Category: Family & Parenting

I was amazed to find that my son, who is in his 20s, and many of his friends track not only their families and significant others, but also share locations with a large circle of friends. Not being a digital native, or even digitally native adjacent, my gut reaction is to see any type of tracking as intrusive, largely unnecessary and honestly, kind of creepy. 

But after asking the almost three hundred thousand members of Grown and Flown Parents, I see things a little differently now. Many said their kids routinely shared locations with a large group of friends.

One mom described it as the  “digital equivalent of bikes on the drive.” I love the sound of that because it makes what they are doing so much more relatable. In an earlier era the bikes on the driveway was how you knew where your friends were, now it is a shared digital location. 

Why kids are using social media to track their friends 

1. It’s how they take care of each other and keep each other safe

Using their phones our kids are able to watch out for each other. Many parents told us that their kids worry about their friends. They use tracking to watch their friends walking through campus late at night or if they are out alone.

This is a way for our young adults to take care of each other and make sure their friends arrive home safely. It’s a lovely thought In case of emergency, setting up a trusted circle of friends is actually a really lovely check-in. Everyone needs a group who has your back and this is the way kids do that these days. 

2. It’s how they share in each other’s life journey

Location sharing is a way that friends can follow each other when they go on exciting trips. One mom told us that her daughter’s friend is going to Japan for a year and sharing his location gives his friends a way to share the trip with him.

Another mom told us her daughter’s best friend is going on a short trip to China and she wants her friends to be able to see where she is. When you can’t be together at least you can share your experience. 

3. It’s how they find each other  

Another way social media apps help our kids is completely utilitarian. When teens are meeting each other for dinner or a concert, the phone allows them to see if their friends are on their way or how far away they are from their joint destination.

There are other practical uses for following friends, like checking on teammates if they aren’t at practice, or seeing how far someone is from a restaurant so they know when to put your name in for seating. Or if you are walking toward each other to meet you can use your shared location to ascertain that you are both moving in the correct direction. 

4. It’s how they find lost phones

Let’s face it, we are all always losing our phones. How great is it when you have a friend who can see where your phone is? I know that I’ve used this feature way too often. I am forever asking my husband to see if he can locate my phone. 

5. It’s how they get help and give help

If your teen is stuck somewhere and needs a ride, it’s helpful to be able to check and see if anyone is close by so they can get a ride. And, in case of an emergency like a flat tire your friends can find you quickly or tell someone offering help where you are located. 

6. It’s how they know if they should telephone someone

No one likes to interrupt someone at work and parents tell us that their teen checks Find My Phone before calling them. Parents return the favor by seeing if their teens are in the library before they dial. It saves you having to ask if someone wants to go out, you can check and see if they are home and might want to meet up.

As our parents grow older, we can see the uses in finding them if they are lost or even confused when looking for someplace new. We can see if they have taken a wrong turn as soon as they take it. 

Sharing location on social media apps has become completely acceptable and normalized among our teens. And, although my generation did not grow up with this technology, most parents see this behavior as a real positive.

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Is It Okay to Track Your Teens? This Mom Says Absolutely

As a high school English teacher, I think a lot about how to help others communicate more effectively. So, last spring, as I was discussing with my ninth graders how much they’d changed since August in all the ways, I found myself also thinking of their parents.

Caregivers often ask me about these teenage-changes with a certain ringing-of-hands. It’s hard, they tell me, to convince their newly-minted high schooler to explain what they want and need, especially when it comes to their involvement in their child’s school life. 

That’s when I decided to make it an assignment.

What would you tell your parents about your ninth grade year?

“Folks,” I said, passing out anonymous notecards, “we’re going to work on writing with clarity and purpose, all while doing some good for future freshmen and their families. Think back to that young person you were last fall and everything that’s happened since. If you could, what would you tell your parents about this year, that would help them help you?”

My students responded with earnestness, appreciation, and humor. Of course, their answers also spanned a wide range—most students either wanted more involvement from their caregivers, or waaaaaay more space—but as I organized the feedback, I found a few clear themes. 

Prepare for awkwardness

Most families know the eighth-to-ninth-grade jump is going to be significant, but many students seemed to think parents would benefit from more real-talk about just how significant:

• “One word: awkward.”
• “I needed time to adjust and figure things out for the first couple months. I was overwhelmed, even though it might not have looked like it.”
• “In the fall, I was still basically an eighth grader. Parents should remember that. It takes a while to settle into so much new. I kind of feel those bad early grades were necessary and unavoidable.”

Demonstrate curiosity

Many students wrote about wishing their caretakers had a greater understanding of their courses’ curriculum and homework requirements. Often this was about the pressure they felt:

• “Actually understanding the homework load of my classes would have helped because it felt they were pushing me to do more, read more books, go to the gym more, volunteer, and I struggled to balance all that with the amount of school stuff I had to do.”

Other times it was about a desire for connection:

• “It would be cool to have my parents know more about the books we were reading so we could have conversations about them.” 
• “Checking in before I have tests and then asking how I do, that would help motivate and encourage me.”
• “When my parents talk to me about school, it’s generally a very flat ask, like go study. This got old quickly because they didn’t follow up or understand what I accrued. Managing is annoying but curiosity is cool.”

Expect shifts in friendships

Another comment thread was about parents being “more chill” about friendship dynamics:

• “Instead of constantly asking who my friends are, relax.” 
• “Friend groups shift and that doesn’t always mean something happened like a fight. That’s just how high school is.”

That said, friendship changes can be devastating, and students wanted to know if they needed them, their parents were there to help:

• “Checking in on how friends are is huge. I was hurt by being cut out of one group, and my parents gave me a place to process my emotions.”

Remain a safe space

Students acknowledged the up-and-down nature of their teenage emotions, while also wishing their parents had extended more compassion. 

• “There’s a lot of pressure—from everyone, including myself. Especially when I’m upset, just acknowledging more that this is a hard and new year would have lightened some of the pressure.”

Some stressed that even if they weren’t struggling—and were often doing well academically—they still longed to be shown concern:

• “I wish they would check in more about how I’m doing in school, beyond my grades. My sibling, who needs more academic help, gets the attention, so sometimes I feel it’s assumed I’m fine and don’t need help.”

And many students emphasized how essential their parents’ support was:

• “Having my parents care about my schoolwork and emotional life helped me not fail school completely and keep a healthy perspective.”
• “Their continued support was everything. I needed my parents to stay my Safe Space. I mostly have to be grown up at school, so at home, it helps to be able to be little again.”

No matter what new grade, club, or school your child begins this fall, I hope my ninth graders’ responses remind you how important it is to talk (or write!) with them about all the things transitional experiences require of everyone. Despite the eyerolls you might get from your emotional and amazing teenager, trust me, it’s a worthwhile assignment.

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Today I Realized How Much My 9th Grader Can Do Without Me

 First published in Business Insider

Where has time gone? My kids were just toddlers and now I have a high school graduate! Soon enough he’ll be going to college. Fortunately, locally, college isn’t nearly as expensive as it is in the US, where people often graduate college with so much debt that follows them around for their entire adult life. One of the ways to prevent saddling your kid with lots of debt while also enabling them to get a good education is by making a college savings fund for your kids. A 529 plan is one of those; read on more to find out why and how you should open one.

Happy College Savings Month! As a busy parent, we know the last thing you need is another item to add to your to-do list. Therefore, let’s discuss a few quick and easy things you can do to help set up your little ones for future success.

One of those things is setting up an education savings account to help pay for future education expenses. In honor of College Savings Month, we’re going to walk you through 529s and why you should set one up for your little ones this September, or anytime!

We like saving with a 529 plan because it offers tax advantages and makes it easy for loved ones to contribute, too. With gifting, you can harness the power of your village to help fund your kids’ future education.

What is a 529 Plan?

A 529 is a tax-advantaged investment tool that helps families save more for future education needs. Funds in a 529 plan grow over time and families can withdraw them tax-free when used to pay for qualified education expenses.

Why Are 529 Plans Important for Families? 

By Louise Kinross

Jessica Reid is a social worker and team lead for Holland Bloorview’s Family Navigation Hub. “We provide short-term support to connect families to resources in the community that can support their social determinants of health—housing, childcare, respite care, transportation and food security,” Jessica says. While the field of social medicine is developing in some adult hospitals, Jessica says it’s in its infancy in pediatric rehab. We spoke about her work.

BLOOM: Why was there a need for the Family Navigation Hub?

Jessica Reid: People who have stable housing, food, and transportation to get to their medical appointments do better. We know a family’s experience and outcome with the therapy and medical support their child gets here is going to be drastically different if they’re well supported and feel safe; if they have a place to live; food on the table; and they’re not worried about how they’re going to get here by crossing the city on five buses. 

We were working on a social-needs screening tool for families before the pandemic, but the pandemic really sped this work up. It brought to the forefront that people were struggling, losing jobs, and not being able to afford rent. Social needs were more talked about in the news. These are everyday necessities that impact our ability to live our lives.

BLOOM: Who uses the social-needs screening tool in our hospital?

Jessica Reid: We started with programs that don’t have social workers, like therapeutic recreation and life skills and infant development. Our data shows about 60 per cent of clients screened across the hospital have one or more social need. Child and respite care are two common ones. Not all childcares can support a child with a disability—or want to.

Housing and food are the most challenging needs to address. That’s because they’re income related, and we have very little influence on increasing family income security.

Even when our families are housed, they have a lot of accessibility challenges. If they’re renting, they can’t make renovations to accommodate equipment for a child with a physical disability. Or you may have a five-person family living in a one-bedroom apartment. Or families with kids with autism face complaints that their children are making too much noise.

It’s very difficult for families to afford basic living costs. Families with a child with a disability have extra expenses related to care and equipment, and often one parent can’t work. They’re often reliant on disability funding and social assistance, which are underfunded. 

To try to bring resources to more people, we run CommunityCONNECT sessions for parents once a month. These are workshops where we bring in an expert service provider to do a presentation about things like housing, respite, or financial literacy. We often get 40 to 50 people attending.

BLOOM: I know the community kitchen series is in high demand?

Jessica Reid: It’s one of the most meaningful programs for me. We’ve had an extended partnership with FoodShare Toronto where we offer a five-week program for about 20 to 25 families who receive ingredients for meals. Then they cook a meal together over Zoom. 

We see families supporting and encouraging each other and making connections. They have the commonality of having a child with a disability. They can talk about the challenges of being able to afford things, about the cultural impacts of food and race, or about having a kid that is a picky eater.

FoodShare is a food justice organization, so they talk about how food is a right. It’s not a food charity model like a food bank.

BLOOM: How does your hub involve students?

Jessica Reid: We’re operating as a student-led environment. We have two master’s social work students from the University of Toronto who do placements here from September to June. They meet with families and help them navigate to resources. Last September, with INSPIRE grant funding, we were able to hire a part-time social worker. We’ve also benefited from Making Kids Count funding.

What’s exciting is that a lot of our social-needs work is part of the hospital’s strategic plan now. I hope this will help us think about how we embed this into the work we do across the organization. We all need to think about how we can shape our service models and practices differently based on the data we’re getting through social-needs screening.

BLOOM: What are the greatest challenges of your role?

Jessica Reid: Supporting families with systems that are broken. Frustration when you’re working within systems that aren’t set up for the people they serve, and they’re overburdened. Inflation. The instability of funding models to support community work in the areas we’d like to partner with groups in. Sometimes you feel a bit helpless.

We need to find creative ways to address some of the challenges. Sometimes that’s just listening to families’ struggles—being that listening ear—so they know they’re not alone and feel like we care about them as a family unit.

BLOOM: What are the greatest joys?

Jessica Reid: I love seeing the resiliency that families have. I get a lot of joy out of supporting them in any way. It may be giving the family a gift during the holidays. You don’t know how far that can go for some families. Or connecting parents with a workshop and seeing the joy on their faces as they build community with like-minded people.

BLOOM: How did you get into this field?

Jessica Reid: I did a lot of work when I was a teenager and in university at summer camps for children from at-risk communities. I went to overnight camp as a kid, and I thought it was a really important way to be an individual away from your family and learn different skills. When I was doing my master’s in social work I got a placement at Geneva Centre in the Bridge to Geneva project. My supervisor was at Bloorview and I was here two days a week.

That was my biggest exposure to working in the disability community. I provided resources to parents of kids with autism, and I liked seeing all the kids and watching the progress that families can make despite the challenges. Later I got a job in one of our satellite autism diagnostic clinics as an intake coordinator and eventually assumed a social work role. For many years I worked on contract in our autism program and in other programs—including our spina bifida program, concussion clinic and neuromotor program.

BLOOM: How do you manage stress?

Jessica Reid: Being able to share challenges with like-minded colleagues on a daily basis and debrief is one of the biggest ways. I also enjoy activities with my family and loved ones. My daughter plays hockey, so I like being a hockey mom.

Acknowledging that systems, not individuals, fail people, helps relieve moral distress for clinicians like me.

BLOOM: If you could change one thing about how we meet families’ social needs, what would it be?

Jessica Reid: One of my biggest goals for us as an organization is to be able to advocate and support our clients in these areas. We have a strong voice in the disability community as experts in pediatric rehab. How can we lend our voice to social causes that are impacting our clients at higher rates than the general public? I’m remembering the work that former social worker Barb Germon did with Habitat for Humanity. I feel we could be doing more of this work.

In photo below is social worker Jessica Reid (centre) with master’s social work students Denise Silva (left) and Emily Abergel (right). Like this content? Sign up for our monthly BLOOM e-letter, follow @LouiseKinross on Twitter, or watch our A Family Like Mine video series.

Your home is a reflection of who you are, or rather, it is the way you present yourself to the world. So yes, my messy home is a reflection of my scattered brain and exhaustion, but its also fun and lively like myself. The outside of your home is how you present yourself to the world even before people enter your home, and you might be looking for some ways to spruce up your outside, and maybe express that fun side of yourself. Here are some ways to do that, smallish changes that don’t cost a lot of money that can make a big difference.

You have always been proud of your bright personality and you will do everything you can do to let it shine through in and around your home. There is something so uplifting and liberating about choosing bold tones for your amazing abode, as it brings you joy when you wake up every single day. When you’re hoping to create a bright and colorful home you need to think about the exterior of your house too. You may have done everything in your power to create an interior aesthetic that is full of vibrancy, but you can’t neglect your garden and the outside space you have. With this in mind, here are nine ideas to help you create a fun and fabulous home exterior.

No More Leaves and Debris


Leaves and debris can become a big issue for your outdoor space if you’re not regularly clearing them away when needed. During the colder months, particularly in the autumn and winter there can be much more debris making its way onto your driveway, front garden, pathways and backyard. With a handy battery powered leaf blower, you can sit back and enjoy your clean and clear space once again and never have to worry about the little things getting in your way. As soon as you handle this element of your home exterior, everything else will quickly fall into place in exactly the same way.

Exterior Paint Touch Up


As well as focusing on the color of your front door, you may also want to touch up the exterior of your home with some paint too. Over time the color of your home may start to fade and certain areas may need to be redone again. Once you have completed this part of your home makeover you’ll be thrilled with the final results.

Perfect Plant Pots


There is nothing neater or cuter than adding a couple of perfect plant pots to the outside of your home to make it feel a little bit more authentic to you. Whether you’re adding brightly coloured flowers or some fresh smelled herbs, there are so many different types of plants you can add to the exterior of your home.

Fabulous Backyard Furniture

Changing up your backyard furniture is one of the best ways to upgrade your home exterior, especially if you love sitting outside on a regular basis. For fabulous backyard furniture you can look around and find a great deal and bring your garden back to life again.

Revive Your Tired Lawn


Reviving your tired lawn is not only quick and simple to do, but it makes the biggest difference in terms of your home exterior. Treating your lawn with some seed, watering it regularly and giving it a cut will not only wake it up whenever it gets tired, but it will also provide the ideal backdrop for the rest of your home exterior too.

 

Add Outdoor Lighting


Your newly refreshed outdoor space is no good unless you can see every element of it and enjoy it at all times of the day. Luckily, there are so many different types of outdoor lighting for you to explore for your garden, from hanging fairy lights to solar lights fixed into the ground. Some of the most popular types of lighting at the moment are called festoon lights, which look like traditional light bulbs in your garden and you can hang them in various versatile manners throughout your space. Opting for solar powered lights is obviously much more eco-conscious and energy efficient too, so keep this in mind as you’re narrowing down your final ideas. The idea is to create a warm and cozy space that makes you want to spend more time in the area you have spent so long creating, so choose your lighting wisely as much as possible!

Eye Catching Outdoor Accessories

Every homeowner will have a different idea of what an eye catching and stunning outdoor accessory looks like to them. For many people it will involve cute little statues, figurines, water features or even statement plants. There are so many different options that allow you to get creative, so why not do a little bit of research and discover the outdoor accessories that work well for your space? Hopefully, you will quickly find the best possible options and implement them into your home so that it feels fully complete again!

Adding some of these ideas into your back pocket will help you with inspiration for your outdoor space. As well as making sure your home interior is perfectly matched to your personality, you can also ensure that your plant pots are filled with stunning flowers and your outdoor lighting is on point. Working your way through these upgrades will not only help you to gradually improve your home exterior, but it will also provide you with the all important brightness and boldness you’re hoping to achieve!

Homecoming season is upon us, which means parades, Spirit Days, football games and, of course, the dance.

Ah, the Homecoming dance. I can’t help but feel that society got it right nowadays because everyone who wants to go can, whether in a friend group or as a couple. Back when I went to high school (you know, in the days of dyeable shoes and Aqua Net hairspray) the Homecoming dance was reserved just for couples. 

Our daughters are still excited about Homecoming

What has remained the same, though, is the excitement that comes with shopping for a Homecoming dress. Sure, our daughters aren’t flipping through the latest issue of a magazine, drooling over the Jessica McClintock ads. Rather they’re checking out TikTok or Instagram or some other social media site that popped up in the last hour. 

But no matter where our daughters are looking for #HoCo dress inspo, they are still flush with anticipation about looking amazing and having an even more amazing time at the dance. Whether you have taken your teen shopping for a dress in previous years or your daughter is going for the first time and it’s a new experience, I bet you can relate to the bevy of emotions I felt when I took my teen shopping for her Homecoming dress. 

Five phases of shopping for a Homecoming dress

1. Browsing

“I’m so lucky to have a beautiful teenage daughter who I can take shopping for a Homecoming dress!” I gush, ready to savor our shopping trip and help her find something beautiful.

“Wow! There are so-o-o many dresses to try on,” I say as we grab dresses in every color, cut, and style. “I don’t remember having so many choices when I was your age. This is going to be fun.”

2. Try before you buy

“Oh that one’s gorgeous,” I say as I look at my daughter in a lovely gown, in a shade that complements her coloring and emphasizes her figure. “Just gorgeous.”

She shakes her head no and tells me it’s disgusting. 

Confused, I push back. “Are you telling me you don’t like that one because I think it’s gorgeous?” I ask. “Or do you truly think it’s disgusting and not just because that’s the one I said was gorgeous?”

She moves on to another frock, as if the one I like has a disease.

“You like THAT one?” I hear myself say as she preens in the next dress. “Are you going to a dance–or are you dancing around a pole?”

She makes a face and retreats to the dressing room. 

The next one’s definitely a big no. As in Nn Nnn. No way. Thankfully, she agrees.

When she emerges wearing the next one, I make a critical error. “That’s pretty,” I say. “What do you think about trying on a bigger size? Then you might be able to sit down comfortably at dinner.”

Her face freezes. 

Uh oh.

“I love your body!” I clarify, drawing on all the body positivity tips I’ve learned. “Your body is strong and beautiful! I was just thinking the next size might help you breathe. And eat.”

She looks irritated.

Retreat! Retreat!

“Did I tell you your body is strong and beautiful?” 

3. Decisions, decisions

My hands start to cramp from taking so many pictures of my daughter from different angles in these dresses. And they are all starting to look the same.

“I think I’m gonna lay down on that coach I saw just outside the dressing room while you text your friends back and forth about which dress you should get.” Then I tell her she should wake me when she’s decided which dress she wants. 

I’m kidding. Sort of.

Finally, it appears she is close to a decision. “So you’ve narrowed it down to this one and that one,” I say, pointing at two beautiful choices.

“What? You don’t like those two anymore? Well, of course you are allowed to change your mind. I’m not saying you can’t change your mind. But I thought… Yes, I’ll take another picture of you in the black one. And the maroon one. And the green one.”

4. The purchase

We have it. The dress. It’s fabulous and she looks gorgeous in it. 

I check the price. This teeny tiny piece of fabric that they call a “dress” costs how much? 

Oh, well, I think. She really does look beautiful in it.

“Pardon me, you need new jewelry?” I ask as she browses necklaces, earrings and more at the check out register.

“What’s wrong with the jewelry you already have? They don’t fit your aesthetic?” 

At least she’ll wear her high tops to the dance like they do nowadays and she already has those. “Wait, you want blush dress shoes, just for pictures?” 

I think I smell smoke from my credit card as it keeps getting swiped.

5. The dance  

I watch my daughter and her friends gather before the dance. They look fantastic and happy. I snap tons of pictures and soak it all in, celebrating this special night in her young life.

“You are beautiful. I hope you have a great time wearing that dress,” I tell her, swallowing hard. 

“I’m so lucky to have a beautiful teenage daughter who I could take shopping for a Homecoming dress!” I gush, as nothing but sweet memories of our shopping trip and helping her find something amazing flood my brain and my heart. 

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Remembering Jessica McClintock and 80s Gunne Sax Prom Dresses

Today the lazy days of summer have officially surrendered to the 5am alarm clock that will chirp in my ear for the next 10 months. My teacher brain will quickly adjust back to the bustling pace of the day. One quick moment after the next-bearing witness to all of the joy and pain, laughter and loneliness, milestones and moments that define the lives of hundreds of teenagers. And not long after I’m out the door, my own teenagers will wake to the blare of their alarms that will mark their senior and sophomore years.

We send our kids to school trusting others to take care of them

They will walk through the doors of another unwritten year in which other adults will bear witness to their dreams and decisions up close. And I will be watching through a tiny picture window.

I don’t take lightly the fact that we send our kids to school day after day, trusting others with the care of our most precious people. Hoping that when they stumble, someone will help them find the strength to rise. That when they succeed, someone will be there to celebrate with them. That they are able to do the same for others.

I think this year especially, as my own child enters his final year of high school, I’m reflecting on the great honor and responsibility that it is to be a teacher and show up day after day for these moments. Realizing that as a parent I don’t get all the same opportunities to see my kids in the day to day the way that other adults do.

At home I only hear what my kids choose to tell me

At home, I hear only what they want to tell me-fragments of what they remember after sifting through hours of a day that I know is taxing on their brains, bodies and hearts. I know what I get is a tiny constellation in the million moments of the universe that is their day. There are so many things, big and small, that I will never know about or see play out. I only know that the people who return home to me each night are in large part the sum of the experiences they have faced from the moment they enter the double doors of school each day.

The version of them that I see is not the version of them that other adults get. Their day is a pointillist painting of speckled dots, but I only see the tiny flecks that they choose to zoom in on in the fleeting conversations over dinner, or as I try to soak up those precious moments in the car on the way home from sports practices.

I am grateful to the adults who are there to share their days

And while it breaks me sometimes that I’m not there getting all the little bits that make up the big picture, I am grateful to know that my kids have adults at school who are able to relish in those moments with them.

Because I know I get that whole version of other peoples’ children, and it is a gift. The opening of their hearts in their most vulnerable moments. The tea that they spill about changing friendships. Changing home situations. Changing hormones. The weight of the big and small things that they carry around all day. And, if I’m lucky, they choose to trust me enough to unpack across our year together.

All children deserve to find adults at their schools to whom they feel connected enough to peel back all of the layers of themselves and truly live authentically in the place they spend more time than anywhere else each day.

I realize that as my son’s grows I will fade into the background even more

I’m thinking about this more than ever as I get closer by the second to sending my oldest out into the wider world. Watching him turn into an adult before my eyes. With only one final school year at home for me to enjoy even seeing any day to day version of his life at all. Knowing full well that as he continues to forge his own path, I will fade even more into the background than I already feel I am.

So as this year begins, I am holding gratitude for all of the adults along the way who have allowed my kids the space to share their voices. Their hearts. And their whole selves. The ones that have walked them down the path day in and day out, to be at the point in life where they have the confidence to head forward on their own.

And hopefully someday be those adults for someone else.

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Will the Teachers See and LOVE My Son During His Senior Year?

In May, after years of going to a nearby city to get new books to read and to drop off books I read, carrying them by hand, in backpacks and wagons by bus, before I had a car, I decided to put together a little free library for my community. 

It has been great to watch it take off, from the first 2 bags of books I picked up from people to get it started, to shelves bursting with books, so that I have two rows of books per shelf. It has been fun to leave my house and see people gathered around the bookshelves perusing what is there. I’ve enjoyed sorting out and organizing the books by genre, and moving them around to bring attention to books people might have missed before. I feel like a real librarian setting up book displays and curating the collections. 

The books have mostly been English books, even though that isn’t the local language, and I wanted to have more of a range, so it would be for the broader community locally, and not just something for the American ex-pats. And finally it happened. With one large donation, we started getting people who read the local language to pick up books and drop some off, and we reached the community at large.

But it was outside. And not weather proofed.

I was trying to brainstorm the best way to keep it safe from rain. Rain starts usually no later than mid October, but often as early as September, and then on and off until March or April, and while it was fine as it was from when I started it, I knew it might rain soon and needed to be prepared.

I set up the books so that the outside bookshelf had books in the local language, books in a language that a lot of other expats in my community speak, and kids and young adult books. 

Inside, we have English books divided by category, mystery/thriller, sci fi/fantasy, historical fiction, romance, plain old fiction (chick lit, some of it). and non fiction.

I couldn’t find the velcro I bought to use, but in the meantime attached the plastic to the top of the bookshelf, with some draping behind to anchor it. I rolled it up so that it doesn’t block the books when it isn’t raining, and hopefully I’ll add velcro to anchor it to the sides in the wind today or tomorrow.

I have a sign hanging up with the rules.

• Take a book. Place a book. No limit. Whichever you like. No need to return. 
• This is NOT your trash can. Please only put books in good condition – not ripped or missing pages. If you wouldn’t want to read from a book in such a condition, it doesn’t belong here. 
• Do not place religious texts here. This isn’t the place for it and you’ll only be making more work for us to need to properly and respectfully dispose of the books. 
• Do not place school books or textbooks. 
• Please keep it orderly.

Below them is my contact information including a QR code to my Whatsapp.

The sign I made before was written in green marker and within a month the text entirely disappeared from sun bleaching. This time I printed it in black and is in a sheet protector (upside down with the bottom taped) to protect it from the elements.

I’m really excited to see it grow from here. Hopefully it’ll become to popular that the town council will spend some funds so it can be even better and more professional with nicer shelving instead of leftover not so pretty stuff. But for now it’s good enough.

Do you have a little free library where you live? How do you keep it protected from the elements? Any suggestions to make this better?

Janet’s “all feelings allowed” approach to parenting is sometimes misconstrued as permissive, passive, lax on boundaries. But as Janet clarifies in this episode, the exact opposite is true! She describes how acquiescing to our kids’ whims and demands, giving them multiple chances to comply with our directions, or making it our job to console them when our rules disappoint can be a set-up for failure for our kids and us. She explains how respectful parenting is actually quite strict, and why, in her view, strict is much kinder and more loving than the alternative, builds better relationships, and encourages lifelong emotional resiliency in our kids.

Transcript of “Strict Is Loving”

Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to Unruffled.

Today, this is going to be fun. I am going to be talking about being strict. It’s not a word that I use that often, but this idea of strict came up in the last podcast episode I did, where I consulted with a parent who was worried that her respectful approach, her gentle approach that she was using was spoiling her child. And as we looked into what she was doing, there were a lot of places where this parent was not taking the leadership role that I believe our children really need from us. And there were places where she was interpreting what I teach as very focused on encouraging kids’ feelings, and this was causing her to be in a position where she wasn’t taking care of herself.

What I tried to convey to her is that the approach I teach is about a relationship. It’s not about “we do everything to cater to a child’s feelings.” We don’t do anything to cater to a child’s feelings. That’s what accepting feelings really is. It’s not trying to change what we’re doing because our child feels a certain way about it. It’s knowing that they’re allowed to feel however they want to feel. We don’t change our boundaries because of that. We don’t try to appease them. We don’t try to talk them out of it or talk them down. We really encourage them to have their point of view and to be in conflict with them.

And one thing that came out in this conversation is that I said, “Well, I’m really, really strict.” Now, when I looked up the Oxford Dictionary definition of strict, it said: “demanding that rules concerning behavior are obeyed and observed.” It also said: “demanding total obedience or observance, rigidly enforced.” So that’s not exactly my connotation. For one thing, demanding sounds like I’ve got my finger pointed at the child, and I’m telling them they have to do it this certain way. What I do is I ensure that rules concerning behavior are not obeyed as this word says, because obeyed has to come from the child. A child decides whether to obey or not, and that’s not the goal. The goal is that I ensure that I’m holding the boundary for them. I’m helping them to follow the direction or the boundary. But I do have rules, and they are confident, unwavering, solid, strong rules. And that’s how I try to feel when I’m asserting them with children: confident, unwavering, full of conviction.

I’m only actually able to do that because I’m not trying to please my child every minute. I believe that this is the most loving way, and that not having strict rules and not insisting and ensuring that kids follow them is not being as kind to my child, not being as caring and loving. That was a big paradigm shift for me that I’ve tried to help parents find in themselves, because this is what changed everything for me. It allowed me to see things in a new light and realize that a lot of the things I was doing, thinking I was being so nice and loving letting my child do this. Oh, she wants to do that so much. Well, okay, I’ll let her. That wasn’t as loving as having these well-defined boundaries and feeling strong about them, so that my child has a chance to push up against them, question them, be mad about them, be disappointed, be frustrated. That’s their prerogative.

Another reason I thought this would be a good topic to talk about is that when I had Kim Jon Payne, the author of Simplicity Parenting, and he’s got a whole community around the world of coaches, he said to me after we talked in the interview for the podcast, he said he thought we should do another one on discipline. He said that the people he works with really love my book, No Bad Kids, but they also have this impression that I’m soft on boundaries. I said, Really?! And he said, Yeah, right! He knows that I’m not, and that came through to him, but I guess to a lot of people it doesn’t. So I really want to try to clarify that and correct it if I can in this episode.

I think one of the reasons this is a confusing topic for us as parents is that as humans, when we have complex, overwhelming topics that we’re looking at, like raising children, we have a tendency—and I feel this—to want to simplify it so we can understand it better. And in this case, simplifying the kind of things I talk about—respectful parenting, welcoming your child to have feelings, being on their team, being kind and loving when I set boundaries—in a very simplified manner, it can come off like I’m just letting them do whatever they want, and I’m just smiling and nice all the time and trying to keep things upbeat and unruffled.

But what I’m saying is that there’s a duality here that’s an important one for us to try to work from as parents: I can be really strict and strong with my boundaries while also being kind as I set them. That’s the kind of parenting that makes us feel good, makes us feel like heroes. We’re so strong that we don’t have to get harsh and stern and yell at our child. We can say it kindly, because we’re still going to hold onto that boundary when they start screaming no, they don’t want it. We’re not going to get phased by that because we expect it. We expect that they’re going to have a conflicting point of view a lot of the time, and they have a right.

In fact, we can even get to the point, I know it sounds impossible, but we could even get to the point where we welcome that. We know, Ah, they’re venting really powerful things right there that have nothing to do with me personally or the rule that I just held to for them. And when we can be that kind of confident leader in our bones and our souls, that we know this is so loving what I’m doing, that it’s not my job to keep my child feeling happy and smiling all the time. In fact, quite the opposite. It’s my job to take a place in this relationship as the leader that can be strict from a place of confidence. Strict with a smile—and a real smile, not a fake or a manipulative smile.

It’s much easier to say, “Okay, sure, do it,” and then get mad at my child. And I love my child too much to do that. To go, okay, okay, okay and then get to the point where what happens is now I’m angry, now I’m annoyed, now I don’t like my child because they keep pushing me and they keep doing this thing or stalling or whatever it is, I’m going to talk about all that. And now I’m mad at my child, I’m resenting my child, I think I’m a bad parent. I don’t want to do that to my child. It’s much healthier for them to be able to have even their extremist reaction to the reasonable boundaries I set and hold with love. Kids feel the difference when we’re saying, Okay, whatever, and now we’re starting to steam inside. That doesn’t feel good to them. It doesn’t feel clear, it doesn’t feel clean. It feels scary. We can eliminate all of that by seeing “strict” in a positive light as confident, unwavering, strong, the most loving thing.

What does strict look like? Oftentimes, it’s about our ability to anticipate and know what to expect of our child. Not expect that they’re going to be on their best behavior all the time, they’re just not. Not expect that they’re going to say, “Oh, sure, you don’t want me to do that? Okay, I’ll stop.” Or, “It’s time to come inside now for dinner? Okay!” I try to remind myself not to expect that, especially during times of life where I’m having a hard time—unfortunately that’s when it happens the most—and therefore my kids are feeling the tension and they’re going to be having a hard time. Or, just something’s going on with them where they’re having a hard time. That’s when I want to especially expect that the behavior’s not always going to be my favorite.

And that’s okay, because every time I set those boundaries and they yell, they’re getting to share this tension, they’re getting to release it. That’s how they’ll all feel better. When we anticipate, when we can expect—and not anticipate like Dun dun dun, something bad’s going to happen!, but seeing this as positive as much as possible. Seeing this dynamic: I set limits. You don’t like them. I can empathize, but I’m not going to try to kowtow to what you’re feeling or put everything aside and wait and let you have this big meltdown while I’m just waiting for you. I’m going to keep going, with a lot of acceptance for whatever you’re going through because I expect it.

What this also does is helps me to set the limit very, very early, as early as I possibly can. And what does that mean? If there’s a room that’s maybe my bathroom and I have certain makeup things in the drawer or something else that I don’t want my child to mess with. I don’t have to have my reasons, it doesn’t have to be a messy item or something they could ruin. I just don’t want my child in there, I don’t. I keep that door closed. I have a high lock on it. Or if I didn’t do that, then I’m still going to set the limit as early as possible by seeing my child going over there towards that drawer and just saying, “I’m going to stop you. Let me help you out of this room,” or “Hmm, I’m just not going to let you go in there.” And I’m holding them off nicely, lovingly, but assuredly. So they can’t do that.

Because oftentimes what happens when we maybe feel we’re being loving and respectful of our child and we don’t want to hurt their feelings in any way or make them upset, now we’re letting our child open the drawer and we’re saying, “Oh, could you please not take that? Could you please not touch that? Could you put that back?” And we’re leaving them hanging. We’re not being kind when we’re allowing them to do things that we really don’t feel like having them do right then. So that’s one way that strict is more loving.

Another way came up from the consultation in the podcast last week, that the little girl didn’t want to leave the party. And the mom was trying to get her shoes, take her to a private place. The girl was very upset already and going off. And what I said to this parent—and I believe this 100% and I’ve done it with my children and I see it as heroic and important—and that is as soon as I start to see she’s starting to whine, she doesn’t want to leave. Or there’s some sign even maybe before it’s time to leave, because I notice that my child lately is having a bit of a hard time with her behavior and this is a transition, so this is going to be especially challenging for her. I know I have to set this limit that it’s time to leave and I’m already ready to have what I call the confident momentum to get her out of there. I’m ready to have to do that.

Now, I can go a little slower if she seems totally calm and fine about it. But if I see her starting to go off into resistance mode, then I’m going to be that hero and get her out, grab the shoes, don’t spend any time trying to talk her out of it. Don’t allow her to be in that uncomfortable place where, again, I feel like I’m leaving her hanging. She’s getting more uncomfortable, I’m getting more uncomfortable, and now she’s unraveling. It doesn’t bode well for either of us, and it just makes our job way too hard, way too hard. It’d be much better to get her out of there, and maybe she did calm down right away and it wasn’t necessary, but it’s better to err on that side of loving strictness or whatever we want to call that confidence of, You know what? I need to help here. My hero suit is needed and I’m going to be on it right away.

Many of the questions you bring to me are about this, where I just want to say: Help them earlier. Help them right away. Don’t let it get this far, to where you’re annoyed, they’re digging their heels in, everybody’s uncomfortable. It’s not worth it. Much better to err on the side of being overly preventative. Setting limits early, early, early. Call it strict. It can save us so much aggravation.

Here are other ways that I feel very strict. And again, I wasn’t always this way. It’s not my natural tendency, I really had to come to this. I had to find this groove for myself, and that’s why I know that you can too, that anyone can. It’s in you, it’s in all of you.

Behavior in public, which is also this example that I just shared about, but other behavior in public. I remember a parent in one of my classes telling me that they went into the doctor’s office and their toddler was walking along. They were a pretty new walker, so the parent was excited to let them walk around. So they start exploring all the different offices. They go towards one door and peek in. Another door, they’re standing in a doorway. Then they go into an office completely and the mother has to get the child back out again. There’s no reason a child needs to do that. We can have them on our lap. We can hold their hand as we walk them into the doctor’s office when it’s time. We don’t need to give children that freedom, because that freedom isn’t really freedom. It doesn’t feel like it to them. It feels like we’re giving them kind of a false freedom where you’re not really free to do whatever you want here. And it’s just harder for us to have to say, No, no, no, I’m not going to let you do that. It’s unnecessary.

Also, our child going up to another child and maybe harming them or grabbing their toy away. Now, many of you know that in my classes we allow some exploration for children to learn about toys and how to engage with each other this way, and we allow certain things to go on that I would never allow in a public situation where I don’t know the people and they aren’t on board with what I’m doing. So I’d be there right away. “Oh, you’re interested in that? No, I’m not going to let you.” And my hand is there always, ready, not afraid to even take something out of my child’s hand. I’m going to do that right away and not wait, “Oh, could you give it to me? Could you give it to me?” Because that’s making it too hard for my child. At most you could ask once as you’re already considering, I very well may need to take this, but I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and ask. Then if I see them hesitate, “You know what? I’m going to help you out here,” and I take it. I really see this as being there for my child: They can count on me. I’m not going to leave them high and dry.

Letting a child run around a store or a restaurant. Nope, I wouldn’t do that. If there’s a safe place for them to be outside, I would take them outside during the meal, take turns with my partner or whatever, and realize maybe takeout is a good thing with this child. I have two children that could sit for hours in a restaurant, and then I had my youngest and he couldn’t sit at all. And so we didn’t do that. We weren’t going to put ourselves and him through that aggravation.

By the way, you may or may not agree with anything I’m sharing here, and you don’t have to be as strict in all the ways that I’m suggesting. You get to choose what matters to you or what you think is important.

But meal times, with the RIE approach that I teach, we notice very early on when a child is able to sit on their own, which is usually towards the end of the first year. They are able to sit while they eat. They don’t need to get up and come back and forth, if we make this a rule and we do it with love and kindness and confidence. We do it with snacks first so that we’re not worried if it doesn’t work out that our child didn’t get something to eat. That feels easier for us to do, right? We actually use small tables, so we’re sitting with our child, but you can do this in a high chair as well. And we say, “Okay, here’s your snack,” and they come and they sit. And then when they start to get up, “Okay, so you’re done? You’re letting me know you’re done.” And then right there, they either get up, crawl away, or if they’re in a high chair, maybe throw something down, and we say, “Okay, thanks. You’re showing me you’re done. I don’t want you to throw the food down.” Simple as that.

But if we don’t follow through, I guess you’d say strictly, with our expectations of This is the way meals go, and I know you can do this, I believe in you. Every child can do this, I’ve never met a child that couldn’t. Even my son, who’s so active, he could sit while he was actually eating. It might be short, but he could do it, and if he could do it, I feel like any child could do it. So I know it can be scary, Oh, they’re not going to get enough to eat. But if we think like that and we keep bending the rules for them, then they have no rules around eating. They don’t learn them. The only way they can learn them is if we really mean it and we show them that this is what we expect and we’re not going to be eating with them any other way.

If we’re in the park, that means we’re sitting on the grass. And I took this even further with children where I didn’t let them walk around with drinks either. We would stop, we would sit, we would be mindful for those moments. When they were done, they would clearly indicate they were ready to get up by getting up or, in a high chair, by squirming and starting to show they’re going to throw food or something like that. “Yeah, okay, thanks for letting me know you’re done.”

Children can learn these wonderful table manners that way, from the time that they’re one year old. It’s quite amazing. But they need us to stay focused with them for that to work. Because if we’re trying to do a lot of other things at the same time as the meal, then they’re less inclined to be able to focus also. It’s good training for us, where so many of us are used to multitasking. But this is what sets us up for those family dinners together. This is what sets us up to be able to have healthy eating habits and have our child have manners when they go to other people’s houses. We can instill this much earlier than a lot of people believe. And you can see some examples of how this works in a couple of my posts on my website: Baby Table Manners and Respectful Discipline in Action (Seeing Is Believing). These have video examples of me with very young children, so you can see how it works.

Another thing I’m strict about is when kids are telling us what to do. It can be very insidious, it doesn’t even hit us that it’s a negative thing that they tell us to switch places in our seats with our partner or they tell us they want us to play with that toy for them a certain way. And we think, Well, that’s harmless. I can get up and move. Or only mommy can put me to bed and no one else can. But it’s not easy for us to be available that time, and our partner is. Children need us to be clear and confident in our choices there and not do things for them on command. And again, it can be hard to see, and maybe there’s a fine line for some of you on this, Well, I don’t mind doing this or that. Usually if it is becoming a problem for your child, it’ll start to get worse, where now they’re asking for more and more unreasonable things. That’s when we can clue into, Hey, maybe I shouldn’t be letting a two-year-old tell me what to do.

Another one: our personal boundaries. I talked about this before with our stuff, we just don’t want a child in our stuff. Even if it would be safe for them, we just don’t want it. Personal boundaries are part of all of these points that I’m making. I don’t want to be following you around with food and picking up after you. I don’t want to be running after you in public. I don’t want you to tell me what to do. I don’t want to feel like I’m being ruled by a two-year-old or three-year-old or four-year-old or five-year-old. I want to be able to sit with you and have a moment where we’re just together eating. Personal boundaries come into all of this. This can be something like, I don’t feel like playing this right now. I don’t want you to take out more stuff, I’m going to put this stuff away. I don’t want to be outside anymore, I’m getting hot.

This is where we take care of ourselves. And it’s so crucial, because we need to take our place fully in this relationship for us to be able to be the kind of parents we want to be, for us to be able to be strict with a smile or that confidence to feel trusting of our child. If we’re letting ourselves be walked all over, it’s going to drain us of our energy, our child’s discomfort is going to increase along with ours, and we’re far more likely to end up yelling or hating this job, feeling like failures. None of which we deserve to feel in the least.

For the next point I want to make about being strict, I have a note that I received from a parent, so I’m going to respond to this:

My daughter’s tantrums seem to happen when she wants to do something or have something and can’t. For example, it’s been 20 minutes that she’s been brushing her teeth and washing her hands and playing at the sink, and she won’t cooperate to get ready for bed. If I pick her up to take her to her room, she loses it. But I can’t always wait an hour for her to tire herself out at the sink to get her in bed. I have things to do and she needs to go to bed. Or she doesn’t want to get dressed in the morning and I’m out of time and I have to get her to daycare so I can catch a train to work. If she refuses to get dressed and no amount of making it fun, distraction, etc. has helped, then I have to force the clothes on her and she loses it.

What do I do when I can’t let my daughter go through the tantrum? When I have to get her in the car to get to an appointment or daycare or catch a train? What happens if there simply isn’t the opportunity to sit back and allow her to go through the tantrum?

I love this note because it actually covers a lot of things that I’m talking about here and really epitomizes the struggle that so many of us have. Yes, tantrums happen when children want something that we say no to or to have something they can’t. Yeah, those are the boundaries and how boundaries allow children to vent feelings. That part is how it’s supposed to be, if we could see it that way.

She says, “it’s been 20 minutes that she’s been brushing her teeth and washing her hands and playing at the sink, and she won’t cooperate to get ready for bed.” So one other example I wanted to use for being strict, this was a popular podcast I did at the beginning of this year: stalling and dilly-dallying. Don’t let kids stall or dilly-dally. Be on that as early as possible with the boundary, for all the reasons that this parent’s situation exemplifies.

First of all, she so generously lets her do all this stuff and then she still won’t cooperate. And if she gets picked up to be taken to her room, even after the 20 minutes of messing around, she loses it anyway. So what do we have to gain out of this besides a lot of frustration and aggravation? Don’t let your child go there. If she’s taking too long to brush her teeth, help her out, stop her. “Okay, here we go. Oh, can you finish up there? Alright, I’m going to take the toothbrush. Let’s put it away.” You can always give those moments for her to do it herself, but I would have in the back of your mind—especially at the end of the day when kids are tired, she’s had daycare, it’s an exhausting day for children. As it is for us when we have to go to work, then come home and deal with this, right? So for yourself, for her, don’t leave her hanging. Just stop her, take the toothbrush, put your arm around her back.

Do this early, early, early, early so you’re not letting it continue to unravel and her to build steam and discomfort. We’re uncomfortable because we’re waiting and we’re annoyed, and now that’s making her even more uncomfortable. We’re playing off each other in that way. That is just a recipe for frustration. So help her wash her hands if she’s trying to stall. Don’t let her play at the sink, it’s not a time to play, not a place to play. She won’t cooperate to get ready for bed? She needs a helping hand.

And if you start this much earlier, you’ll have more cooperation. I would let her know before any of this, say, “We have this time where it’s really hard for you and you’re playing around, and then I get annoyed, and then you won’t go to bed and then you have a big, screaming meltdown. We’re not going to stop and let you do all these things. We’re going to keep going. And you could scream and have a meltdown, but we’re going to keep going forward. Because it’s my job to get you to bed.” So you could say this to her, but definitely say it to yourself. That this is a hero’s job right now. It’s not about letting her do what she wants and take her time. That’s not going to work, as this parent’s noticing.

“Or she doesn’t want to get dressed in the morning and I’m out of time and I have to get her to daycare.” So put the clothes out ahead of time, help her get dressed, don’t expect her to do this herself. It’s hard to go through these transitions first thing in the morning or at the end of the day, especially. She’s feeling your tension, so try to allow yourself plenty of time to be able to dress her and hear all her screaming as you do. You’re not going to stop everything. If it’s time for you to be somewhere, just keep moving forward. “Oh, you don’t want to do this. You don’t want to do that.” If she’s fully in a tantrum and she can’t function—because that’s what happens, children go into this physiological state—then take her hand, help her get to the car, bring the clothes there. Don’t sweat this.

You will have more time if you’re not waiting for her, if you’re helping her strictly, if we want to think of it that way, helping her move forward. Confident momentum. I’m not going to let you stop me from moving forward with you because I need to be the hero here. You’re having a hard time. You need my confidence.

This parent says “no amount of making it fun, distraction, etc. has helped.” Right, so don’t do that stuff! It doesn’t help. That is a drain on your energy. This is where I take playful parenting ideas with a big grain of salt, if I take them at all and I mostly don’t. Because it’s putting such a burden on us and it’s distracting us from our job, which is to be the leader and to allow her to vent at us if she needs to. Try not to take it personally because we know kids have their reasons. I don’t want to distract her out of that. I just want to welcome it as I help her through. Making it fun, oh my gosh, I don’t know how parents can put on a smiley face and try to make a game when they’re looking at their watch and ready to go. It’s really asking so much of us. Then, as she said, it doesn’t work anyway. So gosh, how awful does that feel as a parent? Unless we’re a saint, we’re going to be really mad at our child, right? I would be if I went to all that trouble to make it fun. Don’t add that to your already very full plate.

She says, “What happens if there simply isn’t the opportunity to sit back and allow her to go through the tantrum?” Don’t sit back. Keep going when you’re in between like that. Maybe you can pause if you give yourself enough time. But if you’re on this early and not waiting around and asking her to do things that she can refuse, like get dressed, but actually taking it upon yourself to say, “Now we’re going to get dressed. I know this is hard for you sometimes, it’s hard in the morning, so I’m here to give you a helping hand.” Putting that in your routine. The momentum that we come in with in the beginning, setting those limits early, moving forward early, will override a lot of the conflict actually.

Especially if we’re not afraid of the conflict. That’s the interesting dichotomy here: the less we fear the conflict, the less there’s going to be. Because what children really want from us is a more fearless parent. None of us is perfect, but if we know that and we know we have it in us, and we can do it with a little more strictness and a little more being on top of it, we’ll discover that it really does work. And tuning into that feeling of being annoyed, that is really important to start listening to. Maybe we’re not used to doing that. That’s the voice telling us, You need to set the boundary now. Don’t let this go on. It’s not a good place for you or your child to be.

Coming back full circle to this idea about feelings and how important it is to allow kids to have their feelings: All of the strictness that I’m talking about is what allows kids to express and experience their feelings in the healthiest way. It’s not playing the games and letting them stall, letting them behave certain ways and asking them not to, giving up our personal boundaries to try to keep them happy. That is us avoiding their feelings, if we think about it. I mean, why would we want our child to get upset? We don’t. But that’s why it’s so important to reframe it. We’re encouraging our kids’ feelings this way, not by placating and going along with it, but by not being afraid to go up against them. Giving them that structure that they need. And their freedom to express feelings and go through all the feelings they need to have in life to be healthy and know that it’s all a part of life, it’s all okay. That’s a by-product of a stricter approach.

I really hope some of this helps and clarifies. And if I’ve given false impressions in the past, I’m really sorry about that. But I think some of it also stems from the fact that we do want to please our children so badly, we just want happy kids, that it’s not the instinct most of us have to feel confident about being in the position where they’re not going to be happy. And then ironically, that actually is why they feel happier because they don’t have an annoyed parent, or they have a less annoyed parent. They feel safe, they can express all the things, and we still love them, even when they get so mad or have tantrums. They can count on us, we’re always going to be there, we have their back. That’s what brings happiness to a child.

We can do this.

Air fryers are all the rage these days, and its not hard to see why. They are very versatile and easy to use, and since they get the texture of frying without the oil, they are healthier as well. But as a parent of kids, it can be even more tempting. Because there is no hot oil to splatter, it is something that kids can use to cook their own meals. My younger kids are willing to cook as long as the food isn’t hard to cook, and reading this post is making me tempted to get an air fryer, even though I have absolutely no room in my house for one. Read on, to see more about how this tool can be a terrific way to get your kids cooking.

Known for its ability to cook foods with significantly less oil than traditional methods, the air fryer is one of the best kitchen gadgets for preparing kid-friendly meals that everyone will love.

In this article, we will explore the uses, importance, and reasons why air fryer recipes are perfect for your children, and we’ll share some of the best air fryer recipes that are both healthy and appealing to young eaters.

2. Quick and Convenient

Time is often of the essence when preparing meals for a family. Air fryers are known for their speed and efficiency. They can cook a wide variety of foods quickly, which is perfect for busy parents who need to get dinner on the table in a flash. Whether you’re making a quick snack after school or preparing a full dinner, the air fryer is a versatile tool that can handle it all, saving you time and effort in the kitchen.

3. Encouraging Kids to Eat Healthier

Getting children to eat healthier can be a struggle, especially if they are accustomed to traditional fried foods. The air fryer offers a solution by replicating the texture and taste of fried foods without the excess oil. This allows you to create healthier versions of your kids’ favorite dishes, helping them develop better eating habits while still enjoying their meals. Foods like crispy chicken tenders, sweet potato fries, and even air-fried vegetables can become family favorites, making it easier to incorporate more nutritious options into your children’s diets.

Best Air Fryer Recipes for Kids

1. Crispy Chicken Tenders

Chicken tenders are a staple in many households, and the air fryer can take them to the next level. Start by coating chicken strips in a mixture of breadcrumbs, Parmesan cheese, and spices. Place them in the air fryer, and within minutes, you’ll have perfectly crispy, golden-brown chicken tenders. Serve them with a side of homemade dipping sauce or air-fried sweet potato fries for a complete meal that your kids will love.

2. Veggie-Packed Tater Tots

Tater tots are another favorite among kids, but they can be made healthier by incorporating vegetables into the mix. Grate some zucchini, carrots, and potatoes, then combine them with a little flour, cheese, and seasoning. Form the mixture into small tots and cook them in the air fryer until they are crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. These veggie-packed tater tots are a great way to sneak some extra nutrients into your kids’ diets without sacrificing flavor.

3. Air-Fried Apple Chips

For a sweet treat that’s still healthy, try air-fried apple slices. Simply slice apples into thin pieces, sprinkle them with a touch of cinnamon and sugar, and place them in the air fryer. In just a few minutes, you’ll have warm, caramelized apple slices that are perfect for a snack or dessert. This recipe is not only delicious but also provides a good source of fiber and vitamins, making it a guilt-free indulgence for your kids.

Get the air fryer apple chips recipe.

4. Pizza Rolls

Pizza rolls are always a hit with kids, and they can be easily made in the air fryer. Use pre-made pizza dough or crescent rolls, and fill them with your child’s favorite toppings, such as cheese, pepperoni, and vegetables. Roll them up, pop them in the air fryer, and in no time, you’ll have crispy, gooey pizza rolls that are much healthier than store-bought versions. Pair them with a side of marinara sauce for dipping, and watch as they quickly disappear from the plate.

Get the air fryer pizza roll recipe.

5. Homemade Fish Sticks


Fish sticks are a great way to introduce more seafood into your child’s diet. To make them in the air fryer, coat strips of fresh fish in a mixture of panko breadcrumbs and seasonings. Arrange them in the air fryer basket, and cook until they are golden and crispy. The result is a delicious and nutritious meal that’s rich in omega-3 fatty acids, important for your child’s brain development.

Why the Air Fryer is a Must-Have for Families


1. Versatility in Cooking

The air fryer is one of the best kitchen appliances because of its versatility. From breakfast to dinner, and even snacks in between, the air fryer can handle it all. You can bake, roast, grill, and fry with this single appliance, making it a valuable tool for preparing a wide range of meals. For families with picky eaters, the ability to quickly cook different types of foods to cater to everyone’s preferences is a huge advantage.

2. Easy Cleanup

Another reason the air fryer is perfect for families is its easy cleanup. Unlike traditional frying methods, which can leave your kitchen greasy and require a lot of scrubbing, the air fryer typically involves minimal mess. Most air fryer baskets are non-stick and dishwasher safe, making cleanup a breeze—another win for busy parents.

3. Engaging Kids in Cooking

Using an air fryer can be a fun way to involve your kids in the cooking process. Because the appliance is safe and easy to use, children can help with simple tasks like arranging food in the basket or setting the timer. This not only makes cooking more enjoyable but also teaches them valuable skills and encourages them to try new foods.

Conclusion

The air fryer is an excellent tool for creating kid-friendly meals that are both healthy and delicious. By reducing the amount of oil used in cooking, you can offer your children their favorite foods in a much healthier way. From crispy chicken tenders to sweet apple slices, the best air fryer recipes can satisfy even the pickiest of eaters. Investing in an air fryer is a smart choice for any family looking to simplify meal preparation while maintaining a focus on nutritious and tasty food. With the right recipes and a little creativity, you can turn everyday meals into exciting culinary adventures that your kids will look forward to.

Fieldwork is an essential component of social work education, acting as a bridge between academic knowledge and practical application. While students gain valuable insights in the classroom, real-world experience is critical for developing the skills and understanding necessary for effective social work practice. Fieldwork offers a unique opportunity for social work students to engage with diverse communities, apply theoretical concepts, and refine their approach to solving complex social problems.

This article looks into how fieldwork shapes social work education, preparing students for the multifaceted demands of the profession.

Fieldwork also offers flexibility in how students gain experience. Those enrolled in online MSW programs can complete their field placements in their own communities, allowing them to apply their knowledge in environments they are familiar with. This approach makes it easier for working professionals or those with other commitments to pursue their education without sacrificing the practical, hands-on learning that is so vital to becoming a competent social worker. Fieldwork with an online program provides students with the same high-quality experience while offering more adaptable learning opportunities.

2. Developing Critical Social Work Skills

Fieldwork is where students truly develop the core skills needed to succeed in social work. While lectures and textbooks provide a foundation of knowledge, certain skills, such as communication, empathy, and problem-solving, are best learned through direct experience with clients.

During field placements, students engage in active listening, empathy-driven conversations, and problem-solving tailored to individual client needs. This interaction helps them refine their communication style, ensuring they can effectively connect with diverse populations. The ability to understand and relate to people from different cultural, socioeconomic, and personal backgrounds is essential in social work, and fieldwork provides the opportunity to build this skill in a real-world context.

Additionally, critical thinking is a key component of fieldwork. In the classroom, students can think about case studies and hypothetical situations. In the field, however, they are presented with complex, often unpredictable scenarios. These experiences push students to think on their feet, apply intervention strategies in real time, and adjust their approaches based on evolving circumstances.

3. Supervision and Mentorship: Guiding the Fieldwork Experience

Fieldwork doesn’t just involve students working alone in real-world settings. It is a highly structured experience guided by supervision and mentorship, which are critical to students’ growth as professionals. Each student is paired with a seasoned social worker who provides regular feedback, insight, and support during the field placement. This mentorship ensures that students have someone to turn to when they encounter difficult cases or need help reflecting on their experiences.

Supervision offers more than just practical guidance. It helps students explore their emotional responses to challenging cases and navigate the ethical dilemmas they may face. For example, students often encounter situations where they must balance client confidentiality with the need to report potential harm. These are decisions that require both critical thinking and ethical consideration, and supervisors play a vital role in helping students develop their judgment in such matters.

4. Building Cultural Competency and Ethical Awareness

Fieldwork offers an invaluable opportunity for social work students to develop cultural competency, a critical skill for working with diverse populations. In today’s increasingly globalized society, social workers must be able to understand and respect the cultural backgrounds, traditions, and beliefs of their clients.

Through their field placements, students are exposed to individuals and communities with diverse experiences and worldviews. This interaction helps them learn how to provide culturally sensitive care and how to adapt their approaches based on the specific needs of each client. Fieldwork fosters cultural humility by encouraging students to reflect on their own biases and assumptions, making them more effective and compassionate social workers.

Ethical awareness is another crucial area of development during fieldwork. Social work is an ethically complex profession, and students often encounter situations that test their understanding of ethical principles. Whether it’s maintaining confidentiality, navigating client boundaries, or advocating for social justice, students must make decisions that align with the profession’s ethical standards.

5. Preparing for the Workforce: Enhancing Job Readiness

Fieldwork does more than just provide students with academic credit—it significantly improves their readiness to enter the workforce. Employers in the social work field often prioritize candidates with practical experience, and fieldwork offers just that. Students graduate not only with theoretical knowledge but also with real-world experience that sets them apart in a competitive job market.

In many cases, students’ field placements lead directly to job opportunities. Social work organizations often hire interns who have demonstrated their abilities during their fieldwork. Even if a direct job offer isn’t extended, fieldwork placements provide valuable professional connections and references that can be instrumental in securing employment after graduation.

Moreover, fieldwork helps students explore different areas of social work, whether it’s clinical practice, community organizing, or policy advocacy. This exposure allows students to identify their interests and strengths, helping them focus their careers on areas that align with their passions. By the time they graduate, students are not only well-equipped with the knowledge and skills required for the job but also have a clearer sense of the type of social work they want to pursue.

Fieldwork is the cornerstone of social work education. It provides the hands-on experience needed to develop key skills, navigate ethical challenges, and build the confidence to succeed in the profession. Whether a student is enrolled in a traditional or online program, fieldwork is an irreplaceable part of the learning process that prepares future social workers to make meaningful contributions to their communities. Through direct interaction with clients, guided supervision, and exposure to diverse populations, students leave their field placements with the practical experience needed to thrive as professionals and advocates for social justice.

I’m sorry I haven’t gotten around to posting this yet; my son was in the US for 6 weeks, got home already over 2 weeks ago, and I still haven’t written about his trip other than his first day touring there, in New York City. But I’m catching up. 

Since my son was in the US for the first time, and I didn’t know when he’d have a chance to go there again, I didn’t just want him to stay in the New York metropolitan area (other than camp in rural Pennsylvania)- I decided to send him to Washington, DC, to sightsee and be there for 2 nights. He took a bus and stayed at my friend there who hosted him and he had a terrific time.

Upon arrival in DC, my friend took him to a free concert at the Kennedy Center, by the National Symphony Orchestra Youth Fellowship musicians, and Lee said it was amazing and even gave him chills.Later that evening, as his introduction to the capital, my friend’s husband took my son jogging to see the monuments lit up at night. I’ve actually never seen these at night, even though I’ve been to DC 3 or more times, so it was cool that he was able to see them.

He saw the White House…

The Comte de Rochambeau statue… (I’d actually never seen it before.)

He climbed the Lincoln Memorial (and even though it was at night, it was still very busy.)

At the base of the Washington Monument….

The Commerce Building… (I think. I’ve never been there.)

Of course he saw more, these are just the nice pictures he sent me.

When deciding what my son should do in DC, I knew the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum was a must see. From when he was little my son loved everything airplanes and rockets, and even to this day he follows Space X’s Starship updates multiple times a week. It is part of the reason I wanted to make sure that my son’s short stay in New York before camp was cut in the middle and I sent him to DC, because he couldn’t go to the US and miss out on this amazing experience.

So the next morning, it was off to the Smithsonian.

So I knew a museum all about the history of flight and aueronautics would be something he’d enjoy. He definitely did.

He saw:

The Wright Brothers’ plane.

An X wing fighter from Star Wars.

The inside of a cockpit.

A model of Soviet’s Vostok spacecraft, the first manned spacecraft to orbit the earth.

The inside of the “backpack” on an astronaut’s space suit.

The lunar module…

The Apollo command and service module.

A complete space suit.

The Surveyor Lunar Lander and Ranger 8 Space Probe.

Gemini 7 capsule.

Cirrus 7 private plane.

A Boeing 747.

A really old Boeing plane, the 247.

And a different cockpit.

After a few hours at the museum, no matter how much he enjoys aeronautics, he was ready to do something else. He had a Segway tour booked that evening, so I was trying to help him come up with something free to do in the meantime. I gave him a list of all the free Smithsonian museums in the area, but then when I discovered that there was a free Smithsonian zoo, I picked that for him. I’d tried to convince him to go to the Bronx Zoo when he was in New York, to see animals that our local zoos don’t have, but he didn’t want to spend the money and an entire day there, but a free zoo, when he had some hours to spare? He was game.

Because he was limited in time, since he had to be back in time for his tour, I took the map of the zoo and sent him with these scribbled directions, to make sure he was able to see as many of the animals as we didn’t have locally as possible. For example, we don’t have bears or many sea creatures locally in our zoos, and we don’t have many different primates, so I wanted him to be able to see that.

Of course it was really, really hot, and the zoo had many exibits closed, but he still was able to see a lot of unique animals, many that he’d never seen before.

Scarlet ibises.

Golden lion tamarin.

Meerkats.

Armadillos.

Sand cats.

Some other types of monkeys.

Gorillas.

He also saw orangutans, but the pictures he took are not G rated, so I can’t share them.

He saw so many seal lions making such loud noises and he videoed it, never having seen or heard that before. (This, more than anything, was why I wanted him to go to the zoo, to experience that.)

Andean bears.

Roseate spoonbill.

Lots of different rays.

Naked mole rats.

American bison, and more…

A good way to spend a few hours. Not the most extensive zoo out there, but worth it since it was both free, and had things that my son had never seen before.

My wonderful friend who hosted my son wanted to treat him to something special, so she paid for him to go on a Segway tour of DC. He had a terrific time, enjoyed riding it, and learned a lot about DC while doing so. It was not particularly frugal, but it was a gift that she was happy to share with him.

This perfect picture with him on the Segway in front of the Washington Monument made me smile.

He got to listen to someone play the bagpipes in front of the Department of the Treasury.

Capitol Hill in the distance… (Yes, he went closer too.)

The World War 2 Memorial…

Looking at the Jefferson Memorial across the Tidal Basin.

And last but not least, the Marin Luther King Junior Memorial.

The next morning he didn’t have much time before he had a bus back to New York, but I suggested that he take a walk around Georgetown.

These are some of the pictures he took.

Some buildings…

And some pretty nature.

And then he had to rush to the bus station to take his bus back to DC.

Only cost of this trip? The bus there and back, and the Segway tour. But to keep this trip cheaper, he could have done one of the many other free things in DC. Washington, DC is the ideal place to travel to on a budget, since there are so many more free things than you can do than my son managed to see.

We applied for tickets for tours of the White House and the Capitol Building, but didn’t get approved, but those also are free, in addition to tours of the Pentagon, and all the other Smithsonian museums. I wish I could go back there to tour, but I’m so glad my son was able to go and see so many special things in his short time there.

Have you been to DC? What are your favorite things to do there? What are your favorite free or frugal tourist activities in Washington, DC?