The historic seaside town of Lahaina that was once the capital of the Kingdom of Hawaii has been largely reduced to ash as wildfires continued to rip through the state, with 36 people already confirmed dead. What do you think?
“Out of respect, I will wait a day before calling to check on my reservation.”
Larry Balestras, Patent Holder
This Week’s Most Viral News: August 11, 2023
“Just once, I’d like to hear a positive story about out-of-control wildfires.”
A driver in Pennsylvania crashed their car into the second floor of a house, with photos from the scene showing the side of the vehicle lodged into the home with its back wheels dangling off the roof. What do you think?
“I celebrate not that the driver crashed, but that for a moment, they flew.”
John Denton, Sauce Chef
Flat-Earthers Explain Why The Earth Is Flat
“Yeah, I suck at parking, too.”
Ernest Braatz, Dress Zipper
“It’s their fault for building a house near a street.”
In 2001, a US Navy submarine performed an emergency ballast blow maneuver to impress VIP civilians onboard. It surfaced at high speed directly under a Japanese fishery high-school training ship and sank it, killing nine on board; four high school students, two teachers, and three crew members.
SAVANNAH, GA—Unable to revive the crushed, skeletal remains pulled from the rubble, first responders confirmed Wednesday that two people were still dead after a local mausoleum collapsed. “Upon sifting through the debris, we unfortunately found no survivors among the already deceased,” said rescue worker Brandon Reinhardt, explaining that by the time EMTs arrived on the scene, the crypt’s occupants had already been dead for over 150 years. “We rushed to the scene as quickly as possible, but the victims, Horace P. Wingart and wife, continued to be unresponsive. It appears they were unable to escape, and this remained the case after the collapse caused several large blocks of granite to fall on their coffins.” Local officials confirmed the next of kin had been located in an adjacent grave plot and notified.
A new study has found that New York City is sinking 1 to 2 millimeters each year in part due to the extraordinary weight of its skyscrapers, worsening the flooding threat posed to the metropolis from rising seas. What do you think?
“Sorry, but Midtown needs 50,000 perpetually vacant apartments.”
Laszlo Gibbs, Allium Specialist
Goofy Beats Ron DeSantis To Death With Crowbar
“I remember 50 years ago when we were floating 3.94 inches above sea level.”
Prince Harry, his wife Meghan, and her mother were involved in a “near catastrophic” car chase with paparazzi photographers in New York after an event, drawing some parallels with the high-speed Paris car chase that killed his mother Princess Diana in 1997. What do you think?
“At least we’ll finally see a photo of the elusive Harry And Meghan.”
Dion Hudson, Plastic Bag Lobbyist
New Yorkers Describe Their Worst Experiences With Rats
“You’d think after Princess Diana’s tragic death, they’d know to just give the paparazzi what they want.”
Carl Kasperson, Style Coach
“What’s it going to take for them to finally leave the paparazzi alone?”
MINNEAPOLIS—Breathing a deep sigh of relief, local driver Rob Glasser was reportedly thankful Friday after confirming the pedestrian he had struck with his car was just dented. “Well, thank God it’s nothing serious,” said Glasser, bending down to examine the small dent on the pedestrian’s forehead, which he noted could not be larger than 3 inches across. “I was worried when I heard that crunch, but honestly, it’s really no damage at all. Who knows, maybe he was already like that before I bumped him. My car looks worse than he does. You could probably take a plunger to that and have it sorted right in a minute. No harm, no foul, I guess.” At press time, sources reported Glasser had left a note pinned to the man and sped off.
SpaceX’s Starship rocket, the most powerful ever built, blasted off on an unpiloted maiden flight Thursday, flying for more than two minutes before exploding. What do you think?
“Everything explodes eventually.”
Kat Alvarez, Apartment Stager
NASA Delays Artemis Launch After Rocket Gets Scared
“We’re on the doorstep of a bold new era of space disasters.”
Andy Hood, Jar Sealer
“I’d like to see China blow up a rocket in less than two minutes.”
Miraculously, Jeremy Renner is on his feet. In his first live television appearance since the devastating snowplow accident that left him with over 30 broken bones in his body, Renner appeared as a guest on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night, walking onstage with the help of a cane.
Renner seemed positively thrilled to be mobile again as he walked over to host Jimmy Kimmel, gave him a hug, danced around a bit, and eventually sat in his chair—but not before doing a few high kicks from his seat. “If there was any question as to who the toughest Avenger was, that’s settled now,” said Kimmel as the audience roared. “Yeah, it’s Scarlett Johansson,” the Marvel star quipped back.
Renner than shared the details of his New Year’s Day snow plow accident, when the two-time Oscar nominee was run over be a seven-ton Piston Sno-Bully after he tried to stop the machine from running over his 27-year-old nephew, Alexander Fries. “I got eaten up under the tracks,” said Renner. “That was a very bad way to start the year.”
According to Renner, he broke “35 or so” bones in the accident. “We kept discovering them as we were going along, because it went from critical order of, you know, priority of what I was going to die from or not,” he said. “And then, you know, six weeks later, finding another break and another break and another break.” Kimmel quipped that Renner was approaching “Evel Knievel territory” in terms of the amount of injuries he sustained.
“It’s a giant metal cookie roller, and it just missed every vertebrae, right?” said Renner, explaining his relative good fortune. “It didn’t hit any organs. My brain didn’t swell. My eye did pop out, so that’s weird. But I got very lucky that none of the organs got messed up.”
Renner than told stories from his multiple ICU stays, telling Kimmel that he “hated his outfit” while in the hospital. He shared that he didn’t really understand the severity of his injuries until some of his Avengers pals, like Chris Evans and Anthony Mackie, came to visit him. “They were terrible actors,” he said. “They couldn’t hind the fact that I looked awful.” Renner also shouted out Paul Rudd, who stopped by the hospital multiple times to visit him. Not only did Rudd visit Renner, but he also made Renner a fake Cameo, which Renner played on the show.
“Hey, Jerry. I hear you’re a little banged up. Got in a fight with a snow blower?” says Rudd in the video, nailing the medium’s impersonal nature. “Anyway, I just wanted to send this video. It’s really from the heart and hope you’re feeling better. Sounds like you are ― apparently you’re a pretty tough guy. Maybe I’ll get to meet you someday…Take is easy for awhile and next time maybe let the snow melt. Feel better, Jerry.”
WASHINGTON—In an attempt to relieve some of the tremendous insecurity and anxiety he had been experiencing lately, President Joe Biden reportedly reassured himself Tuesday that people weren’t even thinking about him all that much. “People have jobs and kids—they have lives—so it’s not like they’re going to spend a lot of time paying attention to me,” said President Biden, reminding himself that between inflation, healthcare costs, the loss of reproductive rights, gun violence, and environmental disaster, most Americans had “enough on their plate already” without worrying about what “old Joe Biden” was doing. “I can’t let myself get worked up by all this shit. I mean, on a given day, there are probably only a handful of people who notice me, and they’re all way too busy to bother scrutinizing my words and actions. Seriously, how many folks in this town even know my name?” At press time, sources confirmed that Biden had calmed his nerves before a major summit on averting climate catastrophe by reminding himself that it was okay to make mistakes.
Jeremy Renner is on the mend after a life-threatening incident involving a snow plow.
The actor spoke out for the first time on Tuesday after sustaining a number of serious injuries due to a snowplow accident that occurred on his property on New Year’s Day. He shared a selfie from his hospital bed on Instagram, writing in the caption, “Thank you all for your kind words. 🙏. Im too messed up now to type. But I send love to you all.”
A representative for Renner confirmed the news to People on Monday that the Avengers star had “suffered blunt chest trauma and orthopedic injuries” due to the incident “and has undergone surgery today, January 2nd 2023. He has returned from surgery and remains in the intensive care unit in critical but stable condition.” They explained that the actor was “moving snow from his driveway on Sunday so that his family members could depart his home after spending New Years together. He was also helping clear out the snow of his neighbor’s home as everyone up there had been without power for 24 hours and there had been a large snowfall. So he was helping everyone in trying to clear out the snow so people could get out.” Renner was the only party involved in the accident, according to local authorities and, currently, “his family is with him and he is receiving excellent care.”
The rep also added that, “Jeremy’s family would like to express their gratitude to the incredible doctors and nurses looking after him, Truckee Meadows Fire and Rescue, Washoe County Sheriff, Reno City Mayor Hillary Schieve and the Carano and Murdock families. They are also tremendously overwhelmed and appreciative of the outpouring of love and support from his fans.”
Renner has a nine-year-old daughter, Ava Berlin, whom he shares with ex-wife Sonni Pacheco. He has owned his home in the Mt. Rose area of Washoe County, Nevada, between Reno and Lake Tahoe, for a number of years. But over the weekend, the area experienced a major snow storm that resulted in dangerous weather conditions with dozens of drivers on Interstate 80 near Lake Tahoe needing to be rescued after multiple cars spun out. The actor has previously said that he loves how remote and close to nature the area is, which is also what made this accident so dangerous. He told the Reno Gazette Journal in 2019 that he chose Mt. Rose as his home because, “There’s no traffic, clean air, clean water, friendly, smiling faces here. I think it’s a majestic place.” He added, “I find I know quite a few people here. It’s just big enough, and it’s just small enough for me, and I love it.”
Crowds packed into Iowa Tap Room Sunday night for a silent auction. Most were friends, family, coworkers and students of beloved Ankeny teacher Greg Lage.”Looking across the room, I can only compare it to our wedding when we had so many people from so many different chapters of our life that are here together. It’s really incredible,” said wife Mindy Lage. Lage spent three weeks in a coma after he nearly died in a bike accident last month. He’s now awake and has started physical therapy at a rehabilitation program. Sunday night’s silent auction served as an opportunity for the community to show emotional and financial support.”It’s just amazing the generosity of people who continue to show their support for us both by being around us and supporting us and giving us hugs when they see us and just also donating and giving so much of their time and energy and talent to this amazing event,” said Greg Lage’s daughter Sadie Lage. Although thrilled that her husband and father to four daughters will eventually return home, Mindy Lage says there’s still an uncertain and long journey ahead.”We have to make a lot of modifications to our home to make it accessible for him. We’re trying to figure out how we can make that a livable space for settling,” she said. “What kind of support will he need once he comes back to our house? What kind of support will we need as a family once he comes back to our house? That’s kind of what we’re focused on now.”Despite the long journey ahead, crowds dressed in matching T-shirts that proudly display the message “We ride with Greg” serve as testament that Greg Lage won’t be riding alone.”I think the whole time, especially when he was in a coma, I was just really hoping that he would be able to wake up one day and witness the support that he is receiving and the impact that he’s made on his community, his students, his co workers, his players, his children,” Mindy Lage said. “For his children to witness the impact that their dad has had on people has been really amazing and an important lesson,” she said. “I think Greg will be really proud. I think he’ll be proud once he can understand what has gone on here.”All proceeds from Sunday night’s event will go directly to Greg Lage and his family. You can find a link to donate to the family here.
DES MOINES, Iowa —
Crowds packed into Iowa Tap Room Sunday night for a silent auction. Most were friends, family, coworkers and students of beloved Ankeny teacher Greg Lage.
“Looking across the room, I can only compare it to our wedding when we had so many people from so many different chapters of our life that are here together. It’s really incredible,” said wife Mindy Lage.
Lage spent three weeks in a coma after he nearly died in a bike accident last month. He’s now awake and has started physical therapy at a rehabilitation program. Sunday night’s silent auction served as an opportunity for the community to show emotional and financial support.
“It’s just amazing the generosity of people who continue to show their support for us both by being around us and supporting us and giving us hugs when they see us and just also donating and giving so much of their time and energy and talent to this amazing event,” said Greg Lage’s daughter Sadie Lage.
Although thrilled that her husband and father to four daughters will eventually return home, Mindy Lage says there’s still an uncertain and long journey ahead.
“We have to make a lot of modifications to our home to make it accessible for him. We’re trying to figure out how we can make that a livable space for settling,” she said. “What kind of support will he need once he comes back to our house? What kind of support will we need as a family once he comes back to our house? That’s kind of what we’re focused on now.”
Despite the long journey ahead, crowds dressed in matching T-shirts that proudly display the message “We ride with Greg” serve as testament that Greg Lage won’t be riding alone.
“I think the whole time, especially when he was in a coma, I was just really hoping that he would be able to wake up one day and witness the support that he is receiving and the impact that he’s made on his community, his students, his co workers, his players, his children,” Mindy Lage said.
“For his children to witness the impact that their dad has had on people has been really amazing and an important lesson,” she said. “I think Greg will be really proud. I think he’ll be proud once he can understand what has gone on here.”
All proceeds from Sunday night’s event will go directly to Greg Lage and his family. You can find a link to donate to the family here.
If you don’t keep your microwave oven in good condition, it could catch fire. (Photo: Getty)
getty
This doesn’t mean that you should freak out and duck and roll every time you make avocado toast in your kitchen. But if you are not careful, your kitchen could be an accident waiting to happen.
Of course, your oven and stove can be dangerous because they could end up cooking things besides your food. And you should be careful about operating a garbage disposal, blender, or something similar while wearing a long necktie or scarf. But there are other dangers that may not be so obvious. For example, according to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, each year approximately 22,500 people have to visit hospital emergency departments after getting injured by furniture, TVs, and appliances tipping over, 44% of whom are children. Your kitchen probably has at least one tip-over risk plus several things that can catch on fire, and on fire not in a good way. Specifically, there are four things to look out for, based on what three appliance repair experts who run the “Appliances Made Simple” website say.
1. Your refrigerator can tip over, catch fire, or give you bad microbes.
An unsecured refrigerator can tip over and crush you. (Photo: Getty)
getty
Assuming that you don’t have a TV, a dresser, or a gigantic Harry Styles statue in your kitchen, the most likely thing to tip over is your refrigerator. Your fridge is probably the most-used appliance in your kitchen as well because that’s where the food be. So frequently engagement means that it may be more likely to move. Moreover, it’s freaking heavy since a fridge made completely out of papier-mâché, rubber, or lint wouldn’t work too well.
Therefore, it’s super important to keep your refrigerator secured, potentially to the wall, as the “Appliances Made Simple” website recommends, so that it doesn’t Rock the Casbah, so to speak, until it falls on to you. It’s not great idea to place heavy items on top of your fridge either as they may fall on to you. So find some other place to put your anvils, bowling balls, and iron garter belts.
Also, remember that the refrigerator has electricity flowing through it so it can catch fire should wires or other parts be faulty. Therefore, make sure that everything is in good working order. Antique end tables may be nice but not necessarily antique refrigerators.
Finally, your refrigerator could be a home to a lot of unwelcome guests. No, not your relatives and in-laws who just won’t leave, but rather microbes like bacteria and mold that could get you really sick. So keep the insides of your refrigerator clean and throw out any food that may be spoiled or contaminated.
2. Cooker hoods and ducts can catch fire.
cooker hood (Photo: Getty)
getty
Your stove can certainly catch fire. In fact, if you have a gas stove, it is supposed to do so to a limited degree. The trouble is it can readily spark a fire in anything close to the stove. That includes the hood and ventilation systems sitting above or to side of the stove. Such systems can get get clogged up with dust and grease, leaving them readily ignitable. Therefore, it’s important to regularly clean these systems and frequently replace the filters. You don’t want a hooda, coulda, woulda situation.
3. Dishwashers can catch fire.
Allow the heating element of your dishwasher to cool down for a few hours after a wash cycle before … [+] initiating another one. (Photo: Getty)
getty
Just because a dishwasher has water running through it doesn’t mean that it can’t catch fire. A dishwasher typically has heating elements and uses electricity as well. So the same keep-it-clean-and-in-working-condition advice applies here too. The “Appliances Made Simple” guys also recommend allowing the heating element of your dishwasher to cool down for a few hours after a wash cycle before initiating another one. In the case of dishwashers and people, being hot may be good but there is such a thing as being too hot. Moreover, the three guys advise against running your dishwasher overnight or any other time when you may not be around to quickly detect that something’s gone wrong. It’s not great coming back to a situation where the dishes are done but the house is on fire.
4. Microwaves can catch fire, expose you to radiation, and cause heat things to burn you.
According to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), the majority of microwave-related injuries … [+] are burn injuries when people touch, eat, or otherwise come into contact with food, liquids, or containers before they’ve had time to cool down enough. (Photo: Getty)
getty
By now you may think that seemingly everything in your kitchen can catch fire. That’s may be true for practically besides your ceramic Taylor Swift Meets BTS Shrine. But one more appliance that could be prone to going aflame if it’s not maintained properly is your microwave. Yes, that innocent appearing microwave that you may use to reheat your gnocchi or make your underwear nice and cozy feeling. Chances are you know that metal items such as utensils and handcuffs shouldn’t go into a microwave because they may spark a fire. But you should also look for places where the microwave may have wear and tear, allowing them to malfunction and catch fire.
Check the door to the microwave too. A defective door can allow radiation to leak out and in turn expose you, which wouldn’t be great. Microwave radiation to your popcorn is one thing. Microwave radiation to your genitals is another thing. Thus, the “Appliances Made Simple” guys warn you to regularly check the seal of the door and make sure it closes tightly.
Then there are the food, beverages, and anything else that you may put in the microwave. According to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), the majority of microwave-related injuries are burn injuries when people touch, eat, or otherwise come into contact with food, liquids, or containers before they’ve had time to cool down enough. It’s never a good idea to put boiling hot stuff in your mouth.
The “Appliances Made Simple” trio consist of Adam Morris, an engineer with about a decade of experience. David Lewis, an engineering student, and Jason Hutchinson, an engineer with 15 years of experience repairing appliances. They have general advice for all small appliances in your kitchen, urging you to keep “their cables safely tucked away from the edge of your countertop to avoid them being accidentally pulled off the worksurface. This is especially important if you have kids in your home.” They also “recommend that you register all new appliances with the manufacturer so they can reach out to you in the case of recalls or the discovery of faults.”
Again, this doesn’t mean that you should never go into your kitchen or replace your kitchen with a bocce ball room. It simply means that you should keep your kitchen in good condition and be mindful of the possible dangers. While you can dance the “Safety Dance” if it’s truly done safely. Your kitchen may not be the best place to shuffle dance to the song “Sex Bomb” while wearing a Deadpool mask that doesn’t have any eye holes.
