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Tag: Cally Logan

  • How to Find Healing After a Friendship Breakup

    How to Find Healing After a Friendship Breakup

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    Breakups of any kind are rarely without heartache of some kind. When someone has journeyed through a season or multiple seasons of life, and then you are left to face a future without them, it can feel jarring and a bit burdensome. When a breakup occurs with a friend, especially a best friend, it can be hard to know how to move on, adjust, and do life without someone you once called your dearest friend. Breakups of this sort are not easy, but there is hope for a future ahead, even one that feels so unknown.

    An Unexpected Split

    When it comes to a romantic relationship, there is almost a fail-safe within that guards one’s heart that there is potential for the relationship to end. In a platonic relationship, that protective barrier is rarely placed upon one’s heart because there is no thought or expectation that the friendship should end. Romantic partners will come and go, but you never expect a friend to depart from your life, so when an unexpected split does occur, it can feel worse than a romantic split. In the Bible, we see a friendship that experienced a bond different than one would have with a romantic partner; one that was rooted and tied by souls. 1 Samuel 18:1 shares, “The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” David and Jonathan experienced a rich friendship bond by oath and commitment; many of us would resonate with such a relationship. When a relationship like that is broken or severed, it can feel earth-shattering in terms of how to move on or continue in a new normal.

    The New Normal

    Much like habits, people become part of our routine. Perhaps the friendship you lost was one where you called them every night as you prepared dinner, or you would share every little detail of your life with them. When that friendship is no longer there, and that daily practice of communing with them is no longer present, it can feel as if your life has been ripped away. You must cultivate a new normal, one without that person that was once a core facet of your existence. Fostering a new normal will take you out of your comfort zone, but it is a good place to entwine with God and learn how He would desire your days to run. It may feel like a replacement at first, but in time, you will find that this new normal can be one you enjoy just as much, if not more, because it is designed by God and you. Setting in the place of what once was a good and healthy practice will not melt away your memories of the past, but it will help you move forward into the new now. A new normal is rarely what we desire, but it does not have to be something you will not one day come to enjoy.

    Taking Time to Heal

    Much of the journey onward after a split with a close companion requires space and time devoted to healing. This healing may come through counseling with a trained therapist, and there is nothing wrong with seeking mental health assistance during a difficult time. Having a third party offer input may allow you to see your role in the split, the unhealthy or toxic aspects of the former relationship, or other details that provide understanding and perspective for how things resulted in how they did. Healing also deeply thirsts for time spent with God. Only in and through that time with God can we experience true healing on a soul level. God may reveal to you during this time things previously unknown to you or offer comfort in what lies ahead. The friendship that no longer exists is much like a death, and taking time for mourning can benefit you in the way of not holding on to the pain that the death bore.

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    Forgiveness

    Forgiveness is another key aspect when it comes to healing and moving on. It has been said that it “takes two to tango,” and in the process of moving into a life without a person who was once so dear, you will find that you play back in your mind conversations, experiences, and parts of the friendship. You may find that you must forgive yourself for your own actions that played a role in the decline of the friendship and forgiveness towards the other person for how they hurt you. Remember the wisdom given in Ephesians 4:31-32: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Invite God into this process and allow Him to work within you to truly forgive all those who were involved.

    Releasing Them to God

    Ultimately, you will need to release the person to God in order to progress into what life holds for you next. Some friends serve a purpose to be in your life for a season, and some for the duration of your life. Though we may not always understand why, we must trust that God had a purpose, plan, and precise timing for that person in our life. If they do not come with you into the next chapter of your life, it could be for a reason far above our understanding, and in that case, we must trust that God knows what is best in His perfect timing. Work through the anger, the hurt, and the feelings that have ensued since the split of the relationship, and then take your hands off the situation and leave them at His feet. You may not know until Heaven why things unfolded as they did, but continuously pray to be aligned in heart and mind with Him and let Him have the pen in writing your story, including the characters in every season. Remember, above all else, we have an intercessor, a friend, and a true confidant who will never leave us in the Lord.

    Friendship That Doesn’t End with God

    Humans will fail you, but God does not. John 14:26 shares the truth that God does not leave us, “But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you.” Some translations call the Holy Spirit a helper or a friend, and we are never left without Him. This is why it is vital not to form our deepest relationships with human beings but with God. He is the only One who will never leave, forsake, or abandon you, and He is for all seasons of life here on earth and in Heaven. God graciously gives us companions on this side of Heaven to walk through life with, but some of those relationships are not meant to last a lifetime. Rely on His wisdom and what He sees behind closed doors, and trust the people He brings in and out of your life. Remember that you are never truly alone, and although the loss of a friend can sting bitterly, that pain will not last forever.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Paolo Cordoni

    Cally Logan is an author and US History teacher from Richmond, Virginia. In her free time, she enjoys mentoring youth and spending time in nature. She is the author of Hang on in There, Girl! and Dear Future Husband: A Love Letter Journey While Waiting for God’s Best. Check her out on Instagram and Twitter, @CallyLogan and TikTok Cally_Logan. 

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    The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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  • Does God Care about My Happily Ever After?

    Does God Care about My Happily Ever After?

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    “The heart is deceitful above all things” is laid out in Jeremiah 17:9; many of us have found that statement to be the truth and reality in the way of romance. The story for many of us in following our hearts is that the result is not a happily ever after but loneliness, heartbreak, and despair. With that being the case for so many stories, where then can we find our hope to go on, and can God really give us a second chance in love?

    It is a common phrase on journals and coffee mugs, and it is a common action that we, as headstrong humans, take the metaphorical pen into our own hands to write our own story, to design our own lives as we see fit. No one sets out to write a tragedy in their own life, and no one desires to see things go amuck, but often the result of taking that pen into your own hand is an unhappy ending. We live in a fallen world, and as such, sin and temptation can enter the scene, resulting in an outcome we did not foresee or account for when we took said pen. That leads us to question, is the story over yet? Can God redeem even this?

    When God Writes the Story

    Psalm 37:4 is another common coffee mug phrase, but one that holds real hope that can result in dreams come true. The dreams that come true are not limited to what you can dream up or imagine but can be far greater, for they are the dreams of the Dream Giver and Dream Maker. In Psalm 37:4, the Psalmist conveys to “delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart,” which we must flesh out to properly understand and take into action. When we delight ourselves in the Lord, we are no longer limiting ourselves to the finite boundaries of our own understanding. We are surrendering over our hearts, minds, and wills to the only One we can truly trust: God. Delighting in God means finding our hope and salvation not in the things of this earth or what we may receive on the other side but rather in the exuberant and incomparable joy that is knowing our Creator intimately. It is then that we allow Him to shift and change our hearts to desire that which He plants in our hearts to desire and wait in hopeful expectation that He will bring forward fruit from those seeds. When God writes the story, there is also a peace that is deeply within that the marriage of His will and His best is one and the same.

    Redeeming What Was Lost

    For many of us, the idea of receiving God’s best after such a mess seems like a faraway concept that could never be a reality, but with God, all things are possible. Romans 8:28 inspires us with great hope in sharing, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.”

    God can work in all things, not just the ones we consider redeemable, worthy, or fixable. Even the worst acts we have committed, even the messiest stories we have held a role in, and even the ugliest stories can be redeemed and used when God enters the scene. Nothing is far enough beyond His reach for use, nothing at all. This can also be true of love, but can you believe that to be the case for you too?

    Restoring What Was Lost

    Recently when I was in church, I felt a gentle whisper offer a verse to me to consider and ponder in my heart, Joel 2:25. Joel 2:25 offers, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.” I felt challenged to ask myself if I believe that God can redeem, restore, and rebuild what has been eaten in my life. Although I do not know your story, I can attest in my own that there have been mistakes made, I have trusted the wrong people, and I have had deeply precious things stolen from me over the years. In that verse and in that musing within my heart, I felt an invitation not to let that which has been taken, misused, or destroyed be the final word, but instead to allow God into those tender and broken places within my own life and story. God wants to redeem all things, restore all things, and repay all losses in your life, even the things we consider eternal losses.

    Setting the Order Right

    How can we then allow God to fix what has been so terribly broken or lost? We must begin with setting the order of things right by giving God back His proper place as first. God ought to be our first love, for if He is not first, He is last. If we place anything before God, be it a relationship, person, or desire, if it comes before God, it is an idol. The thing about idolatry is once one thing comes between you and God, the list will go on and on, so God becomes last on the list. Before anything else, we must return to that heart’s cry of a return to Eden in a deeply intimate one-on-one relationship with God, where He is forever and always first. Once there, then in His way, in His timing, and by His hand, all other aspects and pieces of life will be put into place because He is the writer and story maker. You will also find that your joy no longer depends on something you may lose, for you will never lose the Lord. He is the Rock Eternal, where you can place all hope and trust. Let God be first and see all that comes after being set into the proper place.

    Will you let God have the pen to write your happily ever after? When it comes to human relationships, God knows what His best is for you and who you really need. If God can fashion Eve as a custom-fit rib and help mate for Adam, can He not do the same for you? Even if you have found yourself married before and divorced, even if you have given away aspects of yourself and even your own name, believe that God can restore and redeem, it is not too far gone. Ask God to forgive you for the mistakes you made without Him and instead give you what He desires to give you. Ask God who He considers His best for you, and boldly trust Him as He directs and guides you moving forward, even if it doesn’t all make sense and even if it takes a bold leap of faith. Your story isn’t too far gone, and it is not over yet, but can you believe that for yourself, can you forgive yourself, and can you allow God to write your ending? For with God, all things are possible, and with God happily ever after is already a truth because He is our happiest ever after of all.

    Photo credit: ©Álvaro Serrano

    Cally Logan is an author and US History teacher from Richmond, Virginia. In her free time, she enjoys mentoring youth and spending time in nature. She is the author of Hang on in There, Girl! and Dear Future Husband: A Love Letter Journey While Waiting for God’s Best. Check her out on Instagram and Twitter, @CallyLogan and TikTok Cally_Logan. 

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