[ad_1]
Red Gerard.
Photo: Michael Reaves/Getty Images
The 2026 Milan Cortina Winter Olympics don’t technically begin until the Opening Ceremony on Friday, but the real Olympic-heads (and sports bettors) know the truth: The action is already well underway. Competition kicked off on February 4 with the round-robin stage of mixed-doubles curling, a slimmed-down variant of the true sophisticate’s sport. Today brings preliminary matches for women’s ice hockey, qualification runs for men’s big-air snowboarding, and, of course, more curling, which is the only sport industrious enough to have events every day through the Olympics.
Anyway, there’s no shortage of story lines to follow over the next two weeks. In skating, will Team USA’s Madison Chock and Evan Bates bag the gold, or will they lose to the newly constituted French pair of Guillaume Cizeron and Laurence Fournier Beaudry, who are oh-so-very controversial? (Yes, we watched Netflix’s Glitter & Gold.) Will Spanish figure skater Tomàs-Llorenç Guarino Sabaté’s successful lobbying of Universal to let him skate like a Minion crack the door open to the IP-ification of figure-skating routines? In ice hockey, which will feature NHL players for the first time in a decade, who will prevail in the Four Nations rematch between Canada and the U.S., a rivalry you can only imagine will be extra-heard given the, uh, geopolitical context. Over in Alpine skiing, will we be watching Lindsey Vonn make a very, very grave mistake … or do ACLs just, like, not matter? Elsewhere, will Canada put Tate McRae on trial for treason?
We at Vulture will be tracking the whole thing, keeping an eye on the wins, the drama, and the memes. Strap in, enjoy the ride, and stay frosty.
Her name is Tina, and she’s going to be the star of this year’s Olympics. As Milan-Cortina d’Ampezzo’s mascot this year, alongside her brother Milo, who will be representing the Paralympics, the two short-haired weasels are the “first openly Gen Z mascots” and for obvious reasons, they’re cute as hell. Look at them frolic through the snow.
IT’S MOVING, OH MY GOD IT’S GOING IT’S GOING IT’S — probably the most stressful way to watch a curling stone fly across the ice. Switzerland’s Briar Schwaller-Hürlimann lets out a scream as she watches herself score four points. Hopefully one day, her sweet little baby will have an equally satisfying scream.
Proud cat dad Ilia Malinin is carrying a little bit of home with him for his first Olympics. He received yellow laces as a gift from NHL record breaker Alex Ovechkin and has worn them during his practice sessions; Ovechkin wore yellow laces throughout his career with the Washington Capitals. Malinin will compete in the men’s individual competition on February 10, and we’ll see if the yellow laces will hit the ice.
Red Gerard, who unfortunately did not qualify for Saturday’s men’s big air, wasn’t a fan of the discipline anyway. When asked if he liked competing in big air, where the competitors are judged for one trick done off a 16.4-foot jump, Gerard gave a straightforward, “No.” He added, “I’m not a fan of big air at all… Honestly, I don’t understand why we’re forced to do this. I don’t like to do this. It’s not what I enjoy doing. There’s no flow to it. It’s a little frustrating.” Olympic snowboarders automatically qualify for both big air and slopestyle disciplines, even if they have a preference for one or the other. At least he’s gotten this one over with and can focus on the slopestyle competition on February 16.
The first truly devastating event of the games happened before they even began. Canadian star snowboarder Marc McMorris crashed on February 4, was brought to the hospital, and unlike the injured Vonn, had to withdraw from one of his events. His life-threatening injury cause him to miss the big air qualifier and thus he will not be able to compete in that event at the actual games. However, all hope is not lost for McMorris — he will hopefully still be able to compete in slopestyle, which is scheduled for February 16. “I’m staying positive and shifting my focus there,” he said in a statement. “Huge thanks to the incredible medical staff who took great care of me, and to everyone who reached out with so much love and support.” McMorris has won bronze in slopestyle three times previously, so, if he’s successful in that event, it would be a four-peat.
He’s got a torch, silly! Snoop Dogg is becoming a mainstay in American Olympic coverage; he was a host at the Paris Summer Olympics two years ago, and now, he’s carrying the flame in Italy for the Winter Games. He walked out to Dr. Dre’s “The Next Episode” as the official torchbearer for Team USA. “I’m showing peace and love and it’s an honor to have this torch in my hand right now,” Snoop stated. “I want to spread a whole lot of love to the athletes, to the people of Italy, to the whole world right now. Because that’s what the Olympics is all about. Spread peace and love from the D-O-dub.”
Something to keep your eyes on when the men’s ski-jumping events begin on Monday: The German newspaper Bild apparently reported today that there’s concern over whether some athletes are injecting their, uh, penises with hyaluronic acid in order to, um, fly farther. What a magical thing, the human body. Obviously, they’re calling this little controversy “penis-gate.” The Guardian had a pretty good write-up on this in English.
And here’s the thing: The mechanics are probably a little different from what you might be imagining. It has less to do with the size of the genital itself and more with the suits ski jumpers are allowed to wear. The suits have to be skintight, and jumpers are assessed ahead of time using data collected by a 3-D scanner measured from the lowest point of their genitals. What’s being gamed here is the aerodynamics. The tighter the suit, the less able ski jumpers are to catch air. So the thinking goes that some athletes might be temporarily inflating their penises with these injections to produce a roomier suit at the time of assessment. Come competition day, those penises would’ve shriveled back down, creating slack in the suit that lets them glide farther … you know, the way a flying chipmunk would.
Anyway, there’s been no confirmation as to whether ski jumpers are actually doing this (yet). But the World Anti-Doping Agency wants you to know it’s looking into it and will be keeping an eye on these schlongs.
The country’s glorious hand-painted uniforms, designed by Italian and Haitian fashion designer Stella Jean, were inspired by the art of Haitian American painter and sculptor Edouard Duval-Carrié, particularly his 2006 painting Toussaint Louverture. The ski suits, worn by alpine skier Richardson Viano and cross-country skier Stevenson Savart, originally included an image of Louverture, the general who liberated Haiti from French colonial rule in 1804, but the International Olympics Committee judged it a violation of its rule prohibiting political symbolism. Jean had Italian artisans paint out the image of the revolutionary. “Rules are rules and must be respected, and that is what we have done,’’ Jean told the AP. “But for us, it is important that this horse, his horse, the general’s horse, remains. For us, it remains the symbol of Haiti’s presence at the Olympics.’’
Circling back to the Tate McRae news, in which she put the defect in defecting, it is worth noting that there is something ultimately very Albertan about this behavior, as it is essentially Canada’s Texas, and there is a whole movement of Trump-aligned Albertan separatism, colloquially known as Wexit. I am choosing to take McRae’s promotion of the USA hockey team as a Wexit dog whistle, which makes her no different than that girl we already knew she was. It has not even been a week since Canada, which is technically a monarchy, lost its queen, Catherine O’Hara. Canada did not need this right now. Tate: Prime Minister Mark Carney will never hold you the way he holds Hudson Williams.
The “Sports Car” singer cut a promo for NBC big-upping Team USA, despite being a Canadian. The Canucks in her comments are displeased. “Girl you’re canadian pls what is this,” one stated. “No amount of money could make me endorse the country that threatens mine,” said another, saying the quiet part out loud. Will we be seeing McRae say she’s sorrey soon?
The Opening Ceremony hasn’t even started, and curling is already underway. Curling, for anyone not following, is ridiculously easy to understand. Plus the players are mic’d, so you get extra behind-the-scenes goss. Ever wish you could hear what the baseball players are kiki-ing about on the mound? With curling, you can.
On January 30, American skier Lindsey Vonn — competing once again after retiring six years ago — was injured in a downhill crash in Crass-Montana. She announced on Instagram on February 3 that despite rupturing her ACL in her left knee, Vonn still plans to compete in the Downhill competition in Milan. “Despite my injuries my knee is stable, I do not have swelling and my muscles are firing and reacting as they should. I will obviously be continuing to evaluate with my medical team on a daily basis to make sure we are making smart decisions but I have every intention of competing on Sunday,” she wrote. Vonn did compete with a torn ACL at the Sochi Olympics back in 2014, so it’s certainly not an impossible task, but it certainly doesn’t seem pleasant.
[ad_2]
The Editors
Source link