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Tag: christian motherhood

  • The Importance of Listening to Our Youngest Family Members

    The Importance of Listening to Our Youngest Family Members

    You’re trying to get out the door and your 4-year-old gets upset when you don’t plan ahead and allow time and space to leave the house in an unhurried fashion. It’s been a hectic morning and you’re behind schedule and rushing your child to get in the car headed to your appointment. Before you know it, your precious 4-year-old is on the floor in a puddle of tears.

    It’s a fact that in today’s family, life is busier than ever. Trying to manage our own overcrowded schedules and commitments makes it easy to overlook the smallest voices in our families – those of our youngest children. Yet, as Christian mothers and grandmothers, we are called to recognize and honor these small voices, valuing them as individuals created in God’s image.

    From birth, children begin to develop an understanding of feelings. Your little one is picking up on how you respond to their social and emotional needs. Following your lead, they learn how to empathize and respond to the emotions of others. By listening and giving merit to what they say, you lay the foundation for their personal development and emotional safety. 

    Listening is a form of love. The Bible tells us in James 1:19, “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.” This wisdom applies on many levels in our interactions with young children. When we take the time to listen to them, we demonstrate our love and respect. We show them that their thoughts and feelings are important, fostering their sense of self-worth and teaching them that they are valuable as people and members of the family. 

    Let’s look at how we can listen to our youngest family members:

    Why “No” Is Important

    One of the most important words that children learn is “no.” While it can be frustrating for parents and grandparents to hear this word repeatedly, it’s crucial to understand its significance. When a child says “no,” they are expressing their independence and testing boundaries. It’s our responsibility as adults to regulate our own emotional responses and respond to our children and grandchildren with patience and understanding.

    Children may say “no” and refuse to do things to make their own choices. It means they are learning what they like and don’t like and how to interact with others. They might say “no” because they are trying to express difficult feelings they don’t understand.

    Being overly excited, hungry, frustrated, or disappointed are just a few things that may cause young children to become dysregulated. These outward behaviors may result from feelings and thoughts that they don’t yet have language to express to others.

    Teaching children how to use “no” in regard to their physical body is also very important. It’s essential that children understand they have the right to control who touches them and how, starting from an early age. For instance, if a child says “no” to being tickled, chased, or hugged, it’s critical for adults to stop immediately and respect that boundary.

    Ignoring their desire to stop can inadvertently communicate that their words, feelings, and bodily autonomy are not important. This can have negative effects on their self-esteem and cause them to question their ability to set boundaries and trust others in the future. Additionally, respecting their “no” affirms their sense of being in control of their own body, gives them confidence, and helps them feel safe and respected. This empowers children to communicate their boundaries clearly and confidently in various situations as they grow older.

    Connecting Instead of Forcing

    In moments of urgency, it’s tempting to use force to make a child comply, such as picking them up and putting them in the car when they resist. However, this approach undermines their sense of autonomy and can lead to feelings of helplessness and resentment. Instead, attempting to understand the reasons behind their resistance can be more beneficial. 

    Engaging with children calmly and asking questions can uncover the underlying cause of their behavior. Perhaps they are feeling anxious about leaving a familiar place, or they might be tired or hungry. By addressing the root issue, we not only resolve the immediate situation more peacefully, but we also teach our children and grandchildren valuable lessons in communication and problem-solving.

    The end result is a stronger relationship with your children and grandchildren where they are moving toward you in connection instead of away from you and disconnecting. 

    Feelings Are Communication Tools

    Honoring children’s feelings means taking time to validate and understand their emotions. This can be done in simple yet powerful ways:

    1. Acknowledge Their Feelings

    When a child expresses reluctance or says “no,” acknowledge their emotions. For instance, “I see you’re upset about getting in the car. It looks like you want to continue playing with your toys.”

    2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

    Encourage them to share their thoughts by asking open-ended questions like, “What’s making you feel this way?” or “What would you like to do?”

    3. Reflect Back What You Hear

    Reflect their feelings back to them to show you understand. For example, “You don’t want to leave because you’re having fun with your toys. That makes sense.”

    4. Offer Choices

    Empower them by offering choices whenever possible. This can be as simple as, “Would you like to bring a toy with you in the car?” or “Would you like me to set a timer for 5 minutes, and then we’ll leave?”

    By consistently listening to and valuing young children’s words, we build a foundation of trust and open communication. They learn that they can come to us with their thoughts and feelings, knowing they will be heard and respected. This trust is crucial as they grow older and face more complex challenges.

    Proverbs 22:6 teaches us, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he grows older he will not abandon it.” By nurturing a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding from an early age, we guide our children and grandchildren in a path of loving interactions.

    Our actions as parents and grandparents should reflect the love and compassion of Jesus. When we fully express the life we have in Christ, it shows up in love. Jesus said, “By this all people will know that you are My disciples: if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). By listening to our children and grandchildren and valuing their words, we are not only loving them but also living out the teachings of Christ.

    It’s understandable that modern life can be hectic, and taking the time to engage with a child’s every concern may seem daunting. However, even small steps can make a significant difference:

    Set Aside Dedicated Time

    Carve out specific times during the day when you can give your child or grandchild undivided attention, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

    Use Everyday Moments

    Utilize routine activities like car rides, meal times, and bedtime as opportunities for meaningful conversation and connection.

    Model Active Listening

    Show your children and grandchildren what active listening looks like by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and responding thoughtfully to their words.

    Listening to and valuing our youngest family members is not merely about managing behavior or avoiding conflict. It is about nurturing their spirits, fostering their growth, and building a foundation of love and trust. By honoring their words and emotions, we teach them that they matter and that they are loved and respected.

    As Christian moms and grandmothers, we have the profound responsibility and privilege to reflect God’s love in our interactions with our children and grandchildren. Let’s embrace this role with patience, compassion, and a willingness to listen, knowing that in doing so, we are helping to shape the hearts and minds of the next generation.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Anastasiia Boriagina

    Renee Bethel, author of Finding Me: A Woman’s Guide to Learning More About Herself, is a Professional Christian Life Coach and a Certified Enneagram Coach. Her passion lies in guiding growth-minded Christian moms towards embracing their identity in Christ and finding freedom in the finished work of Jesus. If you’re ready to change the way you view yourself and your place in the world, join her FREE 31-Day Challenge to Embrace Your Identity in Christ.

    Renee Bethel

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  • 6 Steps to Stop Yourself from Enabling Grown Children

    6 Steps to Stop Yourself from Enabling Grown Children

    Your daughter calls and says unless she comes up with $500, her only car—that she drives to work—will be repossessed. What she really means is that you need to come up with the money.

    Your son needs to stop drinking, but you know if you don’t go get the kids tonight, he’ll fall into a drunken stupor and the little ones will have to fend for themselves. You know you need to stop giving your children money and volunteering free babysitting, but how can you stand to watch them—or your grandkids—suffer?

    And how in the world did you get into this mess?

    The Difference between Helping and Enabling

    The first priority is to recognize the difference between helping and enabling your grown child. When an adult child is usually able to make good decisions and handle crises on their own, a call for help reflects a need for exactly that—help.

    But when an adult child rarely makes wise choices, or becomes mired in an addiction, they will want you to bail them out of every tight spot. Repeating the same basic scenario over and over means you are enabling them to continue dysfunctional behaviors.

    Perpetual enabling is called co-dependency. Wikipedia defines it as “a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.” The parent in this type of relationship feels a need to “fix” the child, even when they clearly aren’t taking any advice.

    The parent may also be afraid to be truthful about the situation for fear of hurting the child’s feelings or driving them away.

    In the beginning, during their teen years or early twenties, when they called with an urgent situation, it appeared the best option was for you to take care of it. But over time, you realize that they don’t seem to know how—or even desire—to take responsibility for their own choices and the consequences they bring.

    Codependent behaviors begin long before a teen becomes an adult, and they won’t end overnight. But as parents, we need to begin the process as soon as we recognize there is a problem. The good news is, there is help for recovery and change. Let’s take a look at six ways you can stop enabling your grown child.

    1. Be Honest with Yourself and Acknowledge the Role You Play

    As painful as this step is, nothing will change until you admit your own need. Yes, you want your child to love you. Yes, you’re afraid she’ll cut you off if you refuse to pay her debts. And yes, you have always come to the rescue, thereby relieving her of any need to take responsibility.

    There are many reasons the enabling pattern emerges. Psychologists would say it arises out of a parent’s need for affirmation. Maybe there was a past divorce after which your ex cast you in a negative light. One way you tried to fix that is by being the “helpful” parent. It’s possible your actions relieve a sense of guilt over difficulties in your marriage, even if you’re still wed.

    Some parents begin the “helicopter” parenting style when their child is a toddler, and by the time little Jeffy grows up, enabling is all they know how to do.

    Whatever the causes, now you know the best way forward is to stop bailing her out of every scrape she creates. After all, you won’t always be there.

    No parent desires to see their child suffer. None of us would choose to perpetuate dysfunctional behavior on purpose. But sometimes it happens. We realize a pattern has taken root that must be broken—and this is the first step.

    The Bible is full of stories of dysfunctional family relationships within the homes of godly parents. These problems are not the result of conscious sin. Most of the time, biblical parents failed to recognize their roles and often great pain resulted. But we have the advantage of reading about them and learning from their mistakes.

    In Genesis, Isaac and Rebekah pampered Jacob and Rebekah covered for—and even helped concoct—his deception to steal the family blessing. Jacob ran for his life after his brother threatened to kill him, and eventually got in hot water with his father-in-law for deceptive business practices.

    Later, Jacob favored his son Joseph over all his brothers. This created such hatred, they conspired to kill Joseph. Joseph’s brother Judah raised a couple of incorrigible sons.

    In 1 Samuel, Sampson gets his parents to do whatever he wants, including making a deal for a pagan bride against Jewish law. And even King David faced an attempted coup by one of his sons.

    We are given no indication that those biblical parents saw trouble coming, and few modern-day parents see it looming either. But once it develops, parents need to confess the part we play and ask God to help. The compulsion to fix our kids is really a form of control. Therefore, we need to ask God to forgive our rushing ahead without seeking his guidance. We can take comfort in the words of 1 John 1:9 where we learn that if we confess our sins, God will forgive us.

    But without concrete action, nothing will change, even if you have acknowledged your role and asked God to forgive you. You must take the next steps.

    2. Pray for Wisdom and Then Set Boundaries with Your Child

    Codependency at its core is a lack of boundaries—both emotional and physical. This means that you may let your emotions sway your actions. If you feel rejection from your child-rearing its head, you’ll do what you perceive she needs in order to push it back down.

    Her emotions have become more important than your own. Your actions confirm this truth when you bail her out time and time again.

    The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:15 to choose to live wisely, and in James 1:5 we find out that we can ask God to give us the wisdom we need. So we can pray with confidence that the Lord will help us know the right things to do and say. This help may come in the form of advice from a pastor or counselor, Scripture, or trusted godly friend—but it will come.

    It will not be easy, and will probably create an emotional scene, but it is necessary to draw a line in the sand, so to speak. Be specific about what you will and won’t do. Try to approach the situation without casting blame at your child. They may feel guilt and say you’re blaming them. But remember the truth—you are setting them up for future success. This begins with accepting personal responsibility for choices.

    If addiction is the problem, you may have to do the hardest thing of all—let a crisis develop and refuse to intervene, or even call the authorities. Your child may lose custody of his children. But this may be the very thing that drives him to get clean. I have a friend who found herself in this kind of situation.

    Today her son has been drug-free for fifteen years and he tells anyone who will listen that losing his kids was the motivation he needed.  It’s unfortunate, but often people need to hit rock bottom before they begin the upward climb. 

    Remember, too, that there may not be a happy ending for your child—at least that you can see in your lifetime. However, as an adult, it is his life. Not yours. You are not responsible for the consequences of his choices. That’s God’s job. You are only responsible for your actions—and this is why you want to stop enabling.

    Here again, we can take comfort from Scripture. In Isaiah 49:4, the prophet said that the future Servant King, Jesus Christ, would not understand why people refused to accept and believe him. Jesus was familiar with discouragement and frustration.

    We know that he suffered all the same things we do, but I think we usually take this to mean temptations. How wonderful to realize he also understands our emotions. He understands wayward children too. After all, he said in Matthew 23:37—referring to his people the Israelites—that he wanted to gather them like a hen gathers her chicks under its wings, but they were not willing.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/VitezslavVylicil 

    3. Enlist Prayer Support from Your Church Group

    Whether it’s your small group, your pastor, or a specific support group, Matthew 18:20 assures us there is real power when we gather together in prayer. Meeting at least weekly will give you the boost you need to follow through with the decisions you have made.

    Ask a close friend in your prayer group to be available for a phone call whenever the need arises. Just knowing there is one person who understands and will pray you off the ledge when you’re about to cave in makes all the difference. Tapping into God’s power will get you through.

    4. Enforce Your Boundaries as Needed

    You will suffer real emotional distress caused by your refusal to run to the rescue. Your child will not be the only one who feels it. You’ll be forced to watch the consequences of their choices and decisions unfold from the sidelines. It will be tempting to throw in the towel and go back to life as usual.

    Again, we can learn from Jesus. Isaiah 50:7 tells us how our Lord set his face like a flint to his mission, which was not for himself, but for us—his children. That kind of sheer determination is what it takes to change an ingrained family dynamic. However, remember the reason you’re doing it.

    The best thing for your child, grandchildren, and even yourself is to work toward a healthier relationship.

    5. Pray Daily for Your Family

    Pray for everyone in your family who is affected by your decision for change. The Lord awakens you every morning and if you ask, he’ll expand your understanding and help you (Isaiah 50:4). I like to search out prayers in the Bible that seem to apply to my situation. For example, praying the prayer the apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 1:18-19 is one of my favorites. I recommend choosing a Bible prayer for each of our family members.

    When you decide on a prayer for your child, print it out and post it where you can see it often. Consider making a separate copy to place in your Bible or journal. Pray it when you rise in the morning and as you’re falling asleep at night. If your situation whirls in your mind and keeps you awake, verbally handing it over to Jesus when you crawl into bed is better than any sleeping pill.

    6. Refuse to Feel Guilty

    Guilt may assault you the moment you realize something needs to change. Satan wants you to feel sorry for yourself and take all the blame. There is no magic bullet for ending a behavior pattern years in the making. Because of the challenges involved in keeping your boundaries intact, your emotions may fluctuate and cause your guilt-o-meter to spike.

    Your child may blame you for his new issues—ones that really stem from the consequences of his own actions.

    Stop Satan in his tracks by reminding him that you confessed whatever unwitting part you played, and God forgave you. That forgiveness is complete and means God chooses not to remember your sin. Read Psalm 103:12 for confirmation of this truth. It’s over—even if it doesn’t feel like it.

    If you struggle with the ability to stop enabling your child, you are not alone. Nothing is more painful than a rift in your relationship with a child, and it is only natural to want to preserve positive feelings. Now, however, you see the wisdom of ending the pattern, and the steps you can take toward a healthier bond.

    The real power will come as you rely on the Holy Spirit to help you. If you will be transparent with your child about your motivation—her ultimate good—and honest about your dependence on God for help, then true healing can begin.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jeffbergen

    Kathryn Graves, author of Woven: Discovering Your Beautiful Tapestry of Confidence, Rest, and Focus, and Fashioned by God, holds a BA in Psychology, is a pastor’s wife and Bible teacher, and spent 15 years in the fashion industry. Kathryn is Mimi to five grandsons, and loves to play with color—including interior design, clothing, and painting with pastels. In addition to her website, find her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

    Kathryn Graves

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  • Handling Difficult Relationships with Adult Children

    Handling Difficult Relationships with Adult Children

    When my daughter reached her late teens and early twenties, our relationship went through a difficult period. Going away to college gave her an emotional distance that allowed her to more clearly perceive her past, including how I’d parented her. She began to recognize ways I’d caused her pain and how those wounds were affecting her and her relationships. 

    I’ve since discovered that this frequently occurs when children enter adulthood. If they feel relatively safe with their parent, there usually comes a time when they relay these hurts. Sometimes they do this calmly, and sometimes with the anger that stems from a deeply wounded soul. This can feel terrifying, especially for those who carry unresolved guilt and shame. In the moment, our child’s words might feel like rejection, thereby triggering defensiveness within us. In reality, our son or daughter is seeking healthier and more fulfilling interactions with us.

    They are reaching toward us and asking, if not begging, for us to reach for them—in their pain. When we respond well, we help repair relational damage, bring healing to soul wounds, and strengthen joy-filled connections. When we react poorly, however, we tend to widen the fissures between us, deepen our child’s hurts, and make them less apt to reveal their truest selves, happy or sad, to us in the future. 

    Here are some six things I learned from my experience and listening to other moms and young adults: 

    1. Investigate When You Feel Defensive

    According to mental health experts, defense mechanisms are unhealthy ways of coping with challenging situations, thoughts, and emotions. Unfortunately, we tend to exhibit these learned reactions before we can evaluate our circumstances or internal experiences. This makes it challenging to change our behavior. Our inability to do so can lead to increased guilt and shame.

    The more we notice these unhelpful reactions and prayerfully consider their roots, the easier it becomes to regulate our emotions during tense and uncomfortable conversations. We’re more apt to speak from what my therapist refers to as our “Spirit-led self” rather than our insecurities and pain. Not only will this keep us from escalating the conflict, but our son or daughter is more likely to feel heard and loved, thereby encouraging calm communication. 

    2. Trust Your Child Wants to Retain Their Connection

    Due to some of my unresolved, and initially unknown, pain, I viewed many of my daughter’s expressed hurts as rejection. Growing up, I’d learned connections ceased when I failed to meet other people’s expectations. Without realizing it, I carried these subconscious beliefs into my most important adult relationships. Therefore, when my daughter told me of times when I hadn’t behaved like the mom she needed and I longed to be, the unhealed places in my soul feared she was pushing me away. 

    In reality, those conversations revealed the opposite. She didn’t want “less” of me. She wanted more of me—the real, healthy me. She longed for us to build a mutually fulfilling relationship, one free of tension, insecurity, and dysfunction. Now, I’m grateful for her courage to speak the truth during that season because it encouraged us both to grow. Those discussions didn’t destroy or damage our relationship. Rather, they healed and strengthened it.   

    3. Listen to Their Heart More Than Their Words

    While hurt or upset, it can be challenging to express ourselves in a calm, logical, and coherent way. We may not even realize the underlying emotions fueling our pain and frustration. For example, when my husband and I were first married, he would leave dirty clothes on the bathroom floor and dishes in the living room. Hearing my complaints, he assumed I was upset with the mess. My hurt went deeper. Because I assumed responsibility for maintaining our home, I felt devalued by his actions. Once he understood this, he was able to respond to my pain with the assurance and love I craved. 

    Young adults might exist in grown bodies, but their brains aren’t yet fully developed. Plus, they won’t be able to regulate intense emotions unless we’ve taught them to do so and have displayed how. Therefore, we can view tense conversations as opportunities to train and model healthier coping. We’ll also find that the more a person feels heard and understood, the safer and more loved they feel, which brings calm to their inner angst. 

    4. Seek and Follow God’s Lead

    I once read a social media graphic that said something to the effect of, “If you’re still upset after twenty-four hours, address it.” While I understand the sentiment of not allowing a hurt or “offense” to fester, I disagree with the timeline, especially when dysfunction has crept into a relationship. In my case, God had a lot of work to do within me before I’d see the situation with my daughter clearly enough to engage in difficult discussions. 

    I didn’t realize how many experiences from my past influenced my present perspective. But God knew. He saw the depth of both of our hearts—our hurts and insecurities—and how and where we most needed growth and transformation. Often, when I prayed, asking Him to heal our relationship, He shifted my focus onto myself and what He wanted to do in me in that moment. He routinely called me to focus not on my desired outcome but simply my very next step. 

    At one point, I sensed Him telling me that He was bringing me to a place where I would be okay, regardless of how others reacted to me or behaved. In other words, He was leading me to increased wholeness so that I could love others, my daughter included, more freely and fully. Yielding to Him during that season felt painful and frightening, especially since He didn’t give me any guarantees in regard to my daughter. But I can see now His faithfulness and perfect wisdom for every moment, the most challenging included. 

    5. Get Help

    Maya Angelou once said, “Do the best you can until you know better.” While I receive great comfort from her words, I still carry a lot of regret for the pain my ignorance caused. Borrowing from something counselor and author Gina Berkemeier once wrote, I tell my daughter often, “I wish I’d gotten help sooner.” I wish I’d been more aware of how generational patterns and wounds I experienced as a child impacted my parenting. 

    I wish I would’ve done the hard work, with professional help, to be the healthiest and most confident version of myself possible—prior to becoming a mom. Yet, while I carry regret for the wounds my learned dysfunction created, I’m incredibly grateful for where God has brought me—and my daughter and our relationship—now. I wouldn’t have reached this place on my own. I needed someone who loves Jesus and has years of relational education and experience that I lack. 

    I needed someone whose perspective of me and my situation wasn’t clouded by past hurts and the faulty thinking that came with them like I was. Both my daughter and I found such a resource in separate but equally Christ-led and wise counselors, and for that, I am beyond thankful. 

    6. Persevere

    I know parents who have been struggling relationally with their adult child for years and battle discouragement and fatigue. They fear God might never heal their relationship. Even sadder are those who quit trying after a couple of tense years. I don’t say that with judgment as I understand the natural desire to withdraw in self-protection. But I’m also the adult child of a parent who chose to disengage. That left an ache I’m not sure will ever go away. Never wanting my daughter to feel such rejection, I determined to fight for her, even if she continuously pushed me away.

    Thankfully, she’s a forgiving woman of God who persevered to bring increased health to our connection. But I hope, were she to have responded differently, I would’ve done all I could to ensure she knew that I would always strive to be her greatest fan and constant support.

    Please don’t mishear me. I’m not suggesting a parent enable unhealthy or abusive behaviors. Denying the truth isn’t love, nor does that help anyone, the wayward child included. But one can maintain appropriate boundaries, when necessary, while still communicating, “I am for you, now and always. And I’ll never stop praying for you, reaching for you, or longing to see you thrive.”     

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Daisy-Daisy

    Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and writers across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLoud.com.

    As the founder of Wholly Loved Ministries, she’s passionate about helping women experience Christ’s freedom in all areas of their lives. Visit her online to learn more about her speaking or to book her for your next women’s event  and sign up for her free quarterly newsletter HERE  and make sure to connect with her on Facebook and Instagram.

    Jennifer Slattery

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  • Is There a ‘Right’ Age for Your Child to Start Dating?

    Is There a ‘Right’ Age for Your Child to Start Dating?

    The question was dreaded, and my daughter waited patiently for her answer. She was ten years old. I may have had a heart attack. After a moment to calm myself, I first inquired why she was asking and was immediately relieved that she wasn’t of the mindset to start dating but that her friend in 4th grade had just announced she had a boyfriend. In addition to that, she reminded me that her cousin had been told she had to be sixteen before she could date.

    My response was to ask her the same questions. “How old do you think you should be before you start dating?”

    She opted for the typical sixteen, probably because that seems to be a norm in many families we’re around. Fast forward, and she’s well on her way to being fifteen, so hypothetically, we’re only about a year and a half away from the magical dating age of sixteen. We had a similar conversation the other day; only I initiated it.

    “So, are you going to start dating when you’re sixteen?”

    She stared at me in shock that I asked and then replied, “Why waste my time?”

    After I got done doing my secret happy dance in the kitchen and throwing broken spaghetti noodles as makeshift confetti, I realized that was an interesting response for a teenage girl to give. I called her back in and asked her why she’d reacted that way.

    “Well, it’s not like I’m going to get married when I’m sixteen. Not to mention, the whole dating thing seems to wreck friendships, and I’d rather not do that when there’s no end game to dating. I’ll wait until I’m older. Like maybe eighteen. When I can start thinking about the long-term.”

    It was all so practical and nonchalant; not the atypical teenager. So I’ll take it. But that brings me to my point. If you asked me today how old my daughter needs to be before I’m comfortable with her dating, I’d say she can make up her own mind at this point going forward. But that’s also because she’s shown a remarkable and, I believe, God-given amount of maturity when weighing the pros and cons of dating as a teenager. Her motivations for dating aren’t status, competition, emotional highs, or hormonal impulses. Right now, anyway, her motivations for dating are to find someone who shares her values, heart, and faith and has an end game in mind.

    So what is it about the magical age of sixteen? I think we’ve landed on applying an age to dating because it sets expectations and, in a way, gives us, as parents, an out for the younger years. Sixteen is the age at which kids begin to drive, often start being employed more consistently, and begin testing the waters more seriously for adulthood. I could make the argument that, based on those pressures alone, adding a relationship and dating is the perfect reason why sixteen is simply too young to date. But I won’t.

    Instead, the argument I’d like to make—or rather the challenge I’d like to put out there for parents—is to avoid the magic age of anything for dating. There’s a lot that goes into teenage relationships. Must I list the pressures? Physical affection, peer pressure, boy/girl dating drama in high school, the added elements of social media, photos, texting, and rumor-mongering, etc. That’s a lot to process as your brain is still developing into adulthood. And truly, what is the end game of a teenage dating relationship? I’ve known two sets of high-school sweethearts in my lifetime that got married. That’s not a strong statistic for a long-term probability of faithfulness.

    That being said, a parent may argue that teenage dating is for learning how to interact with the opposite gender in a relationship construct. They may say teenage dating isn’t meant to be for courtship or marriage, but instead, it’s just for fun, socialization, and the learning experience. And you could be right. I’m not here to argue for or against teenage dating but rather to help us determine the right age to start dating.

    So, as parents, let’s ask ourselves these questions instead:

    Does my child have a track record of integrity and self-control?

    Does my child have enough self-worth to say “no” when it’s needed and to stand up for themselves in the event of abuse, bullying, and so on?

    Does my child respect themself enough to be content as their own individual, or do they example a more needy personality that relies on another person for their contentedness, happiness, and self-worth?

    Does my child have the wherewithal to deny their own emotional impulses?

    Does my child have the ability to set healthy boundaries?

    Does my child have a clear idea of what they want and need in a boyfriend/girlfriend?

    And the list of questions goes on. I realize some of us are reading that list and thinking, “I’m not sure I even fulfill the proper answer to those questions!”

    Therein lies my point. Dating at any age is an ongoing learning process on how to balance relationships, healthy boundaries, faith, emotional and mental health, and spiritual consistency. So as your teenager is developing in these areas on their own, if they begin dating, they’ve now introduced another person into the equation of influencing their development. This can be very positive. It can be very negative. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer.

    And that’s really what it comes down to. I propose that there isn’t one right age for your child to begin dating. It might cause some family strife, but you may have one child who could start responsibly dating by the time they’re fifteen and the other not until they’re seventeen. Of course, once they’re eighteen, you’re pretty much out of luck enforcing anything, and some of us aren’t sure our twenty-some-year-olds should be dating yet.

    The key is helping prepare your children for dating. Taking that list of questions and being conscientious in helping them learn those qualities, establish those beliefs and philosophies, and build their own sets of boundaries.

    As someone who was in youth ministry for over twenty years, I saw far too many teenage dating relationships begin on the endorphin rush of “he/she is cute” and the adrenaline of being able to announce to peers that “I’m dating so and so.” Those relationships typically crash and burn fast, resulting in “cheating” (not even sexually, but when a boy texts another girl, cheating has occurred), and then the gossip and chatter begin among the peers, which only exacerbates the situation. I’ve also seen some healthy teenage dating relationships that didn’t end in marriage but maybe lasted eight months to a year. But those relationships had healthy boundaries the teenagers set for themselves and their parents set for them. Those teenagers also typically had healthy relationships with their parents and a foundational base of their own faith and self-esteem that they weren’t relying on their dating partner to create their value.

    So as a parent, be careful of choosing an “age” when dating is “okay.” Your teenager may not be ready yet, and when you get there, you might regret ever setting that criteria. On the flip side, your teenager may be mature and ready to explore relationships in a healthy way that isn’t detrimental to their development. It might seem a tad overbearing at that point to hold the age of 18 over them as the age they can choose to date and there’s no dating allowed as a teenager prior.

    Take your time to know your child. Take the time to instill values in them and truly ask yourself the questions that will help you identify if your child has reached the level of maturity to handle a relationship responsibly.

    Will there be break-ups? Most likely. Broken hearts? Probably. Mistakes made? Inevitably. But the foundation of your child plays a big part in how severe those -lys become. So be cautious of identifying one right age, and instead, identify your child’s character and maturity, and go from there.

    RELATED PODCAST:

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Rawpixel

    Jaime Jo Wright is an ECPA and Publisher’s Weekly bestselling author. Her novel “The House on Foster Hill” won the prestigious Christy Award and she continues to publish Gothic thrillers for the inspirational market. Jaime Jo resides in the woods of Wisconsin, lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures at jaimewrightbooks.com and at her podcast madlitmusings.com where she discusses the deeper issues of story and faith with fellow authors.

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  • How to Find Biblical Joy When You Think You’ve Failed As a Parent

    How to Find Biblical Joy When You Think You’ve Failed As a Parent

    “A mother is a chalice, the vessel without which no human being has ever been born. What a solemn responsibility. What an unspeakable privilege—a vessel divinely prepared for the Master’s use.” Elisabeth Elliot

    I do not think there is anything in this world that I have poured myself into as much as I poured myself into nurturing and raising my children. I read everything I could get my hands on that might help me be a better mom. I did not let anything get in the way of my being there for them. I worked hard to tune in, encourage them, share the gospel, tell them how much I loved them, and connect with them in any way I could. I was quick to ask for forgiveness when I sinned against them, and I tried to keep the lines of communication open so that they knew they could talk with me about anything whenever they needed to. For over 18 years, I woke up every day with the goal of being the best mom I could be.

    My children grew up and married exactly one year apart, and we entered a new season. It took a while to adjust and find a new rhythm, but we adjusted. I assumed that, since we had worked so hard to pour into our children as they grew up, we would move right into having a good relationship now that they were adults. I moved forward and continued to pour into them in new ways, thinking I was doing a decent job as a mom of adult kids and a mom-in-law. After all, I had read all the books, and I studied what I was supposed to do and not do.

    As the months went by, one thing led to another, and some honest, heart-to-heart talks with my children took place. Each of them shared openly about some things from their childhood and about their father and me that had affected them negatively. They wanted to talk about these things so that they could process them and so that we could work on some things together. It was needed. It was a good and healthy thing to do. Yes, I was grateful they could talk with us about these things, but I also grieved. Why? Because I felt like I had failed them.

    I had failed as a mom.

    Verses to Help You When You When You Think You’ve Failed As a Parent

    Colossians 2:13–14 “When you were dead in your sins…God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.”

    As hard as we try, it is impossible to be a perfect parent. We are going to sin against our children in some way. We are continuing to grow and mature as we raise them, and they will see our weaknesses and our sin. We can rest in the fact that God has forgiven our sins, and we humbly ask for forgiveness from our children for the ways we have let them down.

    2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, ”My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’sChrist’s power may rest on me.”

    We are not called to be perfect parents; we are called to boast about our weaknesses. God’s power takes weak parents and uses them anyway. His grace is there for us when we fail, and it is there for us when we are weak.

    Colossians 2:13–14 “When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.”

    We are not ” enough,” and we will never be “enough.” No matter how hard I tried, how much I poured out for the sake of my kids, and how much I read, it was not enough. I was not enough. But Christ IS more than enough. He gives me a fresh start each day and will continue to help me grow up until the day I go to be with him. He is the one who strengths me and enables me to ask for forgiveness from my children. He is the one that picks me up when I see all the ways that I have failed and strengthens me as I continue this parenting journey with adult children. I will never be enough. He will always be enough.

    What Good Comes When You Think You’ve Failed As a Parent

    • We have the opportunity to humbly admit to our children that we are weak people in the process of growth and learning and to ask for forgiveness for how we have failed them.
    • We are again reminded that anything good that might be seen in our lives, our children’s lives, or our family is only present because God is among us and is using us despite our weakness. He is the one doing the good work that needs to be done.
    • We have another reason to lean into God and receive his comfort and encouragement. He knew we would not be perfect parents and is there for us when we see our failures.

    Find Biblical Joy by Focusing on God

    Thank Him for Who He Is:

    Father, thank you for being Yahweh – “The Lord Who Heals.” Please pour out your grace on my children and enable them to process the things they need to process so they can be healed and used powerfully for your purposes – despite who their parents were!

    Thank Him for His Faithfulness:

    Father, you are faithful. Thank you for faithfully exposing my failures and reminding me that I will never be enough. Thank you for being more than enough! Thank you for using me in the lives of my children.

    Thank Him for His Promises:

    Father, thank you for your promises that your strength will empower me where I am weak and that you have chosen me to have the privilege of parenting two gifts from you, my children. Thank you for the promise that you will redeem my failure. Thank You that You have made me to be “a vessel divinely prepared for Your use.”

    Thank Him for His Provisions:

    Thank you for the wisdom you have provided me over the years as I raised my children and for all the ways you provided for them as they grew up. Help them to see clearly how you worked in their lives over the years and how uniquely you provided for them in every season of their lives.

    To learn more about how to choose biblical joy, check out my book “Everyday Prayers for Joy”!  

    For weekly encouragement on
    how to choose biblical joy in all circumstances, subscribe to “    Choose Biblical Joy Today” 

    This article is part of a series by Gina Smith on biblical joy. Here are more of her articles:

    How to Find Biblical Joy When You Have Been Treated Unfairly

    How to Find Biblical Joy When You Battle Depression

    Finding Biblical Joy in Loneliness

    How to Find Biblical Joy When Life Doesn’t Look the Way You Thought it Would

    Premium PDF Compilation – Finding Biblical Joy in the Midst of Trials

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Dean Mitchell

    Gina Smith is a writer and author. She has been married for 34 years to Brian, a college professor, and athletic trainer. For 25+ years she and her husband served on a Christian college campus as the on-campus parents, where Brian was a professor and dean of students. They reside right outside of Washington DC and are the parents of two grown children, one daughter-in-law, and one son-in-law. She recently authored her first traditionally published book Everyday Prayers for Joy, available everywhere books are sold. You can find Gina at the following:  Website:ginalsmith.com, Instagram, , and at Million Praying Moms, where she is a writer. 

    Gina Smith

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  • Six Things I Want My Daughters to Know

    Six Things I Want My Daughters to Know

    Having three daughters of various ages, all with their own unique make-up, personality, and set of skills, the emotional energy in our home is high and rather colorful. But don’t get me wrong. I love being a “girl mom.” God has slowly been working on my heart, giving me a fresh perspective with each new and emerging season. Thankfully, in time, I’ve not only grown in this role and learned to embrace it, but I can say that I truly appreciate it as well.

    Even still, I must admit I have much more to learn. Especially when my words fall short, my actions don’t always demonstrate my love for them, creating distance and tension. Sigh. Longing to have a special bond with them but knowing our relationship is naturally fragile, it often encounters a tidal wave of highs and lows.

    As I scroll through endless pictures on my phone and relive the past, I also notice they are growing up right before my eyes. When I glance at my oldest, I realize just how quickly time gets away from us, and I wonder how to seize these moments. I find myself asking, how can I etch truth in their hearts before they leave and make an imprint on this world?

    Maybe you also find yourself wishing you could freeze time and place precious truths into the pockets of your daughter’s heart. Oh, friend, you are not alone. Maybe together, we speak truths over our darling daughter’s hearts while slowly (and tearfully) releasing them into a world that desperately needs their shining and radiant light!

    So, when you are sitting on her bed at night, and she wants to spill the tea on her day, share your heart too. When you are traveling in the car, and she is catching up on her social life, casually work truths in. When you are eating dinner, shopping for a new dress, curling her hair, or have a spontaneous moment when she is receptive and listening, let her know, and tell her…

    1. You are SO Loved

    “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” –  John 15:9

    Sweet girl, you will come into dark seasons where you may forget your worth. You may even feel unlovable. People will hurt or disappoint you, leaving you to feel used or forgotten. Please know that where people will fail you, Jesus never ever will! His love for you is indescribable; you can always depend on Him! There is nothing you can do to make Him stop loving you! And just so you know, the same goes for me, dear daughter. I will always love you, no matter what.

    2. You Have a Purpose

    “’ For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” –  Jeremiah 29:11

    Unfortunately, our plans don’t always pan out. We can pray about them, talk about them ad nauseum, hope, and dream about our heart’s desires, but sometimes that isn’t what God wants for us. Just remember God’s plans are always better. They may not make sense or even come with disappointment or pain, but His will and ways are always for our own good. Remember, His timing is perfect. His way is perfect, and His will for you is what you need to pray for. Let God lead your dreams, hopes, and desires, and watch what He does!

    3. Your Choices Matter

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

    Every choice you make (big or small) will have some sort of impact on your life. You choose to play from the friends you allow in your life to the sports. Sometimes you will make good choices, and unfortunately, there will be times that you do not. Guilt and shame will be wrapped in those decisions. Eventually, they can lead you to believe things that aren’t true. This is where you must get in tune with discerning the pull of the Holy Spirit. Think and pause before you make a decision. Most importantly, allow God to lead you to the right paths and trust Him with every decision you make.

    4. You Will Fail…And That’s Okay 

    “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

    This may be hard to hear, but you will fail and mess up. You will make a decision that goes against the foundation set before you. You will know and feel it, yet may still choose to do it. This will break my heart. I may even grow angry or upset. But the truth is, you may fall and even fail, but that is not where you have to stay! You always have the choice to get back up and take ownership of your choice with grace and dignity. The point is you may fail, but you don’t have to be defeated. Grace, forgiveness, and freedom come with letting go and giving it to God. 

    5. Your Beauty Will Radiant from Within

    “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

    It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the world’s standard of beauty, especially as it is plastered everywhere and easily found by scrolling your phone. Not to mention quickly falling into the comparison trap as you notice pretty girls at school or take notice of celebrities and their traits, wondering if you can somehow achieve the same. Pinterest may offer a slew of information on enhancing your eyes or clearing your skin, but it’s not the form of beauty you should be chasing after. It will never be enough at some point, so please don’t fall for it! Beauty is found in the girl that takes care of her heart. The one that shows compassion and gentleness to others. The one that embraces her femininity and honors her body with modesty. The one that takes care of herself from the inside out. You are so beautiful, sweet girl, always remember that!

    6. You Are Meant to Stand Apart

    “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

    The world is so loud! Many lies will come after your fragile heart. It will declare things that go against God and His Word. If you are unsure of right or wrong, stay tuned in by getting involved in a Bible study, seek fellowship, and search out mentors who can walk beside you and lead and guide you. You were not meant to be a part of this world or conform to its radical ways. Rather, you were made to be set apart! You were bought with a price and therefore serve a valuable purpose. So, your life will look and feel different, and it’s supposed to. Don’t fear standing alone or standing up for what is noble, true, good, and righteous. Seek God first and His will; from that, let your love for Him shine through as you love others.

    A Prayer for My Daughters

    Faithful Father,
    Thank you for the precious gift of each of my daughters. Please come alongside each of us as we grow in our relationship with You and bond with one another. Help lead and guide me as their mom to offer sound wisdom with strong conviction and carry that out with gentleness and compassion. 

    Lord, I ask that You be with my daughters as they grow into the women You call them to be. Etch in their heart the unwavering love You have for them. Help them seek Your will and way, offer discernment, and remind them who they are in You alone. Give them a passion to live boldly for You, and always to remember who they are as Your beloved daughter. Amen. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/IvanJekic

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

    Alicia Searl

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  • 7 Scriptures That Show How Important Grandparents Are

    7 Scriptures That Show How Important Grandparents Are

    One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.

    Back in the day, when our family would get together at my husband’s grandparent’s house, his grandpa would sit at the head of the table and randomly burst into song. I can still picture him singing, “Victory in Jesus, my Savior forever,” as he invited everyone at the table to join in. It’s an image of him I’ll never forget.

    As one generation commends the mighty works of the Lord to another, the messages of faith, hope, and love are passed on. I can’t think of a more impactful way for grandparents to leave their imprint on their extended families.

    Let’s be so inspired by the wonderful works of the Lord, we cannot help but declare them!

    Gracious God,
    How marvelous are Your works on our behalf. We praise You today. Thank You for motivating us to declare Your mighty acts to our family members. There is no doubt, Father, that You love and value us as grandparents. Help our families to recognize our importance as well. In Jesus’ precious name, amen.

    Jennifer Waddle considers herself a Kansas girl, married to a Colorado hunk, with a heart to encourage women everywhere. She is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Tom Merton

    Jennifer Waddle

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  • 5 Detrimental Things Parents Should Not Say to Their Adult Children

    5 Detrimental Things Parents Should Not Say to Their Adult Children

    As sad as it can be, our parents can say really hurtful things to us. Since our parents are also sinful, fallen human beings, they are capable of getting caught up in frustration, anger, and selfishness, saying things that can damage our hearts and perspectives on who we are. Whether intentional or not, many things can be detrimental to us, even as adults. If you are a parent or soon-to-be parent, it is important to know what not to say. 

    1. “You’re Not Good Enough”

    One detrimental thing parents shouldn’t ever say to their adult children is, “You’re not good enough.” This simple statement can cause a myriad of negative emotions to storm out through our hearts. While this statement shouldn’t be said by anyone to anyone, it is commonly spoken to adult children by their parents. Maybe a parent’s child didn’t finish college, had a high school pregnancy, or got mixed up in drugs. In the parent’s eyes, their kid made too many mistakes, caused too much hurt, and will never be good enough.

    While this is sad, it is all too common. If your parents have told you you’re not good enough, know they are wrong. You are good enough, and you are dearly loved by the Creator of the world. Your parents have no right telling you something so terrible because you are, in fact, enough because of Jesus. Everyone is enough, and everyone is loved by the Lord. Even if our parents can’t see it, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

    You are good enough just as you are. Despite your past, you are enough because of Jesus. Many people will try to keep us in a state of self-hate with the mean things they say to us, but we don’t have to listen to them. Often, they are speaking from a place of unresolved hurt and bitterness. I understand it is hurtful when parents say mean things to you, but don’t let it dictate how you see yourself. Even when our fathers and mothers forsake us, the Lord will receive us (Psalm 27:10). 

    If you are a parent and you have told your child they are not good enough, know that this may cause a permanent rift between you and your child. You need to apologize and seek out ways to help your child know they are good enough. However, it might be that your child will no longer trust you with their feelings and not listen to what you have to say because you have hurt them. If this is the case, allow your child to mourn the hurt you have inflicted, give them time, and continue to share the love you have for them. 

    We live in flawed bodies, which means trust, once broken, can take time, patience, and grace to restore. 

    2. “I Wish You Were More Like Your Sister/Brother”

    A third detrimental thing parents should not say to their adult children is, “I wish you were more like your sister/brother.” While my mother never directly told me she wished I was like my sisters, the message was conveyed by other means. Remarks such as “Why can’t you do as well as your sister?” or “Why can’t you pay attention like your sister?” were common in my life. By always being compared to my two older sisters, I was never going to win.

    Since this happened, it made me hate who I was. Deep inside, I felt as though I needed to be more like my sisters, and then my mom would like me. Turns out, I can’t be like my sisters because they are their own unique individuals, and I’m my own unique me. I’m sorry my mother couldn’t understand this, but her remarks about wanting me to be more like my sisters caused self-hatred to develop in my soul. Even as adults, we can be hurt by these words.

    If you have been told to be more like your sister or brother, know that you’re not alone. My heart goes out to you, and I want you to know that you are uniquely you for a reason. There is no one like you on the entire planet. God doesn’t make mistakes, and He certainly didn’t make a mistake when He created you. He loves you, and there are many others who love you too. 

    3. “Why Aren’t You Married Yet?”

    A third detrimental thing parents shouldn’t say to their adult children is, “Why aren’t you married yet?” Another harmful question is, “So when are you going to have my grandchildren?” These can be hurtful remarks for many reasons. It could be your child isn’t ready for marriage, doesn’t want to get married, wants to get married but hasn’t found anyone yet, or recently went through a bad breakup. If your child is married but hasn’t had children, consider the financial, mental, emotional, and even biological roadblocks that might hinder or slow down this process. Since a myriad of things could cause why your adult child isn’t married or starting a family, these aren’t things that need to be commented on. Instead of making comments such as these, ask your child about their weekend, an upcoming vacation, or a book they’ve been reading.

    The very question of “Why aren’t you married yet?” is insensitive and hurtful. If your parents have asked you that question and you felt deeply hurt, know that you’re not alone. You might have felt hurt for one of the reasons I listed above or maybe you felt hurt because of another reason. Know that your reason is valid and that your parents shouldn’t have asked you this question. Whether you want to get married or not, this can be a hurtful question that can leave you wondering if your parents even care about your feelings. 

    4. “You Look Terrible! Maybe You Should Lose Some Weight”

    A fourth detrimental thing parents shouldn’t say to their adult children is, “You look terrible! You should lose weight/gain weight/get out more/etc.!” This is probably one of the worst things you can say to your adult children because it implies that their physical appearance weighs heavier than other aspects of their life. Whether your child lost or gained weight, don’t make imperative statements regarding how they look. 

    Instead, consider asking questions about how your child is feeling and doing regarding work, relationships, and church. Often, how we treat our bodies reflects how our souls feel. As a parent, you should understand your child and give them the same respect you would give anyone else, placing their spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being above their physical appearance. Would you want someone commenting if you had weight gain? Lost too much weight? Or looked like you hadn’t slept in weeks? Most of us would say no. As the old saying goes, “think before you speak,” especially regarding your adult children.  

    5. “I Regret You”

    A fifth detrimental thing parents shouldn’t say to their adult children is, “I regret you.” This is extremely hurtful on many irreecoverable levels. Often, this statement might be exchanged in the heat of an argument when people are saying things they truly don’t mean. If you are a parent to adult children, remember to always watch your words, even when you are angry—even when you have a right to be angry. Even a careless word spoken in anger can do horrible damage to your child. Watch your words when you are angry, and if you are upset, give yourself some time to simmer down before starting a conversation on the same topic.

    Children, adults or youth, don’t want to hear that their parents regret them. That’s almost the same as saying, “I hate you.” It is best to watch our words and refrain from saying anything that can be hurtful. If your parents have told you they regret you, rest in knowing that your Heavenly Father loves you, and He never regrets you. He wants to have a relationship with you and surround you with His love. If you are a parent who has told your child you regret them, understand that they might not be open to restarting a relationship with you. It might be that they permanently separate themselves from you. You can try to open the conversation up again. However, you must know that your child may not want to speak to you anymore because of the hurt and pain. 

    Respect their healing process. Love them through prayer; understand them from a healthy distance. Through God’s grace, ask for a chance at restoration. Our God is truly a God of second chances. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/evgenyatamanenko

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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