Tag: bully

There’s always at least one in every office. The employee who regales everyone with crude jokes. They are full of gratuitous insults or off-color commentary. Research shows that a shocking 80% of employees say their workplace is toxic. 

You might try to just ignore this co-worker and “be the bigger person.” Perhaps, you avoid them, fake a smile, or use up your own valuable mental resources and actually befriend the bully. What’s easy to forget, however, is that silence is not strategy—it’s permission. 

Dealing with toxic people

There’s some good news. Dealing with toxic people in the workplace doesn’t have to be as hard as you might think. Like with the playground bully, sometimes all it takes is to shine some light on their actions. In the workplace, the trick is to select the appropriate person to light up in order to have the greatest leverage. 

As it happens, I wrote an entire book about dealing with toxic people: Wait, I’m Working With Who?!? However, here are a couple particularly effective tips for dealing with the jerks and toxic people in your office or on the other side of that Zoom call. 

Indirect intervention 

Bombarding a difficult person with complaints will only make them defensive and cause them to circle the wagons against you. A more subtle and healthier intervention is the indirect version. It works particularly well when the behavior is annoying the entire group or in a social setting. 

Let’s say someone from a different department—a friend of one of the members of your team—joins one of your meetings. Then, they start making crass or inappropriate comments. Call them out for their bad behavior right then and there, neutralizing the situation—a.k.a., a direct intervention. Then, take your employee aside after the meeting and explain how that kind of behavior is not tolerated on the team. Ask them to convey that message to their friend from the other department. 

Why does this work? Simple. The jerk will be more likely to listen and change their behavior when it comes from someone whose opinion they value and want to impress. They might be willing to tell you to get lost, but they’re a lot less likely to do the same to a friend or acquaintance. 

Escalation 

If the difficult person is a coworker and the behavior continues even after you tried a calm, direct conversation, it’s time to start going up the chain. Talking to your supervisor in private is not “ratting them out.” Instead, it’s professional escalation. 

Escalating a problem (one you should document, by the way) to your manager or higher-ups is by far the most effective way to effect change and stamp out bad behavior. By doing so, you’re going directly to the person who has the most vested interest and power to stop it. You’ve already done the hard part by documenting your case. Now you are going through the most effective organizational route to get something done.  

It’s not the playground anymore. Be an adult. Speak up. 

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