We all have bad days. Sometimes our day starts on a sour note when we wake up late and have to rush to school or work. From there, daily obligations only seem to push the day tumbling downhill. Mix in stress with ADHD emotional dysregulation, and you have irritability and grumpiness that seem impossible to shake. A bad mood, especially if prolonged, can lead to regretful choices that perpetuate problems and sustain a bad mood.
Some parts of your day are simply out of your control. What is in your control is easing yourself out of a bad mood to make your day go better. Use my “SMILE” method to decrease stress and help you move into a calmer state.
Sincere gratitude. Remind yourself of the positive in your life. Think of a person, place, thing, or experience that you truly appreciate. Remember what really matters to you. Consider making visual cues (photos, videos, drawings) to remind you of the things for which you are grateful. When you think of the good that surrounds you (and even get a “smile” out of it), you’ll see that your bad mood is not a constant.
Mindfulness. Give yourself a mental break from a bad mood by practicing mindfulness. Focus on your breathing; notice how the air fills your lungs and how it feels to fully exhale. Notice what your senses are detecting in the moment and name what you hear, see, smell, taste, and touch. Visualize a calm and safe place where you feel happy and content. Taking a minute to slow down and be present can help interrupt negative thought cycles.
Investigate your thoughts. Explore what is really going on that is contributing to your bad mood. What happened? How are you framing the situation? Are your thoughts actually helping or making you feel worse? What could be a more useful approach right now? What do you really need (not want) to help you right now? Answering these questions can help you redirect your thoughts to more effectively work through the bad mood.
Listen to your favorite music. Cue up the songs that lighten your mood. Hum the melody, sing along, and tap your foot to the music. Focus your attention on the rhythm and lyrics that make you feel good. What does the song remind you of? What are positive times that you associate with the music? Let the sounds surround you and lift your spirits.
Exercise. Release some of that bad mood through movement. Get the blood flowing with stretches or calisthenics. Take a walk or go for a jog outside to get fresh air. Try dancing or skipping to lighten your mood in a playful way. Do a laborious chore that requires lots of movement. Exercise can help both your mind and your body get to a better place.
Get Out of a Bad Mood: Next Steps
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Every day, I find myself staring at a giant mountain of things I need to do. Oddly, only some of what’s on the so-called mountain is real, important, and valuable. Most of it is a lot of airy nothing, the result of funky thinking on my part.
Before I start my climb up the mountain, I stand at the base and squint up to the tippy top. If I can just make it up there by the end of the day, I’ll win. I say this every day, but I’ve almost never gotten to the top of that mountain. I’ve rarely won.
Why? Is it because I’m an amateur mountain climber? Are we talking El Capitan here? What’s the deal?
The deal is that my to-do lists — whether for today, this year, or my life — don’t always reflect what I can do or what I want to do. I would need five of me to clear off my typical daily to-do list. My to-do list for life reads more like what five different versions of me want for my life, not just the single living, breathing me.
Why My To-Do Lists Go Awry
Sometimes, I lack clarity on what I truly need or want to do — the world, after all, is a big mountain of endless options. Other times, I’m cognitively inflexible and can’t switch gears when life asks me to, so I miss out on the optimal trail. I’m left with a lengthier trek and a bigger mountain. Still other times it’s perfectionism that comes through, enabling my mountain to grow. Finally, my old friend Time Blindness comes for a visit (actually, she lives with me permanently, because that’s ADHD) and suddenly my current task stretches like the Appalachian Mountain range.
Just kidding. It’s cold on my mountain, and lonely, especially when the trek involves fretting, scrambling, forgetting, rushing, and rarely arriving at satisfaction.
How to Shrink To-Do Mountains
So, what are my options? Am I destined to be stuck climbing interminable mountains forever?
I am not. I have the option to be a curator of my time, effort, and intentions.
Trust me, I get you. But I’ve found that noticing what’s going on in me in the moment is the first step to whittling down my mountain to the approachable, achievable, well-suited hill that makes my life happier and calmer.
Each day, when I wake up to face what appears to be Mt. Behemoth, I kick it with my toe to see if it’s real. I ask myself, “Steph, how much of what you insist you need to do today genuinely needs to be done?”
This is when the mountain raises a suspicious eyebrow because it knows that this question could lead to its shrinking. It’s a big clue that I’m at the juncture of owning my decisions or giving that power away. We each hold our position, but only one of us can be in charge. Who will it be? Me, or this mountain of tasks, goals, and dreams that nobody, even in an alternate universe, could ever accomplish in a reasonable amount of time?
“Since I’m writing a story with a happy ending here, it’s going to be me. But, full disclosure, the mountain sometimes gets the best of me. However, I’ve gotten so much better over time at calling the shots.”
The first trick is to say, “This thing doesn’t need to get done today.” The second trick is to believe this deep to your core. When you reach advanced-level mountain shrinking, you’ll learn that some tasks can simply be chucked off the mountain.
This is because there are channels of prioritization. One channel is for things that need to get done — the when, where, and how. The other channel is for things that need to get punted from our self-expectation mountain. When these channels become murky, climbing our mountain is no walk in the park.
But what is a lovely walk in the park? It’s the serenity that comes when I narrow down my daily priorities to a list that my earlier self would have laughed at. “Are you kidding? That’s a tiny list!” she’d have said. Old me would have fretted through her day and sulked at only being able to cross off, say, three things. Present me, though, feels empowered for crossing off the same number of items.
What I’ve noticed about adjusting to tinier, more doable plans is that as I accomplish what I set out to do and rack up the wins, I’ve grown a palpable confidence that says, “You can realize your dreams.” It’s hill-sized goals that lead us to mountains of accomplishment and happiness.
To-Do Lists Overwhelm: Next Steps
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I recall attending a school 504 meeting, as a single parent of a child with inattentive ADHD, where a panel of teachers, counselors, and administrators all sat across from me. I had a sinking sense that I was being judged for my child’s behavior and struggles. I felt like I was on trial. At the same time, I felt the pressure of how important the meeting was for gathering information on my child’s progress and advocating for beneficial changes to their education.
It turns out I was not alone. As a mental health educator and psychoeducator today, I often hear from parents and caregivers about the distress they feel ahead of meeting with their child’s educational support team.
School meetings are critical because they allow us as parents to to gather needed information and promote beneficial changes to our child’s education. Yet, we can feel powerless at times. We may also vicariously experience the trauma and shame associated with disability during these meetings.
So, how can we best support ourselves during an IEP/504 meeting (or any advocacy meeting) so we can fully support our kids? Here are some tips I’ve gathered from families, professionals, and my own parenting experiences over the years:
1. You don’t have to do it alone. IEP and 504 meetings can feel even more daunting if you feel isolated. Remember that you can bring a trusted family member or healthcare advocate with you. Beyond being a calming presence, a relative or trusted friend can help by making sure that you express your key points, stay on track, and ask pointed questions. Your support person can also help you debrief after the meeting.
2. Write out your questions and concerns ahead of time. Whether you use a phone, laptop, notepad, or an old-school clipboard, jot down any questions that come to mind well before your meeting. Chances are that you have many concerns. Writing down your thoughts will help you to keep organized and to fit your important concerns into the limited time allotted. Also, take notes during the meeting if you want to remember details and worry that you won’t!
3. Go ahead and ask your questions. Just like you might have heard from your favorite teacher growing up: No question is a stupid question. Ask questions, seek clarification, and gather information without worrying about feeling self-conscious. It’s your right as a parent.
4. Remember that everyone on the IEP team is trying their best. Most educational professionals are spread thin, overworked, underpaid, and burnt out. Keeping this in mind should help you to communicate with kindness and compassion. If you’re concerned about nervousness giving your speech an unintended edge or otherwise hindering effective communication, try roleplaying with a supportive friend who will give you honest feedback.
5. Commit to following up. You can request a review of your child’s plan at any time. Make sure you collect the contact info of all those in attendance at the meeting so that you can reach out if a new issue arises. Don’t be afraid to express that the plan isn’t working and needs revamping if need be.
6. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Be a fierce advocate for your child, but also keep in mind that educational advocacy is a process that takes trial, error, and refinement over time.
Parenting a child with an atypical neurotype isn’t always easy. Advocacy isn’t, either. The silver lining? We grow through meeting challenges. We become stronger and develop more confidence as we become used to the role of advocate. In fighting for your child’s needs, you may find a voice you didn’t know you had.
IEP Meeting Anxiety: Next Steps
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You’re running late (again). As you rush to leave, you scan your mental checklist: “Okay, I have my keys. Now, where are my sunglasses? Oh, they’re on my head. Good. Wallet? Check. Hold on – is my ID in my wallet? Is the other ID I need in here? What time is it? Let me check my phone, which I’m sure I left around here…. Wait, my sunglasses aren’t on my head!”
Panic and frustration set in. Your inner critic starts up: Why can’t I be more organized? Why am I so forgetful? Why is this so hard? Why do I always do this?
This was me before I left my home to do practically anything. Keeping track of all the items I needed for various activities, no matter how many times I had done those activities, always felt overwhelming and stressful. For work, I need my ID card on a lanyard, my name badge, and an ethernet cable adapter. When I volunteer, I need to bring my name badge and a specific t-shirt that identifies me as a volunteer. For my personal training sessions, I need to pack an athletic top and shorts, my heart rate monitor, a water bottle, a sweatband, my gym membership card, and the right shoes. I struggled to remember these items in my rush out the door, and I couldn’t reliably keep them in one designated place.
Accepting that forgetfulness, disorganization, and time blindness are a part of my ADHD was a milestone toward self-forgiveness. But I knew that I had to find a way to limit the overwhelm and forgetfulness that plague “neurospicy” people like myself.
Go Bags for ADHD: The Ultimate Organizing Hack
While mulling it over, I noticed that my partner keeps her stationery in a zippered bag. Everything she needs related to stationery is in that single, portable bag – not scattered about in random spots. And there, in the simplest of organizing tools, was my solution.
Rather than waste time tracking down (often misplaced) individual items around my home for a particular activity (while racing against the clock), I created “go bags” for various activities. If I’m spending the day in the office, I toss my office go bag into my backpack and I don’t think twice about what’s in there, secure in knowing I won’t have to ask for anyone to badge me in. I also have go bags for my personal training sessions and for volunteering.
How to Create and Maintain Your Own Go Bags
I know this isn’t an earth-shaking organization tool, but I’m happy with my go bag strategy because it’s simple, effective, relatively low-maintenance, and endlessly adaptable. You don’t have to use a zippered bag – substitute a plastic container, a reusable shopping bag, a fanny pack, anything portable that can hold your items. Here are some sample go bags to get you started:
Dog walking: Treats, waste bags, light-up collar (for night walks)
Everyday health: Hand sanitizer, sunscreen, lip balm, ADHD medication, lotion
Gym: ID card, clothes, water bottle, fitness monitors, sweat band or microfiber cloth
International travel: Passport, travel adapter, credit card with no international fees
Studying: Pens, highlighters, sticky notes, flash cards, energy bar (preferably one that doesn’t expire anytime soon!)
Swimming: Swimsuit, towel, goggles, water bottle, sandals
I know what you’re thinking: How do I remember to bring my go bags? I’m not perfect, but I’ve found that setting an essential item, like my car keys, on top of the bag works well. After all, I can only go so far from home without my car keys.
What about maintaining go bags? Some go bags (like for the gym) require more maintenance than others. Make it a point to check your go bags once a week, once a month, and at any other frequency that works for you. You may find it helpful to make duplicate go bags, like a toiletry go bag, to keep in your car, office, bathroom, nightstand, and other areas. Go bags, especially duplicate go bags, may take more time to set up initially, but they’ll definitely save you time, energy, and frustration in the long run. Think of it as doing your future self multiple favors.
For those of us with ADHD, there’s no greater thrill than sharing the hack to end all hacks – the strategy that finally got us to do the thing. (Bonus points if the hack was right under our noses all along.) I find go bags necessary to alleviate the racing thoughts, confusion, and overwhelm that once was getting out the door to face everyday life.
Go Bag for ADHD Organization: Next Steps
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The day I finally pulled the trigger and wiped all my social media accounts was the same day I posted a photo of my husband and me in a hot air balloon gazing thoughtfully at the miniature orchards beneath us. It was the perfect way to announce our wedding anniversary. These are the things that speak to people, right?
Apparently not. “Only 27 likes?” my brain scoffed. My mother-in-law’s voice rang in my ears: “Your expectations are your worst enemy.” I hate it when she’s right.
The truth is that she’s going to be right as long as I have ADHD, which, unfortunately (but, also fortunately), will be always. Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) exists, and learning about it for the first time as a clinical psychologist allowed me to better understand my patients and finally name one of the most perplexing aspects of my own ADHD. I understood why I couldn’t handle rejection in all forms, including the rejection that is baked into social media use.
I’ll admit that the time I spent off social media was incredible. The world looked and felt brighter and clearer when I finally put down the phone and took a look around. But after seven years, social media has called me back – a desire that has caused equal parts confusion and intrigue.
I’m not back for the likes or validation. I returned because, as a psychologist who specializes in working with children, teens, and young adults, I have something to say to youth struggling with mental health challenges today. I want to be there for them, and I cannot be heard or reach youth, I fear, without using social media.
Since re-entering the social media sphere and navigating the sensory overload that is YouTube and TikTok (I’m @drgillykahn on both platforms) I’m taking note of the healthy social media habits that are keeping me balanced – habits that may help you use social media in a healthy way, too.
1. Ask yourself why you’re using social media. You’re more likely to have positive experiences with social media if you tie its uses to a concrete purpose or value – like staying in touch with people you care about. Notice how you feel as you visit platforms and consider if the benefits outweigh the costs. It may be time to limit your use or get off certain platforms completely if social media is encouraging compare and despair, keeping you up at night, and anxiously attaching you to your phone.
2. Stick it to The Man. Think of social media breaks as a way to stick it tor the corporate giants who use you as pawns for consumerism and data collection. That’s another reason to use social media with intention, not passively. In other words, use social media in the same way that it uses you. Joke’s on you, social media!
3. Don’t be afraid to create physical distance from your phone. I remember the good old days when we had a landline and had to sprint across the house to answer the phone. Nowadays, it’s like our phones are fused to our hands. Unless you have a valid reason for keeping your phone near you, keep it in your bag, in another room, or out of sight somehow. If you must, build up to keeping your device away in 30-minute increments. Take it a step further by disabling notifications.
4. Remind yourself that social media is not real life. If you catch yourself in an RSD or comparison spiral after spending time on social media, ride out the wave of your emotions and then remind yourself that a lot of what you see on these platforms is simply not representative of reality. There aren’t beauty filters to activate on the fly in real life, for one, and most people only post the good part of their days, not the boring or negative stuff. Also remember that the relative anonymity of the Internet often emboldens users to post mean comments; don’t let this skew your perception of how interactions actually work in the real world. Your emotional responses to negative experiences online are valid, but keep in mind that platforms are designed to raise the volume on entertainment and drama while often muting sensitivity to, well, rejection sensitivity.
5. Let RSD inspire your posts. Shake things up by showing the world that being vulnerable is acceptable and admirable. Our heightened sensitivities should be nothing to be ashamed of. Allow yourself to be yourself on social media and consider sharing your emotional experiences in the moment. Who knows, maybe you will help someone recognize RSD in themselves and encourage others to spread support and acceptance of big emotions as a pertinent and underrecognized aspect of ADHD.
Healthy Social Media Habits: Next Steps
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A colleague recently sent me a meme that compared living with ADHD to constantly choosing to play a video game’s side quests – optional missions that are not required to complete the game – over its main quest. I laughed at the meme and reflected on the side quests and non-linear paths I’ve pursued in my own life, in and out of my career as a teacher.
Over the past 10 years, I’ve learned to sew and knit mittens, bake bread, bake sourdough bread (a completely different process), decorate cakes, cook and preserve a variety of foods, make candles, craft homemade lip balm and lotion, and edit with Photoshop. I volunteered with Big Brothers Big Sisters, ran four half marathons and three full marathons, did a triathlon, and a (maybe ill-advised) mountain race, all as I earned a master’s degree.
I’m on a side quest right now. I am writing a biology unit even though my school doesn’t currently offer a biology class. Should I devote my time to other lessons? Probably. But I tend to plan my lessons as they come to me. I’ve learned that my best work comes when I follow my creative instincts. Even if I forced myself to work linearly, I know it would result in subpar lesson plans.
I don’t list these side quests, many of which I consider accomplishments, to brag, (I am not particularly good at any of the above) but to emphasize that if anyone knows about ADHD side quests – the good and the not-so-good parts of them – it’s me. I can’t tell you how many times I’d set out to do something, like clean my kitchen, only to spend that time doing anything but, like perfecting my baking skills. As frustrating as it is to stray from my intentions (I ended up with yummy bread and a dirtier kitchen), I firmly believe that all the side quests I’ve embarked on have served me in the long run. I also know that this breadth of learning is only possible when I lean into my ADHD.
What’s Life – and Learning – Without Side Quests?
While funny, the ADHD meme suggests that side quests and non-linear paths are ultimately wasteful. It’s a mentality I see in the field of education, which is quick to discourage and even punish side quests and non-linear approaches. Students are largely taught to complete the main quest using only a handful of accepted procedures, without room for detours. It’s a mentality that negatively affects students who learn differently, including students with ADHD, who come to learn to view their condition as an impediment to academic success.
Side quests, I say, are not wasteful. Even within video games, you can earn rewards for playing side quests and gain skills that eventually aid in completing the main quest. If you shut off the game after finishing a handful of side quests, without so much as attempting the main quest, you would still consider it a success, if not a good time.
How can we bring this approach to learning? I have a few ideas.
1. Recognize that success and learning come in many forms. Point A to Point B may work for some students, but some of us need to stop at Points C through F, with a layover at stoichiometry and a quick detour to the American Revolution.
2. Provide opportunities to go down the rabbit hole. We should encourage students to take tangents and scratch those exploratory itches. My students get two days at the end of each term for digging deeper into a topic that was particularly interesting to them and then sharing with the class. It’s an opportunity to hyperfocus that also increases engagement, and it teaches students to view tangents and side quests in a positive light.
3. Reframe mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning. Mistakes and snags are part of learning (we can even consider them as side quests of their own), but it’s not always pleasant to brush up against them, whether they happen on side quests or the main quest. Take a page from video games, where failure doesn’t really exist and mistakes aren’t the end of the world. You may lose the round, but you’re allowed to play and play, using what you’ve learned until you get it right and move on to the next level.
How to Engage Students: Next Steps
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“Positive reinforcement, encouragement, and rewards help us create good habits; shame, criticism, and negative self-talk do not,” I say to a client, terrified that they see right through me and know that I’m actively beating myself up for falling weeks behind on paperwork.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 24 years old in the middle of earning my masters in clinical mental health counseling. I had always been praised for my intelligence. At the same time, I struggled with not feeling good enough, partly because of my challenges with disorganization, getting things done, forgetfulness, and other executive function areas where I sometimes came up short. I felt like an imposter. Of course, I knew that I was a capable person (and who doesn’t have imperfections?) but knowing and feeling are two very different things.
Even after completing my counselor training, embarking on a self-healing journey, and achieving a greater understanding of ADHD, feelings of shame, self-doubt, and anxiety still come up for me – the same feelings I help my own clients navigate. There are days when Imposter Syndrome crushes me, and when the shame spiral gets the best of me. I’ve gotten better at taking my own advice during those tough times, and it does help. Take it from me: You’ll want to use these strategies, too.
1. Self-Compassion Always Beats Out Self-Criticism
In times of high frustration, dysregulation, and paralysis, you may have found yourself thinking, “Why am I like this? I hate myself!” I know I have when I feel stuck and worthless. The moments when I want to shame and criticize myself are the moments when I need love and self-compassion the most, I’ve learned.
Imagine taking a moment to talk to that part of yourself that’s stuck on the couch scrolling on TikTok for hours because one look at the messy kitchen sent you into freeze mode. How does that part of you feel? What does it need? Maybe some encouragement and validation? Say to yourself, “I see that you’re overwhelmed and feeling a bit stuck. That must be so difficult and stressful. I know that you want to get those dishes done – maybe listening to a good song and singing along will get you moving. Let’s give it a try!
2. Be Proud of Yourself When Building Habits — and Prouder Still When You Restart
“This time will be different!” How many times have you said this to yourself after buying a new planner, signing up for the gym, starting a new school semester, and embarking on something new? If you’re anything like me, you’ll know that, inevitably, the newness fades, and so does the dopamine and the habit. You feel like a failure for not being able to stick to new habits.
But what if you just accepted that habit-forming is difficult, and that failing to stick to a habit isn’t the end of the world? I know when I start a new workout kick or cleaning schedule, I try to remember that that momentum will eventually fade, in large part due to how my brain works. This helps me let go of the shame around perceived failure and find a way to start the habit again in a new, engaging way.
3. Ask for Help. Don’t Hide Your Problems.
Shame shuts us down and tells us to keep things hidden. An antidote to shame is to be open about what’s troubling you. Acknowledge to yourself that you’re overwhelmed and exhausted. Talk about it over FaceTime with a friend. Tell a coworker that you’re behind on your work and make a plan to fix it.
When I was chronically behind on notes and documentation at work, the stress followed me home, affected my work with clients, and made me dread the next work day. It stayed that way until I talked to my boss and coworkers about it. I was able to make a plan with my coworker to “body double” every time we both had a free hour. My boss also checked in on me weekly, which helped me make realistic goals to get caught up. Will I still get behind on paperwork from time to time? Yes! But it doesn’t make me feel as overwhelmed and blocked as it once did.
“I don’t have time to read or journal when there’s still so much left to do!”
Denying yourself basic physical, emotional, and cognitive needs is not going to help you get things done faster. They are needs and should be treated as such, not as things you are only worthy of if you meet expectations. If I deny myself sleep to complete a task, it’s going to take me longer to complete it because I’ll be sleep deprived. If I don’t take time to journal, I’ll be too dysregulated to attend to what I need to. As a mental health professional, if I don’t take care of my own mental health, I am not in a place to help others. You are always worthy of giving yourself what you need.
Who says? Have you considered that the things we’ve been taught about productivity and functioning may not be well-suited for our brain type or learning style? If you get work done faster by jumping from project to project instead of focusing on one thing at a time, keep at it! If you can absorb information better by moving your body, do it! No one can claim to know you better than you know yourself.
ADHD Shame Spiral Advice: Next Steps
CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.
The following is a personal essay, and not a medical recommendation endorsed by ADDitude. For more information about ADHD nutrition, speak with your physician.
One trademark of ADHD is low levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter released by the brain that makes kids feel good and helps them focus. Increasing dopamine in the brain through medication is an effective treatment for ADHD. However, more than a year into a nationwide stimulant shortage, parents still struggle to fill prescriptions for their kids.
As the shortage stretches on, many caregivers are working to implement ADHD treatment tactics without medication. Here are some gut health strategies to consider.
Don’t Skip Meals
The way your child’s brain works is influenced by what they eat, and good nutrition is essential. Eating unhealthy, non-nutritious foods may contribute to inattention and problematic behaviors, while a diet with a variety of healthy foods nourishes the brain to pay attention and function optimally.
A study in Cell Metabolism found that dopamine release in the brain can occur at two different times: when food is swallowed and once the food reaches the stomach.1 Skipping a meal robs the body of two potential releases of dopamine. If your child is not hungry, try to keep them on a regular meal schedule to help regulate opportunities for dopamine release. Healthy snacks help, too. A protein-rich diet, including fish, poultry, eggs, and legumes (e.g., beans, lentils, peas, etc.), can help increase dopamine levels.
Introduce Variety
Many kids with ADHD want to eat the same things every day, but doing so may mean they miss out on producing more of that feel-good hormone. Research has also found a strong connection between gut health and mental health. 2 A healthy gut is best described as having a diverse microbiome, consisting of different types of microorganisms (bacteria, fungi, viruses, etc.) that coexist harmoniously in the digestive tract. Increasing the diversity of your child’s gut microbiome with a protein-rich diet, including fish, poultry, eggs, and legumes (e.g., beans, lentils, peas, etc.), ensures that dopamine can be adequately synthesized.
Introduce new foods slowly and in a variety of ways. For example, pick a vegetable your child usually eats and connect it to another vegetable or legume. So if your child eats raw carrots, pair them with a dip made of puréed red peppers or smooth refried beans. If your child prefers crunchy foods, make crunchy cooked veggies in the oven or air fryer. Experiment with spices, too. Offering your child small tastes (repeatedly) will build their acceptance of new foods. Kids are more likely to expand their taste and preference for new foods when given multiple chances to learn about and experience new food.
Young children, especially those with ADHD, may be easily distracted during mealtimes. Make it a point to give your child a heads-up on what’s for dinner and when it will be served. Kids with ADHD do best when they know what to expect and follow a schedule. Then, turn off all electronic devices, including the TV, while eating to limit distractions. If possible, sit and eat together at the table. This lets your child know that during meals, it’s time to pause (even for a minute) and focus on eating. This is also a great time to share a moment with your child.
Gut Health Strategies for Treating ADHD: Next Steps
CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.
The opinions expressed in ADDitude Guest Blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of ADDitude. Blogs are not reviewed by an ADDitude physician or any member of the ADDitude editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. ADDitude does not endorse any specific product, service or treatment.
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The holiday season can feel more hectic than happy for parents. They’re juggling busy schedules, school vacations, holiday get-togethers — and trying to make it fun for the whole family. Parents of children with ADHD and learning differences, such as dyslexia, have added layers of stress.
Hosting out-of-town relatives, attending holiday parties, or baking cookies with friends may feel festive to some family members but may cause stress and overwhelm for those who struggle with patience and attention. Many parents feel guilty if they don’t keep holiday traditions alive.
There are ways to balance the desire for tradition with the reality of what your family will enjoy — not just survive. Here are some tips and simple swaps:
Tweak old traditions or create new ones that your entire family can enjoy. Ask your child how they want to celebrate the holidays. What do they find hardest about your usual traditions? Think about how you can change a few details to make the holiday season a better fit for everyone.
For example, when reading a classic holiday story, ask your child if they’d like to retell (or act out) the story — as it went or as your child wishes it went. Or maybe they’d like to listen to an audiobook version or watch a movie of the story while sipping hot chocolate.
Say “No” to an Invitation
It’s easy to feel obligated to say “yes” to every party invitation. But an invitation is merely that: an invitation. You don’t have to say “yes” to all of them. Feel comfortable with the power of saying “no.” Also, it’s OK if the whole family doesn’t attend an event that will likely cause anxiety. For example, a big party might not be a good fit for children with ADHD or social anxiety. A smaller group setting may be less overwhelming and help children have a good time socializing.
Prepare and Manage Expectations Before an Event
Exchanging gifts may lead to frustration or worse for some kids with learning and thinking differences. Waiting their turn to open a gift can be challenging and tantrum-inducing for some children. For other children, opening a gift they weren’t expecting or didn’t want could lead to sensory overload and a meltdown. To avoid this reaction, discuss with your child what might happen at an event and how they can cope with it. Role play how to receive, open, and accept gifts and practice saying polite “thank-yous.” This prepares kids to navigate awkward moments — like opening a gift they don’t like.
Remember, the holidays aren’t always full of cheer for kids with thinking and learning differences. Tweaking traditions with simple swaps and pre-planning will bring joy to the season’s festivities for the entire family.
Holiday Traditions: Next Steps
Andrew Kahn, Psy.D., is associate director of behavior change and expertise at Understood.org.
CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.
“Woebot assumes neurotypicality. It expects that all brains can be retrained to cope with negative emotions using the same therapeutic model. But ADHD brains process information and emotions differently.”
Women with shadow of bird wings. surreal concept art of freedom hope inspiration dream and happiness. painting illustration
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“Rising from the Burnout: A Recovery Kit for Women with ADHD”
By Kate Moryoussef
“Recognize that you are doing the best you can each day under your circumstances. Think to yourself (perhaps as you do a calming exercise): ‘Even though I’m feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and burned out, I’m going to send myself some love. I choose to feel calm. I choose to meet myself where I am.’”
“I’ve Been Rewatching the Same 3 TV Shows for the Past 20 Years.”
By Alisa Marković
“You might be thinking: What kind of sane person would watch the same three TV shows — Friends, Charmed, and Grey’s Anatomy — over and over? It’s a reasonable question that has even crossed my own mind. For me, it has just about everything to do with ADHD.”
Young man in superhero costume sitting on top of building
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“ADHD Is Not a Real Superpower. Claiming It Is Helps No One.”
By Michael Thomas Kincella
“In the ongoing fight to raise much-needed awareness around ADHD, it’s vital we don’t romanticize it. Pithy expressions do little to help people with ADHD when they’re called unproductive at work or disruptive in the classroom. Instead of being cute, we should be clear.”
Related Resources and Next Steps
Photo by Max Fischer: https://www.pexels.com/photo/teacher-asking-a-question-to-the-class-5212345/
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“The Simulation Exercises That Expand Educators’ Understanding of Neurodivergent Students”
By Suzanne Robertshaw
“To simulate difficulty with focus, I have teachers read a short text on a screen and try to retain key points (like names, dates, and places) without taking notes and while loud, distracting noises (traffic, children playing, birds tweeting, and so on) play. The text also disappears off and on the screen during the activity, interrupted by intermittent thought bubbles that display questions like, ‘I wonder if it’s going to rain later’ and ‘Did I remember to switch off the gas?’ Without warning, the text abruptly disappears from the screen, replaced by a series of questions about the text. The teachers then have a few minutes to answer those questions.”
Photo by Brett Sayles: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-carrying-girl-while-showing-smile-1445704/
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“What My Daughter Taught Me (a Therapist) About ADHD”
By Courtney Barber, MHC
“I wondered why my daughter’s diagnosis had been so hard to arrive at and why it had taken so long, even for me, a mom and a trauma-informed therapist with a clinical degree, to pick up on the signs. As I reviewed research on ADHD, things became clearer.”
“The doom in ‘doom pile’ is actually an acronym. It stands for ‘Didn’t Organize, Only Moved’ – an experience many people with ADHD can apparently relate to when they try to organize their spaces, whether physical or virtual. Instead of things getting sorted to their rightful places, they end up in a stack along with other random, unsorted things to be organized later – or never.”
Front view of three female generations strolling outdoors at sunset. Grandmother and granddaughter are looking at each other.
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“My ADHD Family Tree: Three Generations of Neurodivergence Revealed”
By Danna McDonald, RMFT-SQ, RSW
“Most profoundly, our diagnoses have given us a lens into understanding each other’s idiosyncrasies and that something might be ‘an ADHD thing.’ For my daughter, it’s negative thoughts. For me, it’s irritation. And for my mom, it’s needing to say or act on each thought, lest she forget it right away.”
“As a student with ADHD and dyslexia, I have often experienced doubt and struggled in my academic career during periods of transition, e.g., moving to a school for children with learning differences in second grade, attending a ‘regular’ high school, and then going to college. These periods are challenging for everyone, but the learning curve for individuals with learning differences and ADHD can be especially steep and intimidating. Despite my fears, I loved my first semester of college.”
Image by <a href=”https://pixabay.com/users/wokandapix-614097/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=2355684″>WOKANDAPIX</a> from <a href=”https://pixabay.com//?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=2355684″>Pixabay</a>
CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.
As a child, middle school completely overwhelmed me. There were higher academic expectations, new interests and extracurriculars, a much wider and more intimidating social landscape, physical and hormonal changes, and a developing sense of self with which to reckon. Add to this madness a cocktail of executive dysfunction, impulsivity, distractibility, high emotional sensitivity, and hyperfocus — all due to undiagnosed ADHD — and my distaste for middle school is understandable.
Oh, did I mention that I started middle school in a new town? I felt like I had been thrown into shark-infested waters. The one person I happened to know at my new school immediately shunned me because of my ADHD-fueled obsession with Treasure Trolls (it was the ‘90s, after all). My backpack heavily featured the wild-haired, bejeweled dolls, and it was socially disadvantageous to be seen with someone toting such a juvenile accessory. Cue intense rejection sensitive dysphoria.
I did have teachers with reasonable expectations who seemed to care, but I was an undiagnosed student and, although I worked unbelievably hard to maintain a 4.0 most of the time (because, anxiety), my teachers did not temper their disapproval when I misplaced a textbook, forgot an assignment, absent-mindedly wrote on a desktop, or impulsively left my seat. Being made to scrub all the surfaces in the science lab after class under the glare of an adult authority figure I respected caused me no small amount of shame and self-loathing.
Today, I’m the parent of a new middle schooler with ADHD, which is why my own memories of middle school awkwardness and growing pains are flooding back. But I’m using my middle school experiences to help my child transition to a new academic stage with the least amount of stress possible. Here’s what helped him – and us – so far.
Tips for Middle School Newcomers
1. Strengthen existing friendships. My son formed some sweet friendships throughout the fourth and fifth grades. Though many of his friends joined him in his new middle school, we prioritized facilitating time with them outside of school and during the summer before sixth grade. This enabled him to solidify those bonds before middle school rocked the proverbial boat.
2. Sign up for extracurriculars and focus on interests. My son signed up for his new school’s swim team, and he plays trombone for the sixth-grade band. The benefits are three-fold: He gets to partake in activities he enjoys while getting to know other kids who share his interests, which would be more difficult to do otherwise in a school that is more than twice of size of his previous one. The activities he chose also happen to help him regulate his emotions and obsessive behaviors.
3. Establish habits and routines. Despite our best efforts to anticipate the demands of middle school and advise our son accordingly, it hasn’t been smooth sailing. For example, in the beginning of the school year, there were several Sunday nights when my son would suddenly (and anxiously) remember that he had assignments due the following morning that he had yet to begin. It occurred to us then that his teachers no longer required him to keep an agenda for class, which was an expectation in elementary school. While some students probably rejoiced in no longer having to record their assignments, the loss of this invaluable tool was causing my son’s previously successful school routine to break down.
I know that paper planners are essential for my own day-to-day functioning as an adult with ADHD, so we bought my son a paper planner (our county no longer provides them for middle schoolers) and got him back into the habit of adding his assignments here at the end of every class and checking his agenda as soon as he got home. To reinforce the habit, I checked his agenda every day for the first two weeks to make sure that he was using it, and I signed each entry, as his teachers had required us to do in elementary school. Now, he manages his assignment book on his own and has learned that, for those of us with ADHD, habits and routines, while tedious, are our friends.
4. Ride a few waves on your own. So far, middle school has been an exercise in finding tools and strategies that work for our son and encouraging him to use them independently. Gaining a sense of autonomy is an important part of growth, but striking a balance between guiding our pre-teens and giving them ownership of their school experience is tricky. We don’t want to let them drown, but it’s okay – healthy even – to let them ride a few waves on their own. In fact, it’s imperative that they do.
5. Be patient and give yourself grace. At the end of a long day away from us, my son (and all middle schoolers) need a safe space to decompress, express their emotions, engage in their interests, and… play! Our kids are now pre-teens who have body hair, wear deodorant, and will soon be taller than their moms, but they’re still kids — and they need our patience and understanding during this critical juncture in their young lives.
How to Survive Middle School with ADHD: Next Steps
CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.
In a recent discussion with other ADHD coaches, someone beautifully summarized that coaching, at its heart, helps the client develop self-trust. Indeed, getting to the point where we can trust ourselves is a relief. Self-trust moves us toward who we want to be in this life. It’s also a skill many individuals with ADHD struggle to cultivate.
I know because I struggled with this through my life. Once I started to develop self-trust, it was as if I was looking at the world for the first time.
Self-Trust: A Dog’s Story
When I first heard the term self-trust, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I heard all its related concepts — be kind to yourself, work toward the doable, be reliable, know your boundaries and keep them — but these went in my left ear and out my right.
Then I contemplated what I already knew about trust. Had I seen it show up somewhere else? I had — in a dog.
I knew a dog who was adopted after what had been a tough life. The telltale signs were there — cowering, darting for food then back to hiding under the bed, and persistent caution around people. The new owner, my friend, was a gem. She opened her heart and home to help a scared animal who would eventually come to know love and safety.
But the dog didn’t know a stitch about that when he first arrived at his new home. Instead, he assumed life would be as it had been, arduous and frightening, so he continued to employ his well-developed survival skills to get through the day.
Sound familiar? Even just a bit?
The Cowering Dog in Each of Us
The cautious dog in us is the fallout of living with “shortcomings” and moments of unreliability in a world that isn’t a fan of such mishaps – and doesn’t let us forget it. We’ve learned to survive an environment that is unforgiving to ADHD – to keep the inner dog in line – through self-harassment and conditional self-acceptance.
It’s hard to imagine a cowering dog learning to play catch or offering a paw on cue. But once it notices that its human is a safe, reliable advocate, coming out from under the bed doesn’t seem so terrifying. Suddenly, learning a trick is possible because the person on the other end is smiling rather than hollering at them.
I was an ace at hiding under the bed, and coming out from underneath it took some learning and doing. I still find myself under there sometimes, but a calm voice inside – my own, and one I’ve worked so hard to find – lures me out with love and safety and helps me reframe my self-criticism with four words: “You got this, buddy.”
Self-empathy felt squeamish to me for a long time, but making it a habit to frequently say those four words has been life-changing. I say those words to myself with patience and reasonable expectations, like my friend would say to her adopted dog. When I say those words, what I am really telling myself is, “You’re enough today.”
Oh my, is that luxurious compared to what I used to say.
Self-Trust Is Self-Reliability – One Daring Inch at a Time
Any of us would be determined to prove to a leery dog that we’ll reliably appear each morning with breakfast, speak in a calm tone, and avoid insisting that they come closer before they’re ready. We’d let the dog go at its own pace, and give it a “good job, buddy” whenever it crawled out of hiding. Because we know that the simple act of daring to show up is a big step forward.
Reliability — not reliable perfection, but reliable advocacy and willingness to keep showing up for yourself — is key to developing self-trust.
It took time for my friend’s dog to become the dog he is today. Likewise for us, self-knowledge and consistency don’t happen overnight. For me, the biggest shift came when I learned that moving forward inch by inch wasn’t as big a deal as accepting that an inch of progress is enough.
This allowed me to make the biggest learning of all: There are only inches and there is only us to keep moving through them. Self-trust lies in self-advocacy to continue to move reliably, regardless of the noise happening inside or around us.
That dog didn’t suddenly storm out from under the bed. He crept closer and closer to the edge until one day he realized he was living life in the open.
Self-Trust and ADHD: Next Steps
CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.
Unfortunately, the same drugs with high potential for abuse are also the ones that work best for certain individuals with neurobehavioral conditions. According to GlobalData, penetrating the stimulant-dominated pharmaceutical market remains challenging without comparable efficacy from non-stimulants.
The attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) market is a lucrative business: Stimulants, amphetamines, and methylphenidates continue to dominate the ADHD drug market across the seven major markets, Express Pharma reports. (The seven major markets are in France, Germany, Italy, Spain, the UK, the US, and Japan.)
Non-addictive drugs demonstrate a “crippling lower” efficacy in treating ADHD.
Drug makers are in a race to develop safer alternatives. Three out of the four late-stage pipeline drug candidates in Phase III development within those markets have non-stimulant properties: Axsome Therapeutics Inc’s solriamfetol, Otsuka Pharmaceutical Co Ltd’s centanafadine and Neurocentria Inc’s L-Threonate Magnesium Salt.
The lower abuse potential of solriamfetol and centanafadine is a major selling point created by developers, but without displaying efficacy comparable to stimulants, they will struggle to penetrate the market—even if they are approved.
The use of stimulants for ADHD treatment is increasing.
The key opinion leaders (KOLs) in the treatment of ADHD say that patients and parents have been hesitant to use stimulants for the treatment of ADHD in children and adolescents, but this is changing with time, and the use of stimulants for ADHD treatment is increasing.
“Marketing emphasis on abuse potential is common in non-stimulates both marketed and pipeline; this is despite KOLs viewing the abuse potential of ADHD stimulants as overstated,” said Lorraine Palmer, Pharma Analyst at GlobalData. “The KOLs interviewed by GlobalData were not concerned about whether a treatment is a stimulant or a non-stimulant, rather they are focused on the pharmaceuticals efficacy and side-effect profile.”
Four non-stimulants are commonly marketed: guanfacine, clonidine, atomoxetine and viloxazine. Sleep disturbances and a decreased appetite have been reported from both clonidine and atomoxetine.
“All four display cripplingly lower efficacy in the treatment of ADHD than stimulants,” Express Pharma reports.
“Rather than an emphasis on abuse potential, a better alternative strategy to penetrate the saturated ADHD market would be to target key unmet needs in ADHD treatment such as improving compliance or providing coverage into the evening without affecting sleep.”
Part of this challenge likely includes the impact of addiction itself. Regarding the popular ADHD drug Adderall, adults and children 6 years of age and older are eligible to take Adderall, beginning at 5 milligrams, while children 3 to 5 years of age are able to start at 2.5 mg per day. Only children under the age of 3 are prohibited from being prescribed the drug in all cases.
Adderall’s active ingredients are dextroamphetamine saccharate, amphetamine aspartate, dextroamphetamine sulfate and amphetamine sulfate. Columbia University psychiatry professor Carl Hart famously wrote for Vice in 2016 that meth is “almost identical to Adderall” in terms of chemistry and its effects on the brain.
A 2016 study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry indicates that an increasing number of young adults have been checking into emergency rooms over the past few years due to accidental overdoses on Adderall and similar drugs.
The Adderall shortage began in Fall of 2022, marked by an FDA notice acknowledging the shortages with an estimate that things would be resolved in a month or two. That is not the case, however, as issued a joint notice on August 1 acknowledging that the shortage had been “understandably frustrating” for patients and providers.
“The current shortage of stimulant medications is the result of many factors. It began last fall due to a manufacturing delay experienced by one drug maker,” the joint notice said. “While this delay has since resolved, we are continuing to experience its effects in combination with record-high prescription rates of stimulant medications. Data show that, from 2012 to 2021, overall dispensing of stimulants (including amphetamine products and other stimulants) increased by 45.5 percent in the United States.”
Teva Pharmaceuticals, Adderall’s biggest manufacturer, reported shortfalls. Teva CEO Richard Francis told Bloomberg that the company is operating at “full capacity” at the moment and blamed their decreased output in previous years to COVID-induced work shortages which they have only just barely recovered from. Should they wish to increase the amount of Adderall they produce, they would have to buy or build more factories as their current infrastructure cannot handle bigger output. The company has declined to comment on whether or not they plan to invest in such infrastructure.
This adds to the multiple reasons less addictive non-stimulant drugs are needed to treat ADHD.
My senior year in high school was one of my life’s most joyful, exciting — but stressful — periods. I am a huge planner and pride myself on working hard to achieve my goals. While these qualities are often beneficial, they can make tasks like narrowing down a college list and filling out applications challenging. On top of this, I have ADHD and dyslexia. Though I am very confident in my abilities, adapting to new environments, people, and expectations often requires a steep learning curve and involves a few mishaps.
Throughout the college application process, I learned the importance of surrounding myself with people and environments that set me up for success. Here’s more advice for neurodivergent students evaluating and applying to colleges.
1. Plan Ahead
My first piece of advice is to plan as far ahead as possible! My college search began sophomore year when I set up a meeting with my college admissions counselor. No major plans were made, but I gained a basic understanding of when and how I would apply to schools.
I took the ACT for the first time the summer before my junior year. I highly recommend doing this. This gives you time to practice and make room for improvement. It also ensures you have testing accommodations in place. Fortunately, I am a good (albeit slow) test taker and eligible for extra time because of my ADHD. Alternatively, you may opt to apply to test-optional colleges and use the time to focus on other application parts.
3. Gather Research
Beyond taking the ACT, most of my prep work before senior year comprised attending college information sessions, researching schools, and brainstorming essay ideas. I gathered as much information as possible on the universities’ academics, costs, and accommodation programs. However, finding a strong and collaborative student community was my most important job. By the spring of junior year, I had compiled my list of colleges and ranked the University of Notre Dame as my top choice.
4. Brainstorm Essay Ideas
I began drafting a Common App essay the summer before senior year. Give yourself plenty of time to brainstorm ideas before you start writing. Great ideas do not happen overnight.
5. Get Feedback
Ask others to read your essays and offer feedback. I love storytelling, but my grammar is never great. One friend had the opposite problem, so we helped each other; I brainstormed ideas for him, and he fixed all my comma errors. Trading also prevented me from procrastinating.
6. Pick a Writing Strategy
Find a writing strategy for your college essay that works with how your brain thinks. If you are unsure, take a creative writing class. My essay was closer to poetry than an academic essay. I tried to have a strong narrative and told unique stories from my life, such as hanging a wagon in a Magnolia tree, traveling to see a solar eclipse, learning life lessons at summer camp, and being admitted into a secret theater society.
7. Give Yourself Grace
Be sure to give yourself grace. I am very grateful to attend Notre Dame. However, I’ve learned that no matter how hard I work, some things don’t end up as I imagined. During my recent search for a summer internship, I didn’t receive interviews for several large companies I absolutely loved and had networked with for months. The waiting game was so tough. Though I was disappointed, I kept putting myself out there, talked to other companies, and applied for jobs. I eventually did receive an amazing offer unexpectedly from one conversation at a career fair with a small boutique consulting firm. The company completely changed my perspective on the industry, and I made a very different decision than I initially thought I would.
Good can be found in all places. I imagined myself at Notre Dame and have loved my college years. At the same time, my summer internship completely took me by surprise, and yet, I know it will be a fantastic experience. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of openness and perseverance. Remember that, as a student with learning differences and ADHD you have had to work especially hard to find your place in the world. I am fully confident that by prioritizing a supportive community, planning, and having an open mind, you will find yourself surrounded by amazing opportunities and people better than you can imagine.
ADHD College Advice: Next Steps
Meaghan Northup grew up in Louisville, Kentucky, and is a junior at the University of Notre Dame, where she is studying Business Analytics and French.
CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.
I remember the time I set out to create the perfect routine that I vowed to follow for the rest of my life – an unusual endeavor for me, given that I had rejected countless routines like they were my mortal enemy. I believed in spontaneity and had feared that routines would doom me to a monotonous life.
But the truth is, even as a free spirit, I knew that I desperately needed some semblance of order to function. It was a hard pill to swallow; routines promise productivity and stability, and I knew that not following any routines triggered my anxiety and other quirks.
So, armed with advice from books and blogs, I was sure I’d come up with the secret formula to get into a routine: It was all or nothing.
Trying – and Failing – to Get the Perfect Routine
The so-called perfect morning routine described in many self-help books usually involves waking up at the crack of dawn, meditating like a Zen master, jogging like Usain Bolt, and whipping up a wholesome breakfast.
Easy peasy to implement, right? Not really. My mornings looked more like live-action cartoons. I would set multiple alarms to wake up, but I also was a gold medalist in hitting the snooze button.
Every time I tried to meditate, the DJ in my mind would come on and play random songs from the ’00s. And jogging? More like a speedy walk… to the coffee maker. Often, my first meal of the day was dinner.
It goes without saying that I failed miserably to follow all parts of this “perfect” routine. I was harsh on myself for failing. Then again, I suspected that I would quickly become bored and restless with any schedule I managed to keep. There was no winning; I thought I was destined to never have a routine.
How I Finally Got Into a Routine
In my defense, I had no idea that I had ADHD at the time. The materials I consulted then on crafting routines were written for the normal folks (i.e., neurotypical people). As I learned more about the reasons behind my exasperating (and sometimes hilarious) relationship with routines, my mission shifted.
I realized that a lot of it came down to actually scheduling spontaneity. I now set timers for focused work periods and I schedule short breaks in between to let my mind wander. These breaks often lead to new and exciting ideas. I also use apps like Structured, Toggl, and iOS Focus to help me gradually transition to and from focus mode and free time.
Loosening my black-and-white mentality around doing things the right way also helped me skip the snooze button, which had been my kryptonite for years. No matter how many alarms I set, my tired ADHD brain would plead, “Just five more minutes!”
A gentle wake-up routine was the answer. I completely replaced the old blaring alarms with sunlight. Yes, you read that right – I gave up on conventional alarms. And no, I’m not waking up late. The outcome is just the opposite. I used to struggle to get up at 8 a.m. with an alarm. Now, I wake up at 6 a.m., without an alarm, feeling fully rested and alert.
The battle between routine and spontaneity, I learned, doesn’t have to be a battle at all. My need for structure and love for the unexpected can coexist – it never had to be one or the other. Achieving order, I also know now, is only possible on my terms, not anyone else’s.
How to Get Into a Routine: Next Steps
CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve chewed or picked at something. My mom tried to get me to quit when I was a kid, but this was back in the early 1970s, when body-focused repetitive behaviors (BFRB) weren’t exactly a hot topic of conversation. My mom was clever though, and tried to address my nail biting by way of a reward I couldn’t refuse: If I stopped biting my nails, I’d get a Barbie Dream House. Who would say no to that?
I have no idea how, but I was able to let enough of my nails grow back that I earned a rather posh place for my dolls. Plus, keeping my dolls busy kept my attention off my nails. It was all wonderful – until I gifted my Dream House to a classmate whose family had fallen on hard times. My dolls moved back into a box, and my nails whittled down again.
The years ticked by, and nail biting turned to cheek biting, then lip biting, then acne picking until settling into this current era of gnawing at the skin right next to my nailbeds. Here I find a wonderland of cuticle and skin to nip on whenever I’m stressed or bored. Unfortunately, this wonderland quickly bleeds after I’ve gone at it for a bit, and I begin to feel bad, as I have for decades, that I do such a thing.
The Answer to Incessant Nail and Skin Biting? Fidget Rings
It took me 57 years to get an ADHD diagnosis. It took 57 years and three weeks for my BFRB to take a turn for the better. I have fidget rings to thank for that.
I had been reading about and experimenting with fidget toys for ADHD when I discovered the existence of fidget rings. I asked my cousin who knows all about the neurodiversity world if she’d ever heard of them.
“Oh, my friends love theirs,” she said, as if everybody knew about these jewelry inventions. I was late to the party! With that, I ordered a handful of size-seven fidget rings to check out the hype myself.
I experimented with different fidget ring mechanisms to determine which, if any, were more enticing to me than chewing. One popular design has a ring that rotates on top of a stationary ring. Another has interlocking rings that move in and out of each other right on my finger — perhaps my favorite design. Another design features a collection of small balls that slide around a thin band.
I couldn’t decide on just one, so I wear these three fidgets rings every day. I alternate ring fingers, slide them off and play with them like toys, and use them as creative self-soothing because of the different sensory experiences they provide — all within constant reach.
I can’t believe how well these inanimate objects have worked to curb my nail and skin biting. It seems to boil down to a few reasons. The rings act as my comfort objects and as tactile reminders that I don’t want to do this to myself — that I have the option to stop and reassess my urges. The rings are fancy and pretty, and make me feel that way, too — especially on the inside. I think this translates to a kind of self-acceptance.
It hasn’t been a straight path to fingertip calm. The urge to gnaw off a piece of protruding cuticle is as gargantuan as the protrusion is small. Sometimes I must be intentional about playing with my rings until the urge to bite dies down, which is a nice mindfulness exercise. Sometimes I’ll drift and end up nibbling on a finger or two, but I’m able to pause more frequently now and turn my attention to my rings.
While the rings have been helpful, my stress and urges are noticeably better when I practice other stress-reducing habits, like meditation, exercise, short 10-minute walks outside, and perspective shifts.
When I think about all the ways I’ve grown and come to understand myself over the past several years, this change with my BFRB is the biggest surprise. Who would have thought that the first meaningful shift in a lifetime of picking, chewing, and shame would come down to three sterling silver rings?
Fidget Rings for BFRB: Next Steps
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During a recent training session I led on inclusion and learning differences in the classroom, I posed the following question – a tough one – to the teachers in the audience: “Raise your hand if, upon discovering that you have a neurodivergent student in your class, your immediate, unfiltered thought is a negative one?”
I clarified: “Do you assume, for example, that the student’s learning difference may add to your workload or disrupt the class in some way?”
A few teachers reluctantly raised their hands.
Then I asked, “And how many of you, upon finding out that you will be teaching a neurodivergent student, readily think, ‘This is great! I’m going to be able to really take advantage of some of the strengths of their brain.’” Cue lots of bowing heads and sheepish looks.
As a teacher of 24 years, I know that less-than-favorable unconscious (and sometimes conscious) attitudes absolutely exist within the education system toward students with learning differences. To be clear, I also know that the majority of teachers have benevolent intentions and want the best for their students.
Still, the longstanding approach in education systems has been that there is a core group of students that educators teach, and then there are “others” who require differentiated learning materials to accommodate their separate needs. This bolt-on-not-built-in approach (a term coined by Margaret Mulholland, an education inclusion specialist) can only ever lead to one way of thinking: Most kids learn in a similar, typical way, and anyone who doesn’t demands extra work – an inconvenience.
What Drives Negative Attitudes Toward Individuals with Learning Differences?
Years of attention-grabbing headlines – particularly those written about ADHD – have fueled myths and negative conceptions about neurodiversity and learning differences that have seeped into our subconscious and created a bias that was never of our making. The idea of ADHD not existing and instead being an excuse for a lack of discipline and poor parenting, for example, is still rampant.
It’s also generational. When I was in school in the ’80s, the term “specific learning difference” didn’t exist, let alone the more positive term, “neurodivergence.” Children who displayed traits that we now recognize as learning differences were regarded as unintelligent and troublesome, their traits only inspiring irritation or sympathy from teachers. (Even the latter can be damaging to self-esteem if a child senses that an authority figure is taking pity on them.)
The Consequences of Negative Teacher Bias
Such negative, often implicit biases against these students means potentially disastrous outcomes for self-esteem and future educational success. A UK report found that institutions of higher learning have been slow to provide inclusive educational environments in large part because of negative attitudes from staff toward students with learning differences.1 This included teachers not believing that a student had a disability or difference, and even questioning if a neurodivergent student was capable of studying at their current level.
Crucially, we must consider intersectionality here and how the overlap of race and gender with learning differences may create further discrimination or disadvantage, as evidenced, for example, by a teacher holding lower expectations of a child who has a certain skin color and a learning difference, or enacting harsher consequences. According to the Bellwether Report, Black students with disabilities account for just over 2% of the total U.S. student population, yet they make up nearly 9% of all students suspended.2
One in every five of us is said to be neurodivergent3, so it is the rule and not the exception that teachers will educate students with learning differences for the entirety of their careers. Still, educator training to support students with learning differences using inclusive practices, including increasing awareness of implicit biases, remains inadequate or largely unavailable, despite increasing calls for these components to become a core part of teacher training.
A strengths-based, inclusion-focused pedagogy whereby teachers fundamentally believe that all students, regardless of ability, can thrive when their needs are met can dramatically change learning outcomes for the better. One study showed that, compared to teachers with negative inclusive educational beliefs, teachers who believed that inclusive education is an effective way to teach provided greater positive feedback to students, felt less frustrated, and held lower expectations for future failure.4
In my role as a learning support specialist, I have collected many anecdotes from neurodivergent students about times when a teacher delivered instruction in a more inclusive manner, surely with learning differences exclusively in mind, that ended up making the lesson much more accessible to the entire class, to the delight of all students. Known as the curb-cut effect, it demonstrates that inclusive teaching can benefit not just a target group, but all students.
Apart from teacher training on inclusive practices, we also need more neurodivergent teachers who, by virtue of living with a condition or learning difference, will understand the experiences of students with learning differences and approach instruction in a more empathetic manner.
It’s possible that there are more neurodivergent educators out there than we know. They remain in the shadows because of fears related to disclosing a learning differences and being judged negatively. The unfortunate consequence of stigma is that it leaves a distinct lack of neurodivergent role models for students. If educational institutions start to actively recruit, support, and learn from neurodivergent teachers, then schools as a whole will be more inclined to look positively upon their neurodivergent students.
I feel instinctively that the tide is turning. It may be slow, but I’m heartened by how much societal awareness of neurodiversity has grown. I’ve observed that teachers and students are becoming more open about their differently wired brains. In my lifetime, I hope that all teachers will walk into a classroom and immediately feel nothing but delight and excitement – never dread – at the prospect of teaching students with wonderfully neurodivergent brains.
Implicit Bias in Education: Next Steps
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Attending the University of Notre Dame was always my dream. I loved the mission of the university and wanted to continue the legacy of my grandfather and great-grandfather. I vividly remember when my grandfather took me to a football game as an eighth grader. We went to the Grotto and lit candles. He smiled at me and said, “If you work hard, you can study here.”
Though I nodded back, I didn’t completely believe him. Even after being accepted to Notre Dame, I was afraid I wouldn’t have the tools or talent to measure up to my peers.
As a student with ADHD and dyslexia, I have often experienced doubt and struggled in my academic career during periods of transition, e.g., moving to a school for children with learning differences in second grade, attending a ‘regular’ high school, and then going to college. These periods are challenging for everyone, but the learning curve for individuals with learning differences and ADHD can be especially steep and intimidating.
Despite my fears, I loved my first semester of college. Academically, I worked really hard to succeed at such a rigorous school. I sat in the front row of every lecture, tried to know each professor personally, signed up for exam accommodations, and relentlessly studied.
I took my notes on paper to limit my distractions using beautifully colored pens. I made flashcards, went to office hours, checked homework with friends, and did every practice problem I could get my hands on. These habits set me up for success. I also joined clubs, started a job, auditioned for a play, attended football games, and spent time with new friends I cherish even now in my third year.
I experienced really tough moments, too. My schedule was absolutely insane (and still is my junior year!). Outside of Friday and Saturday nights, I worked constantly. There was no time for Netflix or naps. I also experienced intense exam anxiety. I put a ton of pressure on myself to be at the top of my class, even if it really didn’t matter. I recall scoring below average on my first calculus exam. I was so hard on myself even though I improved my score on every subsequent exam.
I also made careless mistakes that I beat myself up about, like when I missed my first online quiz for my microeconomics class. It changed my grade average to 56%. Yet, I still managed to end the semester with an A. Another time, I missed the deadline to apply to be a class council representative because I didn’t read one email. Yet, that missed opportunity led me to run for vice president of my hall, one of the best experiences I have ever had.
Those “failures” seemed devastating at the moment, but they always worked out for the best. I just needed to problem-solve, take deep breaths, and pivot. I am incredibly grateful to those who supported me, such as the girls in my hall, kind professors, the Sara Bea Accessibility Services Center, and my family.
ADHD College Advice for First-Year Students
Here are 10 pieces of college advice I would offer any incoming student with ADHD and learning differences:
Learn the names of as many people as possible and say “hello.” You never know who might become your best friend. However, know that not everyone will jive with you — and that’s totally okay.
Do not discount yourself — yes, you really do belong. Say yes to as many opportunities as possible. This is the best time to explore your passions and the myriad communities on campus.
Figure out what motivates you. Because of my ADHD, I really need deadlines or someone to hold me accountable. I am most engaged and productive when I am really busy.
Get a job on campus and make your own money. Deposit some money into a long-term savings account, buy your textbooks, splurge at Trader Joe’s, take a spontaneous solo trip to Las Vegas — whatever floats your boat.
Sit in the front and pay attention in class. If you scroll through your phone during lectures, you will need to spend far longer studying the night before an exam.
If you choose to be busy, have a positive attitude about it. You can invest your valuable time however you see fit. If it makes you miserable, do something else.
Create a toolkit of things that help you stay focused. A drink always helps me pay attention in long lectures. I go to Starbucks or use my electric kettle to brew tea from my dorm room. I also use colorful pens to make taking notes more fun. If all else fails, walk to the bathroom and back to reset.
Ask, and you shall receive. Do not be afraid to reach out to people in your campus community. Cold emails can lead to jobs, friendships, and new insights. You have nothing to lose, so be assertive and ask for what you want.
Conflict is normal. Yet, always assume good intent, especially with friends, teammates, professors, and project members. Active listening, “I” statements, and compassion go a long way. It’s totally okay to think differently than others, but ignoring their perspectives is not okay.
Prioritize your sleep, exercise, and faith (if you practice). Investing time in these activities will make you far happier and more productive.
ADHD College Advice: Next Steps
Meaghan Northup grew up in Louisville, Kentucky, and is a junior at the University of Notre Dame where she is studying Business Analytics and French.
CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.
The other night, when my girlfriend and I sat in the kitchen enjoying a cuppa tea, I got up mid-conversation to put away a pack of cat treats. “I’m still listening!” I shouted as I walked into the adjacent room.
She kept talking, and I kept puttering around. I apologized afterward, as I felt I’d been a bit rude. Thankfully, it didn’t bother her. But I realized I putter often, doing small jobs in a relaxed way. And it’s not just with her but during every kitchen-adjacent conversation with anyone, or when I’m on the phone, or when I’m hosting people…you get the idea. While it looks like I’ve tuned out the conversation, moving around and tidying up actually helps me be an active listener.
I love my kitchen. It’s a very active space that is permanently untidy in a homely, practical way. I find cooking and making cocktails a great creative outlet, especially when I’m entertaining. I’ve made my kitchen as ADHD-friendly as possible, keeping the stuff I use most visible and accessible while dancing about.
British custom dictates that we offer (force feed) our guests a drink or cuppa tea when they arrive, generally making the kitchen our first port of call. When my girlfriend pops by, she’ll perch on a stool at the breakfast bar (a stool I instinctively dodge or walk into every time I pass it rather than tuck it away). I’ll make the drinks. She’ll talk. I’ll listen. Then, I’ll get an overwhelming urge to reorganize my cupboards.
I’m not uninterested in what she’s saying — that woman could give a blow-by-blow account of a puddle drying, and I would hang on her every word. It’s just that I suddenly notice all these little tasks, and it’s like an itch! I really can’t help myself — I simply must do them then and there.
So, now I find myself standing there, doing my best not to interrupt her and practice my active listening skills without accidentally stabbing myself in the hand with the paring knife I’m ‘discreetly’ polishing.
By the time she finishes telling me about her day, the area around me looks like an IKEA showroom, yet the rest of the kitchen is still scruffy!
Then it’s my turn to talk, and all my activity ceases as she has such captivating listening eyes and a radiant smile.
Overall, I think my kitchen tidying is a good ADHD habit. For example, I’ll notice I’ve run out of clean cooking knives, wash the ones I’ve left beside some bowls, and then start cleaning the bowls. The next thing you know, I’ve washed all the pots and pans and blitzed the entire room in a whirlwind of disinfectant wipes, blissfully forgetful of the ice cream quietly melting in the next room, still bereft of the spoon I went to fetch in the first place. Then I’ll realize I’ve forgotten the spoon, go back into the kitchen, get distracted by a spot I missed cleaning as I open the cutlery drawer…and here we go again!
Is this an ADHD thing or something that everyone else does?
Active Listening: Next Steps
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Can’t get out of bed? Whether it’s due to a poor night’s sleep (hello, night owls), stubborn morning grogginess (i.e., sleep inertia), or dread-induced paralysis, struggling to wake up – while a common issue among individuals with ADHD – is a rough way to start the day… everyday.
Try these suggestions to get your mind, body, and environment aligned to help you get out of bed in the morning with less resistance and more alertness.
Fight Sleep Inertia by Waking the Body
Develop or reaffirm the habit of placing your phone or alarm across the room where you can hear it go off in the morning, but you must move in some capacity to shut it off. (Movement is key!)
Invite bright light into your room – another step you prepare the night prior – to cue your body that it is time to awaken. Leave a portion of your curtains/blinds open to allow the morning sunlight to gradually brighten your room. Alternatively, invest in a lamp that activates with your alarm.
Drink water as soon as you can after waking. Beyond hydration, the cool water will provide a mini shock to your body and quickly eliminate grogginess. (Leave a glass of water on your night stand the evening prior and do your best to take even a small sip right after waking.) Give it a try; even if your head hits the pillow again for 5 more minutes, you’ll find it much harder to get any additional sleep with your body now activated.
Continue to cool your body temperature! The temporary discomfort will continue to activate your body and bring you out of a groggy state. Throw off your covers and let the cool air hit you; if you got up to shut off your alarm, go ahead and open a window while you’re at it. Was your phone or alarm on your way to the bathroom? Then step in to splash cold water on your face and/or take a cold shower.
Get your blood pumping with light stretches. You can tense and relax while still in bed, after getting up to silence your alarm and drink water, and at any other point when your body could use a boost.
Breathe deeply for a few moments to increase your attention and help you feel refreshed and revitalized.
Use the power of scent to cue your body to wakefulness. Increase alertness with various aromas like peppermint, eucalyptus, or rosemary. Consider using sprays or diffusers (even better if they go off automatically). You can even set your coffee maker to start brewing just after your alarm goes off. The inviting smell of hot coffee can lure you out of bed.
Play energizing sounds, like upbeat music from your favorite playlist.
Resist the snooze. I know – if it were that easy to do, you probably wouldn’t be reading this. But when you’re reaching for the snooze button, it might help to remember that it actually prolongs sleep inertia, potentially making your morning feel even worse.
Focus on the next step. If you’re overwhelmed at the thought of everything you have to do, take a deep breath and try to pay attention only to your next small step, like getting your body out of bed, putting on slippers, taking one step and then another out of your room and into the bathroom, and so on.
Reward yourself when you get out of bed. Text a friend (which can also keep you accountable), enjoy a great breakfast, read your favorite blog, watch an episode of your favorite TV show as you get ready – anything that will make your morning as enjoyable as possible.
Reflect on three positive things that have happened in the past week to start your day on an encouraging note of gratitude.
Plan positive moments throughout the day and remember them when you’re waking. Write them down in a place you can easily look in the morning.
Come up with positive affirmations related to waking. Tell yourself that you enjoy waking up in the morning. Say it enough, and you’ll believe it.
Getting to a point where you can spring out of bed and start your day 100% energized won’t happen overnight. With any of these techniques, give yourself time to build consistency so these strategies become part of your morning routine. If you have chronic difficulties with sleep, whether from ADHD and/or other conditions that impact sleep, including stress, consult with your doctor to determine the best sleep/wake strategies for you and if any adjustments to your treatment plans are necessary.
How to Get Out of Bed in the Morning with ADHD: Next Steps
CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.
