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1. How’s anal with someone with pearls in their dick? I’m getting some installed soon.
You’re referring to pearling, a body modification where small pearl-like beads are inserted under the skin of the penis. Post-pearling, your cock — to the untrained eye (read: most eyes) — is gonna look like it’s covered in cysts that could burst at any moment. Since I’ve never had anal with someone who had their dick modified in this way, I can’t tell you what it’s like. And before you can find out what it’s like, you’re gonna have to convince someone to let you fuck them with what looks like a cyst-covered cock. Good luck with that. (But if you do get the procedure done and manage to find someone who’ll let you fuck them, please come on my new mini podcast After Action Report — coming very soon to the podcast feed at Savage.Love — and tell me all about it!)
P.S. I don’t mean to be kink-negative here — I’ve seen people put far crazier looking things up their butts than a pearled cock, and sex shops sell ass toys with bumps and ridges because people like how bumps and ridges feel. So, your pearled cock may be in demand.
2. Is Pete Buttigieg more electable with a beard?
I don’t think anyone would buy Pete Buttigieg pulling a Tim Scott and getting himself a wife to make himself more electable — that is the kind of beard you meant, right?
3. My husband and I are about to open our marriage. He wants to have sex with men. This will probably only happen four times a year at most. Should he get on PrEP? Should he take doxy after each encounter? I asked him to wear a condom, and he agreed, although I know that wouldn’t be his preference. What’s the best way for him to protect himself and me as we move into this next chapter?
For maximum protection, your husband should get on PrEP (a daily pill that prevents HIV infection) and have Doxy PEP on hand (two pills taken after a sexual encounter that decreases the risk of contracting syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia) and insist on using condoms. If your husband is only having sex with men four times a year — and he’s scheduling those sex dates in advance — he could opt for PrEP on demand: taking two pills (Truvada or Descovy) 24 hours before he has sex with a man, another pill the day after, and one last pill two days after. But if your husband has poor impulse control — if he’s likely to jump on a dick if the opportunity presents itself — then he should be on daily PrEP.
4. How to ask a partner to wash their vulva better? Is there ever a nice way to say it?
When my husband’s junk doesn’t smell great, I can say, “Hey, you stink,” and tell him to jump in the shower — and he can say the same to me. But we can afford to be blunt because men haven’t been told for centuries (millennia!) that our genitals are smelly and unclean. So, you’ll have to be more tactful. Open by acknowledging how fraught this is and then emphasize that your first concern is for her health. Then say it.
5. How do you find your soulmate?
You find someone willing to pretend you’re their soulmate and you pretend they’re yours and — if you’re lucky — eventually the relationship lives up to the hype.
6. Is there such a thing as too much lube?
I used to think there was no such thing as too much maple syrup — I love me some syrup-soaked pancakes — until I read about the Great Molasses Flood of 1919: a storage tank in Boston filled with molasses burst, sending more than two million gallons of molasses pouring through the streets. This giant wave of molasses was moving faster than people could run — 35 miles per hour! — and 21 people drowned and another 150 were injured. So, while sex educators will sometimes say, “There’s no such thing as too much lube,” to correct for the common problem of people using too little, the Great Molasses Flood suggests that there could be such a thing as too much lube. (My editor tells me that maple syrup and molasses aren’t the same thing, which I knew but was pretending not to know for the sake of argument.)
Read the rest of this week’s column here! And this week on the Lovecast: A gay man is lucky to be in a throuple relationship. But he worries that he’s having too much sex, and thinking about sex so much that it’s distracting him at work. Is he a sex addict? What can he do to cool his fevered libido?
Our guest this week is Elise Loehnen, the New York Times bestselling author of On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to be Good. She is also the host of the podcast, “Pulling the Thread.” She and Dan talk about the role that envy plays in the scrutiny of women, slut shaming, lust, and how to work on our relationships with right-wingers. They had a lot to talk about! Some of it is on the Micro, the whole thing is on the Magnum. Listen here!
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Dan Savage
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