Category: Family & Parenting

Borderline personality disorder is probably one of the most misunderstood mental health diagnoses. In this post, which was a collaboration between me and another writer, we hope to educate you a bit more on this often misunderstood diagnosis. 

Men and women with borderline personality disorder (BPD) experience intense emotions. Emotions often get supercharged, so what might make another person sad can make them feel extremely depressed and even suicidal, and what makes someone else happy can make them euphoric. Emotions can be so intense that they are all-consuming. They can feel as if they are drowning in the emotion they are experiencing. Even pleasant emotions can be overpowering to the point where they are unbearable. What should people know about this mental health issue and the emotions those with this condition experience?

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Individuals with borderline personality disorder struggle with intense mood swings. They tend to act impulsively and their sense of self isn’t stable. The extreme emotions these men and women experience can alter their entire reality. The mood swings often happen rapidly, particularly when the person encounters a social or interpersonal trigger. Social situations can be challenging for them. Holding back the overwhelming emotions once they kick in is hard and won’t be of much help. Fortunately, borderline personality disorder treatment options are offered.

The Biological Basis of BPD

Men and women who struggle with borderline personality disorder have structural and functional differences in the brain. The amygdala and prefrontal cortex are two areas of the brain that play a role in emotion regulation. Researchers have noticed differences in these areas in those with BPD, and these differences help explain why those with this disorder have heightened emotional reactivity and find it hard to modulate intense emotional responses

The Positive Aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Those with BPD might find it hard to maintain relationships. They often engage in self-destructive and impulsive behaviors. However, because of the intensity of their emotions, they can be very empathetic and some of them become the type of person that others will flock to for emotional support during challenging times. With a lot of passion, these people can be very creative and craft moving and emotionally evocative pieces of art. Their impulsivity can allow them to be bold and brave and do things others may be too afraid to do. However, these positive aspects can be overshadowed by the challenges of this disorder, and getting help can allow them to let these traits shine without suffering from the negative aspects of their emotional intensity.

BPD Treatment Options

Holding back intense emotions is not something a person with borderline personality disorder does easily. They need help in learning how to regulate their emotions. Many mental health professionals today turn to dialectical behavior therapy when working with these men and women. This therapy is specifically designed for use with those suffering from BPD.

This therapy is aims to help individuals practice radical acceptance of their emotions and situations while fostering positive behavioral change. Proven successful for over 50 years, it treats a range of conditions, including borderline personality disorder, self-harm, eating disorders, PTSD, anxiety, and more.

However, dialectical behavior therapy is only part of the equation. Loved ones of the person struggling with BPD can also help. They must learn more about emotional dysregulation and its underlying causes. While the events that trigger these intense emotions may seem trivial to them, they aren’t to the person with BPD. Validating this individual’s emotional experiences is of great help.

Marsha Linehan, the creator of DBT, emphasizes the biosocial theory in understanding BPD. She said that people with BPD are naturally more emotionally intense, and then growing up in an invalidating environment together with that is what causes BPD. By validating the emotions, even the smaller and seemingly insignificant emotions of the person suffering with BPD, they help the person heal and helps the subconcious realize that it doesn’t need to manifest extreme emotions in order to get the empathy and validation it needs.

Borderline personality disorder is treatable if a person seeks help. Any person who suspects they or someone they love might have this condition should seek advice from a mental health professional right away. Help is available when one knows where to turn, so begin the search for a therapist today.

Modern women entrepreneurs are more empowered and capable of running a business than ever. However, the entire endeavor can still be overwhelming and intimidating, particularly for first-time business owners. If you plan to launch your own small business, here are six valuable tips to help you get started.

Assess your finances

No matter the size, starting a business can be financially challenging. Before jumping into the business wagon, you must first evaluate if you’re in a great financial position to do so. Determine if you have enough capital or access to reliable financial sources. Whether you plan to utilize your hard-earned savings, take a $500 cash advance without a credit check, secure a loan, or ask for financial assistance from family and friends, you must ensure that you are financially capable of starting a business.

Devise a plan

A strong business plan is essential when starting a business, as it will help you stay focused and achieve success. Create a business plan that outlines your goals, target market, and marketing strategy. If launching a business from scratch seems daunting, consider acquiring an existing business or collaborating with an established brand or with someone who shares your vision.

Monetize your interests

One effective and easiest way to stay motivated is to start a business you feel intensely passionate about. Many successful business ventures were once passion projects or side hustles before they became full-time businesses. Choose a business that aligns with your passion and interests. However, make sure to conduct market research to check if your potential business endeavor will be viable in the long run.

Find a mentor

If you have no experience running a business, it is best if you seek guidance from someone established in the industry. A mentor can help you avoid common entrepreneurship mistakes and provide you with valuable advice. Attending networking conferences, participating in industry-specific events, checking online platforms, leveraging social media, and looking into your own social and business network are some of the ways to find a credible and competent business mentor.

Diversify your network

Developing a diverse network of fruitful contacts is integral to achieving business success. As a new entrepreneur, you must focus on fostering valuable and healthy relationships with individuals who can help grow your business. These connections can also offer you different perspectives and lucrative opportunities that you previously did not have access to.

Invest in marketing

Marketing can help you get your small business off the ground. Many consumers patronize businesses that they can relate to or which they personally believe in. As a woman entrepreneur, consider being the face of your brand and devise a marketing plan that will resonate with your intended audience. Utilize all relevant social media platforms, invest in developing an efficient and user-friendly website, and exhaust all available marketing tools at your disposal.

Endnote

Starting a business can be challenging, but with dedication, the right mindset, a positive attitude, and a strong support community, you can elevate your business to higher grounds and achieve success.

By Louise Kinross

Erin Dowds helps parents connect with babies who show signs of autism.

The early childhood educator and scientist at Holland Bloorview is adapting the Social ABCs—a program where parents are coached to read their toddler’s social cues and engage them through play—for babies aged six to 15 months.

“It’s about helping the parent and baby appreciate the way each other sees the world,” Erin says. “Autistic kids have a special way of offering you a cue. From their point of view, it’s really clear, but it may be difficult for a parent to read. For example, I might see a little one holding a toy car they really like up in the air. They’re showing their parent: ‘Hey, look at this cool toy.’”

But the parent who expects the baby to look directly at them misses the cue. 

“I want that parent to bring their body around into the best face-to-face position so the baby has the opportunity to notice the smiling parent and they can enjoy the car together. Then the baby notices ‘Mom is smiling when I show them the toy’ and that feels good.”

A 2017 randomized control trial found toddlers with emerging or diagnosed autism who participated in the Social ABCs saw gains in their vocal responses to parents, in initiating vocalizations, and in shared smiling between parent and child. The trial was led by Jessica Brian, a psychologist and co-lead of the Autism Research Centre at Holland Bloorview who co-developed the Social ABCs. The program for toddlers is now offered in a number of provinces and other countries.

Erin is working on a curriculum for younger babies and delivering a pilot 12-week program to mom-and-baby pairs over Zoom. There are two 30-to-40 minute sessions a week for the first three weeks, and then weekly sessions following that.

Based on a baby’s interests, the parent engages the child in a playful routine like bubble blowing or peekaboo. The goal is to create communication opportunities and respond to all direct attempts from the baby. That could be leaning in to the play, looking, reaching or making a sound. “This isn’t about trying to get kids to talk,” Erin says. “We’re clear about that with parents. It’s about an ability to connect with a partner and share positive feelings together.”

Erin just completed her doctorate in child study and education, a new degree program at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education at the University of Toronto. She is their first graduate.

“I don’t think I’ve ever not been in this field,” Erin says, noting that she has a “neurodiverse family.” Her work has always involved children with autism and their parents. Erin was a one-to-one camp support worker as a teen. She studied early childhood education while working as a preschool teacher, then became a resource consultant working with kids with disabilities in home, school and childcare settings. 

“I want to support families during that intense experience of a new diagnosis and the whole journey leading up to and after it,” Erin says. “It became my passion.”

The greatest challenge of her current role is “validating the feelings of parents and at the same time helping them celebrate their baby.”

Often parents’ concerns about their child have been dismissed by family, daycare workers or family doctors.  “It can cause a lot of distress,” Erin says. “Moms start worrying that they’re concerned about things that aren’t happening, or that they know these things are happening and no one else sees them. They may say things like: ‘He doesn’t like to look at me. I’m not his favourite thing.’”

Focusing on what their baby isn’t doing means parents “may miss some of the wonderful things that are happening with their child’s development,” Erin says. Part of her role as coach is to observe and point out all of the baby’s strengths. For example: “Oh my gosh! Look what he just did there. He put his hand on the table and was trying to pull to stand. What a cheeky monkey!”

“Good self-regulation” is critical to coaching, Erin says. Parents, who may be stressed and emotional, “need you to partner with them in a calm way that says: ‘We’re in this together and I’m here for you.’” Erin, who enjoys yoga, maintains a calm breath during sessions and works on keeping a soothing tone of voice.

“I use a slow rate of speech and don’t use jargon,” Erin says. “I provide in-the-moment, step by step guidance that moves the parent and baby toward an interaction that feels successful and satisfying for the pair. I want to help parents feel strong and skilled. I’m the voice in a parent’s ear saying ‘You can do this.’”

Erin says long-distance running and swimming put her “in a nice meditative state” that is great for managing stress.

Supporting her sister Melanie, whose daughter Emersyn died from spinal muscular atrophy, helped Erin learn to be emotionally present with people during the most challenging circumstances.  “I am quite comfortable in messy situations where there is no answer or cure,” she says. “I approach life on a day-to-day basis, which I think is helpful when supporting families living with uncertainty.”

Erin finds “so many joys” in her work. “I feel so passionately about being with parents during this vulnerable time,” she says. “I get so much satisfaction when I see them getting things back from their child: ‘Oh my gosh, he’s smiling at me. He’s never done that before. Did you see that?’ We’ve had so many babies take their first steps during sessions. The parents are so committed, and they really let you in to their life. I feel very protective of these families.”

So far Erin has worked with eight pairs of moms and babies. Her hypothesis is that the 12-week program will increase the number of times a baby looks to their parent’s face during a play session, and that this may lead to more shared smiles and direct communication. That will be determined when the sample size is much larger.

To learn more about the pilot Social ABCs program for babies showing signs of autism, e-mail Erin at edowds@hollandbloorview.ca. Like this content? Sign up for our monthly BLOOM e-letter, follow @LouiseKinross on Twitter, or watch our A Family Like Mine video series.

Do you have a child who loves to dance? Maybe they were born with dancing shoes on or have grown to love the art form. Artistic Edge Dance Center, located in Greenville, SC, will light the fire in their dancing feet and keep it lit! Find out more about the recreational and competitive dance classes they offer for all ages in addition to why parents love AEDC!

Dance Classes for All: Children and Adults!

At Artistic Edge Dance Center, you’ll find more than tiny tutus. They have classes that cater to all dancers – from those seeking a fun class while learning with friends to those with professional aspirations. Children and adults will thrive at Artistic Edge thanks to expert instructors with a love for dance. This love, paired with an encouraging and supportive studio environment, is what makes an excellent dance studio.

Melanie Benson, owner and Artistic Director of Artistic Edge Dance Center says “Whether you dance for fun or want to pursue a career in dance, we provide each student with the training, encouragement, and support they need.  We strive to create a space where dancers can express themselves, build confidence, and form lifelong friendships.”

Classes Offered at Artistic Edge

AEDC offers recreational and competitive dance classes for beginners to seasoned dancers honing their skills. You’ll find Jazz, Ballet, Tap, Contemporary, Hip Hop, Pointe, and Acro classes year-round.

Recreational Dance Classes

The supportive and inclusive dance center has dance classes for both children and adults with a passion for dance, with classes for ages 2 through adulthood. Classes are 30 to 45 minutes long and become more advanced as techniques of each dance style are mastered. Students participate in an annual Spring Performance to showcase what they have learned throughout the year. As a student advances, they can choose to audition for the competitive Company.

Competitive Dance Classes

Have a child who wants to dance competitively? Company at Artistic Edge Dance Studio offers two competitive levels that dancers can audition for each May. Children ages 4.5 – 18 can audition for Jazz, Tap, Contemporary, Ballet, Hip Hop, and Production companies. They are then placed based on performance ability and skill level. Company ranges from Mini’s, which are the youngest dancers just getting started in competitive dance, to Dance Company 2 and Elite Level Competitive Dancers.

Annual Nutcracker Performance: “Nutcracker Sweets”

A dance center wouldn’t be complete without an annual homage to The Nutcracker! At AEDC, “Nutcracker Sweets” is performed each November. Dancers dress in gorgeous costumes with stunning set designs, showcasing their talent through one of the world’s most famous ballet productions. The audience will watch the Corps De Ballet dancers along with Soloist dancers perform many of the classic scenes from The Nutcracker. Auditions for the annual Nutcracker Sweets performance are August 10th, 2024.

Ready to join AEDC? Mark your Calendar for These Important Performance Opportunities

• Competitive Companies Auditions: May 11, 2024
• Annual Nutcracker Sweets Auditions: August 10, 2024
• Annual Spring Performance – each May – all students eligible

Reviews From Parents of AEDC Students

One of the most important things to do before committing to a dance studio is to learn what other families think, and families love AEDC! The studio strives to make each student and their families feel they are a welcome member of the AEDC family. Clearly, AEDC has done just that, just see what the parents of AEDC students have to say: 

Quote from an AEDC Parent: “AEDC is absolutely amazing! My niece has danced here for 10 years. They have not only taught her dance techniques but also lifelong lessons. The instructors…old and new…are compassionate and personable with each individual dancer. The teachers, dancers, and their families are one big family in which my niece loves to be a part of! I’ve encountered these dancers in the studio, at competitions, and outside the “dance” world where they are all respectful and caring in every setting. I’m so glad we are a part of this incredible studio! AEDC ROCKS!!” 

Quote from an AEDC Parent: “The instructors and staff are always friendly and welcoming. They not only teach dance skills but other skills are incorporated with their time at Dance. I’ve seen my daughter’s time management skills, interpersonal skills, and Personal responsibility grow and blossom over the years of being at the studio. This has become a second home for my daughter and she loves it!!”

Artistic Edge Dance Center
Artistic Edge Dance Center Instagram
75 Orchard Park Drive, Greenville
864.631.2156

Before sending my kids out of the nest, I want them to understand some basic financial principles that will put them in good stead for life. 

My own financial journey included years of missteps and feelings of fear and overwhelm about money. No one had ever taught me how to think about or manage my personal finances, and I want my kids to have an easier road.

Money is the last taboo

I could talk with my girls about friendships, academics, relationships, sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll (you should have heard some of our dinner conversations). But like many people, I felt incompetent about finances and bound by a culture of financial privacy.

Sound familiar?

It wasn’t until I eventually faced my own money demons and began learning how to manage my finances – and to my great surprise, loved everything about personal finance – that I initiated those conversations. My daughters were actually interested, because money impacts their lives. 

Try it – your kid just might listen.

5 important financial principles I was determined to instill in my kids

1. The golden rule of personal finance: spend less than you earn

It’s that simple – and that difficult. And it’s the ONLY way to get ahead financially.

Prepare your kids to resist the messages to buy, buy, buy that bombard them multiple times a day. Of course we want our kids to enjoy life, but the choices they will have to make at every stage are hard. 

Start early to have these conversations and model the actions. Ask questions without judgement. Why do they want a fancy car? What will that car do for them? What about a designer wardrobe? Is there a more creative way to dress well for less?

If you currently spend above your income, share what you’re doing to reign in expenses.

2. Align spending with values

Have you had conversations with your kids about what matters most to them? When you spend money, do you talk about how that expenditure aligns with your goals and values?

You might be surprised. Many young people feel pulled along by the expectations of parents, schools, and society to do well academically and land a high paying job. Then they find themselves succeeding – working at a prestigious company and making bank – but feeling empty inside.

What does your child really want? As parents we hope they’ll be safe and secure. But safety and security may not equal happiness. Maybe they want to travel the world. Or start a business. Or have the freedom to do as they please. 

Working towards something makes spending less on unnecessary things easier than simply an abstract idea of saving for saving’s sake. 

3. Pay yourself first

This little trick holds powerful potential for long-term financial success. 

It’s a mindset as well as an action. Talk with your kids about mentally lopping off 10% (or whatever percentage works for them) from ANY income they receive, whether from a job, a side hustle, or from the birthday gift Grandma sends. 

Make it an automatic habit to save that amount before spending anything. Then watch those savings grow.

4. Don’t spend tomorrow’s income

So many people get into financial trouble because they count on future income. This may be a bonus they expect at work, or a raise, or money from a side hustle, or even a gift or inheritance. Then they spend the money before it comes in.

But what happens if it doesn’t come in? If that bonus never materializes or the side hustle client doesn’t sign on? Talk with your kids about never buying anything unless they have money in the bank to cover it. From a cute sweater to a trip abroad, buy it only when the money is already sitting in their account.

5. Harness the awesome power of compounding returns

Open on online investment calculator and show your kids how they can turn $1,000 into $1,800 over ten years, into $3,200 in 20 years, and into over $5,700 in 30 years if their investments return a modest average of 6%.

By doing nothing but leaving it alone and letting it grow.

And then show them what happens if they invest an additional $1,000, or more, every year. You just might blow their minds. Albert Einstein said, “Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it. He who doesn’t, pays it.” Wealth builds if they start to invest when they’re young.

Are my kids financial hot shots? No! But they do spend intentionally, save and invest, and don’t have any consumer debt. Those tough conversations? They are paying off every day.

More Great Reading:

5 Money Topics to Cover With Your Teen Before College Move-In

Borderline personality disorder is probably one of the most misunderstood mental health diagnoses. In this post, which was a collaboration between me and another writer, we hope to educate you a bit more on this often misunderstood diagnosis. 

Men and women with borderline personality disorder (BPD) experience intense emotions. Emotions often get supercharged, so what might make another person sad can make them feel extremely depressed and even suicidal, and what makes someone else happy can make them euphoric. Emotions can be so intense that they are all-consuming. They can feel as if they are drowning in the emotion they are experiencing. Even pleasant emotions can be overpowering to the point where they are unbearable. What should people know about this mental health issue and the emotions those with this condition experience?

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Individuals with borderline personality disorder struggle with intense mood swings. They tend to act impulsively and their sense of self isn’t stable. The extreme emotions these men and women experience can alter their entire reality. The mood swings often happen rapidly, particularly when the person encounters a social or interpersonal trigger. Social situations can be challenging for them. Holding back the overwhelming emotions once they kick in is hard and won’t be of much help. Fortunately, borderline personality disorder treatment options are offered.

The Biological Basis of BPD

Men and women who struggle with borderline personality disorder have structural and functional differences in the brain. The amygdala and prefrontal cortex are two areas of the brain that play a role in emotion regulation. Researchers have noticed differences in these areas in those with BPD, and these differences help explain why those with this disorder have heightened emotional reactivity and find it hard to modulate intense emotional responses

The Positive Aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Those with BPD might find it hard to maintain relationships. They often engage in self-destructive and impulsive behaviors. However, because of the intensity of their emotions, they can be very empathetic and some of them become the type of person that others will flock to for emotional support during challenging times. With a lot of passion, these people can be very creative and craft moving and emotionally evocative pieces of art. Their impulsivity can allow them to be bold and brave and do things others may be too afraid to do. However, these positive aspects can be overshadowed by the challenges of this disorder, and getting help can allow them to let these traits shine without suffering from the negative aspects of their emotional intensity.

BPD Treatment Options

Holding back intense emotions is not something a person with borderline personality disorder does easily. They need help in learning how to regulate their emotions. Many mental health professionals today turn to dialectical behavior therapy when working with these men and women. This therapy is specifically designed for use with those suffering from BPD.

This therapy is aims to help individuals practice radical acceptance of their emotions and situations while fostering positive behavioral change. Proven successful for over 50 years, it treats a range of conditions, including borderline personality disorder, self-harm, eating disorders, PTSD, anxiety, and more.

However, dialectical behavior therapy is only part of the equation. Loved ones of the person struggling with BPD can also help. They must learn more about emotional dysregulation and its underlying causes. While the events that trigger these intense emotions may seem trivial to them, they aren’t to the person with BPD. Validating this individual’s emotional experiences is of great help.

Marsha Linehan, the creator of DBT, emphasizes the biosocial theory in understanding BPD. She said that people with BPD are naturally more emotionally intense, and then growing up in an invalidating environment together with that is what causes BPD. By validating the emotions, even the smaller and seemingly insignificant emotions of the person suffering with BPD, they help the person heal and helps the subconcious realize that it doesn’t need to manifest extreme emotions in order to get the empathy and validation it needs.

Borderline personality disorder is treatable if a person seeks help. Any person who suspects they or someone they love might have this condition should seek advice from a mental health professional right away. Help is available when one knows where to turn, so begin the search for a therapist today.

Embarking on the quest for the perfect summer camp can feel a bit like setting out on a grand adventure — exciting, a tad overwhelming, and filled with endless possibilities. Whether you’re looking for a place where your kids can hone their wilderness skills, explore their creative passions, or simply enjoy the great outdoors, finding a summer camp that fits your family’s needs and expectations is crucial to crafting those unforgettable summer memories.

Research Camp Options

Now that you’ve pinpointed what kind of camp experience will best suit your child, it’s time to dive into the exciting phase of exploring your options. The world of summer camps is diverse, with each camp offering unique experiences tailored to different interests and needs. One invaluable resource in your search is www.campsi.com, a comprehensive platform designed to help parents navigate the vast landscape of summer camps with ease. By leveraging the website’s user-friendly interface, you can filter camps based on type, location, age range, and specific interests, making it significantly easier to find the perfect match for your child. Here’s how to navigate the vast landscape with the help of Campsi at your fingertips:

Day Camps

Start your search close to home. Local day camps are fantastic for younger campers or those not quite ready for overnight stays. Community centers, schools, and specialized organizations often host camps that cover a wide array of interests, from sports and performing arts to science and technology. These camps not only nurture your child’s hobbies but also keep them engaged and active during the summer months.

Overnight Camps

If your child is ready for a deeper dive into camp life, overnight camps offer immersive experiences that build independence and lifelong skills. Look into camps that align with your child’s interests but also take into account the location, safety standards, and the duration of stay. Whether it’s a rustic wilderness camp, a focused sports academy, or an arts retreat, finding the right fit is crucial for a memorable summer.

Online Camps

For families seeking flexibility or for children interested in more niche activities like coding, digital art, or even virtual reality exploration, online camps are an excellent option. These camps can offer specialized instruction that might not be available locally and can be a perfect fit for kids who thrive in a self-paced, digital learning environment. Make sure to vet these camps carefully for credibility and quality of instruction.

Remember, the goal of your research is to find a camp that not only sparks your child’s enthusiasm but also aligns with your family’s values and logistics. Take your time, gather information, and don’t hesitate to reach out to camps directly with any questions. This step is all about uncovering the perfect setting for your child’s summer adventure.

Consider Logistics and Budget

After zeroing in on a few promising camp options, it’s time to tackle the practical aspects that will ultimately shape your decision: logistics and budget. These considerations are crucial in making sure the camp experience is enjoyable for your child and feasible for your family.

Location

The camp’s location plays a significant role in your daily logistics. For day camps, look for options that are easily accessible from your home or workplace. This not only makes drop-offs and pick-ups more convenient but can also come in handy should any issues arise. For overnight camps, consider the distance and the location’s environment. A camp that’s too far away might make it difficult for younger children to adjust, while the setting can influence the type of activities and experiences your child will have.

Budget

Summer camps come with a wide range of price tags, influenced by the type of camp, length of sessions, and included activities. Day camps, especially those run by community organizations, tend to be more budget-friendly, while overnight camps can be a significant investment due to their extensive facilities and programming. Start by determining what you’re comfortable spending on a camp experience. Don’t forget to factor in additional costs such as transportation, special equipment, or spending money for longer stays. Many camps offer scholarships, early bird discounts, or sibling discounts, so it’s worth asking about financial assistance options. 

My oldest, I’ve recently realized, is finally old enough to learn to drive. (I think it is 16.5 in my country.) Next year, once he graduates high school, he’ll have time to be able to learn to drive, and then I’ll need to add him to my insurance on my car. My son driving is a scary thought, but he tells me that he thinks he’d be a better driver than I am. (To be honest, he might not be wrong there.) If you have a teen who can drive, here are some important reminders for them to help them drive safely. 

As Youth Traffic Safety Month approaches, it’s crucial to highlight safe driving habits, especially for young drivers who are less experienced behind the wheel. Teenagers often face various challenges and distractions on the road, making it crucial for parents to reinforce safe driving practices. This blog aims to provide some important reminders and tips for teen drivers to enhance their safety and that of others on the road.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Many accidents amongst younger drivers are due to driver error. From distracted driving to speeding, teenagers are susceptible to making mistakes and getting into an accident. According to Maloney & Campolo, thousands of accidents are caused due to mistakes. Read here for more information: https://www.maloneyandcampolo.com/san-antonio-auto-accidents-lawyer/

Distracted Driving

One of the most common mistakes among teen drivers is engaging in distracted driving. Whether it’s texting, changing music, or chatting with friends, distractions can significantly impair driving abilities. The data proves it, in 2021 there were 225 fatalities for those aged 15-19 in a distraction related crash. It’s vital to remind young drivers to keep their focus solely on the road while driving. Encourage them to put away their phones and other distractions to prevent accidents.

Speeding

Speeding is another prevalent mistake among young drivers. The thrill of driving fast can be tempting, but it significantly increases the risk of accidents and injuries. Emphasize the importance of obeying speed limits and driving at a safe, controlled speed, especially in residential areas and school zones. Explaining the consequences may discourage this type of driving. Make your child aware of both the legal and safety repercussions of driving faster than the posted speed limit.

Failure to Wear Seatbelts

Some teens may underestimate the importance of wearing seat belts, which are crucial for preventing serious injuries in the event of a crash. Remind young drivers and their passengers to always buckle up before hitting the road. Seat belts save lives, and there are no exceptions when it comes to safety.

Safe Driving Tips for Teen Drivers

Here are a couple reminders that put safety at the forefront of a teen driver’s mind.

Practice Defensive Driving

Encourage them to adopt defensive driving techniques to anticipate and react to potential hazards on the road. Emphasize the importance of maintaining a safe following distance, scanning the road ahead, and being prepared to react to sudden changes in traffic.

Avoid Peer Pressure

Teenagers often face peer pressure, which can extend to driving behaviors. Remind young drivers that it’s okay to speak up and refuse to engage in unsafe driving practices, such as speeding or reckless behavior, even if their friends are doing so. Encourage them to prioritize safety over peer approval and not to give in to impulsive decisions.

Limit Nighttime Driving

Driving at night poses additional challenges, especially for inexperienced drivers. Encourage teen drivers to limit nighttime driving, especially during the first months of obtaining their license. If nighttime driving is necessary, remind them to use extra caution and be mindful of reduced visibility.

Stay Sober

It’s essential to remind young drivers of the dangers of driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Impaired driving significantly increases the risk of accidents, injuries, and legal consequences. Encourage teens to make responsible decisions and never drive under the influence.

Additional Tips for Teen Drivers:


Regular Vehicle Maintenance

Teach young drivers the importance of regular vehicle maintenance to ensure their car is in optimal condition. Regularly check tire pressure, brakes, lights, and fluids to prevent mechanical issues that could lead to accidents.

Respect Traffic Laws

Emphasize the importance of obeying all traffic laws and regulations. Remind teen drivers that traffic laws exist for a reason – to keep everyone safe on the road. Encourage them to always signal when turning, obey traffic signals, and yield to pedestrians and other vehicles.

Commit to Safe Driving

As we observe Youth Traffic Safety Month, let’s prioritize the safety of young drivers by reinforcing these essential reminders and tips. By promoting responsible driving behaviors and awareness of potential risks, we can empower teen drivers to make safe choices on the road and reduce the number of accidents and injuries. Remember, safe driving isn’t just a responsibility – it’s a commitment to protecting lives. Let’s work together to create safer roads for everyone.

Embracing the Adventure:


Embarking on an empty leg journey is about more than just reaching your destination – it’s about embracing the adventure and enjoying the journey. Whether you’re flying solo, with friends, or loved ones, each empty leg flight offers a unique opportunity to create lasting memories. From watching the sunset from above the clouds to marveling at the twinkling city lights below, every moment spent onboard is an experience to be cherished.

The Rata Anecdote:


Imagine you’re on a romantic getaway with your partner, exploring exotic destinations and soaking up the sun. After a day of sightseeing, you return to your hotel to find a handwritten note waiting for you. Inside, you discover a carefully curated itinerary for the rest of your trip, complete with reservations at the finest restaurants and tickets to exclusive events. As you read through the details, you can’t help but feel grateful for the personalized touch that has made your vacation truly unforgettable.

Making the Most of Your Experience:


Once you’ve booked your empty leg flight, it’s time to start planning your itinerary. Whether you’re jetting off for a weekend getaway or an extended vacation, there are plenty of ways to make the most of your experience. From exploring new destinations to indulging in luxury accommodations, the world is yours to discover. So pack your bags, buckle up, and get ready for the adventure of a lifetime.

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17 Unexpected Things I Learned About Cyprus

• Plugs. I’m going to make this first because it was most important and ended up making things more challenging (and expensive) for us on our trips. They have British plugs. I assumed that, being in the EU, they’d have the standard EU plugs and outlets, with 2 round prongs, or 3 in a triangle shape, so that is what I brought with me. Nope. They use British plugs. Which meant the first night there we couldn’t all charge our phones and computers, but could only use the one adapter they had. We needed to go buy adapters on our first day there. If I’d thought about it in advance, I might have realized that this was a possibility as a former British colony, but I didn’t. So that is why I’m making sure that everyone who reads this will know that.
• Driving on the “Wrong” Side of the Street. Ok, I learned this before I arrived, and asked for tips from friends on how to adjust to driving suddenly on the left side of the street. This makes sense, the same way the plugs do, as a former British Colony (even though many former colonies switched to driving on the right). Because of the many tourists that come to Cyprus, and that for many of us this way of driving is really awkward, there are signs very, very frequently about which side of the street you are supposed to drive on and which way you go around traffic circles. It was a little hard for me to adjust to it, but mainly gauging the distance between the left side of my car and the cars parked on the left, but eventually I figured it out, and I avoided scraping any cars or poles, so I’ll take that as a win.
• Weird Road Signs. Maybe I’m used to living in a place where people tailgate, but I found it amusing to see chevrons painted on the road of the highway with signs warning you to stay 2 chevrons away from the car in front of you. There were also weird zigzags on the road, but at least those I was familiar with from when I was in London, even though I didn’t know what they meant at first. It means approaching a crosswalk, though in Cyprus I saw it a lot before I saw schools, so maybe it has a different meaning there.
• The Stars. I’m used to light pollution. I’m used to needing to go far to be able to see the stars well. Because, at the very least, there are street lights that make it harder to see the stars. But in most of Cyprus where we were driving, there were no street lights, not even along the main highway. This meant that the amount of stars and details of the night sky that you can see was astounding. If you are an amateur astronomer, make sure to bring along your telescope on your trip to Cyprus.

At the top of Mount Olympus.

• Mount Olympus. Anyone who has more than a passing knowledge of Greek Mythology knows that Mount Olympus is home of the Gods… and that it is in Greece. But there is another Mount Olympus, also in an area home to Greek myths (the goddess Aphrodite is said to have been born there), I was surprised to learn. Mount Olympus is the name of the highest peak in the Troodos Mountain Range, and it has the country’s only ski slope. And that is how my kids and I went to play in the snow, on Mount Olympus, without having been to Greece.
• Flamingos. Did you know Cyprus has flamingos? I would have had no idea if not for my trying to figure out what to do in Cyprus in the winter. I always associated flamingos with the zoo… and the tropics and Central America. I was woefully ignorant about how many types of flamingos there are in the world and how widespread they are, and certainly didn’t have any idea they over wintered in Cyprus. That was exciting for me to learn and for us to see in their natural element on our last day in Cyprus.
• Akrotiri, UK. My son is a geography buff and would one day like to go to every country in the world, or as many as he can manage. Before our trip, he’d only managed to go to our home country and Bulgaria, but on the trip to Cyprus he asked to go to North Cyprus so he could tick off another country from his list. Learning that the UK controlled part of Cyprus, he was hoping to go to that part and “visit another country” and we were amazed to learn that, one of the cities we were going to, Akrotiri, appeared on Google Maps as “Akrotiri, UK”. He was really hoping there’d be some sort of border crossing to go into this new country and have them stamp his passport, but there was no border crossing at all, nothing to let him know that he was now in the UK.
• Expat Center. There are so, so, so, so many expats living and working in Cyprus. I like meeting people, especially when I’m traveling, but many of the people I met who were living in Cyprus actually were not Cypriots. Cyprus is a Mecca for expats from around the globe. I guess this is why it was much easier for me to find foods from around the globe including fresh produce that I’d never seen before in person in Cyprus. This wasn’t just my observation- Cyprus has the third largest amount of expats per person in the EU. 
• No Nightlife. I was sure that every place has some type of night life, some things going on at night there… apparently, at least in the winter in Cyprus, there isn’t any. Doesn’t matter the city. Even if not a huge night life, I was expecting there to be at least something. But as a local told me on a mostly deserted street “going out to a restaurant and having a drink with a friend is the most nightlife you’ll find in Cyprus.”
• Few Kids. While my kids and I were traveling around Cyprus, they pointed out something that I hadn’t noticed- the dearth of kids. We live in an area with a high birth rate, and take it as a given that we’ll be seeing so many kids and pregnant people, but on our trip we saw very few children. Yes, we weren’t there during school breaks, so that would make sense that we wouldn’t be seeing so many kids on school days, but on Saturday and Sunday, on non school days, we still saw very few children. We saw three playgrounds in our entire time and in all the different places we were in Cyprus. Cyprus has a birth rate of 1.37 births per woman, so their observations were spot on. 
• Don’t Flush! As someone who has grown up with modern plumbing, I’ve taken it for granted that you flush after using the toilet. Not just your waste, but toilet paper and tampons too. There are signs in many places reminding you not to flush sanitary pads or even flushable wipes. But in Cyprus, toilet paper goes in the trash can, not the toilet. The plumbing isn’t good enough for toilet paper. I have to admit, this really is annoying for me. It’s so hard to remember and also feels gross to leave your toilet paper behind in the bathroom, but such are the rules in Cypriot bathrooms. 

A fluffball in a sea cave.

• Cats Galore. There are cats everywhere in Cyprus. In many places there are street cats, but I’ve never seen as many as I saw in Cyprus. We were in a sea cave in the middle of nowhere and there was a gorgeous, fluffy, and very healthy-looking cat. Apparently, there are more cats in Cyprus than there are humans. According to legend, they were brought over in approximately 300 CE, to deal with a poisonous snake issue, and there is even a monastery named for this, St Nicholas of the Cats. All the cats we saw looked in good condition, unlike the street cats we are used to seeing. There are lots of kitschy tourist items having to do with cats.

The fluffy friendly feline who wouldn’t leave the back porch of the AirBnb we were staying at in Paphos.

• A “Huge” Small Island. When we were hiking the Avakos Gorge, we met Cypriots who were around my age that were hiking it for the first time. They were from the “opposite side of the island” and though they liked hiking and did so often, this was the first time they “came this far”. I was amused about this and spoke to an expat friend of mine who lives there, and she said that this is the norm. Despite it taking only 3 hours to drive from one end of the country to the other, most people feel that is a really far distance and stick entirely to their side of the island. My kids find it shocking that when I was growing up in Cleveland, we drove 9 hours each way at least one or twice a year to visit our relatives in NY. For my kids driving 4 hours each way for a trip feels like a lot, but we do that once a year, at the very least.
• Wild Donkeys. Cypriot wild donkeys were not things we were able to see on our trip, since they can be found in the UN buffer zone between north and south Cyprus and in North Cyprus but they have been feral since being abandoned when their owners fled during the war and are now a protected species. Many Cypriot souvenirs have donkeys on them.
• Sexualized Everything. We were waiting to get gas in the middle of “nowhere” in Cyprus and one of my kids pointed out the large sign advertising a strip club. In so many places selling souvenirs, there were boobs and penises and butts on display everywhere, from mugs to salt shakers… to statues of donkeys playing with each other’s penises. I’m not prude, but this was a bit much for me. I guess for an island that boasts being the birthplace of Aphrodite, goddess of sex and love… it makes sense… It just was not something I expected or cared for.
  

  The cage keeping gawkers free from nettle stings… or rather protecting them from would be foragers… in Buyuk Han, Nicosia.

• Cages. I saw so many cages in Cyprus that seemed out of place. The first time was a cage filled with nettles, but then after that I saw many cages filled with rocks, made into benches and walls and many other things. This seemed really strange to me, but my Cypriot expat friend told me that that is something they’re doing more and more in Cyprus, “building” this way in an eco friendly way, since they can remove the cages after and the rocks go back to how they were before. I thought that was really cool and unexpected. 

A caged rock wall outside the Cavo Grekko nature center.

• Not Just Beaches and Churches. For many years, despite being able to go to Cyprus relatively cheaply, I had no interest in going there, because all I knew about Cyprus was that people went there for the beaches, but we have many beaches in my country so I didn’t see the point in traveling somewhere just to go to the beach. I also knew that it had many churches, but I had no interest in traveling to see a bunch of churches. So I simply wrote it off. Only once I decided to go with my kids there to get passports did I research what there was to do there and found so many things that were not beaches or churches. So I can safely say… Cyprus is, by far, not just beaches and churches.

I found my people in college, but I’m pretty sure everything has changed. Yale, New Paltz, University of Colorado, Syracuse, U Mass: The universities my family and I visited were vastly different, but alike in one way. 

The campuses were quiet. Students were plugged in to their phones.

One of our first college visits was to Yale last fall. During our tour of the school, one student carrying an instrument case stopped another and asked if she was going to rehearsal that night. That question stayed in my mind, and I wasn’t sure why. Then I realized she was the only student I heard speak, other than our guide, the entire day. 

When I started college my dorm had three TVs

When I was 17 my parents dropped me off at Dascomb Hall at Oberlin College, which had three TVs and nothing else in the way of entertainment. Since they didn’t pay the extra fee for a long-distance phone plan, the only way I could be in touch with them–or anyone I knew–was to write letters. 

 So, instead I talked to the people in my dorm, who became, and still are, my closest friends. When it was cold, which was almost always, we’d sit in each other’s rooms, or the common area for hours, talking about everything and nothing at all. On rare warm days, campus was full of frisbee games, Hacky Sack and students hanging out or studying on the lawn known as Wilder Bowl.  

How will my teens meet the kind of friends I met in college?

Last August in Syracuse, on one of the first days of the semester, my family and I toured the university for nearly an hour but didn’t see a single frisbee or Hacky Sack. And in Boulder, despite the sunny, mid 50s weather in February, we only saw two people talking outside, both roughly my age.

To be fair, I did graduate college in the 90s, and maybe a frisbee is no longer a prerequisite for a fulfilling college life. But then I read the column “The Best Years of My Life? Christ, I Hope Not” by Katie McDonald in The Bold, one of Boulder’s student publications. 

Before starting college, adults in her life had told Katie they met their closest friends or even spouses in large lecture halls or walking around campus. “Those are things that would never happen today–at least to me,” she wrote.

If someone were to approach me in a lecture hall for casual conversation, I would be so confused that I would slowly back away with arms in the air, as if thwarting a bear attack… And I would never speak to strangers on campus because in my personal opinion, if you are walking on campus without headphones at full volume—you are a psychopath.

Katie McDonald

How sad. 

Professor Joan Maya Mazelis, Associate Professor of Sociology at Rutgers University, Camden, and an expert on social ties also noticed the change.

As a professor I often notice that students sit quietly in the classroom before class starts, staring at tiny screens instead of chatting with their neighbors.

Dr. Joan Maya Mazelis

It’s no wonder that 77 percent of college students report feeling lonely, according to a 2023 study by the Mental Health Foundation, despite being surrounded by people their own age. 

“My family members who graduated from the University of Georgia in the past can’t believe my son and nephew don’t love it the way they and their friend groups did,” said Julie Giles, a Georgia mom. “I think it has to do with cell phones. They walk around campus with their faces in their phones.”

Walking around with your head in your phone was not an option in the 90’s

Thankfully, that wasn’t an option when I was in school. I met one of my best friends during freshman orientation while waiting in line for a mailbox assignment. A grounds worker nearby was driving a tractor across Wilder Bowl. Being from New York City, I was enjoying the scene when a girl standing in front of me said, “You know, I hate getting stuck behind one of those in traffic. Especially when you’re late to school.” 

I didn’t know. I took the D train to high school, so I had to ask where she was from. “Kansas,” she said. Which was so connected to the Wizard of Oz in my mind, I wasn’t 100 percent certain it was a real place. When she introduced herself, I learned the name Jen had three syllables when pronounced with a Midwestern twang. 

Also, she graduated from a Catholic high school and didn’t have any Jewish friends  until we met.

I think about the moments that would not haver happened if I had a phone

For me, that day still exemplifies the point of going to a liberal arts school. [Over the years, I learned far more from her than any class.] Yet that moment, and so many other college memories, might never have happened if I had a phone.

“This doesn’t mean college students won’t make new friends on campus, but it might mean they have to try a little harder,” Mazelis said, “and it might mean that fewer friendships take root in casual conversations in shared spaces.”

Exactly.

Will my daughter’s college relationships be as strong as mine were?

For example, my daughter recently gave me the death glare when I introduced myself to the father and son sitting next to us at a Syracuse event. I was eventually forgiven for thinking that the point of an admitted-student reception was to talk to other admitted students. But just barely. 

“You’ll see each other on campus soon and laugh about how your mother embarrassed you. Then you’ll become friends.”

“That’s not the way it happens,” she said.

I guess not. Which makes me wonder if her relationships and experiences will be as strong as the ones I had before cell phones. 

Then again, are anyone’s?   

More Great Reading:  

Six Things Teens Can (And Should) Do Besides Looking at Their Phones

Last night I sat with my son as he signed his commitment paperwork for the United States Coast Guard Academy. What a ride it has been as a parent helping him navigate this process.

If your teen is considering service to country, I am offering tips and timelines to help you on this journey. This is the document I wish I had a few years ago. There are so many ways to serve our country! All these options are GREAT options make sure you and your child do your research.

1. There are five federal military academies. Get to know them and be open to what they all have to offer

Their websites are robust and will answer all your questions.

^{*USCGA falls under Department of Homeland Security and does NOT require a congressional/senator nomination. The other four academies are under Department of Defense and DO require a nomination.} 

In addition to the academies, there are six Senior Military Colleges 

• Norwich University, in Northfield, Vermont
• Texas A&M University, in College Station, Texas
• The Citadel, in Charleston, South Carolina
• University of North Georgia, in Dahlonega, Georgia
• Virginia Military Institute, in Lexington, Virginia
• Virginia Tech, in Blacksburg, Virginia

And there are hundreds of ROTC opportunities at colleges and universities across the country. Personal plug: the ROTC Army program at the University of Tennessee is amazing. 

2. Everybody is going to know somebody

There will be a phase when talking to people who attended the academies or served our country is helpful but none of these people are going to get your kid in the academy, so use these resources to help interview prep, get them excited about the opportunity and then get to work. 

3 Many Members of Congress offer an “Academy Day”

This is a fantastic way to learn about academies and ROTC programs all in one place. It is never too early to attend events like this. In addition, each military academy offers state/regional admissions events, and you must be intentional to seek out the information. 

4. Academy and ROTC applications want DETAILS

Beginning freshman year, have your child document every volunteer hour, date, time, organization. It is much easier if this information is recorded. 

5. Online resources 

• There are lots of great online resources for parents: United States of America Service Academy Forums. BUT, the real answers are sitting on the websites for the respective academies. 
• I also found good Facebook groups but so many people could have found the correct questions by simply going to the respective websites versus other parents answering with opinions.
• Instagram is where my son learned how good the food is at USCGA because many cadets post about their actual experiences. 

6. ROTC versus Military Academy

Explore both. The reality is there is a free education in both avenues, vastly different lifestyles and both options allow you to graduate as a commissioned officer. It’s an easy Google search for each branch (Army example: ROTC Scholarships | goarmy.com).

Every time you do a campus visit at a traditional college, have your child set up a meeting with the ROTC branch of their interest. We visited traditional campuses back-to-back to compare the ROTC programs as much as the institutions.

7. Junior Year 

• See academies before junior year (if not earlier). This will allow your child to apply for Summer Seminars (High School Summer Seminar Program | U.S. Air Force Academy (academyadmissions.com)), Candidate Visit Weekend (Candidate Visit Weekend :: Candidate Visit Weekend… (usna.edu)) or Cadet for a Day (Visit – United States Coast Guard Academy (uscga.edu)). Each academy is different in their approach, but my recommendation is a visit junior year, and go back a second time and possibly spend the night with a cadet. 
• Complete the pre-candidate / preliminary application (which is often the Summer Seminar registration).
• Over the summer into senior year, your child will move from pre-candidate to candidate. 
• West Point has the Summer Leaders Experience (SLE), Navy and USAFA have the Summer Seminar (in person and virtual) and finally, Coast Guard has the Academy Introduction Mission (AIM). Application timeline is Dec/Jan. 
• Boys State / Girls State – Junior year spring semester, your child should apply for this program in your respective state! It was a wonderful experience for my son.
• Each academy recruits differently! Navy invited my son to a Candidate Visit Weekend (Candi)date Visit Weekend :: Candidate Visit Weekend… (usna.edu))….do this! It was his second visit and he walked away and decided this wasn’t his path. 
• Pushups, sit ups, running…. get ready for the physical part of the test that will be required as part of the application. It’s easy to find this information online based on where your child is applying. (USCGA example: 2028 PFE Manual (uscga.edu))

8. Summer before Senior Year

• Attend Summer Seminar
• Attend Boys State/Girls State 
• Complete the resume. 
• Take the time to get a good headshot as it will be required for some of the applications. 
• The nomination process is different for each Congressperson/Senator. Anticipate 7-8 essays before your child even begins to apply to academy and these can be done before school begins. 

9. Senior Year 

• There are a LOT of recommendation letters as part of this process. Sending a resume with the ask is always good because sometimes the mentor does not remember all the details. 
• Each application has 3-4 essays. If it says, “optional essay,” it’s not optional. Helping your child find time to write and write and write. As a parent, my job was to help him think, talk out loud to form ideas. I will tell you, this part was the hardest part because of senior year academics and extracurriculars! 
• Each academy has a fitness test. Have a coach at the school administer. 
• USCGA has a Cadet for a Day program for Seniors. Visit – United States Coast Guard Academy (uscga.edu)

10. Takeaways

• We raise kids and tell them not to brag but this process is about bragging in what they write and in how they show up. Part of the process that shocked me was hearing my son being told by grown adults in the military to pick a major where he can get a 4.0.  
• The “old military” valued a 3.0 and someone in physical shape. The “new military” wants a 4.0 kid, and they can get you physically ready. So that 4.0 your senior year of college gets you to top choice of military training post-graduation. 
• As a parent, do not forget to pause and remember who owns the dream. An 18-year-old making this type of commitment is admirable and amazing and you have raised a great child. But IF this is not their dream, this is not the path they should be taking. I constantly had to check myself in this process to make sure this is what my son wanted, and I was supporting him versus the opposite. 
• Will your child get in? This is the best comment I read from a parent group. 

There are no hard lines. The best description I have seen is that each class is a puzzle, and the admissions team has to find all the pieces to build that class puzzle. Each piece is unique but important to the whole. The classes are small but extremely diverse.

Every class needs musicians, athletes for dozens of sports, a variety of past life experiences, multiple languages, skill diversity, multiple career plans, etc. It’s a formula that no one on the outside knows, but it is so much more than test scores. And if an academy wants you, but thinks you need an academic boost first, the prep/foundation schools are a definite option.

My son experienced a lot of success and some disappointments and that is just part of it. He had options and for that I am grateful. Before he received any acceptances, there were THREE paths, and he didn’t rank order them. He knew he wanted to serve his country which was bigger than his desire to land at a certain place. 

My son will report for duty on July 1, 2024, to the United States Coast Guard Academy. It takes a big heart to choose to serve our country and I am so fortunate to be the mom of an incoming cadet. 

More Great Reading:

When Your Teen Joins The Military, “Thank You For Your Service” Takes on a Whole New Meaning

As a parenting coach with three children, I’ve come to realize it’s up to me to honor myself. Years ago, I started telling my family what I wanted for Mother’s Day to avoid (the multiple years of) disappointment, resentment, and self-pity.

It crushed me and made me envious when friends told me that their children served them breakfast in bed, gave them flowers, wrote poems, or gave them a spa treatment courtesy of their husbands. I wondered how I had failed to teach my husband and children how to show appreciation for all the things I did and gave them.

I consoled myself by dismissing Mother’s Day as unimportant

To console myself, I dismissed Mother’s Day as a Hallmark creation, another commercial construct. The thing is, I see both the beauty and the absurdity in making this one day about honoring mothers. We all need to feel appreciated, or at the very least, not taken for granted. And on this one day a year, the expectation for gratitude and recognition from others can escalate to crazy heights. 

I remember one Mother’s Day that gutted me. It had been a typical week of grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, shuttling, and taking care of a million things to meet everyone’s needs, including the dog’s, except my own. That Sunday, my teenage son texted me: “Happy Mother’s Day.” When I read the text, my heart froze. I was stunned, angry, and deeply saddened.

How could he not appreciate all I do for him, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

Why can’t he see all the ways I’ve been there for him?

How could he not know how to show gratitude?

Why didn’t my husband model this for him?

I’m a failure as a mother because my kids don’t know how to show appreciation.

What did I do wrong!!? 

After stewing all day, I needed to tell him how I felt. I stiffened my back, held back my tears, and told him that texting me “Happy Mother’s Day” was not okay. I saw the light in his eyes dim as I doused him with shame, and I felt awash with shame of my own.

My disappointment came from not being recognized on this particular day

I realized how deeply I was seeking a sense of worth from my child because of the ingrained beliefs about how mothers must be celebrated on this particular day. It was not simply the fact that I didn’t get a card, a gift, or a meaningful wish, but rather the unmet expectations of being recognized on this day. Our culture has long convinced us that we are to seek our worth and appreciation through others and things outside of ourselves.

My son is now twenty-four, my daughter is twenty-two, and my youngest son is fifteen, My daughter might, as a young woman (yes, I know-gender stereotyping), be the one to rally her brothers to find a gift, make breakfast, or post photos of us on social media surrounded by floating hearts. But, she can’t. She has Cerebral Palsy and can’t speak or move independently, and she has multiple cognitive limitations. 

I could not help feeling disappointed

Regardless of my family’s disappointing track record on Mother’s Day, I still feel the tug of wondering what, if anything, they will do this year, because the cultural expectations are so deeply ingrained.

But, a couple of years ago, I decided (it was time) to find ways to honor myself on Mother’s Day-but not out of spite. I chose to become a mother, not because I want payback for all that we as mother’s give, but because one of the best gifts in raising children is that they show us where we still need to grow.

When I appreciate myself, whether it be through words of kindness and self-compassion, holding a boundary, or taking a break, I let go of the expectation for others to do it for me, which then allows any resentment to melt away. My children have been my greatest teachers, so on  this Mother’s Day, I decided to show my appreciation for the honor of being their mother. I placed a thank you card and chocolate at each of their dinner plates on Mother’s Day. They were perplexed to say the least, and my heart was full. 

I have made Mother’s Day about my gratitude for being a mom

Since then, I have made Mother’s Day about my gratitude for motherhood, for myself, and the deep connection I have with each of my children. This year, I will again be mindful of the thoughts that arise from within, allow myself to feel them, and hold them with compassion. And then I will remember that believing in myself, honoring myself, and caring for myself sets me free from needing it from anything or anyone on the outside. 

I have empowered myself to create a Mother’s Day that is meaningful to me, to notice how I have created connection, which is what I value most in my relationship with my children. When they tell me about their day, lean in for a hug, make me laugh, request my opinion, call me “mommy” even though they’re older, or even text me something they think I’d like, I feel their appreciation.

It is not about what I do for them or what they do for me, but about how I show up for them so they be their authentic selves. 

This year consider honoring yourself on Mother’s Day

As you celebrate Mother’s Day this year, consider honoring yourself. Notice where the expectations pull you, enjoy the breakfast, the cards, the posts on social media if you receive them. Practice seeing yourself and all that you do and are as a mother.

Loosen your grip on the expectations from others, and notice what you can see, and feel into what is already there. If you’re feeling that tug of disappointment, accept that your feelings are understandable, give yourself what you need, and cherish all the parts of yourself.

Find the gift of being present with yourself and your children and hold this in your heart every day of the year. 

More Great Reading:

The Anguish I Feel In the Card Aisle Each and Every Mother’s Day