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Tag: Bardia Zeinali

  • Advertising, 80s Style: Look “Gorgeous” With Doja Cat-Endorsed Makeup

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    It shouldn’t come as any surprise that Doja Cat’s “Gorgeous” far outshines Taylor Swift’s on the “serving cunt” front (especially since, as anyone with taste knows, Taylor has never actually “ate”). As such, an equally as cunty music video needed to be made as a worthy companion to the song itself. Enter director Bardia Zeinali, who keeps elevating his career one music video at a time (having just directed yet another for Sabrina Carpenter [following “Please Please Please”]—namely, her second single from Man’s Best Friend, “Tears”). “Gorgeous” is now amongst those elevations, with Zeinali tapping into some quintessential postmodern aesthetics for the very “80s makeup commercial”-inspired video (to the point where it’s very much the kind of thing that even Patrick Bateman could jack off to, whether literally or metaphorically).

    Initially starting with a slowly spinning shot of Doja Cat in an ultra-tailored bright pink skirt suit, accessorized with a black pillbox hat, sheer black stockings and black “fuck me pumps” while bent over as she touches her ankle, the slow burn musical introduction gives way to Doja singing the first part of the chorus, “If they wasn’t grillin’ before/They gon’ be really mad when we hit the floor/It’s a crime to be gorgeous.” This said after a black title card introduces the “brand” that is Gorgeous throughout this video. And yes, Doja and Zeinali nail the look and feel of these bygone types of commercials that so breezily conveyed an aspirational way of being. And did so in a far more glamorous manner than what Gen Z is exposed to via “influencers” on TikTok. Doja herself is technically a millennial (born in ‘95), or zillennial, if you must, so perhaps she feels inherently closer to this era when product shilling wasn’t so lusterless.

    And for those who can’t remember and/or were never exposed to such forms of advertising, Doja seems intent on making everyone well-aware of what it was like back in the “glory days” of hawking wares to the public. So it is that she holds an elegant tube of lip gloss like she’s genuinely been paid to promote it while confidently singing, “Between you and a million phones/They takin’ pictures like we hittin’ a pose/It’s alright to be honest/Even when we sit in the dark/I feel the prettiest that you ever saw/Are your eyes even open?/It ain’t ever really our fault/We make a killing being so beautiful/It’s a crime to be gorgeous.”

    Although the sound and visual for the song is fiercely 80s, the theme itself is more current than ever, with Doja addressing the ways in which comparison, particularly through the lens of social media, is the ultimate source of drawing haters and envy. This, in essence, making the art of “being hot” a crime. With the punishment often resulting in the kind of microscopic scrutiny that leads a person to get unnecessary cosmetic surgery thanks to the advent of the body dysmorphia-inducing comments section—even though those who were criticizing their looks were mostly just jealous of them. So it is that Doja also sings at one point in “Gorgeous,” “Then I got surgery ‘cause of scrutiny.” With two of her known cosmetic surgery procedures being liposuction and a breast reduction.

    Whatever she “had done,” she still seems to be radiating a natural glow while promoting the Gorgeous lip gloss collection, which features the tagline, “All we need, all we want” (a bit lazy on the copywriting front, but oh well). It’s after this point that the video/commercial starts to transition into a very 90s-esque vibe in that, all at once, a slew of some of today’s most recognizable faces in modeling appear to also look overjoyed about using this fake product. And some of those “main girls” include none other than Alex Consani, Anok Yai, Ugbad Abdi, Irina Shayk and Yseult. All in addition to Doja Cat’s own mother, Elizabeth Sawyer, who not only appears next to Doja at one point looking just as “Glamour Shot-y,” but also provides the interlude portion of the track via her recorded words of encouragement, “Babe, I just called to tell you how much I love you and how amazingly beautiful that you are. Oh my god, how uplifting and inspiring you’ve been to me for all this time. And I love you and no one even has fine hair or is smarter.” That comment on Doja’s “fine hair” being an ideal segue from the perfume ad portion of the video (that perfume being called “Gorg”) into what comes next, with the Gorgeous line also offering up hair care products (including dye), as though Doja wants to not so subtly remind people that beauty is a big business with many-pronged tentacles. An industry that continues to prey on “aspirationalism” to this day. Even though that’s more of a euphemism for “insecurity” than anything else.

    To boot, there are moments when the “Gorgeous” video, not to mention the song’s lyrical content, feels like a riff on Kelly LeBrock’s own 80s commercials for Pantene, during which she famously “pleaded,” “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” In other words, it shouldn’t be a crime to be gorgeous (especially if anyone can buy the so-called necessary products to be so—as celebrity endorsements and self-started brands would try to have consumers believe). But, soon enough, the focus shifts from hair to eyeshadow, with Doja posing in front of the array of product lines before, around the two-minute-fifty-five-second mark, the color shifts to black and white for the proverbial “BTS scenes” of Doja primping in the mirror. Except, once again, this infuses the video with more of a 90s-era vibe before returning anew to the unmistakable 80s-ness of the scenes that came before it.

    In this sense, it’s apparent that Doja and Zeinali chose to combine the best elements of advertising from both decades (with the 90s being much more all about wielding “supermodels” to generate sales/interest in a beauty product). Though, obviously, the 80s reign supreme in all things related to the Vie universe. And the “Gorgeous” video certainly cements that—in addition to the fact that advertising just ain’t what it used to be.

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Sabrina Carpenter Creates Yet Another Taurus Anthem With “Tears”

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    Evidently continuing to assert herself as the reigning queen of making Taurus anthems (sorry Adele [though “Someone Like You” still slaps, particularly as a Taurus anthem/torch song]), with “Taste” (not to be confused with Sophie Ellis-Bextor’s) and “Please Please Please” being some of the pinnacles of what that means, Sabrina Carpenter has released yet another one: “Tears.” Marking the second hit single from Man’s Best Friend (following “Manchild”), it’s very much in keeping with the tropes of this specific zodiac sign—more to the point, her specific zodiac sign. And yes, it was Carpenter herself who once said, “My favorite thing about being a Taurus is that I get to use the excuse ‘I’m sorry I’m a Taurus.’ It kinda works in every facet of life.” 

    Not least of which is lusting after a man who’s responsible, reliable and “good around the house.” For there’s nothing a Taurus loves more than someone who not only respects the sanctity of their domestic space, but even seeks to further elevate it. For their (usually-not-so-humble) abode is an environment they especially deem their “kingdom” (though they tend to see most everywhere else as part of their “dominion,” too). And, considering that Carpenter has been on tour for the past two years (embarking on the Short n’ Sweet Tour from 2024 to 2025), it’s no wonder she would deliver such comforts-of-home-craving lines as, “Assemble a chair from Ikea, I’m like, ‘Uh.’” Granted, the unabashed decadence of Taurean tastes means you won’t typically find them anywhere near an Ikea. Particularly with a limitless budget like Carpenter’s. 

    What they can be found near, however, are spooky houses with sumptuous interiors, as is the case with the Rocky Horror Picture Show-inspired video that accompanies the track. For what is a Taurus if not adventurous and naughty, paired with a dichotomous penchant for desiring luxury, debauchery and comfort? Then, of course, there’s the “problem” of being ruled by Venus, which applies not just to the planet, but to the goddess also known as Aphrodite. Her sensual nature, which makes the frequently-depicted-in-the-buff deity a natural fit for embodying the Goddess of Love, is what extends to the sign she reigns over, with the Taurus’ sense of raunchiness (and, as Carpenter also represents, general horniness)—e.g., “I get wet at the thought of you/Being a responsible guy…/Tears run down my thighs—getting them into almost as much trouble as their stubbornness. 

    Regarding the raunch factor, it’s at least part of what draws “innocent” (even if only in appearance) Carpenter to the abandoned-looking ramshackle of a house after her incompetent boyfriend apparently got them into a car crash. Then, like Alice down the rabbit hole or Dorothy in Oz, Carpenter stumbles upon a “land” that makes everything suddenly feel like it’s in Technicolor, having formerly existed in a bland, black-and-white way in the life she shared with her now-presumed-dead boyfriend. But Carpenter’s Easter Sunday appearance quickly gives way to clothes coming off (quite literally) as she dances and prances with Colman Domingo (a Sag cusping Scorpio, Taurus’ opposite on the zodiac wheel, which also makes Scorpio something like their diabolical id) in the overt Dr. Frank-N-Furter role. A pied piper bringing out all of Carpenter’s inner kink. On this note, it seems an unfair (and inaccurate) stereotype that Taureans are also often accused of being “boring” when, in fact, that couldn’t be further from the truth. For their love of “responsibility” is matched only by their love of fun and beauty (these things, increasingly, often being what only money can buy and, therefore, part of the Taurean obsession with making as much of it as possible).

    This love of fun and beauty is what Carpenter embodies in the Bardia Zeinali-directed video (following what he did for another one of Carpenter’s Taurus anthems, “Please Please Please”). Her Taurean fervor for the heady combination of vibrant aesthetics and sensuality reaches an especial crescendo as she “just happens to find herself” in frilly lingerie while pole-dancing in some nearby cornfield. And not just because, as an Earth sign, Carpenter can’t help but show some love for “the land.” With cornfields also being a “necessary” cliché in many horror movies (see, most recently: Pearl, with the eponymous character putting her own “sexy spin” on what a cornfield can provide, mood-wise…apart from just creepiness). But the “horror” (or horror-comedy, considering the movie it pays homage to) pastiche of “Tears” is wielded, ultimately, to emphasize a “pure” and “wholesome” girl (read: a Taurus) coming to terms with her irrepressible sexuality (read: a Taurus at war with their so-called dark side). Much like Janet Weiss (Susan Sarandon) in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. 

    By the same token, what awakens the sexual gratitude in a Taurus are the very “normie,” Hestia-oriented types of things Carpenter brings up when she declares, “A little respect for women can get you very, very far/Remembering how to use your phone gets me oh so, oh so hot/Considering I have feelings, I’m like, ‘Why are my clothes still on?’/Offering to do anything, I’m like, ‘Oh my God.’” And, of course, the domesticity “codedness” of, “I get wet at the thought of you/Being a responsible guy/Treating me like you’re supposed to do/Tears run down my thighs” can’t be overemphasized enough. Mixing the pure and the profane as only a Taurus can with that chorus (no rhyme intended), Carpenter then continues, “A little initiative can go a very long, long way/Baby, just do the dishes, I’ll give you what you, what you want/A little communication, yes, that’s my ideal foreplay.”

    It doesn’t get more “banal” than that—and yet, this expression of “just wanting some safeness and dependability” is spiced up in a manner that only a Taurus can do it, with their keen ability to infuse the quotidian with a much-needed tincture of sexiness and sassiness. A skill that, lately, Carpenter has been quite keen to flex. Because, yes, a bit of a “nobody does it better” attitude is also part and parcel of being a “standard” Taurus. Along with plenty of snark “hidden” behind that false veneer of “being slow” (or slow-talking).

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • The Sabrina Horror Picture Show, Or: The “Tears” Video

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    Sabrina Carpenter’s vocal doppelgänger, Ariana Grande, may have once said, “Ain’t got no tears left to cry,” but Carpenter is telling a different tale on “Tears,” the second single and video from her bop-laden seventh album, Man’s Best Friend. A song that indicates she has plenty of “moisture” left to…cry. Only not from her eyes so much as from her vag, ergo the chorus, “I get wet at the thought of you/Being a responsible guy/Treating me like you’re supposed to do/Tears run down my thighs.” Unfortunately, tears running down a girl’s thighs is an increasing rarity amid a climate of irresponsible men (in every possibly form that irresponsibility can take). 

    Like “Please Please Please,” “Tears” is once again directed by Bardia Zeinali (who also, incidentally, directed the Ariana Grande video for “In My Head”). But rather than riffing on a very hetero Bonnie and Clyde theme (complete with Barry Keoghan in the “Clyde” role), this time, Carpenter opts for a rightfully kitschy homage to the masterpiece of camp that is The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Borrowing key elements from the first act of the movie, the well-timed-for-the-advent-of-fall video opens on an overhead shot of a car that’s clearly crashed (though into what is never made apparent), with Carpenter lying face-down off to the side of the passenger seat, as though she was thrown from the vehicle. 

    Dressed in what can best be described as her Easter Sunday best, Carpenter “comes to” as the sound of a howling wolf in the dead of night only adds to the creep factor of her environment. Seeing that they’ve conveniently crashed right near someone’s spooky house (much more convenient than the distance Brad [Barry Bostwick] and Janet [Susan Sarandon] had to walk in order to get to Dr. Frank-N-Furter’s [Tim Curry] castle), Carpenter decides to approach the seemingly abandoned abode to get help. Even if all the signs point to the fact that she ought to just run the other way, lest, like Brad and Janet, she ends up going down a “dark path” from whence she can’t return. 

    When she knocks on the door (with the “spooky vocalizing” of the song briefly playing), no one answers. Yet when she peers through the boarded-up window emanating a glowing red light, she sees a “sexy leg” with a fishnet stocking on it, lifted up on a chair. Dropping her hat at the “salacious” sight, she steps backward and sees that the front door is now partially ajar. It doesn’t exactly emulate the way Brad and Janet are greeted by the handyman, Riff Raff (Richard O’Brien, who also wrote The Rocky Horror Picture Show), suggestively remarking to the couple, “You’re wet.” Soon after, he adds, “I think perhaps you better both…come inside.” These, of course, being the kind of innuendos that Carpenter can readily get on board with (and likely part of her attraction to the cult classic). 

    Just as she gets on board with Colman Domingo in the ostensible Dr. Frank-N-Furter role, along with his coterie of “colorful” guests (a polite word for pearl-clutchers to say “trans”). Guests who make Carpenter feel right at home as they sing along to such lyrics as, “A little initiative can go a very long, long way/Baby, just do the dishes, I’ll give you what you, what you want/A little communication, yes, that’s my ideal foreplay/Assemble a chair from Ikea, I’m like, ‘Uh.’” 

    In the next scene, she’s thrust into a “red room,” with a number of disembodied hands (with over-the-top acrylics) disrobing her as one of them passes her a Coke-inspired can with the “brand” Tears on it and the tag line, “Get wet.” To be sure, these eerily detached arms and hands recall something out of Jean Cocteau’s La Belle et la Bête more than they do The Rocky Horror Picture Show. 

    Before she knows it, she is getting pretty wet over “Colman Frank-N-Furter’s” vibe and lifestyle, finding herself pole dancing in a cornfield (something about this feeling very Pearl) as this ringleader of “dolls” (as in, “Protect the dolls”) observes her with something like aroused approval (but, like, a gay man’s kind of approval) from his perch on a tractor. Talk about campifying “butch” paraphernalia. 

    The 70s (a.k.a. disco-fied) sound of the track intensifies after Carpenter announces, “Dance break,” which singals yet another backdrop change. One that showcases Carpenter in a showgirl-y number (think: Cher on The Sonny & Cher Show) as she prances along the streets of some alley (for this house is apparently magical in its ability to provide all kinds of milieus at the literal drop of a hat). 

    It would seem that, having been out of the house for so long in these random outdoor settings, the abode evidently realizes it can’t sustain Carpenter’s fundamental heteronormativity, spitting her back out after her choreo with the trans residents runs its course. Once again outfitted in her “Easter Sunday” ensemble, Carpenter tries to get her bearings just as her boyfriend, billed as “the guy who has to die” (Joe Apollonio), randomly appears to say, “Baby! I’m so glad you’re okay.” Carpenter, on the other hand, doesn’t look all that glad that he’s okay, responding, “Wait…no.” 

    Perhaps blaming him (and his straightness) in some way for getting her “bounced” from the house, she continues, “You died earlier I thought.” He replies, “Babe, what are you talking about?” She then meta-ly explains, “It’s a thing, it has to…someone has to die every video.” This being a reference to “Taste” (another one-word single that starts with a “T”). Looking and sounding horrified at what she’s suggesting, before he knows what’s happening, Carpenter says, “Sorry, we’ll always remember you though.” And with that, she boomerangs her high heel into his chest. 

    Carpenter then gets up from the porch and declares, “You have to give the people what they want.” And what the people with, that’s right, taste want are references to The Rocky Horror Picture Show from a mainstream artist at a time when transphobia in the U.S. has ramped up at an alarming rate. Thus, Domingo’s tweet announcing the arrival of the video with, “Protect all the Dolls.”

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    Genna Rivieccio

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