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Dark Souls. Bloodborne. Sekiro. What do all of these ridiculously difficult throw-your-controller-at-the TV-screen games have in common? They’ve got NOTHING on old-school platformers. Were they video games or exercises in sadomasochism? As the decades pass since the platform genre’s creation, the answer still isn’t clear. Classic platformer games required the reflexes of a cat, the patience of a turtle, and the emotional composure of a full-grown capybara. Deviously difficult, half of these games could be described as “fun” in the same way the peanut butter could be described as “minty fresh,” which is to say: not at all. Veteran gamers know that platformers aren’t really games, but digital life-and-death scenarios meant to test one’s mental fortitude. And these platformers? They’re the greatest (and some of the most frustrating) of all time.
Super Mario 64
Super Mario 64 was marketed to children, which, in retrospect, could be considered a crime. Don’t let pastel pixels of this happy-go-lucky plumber’s mushroom world fool you, Super Mario 64 is capable of childhood-trauma inducing levels of frustration and woe. The game is objectively a masterpiece, one where Mario must “whoopee” and “yahoo” his way through a menagerie of creative worlds to save Princess Peach from the turtle/dragon/dinosaur clutches of the evil Bowser. While the game’s first level, Bomb-omb Battlefield, lulled young players into a false sense of security, veteran gamers still speak with reverence about the horrors they experienced at later levels like Tick Tock Clock. Super Mario 64 set the bar for the modern-day platformer, and changed the face of gaming forever… by filling that face’s eyes with frustrated tears.
Astro Bot
After witnessing the trauma that Super Mario 64 induced on a generation of gamers (myself included), the makers of Astro Bot evidently opted to spare a younger crop of gamers from the same fate. While Astro Bot features the same levels of whimsy that made old-school platformers so charming (and so deceptively difficult), this little robot’s adventure through the stars isn’t nearly as crushing. That’s a relief. You play as an adorable android who has to rescue his kin from a saucer-flying alien bully, and recover your beep-boopin’ buddies from the distant planets to which they’ve been scattered. Doctors should prescribe Astro Bot for lowering blood pressure and increasing emotional well-being, as it’s impossible not to crack a smile while embarking on this delightful romp through the cartoon cosmos.
Banjo-Kazooie
While traditionalist purists will call Super Mario 64 the Greatest Platformer Ever™, there exists a small sect of gamers who worship Banjo-Kazooie as the finest platformer that Nintendo has ever produced. Despite the franchise having only four games compared to Super Mario‘s bazillion and counting, Banjo-Kazooie was a history-making edition to the platformer genre—a bigger influencer than the kind you could find on 2016 Instagram. The game revolves around a match-made-in-heaven bear and bird pair as they try to defeat a Wizard of Oz-level evil green witch, who has kidnapped Banjo’s sister Tooty. The fearsome twosome leap across frostbitten peaks, gloopy swamps, and into the gullets of giant cyborg sharks to rescue Banjo’s kin, though Banjo and Kazooie’s bond runs far thicker than blood by journey’s end.
Inside
While platformers are historically a horrifying genre for their difficulty alone, the creators of Inside decided to compound the terror by adding nightmare fuel to the frustration fire. You begin the game as a young boy, running from armed guards and into the arms of an industrial dystopia. Humans in this world aren’t simply oppressed, they’re outfitted with mind control devices and forced into robotic servitude— our adolescent hero doesn’t want to be one of them. Like it does for similarly clad Star Trek villains, death waits around every corner for the red-shirted protagonist. The only break this kid gets from head-scratching puzzles is a heart-pounding instance of life-or-death struggle. One of the most hair-raising games of all time, Inside will leave you traumatized not because it’s hard to play, but because it’s downright uncomfortable.
LittleBigPlanet 2
Emotionally scarred by Inside? Let LittleBigPlanet 2 coax your inner child out from hiding under the bed. One of the most adorable games ever made, LittleBigPlanet 2 lets you and your friends take control of Sackboys, little anthropomorphic guys made out of burlap! As you leap through smile-inducing cartoon worlds, you and up to three friends can co-op your way through obstacles and puzzles. No, the game isn’t particularly hard, and that’s the beauty of it. While frustrating co-op platformers like Super Mario Bros. can end friendships rather than deepen them, LittleBigPlanet 2‘s easy-going pace and grin-cracking antics can bring even gamers and non-gamers together. And with the ability to build your own levels and customize your characters, the possibilities are as endless as the deep, dark pools of your Sackboy’s shining eyes.
Portal 2
Portal 2 is one of the greatest games of all time, a puzzle/platformer send-up of sci-fi robot horror like I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream. You take control of Chell, a former test subject at the Aperture Science Enrichment Center who is tasked by a malevolent AI to complete a series of challenges with a portal gun, which does exactly what one would think. Able to create microscopic rips in spacetime, Chell leaps through dimensional anomalies to escape a decaying facility and the mad artificial mind at the center of it all. It’s one of the most satisfying puzzlers ever created, as confounding obstacles can be overcome with “a-ha!” moments of insight (and a lot of trial and error). Seriously, playing this game will have you feeling like Archimedes discovering water displacement, running around your house screaming “Eureka!” after solving a real head-scratcher of a level.
Rayman Legends
Rayman Legends is legendary, a platformer of mythic proportions. The game begins in (sort of) the same way that The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild does, with a century-long nap. Rayman and his buddies open their sleepy eyes to discover that the evil Magician has split himself into five “Dark Teensies” and has subjected the five realms of the world to his tyranny. Through the use of Looney Tunes physics, Rayman and his pals platform their way through worlds twice as vibrant as a Van Gogh painting, and twelve times more dangerous. With its set-piece-sized bosses and scores of punchable enemies, Rayman Legends features some of the best platformer combat ever created. And the best part? You and up to three friends can experience it in couch co-op.
Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy
If the Legend of Zelda and Super Mario franchises ever decided to have a baby, Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy would be their adventure-platformer lovechild. Before the series evolved into a grimdark fantasy Grand Theft Auto, Jak and Daxter‘s story began on a sunny island paradise powered by a life energy called Eco. Eager to learn about the substance’s origins and its relationship to the ancient Precursors, Jak and his ocelot pal Daxter set out on a platforming adventure across the land. While leaping through distant mountains, primeval forests, and ancient ruins, the pair uncover a plot hatched by evil siblings Gol and Maia to harness a mutated form of Eco and use it to take over the world. Combining Breath of the Wild environments with Uncharted-style archeological mysteries, Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy feels far deeper than your average platformer, but no less high-flying.
Celeste
One of the best queer parables in all of gaming, Celeste is the story of Madeline, a girl who decides climb a mountain to beat her anxiety. While platforming her way up the summit, she runs into a parallel version of herself called “Badeline,” who pressures her to give up. Considering the game’s ludicrous difficulty, many players will be convinced to do exactly that. Running, jumping, dashing, wall-climbing, wall-jumping, mid-air dashing, players will be forced to master a variety of complex maneuvers to reach the summit. An allegory for the trans experience, Celeste‘s challenging gameplay mirrors the difficulties that many trans people face while undergoing the transition process. Learning to accept oneself can feel like climbing a mountain, but once you make it to the top, the journey feels worth it.
Crash Bandicoot
One of the brutal 3D platformers ever conceived, Crash Bandicoot is Indiana Jones if its protagonist were an extremely fragile marsupial. On an archipelago off the Tasmanian coast, mad scientist Doctor Neo Cortex mutates the local animal population to create a world-dominating army—but a bandicoot named Crash didn’t get the totalitarian memo. After escaping Cortex’s clutches, Crash must platform his way through jungles and ruins to stick it to his creator, Frankenstein-style. With its breakneck-paced worlds, adrenaline-pumping boss battles, and seamless transitions from 3D to 2D environments, Crash Bandicoot is an infinitely creative adventure-platformer that will give you a newfound respect for the eastern barred bandicoot—one could argue it’s the unofficial mascot of the platformer genre.
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Sarah Fimm
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