” shared Megan. “And more importantly, the love he showed my grandma while she was alive. I believe in love and loyalty because of this man. He is my hero.”

    What a sweet bond these two have! And it is simple moments like these that will forever be cherished. God bless the love between a granddaughter and her grandfather!

    Article originally published by GodUpdates. Used with permission.

    Photo courtesy: Tim Mossholder/Unsplash

    Video courtesy: ©Sunny Skyz Videos/©Meganelizabeth1016 on TikTok

    God Updates

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  • 10 Ways to Murder Your Marriage

    10 Ways to Murder Your Marriage

    Sometimes we forget the early adventure of discovery in marriage—the “wow” factor when we want to know more and more about our partner and experience life together in new ways. We loved how a partner’s life complemented our own and made life seem better. But with the eventual daily-ness of life came a danger—sameness. The answer is never a new partner, but rather a new perspective and fresh wonder of the partner God gave us. 

    Here’s the problem: Predictability can be a good thing. We want to know what to expect from our partner. But we must be careful. Predictability—the ho-hum, everything’s the same routine—can also invite familiarity and boredom, a repeated reason cited for couples’ infidelity. Beware of leanness in the spirit of marriage. Make room for light-hearted, God-honoring moments—“planned” spontaneity! Set the stage for romance in fresh ways.

    Steward your calendar and block out time just for your spouse. Keep alive the little things that spark your relationship: date nights, attending a conference together, relaxing and recuperating together on vacations. Create time together to laugh, learn and love in God’s presence. Allow new adventures to unfold!

    Photo credit: ©Thinkstock/anyaberkut

    Dawn Wilson and her husband Bob live in Southern California. They have two married sons and three granddaughters. Dawn assists author and radio host Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth with research and works with various departments at Revive Our Hearts. She is the founder and director of Heart Choices Today, and also publishes LOL with God and Upgrade with Dawn and writes for Crosswalk.com. Dawn also travels with her husband in ministry with Pacesetter Global Outreach.

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  • A Legacy Worth Passing Down to Your Grandkids: Your Faith

    A Legacy Worth Passing Down to Your Grandkids: Your Faith

    The simplest definition of legacy is something that is passed on. And as grandparents, we have the opportunity to pass on all kinds of things to our grandchildren. Whether it be happy memories, family heirlooms, or even our personality traits, our #1 legacy is our faith in Jesus.

    As we let His light shine through us, we’ll leave a legacy of faith, hope, and love – the greatest of these being love. And I don’t know about you, but I want to be remembered as someone who loved Jesus with all her heart, mind, soul, and strength.

    Here are four ways to leave your grandchildren a legacy of faith.

    Speak Often of the Savior

    As King David once penned, “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.” This is a wonderful prayer for grandparents as they seek to leave a legacy of faith.

    Sometimes, we feel like we can’t talk about Jesus for fear of offending others or being seen as fanatical, but how will they believe if they do not hear? The apostle Paul said it this way in Romans 10:14: “How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?”

    We don’t have to preach to our grandchildren, but we can often speak of the Savior and His love for them. We can also share our testimony – of how the Lord brought us to Himself. You never know what lasting impact this can have on your grandsons and granddaughters.

    Speak often about the Savior and tell of His wonderful deeds; then, trust that God will use your words to plant seeds in the hearts of your grandchildren.

    Make the Word of God Known

    Photo credit: ©Getty/Halfpoint

    Just as we are hesitant to talk about our faith, we are equally hesitant to share the Bible with our grandkids. Yet, it’s the Word of God that will not return void. As Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

    We can share specific Bible verses that relate to what our grandkids are going through. Whether it be a tough time at school or other issues, the Word of God has the answers for life!

    If you’re unsure where to start, I suggest returning to the beginning. Share the first few chapters of Genesis as a reminder that God is the Creator of everything. Emphasize that God made them in His image and has a divine purpose for them. Invite them to study the Bible with you, memorizing Scripture and learning more about God’s character.

    Remember, the Bible is more than just a book. It contains the very words of God and is powerful to move in people’s hearts. Make His Word known to your grandkids, and pray they will develop a hunger for His truth.

    Pray with Others in Specific Ways

    I think it’s safe to say that most of us pray for our grandkids regularly, but how many of us have a prayer team of people praying alongside us?

    Something powerful happens when you enlist others to pray specifically for you and your loved ones. Not only does a prayer network provide a sense of unity and camaraderie, but it also covers your family in much-needed intercession.

    I highly encourage you to call on 2-3 trusted friends to join you in specific prayers for your grandchildren. Address topics such as emotional, physical, and spiritual issues. Here are several specific things to pray for:

    -Their Heart: First and foremost, pray for your grandchildren’s salvation – that they will understand the gospel and follow Jesus all their days.

    -Their Mind: Ask God to fix their minds on Him and give them His peace.

    -Their Friendships: Pray for your grandchildren’s relationships and ask God to protect them from harmful people.

    -Their Education: Intercede for your grandchildren’s education, that God will provide a safe and healthy learning environment.

    -Their Safety: Ask the Lord to send His angels to guard your grandchildren and protect them from harm.

    Be Salt and Light

    In Matthew 5:13-16, Jesus said, “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

    Your example of faith is displayed through a life of devotion to Christ. It includes a heart of service to your family as salt and light. The more you invest in their little lives, the greater your impact will be.

    Here are specific ways to be salt and light:

    -Listen…really listen. Be a sounding board for your grandkids and take a genuine interest in their life. Chances are, they’ll grow to trust you as a safe person who always has their best in mind.

    -Find things to do together. This can include going to the park, hiking, painting, or cooking. The memories you make will be cherished for decades to come.

    -Be a voice of reason. You have a lot of experience and wisdom to share.

    -Walk by the Spirit, displaying His fruit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control will go a long way in ministering to your grandkids.

    Finally, leave a legacy of faith by walking the narrow path. While you cannot make your grandchildren believe in Jesus, you can show them what it looks like to walk in unity with the Savior. Your #1 legacy is your faith, and what a beautiful legacy it is!

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Tom Merton

    Jennifer WaddleJennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth. 

    Jennifer Waddle

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  • 5 Practical Ways to Set Boundaries

    5 Practical Ways to Set Boundaries

    Doctor Henry Cloud and Doctor John Townsend wrote a book called Boundaries. In it, they help Christians understand that boundaries are a biblical and necessary way of living. It is important to make sure people do not take advantage of you and mistreat you simply because you are a Christian. This is true for both believers and non-believers. Some Christians believe simply staying silent or allowing other people to mistreat us and simply saying “that’s OK” in response is being gracious. It is only a form of cowardice that allowed us to avoid our responsibility to speak into each other’s lives so that we may be better people for it. There are five practical ways to set boundaries:Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/qunamax

    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • From Hurt to Healing: Mending and Strengthening Your Marriage

    From Hurt to Healing: Mending and Strengthening Your Marriage

    I have seen firsthand how hurt and resentment can tear apart relationships, leaving lasting scars and pain. But I have also witnessed the healing and restoration that forgiveness can bring to relationships and families.

    To have a successful relationship, forgiveness is necessary. One of the most important aspects of a happy marriage and a lifetime of love is the ability to ask for and give forgiveness. By forgiving one another, couples can free themselves from the damaging hurt and guilt that prevent them from feeling close to one another. 

    People frequently confuse forgiveness with weakness and hold the view that by forgiving someone who has hurt you, you are endorsing or justifying their actions. But in a marriage, being able to forgive your spouse demonstrates that you are capable of having goodwill toward them. 

    Giving yourself and your spouse the type of future you both deserve, free from pain and resentment, is what forgiveness is all about. It involves making the decision to live a life free from the influence of others and without being controlled by unresolved hatred and animosity.

    You may go from feeling like a victim to being more empowered by practicing forgiveness, and this is essential for a happy and successful marriage. Your general health suffers when you harbor grudges and hatred. It overflows into every aspect of your existence. It affects how you view relationships. 

    No one is perfect; it’s a fact. We all make mistakes. Sometimes, we make mistakes more often than our partner.

    If you want to learn how to improve your relationships through the power of forgiveness, regardless of whether you are currently dealing with hurt in your marriage or family, this is for you. 

    So let’s get started and see how forgiveness may strengthen and repair our families and marriages.

    The Effects of Bitterness on Relationships and Families

    -Marriages and families can suffer from being unforgiving. We block intimacy and trust in our relationships when we are resentful and refuse to forgive.

    -Poor communication, distance, and even relationship dissolution can result from the hurt and hostility we harbor toward our partner.

    –Our health can be negatively impacted by resentment in both physical and emotional ways, which can result in stress, anxiety, and melancholy. Even our ability to eat, sleep, or carry out our regular activities may be impacted.

    –Families can become toxic when members can’t forgive one another, creating a feeling of abandonment, hatred, and estrangement. 

    –Resentment may make family members feel separated and alone, which would be detrimental to their emotional and psychological wellness. Grudges are ultimately harmful to the health and happiness of people, families, and society. 

    Thus, we must acknowledge the consequences of being unforgiving and try to promote healing and forgiveness in our interpersonal relationships.

    We are all aware of the joy and happiness that marriage and family life may bring.

    However, resentment can lead to pain and make it challenging to move on after being wronged by our spouse or family members.

    -It might be hard to let go of the pain and move on when we have been hurt by someone we love. We believe that the other party mistreated us and that they ought to be held accountable for it.

    –We might even believe that harboring our resentment and rage is okay. However, when we do so, it can cause a split in our relationships that can be challenging to mend.

    –We may be dishonest and closed off with our spouse or family members when we resent them. This could result in a breakdown in trust and communication, which would be detrimental to our relationships.

    –We are more inclined to lash out at our partner or family members over trivial or unimportant issues when we cannot forgive. And this will only result in more hurt and animosity, which makes it even harder to forgive. 

    The Transforming Power of Forgiveness

    Forgiveness is a powerful tool that can change our lives and relationships for the better. When we forgive, we release the hurt and resentment we’ve been holding onto and give ourselves permission to get better and go on.

    Some of the ways that forgiveness can improve our lives and relationships are as follows:

    It releases us from the weight of resentment and bitterness.

    When we harbor resentments, we bear a heavy load that can drain our energy and dominate our thoughts. But forgiveness frees us from this senseless weight and makes us feel lighter and free.

    It encourages mending and peacemaking in our marriage.

    Forgiveness allows for healing and reconciliation. It enables us to work together to improve our relationship and address the problems that contributed to the hurt.

    It improves our capacity for empathy and compassion.

    Forgiveness allows us to show compassion and empathy to others, especially those who have hurt us. Because to forgive, we must place ourselves in the position of the one who has wronged us and show them mercy and understanding. 

    Forgiveness promotes intimacy and connection.

    When we forgive and are forgiven, we develop a greater sense of intimacy in our relationships. We also grow a stronger sense of trust by being transparent and vulnerable with one another.

    It fosters development and evolution on a personal level.

    Forgiveness helps us develop and evolve positively on a personal level. As Christians, practicing forgiveness teaches us to own our mistakes and endeavor to become better people. As we work to improve as individuals and as relationship partners, it can foster personal growth and development.

    The Connection Between Forgiveness and Love

    Forgiveness and love are closely connected in our relationships. Love is the foundation of forgiveness, and forgiveness is an expression of love. 

    Here are some ways in which forgiveness and love are connected:

    Love is the motivation for forgiveness.

    We are called to forgive others out of love, just as God forgives us out of His love for us.  Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  

    Forgiveness is a manifestation of love.

    It is a tangible expression of love, as it involves releasing the hurt and pain caused by others and extending grace and compassion towards them. “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8  

    Love enables forgiveness to occur.

    Without love, it can be difficult to extend forgiveness to those who have hurt us. Love enables us to see the good in others and to extend mercy and grace toward them. Matthew 5:44 reminds us: “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

    Forgiveness is necessary for love to flourish.

    Resentment can create a barrier in our relationships and hinder the growth of love, while forgiveness allows us to let go of the past and move forward in love and compassion towards others. 1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

    Overcoming Resentment and Re-Establishing Trust 

    Our lives would not be the same without the love, support, and sense of belonging that marriage and family ties provide. But when conflicts and disagreements occur, anger can fester and eventually erode the trust that formerly existed between partners or family members. 

    When trust is betrayed, it can be challenging to mend the connection and return to how it was.

    To maintain positive and rewarding relationships in this situation, it is essential to create effective resentment management and trust-building tactics.

    Here are a few doable tactics that will assist you in overcoming anger and re-establishing trust in your marital and family ties:

    Acknowledge the hurt.

    If you are the one who caused the hurt brought on by the resentment, it is crucial to accept responsibility. This can be accomplished by expressing regret and offering an apology for the harm caused.

    Be open and honest in your communication.

    Restoring trust in a marriage or family requires open and honest communication. This entails being open to discussing the problems that have given rise to the resentment and hearing one another out.

    Exercise forgiveness.

    Overcoming animosity and rebuilding trust require forgiveness. It’s critical to be willing to let go of resentment and forgive the other person for their transgressions.

    Spend quality time together.

    Restoring trust in a marriage or family requires quality time spent together. This can involve doing things like going on dates, going for walks together, or just sitting down to talk and listen to each other.

    Seek professional assistance.

    If the anger and lack of trust are too ingrained to be handled on your own, it might be helpful to seek assistance from a professional. A therapist, counselor, or church pastor can assist families and couples in resolving their problems and improving communication.

    The Benefits of Forgiveness

    Any successful marriage or family relationship requires forgiveness. It is an incredible instrument that can mend relationships, reestablish trust, and heal scars. Families and couples can move ahead in their relationships with a renewed sense of optimism and understanding when they forgive one another.

    Forgiveness can lessen stress and worry. When families and couples forgive one another, they can put painful remarks and deeds behind them and concentrate on the good parts of their relationship. This may contribute to the development of a tranquil and harmonious environment.

    Forgiveness can improve the ties that bind families and couples together. When families and couples forgive one another, they can put the past hurt and resentment behind them and concentrate on the love and respect they share.

    It can facilitate better communication within a marriage or family. Family members and couples can communicate openly and honestly about their feelings and worries when they forgive one another. 

    This may contribute to fostering a more welcoming atmosphere, which will promote improved communication and understanding.

    Forgiveness can foster a happier attitude toward life. When families and couples forgive one another, they can put the hurt and resentment behind them and concentrate on the positive aspects of their relationship. This will bring a more optimistic attitude toward life and increase happiness and fulfillment.

    Any successful marital or family relationship requires forgiveness. It can lessen worry and tension, bolster the ties between partners and families, enhance communication, and cultivate a happier attitude toward life. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

    Emmanuel Abimbola

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  • How Can the Church Be More Like a Family?

    How Can the Church Be More Like a Family?

    One of my favorite aspects of being part of an active church is the fellowship that we experience when we get together. And, if I am honest, during those times that we are together for small groups or other events, one of my main enjoyments is eating good food!

    Of course, it is not just about the food itself; it is what eating together brings. Eating meals gives a group of people something physical to do (which is unifying in and of itself).

    It gives us something to enjoy together, which helps us build positive feelings and even memories, it disarms us so we can bring our guard down, and it works as an ice breaker to facilitate casual conversation.

    Most importantly, eating a meal with other Christians turns us more into the kind of family that God designed us to be for a few moments as we enjoy food that will hopefully lead to greater fellowship in the future.

    Because if you know what it is like to be in a healthy church or if you are familiar with the model of church that the New Testament gives us, you will know that the Church really is like a family.

    I was reminded of this reality recently when I was talking with a missionary friend of mine. As he described his church on the mission field in South America, he happily described a group of people that cared for each other, were affectionate toward one another, and that really wanted to be together.

    That is not only how Jesus wanted the church to be, but that is exactly how he started it — like a family!

    1. Remember That Jesus Valued Family

    He was born into a family with parents and siblings, and he lived with and participated with that family for most of his life. Then in the end, he loved his family so much that with one of his last breaths, as he hung on the cross, he made sure that his mom would be cared for (John 19:26-27).

    Jesus taught about the importance of family and marriage (the foundation of the family) as well. One of his most popular teachings can be found in Mark 10:6-9 when Jesus declared that:

    “…from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. ‘So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

    But Jesus did not just teach about the importance of family and marriage; he actively endorsed it to the point that his very first public appearance (after his somewhat-public baptism, of course) was at a wedding that he attended with his mother and disciples and where he performed his first miracle.

    And Jesus was not just a bystander at this wedding — he even got involved with “serving refreshments” (John 2).

    But then, in that same passage where Jesus gave his disciple John the responsibility of caring for his mother, we get a hint about the kind of family relationship that Jesus also had with his disciple because the writer uses the phrase “the disciple whom he loved” (John 19).

    This is because Jesus did not just focus on caring for his physical family, but he essentially welcomed all of his followers in and treated them like family, too.

    Mark tells the story that one time when Jesus was ministering to a crowd, and some people told him that his mother and brothers were outside, he responded with,

     “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:31-35).

    2. Treat the Church Like Jesus Treated His Disciples and Ministry

    As we read through the gospels, we find that at different times Jesus walked with them on trips, he road with them in boats, he reclined with them in homes, he attended feasts and celebrations together with them, he taught them lessons like a father teaches his children, he rescued them when they were in trouble, he allowed them to make mistakes and then used those experiences to teach them even more, and, my favorite part, he ate with them!

    God himself, in the flesh, took the time to sit down and share a meal with his disciples — and like we already mentioned — that is such a keyway that he treated them like family.

    One particular time when he did this is what we call the “Last Supper.” One important detail in Matthew 26:20-29 is that Jesus served the bread and wine to Judas Iscariot, who he knew was against him and that would soon betray him.

    This is a perfect illustration of how families even care for members who they do not get along with or that they are even more like enemies with. Another important detail is that Jesus said he would do this again… one day. We will come back to that in a minute.

    This family dynamic of Jesus’ ministry did not end with him.

    3. Resemble the First Church Who Treated Each Other Like Family

    Very soon after Jesus’ ascension back to heaven in Acts 2, the apostles gave the gospel to people from all over the world and invited them into the family of God — something that only the Jews thought they had claims to at the time.

    Then, as a result, the picture that we get of the First Church is nothing short of the kind of “utopian” society that other cults have tried to mimic.

    They loved to each other, meeting together regularly, and sharing resources in a way that makes even the tightest-nit family seem like sworn enemies! This is because the Gospel of Jesus brings people together like never before.

    Then later, the Apostle Paul taught about this family mentality by teaching the churches he started that we must not allow our differences to define us or divide us but seek unity and agreement (1 Corinthians 1).

    He taught in the “love chapter” that while faith and hope are important facets of our Christian faith, our love for one another is most important (1 Corinthians 13).

    Paul also used the analogy of the human body with its many, unique members — that each has different functions but all serve one another to describe how the church is to view itself and treat one another.

    This is important for us to study because the example of the First Church and Paul’s instructions to the churches he pastored “from a distance” gives us the standard for us today. One article that I recently read said that

    I“f we are intent on trusting Christ to work in us as we gather and open to being Christlike as we gather, then — whether it’s for a meal or a church service or a golf game or a playdate for the kids — we share in that beautiful fellowship. We were designed for this kind of fellowship, this kind of connection in Jesus, and we cannot find it anywhere but the body of Christ. This is what finding true belonging in the church looks like.”

    Lastly, the church “family” does not end here on earth.

    Heaven Will Be Like a Family

    Another important detail of Jesus’ Last Supper with his disciples in Matthew 26 that we mentioned earlier is that Jesus promised that in the end, after this current earth and heaven were said and done, he would again sit down with his followers and have a meal.

    But this time, there will be no doubt and betrayal mixed in! John prophesied in the Book of Revelation: “Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready” (Revelation 19:7).

    We get the impression from Luke that when Jesus returns for his “servants” (the Church) that “he will dress himself for service and have them recline at table, and he will come and serve them” (Luke 12:37).

    What a beautiful thought that Jesus will once again serve us who have been serving him. But this will not be because he “owes” us anything, but because we will have nothing to offer Jesus, who has everything.

    Then that same Jesus will welcome his children into a New Heaven and New Earth that he has “prepared as a bride adorned for her husband” (again — the family and marriage picture) (Revelation 21:1-4).

    One writer summed all of this up by saying that the end goal of “God’s work and mission has been and continues to be a reconciled, intimate relationship with a people, his children, and the Church.“

    The church is a family, not by blood, but by the Spirit.

    If more people saw the church as a family with her fellowship and flaws, then fewer would be leaving it. If more pastors and church leaders saw their church as a family, fewer would treat her like a job or abuse her.

    If more church members saw the church as a family, fewer would outsource the caring of each other to their pastor or deacons or the serving of one another to a paid employee.

    Christian — let us go the extra mile and not just expect our church to act like a family, but to do everything we can.

    For further reading:

    What Is the Meaning of the Body of Christ?

    God’s Blended Family

    What Is the Importance of Having a Spiritual Family?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/RyanJLane

    Robert Hampshire is a pastor, teacher, writer, and leader. He has been married to Rebecca since 2008 and has three children, Brooklyn, Bryson, and Abram. Robert attended North Greenville University in South Carolina for his undergraduate and Liberty University in Virginia for his Masters. He has served in a variety of roles as a worship pastor, youth pastor, family pastor, church planter, and now Pastor of Worship and Discipleship at Cheraw First Baptist Church in South Carolina. He furthers his ministry through his blog site, Faithful Thinking, and his YouTube channel. His life goal is to serve God and His Church by reaching the lost with the gospel, making devoted disciples, equipping and empowering others to go further in their faith and calling, and leading a culture of multiplication for the glory of God. Find out more about him here.

    Robert Hampshire

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  • Finding Peace After the Storm: Divorce, Healing, and Restoration

    Finding Peace After the Storm: Divorce, Healing, and Restoration

    A divorce is a life-altering event that can leave you feeling lost, lonely, and emotionally drained. It can be a difficult and painful experience, causing confusion, anger, sadness, and even depression. Divorces happen for various reasons, like infidelity, financial issues, differences in priorities, goals, or values, physical or emotional abuse, and many other heartaches. However, finding peace and trying to heal after a divorce can help victims restore emotional balance and stability.

    Navigating loss on any level is challenging, but losing a meaningful relationship, particularly a spouse, can be emotionally devastating. Although society is more accepting of divorce, it still has terrible consequences for spouses, children, friends, and families of those involved. Divorces also have tremendous spiritual and emotional impacts on Christians. 

    Here are some of the consequences of divorce for Christians:

    1. Spiritual Consequences: Divorce can have significant spiritual consequences for Christians. Marriage is a sacred covenant between a man and a woman, and divorce goes against God’s plan for marriage. It can leave you feeling disconnected from God and harm your spiritual well-being.

    2. Emotional Challenges: It can be emotionally draining for Christians, especially given that they have been brought up with the belief that marriage is a lifelong commitment, as taught in Matthew 19:3-6: “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

    When Christians experience divorce, they can feel isolated, rejected, and ashamed. In some cases, this can lead to depression and anxiety.

    3. Impact on Children: Divorce has a profound impact on children. The affected children may struggle with guilt, confusion, and anger. They may even, over time, question their own faith and beliefs in God.

    4. Social Implications: Like everyone else, divorce can have social implications for Christians, especially if they are part of a close-knit Christian community. It can lead to social stigma, ostracism, and judgment from others.

    It is important to find peace after divorce to have sound, emotional well-being. We must, however, consider the following for true emotional peace after going through the trauma of a breakup in a marriage:

    Reading and Meditating on the Word of God 

    As Christians, we can heal from any kind of pain or heartbreak through our faith in God. Our ultimate consolation comes from listening to the voice of the Lord and meditating on His words. The Bible, which is the Word of God, is one of the mediums through which He provides us with guidance and comfort in times of trouble. 

    The Word of God reminds us that we are not alone and that God is always with us. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” 

    We are also reminded in God’s Word that even in our darkest moments, God is with us, offering comfort and support.

    Practicing True Forgiveness

    Another key to finding emotional peace after divorce is forgiveness. Forgiveness in this context is not only about letting go of anger and resentment towards our former spouse but also forgiving ourselves for any mistakes we may have made in the marriage. 

    Jesus teaches us to forgive others in the Lord’s Prayer. Matthew 6:12 says, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” When we forgive, we release ourselves from the burden of negative emotions and open ourselves up to emotional healing and well-being.

    Seeking Support

    Seeking emotional support from friends, family, and professionals such as pastors or counselors is also helpful. 

    Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that there is a time for everything, including a time to mourn and a time to heal: “To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” Therefore, when you find yourself struggling after a divorce, you must not conclude that it is the end of the road. 

    As a Christian, you must understand that you are going through this divorce for a reason God is quite aware of. And if the emotional pressure becomes unbearable, do not hesitate to seek help from your trusted and godly friends, family, or a spirit-filled pastor. These are the people God has planted in your life to act as a support and pillar to your faith in Him in difficult times. It also makes sense to approach a counselor if the need arises. 

    Never Underestimate the Power of Prayer

    Prayer is also essential in finding emotional well-being after a divorce. Prayer allows us to connect with God and express our deepest emotions and desires. 

    The book of Philippians teaches us that when we pray, God’s peace will guard our hearts and minds. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be careful for nothing; but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

    Healing yourself through prayers and meditating on the Word of God after going through the agony of divorce can help restore your relationship with God and help you find meaning and purpose in your life.

    The bottom line is that God does not take delight in divorce, and He is not happy with the impact of divorce on your spiritual health. 

    In Matthew 19:6, Jesus says, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Divorce can be a violation of God’s plan for marriage and have spiritual consequences.

    Take a Break to Create Better Relationships

    One significant reason you must try to find peace and heal after a divorce is to establish healthy relationships with family, friends, and potential romantic partners.

    In the aftermath of a divorce, it can be challenging to maintain peaceful relationships with those who were once close to you. However, trying to find peace and healing from the divorce can help you establish healthier relationships with others, even with those who were once involved in the divorce. Establishing healthy relationships with family members can be challenging after a divorce. Sometimes, your family members may even take sides or become distant from you or the parties involved in the breakup. However, finding peace can help you bridge the gap and rebuild relationships with loved ones.

    Improve Your Physical Health

    Divorce can have a significant impact on your physical health. The stress, anxiety, and emotional toll of divorce can manifest in physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, and muscle tension. Stress is a common response to the challenges of divorce. It can increase blood pressure, heart rate, and muscle tension. Chronic stress can also weaken the immune system, making you more susceptible to illness and disease. Finding peace after a divorce can help reduce stress levels and improve overall physical health.

    The emotional turmoil of divorce can make it difficult to get a good night’s sleep. A lack of sleep can have negative effects on your physical health, such as fatigue, irritability, and decreased cognitive function.

    Prepare Yourself for a New Beginning

    Finding peace after a divorce can be a transformative experience that allows you to let go of the past and embrace a new beginning. The Bible teaches us that God is a God of second chances and that through His love and grace, we can find new beginnings even in the most challenging circumstances. 

    One of the most powerful verses in the Bible that speaks of this truth is found in Isaiah 43:18-19: “Remember ye, not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”

    Work on Your Personal Growth

    Another strategy for healing, and why it is important to find peace after a divorce, is the opportunity for personal growth and development. 

    In Romans 8:28, we are told that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” 

    Therefore, during difficult circumstances such as a divorce, God can use our experiences for our ultimate benefit and growth. For anyone going through a divorce, this means that there is an opportunity for personal growth and development. By focusing on the present moment and working towards a brighter future, you can develop new skills, talents, and interests and become stronger and more resilient.

    Conclusively, Christians need to remember that healing after a divorce is a process that takes time. But when you seek spiritual guidance through prayer, reading the Bible, practicing forgiveness and self-care, seeking support, and practicing patience and trust, you can find healing and restoration after a divorce. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Valentina Shilkina

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

    Emmanuel Abimbola

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