Category: Family & Parenting

When you sleep for less than the recommended hours at night, you fall victim to a condition called sleep debt or sleep deficit. Sleep debt describes the habit of sleeping for fewer hours than is clinically recommended.

By sleeping for fewer hours, you disrupt the functions of the body’s internal clock, otherwise known as the circadian rhythm.

This clock is integral to the 24 hour sleep–wake cycle, and central to the functions of hormones and immunity cells!

At first, sleep debt will leave you feeling lousy, chubby, and lazy for the better part of the day. If the habit is allowed to continue for years and decades, your body will become vulnerable to complications such as hypertension, diabetes, and psychosis!

Scary I know, but between you and me, sleep deprivation is REAL, and worthy of every attention it can get.

NOTE: Sleep should not be viewed as a luxury, but a critical factor in sustaining your health. It is integral to everything in your body makeup, from DNA to cell functions. Sufficient and quality sleep will provide excellent immunity, detoxification of the brain, and repair of body cells. Sleep is also crucial for memory tasks such as encoding, storage and recollection of information learned during the day. Ultimately, quality sleep is an opportunity for the brain to have a break and recharge!

What is sleep debt anyway?

Sleep debt describes the cumulative hours you spend without getting sufficient and quality sleep, and the impact this can have on your life. It is the difference between the number of hours you are REQUIRED to sleep, and the ACTUAL number of hours you sleep.

For example, if you sleep for 5 hours instead of the recommended 7 for adults, you will have a sleep deficit of 2 hours. If you do this repeatedly, let’s say for 7 days, you will have accumulated a sleep deficit of 14 hours!

And it does not stop there. If your habit persists for months and years, your sleep debt will accumulate significantly.

While this indulgence may not appear harmful in the beginning, it will actually lay a fertile ground for REAL trouble in years and decades to come!

How many hours of sleep do you actually need?

While sleep requirements may vary from person to person and age to age, it is highly recommended that 7 hours be the bare minimum for adults. The hours can stretch to 9 where possible, and more for children.

Below are the hours we should all spend sleeping, according to the National Library of Medicine:

• Newborns: 14 – 17 hours
• Infants ( – 1 years): 12 – 15 hours
• Toddlers (1 – 3 years): 11 – 14 hours
• Preschoolers (2 – 5 years): 10 – 13 hours
• Middle childhood kids (6 – 11 years): 8 – 11 hours
• Teenagers (12 – 19 years): 8 – 10 hours
• Young adults 7 – 9 hours
• Older adults 7 – 8 hours

What matters is that when you wake up in the morning, your body should feel genuinely refreshed and ready to go. The alertness you feel in the morning should stay with you throughout the day – without the need to take frequent naps!

What causes sleep deprivation?

Yes, we sleep much less today, contrasted to our peers in the last century. The allure of urban life, advances in technology, and our busy schedules are contributing factors to this absurdity.

The most notable reasons for sleep deprivation include:

• Lifestyle choices such as night life, home entertainment, too much screen time, etc.
• Work demands such as meeting deadlines, night shifts, commuting, etc
• Educational demands at home and school!
• Over indulgence in substance use.
• Breastfeeding demands for nursing mothers and fathers.
• Sleep disorders such as insomnia, apnea, and narcolepsy.
• Medication such as alpha blockers, beta blockers, stimulants and over-the-counter prescriptions.
• Depression, anxiety and other mood disorders.
• Environmental factors such as extreme temperature, light, noise, discomfort, etc.

What are the typical symptoms of sleep debt?

Clinical tests can be used to determine if your body is experiencing the effects of sleep debt. In a study done at Washington University in St Louis (2007), it was suggested,

saliva testing of the enzyme amylase could be an indicator of sleep debt, because the activity of amylase increases in correlation with the length of time that the subject has been sleep deprived.

Besides clinical tests, there are obvious and not so obvious signs you are not getting enough sleep. The immediate symptoms are what you go through the day after you have slept for only a few hours.

One obvious symptom is frequent micro-sleeps that you experience at work, in social gatherings, and while watching a movie.

Micro-sleeps describes short episodes of sleep that last for 30 seconds or thereabouts. What happens is that your body doses off repeatedly, and you have to jerk yourself back to wakefulness every now and then.

Micro-sleeping can also happen when you are driving, and this can be dangerous for you and other road users.

Below are other signs you did not get sufficient sleep the previous night:

• Fatigue
• Drowsiness
• Yawning
• Reduction in cognitive functions such as communication, planning and decision making!
• Memory lapses
• Poor concentration levels
• Irritability and mood swings
• Hallucinations
• Accidental injuries
• Low sex drive

Of course, some individuals will not display all the symptoms listed above. Their bodies can progressively adapt to sleep deprivation and give the false impression they are fine. The truth is, they are not fine.

A few people may not micro-sleep at all, and yet show signs of cognitive impairment, mood swings, and memory loss.

Also true, some individuals called short-sleepers (an equivalent of 1% of the global population), can get by with less than the recommended hours. They can get by with only 4 hours of sleep every night. And you will know it if you are one of them.

Do you think you are one of the few short-sleepers?

Think again. As long as you experience one of the symptoms listed above, or anything else related to sleep disorders, you are certainly out of luck! You are not a short-sleeper.

What are the long-term effects of sleep deprivation?

Many things can go wrong if you allow sleep deprivation to run your life. It can have a huge impact on your heart health and overall health. In the long run, it can actually lead to early death!

Below is a description of a few complications associated with insufficient sleep:

Body immunity is only good in equal amount with the sleep you get at night. Good sleep facilitates the production of cytokine proteins to regulate the activities of immune cells, and help fight infections. Poor sleep will see the reduction in production of these proteins. Besides cytokine, poor sleep will impact the production of other antibodies and cells. A combination of these deficiencies can leave your body vulnerable to flu, cold, and multiple other illnesses, and make it hard for you to recover quickly enough from them.

• Type II diabetes & insulin resistance:

Yes, diabetes is known to cause sleep problems, and in turn, sleep problems can worsen matters for patients with diabetes. Sleep deprivation interferes with glucose production and increases insulin resistance. This in turn increases blood sugar levels in the body, which is harmful to blood vessels and general health.

Experimental studies in healthy adults have shown that partial sleep restriction (4–5 hour sleep/night over one to 14 nights) rapidly reduces glucose tolerance and insulin sensitivity.

NCBI

• Hypertension: (high blood pressure)

By normal standards, your blood pressure should go down when you get quality sleep. When you sleep for less than the recommended hours, however, your blood pressure will go up. This is especially so when you average 5 hours of sleep for many days and weeks. High blood pressure is a risk factor for heart disease and stroke.

… experimental sleep deprivation, short sleep duration, and persistent insomnia are associated with increased blood pressure and increased risk of hypertension, even after controlling for other risk factors. 

NCBI

Moderate to acute sleep deprivation is a contributing factor to depression, precisely as depression contributes to poor sleep.

Sleep issues may contribute to the development of depression through changes in the function of the neurotransmitter serotonin. Sleep disruptions can affect the body’s stress system, disrupting circadian rhythms and increasing vulnerability for depression.

SleepFoundation

Sleeping for less hours can so easily facilitate weight gain due to behavioral triggers involved. People who sleep less are more likely to exercise less, eat more, and therefore add weight. This is particularly true in children and adolescents, who need even more sleep than older people.

 … sleeping four hours a night, compared with 10 hours a night, appears to increase hunger and appetite — in particular for calorie-dense foods high in carbohydrates. 

Mayo Clinic

Psychosis affects your thinking and the ability to decipher what is real and true. This can make your brain hear voices and see things which don’t exist. Some psychotic patients even get the smell of things which don’t exist. Psychosis can lead to how the brain works, leading to poor judgment and decisions.

Can you catch up on lost sleep during the weekend?

There is a common myth that you can catch up on lost sleep by sleeping for extended hours during the weekend. Well, sounds nice to the ear, but does it actually work?

Yes and no!

The truth is, catching up on lost sleep is a tricky hack, so to say. Yes, by extending sleep hours over the weekend, you will probably alleviate the cumulative fatigue that has piled for days. That is good the general wellbeing of your body.

On the other hand, unfortunately, a weekend of sleep may not necessarily heal all the wounds of the past 7 days.

According to a 2016 study, it takes more than only one weekend to pay for 5 days of sleep deprivation.

… only 1 h of PSD takes four days to recover to their optimal level. 

(PSD above stands for potential sleep debt)

Additional research also suggests sleeping-in during the weekends does not protect you from risk factors such as diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease. These ills will ferment in your body due to the 5 days a week, and years of inadequate sleep.

In brief, weekend sleep may not reverse metabolic dysregulation of a person who deliberately sleeps less during the week and more during the weekend.

Finally, your poor quality sleep is definitely confusing your body’s circadian rhythm and related hormones such as melatonin and cortisol.

What you should be doing to reduce and fix sleep debt

Prevention is the more proactive and preferred strategy when dealing with all kinds of illnesses. It is better to do the right thing for your health than wait for trouble.

In order to get back to an improved sleeping routine, try implementing the following at home:

• Tame your night time adventures.
• Create and stick to a sleeping routine that favors 7 hours of sleep.
• Train yourself to sleep at the same time in the evening, and wake up at the same time in the morning.
• Eliminate distractions such as noise and light in the bedroom.
• Go outdoors everyday to interact with nature and for physical exercises.
• Do not eat or drink less than 2 hours before sleeping.
• Eliminate electronic devices such as TVs, computers, and other digital screens from the bedroom.
• Avoid carrying out office work at home.
• Try to get a job near home.
• Seek treatment when suffering from conditions such as apnea, insomnia and depression.

Over time, you will likely return to better sleeping ways, and manage diseases and mental complications more efficiently.

Parks play an important role in the lives of parents and children who want to spend time in nature. Thanks to new developments such as the recently named Eagle Point Park in Avon, two communal green spaces have joined those already available to communities in Ohio. A variety of activities await visitors in these spaces, from relaxing while soaking up some sunshine to walking, hiking, angling, and birdwatching.

A New Name For A New Park

According to Cleveland.com, locals voted on the name of the new park after officials narrowed down the options submitted by the community. Eagle Point Park is west of the Veterans Memorial Park in Detroit Road and the city purchased the 16.5-acre parcel of land from the Kurtz Brothers Nursery. The highlight of the park is a 4-acre spring-fed pond, which will be the new location for the Avon Lions Club’s yearly Fishing Derby.

Developers have created paths that connect the two parks and the school district’s cross-country teams will use those paths for cross-country meets. Other development plans for the park include a fishing pier, pavilion, playground, and restrooms. Avon recreation coordinator Clare Harasimchuk said that, even though Eagle Point Park is connected to Veterans Memorial Park, the new space has a separate entrance off Detroit Road.

New Public Green Space For Dayton

According to 91.3WYSO, a new public green space is also on the cards for Dayton. City officials and community members met at the Dayton West Branch Library in March to discuss the future of the Wright brothers plane factory site. The Ohio EPA had classified part of the 54-acre site as a brownfield, which is an area that might contain hazardous materials. However, the area was cleaned and remediated to a commercial standard after the city and its partners invested more than $5.3 million in the project.

Veronica Morris of the city’s Department of Planning, Neighborhoods and Development said the work meant new development can take place on the site. The new West Branch Library is one of the developments, and it will be followed by a public green space. According to the report, the city has already secured funding for that development.

Morris said that the green space will have benches, lighting, and walking paths. However, the green space may be temporary, as the city hopes to attract new businesses and other developments to the area. She added that the city has not yet secured contracts with landscaping developers for the project. Whether temporary or permanent, it’s important that the city is using commercial landscapers for Dayton’s new green space. The combination of experience and the right tools will result in a space that community members are happy to use as it will be well maintained and safe.

Beautiful Parks In Ohio

The new green spaces mentioned above will offer Ohio’s residents and visitors greater choice when looking for natural attractions. The state is already home to numerous beautiful parks such as Mt. Airy Forest, Columbus’ Highbanks Metro Park and Akron’s Firestone Metro Park. Now, Eagle Point Park joins the list and ensures that getting outdoors is easier and more accessible than ever.

The benefits of earthing or grounding, which are obtained through physical contact with earth’s surfaces, are fascinating, just as they have gotten the science world talking.

Emerging research continues to show how our physiology and general health can improve considerably when we walk barefoot on earth’s natural surfaces.

Earthing appears to correct what we call an “electron deficiency syndrome,” an overlooked and likely significant cause of multiple health disorders. We believe that Earthing as a preventive/lifestyle strategy can counteract the sharp rise in non-communicable diseases throughout the world, a major challenge and barrier to global development.

ScienceDirect

The science of earthing quickly reminds us of the sun’s energy and frequencies, from where we acquire vitamin D. This vitamin is essential in facilitating the absorption of calcium into the body, for stronger bones, teeth, and regulation of the heart and nerves.

Yes, the interconnectedness between the human body and the earth is as old as life itself. By walking barefoot on sand, soil, grass, gravel, and moist surfaces, our bodies receive a stream of free electrons through the soles of our feet.

These negative electrons enter our bodies as antioxidants, and helpful in neutralizing the positive charges our bodies accumulate every day!

Recent scientific research has this to say;

Mounting evidence suggests that the Earth’s negative potential can create a stable internal bioelectrical environment for the normal functioning of all body systems. Moreover, oscillations of the intensity of the Earth’s potential may be important for setting the biological clocks regulating diurnal body rhythms, such as cortisol secretion

NCBI

Today, most of us cover our feet in synthetic rubber and other forms of plastics. These are not conductive, and therefore hinder the transfer of electrons from earth’s surfaces into the body.

And if you try to look back in the last year alone, you will agree with me, your feet and soles have scarcely touched natural earth, except through synthetic coverings!

Because of these plastics, in addition to other insulating objects that we touch and brush against throughout the day, our bodies also accumulate tones of electrostatic charge – sometimes up to 2000 volts! This can lead to electrostatic shock, and other complications.

Of course, if natural earthing is out of the question for you, probably then, you can invest in specially designed earthing mats for the bed and feet. A reminder though, natural earthing is better for you and will always be free.

The role and benefits of earthing in neutralizing free radicals

Radicals (previously free radicals), are scientifically regarded as unstable atoms or molecules notorious for wrecking body cells. They are uncharged molecules because they contain single unpaired electrons. This makes them quite reactive.

Free radicals can cause damage to parts of cells such as proteins, DNA, and cell membranes by stealing their electrons through a process called oxidation. (This is why free radical damage is also called “oxidative damage.”)

HOPES

The activities of radicals are contributing factors to the following health complications when left unchecked for years and decades:

Despite the negatives listed above, free radicals and oxidants are helpful compounds in the body, as long as their numbers are kept in check. They work with immune cells responsible for fighting bacteria and viruses. They also help eliminate damaged and dead cells in our bodies, to enable, and create room for new ones.

The following conditions will lead to the production and multiplication of free radicals and oxidants:

Free radicals are formed naturally through normal cell metabolism in the body. They can also be formed due to malfunctions in the immune system.

Elsewhere, external and environmental factors listed below can facilitate the formation of free radicals:

• tobacco smoke
• air pollution
• ozone
• x-ray
• alcoholism
• industrial chemicals such as pesticides
• clinical medicines and other drugs
• fried foods
• aging

The amount of free radicals will also increase naturally as we age, and this can leave the body vulnerable to many illnesses.

What happens is that too many of these molecules cripple the activities of T cells, and destabilize the balance of oxidants and antioxidants in the body. They basically grab or steal electrons from healthy cells, and according to the National Cancer Institute, can cause real damage to DNA, proteins and cell membranes.

To ensure this does not happen, our bodies produce antioxidants to neutralize their effects. For example, through our diets, antioxidants are derived from fruit and vegetable servings, and other plant chemicals. They can also be absorbed through clinical supplements such as vitamins C, E, and beta carotene,  

Besides food, the most radical way to introduce natural antioxidants into our bodies happens through physical connection with Mother Nature. This is possible through increased hours we spend walking barefoot on moist soils, and other natural surfaces.

It is well established, though not widely known, that the surface of the earth possesses a limitless and continuously renewed supply of free or mobile electrons as a consequence of a global atmospheric electron circuit. Wearing shoes with insulating soles and/or sleeping in beds that are isolated from the electrical ground plane of the earth have disconnected most people from the earth’s electrical rhythms and free electrons.

NCBI

What happens when our bodies receive sufficient antioxidants through earthing?

Antioxidants are compounds capable of giving free electrons to the unstable free radicals. This neutralizes their negative activities such as killing healthy body cells.

In all its glory, antioxidants are known as

… radical scavenger, hydrogen donor, electron donor, peroxide decomposer, singlet oxygen quencher, enzyme inhibitor, synergist, and metal-chelating agents.

NCBI

The following are the earthing benefits derived from walking barefoot:

• reduces inflammation and pain
• fosters faster healing
• reduces emotional stress (neutralizes cortisol levels)
• stabilizes blood flow and pressure
• improves mood
• gives room for good sleep at night
• protects the body from the effects of EMF
• strengthens the immune system

The last word

Why not take the leap of faith and try earthing at home? While at it, pay attention to your body’s response before, during, and after 30 – 60 minutes of connecting with nature.

While the benefits of earthing are reassuring in fighting inflammation and neurodegenerative diseases, it is important that you do everything else correctly.

Eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, develop a positive mindset, and avoid indulgence in bad foods such as fries. Just as well, beware of environmental pollution and cut down excess intake of alcohol and drugs!

Did you know your child desperately needs a range of creative hobbies and tools to amplify the capabilities of her brain? Yes, everyday tools and lifestyle hacks that will enrich her mental health for education, productivity, and life.

In this article, I will explain a list of artistic hobbies, and discuss how you can use them to re-invent your child’s thinking. These creative opportunities may just be the catalyst she needs to discover her hidden potentials and calling.

Of course, this article is a cue only for parents who want to see their kids become ‘21st century smart’. Better still, these are artistic activities to help your child make money in the future.

Question is, when can you begin to tap into these artistic hobbies?

The earlier the better.

The ages 0 – 8, also called the formative years, are considered critical for initial learning, and upwards through 18, children have better cognitive psychology to internalize new skills they learn.

Start early, especially when your child’s fine motor skills begin to take shape. Even as she gets older, remind her to continue exploring these hobbies in order to age gracefully.

The creative hobbies your child needs for school, work & life

Like many parents, you sometimes ask yourself what creative activities at home can help your child whose brain seems… small, or missing certain ingredients! Below are just the pointers you have been looking for:

1. Get your child to play a musical instrument

We all know how listening to music is therapeutic to the body and soul. It touches us all differently, but above all leaves us at peace.

Well, it gets better when we transform from being listeners of music, to actually creating music through musical instruments. Of the few creative hobbies mentioned here, playing a musical instrument has been proven to activate the brain in what neuroscientists call a “full body workout.”

Recent scientific studies have shown how playing a musical instrument stimulates the brain in ways we have never imagined before. (Watch the TedED video).

When playing an instrument, all areas of the brain are fully engaged – at once! The most engaged areas being the visual, auditory, and motor cortices.

When we learn to use musical instruments from early on, the benefits to the brain stay with us for years to come.

According to PMC website,

Music practice during childhood is associated with more robust neural responses to sound in adulthood. For adults with no past musical experience …, the brainstem frequency-following response is diminished in amplitude … relative to adults who started playing a musical instrument around age 9 years …

Playing an instrument such as a guitar, piano, violin, and drums requires the brain to create, store and recall musical chords. Besides, playing an instrument allows the brain to coordinate with other instruments and vocals to create artistic and meaningful harmony.

Your child will excel in the following areas when she learns to play a musical instrument:

• Enhanced executive function skills
• Good working memory
• Good short and long term memories
• A boost to the brain’s auditory pathway
• Better concentration
• Better mathematical skills
• A great team worker
• Great fine motor skills and coordination
• Better multitasking skills
• Enhanced self-expression

2. Your child should learn a new language

Knowing and speaking a second or third language is beneficial today, as 21st century children grow into an increasingly connected world. A global village, so to say.

The additional language(s) gives your child the power to communicate directly with diverse cultures and communities. A child who learns a new language before 5, can almost communicate perfectly as native speakers.

Mastering more than one language allows your child to think and innovate in other languages, excel in multitasking, and solve tasks with ease.

Your child will benefit in the following areas when she learns additional language(s):

• Improved perception of diverse languages and cultures
• Easily connects with new people
• Has improved memory skills
• Has a better attitude towards other cultures
• Can have diverse opportunities as she grows up

3. Your child should learn to dance

Dance is integral to all global cultures and a pleasurable jigsaw for cognitive nourishment. Besides its traditional role to entertain in a synchronized rhythm and movement, dance is actually a performing art beneficial to the working of the brain.

Dancing integrates several brain functions at once — kinesthetic, rational, musical, and emotional — further increasing your neural connectivity.

Socialdance.stanford

In a study published in Frontiers in Aging Neuroscience, researchers from the University of Illinois targeted 60 and 70 year olds to find out the effects of dance and other physical exercise on their aging brains.

They discovered that the cognitive demands of dancing, like learning choreography, can affect brain tissues, and boost the wiring and thickness of the white matter in the brain.

People who dance most of their lives tend to have a healthier and dense white matter of the brain compared to sedentary individuals. And just in case you are curious about the importance of white matter,

This neural information highway is now known to be involved in a range of conditions and diseases and play vital roles in brain function, learning, and the coordination of far-flung brain centers

MEDICAL NEWS TODAY

Next time, allow your child to try out dance routines such as ballet, ballroom, foxtrot, breakdance, folk dance, etc., and see how positive she becomes.

Your child will achieve the following physical, mental and social-emotional benefits through dance:

4. Teach your child to read every day

I know you may say reading is not a fun activity anymore – not in the 21st century, at least. Yes, the reading culture has hit a huge low, and it is upon you to ignite this beautiful culture in your child.

According to the famous English novelist Jane Austin, ‘The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.‘

And according to Dr. Suess,

The more you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.

I Can Read With My Eyes Shut

Yes, reading is like a hidden locker of magic waiting to be unleashed in your child’s brain!

Once your child learns to read wide and do it without pushing, you will be amazed how eager she will await the new paperback by her favorite author.

Generally, reading gives children the opportunity to discover who they are, and appreciate other people, cultures, and the world.

Besides reading paperbacks, your child in the 21st century can read her favorite books using her smartphone, the Kindle and other screen screen technologies.

Values that your child will gain through reading:

• Strengthens connections in the brain
• Boosts visual processing
• A therapy against stress
• Boosts memory
• Opens a Pandora’s box of stories
• Makes your child knowledgeable
• Improves language and communication
• Teaches empathy

5. Let your child experiment with Arts and Crafts

Arts and crafts form the expression of human imagination in creative and skillful ways. Through them, your child can create paintings, cartoons, sculptures, moldings, pottery, doodles etc.

Whereas art is the creative expression of emotionally visual items such as paintings, craft is the creative skill to output handworks such as pottery.

How about arts and crafts and the brain?

The two visual forms of expression are known to activate the reward pathways in the brain by releasing the serotonin neurotransmitter. Arts and crafts can also boost math concepts such as size, shape, comparison and spatial reasoning.

By making arts and crafts, your child challenges her brain to wander far and wide in search of imaginative ways to present her thoughts. Oftentimes, doodles provide them the opportunity to bring out their subconscious thoughts, such as sadness, happiness, and even fears!

The benefits of arts and crafts for your child:

• Express her feelings and emotions
• Lowers stress and cortisol levels
• Boosts fine motor skills
• Masters socialization skills
• Develops patience and focus
• Is always imaginative
• Is attentive to details

Arts and crafts can open a plethora of opportunities and skill placement when your child finally enters the workplace.

6. Allow your child to play computer/video games

Computer and video games will definitely boost your child’s cognitive health, in addition to making her creative and innovative.

Research to date suggests that playing video games can change the brain regions responsible for attention and visuospatial skills and make them more efficient.

Sciencedaily

A good number of games present its players with puzzles and thought provoking ventures that need solutions.

Players can be challenged to traverse treacherous terrains, cities and waters to hunt down a villain, or escape from one. These ventures require speed, critical thinking skills and creativity in order to succeed.

According to Elon Musk, his love and immersion in video games is what started his journey to become who he is today. He says video games are ‘incredibly engaging‘.

They made me want to learn how to program computers. I thought I could make my own games.

IncAfrica

A child playing video games is constantly planning, coordinating, and applying cognitive skills to maneuver through challenges and puzzles.

Importance of computer games in the health of your child:

• Develops critical thinking and problem solving skills
• Registers improved attention and focus
• Has marked improvement in visual spatial competence
• Develops memory management
• Excels in fine motor skills
• Master communication skills
• Builds team work and collaboration skills

Should you take these creative hobbies seriously!

By all means yes.

When you help your child learn the creative hobbies described above, you will not have to scratch your head that much when she finally starts her professional and personal journeys.

She will have a plethora of options to choose from, and is aware of what she wants to do with her life. Like mentioned earlier, these are creative hobbies that will help her make money, as well.

Your child will also develop, master and excel in executive functioning skills. The executive functioning skills describe your child’s higher-level mental abilities to manage and regulate tasks, actions, and emotions. They are helpful in keeping her professional, and emotionally secure.

Of course, all the above goodies will not happen miraculously. Do other things right at home to ensure your child is healthy and ready to go.

• Ensure she eats nutritious meals
• Let her get sufficient sleep at night
• Take her outdoors to see the sun and nature
• Create a conducive learning environment at home and school

Substance abuse is a medical term used to describe the excess use of drug variants, alcohol, and other chemicals to intoxicate the brain.

Human indulgence in drugs and alcohol actually dates back to ancient times, when they were used for cultural and festive reasons to brighten up occasions.

They are now commonplace and a favorite pastime, thanks to scientific innovations, technological advances, and lifestyle changes. As a result, laboratories are churning out new substances every year, and globalization has enabled remote cultures to sell their little known brands to the global market!

Just as well, prescription pills are becoming second nature in our lives. We depend on them to relieve pain, calm our nerves, fight depression, and neutralize emotional challenges that are on the increase.

Popular legal substances around the world include alcohol and tobacco. The illegal ones are marijuana, ketamine, heroin, meth, hallucinogens, cocaine, ecstasy, and inhalants. Khat is a legal drug in Asia and Africa, but illegal in the USA and UK. Commonly misused prescription drug groups include opioids & other pain killers, weight loss medications, sleeping pills, and prescription pills for anxiety disorder.

Excesses in substance use can lead to poor social skills, delinquency, poor academic performance, and unhealthy eating habits in children and teens. Unhealthy eating is the cause of many health impairments, and may lead to organ damage, weak brain, sleep disorders, fatigue, restlessness, etc.

Substance abuse can also interfere with the functions of body nutrients such as amino acids. In persons with chronic substance abuse, they are blocked from facilitating energy production, cell growth and repair. This is because critical body organs are busy fighting and getting rid of alcohol and drug residues from the body.

What makes children & teens crave substances?

Factors leading to substance use in children and teens revolve around emotional, behavioral, environmental, educational, and genetic factors. Their living spaces, family lifestyle, information management, and lack of self control will determine how easily they become culprits.

1. Drugs and alcohol are presented as attractive!

Research continues to show how the portrayal of drugs and alcohol in mass media greatly affects how children perceive the role of these substances in their lives.

Television shows, movies, music, adverts, and social media persistently bombard them with the allure of these substances.

A meta-analysis integrating seven studies (758 participants, all students) found that viewing alcohol advertisements increased immediate alcohol consumption relative to viewing non-alcohol advertisements…

– National Library of Medicine

Celebrities and the better placed in communities influence children by making them believe that drugs and alcohol are good.

It is pretty hard to convince the youths that their favorite celebrities are wrong!

2. Children/teens just want to fit in with peers

Most children and teens growing into adulthood actually live for today, and may not understand the consequences that result from most of their actions and choices.

They are willing to try out new ventures, including alcohol and drugs, without much thought.

Their adventures reflect the desires to fit in with peers in order to feel liked and adored. This is common in schools and social gatherings, where children have to contend with hidden insecurities and low self-esteem.

The desire to be recognized and ‘fit in’ is so powerful that children willingly join the more popular social groups if invited.

Most of the time, these sociable circles are led by older students who engage in negative habits such as substance abuse and bullying.   

3. Children/teens are born curious!

Well, who is not curious in this life? We all are. Children are more curious just like we were during childhood.

Curiosity is an attraction because it forms the foundation upon which children and teens learn and discover who they are.

They see their favorite musicians and celebrities drink alcohol, and smoke weed at will! This leaves them with a heightened sense of curiosity and desire to find out why these substances rock!

They also have the delusion that they are immune to many things in life, and can withstand the negatives associated with substance abuse.

4. Children/teens are always seeking fun

It is only natural that children and teens seek to experience heightened excitement whenever an opportunity is presented.

Peers tell them how alcohol and drugs can supercharge their happiness beyond their imagination.

It is true, drugs will induce the production of up to 10 times the dopamine hormone, which can make teens feel they are on top of the world!

Alcohol and many illegal drugs cause a surge of dopamine too, which is partly why people get addicted to them.

HEALTH DIRECT

The desire to achieve this level of excitement makes sense to teenagers dealing with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and other social-economic challenges.

5. Lack of what to do

Children who lack self-control and the will power to manage their lives when not busy are vulnerable if exposed to drugs and alcohol.

These substances fill the gap of the otherwise idle mind, while giving them opportunities to meet new friends who also drink.  

In rural Australia,

Recent research has suggested that many young people who report high levels of boredom also tend to have high levels of alcohol and drug abuse, as well as greater involvement in extreme sensation activities and/or various forms of delinquency.

Journal of Park & Recreation Administration

Boredom is a challenge in the 21st century, because parents restrict their children and teens to an indoor lifestyle for fear of the unknown dangers outdoors.

Parents are comfortable when children stay in the house and use technology devices to pass time. Unknown to parents is that children feed on all the wrong information on televisions, movies, and the internet.

Over time, they will find ways to escape and experiment with what they see on TV screens and social media platforms.

6. Depression and anxiety

Just like adults, children also experience depression, and this can wreck havoc in their personal lives and academic performance.

It is even worse when they have to go through clinical depression for months and years.

For others, changing school, losing a close family member, or a friend, is depressive enough to trigger the urge to reach out for something to relax the mind.

When these mental challenges go unchecked, and sometimes, in combination with factors such as anxiety, children can turn to drugs and alcohol to calm down.

early life depressive symptoms may lead to earlier onset of alcohol use indicates the importance of identifying and treating depressive symptoms in preadolescent children.

NCBI

Children and teens who grow up in poverty, war torn areas, and abusive/broken homes are usually attracted to substance use, because it allows them to escape from their worries.

The same is true with children whose parents are overly controlling, absent, and abusive.

7. Obesity and other health complications

The global pandemic of obesity and overweight now affects between 2.8 and 3.5 billion of the world population and shows no signs of abatement. 

NCBI

It is true, select drugs can help reduce weight in adults and children. Doctors advise their patients with weight excesses to take prescription drugs, in addition to physical activity and healthy eating.

The challenge with pills is what happens when patients regain weight soon after they stop taking them. The temptation to fall back to prescription pills and abuse them is likely.

You probably will regain some weight after you stop taking weight management medication.

NIDDK

Besides prescription drugs, there is a popular belief that street drugs such as dinitrophenol, and products with active sibutramine substance, can facilitate weight reduction.

Other health complications that facilitate substance abuse include:

• mental health issues
• chronic pain
• insomnia
• highly addictive prescription pills

8. Substance availability & hazardous indulgence by parents

It should be noted that drug and alcohol availability in the home environment and other places where children stay and sleep directly influence their decisions on substance use.

This is especially true with teenage kids, who are now learning to make life choices independent of their parents and caregivers.

When alcohol and drugs are freely available at home, children and teens assume they are fine to take, and will even do so in secret, where parents are restrictive.

Children learn about what substances are appropriate to use, when they might be used, and what the potential dangers of substance use might be. Often times this occurs without explicit parental discussion and children simply model parent’s behavior regarding the use of substances.

NCBI

The following are indicators irresponsible interaction with drugs and alcohol at home:

• Substance use disorder in parents that make them embarrassing
• Parental failure to accomplish their responsibilities at home
• Parents skipping work because of substance abuse
• Parents develop noticeable and poor health due to substance abuse.

9. When substance use runs in the family

Out of the so many genetic traits parents can pass on to children is the predisposal to substance use, with alcohol topping the list. With the right environment, this indulgence can easily escalate to alcoholism.

Research shows that genes are responsible for about half of the risk for AUD. Therefore, genes alone do not determine whether someone will develop AUD. Environmental factors, as well as gene and environment interactions, account for the remainder of the risk.

National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism

This does not always mean every child in the lineage of a drinking parent will adopt alcohol bingeing. With the right information, education, and environments and communities, the habit can be avoided.

10. Misinformation & lack of information

This is surely the most common and yet avoidable factor leading to alcohol and drug abuse.

Some children grow up in homes where drugs are glorified as the secret to true happiness, and everyone is free to partake. This information begins to make sense when children see their popular celebrities glorifying drugs and alcohol.

The truth is, children and teens do not actually understand the consequences of drug and alcohol abuse. They are after all, only children.

Above all, they do not read much, and are incapable of acknowledging the realities of what they are reading in relation to drugs and alcohol.

What you can do as a parent …

Your child will definitely come across legal and illegal substances in the course of growing up, and the likelihood he will use them increases with age!

The average age when kids start to try out substances is thirteen, though it can be lower, depending on parental indulgence, genetics, and availability. In the worst case scenario, children will try out substances earlier, say 5 years.

Who is to blame for this?

The prevalent notion in many communities is that children embrace substance abuse because they are rebellious. They simply do not abide by what they are told.

This is not true. Children make life choices based on what they see around them and what excites them.

In brief, they are not being rebellious, but learning from what they see and following their hearts. It is important to understand this about children and teens.

Challenges associated with substance abuse can be tamed through preventive and intervention techniques.

By prevention, educate your child about the dangers of these substances, and the virtues of having a sober brain. Empower him with cultural values, self control, and rigorous social skills. The latter are appropriate to help him withstand pressures from peers and social groups.

Let your child know the consequences of substance abuse in his life, family and work.

• Talk and talk to your child.
• Be aware of your child’s delusion with information from friends, celebrities, and the internet, and make a point to provide the right information.
• Read wide about substance abuse to become a trusted source of information for your family and the community
• Explain to your child what happens to the brain and body organs when he uses and abuses alcohol and drugs.
• Ask questions and find out WHO and WHAT may influence your child into abusing alcohol and drugs.
• Ensure your child interacts with the right children.
• Find out WHERE your child goes when you are not around, and what happens there.
• Keep your child busy with positive activities such as sports, religious programs, and educational adventures such as coding.
• If your child is already using substances, find out the root cause, and talk to relevant health professionals about what you can do to stem the habit.
• Become fully involved in your child’s life before matters get out of control.

Finally, be a responsible role model by avoiding bad use of alcohol and drugs. If you must partake, ensure it is legal and not done haphazardly.

Addison, age 9, and her brother Jack, 12, were on a trampoline with their father, lineman and NFL Super Bowl champion, Nate Hobgood-Chittick. Addison yelled, “Daddy, Daddy, look at me,” but Nate did not seem to hear. When she went over to him, he said, “I need to sit down.” She kneeled down and begged him to get up. She called Jack who pleaded, “Dad, please, please wake up,” writes Nate’s wife Kelsey in her book, Second Half: Surviving Loss and Finding Magic in the Missing.

Kelsey looks at the role of football in players’ lives and the extreme risks they take with their bodies and brains to be part of America’s game. She’s conflicted, but she’s a fan, she told me. “Football is archaic and violent, yet it provides a sense of community and brings people together.”

While waiting for Nate’s first autopsy report, Jack responded to his mother’s concerns for him: “Mom, I understand. If football had any part in his [Dad’s] death or any impact on his brain, I won’t ever ask to play.”

Kelsey feels strongly that if parents are pushing their kids into sports that don’t keep their bodies safe, they are not their children’s advocates and not doing their job as parents. She rightly points out that “the current narrative around kids and sports needs to change. Sport used to be about being a part of something; I don’t know where the message got switched from caring about academics and other people. Now it’s a drive to get a scholarship or eventually play professionally. Parents have lost control in the obsession for kids to excel athletically when the chances for a scholarship or pro contract are so slim.”

Now there’s even more reason to rethink this imbalance. Research finds damage to the brain of teenage athletes comes from any blow to the head, not only from concussions. The study published in the journal Brain examined the postmortem brains of four high school-age male athletes who had played football and other contact sports. Their results showed that head injuries set disabling and deteriorating conditions in motion almost immediately after receiving blows to the head. These particular teens died within months after suffering head injuries.

Should My Child Play Football?

The NFL thinks so, recently “targeting parents on Facebook to explain the benefits of football and to encourage them to sign up their children to play flag football,” hoping that they will become lifelong fans, according to The New York Times.

Ten years ago on a CBS sports program, former NFL quarterback Boomer Esiason agreed that football is an obsession, adding that “the only way that would change is if the moms of the world would decide to say, ‘My little boy can’t play football.’”

When he was quite young, I started telling my son that he could play any sport, but not football. Nate Hobgood-Chittick’s mother felt similarly. “From the time he started playing at age 12, Nate’s mother was sick about it. She watched very few of his games and she did not even attend the Super Bowl when he played in the winning game,” Kelsey said.

The passion to play football is all-consuming. The training is relentless, the wear and tear on the body unforgiving. Players train endlessly with seemingly every hour of their day scheduled. According to Kelsey and with some notable exceptions, “Very few players walk away during their usually short careers. The money is too good, and they don’t know what else to do with their lives; they aren’t trained to do anything else. Players say to themselves, I’ll play one more year.”

Nate’s love of the game was so intense, he once told his wife, “They’ll have to drag me out of there in a body bag because I’m never going to quit.” He retired in 2004, 13 years before he died on the trampoline, but long after his heart and brain had been severely compromised.

In Nate’s case, the coroner reported, “Linemen need to be bigger, stronger, and more aggressive than ever before. That means their hearts will have to work even harder and pump faster. And with that type of stress and overuse, a heart that is meant to live for 80 years may give out decades before that.”

Nate was only 42 years old when his heart gave out.

Blows to the Head Kill Brain Tissue

On the field, kids and grown-up players take injurious knocks to the head. Kelsey wishes that parents and their children who want to play football could speak with a former player. Personality changes and suicides because of brain injury are well documented.

Tony Dorsett, Hall of Famer and Dallas Cowboys running back told D Magazine that he wanders in a daze, not remembering how to get to places, wondering why he is short-tempered and doesn’t recognize people he knows well. He is one of the few living retired players who has had his brain scanned (this is usually done postmortem) by a UCLA research team. D Magazine reports from the study, “The four players were diagnosed with signs of chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE, a degenerative brain condition.”

After learning that Nate suffered from CTE, Kelsey recalls feeling a strange relief. “We didn’t have to spend the rest of his life taking care of him or watching him deteriorate, which would have been his worst fear.”

Kelsey admits, “I’m torn because I love the people and experiences surrounding football. But, I hate football. It was a beautiful life until it wasn’t.” Her son Jack plays basketball.

Copyright @2022 by Susan Newman

Related Posts:

Addison, age 9, and her brother Jack, 12, were on a trampoline with their father, lineman and NFL Super Bowl champion, Nate Hobgood-Chittick. Addison yelled, “Daddy, Daddy, look at me,” but Nate did not seem to hear. When she went over to him, he said, “I need to sit down.” She kneeled down and begged him to get up. She called Jack who pleaded, “Dad, please, please wake up,” writes Nate’s wife Kelsey in her book, Second Half: Surviving Loss and Finding Magic in the Missing.

Kelsey looks at the role of football in players’ lives and the extreme risks they take with their bodies and brains to be part of America’s game. She’s conflicted, but she’s a fan, she told me. “Football is archaic and violent, yet it provides a sense of community and brings people together.”

While waiting for Nate’s first autopsy report, Jack responded to his mother’s concerns for him: “Mom, I understand. If football had any part in his [Dad’s] death or any impact on his brain, I won’t ever ask to play.”

Kelsey feels strongly that if parents are pushing their kids into sports that don’t keep their bodies safe, they are not their children’s advocates and not doing their job as parents. She rightly points out that “the current narrative around kids and sports needs to change. Sport used to be about being a part of something; I don’t know where the message got switched from caring about academics and other people. Now it’s a drive to get a scholarship or eventually play professionally. Parents have lost control in the obsession for kids to excel athletically when the chances for a scholarship or pro contract are so slim.”

Now there’s even more reason to rethink this imbalance. Research finds damage to the brain of teenage athletes comes from any blow to the head, not only from concussions. The study published in the journal Brain examined the postmortem brains of four high school-age male athletes who had played football and other contact sports. Their results showed that head injuries set disabling and deteriorating conditions in motion almost immediately after receiving blows to the head. These particular teens died within months after suffering head injuries.

Should My Child Play Football?

The NFL thinks so, recently “targeting parents on Facebook to explain the benefits of football and to encourage them to sign up their children to play flag football,” hoping that they will become lifelong fans, according to The New York Times.

Ten years ago on a CBS sports program, former NFL quarterback Boomer Esiason agreed that football is an obsession, adding that “the only way that would change is if the moms of the world would decide to say, ‘My little boy can’t play football.’”

When he was quite young, I started telling my son that he could play any sport, but not football. Nate Hobgood-Chittick’s mother felt similarly. “From the time he started playing at age 12, Nate’s mother was sick about it. She watched very few of his games and she did not even attend the Super Bowl when he played in the winning game,” Kelsey said.

The passion to play football is all-consuming. The training is relentless, the wear and tear on the body unforgiving. Players train endlessly with seemingly every hour of their day scheduled. According to Kelsey and with some notable exceptions, “Very few players walk away during their usually short careers. The money is too good, and they don’t know what else to do with their lives; they aren’t trained to do anything else. Players say to themselves, I’ll play one more year.”

Nate’s love of the game was so intense, he once told his wife, “They’ll have to drag me out of there in a body bag because I’m never going to quit.” He retired in 2004, 13 years before he died on the trampoline, but long after his heart and brain had been severely compromised.

In Nate’s case, the coroner reported, “Linemen need to be bigger, stronger, and more aggressive than ever before. That means their hearts will have to work even harder and pump faster. And with that type of stress and overuse, a heart that is meant to live for 80 years may give out decades before that.”

Nate was only 42 years old when his heart gave out.

Blows to the Head Kill Brain Tissue

On the field, kids and grown-up players take injurious knocks to the head. Kelsey wishes that parents and their children who want to play football could speak with a former player. Personality changes and suicides because of brain injury are well documented.

Tony Dorsett, Hall of Famer and Dallas Cowboys running back told D Magazine that he wanders in a daze, not remembering how to get to places, wondering why he is short-tempered and doesn’t recognize people he knows well. He is one of the few living retired players who has had his brain scanned (this is usually done postmortem) by a UCLA research team. D Magazine reports from the study, “The four players were diagnosed with signs of chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE, a degenerative brain condition.”

After learning that Nate suffered from CTE, Kelsey recalls feeling a strange relief. “We didn’t have to spend the rest of his life taking care of him or watching him deteriorate, which would have been his worst fear.”

Kelsey admits, “I’m torn because I love the people and experiences surrounding football. But, I hate football. It was a beautiful life until it wasn’t.” Her son Jack plays basketball.

Copyright @2022 by Susan Newman

Related Posts:

About a month into the pandemic when lockdowns began to take hold, I asked if we could expect more divorces or more babies after the COVID-19 outbreak. I predicted that since women were waiting longer to start families and having fewer kids, it seems unlikely the pandemic would increase the birth rate.

Now a study of a diverse group of New York City mothers provides insight into what’s actually happened and a partial answer to my question. NYU Grossman School of Medicine surveyed 1,179 women who were planning to become pregnant again. The mean age of the mothers was 32 and each had one child under the age of 3-and-a-half. The aim of the study, conducted during the four-month period between April and August of 2020 when New York was the epicenter of the outbreak in the U.S., was to determine if their pregnancy intentions had changed since the pandemic started. The questionnaire was available in English, Spanish, and Mandarin.

How Pregnancy Intentions Changed

Almost half of the women stopped actively trying to become pregnant, and over a third who were thinking about becoming pregnant in the next six to 12 months abandoned the idea. The women cited increased stress and financial insecurity as reasons for their decision. Online schooling and insufficient childcare also contributed to delaying or scaling back the number of children desired, especially among lower-income Black and Hispanic women.

Among those who stopped trying to become pregnant, less than half did not expect to try once the pandemic ended. The study’s authors predicted abandonment of pregnancy plans due to the pandemic will likely contribute to falling birth rates.

At the end of 2020, The Brookings Institute drew an almost identical conclusion forecasting 300,000 to 500,000 fewer births in 2021. Taking into consideration economic stability and job security, the Guttmacher Institute updated their survey from June 2020 and got essentially the same result as the New York City investigation: About a third of women, or 34 percent, said they wanted to get pregnant later or have fewer children because of the pandemic.

Studies conducted in other countries during roughly the same period drew similar conclusions. In Italy, Germany, France, Spain, and the U.K., COVID-19 caused people to revise, scale back, or take a step back in their fertility plans. In Germany and France, fertility plans changed moderately, with many people still planning or postponing their decision to have a child.

In Italy, a country with an increased number of COVID-19 cases early in the pandemic, a study looked at the desire for parenthood among men and women of childbearing age. Among couples who had planned to have a child before the pandemic, 37 percent abandoned the idea because of concerns about the economy and COVID-19’s possible effects on pregnancy.

Similarly, research in Shanghai found three in 10 couples of childbearing age who originally indicated that they intended to become pregnant changed their minds after the COVID-19 outbreak.

Not Everyone Changed Their Mind

Notably, “older” women held fast to their pregnancy intentions more frequently. This came through in the Italian and the New York City studies.

Researchers conducting the New York City study found high-income, highly educated, and non-Hispanic white individuals were more likely to consider becoming pregnant. “This finding parallels other evidence suggesting that those with financial security have continued to actively pursue pregnancy despite the pandemic, most obviously in the area of assisted reproduction,” the study’s authors reported.

For women concerned about their biological clocks, waiting could mean not being able to become pregnant using their own eggs. In the U.S., a nationwide fertility clinic shutdown only compounded problems.

A petition to reopen the clinics sent to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine emphasized: “Fertility treatment is both necessary and time-sensitive.” The petition suggested establishing more reasonable limits on fertility treatment during the pandemic like guidelines put forth by the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology.

Pandemic-related declines in pregnancy intentions in developed countries resemble what was seen during the Great Recession in 2008. Unlike the Great Recession when job losses affected men more than women, however, pandemic job losses were greater for women and probably contributed to altered pregnancy plans. Birth rates have been falling in wealthy developed countries throughout the world, and the pandemic will undoubtedly accelerate the drop.

Have your plans to have a baby been changed by the pandemic?

Copyright @2022 by Susan Newman

Related:

A guest post from sexual health educator Amy Lang

No matter how open, informed, or confident you may be, talking to kids about sex can be tough! It can feel awkward and uncomfortable for everyone to have these conversations, but don’t let these feelings deter you–because there is good news! 

Over and over again, when teens are surveyed, they say the people who have the most influence over their sexual decision-making are their parents and primary caregivers!

We are powerful, we have influence, and they want and need to hear from us.

Sex education at school is in no way enough. Their peers, pornography, and media are the last places kids should go to for information, so that means it’s up to YOU. 

Just like every other parent, you are probably pretty clueless as to how and when these conversations should start, let alone what kids should know at each age and stage. But like every other hard part of parenting, this is something you can learn to do with confidence. 

These conversations are about physical and emotional health and safety and preparing kids for one of the biggest and most important parts of life. The sooner you start (age five isn’t too young) the better, because they’ll come to expect these conversations and learn you are their go-to birds and bees source. 

Another important fact is that kids who have open communication with their parents about sexuality are offered some protection from sexual abuse. 

You can do this! You probably want your kids to make better decisions than you did about this part of life and to be more prepared for it as well. Using your teen-confirmed power and influence is the way to make this happen. 

Here are 10 tips to help you with the birds and bees talks: 

1. The very first thing you need to do is clarify your values about sexuality, love, and relationships. Start the conversations early, and remember, it’s NEVER too late to start. Always say “this is not for kids, and for when you’re older” when you talk about sexual behaviors.
2. “When they’re ready to know about sex, they’ll ask,” is not a thing. When you wait for them to ask, you make them responsible for their own sex education.
3. These are a series of short and sweet conversations throughout childhood and adolescence; it’s not one big “talk” that traumatizes you both.
4. Talk to your kids in the car, text them, email them, or write them notes. You don’t have to do this face-to-face all the time.
5. Look for teachable moments – while watching movies or TV, or even from observing their friends’ lives.
6. Get age-appropriate books for them to read with or without you. Include books about puberty and adolescence.
7. Acknowledge their discomfort and your own, and then dive in. They need this information to make great choices.
8. Make sure they know they are in charge of their bodies and have the right to say NO if anyone touches them in a way that feels uncomfortable.
9. Sexuality is core to nearly every aspect of healthy development, and your kids deserve to be as smart about this as they are about what they learn at school. Hardly anyone uses what they learned in calculus in their everyday life.
10. Sex is about responsibility and joy; pleasure and trust; health and safety; communication and information.*

There is more information to help you become your kids’ go-to birds and bees expert on my website, podcast and in my Birds & Bees Solutions center, where you’ll find 95% of what you need to rock the talks. You’ve got this! 

*Author Peggy Orenstein said “responsibility and joy; pleasure and trust.” I added “health and safety; communication and information,” because they are integral to comprehensive sexuality education.

About the Author

Amy Lang, MA teaches parents of all beliefs how to talk to kids about sex through consultations, workshops, videos, teleclasses, and talks. She is a three-time Mom’s Choice Award® winner for her products and books. A sexual health educator for over 20 years, Amy also has an MA in Applied Behavioral Science.

Follow Amy on Twitter @BirdsAndBees, where she Tweets funny things kids say about sex ,or be her Fan on Facebook!

What You Should Do Next:

1. Subscribe to my Newsletter:

Sign up for my newsletter for parenting tips to help you create a happier home and become the parent you always wanted to be. Plus, when you subscribe, I’ll also send you a copy of our strategy-packed guide 10 Tips for Better Behavior – Starting NOW!

2. Register for my FREE 60-Minute Class:

Register for my free class called How to Get Kids to Listen, Without Nagging, Yelling or Losing Control. Classes run several times per week but I recommend you register early, as spaces are limited.

3. Enroll in my 7-Step Parenting Success System

Enroll now in my proven 7-step system for busy parents ready for change (it’s rated 5 stars on Google). Plus, for a limited time, save 10% plus get a FREE upgrade on all plans—completely risk-free and with lifetime access.

Guest post from food writer and owner of The Picky Eater, Anjali Shah

Has your baby reached the stage when they are ready to start solids? Do you want to begin this journey with them in a nurturing and positive way? 

This guide will help you and your child through this transition and will set them up for success in the future to embrace healthy foods and avoid becoming a picky eater. 

We’ll give you tips and tricks using the principles of Positive Parenting Solutions so that you don’t end up with any power struggles at mealtime!

Introducing solid foods to your baby is an exciting milestone! However, it can also be a step in your parenting journey that causes some trepidation. 

There are many different brands of foods marketed to parents to feed their babies at this stage. Then, there is the option of making homemade baby food.  

You may also be wondering if using the baby-led weaning approach to feeding is best, and how to ensure you raise a child that embraces fruits and vegetables. 

As you begin to introduce solids, you will find the approach that works best for you and your baby, which is likely to include some combination of homemade purees, store-bought baby food pouches, formula, breast milk, and finger foods.

While there are many different ways to approach starting solids with your baby, I have found that using the foundations taught in the Positive Parenting Solutions (PPS) course helps make the transition easy and seamless. 

In this post, I will review how to know when your baby is ready for solids, how to introduce different foods, and how to use the principles of PPS to introduce your baby to solids when they are ready.

I’ll also take a look at how to use PPS to avoid mealtime battles with toddlers, and encourage your picky eaters to give new foods a try!

What is Positive Parenting Solutions?

Positive Parenting Solutions is an online parenting course aimed at helping parents end power struggles, stop yelling and nagging, and let go of guilt. It’s a step-by-step process to become the best parent you always wanted to be! 

How do I know when my baby is ready to start solids?

Babies are typically ready to start trying solid foods when they reach the age of five or six months. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends six months as a good age to start introducing solids, but for some babies, it will be slightly earlier or later than this. Four months really is the minimum age, though. 

You’ll know when your baby is ready for solids when…

• He or she is able to sit in a high chair and can hold his or her head up. 
• Your baby begins to put objects in their mouths, including their hands and toys. 
• Your baby has put on enough weight to be approximately double his or her birth weight. 

Once you’ve noticed your baby has reached these milestones, schedule an appointment with your pediatrician to be sure your baby is ready to start eating solids.

Using the Principles of PPS to Start Solids with Your Baby

How do you use the principles of PPS to start solids with your baby and avoid mealtime drama?

Create a Conducive Environment for Mealtime

Prepare for mealtime by creating a happy and comfortable environment. 

Provide your baby with a secure high chair that they can easily sit in and manipulate their food, and give them a spoon to hold onto while you’re feeding them. This helps them to develop the fine motor skills to use a spoon later and gives them a sense of independence. 

By using the tools in Step 3 from the 7-Step Parenting Success System, parents can create a conducive environment for mealtime that helps your baby know what to expect. It also creates some boundaries around mealtime. 

When your baby knows that sitting in their high chair means it’s time to eat, and you provide them with the expected tools to eat, they will approach the situation with more ease and confidence.

Start Introducing New Foods

Your baby is naturally used to the taste of sweet and starchy foods because that is what breastmilk and formula taste like. 

In order to encourage them to try other flavors, start with foods that are bitter, pungent, and savory. This means trying vegetable purees, such as a vegetable puree with spinach, broccoli, and cauliflower, or a zucchini puree. 

I recommend starting with vegetable purees before giving your baby cereal, because cereal is starchy and sweet. Avoid sweet fruit purees at the start, and don’t introduce those until later when your baby has become accustomed to other flavors. 

Foods to start with…

• Avocado, carrots, green beans, sweet potato, butternut squash, pears, apples, broccoli, spinach, cauliflower.
• Then, add other fruits and vegetables that you like, and start introducing meats and fish. 

When you start giving purees to your baby, make sure to avoid anything that has added sugar or salt. It’s a good idea to introduce one food at a time and then wait a few days before trying something new, in order to ensure that your baby doesn’t develop a negative reaction such as diarrhea, vomiting, or rash. 

Once you’ve made sure your baby will tolerate different foods, you can combine them in your purees.

Step 4 of the PPS 7-Step Parenting Success System gives power to the child while allowing you as the parent to set boundaries. When mealtime rolls around, you decide what is offered, when it is served, and where eating happens. 

However, your child has some power as well. They decide how much of what is offered they eat. Allow your child to stop eating when they are done, and if they don’t like something you have offered, don’t try to force-feed them. This will create a positive environment for mealtime, and avoid mealtime battles.

FAQs About Feeding Methods

What if my baby doesn’t like purees?

If your baby doesn’t like the puree you introduce, don’t worry! It’s to be expected that your baby will not like everything you give him or her. Just give it some time and try again in a few days or a week. However, don’t try to force your baby to eat something they reject. 

What is baby-led weaning (BLW)?

The goal of baby-led weaning (BLW) is for babies to become more independent, better at regulating portion size, and more interested in trying new foods. 

Rather than spoon-feeding infants with purees, parents wait until their baby is old enough to handle small finger foods, usually around the age of six months. 

During baby-led weaning, infants can still eat purees, but they aren’t spoon-fed, so they learn to feed themselves with their fingers or by holding a baby spoon.

Which is better, feeding your baby purees or following BLW?

There is no right or wrong way when it comes to feeding your baby purees or following the BLW system. Not every baby and every family are the same. 

You need to choose what works best for you and your child, but you don’t need to choose between one or the other. You can do a combination of both! 

How to Manage Picky Eaters 

As your baby gets older and grows into a toddler, different problems may present themselves around mealtime. If your toddler is a picky eater, this doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong! Some children are simply pickier than others. 

When you have a picky eater, as a parent, one of the biggest worries you have is whether your child is eating enough to grow sufficiently, and whether they are getting a balanced diet to ensure they have all the vitamins and nutrients they need for growth and development.

As a result, mealtime can become a stressful experience–when it should be a time to sit and reconnect with your family.

These 11 tips will help avoid power struggles at mealtime, and help your toddler eat a balanced diet you feel good about!

1. Listen to Your Child’s Appetite

Your child knows when they are hungry and when they are full. As a result, respect their appetite and allow them to listen to their body’s signals. Don’t force meals or snacks on your child or beg them to try bites. This creates a power struggle. 

This doesn’t mean you allow them to eat whenever they want to, but instead during mealtime, allow them to eat what they want to. That might be all of their meal, or only a portion of their meal. 

Serve small portions to your toddler. They do not need to eat as much as adults. This will also help them feel less overwhelmed when they see the food on their plate. 

Allow them the opportunity to ask for more if they are still hungry. 

2. Create a Mealtime Routine

As mentioned above with introducing solids, create a mealtime routine. 

Offer your child three meals a day, plus two opportunities for a snack. If they don’t want to eat during one of their mealtimes, they can have their meal during one of their snack times. 

Instead of offering your toddler snacks throughout the day, which will likely cause them to not be hungry during mealtime, offer them a snack at specific times (which could be just finishing what they didn’t eat in the prior meal), and provide them with water to drink between meals so that they don’t fill up on other foods or drinks between meals. 

3. Be Patient with the Introduction of New Foods, Keep Trying, Be Consistent!

New foods are exciting for kids, but also they may not be sure how to react to them. The first time it is offered, they may only try a small bit. Reintroducing new foods as repeated exposure will encourage them to give them a try. 

It may take up to 100 tries before your child accepts a new food! 

Instead of talking about how a new food tastes, talk to them about the color, shape, texture, and smell. Continue to serve your child nutritious foods until they become accustomed to it — they may even start to prefer it. 

4. Don’t Offer a Child an Alternative Meal

While your child may turn up their nose at the meal put in front of them, do not offer to make them something else. This reinforces the idea that if they say they don’t like something, you’ll give them a preferred food. 

5. Don’t Keep “Junk” In The House

For the same reason as above, you also don’t want to keep snacks and “junk food” in the house for easy access! 

If it’s not in your house, your child pretty much won’t be able to eat it, and it won’t be tempting. 

So if your child asks for ice cream instead of their dinner, and you don’t have any ice cream, it becomes pretty easy to gently say no and remind them what their dinner is!

6. Allow them to Choose Fruits and Vegetables to Try

Kids of all ages need some choices in their lives. 

Imagine that every single minute is decided for you, and you’re constantly being told what to do. It’s normal for kids to want to take control, but it’s your job to set boundaries and limit choices. 

It’s ok to give your child two choices for a meal (but don’t give them 10 choices)! You can say, “Do you want a peanut butter sandwich or a cheese sandwich for lunch” for example. 

You can also take your child to the grocery store or farmer’s market with you and ask for their help in choosing fruits and vegetables. This will help them feel in control and excited about trying the foods they choose. 

7. Don’t Compare Kids

If you have more than one kid, and one child happens to be pickier, don’t compare them to their siblings! That’s going to have the opposite effect you want and will be discouraging for your child to try new foods. 

8. Limit Distractions

It’s not always possible to sit down as a family and eat together with everyone’s different schedules these days, but do your best to make mealtime special and limit distractions. Turn off the TV, take away toys and other distractions, so that your child can focus on their food. 

9. Don’t Offer Dessert as a Reward

When you offer dessert as a reward for finishing their meal, it sends the message that dessert is the best type of food to eat. This encourages your child to have a stronger desire for sweets. It also doesn’t provide any intrinsic motivation to eat well during mealtime. 

Instead of offering dessert after every meal, offer it as an option a few nights a week, or make dessert something like fruit or another healthy choice served with the meal.

10. Don’t Label Behavior or Foods!

I would avoid saying things like “you’re such a picky eater” or “don’t be a picky eater” to or around your child. This is because kids will adopt the labels we give them, and it’ll just reinforce picky eating behavior! 

Instead, don’t give a lot of attention to when they’re being picky, and just say something like “it seems like you don’t want to eat right now, that’s ok, your meal will be here when you are ready.” 

I would also avoid giving too much praise for “healthy eating” since your child may only end up eating healthy when you’re around to receive that praise, but it won’t build the long-term tools they’ll need for healthy eating throughout their life.

11. Make Mealtime Fun! 

Eat together as a family; make mealtime “together time”. Talk to each other about your day and allow your kids to ask questions and be curious at the dinner table. Serve a variety of colors and textures, cut their foods into fun shapes, and serve veggies with a dipping sauce you know they like!

Final Thoughts

Introducing your child to solids, and encouraging them to eat a healthy, well-balanced diet as they grow into the toddler stage is both exciting and challenging. By using the Positive Parenting Solutions approach, you can avoid mealtime battles, while encouraging your child to try new foods and allowing them to feel control over their food choices. 

About the Author

Anjali Shah is a food writer, published author, board-certified health coach, nutritionist, mom of two, and owner of The Picky Eater, a healthy food and lifestyle blog. Her work has garnered nationwide attention as she has been featured on Oprah.com, Women’s Health, Cooking Light, Reader’s Digest, CNN, Food Network, SELF, Glamour, BuzzFeed, Huffington Post, Ladies’ Home Journal, Whole Foods, SHAPE, and at Kaiser Permanente. Anjali grew up a “whole wheat” girl but married a “white bread” kind of guy. Hoping to prove that nutritious food could in fact be delicious and desirable, she taught herself how to cook and successfully transformed her husband’s eating habits from a diet of frozen pizzas and Taco Bell to her healthy, yet flavorful recipes made with simple, wholesome ingredients. Anjali’s programs are focused on teaching individuals and families how to make healthy choices and pick the right foods at the grocery store for overall wellness and maintenance. After becoming a mom, Anjali expanded her programs to include strategies and techniques to combat picky eating in kids of all ages. Anjali started The Picky Eater in 2011 to make healthy food accessible, tasty, easy to make at home, and picky-eater-proof. Follow her on Facebook, Pinterest, or Instagram.

What You Should Do Next:

1. Subscribe to my Newsletter:

Sign up for my newsletter for parenting tips to help you create a happier home and become the parent you always wanted to be. Plus, when you subscribe, I’ll also send you a copy of our strategy-packed guide 10 Tips for Better Behavior – Starting NOW!

2. Register for my FREE 60-Minute Class:

Register for my free class called How to Get Kids to Listen, Without Nagging, Yelling or Losing Control. Classes run several times per week but I recommend you register early, as spaces are limited.

3. Enroll in my 7-Step Parenting Success System

Enroll now in my proven 7-step system for busy parents ready for change (it’s rated 5 stars on Google). Plus, for a limited time, save 10% plus get a FREE upgrade on all plans—completely risk-free and with lifetime access.

Comedian Mike Birbiglia had it right: “I’d be remiss if I chalked up our decision to have a child to one single moment…In movies and plays it’s always a moment that determines a major life decision, but in life it’s more fluid—a series of moments that form an evolution,” he wrote in his book, The New One, about deciding whether or not to have a child.

Behind Birbiglia’s “series of moments” may be cultural expectations, a friend’s input, or some childhood memory. Such factors can greatly weight your decisions even if you don’t know it. That’s true whether you’re deciding where to live, which house or car to buy, to have children or how many kids to have, and the right time to have them.

We Don’t Decide Alone

A study in the Journal of Family Psychology confirms that little is known about what motivates people to want to bring a child into the world. But those contemplating the question are influenced by much more than financial or career practicalities. Seeing someone else’s children happily playing together in a sandbox or recalling a blissful childhood with a sister or brother, or what your friends do, are subtle, and at times, under the surface “drivers” we may not always recognize or acknowledge. We like to believe that we think alone, but we don’t, especially when it comes to life-changing choices. Several factors in particular tend to heavily impact the decisions we make, including starting a family and how many kids to have.

4 Key Decision Drivers

Your Family History. Whether your childhood was happy or unhappy can be a powerful and obvious force. You may want to replicate the family you grew up in or stay as far away from it as you can.

MaryBeth,* 42, adores her older sister. “I wanted two children. In my head were all the fun times she and I had together. My kids were going to have exactly the same experience I had—that was the plan.” But MaryBeth, who has a 6-year-old son, faced pregnancy and birth obstacles that ruled out a second child.

In contrast, Robin, 65, the parent of an only child, had strong feelings about not wanting siblings for her daughter. “I have one sister and we were not close, and our relationship was troublesome. It is good that we live far away from each other. We would never be those adult siblings who rely on each other and do everything together. My unpleasant relationship with her was one of the reasons I only wanted one child.”

Shannon, 38, an only child, explains how her mother’s feelings were instrumental in the family she chose for herself: “I realized that the essential piece of my decision to have three children was that my mother didn’t WANT an only child. She had several failed marriages and several miscarriages. An only child was never her plan. In fact, it was in some ways her greatest pain.

“Although I was pretty happy as an only child, I never once considered having an only child myself. I was raised to believe there was something better, and that being an only child was not desirable. I wonder how my perception would be different if my experience as an only child had been one that my mother wanted. Until recently, I had never considered that being an only child was a desirable thing.”

It may be that no one in your family or friend circle openly or directly tries to sway you, yet you may have a plan based on your family history.

Your Memories. It’s not unusual to glamorize relationships and the good times we had with siblings or parents. That’s where your memory can trick you by becoming cloudy over time. As the details of our memories fade, “we make decisions based on subjective memory,” suggest Yana Fandakova, of the Center for Mind and Brain at the University of California, Davis, and her co-authors in their research on how our changed recollections—rather than accurate memories—guide decision-making. Lead author Julia Lifanov of the University of Birmingham delves deeper in her study published in Nature Communications: “Memories become less vibrant and detailed over time, with only the central gist eventually preserved.”

You may recall holiday celebrations, for instance, as joyous, with a large group of family members and friends. In your mind’s eye, you are gathered around the holiday table. Perhaps there’s a touch football game between the main meal and dessert. What you may not remember precisely, if at all, are the tensions, family disagreements, or hurt feelings—so painful then, but long forgotten. We forget some things and memories get distorted.

Derlin, 42, has warm memories of spending time with relatives at Thanksgiving and Christmas. He also has a positive relationship with his brother. “We always had each other’s backs and still do,” he says. “We speak at least twice a week and I thought I wanted two children until I had my daughter. Being a parent was not what I thought it would be. She didn’t sleep through the night until she was about 7.” Derlin is holding firm against his wife’s desire to have another child, now having enjoyed the last three years of restful sleep. “As much as I would like to have large family get-togethers, I’m not going to forget those difficult and sleepless early years.”

Group Influence and Group Trust. Friends also influence decision-making. “You look around at what other people seem to be doing and that affects your motivation,” Douglas Story, a director of research at the Johns Hopkins Center for Communication Programs, told The New York Times. He was referring to how people make decisions during the pandemic, but the gist applies to many different circumstances and choices.

It can feel as if everyone around you has an SUV, for example, or two or three children, and it looks as if they handle life seamlessly, even joyously. Their choices can seem very appealing. Your neighbors all seem to be re-landscaping, and you think, maybe you should do the same.

Sally, 38, the mother of a 9-year-old, explained influence around having children this way: “People genuinely feel the American dream is a having two or more kids … and they don’t even consider having just one. Male and female friends have told me, ‘Before I knew what happened, we had so many kids.’ They seem surprised. I didn’t want to have babies to conform with society, which I think so many people do.”

The power of friends you trust and the trust you have in their choices can move you in one direction or another. Cassie, however, is not swayed by her friends. “We bucked the overriding expectation that four people constitute a family. I liked being unconventional by not living in suburbs with a bunch of kids,” says the 41-year-old mother of an 8-year-old. Most of her friends have more than one child, but she is unphased by peer pressure.

Count on Flip-Flopping

Your pros and cons about buying that car, moving to a new home, or adding to your family may change frequently. Those sometimes-unrecognized influences, from friends to societal expectations, can cause us to frequently reconsider our choices.

Most of us can count on flip-flopping or feeling unsure. Individual experiences, the way our brains remember (and what we forget), and our friends’ choices all influence our decisions, especially those around childbearing.

*Names of participants in The Only Child Research Project have been changed to protect identities.

Copyright @2021 by Susan Newman

Related:

Every time family or friends are over for dinner, your 5-year-old won’t even say “hi.” He hides behind your leg, refusing eye contact instead. 

It’s been three weeks since school started, and your daughter still hasn’t spoken to anyone. Her teacher asks, in all seriousness, if she’s mute. 

Many parents feel at a loss with their child’s timidness. They think they need to defend or excuse their child’s hesitation to acknowledge others, speak up, and participate. 

Parents also fear shyness will be received as rude or inept.

They even worry their child’s bashfulness will lead to missed opportunities and a lusterless life.

Of course, children have different temperaments. Some are less outgoing than others. Their shyness may be ongoing, temporary, or situation-dependent. 

Shyness itself isn’t a one-size-fits-all term. Children’s social reservations stem from a variety of causes. These tendencies may be normal and harmless. Others may require professional intervention (5 Key Signs Your Shy Child Might Need Help).

Insider Tip: An amazing way to build kids’ confidence is through Encouragement. Use our FREE list of encouraging words and phrases as a starting point.  

Here at Positive Parenting Solutions, we know the importance of not labeling kids or pigeonholing them into a particular bucket. 

When we use the term “shy” in this article, it’s a loose definition of a child’s more bashful actions. It’s not a label, diagnosis, or judgment, because social reluctance can be complex. 

What isn’t complex is that it’s just one small facet of the human being you love and cherish.

Timidity can actually be a sign of thoughtfulness and other exceptional traits. But emboldening kids to speak up and engage is important, too.

Maybe your butterfly just needs a little more time in the cocoon. But you know that inside, there are truly magnificent wings.

If you have a kid who tends towards shyness, you can embrace and gently challenge that reticence. It’s a balance that nurtures natural tendencies while still helping your child learn and grow. 

Here are six strategies to help shy kids bloom–in their way and in their time:

1. Trade the ‘Shy’ Label for Encouragement

Labels are an easy way to categorize a person or a personality trait. 

The problem is, they can be dismissive, oversimplified, and downright incorrect. 

For example, being shy is not necessarily the same thing as having stage fright, introversion, or social anxiety. It can be confusing and harmful for a child when we unintentionally lump these distinctions into one.

Verbally labeling children as “shy” might lead them to believe there’s something wrong with them. Why else would he mention that, unless it’s bad? When labeled in front of siblings, it can even enhance sibling rivalry and competition. 

The idea can become deeply implanted. Kids may start to believe their shyness defines them. 

Even our positive labels are problematic: She keeps telling me I’m pretty. Beauty must be really important. 

Instead of labeling personality traits or behavior–whether positive or negative–we can encourage our children’s positive actions.

For a 4-year-old refusing to speak at his well-check exam, you may be inclined to tell the doctor he’s shy. Instead, you can encourage your child when you notice positive behavior:

“I appreciate that you’re cooperating with the doctor when she asks you to breathe deeply for her stethoscope. That’s really helpful!”

The doctor will likely notice your cues and help encourage your son’s helpful actions, too. Despite his silence, there is no need for labels! 

To the 12-year-old too reluctant to strike up a conversation with her new basketball teammates, withhold saying, “It’s hard being shy,” or “I know you’re shy, but you’ve got this!” 

Instead, you can say: 

“I know it can be hard meeting new people. Especially if you’re worried they won’t be very receptive. But I’ve noticed you’re a good team player and doing lots of passing on the court!”

Even when the bad outweighs the good, we can encourage a silver lining.

When kids feel positive, they begin to gain confidence. And confident kids are more likely to emerge, at least partly, from their protective shells.

2. Help Shy Kids by Practicing Social Skills Together

Not all kids are born bounding around the playground making friends with everyone they meet. 

Some enjoy playing alone. Others want to make friends but don’t know where to start. 

All children, whether they’re withdrawn or more gregarious, benefit from rehearsing their skills in hypothetical social settings.

One excellent way to practice is to Take Time for Training:

Take Time for Training

Like learning to brush their teeth or ride a bike, kids can practice social interaction with us at home.

It can start with the Ps and Qs of manners. Then, we can go far beyond these important pleasantries. 

When we take time to train our kids on social behaviors, we start by modeling those actions ourselves. Next, we let them practice that etiquette at home or in other safe surroundings.

It could be pretending to strike a dialogue or introduce themselves to new people. For outgoing kids, it could be training them to take turns speaking, listen intently, and to recognize personal boundaries. 

The gist is, we can’t assume socializing is innate knowledge. Kids often need a crash course.    

Two-Way Role Play

Training isn’t just going through basic vocabulary and motions. You can really have fun with it when you use Two-Way Role Play.

This, like Take Time for Training, is a tool we use in our Positive Parenting Solutions course. 

Not only is it more fun and engaging for kids when we role-play scenarios–it solidifies the lessons we’re trying to convey. 

Your child can begin with his usual role–maybe the socially timid kid at Cub Scouts–while you play a fellow cub. In this scenario, the imaginary den leader has just asked the scouts to pick partners for a team-building activity. 

Walk up to your son (you’re playing an equally shy “kid” or a more outgoing one) and say, “Would you like to be my partner?” Or, “I’m available if you still need to pair up.”

Now, switch roles! Your son can ask you to partner up. You can say “yes” or even say “no, I don’t want to partner with you,” to let him practice his response to rejection. 

That could be walking up to the den leader (your next starring role) and quietly saying, “I’m still looking for a partner. Can you help?” Then, your son can play the den leader while you, the scout, ask for partnering assistance. 

Kids love to pretend, and any skit you enact together is a dress rehearsal for life. 

And anything that’s been rehearsed well has a better chance of succeeding.

3. Avoid Shoving Shy Kids Into the Limelight

Training eases kids into real-world challenges. But they’re likely not ready for an immediate onslaught.

While we ideally want to expose our kids to as many new experiences as possible, we don’t want to pressure them to overly participate or perform. 

Maybe you convinced your wallflower to attend the Homecoming dance with a friend. The thought of her missing such an iconic event broke your heart. But when her stag date ditches her at the last minute, she begs you not to make her go. She doesn’t want to be there without her good friend; she says she’d feel embarrassed.

You already bought the tickets and the dress. You know she could still have fun with a more adventurous attitude. (Clearly, you have FOMO on her behalf.) 

But going could also leave her traumatized.

Sometimes kids do need a little boost. But other times, we need to take a moment and listen to their concerns. Pressuring them into a trial by fire may not help them through their shy feelings–it could force them to dig deeper. 

Instead, you could encourage your daughter to take a smaller baby step, like going to the pre-dance dinner with everyone. It’s still a way of putting herself out there, without as much pressure. This is a great technique that Renee Jain mentions in her program for anxious kids, Go Zen!

Or, maybe your reserved 6-year-old has been taking piano lessons for two years and loves it. But, when her teacher suggests she participate in an upcoming piano recital, the idea terrifies her. 

You can say, “I think everyone would love to hear you play, and you should be proud of all the practice you’ve put into the piano. But, if you really don’t want to perform, that’s okay.”

Then, you can not only encourage her to try again next time, but you can recommend she take the small first step of attending–this go around–as an audience member. She can still cheer on the other friends’ performances and support her instructor. 

But you don’t have to force her to directly participate. (As much as it would fill your heart to see her on that stage.)

Pro Tip: When it comes to school, parties, or any group activity, it helps timid kids to arrive early. This keeps the spotlight off them and allows time to settle and adjust.

4. Trust in Your Shy Child’s Strengths

We don’t want to force reluctant kids into the limelight. It can backfire. 

But, we do want to set shy kids up for success. This includes having faith in their abilities. 

When your 4-year-old refuses to answer a fawning passerby saying, “You’re so cute, how old are you,” you once again feel embarrassed. The urge to say, “Sorry, my kid is shy,” creeps up. 

But here’s the thing. As hard as it may be, there is no need to coax or answer on her behalf. Simply wait in silence and give your daughter a chance to think of her own response. 

Giving her this opportunity to struggle a bit–in a safe, non-traumatic scenario–reinforces that you have faith she will speak up. It also gives her practice responding. And, the more opportunities she has to speak for herself, the easier it will be for her in the future.

If she still doesn’t speak after a generous while–and you feel the need to keep appearances–you can change the subject with the nice passerby. 

You can say, “Thank you. Beautiful weather today, isn’t it?” 

There’s no need to excuse your daughter’s silence or chastise her for not responding, especially in front of the stranger. You can just model your own response and leave it at that.

Maybe, she’ll be ready to answer next time.

5. Raise Shy Kids to be Confident

When we trust in our kids, we are telling them we believe in them. 

This is the beginning of convincing them it’s worth believing in themselves. 

It starts by not labeling them as “shy.” Even if they are sometimes shy.

Then, it means granting them choices, like in a Decision-Rich Environment. Providing age-appropriate choices throughout the day allows kids the freedom to make mistakes, learn from them, and move on–possibly leading to a different decision next time with better results. 

Pro Tip: For Positive Parenting Solutions Members, review our Decision-Rich Environment tool in Step 3, Lesson 21 of the 7-Step Parenting Success System course.

With some success at managing life’s little challenges under their belts, kids realize they can rely on themselves to work through bigger hurdles like social awkwardness and occasional shyness and will be well on their way towards satisfaction and independence. 

Even if kids are never fully confident in social situations, they can be self-assured in other areas of life. 

Encouraging them to help around the house, do homework on their own, and dedicate themselves to their passions and strengths are all great ways to build confidence, make them comfortable in their own skin, and enable them to contribute to the greater good in ways other than making great conversation.

6. Establish Routine Family Meetings

Don’t let the word “meeting” deter you! This isn’t all business. Family Meetings can be beneficial and enjoyable! 

Family Meetings offer kids the chance to voice their concerns–whether it’s wanting a break from martial arts lessons or frustration with a sibling who’s grabbing toys. They can also bring solutions to the table. 

Through Family Meetings, children learn their value within the family and as individuals. They understand that their opinion matters. And, they learn that communication is an integral part of problem-solving and healthy dynamics. 

It’s also fun to rotate meeting leaders each week! With a little guidance, kids as young as four can take turns keeping the meeting organized and on task. It’s a great way to practice leadership and communication skills!

Especially when held routinely (ideally, once a week), Family Meetings add rungs to the ladder of confidence and allow shy children to shine. 

Speaking to well-known family members around the dining room may not be identical to working with classmates in an assigned group project or making new friends. But, like training, it’s one step closer. 

Final Thoughts

Your child is on a personal social journey. 

It may not look like your friend’s kid, who spoke to anyone who would listen at age two. 

It probably won’t look like your teenage niece, who craves attention and has a bazillion friends. 

Your child’s journey may not even be remotely similar to yours. 

But with these six strategies–along with your love and patience–your child is right where he should be. 

Don’t sell his potential short.

What You Should Do Next:

1. Subscribe to my Newsletter:

Sign up for my newsletter for parenting tips to help you create a happier home and become the parent you always wanted to be. Plus, when you subscribe, I’ll also send you a copy of our strategy-packed guide 10 Tips for Better Behavior – Starting NOW!

2. Register for my FREE 60-Minute Class:

Register for my free class called How to Get Kids to Listen, Without Nagging, Yelling or Losing Control. Classes run several times per week but I recommend you register early, as spaces are limited.

3. Enroll in my 7-Step Parenting Success System

Enroll now in my proven 7-step system for busy parents ready for change (it’s rated 5 stars on Google). Plus, for a limited time, save 10% plus get a FREE upgrade on all plans—completely risk-free and with lifetime access.

Your kids watched Yes Day on Netflix and are begging to have their own whirlwind adventure with you. While you viewed the movie as humorous fiction, they viewed it as an imminent fact. 

Maybe you want to say “yes” to a Yes Day. But you just can’t wrap your head around the logistics. Or, maybe you don’t. Because the idea petrifies you. 

Your kids have amazing imaginations. Last year, your 4-year-old asked for a rainbow unicorn for Christmas. A real one. And your 8-year-old really wants a mosquito petrified in amber for his bringing-dinosaurs-back-to-life project.

Your kids aren’t afraid to push buttons. Your twelve-year-old is always asking for mature-rated video games. And your seventeen-year-old has been insisting on an unsupervised spring break adventure with friends. 

You find yourself saying “no” a lot, and with good reason. But the atmosphere at home can feel relentlessly fraught. (If you feel trapped in endless power struggles like these, our free online class will teach you how you can give kids power and satisfaction without the struggle or ‘giving in.’) 

I mean, your kids can–and do–ask for everything. A Yes Day could be a total disaster. 

But, despite all implications, this doesn’t have to be a free-for-all. That would be scary!

In reality, a day like this requires ground rules. These aren’t meant as buzzkills or to make you less committed. They’ll actually make your day more efficient and effective. 

We have some ideas for how you and your family can design a Yes Day that everyone will enjoy. But, first, are you wondering if the payoff is worth the effort?

Why You Should Have a Yes Day

Connection 

A Yes Day is an opportunity to connect with our children as fellow, life-loving humans–not just as parents.

Just think…

You were a child once. But at this very moment, those childhood memories may not ring a bell. Bells sound joyous and resonant. Your adult bell is dampened by the weight of stress and responsibility. It’s rusted, inflexible, and barely makes a ding. 

They say that’s one of the greatest gifts of parenthood, though; the opportunity to see the world anew through a child’s eager, awe-filled eyes. 

Plus, it feels good to reacquaint with our inner fountains of youth. And the bonus? Our kids love it when we do. 

At Positive Parenting Solutions, we rave about a tool called Mind, Body, and Soul Time. It constitutes spending 10-15 minutes–every day–with each of your kids (one parent per child) doing something they choose. 

Mind, Body, and Soul Time can be enhanced (though not replaced!) to include the entire household (or any combination of household adults and kids). This is considered family Mind, Body, and Soul Time, and it’s beneficial bonding for all. 

You can think of a Yes Day as family Mind, Body, and Soul Time times ten. Kids still choose the activities while you play along for 24 hours (or 12, if you all like to sleep!)

When parents play with their kids in a fun, silly, and even childlike state of mind, a deep connection is formed. It reminds kids you aren’t just mom/dad (teenagers may find you particularly antiquated), and it shows them you value your quality time together. 

This gives kids an amazing, irreplaceable boost of confidence and significance. 

“Although the downside might be extreme tiredness and sugar shock, the upside (to a Yes Day) is a boost to your child’s self-confidence.” — The Guardian

Bonding with our kids on multiple levels also increases trust, communication, and cooperation. 

Empowerment

Another benefit of a Yes Day is it offers kids some choice and freedom over their increasingly scheduled and micromanaged lives. 

According to CNN:

Though most parents know they should leave some space, temporal and psychological, for their kids to be themselves, many of us appear to be struggling with it. In recent decades, anxiety has spiked among children and teens. Mental health experts attribute this spike to a rise in external pressures and feeling as though someone else is calling all the shots.

If you encourage kids to plan a Yes Day, it can grant them a little breathing room. 

It also provides opportunities for growth and empowerment. 

Kids brainstorming their ideal day practice decision-making, organization, prioritization, and logistics–all crucial life skills that many kids are either robbed of or exposed to too late. 

They may even learn how hard YOUR daily job as a parent can be. Wouldn’t that be nice?

So, You Definitely Should Have a Yes Day. But When, and How Often?

Your Yes Day can be once a year or every few months. That’s up to your family and your preferences. 

A Yes Day can be strategized during a difficult time for a family, like the loss of a loved one, stress from moving, or a divorce. It can be a much-needed, carefree kind of day that eliminates stress for a brief but helpful time.

Or, you can plan one just because. 

But please…a Yes Day should not occur just because kids feel entitled to one. And it should be put on the calendar in advance, so everyone can look forward to and plan for it (you included!).

A Yes Day isn’t a mandatory or essential part of a solid, happy childhood. Nor is it designed for child-appeasing, spoiling, and ignoring important boundaries that your kids need. 

A responsible Yes Day is simply about empowerment and relationship-building–and the vessel is FUN! 

‘Yes Day’ Parameters Everyone Can Agree On

If you’re going to execute a Yes Day successfully, you know it has to feel right. 

We completely understand. To make the biggest impact, this day should be authentic for everyone. 

Since Yes Days aren’t a last-minute surprise, kids have the opportunity to understand and agree to the ground rules beforehand.

The parents in the Yes Day movie, for example, create guidelines that make the day reasonable and fair to all (this day isn’t JUST about kids)! 

These rules offer a great template for your Yes Day too, and they include:

• A budget (either for the family or per child)
• Nothing can be requested that permanently affects the future (like adopting a pet or getting a tattoo)
• Obviously, nothing dangerous or illegal 
• Nothing that involves travel beyond 20-50 miles (or some unreasonable) distance

One caveat: In the movie, the kids are told the Yes Day must be earned (by getting good grades and doing their chores). But we disagree. 

Positive parenting highly discourages the use of rewards for motivation in any situation, so it’s important never to frame a Yes Day as a reward for good behavior or celebrated achievements. 

If we do, we may undermine the magic of the day. It’s no longer about fun, connection, and empowerment; it’s now tied to a child’s performance.

If you are struggling to motivate your kids, trust me, there are much better tools at a parent’s disposal that avoid contributing to expectation and entitlement.

Ideally, your kids are already encouraged to act appropriately, finish their homework, and commit to family contributions, regardless of having a Yes Day. 

(Still, you might not want to plan the day right after a bombed report card or a substantial sibling fight). 

Another good rule is to encourage kids to remain sincere on Yes Day and not attempt to trick you into saying yes to something out of bounds. Putting a parent in an awkward position, where they feel forced to say yes is, first: manipulative, and second: not going to work. 

Here’s another consideration: should you stray from reliable family morning and bedtime routines on Yes Day? 

This depends on your kids and what you’re comfortable with. Routines are ideally followed every day, regardless of weekends and holidays, school time, or summer. But, if your kids easily adapt to a brief blip in a solid schedule–and one of the Yes Day requests breaks routine parameters–feel free to roll with the craziness! 

The bottom line is: you can use any rules you deem necessary for your family.

It’s also important to remember that your family’s Yes Day isn’t going to look like the neighbor’s Yes Day or your kid’s friend’s Yes Day. Your Yes Day will be unique and bring out everyone’s distinct personalities. You may even learn one or two things about one another. 

Sticking to the ‘Yes’ Plan

The hardest part of Yes Day, as you can imagine, is staying committed through thick and thin. You may have to take a deep breath before you utter some of those “Yeses.” You may have to force a smile through others. 

While solidifying your rules and parameters for the day, consider putting them in writing. Kids can sign this agreement (or make an “X”), and parents too! This way, when kids ask for something out of bounds, there’s no reason to say “no.” Instead, you can simply remind them, “We’ve already agreed we can’t do that.” 

Because your Yes Day is pre-planned (either by your kids specifically or all of you), you may have foresight into the day’s activities. Take that opportunity to mentally prepare for anything that may be especially challenging to you (spinning rides that make you sick at the theme park, watching your kids consume much more sugar than you’d normally allow, learning the latest TikTok dances in front of strangers…). 

Minimizing unpleasant surprises will help you stay positive and say Yes–with emphasis!!   

And if you absolutely have to say “no,” that’s fine! You’re still the parent, and you have “veto” power. But you can also try to say “no” in a roundabout way or make your “no” sound like a “yes.” This can be through a diversion, another question, or an alternative solution. You can even use a predetermined symbol, like crossed pointer fingers, meaning“sorry, try again.”

If both parents will be involved in Yes Day, make sure you are equally on board with strategies for the challenges the day brings. 

Final Thoughts

Your family’s Yes Day is likely to be everything from eye-opening, inspiring, exhausting, frustrating, and downright fantastic–and that will be the first ten minutes. 

While you decompress the following day, consider a debrief of your Yes Day. Start by asking which parts your kids loved the best. Ask what they’re most grateful for. And talk about what may have gone wrong…and why. 

This can become a helpful guideline for future Yes Days. You’ll remember what worked and what you’d like to do differently. It also gives your kids an opportunity to practice reflection and additional planning skills!

Each Yes Day can always get better. 

But, whether grandiose or low-key, your Yes Day will be an adventure to remember. So, don’t let it intimidate you. Using these strategies, you can make Yes Day a reality!

What You Should Do Next:

1. Subscribe to my Newsletter:

Sign up for my newsletter for parenting tips to help you create a happier home and become the parent you always wanted to be. Plus, when you subscribe, I’ll also send you a copy of our strategy-packed guide 10 Tips for Better Behavior – Starting NOW!

2. Register for my FREE 60-Minute Class:

Register for my free class called How to Get Kids to Listen, Without Nagging, Yelling or Losing Control. Classes run several times per week but I recommend you register early, as spaces are limited.

3. Enroll in my 7-Step Parenting Success System

Enroll now in my proven 7-step system for busy parents ready for change (it’s rated 5 stars on Google). Plus, for a limited time, save 10% plus get a FREE upgrade on all plans—completely risk-free and with lifetime access.

How far did the apple fall from your family tree?

In large or seemingly small imperceptible ways, bits and pieces of our parents seep into our beings — in the smile reflected in our mirrors, in the voice we use to reprimand our children, in a talent for storytelling or love of psychics or sports.

When my son was in high school, one of the young ladies in our carpool wore what I considered excessive makeup. I thought it odd that eyeliner, face makeup, and lipstick in heavy layers covered her face at 8:15 in the morning until I met her mother. The daughter was a duplicate version of her mother, looking provocative, more ready to go to the prom than sit in classrooms all day.

From time to time, you may stumble upon physical features or mannerisms or habits you share with a parent. But the likenesses can go much deeper as essays by 25 well-known writers such as Ann Pachett and Jane Hamilton tell us in Apple, Tree: Writers on Their Parents.

A Chip Off the Old Block

“Children aren’t supposed to see their parents. If all goes well, a parent’s life is under wraps, and all the child sees is what they can depend upon; they see safety and pay it no mind,” notes Sallie Tisdale, Apple, Tree contributor and recipient of many literary awards. Yet, as Tisdale herself notes, in profound adaptations or the simplest expressions, our parents creep in whether we want them to or not. It’s almost unavoidable.

For instance, I’m obsessive about being late, a characteristic I believe came from my mother screaming at my brother and me to “Hurry up, we are going to be late” whenever or wherever we might have been going. It was not pleasant, and I cringe when I often shout the very same words.

You may be adamant that you won’t become your parent and work hard to achieve that goal. You could worry about what’s being passed down your family tree, perhaps melancholy or fears or abusive or aggressive behavior. It’s human nature to try to avoid, dismiss, or ignore troublesome qualities, but what many of the Apple, Tree writers observe is that the most troubling qualities can lead us to more compassion and understanding, of the parent as well as of ourselves.

The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From the Tree

As a child, you “see” your parents as pieces of the apple trickle in without your realization, and sometimes a trait is deeply embedded before we notice or take the time to figure out how it happened. For example, in her reflection, “One Man’s Poison,” Kyoko Mori writes,

During my father’s lifetime, it never occurred to me that I was anything like him…I’m not a liar or sexual adventurer.…I chose not to have children so I never had to worry about becoming a terrible parent like my father, who teetered between neglect and domination, indifference and rage…My father’s poison allows me to move through a world full of betrayals and failures without taking everything to heart.

That’s because she realizes, “I survived being his daughter by acting just like he did.”

On the other hand, you may welcome characteristics or habits you view as positive — a parent’s spirit of adventure, generosity toward strangers, or love of food. In her essay, novelist and NPR correspondent Karen Grigsby Bates explains, “Our mother came from a long line of people who had inherited what we’ve named the Feeding Gene.” Bates describes in delicious detail how her in-laws, cousins, and other family members have the gene. I, too, inherited the Feeding Gene from my mother and grandmother; as Bates notes: “There’s always something to turn into dinner” for whoever might arrive unexpectedly. Like the positives and negatives from our parents, “the Feeding Gene will continue in my family long after I’ve left the earth,” Bates points out, as it will in mine.

What inherited qualities or traits have you absorbed from the people who raised you? Did the discovery of them alter your sense of self? Your understanding of your parents? Your parenting style?

Copyright @2021 by Susan Newman

Related:

The Best Way for Adult Children and Parents to Communicate

How Close is Too Close in Mother-Daughter Relationships?

If you would like to comment, please see my Facebook page.

“Marco!” 

“Polo!” 

Through the darkness, you hear the sound of your children stifling their giggles as you wave your hands around, trying to catch them. 

To be honest, this has never been your favorite game. You can think of loads of activities you’d rather be doing than fumbling around the house blindfolded. (Ouch! Was that coffee table always there?) 

But to your kids, it’s the best game on the planet! So you play. 

A lot.

But despite your lack of enthusiasm for the game, you have started to notice that something interesting happens after every play session.

Your kids’ attitudes change…for the better!

But do you know why?

It has nothing to do with the game itself and everything to do with how you as a parent interact with them. 

I can’t tell you how many parents have taken our FREE WEBINAR or purchased the full 7-Step Parenting Success System, all looking for answers to this very same question.

How do I change my child’s misbehavior?

And my answer always begins the same way. It all starts with YOU!

That’s right; your actions as a parent have a powerful correlation with the misbehavior you’re seeing in your children. 

Now, please don’t think I’m here to point fingers! At some point in time, every parent comes to realize the role they play in their children’s behavior. I’m just here to help!

Believe it or not, one of the key ways you can change misbehavior (for the better!) is to connect with your kids on their level. Because you can’t expect your kids to think like adults. They’ve never been there before!

But you can certainly think like your kids. And I promise, when you shift your mindset to one that more closely reflects your child’s–that’s where the magic happens! You’ll enjoy deeper connections, more cooperation, and better behavior in no time.

Want a little help getting into that mindset? Here are five strategies to help get you out of your world…and into theirs!

1. Channel Your Inner Child

One of the best ways to connect with your child is to shift your mindset to one that more closely resembles their own.

In other words, I want you to act, play, and think…like a kid!

You see, we all start out in life with that beautiful childlike mentality. Do you remember looking up at the sky and seeing the shapes made in the clouds?

There’s a rhino chasing a bunny rabbit! That one looks like a donut with a bite taken out of it!

But now, when you look up at the sky, all you see are puffy, white, cumulonimbus clouds. Each shape is an obscure blob that doesn’t look like anything at all. 

You remember that childish imagination and sense of wonder, but you lost the ability to channel it somewhere along the path to adulthood.

And, oh, what you wouldn’t give to have it back!

Here’s the thing. For adults, it is harder to channel our inner child. And for good reason! After all, how much of our day do we spend at work, in meetings, doing chores, and taking care of our children?

All of those tasks require us to be in an adult mindset. So naturally, that’s where we default to most often.

But if you want to connect with your child on a deeper, more meaningful level, something’s got to give. And I think you know what that something is…

You need to enter what is known as the Child Ego State. This is the state of thinking your kids are engaged in during a significant portion of their day. And it’s (usually) a wonderful place to be! 

Now, this comes with a bit of a Catch 22. Because, as all parents know, the child mindset is highly emotional. Which is not always a good thing. (Remember those terrible two tantrums?)

Your job is to stick to the fun end of the spectrum. 

Let’s say you want to bond with your 5-year-old son. Try and remember what it was like to be his age. What did that feel like? How amazing was it to just play? What sort of things did you love when your parents played with you?

Perhaps you enjoyed building LEGO cities with your mom or roughhousing with your dad in the backyard. It was so easy to live in the moment, forget every problem in your life, and simply be a kid. 

Now take that feeling and bring it to life. The chores can wait. Dinner can be pushed. Age yourself down and engage with your child.

I promise if you make it a habit to bring out your inner child at least once each day, as time goes on it will get easier to make that mental shift. And the more you engage in childlike play with your kid, the better behavior you’re going to see on their end. 

Because when we play with our kids, we send them a very important message without saying a word.

I love our time together. You’re so special to me.

It gives them a massive boost of positive attention that they’ll gladly exchange for better behavior.

Helpful Hint: Did you know there are two other ego states we engage in that often escalate power struggles? The 7-Step Parenting Success System unpacks each one, giving you valuable insight into how your state of personality affects your child’s behavior.

2. Schedule Daily One-on-One Time

Want to know the best medicine for treating misbehavior? Spending quality time with your child!

It’s no secret our children desire our time and attention. Okay, if you’re the parent of a teenager, you may be rolling your eyes right now. But it’s still important!

In fact, the most powerful tool in the Positive Parenting Solutions toolbox is what we refer to as MIND, BODY AND SOUL TIME® togetherness. 

MIND, BODY AND SOUL TIME® togetherness occurs when we intentionally set aside time each day to emotionally connect and pour attention into our kids one-on-one. This time is absolutely critical because not only does it tell our children how much we value them–it shows them! 

What child wouldn’t want that?

However, for this prescription to work, you’ve got to give your kids a daily dose. Two if you can spare it! 

It doesn’t have to be long–10-15 minutes will do just fine–but it does need to happen regularly. Your kids need to know they can count on receiving that special time with you. Because if you don’t give them your full attention in a controlled and calm environment, they will get it other ways.

This is also the best time to get into that Child Ego State we just covered.

Start by asking your child what they would like to do during your special time together. 

“I’m so excited for our special time today! What sounds fun?”

Maybe your 3-year-old wants to play a round of Candy Land, or your 13-year-old is just dying to show you his perfected ollie at the skate park. Try to go along with whatever they chose for the activity, even if it’s not your favorite. 

When you take the time to connect with your child by doing something they want to do (rather than what you want to do), you’re giving yourself a fantastic gift: a peek into your child’s world! 

Pro Tip: Positive Parenting Solutions Members–learn more about the benefits of MIND, BODY AND SOUL TIME® connection by reviewing Step 1 of the 7-Step Parenting Success System. And also, review the advanced module, “The Busy Parent’s Guide to MIND, BODY AND SOUL TIME®.”

3. Take Time Away From Technology

At the end of a long workday, I understand how appealing it is to slip on your most comfortable pajamas, and lay in bed mindlessly scrolling through social media while the kids are in bed fast asleep.

Because nothing says “distraction” from life’s hardships quite like technology.

Plus, it’s a wonderful tool that serves a purpose. BUT it’s important to set limits both for yourself and your children when it comes to its use. 

Because for as many positives technology brings to our lives as parents, it can be equally problematic.

For instance…

How discouraging is it when you ask your child to finish their Family Contributions, but they’re stuck playing on the iPad? Honestly, it’s probably just as discouraging for them when they ask you a question, and you’re glued to your phone. 

Too much tech time isn’t just a kid issue. We all face the urge to overdo it now and again. But when you’re looking to build a connection with your child, it’s important to put aside those external distractions and live in the moment.

So, where are some areas of life you can cut the tech?

How about in the car? Turn down the radio, have your child put away any games they may be playing, and strike up a conversation! You can ask them what they are most looking forward to that day or even play a few rounds of I Spy.  

I’m telling you, some of the best heart-to-hearts you’ll ever have with your children will take place on the road.

Another great place to cut out technology is at the family table.

It seems to be a dying tradition with the modern family’s busy schedule, but making time to eat dinner (or another meal) together as a family without technology is a connection-building goldmine!

Sometimes family meals are the only opportunity you have for the entire family to get together at once. So don’t waste that precious time by bringing technology into the mix. 

Set the phones in the kitchen, turn off the television, and enjoy one another’s company. If you’re unsure how to get the conversation rolling, get yourself a set of Table Topics or Google some ideas beforehand. You’d be surprised how quickly conversations spark when the right questions are asked.

Finally, try adding in an occasional tech-free day or weekend. This doesn’t have to happen all the time, or even on a regular schedule (unless you want it to!). Make it memorable by picking a fun activity to do together–something out of the norm. 

Maybe you take a trip to the mountains for a family hike or spend the afternoon playing mini-golf and riding go-karts at your local adventure park. What you do isn’t important, as long as the time you spend together is meaningful and uninterrupted.

Before too long, you and your kids will crave the special time together. Technology will be nothing but an afterthought.

4. Slow Down

“Hurry up and finish your breakfast, or you’ll miss the bus!” 

“Don’t dawdle through the grocery store aisles; we’ve got places to be.” 

“Piano lessons start at 3:45, so no playing around after school today!” 

Do any of these sound familiar? 

As parents, it’s natural for us to place the schedule above all else. After all, having a well-oiled daily routine can feel like a matter of survival, especially when our children thrive on routines.

But as the saying goes, sometimes you need to stop and smell the roses. 

Because children conceptualize time differently than adults.

Every year that goes by, time seems to speed up more and more. Yesterday you were your child’s age, then you blinked, and here you are. You think, Where did the time go?

Of course, we know time operates the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. There will always be 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, and 24 hours in a day. But that doesn’t mean it feels the same for everyone.

In fact, the younger you are, the slower time feels. 

That’s because children absorb an abundance of new information every single day. They feel each of those seconds passing because their young minds are working overtime trying to make sense of what’s going on around them!

But as much as you may want them to hurry up, you’re going to get so much more out of your interaction if, instead, you slow down.

That ladybug on the sidewalk may seem unimportant to you as you hurry your toddler to daycare. But to her, it’s the most important thing in her ever-expanding world.

So if you can, ignore the pressing schedule for just a few moments and admire it with her. By slowing down for her, you’ll be giving her an extra dose of your time and attention–something she most definitely craves!

5. Schedule a Yes Day 

How many times each day do you say the word “no” to your child?

My guess is a lot. 

“No, you can’t eat ice cream right before dinner.” 

“No video games until you’ve finished all your homework.”

“No, you can’t jump from the roof to the trampoline–that’s crazy!”

“No. No. No. No. NO!”

The problem with “no” is that it’s disheartening for both them and us. Our kids can’t stand having their requests constantly turned down, and we dislike always having to be the bad guy.

We know there are some situations where “no” is unavoidable. Like, “No, you can’t play with that chainsaw!”

But I challenge you to focus on turning some of those “no” answers into “yes” answers. 

One way to do this is to simply shift your phrasing. In other words, make your “no” sound like a “yes.” 

For example, you could say, “Unfortunately, only adults are allowed to use the chainsaw. But I’d love it if you brought your play tools out to help me in the yard!”

See how I snuck that “no” in there without ever having to actually say it?

Of course, you also want to start handing out more real “yes” answers too. And one fantastic way to do that is by scheduling a Yes Day.

A Yes Day is precisely what it sounds like. It’s one full day making an active effort to say “yes” to all your child’s requests. 

You’ll want to use your discretion and keep the requests within reason. Otherwise, your twelve-year-old who desperately wants to go skydiving may take advantage. But this isn’t the time to be stingy with the little things, either.

In other words, step out of your comfort zone and say “yes” to ice cream for breakfast or Christmas pajamas all day long (even in July).

Just be sure that your Yes Day is not a last-minute decision. This is one event you need to schedule in advance. Also, bring your kids in on it. Let them know when this will be taking place, so they have time to plan out what they will be asking that day.

This will also allow you to go over the ground rules and mentally prepare yourself for the day.

As terrifying as a Yes Day may sound to you, I promise, this is going to be a major highlight when your kids look back on their childhoods. They’ll think, Wow, Mom and Dad not only listened to what I wanted to do–they actually did it! 

The amount of belonging and significance they’ll feel will be astronomical. 

Final Thoughts

If you’ve been longing to connect with your child on a deeper level, don’t wait another minute to take action. Now is the time to reach out and get on their level!

Because the truth is, it wasn’t that long ago you were a child yourself. It may take some time, energy, and practice on your part, but connecting with your children on their level is a surefire way to reduce the amount of misbehavior you see every day. 

Now get out there, and think like a kid! 

What You Should Do Next:

1. Subscribe to my Newsletter:

Sign up for my newsletter for parenting tips to help you create a happier home and become the parent you always wanted to be. Plus, when you subscribe, I’ll also send you a copy of our strategy-packed guide 10 Tips for Better Behavior – Starting NOW!

2. Register for my FREE 60-Minute Class:

Register for my free class called How to Get Kids to Listen, Without Nagging, Yelling or Losing Control. Classes run several times per week but I recommend you register early, as spaces are limited.

3. Enroll in my 7-Step Parenting Success System

Enroll now in my proven 7-step system for busy parents ready for change (it’s rated 5 stars on Google). Plus, for a limited time, save 10% plus get a FREE upgrade on all plans—completely risk-free and with lifetime access.