Operation Melt: If You Wouldn’t Say It to a Friend, Stop Saying It to Yourself

If You Wouldn’t Say It to a Friend, Stop Saying It to Yourself

Want to know a secret about me?

I’m always listening to the way people talk about themselves. Not in a creepy way. In a coach way.

And I hear some absolute doozies.

• “I’m such an idiot.”
• “I’m old and tired.”
• “I’m not a good leader.”
• “I could never do that.”
• “Nobody wants to see my out-of-shape body.”

These aren’t jokes.
They aren’t harmless throwaway comments.
They’re beliefs hiding in plain sight.

And every time someone says one of these things out loud, a part of me flinches.

It makes me sad to hear these things.

But it’s also dangerous.

Because I’m not the only one listening.

Just Doing as Instructed

Your brain is listening too.

And when it hears those words, it doesn’t treat them like jokes or throwaway comments.

Your brain trusts you.

When you speak, it treats your words like instructions.
Commands.
Direction.

Most people don’t realize how literal this process is.

You are constantly programming your brain with the language you use, whether you mean to or not.

That’s because of a small but powerful part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System, or RAS.

Think of your RAS as your brain’s bouncer.

Its job is to decide what gets your attention and what gets ignored.
When something passes through the RAS, your brain tags it as important and starts looking for it everywhere, even when you’re not consciously thinking about it.

You’ve experienced this before.

A while back, I decided it might be time for a new car. I started casually thinking about buying another Subaru.

And suddenly, Subarus were everywhere.
At stoplights.
In parking lots.
On the highway.

There wasn’t a sudden explosion of Subarus on the road.
I had just told my brain they mattered.

My RAS let that idea in and started collecting evidence to support it.

Boom. It’s raining Subarus.

Danger: Self-Talk Ahead

My Subaru example is harmless.

Now imagine giving your brain a different command.
Something like, “I’m so stupid.”

Guess what your brain starts collecting evidence for. Yeah, not ideal.

Your brain hears that statement, believes you, and immediately gets to work trying to prove it right. That’s why negative self-talk is such a dangerous downward spiral. One careless comment turns into evidence, evidence turns into belief, and belief quietly becomes identity.

But this is also why positive self-talk is powerful. You can flip the script and reprogram your brain to be an ally instead of a critic.

By giving your brain a different set of instructions, you can point your Reticular Activating System in a better direction. Positive self-talk, often called affirmations, isn’t woo woo junk or fake optimism. It’s neuroscience. It’s how you control what matters to your brain and what gets reinforced.

And the best part is this doesn’t require a personality transplant or blind positivity. It starts with a couple of simple steps.

Here are two you can try today.

Step 1: Focus Your Brain

The first step in turning your RAS into an ally is telling it what matters most. That directs your brain’s focus to where you actually want it to go.

This step is surprisingly simple:

1. Set one clear goal. If everything is a priority, nothing is.
2. Write it down and keep it visible. Your RAS will stay locked in on it.

That’s it.

Simply reminding your brain of what matters most keeps it focused. Your brain will continue looking for ways to move you toward that goal, even when you’re not actively thinking about it.

And if you don’t have a clear goal yet, my Project Manage Your Life Starter Kit is designed to help you create one that actually fits your life before you try to focus on it.

Step 2: Stop Undermining Your Focus

Once your brain is focused on your goal, it’s time to watch for obstacles. They are out there, and many of them come from your own self-talk.

Pay attention to the negative things you say about yourself, especially statements that start with phrases like:

• “I am…”
• “I’m just…”
• “I can’t…”

Make a note of each one. Literally. Pen to paper.

Once you have a list, rewrite each statement into its positive opposite. Then read those affirmations out loud once a day for twenty-one days. Yes, it will feel a little weird. That’s normal.

What you’re doing is interrupting old patterns and deliberately installing new beliefs. Over time, those rewritten statements stop feeling forced and start feeling true.

A Self-Talk Masterclass

Self-talk is one of the top obstacles my clients face when pursuing their goals. Years of conditioning make it easy to talk shit to ourselves, while positive affirmations feel awkward and unnatural.

The good news is you don’t have to reprogram that voice on your own. I’m going to help you.

My next Goal Crusher Coffee Chat is where we’ll start rewiring the voice in your head so it stops talking shit and starts helping.

The theme of this session is:
You’ve Got a Friend in YOU!
A BFF Pep Talk for Your Hard Days.

In this session, I’ll share one of my clients’ favorite tools, my BFF Exercise, designed to help you respond to yourself the way a supportive, honest friend would.

Then we’ll have an informal roundtable built around this question:
What is one thing you wish your BFF would tell you on the days you’re hardest on yourself?

That question is often the first step toward becoming your own ally instead of your own worst enemy.

If you’re used to being hard on yourself, second-guessing your progress, or minimizing your wins, this conversation is for you.

Click below to save your spot for this free event.

Your brain can be a powerful ally in crushing your goals, or it can quietly get in your way. The difference comes down to the messages you feed it. When you’re intentional with your self-talk, your brain starts working with you instead of against you. But that requires paying attention to the negative things you say about yourself, because your brain is always listening. And it believes what you tell it.

If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, it’s time to stop saying it to yourself.

✨ I believe in you. Let me help YOU believe in you!

Meet Coach Tony

Tony Weaver is a master life coach, technologist, consultant, writer, and founder of Operation Melt.

He helps project managers and other left-brained high-achievers pursue their biggest goals.

Through free resources, personalized coaching, and his proven Project Manage Your Life system, Tony empowers clients to move their dreams from “someday” to success… one step at a time.

Learn more about Project Manage Your Life, the system my clients and I use to crush our goals, at OperationMelt.com/PMYL/