In some sense, it’s easier to believe the current conspiracy theories about Britney Spears. After all, it was “conspiracy theories” that led to her being freed from a needless thirteen-year conservatorship. But now that she is free (or “free,” as some people believe), it’s not quite what many were expecting. Complete with almost daily videos that are clearly not recent and captions that are “cryptic” at best. With most everyone (especially fans) wanting to interpret them as having some “arcane” meaning. But what if Britney actually is, in fact, just that simple? Talking incoherent-but-somehow-coherent shit about all the wrongs that have been done to her (of which there have been many) while embracing her “inbred swamp thing” Southern persona more than ever as she continues to say, “Holy shit balls” and flip off the camera. For, just as it was part of the reason for shaving her head in 2007, she wants to be effectively “unloved” by a public and a media that chewed her up and spit her out. In short, she is very firmly rebuffing any image of “America’s sweetheart” that might have ever been projected onto her. Or any attempt for that image to be re-projected now that she “owes” something to those who secured her unshackling.
This perhaps includes, for those hoping to see warm and fuzzy images of her life now that it’s “unmanaged,” making it as messy and erratic as possible. Besides, it’s true that Britney once said (albeit during a period of far greater innocence in her life), “What you see/Is what you get/This is me, hey you/If you want me, don’t forget/You should take me as I am/‘Cause I can promise you/Baby, what you see is what you get.” Alas, no one can seem to believe that could possibly be true as they watch her jut out her sunburned-to-the-point-of-redness stomach in a midriff and continue to act as though she’s still dancing in the “…Baby One More Time” video—this often includes showcasing an “updated” version of the look via a green-and-blue plaid skirt with a white ruffle-collared shirt tied in a knot that is sure to expose plenty of belly. An outfit she chose to don for a January 21st post in which she performed her usual series of poses for the camera—exhibiting facial expressions that toe the line between awkward and sassy, though mostly the former. As though she can’t learn to deprogram from the idea that she’s constantly having to pose.
To add to the eeriness of the display, Spears reverted to a commonly-played song in her Insta videos: Beyoncé’s “Haunted.” Those looking for hidden meaning would thusly be spooked by the lyrics she chose to highlight: “It’s what you do/It’s what you see/I know if I’m haunting you, you must be haunting me/It’s where we go/It’s where we’ll be/I know if I’m onto you, I’m onto you/Onto you, you must be onto me.” Such sentiments might spur the question: is she addressing that people, with their conspiracy theories, are “onto” the fact that she’s still not really in control? Least of all of her highly unhinged and consistently inconsistent Instagram account. Those descriptors were proven yet again on January 25th, after Spears went on yet another abstruse rant that many believe was pronounced shade at her husband’s infidelity before, once more, deleting the account.
It was the expression of rage and its subsequent deletion that evidently prompted people to call the police to perform a “well check” on Spears at her home in Thousand Oaks. A.k.a. the home she was supposed to move out of in favor of a new one with Sam Asghari in Calabasas. But the latter residence is currently being “quietly” shopped around on the market as Spears has decided to return to the same home that should theoretically be filled with unpleasant associations… you know, because it was where she lived for a large bulk of her imprisoning conservatorship. But apparently, we all have a psychological glitch that allows us to find a slight bit of pleasure in the pain of revisiting old wounds.
Upon the latest deletion of her account, the continued “concern” over Spears’ mental health—a polite way for people to excuse their fascination with watching “trainwrecks” and their drama—had also arisen when she changed her Instagram name from Channel 8 to River Red. Many could also read into that what they will—from making the correlation between Britney’s life and the 1998 movie of the same name about a boy who murders his abusive father to a commitment to never becoming menopausal (Britney has plenty of regressive tactics to stay in touch with the teen girl inside) to wanting the blood of those who wronged her to flow as gushingly as a river (in non-drought conditions). Like, say, Lou Taylor and Robin Greenhill of Tri Star Entertainment (not to be confused with TriStar Pictures).
But then, such “outrage” over her “nonsensical” meanderings being drawn seems to invoke only giddy delight from Spears, who put up another post from the same day (January 21st) as the would-be neo-“…Baby One More Time” outfit. This one of a “collage” from @boipoppin with the caption, “I love being me. It pisses off all the right people.” That it truly does. In addition to all the wrong ones—like those who would seek to hem her in with a conservatorship (*cough cough* Lou Taylor and Robin Greenhill). And sell the idea to Spears’ father as the puppeteer. Two women who prompted a “red river” of shit on Britney’s Instagram in February of ’22, when she wrote (and later deleted, obviously), “The swanky suited up bitches … SO NICE with their ‘We are here to make you feel SPECIAL’ !!!! I had lunch with Lou Taylor and Robin Greenhill … they said ‘Britney, look at your picture on the wall!’ With a huge black and white framed picture in the hall of their office !!!!! Kate Beckinsale was there too !!!!! They sucked up to me and ‘made me feel special’ … RIGHT …. Ha those same bitches killed me a week later !!!!” Britney went on to say that her father/erstwhile conservator, Jamie Spears, “worshipped” Taylor and Greenhill and “would have done anything they asked of him.”
Of her tenacity and endurance of such an unfathomable and incongruous situation, Spears asserted, “Nobody else would have lived through what they did to me !!! I lived through all of it and I remember all of it !!!! I will sue the shit out of Tri Star !!!! Psss they got away with all of it and I’m here to warn them every day of my precious life !!!!” Perhaps her warnings have persisted in the unrelenting posts that are drenched with the most enigmatic of shade as Britney dances and twirls or mimics one of the therapists she had to see while forced to be in a treatment facility. All of these freely put up for at least a day or two without Spears appearing to have any concern for how she’s “perceived.” Especially not now that her two narrow-minded sons have forsaken her in favor of the ultimate trashball that is Kevin Federline.
But after a leaked video of her being “manic” at a restaurant in Thousand Oaks surfaced, Spears couldn’t ignore the ongoing scrutiny about her behavior. Thus, another dancing-in-the-studio post from Spears on January 23rd addressed her hyper-awareness of the public’s examination of her every move on social media—not to mention every (rare) move she makes in public. And yet, it’s an examination she slightly relishes and conjures by continuing to troll everyone with her captions. In this particular dancing video, she played some of her go-to favorite songs (e.g., Rihanna’s “Love on the Brain” and Chris Isaak’s “Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing”) with the “explanation,” “Howdy ho down … tipsy cattle balls !!! I have no idea what that means 🙈 … feeling kooky and silly but can’t act too kooky or silly like kids because they say ‘she’s CRAY CRAY’ … either way I gotta move … so I did !!! Sharing because I matter and if every person I call TAKES 9 RINGS TO ANSWER you can be certain I might get someone’s attention … all that LOVE !!! GOOD GOD RIGHT BACK AT YA !!! I bet after I post this my security answers after 2 RINGS … I be alive coming on my horse !!!” It sounds like a lot of word salad for the most part—at least to those who don’t know how to “look for the clues” and “allusions.” And, with regard to that security reference, it likely refers to Spears being literally policed with a “well check” every time she puts up a “cray cray” video.
But as she once said in the aforementioned “What U See (Is What U Get),” “You should never try to change me/I can be nobody else/And I like the way I am.” Perhaps if so many people and “handlers” didn’t try to change her over the years, we might have some semblance of the girl we once knew in the era of Oops!…I Did It Again (on which this particular song appears).
Uncannily enough, on the same track, Spears also sings the lyrics, “I know you watch me when I’m dancin’” and “I can feel your eyes on my back, baby/Uh na na/I can’t have no chains around me, baby can’t you see/I could be anything you dream of, but I gotta feel free.” Which she still clearly doesn’t/can’t because of how much weight is placed on the “strength” of her mental health each time she posts something snarky or silly or outright AI chatbot-sounding. As a “free” woman, however, doesn’t she have the right to? Maybe no one is controlling her—not even Sam. Maybe the harder truth to believe about Britney at this juncture is that what you see really is what you get. Complete with invectives like, “I generously serve you my shit … eat my shit!!! Psss !!! Keep coughing !!!” Whether aimed at Sam or not (as is the current speculation), Britney is right about one thing: “I could sit back and be like MOST and not give anyone anything to think about on Instagram.”
Yet even when presenting her most blunt and honest thoughts (including, “Giving someone I love my everything only gives me the dagger in the heart !!!”), the majority wants to twist and turn them into something that isn’t rather straightforward. Because again, with Britney, “Baby, what you see is what you get.”
