Good Morning, News: Cops Love Their Overtime, an Emergency Naked Bike Ride, and Delusional Trump Thinks National Guard Is Already Here 🙄

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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!👋

Look, I’m SORRY… but I’m having trouble concentrating on how “war ravaged” the city is, when all I can think about is a big plate of juicy WINGS. That’s right, the Mercury‘s absolutely delicious WING WEEK is happening NOW and running through this coming Sunday! (Maybe we should wave a plate of delectable, creative wings under Trump’s nose to distract him?) In any case, check out the hot pics of all the gorgeous wings here, while I wave this hot plate of NEWS under your nose!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Just in case you’re wondering, it’s Thursday, and NO… the National Guard has NOT been deployed into Portland yet, despite what King Fool is squealing on social media. “The National Guard is now in place,” Trump wrongly typed with his tiny bruised fingers, “and has been dedicated to restoring LAW AND ORDER, and ending the Chaos, Death, and Destruction!” 😂 (This snowflake sounds even more panicky than the traumatized out-of-town Portland visitor who couldn’t get to Fred Meyer in this uncharacteristically terrible OPB article.) As it turns out, mobilizing 200 temporary soldiers—who have other jobs, family obligations, and television to watch—isn’t as “instantaneous” as Trump thought, as the troops are still being trained, filling out their paperwork, getting necessary medical screenings, packing up their toothbrushes, making sure the oven is turned off, and more. The delay makes tomorrow’s emergency restraining order hearing in front of US District Judge Michael Simon (the real nephew of playwright Neil Simon 👀) all the more interesting, as the mission—which is costing American tax payers at the very least a cool $3.8 million—may be stopped before it’s ever started. Pop up some corn, because this ruling could be a banger! 🍿

Our brave ICE and National Guard are writing home for support from Portland Oregon…

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— KittyKatGirl😻🙏💞🐞 (@mary1kathy.bsky.social) September 30, 2025 at 10:12 AM

• In other “lies from lying liars” news: A memo from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security on Tuesday erroneously claimed that more than 100 protesters had attacked the Southwest Portland ICE facility, stormed the building, and clashed with law enforcement. But according to reporters on the ground, neighbors, attendees, and anyone else with working eyes, there were no more than 40 people at the facility—about on par with the number of protesters who have been there daily for months without incident—and the situation was almost entirely peaceful. (It’s almost like they’re lying on purpose to help justify their previous lies about Portland being “war ravaged.”)

• Boy howdy, the Portland Police sure do love their overtime! After City Council put a cap on the rampant use of cop overtime after they spent a whopping $875,000 (!) back in June while standing around and watching ICE protests, Chief Bob Day announced he’s sending the boys in blue back out on the protest beat—even though they’re saying they won’t be helping ICE. 😒 So if the cops aren’t supposed to be spending that money, why are they? Our Courtney Vaughn has the details in her excellent report.

• OooooOOOoooooh! Look! A g-g-g-g-GHOST! 😂

• Because of everything [waves arms around carelessly] that’s been happening this week, a very good thing occurred that almost slipped under the radar: After years of being blocked—primarily by local conservatives and the whining truck stop lawyer pictured in the tweet above—the successful Portland Street Response project has finally started offering 24 hour/seven days per week service. The unarmed team, which answers non-violent crisis calls that are inappropriate for police response, was awarded the extra money needed to fund the program in July by the new city council, and will now be able to respond to calls more quickly and at any hour of the day or night. 🙌🏻 (Meanwhile, former city council member Rene Gonzalez is still working for a truck stop. Saaaaad troooommmmbooooone.)

• More good news: In response to King Dipshit’s order to militarize Portland with 200 National Guard troops, we’re getting an extra “emergency” World Naked Bike Ride this year! The group behind the ride—which also exists to promote body positivity and less reliance on car culture—says that plans for a nudie protest ride are in the works, and to stand by for more details. (Ooooh, I bet the number of National Guard volunteers just shot way up!) 

• Check out this great profile from Ryan Prado, about how the innovative “Books to Beats” program at the Donald E. Long Juvenile Detention Center teaches writing and how to record hip-hop songs to incarcerated youth in order to promote literacy, self-expression, and healing.

Hosts Mack Lee and Aleah Liebenau referee Kickstand Comedy’s lo-fi dating game show, in which sexy singles—including a real vampire—seduce a divorcee in a tracksuit.

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— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) October 1, 2025 at 4:18 PM

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• As expected, a federal government shutdown is now underway after Republicans refused to accept demands from Democrats to restore funding for critical health care and Medicaid. And besides threatening to fire furloughed government employees, Trump is also using the opportunity to possibly make deep cuts to “Democrat agencies”—which we assume are the ones that actually help Americans and keep them alive, like the EPA—while also cutting billions in funding to Democrat-led states (like us, hello 👋). 

President Donald Trump is leaning heavily into his budget director Russell Vought’s “Project 2025” fame as he threatens to make cuts to Democratic spending priorities.

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— Raw Story (@rawstory.com) October 2, 2025 at 8:00 AM

• According to reports, Israel’s navy has intercepted and captured all but one of the boats in the Global Sumud Flotilla—which we wrote about and include two Portlanders—which were attempting to deliver life-saving food and aid to the Gazans displaced by Israel’s continuing genocide against the country. Roughly 440 activists, including the famous Greta Thunberg, were “forcibly taken from their vessels” in international waters, according to a statement from the group. The Israeli foreign ministry says they intend to process them in their country before deporting them to Europe. As a reminder, Gaza’s Health Ministry reports that at least 66,000 Palestinians have been killed since the start of the war, and 1.9 million citizens have been displaced.

Stephen Miller cues up military invasion of Memphis.

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— Nancy Levine Stearns 🌎 (@nancylevinestearns.bsky.social) October 2, 2025 at 6:05 AM

• Terror reigned in northern England after an assailant rammed his car into a group of worshippers outside a Manchester synagogue and then went on a stabbing spree, killing two people and injuring four on Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar. The suspected murderer was shot and killed by police onsite, and two other suspects have been arrested in a terrible crime that officials are calling a terrorist attack. 

A DHS adviser fumed over Bad Bunny’s upcoming Super Bowl halftime show — vowing that ICE agents will attend the NFL game

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— Phil Lewis (@phillewis.bsky.social) October 2, 2025 at 6:27 AM

• RIP to famed chimp researcher Jane Goodall—whose revolutionary techniques were paired with a deep love for the natural world—who has died at the age of 91. She will most definitely be missed.

• And finally, I usually reserve this spot for something patently ridiculous… and I’ll return to that next week. But for now, take a moment and watch this heartbreakingly sweet love letter to Portland, from the great and hilarious comedian Atsuko Okatsuka.

@atsukocomedy Don’t mess with my sweeties 😤 #portland ♬ Ladyfingers – piano version – Harry Nicholson