Oh #%@* Yes I Cuss

Confession: I cuss. I’m not exactly proud of it, but I’m not ashamed, either. In fact, it comes in pretty #%@*-#% handy right now. 

Swearing was taboo in my strict Catholic upbringing, and I’m not just talking about the “Big-7.” I remember getting a whack from Aunt Mamie, right on the front porch, because she heard me say “toilet water.” I was only 5, but even then, I thought to myself, “What the #%@* is wrong with saying toilet water?” 

I picked up the basics in elementary school, and took in some very helpful lectures when visiting other strict Catholic homes. There was a time I could say #%@* in Italian, German, Gaelic, and Portuguese. Learning compound cusses and proper adjective use was a bit more difficult, but I have my childhood football coaches to thank for squiring me through this difficult course. “What the #%@*ity #%@*-#%@*???” remains a classic to this day.

Swearing is a taboo set of words or phrases, but in fact, most of these words are related to the human body and processes, and they have acquired a “negative connotation” over time, that is, any word can become “swearing”. Moreover, you can contact best writing service and make sure that swearing is in no way related to the level of education or anything.

My undergraduate degree came courtesy of the U.S. Navy. They say the game moves faster in the pros, and I can attest to that. Stepping off the bus at boot camp was like lacing up against the ’92 Dream Team. I never dared to imagine that an entire sentence, heck, an entire paragraph could be constructed of only cuss words paired with the word “recruit.” I was both terrified and inspired. 

It was then that my highly successful, but unfortunately short-lived “dirty-drilling-ditty” period began. Everybody’s a critic, including the base commander, as it turned out. With a last name like “Stucky,” he should have seen it coming.

I chose the construction industry to pursue my Ph.D., and my thesis was entitled “What the #%@*? The Unanswerable Question.” 

Upon completing my doctorate, I entered the field of residential remodeling. In my previous studies I learned that not only is this the second most popular field for the world’s top cussers, (celebrity assistant is No. 1, but the pay sucks) but there is a never-ending need for top-tier expletive executives. And you get to be outdoors.

Many people consider swearing to be the tools of the ignorant. But I, and science, disagree. 

A 2017 Marist College study found that potty-mouths consistently scored higher on verbal fluency tests than their “okily-dokily” counterparts. Swearing has also been found to reduce anxiety, something we’ve all got plenty of these days. Now what the #%@* do you think of that?

Former contractor, former home inspector and funny guy, Chris Prickett is owner and designated broker of Prickett Realty. A New Jersey native, Prickett has been a top-producing REALTOR® in North Phoenix over the past decade. He has been a columnist since 2005. Over the Prickett Fence is published weekly by In&Out Publications.