PALO ALTO, CA—Noting the eerie feeling of being surveilled, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg reportedly expressed concern Tuesday that Facebook was listening to him after he received a targeted ad for a shirt that read “I Just Laid Off 10,000 Employees.” “How could it even know I just said that? It’s got to be using my goddamn microphone,” said Zuckerberg, adding that he had all his privacy settings turned on, and yet Facebook was pushing this item perfectly suited to his tastes. “It must have been listening to the party I was having to celebrate the layoffs. Sheesh, I’ve got to delete my cookies more often. It’s so invasive to feel tracked like this. It’s a little dystopian how it just showed me a shirt that says ‘I went to HARVARD and destroyed my FRIENDSHIP and love hunting with SPEARS.’” At press time, Zuckerberg confirmed he had bought the shirt from the advertisement.

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