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Tag: Advice

  • Ask Amy: Big box inspires a meditation on being helpful

    Ask Amy: Big box inspires a meditation on being helpful

    Dear Amy: Which is the default position regarding asking for help versus offering to help?

    For instance, let’s say I’m at work and someone walks past my desk several times, carrying a big box each time.

    Assuming that carrying the big box is part of their job, do I stop doing MY job to offer my assistance, just because it is the polite thing to do?

    Or since the person obviously sees me each time, would the onus be on them to actually ask for help if they truly needed it? (I would gladly help, by the way.)

    If I purposely look for it, I see lots of people throughout my day potentially in need of assistance (loading groceries into their car, reaching for something on a high shelf, etc).

    But without them requesting help, I feel like I could be spending my days constantly helping others with their daily lives as opposed to doing the things I need to do for myself.

    Is it my responsibility in polite society to assume that people in need are too shy to ask for help, and therefore I should always be offering it?

    If I need help, I ask!

    I know every case is different, but I’m kinda looking for a default position.

    “If you want my help, just ask!”

    — Passively Helpful Guy

    Amy Dickinson

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  • Ask Amy: Husband tries to broker an uneasy truce

    Ask Amy: Husband tries to broker an uneasy truce

    Dear Amy: My wife and her sister “Bobbi” have stopped speaking to each other over a disagreement that has now lasted for more than two years.

    Our families live on opposite coasts, so communication has always relied on phone/video calls.

    During the pandemic, my wife made a particular effort to schedule video calls for our young children with their Aunt Bobbi (who they have only seen in person once or twice).

    Before one such scheduled call, my wife informed Bobbi that the kids weren’t feeling well, and canceled the call. Bobbi was very upset, and what followed was an angry and hurtful exchange based on various unresolved feelings (both related and unrelated), ultimately leading to the complete and mutual estrangement.

    As a consequence, no further video calls with the kids were scheduled.

    Bobbi then emailed me, characterizing my wife’s half of their estrangement as “blocking her access to the kids,” and expecting me to establish for her regular communication with our children.

    I found this to be awkward and unreasonable, and suggested that she make an effort to repair her relationship with her sister. However, Bobbi was insulted by this suggestion, and now she is not responding to me, either!

    Silent treatment notwithstanding, Bobbi still sends messages to my email address that she intends for our children (happy birthday, etc).

    I’ve replied and thanked her each time, including a civil message hoping to tee up an easy response — she hasn’t once replied to me.

    I am befuddled and hurt by her expectations of maintaining a relationship with our kids, but refusing to have one with their parents.

    As a result, I’ve stopped showing the emails to the kids.

    Amy Dickinson

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  • Handling Difficult Relationships with Adult Children

    Handling Difficult Relationships with Adult Children

    When my daughter reached her late teens and early twenties, our relationship went through a difficult period. Going away to college gave her an emotional distance that allowed her to more clearly perceive her past, including how I’d parented her. She began to recognize ways I’d caused her pain and how those wounds were affecting her and her relationships. 

    I’ve since discovered that this frequently occurs when children enter adulthood. If they feel relatively safe with their parent, there usually comes a time when they relay these hurts. Sometimes they do this calmly, and sometimes with the anger that stems from a deeply wounded soul. This can feel terrifying, especially for those who carry unresolved guilt and shame. In the moment, our child’s words might feel like rejection, thereby triggering defensiveness within us. In reality, our son or daughter is seeking healthier and more fulfilling interactions with us.

    They are reaching toward us and asking, if not begging, for us to reach for them—in their pain. When we respond well, we help repair relational damage, bring healing to soul wounds, and strengthen joy-filled connections. When we react poorly, however, we tend to widen the fissures between us, deepen our child’s hurts, and make them less apt to reveal their truest selves, happy or sad, to us in the future. 

    Here are some six things I learned from my experience and listening to other moms and young adults: 

    1. Investigate When You Feel Defensive

    According to mental health experts, defense mechanisms are unhealthy ways of coping with challenging situations, thoughts, and emotions. Unfortunately, we tend to exhibit these learned reactions before we can evaluate our circumstances or internal experiences. This makes it challenging to change our behavior. Our inability to do so can lead to increased guilt and shame.

    The more we notice these unhelpful reactions and prayerfully consider their roots, the easier it becomes to regulate our emotions during tense and uncomfortable conversations. We’re more apt to speak from what my therapist refers to as our “Spirit-led self” rather than our insecurities and pain. Not only will this keep us from escalating the conflict, but our son or daughter is more likely to feel heard and loved, thereby encouraging calm communication. 

    2. Trust Your Child Wants to Retain Their Connection

    Due to some of my unresolved, and initially unknown, pain, I viewed many of my daughter’s expressed hurts as rejection. Growing up, I’d learned connections ceased when I failed to meet other people’s expectations. Without realizing it, I carried these subconscious beliefs into my most important adult relationships. Therefore, when my daughter told me of times when I hadn’t behaved like the mom she needed and I longed to be, the unhealed places in my soul feared she was pushing me away. 

    In reality, those conversations revealed the opposite. She didn’t want “less” of me. She wanted more of me—the real, healthy me. She longed for us to build a mutually fulfilling relationship, one free of tension, insecurity, and dysfunction. Now, I’m grateful for her courage to speak the truth during that season because it encouraged us both to grow. Those discussions didn’t destroy or damage our relationship. Rather, they healed and strengthened it.   

    3. Listen to Their Heart More Than Their Words

    While hurt or upset, it can be challenging to express ourselves in a calm, logical, and coherent way. We may not even realize the underlying emotions fueling our pain and frustration. For example, when my husband and I were first married, he would leave dirty clothes on the bathroom floor and dishes in the living room. Hearing my complaints, he assumed I was upset with the mess. My hurt went deeper. Because I assumed responsibility for maintaining our home, I felt devalued by his actions. Once he understood this, he was able to respond to my pain with the assurance and love I craved. 

    Young adults might exist in grown bodies, but their brains aren’t yet fully developed. Plus, they won’t be able to regulate intense emotions unless we’ve taught them to do so and have displayed how. Therefore, we can view tense conversations as opportunities to train and model healthier coping. We’ll also find that the more a person feels heard and understood, the safer and more loved they feel, which brings calm to their inner angst. 

    4. Seek and Follow God’s Lead

    I once read a social media graphic that said something to the effect of, “If you’re still upset after twenty-four hours, address it.” While I understand the sentiment of not allowing a hurt or “offense” to fester, I disagree with the timeline, especially when dysfunction has crept into a relationship. In my case, God had a lot of work to do within me before I’d see the situation with my daughter clearly enough to engage in difficult discussions. 

    I didn’t realize how many experiences from my past influenced my present perspective. But God knew. He saw the depth of both of our hearts—our hurts and insecurities—and how and where we most needed growth and transformation. Often, when I prayed, asking Him to heal our relationship, He shifted my focus onto myself and what He wanted to do in me in that moment. He routinely called me to focus not on my desired outcome but simply my very next step. 

    At one point, I sensed Him telling me that He was bringing me to a place where I would be okay, regardless of how others reacted to me or behaved. In other words, He was leading me to increased wholeness so that I could love others, my daughter included, more freely and fully. Yielding to Him during that season felt painful and frightening, especially since He didn’t give me any guarantees in regard to my daughter. But I can see now His faithfulness and perfect wisdom for every moment, the most challenging included. 

    5. Get Help

    Maya Angelou once said, “Do the best you can until you know better.” While I receive great comfort from her words, I still carry a lot of regret for the pain my ignorance caused. Borrowing from something counselor and author Gina Berkemeier once wrote, I tell my daughter often, “I wish I’d gotten help sooner.” I wish I’d been more aware of how generational patterns and wounds I experienced as a child impacted my parenting. 

    I wish I would’ve done the hard work, with professional help, to be the healthiest and most confident version of myself possible—prior to becoming a mom. Yet, while I carry regret for the wounds my learned dysfunction created, I’m incredibly grateful for where God has brought me—and my daughter and our relationship—now. I wouldn’t have reached this place on my own. I needed someone who loves Jesus and has years of relational education and experience that I lack. 

    I needed someone whose perspective of me and my situation wasn’t clouded by past hurts and the faulty thinking that came with them like I was. Both my daughter and I found such a resource in separate but equally Christ-led and wise counselors, and for that, I am beyond thankful. 

    6. Persevere

    I know parents who have been struggling relationally with their adult child for years and battle discouragement and fatigue. They fear God might never heal their relationship. Even sadder are those who quit trying after a couple of tense years. I don’t say that with judgment as I understand the natural desire to withdraw in self-protection. But I’m also the adult child of a parent who chose to disengage. That left an ache I’m not sure will ever go away. Never wanting my daughter to feel such rejection, I determined to fight for her, even if she continuously pushed me away.

    Thankfully, she’s a forgiving woman of God who persevered to bring increased health to our connection. But I hope, were she to have responded differently, I would’ve done all I could to ensure she knew that I would always strive to be her greatest fan and constant support.

    Please don’t mishear me. I’m not suggesting a parent enable unhealthy or abusive behaviors. Denying the truth isn’t love, nor does that help anyone, the wayward child included. But one can maintain appropriate boundaries, when necessary, while still communicating, “I am for you, now and always. And I’ll never stop praying for you, reaching for you, or longing to see you thrive.”     

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Daisy-Daisy

    Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and writers across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLoud.com.

    As the founder of Wholly Loved Ministries, she’s passionate about helping women experience Christ’s freedom in all areas of their lives. Visit her online to learn more about her speaking or to book her for your next women’s event  and sign up for her free quarterly newsletter HERE  and make sure to connect with her on Facebook and Instagram.

    Jennifer Slattery

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  • Ask Co-Founder of Netflix Marc Randolph Anything: How to Watch | Entrepreneur

    Ask Co-Founder of Netflix Marc Randolph Anything: How to Watch | Entrepreneur

    Marc Randolph, the co-founder of Netflix, joins us for another episode of Ask Marc, a live Q&A series about starting and growing your business. The event will begin on Thursday, May 9th at 2:00 PM ET, streaming on our YouTube, LinkedIn, Facebook and X (formerly known as Twitter) channels.

    Where can I watch Ask Marc?

    Watch and stream: YouTube, LinkedIn, Facebook & X (formerly known as Twitter)

    You can watch on your phone, tablet or computer. Ask Marc will be shown in its entirety on YouTube, LinkedIn, Facebook and X (formerly known as Twitter).

    What time does Ask Marc start?

    Date: May 9th
    Time: 2:00 PM ET

    The episode kicks off at 2:00pm ET.

    Why should I watch Ask Marc?

    Get free business advice directly from the co-founder of Netflix, Marc Randolph. Marc loves helping founders and small business owners, and this your free opportunity to ask him any of your questions about topics like:

    • Starting a business
    • Growing a business
    • Raising money
    • Building marketing campaigns
    • Best practices
    • Anything you want to know!

    Entrepreneur Staff

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  • Teachers Are Sharing the Most Important Things They Learned This School Year, and We’re Taking Notes

    Teachers Are Sharing the Most Important Things They Learned This School Year, and We’re Taking Notes

    As the school year draws to a close, teachers nationwide can finally take a well-deserved breather. With another year under their belt, many teachers find themselves reflecting on the triumphs and challenges of the past year. Reflective practice helps teachers uncover valuable insights about what worked and what didn’t and gain self-awareness about their beliefs and approaches.

    With classrooms closing their doors for the academic year, we were curious about the profound lessons teachers have reflected on from their experiences this year. We asked teachers on Facebook, “What is one thing you learned this year that will help you next school year?” From the responses, five major lessons emerged, capturing the spirit of the 2023-2024 school year.

    1. Prioritizing myself!

    Hey, now—are we starting to learn to put ourselves first? You can’t pour from an empty cup! Teachers reported that they recognized the importance of prioritizing their personal well-being over their work lives.

    “You can be easily replaced … my health and family come first!” —Nancy R.

    “Take your sick and personal days! You need to focus on self-care and respite; we are not superhuman.” —Beckie S.

    “Working 80 hours a week is bad for me and my family. Going on year 16 and no more ‘do it all’ attitude.” —Michelle M.

    This newfound emphasis on prioritizing self is a powerful lesson that will undoubtedly shape teachers’ approach in the coming school year.

    2. Setting boundaries

    And right along with prioritizing our well-being, setting healthy boundaries is paramount. As I read through the numerous teachers sharing their lessons in boundary setting on this post, I felt so refreshed at how much healthier the conversation among teachers is around work.

    If you’re like me and boundaries are a newer concept for you, check out what therapists, this teacher, and these Facebook commenters had to say:

    “Give 100% during the school day and then LEAVE IT THERE. Family is precious, and they need and deserve you.” —Lisa J.

    “Unless it’s a YES, say no.” —Tammy B.

    “The job can be completed without staying late or taking work home regularly. The only person who noticed the difference was me (and my family).” —Jenny P.

    “To stop taking work home. That I can do my best, and parents can still misunderstand. To wait overnight to respond to an angry message and to be calm and firm.” —Alina G.

    When it comes to establishing boundaries, each teacher’s approach will differ. I set boundaries by never staying at school past 4:30 p.m. under any circumstances, refraining from opening my school email at home, and committing to only one extracurricular school activity. Everyone’s boundaries will look different, and finding what works best for you is essential. As you carry your boundaries into the following year, you’ll discover a newfound sense of empowerment. There is tremendous power in saying no. Remember, “No!” is a complete sentence!

    3. Professional and personal growth

    This year, teachers learned lessons about themselves inside and outside the classroom. Some learned to stand up for themselves more, to not gossip with other coworkers, not to be as trusting with their administrators, and not to lower their standards for students when parents start to push back.

    “Step back and let others step up.” —Eryn W.

    “Don’t compromise your values!” —Brendon T.

    “To get respect from others, I have to respect myself first.” —Elsie F.

    And Sandy A. shares one of my favorite personal growth lessons learned as a teacher: “Pick your battles!”

    4. Tips from experienced teachers

    In addition to personal growth and reflection, teachers have gathered valuable tips to make their teaching journey more accessible and practical. These insights shared by experienced educators can inspire and guide fellow teachers:

    “Take it one day at a time. Plan for your week or month, but don’t get hung up on a schedule.” —Jamie G.

    “1. I can’t reach every student, and I can’t take it personally if some don’t like me. 2. The secret to earning respect from students and parents: Be consistent.” —Eugenia L.

    “Continue to document EVERYTHING that takes place that’s inappropriate and out-of-order. That goes for colleagues and administrators alike because they will do both, and you must protect yourself in a toxic work environment.” —DeLa N.

    “Add more humor. Laugh with your students.” —Anne R.

    “Students will learn more from you when they trust you.” —Amanda D.

    These practical tips and lessons will help teachers embark on the next school year with renewed confidence. I think we could all learn to laugh a little more!

    5. It’s the little things!

    Sometimes small changes can make the biggest impact. Check out what these teachers had to say about the little things that packed a big punch:

    “I bought a small wooden tray and arranged a pretty charcuterie for lunch. I looked forward to it every day, and I swear, the act of arranging my cheeses, fruits, and nuts was like some little Zen ritual.” —Sarah F.

    “Filling my classroom with plants brought me so much joy!! —DJ S.

    “I made a big effort to be outside more this school year. I tied more curriculum to outdoor learning, I ate my lunch outside when the weather permitted, I snuck outside when I had a break. These small changes definitely made me feel less stir-crazy at the end of each day!” —Nina C.

    6. Retirements and new environments

    Some teachers learned this school year that forcing the wrong puzzle piece to fit no longer worked for them. Several teachers commented they were excited about retirement, like Wendy S.: “Retirement is phenomenal!”

    Jeff I. teases, “Being a retired teacher is the greatest type of teacher to be.”

    Some say that letting go of years of teaching and moving toward rest is good. Other teachers, like Teresa A., described learning “to know where enough is enough and when it is time to walk away.”

    Teachers learned there is power in fresh starts and new environments too—there are several comments about walking away from their toxic environments toward fresher, more current opportunities. After several long years in the same position and school, stepping back and finding a new school is OK. Hey, there may even be some perks like a job promotion just waiting on the other side! With each transition, teachers embrace the unknown and are eager to uncover the upcoming possibilities.

    As teachers end another school year filled with triumphs and challenges, they begin a well-deserved, reflective break. From prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries to fostering personal and professional growth, educators have embraced their changes and discovered the power of saying no. As we share their practical tips and lessons, we eagerly anticipate the coming year.

    Wait, did I really just say that? Am I already talking about next year?

    For more articles like this, be sure to subscribe to our newsletters.

    Sarah Morris

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  • Ask Amy: Divorced mom is debt-averse

    Ask Amy: Divorced mom is debt-averse

    Dear Amy: I am a divorced mom in my early-30s, with primary custody of my 8-year-old child.

    I have been dating “Ben” for the past two years. He is a great guy and he is very good with my son.

    We have been talking about getting married. He has never been married before (no kids) and I am gun-shy, to say the least.

    I own my home, my son is happy, and I am trying to be extremely careful about our future.

    Last week Ben took me out for a drink. He said he had something important to tell me. He confessed that he is almost $20,000 in debt. He said he is trying hard to clear his debt, but he isn’t making much progress.

    I have a stable and successful career. I am extremely financially responsible and have already started saving for my son’s college education.

    Ben seems under-employed. He is a relaxed, fun person. He said the debt came from purchasing a car and more recently from a ski vacation he went on with some friends.

    I feel extremely uncomfortable now. I am wondering if Ben expects me to clear his debt by using some of the equity on my house. He didn’t ask me anything specific and I’m not sure how to feel or how to react to this.

    Your wisdom?

    — The Responsible One

    Dear Responsible: Are you prepared to be a parent to “Ben,” as well as to your son? Because his choice to lay this on you without a specific plan of action seems to be a bid for you to take this on.

    Amy Dickinson

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  • Ask Amy: A no-cost CPA earns some penalties

    Ask Amy: A no-cost CPA earns some penalties

    Dear Amy: My boyfriend’s dad is a CPA, with decades of experience. A few years ago he offered to do my taxes, due to the sudden complexity because of an inheritance — and I was using cheap software for very basic returns.

    Since taking over my yearly filing he has consistently made mistakes that have cost me quite a bit of money. He left off a major account distribution one year; this should have been easily caught by him.

    When I discussed the mistake with him, he never acknowledged it was due to his error, nor did he offer to pay the interest I owed.

    This year, I decided to start filing my taxes again on my own. As a result, I found out he had given me incorrect advice for all of these years regarding paying my estimated taxes.

    He told me it was a suggestion to pay the estimated taxes, but it’s actually required! Again, the software would have told him this and would have also given him the penalty amount I owed.

    Not once did he mention the penalty I owed and it’s not on any of the returns he gave me, after filing.

    I am upset and feel that he should reimburse me for these mistakes; he offered to do my taxes, he gave me incorrect advice and he never mentioned the penalties I was charged.

    In fact, when I contacted him to tell him I didn’t realize I was being charged penalties all these years, I heard nothing back.

    My boyfriend believes I should not ask to be reimbursed because although his dad offered to do my taxes, he never charged me for the services rendered.

    I disagree. What is your opinion?

    — Taxed

    Amy Dickinson

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  • What Is 5G Home Internet? Here’s Everything You Need to Know

    What Is 5G Home Internet? Here’s Everything You Need to Know

    Sick of slow, expensive, or unreliable internet service? You probably are. Internet service providers (ISPs) came second to last in a study of customer satisfaction by industry in the US last year. For most folks, internet service comes into the house via cable, and choices are limited. But with mobile carriers rolling out fast, low-latency 5G networks, that is changing.

    For some people, 5G home internet could be a viable alternative to traditional broadband. Carriers are starting to offer 5G home internet packages as they look to recoup the costs of upgraded networks, and that could finally mean some real competition for ISPs. If you’re wondering what 5G home internet is, how it compares to broadband, and whether it might be for you, we have all the answers you seek.

    Special offer for Gear readers: Get WIRED for just $5 ($25 off). This includes unlimited access to WIRED.com, full Gear coverage, and subscriber-only newsletters. Subscriptions help fund the work we do every day.

    If you buy something using links in our stories, we may earn a commission. This helps support our journalism. Learn more.

    What Does 5G Mean?

    5G is a global wireless standard, and it stands for fifth generation. Mobile carriers have been rolling out the fifth generation of cellular networks over the past few years. Compared with the previous generation (4G), 5G opens up unused radio frequencies at the high end of the spectrum. You can read our guide to 5G to learn more, but in simple terms, 5G is faster, has lower latency, and can handle more connected devices.

    What Is 5G Home Internet?

    5G home internet is an alternative to traditional broadband. Instead of running a cable into your home to connect to the internet, you connect to the 5G cellular network wirelessly with a fixed receiver inside or outside your home. You will use a SIM card and have a service contract, just like you do for your phone. You’ll still need a modem and router to convert the incoming signal into Wi-Fi and spread it around your home.

    What About 4G Home Internet?

    Some carriers already offer 4G LTE home internet, and some offer a mix of 4G and 5G. Both work the same way and require a receiver, but 5G allows faster speeds and lower latency. Theoretical speeds go beyond 10 Gbps with 1 millisecond of latency, but real-world performance around 1 Gbps is more common. A gigabit is enough for 5G to compete with broadband. 4G LTE typically maxes out at 100 Mbps but is often slower in the real world.

    Is 5G Home Internet Better Than Broadband?

    The short answer is no. The longer answer is that it depends. If you have fiber optic cable to your house, you can enjoy super fast wired internet, but if you rely on copper cable, your internet speed will be limited. The proximity of an exchange and internet demand in your area will also impact the speeds you get. Some folks lack a cable connection, but remote areas typically don’t have great 5G coverage. If you have solid 5G coverage in your area but internet service is poor or expensive, 5G home internet might be a better choice.

    What Are the Advantages of 5G Home Internet?

    5G home internet has a few advantages over wired broadband, but there are three big ones:

    • Since there is no need for a physical cable, installation of 5G home internet tends to be much easier, and you can likely set it up yourself without an engineer visit.
    • If you have good 5G coverage in your area, you can likely enjoy fast speeds, certainly much faster than old copper cables can provide.
    • 5G home internet service might be cheaper than wired internet. Some carriers offer discounts and incentives to add 5G home internet service to your existing mobile plan.

    What Are the Disadvantages?

    There are pros and cons to everything. Here are some of the possible cons of 5G home internet:

    • Coverage is limited and is likely to be best in cities. If you don’t have good 5G coverage in your area, 5G home internet is not for you.
    • You will need a receiver with a good line of sight to a 5G cell site or tower for the best results. This may mean attaching an antenna to the outside of your home because 5G signals are not very good at penetrating through walls and can be prone to interference.
    • As 5G adoption grows and networks expand, you may find your 5G home internet service is impacted. When 5G networks get busier, your home internet may slow down or suffer interruptions.

    Can I Get 5G Home Internet?

    It depends on where you live and what 5G coverage is like in your area. This coverage map from nPerf allows you to select by carrier to see coverage and download speeds. You can also check with your preferred carrier (most have coverage maps on their websites), but most only offer 5G home internet service in specific areas (big cities for now).

    Who Offers 5G Home Internet?

    There are several options for folks looking to get 5G home internet service, but make sure you read the small print. Most carriers offer a blend of 4G LTE and 5G. You are likely to get the best deals from carriers you take multiple services from, so if you already have cell service, your carrier will likely offer a discount on home internet. Here’s an alphabetical list of US options to start with, but new services are rolling out all the time:

    1. AT&T Internet Air
    2. Starry Home Internet
    3. T-Mobile 5G Home Internet
    4. US Cellular Home Internet
    5. Verizon 5G Home Internet

    If you’re in the UK, here are your options:

    1. EE 4G and 5G Mobile Broadband
    2. National Broadband 5G
    3. Three 4G and 5G Home Broadband
    4. Vodafone 5G and 4G Broadband

    Is 5G Home Internet Expensive?

    5G home internet prices are not hugely different from wired internet service. It may even be cheaper for some folks. 5G home internet plans start from as little as $15 a month (Starry), but most cost between $30 a month and $80 a month, depending on the speed and service you want. Many carriers offer discounts for existing customers and other incentives. Because they are keen to attract new customers, many 5G home internet services offer unlimited data, no fixed contracts, and no equipment fees. Just make sure you understand all of the conditions before you sign up.

    Simon Hill

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  • Ask Amy: Future family visit fuels some fears

    Ask Amy: Future family visit fuels some fears

    Dear Amy: I have a lot of hesitation about a visit by my brother and sister-in-law this summer.

    They live out of state and last visited us two years ago. That visit did not go well.

    My brother made a lot of negative comments about my family and our lifestyles, including how we live and where we live.

    During our communication through phone calls over the years, I never really realized the negative downside of him.

    I have visited him several times during the last 10 to 15 years at his home (to welcome babies) and those visits went fairly well.

    During his visit with us, his attitude, comments and conversations reminded me of our father from years ago — and that is not a good thing.

    He has offered to stay at a hotel, but do you have thoughts or suggestions on how I can have him stay at our home and have it maybe go better than the last visit?

    We have a very small family. We want to have a good and positive relationship, but I’m not sure if that will work out.

    Your advice?

    — Worried Sibling

    Dear Worried: You seem to want your brother and his wife to stay with you in your home, but his complaints during their last visit seemed fairly global and quite personal.

    Amy Dickinson

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  • Ask Amy: Job shopper asks for frequent references

    Ask Amy: Job shopper asks for frequent references

    Dear Amy: “Liz” and I worked together for a short time nearly 20 years ago. She was excellent at her work and was an officer in a national organization in our field.

    We have not seen one another in years. We’ve spoken on the phone one time in the last six years.

    A decade ago, I spoke with an old colleague and recommended her to work at a firm I worked at 30 years ago. Liz got the job and was fired within weeks; I am not aware of the reason.

    Liz has changed jobs A LOT. She apparently has difficulty holding a job, and often will send a text informing me that she has listed me as a reference for a new application.

    Responding to her subsequent requests, I have answered questionnaires, spoken with Human Resources on the phone, and reached out to colleagues at various hiring firms.

    Several weeks ago, she contacted me yet again, asking for a reference for a job at a preeminent firm where I have had close contacts for decades.

    The position was great, interesting, and with good benefits.

    She got the job, and has now lost that job.

    I found this out when she texted me and told me she had given my phone number to someone at a new opportunity, who would be calling me.

    My concern is not only that I am referring someone whom I haven’t worked with for many years, but I have no knowledge of her recent work, or the reasons she changes jobs so often.

    In referring her to old colleagues and friends, am I messing up my own reputation when these situations don’t work out for whatever reason?

    Amy Dickinson

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  • Ask Amy: Daughter resists driving Mom to church

    Ask Amy: Daughter resists driving Mom to church

    Dear Amy: I live four hours from my elderly widowed mother. I will be in her area for a week very soon doing some work, and I plan to take her for brunch on the Sunday that I am there. She does not drive. Making the arrangements, she managed to slide in, “I thought you might like to go to church with me.” Meaning: “I want you to take me to church before brunch.”

    Even though I don’t disagree with the church’s teachings, I just don’t want to go.

    My mother essentially would not take no for an answer.

    I felt so pressured that finally I lied and said I had a meeting early that afternoon.

    I feel manipulated. I would likely have accepted her request with a kinder attitude if she didn’t have a history of doing this.

    The incident that stays in my mind is when my husband and I invited her out to dinner for her birthday. We were planning to make the four-hour trip to take her out.

    The day before, I found out from someone else that she had, behind my back, invited my estranged sister and her husband. We ended up staying home.

    Now I can’t seem to get past the idea of her tricking and manipulating me.

    I’m probably angrier than I need to be. I also have a sense of guilt about the whole thing.

    Do you have any advice? Should I cave in and take her to church? If I’m being hard-hearted, please tell me.

    — Tricked In Illinois

    Amy Dickinson

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  • Ask Amy: Young son worries about growing up

    Ask Amy: Young son worries about growing up

    Dear Amy: My husband and I have a very sweet 8-year-old son. His dad and I adore him. We’re having a great time going through life together.

    Recently he has been emotional and sensitive. He has said several times that he doesn’t want to grow up. When I ask him why, he says he’ll miss all of the things we do together, like reading together before bed and cuddling with us, and doing “little boy things.”

    I don’t know if I should be concerned about this, or even how to respond.

    Any suggestions?

    — Concerned Mom

    Dear Concerned: This is a fairly common phase for children at this age, especially for sensitive and expressive kids like your son.

    Some children going through this phase will ask their parents, “When I grow up, can I marry you?” This reflects their strong and loving attachment.

    I remember going through this phase as a child, telling my mother that I was never going to move away from home. (As an adult, I believe this prospect would not have been on my mother’s wish list.)

    I recall her response as being kind and reassuring.

    Heading into adolescence can be a pretty scary prospect. Hormonally, socially, and intellectually your son is sailing into choppy waters, and even if he doesn’t know what’s ahead, on a deep level — he understands that change is on the horizon.

    Ask him, “What are the things you love the very most about being a kid?”

    Amy Dickinson

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  • The Best Activities To Maximize Your Weekend

    The Best Activities To Maximize Your Weekend

    Sometimes you have a week of 5 Mondays and it seems a half of Saturday – here are some tips to make the most of your weekend and be ready for the next round of Mondays

    Most people work 5 days then have a weekend – for some it is Saturday/Sunday for others it is more flexible. But what should be flexible is going to your mind and body a break so you can head back to work refreshed and energized. The better you are at relaxing and resting, the better you will be at working. Downtime is essential for increasing attention, boosting mood, unlocking creativity, and solving problems. It’s also necessary for improving learning and memory and restoring mental health at work.

    A Stanford study demonstrates that over working has clear limitations, with employees showing a sharp decline in productivity when they clocked in more than 50 hours per week. People in the study who worked more than 70 hours per week managed to get the same amount of work done than people who worked 55 hours per week. Where does all of that time go?

    RELATED: 5 Simple Tips To Increase Your Productivity

    Studies like these highlight how important is to have time for yourself, where you can reflect, think, rest and do things that bring you pleasure. Downtime can significantly improve mental and physical health and personal relationships. One study, for example, found employees who unplugged and took time off reduced serious health issues like coronary heart disease.

    Disconnect from work

    It’s important to remove yourself from work over the weekend, digitally and physically, so that you feel that you had some days off and were able to rest. This is easier said than done, especially if you need to get work done over the weekend. What you can do is make a weekend work schedule that allows you to check emails and make calls without the time you’d spend doing other more pleasant things.

    Minimize your chores

    Cleaning Trick GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

    Chores tend to pile up over the week, resulting in weekends where all you manage to do is clean up and fix stuff around your apartment. To avoid this, try scheduling your chores throughout the week, making them a part of your day to day routine and giving you more time to relax over the weekend.  Laundry can be done in small amount rather than a chunk of a Saturday afternoon.

    Work out

    Happy Tv Land GIF by nobodies. - Find & Share on GIPHY

    Finding the time to exercise is taxing, especially on week days where you have to work and get other things done. Weekends are perfect for clocking in your workouts, giving you tons of time of fit in exercises that feel motivational and much less like chores.

    Do something you’re passionate about

    Beverley Mitchell 90S GIF by Pop TV - Find & Share on GIPHY

    Find time to do something you enjoy, be that drawing, writing, reading, or something else that makes you think and also makes you happy. By doing this activity on the weekend you’ll reap even more benefits because you’ll feel like you’re actually doing something instead of passing the time.

    Try to wake up at the same time

    Sick GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

    RELATED: 5 Products That Can Help Boost Your Productivity

    This is kind of hard but it works if you’re the type of person who has a hard time easing yourself back into the week. Inconsistent wake up times over the weekend disturb your circadian rhythms, resulting in you feeling very tired and groggy despite the fact that you slept more than you do regularly. This uncomfortable feeling can also seep into your Mondays and throw the rest of your week off balance.

    Use your mornings as your “me time”

    Coffee Break Dancing GIF by The Original Donut Shop Coffee - Find & Share on GIPHY

    Your mind achieves peak performance two to four hours after you wake up, resulting in really gratifying morning activities where you’ll get to have better workouts and enjoy whatever it is that you’re doing.

    Prepare for the week

    Bored Gravity Falls GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

    By planning some of your work ahead of time, your weeks will be much more productive. You’ll  skip the entire “set up” stage of your Mondays, jumping right into your work and making your week feel much more pleasant and easy going.

    Resting during the weekend gives your body and mind a chance to recharge and recover from the stresses of the week. This can help you feel more energized and productive when you return to work on Monday. When you’re tired and overworked, it’s easy to become irritable and short-tempered but fully rested improves your mood and outlook.

    Anthony Washington

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  • Is There a ‘Right’ Age for Your Child to Start Dating?

    Is There a ‘Right’ Age for Your Child to Start Dating?

    The question was dreaded, and my daughter waited patiently for her answer. She was ten years old. I may have had a heart attack. After a moment to calm myself, I first inquired why she was asking and was immediately relieved that she wasn’t of the mindset to start dating but that her friend in 4th grade had just announced she had a boyfriend. In addition to that, she reminded me that her cousin had been told she had to be sixteen before she could date.

    My response was to ask her the same questions. “How old do you think you should be before you start dating?”

    She opted for the typical sixteen, probably because that seems to be a norm in many families we’re around. Fast forward, and she’s well on her way to being fifteen, so hypothetically, we’re only about a year and a half away from the magical dating age of sixteen. We had a similar conversation the other day; only I initiated it.

    “So, are you going to start dating when you’re sixteen?”

    She stared at me in shock that I asked and then replied, “Why waste my time?”

    After I got done doing my secret happy dance in the kitchen and throwing broken spaghetti noodles as makeshift confetti, I realized that was an interesting response for a teenage girl to give. I called her back in and asked her why she’d reacted that way.

    “Well, it’s not like I’m going to get married when I’m sixteen. Not to mention, the whole dating thing seems to wreck friendships, and I’d rather not do that when there’s no end game to dating. I’ll wait until I’m older. Like maybe eighteen. When I can start thinking about the long-term.”

    It was all so practical and nonchalant; not the atypical teenager. So I’ll take it. But that brings me to my point. If you asked me today how old my daughter needs to be before I’m comfortable with her dating, I’d say she can make up her own mind at this point going forward. But that’s also because she’s shown a remarkable and, I believe, God-given amount of maturity when weighing the pros and cons of dating as a teenager. Her motivations for dating aren’t status, competition, emotional highs, or hormonal impulses. Right now, anyway, her motivations for dating are to find someone who shares her values, heart, and faith and has an end game in mind.

    So what is it about the magical age of sixteen? I think we’ve landed on applying an age to dating because it sets expectations and, in a way, gives us, as parents, an out for the younger years. Sixteen is the age at which kids begin to drive, often start being employed more consistently, and begin testing the waters more seriously for adulthood. I could make the argument that, based on those pressures alone, adding a relationship and dating is the perfect reason why sixteen is simply too young to date. But I won’t.

    Instead, the argument I’d like to make—or rather the challenge I’d like to put out there for parents—is to avoid the magic age of anything for dating. There’s a lot that goes into teenage relationships. Must I list the pressures? Physical affection, peer pressure, boy/girl dating drama in high school, the added elements of social media, photos, texting, and rumor-mongering, etc. That’s a lot to process as your brain is still developing into adulthood. And truly, what is the end game of a teenage dating relationship? I’ve known two sets of high-school sweethearts in my lifetime that got married. That’s not a strong statistic for a long-term probability of faithfulness.

    That being said, a parent may argue that teenage dating is for learning how to interact with the opposite gender in a relationship construct. They may say teenage dating isn’t meant to be for courtship or marriage, but instead, it’s just for fun, socialization, and the learning experience. And you could be right. I’m not here to argue for or against teenage dating but rather to help us determine the right age to start dating.

    So, as parents, let’s ask ourselves these questions instead:

    Does my child have a track record of integrity and self-control?

    Does my child have enough self-worth to say “no” when it’s needed and to stand up for themselves in the event of abuse, bullying, and so on?

    Does my child respect themself enough to be content as their own individual, or do they example a more needy personality that relies on another person for their contentedness, happiness, and self-worth?

    Does my child have the wherewithal to deny their own emotional impulses?

    Does my child have the ability to set healthy boundaries?

    Does my child have a clear idea of what they want and need in a boyfriend/girlfriend?

    And the list of questions goes on. I realize some of us are reading that list and thinking, “I’m not sure I even fulfill the proper answer to those questions!”

    Therein lies my point. Dating at any age is an ongoing learning process on how to balance relationships, healthy boundaries, faith, emotional and mental health, and spiritual consistency. So as your teenager is developing in these areas on their own, if they begin dating, they’ve now introduced another person into the equation of influencing their development. This can be very positive. It can be very negative. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer.

    And that’s really what it comes down to. I propose that there isn’t one right age for your child to begin dating. It might cause some family strife, but you may have one child who could start responsibly dating by the time they’re fifteen and the other not until they’re seventeen. Of course, once they’re eighteen, you’re pretty much out of luck enforcing anything, and some of us aren’t sure our twenty-some-year-olds should be dating yet.

    The key is helping prepare your children for dating. Taking that list of questions and being conscientious in helping them learn those qualities, establish those beliefs and philosophies, and build their own sets of boundaries.

    As someone who was in youth ministry for over twenty years, I saw far too many teenage dating relationships begin on the endorphin rush of “he/she is cute” and the adrenaline of being able to announce to peers that “I’m dating so and so.” Those relationships typically crash and burn fast, resulting in “cheating” (not even sexually, but when a boy texts another girl, cheating has occurred), and then the gossip and chatter begin among the peers, which only exacerbates the situation. I’ve also seen some healthy teenage dating relationships that didn’t end in marriage but maybe lasted eight months to a year. But those relationships had healthy boundaries the teenagers set for themselves and their parents set for them. Those teenagers also typically had healthy relationships with their parents and a foundational base of their own faith and self-esteem that they weren’t relying on their dating partner to create their value.

    So as a parent, be careful of choosing an “age” when dating is “okay.” Your teenager may not be ready yet, and when you get there, you might regret ever setting that criteria. On the flip side, your teenager may be mature and ready to explore relationships in a healthy way that isn’t detrimental to their development. It might seem a tad overbearing at that point to hold the age of 18 over them as the age they can choose to date and there’s no dating allowed as a teenager prior.

    Take your time to know your child. Take the time to instill values in them and truly ask yourself the questions that will help you identify if your child has reached the level of maturity to handle a relationship responsibly.

    Will there be break-ups? Most likely. Broken hearts? Probably. Mistakes made? Inevitably. But the foundation of your child plays a big part in how severe those -lys become. So be cautious of identifying one right age, and instead, identify your child’s character and maturity, and go from there.

    RELATED PODCAST:

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Rawpixel

    Jaime Jo Wright is an ECPA and Publisher’s Weekly bestselling author. Her novel “The House on Foster Hill” won the prestigious Christy Award and she continues to publish Gothic thrillers for the inspirational market. Jaime Jo resides in the woods of Wisconsin, lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures at jaimewrightbooks.com and at her podcast madlitmusings.com where she discusses the deeper issues of story and faith with fellow authors.

    Jaime Jo Wright

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  • How to Turn Off Facebook’s Two-Factor Authentication Change

    How to Turn Off Facebook’s Two-Factor Authentication Change

    Meta changed how two-factor authentication works for Facebook and Instagram last year. You might have received notifications about this, but it was easy to miss in the platform’s sea of red alerts. OK, so what’s different? “Any devices you’ve frequently used Facebook on in the past two years will be automatically trusted,” reads Meta’s updated settings page. Your smartphone and laptop may not need a 2FA code to log in, unless you go into your settings and opt out.

    Over time, Meta has made multiple tweaks to how it deploys 2FA. In 2018, it started to allow 2FA codes generated by third-party apps. A few years later, the company began requiring more vulnerable accounts to activate 2FA protection. The company faces a tricky balance between making it easy to log in to your account and protecting users from losing control of their online identities.

    Enabling 2FA is a basic way to improve the security of any online profile, since it adds an extra layer of difficulty for hackers trying to break into your account. “The role two-factor plays is, basically, to assume that at some point your password is going to be known by someone else,” said Casey Ellis, founder and chief strategy officer at Bugcrowd, a crowdsourced security company that has previously collaborated with Facebook. “You don’t have control over when or how that happens.” For users, this fallback measure is often as easy as copying and pasting a quick code from within a smartphone app, like Google Authenticator.

    Anyone with a social media account on Facebook or Instagram needs to go ahead and turn on two-factor authentication in their privacy settings. No shame if you haven’t, but do it right now by logging in to your Account Center, clicking Password and security, then Two-factor authentication.

    Now that you’ve got it all set up, here’s what was changed with Meta’s 2FA process: It’s no longer activated anywhere you often used Facebook or Instagram in the past two years, from previous-generation smartphones to hand-me-down laptops.

    What’s the reasoning for this adjustment? “As part of our continuous work to balance account security and accessibility, we’re letting people know that we’ll be treating the devices they frequently use to log in to Facebook as trusted,” said Erin McPike, a Meta spokesperson.

    Facebook via Reece Rogers

    Reece Rogers

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  • Ask Amy: Daughter with bad news won’t be Debbie Downer

    Ask Amy: Daughter with bad news won’t be Debbie Downer

    Dear Amy: My father is on the far side of a debilitating and eventually terminal neurological disorder. He’s not able to dress himself anymore, his language is mostly gone, and it’s generally sad and depressing all around. My mother is his full-time caregiver, and my siblings and I all live in different states.

    I am often asked by friends, extended family, coworkers etc., “How’s your dad doing?” or, “How are your parents?,” especially after I return from a visit home.

    After years of trying to spin things more positively than truthfully, I’ve been defaulting lately to, “Not good” or “He’s worse; he’ll never be better.”

    These responses typically make people grimace or apologize. I certainly don’t intend to bring on this response.

    My question to you: Is there a better way to answer this question honestly without being a real Debbie Downer?

    The people asking already know about his condition, so they aren’t expecting sunshine and rainbows, but I know that just because I’ve fully accepted how bad things are doesn’t mean other people want an honest answer from me.

    Follow up question: When people apologize regarding his condition, how am I supposed to respond?

    I usually shrug and say that I’m at peace with the situation, but again, this seems needlessly awkward and often makes me feel (and probably appear) callous.

    — Depressing (but not depressed!) Daughter

    Dear Daughter: I’m so sorry you are going through this.

    Do you perceive that statement as an apology? Because it is not. In this context, “I’m sorry” is an expression of commiseration and empathy. Your friends are saying “I’m sorry this is happening.” Because they are.





    Amy Dickinson

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  • 6 Aspects Of A Balanced Person: A Complete Picture of Well-Being

    6 Aspects Of A Balanced Person: A Complete Picture of Well-Being



    What are the six aspects of a balanced person? Physical, mental, emotional, social, work/financial, and meaning/spiritual. Learn more about each one and how to improve it!


    In life, there isn’t one single area that we need to focus on that is going to magically fix all of our problems.

    Instead there are multiple dimensions behind every “good life.” Each dimension requires our attention and each contributes to our overall happiness and well-being.

    Here are six aspects of life that come together to create a “balanced person.” By being more aware of these different dimensions in life, we can determine which areas we need to focus on more and work to improve.

    The different aspects of a balanced person include: 1) Physical, 2) Mental, 3) Emotional, 4) Social, 5) Work/Financial and 6) Meaning/Spiritual.

    If we focus too much on any one area, then we risk neglecting another one. For example, if you become solely focused on just work and money, you may end up spending less time taking care of your physical and mental health, or less quality time with family and friends.

    This is a common trap people fall into. They focus all of their energy and effort into one area in life while completely ignoring another. Often they need to reconfigure their core values and priorities before making a meaningful change.

    This is why practicing balance in all things is so important.

    Each of these areas is one piece of a much larger puzzle, and only when you have all of these areas working together harmoniously can you finally build a complete life that serves all of your needs.

    Here’s a detailed breakdown of each aspect of a “balanced person,” along with tips, tools, and practical advice on how you can start improving each one.

    While reading ask yourself, “Which aspect do I need to focus on the most right now? What’s one small change I can make to improve that area?”

    Now let’s dive in…

    1. PHYSICAL WELL-BEING

    health

    The “physical” aspect of life is all about taking care of our health, especially exercise, diet, and sleep.

    This includes what types of foods and drinks we consume on a daily basis, how often we exercise and keep our bodies moving, personal hygiene and cleanliness, as well as minimizing alcohol, smoking, and other harmful habits to our physical health.

    Our body is one of the most precious gifts we have – and without it we can’t exist. If we don’t stay healthy, we often can’t fully enjoy all the other aspects of life such as family, work, traveling, or leisure.

    Our health can often have a spillover effect into all the other aspects of our lives – for that reason, taking care of our physical health is often an essential first step on any road to self-improvement.

    No matter what the current state of our health is, it’s never too late to start changing our habits, even if it’s something small like stretching in the morning, taking daily walks outside, or starting an active hobby like Yoga, marathon running, or playing sports.

    A healthy body is a healthy mind. When we take better care of our bodies, we also feel more confident, motivated, and energized overall. That’s the beginning of bringing out your best self.


    Things to do:

    • Identify small ways to be more physically active. Often our days are filled with opportunities to be more active, we just need to take advantage of them. Try to cultivate an “everything counts” mindset when it comes to exercise, even if it just means taking a walk around the block, or stretching in the morning, or doing push-ups before lunch. Any physical activity is better than none at all – so seek out small and convenient ways to keep your body moving throughout the day. If you find yourself sitting for long periods of time, get up and do chores, take a walk around the office, or make a phone call while standing up. A sedentary lifestyle is one of the biggest risk factors when it comes to poor health, so finding any reason to stand up more is better than sitting.
    • Find exercise that “clicks” with you and your personality. Different things work for different people. Some people need to commit themselves to a gym membership to get themselves off the couch, while others prefer to work out in the comfort of their own homes. Your personality shapes what exercise you like, so it’s important you find activities that resonate and “click” with you, rather than trying to force yourself to do something you really don’t enjoy. All you need is that one hobby to take your fitness to the next level, whether it be finding an enjoyable sport (like Tennis, or Baseball, or Basketball), or even exercising through video games (such as Wii Fit or Dance Dance Revolution). Try to think of physical activities you enjoyed as a kid, that can often be a good place to rekindle motivation.
    • Keep a healthy and consistent sleep schedule. Sleep is one of the most important habits when it comes to your overall physical and mental health. Research shows that those who don’t get sufficient sleep (between 6-10 hours every night) often suffer worse health outcomes like a weaker immune system, higher risk of obesity, lower energy and stamina, and more stress and anxiety. If your sleep habits aren’t healthy or consistent, it will likely have a negative “ripple effect” on almost every other aspect of your day. When you’re tired and fatigued, you’re more likely to make mistakes at work or argue with your spouse. It’s important not only to get between 6-10 hours of sleep each night, but also to maintain a consistent schedule. If you don’t sleep much on the weekends, it’s difficult to “catch up” on those lost hours throughout the week. Try to go to bed and wake up around the same time each day if possible. Here are more important lessons behind a good night’s sleep, including recognizing that some people are natural “early birds” or “night owls,” and that’s something you need to recognize and work with.
    • Pay attention to your food and diet. There are many different diets out there to choose from – and people can have long debates about which one is better – but the most important thing is to not eat too much, especially junk food, fast food, soda, sweets, and lots of processed food. Use your commonsense. Experiment with different diet changes and see what works best for you. Different diets work better for different people – so there’s no “one size fits all” solution to what exactly you should eat or not eat. One simple diet change is to substitute all your soda/juice/sugary drinks with water instead. Drinking plenty of water is never a bad place to start – most people don’t recognize how dehydrated they can be throughout the day and how it effects them. If you’re trying to lose weight, one popular option you can consider is intermittent fasting where you allow yourself to eat for an 8 hour window each day and fast for the remaining 16 hours. You can also try the “One Meal A Day” approach, where you restrict yourself to just one big meal (with minimal snacking). In general, pay attention to how your body responds to the things you eat: What foods leave you tired and feeling like crap? What foods make you energized and feeling good?
    • Take care of personal hygiene and cleanliness. Proper hygiene is another important aspect of physical health. While it can seem like commonsense, basic habits like taking a shower, brushing your teeth, getting a haircut, trimming your nails, and washing your face are are all important things not to neglect. Not only does cleanliness prevent you from catching germs and getting sick, you also feel better about yourself when you present yourself in the best way possible (and smell good). Often we are surprised by how much better we feel after a fresh new haircut, or clean new clothes, or new cologne/perfume. When mental health is low, we sometimes neglect these basic habits out of laziness or apathy, which is why they are a crucial first step in self-improvement if we aren’t paying enough attention to them.
    • Minimize your bad habits. No one is 100% perfect and we all have a couple bad habits, whether it be eating too many sweets, or drinking alcohol, or staying up late, or smoking cigarettes. In general, it’s important to quit (or minimize) our unhealthy habits as much as possible. “Choose your crutches wisely.” Keep in mind the long-term consequences of your habits – while it may not feel like they are hurting you right now, their effects can often catch up to you in the future. When trying to quit any bad habit, identify your triggers and work from there to change to change your patterns. Often by creating more boundaries between you and your bad habits, you can overcome your urge to do them (until it’s no longer an automatic habit anymore). If you find that you have a serious problem with addiction or drug abuse, consider professional help (such as a therapist, psychologist, or counselor) – there are often local resources available in your area if you do a quick search.

    Please don’t underestimate the importance of keeping your body in the best shape possible. As Socrates famously said, “No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”

    Physical health is about much more than just looking and feeling good about yourself – it’s about living a life of vitality and longevity. You can have everything else in your life figured out, but if you don’t maintain your health you won’t be around very long to use or enjoy it.

    2. MENTAL WELL-BEING

    mental

    If you don’t take care of your body then it will slowly deteriorate – and the same is true for your mind.

    Just because you don’t have to go to school anymore doesn’t mean you can’t keep learning new things, keeping your brain sharp, and challenging your intellect.

    Reading books. Learning about new topics. Having deep conversations. Attending lectures and workshops. Following the news. These are all commonsense ways to keep our minds active and continue to update our knowledge and belief system as we move through life.

    Learning is a lifelong endeavor. Balanced people are always seeking new things to dig into and learn more about like a new hobby, new game, or new skill such as painting, chess, learning a new language, or playing a musical instrument.

    In addition, research shows that continuing to challenge our brain is an important way to prevent cognitive decline as we get older, including lower the risk of dementia and memory loss.


    Things to do:

    • Read more books. Reading is one of the best ways to keep your mind sharp and learn new things. Nonfiction books about science, history, philosophy, or self help can grow your knowledge and broaden your perspective on life; and reading fiction has been shown to have many cognitive benefits such as boosting empathy, creative thinking, and expanding your vocabulary. If you haven’t read a book in awhile, try to make it a goal to read at least one book this year. You can start with a book you already own but never got a chance to read, or ask a friend for a book recommendation, or get a card from your local library and explore countless books for free. Find a topic or subject that interests you and start there!
    • Learn a new skill. Learning multiple skills is a hallmark of being a balanced and well-rounded person. It’s never too late in life to dive into something completely new, such as playing a musical instrument, learning a new language, writing poetry, painting, or playing chess. A jack of all trades mindset can make you stand-out from others in unique ways. Many people have a talent or passion for at least one thing, but when you start combining talents and cultivating multiple interests it shows your range and flexibility as a person. Don’t limit yourself. There’s no pressure to become a “professional” or “expert” in everything you do, just stay on a learning path, have fun while doing it, and enjoy seeing the growth as you go.
    • Watch documentaries. Documentaries are a fun and easy way to explore new topics and learn about interesting things you otherwise wouldn’t experience. Depending on what you like, there are many different subjects to choose from: history, sports, biographies, science, inspirational stories, or nature documentaries (which have also been shown to boost positive emotions like joy, gratitude, and awe). I’ve made a lengthy list of recommended documentaries which I try to keep updated as I discover new ones. Check it out and choose one that catches your eye!
    • Monitor your information diet. Our current world is overloaded with information, including a lot that is wrong, misleading, or straight up lies and propaganda. Now more than ever we need to pay close attention to the information we consume on a daily basis. Try to find trustworthy news and educational sites where you can easily verify what they are saying from other sources. Beware of going down esoteric “rabbit holes” where people only confirm their own biases and beliefs. Actively seek out information from multiple sides so you’re at least aware of different perspectives and counter-arguments. The information pyramid is a great guide on how you should prioritize certain sources over others. In general, a peer-reviewed scientific study should be given more weight than some random influencer on social media. Keep in mind it’s also possible to consume too much and become an information junkie, where you’re addicted to learning new things, but you never act on it or put it into practice.
    • Spend time in active reflection. Give yourself time to think and digest, even if it’s just for 10 minutes while sitting with your first cup of coffee in the morning. You don’t always need to be filling your brain with facts to be a smarter person, you also need to know how to step back and contemplate what you know. Active and engaged minds are always taking advantage of opportunities for everyday reflection when sitting on the bus, taking a shower, or walking the dog. Often your best ideas and insights come in moments when you’re not trying to solve a problem directly but just mulling it over in your mind. Schedule time for solitude every now and then and don’t be afraid to sit alone with your thoughts.
    • Learn how your mind works. One essential component to being a more intelligent thinker is knowing how your mind works. We naturally believe we understand ourselves best, but psychology and neuroscience can sometimes reveal counter-intuitive facts and tendencies. To start, our minds are very susceptible to cognitive biases and logical fallacies that can muddy our thinking and understanding of reality. One of the most common errors is black and white thinking, where we believe a situation needs to be either “A” or “B,” but a third perspective, “C,” is the more accurate view. Our minds like to over-simplify things when reality can often be more nuanced and complex. Show intellectual humility. Be open to being wrong and be open to changing your mind in the face of new evidence and experience.

    Take your education seriously. Maintain a healthy and active brain. Even if you were never a good student in school, that doesn’t mean you can’t improve your knowledge and intelligence, especially once you find subjects you are deeply passionate about. Benjamin Franklin once said, “An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.”

    3. EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING

    emotional

    In the “Mental” section we covered how to keep our brains active and be more intelligent thinkers, but there’s also a whole other side of our psychology that we need to pay attention to as well: our “Emotional” side.

    Emotions can often seem like something that we have limited power over, but being a more emotionally intelligent person means becoming more self-aware and learning how to better respond to our emotions in the moment.

    We can’t ignore our emotions or push them aside forever, they are a necessary facet of life and we must learn to navigate our emotional world effectively if we want to live the best life possible.

    Remember that emotions are a resource, not a crutch. Every emotion serves a function or purpose, and if we channel our emotions in a constructive direction we can make great things happen.

    One important lesson is that even negative emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, or fear are helpful to a better life if we approach them from the right perspective.


    Things to do:

    • Learn the basics of emotional intelligence. There are 4 fundamental pillars of emotional intelligence that we need to cultivate: 1) Self-awareness (recognizing our emotions when they happen), 2) Self-regulation (knowing how to respond to our emotions and channel them in a positive direction, 3) Empathy (being aware of other people’s emotions and internal states), and 4) Social Skills (knowing how to respond to other people’s emotions in a healthy and constructive way). Certain people may be strong at some of these and not for others. For example, someone may be really empathetic and caring, but not know how to regulate their own mood and emotions, leading to burnout and emotional fatigue. An emotionally intelligent person must work on all four of these pillars.
    • Improve body awareness. All emotions have a physical component to them. When you learn how to identify the physical sensations behind each emotion, you’ll be much more attuned to your feelings in the moment as you’re experiencing them. This helps you to be more aware of your feelings before acting on them, and to recognize how emotions often want to push or pull you in a certain direction (“do this” vs. “don’t do that”). Every feeling serves a different function depending on its emotional valence (“positive” vs. “negative”) and arousal level (“high energy” vs. “low energy”). With practice, this improved body awareness can also boost your intuition, making you a better reader of your “gut feelings” and what they are telling you.
    • Learn to channel negative emotions. Negative emotions can serve a positive function if you know how to respond to them in a constructive way. If you struggle with any specific negative emotion (sadness, fear, guilt, or anger), then create a plan for how you will respond to it the next time it arises. For example, “If I’m angry, then I’ll go exercise,” or “If I’m sad, then I’ll write in my journal.” Emotions are energy that can be channeled in multiple directions. Write a list of the many ways you can respond to any negative emotion. Remind yourself you have a choice, and you don’t have to keep following the same pattern between negative emotion → negative behavior. One popular technique is opposite action, where you intentionally do the opposite of what a feeling is telling you to do (to reverse the cycle of negativity).
    • Practice meditation and daily mindfulness. Meditation is a great avenue for better understanding and regulating your emotions. It teaches you how to step back and just observe your thoughts and feelings without needing to immediately react to them. This space between “feelings” and “actions” is crucial for being a more emotionally intelligent person; it’s the main principle behind discipline, willpower, and self-control. Never forget that just because you feel a certain way doesn’t mean you need to act on it. If you’re completely new to meditation, start with the 100 breaths meditation – a simple exercise where you just focus on your breathing. It’s also helpful to learn grounding techniques for when you feel overwhelmed, such as mindful stretching or a 5 senses meditation.
    • Embrace creative expression. It’s difficult to describe many emotions with only words so it’s important to embrace other ways of expressing yourself, such as through music, photography, dance, painting, drawing, acting, or film. Often when I meet people who don’t feel fully connected to their emotional self, they usually lack ways of expressing themselves through art and creativity. A creative outlet is often a prerequisite to better understanding and navigating your emotional world, even if you don’t typically think of yourself as a “creative person.”
    • Savor all of your positive experiences. Life is filled with many joys and pleasures throughout the day and we should try to savor them as much as possible. We have many positive emotions to choose from – joy, gratitude, peace, awe, excitement, laughter, and wonder – and there are a variety of activities that can lead to more positive emodiversity in our lives. Don’t just chase after the same positive experiences over and over again, seek new experiences, new hobbies, and new ways of enjoying life. Learn how to savor happiness as much as possible by being more present in the moment, creating positive memories, and reminiscing on good times.
    • Relax and manage daily stress. Last but not least, it’s necessary we cover stress management as an essential component to mental health and emotional intelligence. Stress is a normal part of everyday life, but if you don’t know how to manage it in a healthy way it can often have a negative influence on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors by making you more sensitive, irritable, angry, and bothered (even by little things that don’t really matter). Recognize when to push yourself vs. when to step back and recharge. In the complete guide on daily stress, you’ll find a great framework for reframing your “fight, flight, or freeze” response by viewing stress as a signal to pay attention to and guide you throughout the day. Don’t underestimate the importance of your comfort zone and use it as a place to recharge after a challenging or overwhelming day.

    Emotions can “make us” or “break us” depending on how emotionally intelligent we are. They are a fundamental part of life, but we often have more power over them than we realize. Learn how to channel your emotions in a healthy and constructive way – become a master of them, not a slave to them.

    4. SOCIAL WELL-BEING

    social

    Healthy and positive relationships are an essential ingredient to happiness and well-being.

    No matter who you are, you crave some type of social connection; even the most introverted person on the planet will have a tough time finding happiness all by themselves.

    There used to be a time when I believed “I don’t need people to be happy, all I need is myself.” But over the years I’ve learned more and more that having social support and a sense of belonging is a basic human need that can’t be avoided.

    How strong is your current social circle? Here’s advice to get you started.


    Things to do:

    • Stay connected with friends and family. You should try your best to stay in touch with people who you already have a strong relationship with, especially family and old friends. There’s a simple power in checking in on people and preserving social connections you’ve already established. It doesn’t take much time or effort to show you’re thinking about someone: a simple text, email, or phone call is all you need to let people know you still care and value your relationship with them. You’d be surprised by how much other people appreciate you reaching out to them, even if you haven’t spoken to them in a really long time.
    • Embrace small social interactions. Every time you leave your home, there is opportunity for social interaction. To build your social muscles, embrace the power of 10 second relationships, such as saying “Hi,” to a neighbor or coworker, small talk with a cashier or cab driver, or sparking up a quick conversation while waiting for the train or bus. Research shows even super tiny social interactions can boost positive emotions and feelings of social connectedness. This can also be a great exercise for people who are very introverted (or have a lot of social anxiety) and want to start being a more social person. Make a plan to have a pleasant interaction with at least one new person every day.
    • Learn how to have endless conversations. One big concern for people when it comes to meeting new people is, “What do I say? What if I run out of things to talk about?” One popular technique known as conversation threading provides an excellent framework so that you never run out of topics to talk about. The basic idea is that every sentence contains multiple “threads” we can go down, and often the art of good conversation is being able to 1) Listen to what people say, and 2) Choose a thread to talk more about. Rinse and repeat and a conversation can go on forever. Also consider improvisation exercises so that you can be a faster and more creative thinker in the moment.
    • Improve communication and conflict resolution. It’s a cliché, but communication is everything in relationships. If you don’t know how to express your thoughts and feelings in an honest and constructive way, you’ll have trouble building genuine and healthy connections with others at home, work, or wherever you need to cooperate and work together with people. In romantic relationships, it’s important to know how to communicate your feelings without manipulating or being dramatic. In family and work environments, it’s important to know how to defuse heated arguments before they spiral out of control. The truth is people can be difficult and you’re not going to like everyone’s company. That’s natural. Conflicts have the potential to arise in any social situation, because people have different beliefs, values, and personalities that may be incompatible with each other. What’s most important is to teach yourself the best methods for conflict resolution so you can better navigate the complexities of your social world.
    • Find opportunities to meet new people. Most people make friends through work or school. Once we get older, it can become more difficult to find new connections or become a part of new social circles. Recent research shows that most adults claim to have “less than 5 close friends.” If you’re looking to expand your circle, there are many opportunities available to you. Depending on your likes, hobbies, and interests, consider going out more to music shows, bars, coffee shops, workshops, church/religious services, bowling leagues, adult education classes, sports events, or book clubs. Seek out local groups in your area or volunteer somewhere. You can also take advantage of websites like Meet Up to connect with like-minded people who live close-by. All it takes is one new friend to introduce you to an entirely new social circle. Be patient and don’t worry if you don’t initially hit it off with the first couple people you meet. Finding the right relationships that fit into our lives can take time.
    • Use social media and the internet to connect. The internet can be a great place to connect with like-minded people who we’d never meet in the real world. Online communities on social media, message boards, or video games can often provide a valuable source of social interaction, especially for people who don’t have many “real life” friends. The internet can be particularly helpful for connecting with others who have rare or eccentric hobbies, such as fans of a specific author, athlete, music genre, or comic book franchise. Unfortunately, many online communities can also become negative, competitive, and toxic (see the online disinhibition effect), so it’s necessary you build a positive digital environment that works for you. That doesn’t mean hiding in your own “echo chamber,” but it does mean cultivating a feed and followers who ultimately add value to your life and don’t subtract it. First focus on topics you’re naturally interested in such as science, technology, sports, or movies. Try not to be a passive consumer of information, actively enter conversations by asking questions or sharing knowledge with others. Often times we can build meaningful connections with people online that are just as important as those we find in the real world. However, while online relationships can have many benefits, we shouldn’t see them as a substitute for real world “face to face” interactions.

    Always remember that quality of relationships > quantity of relationships.

    You don’t need to be super popular or the life of the party to have a healthy social life. All you need is a couple really close friends who support you, trust you, and enjoy your presence. That’s everything you need to be socially satisfied.

    Healthy relationships are a fundamental aspect of happiness and well-being for everyone. Our need to belong to a “tribe” or group is hardwired into our brain, biology, and evolution. Like every other aspect of a balanced person, it can’t be ignored.

    Are your daily social needs being fulfilled?

    5. WORK / FINANCIAL WELL-BEING

    work

    Another fundamental aspect of a balanced person is work, money, and material concerns.

    At the most basic level, we depend on food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, and other necessities so we can live a healthy and dignified life.

    People that struggle to make a living can often hurt in many other areas: physical health (can’t afford good foods, healthcare, or medicine), relationships (can’t support family, no money for dating), as well as our mental and emotional well-being (stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem).

    Unless you win the lottery or have someone else to provide for you, finding a steady job or career is often one of the most focused on areas in life. From childhood up until we finish high school or college, we are constantly asked, “What do you want to do for a living?”

    A few people find jobs they love, many find jobs they like, and most find jobs they can at least tolerate. Balancing psychological needs with financial needs can be a difficult task depending on your current situation.

    While we don’t always get a choice in what we do for a living, there are important ways to give ourselves more power over our work life and financial life. Here are important guidelines to keep in mind.


    Things to do:

    • Focus on your strengths. Everyone has a place in this world where they add value. Before you decide what type of work you’d like to do for a living, it’s important to know what your natural strengths, skills, and talents are. If you’re friendly and good with people, you may excel at managing, customer service, or human resources type jobs. If you’re more introverted and creative, you may want to focus on writing, graphic design, computer programming, or freelance work. What type of activities are you typically good at (or at least above average)? What were your best subjects in school? What do you enjoy doing and why? Complete the strengths worksheet to discover more about your natural skillset. Ultimately, knowing your strengths will influence what types of jobs or career choices will suit you best – including where you contribute the most value.
    • Value education and experience. No matter what your job is, there are always new ways to learn and improve. The best workers in life are those who are always growing and mastering their craft. College is still an important part of education, but what’s even more important is to stay self-motivated and continue learning after school. Many people I know have landed successful jobs that had virtually nothing to do with what they studied in college. In several cases, they were people who taught themselves coding/programming, built a portfolio to show their work to potential employers, and climbed their way up the company ladder from there. All self-taught. You can also consider going to trade schools, workshops, mentorships, internships, and other forms of gaining knowledge and experience that are outside of the traditional college model. Any work experience is better than none at all – you just need to start somewhere and begin building yourself up.
    • Make the most of your job. While it’s rare for any of us to get our “dream job,” we can always make the most of our work life by being a good employee and doing our best. Use nudges to keep yourself motivated and productive throughout the day, learn mental strategies for getting things done that you normally “don’t like” doing, and make friends at work with bosses, coworkers, clients, or customers, because those are the people you’re going to be spending a lot of time with and it’s crucial you have healthy and functioning relationships with them. No matter what your job is try to see the underlying purpose or meaning behind it. What value does it add to the world? Are you proud of the work you do?
    • Live within your means. Regardless of how much money you make, one of the most commonsense rules for financial well-being is living within your means. This includes keeping a budget that you can maintain (for food, rent/mortgage, bills, gas, clothes, and leisure expenses), and not buying too much stuff you can’t immediately afford. Debt can be common at some point in our lives (due to student loans, credit card debt, medical emergencies, etc.), but try to be mindful to not put yourself in a hole that you can’t climb out of. Avoid luxury expenses that put you at financial risk. We sometimes over-extend ourselves due to social comparison and a “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality. We think if our friend or neighbor gets a brand new car or goes on an expensive trip, then we need to “one-up” them with a similar purchase. Many times people fall into massive debt because they are trying to chase status, fame, luxury, or exorbitant pleasures. In general, keep track of all your monthly expenses and find ways to cut back on spending that isn’t necessary. Learn about spending biases that can lead to overconsumption (like the allure of “FREE!,” the “Relativity Trap,” and “One Click” purchases). Big corporations are masters of psychology and persuasion. If we aren’t vigilant about our spending habits (especially if you enjoy retail therapy), then we’ll often fall for tricks that cause us to spend more money than we should.
    • Create a healthy relationship with material things. This article is about being a balanced person. Work and money are very important aspects of life, but materialistic beliefs can also backfire to hurt us. No one lays down on their deathbed wishing they spent more time in the office. Work-a-holics can end up focusing so much on their career that they neglect giving enough attention to their family, health, and well-being. Never forget that there is a lot more to a good life than just money and material things, despite what you may see glamorized in movies, TV shows, or commercials. Psychology research shows that after a certain point, increased wealth and income has very little effect on our overall happiness and life satisfaction. Being rich sounds awesome, but it won’t necessarily make you any happier than if you earned less with a stable and secure life. Take the materialism quiz to see if you have a healthy relationship with money and stuff.

    Remember, money is important but it isn’t everything.

    Financial well-being will often look radically different depending on the person. Certain people may be content with modest and minimal living, while others crave more luxury, adventure, and pleasure. Whichever lifestyle you choose, it’s necessary that money finds the proper role in your life without being completely consumed by it.

    One succinct way to define true financial well-being is “not needing to think about money all the time.”

    6. MEANINGFUL / SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING

    spiritual

    The meaningful or spiritual aspects of life can often be overlooked.

    We may occasionally ask ourselves big questions like, “Who am I?” “Why am I here?” or “What’s my purpose?” but we rarely translate these questions into our daily lives through action.

    For many people, religion is their main source of spirituality and meaning. Attending church, being part of a local community, prayer, and volunteering or giving to charities are common ways people boost meaning in their daily lives. Religion has been shown to improve happiness and well-being by creating a strong sense of purpose and community.

    However, we don’t need religion to have a meaningful life. There are many other sources of meaning, including art, culture, philosophy, literature, music, relationships, activism, introspection, and creativity.

    Where do you get your meaning in life?


    Things to do:

    • Learn the pillars of a meaningful life. One excellent guide on how to live a meaningful life outlines five different pillars to focus on, including 1) A sense of belonging (having healthy relationships with those around you), 2) A sense of purpose (feeling that you contribute to a larger whole), 3) Storytelling (the life story we tell about ourselves, as well as stories and myths about the world we live in), 4) Transcendence (experiencing “awe” and “inspiration” in the presence of great things), 5) Growth (having a sense that you are evolving and moving forward as a person). All five pillars contribute to a rich and meaningful existence.
    • Spend more time in nature. Nature reminds us that we are part of something larger than ourselves, a whole process known as “life.” Nature is a fantastic source of meaning because it continuously inspires positive emotions like joy, amazement, gratitude, and awe. The best part is that nature is all around us – we don’t need to plan a weekend camping trip to experience it – instead just pay attention to everyday nature that is all around you: trees on the drive to work, birdwatching in your backyard, or spending time in your garden over the summer. Having pets to care for is another easy and wonderful source of nature and connection, even if it’s just a small fish tank to maintain. Nature also includes enjoying the beauty of a nice view such as sunrises, sunsets, mountaintops, storm watching, and star-gazing.
    • Take a complete picture perspective. Finding meaning requires being able to look at things from a big picture perspective. What influence do your actions have in the long-term? What type of impact will you leave on the world after you die? When you keep the complete picture in mind, you recognize that even super small actions can add up and have big results in the future. Your life doesn’t begin at birth nor end at death, you are part of an intergenerational chain of cause-and-effect that has stretched thousands of years. That’s a powerful thought if you can see the true significance behind it.
    • Embrace art, music, and culture. Artists are the creators of new meanings, especially famous painters, musicians, filmmakers, photographers, authors, playwrights, and dancers. Pursuing a creative hobby of your own is one fantastic way to infuse new meaning into your life. You can also embrace art and culture more by going to museums, art galleries, music concerts, and theaters. A lot of beautiful art is archived in online art and cultural exhibits, so you can discover a lot of new inspiration by just sitting in the comfort of your own home. Artists of all forms teach us how universal the human condition is. It’s a huge inspirational boost when you realize a book written over a hundred years ago resonates exactly with how you feel today. One of my strongest memories is attending a music concert of my favorite band with thousands of others listening and singing along. Creativity is one of humanity’s greatest gifts and there’s a lot of wisdom, beauty, and feelings of universal connection it can offer us.
    • Signs, symbols, and synchronicity. A meaningful life can be more about feeling inspiration and empowerment rather than thinking only logically and factually about the world. Embrace things you can’t always explain. If you feel like you’re getting a “sign” from the universe, accept it. Our minds often think unconsciously through the power of symbols, especially through reoccurring dreams or nightmares that may be trying to tell you something important. Meaning can be created anywhere if you have the right perspective. Many of my favorite moments in life are when I experience synchronicity, which is finding a connection between two things that seem completely unrelated at first. For example, if I start reading a book and then someone brings up the same book randomly the next day, I try to see that as a sign that I’m on the right path. It may or may not be true, but it is a simple and easy way to add more meaning to the little things in life.
    • Have faith that life is good. Faith may not have any role in science, but it does play an important role in good living. At the end of the day, one of the most important beliefs we can have is that “life is good” and things will generally work out in the end. One of my personal favorite quotes is, “Pray to God, but row to shore.” It shows us to have hope and faith in life, but still take action and try our best in the moment. Both faith and action are necessary ingredients to a happy and fulfilling life. A belief in God or a higher power can make this whole process easier. However, even if you can’t bring yourself to accept “metaphysical” or “supernatural” ideas, at least try to sense the oneness and interconnectedness of all things. These ideas are an endless source of power, strength, and resilience, even in the face of incredible hardships and tribulations.

    A “meaningful life” can be one of the most difficult areas of life to improve, especially while living in a world that is filled with nihilism, hedonism, and materialism.

    However, once you build a strong spiritual core you can withstand almost any difficulty or hardship. It can empower you to a whole new level that non-spiritual people don’t usually have access to.

    CONCLUSION

    To sum things up we must invest time and energy in all six of these aspects if we want to live a happy and balanced life.

    Once again, these six aspects of a balanced life include: 1) Physical, 2) Mental, 3) Emotional, 4) Social, 5) Work/Financial, and 6) Meaningful/Spiritual.

    Which area are you the strongest in? Which area are you the weakest in?

    Keep this framework in mind as you embark on a lifetime of self-improvement. Try the Daily Routine (PDF) exercise and use this resource as a guideline.


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    Steven Handel

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  • Yikes! Mother Goes Viral For Seeking Advice After Her Father-In-Law Unknowingly Drank Her Breast Milk

    Yikes! Mother Goes Viral For Seeking Advice After Her Father-In-Law Unknowingly Drank Her Breast Milk

    A mother on Reddit is going viral after seeking advice following a mishap with her breast milk.

    RELATED: Reese Witherspoon Responds To Fans Concerned She Consumed “Dirty” Snow In Viral TikTok (Video)

    Here’s What Happened With The Mother & Her Breast Milk

    On Wednesday, January 24, Reddit user @Admirable_Medicine71 took to the platform to share a discussion under a forum. The forum is titled “AITA,” which stands for “Am I the a**h**e?” and serves as a space for users to share real-life scenarios and ask fellow users if they’re “in the wrong,” per Golf Digest.

    In the forum, the mother explained that one of her children is fifteen months old. However, she is still nursing him and uses her breastmilk in his cereal and other recipes she makes for him.

    The mother shared that her in-laws are currently staying with her and her family.

    One day, she put her son and his high chair, fed him cereal, and “left him to his own devices.” Additionally, she explained that her father-in-law was also in the kitchen.

    When she returns, she finds her father-in-law finishing her son’s cereal.

    “I laughed a little but went along with my morning,” she continued.

    When she and her in-laws all sat down, her father-in-law commented on the milk in her son’s cereal “tasting weird.” He then asked if she noticed that the milk tasted off.

    “I then told him that he had breastmilk in his, our milk isn’t off,” she wrote.

    More Details On The Father-In-Law’s Reaction

    From there, the mother shared that her father-in-law looked like he was going to “keel over and vomit.” He then asked her why she watched him drink the milk without telling him it was her breast milk.

    The woman’s mother-in-law also agreed and explained how her husband usually “finishes’ everyones meals.”

    Additionally, the mother-in-law agreed that the woman should have been more forthcoming.

    “I do agree that I should have at least told him when he was eating but tbh I thought he saw me tip it from the bottle,” the woman went on to explain. ”

    My husband is on damage control and has agreed with all of us. He understands all povs etc.”

    Ultimately, the woman asked Reddit users, “aita for not telling them I make his cereal with breast milk?”

    Reddit Users Weigh In

    The woman’s post elicited thousands of responses from Reddit users. Some also believed that the woman should have been forthcoming with her father-in-law.

    Reddit user @Confident-Try20 wrote, “You’re not the AH for feeding your child but you are the AH because you saw FIL eating it and LAUGHED instead of saying something… You thought it was amusing….”

    While Reddit user @dishonestgandalf added, “Yeah, YTA. You didn’t have any obligation to warn him in advance or anything, but when you saw him eating it, you should have said something immediately.”

    While others disagreed.

    Reddit user @PanicAtTheGaslight wrote, “Nah, maybe FIL should stop eating other people’s food without asking. Serves him right.”

    While Reddit user @ILANAKBALL added, “Honestly who walks around someone’s house just finishing other people’s meals. Like it’s a freaking baby, get your own cereal lol. Also- a little breast milk isn’t gonna hurt him, it’s fine”

    Some Reddit users, such as @RubixRube, shared mixed opinions.

    “You should have told him immediately when you saw him eating your sons meal that he had breastmilk in the cereal. But also, what full grown adult just helps them to any and all food they just see laying around, especially a baby’s??”

    Roomies, what do you think about the mother’s viral mishap?

    RELATED: Whew! 26-Year-Old Goes Viral After Opening Up About Constantly Being Mistaken For An Older Age (WATCH)

    Jadriena Solomon

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  • Here's what to know to raise a Series A right now | TechCrunch

    Here's what to know to raise a Series A right now | TechCrunch

    There is good news and just “OK” news.

    The good news is that the venture capital market is showing signs of stabilizing. The bad news is that raising a series A will continue to be difficult for founders, especially as venture firms face liquidity problems, higher interest rates, and pressure from their limited partners to be more cautious in their dealmaking.

    In 2020, TechCrunch+ reported that founders should start fundraising when they have at least six months of runway left and that they should budget fundraising to last at least three months, with a one-month prep time to a two-to-six week pitch process with investors.

    Today, Jesse Randall, the founder of the platform Sweater Ventures, said founders should start looking to raise a Series A when they have about 12 to 15 months of cash runway left.

    “Don’t wait any longer than that,” he told TechCrunch+. “The fundraising cycle, once you start it, takes twice as long and requires three times the conversations.”

    Leslie Feinzaig, founder of Graham & Walker, says she primarily invests in pre-seed and seed rounds but tells her founders they should start focusing on their business at least 12 to 18 months before fundraising a Series A. This includes understanding their business model, connecting with the proper investors, and stress testing their readiness. The advice investors gave for a Series A this year shows how little and how much everything has changed in the market: Metrics will always be important, but starting early for this longer journey is key.

    “In this market, you have to prep for an A way in advance,” Feinzaig told TechCrunch+, adding that it could be fruitful to do so right after closing a seed round. “Time goes by fast, and in my experience, this catches a lot of founders unaware. Focus on your metrics immediately.”

    It’s an investor market out there

    This year is set to be much different than last year, Randall said.

    Dominic-Madori Davis

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  • 3 things to know about how the Fed might roll back quantitative tightening

    3 things to know about how the Fed might roll back quantitative tightening

    The notion that the Federal Reserve will soon slow, or perhaps even end, its program of quantitative tightening is increasingly being talked about on Wall Street like a foregone conclusion.

    But while investors wait to hear more on the subject from Fed Chair Jerome Powell during next week’s post-meeting press conference, they could be forgiven for asking themselves some questions.

    What might an imminent taper of the Fed’s balance-sheet runoff look like? Why has it suddenly become so urgent? What might it mean for the six or so interest-rate cuts investors are expecting from the Fed this year, as well as for markets more broadly?

    We aim to answer these questions below.

    What inspired talk of tapering QT?

    It wasn’t until the minutes from the Federal Reserve’s December policy meeting were published earlier this month that investors started to take the notion of the Fed declaring “mission accomplished” on QT seriously.

    The minutes revealed that a number of senior Fed officials felt it was nearly time to “begin to discuss” the technical factors that would govern the Fed’s decision to slow the runoff of maturing bonds from its balance sheet.

    Shortly after the minutes’ release, several senior Fed officials came forward to discuss the importance of ending the balance-sheet runoff. Dallas Fed President Lorie Logan, the first senior Fed official to expand on what was noted in the minutes, said earlier this month that the Fed should start to slow the pace of its balance-sheet shrinkage once assets locked up in the Fed’s reverse-repo facility fell below a certain level.

    According to Logan, senior Fed officials had been unsettled by the drain of $2 trillion in assets from the RRP facility last year.

    But there was another issue that was also likely bothering monetary policymakers heading into the Fed’s December meeting.

    Sudden spikes in overnight repo rates late last year drew uncomfortable comparisons to the repo-market crisis of September 2019, which foreshadowed the end of the Fed’s previous attempt at tapering its balance sheet, according to TS Lombard’s Steve Blitz.

    See: Something strange is happening in the financial plumbing under Wall Street

    See: One of Wall Street’s most important lending rates will stay elevated for weeks, Barclays says

    TS LOMBARD

    What is the Fed’s ‘lowest comfortable level of reserves’?

    A re-run of the repo-market crisis of 2019 is what the Fed is presumably trying to avoid. Economists are so concerned the central bank might accidentally bump up against the lower bound for reserves in the banking system, that they have come up with a name for the concept: They’re calling it the “lowest comfortable level of reserves.”

    According to this idea, strain in overnight-financing markets should emerge once reserves in the banking system retreat below a certain threshold. This would, in turn, likely force the central bank to scale back or even reverse quantitative tightening immediately, according to several economists.

    In order to avoid such a risk, Jefferies economist Thomas Simons said in a note to clients earlier this month that he expects the Fed will announce plans to start tapering QT after its March meeting.

    Across Wall Street, most economists expect the Fed will begin by tapering the pace at which Treasurys are redeemed from its balance sheet — perhaps cutting it in half to start, from $60 billion a month to $30 billion a month. Reducing the pace at which mortgage-backed securities are running off won’t matter as much until prepayments begin to climb.

    Going even further, economists at Evercore ISI said in a report shared with MarketWatch earlier this week that they expect the tapering to begin around the middle of 2024 and continue potentially through 2025, until the Fed has succeeded in reducing the size of its balance sheet to about $7 trillion.

    The balance sheet presently stands at $7.7 trillion, according to data published by the Fed. It peaked at nearly $9 trillion in April 2022.

    However, one key issue may complicate the Fed’s efforts to ascertain the “LCLoR.” According to Jefferies’ Simons, the amount of banking-system reserves counted as liabilities on the Fed’s balance sheet has been more or less steady since the Fed started its latest round of balance-sheet tapering. It stood at roughly $3.3 trillion recently, according to Fed data cited by Jefferies.

    Why stop at $7 trillion if bank reserves haven’t been all that heavily impacted by QT anyway? It’s probably worth noting that, whatever happens, nobody on Wall Street expects the Fed would attempt to shrink the size of its balance sheet back toward pre-crisis levels, when the amount of bonds on its balance sheet was miniscule compared to today.

    Why? Because there is simply too much debt sloshing around the global financial system to justify such a withdrawal of support, according to Steven Ricchiuto, chief economist at Mizuho Americas.

    “The Fed is not in a position to remove all that extra liquidity because now the system needs it just to function,” Ricchiuto said.

    What does this mean for markets?

    Because quantitative tightening is a hawkish policy stance, its rolling back should be bullish for stocks and bonds. But there are other considerations that could impact the outcome, market strategists said.

    Not only would a reduction in the pace of the Fed’s monthly runoff introduce a fresh dovish tilt to the Fed’s monetary policy, but by reducing the amount of bonds it allows to roll off its balance sheet every month, the Fed would become more active in the Treasury market, said James St. Aubin, chief investment officer at Sierra Investment Management, during an interview.

    There are also a few contextual factors that could impact how the equity market reacts. For example, as St. Aubin pointed out, context is equally as important as the nature of the decision itself. Should the Fed decide to end QT abruptly because the U.S. economy is sliding into a recession, then the decision could hurt stocks.

    Another issue, raised by a different market strategist, is the notion that the Fed could decide to start tapering QT in lieu of cutting interest rates — or at least in lieu of cutting them as quickly as investors expect. This could buy the central bank more time to press its battle against inflation while mitigating the risks that it could hurt the economy by keeping policy uncomfortably tight for too long, economists said.

    Ben Jeffery, U.S. interest-rate strategist at BMO, said in a recent note to clients that, based on Logan’s comments from earlier this month, he would lean toward this being the most likely scenario. Additionally, he said, tapering QT could potentially impact the Treasury’s refunding announcement due in May.

    Jeffery calculated that the Fed tapering QT by $20 billion beginning in April would save the Treasury from issuing nearly $250 billion in bonds compared to if the Fed had continued with its balance-sheet runoff apace.

    This should lead to lower Treasury yields, all else being equal. And lower long-dated Treasury yields are typically seen as beneficial for stocks, according to Callie Cox, a U.S. equity strategist at eToro.

    Although, once again, the outcome for markets would likely depend on the specific context.

    “Higher yields probably aren’t a good thing for stock investors these days, but in particular environments, higher yields and less Fed intervention could hint that the economy is healing,” Cox said.

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