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Tag: Britney

  • Britney Spears’ “Circus” Has More Clout and Showgirl Resonance Than the Entire The Life of a Showgirl Album

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    In 2008, Taylor Swift was not only coming up in the world of music with her sophomore album, Fearless, but, more importantly, Britney Spears was making an unexpected and unprecedented “return” after, just months prior, being written off by the media as “never going to come back from” her much publicized mental breakdown. The one most closely associated with the illustrious images of her shaving her own head at a Tarzana hair salon on February 16, 2007. Although her performance at the VMAs later that year was meant to be her much-too-rushed “comeback,” Spears famously “bombed” (by the previous standards she had set for herself) while freely lip-syncing “Gimme More,” the lead single from Blackout. The performance was panned, unjustly so, and Spears went on a continuing emotional spiral for the rest of the year that led to her infamously and tragically being strapped to a gurney on January 3, 2008. A horrendous start to the new year.

    As was being placed in a conservatorship soon after on February 1, 2008. Meanwhile, Swift was building up toward releasing Fearless, which would come out in mid-November of that year. The same month that Spears released Circus, her sixth album. In celebration of its release, the title track and second single was put out on December 2nd, Spears’ twenty-seventh birthday (and, to be sure, there were many people who, earlier that year, probably thought Spears was at risk of joining the “27 Club”). The accompanying video, directed by Francis Lawrence (who had previously directed Spears’ perhaps more iconic “I’m a Slave 4 U”), not only centers on various product placements (chief among them, Bvlgari and Spears’ own fragrance), but also Spears as the ringleader of a circus. Yet, despite this theme, there is an undeniable element of “showgirl-ness” to the costumes she wears, in addition to appearing in a dressing room with a brightly-lit vanity mirror before taking her place at the center of the ring.

    And with just the opening verse alone, Spears says more about what it means to be a “showgirl” (a.k.a. born performer) than the entirety of Taylor Swift’s The Life of a Showgirl album: “There’s only two types of people in the world: the ones that entertain and the ones that observe/Well, baby, I’m a put-on-a-show kind of girl/Don’t like the back seat/Gotta be first.”

    By this time in the video, the viewer has already caught a glimpse of her wearing a see-through number while standing in front of a signature red curtain—the kind that only hangs in front of a stage, used in many an “old-timey” theater. Soon after, she’s walking through the fairgrounds, interacting with her fellow performers by dancing with them. After all, the song is also primarily about her love for this form of expression, and the ways in which dancing in certain environments can create the same kind of chaotic atmosphere as a circus ring. That atmosphere further compounded by the presence of all manner of performers, including a contortionist, ribbon twirler and stiltwalker.

    Spears joins in with her fellow showpeople in the center of the ring for a high-octane dance number that proves her assertion, “I’m like a firecracker, I make it hot/When I put on a show/I feel the adrenaline movin’ through my veins/Spotlight on me and I’m ready to break/I’m like a performer, the dance floor is my stage/Better be ready, hope that you feel the same.”

    For it is the essence of a showgirl (an inherent people-pleaser) to want the audience to respond to the enthusiastic energy they’re giving off. Spears, even despite being forced to be a “workhorse” for her family throughout every tour starting from 2009’s The Circus Starring Britney Spears, always wanted that positive reaction from those taking in her spectacle. Yet, even though Spears initially boasts of being the one to watch in “Circus,” unlike Swift, she proves herself a more legitimate showgirl in that she actually wants “the common folk” to be a part of her show, urging, “Don’t stand there watching me, follow me/Show me what you can do/Everybody let go, we can make a dance floor/Just like a circus.”

    The showgirl element of the “Circus” video begins to really ramp up once she starts to do her “whip and chair choreography” (timed for the moment when she sings, “I run a tight ship, so beware”), soon followed by one of the most visually stunning moments, when Spears is shown in profile as sparks fly above her, raining down behind her, in fact. Something she’s unfazed by, as any seasoned showgirl would be. This is but a preamble to dancing inside a ring that’s now on fire (a.k.a. a ring of fire). And no one knew/knows that metaphor better than Spears, who endured far more flak and scrutiny during the span of 2006-2008 alone than Swift has gotten in her entire career.

    Regardless, it’s apparent that Swift is but one of many millennial girls who very much wanted to be Spears (or at least be as adored as her). This being a key reason why “The Life of a Showgirl” featuring Sabrina Carpenter (a fellow Brit enthusiast and frequent homage-payer), the final track on said album, almost comes across as though it was inspired, in some sense, by Britney—the ultimate millennial showgirl. The one who, in Swift’s mind, would have warned/cautioned her against becoming a pop star (the modern equivalent of a showgirl). Thus, Swift painting the picture of visiting a star backstage after seeing her perform. This includes the verses, “I said, ‘You’re living my drеam’/Then she said to me/‘Hеy, thank you for the lovely bouquet/You’re sweeter than a peach/But you don’t know the life of a showgirl, babe/And you’re never, ever gonna/Wait, the more you play, the more that you pay/You’re softer than a kitten, so/You don’t know the life of a showgirl, babe/And you’re never gonna wanna.”

    Although Spears posted side-by-side images of the two known photographs of her and Swift together with the caption that the first time they met was during the Oops!… I Did It Again Tour “in 2003,” that doesn’t really track considering that said tour ended in 2001. More plausibly, Swift would have met Spears while she was on 2004’s The Onyx Hotel Tour, at which time Swift would have been fourteen (turning fifteen after that tour ended in mid-2004).  Whatever the specifics of the meeting, it happened, and it undeniably influenced Swift. A much as Spears’ music and various indelible performances, whether live or in the music video format. For Swift, that Spears influence was revealed in a very blatant manner just three years after Spears debuted her ringleader costume at The Circus Starring Britney Spears.

    While performing “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” at the 2012 MTV Europe Music Awards, Swift essentially re-created not only the entire “Circus” video, but also donned a ringleader ensemble that was very similar to the kind that Spears wore for her The Circus tour. Undoubtedly, Spears’ showmanship for the Circus era played a part in this specific rendition. And, funnily enough, Swift would have met Spears for the second time after becoming famous in September of 2008 at the MTV VMAs, when Swift was nominated for the lone, measly award of “Best New Artist.” An image that reveals the stark contrast between before and after fame, as Swift looks far less, shall we say, “rough-hewn” in it.

    Alas, for all that Britney might have “taught” Taylor about the life of a showgirl, it still never seemed to sink in that having “grit” (like Brit) is what really makes such a performer. And while Swift might insist she has that combination of chutzpah and tenacity with a song like “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart,” there’s no denying that Spears not only earned her stripes in a way that “softer than a kitten” Taylor never had to, but also the fact that she smiled through her pain in a way that Swift could never possibly fathom. In this regard alone, Spears has more to say about the life of a showgirl than Swift, with “Circus” itself (in spite of being produced and co-written by, unfortunately, Dr. Luke) having more bona fide showgirl dazzle in its three minutes and twelve seconds than the entire forty-one minutes and forty seconds of The Life of a Showgirl.

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • War of the Denim Brands Trying to Play Up the 2000s (a More Marked Time of White Supremacy BTW) Instead of “Great Jeans”

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    Ever since Sydney Sweeney and American Eagle got it so wrong with their jeans ad, it’s been a free-for-all of shade-throwing on the ad campaign front. It started with Beyoncé, who released the final installment in her series of Levi’s commercials about two weeks after the American Eagle campaign was unveiled. Though, thanks to the daily rounds of fresh invective, the AE campaign still felt much more recent (especially by modern standards, when anything more than a day old is “old”) when Beyoncé’s Levi’s commercial dropped. Almost as if she (and Levi’s) were purposefully trying to show them “how it’s done.” And yet, even Beyoncé, often deemed as “ironclad” or “bulletproof” on the instant success front as Taylor Swift, didn’t exactly alight the masses with her campaign. Which, perhaps worse than saying something “incendiary,” said nothing much at all. 

    Thus, when Gap emerged with its own “little response” (whether admitting that it was a response or not) to the whole jeans controversy in mid-August, they decided to say it best by saying it with Katseye (don’t worry if you hadn’t heard of them until now) bopping around amongst many other dancers to the tune of Kelis’ signature 2003 hit, “Milkshake.” Which apparently feels as “fresh” and “relevant” to the youths of today as it did to the millennials of yore (particularly after the song cameo’d in 2004’s Mean Girls). And, on a side note, it would seem Kelis takes less issue with the song being used to sell denim than she does with it being used to sell Beyoncé herself. Or, more specifically, her music. For who could forget Kelis’ none too favorable reaction to “Mrs. Carter” sampling “Milkshake” for track four of Renaissance, “Energy”? So unfavorable was the reaction, in fact, that Beyoncé “quietly” just removed the sample the same way she removed the phrase “Spazzin’ on that ass” from “Heated” (replacing it with a perhaps even more suggestive phrase: “Blastin’ on that ass”).

    But there’s nothing “quiet” about the reanimation of “Milkshake” in 2025, the year when the saturation of 00s pop culture has reached an ostensible new apex, even though few thought that could be possible after Euphoria makeup and the remake of Mean Girls in 2024. But no, 2025 is gunning hard for the 00s to come back (even in terms of Lindsay Lohan making her own umpteenth “return” with Freakier Friday, released the same year, incidentally, as “Milkshake”). 

    Ironically enough, however, the 00s were a prime time for white supremacy. Reigning truly “supreme” in that no one was talking about the surfeit of whiteness in media at the time. Or the fact that someone like Jennifer Lopez or Lucy Liu was about as “exotic” as Hollywood was willing to get in film, music or any other entertainment medium. That lack of representation, it was all just accepted. Taken at face value. And this is part of why Sweeney and American Eagle (itself a brand very much associated with the 00s, along with Abercrombie & Fitch) might be the most “authentically” 00s of all in that they unleashed an ad campaign that assumes the presence of a customer mindset that truly is still “locked in” with that era.

    The era when the blonde girl with the “‘hot’ body” (to borrow a phrase from Janis Ian’s [Lizzy Caplan] chalkboard plan on how to take down Regina George) was never to be questioned, made fun of and certainly not accused of promoting white supremacy with a dubious tag line (“Sydney Sweeney has great jeans”) that was paired with an even more suggestive commercial “monologue” (“Genes are passed down to offspring, often determining traits like hair color, personality and even eye color… My jeans are blue”).

    Thus, the Katseye x Gap campaign stood out even more by not only calling upon 00s semiotics and sounds, but also adhering to what the tenets of capitalism do best by repackaging what’s old, making it “new” again and selling it back to the masses. And since Gap commercials at their most successful are always known for the “all-white backdrop,” this latest one hit all the right notes of nostalgia. Considering that’s about the only thing everyone can afford to get high on now, it’s being ramped up all the more with each passing year.

    Hence, Addison Rae, a Gen Zer who clearly identifies as a millennial, also getting in on the 00s nostalgia action with her own ad campaign for Lucky Brand Jeans—an ultra 00s-associated brand. Accordingly, Women’s Wear Daily described the jeans she’s promoting as “a reimagined version of a look from Lucky Brand’s early 2000s archive.” What’s more, Addison rolled her sleeves (or is it cuffs in this case?) even further up by actually getting involved in the design process by serving as creative director for this specific line of ultra low-rise flare jeans. That fit, of course, being the pinnacle of 00s-era fashion, with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears exemplifying the trend in the early aughts. 

    As for Addison’s “commercial” (directed by Mitch Ryan), it didn’t go quite as viral as Gap’s (directed by Bethany Vargas, whose most recent credits include the likes of Lady Gaga’s “Abracadabra” video). Though there is still something like “choreo” in the mix after it opens with Addison walking out onto a stage area in her Lucky Brand Jeans as her own song, “High Fashion,” plays (obviously not as instantly recognizable as “Milkshake”). Right from the beginning, the tag line, “Wear Lucky, feel lucky” immediately pops up. And it isn’t lost on any millennial girl that one of Britney’s biggest hits in the early 00s was “Lucky.” Or that she herself was a wearer of Lucky Brand (along with all the other fashion “staples” of the day: Tommy Hilfiger, Abercrombie, Ed Hardy, Juicy Couture, etc.).

    The visual comparison to Britney that “AR” continues to draw was not lost on anyone who has even a cursory knowledge of the 00s. And yet, despite Spears being everyone’s favorite reference, in the denim wars that have taken the U.S. by storm since July, it seems that Katseye is the clear winner of this round. Even if Addison’s campaign has a level of finesse, class and vague freshness beyond the mere regurgitation of a milkshake that boasts, “I know you want it/The thing that makes me/What the guys go crazy for/They lose their minds.”

    And what guys and girls alike are all losing their minds for this year is 00s stylings, whether in the world of fashion or otherwise. Though someone might want to remind them all that this particular decade was nothing if not pro-white supremacy. But try telling that to a generation that’s somehow managed to romanticize George W. Bush a.k.a. make “Bushcore” happen.

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Mondo Bullshittio #50: Madonna Not Winning VMAs Most Iconic Performance

    Mondo Bullshittio #50: Madonna Not Winning VMAs Most Iconic Performance

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    In a series called Mondo Bullshittio, let’s talk about some of the most glaring hypocrisies and faux pas in pop culture…and all that it affects.

    In yet another one of many (seemingly infinite) examples in this world of how everything is rigged, the winner of MTV’s so-called “Most Iconic Performance” award—freshly added into the mix this year—was bequeathed to the least deserving nominee: Katy Perry’s “Roar” performance back in 2013. One that, by the way, absolutely no one remembers (and if they say they do, they’re definitely lying). However, considering that Perry was the 2024 recipient of MTV’s “coveted” Video Vanguard Award (decreasingly referred to by its full name: the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award), it seems more than a little bit “political” that she should be the one to claim the award for “Most Iconic Performance” when, in fact, what she offered back in 2013 was one of the least iconic performances in VMA history (which also extends to someone like Bryan Adams singing “Do I Have To Say The Words?” in 1992).

    Indeed, of the seven nominees, the performances that people are likely to most immediately recall (even if solely by an image alone) include Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” at the 1984 VMAs, Eminem’s “The Real Slim Shady/The Way I Am” at the 2000 VMAs, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Madonna and Missy Elliott’s “Like A Virgin/Hollywood” at the 2003 VMAs and Beyoncé’s “Love On Top” at the 2011 VMAs. The three other options—Perry doing “Roar,” Lady Gaga doing “Paparazzi” at the 2009 VMAs and Taylor Swift doing “You Belong With Me” at the 2009 VMAs—are hardly memorable at all.

    But one supposes that, of the three least memorable out of those seven, Lady Gaga’s 2009 performance of “Paparazzi” was more “iconic” for how horrible her vocals were (not to mention how retroactively offensive her “disabled” shtick was) and the fact that “the fame” killed her at the end—with the fake blood pouring down her body to prove it as she was suspended in midair for the big finish. With regard to Swift, the only thing that people will ever remember about her appearance at the ’09 VMAs is her illustrious encounter with Kanye West, who incited their now lifelong bad blood by bum-rushing the stage when Swift won the award for Best Female Video, declaring that it was, instead, Beyoncé who had “one of the best videos of all time” (which is definitely not true of “Single Ladies [Put A Ring On It]”).  

    And, if one is really going to try to make the claim that the “Roar” performance is “iconic,” let it be noted that Perry’s boxer costume and the boxing ring backdrop that was set up in front of the Brooklyn Bridge look like a bad knockoff of Madonna’s boxer persona from the Hard Candy era, which she also took on the road for the 2008-2009 Sticky & Sweet Tour. It was on that tour that Madonna incorporated her boxing aesthetic in a major way for the “Die Another Day” video interlude. And yes, it was in a manner far more, let us say, “hardcore” than what Perry offered “live from Empire-Fulton Ferry Park.”

    In any event, the fact that Madonna had two nominations in the Most Iconic Performance category also might have led one to believe the odds were easily stacked in her favor, with both the 1984 and 2003 performances being the pinnacle of iconic. But no, clearly not. Because apparently people think that Perry bopping around in a shitty boxing costume and singing a Black Mirror-level type of “inspirational” song is much worthier for icon status than Madonna changing the fucking game on sexual and ironic performances with “Like A Virgin” or being the first theoretically hetero woman in the mainstream to make lesbianism chic in the twenty-first century (just as she also did in the twentieth with her Sandra Bernhard friendship/Erotica era [among other things]).

    The question of who ought to have won this award should have been utterly undeniable. Thus, to give the “honor” to Perry just proves that not only is everything political, but also that the masses (or maybe just the MTV VMAs in this instance) prefer to reward inferior trash. Because, objectively, there is absolutely no argument in favor of Perry dominating in this category. We’re talking about Madonna in one of the most signature fucking looks not just of her career, but in modern pop culture as we know it. A moment so iconic that it was riffed on again in 2003 for yet another performance that would turn out to be equally iconic in its own way (even in terms of cutting away from the Christina Aguilera beso for the sake of getting Justin Timberlake’s peeved reaction). And this time with Madonna making the then-latest generation of pop princesses into her brides, while she played the big dick energy groom.

    Incidentally, it was less than a year later that Madonna and Perry would pose together for a V Magazine photoshoot (taken by none other than Madonna’s favorite, Steven Klein). Although it was technically meant to “star” both of them, Madonna also stood out as the dominant force among the Bettie Page-inspired images. But at least being styled and photographed by the same people put them on a more level playing field—for when it comes to VMAs performances, there’s no fucking contest. Regardless of the grave error made at the 2024 VMAs.

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Mondo Bullshittio #50: Madonna Not Winning Most Iconic Performance at the 2024 VMAs

    Mondo Bullshittio #50: Madonna Not Winning Most Iconic Performance at the 2024 VMAs

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    In a series called Mondo Bullshittio, let’s talk about some of the most glaring hypocrisies and faux pas in pop culture…and all that it affects.

    In yet another one of many (seemingly infinite) examples in this world of how everything is rigged, the winner of MTV’s so-called “Most Iconic Performance” award—freshly added into the mix this year—was bequeathed to the least deserving nominee: Katy Perry’s “Roar” performance back in 2013. One that, by the way, absolutely no one remembers (and if they say they do, they’re definitely lying). However, considering that Perry was the 2024 recipient of MTV’s “coveted” Video Vanguard Award (decreasingly referred to by its full name: the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award), it seems more than a little bit “political” that she should be the one to claim the award for “Most Iconic Performance” when, in fact, what she offered back in 2013 was one of the least iconic performances in VMA history (which also extends to someone like Bryan Adams singing “Do I Have To Say The Words?” in 1992).

    Indeed, of the seven nominees, the performances that people are likely to most immediately recall (even if solely by an image alone) include Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” at the 1984 VMAs, Eminem’s “The Real Slim Shady/The Way I Am” at the 2000 VMAs, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Madonna and Missy Elliott’s “Like A Virgin/Hollywood” at the 2003 VMAs and Beyoncé’s “Love On Top” at the 2011 VMAs. The three other options—Perry doing “Roar,” Lady Gaga doing “Paparazzi” at the 2009 VMAs and Taylor Swift doing “You Belong With Me” at the 2009 VMAs—are hardly memorable at all.

    But one supposes that, of the three least memorable out of those seven, Lady Gaga’s 2009 performance of “Paparazzi” was more “iconic” than “You Belong With Me” or “Roar” for how horrible her vocals were (not to mention how retroactively offensive her “disabled” shtick was) and the fact that “the fame” killed her at the end—with the fake blood pouring down her body to prove it as she was suspended in midair for the big finish. With regard to Swift, the only thing that people will ever remember about her appearance at the ’09 VMAs is her illustrious encounter with Kanye West, who incited their now lifelong bad blood by bum-rushing the stage when Swift won the award for Best Female Video, declaring that it was, instead, Beyoncé who had “one of the best videos of all time” (which is definitely not true of “Single Ladies [Put A Ring On It]”).  

    And, if one is really going to try to make the claim that the “Roar” performance is “iconic,” let it be noted that Perry’s boxer costume and the boxing ring backdrop that was set up in front of the Brooklyn Bridge look like a bad knockoff of Madonna’s boxer persona from the Hard Candy era, which she also took on the road for the 2008-2009 Sticky & Sweet Tour. It was on that tour that Madonna incorporated her boxing aesthetic in a major way for the “Die Another Day” video interlude. And yes, it was in a manner far more, let us say, “hardcore” than what Perry offered “live from Empire-Fulton Ferry Park.”

    In any event, the fact that Madonna had two nominations in the Most Iconic Performance category also might have led one to believe the odds were easily stacked in her favor, with both the 1984 and 2003 performances being the pinnacle of iconic. But no, clearly not. Because apparently people think that Perry bopping around in a shitty boxing costume and singing a Black Mirror-level type of “inspirational” song is much worthier of icon status than Madonna changing the fucking game on sexual and ironic performances with “Like A Virgin” or being the first (theoretically) hetero woman in the mainstream to make lesbianism chic (thus, normalized) in the twenty-first century (just as she also did in the twentieth with her Sandra Bernhard friendship/Erotica era [among other things]).

    The question of who ought to have won this award should have been utterly undeniable. A proverbial no-brainer. Thus, to give the “honor” to Perry just proves that not only is everything political, but also that the masses (or maybe just the MTV VMAs in this instance) prefer to reward inferior trash. Because, objectively, there is absolutely no argument in favor of Perry dominating in this category. We’re talking about Madonna in one of the most signature fucking looks not just of her career, but in modern pop culture as we know it. A moment so iconic that it was riffed on again in 2003 for yet another performance that would turn out to be equally iconic in its own way (even in terms of cutting away from the Christina Aguilera beso for the sake of getting Justin Timberlake’s peeved reaction). And this time with Madonna making the then-latest generation of pop princesses into her brides, while she played the big dick energy groom.

    Incidentally, it was less than a year later that Madonna and Perry would pose together for a V Magazine photoshoot (taken by none other than Madonna’s favorite photographer, Steven Klein). Although it was technically meant to “star” both of them, Madonna also stood out as the supreme force among the Bettie Page-inspired images of the duo in various S&M-y poses. But at least being styled and photographed by the same people put them on a more level playing field—because when it comes to VMAs performances, there’s no fucking contest. Regardless of the grave error made at the 2024 VMAs deeming Perry the “winner.”

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Like Everything That “Pays Homage” to 00s Pop Culture, Halsey’s “Lucky” Is A Pale, Unsatisfying Imitation

    Like Everything That “Pays Homage” to 00s Pop Culture, Halsey’s “Lucky” Is A Pale, Unsatisfying Imitation

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    The rollout of Halsey’s “new era” has been almost as rocky as Katy Perry’s. While the latter tried to pass off the Dr. Luke-produced “Woman’s World” as a feminist anthem, Halsey, instead, opted to pass off the second single from her as-of-yet-untitled fifth album, “Lucky,” as an “homage” to Britney Spears, better known as the Queen of the 2000s. And while Halsey was certain to announce of recreating the song/video for Spears’ 2000 hit, “I wouldn’t even dream of doing it without her blessing!,” Spears’ response felt more that slightly “off” if that was truly the case.

    Even so, Spears later updated her stance on the song after deleting the original post, commenting, “Fake news !!! That was not me on my phone !!! I love Halsey and that’s why I deleted it 🌹 !!!” This reply, in all honesty, sounded much more in line with her usual manner of speaking, complete with an emoji usage and lots of exclamation points. In contrast, the original statement came across as too composed and clinical to be the true mark of Spears, with whoever “stole” her phone writing, “For obvious reasons I’m very upset about the Halsey video. I feel harassed, violated and bullied. I didn’t know an artist like her and someone I looked up to and admired would illustrate me in such an ignorant way by tailoring me as a superficial pop star with no heart or concern at all. I have my own health problems which is why I took down my IG account yesterday. I will definitely be putting it back up to show I CARE. I’m speaking with my lawyers today to see what can be done on this matter. It feels illegal and downright cruel.” Rather than sounding like “authentic” Spears, it has the mark of an AI-generated response based on some of her previous soundbites (like when she said during the Piece of Me residency in undercutting reference to her conservatorship, “It feels kind of illegal doing this with this mic in my hand right now, it feels so weird”). But whether Spears was in some way behind the originally expressed sentiment or not, the knee-jerk reaction of contempt is not without its merit. For, so often, attempts at homage not only tend to fall flat, but come across as rather insulting (like Kelly Osbourne covering Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach” back in 2002 or Tina Fey sanctioning the musical-movie version of Mean Girls in 2024).

    From the moment the video opens on a child version of Halsey outside a home of, let’s say, modest appearance, and the 00s-inspired pink font spelling out “Lucky” with a star around the “L” tops it off, it’s obvious that this is going to be uncomfortable to watch. Worse still, as though to play up the “inferior artist imitating a greater one” angle, Halsey tapped Gia Coppola to direct the video. “Child Halsey” then runs to get into a car as the opening line, “I am so lucky” plays. Of course, it’s tinged with a sardonic bent, for there’s nothing that lucky about being relentlessly scrutinized. Something that Britney actually knows much more about than most pop stars, Halsey included. After all, it was because of her being subjected to so many egregious privacy violations in the 00s that a law was passed in California in 2009 that made it “a crime to take and sell unauthorized photos of celebrities in ‘personal or familial activity.’” Few other celebrities can lay claim to paving such a path for basic human rights for celebrities. Obviously, all it cost Britney was her mental health. Indeed, Spears was diagnosed as being bipolar (just as Halsey was) in 2008 and has stated of the condition, “I have always been kind of shy, since I was a little girl. It’s who I am to be modest, so I really can’t help it. I turn into this different person…seriously, bipolar disorder.” The “different person” she turns into for the stage was always difficult to reconcile with the shy girl from the South. And maybe it was the less shy version of herself that lashed out in response to Halsey’s rendering of “Lucky.” A version that tries to take the specific pain of Spears and make it her own.

    And as this version of Halsey’s childhood unfolds, we see a cold, distant father walk into the house while his daughter watches TV—the two scarcely acknowledge one another as the lyric, “Did it all to be included, my self-loathing so deep-rooted” plays in the background. After being ignored (the ultimate parental sin, as confirmed by Allison Reynolds [Ally Sheedy] in The Breakfast Club), she retreats into her poster-filled room. The posters, of course, are of Halsey, styled in Spears-circa-the-00s looks. The girl then puts a load of what is now referred to as “Euphoria makeup” on (even though Euphoria takes its makeup aesthetic from the 2000s), mimicking dance moves that are decidedly pulled from a Spears video (either that, or Madonna’s “Vogue”). The camera then focuses in on one of the Halsey posters so that the Halsey “inside” of it (wearing a sheer, crystal-embellished bodysuit designed to remind viewers of the “Toxic” video) can come to life and parrot the original “Lucky” chorus, switching it up to use the first person point of view instead: “But I’m so lucky, I’m a star/And I cry, cry, cry in my lonely heart, thinkin, ‘If there’s nothin’ missin’ in my life/Then why do these tears come at night?’” Well, maybe they come now because of the ostensible rejection Spears displayed toward this song.

    A crushing blow, considering that Halsey recently stated during a promotional interview for Maxxxine that the defining star for her growing up was “Britney Spears, all day. I didn’t think anyone could be, like, more of a star. I actually don’t know that I even knew at that—I was like six—because I was also born in 1994… But I was, like, I didn’t know that I knew she was a person outside of the CD. I thought she lived in there. And every time I played it, she had to sing.” A “childlike” belief (replicated in making Halsey come to life inside the abovementioned poster) that’s eerily telling of how much Spears was viewed as nothing more than a trained monkey “created” solely to amuse the masses. To dance and sing like a puppet. It was no wonder she started to let loose as the mid-00s progressed, shedding the “good girl” image she was saddled with from the outset of her career. This period is alluded to in Halsey’s video as well, during a moment when she can be seen drunkenly laughing in a nightclub setting before appearing on a red carpet (looking more like 00s-era P!nk than Spears) for “TGI” (the fake music news network modeled after the MTV logo).

    In the next few scenes, the homage front starts to get even messier as Halsey tries to jam-pack a hodgepodge of Britney-in-the-00s-related images into the narrative. This includes getting out of a car and being swarmed by paparazzi, wearing a basketball jersey in the recording studio, being miserable in her fancy house—and this is where the nod to “Everytime” comes in. Because, for whatever reason, Simon Rex is there to play her abusive boyfriend. An actor choice on par with Stephen Dorff playing Britney’s abusive boyfriend in the “Everytime” video (which owes its indelible look to direction by David LaChapelle). And, to play up the notion that Halsey, like Britney, got her poor taste in men as a result of the first man she had as an example—her father—Coppola intercuts the scene of Halsey and Rex arguing (as bombastically as Spears and Dorff) with Halsey and her father arguing when she was a child. A moment befitting the lyric, “Inner child that’s unrecruited, truth is/I’m not suited for it.” Indeed, perhaps only pursued “it” a.k.a. fame “just to be liked by strangers that she met online.”

    This idea of not being built for such a machine has also been emphasized by Spears, who stated, “I’m not really made for this industry.” And yes, anyone who is especially sensitive should avoid what Lady Gaga calls “The Fame” at all costs. Not that Spears had too much of a choice once her parents pushed her down the path for their own selfish, money-grubbing motives. A path that led to endless scrutiny, particularly of Spears’ body. To that point, another lyrical moment on Halsey’s “Lucky” reeks of Britney singing, “I’m Mrs. She’s Too Big Now She’s Too Thin” during “Piece of Me,” with Halsey phrasing it as, “And why she losin’ so much weight?/I heard it’s from the drugs she ate.”

    There’s another somewhat awkward allusion to Britney when Halsey also mentions, “I shaved my head four times because I wanted to/And then I did it one more time ’cause I got sick,” with everyone knowing that Britney’s 2007 head shaving is what led her down an abyssal spiral from which she couldn’t return. Especially with regard to that moment being leveraged as a prime example of her “madness,” therefore the need for her to be placed under a conservatorship. As for referencing the original “Lucky” video itself, the only instance of that is in the idea that there are two Halseys—the younger one and the famous one, with the latter watching over the former. The two only meet at the end of the video, when Famous Halsey (dressed, incidentally, like Kate Hudson in Almost Famous, another piece of pop culture from 2000) sits next to Young Halsey on a swing set. Alas, in the very final scene, Coppola returns to the swing set with Famous Halsey sitting all alone, the child version of herself having disappeared. An obvious metaphor for how all innocence is stamped out of you once you’ve been emotionally bulldozed for long enough.

    And it seems that’s the case for Halsey, who recently wrote of her “return” to music, “It’s hard to want to engage in a space that is completely devoid of any kindness, sympathy, patience; or to be honest human decency [oxymoron]. Especially after years of hiding from the interactions for fear that this EXACT thing would happen. I don’t know man. I almost lost my life. I am not gonna do anything that doesn’t make me happy anymore. I can’t spiritually afford it.” Of course, like Doja Cat threatening to quit music back in 2022, it’s unlikely that Halsey will really stop making music. Unlike Spears, who genuinely seems committed to preserving what’s left of her sanity by avoiding the music business like the plague.

    As for Halsey’s attempt at doing “Lucky” justice, let’s just say that, on “Without Me” (a video during which Halsey also has an abusive relationship displayed by intense arguing [with a G-Eazy lookalike, of course]), the singer incorporates a lyric from Justin Timberlake’s “Cry Me A River.” Specifically, “You don’t have to say just what you did/I already know/I had to go and find out from them.” That Halsey chooses to recreate the most affronting moment from the single vis-à-vis Timberlake’s false narrative about how Spears cheated on him makes her, frankly, unworthy of covering any Brit song. No matter how much she’s touted herself as a fan.

    And so, while Halsey wanted to make a “moving” track/“pay homage” to Britney and the 2000s, it’s hard to feel much for it when all it does is take the musical backing of Des’ree’s “You Gotta Be” (though some insist Monica’s “Angel of Mine”) and pairs it with the chorus of “Lucky.” Leaving little of Halsey to be found.

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Camila Cabello Tries To Be Everything to Every Listener With “Chanel No. 5,” Ends Up Doing a Bad Imitation of Britney Spears in the “Stronger” Video

    Camila Cabello Tries To Be Everything to Every Listener With “Chanel No. 5,” Ends Up Doing a Bad Imitation of Britney Spears in the “Stronger” Video

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    As promotion for C,XOXO ramps up ahead of its release, so, too, does Camila Cabello’s bid to keep pushing the “rebrand” angle of the record. The “persona” she’s cultivated is, ostensibly, “C”—in other words, a blonde version of herself that likes the color blue a lot, in addition to Charli XCX, Lana Del Rey and Taylor Swift. And, with the video for “Chanel No. 5,” it seems Britney Spears has been incorporated into the mix too, what with the chair and snake props that are decidedly “Spears coded.” Something that Billie Eilish knows all about after releasing her very “I’m A Slave 4 U” meets “I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman” video, “Your Power,” in 2021.

    In this case, Cabello knows all about the “Stronger” video and the 2001 “I’m A Slave 4 U” performance at the VMAs. Directed by Paul Geusebroek, the majority of the “Chanel No. 5” video speaks to that iconic moment in “Stronger” when it’s just Britney dancing against a black space with nothing more than her metal chair (and yes, Spears managed to make chair dancing her own even after what Madonna did for chairs in the “Open Your Heart” video). Touting that she’s stronger than yesterday, Cabello, too, tries to channel the empowerment of being a “heartbreaker” a.k.a. independent woman who doesn’t need a relationship—in fact, can take one or leave one; it really makes no difference to her.

    This is where the Marina and the Diamonds influence seems to come into the lyricism, with 2012’s “How to Be a Heartbreaker” seemingly all over the lyrics, “If I want him, he’s all mine/I know just how to fuck with his mind/Wrist, wrist, spritz, spritz, make him come alive/Chanel No. 5.” But, of course, let us not forget that Brit herself has a song called “Perfume” and has made a large bulk of the income her family stole for so long off of selling it. In a way, it’s too bad Cabello didn’t reference one of those scents instead (though it’s harder to rhyme something  about “coming alive” with Curious and Fantasy).

    While she continues her poor imitation of “Stronger” chair dancing (and yes, Brit’s reaction would probably be akin to the one she gave on X Factor when Fifth Harmony went on to the finals), she also sings, “‘Cause I love you, love-you-not like daisies/But this gloss I got is cute and tasty.” Here, the schizophrenia of the sources she’s imitating gravitates more toward Del Rey-inspired lyricism before the video cuts to an image of a snake. A cobra that also wouldn’t be out of place in Megan the Stallion’s current snake-filled world (cropping up in videos for songs like “Hiss,” “Cobra” and “Boa”). In fact, the way the snake wraps itself around Cabello’s neck also echoes the aforementioned Eilish video for “Your Power.” Though, to be fair, Taylor Swift was repurposing Britney’s snake seven years ago during her Reputation era.

    And, talking of Taylor, it was in trying to describe the “world” of C,XOXO in something like earnest that Cabello wrote, “C,XOXO is pink and blue ski masks, never being without lip gloss, coming alive during [the] blue hour, long nails and eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man, crying with your makeup on and texting pics to your friends.” That eyeliner analogy already immortalized in Midnights’ “Vigilante Shit” when Swift opened with, “Draw the cat eye sharp enough to kill a man.”

    In another moment, her DID takes hold in the form of Lil Nas X, almost as though she spent too much time with him for the making of “He Knows” so now she can perfectly imitate his choppy cadence when she says, “I’m a dog, woof-woof, and my tooth is gettin’ long/I’ma hog the mic, take a bite, peek-a-boo thong.” On a side note, she doesn’t seem to fully understand what the expression “long in the tooth” means. And, while we’re on the subject of insulting Cabello’s intelligence, what’s the likelihood she’s actually read a Haruki Murakami book from cover to cover? Which would be the only way someone should be allowed to sing, “Magical and real like Murakami.” A lyric that, of course, gives a very skin-deep “insight” into the nature of the author’s work.

    In truth, most of the lyrics for this song come across as Cabello overworking her attempts to sound poetic. This includes likening red chipped nails to “wabi-sabi” (defined as, “A world view centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection”), among the many other reductive lyrics on the song, with its title that also can’t help but remind one of Lou Bega’s “Mambo No. 5.”

    While Cabello was getting along “okay” with her previous two singles, “Chanel No. 5” marks the first one from C,XOXO without a feature. And it doesn’t bode well for the rest of the solo work on the record. To that point, so much commentary about the album has already insisted that C,XOXO is some kind of inauthentic cash grab that some of the publicity Cabello has done for it even builds that criticism into the article. For instance, Complex wrote, “Despite what the internet says, pop star Camila Cabello asserts she isn’t trying to be something she’s not. The 27-year-old has spent the last year and a half morphing into the woman she actually is and documenting that shift on her new hip hop-inspired project C,XOXO.”

    Cabello has also gone out of her way to overstress how authentic it truly is based on the title of the record alone, telling Jimmy Fallon, “It’s an album…that feels personal to me and authentic to me and, like, signed by me. It’s kind of like you’re, you know, writing a letter to someone. It’s, like, this is—this is me. Like it or not, whatever, signed by me.” Not exactly teeming with “depth” in terms of a “concept album.”

    And, clearly, it’s not only “signed” by her. For the record is rather feature-heavy, with two of its singles banking on those features for success—namely, “I Luv It” with Playboi Carti and “He Knows” with Lil Nas X. In the absence of anyone else to focus on in “Chanel No. 5” both sonically and visually, Cabello falls more noticeably flat. Even if momentarily uplifted and spun around by the metal chair that mimics the one in “Stronger.” But perhaps this is supposed to be the Murakami-inspired “magical realism” portion of the video. Which is at least slightly more “original” than the rest of it.

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • “Please Please Please” As A Theme Song For Britney Spears’ Dating History

    “Please Please Please” As A Theme Song For Britney Spears’ Dating History

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    Perhaps of all the celebrity women who can relate to a song like Sabrina Carpenter’s “Please Please Please,” Britney Spears is the most equipped to do so. Even though it seemed like, at the beginning of her career, the “dating gods” smiled upon her with someone who was as then cachet-laden as Justin Timberlake. That notion didn’t last very long. What’s more, although Timberlake’s behavior and aesthetic should have been embarrassing at the time, it was instead the height of late 90s/early 00s cool (obviously, retroactive embarrassment caught up). Complete with Timberlake’s signature yellow “ramen hair” and, yes, the blaccent that Spears trolls so well in her 2023 memoir, The Woman in Me. 

    During their approximately three-year relationship, Spears was still in a cushioned period of being “America’s sweetheart.” Alas, once the two broke up and Timberlake went on what amounted to a “she’s a slut” campaign (or, as Spears put it, she was portrayed “as a harlot who’d broken the heart of America’s golden boy”), everything changed for Spears. The media attention she was getting only got worse and worse in terms of fixating on her “skanky” clothing choices and her so-called “bad girl behavior.” And it seemed that Spears, in part, simply decided to fulfill the image that the public had of her—in short, to give the people what they wanted.

    Thus, her first fling after Timberlake (if one doesn’t count the dalliance that catalyzed their breakup, Wade Robson) was none other than Irish bad boy Colin Farrell (whose image has softened since that era). Granted, Spears wouldn’t have described it as a fling. Instead, she noted, “Brawl is the only word for it. We were all over each other, grappling so passionately it was like we were in a street fight.”

    Although that brawl was short-lived, it didn’t take Spears long to find another fling opportunity that she tried to parlay into “till death do us part”: Jason Alexander. As the media ribbed at the time, no, it wasn’t George Costanza that Spears had eloped with, but some backwater childhood friend she found herself in Las Vegas with during a post-New Year’s Eve bender. “Forever” was hardly the word for their fifty-five hour marriage though. And Spears’ parents were quick to swoop in and do “damage control” by demanding that she get the marriage annulled.

    And so, by early 2004, despite Spears’ scant “body count” on the dating history scene, everything had thus far fallen into place to align with the Carpenter-penned plea, “Please, please, please/Don’t prove I’m right/And please, pleasе, please/Don’t bring me to tеars when I just did my makeup so nice/Heartbreak is one thing, my ego’s another/I beg you, don’t embarrass me, motherfucker, oh.”

    Unfortunately, Spears had yet to endure her biggest embarrassment of all: Kevin Federline. And just a few months after her drunken two-day marriage to Alexander, she would meet the odious “K-Fed,” arguably the worst thing that ever happened to Spears in terms of affecting her trajectory and leading it straight to a sham conservatorship. After beginning their torrid romance in the spring of 2004, Spears and Federline would be married on September 18, 2004 (though the marriage wouldn’t technically be legal until October 6, after the prenup was finalized).

    The ceremony itself was a surprise to the guests who had been invited under the pretense that it was an engagement party. But lo and behold, Spears instead offered her guests a wedding befitting of her “Southern trash” vibe at the time. This extended to a menu of chicken fingers, fries and ribs, as well as having everyone change into matching pink Juicy Couture tracksuits once the (faulty) vows had been made. 

    The honeymoon period with K-Fed was quickly over after the back-to-back births of their Virgo children, Sean Preston (September 14, 2005) and Jayden James (September 12, 2006). It seemed Federline was more interested in going out and partying than staying home and raising a family (cue the lyrics, “Well, I have a fun idea, babe/Maybe just stay inside/I know you’re cravin’ some fresh air, but the ceiling fan is so nice”). This revelation dawned on Spears after it was already too late. The disappointment of the marriage, coupled with her postpartum depression, made for a lethal mental health combination. Ergo, all the stars aligned to paint her as having a “breakdown” (or, in other words, a normal reaction to the shit that was going on in her life). By November of ‘06, she had filed for divorce from Federline, just two months after the birth of her second son. 

    In the wake of Federline, there were more “randos” in between, including her AA drug counselor, John Sundahl, and paparazzo Adnan Ghalib, who Spears met soon after shaving her head on February 16, 2007. That relationship lasted until 2008…because, under the rules of the conservatorship, Spears’ dating life would be much more closely monitored. Something Jason Trawick didn’t seem to mind. That Trawick was already Spears’ agent seemed to indicate to Jamie Spears that he had her “best” “business interests” in mind at all times. Maybe that’s why he suspiciously made Trawick a co-conservator in 2012 (yet another reason many speculated him to be a “plant” in Spears’ life). Then there were the subsequent rando pairings of David Lucado (who cheated on her, quelle surprise) and Charlie Ebersol. This brings us to 2016, when Sam Asghari entered the fray after meeting Spears on the video shoot for “Slumber Party.”

    While it seemed, for a time, as though Asghari might not be a shitheel ultimately using Spears as his cash cow like everyone else, things gradually revealed themselves to be slightly more sinister. That Asghari was also an aspiring actor only makes the following Carpenter verse all the more eerie: “I know I have good judgment, I know I have good taste/It’s funny and it’s ironic that only I feel that way/I promise ’em that you’re different and everyone makes mistakes/But just don’t/I heard that you’re an actor, so act like a stand-up guy.” Needless to say, Asghari did not. And Spears has since moved on to one of her worst selections yet: Paul Richard Soliz.

    Hired as a “handyman,” of sorts, on her payroll, Soliz has a criminal record and possesses the same “deadbeat dad” aura of K-Fed. Whether or not Spears has learned her lesson and is just using him to fulfill her fetish for “felon dick” instead of actually trying to turn it into a serious relationship remains to be seen. But maybe, at this point, she knows better than to bother delivering the silent prayer, “I beg you, don’t embarrass me, motherfucker.” Her long-running taste in men pretty much seals the promise of that embarrassment. Which is why Spears might also be thinking to herself, “And we could live so happily if no one knows that you’re with me.”

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • The “Toxic” Video for a New, Less Glamorous Era: Charli XCX’s “Von Dutch”

    The “Toxic” Video for a New, Less Glamorous Era: Charli XCX’s “Von Dutch”

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    Although Charli XCX’s first album, True Romance, wasn’t released until 2013, she has always exuded the sonic and visual aura of being a daughter of the 00s. And there was no more significant “mother” in that decade than Britney Spears, who kicked off the aughts with her iconic “Oops!…I Did It Again” video and album. By 2004, however, Spears seemed determined to one-up herself with the video for “Toxic,” arguably among her most well-known visuals after “…Baby One More Time,”  “Oops!…I Did It Again”  and “I’m A Slave 4 U.” In it, Spears channels Pan Am-era chic in a flight attendant uniform that one would have never seen in the “friendly” skies of the 00s, let alone now. 

    But even more than her 60s-inspired flight attendant ensemble, it was her literal nude look that stood out in the eyes of viewers. As Spears confirmed in an interview (something she seems to have thrown a peace sign up on altogether since the conservatorship ended) from 2016 with Jonathan Ross, it was simply crystals/mini diamonds (or “hand diamonds,” as she called them) glued onto her body and paired with a white G-string. And voilà, immortal look achieved. 

    With the video released at the beginning of 2004, it would eventually serve as a reminder of 00s “polish” and decadence in the years before the 2008 financial crisis. In the months just leading up to it, Spears would release the less polished (visual-wise) video for “Gimme More,” the lead single from 2007’s Blackout. After that, she would unleash the moody, clapback-at-the-critics song, “Piece of Me”—which would become such a signature that she named her Vegas residency in its honor. It is the theme of that particular song which Charli XCX seeks to repurpose on “Von Dutch” (a title in keeping with her 00s reverence). Accordingly, the Torso-directed video commences with XCX being stalked by paparazzi at the airport (Charles de Gaulle, to be exact—because Charli is just so Euro).

    As she walks past the proverbial vultures with her aloofness and sunglasses as a shield, she then whips her shades off, along with her skirt (so she can sport just her underwear and tights underneath), and gets right into the first verse: “It’s okay to just admit that you’re jealous of me/Yeah I heard you talk about me, that’s the word on the street/You’re obsessin’ [that accusation lending the song un certain Mariah flair], just confess it/Put your hands up/It’s obvious I’m your number one.” (This also channeling, incidentally, a lyric Goldfrapp sings on 2005’s, what else, “Number 1”.) 

    From the start, it’s apparent that XCX is much less apologetic than Spears was on “Piece of Me” as she sang with more than a slightly sardonic tinge, “I’m Miss Bad Media Karma/Another day, another drama/Guess I can’t see no harm in workin’ and bein’ a mama.” Charli, rather than inserting semi-apologetic caveats in her lyrics, declares full-stop, “​​I’m just living that life Von Dutch, cult classic, but I still pop/I get money, you get mad because the bank’s shut/Yeah, I know your little secret, put your hands up/It’s so obvious I’m your number one.” In the spirit of another 00s piece of pop culture that has inspired of late, Mean Girls, there are many aspects of “Von Dutch” that mirror the content of Renée Rapp and Megan Thee Stallion’s “Not My Fault.” Wherein the former boasts, “It’s not my fault/You gotta pay what I get for free/It’s not my fault/You’re like, you’re like, you’re like in love with me.” According to Charli, nor is it her fault either. She’s “just livin’ that life, Von dutch, cult classic, but I still pop.” 

    Even when forced to mingle among the hoi polloi at the airport. Because, again, these are not the glamorous days of Britney’s “Toxic” video, during which she plays an international spy who also happens to be on a mission to poison her ex-boyfriend. For Charli, it’s less about the destination and more about the journey as she treats the entire airport and, subsequently, the airplane like her runway. Or, more to the point, as any “TikToker” would if CDG had agreed to shut down the terminal for them so they could dance and mug for the camera to their heart’s content without judgment (not that such a worry has ever stopped an “influencer” from annoying people in the public space before). Not to mention providing an empty plane to “bop around” on before making one’s way out onto the wing to do a jig there as well. And, as though to highlight the differences between 2004 Britney on an airplane and 2024 Charli on one, the latter takes the drink cart she’s pushing and violently shoves it down on the floor without a second thought. A stark contrast to Spears sexily pushing her own champagne-filled cart down the aisle on her airplane to “serve with a smile” that hides her ulterior motives.

    But back to the TikTok video flavor, funnily enough, XCX seems to shade that ilk with the line, “Do that littlе dance, without it, you’d be namelеss.” Something in the tone of the lyrics also giving Amy Winehouse on “Fuck Me Pumps” when she jibes, “Don’t be mad at me, ‘cause you’re pushing thirty/And your old tricks no longer work” (how ahead of her time she was on Gen Z-level ageism…along with Lily Allen on “22”). This all further speaking to how XCX is ready to drench herself in the 00s…much as the rest of the pop culture-obsessed set has done of late. But XCX is additionally bringing more than a dash of her “Tumblr sleaze” into the equation, hence breaking the fourth wall by slamming her head against the camera to mimic the effect of beating the shit out of someone—whoever her collective nemesis is, in this case. 

    She then grabs onto an automatic floor-cleaning machine and holds on for a bit before jumping the turnstile at a boarding gate like it’s merely a subway stop. On the empty plane (an Airbus A380), XCX continues her visceral, “anti-‘Toxic’” performance, pursued by the invisible antagonist she keeps fighting back with bratty (her next album is titled Brat, after all) panache. Or perhaps “anti” isn’t the word so much as “antithesis of.” Because there is nothing rehearsed-feeling or, as mentioned, polished about this the way there was in “Toxic.” This, to reemphasize, echoing the fact that all sense of glamor and being able to put up a veneer of elegance and sophistication has dissipated in our post-Empire world. Indeed, XCX is effectively putting a spotlight on the motif of how fucking shitty it is to travel now compared to 2004 (easier and less dehumanizing that year than now, despite the world coming fresh off 9/11). 

    Elsewhere in the lyrics of the song, XCX takes a page from Olivia Rodrigo branding her ex as a “fame fucker” on “vampire” (since fame, after all, is supposedly accessible to everyone now). Thus, Charli jabs at her haters, “Why you lying? You won’t fuck unless he’s famous.” It’s a long way from Britney touting, “I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous (you want a piece of me)/I’m Mrs. Oh My God That Britney’s Shameless (you want a piece of me).” Where Spears was forced to give up those pieces of herself to the public mostly against her will, Charli is of an era wherein everyone is willing and ready to whore it all out for the sake of fame (and hopefully, the added and often correlative bonus of money). Doing it for the hallowed “benefit” of being able to say you’re “famous”—or rather, “viral.” That word so evocative of a disease…which is precisely what fame has become. A bug that everyone wants to catch like corona at a party in 2020 Tuscaloosa. Because if you’re not trying to get famous while the world burns around you, you might not have a chance to enjoy the perks before it’s burned entirely. Thanks, in part, to jumbo jets like the one so prominently featured in XCX’s video (and yes, Charli is no stranger to promoting fossil fuels in her songs [including “Vroom Vroom” and “Speed Drive”] and visuals [e.g., “2999”]).

    It’s hard to put much “Toxic”-level varnish on this bleak human condition of the next generation. Maybe that’s why, by the end, XCX is as triumphant as she is run ragged, coasting along the conveyor belt of the baggage claim with the rest of the damaged, overly jostled goods.

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • An Editor’s Review Of The Woman In Me by Britney Spears

    An Editor’s Review Of The Woman In Me by Britney Spears

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    My childhood belongs to the Spears family. Jamie Lynn starred in one of my favorite shows, Nickelodeon’s
    Zoey 101, as the title character, while Britney was the soundtrack of my adolescence.

    Growing up, I’d sing “Toxic” at the top of my lungs. And the
    Circus and Blackout albums endlessly circulated through my iPod Nano. Britney’s denim outfit alongside Justin Timberlake were one of the most popular couple’s costumes every year.

    And as I grew older, I was stunned by the truth that came out about the realities of Britney Spears’ life. Once the world’s sweetheart, she was constantly ridiculed online and began posting seemingly out-of-character Instagram videos. The world started paying closer attention, and the #FreeBritney movement began.

    “I don’t think people knew how much the #FreeBritney movement meant to me…And the fact that my friends and my fans sensed what was happening and did all that for me, that’s a debt I can never repay”

    Fans of Spears’ were told that the star’s erratic behavior may have be due to her father’s, Jamie Spears’ conservatorship that granted him control over Britney’s estate and personal affairs. A legal battle ensued, and in November 2021, Britney Spears was officially free.

    “The conservatorship was created supposedly because I was incapable of doing anything at all…So why was it that a few weeks later, they had me shoot an episode of
    How I Met Your Mother and then sent me on a grueling world tour?”

    Considering the horrors of Britney’s conservatorship, the harrowing legal trial, and all she’d endured, you might assume the harsh online criticism was over…You’d be wrong, because that’s the American public: ever-present, ever-hypercritical.

    Which is why
    everyone had to read her debut memoir, The Woman In Me, it’s such a cultural phenomenon. We know the Britney Spears of the tabloids and the stage and the trial, but we’ve never heard her story from her perspective. Which is why I had to read it myself.

    @yourbestfriendjoshua These are the biggest BOMBSHELLS about Britney Spears’ time in the 13+ year conservatorship, in her own words…🤯🤯🤯 #britneyspears #omg #justiceforbritney ♬ Biggest BOMBSHELLS in Britney Spears memoir – Joshua Pingley

    What’s glaringly obvious from the book’s first paragraph, is that Britney must have had a strong hand in writing it. The sentences are quite simple, and this isn’t to insult her writing because I believe she’s got a fantastic story, but you can tell a professional writer did not write this. I was able to read 288 pages in only a few hours total!

    Britney is clearly traumatized from a whole host of situations: her father stealing her money, being overworked and stay captive inside all day, her family turning on her for the sake of conservatorship, and the fact that Justin Timberlake wanted her to go through an at-home abortion so the public wouldn’t find out.

    @betches This Britney and Justin tea is too piping hot to deal with! ☕️ #britneyspearsmemoir #britneyandjustin #justintimberlakebritneyspearsbreakup #thewomaninmebritneyspears ♬ original sound – Betches

    She details her life in an honest and open manner that we’ve never seen before: her abusive marriage with Kevin Federline, how Justin Timberlake cheated on her multiple times, the abortion, the conservatorship, and her relationship with each family member including Jamie Lynn.

    It’s genuinely haunting to hear the torture and abuse that she’s endured so far in her life, but also helps you understand Britney. While her Instagram posts may be off-putting to some, she’s lived so much of her life under the control of others.

    “I would go to sleep early. And then I would wake up and do what they told me again. And again. And again. It was like
    Groundhog Day. I did that for thirteen years.”

    But there are happy moments captured by Spears as well: her love for her children and her fans, her dedication to performing and the albums she loved writing. And then there’s her account of regaining her sense of self.

    Now, we get to see Britney as she’d like to be seen: a strong performer, a loving mother and friend, and someone who deserves to live her own life on her own terms.

    You don’t always get a firsthand glimpse into the life of one of the most famous pop-stars in the world…so when you do, you read their memoir.

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    Jai Phillips

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  • Not Justin Ken’ing Britney While She Was Having An Abortion

    Not Justin Ken’ing Britney While She Was Having An Abortion

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    There is a very particular moment in Britney Spears’ revelatory The Woman In Me, during which she at last has the courage to rehash having an abortion in 2000. The baby, of course, would have been Justin Timberlake’s. Justin, at that time, however, was riding a bit too high on the crest of his success with NSYNC, and fatherhood would only signal a “death sentence” with regard to his ability to sleep around furthering his burgeoning prosperity. Britney, on the other hand, always knew she wanted to have a family. Repeatedly, this has come up in interviews with her from the very start of her career. 

    So, although it might have been “too soon” for Timberlake, from Spears’ perspective, “It was a surprise, but for me it wasn’t a tragedy. I loved Justin so much. I always expected us to have a family together one day. This would just be much earlier than I’d anticipated.” Timberlake did not see it that way, he being the one who insisted that Spears “get rid of it.” This, to be sure, is more than somewhat ironic considering how public he’s been about his pro-choice stance. And yes, having the choice doesn’t just refer to the choice to abort, but the choice to carry out a pregnancy. Timberlake did not allow that choice for Spears, bulldozing her into doing what he wanted because it would have damaged his reputation (“If he didn’t want to become a father, I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice. I wouldn’t want to push him into something he didn’t want. Our relationship was too important to me”). And yet, years later, at a rally for Barack Obama, Timberlake declared next to his new girlfriend, Jessica Biel, “Nobody should be able to say what you can do with your body… I give Jess the right to choose where we go to eat all the time. The funny thing is, what the woman chooses is usually right.” First of all, vom, and second, it’s cruelly apparent that he didn’t believe Spears deserved the same “approach.” And gee, how kind of Timberlake to “give the right to choose” to Biel. Which was more than could be said for Britney. 

    It was already bad enough that, as usual, she was pushed and pressured into doing something she didn’t want to do, but, to add insult to injury, Spears recalls that while she was in agonizing pain on the floor of the bathroom, Timberlake thought it would be a great idea to come in and start playing his guitar to soothe her. Or, as she puts it, “At some point he thought maybe music would help, so he got his guitar and he lay there with me strumming it.” Yes, that’s correct, while Spears was doubled over in agony, Timberlake thought, “Hey, let me play my guitar for her. That makes sense. My music is all-healing.” There’s a reason “strumming it” sounds like “stroking it,” because all Timberlake was doing by playing his guitar in that moment was stroking his own ego with a masturbatory flourish. Never mind that Spears was on the verge of total panic because of the pain, and her awareness that Timberlake would not take her to the hospital if anything went wrong in order to guard his “dirty secret” at all costs. 

    Spears was also sure to make it clear that she was unsure about “her” (read: his) decision, and that, even to this day, she questions if it was right, remarking, “I don’t know if that was the right decision. If it had been left up to me alone, I never would have done it.” She added, “We also decided on something that in retrospect wound up being, in my view, wrong, and that was that I should not go to a doctor or to a hospital to have the abortion. It was important that no one find out about the pregnancy or the abortion, which meant doing everything at home.” Thus, not only was Spears strongarmed into the entire ordeal, she didn’t even get the luxury of having access to more complete, professional medical care for the procedure—all because JT would be “shamed.” Even though, in the end, Spears would have been the one to bear the brunt of the inevitable media backlash had the news actually leaked. For, as she also points out, “There’s always been more leeway in Hollywood for men than for women.” Plus, as we saw in 2002, everyone automatically sided with the false narrative Timberlake painted via “Cry Me A River” and its video.

    Spears’ description of the breakup that ensued not long after her abortion was one characterized by being “clinically in shock.” However, in Spears’ position on the bathroom floor, she might also have been clinically in shock as a result of seeing Timberlake sit down next to her and play guitar in response to her visible physical torment. A scene she illustrates by recalling, “…I took the little pills. Soon I started having excruciating cramps. I went into the bathroom and stayed there for hours, lying on the floor, sobbing and screaming. They should’ve numbed me with something, I thought. I wanted some kind of anesthesia. I wanted to go to the doctor. I was so scared. I lay there wondering if I was going to die.”

    For Timberlake to engage in the peak Ken behavior of playing his guitar in response to that exemplifies the worst kind of toxic masculinity. The kind that assumes it is gentle and caring when, actually, it is entirely narcissistic and self-serving. And so, with just one sentence, clearly drenched with shade, Spears recalls her own Barbie-esque hell. One in which the Ken of the scenario, Justin, seriously thought the thing that would help her most of all was his guitar-playing. 

    Obviously, there’s a good reason for writer-director Greta Gerwig to have so heavily featured this male trope in Barbie. For there have been scores upon scores of women subjected to this same form of musical abuse posing as…what? Romantic prowess? Sensitive boy swagger? Who the fuck knows what’s actually going through a man’s head when he decides that “strumming some tunes” is somehow the fulfillment of the ultimate female fantasy.

    All that can be known for sure is that the least consoling thing to happen while a girl is having an at-home abortion is being “Ken’d” with some guitar. Merely adding to how viable the tagline, “She’s everything. He’s just Ken” truly is. And yet, for whatever reason, it still takes the Barbies of the world too long to understand that they don’t need Ken, it’s the other way around. Or, as Justin would phrase it, “You were my sun/You were my earth.”

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • “Mind Your Business” Has the “Piece of Me” Tone That Keeps Britney Spears Firmly Associated With the 00s

    “Mind Your Business” Has the “Piece of Me” Tone That Keeps Britney Spears Firmly Associated With the 00s

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    For those who were worried that the 2000s might never come back authentically (instead having to settle for ersatz imitations like the makeup aesthetic on Euphoria), Britney Spears, the decade’s foremost representative, has decided to return with non-remake music (no shade at “Hold Me Closer”). Though, depending on who you ask, it’s some “fake version” of her still being controlled by members of her family and/or her new husband, Sam Asghari (or maybe even her gay bestie du moment, Cade Hudson). In short, that she hasn’t “returned” at all. Worse still, that the vocals on “Mind Your Business” are recycled from what Myah Marie, a singer who recorded many of the demos on 2013’s Britney Jean (which will.i.am executive produced), already did.

    And yes, 2013 was the last time Spears and will.i.am collaborated via “It Should Be Easy,” another EDM-centric ditty for Britney Jean that was released as the final single. However, “Big Fat Bass,” from 2011’s Femme Fatale, was not. Perhaps because both Brit and Will knew they would have something better to offer in their 2012 collaboration, “Scream & Shout” (from which “Mind Your Business” takes many sonic cues). A song wherein Britney repurposes (most of) her immortal 2007 line, “It’s Britney, bitch.” This hailing from “Gimme More,” the lead single on her fifth album, Blackout. The one her then-paparazzo boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib, says she wrote portions of on a Starbucks napkin (“iconic,” as Paris Hilton would remark). And it was “Piece of Me” that came after “Gimme More,” both songs exuding a tongue-in-cheek irreverence that showcased just how little Spears could bother to give a shit about her public image anymore. One that had been tarnished and tainted into oblivion by that point already anyway. After all, the head-shaving incident had occurred in February ‘07, along with her lip-syncing flop of a VMA performance in September, making “Piece of Me” an ideal track to unleash later that year in November. 

    It is the spirit and sound of “Mind Your Business” that echoes, once more, Spears’ “fuck you” defiance on “Piece of Me.” And yet, at the same time, it has to be said that the frozen in time quality of Spears’ sound on “Mind Your Business” makes one wonder if she is truly still “relevant” or simply catering to what longtime fans continue to want from her. We won’t use the term “cashing in,” for that’s a bit too crass in this case. Britney, after all, has been given the tacit sanction to cash in all she wants after being exploited for so many years. But, in all those years of being “handled,” forced to do things without being allowed to put in much creative input of her own, did she become trapped in the age she was effectively enslaved at (twenty-six) and in (2008)? Is that, in the end, what “Mind Your Business” embodies about Spears returning to the music business as a free agent? 

    It was Taylor Swift who once said, “There’s this thing people say about celebrities, that they’re frozen at the age they got famous.” In Spears’ scenario, not only does that hold true (based on her perpetually childlike nature), but it also applies to the age she got frozen at before losing her agency. The age she last recognized herself as, well herself. Not to mention one of the last instances where she had more control over the music she released (even if it wasn’t enough control to get Original Doll out there). So it’s only natural to want to return to that state (as natural as Britney wanting to revert to being twelve years old on her forty-first birthday). “Mind Your Business,” for precisely that reason, sounds like it could be straight outta 2007 far more than it sounds like “fresh content.” The same goes for the puzzling cover art, which makes some of the half-assed PicsArt offerings Lana Del Rey has been known to “create” look positively effort-laden. Where “Mind Your Business” is concerned, the image for the single is confirmed to feature a photo of Spears (or at least her face) from 2003 taken by Mark Liddell (from the same photoshoot Spears favors using an image from for her Instagram profile). Which, again, speaks to all the ways that everything about this single seems to want to freeze Spears in that decade. A freezing that appears to be of her own making. 

    And, as alluded to before, it might not technically even be “fresh content,” with the possibility that it was first “generated” in the Britney Jean era and “laid down” by Myah Marie. A woman, incidentally, who once uploaded a parody of “Piece of Me” called “Don’t Take the Kids From Me.” Removed at some point after it was initially posted in 2011, the purported lyrics doing a sendup of Spears’ original song include, “I was miss preteen wet dream when I was seventeen/I lip-sang and pretended to sing/Got breast implants and a wedding ring/Then I flashed all my privates, they put pictures in the magazines/Don’t take the kids from me, don’t take the kids from me.” Then there was also the verse, “I started hittin’ the bottle/Lost all the titles of role model/Hitched in Vegas, forgot it/Did all the things that I wanted/And with a kid in the car/Don’t need a seat belt for protection/Don’t take the kids from me.” For a parody that came out in 2011, it has all the crisp mean-spiritedness that was plaguing Spears in ‘07-‘08. A time that would have also prompted Spears to repeat, “Mind your B, mind your B, mind your B” (the “B” obviously playing on the first initial of her infamous name—so infamous, in fact, that she often gets the “icon treatment” of being referred to by the mononym of “Britney”). 

    To that point, as Spears enters a new decade as a liberated woman, “Mind Your Business” feels decidedly “old hat” (though she did have some fire flat caps and fedoras in the 00s). By the same token, everything about it is “giving the people what they want”: 2000s hauntology. Although no one really wants something truly “new” from Spears, her uncanny ability to deliver the same themes and sounds from the 00s doesn’t quite work as well within the context of now, an era when, sure, she’s still occasionally “stalked” by paparazzi, but nowhere near the swarming level that was happening to her in 2007. To boot, those magazines that could once make so much coin off tracking her movements are no longer selling the way they used to. And websites like TMZ and Perez Hilton certainly have nothing close to their 00s-level influence. So, who then, is “Mind Your Business” really speaking to? Other than a need to dust off the time period in which Spears can last recall herself at her “best.” Or maybe she’s redirecting some of her ire toward the comments section (which she’s turned off at this point), where trolls abound in innovatively hateful ways. 

    And so it is that “Piece of Me” lyrics like, “Don’t matter if I step on the scene/Or sneak away to the Philippines/They still gon’ put pictures of my derrière in the magazine/You want a piece of me?/You want a piece of me” transmogrify into “Mind Your Business” lyrics like, “Uptown, downtown, everywhere I turn around/Hollywood, London, snap-snap is the sound/Paparazzi shot me, I am the economy [the “Britney economy” being the name of the entire career that cropped up out of documenting her in the aughts]/Follow me, follow me, follow me/Follow, follow me.” That last line having new meaning in the social media epoch. 

    This perpetual feeling of being hunted (like Diana) might still hold true for Spears in the form of the conspiracy theories surrounding her (even more so in the wake of the conservatorship) that make people obsessed with knowing her “real” location (or why she hasn’t gone anywhere at all). But it’s no longer as resonant as it was in the mid-aughts when she could scarcely walk down the street without risking some version of an assault. Indeed, it was her inability to do so that eventually led to the first major anti-paparazzi law getting passed after they ambushed her while she was being escorted by ambulance to the hospital in 2008. 

    Of course, a song like “Mind Your Business” exemplifies the great dichotomy of fame. Of how, on the one hand, a celebrity craves the kind of attention that secures them millions (or even billions of dollars), yet on the other, they just want to be treated like a “regular person.” A.k.a. have the financial/influence-related benefits of fame, along with anonymity and privacy in their “off” hours. Alas, being famous is a 24/7 occupation (but at least the pay grade somewhat matches that grueling schedule more accordingly than it does for others). 

    Britney once likened her life to a “Circus” and having all eyes on her in the center of the ring. To some extent, that’s made her world-weary. To another, it’s part of the “I’m paid attention to, therefore I am” mentality that many celebrities can’t ever shake once they find their fame. And, talking of circuses, the intro to “Mind Your Business” has a very circus-y, zany type of sound—with a sinister undertone that the Joker could probably get on board with. For that’s what belies the “glitz” and “glamor” of fame: a seedy, nightmarish underbelly. It then concludes with a choir-y repetition of “mind your B.” This after the final verse delivered by Spears that somewhat unfortunately echoes another 00s song, Baha Men’s “Who Let the Dogs Out?” Namely, when Spears, likely referring to her current coterie of canines, warns, “If they don’t get up out my face, then send the dogs out (woof)/Five seconds and then the dogs come out (woof)/You know what happens when the dogs come out/None of your business-ness.” The playful nonsensicality of it harkens back to Spears’ tone on “Work Bitch” (among the few standout tracks from Britney Jean) when she says, “I bring the treble, don’t mean to trouble ya/I make it bubble up, call me the bubbler/I am the bad bitch, the bitch that you’re lovin’ up.”

    Elsewhere, it’s not as though will.i.am’s lyrics do much to update the sound of the song either, with Big Brother-y nods like, “They watchin’ me, they watchin’ ya/They got eyes up in the sky/So pose for that camera” channeling Snoop Dogg and Justin Timberlake’s 2005 single, “Signs,” on which the former raps, “Now you stepping wit a G, from Los Angeles/Where the helicopters got cameras/Just to get a glimpse of our Chucks/And our khakis and our bouncer cars.” Much as they tried to get a glimpse of Britney doing just about anything banal (usually leaving Starbucks)…circa the 00s.

    In the present, Spears still refers to unflattering paparazzi photos she sees of herself (though it’s hard to say where), as though despising, more than anything, not being able to sustain the image she has of herself as that twenty-two-year-old from 2003 (hence, the picture chosen for the “Mind Your Business” cover art). Madonna, too, has a similar problem, but in contrast to Britney’s idol, there seems, here, to be a lack of any attempt at reinvention (both image-wise and in terms of experimenting with a different sound), so much as a leaning further into the decade that made her an icon in the first place. Because maybe, in the end, the early and mid-aughts are the last time she can remember, like so many of us, feeling any sense of “normalcy.” For, as skewed as her (and humanity’s) “normal” was back then, it’s undoubtedly even more oblique now. 

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Britney Is Once Again Humiliated and Painted as the “Crazy” One–This Time Just For Trying to Be a Fangirl

    Britney Is Once Again Humiliated and Painted as the “Crazy” One–This Time Just For Trying to Be a Fangirl

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    For those who have followed the latest in an endlessly bizarre series of celebrity news items, perhaps the most unexpected of late has been Britney Spears getting backhanded by one of the security guards for current NBA darling Victor Wembanyama. The French nineteen-year-old might not have even been born when one of Spears’ biggest hits, “Toxic,” was released, but he certainly knew 1) the meaning of that song and 2) who he had trifled with the day after the “incident” in question made worldwide headlines.

    Spears, who everyone knows is mild-mannered and sweet as pie when it comes to being a fangirl (see: Britney iconically trying to imitate Julia Roberts with a rose in her mouth on the December 2007 cover of Vanity Fair), perhaps made the rookie mistake (pun intended) of assuming that she still lives in a time when it was safe to perform even the simplest of gestures (i.e., shoulder tapping). Not to mention one of the most traditional in terms of “celebrity honoring.” And that is: wanting to ask for her picture to be taken with Wembanyama. Next to requesting an autograph, it’s about as wholesome as you can get when it comes to being a fan. Because fans are, increasingly (as many know post-Items Being Launched at Singers While Performing Live), pretty fucking weird and demanding. But Spears, a famous person that has experienced her own fair share of fans wanting a “piece of her,” didn’t seem up to date on the reality of post-social media, post-woke life/exchanges with another human in the evermore irascible public space. That in the contentious, constantly-about-to-reach-a-boiling-point climate of now, everyone—especially those in the public eye—are on their ultimate defense (no basketball position reference meant).

    Living in a society like ours, American or otherwise (but particularly American, if we’re being real), every interaction has somehow transformed into a potential for danger, liability. Something Spears didn’t have to deal with quite so much in her proverbial heyday. This being part of why the security guard’s unwarranted assault felt so jarring to her, and why, roughly two days after the scuffle, she continued to openly comment on the matter by writing on her Instagram, “I’ve been working in the industry for years and have been with some of the most famous people in the world…NSYNC at one point were like The Beatles [a big stretch, but let’s pretend]. Girls would throw themselves at them everywhere we went…not one time in my life has a security guard ever hit another person!!! I’m not sharing this to be a victim … I SIMPLY GET IT HONESTLY … my reaction was priceless … BAD ??? YES … I’ve had documentaries done about me and none of which I approved … I have felt helpless in most situations and my experience in Vegas and my reaction was a cry out on all levels.”

    A cry that, once again, has gone mostly unheard, with media outlets using terms like “alleged assault” when referring to what the director of security for the San Antonio Spurs, Damian Smith, did to Spears. Physically lashing out at her without assessing the situation whatsoever and causing her to hit herself in the face with her own hand (giving new meaning to the phrase, “Hit me, baby/One more time”). All the while, Wembanyama remained blissfully unaware of the chaos (per his account, with Brit contrarily stating, “Watching the player laugh was cruel and demoralizing”) he was indirectly causing, continuing on his merry way without ever turning around at all. Because it becomes so easy to be oblivious when The Fame arrives and, with it, a series of handlers to deal with the things you were once forced to as a “peasant.” It’s like Wembanyama forgot that he grew up in Nanterre at all.

    Although Spears has been sure to highlight that she’s never witnessed such knee-jerk violence from a security guard before, perhaps she missed the main headline from 2018’s New York Fashion Week, during which a vaguely similar event occurred. Similar in that it also involved two famous people and a security team lash-out. Granted, two famous people on a level playing field (for, no matter what any basketball fan tries to tell you, Britney Spears is the superior icon here): Nicki Minaj and Cardi B. In this scenario, Cardi filled the Britney role (eerie, when considering she recently wrote a verse wherein she raps, “I feel like Britney Spears”) by actually trying to attack Minaj, whose security team then intervened and escorted her out of the venue.

    Of course, that scenario made slightly more sense (as things sort of still did in a pre-COVID world) in that Minaj and Cardi’s animosity had been stewing for a while (in spite of playing nice with each other by collaborating on “MotorSport”). The one that somehow involved Spears and Wembanyama ever crossing paths at all in the same place, at the same time (short of Spears actually attending a Spurs game) would not appear as “plausible” were it not so on-brand for 2023. Where the word “absurd” has lost all of its original meaning and instead been redefined as: “perfectly normal.” As it has long been just that to not only publicly humiliate Spears, but also twist everything she does in such a way as to make her come across as the villain. The “bad guy,” as Billie Eilish would say (and yes, Spears has displayed an affinity for that song in the past).

    Wembanyama had no issue perpetuating that pattern by describing the situation that unfolded outside of Catch restaurant in Las Vegas’ ARIA hotel as follows: “Something did happen, a little bit [already downplaying it with that word choice, clearly], when I was walking with some security from the team to some restaurant. We were in the hall. There was a lot of people, so people calling me, obviously. There was one person who was calling me, but we talked before with the security. I couldn’t stop. That person was calling me, ‘sir, sir,’ and that person grabbed me from behind.” And with that one very pointed word choice—“grabbed”— Wembanyama proceeded to add himself to the list of people who, for whatever reason, get their kicks from portraying Spears as unhinged. If she is, well, then everyone is responsible for making her that way. And, in truth, it’s a wonder she hasn’t been institutionalized in the same mental hospital *NSYNC was admitted to by now. That’s what probably would have happened to anyone else enduring her circumstances that didn’t have a song called “Stronger.”

    This perhaps also being why she could suffer such fools as Wembanyama insisting, “I didn’t see what happened because I was walking straight and didn’t stop. That person grabbed me from behind, not on my shoulder, she grabbed me from behind. I just know the security pushed her away. I don’t know with how much force, but security pushed her away. I didn’t stop to look so I could walk in and enjoy the nice dinner.”

    Spears, on the other hand, was not able to walk in and enjoy what should have been her nice dinner. And all after she was just trying to be, what else, nice. Congratulate a bitch on his success and express her admiration. But she should have learned her lesson by now: no good deed goes unpunished (starting with honing her singing and dancing talents ultimately as a means to financially support her family). And she was punished with not only more public humiliation, but the insult to (literal) injury that was not being believed. Having people assume that Wembanyama’s account of things was the accurate one, just because it’s not only “easier” but “more fun” to believe in the “crazy” behavior of Britney Spears. The persona she’s been saddled and “entertaining” people with for longer than she was a tabloid-evading pop star.

    In typical Britney fashion, however, she took the unwarranted assault as a chance to address a larger issue in our society at this moment. One that she seemed not to notice amplifying while she was under lock and key. And that is: everyone is extremely fuckin’ uppity. So concerned they’re going to be hurt that they end up hurting others. So it was that Spears took the chance to declare, “Physical violence is happening too much in this world. Often behind closed doors. I stand with all the victims and my heart goes out to all of you!!! I have yet to get a public apology from the player, his security or their organization. I hope they will…” It seems likely that they won’t. And that, if they do, it will be solely to “save face” (and after so egregiously endangering Britney’s). Not that a man can ever really lose any. Bringing us to another egregious reality of this entire situation: if a woman’s security had done the same to a man, she would automatically be reamed to no end by critics and commentators alike, while the man could enjoy the luxury of being portrayed as the innocent lamb-like victim.

    Spears unwittingly pointed out the double standard between what’s expected of men versus women, even when it comes to how they “direct” their security. Remarking sadly of what happened, “I get swarmed by people all the time. In fact, that night, I was swarmed by a group of at least twenty fans. My security team didn’t hit any of them.” And that’s not just because Spears is kinder, but also because she probably knows, with her luck, she would be put in jail—held up as the responsible party. Not so for Wembanyama, just a blameless bystander with no control over the situation. And sure, one can pull the “he’s only nineteen” card as an excuse, but where was any such argument for Spears when she was nineteen? Or sixteen (her age when “…Baby One More Time” came out)? Or twelve (her age when The Mickey Mouse Club was on the air)? There have never been concessions for Spears’ faux pas, no matter how directly or peripherally involved she’s been in a scandal (usually amplified from a minor peccadillo). And the lack of compassion for that factor was no better exemplified by watching Spears’ hand get abruptly batted away as she was trying to make a connection with someone. If that isn’t symbolism for so much of her life in the spotlight, then what is?

    That Spears’ altercation didn’t result in any charges being pressed against Wembanyama’s security member just goes to show that even when a woman’s word is forced to be believed due to video evidence, a man will still get off with a slap on the wrist. Just as that also seems to be the case for Spears’ father at this juncture, after all the years and all the money he robbed from his own daughter. Still, in the end, the biggest slap of all. But that didn’t make the one from Wembanyama’s “bodyguard” hurt any less. Nor the failed attempt at being “just an ordinary fan.” Nor the realization that Vegas remains a source of great pain for Spears regardless of her efforts to create more positive memories there. But, as she noted after being smacked, “That’s America for you! Fuck you!”

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Madonna Taps Into The Sentiments of Her Pre-Fame Drive on “Popular” With The Weeknd and Playboi Carti

    Madonna Taps Into The Sentiments of Her Pre-Fame Drive on “Popular” With The Weeknd and Playboi Carti

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    Like Madonna’s 2018 collaboration with Quavo and Cardi B on “Champagne Rosé,” “Popular” marks another unexpected trifecta in terms of musical partnerships for the Queen of Pop. And yet, as also indicated by “Champagne Rosé,” it’s clear Madonna wants to be more involved in the genre of music that tends to outshine pop in the present landscape. Because, save for Taylor Swift, it’s difficult for people to get “excited” about pop music anymore. Certainly not the way they once did when Madonna first rose to fame in the early 80s. Indeed, it’s easy to say that Madonna invented pop as we know it, itself a diminutive of popular. Which brings us back to the title of the song she’s featured on, along with Playboi Carti, by The Weeknd. As the second single from The Idol’s soundtrack, The Idol Vol. 1, it arrives just two days before the series’ official premiere on HBO. Those who have been following the drama of the series’ rollout are aware that it isn’t exactly “on-brand” with Madonna’s usual liberal-sanctioned philosophy vis-à-vis toxic masculinity. But the “brains” behind the show claim that parading toxic masculinity is the point. Or used to be before “it went from satire to the thing it was satirizing.”

    Unfortunately, speculation about the reshoots involved stem from how “the original version of the series…focused heavily on the ‘female perspective,’ which both The Weeknd and Levinson took issue with.” This was around the time writer-director Amy Seimetz bowed out of participating in The Idol when it was eighty percent finished. Who knows if that was before or after Madonna agreed to collaborate on a song for it (perhaps in part due to one of her go-to producers, Mike Dean, appearing on the show…in addition to co-producing “Popular” with Metro Boomin)? But either way, it’s clear that M might have been drawn to the story as a result of its own resonance with her pre-fame drive. And while, sure, everyone is making the automatic comparison between Lily-Rose Depp’s Jocelyn character and Britney Spears, the OG for fame hunger as a pop star will always be Madonna. As the now well-known lore goes, a nineteen-year-old college dropout Madonna moved to New York in 1977 with nothing more than thirty-five dollars in her pocket and a dream. She didn’t precisely know what shape the dream of being famous would take, but she knew it somehow involved “the arts.” Initially, she thought that meant being a dancer (not the topless kind, mind you), but soon realized that entailed blending in when all she wanted to do was stand out.

    Thus, her next foray into fame-seeking was being in a band…as the drummer. But it didn’t take her long to see that she was still in the background that way, too. She needed to be front and center. She needed to be a solo act. By 1982, she had betrayed many people along the way to get a record deal with Sire (Seymour Stein signed her while in a hospital bed, but Madonna couldn’t have cared less—she just wanted the contract, to make that Faustian pact, as it were). So if anyone can sing the lyrics to “Popular” (not to be confused with M.I.A.’s song of the same name) with conviction, it’s Lady M. After all, the chorus goes, “Beggin’ on her knees to be popular/That’s her dream, to be popular/Kill anyone to be popular/Sell her soul to be popular/Popular, just to be popular/Everybody scream ’cause she popular.” And everyone was screaming because Madonna was so popular by the time The Virgin Tour took hold of stages throughout the U.S. in 1985. In fact, no female artist until Madonna seemed to attract hordes that would scream so much. Before Madonna, such ardor was reserved solely for male bands and solo acts (see: Beatlemania). Hence, Madonna later reflecting on those “wannabes” as follows: “If I was a girl again, I would like to be like my fans, I would like to be like Madonna.”

    Britney certainly wanted to be like Madonna too, never hiding her love of Mother Pop Star as her career took off. It was in 2003 that the trio (a more logical trio than Madonna, The Weeknd and Playboi Carti) of M, Britney and Christina Aguilera took the MTV VMAs by storm when the Queen of Pop kissed both Princesses of Pop. But it was the beso with Britney that grabbed the most headlines, with splashy images of their kiss reprinted and replayed everywhere. Certain types might have likened it to some kind of “illuminati ritual,” while Madonna referred to it simply as symbolically “passing the baton” of pop stardom to a younger generation. And yet, Madonna would never “take a bow” regardless of such statements feigning that she’s “lost her influence” somehow. If anything, Madonna remains more relevant than ever in an era where the conversation about famous women aging while “refusing” to leave the spotlight has become, somehow, a hotbed issue. Enter the lyrics to the chorus that go, “She mainstream ’cause she popular/Never be free ’cause she popular.”

    But Madonna has never really wanted to be “free” from fame, despite recent posturings about family being her more valued focus. Because fame was always, whether she was fully aware of it or not, the only way she could fill the void where her mother’s love had been lost. Dead at the age of thirty, when Madonna was just five, the loss of Madonna Ciccone Sr. to breast cancer was one that the junior M would feel all her life. The type of black hole that would prompt a girl to seek out becoming the most beloved, famous woman in the world (until being beloved gave way to being constantly condemned). So when she opens “Popular” with the solemn lines, “I’ve seen the devil down Sunset/In every place, in every face,” she knows what she’s talking about.” Funnily enough, however, Madonna has never styled herself as much of a “Hollywood type.” Sure, like any famous person, she’s set up shop there via real estate (including her purchase of The Weeknd’s Hidden Hills property in 2021), but, by and large, she’s never really made it her home à la, say, Lana Del Rey.

    When she was first “initiated” into fame, she definitely spent more time drinking Hollywood’s Kool-Aid, complete with living in Malibu after marrying Sean Penn and taking a shine to L.A. life during her “movie star era” that consisted of dating Warren Beatty and being one of the leads in his 1990 comic adaptation, Dick Tracy. Yet Madonna seemed forever beholden to the opposite coast, constantly going back to it and eventually writing off Los Angeles as somewhere “for people who sleep.” Not to mention writing an entire song (called, what else, “Hollywood”) about the false seduction of the place formerly known as El Pueblo de Los Angeles. The Weeknd has expressed similar opinions in his music, including lyrics like, “This place is never what it seems…/Take me out of LA/This place will be the end of me.” This from a song entitled, appropriately, “Escape From LA.” Elsewhere on that After Hours track, The Weeknd also criticizes (despite insisting “I don’t criticize”), “LA girls all look the same/I can’t recognize/The same work done on their face.” On the same album, The Weeknd also declares on “Snowchild,” “Cali was the mission but now a nigga leaving” in relation to the epiphany that fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

    Madonna would explore that topic in detail on one of the first records of its kind, Ray of Light, particularly via the opening track, “Drowned World/Substitute For Love.” A song that began to bubble up after giving birth to her first child, Lourdes Leon, in 1996, at which time Madonna was suddenly in search of greater meaning in her life. Hence, turning to Kabbalah for spiritual comfort in her erstwhile material world. Eventually, Madonna would render Kabbalah into another trend as well, with many celebrities in the early 00s sporting the signature red string, from Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher to Angelina Jolie to none other than Britney Spears herself. This being one reason why Madonna chose to sardonically sport a “Cult Member” t-shirt while leaving the Kabbalah Center circa 2004 (L.A., to be sure, has just as many cult leaders doubling as members). For, after M and Brit performed together at the VMAs in ’03, the latter adopted the red string bracelet signifying her “Kabbalah commitment” as well, intended to ward off the “evil eye.” If that was the case, maybe Brit actually shouldn’t have taken it off so soon after declaring in 2006, “I no longer study Kabbalah. My baby is my religion.” Because it was 2007 when shit would really start to hit the fan for her. Indeed, that’s the period of Brit’s life that The Idol appears to be “inspired by,” with The Weeknd obviously playing the Sam Lutfi figure.

    Spears and Lutfi met at a nightclub at the end of 2007 and, fittingly, The Weeknd plays nightclub owner/“self-help guru” (a.k.a. cult leader) Tedros. Like Lutfi, Tedros seems to have a knack for “attaching himself to celebrities, often at vulnerable moments for them.” And no one was more vulnerable than late ’07 Britney (which is perhaps how Lutfi was allegedly able to feed her a steady cocktail of Risperdal and Seroquel). In this sense, Madonna stands out as a singular pop star for her strength and bulletproof nature, seemingly designed to endure media scrutiny and unremitting criticism without letting it get the better of her. As she says in her “Popular” verse, “I know that you see me, time’s gone by/Spend my whole life runnin’ from your flashin’ lights/Try to own it, but I’m alright/You can’t take my soul without a fuckin’ fight.”

    Madonna’s love of religious motifs in her lyrics continue with, “Put it in her veins, pray her soul to keep.” This fixation on praying and keeping one’s soul is also present on a song like 2015’s “Devil Pray,” during which Madonna sings, “But if you wanna save your soul/Then we should travel all together/And make the devil pray” and “Ooh, save my soul/Devil’s here to fool ya.” Devil imagery has also come up in Madonna’s recitation of the Book of Revelation on 1990’s “The Beast Within,” as well as 2008’s “Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You.” Her frequent lyrical ruminations on a battle between good and evil is clearly culled not just from her Catholic upbringing, but her extensive time spent in a world where carnal temptations are the name of the game. And not everyone is able to resist (on a pertinent note, Madonna has always been well-known for her abstinence…from drugs).

    At varying points in the trailer for The Idol, Tedros says things to Jocelyn like, “You’re the American dream. Rags to riches. Trailers to mansions” and “You’re not a human being. You’re a star.” Both of these sentiments more overtly apply to Spears (though Madonna didn’t exactly grow up in “baller” circumstances either) as she’s been turned into tabloid fodder in a manner that Madonna wasn’t—not to the same extent, anyway—in her early career. For she came up at a time when TMZ-level shaming had not yet become a phenomenon. Thus, back in late November of 2021, Spears wrote on her always cryptic Instagram, “I just shot a movie titled “THE IDOL”… it’s guaranteed to have hits and a lot [of] bright pics to put in my beautiful family’s faces!!!!!”

    Months later, Spears appeared in a photo with Levinson and The Weeknd. It hardly seemed a coincidence. Nor does it that Madonna is involved in the soundtrack. For not only can she speak to the kind of fiendishness for fame that “Popular” dissects, but she also witnessed Spears breaking down and breaking free (showing up to her wedding as an honored guest to support that revelation) in real time. So from whatever angle one looks at it, no one has a better view on this subject matter than Madonna. Thus, even if the show isn’t “brilliant,” at least Madonna “joining the cast” on “Popular” is.

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Miley Makes Us “Jaded” By Offering Tired Visuals Amounting To a Dolce Glow Ad That Kind of Rips Off Britney’s “My Prerogative”

    Miley Makes Us “Jaded” By Offering Tired Visuals Amounting To a Dolce Glow Ad That Kind of Rips Off Britney’s “My Prerogative”

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    Giving us the third visual in five months from her Endless Summer Vacation era, Miley Cyrus’ “Jaded” video is not all that much different from “Flowers.” But, to the latter’s credit, it was at least far more dynamic (and so was the “River” video, for that matter—even if another instance of being overly derivative). Directed, once again, by Jacob Bixenman (though it’s hard to view “Jaded” as being very “directed”), the scene opens on a shot of Cyrus’ hands placed daintily on her white bedsheets (to accent her bronze skin tone, duh) as the opening guitar notes segue into her lamenting verse, “I don’t wanna call and talk too long/I know it was wrong, but never said I was sorry/Now I’ve had time to think it over/We’re much older and the bone’s too big to bury.” Obviously another song that addresses her complicated on-again, off-again relationship with Liam Hemsworth (culminating in un peu de divorce), Cyrus mimics the same sentiment from 2019’s “Slide Away” (“Move on, we’re not seventeen/I’m not who I used to be/You say that everything changed/You’re right, we’re grown now”) about being “too old” to deal with this shit anymore.

    What she’s never “too old” for, however, is imitating Britney Spears, which a lot of this video’s bed romping does. Spears, of course, learned most of her bed romping tricks from Madonna, who launched herself to mainstream fame by posing on one in bridal wear for the album cover of Like A Virgin. Thenceforward, audiences saw many other occasions when she was wont to loll around in a boudoir setting (e.g., her Blond Ambition performance of “Like A Virgin,” the “Justify My Love” video, the “Take A Bow” video and, more recently, her smattering of Instagram photo sessions featuring her “at home” bedroom stylings). And actually, about four years after the release of the Jake Nava-directed “My Prerogative,” a Rolling Stone article even called out the bed writhing similarities to Madonna’s during her “Like A Virgin” phase. Perhaps Miley could recognize Spears was paying tribute to M’s vibe as much as Britney’s, thus appearing in a jeweled cone bra number at one point in the “Jaded” video.

    However, before that moment, Cyrus is content to one-up Madonna and Spears’ provocateur levels by appearing topless in jeans (as opposed to topless in a blazer à la the “Flowers” video) as she does her rolling around. This transitions into her wearing a high-cut metallic gold one-piece bathing suit that manages to come across more obscenely than any two-piece ever could. In matching gold heels, Cyrus then serves “Hung Up” video vibes with her “practicing in the studio” aura, as complemented by a wood floor and wood-paneled wall backdrop. Bixenman then cuts to Cyrus outside in a setting that looks a lot like the Farralone House (which also more recently cameo’d as Amy’s [Ali Wong] vacation abode in Beef) from the “Flowers” video. But the palm tree backdrop indicates it’s a different home altogether. One she’s ostensibly carved out for herself without the “jaded” ex she refers to throughout the song. Either way, there’s still a pool. And one prolonged scene in particular of Miley sort of floating/standing as she stares at the camera in what’s supposed to be a “sexy” way actually comes across as super creepy, and could easily be soundtracked by a slowed-down, demonic-voiced version of the song.

    Billed as “dreamy” and “raw”—polite euphemisms for lazy and ill-conceived—the main purpose of the video appears to be for Cyrus to peddle her ongoing collaboration with Dolce Glow, a sunless tanner (because the 00s are never really over) created by “friend of Miley” Isabel Alysa. Hence, her “unfinished,” “au naturel” look. Complete with brunette hair for added “authenticity” (for, as Madonna showed during her Like A Prayer and American Life album cycles, a female pop star is taken more seriously as a “brownie”). Despite the Madonna influence, it’s Britney who emerges as the clear affecting presence. Indeed, it’s no secret that everyone rips off Britney at this point, but Miley has been a consistent “homage payer” to the Princess of Pop (as her own husband apparently likes to call her) being that she was the proverbial “voice of a generation.” Namely, Miley’s.

    Accordingly, the video concludes with a shot of Miley back on the bed looking “candidly” into the lens. In effect, it’s the same shot Britney opted to use for her final scene in “My Prerogative.” Except at least she did those scenes in black and white for a “tasteful” impact despite “ho’ing it up.” Cyrus hasn’t done that here. But it’s not because she isn’t willing to go full-tilt on emulating Britney, so much as the fact that a selfless tanner’s results don’t exactly translate well in B&W.  

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • If Only Britney Spears’ Sons Were As Protective and Supportive As Pamela Anderson’s

    If Only Britney Spears’ Sons Were As Protective and Supportive As Pamela Anderson’s

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    It hasn’t taken many people long to notice an unfortunate comparison between how Pamela Anderson’s two sons treat their mother versus Britney Spears’ (with Spears herself even making the connection)—poisoned against their matriarch from an early age, thanks to spending most of their time with Kevin “Meat Pole” Federline. That Anderson’s body was and is the source of giving so many men (and women) orgasms around the world might make less evolved blokes related to her uncomfortable, and yet, it was her oldest son, Brandon Lee, who was determined to make a documentary that would “set the record straight” about his mother while candidly telling the story of their family, to boot. Called Pamela, A Love Story, the movie is co-produced by Lee and directed by Ryan White, with the former also appearing in it to weigh in on his upbringing and the perception surrounding his mother. Not to mention his younger brother, Dylan “Dilly” Lee, who is slightly more reserved in his discussions, but nonetheless supportive.

    The comparisons made to how Anderson and Spears were similarly (mal)treated by the media and the public at large also became a point of interest in the wake of the documentary’s release (and, let’s be real, it was far better than anything Framing Britney Spears could hope to achieve—if for no other reason than the subject was actually a willing participant). Not that it should come as any surprise that people (read: men) like to denigrate attractive blonde women for their viewing pleasure. And, speaking of viewing pleasure, the infamous Pam and Tommy sex tape is of course commented on in Pamela, A Love Story, with Anderson stating that, at this juncture, she’s made peace with the violation—even though it felt like another rape. Just as the release of an entire series (Pam & Tommy) about it did. But, as it’s been made evident over and over again, Anderson holds no grudges against anyone. Much to Brandon’s dismay…

    For it was on the red carpet during the premiere of the movie that Brandon was asked, “Do you feel this sense of responsibility to make sure, especially as a son—we’re protective of our moms—to make sure that she gets her due? And why is that so important to you?” He replied, “Well, I think it’s important for a lot of reasons, but you know, when I go back and I even look at, you know, past deals or residual checks that come in, I mean, people would be shocked to find out how people really took advantage of her, and took advantage of a young girl making a bad deal on a big show, and she was the biggest star in the world at the time and I think a lot of people made a lot of money off that and I think, you know, everybody’s gonna have to have their day where, you know, we come knockin’ and I—no, you know, I think so because, you know, for instance, when she makes, I don’t know, four thousand dollars a year off Baywatch, that’s a crime.” The ardency with which he says this is in direct opposition to the blasé attitude of Spears’ own little terrors, who easily turned against her when she was finally home free—literally. Released from the conservatorship and granted the ability to live how she wanted.

    This included many nude photos and videos that spoke psychologically to her newfound sense of freedom. Photos and videos that her sons were “embarrassed” by. And if that’s that case, Brandon and Dylan have far more to be “embarrassed” about. But they’re not. They’re accepting and embracing of their mother’s talent (and it is a talent to be able to strip and pose the way Anderson does, not to mention her comedic brilliance in the shows and movies she’s appeared in). Perhaps because they’re “older” (twenty-six and twenty-five, respectively), they have a better understanding of their mother’s “lifestyle.” But no, that’s not really it. The fact is, they were raised by Anderson, nurtured by her. And it was obvious that she consistently put them above everything else; her first priority was always aimed at being a good mother. That might not necessarily come in the cookie-cutter package the more conservative-minded would like to see, but Anderson’s love was undeniably there throughout their childhood.

    Indeed, Anderson was committed and protective enough of her sons to refuse tolerating Tommy Lee’s physical violence in early 1998, after he struck her while she was holding Dylan, then just several weeks old (born on December 29, 1997, the “incident” occurred in February of 1998). Of his domestic abuse charge, he said in an interview, “Tommy comes third now, instead of first. I don’t know how to deal with that.” Get the fuck outta here with that narcissistic bullshit of an excuse. And while other women might have given Lee a “second chance” after that—even Pamela, had she not just become a mother—she decided to bounce (Baywatch-style). For the Mama Bear instinct took hold and she realized it was time to leave, not wanting to stick around and find out if he might be capable of such effrontery again.

    And no, she didn’t hold a grudge against Lee either. As Brandon confirmed at the aforementioned premiere, “She doesn’t hold a grudge against anybody… and that’s wonderful, but I would love to see her get what’s right.” This in reference to her being fucked over on royalties for Baywatch… and the sex tape, for that matter. Which she never received a penny for. Yet from Dylan’s perspective, it’s what really proved her purity, her true commitment to motherhood over the “benefits” of fame as he noted in the documentary, “I think it would’ve been a different story if she did cash in on the tape. It just shows you, right? That thing guaranteed made people millions of dollars and she was like, ‘No.’ She one hundred percent cared about her family being okay and me being okay. Never cared about money.” Yet, as Brandon stated, “If it’s your work and it’s your face and it’s your image, you deserve something.” The same could be said for Spears, whose image was effectively pimped out by her own family for over a decade. Luckily, Spears, in contrast to Anderson, knows how to hold a grudge. And definitely should—even if it’s against her own spawns, Jayden and Sean. The ones who finally prompted her to lash out at their grotesque comportment (including berating her for her “behavior” on Instagram) with the sarcastically-tinged statement, “I understand your need to live with your father as I had to play the perfect role for fifteen years for absolutely nothing.”

    This referring to how everything she did—going along with the conservatorship and playing the part of the “good girl” by not trying harder to break out of it—was so her father wouldn’t take visiting access to her kids away from her. Visiting access that Federline ultimately posted about when he put up secretly-taped videos filmed by Jayden and Sean that showed Spears yelling at them. A.k.a. instructing them to wear lotion and put shoes on in public (yes, that’s rich coming from Spears, queen of walking barefoot at the gas station).

    Before the fallout was further cemented by such increasing betrayals that revealed her sons had been firmly brainwashed by Team Federline/Team Conservatorship, Spears had once posted a quote on her illustrious Instagram account that went, “There is nothing stronger than the love between a mother and son.” A little cringe-y and Oedipal, but hey, her heart was in the right place. And maybe that strength will never truly break Brit’s bond with the sons she stayed quiet for throughout the hellish ordeal of her imprisonment. The fierceness of the maternal instinct is, after all, difficult to sever. And yet, it’s more than slightly demeaning when a woman, who loves her children with such ferocity, is accused of and painted as being a bad mother.

    A scene in Pamela, A Love Story speaks to this issue when archival footage is shown of Anderson getting pepper sprayed outside of an L.A. club as a paparazzo tries to shame her with the question, “Where is your baby? Where is your baby?” “With my mother,” she hisses back. “You fuckin’ asshole!” This idea that a woman can’t “have her cake and eat it too” by going out and having fun because she’s a mother is deeply embedded in the warped thinking of our patriarchal society. Spears was similarly lambasted for her partying “antics” in the 00s (well-documented thanks to the field day that tabloids had with portraying her as an unfit mother), still young and eager to sow some wild oats despite having already birthed two children. Yet, because of this, she was expected to stay home, fold her hands and sit quietly while Federline got the male perk of going out freely without any judgment.

    At a certain moment in Pamela, A Love Story, Brandon remarks of his mother, “She’s never worried about if she’s okay. She always made sure everyone else is okay.” The same was true of Spears, even after she was so egregiously betrayed by everyone in her family—sons included. The ones who so blatantly show no support for her and all she’s been through (they couldn’t even be bothered to make an appearance at her wedding to Sam Asghari). Regardless of the disloyalty, it’s unlikely that she’s capable of ever genuinely turning her back on Jayden and Sean. Enduring the trauma of watching them grow further and further apart from her has prompted such statements on her Instagram as, “I’ve cried oceans for my boys and I’m not lying!!!!” In addition to her declaration of their lack of affinity with her, “There’s being rude then there’s being HATEFUL. They would visit me, walk in the door, go straight to their room and lock the door!!! The MONITOR would tell me that he just likes to be in his room. I’m like why come visit me if they don’t even visit me !!!” On the plus side, after ceasing to “pretend” they actually cared enough to come visit, Spears clapped back, “It’s been kinda nice not having to ask about which day the boys are coming this week and making me wait two or three days for a reply!!!”

    What’s more, in one of the above-referenced videos posted by Federline, Spears is shown announcing to her sons, “You all need to start treating me like a woman with worth. I am a woman, okay? Be nice to me. Do you understand?” But, clearly, they don’t. So perhaps they could use some instruction from Pamela Anderson’s sons on how to do that.

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Britney Spears’ Instagram: Maybe “What U See (Is What U Get)”

    Britney Spears’ Instagram: Maybe “What U See (Is What U Get)”

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    In some sense, it’s easier to believe the current conspiracy theories about Britney Spears. After all, it was “conspiracy theories” that led to her being freed from a needless thirteen-year conservatorship. But now that she is free (or “free,” as some people believe), it’s not quite what many were expecting. Complete with almost daily videos that are clearly not recent and captions that are “cryptic” at best. With most everyone (especially fans) wanting to interpret them as having some “arcane” meaning. But what if Britney actually is, in fact, just that simple? Talking incoherent-but-somehow-coherent shit about all the wrongs that have been done to her (of which there have been many) while embracing her “inbred swamp thing” Southern persona more than ever as she continues to say, “Holy shit balls” and flip off the camera. For, just as it was part of the reason for shaving her head in 2007, she wants to be effectively “unloved” by a public and a media that chewed her up and spit her out. In short, she is very firmly rebuffing any image of “America’s sweetheart” that might have ever been projected onto her. Or any attempt for that image to be re-projected now that she “owes” something to those who secured her unshackling.

    This perhaps includes, for those hoping to see warm and fuzzy images of her life now that it’s “unmanaged,” making it as messy and erratic as possible. Besides, it’s true that Britney once said (albeit during a period of far greater innocence in her life), “What you see/Is what you get/This is me, hey you/If you want me, don’t forget/You should take me as I am/‘Cause I can promise you/Baby, what you see is what you get.” Alas, no one can seem to believe that could possibly be true as they watch her jut out her sunburned-to-the-point-of-redness stomach in a midriff and continue to act as though she’s still dancing in the “…Baby One More Time” video—this often includes showcasing an “updated” version of the look via a green-and-blue plaid skirt with a white ruffle-collared shirt tied in a knot that is sure to expose plenty of belly. An outfit she chose to don for a January 21st post in which she performed her usual series of poses for the camera—exhibiting facial expressions that toe the line between awkward and sassy, though mostly the former. As though she can’t learn to deprogram from the idea that she’s constantly having to pose.

    To add to the eeriness of the display, Spears reverted to a commonly-played song in her Insta videos: Beyoncé’s “Haunted.” Those looking for hidden meaning would thusly be spooked by the lyrics she chose to highlight: “It’s what you do/It’s what you see/I know if I’m haunting you, you must be haunting me/It’s where we go/It’s where we’ll be/I know if I’m onto you, I’m onto you/Onto you, you must be onto me.” Such sentiments might spur the question: is she addressing that people, with their conspiracy theories, are “onto” the fact that she’s still not really in control? Least of all of her highly unhinged and consistently inconsistent Instagram account. Those descriptors were proven yet again on January 25th, after Spears went on yet another abstruse rant that many believe was pronounced shade at her husband’s infidelity before, once more, deleting the account.

    It was the expression of rage and its subsequent deletion that evidently prompted people to call the police to perform a “well check” on Spears at her home in Thousand Oaks. A.k.a. the home she was supposed to move out of in favor of a new one with Sam Asghari in Calabasas. But the latter residence is currently being “quietly” shopped around on the market as Spears has decided to return to the same home that should theoretically be filled with unpleasant associations… you know, because it was where she lived for a large bulk of her imprisoning conservatorship. But apparently, we all have a psychological glitch that allows us to find a slight bit of pleasure in the pain of revisiting old wounds.

    Upon the latest deletion of her account, the continued “concern” over Spears’ mental health—a polite way for people to excuse their fascination with watching “trainwrecks” and their drama—had also arisen when she changed her Instagram name from Channel 8 to River Red. Many could also read into that what they will—from making the correlation between Britney’s life and the 1998 movie of the same name about a boy who murders his abusive father to a commitment to never becoming menopausal (Britney has plenty of regressive tactics to stay in touch with the teen girl inside) to wanting the blood of those who wronged her to flow as gushingly as a river (in non-drought conditions). Like, say, Lou Taylor and Robin Greenhill of Tri Star Entertainment (not to be confused with TriStar Pictures).

    But then, such “outrage” over her “nonsensical” meanderings being drawn seems to invoke only giddy delight from Spears, who put up another post from the same day (January 21st) as the would-be neo-“…Baby One More Time” outfit. This one of a “collage” from @boipoppin with the caption, “I love being me. It pisses off all the right people.” That it truly does. In addition to all the wrong ones—like those who would seek to hem her in with a conservatorship (*cough cough* Lou Taylor and Robin Greenhill). And sell the idea to Spears’ father as the puppeteer. Two women who prompted a “red river” of shit on Britney’s Instagram in February of ’22, when she wrote (and later deleted, obviously), “The swanky suited up bitches … SO NICE with their ‘We are here to make you feel SPECIAL’ !!!! I had lunch with Lou Taylor and Robin Greenhill … they said ‘Britney, look at your picture on the wall!’ With a huge black and white framed picture in the hall of their office !!!!! Kate Beckinsale was there too !!!!! They sucked up to me and ‘made me feel special’ … RIGHT …. Ha those same bitches killed me a week later !!!!” Britney went on to say that her father/erstwhile conservator, Jamie Spears, “worshipped” Taylor and Greenhill and “would have done anything they asked of him.”

    Of her tenacity and endurance of such an unfathomable and incongruous situation, Spears asserted, “Nobody else would have lived through what they did to me !!! I lived through all of it and I remember all of it !!!! I will sue the shit out of Tri Star !!!! Psss they got away with all of it and I’m here to warn them every day of my precious life !!!!” Perhaps her warnings have persisted in the unrelenting posts that are drenched with the most enigmatic of shade as Britney dances and twirls or mimics one of the therapists she had to see while forced to be in a treatment facility. All of these freely put up for at least a day or two without Spears appearing to have any concern for how she’s “perceived.” Especially not now that her two narrow-minded sons have forsaken her in favor of the ultimate trashball that is Kevin Federline.

    But after a leaked video of her being “manic” at a restaurant in Thousand Oaks surfaced, Spears couldn’t ignore the ongoing scrutiny about her behavior. Thus, another dancing-in-the-studio post from Spears on January 23rd addressed her hyper-awareness of the public’s examination of her every move on social media—not to mention every (rare) move she makes in public. And yet, it’s an examination she slightly relishes and conjures by continuing to troll everyone with her captions. In this particular dancing video, she played some of her go-to favorite songs (e.g., Rihanna’s “Love on the Brain” and Chris Isaak’s “Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing”) with the “explanation,” “Howdy ho down … tipsy cattle balls !!! I have no idea what that means 🙈 … feeling kooky and silly but can’t act too kooky or silly like kids because they say ‘she’s CRAY CRAY’ … either way I gotta move … so I did !!! Sharing because I matter and if every person I call TAKES 9 RINGS TO ANSWER you can be certain I might get someone’s attention … all that LOVE !!! GOOD GOD RIGHT BACK AT YA !!! I bet after I post this my security answers after 2 RINGS … I be alive coming on my horse !!!” It sounds like a lot of word salad for the most part—at least to those who don’t know how to “look for the clues” and “allusions.” And, with regard to that security reference, it likely refers to Spears being literally policed with a “well check” every time she puts up a “cray cray” video.

    But as she once said in the aforementioned “What U See (Is What U Get),” “You should never try to change me/I can be nobody else/And I like the way I am.” Perhaps if so many people and “handlers” didn’t try to change her over the years, we might have some semblance of the girl we once knew in the era of Oops!…I Did It Again (on which this particular song appears).

    Uncannily enough, on the same track, Spears also sings the lyrics, “I know you watch me when I’m dancin’” and “I can feel your eyes on my back, baby/Uh na na/I can’t have no chains around me, baby can’t you see/I could be anything you dream of, but I gotta feel free.” Which she still clearly doesn’t/can’t because of how much weight is placed on the “strength” of her mental health each time she posts something snarky or silly or outright AI chatbot-sounding. As a “free” woman, however, doesn’t she have the right to? Maybe no one is controlling her—not even Sam. Maybe the harder truth to believe about Britney at this juncture is that what you see really is what you get. Complete with invectives like, “I generously serve you my shit … eat my shit!!! Psss !!! Keep coughing !!!” Whether aimed at Sam or not (as is the current speculation), Britney is right about one thing: “I could sit back and be like MOST and not give anyone anything to think about on Instagram.”

    Yet even when presenting her most blunt and honest thoughts (including, “Giving someone I love my everything only gives me the dagger in the heart !!!”), the majority wants to twist and turn them into something that isn’t rather straightforward. Because again, with Britney, “Baby, what you see is what you get.”

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    Genna Rivieccio

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