Man backed for rejecting wife’s alcohol-free Thanksgiving: “Unreasonable”

Members of a popular internet forum rallied behind one man who scoffed at the notion of a dry Thanksgiving.

In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA******, Redditor u/teatotalledaita (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said two of his wife’s family members are recovering alcoholics, but made it clear that their recovery should have no bearing on his holiday celebration.

Titled, “[Am I the a**hole] for not agreeing to an alcohol-free Thanksgiving?” the since-deleted post has received more than 6,900 upvotes and 2,500 comments in the last day.

“My wife and I are hosting her family for Thanksgiving this year,” OP began. “In total, we are expecting 15 people for dinner.”

Continuing to explain that both his wife’s uncle and cousin are in recovery from alcoholism, the original poster said his mother-in-law insisted that Thanksgiving be alcohol-free, and that his wife agreed without ever mentioning it to him.

The original poster also said he will be responsible for cooking the family’s entire Thanksgiving dinner—something he’s always done with drink in hand.

“[My wife] explained about her family members in recovery and that her mom and aunt think we should do this out of ‘solidarity’ with them,” OP wrote. “I told her that I understand…but I also don’t necessarily agree with forcing everyone else to change for [two] people.

“When I cook, I like to enjoy a glass of wine, a beer, or a cocktail. Especially if I’m going to be in the kitchen for a long time cooking a huge meal for over a dozen people,” OP continued. “I told her that if she wants me to cook…then I should be able to dictate how I cook…including having a drink while I do it.

“It’s not like I’m going to start drinking at 9 a.m., nor do I intend on getting drunk. But…I want to be able to cook the way I enjoy,” OP added. “I would even be ok without having a drink with dinner, but this compromise is not acceptable to my wife. It has to be 100 [percent] alcohol free.”

The holidays are the perfect time to reconnect with family, enjoy time off from work and prepare for yet another new year.

For some, however, the holidays are predicated on alcohol consumption, with drinking encouraged at seemingly every turn.

In the U.S., nearly 14 million adults abuse alcohol or struggle with alcoholism, according to American Addiction Centers.

But while alcohol remains the most common drug of abuse among addiction treatment programs, data published by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism indicates that 35.9 percent of recovering alcoholics are able to stay sober.

The holidays are often a crucial time for those in recovery, and according to Renaissance Recovery CEO Kevin Cataldi, family members and former traditions can inadvertently add fuel to the fire.

“It can be difficult to stay sober during the holidays,” he told Newsweek. “Family can add an element of stress and festivities can lead to cravings.

“Many people find themselves visiting old places that may be triggering,” he added. “Relapse can be a common problem around the holidays.”

Cataldi also told Newsweek that, although family members can contribute to certain cravings, they can also play a role in suppressing them.

“As far as alcohol goes, you might want to also ditch old traditions for new ones like serving mocktails instead of, or in addition to, alcohol,” he said. “Use non-labeled cups and glasses if you do use alcohol…empty beer bottles and liquor bottles can be a relapse trigger for some.

“Don’t think of it as hiding the alcohol,” he added. “Think of it more as creating a more accommodating environment for your loved one.”

On multiple occasions, the original poster expressed his willingness to accommodate his wife’s family members, but made it clear that any accommodations should not come at his expense.

Throughout the comment section of his viral post, many Redditors defended his stance and called out his wife for agreeing to nix all alcohol without so much as a conversation.

“This is unreasonable,” Redditor u/Encartus wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received more than 20,000 upvotes. “You have every right to drink in your own home if you want to.

“That said,” they added, “If you choose to die on this hill it’s going to make your life super rough for a while.”

Redditor u/JDaleFranklin, whose comment has received nearly 4,000 upvotes, offered a similar response.

“You have every right to enjoy a drink in your house while cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and someone who is in a healthy recovery wouldn’t ask you to change that,” they wrote.

“If you’re cooking for everyone, you get to do what makes you happiest/most comfortable,” Redditor u/He_Who_Is_Right_ chimed in, receiving nearly 2,500 upvotes. “If that means you want to enjoy an adult beverage…you have that privilege.

“You were kind…to offer to refrain from drinking at the table in front of someone who has so recently entered recovery,” they added. “That’s the reasonable compromise.”

Newsweek has reached out to u/teatotalledaita for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.