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Tag: Britney Spears Kevin Federline

  • Britney Spears Not So Coincidentally Releases “Scary” to Streaming Platforms Ahead of Kevin Federline’s “Tell-All”

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    While Britney Spears may not have released an album since 2016 (which means she’s going mano a mano with Rihanna in terms of retreating from music for almost a decade now), it doesn’t mean she’s lacking for material to keep unleashing onto the masses. Which is why, every now and again, her “team” will put out some proverbial “from the vault” tracks. As they did on October 16th with an official streaming platform release of “Scary,” which originally only appeared on the Japanese deluxe edition of Femme Fatale. And, despite the eyebrow-raising about Spears’ overall “withdrawal” from participating in the songwriting or music production process of that record, it does bear noting that she actually did write the lyrics to “Scary” (along with Fraser T Smith and Kasia Livingston).

    In truth, the lyrics have Spears’ stamp all over it. Not just in terms of the “parlance” at play, but because it could also be said that Spears, at one point in her life, might have applied the following verse to Kevin Federline: “Baby, I don’t know/How I’m gonna survive/This fatal attraction/It’s gonna eat me alive/I’m not supposed to want ya/But I do like I die/It’s turned me into a monster/Like I’m Jekyll and Hyde.”

    To be sure, it was a “fatal attraction” for Spears, whose more than somewhat impetuous decision to marry Federline after roughly five months of dating (the two had been together for three months prior to announcing their engagement in July of 2004, then got married in September of that year) has resulted in a lifetime of hell in exchange for just under three years of marriage. A marriage that, according to Spears, Federline spent most of abandoning her in favor of late nights out on the town while she stayed home tending to their newborns, with Sean and Jayden born just one year apart (the former in September 2005 and the latter in September 2006).

    So, in truth, the only “monster”/“Jekyll and Hyde” behavior was coming from Federline, who seemed to turn on Spears just when she needed a trustworthy and reliable companion the most. Instead, Federline has proven that he will bite the hand that feeds him over and over again, having opted to release a “tell-all” memoir called, cringily enough, You Thought You Knew. The implication being that the public thought they knew the full extent of Spears’ “shenanigans,” both back when they were married and in subsequent years when it came to her being around their children.

    Naturally, the release of such a book has probably been a long time coming, yet only took this long because Federline is finally off Spears’ payroll (indeed, the timing of its release is no coincidence at all on that front). Besides, this is the same person who released videos that were taken unbeknownst to Spears by her own sons when they were each eleven and twelve. Videos meant to imply she’s a “crazy” and “unhinged” mother. And no, they don’t make her look very “flattering,” but it’s certainly not out of the realm of “parenting behavior” to scold one’s children for things like going into a store without shoes on (yes, ironic when considering that Spears herself had a “no shoes on at the gas station” phase). Even so, the media took the bait, reporting on the videos just after Spears had gotten out of her conservatorship (at the end of 2021; Federline posted the videos in August of 2022). And also just after she had married Sam Asghari.

    The callous action prompted Nicki Minaj to state on her Queen Radio podcast, “Do you understand what kind of a clown you have to be to be a whole grown fucking man, and as soon as you see somebody happy and getting married and moving on and being free and feeling good in their own skin, to do the very thing that you know is going to attempt to ‘break them down,’ going to the media… You know, only cowards use the media against a famous person who they once loved, they procreated with, um, they’re being taken care of by. Using the person’s fame as this constant ‘gotcha’ moment… How dare you?” Minaj then added of Jayden and Sean’s involvement, “They’re kids, they don’t know how detrimental this is. But you know, cocksucker. Leave her the fuck alone” (a sentiment she has since repeated in the wake of Federline releasing his book of lies).

    Alas, Federline cannot seem to do that. Not only releasing his “tell-all,” which includes accounts of Spears taking cocaine while breastfeeding (as if) and having an affair with a woman (okay, sure), but also going on any and every outlet that will take him to do interviews about it. Yes, it’s all very “scary” indeed. With Spears having no recourse but to actually comment on the whole thing, posting a statement on her Instagram that read, “What’s scary [that’s right, scary] is he’s convincing. It literally blows my mind the moments he stops before he cries. Are you fucking serious?” Unfortunately, yes, Federline seems to think he is. And while Spears might have been overexaggerating when she added, “I know his book will sell loads more than mine” (for there’s no way Federline would be capable of selling over two million copies of his schlock), it’s natural for her to fear that. Because both Federline and her own family have conditioned her to feel such fear for decades. And maybe, at the time when “Scary” was written, this fear was part of what she was tapping into—in addition to tapping into being scared by her own amorous feelings for another (once upon a time, K-Fed).

    As she repeats “so scary” around the one-minute, twenty-three-second mark, use of the theremin instrument is designed to play up the “spook” factor (and yes, theremins are also used in the background of movies or TV shows to denote the cliché sound associated with aliens [side note: Spears also has a song called “Alien”—wherein a version of the theremin sound is employed at the beginning]). It’s the same sound also used in Megan Thee Stallion’s own song called “Scary” (released on her 2022 album, Traumazine). And, to be sure, there ought to be a mashup of these two tracks.

    In another moment of eeriness, Spears sings, “You’re taking over my mind.” Although intended to speak from the perspective of someone who can’t stop thinking about the object of their affection, it instead reminds the listener of the effective “mind control” those behind Spears’ conservatorship had over her. Constantly manipulating her with the threat of limiting access to her children. So no wonder she also adds the following verses to “Scary”: “I wanna take over your body like like like it’s freaky Friday” (amazingly, Lindsay Lohan didn’t glom onto that phrase by posting it somewhere, desperate as she is to call out her “enduring relevance” in pop culture) and “I wanna take you to a dark place/Make you, make you, make you do it my way.” Again, these lyrics might be meant as “sexual” within the context of the song, but when taken out of it, they seem to be echoing Spears’ not-so-subconscious urge to engage in some payback at that time. Wanting to take possession of others the way they had taken possession of her, all in a bid to break free.

    So, sure, some can try to say that the release of “Scary” to streaming is timed for Halloween/“spooky season.” But the only thing that’s really spooky for Britney this season is the constant reanimation of what should have remained a spectral part of her past: Kevin Federline.

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • “Please Please Please” As A Theme Song For Britney Spears’ Dating History

    “Please Please Please” As A Theme Song For Britney Spears’ Dating History

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    Perhaps of all the celebrity women who can relate to a song like Sabrina Carpenter’s “Please Please Please,” Britney Spears is the most equipped to do so. Even though it seemed like, at the beginning of her career, the “dating gods” smiled upon her with someone who was as then cachet-laden as Justin Timberlake. That notion didn’t last very long. What’s more, although Timberlake’s behavior and aesthetic should have been embarrassing at the time, it was instead the height of late 90s/early 00s cool (obviously, retroactive embarrassment caught up). Complete with Timberlake’s signature yellow “ramen hair” and, yes, the blaccent that Spears trolls so well in her 2023 memoir, The Woman in Me. 

    During their approximately three-year relationship, Spears was still in a cushioned period of being “America’s sweetheart.” Alas, once the two broke up and Timberlake went on what amounted to a “she’s a slut” campaign (or, as Spears put it, she was portrayed “as a harlot who’d broken the heart of America’s golden boy”), everything changed for Spears. The media attention she was getting only got worse and worse in terms of fixating on her “skanky” clothing choices and her so-called “bad girl behavior.” And it seemed that Spears, in part, simply decided to fulfill the image that the public had of her—in short, to give the people what they wanted.

    Thus, her first fling after Timberlake (if one doesn’t count the dalliance that catalyzed their breakup, Wade Robson) was none other than Irish bad boy Colin Farrell (whose image has softened since that era). Granted, Spears wouldn’t have described it as a fling. Instead, she noted, “Brawl is the only word for it. We were all over each other, grappling so passionately it was like we were in a street fight.”

    Although that brawl was short-lived, it didn’t take Spears long to find another fling opportunity that she tried to parlay into “till death do us part”: Jason Alexander. As the media ribbed at the time, no, it wasn’t George Costanza that Spears had eloped with, but some backwater childhood friend she found herself in Las Vegas with during a post-New Year’s Eve bender. “Forever” was hardly the word for their fifty-five hour marriage though. And Spears’ parents were quick to swoop in and do “damage control” by demanding that she get the marriage annulled.

    And so, by early 2004, despite Spears’ scant “body count” on the dating history scene, everything had thus far fallen into place to align with the Carpenter-penned plea, “Please, please, please/Don’t prove I’m right/And please, pleasе, please/Don’t bring me to tеars when I just did my makeup so nice/Heartbreak is one thing, my ego’s another/I beg you, don’t embarrass me, motherfucker, oh.”

    Unfortunately, Spears had yet to endure her biggest embarrassment of all: Kevin Federline. And just a few months after her drunken two-day marriage to Alexander, she would meet the odious “K-Fed,” arguably the worst thing that ever happened to Spears in terms of affecting her trajectory and leading it straight to a sham conservatorship. After beginning their torrid romance in the spring of 2004, Spears and Federline would be married on September 18, 2004 (though the marriage wouldn’t technically be legal until October 6, after the prenup was finalized).

    The ceremony itself was a surprise to the guests who had been invited under the pretense that it was an engagement party. But lo and behold, Spears instead offered her guests a wedding befitting of her “Southern trash” vibe at the time. This extended to a menu of chicken fingers, fries and ribs, as well as having everyone change into matching pink Juicy Couture tracksuits once the (faulty) vows had been made. 

    The honeymoon period with K-Fed was quickly over after the back-to-back births of their Virgo children, Sean Preston (September 14, 2005) and Jayden James (September 12, 2006). It seemed Federline was more interested in going out and partying than staying home and raising a family (cue the lyrics, “Well, I have a fun idea, babe/Maybe just stay inside/I know you’re cravin’ some fresh air, but the ceiling fan is so nice”). This revelation dawned on Spears after it was already too late. The disappointment of the marriage, coupled with her postpartum depression, made for a lethal mental health combination. Ergo, all the stars aligned to paint her as having a “breakdown” (or, in other words, a normal reaction to the shit that was going on in her life). By November of ‘06, she had filed for divorce from Federline, just two months after the birth of her second son. 

    In the wake of Federline, there were more “randos” in between, including her AA drug counselor, John Sundahl, and paparazzo Adnan Ghalib, who Spears met soon after shaving her head on February 16, 2007. That relationship lasted until 2008…because, under the rules of the conservatorship, Spears’ dating life would be much more closely monitored. Something Jason Trawick didn’t seem to mind. That Trawick was already Spears’ agent seemed to indicate to Jamie Spears that he had her “best” “business interests” in mind at all times. Maybe that’s why he suspiciously made Trawick a co-conservator in 2012 (yet another reason many speculated him to be a “plant” in Spears’ life). Then there were the subsequent rando pairings of David Lucado (who cheated on her, quelle surprise) and Charlie Ebersol. This brings us to 2016, when Sam Asghari entered the fray after meeting Spears on the video shoot for “Slumber Party.”

    While it seemed, for a time, as though Asghari might not be a shitheel ultimately using Spears as his cash cow like everyone else, things gradually revealed themselves to be slightly more sinister. That Asghari was also an aspiring actor only makes the following Carpenter verse all the more eerie: “I know I have good judgment, I know I have good taste/It’s funny and it’s ironic that only I feel that way/I promise ’em that you’re different and everyone makes mistakes/But just don’t/I heard that you’re an actor, so act like a stand-up guy.” Needless to say, Asghari did not. And Spears has since moved on to one of her worst selections yet: Paul Richard Soliz.

    Hired as a “handyman,” of sorts, on her payroll, Soliz has a criminal record and possesses the same “deadbeat dad” aura of K-Fed. Whether or not Spears has learned her lesson and is just using him to fulfill her fetish for “felon dick” instead of actually trying to turn it into a serious relationship remains to be seen. But maybe, at this point, she knows better than to bother delivering the silent prayer, “I beg you, don’t embarrass me, motherfucker.” Her long-running taste in men pretty much seals the promise of that embarrassment. Which is why Spears might also be thinking to herself, “And we could live so happily if no one knows that you’re with me.”

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • If Only Britney Spears’ Sons Were As Protective and Supportive As Pamela Anderson’s

    If Only Britney Spears’ Sons Were As Protective and Supportive As Pamela Anderson’s

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    It hasn’t taken many people long to notice an unfortunate comparison between how Pamela Anderson’s two sons treat their mother versus Britney Spears’ (with Spears herself even making the connection)—poisoned against their matriarch from an early age, thanks to spending most of their time with Kevin “Meat Pole” Federline. That Anderson’s body was and is the source of giving so many men (and women) orgasms around the world might make less evolved blokes related to her uncomfortable, and yet, it was her oldest son, Brandon Lee, who was determined to make a documentary that would “set the record straight” about his mother while candidly telling the story of their family, to boot. Called Pamela, A Love Story, the movie is co-produced by Lee and directed by Ryan White, with the former also appearing in it to weigh in on his upbringing and the perception surrounding his mother. Not to mention his younger brother, Dylan “Dilly” Lee, who is slightly more reserved in his discussions, but nonetheless supportive.

    The comparisons made to how Anderson and Spears were similarly (mal)treated by the media and the public at large also became a point of interest in the wake of the documentary’s release (and, let’s be real, it was far better than anything Framing Britney Spears could hope to achieve—if for no other reason than the subject was actually a willing participant). Not that it should come as any surprise that people (read: men) like to denigrate attractive blonde women for their viewing pleasure. And, speaking of viewing pleasure, the infamous Pam and Tommy sex tape is of course commented on in Pamela, A Love Story, with Anderson stating that, at this juncture, she’s made peace with the violation—even though it felt like another rape. Just as the release of an entire series (Pam & Tommy) about it did. But, as it’s been made evident over and over again, Anderson holds no grudges against anyone. Much to Brandon’s dismay…

    For it was on the red carpet during the premiere of the movie that Brandon was asked, “Do you feel this sense of responsibility to make sure, especially as a son—we’re protective of our moms—to make sure that she gets her due? And why is that so important to you?” He replied, “Well, I think it’s important for a lot of reasons, but you know, when I go back and I even look at, you know, past deals or residual checks that come in, I mean, people would be shocked to find out how people really took advantage of her, and took advantage of a young girl making a bad deal on a big show, and she was the biggest star in the world at the time and I think a lot of people made a lot of money off that and I think, you know, everybody’s gonna have to have their day where, you know, we come knockin’ and I—no, you know, I think so because, you know, for instance, when she makes, I don’t know, four thousand dollars a year off Baywatch, that’s a crime.” The ardency with which he says this is in direct opposition to the blasé attitude of Spears’ own little terrors, who easily turned against her when she was finally home free—literally. Released from the conservatorship and granted the ability to live how she wanted.

    This included many nude photos and videos that spoke psychologically to her newfound sense of freedom. Photos and videos that her sons were “embarrassed” by. And if that’s that case, Brandon and Dylan have far more to be “embarrassed” about. But they’re not. They’re accepting and embracing of their mother’s talent (and it is a talent to be able to strip and pose the way Anderson does, not to mention her comedic brilliance in the shows and movies she’s appeared in). Perhaps because they’re “older” (twenty-six and twenty-five, respectively), they have a better understanding of their mother’s “lifestyle.” But no, that’s not really it. The fact is, they were raised by Anderson, nurtured by her. And it was obvious that she consistently put them above everything else; her first priority was always aimed at being a good mother. That might not necessarily come in the cookie-cutter package the more conservative-minded would like to see, but Anderson’s love was undeniably there throughout their childhood.

    Indeed, Anderson was committed and protective enough of her sons to refuse tolerating Tommy Lee’s physical violence in early 1998, after he struck her while she was holding Dylan, then just several weeks old (born on December 29, 1997, the “incident” occurred in February of 1998). Of his domestic abuse charge, he said in an interview, “Tommy comes third now, instead of first. I don’t know how to deal with that.” Get the fuck outta here with that narcissistic bullshit of an excuse. And while other women might have given Lee a “second chance” after that—even Pamela, had she not just become a mother—she decided to bounce (Baywatch-style). For the Mama Bear instinct took hold and she realized it was time to leave, not wanting to stick around and find out if he might be capable of such effrontery again.

    And no, she didn’t hold a grudge against Lee either. As Brandon confirmed at the aforementioned premiere, “She doesn’t hold a grudge against anybody… and that’s wonderful, but I would love to see her get what’s right.” This in reference to her being fucked over on royalties for Baywatch… and the sex tape, for that matter. Which she never received a penny for. Yet from Dylan’s perspective, it’s what really proved her purity, her true commitment to motherhood over the “benefits” of fame as he noted in the documentary, “I think it would’ve been a different story if she did cash in on the tape. It just shows you, right? That thing guaranteed made people millions of dollars and she was like, ‘No.’ She one hundred percent cared about her family being okay and me being okay. Never cared about money.” Yet, as Brandon stated, “If it’s your work and it’s your face and it’s your image, you deserve something.” The same could be said for Spears, whose image was effectively pimped out by her own family for over a decade. Luckily, Spears, in contrast to Anderson, knows how to hold a grudge. And definitely should—even if it’s against her own spawns, Jayden and Sean. The ones who finally prompted her to lash out at their grotesque comportment (including berating her for her “behavior” on Instagram) with the sarcastically-tinged statement, “I understand your need to live with your father as I had to play the perfect role for fifteen years for absolutely nothing.”

    This referring to how everything she did—going along with the conservatorship and playing the part of the “good girl” by not trying harder to break out of it—was so her father wouldn’t take visiting access to her kids away from her. Visiting access that Federline ultimately posted about when he put up secretly-taped videos filmed by Jayden and Sean that showed Spears yelling at them. A.k.a. instructing them to wear lotion and put shoes on in public (yes, that’s rich coming from Spears, queen of walking barefoot at the gas station).

    Before the fallout was further cemented by such increasing betrayals that revealed her sons had been firmly brainwashed by Team Federline/Team Conservatorship, Spears had once posted a quote on her illustrious Instagram account that went, “There is nothing stronger than the love between a mother and son.” A little cringe-y and Oedipal, but hey, her heart was in the right place. And maybe that strength will never truly break Brit’s bond with the sons she stayed quiet for throughout the hellish ordeal of her imprisonment. The fierceness of the maternal instinct is, after all, difficult to sever. And yet, it’s more than slightly demeaning when a woman, who loves her children with such ferocity, is accused of and painted as being a bad mother.

    A scene in Pamela, A Love Story speaks to this issue when archival footage is shown of Anderson getting pepper sprayed outside of an L.A. club as a paparazzo tries to shame her with the question, “Where is your baby? Where is your baby?” “With my mother,” she hisses back. “You fuckin’ asshole!” This idea that a woman can’t “have her cake and eat it too” by going out and having fun because she’s a mother is deeply embedded in the warped thinking of our patriarchal society. Spears was similarly lambasted for her partying “antics” in the 00s (well-documented thanks to the field day that tabloids had with portraying her as an unfit mother), still young and eager to sow some wild oats despite having already birthed two children. Yet, because of this, she was expected to stay home, fold her hands and sit quietly while Federline got the male perk of going out freely without any judgment.

    At a certain moment in Pamela, A Love Story, Brandon remarks of his mother, “She’s never worried about if she’s okay. She always made sure everyone else is okay.” The same was true of Spears, even after she was so egregiously betrayed by everyone in her family—sons included. The ones who so blatantly show no support for her and all she’s been through (they couldn’t even be bothered to make an appearance at her wedding to Sam Asghari). Regardless of the disloyalty, it’s unlikely that she’s capable of ever genuinely turning her back on Jayden and Sean. Enduring the trauma of watching them grow further and further apart from her has prompted such statements on her Instagram as, “I’ve cried oceans for my boys and I’m not lying!!!!” In addition to her declaration of their lack of affinity with her, “There’s being rude then there’s being HATEFUL. They would visit me, walk in the door, go straight to their room and lock the door!!! The MONITOR would tell me that he just likes to be in his room. I’m like why come visit me if they don’t even visit me !!!” On the plus side, after ceasing to “pretend” they actually cared enough to come visit, Spears clapped back, “It’s been kinda nice not having to ask about which day the boys are coming this week and making me wait two or three days for a reply!!!”

    What’s more, in one of the above-referenced videos posted by Federline, Spears is shown announcing to her sons, “You all need to start treating me like a woman with worth. I am a woman, okay? Be nice to me. Do you understand?” But, clearly, they don’t. So perhaps they could use some instruction from Pamela Anderson’s sons on how to do that.

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    Genna Rivieccio

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