Category: Self Help

In my early 20’s I came face-to-face with an enemy that came to destroy my life. It took away my happiness, my ability to sleep, and made me physically ill. That enemy’s name is “anxiety.”

I was your stereotypical entrepreneur… Constantly “hustling” and “grinding” because “money never sleeps.” I sacrificed time with friends, my wife, and family in order to keep plugging away at my dreams.

Breaks? Rest? Recovery? Non-existent in my vocabulary.

Then, it all came crashing down.

I was generating a great income… But the non-stop “hustle and grind” came at an enormous price.

I began waking up in the middle of the night with gripping panic attacks. My wife Emily woke up to hear me breathing heavily, gripping my chest, and she asked, “What’s going on?”

“I think I’m dying.”

After assessing me, she assured me I was (sadly) experiencing a panic attack.

If I wasn’t dying, I may as well be. This was no way to live.

The cycle continued for weeks and months as I had no idea how to stop this. It felt quite dark as this was a “new normal” in my life.

Thankfully, I had the guts to finally speak up. I went out to lunch with a friend and shared what was happening to me. He gave me the phone number to a professional who helped others with the same struggle.

Step 1 to Stop Anxiety: Recognize Your Thought Patterns

During my time with a mental health professional, I learned a lot about myself and the thought patterns I had developed.

If you’re looking for help to stop anxiety, please receive an assessment from a doctor or medical professional to get a full health assessment and be transparent about what you’re experiencing.

Once you’ve received an assessment from your medical doctor, you can look at resources like Psychology Today to find a mental health professional to work with.

If you’ve worked with technology, you know that when we open up a new device, it’s set up with default settings. These are the settings that the device is set with from the factory.

I learned that my “default setting” became programmed to catastrophize situations. In other words, if a problem arose, I’d take it to the biggest, worst-case scenario each time.

It could be as innocuous as “This client canceled their contract; I’m going to lose all my other clients and will end up homeless on the street.”

Or, it could be as horrible as “My head hurts, oh no, I have a brain tumor. I’m going to die.”

Let’s think about your default settings…

What are your thought patterns like? Do you ever catastrophize situations?

Are there certain themes that cause you to go into “catastrophe mode?” For some people they are related to finances, health, safety. For some, they struggle with all of their thoughts.

Each person is different. The first key is to become self-aware of our own thoughts.

If you recognize yourself spinning into “catastrophe mode,” recognize it and catch it. Stop your negative thought patterns in their tracks with a physical cue.

Snap your fingers and say “no!” if you find yourself in a loop of negative thoughts. Then, immediately shift your thoughts and attention to a positive intention.

This is a way to reset your default settings and put into place new custom settings that will serve you better.

Step 2: Get It Out of Your Head

One of my favorite tools to alleviate stress and to stop anxiety is the brain dump exercise that Craig Ballantyne teaches.

When working with our coaching clients at Early to Rise, we ask our clients to do a brain dump at the end of each day to get any pending items that could be floating around in your head out and onto paper.

Remember – tomorrow starts today. How do you have a great tomorrow? Plan for it today! Here’s how…

Doing the brain dump exercise is quite simple. Just get an idea-capturing device, such as a journal, notepad on your cell phone, or a piece of paper, and start writing down everything you’re thinking about.

Here’s an example of what it can look like:

• Finish blog post for EarlyToRise.com by 12pm tomorrow.
• Prep notes for meeting with Derek.
• Talk to Daniel regarding May Mastermind topic.
• Prepare Q2 goals and new product launch by Wednesday’s meeting.
• Email CMHS about Friday’s 3:15pm game
• Ask Maddy to schedule oil change for the truck.
• Call Mom & Dad – it’s been 3 days since I’ve spoken with them
• Switch Zoom to annual billing.
• Order more protein powder by Friday.
• Organize notes for call with Andrew.
• Ask Maddy to price out hotels on AMEX for Spain trip in July.
• Feeling sluggish today after lunch. Not sure if I’m hydrating enough?
• IG reel idea: Hiring an assistant
• Date night ideas for next week: Habana, Onotria for dinner?
• Not sure why I keep getting frustrated with conversations with John Doe. Something to journal about.

Notice that in this brain dump example, there are to-do’s and also random thoughts.

It’s your brain dump… Do whatever feels right for you. But I’ll tell you what, this exercise has continually helped me to stop anxiety.

How?

Our long-term memory can hold an unlimited number of items. From memories to knowledge, special moments, traumatic events, and everything in-between… Your brain is a supercomputer.

It is limited, however, in the number of items it can retain in its short-term memory.

We can generally hold onto about 25-30 items in our short-term memory, and even that is pushing it.

By conducting the brain dump exercise, we’re taking the items floating in our short-term memory and getting it out.

Then, once it’s written down, we can prioritize the items and based upon David Allen’s teachings in Getting Things Done, we decide to either do it, delegate it, or dump it.

If you prioritize your biggest items prior to starting your day, you’ll come into work knowing what your main priorities are!

Now you can rest easy in the evening knowing that the essential items are not only out of your brain but will now be waiting for you first thing in the morning to tackle during your magic time.

Step 3: Take Action

I have good news and I have bad news.

The bad news first… Anxiety doesn’t disappear on its own. It takes work.

You’re reading an article written by a guy who had such bad anxiety I could barely leave my house.

Last year, I logged tens of thousands of miles on an airplane flying between Southern California and Dubai, Idaho, Barcelona, Bangkok, Berlin, and more.

I’ve come a long way, and so can you.

Does this mean I don’t struggle with anxious moments? Of course not. But, I’ve retrained my “default settings” to change how I think.

You have this ability. It might take work, but you have the ability to stop anxiety.

It just takes you getting some small wins so that you can build belief in yourself. Once you build a little bit of belief and confidence, then you’re able to take bigger and bolder steps.

Your world begins to expand, and anxiety begins to shrink as you build momentum.

Remember what Craig teaches – Action beats anxiety.

If you take ACTION, it won’t give you an opportunity to ruminate and worry. Just get moving. Get started… TODAY.

Do you need help from your doctor or mental health professional to stop anxiety? Take action… TODAY.

The formula is straightforward.

1. Recognize your negative thought patterns when they’re happening, and stop them.
2. Get it out of your head. Do the brain dump exercise daily. 
3. Take action. Action beats anxiety!

As with any skill, you may struggle with this at first. I can promise you that if you put in the work to do the things laid out here, it WILL get better. 

It takes hard work, but there is a world of freedom, happiness, and joy beyond anxiety. 

It’s ready for you… Now it’s your turn to get to work!

There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Please do your own research before making any online purchase.

Let me know if your mornings sound like this: You wake up an hour before you have to leave the house, rush around to get ready, swear up and down you’re forgetting something, grab a protein bar and run out the door. 

Once you get to work, you’re a chaotic mess and already overwhelmed before you’ve even gotten to your desk. You’re burned out and can’t focus.

If this sounds familiar, you’re in good company. 

The remedy? 

Every good day starts with a great night. It’s only when you’re rested and you’ve tied up all of your loose ends from the prior day that you can really tackle each new day.

People’s professional and home lives are becoming increasingly intertwined, which makes the boundaries that create a work/life balance pretty blurred.

Many people are working from home, switching back and forth between letting the dog out to joining a conference call to grabbing Amazon packages off their front porch all in the same timeframe, as we’ve constructed a culture of being available 24/7. 

While there are a lot of strategies for recreating necessary boundaries, having an evening routine after work is among the most effective. So in this article, we are going to look at 23 evening routine habits that you can adopt to end your day that will set you up for a better tomorrow. 

Let’s get going.

1. Establish a “Shut Down” Ritual

You know when you try to turn your computer off and you have a lot of tabs and programs running, and you get a ton of pop-ups asking if you’re sure you want to exit? Think of your brain in this same way.

You can’t just shut it down with a simple click before closing some loops because it will still be trying to run the programs and find solutions to ongoing issues. 

Your “shut down” ritual should take about 5 or 10 minutes, and once you’re finished, you will have a grasp on what you got accomplished that day and what needs to be done the next so you can defer all work-related issues until the next day.

To shut down your mind and allow yourself to have a restful night’s sleep, do a brain dump every night to close down any pending demands, or at least have them out of your brain and onto paper so you can address them at another time.

Look at your calendar and tasks and do a quick check-in on where you stand with your projects, then come up with a plan to address these things for the rest of the week. Write down everything that is weighing on you, from overdue doctors’ visits to big projects you have in process at work. 

Then have some kind of signal that your work is finished for the day. For me, this is closing my laptop. Once it’s closed, it doesn’t get reopened until the next day and I stop thinking about anything that’s on it.

You could also say something out loud to yourself like, “My work is done today” or anything else that firmly signals that it’s time to switch gears.

2. Plan for the Next Day 

As mentioned, part of your “shut down” routine should be planning what and how you’re going to address ongoing issues and projects. This will involve prioritizing everything that’s on your plate (the Eisenhower Matrix can help you with this) and deciding what you can reasonably accomplish tomorrow.

Remember what Benjamin Franklin said: Failing to plan is planning to fail. 

Determining your plan for the coming day allows you to identify your most important tasks in advance—before the pressures of the day start coming at you. In the best scenario, the first few hours of your day would be spent handling your most challenging, yet important, tasks–your MITs.

The morning will be the calmest part of your day, so being able to focus all of your attention on a task that will have the greatest positive impact on your life is best done during this time.

And, once your MITs have been completed, you can consider your day to be a success because you’ve done three things that will bring you closer to achieving your long-term vision.

These are the tasks that, amidst your busy schedule, may otherwise be put off.  But by committing to getting your MITs done ASAP, you will ensure these necessary duties get accomplished. 

3. Pack for the Next Day 

Packing up the night before is like doing your future self a favor– and you will thank yourself for it.

Sure, it doesn’t take long to throw some leftovers from the fridge into your lunchbox in the morning, but just grabbing the lunchbox itself and running out of the door is even faster. And, if you prepare yourself as much as possible, the time will add up and your mornings will be a breeze.

What can you take off your plate in the morning? If you go to the gym after work, pack your gym bag (and even put it in your car), set your clothes out for work, pack your lunch (and your kids’ lunches and school supplies as well), and set the coffee maker on a timer so it starts brewing as soon as you wake up.

Taking these steps will decrease your chances of forgetting something the next day, and it will prevent you from experiencing decision fatigue before you even get to work. Waking up will feel less like a chore if you’ve set yourself up the night before.

4. Spend Time with Your Family 

Those with lofty goals and high-achieving entrepreneurs often get so focused on continuing their success that they forget about the reason they probably work so hard in the first place–their families.

It’s easy to get lost in planning, executing, and making your goals become a reality and forget to take a look at the bigger picture of life and enjoy what your success is actually doing for you.

But you’re supposed to work to live, not live to work. 

Set aside time every night to spend with your family. Sit down to dinner, help your kids with their homework, play a game with the family, participate in whatever your family does at night.

Reward yourself with this luxury and it will pay off in the long run when you look back on your life.

5. Get a Full Night’s Sleep

You’re probably thinking that’s easier said than done, but once you get into the routine of it, it’s simple to do. 

Sleeping well directly impacts your mental and physical health, and your overall quality of life. Without exercising healthy sleep hygiene, your energy during the day can go downhill, taking your productivity, motivation, and emotions along with it. 

You’re in good company with 50-70 million other Americans if you spend your evenings tossing and turning. But, you can make some changes to your lifestyle to help fix this problem. Check out these resources for some help:

You may think you can get by on less sleep than what is recommended for you, but here is a whole TED talk on why it doesn’t work like that.

6. Clean and Organize 

Waking up to laundry on the floor and dishes in the sink will only start your day off by facing obstacles. However, if you spend 20 minutes every night doing a quick tidy-up ritual, you will find your morning much easier to navigate as you’re trying to get out of the door.

By putting things away, you will avoid the slippery slope of living in a disaster area and feeling distracted in the morning. 

What’s more, walking into a frenzied work environment first thing in the morning sets your day up for chaos.

Clear your digital space before closing up for the day to avoid being confronted with endless tabs and programs that aren’t relevant to the work you’re doing the next day. Working and living in an organized environment is an absolute must if you want to feel in control of your life.

7. Use the 10-3-2-1-0 Formula

This simple technique suggested by fitness coach Craig Ballantyne will help you wake up feeling rested so you can get more done in the early hours of the morning. Not only will you get to bed earlier by following this formula, you will sleep better as well. 

10 hours before bed: No more caffeine

3 hours before bed: Stop consuming food and alcohol

2 hours before bed: Stop working

1 hour before bed: Turn off all screens including your phone, TV, and laptop 

0: The number of times you hit “snooze” in the morning

It takes about 10 hours for your body to eliminate itself of caffeine and get rid of its stimulatory effects.

Finishing your meals and alcohol three hours before bed will help prevent you from experiencing heartburn, which can interrupt your sleep. While alcohol might make you tired at first, it disturbs your natural sleep cycle and can rob you of valuable deep sleep.

Complete your “shut down” ritual at least two hours before bed so you can have uninterrupted time with your family and put work problems aside.  

Shut down your electronics an hour before bed because the blue light will disturb your sleep. You can read instead, meditate, take a bath, or spend time talking with your spouse.

Finally, don’t give into the temptation to hit the snooze button in the morning. Doing so will make you late for your planned day and make your morning routine rushed. Plus, going back to sleep can ultimately make you wake up even more tired than you would have been if you just got up as planned. 

8. Practice a Spiritual Habit 

A lot of people use the word “spirituality” these days– especially those in the younger generations. In fact, a survey conducted by Pew Research found that millennials are less religious than those who are two generations above them. However, they feel an equally strong sense of spirituality and gratitude.

Here are a few ways you can practice spirituality:

Write in a journal

Doing some reflection and processing the events from the day can help you on your journey to self-discovery. As one of the most ancient forms of self-help, journaling gives you more insight as you explore your ideas, impulses, feelings, memories, goals, and wishes through writing. 

Journaling is a practice that is often suggested by spiritual mentors as being an effective way to gain a heightened sense of self-understanding and compassion. Finally, journaling will help you find inner stability and identify (and put an end to) self-destructive behaviors. 

Pray

Communicating with the higher power that you have connected with can further influence how you perceive that power. For some, this may be talking to God, while others may look toward Allah, Brahma, the Tao, or a variety of other forms. 

Practice Gratitude

Practicing gratitude has been said to be a form of spirituality in its own right. Deepak Chopra, a prominent figure in gratitude, meditation, and spirituality, shows a powerful connection between gratitude and spirituality in this article.

He notes that the origin of the word “gratitude” comes from the Latin root gratus, meaning to please and welcome. Chopra argues that “gratus” is the root of many words that signify celebration and being in contact with a higher power such as grace and gratification.

This root word signifies seeing value and benefit, which can be considered to be a remedy for suffering. Therefore, it could also be considered to be a form of spirituality.

Meditate

Meditation is also essentially a spiritual practice of its own. Meditation is the process of concentrating on your own consciousness, which eventually leads you to discover that your consciousness is infinite.

When you’re meditating, you’re getting in tune with your most inner self and developing yourself spiritually. According to spiritual practices, people’s ultimate goal is to merge their mind with Infinite Consciousness (which is the ultimate reality) and the only way to do this is through meditation.

9. Read

You might assume that in order to be a great achiever, you need to focus your reading on business or self-improvement books. And while continuous learning is important, focusing on these things right before bed will get your wheels turning and your mind moving, which can prevent you from being able to sleep.

You may end up staying awake, ruminating over new ideas or a business strategy you want to try, which is not a great beginning to a healthy night’s sleep. 

Instead, read a fiction book or a biography that allows you to escape into someone else’s world. Read a book that is relaxing–even if it has an educational twist to it.

This will keep you focused on the story you’re reading instead of taking your mind to the variety of things you need to do to improve your life. 

Reading a relaxing book for 30 minutes before turning off the lights will help you fall asleep quickly and wake up feeling creative and rested.  

10. Practice Something You Enjoy

Your free in the evening is completely controlled by you.

If you have a hobby you enjoy, this may be the time to engage in that. Or maybe you’re working on a project that will move you closer to achieving your dreams, or you want to focus on learning a new skill. The evenings are a great time to use to try out new experiences or improve upon your current abilities. 

Instead of passively sitting around on the couch, engage in something that is meaningful to you in some way, whether that’s learning a new language, practicing playing an instrument, creating art, or working on a collection. Check out these popular hobbies for men and hobbies for women if you’re looking for something to try.

Spending time doing things you enjoy will impact your daily attitude, which can increase your productivity. So spend 30 minutes pursuing something meaningful to you at night, and you will notice a big difference in your overall well being and sense of self-worth.

11. Reflect 

You probably spend a lot of time thinking about the future, and maybe significantly less time reflecting on where you’ve been. And while it’s good to focus on moving forward instead of regretting past mistakes, this tendency also prevents people from doing some solid reflection.

Take some time every night to reflect on your day, thinking about what went well and what could have gone better.

Did you face any unexpected challenges? If so, how did you handle them? How might you handle similar situations in the future? What can you do to prevent the problem from happening again?

Doing some reflection at night will help you gain insight into your performance and increase your self-awareness regarding your ability to problem-solve. With this insight, you can make those small improvements that are needed to end up with major results in the long run. 

12. Think of One Thing That Excites You About Tomorrow

This is an effective and powerful way to ensure you will get up earlier than necessary and jumpstart your day.

Thinking about the things that tomorrow could bring–seizing new opportunities, seeing more results, meeting new people, making new decisions–will feel both motivating and empowering. Having these things at the front of your mind will inspire you to jump out of bed when the time comes. 

13. Acceptance

Accept your day for what it was, no matter how it went. Remind yourself that you did your best and that is something you can feel good about.

There’s nothing you can change about today–you made all of the best decisions that you could at the time with the information you had.

Don’t carry any burdens of the day with you into tomorrow because this will only keep you living in the past. If necessary, you can choose to be twice as productive tomorrow by making accepting and letting go one of your evening routine habits.

14. Make a To-Do List

So often we lie awake thinking about what we need to get done the next day, afraid we may forget something important. Taking ten or fifteen minutes to create a to-do list allows you to put that worry aside.

Set the intention that once the item is on your list, you won’t think about it again until tomorrow. This sends a message to your mind that all is okay and there is no need to dwell on the task tonight.

15. Do Preparation For Tomorrow’s Dinner

Your slow cooker can be your best friend. It is possible to prepare an entire meal, put it in the pot, and just turn it on before you set out the next day. A warm, healthy dinner will almost magically be ready when it is time.

Even if you don’t want to rely on a slow cooker, there are always dinner preparations that can be done in advance, such as chopping vegetables, marinating meat, or whipping up a side dish that can be thrown in the microwave to warm up. 

Doing this will help you prepare healthy meals, avoid stressing about what you are making, and create a less stressful environment in the evening.

16. Take a Walk

While it isn’t advisable to do strenuous exercise in the hours before bed because exercise can be energizing, a leisurely walk around the block will help you release tension and clear your mind.

The endorphins released will calm your thoughts and body. You can use the time to listen to some music, a podcast, or a book if you prefer, or spend time just enjoying the beauty around you.

17. Make Time for Intimacy

So often we are too busy worrying about all we need to get done that we forget to stop and spend time with our special loved one. This itself can lead to even greater tension. 

Make time in your schedule for intimacy. A good session of sex can release tension, refocus your mental energy, and release endorphins that will help you drift off to sleep peacefully.

18. Try Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy doesn’t have to be difficult. When you get home, put some essential oil in a diffuser and go about your nightly routine, allowing the aroma to reach your mind and help it relax.

You can put your diffuser in the living room or your bedroom. You may want to use a bed spray instead to spray your bed before lying down. 

Pick a scent that you really enjoy. Both lavender and chamomile are known to have relaxing properties, but any scent that speaks to you and makes you feel happy will work.

19. Have a Light Snack/Cup of Tea

You don’t want to go to bed with a full stomach, but hunger pangs are not conducive to a good night’s sleep. Try some cheese and crackers, fruit, or a bowl of warm cereal.

Tea comes in a variety of flavors. You can even find blends specifically made for winding down at night. If tea isn’t your thing, try a cup of warm milk. It has been proven to release chemicals that calm your mind and help you sleep.

20. Spend Time with Pets

Pets, especially dogs and cats, have long been known to relax us and make us happy. We so often take them for granted. Make time in the evening to play with your pet, take the dog for a leisurely walk, or simply just sit and pet them. Both you and your pet will benefit from the interaction. 

Dogs have such a laid-back way of approaching life and love attention. A cat’s purr has been proven to heal and calm. Any positive interaction with a being that wants only your love can be rewarding.

21. Practice Gratitude

So often we spend our evenings thinking about all the bad things that happened during the day. We don’t allow our minds the chance to renew in order to deal with the next day.

Spend at least fifteen minutes each evening thinking about the positive things that happened. They don’t have to be major events.

The vending machine actually had your favorite treat, the customer at work who mentioned they enjoyed you waiting on them when they come in, or your child’s last words before they drifted off to sleep were “I love you.”

You can journal these things or simply spend time thinking about them and being grateful.

22. Try Progressive Relaxation

You might be surprised by just how much tension your body holds onto. Getting into the habit of releasing that tension will allow you to relax and get a better night’s sleep. You could get into a stretching routine or try progressive relaxation.

Starting with your toes, tighten the muscles and hold for ten seconds. Slowly release. Move up your body, one muscle group at a time. Tighten the muscle group, hold, then gently release. This is best done while lying down.

23. Put on Music/Relaxation Sounds

While some people relax better in complete silence, most people benefit from some noise that can help quiet their thoughts.

Make it a point to put on some music that relaxes you right after dinner. This sends a signal to your brain that it is time to slow down and relax.

An alternative to music can be playing nature sounds or a combination of music and nature.

I personally find saxophone music combined with ocean waves to be particularly relaxing. Each person is different, however, and you will need to find what works best for you.

Final Thoughts on Evening Routine Habits

It can be hard to build routines into your life. But with a little discipline, sticking to these routines will set you up for success. 

The good thing about routines and habits is the more you practice them, the more natural they become. They eventually become so ingrained in your day that it’s harder to not do them.

So end your day on purpose and stick with it. You will find your days to be much more productive when you have a high-quality night.

Finally, if you want the perfect morning routine, then check out this seven-step process for creating a morning routine that will become a vital part of your daily life.)

Bias for action is a mental error that causes us to act even when inaction is the best decision. First, let’s see how Coca-Cola executives made that mistake. And then how to avoid it to make better decisions.

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In the 80s, Pepsi started its famous ad campaign on TV.

The Pepsi Challenge.

Pepsi made consumers go through a blind taste test between Pepsi and Coca-Cola.

And the majority preferred Pepsi.

They repeated the tests with different people in different places.

The result was the same.

Coca-Cola’s executive team freaked out after seeing the ads everywhere.

They hired researchers to do their own tests.

Pepsi’s claims were true.

All things equal, Pepsi’s sweeter taste was superior.

And now they were telling it to consumers everywhere.

The Coca-Cola executive team felt they had to do something as a response.

And decided to change Coca-Cola’s classic formula.

Coca-Cola announced the new coke with a big campaign.

Tests showed the new coke’s taste was better than Pepsi’s.

So the Coca-Cola team expected sales to explode.

But…

The public’s reaction was the opposite.

People hated the new Coca-Cola.

Coca-Cola started receiving 5,000 calls a day from angry customers to bring back the old formula.

People even protested on the street.

How dare they change the taste millions had been drinking for decades?

Sales started going down.

Coca-Cola couldn’t resist the pressure for so long.

And they brought back the old formula as ‘Coca‑Cola Classic’ 79 days later.

When actions become blunders

Now the story contains many lessons.

The first one is about marketing.

Yes, Pepsi Challenge showed Pepsi’s taste was better¹.

But it also proved the brand power of Coca-Cola.

When consumers saw the name, bottle, and red logo, the taste didn’t matter — as long as it was the classic Coca-Cola.

Another lesson from the story.

Coca-Cola executives felt compelled to take an action after seeing Pepsi’s ad campaign.

So they reacted.

And broke something that was already working.

You know the fight or flight response when we feel in danger.

Our instincts tell us to act.

It’s an evolutionary behavior that has helped us survive for thousands of years — like the law of reciprocity we talked about last week.

But sometimes this tendency fails us in the modern world.

So people take action as a reflex without proper reasoning and make mistakes.

This is called bias for action.

Let’s see some more examples.

Bias for action examples:

• The harm caused by the healer: Doctors feel they must take action to cure a patient. So sometimes they make unnecessary treatments for non-fatal diseases. And they cause more harm than benefit.
• Speed without direction: People take some actions to feel productive. Like attending pointless meetings or handling unimportant tasks. Even though these actions don’t create value for anybody.
• Naive interventionism: Politicians intervene in complex issues where action brings unknown risks with little possible gain. And these adventures usually end up becoming failures. Like the US intervention in Afghanistan. Nassim Taleb calls it naive interventionism.

Now, action is good in most cases.

Especially when you start something from scratch and try to figure out how things work.

But as the stakes get higher, each uncalculated action can be costly.

Three tips to avoid bias for action:

1. Make inaction an option

Charlie Munger says the “sitting on your ass” investment style is his favorite.

As long as you own great businesses, you don’t need to worry about selling.

Time is in your favor.

So you can sit on your ass without doing anything.

This applies to other business decisions.

Inaction is always an option.

And sometimes it’s the best way forward.

So when you face complex problems, pause and consider if inaction could work better.

Remember, this is not inaction due to fear of failure or analysis paralysis.

It’s an intentional decision.

2. Ignore (most) opportunities

I know.

Sounds counterintuitive.

But bias for action often occurs with new opportunities.

When you have a certain level of success with a product or a business, you start having more and more opportunities along the way.

Sometimes new shiny projects, sometimes expansion to a new vertical.

It’s tempting to take on everything.

But our time (and focus) is limited.

So after you achieve initial success with a project, be selective with new opportunities.

That means saying no to good opportunities; to save your resources for the great ones.

Use methods like RICE scoring to take impact and probability of success into account to choose projects.

3. Never diverge from your strengths

Besides using resources, some actions also diverge you from your strengths.

For Coca-Cola, it was the classic formula.

And the emotion it triggered in people’s minds.

When they diverged, they failed.

Another example is when new CEOs make big acquisitions to leave a mark.

But most big acquisitions fail as they kill the focus of both companies.

So beware of actions that might diminish your competitive advantages.

Especially when you have them compounded for a long time (remember the flywheel effect).

Where everybody is taking action for the sake of action, use strategic inaction to stay on your path.

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Footnote:

¹About 20 years later, Malcolm Gladwell claimed Pepsi Challenge had a major flaw: people choose sweeter drinks when it’s only a sip. But they don’t like them as much when it’s a full glass.

Are you choosing to live a happy, fulfilled life?

That’s right, studies have proven that ninety percent of the factors that make the difference between a happy life and an unhappy life are factors within your control. One life hack proven to help unlock your best life is setting, pursuing, and achieving goals.

But you don’t have to take my word for it; many other people are proving this point every single day. They are setting goals, doing the work and building the life of their dreams.

Don’t Take My Word For It, a new Operation Melt blog series, shares how other people – people just like you – are choosing to achieve happiness through their goals.

Yes, you can choose a happy life, but don’t take my word for it!

Amuse-Bouche

Before we jump into today's post, I offer you this "dad joke" as a light "amuse-bouche" to entertain your mind before we get serious. Like any other amuse-bouche, you may hate it, but it is worth every penny you paid for it, right?

The key to telling mail carrier jokes is a good delivery.

You’ve Got (Happy) Mail… Positive Energy vs. Pandemic (Interview)

In this week’s Don’t Take My Word For It post, I am sharing a new Interview with a Goal-Crusher. In these interviews, I sit down with someone that is accomplishing big things by setting and achieving their goals to learn their secrets. Then I share those secrets with you. It’s like free mentoring from someone already on the road to success. Who doesn’t want that?!

Do you remember the early days of the COVID pandemic lockdown? Who could forget, right?

Rather than rehashing how the lockdown impacted your job, hobbies and friends, I want to ask you a different question about this strange time in our lives. How did you feel?

Were you scared about what was going to happen next? Were you angry about how the lockdown impacted your favorite people (e.g., service industry suddenly unemployed) or things (e.g., they canceled March Madness)? Did the lack of access to “non-essential” businesses mean you were bored? Did these feelings result in sadness and depression? Did the feelings of helplessness make you anxious?

You weren’t alone. The WHO reported a staggering 25% increase in depression and anxiety triggered by the COVID pandemic. That’s huge!

Imagine heading out for a walk to get a little exercise, separate from the negativity in the news and social media and try to work through some of these emotions. During your walk, something unusual catches your eye. You see a Ziploc bag with one of these colorful cards inside it.

As if by magic, a smile appears on your face and your spirits are lifted. This magic was brought to you by Happy Mail, one of the most positive innovations that arose from this horrible pandemic.

In this Interview with a Goal-Crusher, I had the privilege of learning more about the artist and force of positivity behind Happy Mail, and I am excited to share her story with you.

Please introduce yourself and tell Operation Melt readers what you do.

Hey, y’all! I am Whitney, and for my full-time day job, I am in sales, where I sell college-licensed apparel to nationwide retailers. So, in short, I outfit you in your favorite college team’s gear! When I’m not using my “gift of gab” to sell clothing, I find my creative roots in creating Happy Mail, hand-drawn family portraits, designing bold shoe designs and pretty much anything in between.

What motivated you to start Happy Mail? What was your vision?

You can say I’ve always been creative and crafty since I was young. I think the first time my family and I realized I was at least a little artsy was when I won the penmanship award in the 3rd grade.

Growing up and in high school, I dove into art classes focusing on the technical things and structure I needed to grow as an artist, but I really found my passion in making handmade signs for my friends! I would pass the signs to them in the hallway, put them on their locker doors or even on their windshields. THIS is where my passion was – BOLD lettering and colors, coupled with a fun message unique to the friend who was receiving it!

Although I switched my degree from Graphic Design to Public Relations in college, I still found ways to be creative. In every job since graduating, I found my way back to creating fun, encouraging art for my friends and family.

When the pandemic hit and people were forced to work from home, I knew everyone was struggling with the changes to everything around us. I decided to take to my social accounts to ask if anyone wanted Happy Mail sent to them to brighten their day, help encourage them during this hard time or just wanted something special in their mailboxes. The response from my friends and family was incredible! I sent out personalized, special Happy Mail to more than 50 people in the first two months!

Later that year, I lost my job and honestly didn’t know how to handle all the downtime. I turned to what I knew would not only bring joy to others but also bring me hope – creating! This time I decided I wanted to impact our community, so I created messages of hope, words of affirmation or simple reminders, put them in Ziplock bags and dropped them randomly across German Village.

Since then, I have found more and more opportunities to spread positivity by way of my Happy Mail – I still pass them out randomly and send them to people all over the world (Korea is the furthest so far :)), but it has also developed into creating other specialties for others like customized family portraits!

What were your biggest challenges in starting Happy Mail? How did you overcome them?

I think my biggest challenge in starting and distributing Happy Mail was putting myself and my art out to the world! I’ve always given that creative and special part of myself to those who know me best, but never on a larger scale. I was scared that it wouldn’t resonate with those receiving it or that they wouldn’t understand it… or me. Once I was able to breathe through that fear and realize that what I can do artistically is truly a gift – and it’s my job to use the gift for myself and others – I was able to really dive in! 

What goal success tips and techniques have worked well for you that you would like to share with my readers?

My biggest success tip is being vulnerable (and brave) enough to ask for support, shares, follows and opportunities from your friends, family and co-workers! Some of the most exciting opportunities I’ve had have come from word of mouth from my support system – they want to see me succeed and also see the benefit from my art! 

What else would you like my Operation Melt readers to know about you, Happy Mail or goal success in general?

I use Happy Mail and my other creations as an outlet from my full-time job, but I always make sure I am putting a piece of myself into everything I create. I always try to leave someone with a smile, spreading positivity, which is why I truly think Happy Mail has been successful. It’s such a feel-good thing… plus, who doesn’t love getting mail other than bills? 🙂 

How can people learn more about your art? 

Right now, I only have a buying/selling platform on my Instagram page, @thewbdesigns, where you can see some of what has taken off since the start of Happy Mail and message me there for inquiries! 

Wow, talk about a labor of love! I had no idea how big Happy Mail and Whitney’s other artistic outlets had grown. To think it all grew from a desire to help people shed a bit of their negativity during the pandemic lockdown.

Let’s review some of the goal success techniques that helped Whitney launch Happy Mail:

• Remember your why: Whitney’s goal was to help bring positivity into people’s lives. Can you imagine a stronger why behind a goal? With a strong why your goal becomes unstoppable.
• One step at a time: when Whitney started Happy Mail, she didn’t plan on doing custom, commissioned artwork for people. She started small, did a good job and grew one step at a time. You don’t always have to begin with a lofty end in mind.
• You Can Find Big Things Outside Your Comfort Zone: Whitney explained that her biggest struggle was being willing to put herself and her art out there. It wasn’t a comfortable decision for her, but she did it anyway. She was vulnerable and stepped out of her comfort zone, positively impacting many people – including herself!
• Be Yourself: Whitney explained that she always puts a piece of herself into everything she creates. That’s an essential secret to succeeding with your goals. When you pursue goals that allow you to be yourself, you are way more likely to achieve them.

Whether you are launching your art to the masses, starting a fitness journey, making a career change or pursuing some other goal, these proven techniques will improve your odds of success.

Do you have a goal inside you that you want to let out as Whitney did? Let me help you take that step outside your comfort zone. Operation Melt coaching can help you create attainable goals, build plans to accomplish them and build the momentum to carry you to the finish line. Let’s work together.

I believe in you; let me help YOU believe in you!

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Meet Coach Tony

My name is Coach Tony, and I am a coach, author and project manager on a mission. I am working to build a world where no goal ever dies of loneliness.

I almost allowed one of my biggest life goals to die without ever being attempted for forty years. My goal almost died, not of failure but of loneliness. But, I took a risk and leveraged a simple, logical process that helped me wildly exceed my goal. 

I transformed my life, and you can do the same with the help of Operation Melt. 

Operation Melt provides engaging, practical content and hands-on coaching to inspire, motivate and equip project managers and other left-brained high-achievers to pursue and accomplish their biggest goals. 

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Breathe new life into your goals

Download my free ebook to learn how to create goals that actually work and get the jump-start you need in life!

Nobody wants to fail and everyone wants to succeed. Every day, people are struggling to reach their goals and achieve success. A failure is a painful event and one that almost all of us work tirelessly to avoid. However, no matter who you are, failure is unavoidable. Not only that, but as much as you hate to fail, failure is still necessary for your success. There can be no success without failure.

This is because when we fail, we tend to ponder, we search for deeper meanings, and we grow in the process. Hence, do not shun failure. The key is not to avoid failure, but to learn how to manage it when it comes. 

So when you fail to reach your goals, here is the 6-step process you can use to bounce back higher:

1. Failure is just your perception

The first thing you need to understand when you fail to achieve your goals is that failure is just your perception. Like Henry Ford famously said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you are right.” You have to understand that there is no good news or bad news, it is just news.

Hence, when you fail, don’t treat it as a failure, instead, choose to look at it as an opportunity to learn and a lesson for growth. The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is that successful people look at things from a positive perspective while unsuccessful people look at things from a negative point of view.

When you fail, it doesn’t mean that you are a failure. You are only a failure when you choose to quit and give up. Remember, failure is just an event, not a person. Change your perception of failure and things will start to change.

2. Focus on what you can learn

The next step you need to do is to find out what you can learn from your failure. It is not easy, but once you switch your perception and look at failure as something good, things can change. A lot of people look at failure as the opposite of success, which is not true at all. Failure is not the opposite of success, it is part of it.

Tony Robbins said it wisely, “Success in life is the result of good judgment. Good judgment is usually the result of experience. Experience is usually the result of bad judgment.” Hence, when you fail to achieve your goals, ask yourself, “What does this mean and what can I learn from it?”

Focus on what you can learn and not the problem. When you treat failure as a lesson and you gained a new perspective from it, you become someone better and more worthy of the goal.

3. Remember your dream

The third step you can do is to remind yourself of your dream. When you see yourself achieving your goals and are living your ideal lifestyle, you feel motivated. This is important because one of the main reasons people fail to hit their goals is that they lose interest in what they want.

They started strong in the beginning, but as the days went by, their motivation started to fade and they were distracted by everything that is happening in their daily lives. As a result, they lose connection with their goals and eventually, they stop taking action and they give up.

Never let this happen to you. Make sure you think about your dreams and put your goals in your mind every moment.

4. Recall your purpose and rediscover your passion

The next step you should take is to recall your purpose and reignite your passion. Remember, what gets you started is your purpose and what gets you going is your purpose. And you can’t go on without both. Your purpose is the lighthouse that guides you through thick and thin. And your passion is the fuel that drives you to take action each day.

So rediscover your purpose. Why do you want to achieve the goals? Why do you want to reach your dreams? The stronger and the more emotional your purpose, the stronger the motivation.

 

5. Plan and recalibrate

Once you’ve reignited your passion, it is time to plan ahead once again and recalibrate your action steps. At this point, you should understand better why you fail in the first place. Maybe you are not taking enough action. Maybe your approach did not work. Or maybe you should just try again one more time.

Whatever you do, create a new plan and start over again. Never underestimate the power of planning. Like Larry Winget said: “Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat, lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you don’t have a plan.” Your plan tells you what you need to do to reach your goals. And of course, the final step is about taking action.

6. Take action and bounce back

The final step is to bounce back by taking massive action. By now, you have only two options. One, you choose to sit and do nothing. This will never get you anywhere. If you are stuck in a rut, doing nothing is not going to help at all. You need to make progress, which leads you to option two: Take massive action.

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. Do understand that people don’t drown by falling into the water. They drown because they stay there. This is why you need to keep moving. Therefore, take massive and consistent action according to the plan that you have created.

Use These Tools To Reach Your Goals

Failing to achieve your goals is something common. Even Thomas Edison was said to have failed over 10,000 times. However, the difference was that Edison did not give up. He knew how to manage his failures and he did not see his failures as failures. Sometimes all you need is to follow simple steps to achieve your goals and create your dream life! 

Like all successful people, Edison chose to look at failures as an opportunity to learn and grow. If you want to turn the situation around and bounce back to reach your goals, incorporate these 6 steps into your life.

 

Don’t let fear of failure stop you! Learn how to change your mindset to be more success-focused with Addicted 2 Success! 

Do you want to lose weight, but you don’t know how to stay motivated? I feel your pain. It takes discipline, determination, and hard work. From changing your eating habits to implementing a consistent exercise routine, the road to weight loss can seem never-ending. In this blog post, I’ll be taking a look into the struggle of losing weight, the importance of motivation, and why adding a drop of humour to your weight loss journey can make all the difference. So grab a cup of tea and settle in, because I’m going to help you to figure out how to motivate yourself to lose weight.

The Science Behind Motivating Yourself To Lose Weight

The psychology of motivation is a very complex topic that has been studied extensively for many years. When thinking of it in terms of weight loss, motivation is the driving force that keeps you on track with your goals.

Research studies have shown that by setting yourself specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals you can increase your motivation and improve your chances of sticking to weight loss plans.

Here is an example of how the SMART system works: instead of setting a goal to “lose weight,” a SMART goal would be “to lose 10 pounds in 3 months by reducing my daily calorie intake by 500 calories and exercising for 30 minutes every day.”

By setting specific goals, you can better track your progress and feel a sense of accomplishment as you reach each milestone.

Tips to Motivate Yourself to Lose Weight

There is no doubt that staying motivated during your weight loss journey can be a challenge, but there are several methods you can use to keep yourself on track.

• One effective technique is to have an accountability partner, such as a weight loss coach, friend or family member, who can provide support, encouragement and a kick up the bum if needed.
• Another helpful tip is to track your progress, whether it’s by weighing yourself regularly or keeping a food diary. This lets you see very clearly how you are doing and allows you to make adjustments as needed.
• Make sure you are rewarding yourself for reaching milestones, no matter how small, such as treating yourself to a new workout outfit or a night out with friends. This gives you something to look forward to and can also help keep you motivated.
• Finally, being kind to yourself and using positive self-talk is so important and can make a big difference in how you approach your weight loss journey. Instead of criticizing yourself for goals you haven’t achieved, try to focus on the progress you’ve made and the positive changes you’re making in your life.

The Benefits of Using a Weight Loss Coach

Having to be accountable to someone is so powerful when you are finding ways to motivate yourself to lose weight. In fact, I think many people underestimate it’s power. Losing weight can be a difficult and lonely journey, and having someone to hold you accountable can make all the difference.

You may not have friends and family who are able to help you so this is where a weight loss coach comes in – as an accountability partner, they’ll provide support, guidance, and motivation to help you reach your goals.

They check in with you regularly to make sure you’re sticking to your plan and making progress toward your goals. This level of accountability can be a powerful motivator, as it helps you stay focused on your goals and avoid common pitfalls that can derail your progress.

Weight loss coaches have the knowledge and experience to help you create a personalized plan that fits your specific needs and goals. This plan may include changes to your diet, exercise routines, and modifications to your current lifestyle.

Having a weight loss coach by your side will give you a level of support and encouragement that is hard to replicate on your own. They are basically there to be your cheerleader when you’re feeling discouraged and celebrate your successes along the way.

The Power of Humour in Weight Loss

This might come as a surprise, but humour can be quite powerful and will motivate you to lose weight. Not just for its physical benefits but also for its impact on your mental health. Laughter has been shown to reduce stress, boost mood, and improve overall well-being.

When we are applying it to weight loss, adding a touch of humour to your journey can help reduce the stress and pressure that you might feel when you are trying to lose weight. For example, making light-hearted jokes about your struggles or finding funny workout videos can make the process feel more enjoyable and less daunting. I strongly believe that a humorous fridge magnet works wonders!

The key is not taking yourself too seriously and being open to finding humour in your weight loss journey.

Common Obstacles and How to Overcome Them

There will also be obstacles in life and are a natural part of any weight loss journey, but you don’t have to let them derail your progress. Emotional eating, plateaus, boredom with exercise routines, and stress are all common obstacles that can make your weight loss feel like an uphill battle.

So, one way to overcome emotional eating is to identify any triggers and find healthier ways to cope, for example practicing mindfulness or absorbing yourself in your favourite hobby.

Plateaus can be so irritating. You may find you lose weight consistently for a while and then it just stops. The way to deal with this is by staying positive and changing up your routine with new exercises or adjusting your diet. This will give your body a bit of a kick start again and can help break through the plateau.

You should tackle boredom with your exercise routines by trying new activities or working with a personal trainer to create a more varied program.

Finally, stress can be managed through calming techniques like deep breathing or meditation, and making sure you are getting enough sleep and spending time with loved ones.

Final thoughts – How to Motivate Yourself to Lose Weight

In conclusion, motivation is the magic key to achieving your weight loss goals. It gives you the drive and determination to stick to healthy habits and make progress toward your goals.

By using the tips and strategies I discussed in this blog post, such as finding an accountability partner, tracking your progress, rewarding yourself, and incorporating humour, you can easily stay motivated and overcome any common obstacles.

Please remember, weight loss is a journey, not a destination. It won’t always be easy, but it’s definitely worth it. So, don’t give up on yourself. I know you can do it. Keep pushing forward and remember to laugh at your mistakes, celebrate your successes, and never lose sight of the reasons why you started.

Don’t forget to download your copy of my free eBook: The Force of Habit to take your self-care to the next level!

You’re invited! To the company party, a friend’s wedding or maybe a community group outing—whatever it is, it’s on your calendar. All great chances to meet new people. But maybe events like these, the ones that require you to make small talk, bring you more anxiety than excitement. You think, I won’t know anyone there. I really should go—but I don’t want to. I hate small talk.

Small talk has earned a bad rap, because to many people it represents meaningless and trivial conversation. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

A recent study published in Communication Research has found that those who engage in any of seven types of quality conversation experience increased well-being and happiness, alongside a reduction in their stress levels. Small talk has its benefits as well; a 2021 study published in the Academy of Management journal found that, despite the distraction caused by engaging in small talk, “employees who engaged in more small talk during their workday reported increased positive social emotions, which translated into greater [organizational citizenship behaviors] and well-being at the end of the day.” 

Ideas for how to make small talk

But increased well-being and positivity aren’t the only benefits of small talk. Engaging in small talk can open the door to interesting and meaningful connections—if you are aware and listening. These tips can help take the stress out of small talk and create a quality conversation:

1. Get your mind right.

If you spend the week anticipating and worrying because you know you will feel uncomfortable, you’ve set yourself up for failure. Remember why you are going—to celebrate a friend on their special day, to meet others who share your interest or to connect with your coworkers.

2. Decide who you’d like to meet before you go.

Take a look at who else will be there and plan to meet those who might share something in common with you. This might be someone who knows a mutual friend, a fellow baseball fan or a business owner living your dream.

3. Read a lot.

The more you read, the more trivia or facts you pick up that can turn into conversation material. It can be online or in books and journals, but it can help drive a conversation with someone you don’t know much about.

—Angela Ruth, Truework

4. Be interested in things to be interesting.

I find people have nothing to say because they don’t seem to have any interests. That makes them uninteresting. However, people with hobbies and interests always seem to have a topic or an opinion to share, and they can use that as a launching point to get someone else involved in the discussion.

—Murray Newlands

5. Make a game out of making small talk.

Trick your mind into making it seem easier and more fun by playing a game with yourself. Commit to at least an hour. Plan to meet at least five people. Challenge yourself to learn two new things. This mental shift can help tame the anxiety and make the conversation more fun.

6. Relax and be present in the conversation.

Rather than try to plan what you will say next, relax and focus on what the other person is actually saying. Listen. Be present in the conversation and the other person will notice. They will feel appreciated, and the conversation will flow naturally.

—Adelyn Zhou, Chainlink Labs

7. Take responsibility for meeting others.

Don’t wait for others to approach you. Say hello first. If you always expect others to make the first move, you’ll be disappointed. And the more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll be.

8. Don’t be the sidekick.

Rather than shadowing the one person you already know, branch out. Meet others on your own.

9. Have your ‘go-to’ small talk questions ready.

Starting a conversation with a new person can be hard. Try, “How do you know _____?,” “What is keeping you busy these days?” or “What brought you to this area?” It doesn’t have to be complicated, just something to get you started and form new acquaintances.

10. Ask thoughtful questions, and then follow up.

I despise small talk, but I love to connect with new people and learn about them because there is always something interesting to glean. If you actually care, it will show. Ask thoughtful questions and really listen to the answers. Then ask great follow-up questions based on their response. Your boring small-talk chat will quickly evolve into something meaningful.

—Darrah Brustein, Darrah.co

11. Be interested. 

Asking questions is the secret ingredient to interesting conversations. Stay away from yes-or-no questions and instead start with easy questions that feel natural. Just make sure to listen for an interesting comment to explore and build upon.

As an example for how your questions might flow:

• How do you know Allison?
• I didn’t realize you were a graphic designer. What kind of design do you do?
• Why did you decide to get into graphic design?
• Oh, I went to school in Miami, too! Where are your favorite places to go when you go back?
• Do you think of Miami as home? How did you make the move from there to here?

Within just a few questions, you can move to more substantial conversations.

12. Really listen to others talk.

People love to talk about themselves. I’ve gotten a lot of great business information by just listening to what people have to say, whether it’s work-related or not. Often, it’s about reading between the lines and listening to what they’re not saying to get a good understanding of the type of person they are, what they want and how I can supply that need.

—Duran Inci, Optimum7

13. Ask about a person’s life, not their job.

I never ask someone what they do anymore. Instead, I ask how they spend their time. Questions like this one open the door to more interesting conversations. If the person’s initial response is work-related, I follow up with, “What do you do when you’re not working?” Just keep asking questions and share comments that relate their story to yours.

—Mamie Kanfer Stewart, Meeteor

14. Learn their story.

I have found that it helps to ask questions about the person you’re talking with. Everyone has a story to tell, and if you enable them to tell it through asking questions, you will not only master small talk, but start the process of building a strong and meaningful relationship.

—David Ciccarelli, Voices.com

15. Be yourself when making small talk!

No one likes a fake networker. In the interest of being more outgoing, don’t be someone you aren’t. Putting out effort doesn’t mean being fake.

16. Share something very honest.

If you want to make small talk bigger, share something that’s very honest about a topic pertinent to you. When you let down your guard, you’re more likely to have more genuine and productive conversations that turn into meaningful connections and not just another business card for the drawer.

—Dan Golden, BFO (Be Found Online)

17. Compliment and shift.

Everyone loves a nice compliment. Find something that you can genuinely compliment the other person on, then shift to a question so as to avoid any awkwardness. 

18. Talk about the environment around you.

Ask questions, respond to the answers, and if you ever run out of things to say, make a comment about the architecture, artwork on the walls, a bird singing outside, whatever. The world is rich with things to talk about if you can stop worrying and move your center of focus away from your own mental and emotional state.

—Justin Blanchard, ServerMania Inc.

19. Plan a graceful exit for when you’re done making small talk.

Every conversation runs its course, but finding a natural end is hard. Just say something simple like, “It’s been great to meet you, and I hope you have the best vacation next week,” before excusing yourself to do something else. Then, move on.

20. Look for others who want to connect.

I recently went to a large celebratory event and only knew the busy host. I noticed another guest taking her time at the snack table and introduced myself. We had a great conversation while those around us caught up with longtime friends.

21. Be an introducer.

If you are talking with someone and another guest looks a little uncomfortable, remember the times when you were that uncomfortable person and try to include others by inviting them into the conversation. 

22. Don’t be the ‘hammer looking for the nail.’

Your favorite topic isn’t everyone else’s. You might love your new grill or your favorite book or TV show, but don’t assume everyone else is interested. Gauge the temperature of the conversation and flow with it.

23. But try to find common ground to make small talk about.

Try to find something that you have in common with the person and your interest will be genuine. Look for anything: hometown, college, sports, dogs. Try to identify something about the person you are talking with that you can relate to; this will make small talk easier and you will come across more genuine.

—Diego Orjuela, Cables & Sensors

24. Don’t expect too much.

Not every get-together will result in new friends. That’s OK. You still accomplished your goal of going when it was easier not to, and you were there supporting a friend or coworker. That is enough.

25. Get in the habit of making small talk.

Don’t constrain this habit to social events. Say hello to the person next to you on the plane before you grab your headphones (I’m working on this). Talk to your waiter. Ask your Uber driver about their day. The habit of saying hello and listening is a muscle you can develop by working on it a little every day.

Try some small talk. You might be surprised where it takes you.

This article was published in August 2016 and has been updated. Photo by Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock

At 27, Keely Cat-Wells has been a Forbes 30 Under 30 honoree, an advisory board member on Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Foundation and has visited the White House as a participant in the first Mental Health Youth Action Forum. Last year her talent agency, C Talent, was acquired by Whalar in a deal that’s making history as “one of the largest investments ever made in Disabled talent within the creator industry,” according to her profile on RollingStone culture council. 

But don’t call her inspirational.

A cruel history of portraying people with disabilities

Hollywood—and the entertainment industry at large—has a long-standing relationship with both casting disabled actors and portraying characters with disabilities, spanning more than a century. But it’s not a proud one. 

They were the circus freaks, the sideshow oddities. These types of shows were a normal part of American culture around the 19th and 20th centuries. Taking advantage of people with disabilities for profit as a means of entertainment for the masses was considered perfectly acceptable, and set the precedent.

But through the lens of rehistoricizing these heartbreaking exploitations of people with disabilities, we see more clearly now. The little people cast in The Wizard of Oz were paid less than Toto the dog ($50 and $125, respectively in 1938), and never saw their names in the credits. The bearded women who were carnival mainstays may have had medical conditions such as hypertrichosis or hirsutism, which may be caused by polycystic ovary syndrome. And the contortionists grinning as they dislocated limbs or stretched their skin for laughs may have had a hypermobility condition like Ehlers-Danlos syndrome.

Contemporary productions aren’t necessarily more generous when a disabled character is on screen. Think of Forrest Gump or Professor X in X-Men. These were powerful roles, but they were awarded to able-bodied actors simply acting out the on-screen disability.

The issue is that representation matters—a lot. And that’s where Cat-Wells comes in.

Disabled people are more than tropes

As the founder and president of C Talent at Whalar, as well as being an entrepreneur and activist with a disability herself, Cat-Wells knows firsthand of the systemic discrimination the industry she loves so much still struggles with. 

C Talent is an “inclusive disabled-led talent management and access consulting company,” according to their website. The management side represents disabled creators, and the consulting side works with brands creating accessible and inclusive spaces, environments and narratives, with both sides often working in tandem.

Cat-Wells named it C Talent because, as stated on their website, “disabled people usually do not have access to option A or option B, so we decided to create our own option: C Talent.”

The days of Munchkins and sideshows might be long gone, but Cat-Wells explains that the entertainment industry continues to stereotype people with disabilities, most often as one of three reductive tropes. “We see this all the time in film, TV, commercials and print advertising that disabled people are either villains, victims or inspirations,” Cat-Wells says. “Villains, because the world thinks disabled people are so angry about being disabled and about our medical traumas that we have to lash out at the world. Victims, because we’re to be pitied or we’re the charity cases that only serve to make non-disabled people feel better about their own lives. As for being an inspiration, unfortunately, that word has been so overused against disabled people for so long that even when it’s meant well, in the most respectful way possible: we hate it.”

The implication is that while it sounds like a compliment, the connotation implies otherwise. Someone might say, “You’re so accomplished. You’re an inspiration.” But the subtext is, “You’re so accomplished, for someone with a disability. You’re so inspiring, for a disabled person.” As long as these tropes exist, people with disabilities are not seen as whole. Which is why representation is so important and why Cat-Wells began C Talent in the first place. 

Numbers don’t lie

An estimated 16% of the world’s population “experience a significant disability,” according to the World Health Organization. Yet only 2.8% of “series regular characters” were disabled in 2021-2022, according to the “Where We Are on TV” report. And of that, Cat-Wells says 95% of those roles go to able-bodied actors. Not only is it misrepresentation, but it’s misguided. The Center for Scholars and Storytellers says, “Hollywood is leaving approximately $125 billion annually on the table by not having authentic and accurate disability representation.”

Cat-Wells’ origin story

But it wasn’t profits that motivated Cat-Wells into action. The spirit of C Talent first came to her when she was a teenager and bedridden in the hospital, with dashed dreams of becoming a professional dancer. At the age of 8, Cat-Wells was diagnosed with dyslexia and struggled with traditional academia. But her talent for the stage was clear and she gravitated towards dance. 

Eventually, she enrolled in a performing arts college, but almost immediately began to feel unwell, with extreme pain, nausea, weight loss and weakness. That began years of testing, doctors’ appointments and surgeries, all the while feeling worse and worse. “My dance career was over before it ever really started,” Cat-Wells recalls.

“This was a very, very difficult time because all the doctors thought I was making it up, that I was manifesting my illness. At that time, I was [uncontrollably] vomiting up to 30 times a day. They thought it was either due to the stress of being at a new college or the pressure of maintaining a specific body weight. One doctor even said that I was crazy and tried to put me into a psych ward.”

By the time Cat-Wells finally got a diagnosis, she was so ill that doctors had to completely remove her colon. This resulted in her having an ileostomy put in—an external bag she has to wear for the rest of her life that replaces the function of the colon by collecting waste that’s diverted through a hole in the abdomen.

“I got sick at 17 and wasn’t discharged until 21. By the time I left for LA, I was diagnosed with PTSD as well,” she says.

Hollywood calling: founding C Talent

LA was the fresh start she needed physically and emotionally. She even took an acting course (thanks to an Instagram ad), which got her hooked on the craft and LA. Her two-week holiday turned into a month-long stay where she threw herself into LA’s disabled acting community. She returned a year later, visa in hand and ready to start auditioning. And she had success early on.

But the joy from landing her first role was fleeting—it was rescinded after they learned about her ileostomy bag. She was hardly the first actor in Hollywood to suffer the cruelty of ableism, but she would do her best to shed light on this and change the industry from the inside out. 

One of the best pieces of advice Cat-Wells ever got was to not dwell on her own misfortunes, to focus outwards. So when she was still in hospital in London, she spent her time helping classmates at the dance academy find gigs. And now in LA with firsthand experience of how ruthlessly inequitable Hollywood could be, Cat-Wells decided to do the same but go bigger. She started C Talent to help other disabled talent find work.

Today, they represent about 100 deaf and disabled talent, placing them in thousands of roles, “with a combined reach of over 50 million,” according to their website. 

They’ve secured brand deals such as Diamond Garrett and Savage X Fenty, consulted on disability-related storylines for Sesame Street (“Meeting Cookie Monster may have even topped meeting President Joe Biden”) and supported the movie Champions by working with stars of the film, Woody Harrelson, Kaitlin Olson and Cheech Marin and director Bobby Farrelly to help them feel comfortable and confident when talking about disability within their media interviews. 

C Talent is making progress in Hollywood

In one of C Talent’s more recent projects, their consultants worked with Netflix and Sony Pictures on an adaptation of Lady Chatterley’s Lover, based on D.H. Lawrence’s novel. Cast in the role of the wheelchair-user Sir Clifford Chatterley was Matthew Duckett, the first disabled actor to play this role. 

This piece of groundbreaking inclusive casting was far from performative. C Talent consultants were on set and advocated for Duckett’s on-set needs during and after production. They worked with the director to ensure portrayals of disability were accurate and worked with movement directors to choreograph Duckett’s physicality as he manoeuvred in an antique wheelchair. Intimacy coordinator Ita O’Brien (Normal People, Sex Education, I May Destroy You) also advised on scenes when co-star Emma Corrin (The Crown) was required to lift Duckett out of his chair, balancing nuances of intimacy, logistics and safety.

There’s a social model of disability that suggests people are disabled by barriers in society, not by their impairments or differences. If society were truly equitable, everybody would have the same access to all opportunities. The casting of Duckett and the measures to remove barriers for him proves that casting disabled actors is not only possible but profitable.

But there is still work to do

And yet, UCLA’s ninth annual Hollywood Diversity Report (2022), where they examine the progress made by their industry in becoming more inclusive, doesn’t even count disabled actors and tradespeople. They remain outside of the census and outside the conversation.

When Whalar acquired C Talent, Cat-Wells understood the greater significance that went beyond securing funding and multiplying contacts. “Whalar essentially made the business case that it’s worth investing in disabled talent. We don’t always have to be your social impact arm or the charity piece. Disabled people can make money and they’re damn good at it. And it’s time there are more disabled people on our screens and behind the cameras and becoming decision makers. We are claiming and controlling our own narrative.”

So, don’t call Cat-Wells inspirational. But she’s definitely a champion.

Photo by Nalani Hernandez-Melo

A few days after being let go, a Philadelphia-based content marketing professional posted on LinkedIn: “Here’s what getting laid off feels like: You just got hit by a bus. And now, before you’ve had a chance to assess your injuries or even collect your stuff that’s scattered all over the street, you have to catch another bus. But do you really want to get back on a thing that just hit you? Are you even capable of walking to the bus stop? Do you have bus fare? Do you still have a wallet? You don’t know.” They go on to explain that the following period after being fired is spent in a daze, wherein “you don’t even know where you’re supposed to go or where you even want to go.”

For some HR managers, knowing they have to fire someone brings an awareness that they are creating this disorienting and upsetting confusion for someone else, and that can be difficult. For others, they aren’t aware or concerned about those feelings; they’re just moving through their pile of tasks without much care. Either way, laying someone off can be downright devastating. But there’s a right way to do it, for the dignity of the former employee and yourself.

The American Psychological Association addresses the potential severity and impact losing a job can have on an employee. In the article, Carl Van Horn, Ph.D., professor of public policy at Rutgers University’s Edward J. Bloustein School of Planning and Public Policy, explains that “losing a job and being unemployed for a long period of time is a psychological trauma and a financial trauma, and the two are closely intertwined.” Since the Great Resignation, a recent Bankrate survey finds, “More than half (or 56%) of those who found a new, better-paying job say they’re worried about their job security, with 19% saying they’re ‘very worried.’” Compassionate managers are unlikely to want to impart this struggle on someone else, even though their bottom line demands it. So, having concrete guidelines to be most respectful and helpful can help reduce the potential for trauma.

How to fire someone the right way

“Before anything else, the most important thing to remember when letting someone go is that there are real people involved, with emotions, feelings and personal lives,” says HR professional Jill Aburrow, who runs heartfelt HR and specializes in redundancies and “disciplinary/grievance issues.” Here’s how to get it right, for your sake and theirs.

1. Leave a review after you fire someone.

Just because they aren’t a fit for your company doesn’t mean they wouldn’t serve their next one well. So, according to Amy Aitman, New Brunswick, Canada-based content operations executive and COO for Venture 4th Media, you can leave them a “rave” review on LinkedIn, Upwork or a similar platform. 

“Before I close a contract, I talk to the team member or contractor and ask them specific questions like, what kind of role or job are you hoping to get? What do you want to be known for? Is there a specific function, title of the job that you want to get next?” she says. “I use this information to craft a better review specific to them. If you struggle to write compelling reviews, jot down a few notes after talking to the individuals and now you have an outline.” She also utilizes ChatGPT to brainstorm reviews.

2. Use your network.

If you want to help find the former employee a better placement, Aitman recommends using your own network to help. “I know how tough it can be to find the right talent and to find great people who want to work, so it’s a huge gift if you can make a referral. I went into my Slack groups, emailed some friends and colleagues and told them I had a few people who were looking for some new opportunities,” she says. This type of network outreach could mean less time without work for the employee before finding the next right opportunity.

3. Clearly detail what went wrong when you fire someone.

There’s nothing worse for an employee than not knowing why they were let go. By being clear and honest with these facts in your conversation with them, there are fewer questions about what happened. Logan Mallory, vice president of marketing at Motivosity, says to give them opportunities to fix what you are unhappy with before terminating. 

“It’s rarely easy to let someone go, but there are a few things you can do to make it easier. Giving them an opportunity to improve is the right thing to do, but if they didn’t fulfill their side of the bargain, then that makes a termination easier,” he says. “Providing a fair severance and an extra month of health benefits is a generous approach that often puts less pressure on them as they leave.”

Document the extra opportunities, as well as the employee’s attempts (and potential failures) to meet those expectations. That way you have specific data points to use in the termination conversation.

4. Don’t jump right into it.

Profoundly impacting someone’s life and career trajectory shouldn’t be taken lightly, according to Aburrow, whose book, Redundancy With Love: Getting it right for your people and your business, was recently published. 

“Letting someone go is a process, not just a single action. Make sure you have planned for it and worked out how you will communicate with the person leaving,” she says, noting that this includes training managers if you’re not going to be the one giving the message. “It’s a hard thing to do, and how the message is delivered can make a huge difference to the person on the other end.”

5. Give them the opportunity to bring support.

Blindsiding someone in a termination conversation eliminates their ability to bring support that might make getting fired easier for them. “Allow people to be accompanied in consultation meetings if they choose, and make sure the consultation is meaningful,” Aburrow says. She recommends the following checklist to make sure the conversation goes well when you fire someone:

• Listen to what the employee has to say rather than doing all the talking.
• Keep an open mind about whether there is any way their redundancy can be mitigated. 
• Make sure they understand why they are in this position, why the business is making redundancies and how their job is the one that must go.
• Make sure they understand the financial implications and what redundancy pay they will get.
• Be clear about what help and support you can offer (and there is always something you can offer, no matter how small the organization or how limited the budget).

Finally, do your homework after to see what changes your HR or redundancy department might need to make to improve the process. And keep in mind that it should be handled with care, thought and dignity for everyone involved. 

Photo by Prostock-studio/Shutterstock