As she also slammed Andy Cohen, 57, as “so shady” for leaking her text messages in his 2023 publication, The Daddy Diaries: The Year I Grew Up, admitted to burning the book in her fireplace, and called him out for not having her back, the 62-year-old Real Housewives of Beverly Hills alum reflected on the “sketchy” behavior of production and accused the network of protecting Kathy, 66, and giving her special treatment.
“Here’s the true story: I witnessed Kathy’s bad behavior over the course of filming that season, especially on our trip to Aspen, and I think the Hiltons had tried to hide it. That had been their goal the entire time. They spent years and years covering it up, and all of a sudden, I’ve called it out on national TV,” Lisa wrote. “But I wasn’t going to protect her. I was going to call her out on it, and that is what I did.”
According to Lisa, Kathy returned to the house they were staying at from the club on the night in question and “had an absolute meltdown in the dark,” during which she threatened to “destroy” her sister, Kyle Richards, 57.
“There were no lights on. She flipped out, was pounding on the walls, screaming and yelling, and absolutely losing her f*cking sh*t, and it scared me,” Lisa revealed. “I had never ever had anybody behave like that in front of me in my entire life, and it freaked me the f*ck out. [So] I spoke of it, and I was villainized for that.”
Although Lisa didn’t understand why she became the bad guy at first, she now realizes that she fell victim to “the Hilton-Richards machine.”
“[It] has really done a lot of work to keep that undercover; they were not about to let Lisa Rinna f*ck that up. Bravo went along with it, and so did Andy Cohen,” she noted. “I went down for it and took the fall because they’d spent too many years and too much money protecting their name.”
Reflecting on the season 12 reunion, Lisa knew she had reached the end of her run on the show when she saw Kathy’s publicist, Andy Gelb.
“He’s big-time. Bravo must have allowed it because, normally, we were not allowed to have anyone there with us. She had her weighted security blanket, and I had nobody,” Lisa shared. “They were coming for me. So my hackles went up, my claws came out, and I began preparing for war.”
Following the taping of the reunion, Lisa sent a message to her producers and to Andy, informing them that she would not be returning to the show for season 13.
Months later, that message turned up in Andy’s memoir.
“Andy had given me a heads-up that I was in his new book. When anyone gives you a heads-up that you’re in their book, you know you’re f*cked. He’d never given me one before, and I’d been in his other books. Right, so he included my personal text messages,” she explained. “It was so shady, so Andy, so Bravo, so unnecessary.”
“After I read it, I was so mad, I threw his book in my fireplace and watched it burn gleefully,” she added.
Then speaking of the way in which production included her message in season 13, Lisa felt that it was their way of “[getting] back at [her].”
“It was so sketchy of them to post my private resignation letter. But that’s the game they play, and they play it with everybody,” she reasoned.
While Lisa mentioned that she “brought that show so much” and “gave [her] all,” she recalled no one having her back.
“Nobody fought for me. Nobody said, ‘Oh my God, please stay! Don’t go!’ I was pretty much left for dead by everyone who had been in my life for eight years … Nobody had my back, not even Andy. Especially Andy,” she stated.
Lisa Rinna was featured in a full-time role on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills from season five through season 12.
With this episode, Vanderpump Rules officially turned into a dating show. Jason goes on a date with Natalie. Natalie hangs out with Shayne. Shayne wants to get back with Natalie. Angelica wants Shayne to want her. Shayne wants Angelica’s new boobs. Chris wants to be with Audrey, but Audrey wants to do stand-up comedy. All of the stories aren’t about work or friends or life as a partying 20-something living in Los Angeles who can only use their microwave or their A/C? but not both at the same time. All of the stories in this episode are about dating. I’m sorry, but yawn. This was the first episode where I thought that the reboot might not be worth the refashioned SUR menus its printed on.
I think the producers have vastly misidentified what made Vanderpump Rules a hit in the first place. Yes, there was a romantic component to the show, but it wasn’t about dating, it was about couples. Katie and Tom Schwartz, Jax and Stassi, and Kristen and Tom Sandoval were already well-established duos when the show started. Even when those people became single again, we never really saw them date, and when they did, it was a flop. Sandoval went right into a relationship with Ariana and then, famously, right into a relationship with Racquel, nee Rachel, before that relationship was even over. Jax left Stassi and dated around, but was always pining for her until Brittany came along and stayed for good. We don’t want to see these loose connections; we don’t want to see people finding each other. We already have Love Is Blind, and this episode felt like a rip-off of that show, especially when Shayne, Natalie, Jason, and Audrey are in the SUR Alley, a future UNESCO World Heritage Site, talking about how they all may or may not have a connection with each other.
Speaking of connection, that is what Vanderpump Rules was always about. Yes, there were couples, but they were female best friends dating a group of male best friends. We weren’t interested in the changes in the couples that much; what was more interesting was how those changes affected the friendships. That is why, strangely, Scheana is the lynchpin of the early years. She came in and was trying to butt into the friend group which the girls hated. That was the story engine, not who was hooking up with whom. By season two, we saw the story of whether or not Jax hooked up with Kristen (spoiler alert: they did), but what was perhaps even more compelling was what that did to Stassi’s friendship with Kristen (she punched her in the face) and Tom’s relationship with Jax (he punched him in the face).
That’s the problem with this here reboot: the focus is too much on the couples and not enough on the friends. Know why? None of them are friends! They have all been slapped together to be on a reality show. They don’t even really work together. Jason and Chris were still in training, Angelica is a new hire, and Shayne hasn’t had a job that didn’t start with “hand” or “blow” in several years. There is nothing bringing these people together, and the connections they do have seem new and not that deep. If you look at Next Gen NYC, they may have also been smooshed together to create a reality show, and they’re also young people who haven’t known each other that long, but there are people in the cast who are close, who have been friends forever, who do actually spend time with each other outside of the production schedule. That’s why that show sings and gels and this one feels like a Bride of Frankenstein that Lisa Vanderpump is using to prop up a failing business.
Yes, SUR itself is also a big problem. There is no way that place needs four hosts/hostesses. Not even the busiest Cheesecake Factory in America has that many. SUR doesn’t even feel like a real restaurant anymore. The show is doing a lot of work trying to cut around the fact that the place is always empty. We see everyone at work, but they don’t have much to do because we hardly ever see any customers. In the first few seasons of Pump Rules, the restaurant did seem full; it seemed like they really worked there. Now it just seems like a set for a reality show. While I do think that the cast is coming together and there are some stars here (notably Audrey, Shayne, Marcus, Natalie, and Demy as a lifelong friend of), and I can see the connections getting deeper and realer in season two. But if they can’t fix the restaurant, what use is there in having a show about the staff of said restaurant?
So, what exactly happens in this episode? Natalie and Jason go to a studio where they spray paint all over each other. Jason thinks it’s a date, but Natalie says it’s not, it’s just friend vibes even though they’ve been sucking face for weeks. Natalie says she can’t have any guy friends who don’t catch feelings. The way she treats them, I can’t believe she has any guy friends who don’t catch her colds.
Chris tells Jason that he doesn’t know if he wants to get serious with Audrey after all, even though in the last episode, he gave her the hard sell and she decided to give it another chance. Jason says this reminds him of that time Chris filmed with a porn star who became obsessed with him but he didn’t date her because she was a porn star. Dude! You’re a porn star!
Shayne hangs out with Natalie and decides he wants to pursue her again and tells her that he even asked Jason if he could go after her. Natalie has lunch with Angelica at Something About Her, and production can’t afford Katie or Ariana, and they didn’t even get free sandwiches. Natalie tells Angelica, who is back from boob-job leave, about Shayne wanting to try things again. Angelica says, “Do I have to stab you?” Sister, this man told you he is through with you. Angelica also says she already has a new man and she’s picking him up from LAX. That is something I would only do for someone I’d been dating for over a year. This girl moves fast.
Angelica tells Audrey about Shayne and Natalie, and Audrey tells Jason that Shayne asked about dating Natalie, but Shayne hadn’t asked him yet. I’m already confused and exhausted. (Conhausted? Exfused?) Natalie, Shayne, Jason, and Audrey all end up in the alley talking about it, and Natalie says she’s not even into Jason. Jason says, “Fine. Have at it, bro.” And then Natalie is like, “I don’t want him to have at me either. Gross.” Now this is all over.
Venus plans for the big season-finale Pride party. Angelica is bringing swimsuits, Marcus is going to DJ, and Natalie is going to perform her hit song “Sure As Silver” with Chris and Jason as her backup dancers. Everyone has something to do except Kim. Oh, wait. She’s going to stand out front and serve scowls at all passersby. Venus also goes to hang out with Marcus and he laughs when Marcus tells him that Kim is off her birth control. It’s the best scene in the whole hour. See! Friends!
The episode culminates with Audrey’s big stand-up debut. Shayne shows up with a new girl, and Angelica, who already has a new man staying at her place, is all bent out of shape and says that Shayne “can’t have any of this sandwich until it’s the only sandwich on the menu.” Girl, Shayne has given up on sandwiches. He is a gluten-free vegan. Just give it up.
Audrey’s set fits into the long line of Vanderpump Rules ladies trying their hand at comedy, whether it is Kristen, Ariana, or the roast of Jax Taylor that made his future mother-in-law anxious because there were gay jokes. I thought Audrey was going to bomb harder than Iranian nuclear facilities (too soon?) but she told some solid jokes about herself and her friends. Marcus looks like he pays for gas with quarters! I couldn’t have said it better myself!
Her worst jokes, however, are reserved for Angelica, whom she digs on for still living with her ex, coming after her for seeking male validation, and generally being absolutely lame. Angelica gets up in the middle of the set to leave because she has absolutely no sense of humor. On her way out, Audrey shouts, “Go say hi to your ex,” which was objectively hilarious. But Angelica totters away thought he weird alley where the comedy club is, and she reflects on what a failure this whole thing is. Her ex is gone, her LAX boyfriend has flown away again, Shayne is on another date, Jason broke her back, and moved on to Natalie. She has no romance and that’s what this show is all about. But there’s something worse for both Angelica and the show and it’s not her lack of a lover. It’s that she has no friends whatsoever.
Austen seems to be prioritizing literally anyone else over his friendship with Shep and Craig —and for good reason. Photo: Bravo
Hello, and welcome to Miss Patricia’s Pet Cemetery. Here, you will see a collection of plaques for all of her departed pets, most of which have human names, a convention that has plagued the South at least since Reconstruction. There are Lily and Toby, Ashley and Rhett, Rocky and Nyla. And of course, my favorite, a cat named Kitty Kelley, presumably after the author of salacious unauthorized biographies about Jackie Kennedy, Nancy Regan, and Frank Sinatra. (Everyone who knows Miss Pat knows she still isn’t over that thing Nancy said about her at a cotillion back in 1977.) Now we are here to lay our beloved pug, Chauncey, to rest. If you can, please keep quiet and your photos to a minimum. We’ll now hear a eulogy from Austen Kroll, who was not a member of Chauncey’s immediate family, but they had a lot in common, like licking faces, soiling couches, and exceeding people’s expectations. Over to you, Austen: “He was a couch warmer, a confidant, a snack stealer, a friend. And those who knew him knew that what he lacked in brain power, he really made up for in spirit.” Thank you, Austen, that was both touching and funny. That concludes our tour of Miss Patricia’s Pet Cemetery. If you want to go inside the Stabin’ Cabin, we have a special exhibit on her son Whitney Sudler-Smith’s collection of rare guitars and matchbooks from bordellos around the world. Enjoy the rest of your stay.
Wasn’t that a wonderful tour and a fitting good-bye for our dear Chauncey, which happened at the end of the episode. Curiously, it was also when the episode ran the end credits, not during the final scene where Madison calls Venita to say that she is giving birth to her baby the next day. Were they afraid of putting the second AD’s name next to Madison’s big announcement? Anyway, the timing makes you wonder, is Madison’s daughter the reincarnation of Chauncey the dog, much like Trisha Paytas’s child is the reincarnation of Queen Elizabeth? Even if it’s not, it really makes you think about the cycle of life and death, how there are always people coming in and out of our lives, kind of like one great big reality show.
Honestly, those two things at the very end of the episode are the most interesting things to happen in the whole hour, as the only storylines we have to follow are Austen’s continued annoyance with both Shep and Craig; the love rhombus between Salley, Charley, Craig, and Austen; Venita and Salley being the best of frenemies; and why no one will date Whitner. Okay, the last one is more of a mystery than a storyline, but we shall see. Also, why can’t he and Molly just fall in love and get married and have a ton of Itchy Grass Babies? It’s what the fans want! Do it for us!
As for the trouble with Austen, Shep, and Craig, we get our first glimmer of it at the big dinner party that Whitner’s delightful parents throw. They play a game at dinner where there is a question under everyone’s plates, and they have to answer, which is apparently a family tradition. The game is honestly a bit of a flop. Has the Slagsvol family never heard of the hit party game, “Who Do You Trust Least Around This Table?” Always a guaranteed banger. Anyway, when Austen leaves the table to go to the restroom, Charley tells Craig that he needs to fix their friendship and tells Craig that Austen’s going through a breakup. Craig’s eyes bulge out of his head like he’s an extra in Who Framed Roger Rabbit and asks, “What?!?!?!” He’s shocked that he doesn’t know that Austen is broken up, even though neither he nor Shep has made it easy for him to talk to them about it. Charley tells Craig that everyone knows, which seems to make it worse.
After dinner, Shep sits Austen down to have a chat about his relationship because he wants to give him some advice. Madison tells him, instead of scolding Austen about his indecision, that he should ask questions and get Austen to open up. Shep, of course, ignores all of this and basically just tells him he needs to break up with his girlfriend. Austen tells Shep he doesn’t want to talk about it. Shep thinks that he’s being evasive, continuing to avoid a decision. He coaches Austen to be vulnerable. Then Austen tells him that he has been vulnerable, just not with him. He’s talked all about it to Rodrigo and Madison, a pair that I would trust to solve literally any problem: girlfriend issues, what to wear to a semi-formal event, the affordability crisis, how to get Gallery Girls back on television, and the collapse in the bee population.
It’s not until the next day, when Shep, Austen, and Rodrigo go fishing in the umpteenth adorable little shack we’ve seen on Whit’s family farm, that Austen finally tells Shep that, yes, he did break up with Audrey. Of course, neither Shep nor Austen can bait the hook because they hate touching the worm, a problem that my man Rodrigo certainly doesn’t have. That man really can touch a worm. But it’s Austen who caught the only fish, prompting Shep to make a joke about “catch and release,” which then becomes about how Austen always talks about releasing his girlfriend but won’t do it. Austen should have known this was coming, that by not answering Shep’s questions about it, he would be hounded. But I also get his motivation. Shep and Craig wouldn’t have consoled him or applauded him on finally making a tough decision; it would be a chorus of, “I told you so,” and, “Why did you wait so long?” and who wants to hear that when fresh off a breakup. It seems like Austen is prioritizing other friendships over these two clowns, who are about as good at giving relationship advice as Diane Warren is at winning Oscars.
On to the love-rhombus! Things are going well for Charley and Craig, who had a cute date out in a canoe while everyone else traveled around the farm and fought about their friendships. Salley and her extra E still aren’t quite over Craig, but she’s really trying hard to get under Austen. At dinner, Austen tells a story about stripping naked in a bar as a 20-something and she can’t help but interject that she wants to see him naked. When he gets up from the table at dinner to go pee, she asks him, “Do you need any help?” Finally, Austen has to say, “Down girl,” because, like loving cupcakes, it’s so obvious as to be annoying. And even still, Salley is like, “I want Austen’s dick.” Yes. We get it.
Salley has a lot going on with Venita though, which, honestly, is a fight I don’t understand. They have a talk in Whitner’s pool house with Molly and Whitner as witnesses, and Salley is still pissed that Venita tried to start shit between Molly and Salley. I don’t know guys. It seems like Salley is just salty that Venita was right about Craig and is holding onto this slight for ammunition. Venita already apologized to Molly about talking about her vagina prettying surgery (that is the medical term) and Molly has accepted that apology. Venita apologizes again here, but it seems like Salley is willfully choosing not to get over this to be mad at Venita.
That’s not to say that Venita behaved well in this discussion. When trying to explain herself, Venita tries to show the difference between herself and Salley and Whitner inserts himself into the conversation and says, “Why is that an important distinction?” Venita turns nasty at the drop of one of the dopey hats that either Austen or Shep was wearing at the party the night before. She tells Whitner to “shut the fuck up,” and he has nothing to do with this. Whitner points out that he was just trying to defend Molly, who he is clearly in love with and should marry. (I’m not giving up on this until it happens. Sorry.) It was an outsized reaction from Venita who should have either welcomed Whitner into the conversation, ignored his comment, or found a nicer way to tell him to butt out.
However, Salley then says that Venita was trying to “pin” her and Molly against each other, which is not the term, and then Venita gets teary and storms off. Salley calls after her, saying that Venita is always walking away, and she’s right. Venita needs to stay and finish one of these conversations. She needs to get snotty and snarly and cry-y and let all of the emotions out on Salley if not only for her own catharsis but also so that they (and us) can move on from the fight. But she doesn’t. Venita, in her Daisy Dukes, walks off into the itchy grass, hoping that her problems won’t follow her. But that’s the thing, they always do. Even when you escape the confrontation, even when you put those tough discussions off until the next day, as Austen did, they’ll always be there waiting, with their snarled heads and their rotted teeth just getting worse and uglier by the day.
One of the great mysteries of the Bravoverse has been solved! You might not have noticed it because it came during a sleepy scene where Salley and her extra e return home to hang out with her family and her new niece. She complains about the chickens she bought to impress Craig, even though everyone in the group told her it was a bad idea. She says the chickens stink, leave a mess, and won’t die nearly soon enough for her liking. Who is she telling all this to? Her sister, Clair. Do you see it? Clair. That is where Salley got her extra e from! She stole it from Clair! I’ve heard of intense sibling rivalries before, but even with Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine (look it up), this is the first case of sibling vowel theft we have on record.
There are a few family visits, and with them, the interminable questions about when everyone is going to settle down and have kids. Even as Shep is giving Craig and Rodrigo a tour of his new house, Craig is talking about how Shep can get married and have two kids in that house and still have plenty of room. Craig, you have known Shep for more than a decade. When has he ever given any indication that he was interested in getting married, starting a family, or having home décor that wasn’t centered around surfboards, which would allow him to have either of those things in his life?
It is a bit different when Austen goes home to have a chat with his mom, Wendy. They start talking about his relationship with Audrey and whether or not he’s going to forge ahead or cut her loose. We all know the answer, but it is still interesting to see Wendy basically tell Austen he needs to get serious about something in his life. But Wendy’s request isn’t selfish. It’s not that she wants “grandbabies” to play around with. “Having kids was the best thing I ever did,” she tells Austen, with tears in her eyes and loss in her heart. “The best thing I ever did … don’t lose sight of that.” This isn’t the regular nosiness of this conversation; this is a mother wanting the same thing for her son that brought her so much joy in life. This is someone trying to share a gift, and for the only time this season, I will allow it.
After we watch Molly sniff her America’s Next Top Model weave, Craig explains how bee baths work, and Charley swoons a bit on her oyster date with Craig, the main action of the episode is the ill-fated birthday dinner that Whitney plans for Austen. It’s at a somewhat fancy place, and Austen, the birthday boy, shows up to meet the other OG dudes in the group wearing shorts. Shorts! Shep looked more put-together in the opening faux-sitcom scene of the episode when he wakes up in Craig’s guest room in a short-sleeve button-down and compression shorts. I know we can all take liberties on our birthdays, but if he had shown up in his birthday suit, he would have been better dressed.
The evening starts nicely enough, where Craig and Austen swallow their simmering resentment like they swallow the Nitrotinis that come steaming off the bar. It’s even sweeter when they all go around toasting one another and their long-standing friendships. Things start to take a turn when Craig makes a “preposition” that they will all be nice to each other at this dinner. That’s interesting coming from Craig, who is usually the first person to bring anger to the table. As Austen walks to the bathroom with Whitney, he’s already bitching about how annoying the “preposition” is.
Austen isn’t blameless, either. The two have been expressing all sorts of displeasure with each other for seasons now, to the point that everything one says totally pisses the other off. Austen won’t let Craig off the hook for anything, and Craig finds fault with everything about Austen. Whitney, of all people, described the situation perfectly. He says that Craig is a bully who will shout “Fuck you!” at you one day and the next day act like your best friend as if nothing happened. Austen is someone who holds grudges, so each time that happens, his anger ratchets up. What we’re left with, Whitney says in a way only he could, is “this circle jerk of stupidity and acrimony that keeps festering.”
It all starts to go awry when, countless drinks in, Austen toasts his friends, even though they are also sometimes his enemies. Craig says they were enemies in the past, but not anymore. Austen reminds him that just days ago he told Salley that Austen was his enemy. Craig says he felt betrayed, like Austen is always rooting against him, and tells us, in a confessional, that he thinks that Austen doesn’t share his value system.
The fight devolves until we realize what it’s really about. Like so many of these arguments, it is a fight about the show. Austen feels he was manipulated by Craig, specifically last season, when they had their discussion on the beach, where Craig talked about his addiction issues and how they were affecting their friendship. Austen thinks that Craig knew he had a lot of things to answer for in their friendship, so he brought up addiction to shut Austen up. Now, a year later, he’s back to his same old drinking habits, including at this dinner, where he has more glasses in front of him than the manager at LensCrafters. I felt like Austen was making a very valid point.
In retaliation, Craig says, “He just made my drinking problem about him.” That’s also true, but I don’t think it’s about the drinking problem; I think it’s about the lying. Which is true? Is it that Craig has a drinking problem? Okay, if that’s true, then the group needs to address why he’s drinking so much this season, and no one is saying anything about it. Or is the truth that Craig doesn’t have a drinking problem, or any other addiction issues. If so, then he certainly was manipulating Austen to not talk about their deeper issues. Shep says Austen’s comments are wrongheaded, but I think Shep is missing the bigger point. Austen doesn’t want to continue looking like a jerk for how he treats Craig if Craig is somehow misrepresenting himself or the situation. As usual with Craig, it all comes down to when (or even if) he is telling the truth.
Craig also says that Austen is a different person when filming, but doesn’t elaborate how. He then takes on a different, more personal attack, saying Austen blames him for his life being the same as it was five years ago. That seems a little below the belt. Also, how is Craig’s life that much different? Other than his pillow empire taking off, he’s still single, in the same town, on the same show, doing the same thing. What’s so different? That he has bees and an assistant who will murder someone to make Craig fall in love with him? Other than the business piece, Austen is in the same exact space as Craig. I also don’t think Austen is blaming Craig for his problems. It seems like Austen is just raising the issues he has with Craig, but isn’t pointing them out as the cause of problems in his own life. His annoyance with Craig and his annoyance with his business seem to be two totally separate issues.
Whitney and Shep are almost entirely silent because they’re just bickering back and forth until Craig eventually says that Austen hates him. Austen answers, “I do fucking hate you,” which Whitney tells him immediately to apologize for. But Austen can’t do that because he’s dissociating. In his mind, he’s somewhere else. In his mind, he’s somewhere safe, on the screened-in porch with his mother sipping an Aperol spritz and picking at a plate of nuts, olives, and other assorted snacks. The sun is slanting through the trees, creating pockets of light and warmth on the floral-print sectional. It’s homey, it’s comfy, it’s supportive in its way, and Austen thinks about his mother asking him when he is going to raise a child, and then Austen thinks that he’s been raising one for years — he just didn’t know that child was Craig.
Craig’s refusal to take accountability for leading Salley on might just push her into a “The enemy of my enemy is my friend” alliance with Austen. Photo: Paul Cheney/Bravo
There are three things that have little to do with the main storylines of this episode that I really want to talk about, so I’m just going to ramble for a bit, and if you don’t like it, well, there’s the door. (There is no door. The door is an illusion. So is the world and this text. Nothing is real. Surrender to the robots.) The first is the big reveal we’ve been waiting for: the names for Salley’s chickens. I thought there were only two, but turns out there are actually three, and they are named Cantaloupe, Coconut, and Popcorn. Yes, this is better than giving them people names, but isn’t it kind of disrespectful to name your chickens after food? Also, if that’s what you’re going to do, I can think of a few more names that are more appropriate. How about Cacciatore, Milanese, and Finger?
The second thing is that Shep returns from a trip and is going to live with Craig because his new house isn’t ready yet, which seems like malfeasance, and his old house is rented out for a tidy sum on Airbnb. (What housing shortage?) But the trip was to Cuba. How did Shep go to Cuba? Can Americans get visas to go there just to go fishing and jump off dilapidated bridges? Can he then get back into the country? Is ICE going to show up at his house? Or, wait. Do we own Cuba now? Was that like a BOGO with Venezuela? I live in England, and they gave most of the Caribbean back, so I don’t even know who owns what or can exploit their natural resources anymore.
Finally, the thing I really want to talk about is a possible Austen Kroll toupee reveal. I’m not entirely sure how to interpret this weird scene where Austen and his girlfriend Audrey are out on the little pier at Rodrigo and Tyler’s engagement party, but the fact that they included it in the episode makes me think it’s significant. Austen is trying to take a sunset selfie of them and says, “Oh my god, look at my toupee.” Then immediately says, “WTF [indecipherable word but maybe “Bookie”?]. It looks like I’m wearing a toupee. What the hell was that?” Then as Audrey is laughing, he says, “Do you still like me?”
The way I read this is he said, “Look at my toupee,” and then immediately realized that both Audrey and the cameras were there and didn’t know he had a toupee, so he changed what he said to mean it looked like he was wearing one. Upon realizing that Audrey now knows that he has a toupee, he asks if she still likes him. But is it really a toupee? It seems like he’s always had that hair, and if it is a rug, then it is unspookable. I mean, no shame in it. Good for Austen. There isn’t a single woman on any of these shows who is sporting her real hair 100 percent of the time, so if Austen wants to wear a wig, wear a wig. But the scene was odd, hard to interpret, and a little out of the blue.
All of the action in the episode, including the first-ever non–Drag Race wig reveal, happened at Rodrigo and Tyler’s Greek-themed engagement party, and most of it was somehow related to the Salley, Charley, and Craig love triangle, with some extra Venita thrown in for spice. Earlier in the episode, Venita goes to lunch with her mother, who says that Venita wasn’t being a good friend when she told Salley and her extra E not to call her when Craig finally dumped her. When Salley arrives at the party (looking stunning in a low-cut dress that shows Craig just what he’s missing), Venita tells her she misses her and tries to get things back on track. However, Salley isn’t that interested and thinks that Venita is trying to control her, so she just walks away.
Things are also in tatters between Salley and Charley over Craig. Charley meets with our girl Molly to do a little craft project, and Charley confesses that she’s anxious about her date with Craig. Charley is worried that things between her and Craig are “weird” now because of how Salley feels. Molly, very astutely, points out that things were “weird” with Salley and Craig because of how Venita feels and Salley didn’t care, charging ahead and doing whatever she wanted. Because of that, Molly counsels that Charley should do what she wants as well, which is to go out with Craig. I have no notes. Thanks for doing my job, Molly. At this point, should I be more worried about losing recapping duties to ChatGPT or Molly?
For most of the episode, Craig is trying to exonerate himself. When he recaps the situation with Madison, he says he did nothing to lead Salley on and Madison explains that the hot tub, the flirting, and the texts didn’t help. Craig admits he knew Salley was trying to stay that night, and he was like, “Okay, get home safe,” swerving her back then. He says if he wanted something to happen he knew that was his invitation. According to Craig, he never wanted anything more than friendship and said she could have stayed over just to be nice. Okay, that’s messed up. Shep, naturally, defends Craig, saying that’s just how he is; he was being his usual chatty, flirty self, and girls just take it the wrong way.
I don’t know, boys. Like three-day-old gas-station sushi, I’m not buying it. Yes, Craig was excited to have a new friend after his breakup with Paige, and his relationships with Austen and Shep were on the rocks, but if he had known she was trying to stay, he probably should have clarified the boundaries a bit more. He didn’t even need to tell her, “Look, I think we’re just friends,” but fewer invitations to the hot tub, a bit more talking about other girls he wants to date in front of her, a couple more tell-tale signs, and she would have gotten the hint. Craig should have made his intentions clearer before it got to the point where Salley had to tell him she was catching feelings in a livestock and feed store.
When Craig goes to talk to Salley, however, he somehow blames everything that happened on her. Salley seemingly isn’t upset that Craig cut her loose, she’s mad that he told Austen that he’s done with their friendship. Craig totally denies that he said that, even though it was, in essence, what he was saying. Craig’s response is wild. “You believe the guy whose main goal in life is to tear me down,” Craig says, referring to Austen as his “enemy” and getting upset at Salley for talking to Austen about him. When Salley says she didn’t know Austen was his enemy, Craig says that she knows how Austen treats him. Okay, but if Craig thinks that about Austen, if he really views him as an enemy, why is he even friends with him? Why is he even talking to him? And how is he turning this whole thing around on Salley when he said it and it’s clearly his fault? Some people love drugs, some people love sex, some people love money, some people love playing blues guitar with only a moment’s notice at an outdoor bar, but no one loves any of those things more than Craig loves being wrong.
After Rodrigo’s party, the whole gang gets in Shep’s party bus and keeps the party going on a night that will surely end in tragedy. Never go with Shepherd Rose to a second location. This is when the drama between Craig and Salley, and whatever is happening with Austen and Audrey, overlaps. All episode, everyone is telling Austen that he needs to tell Audrey that things between them are probably not going to the next stage of their relationship and fizzling out. Austen’s sister, Katie, tells him, “What are you doing if you’re not all in?” Even Austen describes their breakup as a meteor approaching Earth, one he’s trying to ignore for a little while longer.
When Austen is at the bar, Salley comes up to him to say that Craig told her that he didn’t say he wrote off their friendship. Neither Austen nor Salley believe Craig, which is what happens when you have a reputation for being as fictional as Anna Delvey’s credit report. Salley also tells Austen that Craig referred to him as his “enemy” and that he’s not Austen’s friend. Austen looks into Salley’s eyes and even deeper into her cleavage, and hugs her close to his side. He smiles at her and she smiles back and he runs his hands through his (possibly fake) hair and smiles even bigger and she giggles and looks back at the bar and back at Austen. Meanwhile, Audrey, his girlfriend, is sitting all by herself in a busy bar, the blues music landing on her shoulder like a shawl of gnats. She can’t even see it, but just past the moon, there’s a little streak, a little dot, that is a meteor getting closer and closer, accelerating at every moment, and getting ready for a crash.
Gizelle’s coup of the Aspen trip leaves Angel backed into a corner and creates more misery than entertainment. Photo: Bravo
At the moment, my favorite non-reality television series is HBO’s Industry. I love it for all the reasons that everyone else does, but beyond that, I am enthralled by the premise of a show heralded by a woman who we know from day one is committed to making her life better at the world’s expense, and is willing to claw her way to the top by hook or by crook alongside the caravan of Machiavellian schemers she calls colleagues and mentors. Without a doubt, Harper Stern is my favorite evil Black woman on television right now. When she peers down in slight aggravation as a client strokes out in front of her, I can only gasp in awe at her and her boho braids of doom.
While Harper is the example of Machiavellian plotting wielded for maximum enjoyment, Potomac’s Gizelle Bryant shows how that same kind of scheming, executed poorly, just amounts to misery for all parties involved. It is a wonder of wonders how she can take an incident that rightfully infuriates her — subpar accommodations from the host — and somehow be so insufferable about it that I still find her in the wrong. Still, her ultimate problem is that her lack of tact or consideration propels her to escalate something way beyond any reasonable measure. Is it appropriate to be frustrated with Angel about the subpar accommodations and hosting failures? Absolutely. Is it worthwhile, entertaining, or productive to sit in a private jet and berate Angel for over 30 minutes about the issue, without giving a word in edgewise? Not as far as I am concerned.
Therein lies the conundrum of the show — Gizelle is the most propulsive member of the cast and its anchoring force, and without Karen in play to really keep her in check, the vibe and tenor of the cast accommodates her whims. Multiple women later sheepishly admit that the pile-on of Angel while she was trying to show them the Aspen experience was overkill, but it was almost entirely in the confessionals, not in person. Angel was left to endure the barrage that she was clearly attempting to apologize for on her own, while Wendy leapt to get in unnecessary jabs in edgewise. Not only was this remarkably unpleasant to watch, but it further cements Gizelle as the cast’s gravitational nucleus for the foreseeable future.
Angel undoubtedly made numerous unforced errors that created this issue, but at this point, she is fully backed into a corner and fighting for her life. She’s being penalized for not being open about her marriage, when they refuse to accept any remarks she gives about her family life as fact; she’s held to the fire over having alliances and friendships, which they all do; caviar bumps (which are a known trend) are unhygienic and classless. She’s berated for assuming that the workers were telling her the truth when they reported the water was back, and for not hearing anything to the contrary from the women, which is a hosting failure but not the most egregious transgression in the world.
All of this ire would be way more understandable to me if Potomac had a reputation for glamorous cast trips, but we all know that is far from the truth, which is why they continue to recycle the same footage from Cannes and Nevis when Gizelle insists that her standard is the Four Seasons, a hotel chain that we haven’t seen her in once in the last 10 years. Now we have to humor her delusions about hosting top-tier trips, all because the women are afraid to tell her that she has beaten the dead horse already and is now just spouting delusions. It’s in moments like this where it becomes more obvious than ever why Karen is a necessary oppositional force to cut things like this at the quick.
It’s a shame, because the day that Angel put together was quite lovely: a private jet to Aspen and private whiskey tasting, a shopping trip to Kemo Sabe and private catered lounge, and an extended linkup with Mo where all the women contemplated how much they valued a friendship with Kyle Richards over a night with Aspen’s most eligible mid-life crisis. In concept, the effort should have helped put the women in better spirits, but the women have committed to critiquing every part of this experience, from Monique demanding that Angel answer for her marriage in their second meeting ever to Gizelle blatantly looking past Angel in disgust when she finally breaks down in tears. Nothing about this is entertaining, and by the time they finally go on the shopping trip, I am ready for them to wrap this all up and head back to Potomac. Angel is audibly contemplating whether she should end her journey with these women in Colorado and save herself the headache.
By the time things wind down and Angel starts to lay out the itinerary for the next day, Gizelle makes her final coup and announces that not only will the girls be going to the Four Seasons, but they will be heading back to Maryland after brunch, and puts the plan up to a vote. It’s a shameless power play, and an unmerited one by any definition. If Gizelle didn’t leave Miami when Mia got drunk and assaulted Wendy, and stayed in Austin while Ashley had them literally dancing with chicken shit while staying in a souped-up Hampton Inn, there is no way she can reasonably convince me that she cannot endure one more day of activities. But left unchecked, the power that Gizelle has over the cast and the show has the potential to corrupt her absolutely. While most of the season has been an entertaining success, this episode showcased the downside of Gizelle’s dominance, creating fertile ground for Karen’s inevitable return. The trip comes to a miserable end next week. See you all then!
• Even on an episode that doesn’t center on Stacey, she manages to steal the show. Accidentally eating her contacts? I have been wearing glasses and contacts since the ‘90s, and that is absolutely a singular experience, although I will be saying “20/20 bootyhole” to myself for quite some time.
• Did we always know that Ashley met her ex-husband, Jack Skellington, at a “membership lounge”? For a second there I thought she was trying to bring Mia back into the group.
• I get that Jassi really wants a moment to shine on the show, but every time she tries to bring up her marriage as a reference point for anything on the show, I cringe in secondhand embarrassment. There’s no way in this universe or the next that she genuinely believes that her wrangling babysitters for her husband’s harem of co-parents is in any way akin to a breastfeeding mother needing to figure out how to adjust childcare plans for the night.
• I’ve tried to ignore commenting on this because, for the most part, she has been pulling off the looks, but after the stiletto boots, enough is enough. Why is Wendy trying to put on a fashion show to go to Colorado? Go to Designer Shoe Warehouse, get a sensible heel, and keep it pushing.
• A short chartered flight is a lot less expensive than I thought. I’m not saying I’m about to fly to the Hamptons every weekend, but it’s definitely more attainable than expected.
Jason has a penis pump, and Angelica cannot stop talking about it. Photo: Bravo
Remember back in the day when the cast of Vanderpump Rules had undiagnosed drug problems they would rather do nothing about? Remember how much fun that was? Remember fighting about the “pasta” and Jax Taylor’s very obvious cocaine sweats as he whipped off a chunky knit to fight in a Vegas parking lot? Oh, those were the days. Now we have Shayne talking about being off fentanyl and meth for more than a decade and we can’t even make fun of him. He wants to get help. He wants to stay sober. What do we even do with this? Is this what we signed up for?
I’m kidding, of course, and I support Shayne on his sober journey. He’s not even Cali sober like DJ James Kennedy; he gave up weed, mushrooms, ketamine, and DMT years ago. He tells Marcus that he picked up a bottle of kratom and was thinking about using it. DMT? Kratom? What even are these drugs? Am I so old and uncool that the kids invented all new drugs when I wasn’t looking? Should I, I don’t know, maybe try them? No, no, no, no, no, no. That seems like a bad idea. It’s also a good idea that Shayne isn’t doing them either since the last time he picked something up, he ended up in a two-year relapse.
Shayne tells us that he learned about drugs from his family members, who introduced him to all of these substances. It’s come up again because his family — his father, Shayne; his mother, Shane; and his sister, Shaine — is visiting to see the premiere of his short film, and they’re on drugs, and that is a giant trigger for him. Learning more about his family made everything about his personality click into place. It’s the same as when Natalie tells us that she had a “toxic” childhood with a difficult mother who used to say, “I love you, but I don’t like you,” and that she has no relationship with her mom. It’s like, “OOOooooooh. This all makes so much more sense now.”
It was sweet to see the Shaynes at Shayne’s movie premiere. Knowing everything I know, it’s going to be so hard not to make fun of the poky little venue — that the footage looked cheaper than buy-one-get-one-free ramen packets, that it was part of a triple bill. The best thing that can be said about Shayne’s performance is that he really fills the hell out of a tank top. Now that we know everything he’s been through, I really don’t want to say those things. I should just be nice about all of it: all of his Hollywood dreams, all of his happy endings.
Instead, maybe we should make fun of Shayne’s friend Marcus and what happened between him and Kim at the after-party. When they arrive, Marcus tells Kim that she’s giving “too many special hugs” to people. Um, we saw the footage. There was nothing special about any of those hugs. Those hugs were less special than an episode of Diff’rent Strokes in which a photographer tries to touch Arnold in his bathing-suit area. In his confessional, Marcus says Kim yelled at him about him hugging Natalie, so he’s bringing it up only because she started it.
I’m sorry, but this is a radioactive whirlpool worse than flushing weaponized uranium. She says something to him; he gets retribution by being jealous of her; she texts him “I love only you”; he ignores her; she cries in the bathroom, ruining her mascara; her friend buys her a drink; he continues to ignore her; she says if he keeps this up, he’s going to lose her; the next morning, she takes him back and doesn’t bring it up; he knows he’s never going to lose her; and they do it over and over again until they ruin both their and their children’s lives. This whole dynamic is absolutely terrible, and someone needs to tell Kim to run. Ruuuuuuunnnnnn. Run like the wind. Run like cheap stockings. Run like the world’s last refrigerator. Run like Forrest Gump with the braces falling off his legs as he goes right into every war and onto every shrimp-fishing boat in the world. RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN.
To her credit, Demy tells her something like this. First, she tries to intervene and get Marcus to treat his girlfriend like a human being by ordering her a cocktail called a Boo Bear, which is the most inappropriately-named cocktail to get in the middle of a domestic mishap. Then she goes to the ladies’ room to check on Kim and finally says, “He’s never going to change. This is who he is.” Exactly. This is who he is. This is how it is always going to go, and while Kim might think she deserves it or that this is what love looks like, she doesn’t, and it’s not, and I hope she realizes it soon and keeps this corrosive sludge off our television forever.
Oh my God, can we talk about something fun? How about penis pumps and merch shoots? Those seem fun, and that’s what most of the episode was about. Angelica arrives at TomTom for a photo shoot for “Shag the Chef” aprons and the ugliest bejeweled hoodies that fell out of Ed Hardy’s backside, and she’s having lots of nerve pain from her time at the jujitsu studio with Jason. Poor guy — he thought he was going to a pussy palace, pussy palace, pussy palace, but it was just a dojo, dojo, dojo. When she’s crying about her back pain, Lisa Vanderpump asks her what’s wrong, and she tells her about her back pain but also that Jason gave her the ick because he has an OnlyFans and a penis pump. She then asks Lisa if she knows what that is and Lisa feigns ignorance, but come on — she was once a young lady in swinging London. She knows.
Thankfully, Chris, Jason’s identical cousin, explains in his confessional that it’s not for erectile dysfunction. He says he uses one because he is on OnlyFans and trying to overdeliver. “If you go to a steakhouse, you don’t want a normal steak,” he says. “You want something, thick, juicy, and a little intimidating.” Whooo. Yes, boy. Amen. I’m going to need to fan myself. Also, I don’t think I’ll need that pump for the next 15 minutes or so.
Angelica keeps bringing up this penis pump, and Chris finally tells her that it’s disrespectful. In this moment, I agree with Angelica. It’s hard to have a pornographic account and then get a little precious when people find out you’re also pumping the penis. I’m glad that, between the filming of this scene and his confessionals, Chris is ready to own both his account and his pumping. It’s just that Angelica was being really annoying in the moment, and he’s right: She was bringing it up to embarrass them.
But this is the last time that I’m going to agree with Angelica for the rest of the episode. When everyone at the photo shoot goes from TomTom over to SUR, she tries to talk to Jason about everything that’s going on, and he tells her that he has to go check on his tables because he is currently working two of his jobs (and three, if he takes a dick pic in the bathroom while Demy isn’t forcing him to check his section). She says he’s not paying her enough attention or even apologizing, and it is neither the time nor the place for this conversation. There is a table of very unhappy bears who need refills on their mimosas and another order of French toast for the table, and they need Jason to come over and take that order so they can watch him walk away in the tight pants that Lisa forces the SURvers to wear because she knows how to keep a table of hungry bears happy and it is ass.
The penis pump comes up again when Angelica pulls Audrey aside at Shayne’s premiere party for a little chat. Audrey tells her that her trust was broken when Angelica kept bringing up the penis pump at the Ed Hardy Wannabe shoot. Angelica went back to her old arguments, blaming it all on Jason. She says if Jason didn’t want people to know about it, then he should have put it in a drawer rather than in the shower. She thinks she could go online and sign up right now to watch him using the penis pump. Angelica is totally missing the point here. It’s not about the pump; it’s about sharing something that Audrey told her in confidence. As Audrey points out, they were drinking matcha in their PJs, having a little kiki (in front of at least two cameras, a sound guy, and a producer). Audrey says that the way she brought it up was fun and as a joke, but Angelica was bringing it up as a way to shame Jason for both his porn career and the, ahem, tools of the trade. I think Audrey might be the only person on this whole damn show whom I actually like.
As Audrey tells Angelica that she doesn’t want to be her little sister, that she’s just going to be cordial to her from now on, two new people join the party. The gay guy says he just needs to say “hi” to the kids who work for him; he needs to make a little appearance at this work party. He brings Katie Maloney Schwartz Maloney for one drink before they stop off at Junior Cookies for half a dozen of the Heather Dubrow special. She sees two girls fighting over who is a better friend; she sees a woman trapped in a toxic relationship with a man who is too mean to leave and too nice to let her go; she sees them all drunk, all making mistakes, all thinking about calling in sick the next day when their co-workers know exactly what they were up to. She’s been here. She’s been them. She’s had all the Boo Bears and turned down all the pasta. “I just …” Katie says as she turns straight around and waits for her friend in his car, dreaming about gluten.
The way Craig brings up a baseless rumor in the middle of a fight with Austen is a perfect example of his erratic behavior since the big breakup. Photo: Bravo
It must be tough being Craig Conover, being that handsome and yet that consistently wrong. Just look at this non-fight with Austen that Craig turns into a big deal by handling the situation as deftly as a blindfolded juggler with vertigo. Craig initially got mad that Austen was making cracks about him hanging out in the hot tub, drinking with girls. He starts with telling Austen that it’s silly to be against fun. He is entirely correct. Then he says that Austen is just jealous that Craig is single and he’s not because he might be unhappy in his relationship, which is also correct. Then he says, “Austen, keep running your mouth and Shep is going to say something that’s going to ruin your life.” Okay, now you’re wrong, now you’re entirely wrong!
His first incorrect assumption is that if Austen keeps talking, Shep is going to step in and defend Craig, but Craig doesn’t need defending, and he is the one who turned Austen being a bit of a dick into this whole fight that is going to ruin Whitner’s birthday party. His second incorrect assumption is that Shep knows something that will ruin Austen’s life, which I don’t think he really does. This is why the cast keeps talking about how they’re afraid of Craig and how unpredictable he is. It’s the escalation from nothing to scorched earth. Madison points out that over the past several years, when he was with Paige and drinking less, he was focused on his business, being successful, and getting along with his friends. Since the breakup, he’s back to drinking and, well, cue the old footage of Craig being an asshole for no reason!
Craig and Austen go inside to continue their fight, and Shep tells the table what Craig is talking about. Apparently, when Shep was in New York a few weeks ago, some women in a bar approached him and told him that their friend was talking to Austen. Shep brought this up to Craig to ask if he should even concern Austen about it, and Craig said “no,” to preserve Austen’s peace. I think that is the right play. Can these random strangers in a bar, whose friend very well could be lying to them, be trusted? No. Craig knows this. However, as soon as he was a little peeved at Austen, he brought it up. Sure, he doesn’t exactly spill or reveal what was said, but he does mention it at a group event in front of cameras and then forces Shep to bring it up when they both decided that it wasn’t worth it.
Dude, that’s wrong! Not only is it then giving credence to something that is no more than a rumor, something that Craig already dismissed as a made-up attack on his reputation, but it’s also putting Shep and Austen’s relationship in jeopardy because now Austen is mad at Shep for talking to Craig about his relationship. Now, I know there would be no show without these guys talking shit behind one another’s backs all the time, but fair is fair, and when they both decided not to bring it up, they should have left it there.
Inside, Craig and Austen’s fight gets deeper with Craig saying he’s upset with Austen for saying he’s afraid of him. Then he calls it a lie, saying that Austen isn’t afraid of him. Then he asks him, “Are you afraid of me?” while yelling and displaying the exact behavior that, yes, Austen is afraid of. This is what drives me crazy about Craig. He says that Austen is lying and not scared of him, but then later he tells Salley, “I’m not going to be gaslit into thinking I did something wrong.” Craig is the epitome of believing feelings over facts. If he feels Austen isn’t afraid of him, then that is a fact. If he feels he did nothing wrong, then he did nothing wrong, and any attempt to convince him otherwise is “gaslighting,” the incurable gonorrhea of words.
The problem is that Craig is wrong. He brought up something he and Shep decided wasn’t worth mentioning in front of both a group of people and the cameras. That makes sure it’s going to be discussed even though he’s still hiding behind not being the one who said it, like an idiot standing in a hurricane with a bodega umbrella. He even says, “I tried my best not to get involved.” Dude! You brought it up! There would be nothing if not for you! If people tell him that raising the issue is wrong and he should apologize to Austen, as multiple people suggest, that is not “gaslighting,” that is having a different opinion (and the correct one). That is being a good friend and telling Craig he was out of bounds. That is defending truth, decency, humanity, democracy, net neutrality, and the $5 foot-long.
When Craig talks about gaslighting to Salley, she and her extra e tell him how great he is and how he’s really just misunderstood. But is he? Is he great? This is so Salley, to drop everything and agree with a man just so that she’ll pick her, choose her. There is one person who has Salley’s number and that is our beloved Molly. As the fight was raging inside, Salley said she was telling Craig to apologize; she wasn’t just over there flirting. Molly says it looks like she was flirting, and Salley then tells Molly to hush up because she knows Molly has been talking about her. Salley said she was talking facts about Molly behaving inappropriately at Madison’s shower, but Molly was making things up about Salley calling dibs on every man in Charleston.
This is where the fight gets exciting. Salley asks who she has been calling dibs on. Then Venita, who is her best friend, mind you, grabs the muggle sitting next to her and starts pawing at him, doing a Salley impersonation and saying, “Craig! Craig! Craig! Craig!” Molly then calls Salley out on telling Charley not to talk to Craig, which she says she didn’t say. Then both Venita and Rodrigo, my favorite cat dad, tell her that, yes, she did say that and the footage proves it. I love that Salley is trying to change the story, trying to convince us she didn’t do something, and even her friends are like, “No, you are that bitch. Own it.” Salley, like any Englishman on any beach anywhere in the world, is burnt.
The day after the fight, we find out that Salley and Charley kept Craig company in his hot tub until 4 a.m., but that nothing happened. Salley thinks it’s weird that Craig didn’t make a move. He says in a confessional that when he’s after a girl, he likes to play a long game. Then he has Charley come over with a bunch of art that looks like it was lifted from the conference rooms of airport Best Westerns. Oh, Charley is totally winning. It seems like Craig is way more into her than into Salley. However, if I were to predict what is going to happen, I would say that Salley is going to make a move on Craig, they’re going to bone, and that is how Salley is going to “win.” Then Craig will end up pursuing Charley, and Salley will get all bent out of shape. I’m telling you, I have read the tea leaves (i.e., the remnants of Jell-O shots at the bottom of Craig’s hot tub).
Also, after the party, we get a nice scene with Madison and her son Hudson, where she talks about waiting for the new baby and her changing relationship with her son. Then we get a glimpse into Whitner’s life and, well, it’s giving viral morning routine with Saratoga Springs water vibes. He gets up at precisely 4:35 a.m., takes the dog out, runs and exercises for a few hours (and, damn, son, it’s working!), and then he is at work at 8 a.m., working as a lawyer and calling his adorable mother. If I wasn’t fully in lust with our man before, well, I am now, Patrick Bateman cosplay or no.
The episode ends with the boys talking to their confidantes about what they should do about the fight. Charley tells Craig that he should apologize, and he agrees, but he doesn’t. Shep tells Molly that he told Craig about the rumor he heard without ill intent, but that Craig brought it up at the party with ill intent. Austen is still more likely to forgive Craig first because that’s the weird relationship they have.
Finally, Austen has Rodrigo come over with his two new kittens, who were part of a litter from Rodrigo’s cat. One is named Martini and the other is named Piper, just so that in a full-circle Southern Charm moment, Austen can shout, “Piper, noooooo!” at the cat like Parker Posey in The White Lotus. As he’s talking about Shep and Craig both talking about him behind his back, he realizes that maybe they’re not his friends after all. As he says this, Martini and Piper are tottering their way along the couch cushions, still not entirely confident in their bodies, still not afraid of the world and all their horrors. ’Tini walks right into Austen’s lap, mewing up at him like she has a message, something deep to tell him. When he reaches out to touch her, she rolls herself up and folds herself over, tucking her whole body so that it fits in Austen’s meaty hand. That’s all she had to tell him, that was the entire message, and it’s one that Austen hasn’t received in a long time.
After all the relitigation and denial about what happened on the plane, the wives’ ability to resolve this conflict is unprecedented. Photo: Natalie Cass/Bravo
Did Mary’s church service help to heal (or “hill” if you’re Whitney) our fractured group? Of course not, but one can dream! Maybe they’ll have better luck at the post-service Sunday Social that Mary is hosting for them all at our favorite Salt Lake jaunt: Valter’s. “Oh, your guests are here,” Angie tells Mary when Meredith and Lisa walk in, so then again, maybe not. But at least Mary is gifting them all beta fish as party favors!
The only person missing from the lunch is Britani, whom Mary called ahead of time to explain that she was snubbing her because she called her ungodly. Britani ultimately apologized, and while it didn’t earn her an invite, it did inspire Mary to think that there might be hope for this group yet.
So let’s get into it. We’ve heard what all the other women say happened, but Meredith maintains that they’re blowing it out of proportion — so where do we go from here? When Meredith says she couldn’t have tormented Britani the whole flight because she watched two movies, the women begin investigating. What movies? “Crazy Rich Asians, and one other movie I don’t recall the name of,” she says. Rough start. And what happened at the end of Crazy Rich Asians? Genius question. “I don’t remember,” she says. Meredith, you shouldn’t be answering any more of these questions without a lawyer present! “Crazy Rich Asians has a big ending. It’s a big moment, you’ll remember,” Heather says. This is one of the funniest gotcha moments I’ve ever seen on Housewives. Since Lisa watched it too, they ask her if she remembers how it ends, and without hesitation (but with a spoiler alert warning from Bravo), Lisa rattles off the movie’s ending. “I obviously fell asleep before the end because I didn’t see that part,” Meredith chimes in, trying to cover her ass.
Since Lisa continues to downplay the situation, they tell her that she clearly realized how big a scene it was, and that’s why she didn’t go through customs with them. But Lisa says that was just because she didn’t realize she had Global Entry. Alright, if we’re investigating whether Lisa Barlow has Global Entry to get to the bottom of this mystery, I fear we’re too far gone.
Meredith then directs her ire to Whitney (as she is wont to do), after hearing that she was gossiping about this incident behind her back (as Whitney is wont to do). Specifically, Whitney told Bronwyn that she was drinking before the flight and wondered whether she blacked out. She proposed three explanations for the incident: “she has hatred in her heart, an anger problem, or a problem mixing substances.” She’s like if Hercule Poirot were a Real Housewife.
The lunch leaves them with little resolution, and leaves Meredith ally-less, apart from Lisa, whom she meets up with for manicures in spa chairs that I’m convinced get bigger each time we cut back to them. They debrief the lunch, with Meredith expressing her frustration with Heather and Whitney, especially, before Lisa tells her that she met up with Britani to hear her side of things. We flashback to that sit-down, where we hear Britani say, “It was literally, like, the sixth worst thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.” It’s a sentence that stopped me dead in my tracks. The level of specificity instantly grips me. What were the other five things? And does she have a notes app ranking them? All in all, Meredith basically says she pities Britani and thus is fine to move forward from all of this.
Then, in a jump cut for the ages, we find ourselves in a U-Haul that Whitney is driving to Heather’s house, where she finds her buzzin’ cousin dressed for a funeral. Specifically, the funeral for her marital mattress, which Whitney is helping her haul away. While she assures us that the stains aren’t from sex, I’m more disturbed by her confession that she’s had the mattress for 20 years. That seems like much too long. She talks about Meredith being mad at her, and Whitney talks about being angry at Bronwyn for ratting, but all I can think about is that geriatric mattress.
While Britani is still recovering from the plane ride (and I suspect will be for seasons to come), she says it helped her focus on what’s truly important: healing her relationship with her daughter, Olivia. And now, thankfully, they’re getting professional help and are deciding to give a family therapist a real run for her money. It’s mostly a rehash of what we already know, but Olivia says she feels better hearing her mother take accountability, and Britani is happy to finally get the chance to make things right, so this situation seems to be looking up.
Speaking of mothers and daughters, Bronwyn, Gwen, and Muzzy (and their bobs) spend the afternoon trimming Bonsai trees. Both Gwen and Muzzy say that they’re getting ready to spread their wings and move out, which sends Bronwyn — who has never really lived alone in her entire life — spiraling. You might be thinking, well, doesn’t she still have Todd? But perhaps that’s the problem. Without her whole family under that roof with her, she’s left taking a cold, hard look at her marriage, and she might not like what she sees. After all, if she’s mourning her emotionally abusive mother of all people moving out, then you know things must be rough.
The episode concludes with a meeting so shocking that I wondered if perhaps I was the one who blacked out after combining substances. Meredith and Britani reunite — on the ground this time — at a park, as if producers were afraid they’d destroy a home or place of business. Meredith kicks things off by apologizing to Britani for being overheard talking to Lisa on the plane, saying it was the wrong place and time and that she didn’t intend to hurt her feelings. This feels almost too good to be true, as if a Bravo HR representative is standing just off camera, holding up cue cards.
While Britani says she still feels traumatized, she’s choosing forgiveness. And for her part, she apologizes for bringing up the TikTok in the first place, admitting that it was a shady move meant to hurt her. I almost can’t believe what I’m watching. After all this hubbub sent shockwaves throughout the group, the two of them can sit down and communicate in the name of civility. This kind of resiliency and ability to move forward is what makes this show so successful. As I watch them sit across from one another, I’m reminded of a song made famous by Britani Bateman singing it on TikTok…
And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness for the things I’ve done you blame me for… But then, I guess we know there’s blame to share And none of it seems to matter anymore.
It feels like 2025 is the year of corporate standoffs and stalemates among TV providers, with the latest being a contract dispute between streaming provider Fubo and NBCUniversal which has led to a blackout of all the latter’s networks on the service. Channels like NBC, USA Network, Telemundo, and Bravo went dark on Fubo at 5PM ET on November 21, 2025, and as of now, there’s no projected date for their return.
A message released by Fubo to their customers explains, “Fubo believes customers should have the option to choose among multiple distributors to access the content they love. Unfortunately, NBCU has offered terms regarding pricing and packaging that are egregiously above those offered to other distributors.” A statement from an NBCU spokesperson adds, “Fubo has chosen to drop NBCUniversal programming despite being offered the same terms agreed to by hundreds of other distributors. Unfortunately, this is par for the course for Fubo — they’ve dropped numerous networks in recent years at the expense of their customers, who continue to lose content.” (Fubo, for instance, cut Warner-owned channels back in 2024.)
While the companies are continuing discussions to come to an agreement, audiences might have to go without this week’s midweek NBA game, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and Bengals vs. Ravens Thanksgiving Day game, a new episode of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City on Bravo, and much more.
Fubo has already begun emailing customers to note that a $15 credit will be applied to their bills starting “on or after December 1.” But in the meantime, if you’re a Fubo customer and are wondering what to do, here’s everything you need to know about the Fubo-NBC blackout, which channels are missing and your options for where to watch them.
Which channels are no longer available on Fubo?
The following is a list of channels owned or operated by NBC that are not currently available on Fubo:
Local Channels:
Regional Sports Channels:
NBC Sports California Plus
NBC Sports California Plus 3
NBC Sports Philadelphia Plus
National Channels:
E! Entertainment Television
Million Dollar Listing Vault
Oxygen True Crime Archives
Why are these NBC-owned channels currently unavailable?
Per Fubo, NBC channels were pulled from the platform because of a disagreement over their long-standing content distribution agreement that has yet to be resolved.
When will the missing channels return?
There is no information available as to when NBC’s lineup of channels will return. Negotiations between the companies are ongoing.
Is Fubo offering a rebate while these channels are missing?
In a message to subscribers, Fubo stated, “If NBCU programming remains off of Fubo for an extended period, we will directly credit $15 to your Fubo account.” At least one Fubo customer on our staff received an email confirming the credit would be automatically applied in the December billing cycle.
What alternatives do viewers have in the meantime?
Looking to switch from Fubo? You’ve got plenty of options, including Peacock, DirecTV, and Hulu + Live TV. Here are some of your choices:
Watch NBC on Peacock
For $11/month, an ad-supported Peacock subscription lets you stream live sports and events airing on NBC, including this week’s Thanksgiving Day football game, Sunday Night Football and more. Plus, you’ll get access to thousands of hours of shows and movies, including beloved sitcoms such as Parks and Recreationand The Office, every Bravo show and much more.
For $17 monthly you can upgrade to an ad-free subscription which includes live access to your local NBC affiliate (not just during designated sports and events) and the ability to download select titles to watch offline.
Walmart+ members get free Peacock Premium (or Paramount+ Essential) included in their membership at no additional cost. A monthly subscription to Walmart+ costs $12.99, and an annual plan usually costs $98, but right now, you can get half off an annual membership. That means you’ll pay just $49 for Peacock and perks like five free months of Apple Music, discounts on Cinemark movie theater memberships, free shipping and delivery on Walmart purchases, discounts on gas and more.
Peacock is home to all kinds of original content, from Emmy Award-winning reality series The Traitors to Poker Face and Twisted Metal. The platform has an impressive library of shows from NBC and Bravo, thousands of movies, and live sports, including the 2026 Super Bowl and Winter Olympics.
While a regular Peacock subscription is $10.99 for a Premium Plan and goes up to $16.99 for the ad-free Premium Plus plan, you get an ad-supported subscription for free if you’re a Walmart+ subscriber, not a bad deal if you’re currently going without NBC.
Try DirecTV free for 5 days, and get $30 off your first month
DirecTV — which Engadget dubbed the best cable service without a contract — offers loads of great live channels, including NBC, Bravo, MSNBC, and the rest of NBCU’s offerings, which means you can watch thousands of live sporting events, live TV and more with a regular subscription. And right now, for a limited time, you can get a $20 bill credit off your first month when you sign up, plus at least $10 more off per month for your first 24 months with a DirecTV Choice, Ultimate or Premier package — that’s over $250 in savings. You can find information on every package here.
Right now you can also get a free 5-day trial to test out the platform.
Engadget named Hulu + Live TV as the best live TV streaming service for Disney+ or Hulu subscribers. That’s because it includes the basic (with ads) version of those services — along with ESPN Unlimited — at no extra charge. Of course, you also get a full live TV service, with access to live channels like NBC, Bravo, and more. You can sign up for Hulu + Live TV for $89.99/month for guaranteed access to all your favorite NBC shows and sports. If you’re the optimistic type and you don’t think the Fubo/NBC dispute will last long, you can also just sign up for a free 3-day trial.
You’ll also enjoy access to unlimited DVR storage, the ability to stream on multiple devices and more.
I can’t believe it’s been over six years since the infamous barn fight between Candiace and Monique. It honestly feels like a lifetime ago that we saw Monique latch onto Candiace’s wig and summarily fight her way out of a job, but in retrospect, not all that much has changed. Sure, everyone is divorced now, and Candiace has taken her talents for histrionics out of the music studio and into the podcast mic for the time being — but we have the same President, Ashley remains as messy as ever, and Gizelle still won’t bring a man on camera. Some truths remain immutable in the Potomac universe.
I can be honest and admit that at the time, I was a bit clouded in my distaste for Candiace’s antics in a way that probably let me give Monique a bit too much grace about the situation. For one, the franchises are no strangers to violence: RHONJ occasionally serves as a WWE undercard, depending on the season; Salt Lake City has thrown more drinks in people’s faces than Susan Lucci; and Atlanta couldn’t even keep a slumber party peaceful. During this period, the ladies of Potomac still held onto a delusional pretense that they represented a specific style of Black upper-class genteel that had long been abandoned – the cast may be products of Jack and Jill, but the show is no The Gilded Age. And so once the fight actually aired, over a year after the fiasco had already leaked to the press, we spent an entire season being beaten over the head with the insistence that the cast was above this.
While I can now recognize that what Monique did was an unacceptable escalation of interpersonal issues in a workplace (which is what the show is, after all), her reunion performance will remain an all-time moment in not just Potomac, but Housewives history simply because she broke the show. Fully knowing she was on her way out, she summarily dismissed Gizelle with the binder moment that aired all over the world (Karen asking “is Jamal coming” with sardonic satisfaction remains etched in my cerebellum), but more importantly forced everyone to acknowledge that despite her being the deserved target of the reunion, all of the women have skeletons in their closet that they were unwilling to confront. Gizelle was reunited with a man who had embarrassed her numerous times with his penchant for skirt-chasing; Robyn was in an endless engagement with a now-husband who, then and now, seemed to barely humor her; Karen is a sugar-baby turned breadwinner who could be found at any watering hole in Potomac; Ashley was married to the personification of the grim reaper.
All of the women were trapped in their own cages of misery, trying to make Monique look like the primary cause for their own distress. Monique very much needed to leave, but the chaos she left behind, while occasionally resulting in uneven, stilted television, forced the women to acknowledge their own shortcomings in her absence. Ashley could no longer hide her disaster of a marriage; Robyn’s permanent state of melancholy became unavoidable; Chris Bassett was unable to hold a job longer than a season. I don’t think it’s that much of a stretch to say that women seem to be in 10 seasons is at least partially influenced by Monique wiping the slate clean on her first ousting.
Monique’s penchant for forthrightness, almost to the point of abruptness, is what makes her reintegration to the cast fascinating already. Thankfully, she makes no bones about addressing the elephant in the room, namely, the state of her divorce. It is no secret that Housewives can be taxing on any marriage, but often we hear it from the perspective of women who come on the show to build a career and a platform to split safely. Monique, however, freely admits that being on the show kept her marriage alive for years longer than it should have. Judging from her original run on the franchise, I fully believe that she held onto her marriage out of spite; at that time, there was no way she was going to let Gizelle have one up on her, and the image of her successful Black family with numerous houses, investments, and businesses was her ultimate trump card.
It was refreshing to hear the women reflect on that time without the show turning into a forlorn “very special episode.” Gizelle being able to acknowledge the strain she recognized in Monique’s marriage coming from the side of a divorcee is a conversation Monique simply would not have been able to receive five years ago, and I think it’s healthy that both women recognize that. I don’t know if we’ll get Gizelle to admit on camera that Monique gave her a run for her money at that reunion, but we’ll take the small victories where we can.
Unfortunately, Gizelle and Monique finally finding common ground is not the animating vehicle they are using to structure Monique’s return to the group. Nor are Monique and Wendy finally attempting to establish a relationship outside of Candiace’s sphere of influence after Monique was effectively removed from filming on Wendy’s rookie season. For whatever reason that I am still desperately attempting to make sense of, we are continuing to draw out this tired string of “Stacy being desperate for Chris.”
Listen, I get it. Stacey is definitely nimble with her understanding of the truth. I have dated enough men who told me they had no girlfriend, only to find out they actually had a wife (this has happened only three times, but it’s crazy that it happened more than once), so I recognize a person whose statements of fact come with terms and conditions. But here’s the thing: I don’t care that she fucked Chris, or didn’t. I don’t care that her husband, Temu, barely wants to be on camera and filming with the rest of the cast, or that they are too lazy to come up with coherent excuses to avoid participating in events. Temu says five words a minute, and to my ADHD brain, it feels like nails on a chalkboard; I won’t miss him if he doesn’t get mic’ed up ever again.
What Stacey understands well is that if you are not going to give authenticity, you have to sell the fantasy. Stacey has chosen to be the peppy, out-of-touch model who has the spirit of Mary Poppins in the package of Kenya Moore. Whether or not it’s legitimate is irrelevant to me until it fundamentally becomes irreconcilable with her on-camera persona, à la Grande Dame. Perhaps it’s the QVC training, the same stomping grounds that birthed us the scourge known as Lisa Rinna, but you simply cannot move her off her square.
Stacey’s consistent persona ultimately makes the women look even more deranged for calling it out. Monique already said she couldn’t possibly care less who Chris is dating, but Ashley, Keiarna, Tia, and Gizelle simply couldn’t leave well enough alone. Now I have to pretend that I care that Stacey told Chris that Monique was miserable by the end of her marriage? I’m sure that’s nothing Chris doesn’t already know, whether this Cookie lady is reporting back to him or not. Considering how the last fiasco with a third party bringing gossip went down, I just am not intrigued or inclined to explore this line of inquiry any further unless Stacey ups and leaves Temu for Chris.
All these shenanigans ultimately end up doing is cementing Stacey as indispensable to the group. I can somewhat understand Tia’s frustration — despite overselling the Nigerian royalty bit, she has, for the most part, been sharing her personal life on camera, warts and all, and is frustrated that Stacey won’t do the same. But Keiarna is getting irate on Monique’s behalf when there is absolutely no indication that Monique would even care or be bothered by this at all, and as a result, Stacey dealt with her accordingly. Keiarna may be a breathtaking beauty, but she was not prepared to step into the ring for a war of words with the Detroit Barbie. Stacey cheekily telling K that “the only time you get heated is about me” was a nice little jab, but when K tried to counter by saying “I would never leave my husband around you,” Stacey had no choice but to hit her with the uppercut: “You don’t have one.” I’m excited to see Keiarna finally show up this season, as I prefer a beautiful bitch on wheels to a sedate one, but unfortunately, she still came up short this time around. See you all next week!
• The more Angel carries on about her imagined issue with Wendy, the less rational she sounds. Her husband can’t even pretend to be bothered about this nothingburger of an issue on his wife’s behalf. Every time she insists that Wendy somehow betrayed her more than Gizelle by defining what a catfish is, a clown nose starts to sprout on her face spontaneously. Wendy and Gizelle were indeed being messy and mean, but nothing about that warranted the weeks-long spiral our WAG has been going through.
• Wendy was really rocking the finger waves! It’s such a shame that her best season to date is coming on the heels of what we know to be a precipitous downfall. (Yes, yes, I know she gave a gracious showing at BravoCon and had a generally good reception, but when your local paper is reporting claims of alleged aliases and over 40 credit cards, there is clearly still a long road ahead.)
• When it comes to crossover moments, I allow/overlook them if they make sense for the show and the groups’ connections. The Vanderpump Boys on Summer House, sure, whatever, they basically helped launch that franchise. Cynthia making a guest appearance on any franchise she wants is fine because I appreciate any excuse to swoon over her cheekbones. Bringing in competitors from the Love Hotel, however, is where I have to draw the line. I’m sure Wale is a lovely man, but this isn’t Marvel, and I’m not about to start watching three other franchises just to understand what is on my TV screens. I already have to monitor the subreddits like a hawk!
• At this point, “What is GNA” could be a Jeopardy category. We have gone from clothing line to wellness brand to events promotion to philanthropy, and now we’re making floats. Many companies do PRIDE floats, but they are usually selling something. What, pray tell, is GNA selling? I still have no clue.
• Ten million downloads on Reasonably Shady? Y’all are really listening to that podcast? Color me shocked.
The original housewife is returning. Vicki Gunvalson confirmed on November 14 at BravoCon that she will be rejoining the series at the Bravos Award Show with Andy Cohen. “Vicki, would you join us as a Housewife for Season 20?” Cohen asked her during the taping and handed her an orange. Gunvalson teared up as she cheered with a “Yes!”
Deadlinereports that while Gunvalson accepted the offer, she hasn’t formally begun negotiations with Bravo, and it’s unclear if she’s coming back as a full-time Housewife. Gunvalson became one of the first Housewives on TheReal Housewives of Orange County, becoming the launching pad for the Housewives franchise into the Bravoverse; she was on the main cast of the show from season 1-13 until her departure, where she then made brief appearances in seasons 14, 17, and 18.
Thankfully, it seems like other OC housewives are happy for Gunvalson’s return, and it might even lead to a Tres Amigas reunion. “You know, I’m so excited for Vicki,” current RHOC star Shanon Storm Beador shared on a Saturday panel as she realized last night’s proposal was a full-circle moment in many ways. “And it was really funny… Two years ago, when she won the Wifetime Achievement award, [Vicki] came back to the seat and said something like, ‘Oh, why didn’t Andy pull an orange out of his pocket?’ And he did that last night… I’m so excited for her.” Tamra Judge also confirmed that after their friendship breakup, Judge and Gunvalson are amigas once more. “We’ve had a lot of ups and downs in our 20 years. I always say we’re like sisters,” Judge told Us Weekly last week, ahead of the announcement. “It’s that love-hate relationship all the time. I’m talking sisterly love, like, you have little arguments. And then, of course, being on a show together, there’s always ups and downs — especially the type of show that we were on together.”
It was supposed to be Kandi Burruss’s big night at The Bravos, the semi-annual ridiculous awards shows filmed live at BravoCon, when she received her Wifetime Achievement Award. But it was Victoria Denise Gunvalson Junior who life altered drastically when Andy Cohen presented her with an orange for the 20th season of Real Housewives of Orange County. Yes, that orange comes with a full-time berth on the show when it returns next year. When Vicki was awarded the inaugural Wifetime Achievement at BravoCon in 2023, she pulled our her own orange and told Andy she had an extra in case he wanted to give it back. That cringey moment came full circle when Andy pulled some fruit out of his back pocket (not the first time) and welcomed Vicki back into the fold.
Other highlights of the night included Andy’s opening song-and-dance number, a genius In Memoriam reel, Dorit Kemsley lighting a cigarette on stage, and a Golden Globes-worthy monologue roasting the Bravolebs. Of Southern Charm’s Craig Conover, Andy said, “Craig is single! He’s hot! He’s a business owner. He’s on a successful podcast. Oh wait — those are words to describe Paige,” a reference to Craig’s ex-girlfriend Paige DeSorbo, formerly of Summer House. The crowd winced for him, but in the best way possible.
Oh, and Teresa Giudice said, “The Oscar goes to…” while presenting an awrd. She totally thought she was on stage at the Dolby Theater.
Elsewhere, Karen Huger returned to a huge round of applause, Teddi Mellencamp got a standing ovation, and Mary Cosby and Angie Katsanevis collected some awards. During her acceptance speech, Mary said, “I wasn’t even gonna to come.” Mary, never change.
Finally, it was Kandi’s big moment, and she gave a rousing speech mostly thanking her fellow RHOA ladies and the fans. I’m not crying, you’re crying. You’ll see it all when The Bravos air on Sunday.
Heading into BravoCon, rumors circulated that The Real Housewives of New York City was undergoing a cast shakeup, which would keep some newbies and bring back some of the original cast members. However, Cohen was quick to squash those rumors, telling Deadline, “I don’t know where that came from.”
Cohen teased that an announcement for RHONY would be coming soon, saying, “We’re close.”
RHONY cast members like Erin Lichy, Jessel Taank, and Sai De Silva are in attendance at BravoCon, as well as OG cast members like Sonja Morgan, Dorinda Medley, and Luann de Lesseps. The reactions from fans to Morgan, Medley and De Lesseps is deafening every time they come into a room, making it clear that they want to see more of them.
Regarding working with the RHONY legacy housewives, Cohen told us, “I think we’ll always be in business with the OGs from RHONY. I think you see Luann pop up on a lot of shows. Dorinda has a show on Radio Andy. They’re always going to be part of the Bravo family.”
“It’s interesting that it’s one of the smallest states and it kind of feels like this insular community where everybody knows each other [and] you can’t get away with anything,” Cohen teased about the setting of RHORI. “It is the perfect spot for a Housewives. Plus it’s also so beautiful, it’s aspirational. It’s the Ocean state – it’s teeny. And the women are outrageously fun and great for TV.”
Whether on a van, a boat, or a plane, there is no form of transportation that Meredith won’t rage at Britani on. Photo: Bravo
Leave it to Britani to bring up Seth’s alleged infidelity and then act completely shocked when Meredith gets angry about it. Better yet, over yoga (where everybody but her gets a mat), Britani even describes bringing up the accusation as well-intentioned. Meanwhile, Meredith is still fuming in her room, where she’s telling Lisa that Britani “thinks she’s a Disney Princess,” but to be fair, she did play Ariel and Belle at Disney World. Seeking an even better comparison, she then asks Lisa to remind her who from The Wizard of Oz didn’t have a brain. “The Tin Man,” Lisa confidently replies, and Meredith deems Britani “The Tin Woman.” What a missed opportunity for Wicked: For Good cross-promotion!
But luckily for Meredith, Bronwyn arrives at her door with an opportunity to get out some of this anger. She kidnapped Britani’s stuffed unicorn, and goads Meredith into throwing it overboard with her. But we should have known that more than anything, this was really just a ruse for Bronwyn to make use of those dumb inflatable costumes yet again — and she and Meredith don them so they can be “incognito” while tossing the unicorn off the ship. Gone forever is the only surefire way Britani could hear Jared say he loves her.
With the unicorn slowly floating away, Meredith turns her ire toward Whitney at breakfast for seemingly cosigning the TikTok allegation. Meredith tells them all that she’s done with Britani, and she’s done with anyone who supports her. Heather correctly thinks this is absurd, because you can’t operate on a show with that attitude. Bronwyn even tries to bring the temperature down by asking Mary for help: “Mary, can you say something as a mother, as a woman of God here?” But some things are just out of God’s hands.
As they disembark and apologize to the crew for their behavior and volume writ large, one of the crew members rushes out to return to Britani something she thought was forever gone: the unicorn … soaking wet. “Who threw this over?” she asks everybody, as if it’s some big mystery. Meredith eventually cops to it, while also throwing Bronwyn under the bus for good measure, and then hauntingly says, “Uni wanted to swim. You got tanner and makeup all over him. He needed a little dip in the ocean.” Chilling.
What happens next is an all-too-familiar phenomenon that Housewives fans will immediately recognize from the sudden shift in editing. Something happened when cameras were down. It’s a producer’s nightmare, and yet they have to think on their feet to cover whatever incident happened off screen, usually filling in the gaps via confessional retellings and dramatic B-roll. All in all, it’s cobbled together like an episode of Dateline or Celebrity Ghost Stories. We’re told that Meredith’s rage continued at the airport, and then when they boarded, she and Lisa were seated directly behind Britani — and a scene erupted. The way these women tell it, you would have thought Meredith was about to bring the plane down. Apparently, she was calling Britani names, grabbing and shaking her seat, splashing her with wine, pulling her hair, demanding to see the TikTok, and reducing her to tears. For Meredith’s part, she says she was simply venting to Lisa, and adds, “Obviously nothing was that deep, because I would have been arrested by an air marshal.”
While it’s a good point, none of the other women (apart from Lisa) are backing her story up. While very few people were on Britani’s side on the trip (or ever), this mid-air incident seems to have really turned the tide, and now they have no choice but to sympathize with her. When Britani meets up with Heather after the flight, she tells her that what hurt the most was Lisa egging her on the whole time, which she felt was the ultimate betrayal — especially since she had her back so strongly earlier in the season. “I keep saying that I’m the unsinkable rubber ducky, but I feel really broken right now,” Britani says, showcasing her ability to string together a truly insane turn of phrase in even the darkest of times.
Since Bronwyn was on a different flight altogether, Whitney has to fill her in on what went down, and she brings up a good point. Bronwyn questions how this could have happened on a commercial flight without anybody talking cell phone footage of it? Firstly, you would have thought that at least one other passenger would have wanted to record this scene playing out, especially if they recognized the players. But what’s been annoying me even more is that these women should have been trained by producers to start recording on their own cell phones if drama starts to unfold after cameras go down. Then again, secretly recording Meredith last year was what first got Britani in this whole mess, so I’ll cut her some slack there.
But then Bronwyn hits us with an even crazier curveball. “Apparently, Todd and Meredith need a reminder of fight etiquette,” she says to awkward silence. “I don’t know if you’ve seen on Twitter or not that people are accusing Todd of getting caught on a plane cheating on me.” She learned from this trip and is bringing it up herself, not only to get ahead of it, but because she believed it to be true. She says that this person claiming that Todd was getting sent lingerie photos knew too much accurate information about the flight and where Todd was sitting, so she confronted him about it and temporarily kicked him out. This leads to a fascinating conversation between her and Whitney about being open to the idea of being open, and that this wouldn’t be as much of an issue to her if it were something they had discussed or agreed upon. This conversation cements Bronwyn’s place as a phenomenal Real Housewife.
We then see Heather arrive at a coffee shop, and a chyron appears that reads “11:10 a.m.” — we all know what that means. Someone is about to be late. Sure enough, we watch a montage of Heather sitting there for over an hour until Lisa finally arrives at 12:26 p.m. without apology. Most interestingly, though, is that Heather doesn’t make a single mention of her tardiness, which is either incredibly mature, a power move, or is focused on the more pressing matter at hand.
Lisa is shocked when Heather tells her how upset Britani is with her, because, as you might have guessed, Lisa maintains that she did nothing wrong. All she did, according to her, was tell Britani to show Meredith the TikTok in question, and she denies that a big scene erupted. She explains away the jostled chair as Meredith using it as leverage to stand up, and says the the spilled wine really landed on her, not Britani. But all of these explanations do sound a lot more like confirmations. Nonetheless, Lisa says she was trying to diffuse Meredith, not egg her on, and is annoyed to once again be getting the blame for something she maintains she’s innocent of.
Meanwhile, Mary gets the unenviable job of sitting down with Meredith, who continues to deny. “What is it that you think happened?” she asks Mary, who quickly responds with, “I don’t think anything happened; I was there.” Meredith maintains that she was simply venting to Lisa, for maybe 15 minutes. Mary says it was much longer than that, and then they start doing math. Meredith says she was asleep for over an hour on the flight and watched two movies, and there’s only so much time on the flight, so how much longer could this incident really have been? I, for one, would like to know what movies Meredith was watching. Fight Club? Snakes on a Plane? She thinks that this exaggerated story started getting spread to women who didn’t actually see it for themselves (because they were either on the other side of the plane or sleeping). In any case, if Meredith really did wait to pop off until they were airborne with no cameras rolling, it makes for the perfect crime.
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Surviving Mormonism With Heather Gay “explores the secrets and sins behind the Mormon church” as Gay “uncovers the dark history of the history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saintsm” according to the show’s official announcement.
“In each hourlong episode, Heather has impactful conversations with abuse survivors, ex-Mormons and former LDS church leaders,” the release continues. “As Heather reflects on her own departure from the church, Surviving Mormonism delves into outdated and controversial practices and empowers victims to share their experiences to bring awareness and enact change.”
Gay, who has starred on RHOSLC since Season 1, grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, however, she left the Mormon church in 2019 following her 2011 divorce. Since then, Gay has released two books on her exprience with Mormonism, 2024’sBad Mormon and 2025’s Good Time Girl. She’s also currently in the process of having her name expunged from the church records.
So how can fans watch Surviving Mormonism With Heather Gay? Read on for one of the cheapest ways to stream the limited series.
Sling is a StyleCaster sponsor, however, this article was independently written by our editors. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.
How to watch Surviving Mormonism With Heather Gay
Watch Surviving Mormonism With Heather Gay
Surviving Mormonism With Heather Gay airs on Bravo, which is available to stream on services like Sling TV. Sling offers two monthly plans with Freeform: Sling Blue, which starts at $50.99, and Sling Orange + Blue, which starts at $65.99 per month. Sling also has a current deal where new subscribers can sign up for Sling Orange + Blue for 50 percent off their first month, which brings the price down to $33.
As for which of Sling’s plans is right for you, Sling Blue offers more than 40 channels, as well as the ability to stream on up to one device at a time. Sling Orange & Blue offers more than 50 channels, the ability to stream on up to three devices, and everything included in Sling Blue, as well as Sling’s third plan, Sling Orange. Read on for step-by-step instructions on how to watch Surviving Mormonism With Heather Gay with Sling.
Andy Cohen’s appearance on Call Her Daddy took an unexpected turn when host Alex Cooper challenged him to a round of “Confess or Text,” a segment designed to elicit juicy answers—or force guests to send bold messages to their famous friends.
When asked how much money he made last year, Cohen declined to answer, calling the question “douchy” and citing wage inequity across industries. “I’m making money that is totally… there’s an incredible wage inequity with people that I work with and also people who do jobs that are way more important than mine,” he said, referencing special education teachers and hospice workers.
Instead of answering, Cohen texted Lisa Vanderpump, asking, “Shaking up BH cast, who should we part ways with?” He predicted she’d respond with Kyle Richards, an original Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast member.
Her actual reply? “All of them.”
The moment offered a rare glimpse into Bravo’s behind-the-scenes dynamics and underscored Cohen’s close ties to the franchise’s most iconic personalities. The whole episode is now streaming on the SiriusXM app.
The deck team’s struggle to keep their heads above water is starting to look like an endurance challenge. Who will tap out first? Nathan, who has no recourse other than to pray and hope that Christian and Tessa will listen to what he’s saying for once? Will it be Tessa, who walks around the deck like that John Travolta meme, confused at all times? Will it be Christian, who has decided that things are fine, actually, and it’s all just a matter of perspective? Will it be Max, who hopes he can huff and puff some sense into Tessa and Christian? Come to think of it — will it be Captain Sandy, speechless at such ungovernable chaos?
When we pick up this week, Christian is floating away on the Jet Ski with the fuel tank on empty. Tessa forgot to refuel it despite the fact that Nathan explicitly told her it was the most important item on the job list; which, truth be told, might as well not even exist anymore. These people need a different system. Checking items off a list, one of the most tried-and-true methods of efficiency since the dawn of humanity — I imagine this is how the cavemen delegated their responsibilities: kill Saber-tooth Tiger, check — is not working. Maybe Nathan can jump out of a hidden corner every few hours to scare them into activity?
Max spins Schadenfreude circles around Christian before towing him back to the boat with another Jet Ski. Tessa apologizes to Nathan about the mix-up, then, amazingly, tells him the team “feels weak.” This is a refrain she will keep for the rest of the episode, complaining to hell and high water about Nathan’s leadership and the state of the deck team without once adjusting her own approach to the job. Nathan’s main insight about her performance is not about her skill level as much as it is about her lacking sense of urgency: She’s like that DMV sloth in Zootopia. By the end of the charter, Nathan is not convinced Tessa has even worked on a charter boat before.
One person who has worked charter boats before — what’s more, one-day charters, which means dexterity with the lines from docking and undocking every day — is V, who is killing it in interior. The first time Sandy realizes this is when she’s looking over CVs, trying to figure out where she went wrong, as Tessa and Christian struggle on the stern. In a confessional, V tells us that her decision to pursue a career as a stew rather than as a deckhand had to do with the fact that being on deck reminded her too much of her late boyfriend, Beau, who died in the ocean. Even Aesha — who nearly feels guilty about how well her own team is doing — jokes that V should be on deck, where she’s needed.
V’s deck experience comes up again the next morning, in a conversation between Aesha, V, and Sandy — who seems impressed. Either we’re setting up for a lateral move whereby V will be switched to deck and another (potentially worse?) stew will be brought onto the interior team, or production wants to hammer in the fact that as a fellow novice, V is leagues above Tessa and Christian. This last point is stressed through Kizzi’s simmering competitiveness. V’s quick progress endears her to Aesha, which annoys Kizzi, who wants to be number one. But I’m not buying this side of Kizzi. Though she puts on a tough armor for the confessionals, she seems to be a sweetie-pie at heart.
Kizzi’s fate, drama-wise, is not in butting heads with people in her team, but in boatmance. After keeping her loyalty to Tommy on their night off, this week, Kizzi is back to flirting with everyone, everywhere. She laughs at herself in a confessional: “I think I have a deep seated fear of being alone.” She doesn’t tell Tommy “I love you” or “I miss you” on FaceTime; being on the Bravado is giving her second thoughts about her two-month-long relationship. Kizzi is messy when it comes to boys, but she always pulls through on her job, which unfortunately involves dealing with primary Jack.
I wrote last week that Jack was hyperspecific about his requests, but overall polite. I’d like to retract that statement. Jack sucks. Ordering caviar bumps: okay. Ordering two milkshakes in the middle of the day: I get it. Ordering this damn Szechuan chicken — this again?! — after eight courses over which poor Josh has sweated for hours: completely vile. The first indication that Jack is evil is that he asks for the Spanish-themed eight-course menu to start at 9:30 p.m. Still, Josh takes it in stride: “If a dish is like a song, an eight-course menu is a concert,” he says, pumping himself up. It must be said that as good as everything looks, the dishes get less and less “Spanish” with every passing bite, moving from ajo blanco to tempura and ending in creme brulee. Still, it’s an amazing feat that goes underappreciated by a primary who has consumed 200 martinis.
Jack hasn’t been able to finish dessert by the time he orders the chicken. It’s such a foul request that his friends try to dissuade him from it after assuring the crew they are plenty full. The whole thing is so … cringe. Jack is obviously only acting this way because he’s on TV, following the perverse logic of the obnoxious that attention is attention, no matter what kind. Aesha, who knows that Josh has been up for 20 hours and is dangerously close to jumping offboard, swoops in: Jack can order something, as long as it will take 10 minutes or less to make. They settle on truffle Parmesan fries. By the time they’re ready, of course, Jack isn’t hungry anymore and lets them get cold and soggy by the hot tub.
In fact, at that point, Jack is ready to create problems for other departments. The deck team is already on edge, not just from their usual frazzled state but from bringing up the tender with the crane while the guests had dinner. Max was in the tender while Christian and Tessa worked the connecting lines according to Nathan’s careful instructions. Max quickly lost his patience and started cursing when they had to reset. It only infuriated him further that Nathan told him to take five minutes to breathe and recompose — it’s important for everyone to have their wits about them when they’re working with the crane, which is dangerous equipment. I thought this was good leadership from Nathan: While validating Max’s frustration, Nathan also demonstrated that they are still a team, and they need to have each other’s backs.
Ultimately, it all works out. Nathan pulls Max aside to say that he knows it’s unfair that he has to pick up Christian and Tessa’s slack, but he needs to be able to rely on him to get through the charter. Max can’t really see this for the compliment that it is, and Nathan promises that if things don’t improve, he will “make changes.” It’s in this environment that Christian emerges to be on shift for the rest of the night. Before going to bed, Nathan explicitly tells him not to let the completely drunk guests swim in the ocean.
The first thing Jack asks Kizzi once most of the crew has gone to bed is whether they can go in the ocean. Kizzi tells him no, then radios Nathan to double check and tells them no again. Perhaps sensing that Christian will be easier to break, Jack asks the deckhand if they can go swimming. Christian says no; Jack insists, so Christian suggests they just dip their toes in the water. Agreeing to this condition, Jack has the same look on his face as when he ordered the chicken — he knows what he’s doing (being evil) and why (attention). The fact that this is all happening right after the chicken thing only serves to highlight Christian’s limitations compared to the rest of the crew — Aesha, Josh and Kizzi were all firm with Jack while still making him feel like he was getting what he wanted. Christian might have aimed for that with the “dip your toes” thing, but it backfires disastrously.
Nathan goes to get water from the crew mess just in time to see Jack fall in the water through the monitor. (What could possibly have convinced Christian that someone that drunk would keep their balance on a water platform?) He runs to stern to pull Jack away from the water and remind Christian it’s a hard no on drunk guests being in the ocean. In a confessional, Christian can’t understand what’s so bad about the primary getting what he wanted, especially when no one got hurt. Nathan, meanwhile, is exasperated that things went from being “generally incompetent” to “genuinely dangerous.” At this point, Jack’s friends look like they are embarrassed to be alive, let alone associated with this guy. In the morning, they lament that “poor Christian is going to be in so much trouble.”
That, he certainly is. On the bow, Nathan tells Max what happened, which I think is a miscalculation — dishing with Max about Christian only makes the tension between the two of them worse. Later, after he has had to wake Tessa up to be on time for docking, he speaks to Sandy about the night. She tells him for now they need to focus on docking the boat, and then they’ll figure out what to do. Meanwhile, V spends two hours packing Jack’s suitcases.
Nathan goes over the docking plan with his team. Since Tessa struggled with throwing the lines last time, he sets up heaving lines, which are lighter and easier to throw. Not that Tessa appreciates it, but this is Nathan trying to ensure her success. Alas, despite Nathan’s warning that the heaving lines have to be tied tight to the crossing lines, Tessa fails to tighten them enough: the knot comes undone in the water immediately. For their part, Max and Christian fight before docking and exchange some F-bombs on the bow just for good measure.
The guests finally leave. At the tip meeting, Sandy congratulates the interior team and, in so many gentle words, tells the deck team to do better. Jack and his friends left $20,000 in tips, which comes out to a decent $1,818 each, though 1 million wouldn’t be enough. (Max and Kizzi are flirty at the beginning of the tip meeting, after Kizzi has flirted with Nathan in the cabins.) Afterwards, Sandy calls Nathan to the bridge and tells him it’s time to replace either Tessa or Christian, and that it will be up to him to make the call. I’m going to place my bets on Christian being fired: Tessa may be slow, but beyond lacking skill, Christian has the added disadvantage of having an issue with a teammate, which impacts everyone’s morale. That said, Tessa doesn’t seem to be aware she is doing anything wrong at all, which is maybe worse. Either way, it’s looking like we’ll end up with a new deckhand and potentially,a new stew.
In the words of the esteemed founder of the Reality Television Arts and Sciences, Brian Moylan, most fights on Housewives are not really about whatever the ladies are talking about on camera, but are really about the show and the power struggles around what is going on behind the scenes, namely, compensation. When the girls locked in on Denise Richards in Beverly Hills, a big part of that was because of the seven-figure paycheck she commanded while barely filming. The Atlanta ladies turned on Kim Zolciak as soon as she got too big for her britches and thought she had secured a gravy train with her NFL husband and spinoff. The hierarchy that income presents is understood subtext for those who are savvy (or nosy enough) to make sense of the maze of blind items, shady Instagram stories, and thinly-veiled tweets from glam team assistants to understand that when the ladies of Married to Medicine engage in their seasonal Quad humiliation ritual, it’s not solely because she’s insufferable and annoyingly dramatic, but also because she establishes clear boundaries between her coworkers on the show and her real-life friends.
Because I am incorrigibly nosy, I can generally immediately glean what the subtextual shade of any scene is about — odds are I’ve already listened to the obscure podcast posted in the recesses of the official subreddit months ago — I am primed to understand the actual tension onscreen. For example, it was clear in the premiere of Potomac that Stacey was putting Keiarna on notice with the “you’ve been trying to come around for years.” They’re both trying to stand out, and Keiarna is realizing that Stacey’s star is rising as hers is dimming — Stacey is calling out her desperation to get a camera moment by manufacturing tension between them. It’s cheeky but fairly straightforward. This episode, however … I have no idea what, if anything, the actual issue is between these women.
I’ll go from most to least comprehensible. Stacey is not taking the jabs against her lying down and is recruiting Jassi for her revenge. Stacey is well within her rights to want to strike back, but I must say, her acting was worse than the time Cynthia was forced to expose Mr. Chocolate. That said, Jassi seems down for the tag team, and oohed and aahed appropriately at the reveal that — drumroll, please — Gizelle is dating. If they want to return fire, they’re just going to have to come harder than that.
Then we have Wendy versus Keiarna. I get the gist of Keiarna’s issue: she wants them to be legitimate friends, and Wendy views her and K as work friends, which doesn’t suffice for her. She doesn’t want to do the phony double kiss at events; she wants genuine friendship, sisterhood, bonding … but that is just not what Wendy offers. Explaining the intricacies of tensions between women and they ways that passive aggressive tactics are used damn near requires and advanced degree in sociology so I’m not all that surprised that Keiarna is getting flustered at Wendy’s deadpan energy; but she has to know that she is simply not communicating her issue well at all, and Wendy is not going to give her any rope beyond the exact amount she needs to hang herself. Wendy laughed in Keiarna’s face, and they both threw up middle fingers at each other, yet they walked out of that scene arm in arm — I would need 10,000 words to explain how that indicates the emotionally volatile behavior of women who have dominated their respective group chats, fuming about each other.
While I more or less get the gist of the above issues, when the horses start coming in, everything stops making sense. First, there’s tension about two competing events between Keiarna and Wendy, except Keiarna’s is a pre-party at the condo, and Wendy is hosting a formal party at the race, so there’s actually no conflict at all. Then, the chin-checking issue is resurrected, except now Gizelle is mad that Angel said Keiarna doubled back, and Angel claims she would have a serious issue if she lied. So then Keiarna cops to saying it, and Angel seems happy as a clam, and now Wendy and Gizelle are annoyed with her that she’s not mad at Keiarna, and now Keiarna is mad at everyone in her condo? I genuinely don’t understand what we are supposed to care about here or why. I get that Angel is wishy washy about calling out her best friend in front of the crew, but most people wouldn’t leap to drag their best friend with an audience. I just am struggling to wrap my head around why the phrase “chin-check” is such an issue to be continuously dragged out like this; it’s starting to remind me of how we spent an entire season arguing the semantics of “violated” on Beverly Hills.
By the time Stacey and Keiarna reprise their argument, I am simply fully lost as to what everyone’s issue with each other is. Stacey hasn’t gotten invited to Keiarna’s functions, Keiarna doesn’t care for her, Stacey reminds her of the physical altercation they had, and I am just wondering why this has all gotten so hostile. Now we’re piling into the van, and Angel has an issue with Wendy, and I’m just stuck, wondering how the word “chin-checked” caused all this. Usually, the alliances and subtext are quite obvious — this time, it felt like Keiarna was trying hard to establish her rightful place at the table, and everyone endured friendly fire as a result of her half-hearted efforts.
Anyway, the taglines have finally arrived. Let’s rate them, shall we?
Gizelle: “When the nest is empty, it’s time for naked, grown, and sexy.” Given that we never see any real information on her personal life, I don’t even understand what this is supposed to mean. I can’t tell if Gizelle is threatening us with more rompers or doing a sponsored ad as an ambassador for Porsha’s Go Naked Hair. 3/10
Wendy: “I put the high in higher education.” Given the state of bliss the Osefos seemed to be in in their mugshots, I do believe that Happy Eddie indeed does the job. But talk about some awful timing, my word. 5/10
Stacey: “Some people believe the lies, but still I rise.” Given that TMZ recently confirmed Stacey’s divorce, she may very well be right. 7/10
Keiarna: “Beauty is my business, but getting you together is my specialty.” Unfortunately, I fear that recent evidence does not support this claim. 5/10
Tia: “You can only clutch pearls if you have them, and darling, I have loads.”The delivery is what really sells this. She’s up against a weak field, but definitely the strongest one. 7/10
Angel: “Hell hath no fury like an Angel scorned.” Cute enough but if this episode is any indication, I think she may be writing a check that her mouth can’t cash. 6/10
Ashley:“This cherry blossom is ready for her second bloom.” Who has got this whole concept of a second bloom stuck in Ashley’s head? It’s nonsensical and silly. 4/10
This episode might have been more confusing than the third act of a Chris Nolan movie, but we are about to take the cast to St. Kitts and Nevis, where we can at least be befuddled while staring at the beach. See y’all next week!
• I laughed out loud when Gizelle politely informed Angel that her sound bowl event was boring as hell. I am sorry, but I have seen enough faux meditation routines for the next four lifetimes.
Genuinely astonished by how little I miss Mia on my screen, but I hope her and Bobby Valentino (or whatever obscure Atlanta area man who was relevant 15 years ago she has glommed onto now) are doing well.
Stacey being a pageant mom is as predictable as Kenya Moore’s color contacts. But Arabella looked cute!
Ashley looked beyond absurd doing spin class with a melted wig and a full face of makeup. Just splash on some powder, fill in the brows, and call it a day!
Whitney Rose is a civil-rights leader for redheads. Luckily for Lisa Barlow, she didn’t even realize that she had called her a “redhead” derogatorily last week until the episode aired, when she posted a lengthy message bravely standing up for all of those with the hair color. Her storming out wasn’t even about that, and, as it turns out, was only temporary. She tells us she just wanted to remove herself for a little bit until Lisa “tuckered herself out.”
So with Whitney gone, Lisa turns her ire toward Angie and her businesses — saying that she only owns one and a half Lunatic Fringes and the rest are franchises. Okay, but which half? Angie pushes back, saying she actually owns three, and adds, “You do French fries, I do franchise.” She’s one of our sharpest minds, and I’m not the only one who thinks so. “Oh, that was good,” Mary says across the table with a chuckle. These attacks are particularly hurtful, given that Angie has been supporting Lisa’s sons’ Fresh Wolf business by stocking their products on her shelves. However, Angie can be hurtful, too, referring to it as a C-level business. I do love that we’ve ascended to the heights of a Real Housewife dragging a child’s line of conditioner.
Heather finally speaks up, and to her credit, she calls them all out for going low, including Lisa. And to think they were doing this in front of Amy, the Utah Socialite! Against all odds, Heather gets through to Lisa, who starts crying and telling Angie how much she loves her, and Angie says the same back. I feel like I have whiplash. Even Lisa and Bronwyn call a truce, enough so for Lisa to raise a glass with the whole table. “I love each and every single one of you, even when I’m mad at you.” This is why this insane show works, and why there’s been so little cast turnover. They’re all the best thing a Housewife can be: resilient.
Do you know what else makes this show brilliant? All of the magic in the smallest of details. There’s a brief scene of Heather and Mary getting lunch, where nothing narratively important seems to happen, so on any other franchise, this would have been cut. But on Salt Lake, they simply had to include it because Mary casually says that tequila “tastes like hospital.” This, of course, calls back to the historic premiere where she told Jen Shah that she smelled like a hospital, and Mary says that anything with a smell has a taste, including farts. As she tries to explain this, Heather breaks the fourth wall, looking directly into the camera to laugh with us. Because first and foremost, Heather is a viewer like us — she just happens to have the best seat in the house.
Another small throwaway moment that I loved? The show including footage of Bronwyn driving over the curb as she arrived for her sit-down with Lisa. Luckily, the meeting goes much better than the parking job. They very smartly take it back to the beginning of the issue, which was Lisa’s coincidental connection to Gwen’s paternal grandparents and how that whole plotline was handled. Everybody apologizes for their part in that fumble; they both apologize for the low blows, as well as all the digging up of dirt, and they vow to turn a new page.
But Lisa’s not turning a new page with Angie, who tells Heather that the other day at Lunatic Fringe, Lisa’s assistant arrived unannounced to pick up all of the Fresh Wolf products. I say it every week, but these are artists at work who continually find new and exciting ways to play with this medium. Lisa then Venmos Angie and texts her, “I can send my cleaners to help you too. Sorry your salon is so dusty,” to which Angie quickly responds, “My salon is not dusty; your products are, though, because they’ve been sitting here for two years.” Lisa fires back with some vague dig about Angie borrowing money for a vacation and using a credit card she shouldn’t have. Angie doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but something tells me Lisa will be clarifying that very soon.
Speaking of people’s businesses, Mary and her cousin Big Joe check out her church now that the renovations are finally complete. But more importantly, they reflect on Mary’s tumultuous relationship with her estranged mother, who died a few months ago. Newer RHOSLC viewers might not be aware of the full bizarre backstory surrounding Mary, who married her step-grandfather to inherit her grandmother’s church, which her mother felt should have gone to her instead. This conversation is the first we’ve heard from Mary about that in quite a while, and she agrees that it was as weird as it sounds, but it was her grandmother’s wish. Now with her mother gone, it feels like the end of that tough chapter. But even as she’s crying, Mary still manages to make us laugh by mistaking a Louis Vuitton mask for a Kleenex.
Meanwhile, Whitney and Britani — paired up by production because their names rhyme, I can only assume — go plant shopping, and Whitney asks where things stand with Jared. The engagement is off, but they’re working toward getting reengaged, which is tough because Britani thinks her daughter, Olivia, wants to be put ahead of her relationship. Well, duh. But Britani says that’s a big ask. I can see it in Whitney’s eyes that she feels like she’s being Punk’d; she simply can’t fathom a mother saying this. So much so that she grabs Britani by the shoulders and tries to have a come-to-Jesus with her. She tells her that she simply has to put her daughter first, even if that means putting a pin in her relationship. Did this actually get through to Britani? Time will tell, but I don’t see Jared going anywhere anytime soon.
Speaking of mothering, over at Bronwyn’s house — where bobs are a genetic condition — she’s talking to her mom about Gwen and her boyfriend. Bronwyn explains that she wants her relationship with Gwen to be transparent and would rather know what she’s doing than have her sneaking around and keeping secrets like she had to. Naturally, Bronwyn’s mother disagrees, and they spar over what’s the right way to parent a teenager. What’s crazy is that Bronwyn’s mother is so adamant that her way is more successful, even though Bronwyn got pregnant. Worst of all, she’s still horrible to Bronwyn over the pregnancy and talks about it like it was a terrible mistake that she was the victim of. I try not to speak ill of women with bobs, but this is vile behavior.
While conflict continues to run amok within families, peace is still being brokered elsewhere. After a scroll-themed olive branch on the camping trip, Meredith and Angie meet up to continue to foster their budding friendship. Just kidding; Angie is using this as an opportunity to go after Lisa. She tells Meredith about the Fresh Wolf incident, and then goes on to tell her that back when the two of them (Angie and Meredith) weren’t on good terms, Lisa was in her ear telling her to dig up dirt on Meredith, even telling her specific things to look up about her family. In her confessional, Meredith says this is hard to believe, but in the moment, her face tells a different story. It looks like she actually can believe it. One way or another, they both know that she’ll have to confront Lisa to get to the bottom of this.
