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1. How do I ensure an HSV-2-positive new partner is taking their meds to reduce transmission risk?
In a high-trust relationship, you trust your partner to take their meds. In a low-trust relationship, you insist your partner take their meds in front of you or send you a video of them taking their meds.
2. I’m a gay male in San Francisco. I’m a bit of a show-off and need some advice on easy and appropriate ways to share my content. OnlyFans feels too elaborate and “Close Friends” on Instagram comes with content restrictions and consent questions. What’s the best way to share my spicy pics/vids with an interested audience?
I keep reading that BlueSky is dying or dead — or that’s what I keep reading on Twitter — but BlueSky seems to be the “showing off” app of choice for gay men who are sick of Mark Zuckerberg’s puritanical bullshit and don’t wanna be associated with Elon Musk’s fascistic bullshit.
3. Why do gay women love watching porn with gay men? I do. I’m not alone either. Why?
Julianne Moore explained it best in The Kids Are Alright.
4. Have you heard the term “sparkle straight”?
Straight men who hung out with gay men — and seemed a little faggy themselves — used to be called “fruit flies.” But “fag hags” and “fruit flies” were considered derogatory, and they’ve been phased out in favor of the less interesting but more inclusive (and gender-neutral) “sparkle straight.”
5. My spouse has short hair, which I love. I am the one straight man who likes short hair. The issue is that I love to pull her hair during doggy style intercourse. She also loves to have her hair pulled in this position. The issue is that it’s hard to get a grip on her short hair. Are any clamp-on hair extensions that will stay securely in place while I’m giving them a strong tug?
If your spouse doesn’t wanna grow her hair out — and liking to have your hair pulled in your favorite sex position seems like a huge incentive to me — she could get a weave. But weaves, as we’ve all seen on our favorite reality TV programs, can be yanked off someone’s head pretty easily. So, maybe you should go with a nice head harness instead?
6. How do I make more precum?
Keep your bulbourethral glands well-hydrated, take supplements that promise to increase the amount of precum for their benefits and/or their placebo effects (which, when they occur, are actually beneficial), and hope for the best.
7. My male partner has an outie butthole. He doesn’t like to talk about it but wants to engage in butt play. I let him know I haven’t seen one like his before and could use some guidance on what to do or not to do, but he doesn’t know either. Any suggestions?
“When people say, ‘outie butthole,’ they’re usually describing hemorrhoids that prolapse — come in and out — or extra skin stretched from chronic hemorrhoids,” said Dr. Evan Goldstein, a proctologist, anal sex and health expert, and the founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical. “The most important thing is whether it causes symptoms — pain, bleeding, or problems with bowel movements. If it doesn’t, there’s no reason to avoid anal play. Use plenty of lube (preferably silicone), start slow, and consider using quality anal dilators to help the body adjust comfortably. If irritation or swelling becomes an issue, it’s worth seeing a sexual health specialist for treatment options. My practice is always available for telemedicine sessions, and in-person evaluations and management. Honestly, many people start by sending me ‘outie hole’ pics to figure out the best next steps via Instagram.”
You can follow Dr. Goldstein on Instagram — and send him your outie pics — @drevangoldstein.
8. How do I know if I’m ready for a threesome?
Picture your partner fucking the shit out of someone else — right in front of you — the same way they fucked the shit out of you when you first met. Picture your partner desperately swallowing another person’s tongue, picture your partner eating some other person out like they haven’t had a meal in weeks. If those pictures turn you on, you’re ready. If those pictures do nothing for you, you’re not ready. If those pictures enrage you, you’ll never be ready.
9. Sex life with new partner is completely unsatisfactory. How do I tell them?
You’ve hesitated to tell your new partner the sex is bad because you’re worried about derailing the relationship. But you’re not going to wanna stay in this relationship — you’re not going to wanna fuck this person for the rest of your life — if the sex doesn’t improve. So, you have nothing to lose by telling your new partner that the sex isn’t working for you. Right now, your partner is guessing at what you want and they’re guessing wrong. If you tell them what you need and what you want, they won’t have to guess and you might actually get what you need and want.
10. How do I get over my partner talking to other women while being okay with trying ENM?
If the thought of your partner talking with other women is upsetting — if you can’t picture your partner talking with other women without getting upset — you’re definitely not ready for ENM.
READ THE REST OF THIS WEEK’S COLUMN HERE! And this week on the Lovecast: A gay man in his 20s looks very young. He worries that the men who are attracted to him may be skeezy because he looks more like a boy than a man. His friends tell him to work it. But how can he safely enjoy New York City’s gay dating scene?
On the Magnum, a concerned mom wonders how to steer her teenaged kids toward ethical porn. We couldn’t think of a better guest to bring on than Erika Lust—she’s been making beautifully shot, thoughtful, sexy porn for 20 years. She and Dan talked about dealing with porn as a parent, how much porn is too much porn, and how adult content should NOT be in the hands of tech bros. Listen here!
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