Category: Family & Parenting

Published: January 6, 2026 | Last Updated on: January 6, 2026
| by Hema

Looking for a way to sneak in whole grains and greens without a fuss? Fun and nutritious Ragi Spin Wheel recipe for kids made with healthy ingredients which is perfect for toddlers and picky eaters. Made with nutrient-packed ragi flour and a hint of greens, these soft, colorful spin wheels are perfect for little hands to pick up, roll, and munch.

Ragi is a rich source of calcium, protein, and fiber, supporting bone strength and digestion, while the greens add vitamins and minerals to keep your child active and healthy. Fun to make and fun to eat, this recipe is ideal for breakfast, snacks, or lunchbox treats—and even picky eaters enjoy them!

Health Benefits of Ragi

• Supports Strong Bones
  Ragi is rich in calcium, which helps in building strong bones and teeth, especially important during the growing years.
• Aids Digestion
  Ragi is high in dietary fiber, which promotes healthy digestion and helps prevent constipation in children.
• Provides Sustained Energy
  Being a whole grain, ragi releases energy slowly, keeping kids active and focused for longer periods.
• Helps in Healthy Weight Management
  Ragi is nutritious and filling, making it ideal for maintaining healthy weight without relying on processed snacks.
• Supports Brain Development
  Ragi contains essential amino acids and iron, which support cognitive function and overall brain development.
• Gluten-Free and Easy to Digest
  Ragi is naturally gluten-free, making it gentle on the stomach and suitable for children with gluten sensitivities.

Ragi Spin Wheel Recipe

Ingredients

• Ragi flour – 1 cup
• Wheat flour – ½ cup
• Boiled potato – 2 medium
• Jeera – ½ tsp
• Turmeric – a pinch
• Oil – 1½ tbsp
• Salt – to taste
• Warm water – as needed

Method

• Heat 1 tsp oil in a pan and add jeera. Add mashed potato, turmeric and salt. Mix well and keep aside.
• In a bowl, add ragi flour, wheat flour and salt. Add remaining oil and mix well.
• Add warm water little by little and knead into a soft dough. Cover and rest the dough for 10 minutes.
• Roll the dough into a thin rectangle. Spread the potato mixture evenly over it.
• Roll tightly into a log shape. Cut into round spin wheels.
• Heat a tawa and cook the spin wheels on low flame with little oil. Flip gently and cook until both sides are well cooked.

Ragi Potato Spin Wheels are a wholesome, soft and tasty finger food for kids, combining the goodness of ragi with a mild potato filling that children enjoy. This recipe is free from maida, baking soda and baking powder, making it a healthier choice for everyday meals. Easy to hold and eat, these spin wheels work well as a snack, lunchbox item or light dinner option for kids above 1 year.

Frequently Asked Questions

A few weeks ago, I sat in the high school parking lot yelling at my son. The tears were coming hard and fast. I was filled with hopelessness, rage, and my heart hurt. I was about to tear my hair out; I was at my wit’s end; I’d had enough.

Where did I go wrong as a mother?

He had just been suspended for the second time and we were only three months into his freshman year. Smoking pot before school with some older kids he doesn’t even know seems to be worth the punishment. I felt like I couldn’t get through to him; I was struggling harder than I ever have before; I was blaming myself and second-guessing every parenting decision I’d ever made.

Where did I go wrong? I stayed home with him, I nursed him for a year, I’m present, I pick him up every day after school, I support and encourage him. What kind of parent raises such an insubordinate child?

After many hours of self-torture, and just as many sleepless nights worrying myself sick about my son, his choices, and my hand in them, I realized something: The answer to the question I kept coming back to was, a normal parent who tries really hard. A parent who wants nothing more than to see their child succeed. A parent who assumed if she did everything right, so would her children. A parent who loves their kids so much, and would do anything for them — that’s who raises a child that makes wrong choices and gets into trouble.

Before my children became teens I used to blame parents for their teens’ bad behavior

I have to be honest, before I had kids, while my children were younger, and way before my son started smoking illegal substances at 7 a.m., I always used to blame the parent of a teenager who acted like this.

Where are that punk’s parents? They need to show their kid some tough love.

Did I ever think I would be sitting in the high school parking lot sobbing, wondering if my son was even going to make it through high school without getting expelled?

Never. It was never an option.

And I’m learning through experience my previous thought about what ‘type” of people raise trouble-makers was way off base. I am humbled by what I have been going through with my son. I always thought that kind of kid belonged to a parent who didn’t care; who didn’t give a damn; who didn’t spend enough time with them.

I always thought that kid belonged to a parent who drank too much, did drugs themselves, was neglectful, had a bad temper, or was abusive.

I always thought that kid belonged to a parent who was irresponsible, and never ready to have kids anyway.

Shame on me.

Because I’ve never been more wrong about anything in my entire life.

That kid; those kids, belong to parents who give it their all and want the world for their children.

My son is testing the waters. He’s being legitimately disrespectful and disobedient. And I’m learning not to put all the blame on myself while I try to help him in any way that I can. He’s a teenager and is responsible for his own actions, and I am responsible for doing my part in guiding, punishing, and loving him, but that does not mean all the blame falls on my shoulders.

Right after his suspension, I asked the Superintendent if he could take some time out of his schedule to scare my son. I asked that he let my son know what he was doing to himself and his future, and I wanted him to hear from someone who has seen first-hand how many kids actually graduate who act like my son has been acting, and what their life looks like if they don’t graduate.

He did it, and I think my son heard him.

He then spent his suspension doing hard labor. No television, or communication with friends, and he is thinking about where he’s going to do the community service that I expect. I told him if he doesn’t pick a place, I’ll pick it for him.

The truth is that child is still a child. That child is my child, and it could be your child. And they need just as much love and attention as a kid who makes the high honor roll excels in sports, and never breaks one rule.

And so, I will keep on keeping. I will do my best, and I know my son and I will make it through this mess, together. Because regardless of who’s to blame here, the one thing he needs from me right now is to be firm and stand my ground. And I just can’t do that if I am wallowing in self-doubt and guilt.

*The author of this post wishes to remain anonymous.

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I love this page…Grown and Flown. I have been following it for several years, since my oldest was still in high school. He is now 21. Each article I read, I think, I could have written that! Wow. We are all so connected in our experiences. Then this happened.

The weekend trip

My second son, 19, spent his first year out of high school playing hockey for a Junior/Prep team. He had an outstanding year! The year gave him all of the tools that he needed to begin separating from my nest.  My son and I were confident. That experience is one I would love to elaborate on – the benefits of a Post Grad year. But that is for another day, this one is too raw. This should be heard.

One of the BEST things he gained though his Post Grad year were some fantastic relationships. Donʼt get me wrong, he has had wonderful friends. I love all of his friends. But this is a little different, they have a bond like he has with no other – so when he asked/told his father and me that he and his teammate and best friend from last year wanted to go to Canada to “hang out” and see a fellow teammate, we didnʼt object. After all, these kids had traveled all over playing hockey.

They have essentially, “done everything right,” this summer, working, saving money and keeping curfew – so I trusted this would be a weekend of well-deserved fun before they set off to their respective destinations this fall. The car was in good running condition, bags were packed, warnings and cautions were given.

Off they trekked for the four or five hour drive. I imagined it just like my college years, loud music, lots of laughs, drive-through food and caffeine to stay awake. And I presume, thatʼs just what it was, as I got the car back full of food wrappers, tuned to some radio station I would never listen to and 26 miles to empty on the gauge.

I spoke with my son on their second night. He gave me the update about his wins/losses at the casino and the plan for the next night which included some nightclubs where they are “legal.” OK. “Be careful. Be Safe.” I said.

My son left the club alone, without his friend

Well, apparently 5am comes early in some Montreal clubs, and my son got tired… or had too many…. or met someone…I donʼt know if I will ever really know his reason WHY, but he took an Uber to the Airbnb without his trusted companion.

My guess is that the next four-six hours were the scariest hours of my sonʼs life, but I know for SURE, they were for his buddy. Said friend, took up with some other locals in the club and – many blanks to be filled – ended up phone-less and moneyless, but thankfully ALIVE, after being robbed at gunpoint.

How and when the two reunited is still unclear to me as it has only been hours and I am still prying details from my son with kid gloves. Kid gloves.Yes, that’s right because it has only been a year since a former schoolmate went missing (22 y/o) after leaving a bar alone in our hometown to walk home… he never returned.

Now I sit and struggle with this, WHERE DID I GO WRONG? THIS KID KNOWS BETTER. HE VOWED TO ME HE WOULD NEVER SEPARATE FROM HIS FRIENDS. HOW COULD HE BE SO NAIVE? DO I BEAT THIS INTO HIS SKULL? (because trust me I WANT TO!)

Hereʼs the thing: We all know these 19-20 year-olds think they are invincible. There is not much that can be done. But we can be cognizant of the other parent’s feelings. What can I possibly say to her?

“My son failed your son miserably and you could have lost him?”

I still reached out to the mom of my sonʼs friend –without words. What I found is that we did not need words. The bond we see in our kids is enough for both of them to know that THEY, in time, if not already, know how lucky they are. They also know each other better than we do. The defensive, knee-jerk reactions and excuses will subside and are meaningless for us to hold on to.

As she so eloquently reminded me, that’s the natural reaction – just like when they were five and got into trouble, but this time, we donʼt need to paint the horror story scenarios for them. They lived it. They (actually) did it for themselves on their drive home, as it turned out. We just have to believe that we have taught them the right things. We hope that in their lapses of judgement they will see, we are right.

My message and lesson is simple. Find validation in the “close calls.” For these are gifts that we are sometimes fortunate to get. My son’s friend’s mom and I are pretty sure that these two guys are forever changed. That will have to be enough. So I choose to be grateful for the blessings and the lessons.

Oh, yeah, and above all, keep telling your kids, “There is safety in numbers. Never leave a friend. EVER.” Not every story like this ends with a lesson. Too many end with a loss. It is our hope that your kids will listen and find their way safely home.

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Published: December 31, 2025 | Last Updated on: December 31, 2025
| by Hema

Getting kids to eat protein-rich foods doesn’t always have to be a struggle. With the right ingredients and a familiar format, even fussy eaters can enjoy nutritious meals with ease. Healthy Paneer Paniyaram for Kids is a wholesome recipe that brings together the goodness of fresh paneer and soft, fluffy paniyarams, perfect for little hands to pick up and enjoy independently.

Paneer is an excellent source of protein, calcium, and healthy fats, making it especially beneficial for growing children. When paired with simple pantry ingredients and mild spices, this paniyaram becomes a perfect breakfast, evening snack, or lunchbox option for kids.

Health Benefits of Paneer for Kids

• Supports Growth and Muscle Development
  Paneer is rich in high-quality protein, which is essential for a child’s growth, tissue repair, and muscle development, especially during the growing years.
• Strengthens Bones and Teeth
  Being a good source of calcium and phosphorus, paneer helps in building strong bones and teeth, supporting healthy skeletal development in children.
• Provides Sustained Energy
  Paneer contains healthy fats that provide long-lasting energy, helping kids stay active and focused throughout the day.
• Easy to Digest
  Fresh, homemade paneer is gentle on the stomach and easy to digest, making it suitable even for young children when introduced appropriately.
• Supports Brain Development
  Paneer provides essential nutrients like vitamin B12, which plays a role in brain function and nervous system development.
• Helps with Healthy Weight Gain
  For children who are underweight or picky eaters, paneer is a nutritious way to add calories without relying on junk or processed foods.

Healthy Paneer Paniyaram Recipe

Ingredients

• Idli / dosa batter – 1 cup
• Fresh paneer – ¼ cup (Grated)
• Onion – 2 tablespoons
• Curry leaves – 1 teaspoon
• Cumin seeds – ¼ teaspoon
• Oil or ghee – 1–2 teaspoons

Method

• Add grated paneer, onion, curry leaves, cumin seeds, and salt to the idli/dosa batter. Mix well.
• Heat a paniyaram pan and lightly grease the moulds with oil or ghee.
• Pour the batter into the moulds and cook on low to medium flame.
• Cover and cook until the bottom turns golden. Flip gently and cook the other side.
• Remove once evenly cooked and serve warm.

Healthy Paneer Paniyaram for Kids is a nutritious and delicious snack that offers soft, fluffy, protein-rich bites ideal for growing children. Made with fresh paneer and simple ingredients, this recipe supports healthy growth while being easy for little hands to hold and enjoy independently. Perfect for breakfast, snacks, or lunchboxes, it is a wholesome option that kids love.

Frequently Asked Questions

The Mom Walk Collective

In over 350 cities across the world, moms gather with their strollers to simply meet each other and go on a walk together at least twice a month. With a couple ice breaker questions at the beginning, moms are usually paired up to walk alongside a mom they haven’t met before to meet friends and create community. Emily Jones, founder of the Greenville chapter, often works with local businesses to sponsor each walk – sometimes offering giveaways or discounts to those who attend – haircuts, smoothies, coffee, physical therapy services, etc. Moms of all ages and in all stages are encouraged to join. Every month, a new calendar is posted with each event on Instagram.

Cost: FREE
Find and follow your local chapter below:
TheMomWalkCo.Greenville
TheMomWalkCo.Landrum
TheMomWalkCo.Spartanburg
TheMomWalkCo.Anderson

Stroller Workout Classes

Staying fit as a mom can be really challenging. You may feel that your babies are too young for a gym daycare or maybe their separation anxiety just won’t allow it. Luckily, several cities host stroller workout classes for a small fee where you bring your own mat and bring your kids. An instructor leads the exercises, and everyone understands if you take a break to hand a small child some snacks or actually use your baby as a 20 pound weight instead of your dumbbells.

Jessica Mort, founder of the Greenville Stroller Strong group, says it’s “more than a workout — it’s community”. She is a certified Pregnancy and Postpartum Athleticism Coach, and designs workouts for every stage of motherhood. Beyond workouts, they also host moms nights, family events, and fun things to keep the community connected.

Stroller Strong– Greenville Area

The MomCo, Previously Moms of Pre-Schoolers (MOPS)

Another great resource for moms is the International MomCo group, previously known as Moms of Pre-Schoolers or MOPS. There are several local chapters in the Upstate. The Administrators of each local chapter will offer a variety of events like regularly scheduled meetings, monthly play dates, and mom’s night/day out. Some chapters meet in the mornings, others share dinner together in the evenings. A few offer childcare. MomCo groups do occasionally require yearly dues of around $40, but more information can be found by contacting the specific groups.

Here are a few local Chapters:
Greenville MomCo – Buncombe Street United Methodist Church
The MomCo of Greer at Airport Baptist Church – FB Page
Easley MomCo at Community Bible Church – FB Page
Easley MomCo at Mt Carmel Baptist Church –  FB Page
Boiling Springs First Baptist Church
Find your nearest MomCo chapter HERE.

Third Place Coffee House

Celine Griffin, owner of Third Place Coffee House, recently became a mom and has started a tradition of “Moms on Mondays” at her shop where moms with young children meet anywhere from 9-11 am, receive 25% off a drink, and socialize with others. Their front and backyard outdoor spaces are perfect for toddlers to run around with balls or have snacks on picnic tables. The indoor areas are also super cute.

Facebook Groups

Peanut App

Did you ever wonder if there could be a “dating-style” app for meeting mom friends? Introducing: Peanut. This left and right swiping app allows you to connect with moms in your area based on interests, kids’ ages, religion, etc. Once you are connected and exchange some messages, you can begin to schedule playdates and meetups!

Parks/Playgrounds

Another great way to connect with other moms is while you’re following your kid around at the park! Don’t be shy. It’s easy to start up a conversation with another mom by asking her how old her child is or if they come to this park often. Before you know it, you might be exchanging numbers to make the next playground meeting more intentional. 
Check out Kidding Around’s guide to parks with playgrounds in the Upstate.

The New Mom School of Greenville

The New Mom School offers classes based on breastfeeding, infant care, birthing, parenting toddlers, and more. An 8-week class series can cost around $275. But, some events are free to introduce you to other moms in the community.

Organizations with Baby/Toddler Classes and Events

Finally, a multitude of organizations offer free and paid classes or events for young children. Moms accompany their kids to these events and often end up chatting with each other. 

• Most libraries offer story times and singalong classes. Here’s our list of local story times for kids.
• A few Chick Fil-A locations offer toddler time singing and crafts. The chick fil-a on Wade Hampton in Taylors hosts twice a month. Check with your local franchise to see what activities they organize for kids.
• The Bunny Hive puts on several baby and toddler classes like “baby massage”, “baby music”, and “exploratory play”. Drop-in classes are around $39. But, they also offer bundled multi-class packages.
• Schools that teach about things like music, dance, and swimming often have classes for smaller kids. Check out our list of baby and toddler classes around town.
• Indoor play spaces or trampoline/rock-climbing parks will generally offer a specific time for children under a certain age to play. Check out our list of 7+ toddler times in Greenville.

Know of any other ways to meet moms around town? Comment below and let us know!

My son used to play every team sport he could. We were constantly running from activity to activity, and he loved it. He wasn’t afraid to try and do things, even if he wasn’t very good at it — he just wanted to have fun and would get out there and do his best.

Sometime around the sixth grade, he noticed he wasn’t the best at most sports he played. I could tell it bothered him and he went from a boy who loved being with his friends and playing baseball or basketball for the love of it, to a very self-conscious child who felt like he didn’t measure up.

It was heartbreaking to watch, and it wasn’t long before he stopped playing everything and didn’t want to join any teams despite the fact all his friends played. He just wanted to quit team sports.

Of course, I encouraged and pushed him, and tried to make him see the importance of still doing things he loves even if he wasn’t the best, but nothing worked — he was done. I could have forced him to play anyway and hoped that one day he would thank me instead of looking back and seeing it as a time when he was forced to do something he hated, but I didn’t want to risk that.

If my parents had done this to me as a teen, I would have been uncomfortable and hated it. Besides, it never would have given me the space to discover things I loved on my own like working and teaching aerobics.

I always thought my kids would play team sports

I always thought my kids would be involved in organized, team sports through high school, I think we all do to some extent. It has become such a huge part of our society — so much so there are times when we see other families headed for a game, or a Facebook post about a student winning their track meet, and it makes me wonder if I should have pushed him to stick with things further.

And there was a time it triggered something in my son because, too. I could tell he felt like he should be going along with all of his friends even though he fell out of love with it. The thing is, we can’t teach our kids to have their own voice, follow their own path while sending the message they should be doing something because everyone else is.

And I’m glad I didn’t push. It wasn’t long before he wanted to learn how to downhill ski, and now he goes all the time. He started showing an interest in biking, so we signed him up for a bike-building course which was more exciting to him than hitting a home run.

He goes to work with his father during school vacations and during the weekends and is learning the plumbing trade. And for a few years now, he has been diligent about working out and lifting weights. He even cut out sugar this winter and has inspired other kids in the class to start doing the same after seeing his results.

These things my son loves to do have helped his self-esteem and given him confidence. No, we aren’t going to sporting events, he isn’t winning awards or trophies, he doesn’t get credit or recognition, and colleges won’t look at these activities the way they would if he was a varsity basketball player, but I don’t care and neither does he. Because when our kids are in their element, that’s all that matters.

There is so much out there for our kids to explore. Some of them don’t find joy in team sports or clubs, and there’s something to be said for that. If they decide it’s not for them and focus their attention on finding something that sets their soul on fire, it gives them room to consider other options and hobbies.

It’s important to show our kids they can be who they want. Life is too short to be involved in something that doesn’t feel true to you. My son is happiest when he’s on the slopes with his father. He is much happier than he would be if I forced him to be on the basketball court and that’s what they will keep; that’s how they will figure out who they are — by following their heart and passions. It’s okay if what excites them doesn’t fit into a box or can’t be measured by keeping score.

And as parents, it’s okay if our kids aren’t going along with the crowd, we need to give them the time and space to figure out their passions on their own.

More Great Reading:

What My Parents Made Me Do When I Wanted to Quit the Team

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Raising children involves preparing them for what’s to come. Practicing new routines and discussing unfamiliar and potentially challenging scenarios to reassure teens that the unknown isn’t totally out of their control. Thoughtful preparation shouldn’t stop when teens graduate high school and plan to transition to college.

Discussing important “adulting” topics is essential for you and your college-bound student. The pre-college conversations below are suggested to initiate discussions with your child, not parental lectures. These conversations enable parents to share their opinions, provide guidance, discuss expectations, and communicate their support for their teen’s ability to thrive in the transition ahead.

They also offer college-bound students the opportunity to share their ideas, concerns, and expectations before they independently handle many of these issues.

Parents need to talk about these 10 topics with their college-bound teens

1. The Big Picture

Why have this conversation? Sometimes parents overlook the most obvious questions in conversations with their college-bound students. Big-picture discussions will help ground future conversations about the big transition ahead.

Prompts to start the dialogue: Why does the student want to attend college? Why do you want your child to go to college? What decisions does the student want to make independently in college? What decisions do you want your child to make independently in college? What do you each consider a successful college experience academically? Socially? Emotionally?

2. Family Expectations

Why have this conversation? Parents and teens often have differing expectations about how their relationship will change once college begins.

Prompts to start the dialogue: How often and by what means do you expect to communicate with each other once college begins? What are your expectations regarding your child’s response to texts and phone calls? Staying in touch with siblings and extended family? What is vital about how your child manages their first weeks in college? What is most important for your student to know about life at home when they are away?

3. Money

Why have this conversation? College costs continue rising, and families struggle to pay for their children’s undergraduate education. Simultaneously, most incoming college students lack experience with budgeting, saving, loaning, and using credit.

Prompts to start the dialogue: How much does the student’s college (or the colleges they are considering) cost annually, including tuition, room, and board? What will the family/student contribute? Does the family/student anticipate taking out loans? Who will be responsible for repaying these loans? Will the student find part-time work in college? How will expenses be handled, such as food off the meal plan, entertainment, or online purchases? Does the student know how to keep a weekly/monthly budget?

4. Safety

Why have this conversation? Student safety is a priority for every college, but with so many people living nearby, even the safest campuses experience their share of crimes, burglaries, and assaults. Discussions about emergency preparedness and safety precautions must be discussed with students before they leave home.

Prompts to start the dialogue: What are some ways for the student to protect themself while walking alone? What is their plan if a valuable item, such as a wallet or laptop, is lost or stolen on campus? How can students keep their friends safe while attending college parties? How can students keep their information safe while using credit cards or unsecured Wi-Fi connections in college?

5. Health

Why have this conversation? Parents have until now been responsible for preventative healthcare and caretaking for their sick kids, but college students will begin to manage all aspects of their healthcare (and illnesses spread rapidly in residence halls!)

Prompts to start the dialogue: What health insurance plan will the student have in college, and how does it work? Can the student narrate their personal health history to a medical provider? What are the names and dosages of the students’ medications, and why do they take them? Does the student make their appointments for medical and dental visits yet? Do they refill their prescriptions?

6. Academics

Why have this conversation? Ultimately, college is school, but the differences between high school and college academic standards take a lot of new college students by surprise. These differences include time management, personal responsibility, finding and using academic resources, and more heavily weighted assignments. 

Prompts to start the dialogue: What are the differences between how academic success is defined in high school versus college? What are the student’s time management challenges? What are the student’s/family’s expectations for the chosen academic course? What are the expectations for sharing grades now that parents cannot access them directly? What are the advantages of attending professors’ and TAs’ office hours? How will the student know if they should consider dropping a class? 

7. Relationships

Why have this conversation? Healthy relationships with roommates, friends, romantic partners, mentors, and educators are critical factors in whether a first-year student will return to college for their sophomore year.

Prompts to start the dialogue: How will the student respond if they can’t get along with their roommate? How might the student approach a situation where a new college friend cannot afford things that they can afford or where they cannot afford things that others can? How might someone recognize an unhealthy or toxic relationship with a mentor? An employer? A romantic partner? What topics might make the student uncomfortable when speaking to new college friends?

8. Drugs and Alcohol

Why have this conversation? The availability of drugs and alcohol + the absence of parents, + the desire to fit in = potentially risky decisions regarding college partying.

Prompts to start the dialogue: What role does the student think alcohol and drugs will have in their college experience? What are your expectations for your student’s behavior regarding substance use in college? How should the student care for a peer who is very drunk or has passed out? What are the known dangers specific to college binge drinking? How are consuming edibles different from smoking marijuana? How does substance use to affect a person’s ability to consent to a sexual experience?

9. Getting Involved

Why? Studies show that involvement in campus clubs and organizations offers significant benefits for college students, such as finding a community of friends and expanding their organizational and leadership skills.

Prompts to start the dialogue: Which clubs, organizations, or affinity groups does the student want to explore in college? When students picture college involvement, do they think they’ll want to hone existing skills and passions or try something new? If they are interested in Greek life, what is the best way to handle the time commitment, social pressures, and financial responsibility of joining?

10. Self-Care

Why? Across the country, colleges and universities face a massive increase in students needing mental health care and wellness support. New college students must learn to balance their daily self-care with all the newness of an already stressful college life.

Prompts to start the dialogue: How much sleep does the student need to function well? Given all the distractions, what are some ways to develop a healthy sleep routine in college? Are there foods the student should eat regularly or limit? What are the student’s plans for following a healthy exercise routine in college? Will the student use the counseling services offered at their new college? What are some healthy ways for the student to relieve stress?

These discussion prompts are just the beginning. If you are interested, check out the Talking College™ cards, created by Dr. Brenner and built on the experiences of college faculty, staff, and families. The cards provide for the most critical pre-college discussions about “adulting.” The deck includes 279 discussion prompts covering 11 different themes.

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I recently received a request for a consultation from the mother of a 19-year-old college student. She was deeply concerned that her son couldn’t master simple, day-to-day responsibilities that any young adult should, including:

• Calling the bank about his over-drawn checking account (or not over-drawing it in the first place);
• Registering for college courses before the deadline; and
• Remembering to refill his prescriptions.

These “dropped balls” were a source of constant friction in their relationship. The more she pleaded with him to be responsible, the more he complained about her “nagging and micro-management.” This ongoing tension came to a head when, home from school on break, he neglected/refused to call his dentist’s office to move an appointment that conflicted with his work schedule.

What should a parent do when their college student won’t do things for themselves?

What’s a parent to do?

The answer might surprise you.

Why? Because the transition from adolescence to emerging adulthood — roughly ages 18-25 — is a time when one’s identity morphs gradually from “teenager” to “young adult.” An important step in this transition is taking responsibility for a variety of administrative tasks formerly supervised by parents and other adults.

Managing finances, scheduling appointments, attending to healthcare — these are things that most teenagers don’t need to worry about, whereas most adults do. Taking ownership of these tasks is an important part of the curriculum of transitioning to adulthood.

This mother was appropriately concerned that her son was failing this developmental task. But frustrating as his behavior was, this phenomenon — a mysterious and stubborn avoidance of simple administrative tasks and responsibilities — is breathtakingly common among adolescent-to-adult transitioners. 

Why is it so difficult for teens to manage their own appointments?

In my psychotherapy practice working with this age group, I have encountered this phenomenon hundreds of times. “What gives?” We might ask. “What is so difficult about calling a doctor’s office? Or setting up a job interview? Or contacting the bank about an overdraft?“ 

This mystery was solved for me several years ago by a young client — about the same age— whose father had arranged a summer job interview for him with a business associate.  All the young man had to do was to call the business associate and schedule the interview.  Instead, he dithered and procrastinated and repeatedly “forgot,” until his frustrated father made the call and scheduled the interview for him.  

Several months later, this young man confessed to me — with considerable embarrassment— that he found speaking to adults, in “real-world” situations, intimidating. He was afraid he would “say something stupid,” and the adult would think he was “just some kid.” “Passing myself off as an adult,” as he put it, ran the risk of making him feel foolish and humiliated. So he did the logical thing: he avoided interactions with the adult world whenever possible.

The transition from teen to adult requires a shift in identity

This is critical for parents to understand.

Why? Because one of the things we adults forget is that the transition from adolescence to adulthood requires a dramatic shift in identity. This shift doesn’t happen automatically, but by virtue of numerous interactions in which you effectively pass yourself off as an adult —which often feels like faking it — only to find that the adult world does take you seriously.

This repeated process gradually allows you to begin to take yourself seriously and to think of yourself as an adult. But therein lies the danger: “What if the adult world doesn’t take me seriously?” The likely answer is that you may be humiliated, just like my phone-call-avoiding client.

So how did this insight help the mother whose college-student son wouldn’t call the dentist?

In this way: I asked if she would arrange a brief Zoom meeting between him and me, which she did. On Zoom, I asked him the key question: “Have you ever called a doctor’s office before?” 

The answer, of course, was, “No.” 

“What do you imagine happens when you call to reschedule an appointment?” I said.

“They’ll probably get pissed,” he replied. 

Mystery solved! He didn’t want to call the office because he imagined that the office staff would be angry with him. Yet with no experience, how could he know that dental offices are actually thrilled when someone calls to reschedule since no-shows are a perennial problem. I advised his mother to make the call on his behalf — but with him at her side, and with her phone on speaker.

His reaction afterward: “Oh. That was simple.” 

Give your teens training wheels and let them practice with you

And, of course, most of these minor administrative tasks are simple — once you’ve done them. But if you have never called a bank about an overdraft, or registered for a college course, or called a doctor’s office to reschedule an appointment — these easy but unfamiliar tasks can seem intimidating. Because as bright and mature as 19-year-olds are in many ways, they also know precious little about how the adult world really works.

This mother’s son — just like my client of several years ago — knew how to make a phone call. He just didn’t know how to make a phone call as an adult.

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There’s a lot of chatter about the HPV vaccine for kids, leaving parents confused and worried. Read on to find the answers to all your questions.

Recently, there’s been a lot of talk about giving young girls the HPV vaccine, with the government prioritizing it. A short while back, the Ministry of Health instructed seven Indian states to prepare a vaccine program for girls over the age of 9.

This has created a cloud of confusion and worry among parents of young girls and boys, especially since many people aren’t even aware of what the HPV vaccine is about. It isn’t generally found among the immunization schedules prescribed when a baby is born, leaving parents with lots of questions.

What exactly is the HPV vaccine? Does my child need it? What are the side effects? What happens if I skip it?

Today, we answer all these questions in our complete guide to the HPV vaccine for kids. Read on, and you’ll find your doubts disappearing, one by one!

What is HPV?

HPV refers to the Human Papillomavirus, which is a group of over 200 viruses. They are generally spread through sexual skin-to-skin contact. There are about 40 types of HPV, which cause infections that can lead to serious illnesses like various cancers and genital warts.

In many cases, the body’s natural immune system can fight off an HPV infection, but sometimes it doesn’t. In that case, the infection can progress to cancer, especially cervical cancer in women. Here are a few facts about HPV and cervical cancer:

• Nearly all (99%) of cervical cancer cases are due to an HPV infection of the genital tract
• Cervical cancer is the second most common cancer among Indian women
• Cervical cancer kills a woman in India every seven minutes
• India is responsible for over one-fifth of the global cervical cancer burden
• 60% of the cervical cancer cases in India are diagnosed in the advanced stage

These stats show us how dangerous HPV is, and why it’s so important to prevent any HPV infections from the start. This is where the HPV vaccine enters the picture.

How does the HPV vaccine help?

The HPV vaccine prevents HPV infections, thus preventing them from developing into serious illnesses. Here is a list of some of them:

• Cervical Cancer
• Vaginal Cancer
• Vulvar Cancer
• Oropharyngeal Cancer
• Penile Cancer
• Anal Cancer
• Genital warts

There has been enough proof that the HPV vaccine is an excellent way to prevent these illnesses, particularly cervical cancer. In the United States, HPV vaccines helped in dropping deaths due to cervical cancer by 62%. In Denmark, HPV infections have nearly disappeared after the introduction of the vaccine in 2008.

In 2020, the WHO launched the Global Strategy to accelerate the elimination of cervical cancer, which aims to vaccinate 90% of girls by the age of 15 before 2030. Many countries have adopted special programs to make this happen.

Types of the HPV Vaccine

The WHO has approved six licensed HPV vaccines, and each country has its own version. All the vaccines are efficient in preventing HPV infections, particularly due to the virus types 16 and 18. These virus types are responsible for 70% of cervical cancer cases globally and 82% of cervical cancers in India.

In India, we currently have three HPV vaccines:

1. Cervavac – India’s first indigenous quadrivalent vaccine that protects against HPV types 6, 11, 16, and 18
2. Gardasil 4 – Quadrivalent vaccine that protects against four HPV types 6, 11, 16, and 18
3. Gardasil 9 – Nine-valent vaccine that protects against nine HPV types 6, 11, 16, 18, 31, 33, 45, 52, and 58

Why do we need the HPV vaccine for kids?

The best way to get the true benefits of the HPV vaccine and get protection against serious illnesses is to take it before starting sexual activity. For this reason, kids of pre-teen age are the recommended target population for the HPV vaccine.

The CDC recommends getting the HPV vaccine at age 11-12 years, but kids as young as nine can also get it. The 9-15-year window is the best age to get the HPV vaccine as it yields the best results.

Will the HPV vaccine for kids encourage risky sexual behavior?

This is a common myth among parents, especially in conservative societies like India. Parents worry that by making sex ‘safer’ for our kids, they’ll be emboldened to engage in risky sexual behavior. However, this is not true at all, particularly because sexual exposure is more about behavior than about vaccination.

A review of several studies in Human Vaccines & Immunotherapeutics found that teenagers who were vaccinated with the HPV vaccine did not start sexual activity earlier or take more risks than unvaccinated teens. In fact, some studies even found that vaccinated children were more aware of the risks and more likely to be careful regarding sexual activity.

Is the HPV vaccine for both boys and girls?

Yes, technically speaking, the HPV vaccine applies to both boys and girls, since the list of diseases it prevents also includes cancers of the penis, anus, and throat. Yet, most programs by global organizations like the WHO, as well as governments, seem to focus on young girls, and many parents wonder why this is the case.

The reason is because of the seriousness and widespread nature of cervical cancer, which affects only girls, and because HPV is the leading cause of it. Scientifically speaking, it also makes more sense to target preteen girls, as proven by these studies:

• The Lancet found that it was more efficient to vaccinate girls aged 15-20, since boys or older girls required more doses
• Frontiers in Public Health showed that vaccinating girls aged 9–14 years offers the best public health benefit
• The World Health Organization states that vaccinating girls aged 9 to 14 years also reduces the risk of HPV infection in boys

What is the schedule for the HPV vaccine for kids?

As mentioned earlier, the best age to get the HPV vaccine is between the ages of 9 and 15 years, so that all the shots are completed by the child’s 15th birthday.

Here is how the schedule is for the HPV vaccine for kids of different ages:

• 9-15 years: Two shots, second one 6-12 months after the first
• 15-26 years:  Three shots, second shot 1-2 months after the first, and the third shot 6 months after the first

If someone took one shot of the HPV vaccine in childhood and missed the ensuing doses, they can still catch up later, up to the age of 26. After this age, the vaccine doesn’t seem to have many benefits.

Are there side effects for the HPV vaccine for kids?

The HPV vaccine for kids has been reported to be safe, and over 200 million doses have been administered globally over the last 15 years. The vaccine should be injected intramuscularly in the upper arm or the thigh. While there are no long-term side effects, there may be some short-term discomfort, especially at the site of the injection.

Here are a few mild symptoms to watch out for after getting the HPV vaccine:

• Fever in the 15 days after vaccination
• Soreness or swelling at the injection site
• Headache or dizziness
• Muscle pain
• Fatigue

It is recommended to get the child to lie down to receive the vaccine and to remain in the position for 15 minutes after vaccination. A warm compress can reduce soreness at the injection site and acetaminophen and ibuprofen can help with pain or fever.

You may want to skip the HPV vaccine if your child has a history of allergic reactions to any of the ingredients of the vaccine. If your child is suffering from high fever, diarrhea or a respiratory infection, it is best to wait till they are better before getting the vaccine.

Getting the HPV vaccine for kids is an important way of ensuring good health in their adult lives, and an essential part of protecting against many cancers. Please remember that the HPV vaccine only works to prevent infections; it cannot treat an existing infection. Please contact your child’s pediatrician about how to proceed with the vaccine and secure your child’s health.

References:

My son, now 18, survived most of the last two winters in Toronto, Ontario with a fall jacket, worn with a hoodie underneath on cold days. I offered to take him shopping (in-store or online) for a proper winter jacket multiple times and, like so many other teens, he declined.

To his credit, he never complained about being too cold (at least to me), so I let it go.

My son needs a real winter coat

This winter, he is in Montreal, Quebec for his first year of post-secondary school. Montreal is notably colder and snowier than Toronto, so I strongly suggested he purchase a winter coat at some point. I offered to take him shopping, offered to help him look online, offered to pay him back if he bought one on his own, all to no avail.

He came home for a visit in November and told me that a friend of his lent him her old coat for the days when he really needs it – he doesn’t like it that much but says he’ll use it when absolutely necessary, and otherwise will stick to what he has already (the fall jacket, now a size too small). Sigh.

In a moment of conviction, I made a decision: I would buy him a coat

So, in a moment of conviction, I made a decision: I would buy him a coat “for Chanukah.” I consulted with my spouse and we selected a high-quality, on-sale coat that we thought would suit his style and serve the purpose for his next few winters in Montreal.

I ordered it online and it was delivered to my home. I felt pleased with my actions. For a while. I have since been feeling unsettled about it. As my son has grown, I have worked very hard to sit with the discomfort of my changing and shrinking role in his life, to manage my anxieties about his independent decisions (which, for the record, are generally excellent and in line with his interests and values), and learn how to sit on my hands and wait for him to come to me (teenagers are like cats, some say).

Doing nothing is HARD!

I tried to justify buying him that winter coat

I talked it through with a trusted advisor (ok… my therapist!). I tried to justify my decision to buy the coat, that it made me feel better knowing he would have a new coat, that it was a way for me to feel involved and to take care of him even though he is far away, that I know it is more for my benefit than for him, but it’s okay. He will likely appreciate the coat anyway. Or not. I faltered.

My advisor asked if I wanted his opinion. Nervously, I said yes.

He said, “You want a close relationship with your son, right?” “Yes”, I replied. My advisor continued: “He is sending a message by not buying a coat, despite all your offers of support, right?” “Yes, I suppose he is expressing that he doesn’t want to buy a winter coat,” I said, “and maybe that he wants me to back off, too.”

“So, then, perhaps buying him that coat is at odds with you having a close relationship with him,” said my advisor. Ouch.

Parents often project our own anxieties onto our children

We have often discussed how parents (with me as a prime example), so often project our own anxieties onto our children, and how this can make them more reticent to be open with us. Also, as a smart and intuitive human, my son generally sees right through me when I do – and has learned to call me on it. “You’ll feel better if you do x,” I might say. “No,” he’ll respond, “YOU’LL feel better if I do x.”

So, shortly after my discussion ended, I drove to the nearest brick and mortar location of the store and returned the coat. It was still in the plastic wrap. The return receipt includes the reason I gave for the return: “Changed mind.”

Yep – my mind is a work in progress.

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There is a scene in the movie The Passion of Christ where the Virgin Mary has flashbacks of comforting Jesus at certain points during His childhood. When I first watched the movie, it resonated with me as a mother. As she watched her son being scourged, her helplessness in that one scene was emphasized strongly through these flashbacks. 

This scene has figured prominently in my life as of late. In my mind, it is blasphemous to even think my family and I are anything near to the Blessed Mother and her divine Son so I’m not going there. This is not a religious essay. But, her feeling of utter helplessness in the face of watching her own child suffer is relatable to any parent, especially when serious illness or injury is involved.

My 27-year old daughter is on her cancer journey

In late August, my 27-year old daughter began her cancer journey. Diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer was enough of a gut punch but additional scans revealed that the disease had spread to her liver. 

The cancer was aggressive or it had been brewing for a while, waiting to percolate at just the right time, you know, less than a year before her wedding. There are no Band Aids that can fix this. 

There is nothing I can do to fix this

A 10-day antibiotic prescription cannot cure this as it did for ear infections and strep. I cannot make my chicken noodle soup or put on the humidifier. As a mother, I really can’t do much. The soups I prepared and put in her freezer are still there (and that’s okay) because after several days of only being able to stomach soup, she’s sick of it. Can you blame her?

The chairs and end tables we bought for the extra room in her apartment provide some comfort but they cannot fix this thing. We live 300 miles away and cannot run there every time she feels sick but, then again, that’s not our role either. She has a fiancé and he has the “in sickness and in health” things down pat, better than many long-time spouses. That’s a blessing in this whole thing.

Many an essay or reflection has been written about when your children leave for college or the military, when the nest is empty, how they don’t need you the same way any longer. Every parent of an adult child goes through his or her own set of emotions during this time, navigating, letting them go and watching them fly. 

A life-threatening illness adds a whole layer to the parenting experience

That part was a bit easier for me with both of our children. Setting them up for independence from us was always the goal. We do help them from time to time. But a life-threatening illness adds a whole layer to the parenting experience. 

Parents of young children facing tough diagnoses post often, creating whole social media content around their journeys, documenting their challenges, their pain, the effects the illness has on their entire families. Mothers capturing their tears and fears. I empathize with them wholeheartedly.

But this is not how I feel comfortable dealing with this. And, let’s be honest, I don’t have the logistical challenges they have. Nor is it my role anymore to be the hands-on. My parent journey, while similar, is different.

Our roles as parents of adults evolve over time. Our need to be helpful, to be there every minute, to put the Band Aid on the boo boo never goes away, it just looks different over time. The breakup, the university rejection letter, the failing grade, the first flu away from home. 

Our need to hold our children and protect them from the harshness of life never goes away. Our ways of holding their hands through it does. And we eventually get to the other side. Cancer and other serious illnesses (I include addiction here, too) are a whole other ballgame. These are not included in the parenting books or in essays.

There is a deep ache in my heart watching my daughter’s post-chemo nausea

The deep ache in my heart watching post-chemo nausea, and not being able to do a damn thing about it, never goes away, even when she texts me a picture of the big cheeseburger she ate when her appetite came back. 

No smoothie can help in those uber nauseous moments. The girl who used to jump up and down, get up and dance and belt out karaoke, taking advantage of outdoor concerts on a whim is hiding behind fatigue, nausea, hot flashes and fear. It’s that last thing that we as parents cannot take away this time. 

We cannot back rub it away or feed it away or talk it away. A young adult going through cancer understands too much, knows too much. They feel the same fears that we would in that same situation.

We can only sit with our adult children in the muck

What we can do is sit with them in the muck. Right before our daughter’s first big appointment, she was terrified. I prayed for something I could do in that moment. I just held her and told her it sucks. That we would be with her in the muck, through all of it.

That we weren’t going to tell her flowery things and lies. But that we would be there whenever she needed us. That we loved her. And that she was in the best place possible – what a blessing that is in itself. 

Her oncologist is one of the best. When she wanted to be home early for Thanksgiving, my husband drove to her fiancé’s parents’ house two hours away to get her. Her future in-laws are wonderful caring people, but they were heading out for the holiday. 

We pray often and hard

And she wanted her childhood bed. It’s what little we can do. And, while I said this isn’t a religious essay, we do pray, often and hard. We rely on our prayer warriors and pray that her first set of scans show progress.

Sometimes parenting adults with serious challenges just amounts to being there in the muck with them. The willingness to jump into the mess when needed and taking the time to pray for the strength to be able to do so when you are not. 

It’s also recognizing your powerlessness in solving the challenge instead holding their hands as they face it head on.

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Spoiler alert: there’s a lot of cereal in this pile of gifts from Christmas Past.

We don’t follow any “gift rules” in our house. I know lots of parents love the three-presents plan, symbolizing gold, frankincense, and myrrh from the biblical Christmas story. I know other families who are fans of the rhyming four-gifts rule: give kids something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read.

I’m so glad these plans work for so many families. They make all kinds of sense.

We don’t follow any gift rules

But one of my absolute favorite childhood memories of Christmas morning is my brother and sister and me racing down the hallway from our parent’s bedroom, where we’d been sequestered while they got the house ready (just like the mom in A Christmas Story…”wait for Christmas to start!”).

Once the fire was burning and my parents’ coffee was brewed, they’d call, “Okay!” and we’d tear down the hallway, come to a screeching halt just shy of the living room, and peek around the corner to gaze at The Pile.

My parents didn’t put many gifts out under the tree ahead of Christmas morning, so the growth of The Pile from when we’d last seen it late Christmas Eve night was always a thrill. The Pile inevitably spilled out from under the tree and took up part of the living room. Some large items would be propped against the stair railing. It was a glorious sight to behold.

My favorite Christmas memory was the time we spent opening gifts

It wasn’t that every (or even any) gift was a big-ticket item, not by any stretch. My siblings and I knew this. But my parents wrapped everything that could possibly be construed as a gift, and if something had more than one part, each part was wrapped separately. Because of this — and because we took turns opening gifts and exclaiming over what each other got and reading package information and modeling clothing items (of which there weren’t many) — Christmas morning stretched on for several hours. That’s also one of my fond recollections…how long and languid it was.

Those Christmas mornings are some of my happiest childhood memories, and I have a lot of happy memories to choose from. This one is not the okayest of the bad but one of the best of the good, so I’ve always wanted to recreate it for my children.

And I still do. Old as they are, I still love to watch my big kids’ eyes light up when they come around the corner into the living room on Christmas morning and see how The Pile has grown under our tree overnight.

My teens “need” nothing

My teen and young adult need absolutely nothing. The older they get, the less the things they want are things we can or should get for them. (“Ooh, yay! It’s a job in your field WITH DENTAL INSURANCE after graduation!”)

So I wrap up their favorite cereals and cute pens and fancy hot chocolate and fuzzy socks with the little non-skid dots on the bottom and gourmet brownie mixes in adorable cast iron mini skillets and lots of things that could be considered stocking stuffers. (The stockings, meanwhile, get razors and hair ties and gum, NOT, however, a gift certificate for a $70 yearbook as was once suggested by our local high school yearbook sales committee, bless them.)

I wrap everything, and we take our time unwrapping

I mix all the pile fillers in with a few bigger items from my kids’ Amazon-linked lists and call it a Christmas morning. We take our time unwrapping and examining and telling backstories (“It was marked $20, but when I got up to the register, it rang up at $7.99!!!) just like my family of origin did. (It should be noted that families the world over can generally be divided into “take turns” and “everybody tear in all at once” gift-opening camps.)

I would say the present pile isn’t about reinforcing excess, but maybe it is. Maybe it’s about reinforcing an excess of time together and tradition and laughter and memories. Of course, this is what we’re all trying to reinforce. This is the preeminent rule of love.

Other than that, the best rule we can follow is to do whatever works for our actual families to make the holiday season a memory our kids will want to revisit years down the road when they’re doing Christmas in homes of their own.

As for me and my house, I’ve got cereal to wrap.

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I’ll never forget the day a college freshman came into my office, dropped into the chair across from me, and said, “I know this is stupid, but I need help.”

Her voice cracked on that last word, the way voices do when someone has been holding too much for too long. She pulled her sleeves over her hands, stared at the floor, and whispered, “I don’t know how to email my professor.”

For a moment I thought she meant she didn’t know what to say to her professor. But no, she meant she didn’t know how to begin. How to greet them. How formal or informal she was allowed to be. How to explain she’d fallen behind because everything suddenly felt heavier than she expected. How to ask if she could make up an assignment she was too embarrassed to talk about.

This wasn’t about an email. It was about fear. It was about the moment she realized she was on her own without an adult to guide every step. She was, for the first time, staring down a problem she had to solve herself. And that, right there, is the thing parents don’t see coming.

We pack our kids’ cars with shower caddies, ramen noodles, dorm-sized tool sets, and all the “college essentials.” What we don’t always think about are the invisible skills that, for many teens, matter more than any item they bring with them.

The invisible skills that matter more than any item teens bring to college with them

1. The skill of asking for help without shame

Through her tears and our conversation, we realized what she needed wasn’t a lesson in email etiquette. What she needed was permission to be human. Somewhere along the way, she had learned that asking questions meant she was “behind.”

That asking for help meant something was wrong with her. And in her fear and insecurity, she waited. And waited. She waited so long that she now felt stupid for even thinking about emailing him because it was so late. In her fear and shut down, something so simple became a mountain she didn’t know how to climb.

What teens need isn’t perfection. It’s the ability to say, “I’m confused,” long before panic sets in. And yes, parents can help create that culture at home, not by doing everything for their teen, but by being the safe place where confusion isn’t treated as failure.

2. The skill of recovering from a setback

A few weeks after the email incident, a different student sat in the same chair and told me he’d made a 63 on his first college exam. He looked genuinely shaken.

“I’ve never failed anything,” he said quietly. “Am I not cut out for college?” He wasn’t being dramatic. 

This was the first time life had bumped up against him in a way he couldn’t immediately fix. In high school, he rarely had problems, and when he did, he could outrun them with ease. College had a different pace. A bigger landscape. More spaces where he couldn’t hide.

Teens don’t need a perfect academic record to succeed, but most of them don’t know that. They often don’t know that one bad grade is not a prophetic indication of their capability. They don’t need to ace every test; they need practice getting back up. They need to hear that struggle is a part of growing. It’s not a sign that they don’t belong.

3. The skill of building their own structure amidst a sea of newfound freedom

One student once showed me her planner. It had three class times written in neat blue ink and absolutely nothing else. “I’ll just fit everything in around these,” she said. Three weeks later, she was overwhelmed, exhausted, and eating dry cereal at 10 p.m. because she’d forgotten dinner even existed.

High school gives teens a rigid structure they don’t realize they’re using. They have parents, teachers, coaches, and bosses telling them when to wake up, when to arrive, what to do, and when to get it done.

Then it disappears. Overnight.

We, the adults, have inadvertently micromanaged their schedules for them and, unfortunately, have rarely helped them practice creating their own rhythms. But here’s the kicker: it doesn’t have to look like a completely filled schedule from sunup to sundown. All they really need are some anchors or regular practices. Things like going to bed at the same time, working out in the mornings, or simply eating at regular intervals.

Adulthood is one long stretch of time no one organizes for you. The earlier they learn how to give shape to the week, the steadier they feel.

4. The skill of navigating relationships without avoidance

One student went an entire week without speaking to his roommate because the roommate borrowed his charger without asking. He tiptoed around his own dorm room, waiting for the “perfect” moment to bring it up.

“There is no perfect moment,” I told him gently. “There’s just a moment you decide to be Human.” Teens today are wildly connected online and unfathomably uncertain in person. They know how to text, but they rarely know how to say, “Hey, can we talk about something?”

But those tiny moments of honesty are the glue of adult relationships. Roommates. Professors. Friends. Employers. Partners. Life is full of conversations we’d rather avoid. Teens don’t need to master conflict. They just need to trust that awkwardness doesn’t always mean something is wrong.

5. The skill of managing overwhelm when their brain wants to shut down

One of my college clients recently told me, “When I feel overwhelmed, I shut down. I can’t think. I can’t move. I just stare at the ceiling.” Like so many others, he thought this made him “bad at life.” He thought there was something inherently wrong with him that others don’t have to deal with.

I told him that what it made him was a young adult who was struggling with what to do with big feelings and a lot of responsibilities. For him, parents and teachers had always taken the pressure off before he ever reached his emotional limit.

But College doesn’t do that. Adulthood definitely doesn’t.

For students like him, what helps isn’t telling them to “try harder.” It’s teaching them the tiny resets that calm the nervous system and help them take the next step. It’s things like a five-minute walk, a deep breath, a willingness to just do the first thing instead of tackling the whole mountain.

What I wish every parent knew

Most teens aren’t truly lacking life skills. They’re lacking experience. Experience with responsibility combined with independence. And experience with the emotional and mental side of adulthood.

They don’t need to leave home fully ready. They can’t.

All they need is enough:

Enough courage to ask for help. Enough resilience to recover from setbacks. Enough structure to keep the week from collapsing. Enough communication to keep relationships healthy. Enough coping skills to stay afloat when everything feels heavy.

You can’t teach them every skill they’ll ever need. No one can.

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