Charlie Sheen is sharing insight into why he missed the birth of his first daughter, Cassandra Estevez.
The actor, 60, recalled in The Book of Sheen: A Memoir, which was released Tuesday, September 9, a period of time when he began seeing his high school ex-girlfriend Paula Profit “for the late night physical benefits.”
Sheen noted that Profit was “all [he] knew” besides “Candy in real-Vegas and the L.A. Xpress on Pico Boulevard.” (Elsewhere in the memoir, Sheen revealed he had sex for the first time with “a gorgeous red-headed Vegas escort named Candy.”)
“[Paula’s] mom had a two-bedroom flat on the second floor of a building near Samohi,” he wrote in the memoir. “Paula’s room had a fire escape just outside of it that I’d scale for our late-night trysts. That went on for about a month until we dropped the birth control ball, and Paula clocked back in as a plus-one.”
Charlie Sheen comes from a famous family — and he’s passing on the torch to daughters Cassandra Estevez, Sami Sheen and Lola Sheen, and twin sons Bob and Max Sheen. The Two and a Half Men alum became a father for the first time in 1984 when he welcomed Cassandra with his high school sweetheart, […]
Sheen explained that Profit had just turned 19, while he was 18.
“Not exactly the life direction, at that moment, either of us saw for ourselves,” he wrote. “I pleaded my case, but she held firm. After a goodly amount of soul-searching, I came around a bit later. On December 12, 1984, sometime in the late afternoon, Paula gave birth to a healthy seven-pound baby girl named Cassandra.”
He continued, “An absolute gift to humanity. I didn’t attend the birth. My ‘a bit later’ didn’t turn the corner until after the new year. We’ve been good since — for the most part. (Not being f***ing married probably helped.)”
Sheen went on to welcome daughters Sami, 21, and Lola, 20, with ex-wife Denise Richards — whom he was married to from 2002 to 2006 — and twin sons Bob and Max, 17, with third wifeBrooke Mueller. Sheen and Mueller, 48, were together from 2008 to 2010. (He was first married to Donna Peele from 1995 to 1996.)
“They’ve made me a better man,” he told In Touch months after his sons were born.
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Sheen has been candid through the years about fatherhood, sharing a sweet moment with Casandra in 2010 when he walked her down the aisle to marry her childhood sweetheart, Casey Huffman. Three years later, Sheen became a grandfather when the couple welcomed daughter Luna.
“It’s impossibly a most wondrous day,” Charlie gushed to TMZ at the time while reflecting on the birth of his first grandchild. “My bucket list is a thimble!”
On Sept. 9, the Hollywood actor will release his autobiography (The Book of Sheen: A Memoir), paired with a documentary about his life (aka Charlie Sheen) premiering on Netflix on Sept. 10.
Sheen (née Carlos Irwin Estevez) has led a life of very public highs and lows that are rich material for an engaging read — from early life with a famous father, to his blockbuster film career in the 1980s, to a series of failed relationships, domestic abuse charges, a predilection for sex workers and a drug addiction that nearly killed him. The roller coaster kept climbing higher and dropping lower until a decade and a half ago, when the film and TV star hit a new peak, then imploded.
In 2010, Charlie Sheen began earning $1.8 million per episode of Two and a Half Men — making him the highest-paid male TV star to this day. Yet, during that same period, as he recounts in the book under a brief subchapter titled “2009-2011”, the stress of his divorce from actress Denise Richards sent Sheen back onto drugs. When CBS head Les Moonves learned of it, he offered the network’s corporate jet to send Sheen to rehab, but the actor turned him down to get sober at home instead.
Sheen says he did kick illegal substances during that time, and attributes his ensuing erratic behavior to heavy use of testosterone cream. Following a blow-up with Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre, Sheen’s removal from the show, he was banned from the Warner Bros. lot, and in a pair of now-infamous interviews with NBC and ABC ranted about his “tiger blood” and “Adonis DNA” while refuting bipolar claims (“I’m bi-winning“) and drug relapse claims (“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available, because if you try it once, you will die and your children will weep over your exploded body. Too much?”), and finally, a divorce from his third wife, Brooke Mueller. (Hell of a rough year.)
The actor stayed out of the headlines for a while, only to reappear in 2015 when he disclosed that he is HIV positive.
Sheen has since laid low, and claims to be sober and to have straightened his life out — even appearing sporadically in film and TV roles.
Now, as the Hollywood veteran turns 60, he is telling his side of the story, and doing so with undeniable flair. His publisher, Gallery books, insists he did not use a ghost writer. And while tiger blood may no longer course through his veins, he’s just as adept at grabbing your attention. Here are some of the more memorable passages:
On playing ping-pong as a 10-year-old with O.J. Simpson:
“Please understand that I’m still describing his ping-pong skills when I say: His right hand was fukken lethal [sic].”
The young Sheen was on set with his father and co-star O.J. Simpson. Sheen challenged Simpson to a ping-pong match. It lasted over 21 sets, with Sheen holding his own, until the ultra-competitive Simpson switched hands with his paddle and unleashed a fury on the child to win.
On losing his virginity as a high school sophomore to a Las Vegas escort named Candy:
“She was Ann-Margret in her prime with a Mastercard swiper. (I didn’t care that the swipe took longer than the sex.)”
Sheen and a high school buddy joined Sheen’s father, Martin Sheen, on a trip to Las Vegas, and slept in an adjoining hotel room. Young Charlie snuck into his father’s room one night to steal his dad’s credit card and used it to pay an escort for her services. (Sheen makes sure to clarify that he went first.)
On Johnny Depp getting him hooked on cigarettes during the filming of Platoon:
“He had successfully converted one nonsmoker on each of his previous three films.”
Sheen claims that, by the time he quit smoking in 2019, he had inhaled some 25 miles of cigarettes laid butt to tip. It was Johnny Depp who introduced Sheen (then a nonsmoker) to the habit. And for that, Sheen says he’ll send Depp the bill for a new lung “should I ever need one.”
On his 1992 introduction to crack through an ex-girlfriend named Sandy:
“Sandy and that drug rewired my frontal cortex into light-speed oneness times two.”
Sheen writes that his introduction to crack cocaine came via a woman he dated briefly, whom he calls Sandy. One night, after they’d stopped dating, Sandy called Sheen to pick her up from some situation she was in. Sheen did, and took her back home with him to Malibu. It was there, in bed, that Sandy passed Sheen a crack pipe and told him not to overthink it and just inhale.
On his near-fatal cocaine overdose in 1998:
“I didn’t have to wait for the second dose to kick in; they both hit me at the same time.”
In an attempt to get sober, Sheen was clearing out his house of drugs when he came across some needles and a baggie of cocaine. Looking to emulate movies like Trainspotting, he boiled the coke into a liquid and injected himself. Feeling nothing, he administered a second dose, which led to a near-fatal overdose. Sheen’s live-in bodyguard, Zip, called 911, and Sheen claims the paramedics alerted the media, such that when he came to in the ambulance, then arrived at the hospital, press was already there.
On facing domestic abuse charges by an ex-girlfriend in 1997:
“In a move to defend myself — my eyes more specifically, as she was trying to stab them with her jagged car keys — I got behind her …”
As Sheen recounts it, he and a girlfriend he refers to as “Jane” (timing and details would suggest “Jane” is Brittany Ashland) were having a normal evening when Jane made a disparaging comment about a photo of Sheen’s then 13-year-old daughter, Cassandra. Sheen then called a friend to pick up Jane and take her home, let slip an insult at her, and that’s when Jane began to attack him. As Sheen alleges, he acted in self-dense, and Jane’s cut lip (which required seven stitches) just sort of happened in the scuffle.
On Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss:
“I was watching myself watching Heidi stare at me with a look of betrayal and sadness.”
Sheen first met Fleiss in a VIP lounge called On the Rox (Steve Bing introduced them). He quickly fell in with her and her escort service, and when money ran out, he would use checks (and American Express Travelers Cheques, at that) to pay Fleiss and those in her employ. With an evident sense of shame, Sheen recalls cutting a deal with the feds for immunity, and spilling the details to law enforcement with Fleiss and her lawyers in the room. Sheen then claims the feds tried to use him as their star witness, and threatened to throw the book at him if he didn’t agree. When he asked to see the evidence against him, the feds let up.
On being drunk on scotch while flying an Air France jet with passengers aboard:
“Leaning the yoke ever so slightly to the left, I felt like the craft was reading my mind …”
On the flight home from his French honeymoon (and in the heat of a dispute with his first wife, Donna Peele), Sheen downed eight shots of scotch, only to then be invited to the cockpit by the starstruck crew of the aircraft. The pilot dressed Sheen up in his uniform, then both he and the co-pilot took turns snapping photos with Sheen. The plane in autopilot and the pilot’s seat empty, Sheen asked if he could sit. The pilots agreed, took the plane off autopilot, and a very drunk Sheen was able to fly and steer the A330 somewhere over the Atlantic with 200 other passengers onboard.
On discovering his HIV diagnosis:
“I’d been in that state for fifty hours, doing everything I could to avoid the hospital.”
A series of excruciating headaches and a sensation of fire in his veins led Sheen to believe he was on the brink of death. Finally, after over two days of it, sure he’d learn he had spinal meningitis or brain cancer or something fatal, he went to the hospital. Instead, he learned he had HIV.
On his sexual encounters with other men (or “the other side of the menu”):
“Was some of it fun? You betcha. Was the ‘other side’ in play without crack? Never.”
Though he only confirms it in a TV interview, Sheen seems to suggest in this passage that he had sexual encounters with men while on crack, and that those encounters led to extortion attempts.
Most of our favorite bookstores are barely still standing. For some reason, when it comes to art, there’s a certain appreciation that comes with something being decrepit or unkempt, intentionally or not…
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For entrepreneurs and business leaders, the challenge isn’t finding valuable books—it’s finding time to read them. Between back-to-back meetings, managing a team, and keeping an eye on the market, even carving out an hour a day can feel like a luxury. But knowledge doesn’t have to wait for the rare moments when you have a free weekend.
The 12min Micro Book Library trims bestselling titles down to concise, actionable insights that can be read or listened to in about 12 minutes. With lifetime access, you’ll tap into 1,800+ titles across 24 categories and get 30 new additions every month, all designed to keep you learning without slowing down your schedule.
Imagine digesting the core ideas of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People before your morning coffee or listening to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck on your commute. Instead of skimming or abandoning books halfway through, you’ll walk away with the key lessons—ready to apply them to your business, career, or personal goals.
The library supports English, Spanish, and Portuguese, works offline, and even syncs with your Kindle. That means whether you’re flying to meet investors, taking a break between calls, or catching up on strategy while commuting, your personal book vault travels with you.
For leaders who believe continuous learning is part of staying competitive, this is one of the most efficient ways to keep your edge sharp—without adding another subscription or calendar block to your day.
For entrepreneurs and business leaders, the challenge isn’t finding valuable books—it’s finding time to read them. Between back-to-back meetings, managing a team, and keeping an eye on the market, even carving out an hour a day can feel like a luxury. But knowledge doesn’t have to wait for the rare moments when you have a free weekend.
The 12min Micro Book Library trims bestselling titles down to concise, actionable insights that can be read or listened to in about 12 minutes. With lifetime access, you’ll tap into 1,800+ titles across 24 categories and get 30 new additions every month, all designed to keep you learning without slowing down your schedule.
Imagine digesting the core ideas of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People before your morning coffee or listening to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck on your commute. Instead of skimming or abandoning books halfway through, you’ll walk away with the key lessons—ready to apply them to your business, career, or personal goals.
“Fagin the Thief,” by Allison Epstein (Doubleday, 2025)
Editor’s note: The opinions of the smart, well-read women in my Denver book club mean a lot, and often determine what the rest of us choose to pile onto our bedside tables. So we asked them, and all Denver Post readers, to share their mini-reviews with you. Have any to offer? Email bellis@denverpost.com. – Barbara Ellis
“Fagin the Thief,” by Allison Epstein (Doubleday, 2025)
Character reimagining has given us Elphaba from “Wicked” (“The Wizard of Oz”) and “James” (“Adventures of Huckleberry Finn”). Epstein presents the backstory of Jacob Fagin, Dickens’ much-loathed villain in “Oliver Twist.” Alternating between 1793 and 1838 in Victorian London, this story humanizes Fagin and shows him to be a somewhat sympathetic character, although still a manipulative mentor to young thieves.
The original story was branded as antisemitic due to Dickens’ descriptions of the prejudicial norms of society in those times. This story of Fagin highlights the cruelty of discrimination, the plight of the poor and the importance of role models. Readers are left with the questions “Is it acceptable to feel sympathy for an evil man?” and “Is morality only for the rich?” It is not necessary to have read “Oliver Twist” to enjoy this book. It stands on its own as a historical novel with excellent descriptions of 19th-century London and brings the characters of “Oliver Twist to life.” — 4 stars (out of 4); Terry Romer, Denver
“Bug Hollow,” by Michelle Huneven (Penguin, 2025)
“Bug Hollow,” by Michelle Huneven (Penguin, 2025)
Family dynamics propel this fast-paced novel. The Samuelson family in Altadena, Calif., endures an unwieldy casserole of experiences and emotions from the 1960s to the 2010s. Don’t let the humor lull you: The pivotal event is the accidental death of a son at 18, who is a continuing presence in the family. In a fairly brief novel, Huneven garnishes the story with surprises, detailing her characters with precision and a sure hand. My favorite is Phil, the dad, but the entire family is memorable, primarily due to their foibles. Huneven is an author I’ll read again. — 3 stars (out of 4); Neva Gronert, Parker
“Perfection,” by Vincenzo Latronico, translated by Sophie Hughes (New York Review of Books, 2025)
A young Italian couple, digital nomads, seek adventure and the beautiful life within the expat community in edgy, experimental Berlin in the early 21st century. The author explores the impacts of a life spent largely on social media, isolated from one’s physical environment – the dissonance, for example, between a perfectly curated apartment and the messiness of lived reality, the transitory nature of friendship within this youthful, mobile tribe, and even how the intangible, cool vibe of one moment can prove fleeting and nonreplicable. A gem, beautifully translated. — 3 1/2 stars (out of 4); Kathleen Lance, Denver
“When the Cranes Fly South,” by Lisa Ridzen, translated by Alice Menzies (Vintage Books, 2025)
Six months ago, Bo was forced to move his ailing wife into a nursing home because he could no longer care for her. Now, his 57-year-old son claims that Bo’s beloved elkhound must go for the same reason. Bo’s response? “I fantasize about cutting him out of my will, making sure he doesn’t get a penny.” This situation might not sound like much of an “upper,” but Bo’s sensitive, humorous, and unflinching determination to keep his dog makes for a page-turner. When stripped of almost everything, what’s left? Plenty, Bo would tell us. There’s not a false note in this book. (This debut novel by a Ph.D. student researching masculinity norms won the Swedish Book of the Year Award.) — 4 stars (out of 4); Michelle Nelson, Littleton
“King of Ashes,” by S.A. Cosby (Flatiron Books, 2025)
Years ago, our hero left behind his broken, blue-collar family in Richmond, Va., to join the Black bourgeoisie in Atlanta and a heady career as a wildly successful financial adviser. A family emergency brings him back home, where he assures everyone that he will “fix everything.” He is soon pulled into an underworld of drugs, violence, escalating dangers and missing bodies. Can he face his family’s secrets? Can he, indeed, fix everything? Cosby doesn’t shy away from gritty details or warts-and-all characters in this noirish novel. No easy fixes and no tidy endings here. — 3 stars (out of 4); Kathleen Lance, Denver
Jalen Hurts, the Philadelphia Eagles quarterback, is a Super Bowl champion, the reigning Super Bowl M.V.P. He has played in two of the past three Super Bowls; in his first one, in 2023, he had put on one of the best performances of his career, never mind that his team ended up losing that year. Hurts has never missed the playoffs as a starting quarterback. He can launch deep balls or find a small crease, rip open the defense, and run. He never seems confused or overwhelmed. He, sometimes literally, carries the team on his back. All he does is improve. On Thursday night, in the N.F.L. season opener against the Dallas Cowboys, he calmly but powerfully took what the defense gave him, in the air and on the ground, leading his team to the win. He looked in control. Then again, he throws in stinkers from time to time. He’s not Lamar Jackson. He lacks the talent of Patrick Mahomes. He doesn’t have Josh Allen’s galvanizing fire. He’s a beautiful tush with arms. Last season, Hurts wasn’t even the most important player on his own offense. He’s a good quarterback but not a great one, at least not yet. A great quarterback is like an obscenity: you know it when you see it.
Why does it matter so much? A quarterback is not just another position on a football field. It’s a uniquely American institution—a calling, connected to foundational myths about leadership and manhood. “The very idea of the quarterback was and remains bound up with who we are and how we see ourselves on a national scale,” the journalist Seth Wickersham writes, in his new book, “American Kings,” which sounds grandiose until you realize just how much pressure rides on the shoulders of a quarterback, on and off the field. There are actors and musicians who are more famous, businessmen and politicians whose decisions are of far greater consequence. But there is no one else who has to manage such a distinctive mix of violence and spectacle, and who is exposed to such risk of public failure week after week. “The reason to do it is the holy hell,” the Hall of Fame quarterback Steve Young tells Wickersham. “It is everything a human being can be thrown into.”
Wickersham knows what it’s like to walk the halls of an American high school as quarterback; and, having been moved to wide receiver, he knows what it’s like to walk the halls as someone who’s not. His book is an attempt to understand the difference. He spent years researching in the archives and talking with some of the best to ever do it—John Elway, Tom Brady, Young, Warren Moon, Joe Namath, the Manning family—and with the families of some of the men who made the position what it is, including Johnny Unitas, Y. A. Tittle, and Bob Waterfield. He spoke with good quarterbacks who fell short of greatness. He interviewed coaches and agents and development gurus. He shadowed a handful of prodigies and, critically, their fathers. Wickersham wants to know what might have happened to him if he had lived out his dream, the dream.
The answers are fascinating but often ugly. To a certain degree, “American Kings” is not so different from any parable about the perils of ambition. Genius in one area of life can be stunting in other domains. Greatness has costs, sometimes horrific ones. The stories are saturated with alcohol, not to mention depression, domestic violence, toxic parenting, pain—a lot of pain, psychological as well as physical. Football, it seems, can unleash the kind of narcissistic personality that normal society might constrain. To be a quarterback means being selfish and sometimes delusional. Someone at Elite 11, one of the top quarterback camps, tells Wickersham that the camp is “collecting little assholes.” “I had to draw on a part of me that was emotional, aggressive, angry, decisive, irrational. All those things,” Brady says, at one point. Near the end of the book, Elway is sitting at a bar, profoundly lonely, reflecting on his life as a competitor. “Emotionally, you get a little . . .” he says, before pausing, “warped.”
Wickersham was writing a profile of Andrew Luck, after Luck’s unexpected retirement and withdrawal from public life, when he started working on the book, and spent a lot of time at Luck’s house, in Indianapolis. Luck, who had been an engineering major at Stanford, had designed the house, quarters fit for a quarterback. There had been a film room and a physical-therapy room. But now the film room was a home office, and Luck was making eggs for his daughter instead of getting his ankles taped. He had walked away from the game because of the severity of his injuries, and because of what it was doing to his personality, he told Wickersham. Being a truly great quarterback required him to be a control freak, to put himself first, to be someone he didn’t like. Luck isn’t one of the central characters of the book, but his story haunts it. It revealed something essential, Wickersham told me. Quarterbacking isn’t something you do. It’s not a job. It’s something you are.
The challenge, and opportunity, for Luck after football was to figure out who he was without it, though he doesn’t swear off the sport altogether. He’s the general manager for Stanford’s football program now. Elway is a tragic figure, but he ends the book glad for his life. Steve Young—who wasn’t born an artist like Elway or Joe Montana but, rather, was a good student who took notes—serves as a kind of wise stand-in for the author at times. At an alumni game at Brigham Young University, Young, on the field with much younger men, can’t resist the chance to test his spiral one last time. Wickersham, too, revisits his own quarterbacking days, finding himself unwilling to let go of his idealization of the role and his sense of failure. At the end of the book, during the week of the N.F.L. Combine, in Indianapolis, he grabs a beer with his old center and asks why he failed as a quarterback. “You had no chance,” his lineman replies. “We couldn’t block.” Wickersham listens to his friend describe his strengths, and hears it in a benediction. He’s given the chance to think of himself, once more, as what he was: “his quarterback.”
Betsy Thibaut Stephenson is the author of a book titled “Blackbird, A Mother’s Reflections on Grief, Loss, and Life After Suicide.”
Betsy Thibaut Stephenson and her son Charlie pose for a photo one Fourth of July. Charlie took his own life three years ago, prompting Stephenson to write the book “Blackbird, A Mother’s Reflections on Grief, Loss, and Life After Suicide.”(Courtesy Betsy Thibaut Stephenson)
Betsy Thibaut Stephenson and her son Charlie pose for a photo one Fourth of July. Charlie took his own life three years ago, prompting Stephenson to write the book “Blackbird, A Mother’s Reflections on Grief, Loss, and Life After Suicide.”(Courtesy Betsy Thibaut Stephenson)
“If we don’t want people to die by suicide, we need to start talking about suicide.”
That’s how Betsy Thibaut Stephenson, an Alexandria mother and now an author, sees the topic that, for her family, went from being an abstraction to a shattering reality.
Stephenson is the author of a book titled “Blackbird, A Mother’s Reflections on Grief, Loss, and Life After Suicide.”
She introduces herself in clear, plain language.
“I’m a Virginia mother who lost my son to suicide three years ago,” she told WTOP. “I have committed myself to speaking openly about that loss and what we’ve learned about depression and why it’s important to take this very seriously.”
Her son Charlie was 21 and had finished his third year of university in Texas when he died by suicide.
“We found out that he was struggling in the spring,” she said. “Between the time that he first let us know that he was first considering self-harm and started getting help and when he died, it was 11 weeks.”
Charlie had two older sisters.
“He was always by far the most easygoing child in our family,” Stephenson said.
He was an observer, she added, with a quick wit and the kind of personality that led others to seek his advice when they needed it. That’s in part why his 2022 suicide was so devastating to his family.
“When I look at his high school and middle school and even early college,” she said, there were no signs that he was experiencing any problems with his mental health. And it’s not a topic the family had ever shied away from.
“I have been in and out of therapy my entire life,” Stephenson said, adding it was something the family spoke about openly.
The night before he took his own life, he’d spent the evening out with friends. Stephenson texted him, “Good night, bub. Hope you’re doing great. Love you.”
He replied, “I’m doing awesome. Love you good night.”
Hours later, he ended his life.
As agonizing as the loss was to the entire family, Stephenson, who lives in Alexandria, said her husband and daughters agreed, they would not try to hide the circumstances around Charlie’s death.
“We made the decision together to be forthcoming about cause of death, to be honest about the fact that Charlie died by suicide.”
But Stephenson said just because the family’s been honest and open about having experienced the loss of a loved one by suicide, doesn’t mean they aren’t free of the pain and feelings of guilt that can result.
“It is hard, but pretending like it didn’t happen or keeping secrets from people does not help it,” she said. “We need to do whatever we can to take the power away from suicide and to do that we need to make it less mysterious.”
Stephenson said her family makes clear to friends that talking about Charlie, sharing a memory, or simply missing him, is welcome.
“We carry him with us everywhere, we bring him up in conversations constantly, we tell stories about him, we refer to him,” she said. “I think that helps those around us be more comfortable with this loss.”
Dealing with the crushing weight of grief was something Stephenson approached as a kind of job. She made a conscious decision to learn about depression and hopefully, by sharing with others, help them avoid what her family experienced.
“I thought I knew a lot about depression. Then my son died by suicide. And I definitely underestimated how powerful depression can be — and how sneaky it can be,” she said.
Stephenson said she encourages people to have uncomfortable conversations, and not to avoid painful or difficult topics surrounding mental health.
“Uncomfortable conversations need to be handled gently, but don’t avoid it. I think it’s much better to talk things out.”
One of the things Stephenson emphasizes when she speaks to groups or in interviews, is the need to “remove every possible barrier to getting help.” That can be removing the “soft barriers” like the taboo of talking about suicide.
“And then there are the programmatic systems like 988 and other crisis lines,” Stephenson said. “Making those as available as possible and as easy to access, is only going to help people.”
Asked about the title of the book, she said her father played guitar, and often played the song “Blackbird” by the Beatles.
After her father died in 2009, she gave his guitar to Charlie, who learned to play it, including playing the song she’d loved so much as a child.
“Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise”
“We learned that he played it a lot around school and like, around the dorm,” and that people on campus had come to associate the song with Charlie.
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A couple of Portland-based authors are in the spotlight on the other side of the country. Leslie Barnard Booth’s “One Day This Tree Will Fall” and Elizabeth Mehren’s “I Lived to Tell the World: Stories from Survivors of Holocaust, Genocide, and the Atrocities of War” are the titles that Oregon will represent at this year’s National Book Festival.
Oregon’s state librarian Wendy Cornelisen shared information about why these books deserved to be put in the national spotlight.
“These two books in particular were selected by staff here at the state library,” Cornelisen said.
“They really represent Oregon,” Cornelisen continued. “They’re by Oregon authors and also really help celebrate reading and books.”
She also said there will be a booth set up to discuss these pieces of literature.
“There will be people, especially lots of kids, in the venue,” Cornelisen said. “We have sent a wide variety of materials to be there at the booth.”
“We’re really excited to be able to showcase these books and these authors at this event,” Cornelisen continued.
The festival takes place near the Library of Congress in Washington D.C. all day tomorrow.
At the age of 17, Debbie Gibson climbed to the top of the charts in 1988 with her hit song “Foolish Beat,” making her the youngest person ever to write, produce and perform a Billboard Hot 100 chart topper.
Gibson still holds that record for female artists today.
She wrote about the highs and lows of her decades-long career in her new memoir, “Eternally Electric: The Message in My Music,” crediting her late mother, Diane, for helping her succeed in the industry.
“We definitely would not be here celebrating this music today had it not been for her,” Gibson told “CBS Mornings.”
She explained her mother, who served as her “momager,” got a $10,000 loan and created a home studio.
“It was the garage turned laundry room, turned play room, turned studio,” Gibson said. “Occasionally, somebody needed to do a load of laundry and I had to stop singing, but other than that, I demoed all of my hits in that little studio. It was fun.”
Gibson said she thinks her mother is also responsible for helping young female artists of today.
“I think artists know their audience, but back then, it was the male power play and it was those men kind of dictating what young girls wore and who wrote their songs and … my mom went into those conference rooms and I remember vividly her pounding her fists on that table … fighting, saying my daughter can produce,” she said.
Gibson on honing her creative outlet and pivoting
In her memoir, Gibson talks about writing a song as a teenager every single day.
“I like to say kids write in diaries or like as adults we have an inner monologue. Mine always came with a melody attached. I’m always singing my thoughts,” she said.
In her career, Gibson has had 11 Top 40 singles and sold more than 16 million albums worldwide. For Gibson, it was her creative outlet that her parents encouraged.
“They were always like, ‘What did you write today? Let us hear it.’ It was always just like a really joyful thing to create a song,” she recalled. “I always felt like I had a secret, like I’m about to play you something you have never heard and I still think that is the coolest thing in the world.”
When she first went to Atlantic Records at 16 years old, she already had 100 songs written.
“They really let me do my thing, especially in the beginning,” Gibson said.
“I write about as time went on everybody kind of wanted to get their hands on strategizing and … they were trying to force that sensual sexual transition into womanhood a little early for my natural transformation.”
She said she would eventually walk away and started recording independently.
“This last era for me, like the last five years since I went out with New Kids On The Block on the Mixtape Tour, that independent spirit of mine now because we have such a connection through social media to our audiences, it’s like the time in my life in my creativity that I’m thriving more than ever.”
Gibson in the memoir calls herself “the queen of the pivot.”
For those looking to make a change, she said, “embrace that it’s OK that changes are happening and understand that there might be some — there might be me some gift in that pivot.”
“Eternally Electric: The Message in My Music” is on sale Tuesday.
Kelsie Hoffman is a push and platform editor on CBS News’ Growth and Engagement team. She previously worked on Hearst Television’s National Desk and as a local TV reporter in Pennsylvania and Virginia.
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Notre Dame law professor Amy Coney Barrett was serving on the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals in Indiana when she was nominated to the Supreme Court by President Trump in 2020. In her new memoir, “Listening to the Law: Reflections on the Court and Constitution” (to be published September 9 by Sentinel), Barrett writes of the decision she and her family made to “burn the boats” upon being asked to serve on the High Court.
Read an excerpt below, and don’t miss Norah O’Donnell’s interview with Justice Barrett on “CBS Sunday Morning” September 7!
Prefer to listen? Audible has a 30-day free trial available right now.
I really loved my job on the Seventh Circuit and settled into the rhythm of hearing arguments and writing opinions. But after a few years, life took another turn: the White House counsel, who runs the judicial selection process for the president, invited me on behalf of President Trump to interview for a seat on the United States Supreme Court. Though I was deeply honored, I thought hard about whether to go forward. I knew that if I was chosen, both the confirmation process and the work of serving on the Court would require sacrifices, particularly from my family. Unlike my job on the Seventh Circuit, this one would require a move to Washington, D.C. We had a good life, wonderful friends, and close family in South Bend. We were attached to our old Prairie-style home, which was a short walk to campus for tailgates during football season—a fall family high- light. The move would mean changes for Jesse’s career and new schools for the children. We knew that public criticism was sure to come. And if I was nominated and confirmed, there would be a long-term loss of privacy for all of us. Public service was appealing, but the changes to our personal life were not.
In fact, I felt a pit in my stomach when I considered what might lie ahead. I had been considered for a seat on the Court two years earlier, when Justice Anthony Kennedy retired. Being a finalist had thrust me into the spotlight, which (to put it mildly) was not enjoyable. There had been an avalanche of news stories and social media posts—true and untrue, kind and cruel. It was difficult to have my life so publicly picked apart. There had also been a loss of physical privacy. Multiple camera crews parked outside our house and followed me by car when I pulled out of the driveway. I had one experience, funny only in retrospect, of realizing that I had been followed to church on a Sunday morning. I spent the whole Mass, not in prayer, but plotting an escape—a plan that culminated in my sneaking out a side door, scaling a fence in high heels, and—to the surprise of the associate pastor sitting on the rectory porch—dropping into the priests’ vegetable garden. (He was a happy co-conspirator; he took my keys and retrieved my car from the parking lot, allowing me to avoid the camera after all.) The scrutiny had affected my family too—given the number of strangers who had started walking past and driving by our house, Jesse and I were reluctant to let our kids play in the yard. It was not an experience I was eager to repeat.
Jesse and I had a very brief time to make one of the biggest decisions in our marriage. His position was full support on one condition: if we did it, we had to “burn the boats.” The phrase comes from a military strategy used by Alexander the Great, who, after landing on the shores of enemy territory, ordered his men to burn the ships they had come in. With the option of exit gone, there was no choice but to forge ahead, no matter the challenge. Likewise for us. There would be difficulties in store, some we could anticipate and others we couldn’t. Jesse wisely thought that it would be unsustainable to face the difficulties—whether in the confirmation process or beyond—if we gave ourselves the option to look back, wishing that we could unwind what we had done. There would be no second-guessing and no turning back to our comfortable life in South Bend.
So despite what might seem like a self-evident decision from the outside, saying yes to the interview, and then to the nomination, was not an easy call. I had just watched Brett Kavanaugh, whom I knew and respected, undergo a brutal confirmation process, and I was afraid of what I might face. I was reluctant to give up the good life we had for one that might prove to be less happy. Yet it seemed cowardly to bow out because we didn’t want to make the sacrifice. As I later told the Senate Judiciary Committee, I believe deeply in the rule of law and the Supreme Court’s role in preserving it; I also think that Americans of all backgrounds deserve an independent Supreme Court that interprets our Constitution and laws as they are written. It seemed strange to hold those views and be unwilling to serve, given that any nominee would face the same hardships. I accepted the interview and flew to Washington, D.C., to meet with President Trump. He announced my nomination on September 26, 2020, and the Senate confirmed me a month later. I have served as an associate justice since.
The subtitle ofthe doom bible to be published by AI extinction prophets Eliezer Yudkowsky and Nate Soares later this month is “Why superhuman AI would kill us all.” But it really should be “Why superhuman AI WILL kill us all,” because even the coauthors don’t believe that the world will take the necessary measures to stop AI from eliminating all non-super humans. The book is beyond dark, reading like notes scrawled in a dimly lit prison cell the night before a dawn execution. When I meet these self-appointed Cassandras, I ask them outright if they believe that they personally will meet their ends through some machination of superintelligence. The answers come promptly: “yeah” and “yup.”
I’m not surprised, because I’ve read the book—the title, by the way, is If Anyone Builds It, Everyone Dies. Still, it’s a jolt to hear this. It’s one thing to, say, write about cancer statistics and quite another to talk about coming to terms with a fatal diagnosis. I ask them how they think the end will come for them. Yudkowsky at first dodges the answer. “I don’t spend a lot of time picturing my demise, because it doesn’t seem like a helpful mental notion for dealing with the problem,” he says. Under pressure he relents. “I would guess suddenly falling over dead,” he says. “If you want a more accessible version, something about the size of a mosquito or maybe a dust mite landed on the back of my neck, and that’s that.”
The technicalities of his imagined fatal blow delivered by an AI-powered dust mite are inexplicable, and Yudowsky doesn’t think it’s worth the trouble to figure out how that would work. He probably couldn’t understand it anyway. Part of the book’s central argument is that superintelligence will come up with scientific stuff that we can’t comprehend any more than cave people could imagine microprocessors. Coauthor Soares also says he imagines the same thing will happen to him but adds that he, like Yudkowsky, doesn’t spend a lot of time dwelling on the particulars of his demise.
We Don’t Stand a Chance
Reluctance to visualize the circumstances of their personal demise is an odd thing to hear from people who have just coauthored an entire book about everyone’s demise. For doomer-porn aficionados, If Anyone Builds It is appointment reading. After zipping through the book, I do understand the fuzziness of nailing down the method by which AI ends our lives and all human lives thereafter. The authors do speculate a bit. Boiling the oceans? Blocking out the sun? All guesses are probably wrong, because we’re locked into a 2025 mindset, and the AI will be thinking eons ahead.
Yudkowsky is AI’s most famous apostate, switching from researcher to grim reaper years ago. He’s even done a TED talk. After years of public debate, he and his coauthor have an answer for every counterargument launched against their dire prognostication. For starters, it might seem counterintuitive that our days are numbered by LLMs, which often stumble on simple arithmetic. Don’t be fooled, the authors says. “AIs won’t stay dumb forever,” they write. If you think that superintelligent AIs will respect boundaries humans draw, forget it, they say. Once models start teaching themselves to get smarter, AIs will develop “preferences” on their own that won’t align with what we humans want them to prefer. Eventually they won’t need us. They won’t be interested in us as conversation partners or even as pets. We’d be a nuisance, and they would set out to eliminate us.
The fight won’t be a fair one. They believe that at first AI might require human aid to build its own factories and labs–easily done by stealing money and bribing people to help it out. Then it will build stuff we can’t understand, and that stuff will end us. “One way or another,” write these authors, “the world fades to black.”
The authors see the book as kind of a shock treatment to jar humanity out of its complacence and adopt the drastic measures needed to stop this unimaginably bad conclusion. “I expect to die from this,” says Soares. “But the fight’s not over until you’re actually dead.” Too bad, then, that the solutions they propose to stop the devastation seem even more far-fetched than the idea that software will murder us all. It all boils down to this: Hit the brakes. Monitor data centers to make sure that they’re not nurturing superintelligence. Bomb those that aren’t following the rules. Stop publishing papers with ideas that accelerate the march to superintelligence. Would they have banned, I ask them, the 2017 paper on transformers that kicked off the generative AI movement. Oh yes, they would have, they respond. Instead of Chat-GPT, they want Ciao-GPT. Good luck stopping this trillion-dollar industry.
Playing the Odds
Personally, I don’t see my own light snuffed by a bite in the neck by some super-advanced dust mote. Even after reading this book, I don’t think it’s likely that AI will kill us all. Yudksowky has previously dabbled in Harry Potter fan-fiction, and the fanciful extinction scenarios he spins are too weird for my puny human brain to accept. My guess is that even if superintelligence does want to get rid of us, it will stumble in enacting its genocidal plans. AI might be capable of whipping humans in a fight, but I’ll bet against it in a battle with Murphy’s law.
Still, the catastrophe theory doesn’t seem impossible, especially since no one has really set a ceiling for how smart AI can become. Also studies show that advanced AI has picked up a lot of humanity’s nasty attributes, even contemplating blackmail to stave off retraining, in one experiment. It’s also disturbing that some researchers who spend their lives building and improving AI think there’s a nontrivial chance that the worst can happen. One survey indicated that almost half the AI scientists responding pegged the odds of a species wipeout as 10 percent chance or higher. If they believe that, it’s crazy that they go to work each day to make AGI happen.
My gut tells me the scenarios Yudkowsky and Soares spin are too bizarre to be true. But I can’t be sure they are wrong. Every author dreams of their book being an enduring classic. Not so much these two. If they are right, there will be no one around to read their book in the future. Just a lot of decomposing bodies that once felt a slight nip at the back of their necks, and the rest was silence.
It’s Eat an Extra Dessert Day, so consider stopping on your way to, or on your way home from, one of our best bets for a sweet treat. This week, we’ve got a ballet returning to Houston after 17 years, two classic film restorations, and much more. Keep reading for these and all our picks of the best things to check out this week.
Go down the path of an alternate history, one where the January 6th attack on the U.S. Capitol was ultimately successful. In this world, a white supremacist, Christian nationalist government rules, and a father and daughter, Jewish, are living in upstate New York, hiding their identity when a 1,000-year-old Yiddish-speaking woman shows up at their door. That’s the premise of Deborah Zoe Laufer’s The Last Yiddish Speaker, a co-production between Mildred’s Umbrella Theater Company and the Evelyn Rubenstein Jewish Community Center of Houston, which will open tonight, September 4, at 7:30 p.m. at the Evelyn Rubenstein JCC. Performances will continue at 7:30 p.m. Thursdays, 8 p.m. Saturdays, and 11 a.m. Sundays through September 21. Tickets can be purchased here for $18 to $29.
Thirty-five years ago, in July 1990, Houston played host to the 16th G7 Summit, attended by then Japanese Prime Minister Toshiki Kaifu, who participated in the unveiling of a model for the Japanese Garden in Hermann Park. He also gifted funds to construct a garden pavilion, or azumaya. On Saturday, September 6, from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., Japan Festival Houston will honor this history when it returns to Hermann Park for two days of Japanese food, cultural exhibits, family-friendly activities, martial arts demonstrations, cosplay, and traditional and contemporary performances, including two performances by alumni from Takarazuka, an all-female musical theatre troupe – one on Saturday, September 6, at 8 p.m. at Miller Outdoor Theatre. The free festival will continue Sunday, September 7, from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Artistic Director Dr. Betsy Cook Weber will lead the Houston Chamber Choir in season-opener Mozart Requiem.
Photo by Jeff Grass Photography
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and the Haydn brothers, Franz Joseph and his younger brother Michael, were not only contemporaries, but at times neighbors, friends, collaborators, and rivals; Michael Haydn was once Mozart’s chief competition for the job of organist at one of Salzburg’s largest churches. Considering their intertwined lives, Houston Chamber Choir will open its season, its first conducted by new Artistic Director Dr. Betsy Cook Weber, at St. Luke’s United Methodist Church on Saturday, September 6, at 7:30 p.m. with Mozart Requiem, a program set to feature all three composers. During the concert, featuring members of the Houston Symphony, Mozart’s titular piece will be bookended by works by the Haydns: Franz Joseph Haydn’s Te Deum, which will open the program, and “Exsurge” from Michael Haydn’s cantata Applausus, which will close it. Tickets are available here for $10 to $50.
‘Unfortunately, I was available’ is Hart’s ode to the surreal, thankless and oddly endearing world of gig work. Courtesy Jon Hart
I submit to play an upstate New York townie for The Leftovers, then in its first season. The shoot is in Nyack, New York, about fifty minutes north of the city. Rockland County, where Nyack is located, is often used to portray rural America. It’s just not feasible to transport the entire production to the sticks.
I hear back from casting in minutes. They want me, or rather they’re willing to hire me because I’m willing to “self-report” to Nyack, no production courtesy ride required. When casting calls, I inquire about the possibilities of a courtesy ride, and the young woman tells me that she’ll get back to me. Right.
Ultimately, I accept the assignment and agree to self-report. I have a friend near Nyack. I’ll make it work, somehow. After I endure a restless night on my friend’s couch, he drops me off at holding, a parochial school cafeteria, at 11:30 the next morning. Production wrapped very late the night before, and I spent much of the evening calling casting’s maddening recording, attempting to retrieve my reporting time. I finally got it in the wee hours of the morning.
Here’s the thing about extras: we’re the very last to know. And in truth, many extras will never know. We’re merely clueless vessels, lost puppies filling up space, and, yes, collecting a check. Personally, I don’t know where I’m going with this extra stuff, but I’m doing it.
Wardrobe insists that I remove my black sweatshirt, which has a tiny Carhartt logo on it. Labels of any kind are a strict no-no. I forgot it was there. I don’t want to remove the sweatshirt, so I remove the label. In retrospect, I should’ve requested black tape to cover it.
As I wait on one of the cafeteria benches, one of the PAs asks me for my number.
SIXTY-NINE.
Extras are assigned and referred to by number. Your number is your name. Sure, it’s somewhat dehumanizing, but it works.
Anyway, something’s up.
Minutes later, a crew member who seems important informs me that I’m going to be used for an additional scene. When I ask an approachable PA about this, she tells me that I have “a look that they’re looking for.” According to legend, that’s how it all started for Brad Pitt. Supposedly, a young Brad was plucked from the bowels of background, and, well, the rest is history.
“What kind of look do I have?” I want to pester.
Or maybe, I don’t want to know. I don’t.
In the additional scene, I’ll be playing a gas station attendant. As I sit on the bench, my mind does cartwheels. Unfortunately, this is before I got my iPhone, so I’m alone with my anxious, impatient self. Will Justin Theroux be in my scene? Liv Tyler? Will I have a line or two? If that happens, I’ll become a “day player” and be paid $900, plus residuals. Will I be asked to play a gas station attendant in future episodes? Or will I be the gas station attendant that gets killed during a holdup?
A few hours later, the hundred-plus herd of extras is ordered to set: a church meeting room. As we funnel in, a female extra praises Alec Baldwin for how overwhelmingly friendly he was to background on a previous shoot. Alec Baldwin! Even when he’s not here, he’s here.
In the packed church, most of us have seats. Others stand. Justin plays the police chief, who’s enforcing a curfew because some townies have been mysteriously killed. In the script, the townies are outraged over the curfew. Personally, a curfew seems perfectly reasonable. Folks are getting killed. Stay home.
After each pro-curfew statement, the director, a mature, affable woman, directs us, the townies, to mumble and grumble dissent. In industry speak, we’re executing “omni,” which is acting in unison. Just to be clear, we’re not uttering actual lines. We’re merely mumbling and grumbling. No, none of us will get paid $900 plus residuals for this. We go through the scene ad nauseam during which Justin makes a dramatic speech. He’s compelling; however, he looks awfully thin. Frankly, the man looks like he needs a good steak or two and sides. Apparently, his gaunt physique makes him very appealing for television audiences. Television loves thin. There are exceptions, of course, but for the most part, television hates flab.
Throughout the scene, we either mumble and grumble or utter something affirmative such as “yeah” when a town member protests the curfew. I attempt to be in the moment—but can’t. I’m obsessing over my additional scene. No one notices. I’m background, and I’m doing it just fine. However, an extra sitting directly behind me is not. Instead of mumbling and grumbling, he’s echoing. When a mic’d-up day player, a town meeting attendee, complains loudly that “they robbed my house on Christmas!” the bad extra repeats “Christmas!”—take after take. Finally, a crew person orders the bad extra to cease echoing immediately. Gruffly, he explains to him that he’s being paid to not speak.
Four hours later, after the scene is shot from a multitude of angles, we’re dismissed. As we single file out of the church, Justin strolls past us in his cool Aviator shades, the ones he’s always photographed wearing, and steps into a waiting black vehicle. Unlike Alec Baldwin, he doesn’t acknowledge background, at least in this moment. But that sentiment doesn’t go both ways.
“Justin’s so handsome. He’s much better looking in person,” gushes a young female extra. “But he’s not my type.”
“I’m sure you’re not his type either,” I want to snap.
At the time, Justin was Mr. Aniston.
As my town meeting extra brethren check out to go home via their courtesy ride, another fresh batch of background checks in and hunkers down in the cafeteria. I’m not allowed to depart, of course, because I have that additional scene—the one that very well could save me. As far as the workday, it’s halftime.
The fresh extras, who are playing cult members, are easy to identify because they’re dressed in all white. I’d applied for this core background role but didn’t have the required white attire. Meanwhile, a heaping, gorgeous buffet is laid out, which I happen to be seated next to. I’m famished. I exhausted myself calling casting’s recording. I tentatively approach the buffet before deciding to just go for it. Just as I’m about to tong some greens, I’m ordered to halt. “Background?!” the catering man orders in a stern, condescending tone.
Suddenly, I’m an insect.
I drop the tongs in the greens. I almost feel as if I should raise my hands in surrender. I could’ve played a captured German in Saving Private Ryan.
“Ah, yeah,” I stammer. Being identified as mere scenery shook me. Since I was chosen for the role of gas station attendant, I thought that my status had been elevated. I was wrong. Again.
“You gotta wait for the crew to eat first,” barks the catering dude.
When I saw the plentiful buffet, I completely forgot that nonunion extras are the very last to indulge. The production crew—everyone from the technical people to the principal actors to the stand-ins—dine first, then union background, and then, finally, nonunion background. I slink back to my seat. As the crew eats, I sit alone and mumble and grumble to myself. The cult members—who have been working on the production for several days—have their niche. The PAs sit with PAs. The teamsters are with the teamsters. And so on and so on. No, there are no other anxious gas station attendants.
I am Leftover 69.
When the cult members form a line at the buffet, I’m out of the gate like Secretariat, and I cut in front of them. I’ve been here all day. I will eat first! Indeed, I’m entitled.
After dinner, the cult members and I are bused to another holding location, “satellite holding,” which is closer to set. It’s an empty room in an Italian restaurant. When the cult extras are called to set—a real gas station—I depart to the bus with them. I’m uninvited but perhaps the director will decide on the fly that she needs me. If you want an opportunity, you must be in the right place. And, yes, the scene does take place at a gas station, and, of course, I’m the attendant. But before I can board, the PA, who told me I had “a look,” orders me off the bus and to wait in the restaurant.
No, she’s not treating me like the next Brad Pitt in any shape or form.
Finally, I’m informed that I’ll be in the final shot of the night. Production refers to this as the Martini Shot because the very next shot will be out of a glass. Cute.
Unless I get an actual line, my paycheck isn’t going to be much more than that of the townie nonunion extras who were bused out hours earlier and got paid for ten hours. I return to the room and plop myself at a table that’s vacant except for a basket of untouched onion rolls—which I somehow manage to not devour. Thus far, that’s my biggest accomplishment of the day.
There’s another guy with me, a veteran union extra. Pacino is in the final scene with me. Of course, this is not his real name, but he has a faint resemblance to the legendary actor. He’ll be driving his car at my gas station. It’s a decent payday for Pacino. As union background, he makes about twice my hourly rate, and he gets overtime after eight hours as opposed to ten for nonunion. Plus, he’s getting a pay bump for the use of his car, as well as mileage. I would’ve joined the union yesterday, but you can’t just sign up. You need to pay a few thousand bucks to get in, plus dues. Also—and this is perhaps the toughest part—you need to be granted three waivers. How’s that accomplished? A nonunion individual needs to be hired as a union hire on three separate occasions. A television show’s first twenty-five background hires must be union. For film, it’s about seventy-five. If production fills one of those union spots with a nonunion person, for whatever reason, that nonunion hire earns a waiver. At this point, I have zero waivers. Anyway, Pacino tells me that I shouldn’t expect a line because production would be fined for using a nonunion extra for such purposes. As he checks his email, I pester him with questions until I pass out on the floor.
Just before 11 p.m., I’m awakened by a mobile sea of white—the cult members. It’s time. I’ll finally learn my fate. Pacino drives me to the gas station set, where I’m greeted enthusiastically.
“Jonny!” the second-second greets me enthusiastically.
“What happened to 69?” I want to reply.
He’s a handsome man—think Redford—with a full head of dirty-blond hair. I’m taken aback by his enthusiastic, personal welcome after being referred to as 69 throughout the day. Just maybe I’ll get an opportunity to do something, like fill up someone’s tank or perhaps even ask, “Fill her up?” I can dream, damn it.
Redford interrupts my fantasies and casually informs me that production may use me.
Come again?! After all this, you may use me? I’m annoyed.
Following this revelation, I just want the day to be done. Unfortunately, the gas station has a conspicuous “Self-Serve” sign. No, I won’t be making an appearance in this scene, not even as background. That’s fine. My tank is empty anyway.
As they shoot my scene, I wait in the station’s convenience store and listen to a makeup lady complain about some of the seemingly endless days on Orange Is the New Black. She has to rise at 3 a.m. to be at set at 5 a.m. I also converse with the gas station owner, the real gas station owner. This station has a futuristic exterior and has been featured on several shows.
Minutes later, we wrap. I hitch a ride back with Pacino to the cafeteria. As I sign out, I ask the PA, the one who said I had “a look,” about getting a ride back to the city in one of production’s vans. Earlier, a few PAs assured me that this wouldn’t be a problem.
“I thought you were taking care of your transportation,” she replies, flustered.
“They told me that I could get a courtesy ride,” I whine.
My friend’s couch is a viable backup, but I need home.
“We asked you to stay late because you were arranging your own transportation,” she explains.
“What happened to my look!?” I want to snarl like Billy Bob in Bad Santa.
Ironic: the unused gas station attendant may not be granted a courtesy ride. Later, I learn that most, if not all, productions do not want crew to ride with background. It’s as if we’re contagious.
“We’ll get you in a van,” she finally relents.
After midnight, I step into a packed van. No one utters a word during the ride. When the van lands on Manhattan’s Upper West Side, someone grumbles. Fitting.
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September brings with it io9’s biggest list ofnew books so far this year, with an emphasis on horror titles as the days grow shorter. That said, there are still plenty of sci-fi adventures and fantasy tales on the way.
“A fusion of modern and fantastical worlds, where a young woman must navigate a secret society, uncover a shocking enemy… and resist an undeniable attraction.” (September 1)
“With a captivating blend of Southern grit, magical realism, and an empowering journey of self-discovery, Bees in June is a tender reminder of the healing power of community, second chances and the quiet magic all around us.” (September 2)
“The notorious warrior queen who led a legendary rebellion in 60 CE against the Roman Empire in Britain” comes to life in a book that “follows Boudicca’s meteoric rise and devastating fall through the eyes of her youngest daughter, Solina, who seeks revenge against Rome.” (September 2)
“Ranging in length from byte-sized drabbles to elaborate novelettes, the 26 stories assembled in Changelog rove from the sands of biopunk West Africa to the scarred hull of a generation ship to the dismantling of time itself—exploring the symbiosis of humanity and technology at every stop.” (September 2)
“Playfully drawing from Scottish folklore, Erin A. Craig’s adult debut is both a deeply atmospheric and profoundly romantic exploration of freedom versus security: a stunning celebration of one woman’s relentless bravery on a quest to reclaim her lost love—and seize her own future.” (September 2)
“Amanda McKee is a psiot, an evolved subspecies of humanity with mysterious psychic powers … the ability to talk to machines, control technology, and even see into a secret parallel world that exists inside computers.” Her complicated existence gets even more so when a man from the future appears, intent on killing her to prevent what he says is her role in destroying the human race. (September 2)
“A glossary of Bantu, Afrocentric, and made-up words complements this genre-bending, cross-cultural novella. Something beautiful, something dark in lyrical language packed with affection, dread, anguish, and hope.” (September 2)
“A horror anthology with one side featuring stories about what haunts the night while the other side showcases the terrors that can exist in the light of day in this new addition to the Saga Doubles series.” (September 2)
“A beguiling, sinister collection of 12 more dark academia short stories from masters of the genre, including Olivie Blake, Genevieve Cogman, MK Lobb and more.” (September 2)
This tale is “set in the world of the gods first introduced in Divine Rivals” and “delivers a sweeping, beautiful adult novel filled with tension, romance, and dark secrets.” (September 2)
“Packed full of humanity, humor, and above all, relentless creeping dread, Acquired Taste is a timely descent into the mind of one of modern horror’s finest authors.” (September 9)
“Drawing on the creatures and horrors of Irish folklore, The Burial Tide unearths our darkest truths: how far we’d go to win our freedom, and how quickly our desires can become monstrous.” (September 9)
“Gnomes, witches, and podcasters clash for the future of the village of Lychford in this delightful conclusion to the Witches of Lychford series.” (September 9)
“How to Sell a Haunted House meets The Haunting of Hill House in this split timeline queer romance, set against the backdrop of a haunted English manor.” (September 9)
“In this slightly spooky paranormal romance, will two women finally break their curse and get the happily ever after they’ve fought for?” (September 9)
“The second book following the adventures of the Hexologists, Iz and Warren Wilby, as they tackle a case that could redefine the nature of magic itself.” (September 9)
“A stand-alone novel blending time travel and globe-hopping adventure, art history, and dark fantasy about magical paintings and the lengths people will go to collect them, destroy them… or be destroyed.” (September 9)
A healer’s daughter strikes a surprising deal with the monster lurking in the nearby woods, then must contend with an even bigger threat in this story “rooted in fairy tales, folklore, and sapphic romance.” (September 9)
The first in “a fantasy trilogy about a circus aerialist’s quest to escape his past and decipher the magical prophecy that will shape his future.” (September 9)
“A woman must confront the demons of her past when she attempts to fix up her childhood home in this devilishly clever take on the haunted house novel.” (September 9)
“When Jen Monroe hears her father’s remains have been found, she returns home to disprove his death, only to find the forests of rural Washington are hiding something ancient and dangerous.” (September 9)
“The disturbing first installment of a new trilogy of intense, visceral, beautifully written queer horror set in a small New England town.” (September 9)
This satirical tale “brings readers from the wilds of the New World to the opulent board rooms and golf courses of the 21st century, where devouring the weak is an American birthright as old as the country itself.” (September 16)
“A story of human resilience in the face of dire circumstances, Among the Burning Flowers leads readers through the gripping and tragic events that pave the way for the opening of The Priory of the Orange Tree.” (September 16)
“In this stellar debut fantasy, a trickster Fox god challenges an underachieving acolyte to save herself by saving her own ancestors. But are Nesi and her new friends from the past prepared to defeat the ferocious Wolfhounds of Zemin?” (September 16)
“The explosive and reality-shattering Rages trilogy, started by The Surviving Sky, concludes as Ahilya and Iravan fight one last time to save everything they’ve ever loved—the survivors of humanity, their families, their home, and each other.” (September 16)
“In this atmospheric and bewitching novel, Louisa Morgan reimagines the story of Morgan Le Fay, one of the most enigmatic and powerful women in Arthurian legend.” (September 16)
“Historical horror maven Alma Katsu turns her talents to the modern world for the first time, in this terrifying tale about an all-powerful family with an ancient evil under its thumb.” (September 16)
“After the deaths of his parents, a witch returns to his spooky family manor and joins forces with his former crush when his parents’ spirits warn them of a sinister threat in this witty and lyrically unique rom-com.” (September 16)
“A true-crime-nail-biter-turned-mythic-odyssey pitting Jack the Ripper against Medusa. A defiant love song to sisterhood, a survivors’ battle cry, and a romantic literary tour de force laced with humor.” (September 16)
“In this paranormal spicy age-gap romance, a successful author—whose novel is being adapted into a movie—clashes with the actor cast as the male lead, all in a cozy mansion filled with friendly ghosts.” (September 16)
The Convergence Saga concludes as “the inhabitants of Moon have been very fortunate in the intervening months. Inside their hidden monster settlement, they’ve found peace, even as the world outside slips into increasing unrest. Monsters are being hunted everywhere, forced back into the shadows they once tried to escape from. Other secret settlements have offered a place to hide, but how long can this half-measure against fear and hatred last?” (September 16)
“After a decade, acclaimed science fiction master John Scalzi returns to the galaxy of the Old Man’s War series with the long-awaited seventh book.” (September 16)
“Eloran is a world of imperious elves, fractious human realms, and the hated, skeletal kaul—with each nation poised to grasp at any advantage over the others … A chance encounter with a pair of mercenaries leads Latanna to a lost crown, a relic of forces the world has tried desperately to forget, and gives her the means to break free from her corrupt family—but at a terrible price.” (September 16)
“This story of found family follows a planetary courier training adolescent androids in a solar system grappling with interplanetary conflict after a devastating explosion on Earth’s moon.” (September 16)
“A ‘perfect’ witch must learn to embrace imperfection and live for herself in this spellbinding cozy fantasy sprinkled with love, laughter, and magic.” (September 16)
“In this riveting dark fantasy debut, a woman with missing memories fights to survive a war-torn world of necromancy and alchemy—and the man tasked with unearthing the deepest secrets of her past.” (September 23)
This novel “based on true events asks whether extraterrestrial life might be what ties us to one another, to history, and to reality itself.” (September 23)
“A wildly inventive, sinister thriller following an estranged father and daughter who find themselves trapped in a diner by a living body of water.” (September 23)
This sequel to The Ashen War delves “further into the cultures and peoples in the post-apocalyptic world of a vastly changed 1910 America,” as “James Barlow must come to terms with his violent nature and what it means to those he’s chosen to protect.” (September 23)
“A vampire who can’t remember his past and a witch with secrets of her own hit the road in this zany, cross-country romantic comedy from beloved author Jenna Levine.” (September 23)
“A gothic feminist body horror in two timelines revolving around three Anatomical Venuses—ultrarealistic wax figures of women—that come to life at night to murder men who have wronged them.” (September 23)
“In this holiday romance with an enchanting twist, a magic-averse witch returns home to save her small town’s beloved winter festival in time for the holidays with the help of her estranged coven and distractingly handsome childhood rival.” (September 23)
“When her cousin gets kidnapped by a dastardly trickster, Luzia is forced to sell herself in servitude to the Eoi in exchange for his life. But the terms of the deal turn out to be much more complicated than she ever imagined.” (September 23)
Sequel to Book of Night. “There’d always been something wrong with Charlie Hall. Crooked from the day she was born. Never met a bad decision she wasn’t willing to double down on. She may be good enough to steal a shadow from a tower, but will she be good enough to steal back a heart?” (September 23)
“Carl and Princess Donut are ready to battle it out in the epic seventh book in the Dungeon Crawler Carl series—now with bonus material exclusive to this print edition.”(September 23)
“A witty, witchy fantasy murder mystery packed with ancient magic and fiendish puzzles. When Cornelia’s twin sisters are taken by the Wickermere Reaper, Mallory, Diana and Theodore must race against time to uncover the buried secrets of the Broadwicks before it’s too late.” (September 23)
“Frankenstein by way of Heathers, We Love You, Bunny is both a prequel and a sequel and an unabashedly wild and totally complete stand-alone novel. Open your hearts, Bunny, to another dazzlingly original and darkly hilarious romp in the Bunny-verse.” (September 23)
“A sexy, empowering romantasy featuring a warrior general who must kidnap and train a husband in order to take her rightful place as queen.” (September 23)
“A captivating anthology and heartfelt tribute to the horror genre featuring essays from several of the most celebrated contemporary horror writers, including Grady Hendrix, Paul Tremblay, Stephen Graham Jones, Josh Malerman, Victor LaValle, Tananarive Due, and Rachel Harrison.” (September 23)
“A satirical Rosemary’s Baby for our conspiratorial present in which anti-capitalist activists unwittingly unleash terrifying demonic forces when they kidnap a pregnant heiress.” (September 30)
“A new standalone novel following fantasy’s most beloved monster hunter, Geralt of Rivia, on his first steps towards becoming a legend.” Read an excerpt from this latest Witcher tale here. (September 30)
“A delirious and gripping story of fatherhood and masculinity, told through the reimagined Greek myth of Daedalus, Icarus, King Minos, Ariadne, and the Minotaur.” (September 30)
“Literary misfits” who gather and work at a library displaying works by deceased authors band together when a series of strange events endanger the museum-like sanctuary. (September 30)
“This stunning novella concludes the story Mohamed started in The Annual Migration of Clouds and continued in We Speak Through the Mountain, bleaker than ever but still in search of a spark of hope in the climate apocalypse.” (September 30)
Two clones who exist to serve as backups for important executives scramble when their corporate owners go out of business. Their new owner is a scientist who promises them freedom—if they can pull off a dangerous heist. (September 30)
“Celebrate legendary horror studio Blumhouse’s legacy with this lavishly illustrated visual compendium that takes you behind the scenes of the films that have reshaped the horror genre, from The Exorcist to the Paranormal Activity and Halloween franchises.” (September 30)
In this “epic fantasy isekai LitRPG,” set “inside the mysterious Artifact world of Yensere, Nick has scored a major victory in the war against God-King Vaan, but now the true test of power has begun, and it won’t end until either Nick or Vaan are truly dead.” (September 30)
“Robin Hood meets Parasite meets Six of Crows in multi-award-winning author Fran Wilde’s thrilling, high-tech adventure heist wrapped in a futuristic fantasy where thieves are entertainment for the wealthy.” (September 30)
“Once a servant, now a princess, a young woman thrust into power challenges everything about the underground Fae realm in the spellbinding sequel to Servant of Earth.” (September 30)
“A magical cookbook and a summer on her family’s Italian olive farm help a brokenhearted social media chef cook up a satisfying new life in this delectable novel.” (September 30)
“In this thrilling origin story, one young man finds himself in the middle of a war between powerful gods, and tasked with saving the city he holds dear.” (September 30)
“An utterly fantastical and undeniably queer melding of Pride and Prejudice and Frankenstein that recasts Mary Bennet as an insatiable scientist, one who creates a monster in an attempt to save herself from spinsterdom.” (September 30)
“The Sovereign brings princess Luca and soldier Touraine together one last time in the thrilling conclusion to C. L. Clark’s beloved queer political fantasy trilogy.” (September 30)
“With settings ranging from the dead sands of Mars to the seedy backstreets of Amsterdam and Buenos Aires, these action-packed tales explore mind-bending ideas through the eyes of unforgettable and all-too-human characters. As their lives implode around them, will they use the moment to save their own skins, or to find a way to make up for past misdeeds?” (September 30)
“In the final book of Cat Rambo’s magical Tabat Quartet, we return to the city of Tabat, where Humans and magical Beasts coexist—but uneasily. The exploited Beasts, used for both their labor and their very bodies, are finally fighting back, and turmoil abounds in the city.” (September 30)
“Caught between spells and savage beasts, Cordelia Levine must unravel the secrets of her dual heritage—half witch, half werewolf—and face her desire for the one creature who holds her future in his hands.” (September 30)
Former FBI agent Robert Hilland and psychic medium John Edward join “CBS Mornings” to discuss their new book, “Chasing Evil: Shocking Crimes, Supernatural Forces, and an FBI Agent’s Search for Hope and Justice.”
From crime thrillers to non-fiction deep dives to a romance novel about a cycling instructor, authors with Philly ties have a slew of new releases that are hitting the shelves.
Diane McKinney-Whetstone, the Philly-based author of “Tumbling,” is back with the tale of a local college student who inherited the family trait of seeing the future. Meanwhile, the longtime chef for the Eagles just dropped a football-themed cookbook for sports fans, and historians dug into fires purposely set by landlords in the 1970s. If a good scare is more your thing, there’s also a thriller set in a small town in Pennsylvania and a story about an Atlantic City haunted house.
Peter Ames Carlin, the author of “Bruce,” a biography about the Bruce Springsteen, returns to chronicling the life of the Boss in his new book. “Tonight in Jungleland” centers on “Born to Run,” the third album from the Asbury Park singer, and how its success ultimately saved his career.
Antonio Aloia and Mick Michaels pull back the curtain on Philly’s rock scene from 1978 to 1992 — from how it shaped the city to its link to national trends. The book includes firsthand accounts from local artists, including Johnny Dee and Billy Childs, and national perspectives from acts like Lorraine Lewis and Jack Russell.
In her latest novel, Philly authorDiane McKinney-Whetstone tells the story of Ayana, a failing college senior who returns home to live with her family, the Maces. When her aunt returns after being exiled from the family home, Ayana learns the secrets of her banishment while also dealing with a harrowing prediction she saw through her gift of seeing the future.
In this collection of essays, Bitter Kalli explores the connections between Blackness and horses. Pieces about artists, musicians and filmmakers who bring horses into their work are offset with personal stories about “pony books” and the “Saddle Club” TV show, plus compositions about how horses have been used as a tool of oppression against marginalized communities.
Mia Dalia’s supernatural horror novella tells the story of a man who finds success in the world of illusion during the heyday of Atlantic City. Meanwhile, two friends in modern day trespass onto the former home of a famous magician who disappeared under mysterious circumstances and have to find a way to make it out alive.
Historian Bench Ansfield explores the trend of landlord arson in the 1970s, when owners would purposely set flames to their buildings to collect insurance money and displace primarily Black and Brown tenants. The impact of the practice, which reshaped neighborhoods, even extended into pop culture, resulting in songs like The Trammps’ “Disco Inferno” and movies such as Paul Newman’s “Fort Apache, the Bronx.”
With the knowledge of 15 years spent as a chef to the Eagles, Tim Lopez shares 64 recipes for gameday parties, tailgates and everyday life. His book includes two recipes themed around each NFL team, including cheesesteak egg rolls and roast pork sandwiches for the Birds.
In the small, fictional Pennsylvania town of Locksburg, three residents face a harrowing few days trying to escape from past mistakes in this crime novel from Ken Jaworowski. Single mom Carla helps her son cover up a deadly secret, aspiring musician Liz needs to find the money to pay off a debt to a violent ex-con and a grieving young man tries to fulfill a promise made to his late mother. “What about the Bodies” is out Sept. 2.
After a breakup turned public meltdown, online cycling instructor Quinn goes on a cross-country trip from Los Angeles to the Jersey Shore with her ex-friend and former crush, Nate. Jamie Harrow’s sweet romance follows their misadventures along the way including partying in Las Vegas, crashing a baby shower and grooving at a music festival — all while contemplating what went wrong between them. “Fun at Parties” is out Sept. 16.
In this book, photographic historian Phillip Prodger compiled and captioned 50 years of work from Philadelphia-based street photographer Mark Cohen. The photos are primarily from his time living in Wilkes-Barre and are reprinted in color and enhanced for additional clarity, which Prodger said helps readers see how Cohen used bright colors to capture quick moments and raw emotions. “Mark Cohen: Trespass” is out Oct. 7.
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In his new book, “It Doesn’t Have to Hurt: Your Smart Guide to a Pain-Free Life” (published September 2 by Simon & Schuster), Dr. Sanjay Gupta, a neurosurgeon and chief medical correspondent for CNN, writes about chronic pain, and the innovative techniques now being used to study and treat it.
Read an excerpt below, and don’t miss Jane Pauley’s interview with Dr. Gupta on “CBS Sunday Morning” August 31!
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Over a hundred years ago, William Osler, the Canadian physician and founding influence on modern medicine and medical education, is said to have instructed his students to “listen to the patient. Quite often he is telling you the diagnosis.”
Today, the urgent search for meaningful insights into chronic pain has given that idea a new relevance, with impressive results. Health care providers now encourage patients to engage as partners in the treatment process. Research programs now routinely include people with lived experience—patients, family members, caregivers—as members of committees that advise and direct pain studies.
Pain scientists are calling for a dramatic change that puts greater emphasis on the studies that draw first from people’s real-life pain experience, then follows up with lab-based research to develop targeted solutions for effective pain management. This reverse translational research flips the classic bench-to-bedside process that starts in a laboratory and ends with a clinical trial.
Reverse translational research begins with the patient’s real-world experience and then tries to decipher the mechanisms through brain imaging and blood tests, correlated with the patient’s symptoms and self-reports. Instead of the bench to the bedside, which was taught when I was in medical school, this is bedside to the bench research. The bench scientists then work with the findings to learn more about the basic mechanisms.
Prasad Shirvalkar, a pain physician, neuroscientist, and the director of the Shirvalkar Lab at the University of California at San Francisco, used such a hybrid approach a couple of years ago to find the unicorn in pain science: objective biomarkers of a subjective experience. He started by implanting electrodes in the brains of patients, to measure brain signals. He then followed the trial participants home and, with the use of continuous surveys and digital monitoring, tracked their pain through everyday life and correlated those results with direct readings from the brain. The combination of lab-based and home-based monitoring led to a groundbreaking series of clinical trials that made headlines around the world. In 2023, his team was able to directly map signals of chronic pain for the first time in history. In more recent trials, the team used electrodes implanted in the brain to map the unique neural signature of each participant’s pain experience over thousands of hours. The result was the ability, for the first time, to create an objective measure of an individual patient’s subjective pain experiences.
In a more recent and ongoing trial, the maps and electrodes were used to predict a pain burst, which was followed by the delivery of a carefully calibrated electrical impulse—deep brain stimulation (DBS) to interrupt the pain, reducing or even eliminating it altogether. Predicting when pain might occur, objectively measuring its severity, and then quickly inhibiting it is in many ways the ultimate achievement.
Ed Mowery’s story is about someone using this remarkable treatment approach, but first a caveat. It’s not currently available, or even feasible, for general use, so it can’t deliver on the dream of a cure for chronic pain. But it does deliver evidence that pain circuitry in the brain is measurable and malleable. It can be targeted and treated, and we’ll likely see the emergence of a range of approaches that can do so without brain surgery.
Editor’s note: The opinions of the smart, well-read women in my Denver book club mean a lot, and often determine what the rest of us choose to pile onto our bedside tables. So we asked them, and all Denver Post readers, to share their mini-reviews with you. Have any to offer? Email bellis@denverpost.com. – Barbara Ellis
“The First Gentleman,” by Bill Clinton and James Patterson (Little, Brown and Company, 2025)
THE FIRST GENTLEMAN, by Bill Clinton and James Patterson (Little, Brown)
The third collaborative novel by this duo is definitely a page-turner. The president’s husband is on trial for murder, while she simultaneously orchestrates a grand congressional coalition behind closed doors to save major entitlement programs for future generations. While a young investigative team scrambles to uncover the truth, bodies continue to fall left and right. My only nit to pick: Patterson should have wielded a heavy editorial pencil on Clinton’s wonky, everything-including-the-kitchen-sink presidential address. Aspirational, perhaps, but jarring against the rest of the novel. — 2 1/2 stars (out of 4); Kathleen Lance, Denver
“Hamnet,” by Maggie O’Farrell (Tinder Press, 2020)
Although titled for Shakespeare’s son, this novel’s protagonist is Agnes, Shakespeare’s wife and Hamnet’s mother. An unconventional woman for the end of the 16th century, Agnes is bright and quick and competent: she fairly dances off the pages. O’Farrell’s words skip lightly on some pages, then pace with anxiety, then finally trudge along despairingly. Her writing can be luminous or tenebrous as the mood requires. One section is the most apt depiction of sorrow that I’ve ever read. The final scene is, I believe, as close to perfect as possible. (The novel has been made into a film, coming out in November, starring Paul Mescal.) — 4 stars (out of 4); Neva Gronert, Parker
“Careless People: A Cautious Tale of Power, Greed and Lost Idealism,” by Sarah Wynn-Williams (Flatiron Books)
Careless People
Author: Sarah Wynn-Williams
Pages: 382
Publisher: Flatiron
The author presciently realizes the potential for Facebook as a political force and doggedly pursues a job there, eventually landing as the Facebook director of global public policy. That seat at the table provides her unique access to observe the strategic decisions by and the personal proclivities of Facebook’s C-suite of players. Quickly jaded, she nonetheless soldiers on, thinking she can effect change from within. This is also the story of Facebook’s coming of age politically. Small wonder that the social media giant sought to block its publication. — 3 stars (out of 4); Kathleen Lance, Denver
“Britt-Marie Was Here,” by Fredrik Backman (Atria, 2017)
Praise be, there are fiction writers who can capture the bodies and souls of completely normal individuals, their uniqueness, charms, highs and lows. Backman is one of the rarities. Britt-Marie, struggling to make a living after splitting from her self-centered, cheating husband, heads out to a tiny, isolated town where she somehow lands a job managing a dying recreation center peopled by underprivileged kids. She cultivates her unique gifts for developing a diverse group of townspeople into a cohesive, mutually supportive crew. Somehow, Britt-Marie gains her sense of self and becomes a curious, energetic, self-directed adult, ready to cultivate her own way in the wide world. — 4 stars (out of 4); Bonnie McCune, Denver (bonniemccune.com)
“All Our Shimmering Skies,” by Trent Dalton (Harper, 2021)
This novel, set in Australia at the outset of World War II, is gut-wrenching. Molly Hook, “the gravedigger’s daughter,” is on a quest to reverse the curse on her family that turns their hearts to stone. Molly’s mother leaves her, assuring her that she will have signs from the sky. That promise begins with a gold-panning bowl with an etched map and continues when Molly and her friend Greta are joined in their walkabout by a Japanese pilot and then a baby. This fable includes abuse and hatred, darkness, magic, love. It is a roller-coaster ride. — 3 stars (out of 4); Jo Calhoun, Denver
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Arundhati Roy, the Booker Prize-winning author of “The God of Small Things,” is now publishing her first memoir.
In “Mother Mary Comes to Me” (to be released September 2 by Scribner), Roy explores her formative and tumultuous relationship with her mother, and how it shaped her life and career.
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Gangster
She chose September, that most excellent month, to make her move. The monsoon had receded, leaving Kerala gleaming like an emerald strip between the mountains and the sea. As the plane banked to land, and the earth rose to greet us, I couldn’t believe that topography could cause such palpable, physical pain. I had never known that beloved landscape, never imagined it, never evoked it, without her being part of it. I couldn’t think of those hills and trees, the green rivers, the shrinking, cemented-over rice fields with giant billboards rising out of them advertising awful wedding saris and even worse jewelry, without thinking of her. She was woven through it all, taller in my mind than any billboard, more perilous than any river in spate, more relentless than the rain, more present than the sea itself. How could this have happened? How? She checked out with no advance notice. Typically unpredictable.
The church didn’t want her. She didn’t want the church. (There was savage history there, nothing to do with God.) So given her standing in our town, and given our town, we had to fashion a fitting funeral for her. The local papers reported her passing on their front pages, most national papers mentioned it, too. The internet lit up with an outpouring of love from generations of students who had studied in the school she founded, whose lives she had transformed, and from others who knew of the legendary legal battle she had waged and won for equal inheritance rights for Christian women in Kerala. The deluge of obituaries made it even more crucial that we do the right thing and send her on the way she deserved. But what was that right thing? Fortunately, on the day she died the school was closed and the children had gone home. The campus was ours. It was a huge relief. Perhaps she had planned that, too.
Conversations about her death and its consequences for us, especially me, had begun when I was three years old. She was thirty then, debilitated by asthma, dead broke (her only asset was a bachelor’s degree in education), and she had just walked out on her husband—my father, I should say, although somehow that comes out sounding strange. She was almost eighty-nine when she died, so we had sixty years to discuss her imminent death and her latest will and testament, which, given her preoccupation with inheritance and wills, she rewrote almost every other week. The number of false alarms, close shaves, and great escapes that she racked up would have given Houdini pause for thought. They lulled us into a sort of catastrophe complacency. I truly believed she would outlive me. When she didn’t, I was wrecked, heart-smashed. I am puzzled and more than a little ashamed by the intensity of my response.
