Dealing with grief during the holiday

STOW, Ohio — The holidays are supposed to be filled with fun, family and friends but it can be difficult celebrating the holidays after losing a loved one.

Fred Price and his wife, Sheila, met as teenagers.

“She completed me,” said Price. “She was the love of my life. We dated in high school and then went our separate ways.”

They reunited later in life, and then got married in 2005. Price says they had a wonderful life.

“She had bad scoliosis since a child and went through several operations,” said Price. “Unfortunately, the last one that she had was not successful.”

Sheila died in February of 2022. They were married for 16 years. Price said she loved the holiday season.

“She loved Christmas, completely,” said Price. “All the holidays were her favorite and, I’ve tried to keep on that tradition.”

Price has several of Sheila’s items around the house especially for Christmas. Price said the first year was the hardest for him. During that time, he started going to The GriefCare Place for support. Price is not alone; more than a million people will spend the upcoming holiday without a loved one. Benjamin Barnes works with The GriefCare Place. An organization that provides support groups. Barnes says grief can be complicated, different for everybody and last for a long time.

“It depends on who you lost, how you lost to them,” said Benjamin Barnes, a clinical mental health counselor. “Who they meant to you who they were to you and it is not a one size fits all process.”

A 2024 survey from the American Psychiatric Association said grief or the loss of a loved one was a top stressor at 47%. Grief is the experience of coping with loss. It’s a natural reaction that can involve an intense emotional, physical and mental responses like sadness, anger, confusion and numbness. During certain times grief can amplify and be triggered by birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. Grief can include the loss of You may grieve the loss of:

• A friend, family member, partner or pet
• A marriage, friendship or another form of kinship
• Your home, neighborhood or community
• Your job or career
• Financial stability
• A dream or goal
• Good health
• Your youth
• Fertility

Anything that was important to you.

According to Kubler-Ross, there are five stages of grief:

• Denial. You may have difficulty accepting that a loss is real.
• Anger. You may direct anger at multiple sources, including people who couldn’t save a loved one, God, yourself — or even no one in particular.
• Bargaining. You may imagine reaching an agreement, so you don’t have to deal with a loss. You may also regret past actions that you imagine could’ve spared you from loss.
• Depression. You may experience the complex emotions associated with depression including emotional detachment.
• Acceptance. Eventually, most people embrace the reality of loss even if the pain’s still there.

The Cleveland Clinic says there are different types of grief including:

Anticipatory grief

Anticipatory grief involves grieving before the actual loss. 

Abbreviated grief

Abbreviated grief may follow anticipatory grief. You can grieve a loss quickly because you’ve already done a lot of emotional labor while anticipating that loss. 

Delayed grief

Instead of experiencing the emotions that accompany grief immediately after a loss, you feel them days, weeks or even months later.

Inhibited grief

Inhibited grief involves repressing emotions. This type of grief can lead to upset stomach, insomnia, anxiety and panic attacks. 

Cumulative grief

Cumulative grief involves working through multiple losses at once. Grieving multiple losses simultaneously makes the process difficult and complex in unexpected ways.

Collective grief

As a group, we grieve the shared experiences we’ve lost as we struggle to imagine a changed future.

Barnes said there are some things you can do to navigate grief during the holidays. First, make sure to take care of yourself. Prioritize physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self-care. Make plans for the holiday — honor the lost loved one by lighting a candle.

“When you first lose a loved one, you’re going to have all kinds of different emotions,” said Price. “You may at one point feel like you’re going crazy, but it’s okay to feel anger.”

Give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling and don’t self-isolate, socialize and find support through family, friends or a group.

“There’s no right way to do this, and so, it’s so important as hard as it is we always have a choice even in the deepest grief,” said Barnes.

Price said it has been a difficult transition without Shelia, but he has a great support team around him and is healing. He remembers Shelia as the loving energetic and faithful person he fell in love with.

“She loved pictures, we had to take all these photos, and now I look back on them, and I cherish those photos,” said Price. “I’m glad that we did it.”

After about a year and half of attending the support group, Price became a counselor. Now, he helps other widowers get through their tough times.

If you are experiencing grief and you need someone to talk to, the GriefCare Place offers their support groups at no charge.