Category: Portland, Oregon Local News

1. I’m an 81-year-old heterosexual woman whose husband died last May. I have found that my 56-year-old gardener of fifteen years can make me sexually happy. But now after four months he says he’s not respecting his wife by having sex with me. He relates this to going to a Catholic priest for confession. He seems to enjoy our sex. What should I tell him?

“You’re fired.”

P.S. Kidding, kidding — don’t fire your gardener. Tell him you’re grateful for the sexual happiness, you don’t want him to do anything that makes him feel uncomfortable, and then give him a raise.

P.P.S. Will no one free us from these meddlesome priests?

2. What is the most frequently asked question you get?

Hard to say — but I suspect I’ll get a lot more questions like the one above as my readership ages along with me.

3. I have a boyfriend who never asks for anything. He also never says “I love you.” Do you think this is a red flag?

It depends on how long you’ve been seeing this guy. If you’ve only been seeing him for a few weeks — especially if you haven’t had a DTR convo and your use of “boyfriend” is the relationship equivalent of grade inflation — the fact that he isn’t asking you to pick up his dry cleaning (just this once) or peg his ass (on the regular) could be seen as a green flag, e.g. he doesn’t expect you to do girlfriend grunt work before you’re BF/GF official. Same goes for saying “I love you”: if you’re still in the early stages, he may be feeling it, he may be thinking about saying it, but waiting until he’s sure before he says it? Another green flag… if the relationship is still relatively new.

But if it’s been a year and he doesn’t ask you for anything (and doesn’t offer anything) and he doesn’t say “I love you” (or stopped saying “I love you”), then we’re in red flag territory.

4. Best creative positions for pregnant people?

There aren’t good positions that work for all non-pregnant people — some positions/angles of penetration work for some people but not others — and experimentation with different positions is the best way to find the positions that work for you as an individual and/or a couple. I assume the same is true of pregnant people: some positions/angles of penetration work for some and not others, and experimentation is the best way to figure out which ones — creative or not — work best for you right now.

P.S. Congrats!

P.P.S. Full disclosure: Liberator has advertised on the show… not sure whether they’re currently advertising. So, this endorsement comes from the heart: Liberator’s collection of positioning sex pillows and wedges are truly a godsend for pregnant people. They can help you hold your favorite positions once you’re pregnant and find new ones that work for you — when you’re pregnant and after you’re pregnant. People should get gift certificates for Liberator at their baby showers.

5. Why do guys who wanna get pegged refuse to douche/prepare? What to do in those cases?

Peg a guy who doesn’t prepare once, shame on him. Peg a guy who doesn’t prepare twice, shame on you.

P.S. In fairness, some straight guys don’t know how to prepare; their girlfriends/wives/Dommes can and should direct them to one of the five million douching tutorials on YouTube. In cases where a guy has been directed to online douching tutorials and he still isn’t cleaning out properly… that guy doesn’t deserve to be pegged.

6. What amount of jealousy/insecurity in a poly relationship is okay?

“What matters most is not so much the amount of jealousy/insecurity, but the way it’s handled,” said Dr. Marie Thouin. “If someone grapples with jealousy but they’re staying on the same team with their partner(s), that’s okay; but if someone feels so disempowered that they start seeing their partner as an enemy, something needs to change.”

Dr. Marie Thouin is a dating and relationship coach who has extensively researched and written about compersion. Follow her on Instagram @drmariethouin.

7. Can lesbians please stop being so mad at me for being bi? I just want to have sex with a woman and not lie about my sexuality on my dating profile. I promise I don’t make being bi my whole personality.

You encounter two types of people on dating/hookup apps: people who are there to fuck people who wanna fuck them and people who are there to bitch about (and bitch at) people they don’t wanna fuck and/or people who don’t wanna fuck them. Yes, it sucks when a stranger goes out of their way to say something shitty to you on a hookup app; there are lots of shitty people everywhere, and some of them are lesbians. But your best move is to block shitty people and then refrain — as hard as it might be — from blaming all lesbians everywhere for the shitty behavior of a few lesbians on the apps.

P.S. You know who’s never mad at bisexual women for being bisexual women? Other bisexual women! You have options!

8. You never write about a hair fetish, let alone a fetish for completely bald heads. Because I’m a guy who’s very much turned on by women with smooth, shiny heads. And I’m not the only guy who has this fetish. What do you say about this?

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Read the rest of this week’s column here! And this week on the Lovecast: Yip! Yap! Bite! A woman’s little, nasty, needy dogs are anything but “comfort animals” and her girlfriend isn’t having it. She refuses to move in with the caller while those tiny beasts are around. Are they fundamentally incompatible?

A British woman learned that her husband had sexual experiences with other boys at his British boarding school. She never knew this and finds it shocking. Dan brings on the sexiest survivor of boarding schools that we know—porn star John Thomas. Let John’s amazing voice take you on a journey examining situational homosexuality at British boarding schools.

And on the Magnum, a man with blood cancer has an enlarged spleen. He’s worried that anal sex might cause him harm. Dan brings on anal surgeon Dr. Evan Goldstein to talk about risks, and how sex toys can rearrange your guts…safely. LISTEN HERE!

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

Good morning, Portland. It’s going to be unseasonably warm today and for the rest of the week (high 50s, maybe even 60 degrees tomorrow.) However, the groundhog said winter isn’t over yet, so don’t worry. Cold weather and rain (and hopefully, some snow!) are in the forecast next week. 

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• The Portland Housing Bureau has found additional millions in its coffers, adding to the $21 million in unspent funding disclosed late last year. It is unclear exactly how much money is in the fund, but Council President Jamie Dunphy told the Mercury Monday that it is expected to be in the millions. The newly uncovered dollars will impact two pieces of legislation the City Council is considering this week. One resolution on Wednesday’s agenda would require the release of public records and open an investigation related to the hidden funds. On Thursday, the Council will consider how to prioritize the previous $21 million, including funding rent assistance and a cash-strapped Prosper Portland housing project. The new money could help notch a win for the mayor and all 12 city councilors. Find out more in Jeremiah Hayden’s story here. 

• Court documents reveal holes in the federal government’s story about last month’s US Customs and Border Patrol shooting of two Venezuelan immigrants in East Portland. After the shooting, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) immediately began pushing the narrative that they were connected to the Venezuelan gang Tren de Aragua, apparently trying to portray them as dangerous criminals whose presence on Portland’s streets posed a risk to us all. But court documents show federal prosecutors have admitted one of the people shot, Luis Niño-Moncada, was seemingly never believed to be a gang member. The other, Yorlenys Zambrano-Contreras, was said to be affiliated with the gang via a “transnational prostitution ring” and was also “involved in a recent shooting in Portland,” but according to court records, she was a victim of sexual assault and was not a suspect in any shooting. Neither Niño-Moncada nor Zambrano-Contreras have prior criminal convictions. 

Though many saw past DHS’s story, pointing out that the government may well have been lying about Zambrano-Contreras and Niño-Moncada’s gang affiliation—and even if they weren’t, they still didn’t deserve to get shot—the government’s narrative still made its mark. An article in The Guardian describing what the court records show also quotes Portland Councilor Sameer Kanal: “The federal government cannot be trusted. Our default position should be skepticism and understanding they lie very regularly.” 

• As the Mercury reported over the weekend, federal agents hit a group of thousands of people with a heavy dose of tear gas during a peaceful protest outside the Portland ICE facility on Saturday. The federal officers, standing on the roof of the ICE building, launched round after round of tear gas canisters into the crowd, which included many children and elderly people. One of those canisters broke a window at the Gray’s Landing apartment building across the street, likely alarming the resident of the unit, who was home at the time. Luckily, the apartment’s windows are double-paned, so the tear gas remained outside the building. This is just the latest incident residents of the Gray’s Landing apartment building, a low-income complex of 209 units, have had to put up with in recent months. The building’s proximity to the ICE facility means residents have frequently experienced the effects of the excessive chemical munitions federal officers use on protesters outside the building. Those impacts have led to a federal lawsuit filed by Reach Community Development, which owns the apartment building, against the US Department of Homeland Security (DHS), the Federal Protective Service, Customs and Border Protection and the Secret Service. The lawsuit, which was filed in December, alleged the federal officers’ actions make up a “shocking and unconstitutional poisoning” of Gray’s Landing residents. A hearing will be held in federal court next week on a preliminary injunction filed by Reach, seeking to end the use of tear gas at the ICE facility. 

Judith Arcana was an abortion advocate and legend in Portland—as well as being part of Chicago’s underground abortion service known as Jane. Megan Burbank writes about her recent passing, her relationship with Arcana, and how her legacy as an activist and poet will live on.

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— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) February 2, 2026 at 2:03 PM

• Lake Theater & Cafe, a movie theater in Lake Oswego, is banned from showing the film Melania after making jokes at the expense of the movie (and the First Lady it’s based on). According to the movie theater, Amazon (which produced and is distributing the film) revoked its rights to show the documentary about Melania Trump after the theater put up marquee messages like “TO DEFEAT YOUR ENEMY. YOU MUST KNOW THEM. MELANIA.” Lake Theater & Cafe general manager Jordan Perry (who is known nationwide for marquee humor) wrote a thoroughly entertaining blog post about the saga. In the blog post, he explains his reason for showing Melania in the first place: “Mostly, I thought doing so would be funny.” It’s unclear how Amazon found out about the marquee messages. But, sheesh, these guys (Amazon execs and Melania Trump fans) are touchy and can’t take a joke! (For more savage takedowns of Melania, read The New Yorker‘s Isaac Chotiner’s brutal interview with the movie’s cinematographer.) 

• Say it loud, say it proud, Portland is a basketball town! And that extends beyond the Portland Trail Blazers, who we obviously love and adore even if they are struggling. Mercury writer Cam Crowell has suggestions for where Portlanders should go to get their basketball fix, from the Moda Center to University of Portland’s Chiles Center (for UP and Rip City Remix games) to Viking Pavilion at Portland State University (for what the author calls the “most electric basketball in town.”) Click here to find out more!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS: 

• The killing of Alex Pretti, a 37-year-old Minneapolis ICU nurse who was shot by federal agents while legally observing and recording them, has been ruled a homicide by the Hennepin County medical examiner. (This could also be determined by anyone who saw the horrific footage of the incident.) A homicide determination only means someone’s death was caused by another person. It doesn’t necessarily mean those at fault will be held legally responsible for murder. But it does open the door for further investigation into the incident—hopefully, beyond just the federal investigation, which we all know should be taken with a grain of salt. 

happening this morning in Minneapolis — ICE agents drawing guns on observers. I reiterate again that it is only a matter of time before DHS kills more innocent people in Minnesota. Congress needs to shut this shit down right now.

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— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) February 3, 2026 at 8:19 AM

• Bill and Hillary Clinton are in the news currently after agreeing to testify in a House investigation into Jeffrey Epstein, after Republicans threatened to hold them in contempt if they did not appear in front of Congress. Despite their apparent compliance, Republican Rep. James Comer, who chairs the House Oversight Committee, still maintains they could be held in contempt, which would lead to a substantial fine and possibly even incarceration??? If the Clintons are in the Epstein files (and they well may be), fine, hold them accountable. But it’s a bit interesting how this aggressive energy re: Epstein seems to be reserved for Democrats who don’t currently hold political office, and not for the current president and his pals who are all over those files. 

• In Trump’s war on wind energy, wind is winning. Yesterday, a federal judge struck down the administration’s order to halt work on a major wind farm development off the coast of New York. It’s the fifth ruling against the Trump administration’s attempts to stop offshore wind energy development along the East Coast. 

• Just a reminder, apropos of EVERYTHING. 

Tear gas is banned in international warfare, yet classified as a “riot control agent” that law enforcement can use for crowd control.

“It just doesn’t work well, and it hits the weakest people the most, and causes the most complications in them,” an anesthesiology professor at Duke University said.

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— ProPublica (@propublica.org) February 2, 2026 at 6:40 PM

• That’s all for today. May we all get a chance to frolic like this cat. Happy Tuesday, TTYL, XOXO.

 

 

Updated February 3 at 1:10 pm

The Portland Housing Bureau has found additional unspent dollars in its coffers, adding to the previous $21 million it found through an audit last year.

It is unclear exactly how much money is in the fund, but Council President Jamie Dunphy called councilors over the weekend to tell them they would soon learn of the specifics of what was found in the Housing Investment Fund. He told the Mercury February 2 that he did not yet know how much total funding was available.

“Truly cannot accurately say,” Dunphy said. “It is in the millions. It is likely not as much as has already been found.”

Dunphy followed up with a press release February 3 saying two accounts are sitting on at least $15 million, but a specific number is still unclear.

“While the timing of this information is difficult, I do not believe these were hidden maliciously, but are instead a relic of the old government system of accounting,” Dunphy said in the press release.

News of the unspent money comes just over two months after city councilors learned the city’s Rental Services Office had amassed about $21 million in rental services fees paid by landlords, which went unreported for months. The newly uncovered Housing Bureau revenue is collected through two streams: the city’s transient lodging tax—taxes paid by hotels and booking agents—and short term rental fees from operations like AirBnB.

Dunphy said the transient lodging tax carries at least a $5 million balance, and some funds could already be earmarked for other projects. The short term rental fees carry a balance of at least $10 million, and city code only allows the money to be spent on projects to fund affordable housing and homelessness initiatives in the city, according to Dunphy.

Dunphy said he expects a memo from Mayor Keith Wilson early Wednesday outlining the specifics, and for City Administrator Raymond Lee to update the Council in its Thursday meeting.

The funding could impact two pieces of legislation before the City Council this week. On Wednesday, the Council will consider a resolution that would open an investigation into when the city’s administrative branch discovered the initial funds, and why the Council did not learn about the funds until immediately after an annual budget adjustment last November.

Secondly, the newly found funds could help Wilson and all 12 councilors notch a win on a contentious “Slow the Inflow” resolution aimed at homelessness prevention, which has been in process since early December. Some want to allocate the $21 million toward rent assistance, while others want to send more than 25 percent of the funds to Prosper Portland for a cash-strapped, 230-unit housing project.

Now, the money could stretch far enough to cover everything, and councilors will decide Thursday where the money should go.

Councilor Loretta Smith sent a press release February 2 saying she has been calling for a comprehensive audit of every bureau after learning of the initial funding surplus. She said the additional money raises concerns about the Council’s oversight over the administrative side of the city government.

“I am deeply troubled by the possibility that departments may be withholding vital financial information from the Council,” Smith said. “Our current financial structure has not successfully adapted to our new government model. In addition to calling for resignations from ICE employees, Mayor Wilson should also focus on his own employees and fix the inefficiencies plaguing our finance teams. We need to address the root causes to avoid perpetuating gaps and surpluses.”

City spokesperson Cody Bowman said after the previous $21 million was uncovered, staff began a broader review of the Bureau’s funds. He said staff are finalizing documents and will provide the Council with a full accounting of the funds, their sources, legal constraints, and intended future uses.

“These resources are now being proposed for inclusion in the budget as contingency, consistent with state budget law and the City’s transparency goals,” Bowman said. 

Discovery of the additional funds, first reported by the Oregonian, comes days before the City Council is scheduled to take up a resolution requiring City Administrator Raymond Lee to release public records related to the initial $21 million surplus. If passed, the resolution will also require Dunphy, as Council President, to schedule an oversight hearing, the first under the city government charter.

Councilor Mitch Green filed the resolution December 16, 2025, urging the Council to use its investigative authority to learn how nearly $21 million in funds went unspent. The investigation would attempt to answer questions about who was aware of the funds and when, and why the Council was not informed of the funds until the day after it concluded a November budget process to address an $18 million shortfall.

The resolution says the Council should use public records and oversight hearings to understand the dynamics that left Council in the dark about the funds during the budget process, and to what degree the administration’s decision to stay quiet were related to the budget adjustment. 

News of the unspent funds has generated complexity in how the local government runs its business since former Housing Bureau director Helmi Hisserich initiated an audit of the RSO in July 2025. 

The funds, which come from a small registration fee that landlords pay for doing business in the city, accrued between 2021 and 2024. Hisserich joined the Bureau in early 2024.

Wilson, then-City Administrator Michael Jordan, and Chief Financial Officer Jonas Biery were made aware of an initial discovery of $12 million in early September, but did not alert the Council. Wilson and Oliveira placed Hisserich on a three-week administrative leave without cause on October 30, the same time the City Council was debating how to fill the funding gap. Hisserich resigned November 20.

In a December 3, 2025 Council meeting, Jordan said the issue of Hisserich’s removal and the funding questions were not necessarily related. 

“It’s very challenging to talk about a personnel issue in public, so I’m not going to do that,” Jordan said. “But I also want to make sure that the public knows that the implied linkage between this money and the personnel issue you’re referring to is not a complete picture. So, I just want to make sure the public understands that.”

By December 4, Hisserich sent a memo to councilors, outlining her perspective on the series of events, seeking to clear her name and adding fuel to the burning question of why the Council was not made aware of the funds earlier. She said she believed she was unfairly blamed for revenue that went unspent prior to her appointment. Hisserich’s account said the administration viewed the funds as “a big PR problem,” adding that Oliveira told her not to disclose the audit’s findings.

Oliveira’s office disputed the assertion that he knew of the full $21 million, saying he was only aware of $12 million last August, when Hisserich alerted him. His spokesperson told the Mercury in December that Oliveira learned of an additional $9 million on November 17. 

If passed, the resolution will require Lee, the city administrator, to release the records by February 20, and council operations staff to compile the information by February 27. Council President Dunphy will be required to schedule an initial oversight hearing, including testimony, no later than March 6. 

In recent meetings, councilors have also hotly debated how to prioritize the previously known $21 million after the housing and homelessness committee and, later, the finance committee, passed two competing pieces of legislation, then merged them through amendment proposals. The resolution would urge the mayor to reflect the City Council’s established priorities for those funds in his proposed budget next fiscal year.

The process to develop that resolution revealed a small rift between councilors who wanted to level the funding toward rent assistance for those on the verge of entering or exiting homelessness, and those who wanted to divert roughly $8.1 million toward projects managed by the city’s economic development corporation, Prosper Portland.

The Council is scheduled to take a vote on the resolution Thursday with the unveiled funding in play.

I can’t work up the courage to talk to any of my friends when I’m having mental health issues. It hits the worst for me usually at 4-5 am, and I never want to wake anyone up when I’m having panic attacks that late due to my intrusive thoughts, even though being around people helps. I’m in a safe place and have a therapist/medication, but it feels like I’m not getting better every time I find myself back in this situation. I know that’s not true. It just sucks.

In 2017, Judith Arcana sent a postcard to the old Mercury offices in Old Town/Chinatown. I was the arts editor at the time—it was my first real journalism job—and after many stories covering local theater (I still think about the plays I saw at Shaking the Tree) and books (a reading at Powell’s followed by a strong martini at Pepe le Moko was a typical after-work routine), I had written a feature on the newly-formed Northwest Abortion Access Fund. After Roe v. Wade was overturned in 2023, NWAAF would become a frequently cited source in coverage across the country. But at the time, most newsrooms were not covering the issue of abortion access particularly well. Reaching out to an abortion fund for comment on anything was rare.

So Judith noticed when someone did. “BIG CHEER!,” she wrote in her missive. “HUZZAH!—and all like that—Great work on the NWAAF—Thank you. Jeanie’s right: FREE ABORTION ON DEMAND.”

Judith had been part of Chicago’s underground abortion service known as Jane—never the Jane Collective, she told me later. That was a journalist’s language, never hers. As one of the Janes, she had helped facilitate 11,000 abortions in Chicago in the years before Roe v. Wade and was even arrested for it. Though she wasn’t directly involved in NWAAF’s work, the abortion fund carried on the legacy of the Janes, connecting people seeking abortions with funding and compassion when state-level policies stood in the way—a dynamic that long preceded the gutting of Roe.

The story of the Janes was made into movies and books, but Judith was, before everything else, a teacher. In Portland, she was known as a writer and a poet. She was someone who could be described as a feminist icon, but she was also approachable and generous, a friend to many.

We didn’t meet in person until years after she sent me that postcard, when I wrote a profile on her for a Seattle-based outlet. I had left the Mercury to work for The Seattle Times, and after years of general assignment reporting that left me feeling scattered and unfocused, I returned to the subject I knew best: abortion policy.

The first time I called Judith for the story, I could tell she didn’t really want to speak to yet another journalist. But the more we talked, the more we got along. Sometimes you meet someone and you just have a feeling that they’ll be important in your life. Anne of Green Gables called them kindred spirits. Though she was already on the edge of her 80s, and I was barely in my 30s when we met, Judith was a kindred spirit. She connected me with other Janes for the story—fascinating, generous women who had been brave in ways that made them the subjects of movies and books. They had survived ordeals in jail and illegal abortions in underground economies, and recounted those experiences to me in full, horrifying detail, but also shared their personal obsessions and pleasures. I talked with one of them about my reality TV fixation; she recommended the Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People.

I met Judith in person for the first time at Case Study Coffee on NE Alberta. We sat in the upstairs space at a long table, and talked until closing time, then outside on a bench. It was not a warm day, but the business at hand was too important not to keep talking about it. My phone battery died, my fingers cramped in the cold as I took notes, and I knew that as long as Judith wanted to talk, I would want to listen.

After the story came out, we became friends, or perhaps that’s what we’d always been. I would let her know whenever I was coming to Portland, and she would email me ahead of time if she had a reading in Seattle. In the meantime we corresponded regularly.

When you meet someone already nearly 80, you know your time with them will likely be limited, but her death in December still surprised me. I think it surprised me because she and the other Janes were so sharp in their intellect and sense of justice as to seem ageless, but of course they were not.

The last time I saw Judith was in July. She’d recently moved, and I met her at Coffeehouse-Five on N Killingsworth. It was a much nicer day than the one years ago, when we’d sat outside in the wintry dark. We found a different bench, under the trees in the sunshine at Portland Community College. It was one of those perfect Portland days, when the sky is slightly golden—more golden than it is in Seattle, an atmospheric quirk I have never quite understood—and we talked about the current political situation, which we were both following with dismay. Judith was the kind of person who didn’t buy into false hope. When you said something was bad, she would agree, and in that clarity, you would feel held. It was awful, but you were in the struggle with Judith. That was a good place to be.

And the fight could also be beautiful. As we sat together on the bright-green lawn, the sprinklers kicking into high gear, Judith showed me pictures on her phone of the Great Columbia Crossing 10k walk she had taken 10 years prior. The organized walk takes place every year, starting from Dismal Nitch in Washington state, then taking the 101 and crossing the entire impossible span of the Astoria-Megler Bridge, the behemoth of engineering that runs four miles across the Columbia. The bridge was the highlight of Judith’s walk, and she talked about it excitedly. We talked about going together the next time the walk was held. “People say we cross a bridge to get to the other side / and that’s true, though there’s more– / on the bridge one day, we walked through the sky,” Judith wrote in a poem about that day she sent via email when I’d come home.

When I heard of Judith’s passing, I looked back through our correspondence. We had written each other after our visit in July, but she had never responded to my final email. When I read my last email to her, I think I understood why. I was surprised by my own message. After some griping about managing a public media newsroom while the president defunded PBS, I said I hoped to see her again next time I was in town, then signed off like this: “Thinking fondly of your walk thru the sky, Megan.”

I didn’t know it at the time, but this is how I will remember Judith forever. It is the final memory and image she, a poet, would leave me with—that of a slightly younger Judith, on that compelling walk, feeling free in her body, marveling at the world around her, a world shaped by her own bravery and moral clarity, showing all of us what is possible.

What’s up, February? The annual Portland Winter Light Festival illuminates the city this week, with glowy mood-enhancers like a “cosmic” cuttlefish and touch-sensitive light installations. Topping the list of “dudes you have heard of” are Chuck Klosterman and Todd Barry, both of whom will swing by to share their stuff—a new football-themed book and new jokes, respectively. And if you’ve had enough of Heated Rivalry, guess what? No you haven’t! Come to the cottage (the Get Down) for a dance party Shane and Ilya would definitely get weird at. 

Monday, February 2

Chuck Klosterman

Author of a dozen books and mountains of essays on all manner of topics within the popular sphere—music, art, sports, and the entire decade of the ’90s—Chuck Klosterman is the king of culture. Whether he’s musing on Coldplay, or on radical uncertainty and the limitations of human perception, Klosterman’s multifarious brain has something to say about just about everything. In his new book Football, he turns his attention to the American sport just in time for Super Bowl LX. He insists this is not a book for football fans, and while I urge you not to take him at his word, the content dives deeper than perfunctory statistics and divisional history. Klosterman views the sport not just as a contest of brute force, but as a cultural lens through which we can better understand modern society. Hear him muse on football’s magnitude, philosophical history, and projected future, and—if you’re lucky—a potpourri of other topics at this reading. (Powell’s City of Books, 1001 W Burnside, 7 pm, FREE, more info, all ages) BRI BREY

Monk in Pieces 

Prolific avant-garde musician, composer, performer, filmmaker, and choreographer Meredith Monk started innovating sound and movement in the ’60s, and hasn’t stopped since. Co-presented with Portland Institute for Contemporary Art, Monk in Pieces takes a look at Monk’s creative output through the lens of an artist confronted with mortality. The documentary features interviews with Björk and David Byrne, and should indeed be absorbed on the big screen. (Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $10-$12, more info, all ages) NOLAN PARKER

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Tuesday, February 3

Todd Barry

Some people love their comedy “wet,” while others want it “dry to the bone.” For the latter group, may I submit for your consideration the stand-up genius of Todd Barry? The creator of seven comedy albums, with the latest being 2023’s Domestic Shorthair, for almost two decades Barry has been entertaining audiences onstage, TV (Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Flight of the Conchords, Bob’s Burgers) and film (Road Trip, Pootie Tang, The Wrestler). But the reason audiences flock to Barry’s live performances is his hilarious, squinty-eyed, dry delivery that gives the Sahara a run for its dehydrated money. Drink some electrolytes and go! (Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 8 pm, $32.18, more info, all ages) WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

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Wednesday, February 4

No Fares on Trimet for Rosa Parks’ Birthday 

Considered a civil rights icon for her determined perseverance, Rosa Parks was a community organizer and secretary of the Montgomery, Alabama chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) long before the fairly ordinary day on December 1, 1955 when she—faced with a bus driver’s order to stand and give her seat to a white man—decided she could no longer quietly condone the segregation laws she and other Black people lived under. Her arrest and trial proved a tipping point, leading to the Montgomery Bus Boycott, which lasted over a year. Even after the Supreme Court upheld a ruling that found Alabama’s racial segregation laws for buses unconstitutional, the area’s bus system shut down for several weeks due to violent attacks by white supremacists. Progress was slow and hard fought. In honor of Parks and her legacy, Trimet won’t collect fares on its buses, MAX light rail, or the WES commuter rail. Portland Streetcar and C-TRAN will also offer free fare. (More info) SUZETTE SMITH

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Thursday, February 5

Palimpsests: Layered Surfaces

Waterstone Gallery’s annual invitational provides a lot of Oregon art for the eyes. The contemporary co-op curated seven artists from an eclectic allotment of practices, resulting in Palimpsests: Layered Surfaces, a show about the layers within artworks and the art makers themselves. Everyone involved is a local powerhouse, but we guarantee you’ve seen murals around town by the prolific and profound Kyra Watkins—whether or not you clocked her signature. If the names James Alby, Paul Gadsden, Leonard Harmon, Yuji Hiratsuka, Marcel M. Johansen, and Kanani Miyamoto are not known to you, this is the show to catch up on what you’ve been missing. (Waterstone Gallery, 124 NW 9th, through March 1, FREE, more info, all ages) SS

Heated: Heated Rivalry Dance Party

I’m coming to the cottage. I’m going as “the water bottle” for gay Halloween. I’m saying “thank you for pasta,” instead of goodbye. I’m leaving the platonic friend hang and texting, “we didn’t even kiss.” While my obsession with Heated Rivalry may be excessive, I know I am not alone. Get off the internet and gather with fellow fans (my people!) and blow off some collective angst by grinding to reworked dance tracks from the show’s soundtrack alongside “timeless gay anthems.” Jerseys and jocks encouraged. (The Get Down, 680 SE 6th, 8 pm, $30.51, more info, 21+) BB

Also worth it:

Joe Sacco, Clark College, more info
Journalist by training, graphic novelist by trade, Joe Sacco has been trying to unravel the complexities of war for approximately three decades.

Urban Bush Women, February 5-7, Newmark Theatre, more info
White Bird continues to bring unmissable dance performance to Portland with this opportunity to see Urban Bush Women perform their celebration of movement and activism, This Is Risk. 

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Friday, February 6

Emily Counts: Astral Bodies

Emily Counts’ ceramic style is always a little otherworldly, reflecting on nature and the fragility of life through surreal sculptural busts, folkloric animal familiars, and curious wall pieces lit from within. She’s also quite prolific, having installed solo shows at Nationale, Oregon Contemporary, and Seattle’s studio e gallery and Museum of Museums over the last three years. Have you engaged with her work yet? If not, it’s time to catch up. Most recently, Counts has explored themes of growth, decomposition, aging, and feminine power through sensory oddities and nostalgic features; expect more of that ultra-sensory exploration this time, but with a coven of five ceramic portraits of figures from Counts’ matrilineal heritage. (Pacific Northwest College of Art, 511 NW Broadway, Mon-Sat 10 am-4 pm Feb 5-March 21, FREE, more info, all ages) LINDSAY COSTELLO

 

Fundraiser for Minneapolis

The rent is due in Minneapolis, but with federal agents taking people away from their families for the crime of leaving the house, many are unable to go to work. Portland’s Little Axe Records wants to help raise funds, which will be distributed through the Phillips Free Store, a mutual aid group that provides urgent rent relief to local residents. On Friday, the quaint and cozy shop on Northeast Sandy will provide homemade pork and shrimp wontons (vegan noodle option available), wine, bubbly water, and a short acoustic set from local experimental lo-fi artists Bob and Lila. Head out of the house, and help those who are afraid to.
 (Little Axe Records, 4142 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, more info, all ages) JEREMIAH HAYDEN

Dante’s 26th Anniversary ft. The Mummies / Nasalrod / Hopeless Jack

After their Portland Hall of Fame 25th anniversary shows last year featuring Satan’s Pilgrims and Guantanamo Baywatch, Dante’s needed another feral lineup for their 26th. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the surfy garage rockers in The Mummies make feral look domesticated. WE NEED MORE THEMED BANDS! Up The Locust! Up Unga Dunga! Anyways, Chairman and the Nasalrod gang are about to kick higher than the Sinferno dancers in the middle slot, with Hopeless Jack strumming us in the right direction as the opener. Don’t blow a gasket daddy-o, get down to the new sound at Dante’s swingin’ 26th! (Dante’s, 350 W Burnside, 9 pm, SOLD OUT, more info, 21+) NP

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Saturday, February 7

Lone Wolves: Solo Sketch Comedy

Sure, sticklers might call these short, one-person sketches “comedic monologues”—but anyone who has seen the Lone Wolves in action knows it’s much, much more. Think hilarious, deep-dive explorations into some of the wildest characters (or occasionally animals) you know, performed by some of Portland’s most gifted comedic actors, including Shelley McLendon, Jed Arkley, Paul Glazier, Lori Ferraro, Erin O’Regan, Loren Hoskins, Marshall Bradley, David Wester, and Ted Douglass. This is truly an “if ya know, ya KNOW” scenario, with some of the brightest talents the city has to offer and a practical guarantee of a laugh-filled evening devoted to the February subject du jour (AKA “love”), and top-notch characters you may never see again. Don’t miss out! (Siren Theater, 3913 N Mississippi, also Feb 21, 27, and 28, 8 pm, $18-$25, more info, all ages) WSH

Also worth it: 

Dear Portland, Stelo, more info
Sharing the perspectives of Portlanders impacted by the housing shortage, Dear Portland compiles photographs and stories curated by advocacy organization Humans for Housing. The February 7 opening party serves up donuts and coffee.

The Secret Agent, February 7-8, Cinema 21, more info
Brazilian filmmaker Kleber Mendonça Filho’s The Secret Agent isn’t the spy flick that it sounds to be, but it made our movie critic Dom Sinacola’s top films of the year. Following its four Oscar nominations, Cinema 21 offers two chances to catch it one more time on the big screen.

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Sunday, February 8

Ascent and Little Birds 

See some birds on things in support of actual, local birds with Antler & Talon’s annual fundraiser show benefitting Bird Alliance of Oregon. There are two shows on view: Ascent features larger pieces from artists like Jennifer Parks, Sophy Tuttle, and Richard Ahnert. Little Birds features small triptychs from artists like Meg Adamson, Stephanie Brown, and Franki Crosby. What could be more pleasant? (Antler and Talon Galleries, 2714 NE Alberta, through Feb 22, FREE, more info, all ages) SS

The Portland Winter Light Festival

Piercing the ever-grey winter color palette, the annual Portland Winter Light Festival provides a mood-boosting reason to get out of the house and experience glowing art displays. With over 200 unique artist installations across the city (as far east as Parkrose and and as far south as Oaks Park) this year’s theme “All the Little Things” encourages us to take notice of the tiniest wonders. Use the festival map to plan a route across neighborhoods and see as many of these light-bright installations as possible throughout the weeklong festival. Don’t miss the Glow Bar downtown, a pop-up in the middle of it all with dazzling projections, sets by DJ collectives, collaborations with Tabor Dance and Portland Fusion Dance, drinks, and rotating food carts. (Various locations, evenings Feb 6-14, FREE, more info, all ages) BB

Also worth it:

Sumud, Cinema 21, more info
Director Jan Haaken, anesthesiologist Dr. Travis Meleen, and National Book Award winner Omar El Akkad will offer a Q&A session following this screening of Sumud, which tracks Dr. Meleen’s medical volunteer work in Gaza.

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Looking for even more events happening this week? Head on over to EverOut!

With an NBA team, its G-League affiliate, two Division 1 universities, and coming later this year, a professional women’s team—say it loud, say it proud, Portland is a basketball town!

“Rip City Runs Deep” may be the Portland Trailblazers corny catchphrase for the season, but when it comes to basketball culture, we really do run deep. So whether you’re just beginning to watch hoops, new to the city and our teams, want to ball on a budget, or are ready to make the jump from a casual baller to a true basketball sicko—Portland has it all. Our local teams and arenas come with their own unique charm to offer any sports fan. This past month, I went to the home games of four different Portland teams, breaking down each stadium environment based on cost (ticket/food/drinks), quality of basketball, fandom, snack quality, and the inexplicable things you can only get from watching big time live sports, the x-factor.  

Most Electric Basketball in Town Crown

Portland State University Vikings at Viking Pavilion (SW Downtown/Park Blocks)

Portland State Vikings vs. Sacramento State Hornets; January 10 (PSU won 96-69)

Cost: 🏀🏀🏀🏀 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

While tickets are always free for students, for fans, $12 gets you in the door while $55 gets you courtside! PSU also offers discounted group rates. Viking Pavilion features the cheapest snack item—possibly at any 21st century basketball game—with a $1 small popcorn. But the $7 beers, $4 sodas, and $6 hot dogs shined. Getting the traditional stadium smorgasbord for under $20 puts the clutch in clutch time.

Quality of Ball: 🏀🏀🏀🏀.5 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

Usually a 30 point blowout wouldn’t warrant such a high Quality of Ball rating, but this game was simply electric. The Viks are 14-6, and in first place in the Big Sky Conference, the team has the potential for a historic season and a March Madness tournament appearance. Senior guard Jaylin Henderson is a star. His alley-oop dunk and transition poster dunk are literally among the two best dunks I’ve seen in person. Just disgusting, disrespectful work that had every fan on their feet screaming for a beautiful, uninterrupted minute before Sacramento State Coach Mike Bibby (yes, that former Sacramento Kings point guard Mike Bibby) called a timeout to calm things down. The Viks also had a 25 point-20 rebound effort from Quebecois center Tre-Vaughn Minott, and a triple-double from forward Terri Miller Jr. This all overshadowed the other team featuring Shaq’s son and a 29-point effort from former high school YouTube star Mikey Williams. Mostly because Mike Bibby’s squad is 8-13 and in the middle-tier of the Big Sky Conference.

Fandom: 🏀🏀🏀🏀 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

Viking Pavilion may be the smallest arena of the bunch, but it’s also the newest. With comfortable seats and a small but mighty student section, it’s the right size looking mostly full without many gaps of empty seats. The student band, seemingly with an average age of 67, sported green flame bowling shirts and played Elvis songs. The cheerleaders looked like they were about to break their toes kicking the bleachers so hard on free throws. Alumni taunted a 21-year-old YouTuber and a 47-year-old former NBA journeyman while the team’s dunks brought the house down. At one point, an old man caught a free T-shirt thrown by a cheerleader, he immediately took the shirt off his back, and the entire student section erupted in cheers for the shirtless grandpa as he flexed and danced before putting on his new Vikings threads. This is the beauty of our beloved commuter university, the joy of college basketball. 

Snack/Food Quality: 🏀🏀.5 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀 

The Viking Pavilion does not feature any frills. Just a straightforward, reasonably priced snack bar that can be found at any stadium in America. Want a hot dog, nachos, or popcorn? They have you covered. Anything else? Eat somewhere else before the game. If it’s a Saturday game, the PSU Farmers’ Market is literally outside the pavilion’s front door.

X-Factor: 

This PSU team is flat-out fun to watch. Fast-paced offense, incredible highlight plays, and fun personalities. As my friend pointed out, “more guys are rocking mismatched shoes on this team than not.” But more than anything, we were locked in on the Portland State head basketball coach. Jase Coburn is a true basketball sicko. Coburn came in hot like a nurse about to work the night shift at a hospital, with two C4 energy drinks and three bottles of water (the water was never touched). Sporting a classy suit-tie combo, there was no chair for Coburn to sit in if he wanted to. Instead he paced the sidelines for the full 40 minutes. While up 30 in the second half, he left his starters in to put heavy ball pressure on the opposing point guard. The Vikings still shouldn’t give up anything easy—Coburn wants to win at all costs, and I’d run through a wall like the Kool-Aid man for him.

@psuviks IN YOUR FACE DISGRACE ‼️ #GoViks #DefendTheShip #posterdunk #posterized #dunk @Jaylinhenderson ♬ original sound – Portland State Athletics

The Portland State University Vikings Men’s Basketball schedule can be found here.

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Baller on a Budget Award

University of Portland Pilots at Chiles Center (St. Johns)

University of Portland Pilots vs. Oregon State Beavers; January 10 (UP won 82-76)

Cost: 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

While tickets to premier matchups against their West Coast Conference (WCC) in-state rivals Oregon State ran for $13-25 depending on the seats, UP has a killer “503 Game” promo for several upcoming home games (not including Gonzaga), offering $5 tickets, $3 hot dogs, and free parking (there’s also bike parking and Chiles Center is right off the 44 bus line). That really can’t be beat for some mid-major hoops.

Quality of Ball: 🏀🏀🏀 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

The hometown Pilots handled the Beavs in what many are now calling an in-state rivalry in Oregon. The truth is both these programs are having relatively underwhelming years, with overall losing records, sitting in the middle-bottom of the WCC. As is the case with many mid-major college basketball teams today, both lost a lot of their top-end talent to the transfer portal this off-season: Oregon State lost all-conference forward Michael Rataj to Baylor, and defensive guard Damarco Minor to Pittsburgh, while the Pilots lost WCC Freshman of the Year Austin Rapp to Wisconsin. Now, the Pilots are led by the scrappy undersized Australian freshman guard Joel Foxwell and versatile junior forward Cameron Williams. Both gave Beavs standout guard Josiah Lake II a hard time in a grind-it-out, physical—if not super aesthetically pleasing—basketball game. However, when St. Mary’s and Gonzaga come to town (January 24 and February 4), both are highly ranked perennial powerhouses in college basketball that feature some top end talent. Gonzaga is currently ranked in the Top 10 nationally, vying for a top seed and long run in this year’s March Madness tournament on the backs of a borderline unstoppable forward duo in Graham Ike and Braden Huff. Maybe the Pilots can pull off an improbable upset. Either way, you can see future NBA players light up the dome.

Fandom: 🏀🏀🏀.5 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

So while this was a Portland Pilots home game, truth be told, Oregon State fans outnumbered Pilots’ fans and students about two-to-one. This is to be expected for a PAC-12 school and true flagship university for our great state (sorry Ducks). The Pilots’ student band was small but mighty, playing horn section versions of “Hot To Go!” and “Industry Baby,” while the sax player screamed and banged the bleachers while the Beavs shot free throws. The game got pretty heated and you wouldn’t want a rivalry any other way. A few fans said a few things they may regret. One impassioned Beaver fan screamed, “TRAVEL” non-stop for at least two minutes straight, falling on the uncaring ears of the referees. Sitting in the Oregon State section, I got to watch the co-hosts of Oregon State Men’s Basketball podcast, The Payton Years, have a collective aneurysm as the Beavers faded late. Their yells of “Beaver Bias” (the unofficial catchphrase of the show, essentially the theory of a mass referee conspiracy against the Oregon State Beavers) felt unusually deflated, knowing their heart wasn’t in it this time. All they could do was watch on in disappointment when the Pilots brought out a drum to celebrate with the home fans after a win in the style of the new San Antonio Spurs tradition.

Snack Quality: 🏀🏀🏀.5 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

The single best food item I tasted at any of these games was the kalua pork mac and cheese special at the Chilies Center. The pork, tender and juicy. The mac and cheese, perfectly creamy. The bacon and chives, a nice little crunch to top it off. One may be tempted to go for the “walking taco,” but should avoid this at all costs—it’s just Doritos with the tiniest little dollop of nacho cheese imaginable. Get the special!

X-Factor: 

Last year’s Battle of the Willamette Valley at the Chiles Center came during our annual “snowpocalypse.” Because the Chiles Center has sort of oddly high-vaulted ceilings, the gym was freezing cold, further highlighting the sparse winter storm attendance. For the lucky few who braved the icy roads—Deandre Ayton did not attend—it ended up being a pretty great game in which the Pilots held on to upset an actually very good Oregon State team 84-72. One of those in attendance was the then Mayor-elect Keith Wilson. Wilson did not visibly pick sides by wearing UP or OSU related gear—a true politician’s mind.

The University of Portland Pilots Men’s Basketball schedule can be found here.

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Family Friendly Fun Award

Rip City Remix at Chiles Center (St. Johns)

Rip City Remix vs. Stockton Kings; December 16 (Stockton Kings won 129-100)

Cost: 🏀🏀🏀.5 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

While adult tickets start at $15 (depending on the day of the game), the real focus here is the youth—kids get in for $5-10. The $7 hot dogs, $5 sodas, $9 beers, and $12 special street tacos are all solid deals, and much more affordable than an NBA game, but slightly more expensive than the college games. 

Quality of Ball: 🏀🏀 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

Okay, I will readily admit the Rip City Remix are a better basketball team than either of the college teams listed above. Much better even. It’s really not comparable between adult professionals and college prospects. But here’s the thing, these games have no stakes. The G-League playoffs don’t matter. The teams don’t really have stand-alone fanbases or rivalries, and seemingly not even the gym staff care about the results of the game. The reason for the team is to be a place to park young, borderline NBA players, or to give young stars live basketball minutes with the professional staff in the building able to give real time feedback. Though the results of the game don’t matter, it is cool seeing the young Chinese phenom Yang Hansen play 30 minutes and struggle against a team featuring the NCAA all-time scoring record holder Antoine Davis, retired NBA journeyman Jameer Nelson’s son, and a bald guy who looks like the star of an LA Fitness pickup game. A perfect opportunity to “remember some guys,” and maybe see the Blazer’s next 15-minute role player shine.

Fandom: 🏀🏀🏀 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

The “fans” in question aren’t really fans of the Remix. They’re Blazer sickos, they’re random people from the neighborhood, they’re parents taking their kids to their first basketball game without having to put the giant headphones on their ears, and they are adult sons taking their dads out for their birthdays. It’s a calmer environment where no degenerate gambler angry fan will yell “fuck you, I didn’t hit my parlay.” Also they have a spinning wheel prize game that costs $5, fans can win T-shirts, jerseys, or an actual basketball! 

Snack Quality: 🏀🏀🏀.5 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

The hotdog and soda were just what I wanted: good snap to the dog, loaded with condiments, classic bottled Coke. Pro tip: They had pickled jalapeños, salsa, and taco fixings available for the street taco special, but you could add them in addition to the typical hot dog accoutrement. It elevated things a nice little bit.

X-Factor: 

At the game I went to, Portland’s dad, Damian Lillard posted up on the sidelines to watch his metaphorical sons play a game that mostly resembled NBA basketball. In addition, other current Blazer rotation players (or at least guys who sit on the Blazers bench) got in the game for big minutes with Yang Hansen, Rayan Rupert, and Javonte Cooke. Borderline NBA stars still shone bright in the 20 percent full arena on a rainy December evening.

The Rip City Remix schedule can be found here.

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Play-In Players Award

Portland Trail Blazers at Moda Center (Rose Quarter)

Portland Trail Blazers vs. Orlando Magic; December 23 (Orlando Magic won 110-106)

Cost: 🏀🏀🏀 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀 (2 if the Lakers are in town)

NBA ticket prices fluctuate like ride shares since most people buy tickets on secondary markets these days. Los Angeles, New York, and Boston games cost a lot, while Washington and New Orleans not so much. An hour before tip off against the Orlando Magic, $15 got you in the door up in the rafters, while the lower levels ran for up to $340. A regular size hot dog goes for $9, beers $10.25-16, and it’s $8 for a bottle of soda. Pro tip: You can get a 12oz Rainer in the 300 section for $5!

Quality of Ball: 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀 out 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

Depending on who’s playing that night, the best basketball players in the world could be playing in that gym. The Blazers are currently 23-27 (good for 10th place in the Western Conference). After three miserable seasons of watching a team lose on purpose, this team is actually fun. This season of pretty good is due in part to the astronomical rise of point-forward Deni Avdija’s all-star campaign, even though some NBA all-star voting system skeptics have said there’s been election interference (pointing to his high “fan vote” from international fans despite relatively lower jersey sales). Sure, he may be one of the most “unethical hoopers,” and really good at angling his body and arms to bait defenders into fouls. But to that I say—haters can die mad or try to be in a better defensive position—even though I would 100 percent be one of the haters dying mad if he played for the Houston Rockets. 

January started out with so much hope, but things really slowed a few weeks back when Deni walked off the court at the end of a loss to the New York Knicks—hobbling like my dad after a hard week at the lumber yard—and our collective hearts sank. Fear turned to “oh shit, here we go again,” when in the first game without Deni, the Blazers lost to the hated Golden State Warriors by 30 on national television. In a season where Dame will be out for its entirety, and Jrue Holiday, Scoot Henderson, Jerami Grant, and Matisse Thybulle (to name a few) have missed significant time, the injuries feel like a cruel game of whack-a-mole. Last week Deni came back from his back injury, only for it to seize up again two games later—unfortunately he’s not beating the back-of-a-48-year-old-construction-worker-at-the-ripe-age-of-25 allegations yet. Maybe if the Blazers have access to a more elevated painkiller cocktail than the mixtures of cortisol shots, Percocet, coffee, and actual cocktails my family with back problems use, they can continue to tread water. But hopefully all Deni needs is some yoga to return to full strength soon.

Fandom: 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

A game at Moda Center really can’t be beat. Whether 20,000 fans are jumping and screaming because Shaedon Sharpe threw down a windmill dunk or Yang Hansen set a screen, the energy is contagious. A couple years ago I went to a game with a few friends when the Blazers were really struggling. Tickets were $4 and the Sacramento Kings clinched a playoff spot for the first time in 16 years by beating the Blazers. Blazer fans actually cheered for the Kings, chanting “Light the beam” while the home team was borderline laughed off the floor. A true low point after years of the Blazers as playoff mainstays. Now that sort of groveling to opposing fandoms is done, Blazer games have actual stakes. As for the non-basketball entertainment at Moda Center, DJ OG One is a consummate pro and the halftime shows are generally at least pretty funny, like when someone in upper management’s spouse seemingly had their Zumba class perform. And as for the location, the Moda Center is hard to beat. It’s easy to get to by public transportation or bike from anywhere in the city. I do not want to hear any complaints about “parking” literally ever, stop drinking and driving—take the MAX! 

Snack Quality: 🏀🏀🏀🏀.5 out of 🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

In addition to classic stadium fare, Moda Center also has several local chains including, Killer Burger, Cha Cha Cha, and Bae’s Chicken. Burgers with weird stuff on it, decent burritos and bowls, and spicy fried chicken—and they don’t seem to be egregiously gouging us with arena prices. I got a chopped Italian sandwich with chips ($16) from Chop that was actually excellent. The sheer amount of quality options really sets the Moda Center a cut above the more discount food options. Hot dogs from the unlicensed vendors outside the stadium are $10 (I know, kind of crazy), with their glorious mixture of grilled onions, grilled jalapeños, and bacon. They have the potential to be the ideal hot dog for a city that has yet to coin an official “hot dog style.” However, full disclosure, one time I did drunkenly buy one on my walk home and the hot dog was literally ice cold. So buyer beware.

X-Factor: 

In mid-December, Desmond Bane and the Orlando Magic came to town. Bane was coming off his truly inexplicable arc of becoming the latest NBA League-wide villain. During the game he argued with the referees, fans booed. He caught a pass, scored a tough bucket, and flexed at the Blazers bench, fans booed. Then later Sidy Cissoko, a high energy guy in a long line of beloved Blazer role players, took a charge on Bane and he threw a little tantrum at the refs. Fans cheered as if the Blazers had just made the finals, even as the team ultimately fell short of winning. I won’t say the Blazers are fully “back,” and I won’t say this team is ready to compete for a championship. Hell, they’re probably not even ready to win a playoff series yet. But in a season of many tiny turmoils, where the head coach getting arrested by the FBI feels like the distant past, things seem to be headed generally in the right direction. For opposing teams (and referees) to have rightfully returned to their role as villains in the eyes of fans means the game matters again.

The Portland Trail Blazers schedule can be found here.

If you’re reading this, you probably know the value of the Mercury’s news reporting, arts and culture coverage, event calendar, and the bevy of events we host throughout the year. The work we do helps our city shine, but we can’t do it without your support. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! 👋

After a skootch of light rain today and a high of 54, we’re in for a significant sunny drying spell lasting throughout the week, with temps rocketing up to a balmy 60 degrees by Wednesday. And now, try to keep your blood pressure from rocketing up while reading today’s NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• This past weekend brought another, especially disgusting display of force from Trump’s personal immigration Gestapo, as thousands marched on Saturday from Elizabeth Caruthers Park to Portland’s ICE facility—where protesters were immediately met with an overwhelming, unnecessary barrage of tear gas, pepper balls, and rubber bullets. Led by local unions, and marching in protest against the border patrol agents who murdered Alex Pretti in Minneapolis last weekend, members of the huge throng—which included CHILDREN and the ELDERLY mind you—were throwing up in the street after being exposed to the dangerous gas, which also caused protesters’ eyes and skin to burn. Mayor Keith Wilson issued a furious response to the actions of Trump’s agents, writing, “To those who continue to work for ICE: Resign. To those who control this facility: Leave. Through your use of violence and the trampling of the Constitution, you have lost all legitimacy and replaced it with shame.” To put even a finer point on it, he continued, “To those who continue to make these sickening decisions, go home, look in a mirror, and ask yourselves why you have gassed children.” WHY INDEED. Our Taylor Griggs was there and files this report along with a lot of similarly furious quotes from participants and city officials.

I recorded this today, in Portland, Oregon, at a huge march to the ICE facility in SW. The crowd was full of cyclists who had ridden there in memory of Alex Pretti; members of several labor unions; and ordinary citizens of every age, including this little girl. So of course ICE deployed tear gas.

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— Dumb Runner (@dumbrunner.bsky.social) January 31, 2026 at 6:05 PM

If your children got tear gassed today I want to hear from you, even if you don’t live in my district. You can contact my office at councilor.green@portlandoregon.gov

— Mitch Green (@councilorgreen.bsky.social) January 31, 2026 at 10:06 PM

Here’s how to identify some crowd control munitions, canisters of which federal agents have left on the ground after deploying them against people in Minnesota. bit.ly/3YWp1jE

Graphic by Mark Boswell/The Minnesota Star Tribune

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— Minnesota Star Tribune (@startribune.com) January 26, 2026 at 12:09 PM

• IN OTHER ICY NEWS: The ICE gassing continued on Sunday as well, as another large crowd of protesters marched on the facility. The tear gas and rubber bullet barrage was reportedly somewhat less intense than the day before, though that’s probably because the agents didn’t see any children in the crowd. 😒 Meanwhile, the ACLU of Oregon is representing protesters who are now suing the federal government for their dangerous, unnecessary use of tear gas against peaceful protesters. And King Fool issued another of his bombastic, lie-filled tirades on Truth Social over the weekend—though this time, instead of pinpointing Portland, he spewed his ire over the Oregon city of Eugene, following their large protest against ICE on Friday, in which protesters entered the federal building. Falsely calling the demonstrators “highly paid Lunatics, Agitators and Insurrectionists,” the blithering 79-year-old warned that any further, similar actions would be met by the “military” who would make them “suffer.” (Grumpy Grampy should take a nap, and then learn when to use proper capitalizations and the Oxford comma.)

• In case you haven’t noticed, Portland’s public transit agency, TriMet, is in big financial trouble, and it’s unclear when—or if—help will arrive. In the meantime, they say they’re going to have to make some major bus and MAX service cuts… even potentially eliminating several entire bus lines. 😧 So what’s to be done about it? Get the full details from our hotshot transpo reporter, Taylor Griggs.

• Hey readers who like to read things: Hurricane Envy, Sara Jaffe’s new short story collection, channels the post-punk charge of the former Erase Errata guitarist into restless, electric fiction, according to our Lindsay Costello. So if you like stories that navigate queer parenthood and artistic anxieties, set in some very familiar Portland landmarks, then have we got the book review for you!

• Today’s palate cleanser from the Oregon Zoo:

Happy birthday Tula-Tu! This petite party pachyderm is 1 today 💖

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— Oregon Zoo (@oregonzoo.bsky.social) February 1, 2026 at 9:44 AM

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• The government experienced yet another partial shutdown over the weekend, as House Weasel Mike Johnson struggles to get the House to fund a package that will prevent a full government closure. One of the big sticking points? ICE, of course, and if the funding for border patrol will be rolled into this same package. Democrats are refusing to budge, forcing the GOP—who have their own ICE detractors—to figure out a way to pass the package as-is, or separate the funding for the violent, immoral agency.

NEW: A federal judge has ordered 5-year-old Liam Ramos and his father RELEASED from the Dilley detention center. www.cnn.com/2026/01/31/u…

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— Mueller, She Wrote (@muellershewrote.com) January 31, 2026 at 12:25 PM

• Trump is pushing to close Washington’s Kennedy Center performing arts facility for two years for so-called “renovations”—though the decision comes quickly after a litany of artists have canceled their appearances following King Fool’s meddling with the institution. Calling the center “tired, broken, and dilapidated,” and based on almost certainly imaginary advice from “Highly Respected Experts” 🤣,  Trump has unsurprisingly refused to produce any evidence that the Kennedy Center is in shambles. (But let’s face it… he wants it to look nice when Kid Rock eventually performs.)

• Congratulations to recording artist Bad Bunny who made history last night after being awarded the “album of the year” at the Grammys—the first time an all-Spanish-language album has taken top honors in the category. The artist, whose real name is Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio, will also be the first Spanish-language Latin solo artist to headline the Super Bowl halftime show next Sunday. After thanking everyone who worked on the album, Ocasio blasted the inhuman cruelty of ICE, saying, “We’re not savage. We’re not animals. We’re not aliens. We are humans, and we are Americans.”

President Trump on Monday sharply criticized this year’s Grammys telecast and threatened to sue its host, the comedian Trevor Noah, over a joke that appeared to tie Trump to the convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.

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— The New York Times (@nytimes.com) February 2, 2026 at 2:27 AM

• Good news out of Texas: Democrat Taylor Rehmet has flipped a historically red district in the state to win a Senate seat—and its the same district that Trump won by 17 points in 2024. Rehmet is a labor leader and veteran who whomped conservative activist (and Trump pick) Leigh Wambsganss by an impressive 14 points—marking it as yet another come-from-behind victory for Democrats which is leaving Republicans shaking in their boots over the upcoming midterms. 

• And finally, as someone whose cooking skills could use… shall we say… some “work,” I feel much more confident after watching these people hilariously fuck shit up in the kitchen.

@funny.jio2 Cooking fail 🤣#fail#cooking #funny #funnyvideos #foryou ♬ original sound – funny jio