Ethics: I Sent a Harsh Email to a Failing Employee. They’re in Tears. How Do I Fix This?

A Reddit member writes: I’m a new manager working with a very entry level person (1-2 years of working experience). We have a project with a very high maintenance client.

Now, my original approach for the entry level was very conversational, asking if these deadlines work with their schedule, checking in every two weeks that the work is being done, providing opportunity to discuss any questions, and having an open door for any questions. Every two weeks I received the “everything’s great,” and we talked through a few minor items. When it came down to the internal deadline the assignment was NOT to the level of detail or completion I was told it was at.

I redid the assignment on my own over the weekend to get it to the client. 

Implemented changes on my approach, set up weekly meetings, gave smaller assignments that built on one another to get us to the goal of the deliverable. Through those smaller assignments I saw that the entry level person didn’t actually understand what they were doing. I would go into detail explaining things and tell them it would be good to take some time on their own to do a little background research to expand their knowledge. We are now at month 5, and they still are having a hard time comprehending the project, their role in the project, the expectation of quality, and overall just seem lost.

“I sent a pretty harsh email.”

I sent them a pretty harsh email laying out the expectations, that I need updates in writing from them, and for them to explain their reasoning on why they went about something. (Not my finest moment, but stress and exhaustion won the best of me.)

The next day the entry level person gives me a call, clearly upset, possibly was crying, explaining how it’s just been difficult for them and the assignment is hard and that they’re trying and that email just really discouraged them.

So, now I need to know how to fix this. Because although they weren’t meeting expectations, and I had to redo every intermediate assignment given to them, they’re still stuck on my project… They’re fully checked out and are just giving me worse quality work now.

This is an abridged version of a very detailed post.

Minda Zetlin responds:

Let’s begin by acknowledging that you are in a very tough situation not of your own making. In an ideal world, there would be some pushback from your employer on this client’s demands, particularly since you mention that there is also a very tight deadline for completion.

Your entry-level person should absolutely not be working on this high-pressure project. And you certainly shouldn’t be spending your weekends re-doing their work. So it’s no surprise that your frustration boiled over into a harsh email. Don’t be hard on yourself about it; that won’t help anything.

Beyond that, it’s time for a reality check. Contained in the phrase “entry-level” is the idea that someone in this role needs to learn how to do their job. Yet both your employer and you seem to expect something different. Asking an entry-level person if a deadline works for their schedule doesn’t make much sense when they don’t seem to know what the work actually entails. Instead, you should figure out how long a task ought to take a completely inexperienced person. Then give them that amount of time to do it.

This employee needs training.

Similarly, it likely wasn’t helpful to suggest that the new person do background research. I’m not sure what you actually said, but a specific suggestion of a book to read or a video to watch might make more sense. That isn’t enough, though. This employee needs actual training. They need someone to teach them the job, and perhaps help them do it step by step. As one commenter mentioned, just providing more and more detailed instructions won’t help.

At this point, both because of the tight deadline and because of your past interaction, you are not the right person to train this employee. You mentioned that they have a supervisor other than you. That supervisor should provide or arrange the training this employee needs to competently do their job. Without it, there’s little hope that their work will improve.

As to fixing your own relationship, that may or may not be possible. But you can try. Begin by having an honest conversation, perhaps over a meal or coffee to make for an easier atmosphere. Apologize again, not only for your email, but also for expecting them to know more than they do. Ask them to talk about their view of the situation and listen to what they have to say.

Acknowledge that everyone involved, including you and this employee, are in an impossible situation because of the demanding client. Ask if the two of you can start over with a clean slate. Let them know you want to help them succeed. It might work, or it might not. But it’s certainly worth a try.

Got an ethical dilemma of your own? Send it to Minda at minda@mindazetlin.com. She may address it in a future column.

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