Category: Family & Parenting

The college admission process can be daunting. Here are some ideas from a college president — and a parent who has been through it twice — on the ways parents can help with the final college selection.

Let me start with a simple observation. You can get a great education at a wide range of colleges in this country. But if the fit is wrong, it is nearly impossible to get a great education — no matter how good the college is. Conversely, when you get the fit right, your student will have a great four years and then launch into a successful life.

Three ways students can find success in college

Elsewhere, I have written on what we know about what needs to happen in college. I continue to recommend reading How College Works by Dan Chambliss and Christopher Takacs, as well as The Gallup-Purdue Index. I boil these down to three things that your student can do to find success in college:

1. Find a mentor:

One of the defining characteristics of a transformative college experience is having a good mentor. In particular, faculty mentorship is crucial.

2. Participate in a few activities outside the classroom in some depth:

These activities supplement student learning with good leadership and management skills.

3. Surround yourself with an array of students who are maximizing their college experience:

This is what educators call lateral learning. It matters because students learn a lot from one another.

How parents can help their teen with finding a college with good fit

As a parent, your goal should be to help your child find a college where they are likely to become immersed quickly, develop a close mentoring relationship with a faculty member, and get involved in co-curricular activities that allow them to find good friends and develop strong life skills.

Start by narrowing down the final list to two to four colleges. This requires having an open and honest conversation with your child about what college means for them. What do they want to study? What size feels right?

As you have this conversation, make sure you select colleges where they can pursue their interests. Don’t choose a college where they only will be able to watch others perform. If they play a sport or have a passion for an artistic endeavor, choose a college where they will make the team, be cast in a play, join a music ensemble, and have a chance to pursue their interests.

This also is true for students who want to major in the sciences. Be wary of places where graduate students replace professors in classrooms and knock undergraduates out of labs.

Choose a college where undergraduates get into labs early and often, and where they get to conduct their own research.

Fit also requires being honest with what is affordable. The sticker price, (the listed tuition price), is not very helpful. The financial aid letters you are receiving can be hard to decipher.

You also need to know the following: How many years does it take the average student to graduate? For example, at Denison, like most private colleges, it is four years. At some public universities, it often takes five or even six years (therefore, an extra year or two of tuition). And ask if financial aid will be in place for the entire time they are in college.

As a parent, I also realize that affordability is connected to return on investment. One of the mistakes families make is selecting a college because of very small differences in price. It does not make sense to go to a college that is slightly less expensive if the fit is not right.

At the same time, debt does matter. My own view is that a manageable level of debt is worth it to get an education that is the right fit for the student. Families need to determine what that level is for them.

Once you have the shortlist, visit the colleges one more time. Try to attend one of the April Visit Days that colleges offer for admitted students. Encourage your child to spend the night. When you leave the campus, ask them questions, as opposed to offering your observations. Where do they feel comfortable? Which one feels right? I am convinced that this gut check often leads students to make the right decision. Maybe this is the college selection version of the “Blink” principle.

Questions to ask during April Visit Days

• What is the size of the endowment per student (which can translate into the financial resources a college can spend on providing student experiences)?
• What is the mood on campus? You want to be someplace where faculty, staff, and students are proud of the college.

The location also matters. I believe there is an advantage to being in a location that has a healthy community surrounding the college and easy access to an airport and city. And I will admit that my opinion is biased, given that Denison has one of the best locations of any liberal arts college in the nation. We have a beautiful campus in an idyllic village that is 25 minutes from Columbus, which is a vibrant city filled with music, culture, and global businesses.

Finally, pay attention to the first-year program. Select a college where a lot of attention is paid to how students transition into college and the support they receive if they stumble. Once students get connected to courses, faculty, friends, and co-curricular activities, they can thrive, but many students can have some bumps along the way.

Enjoy the process. Enjoy the process of traveling with them to make those final college visits and savor the opportunity to talk to them about what they want in and from a college. Choosing the right college is a chance to have some quality time and conversations with your child.

And, once you select a college, make sure the conversation continues. We expend way too much energy worrying about getting in and selecting the right college, and not nearly enough focusing on how to transition into college and how to take full advantage of the college experience.

More Great Reading: 

College Fit: What it is and Why it is so Important 

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

Puberty can be a confusing time for girls, so here’s everything you need to know about puberty in girls – the stages, signs and ways to support them.

When you look back at your life, you’ll probably realise that the early days of parenthood were probably the most confusing time of your life. But you know what comes a close second?

Puberty!

Yes, the age of acne, awkwardness and questionable dressing choices. And now you get to go through it all over again, with your child!

Puberty is a time of change in every aspect of a child’s life – physical, emotional, and social. To help parents navigate this confusing time and provide the best support for their children, we’ve decided to do a series on puberty, with individual focus on boys and girls. Today, we are going to talk about puberty in girls – the stages, signs, possible concerns and tips for support.

The Stages of Puberty in Girls

Puberty begins when the pituitary gland starts the production of two hormones – luteinizing hormone (LH) and follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH). This then triggers a long-term process that affects nearly every system of the body, including the reproductive system, skeletal system and more.

However, these changes don’t happen all at once; they happen in stages. It starts with the ovaries increasing in size and producing estrogens, after which secondary sexual characteristics appear, followed by the first period.

These changes of puberty in girls can be classified into different stages, known as the Tanner Stages, named after British paediatrician  James Tanner. It is also known as the Sexual Maturity Rating (SMR), and is a helpful tool for parents and healthcare professionals.

Stage 1: This is the prepubertal stage, where there are no visible changes, but the ovaries have started growing

Stage 2: This is where physical changes begin to appear, such as budding breasts, enlarged clitoris, increased height, altered body odor and some pubic hair

Stage 3: This is where physical changes are more pronounced as the breasts get larger, armpit hair appears, and the skin and scalp get oilier, leading to acne

Stage 4: By this time, physical changes are fully visible, with the areolas becoming prominent, pubic hair getting thicker and height increasing. This is also when menstruation begins, which is about two years after Stage 2.

Stage 5: This is the final stage of puberty in girls, and development is complete. All body hair is now visible, and girls reach their adult height.

Typically, puberty in girls begins between 8 and 13 years of age. Puberty usually ends between 15 and 17 years of age, by which time physical development is complete. However, there may be specific cases when girls may start puberty much earlier or later.

Early Puberty in Girls

Puberty in girls is considered early if it occurs before the age of 8. The technical term for it is precocious puberty.

You’ve probably heard reports about how girls are getting their period earlier and earlier, and how this is a cause for concern. You’ve also heard people saying it’s because of all the chemicals in our food and water.

The truth is that there aren’t any concrete studies confirming this yet, although the age of onset for puberty in girls has decreased over the last century and more, from an average age of 16 to 12 today. This can largely be attributed to improved nutrition and a decline in infectious diseases.

Here are some reasons why some girls get their period earlier than usual.

Causes of Early Puberty in Girls:

• Obesity, or a higher BMI
• Abnormalities in the pituitary gland, thyroid gland or hypothalamus
• Problems with the ovaries
• Any damage to the brain, due to a tumour, infection or surgery
• Genetic disorders like McCune-Albright syndrome
• Prolonged exposure to medication containing estrogen or androgen
• Extremely small size at birth
• Being of South Asian, black, or Hispanic descent

Diagnosis and Treatment of Puberty in Girls:

Early puberty can lead to multiple problems, including shorter adult height, which in turn can lead to other psychological problems like low self-esteem. Early diagnosis is crucial, and this can be done with frequent blood tests to measure the levels of LH and FSH, as well as an X-ray of the hand and wrist to find out the bone age. In some cases, an ultrasound or MRI may be needed for further investigation.

Treatment for early puberty in girls will depend upon the underlying cause. Medication generally works to reduce hormone levels to slow down sexual development. This may be in the form of an injection, administered once every 3 months, or as an implant that lasts for a year.

Delayed Puberty in Girls

Causes of Delayed Puberty in Girls:

• Decreased body fat, especially in girls who are into sports and athletics
• Eating disorders like anorexia nervosa or bulimia
• Ovarian problems like primary ovarian insufficiency due to issues like Turner syndrome
• A deficiency of pituitary hormones LH and FSH, or the growth hormone
• Chronic illnesses like diabetes or kidney disease
• Having a family history of delayed puberty
• Being of Chinese or Korean descent

Diagnosis and Treatment of Delayed Puberty in Girls:

Diagnosis of delayed puberty is usually made with blood tests that measure the levels of the LH and FSH hormones, as well as estradiol.

Treatment will depend upon the cause; for example, girls with low body fat may need to eat more calories and gain weight to kickstart the puberty process. For hormonal issues, long-term estrogen replacement may be prescribed, as a tablet or a patch.

Physical Changes of Puberty in Girls

1. Breast Development

The medical term for breast development is thelarche, and it usually begins as small lumps or buds under the nipples. This is usually one of the first signs of puberty in girls.

Over the next few years, the breasts get larger, and the areolas become more prominent. It is common for each breast to develop at a rate different from the other. The breasts may also feel tender or sore at times.

2. Body Hair

About 6-12 months after the breasts start budding, pubic hair begins to appear. It starts off as scant hair and gets thicker and coarser over time.

In about 15% of girls, pubic hair appears before breast budding, and this is normal, too. Armpit hair comes in next, followed by hair on other parts of the body.

3. Body Size Changes

Puberty in girls is accompanied by an increase in height and weight, as well as changes in the shape of the body. These changes usually happen earlier in girls than in boys.

Girls’ height starts increasing in the second stage of puberty, and they experience a growth spurt 1-2 years before menarche. Six months before the first period, they have another fast growth spurt, and after they get their period, growth slows down and stops. Most girls don’t grow more than 1-2 inches after getting their first period.

Puberty is also when girls gain weight, about 10-11 kg. Their body fat gets redistributed along the thighs, upper arms and breasts. The hips widen as the waist narrows, and the reproductive organs and genitals – uterus, vagina, labia, clitoris – increase in size.

4. Vaginal Discharge

Six to twelve months before getting their period, it is normal for girls to experience some vaginal discharge. This is usually clear or white and thick. This is due to the increasing estrogen in the body, and there is nothing to worry about.

4. Periods

The first period is called menarche, and is a major milestone in every girl’s life. Most girls get their first period within 2-3 years of starting to grow their breasts.

The first few months after menarche can be irregular and unpredictable. Some girls may have bright red blood, while others have a reddish-brown discharge. Sometimes the period may be heavy, while in some cases it may be just spotting. Some cramping or pain is also common. These variations are a normal part of puberty in girls as the body takes time to adjust to the new changes.

6. Acne

The changing hormone levels can lead to an increase in oil production. This, in turn, results in clogged pores and trapped bacteria, leading to breakouts and acne.

Acne can appear on the face, as well as the chest and back. Most girls are free from acne by the time puberty ends, while others may suffer for longer.

7. Hair Texture Changes

The increased oil production doesn’t just affect the skin – it also affects the hair and scalp. Girls may have trouble with an oily scalp and unmanageable hair. During puberty in girls, hair can change texture and become straighter or curlier, smoother or frizzier.

8. Sweating

During puberty, the sweat glands go into overdrive, leading to an increase in sweat production, especially under the arms. This, along with the boost in oil production, can lead to increased body odour, due to which most girls start using deodorants.

Please remember that these physical changes happen over years, and not all at once. Some of these may be more intense while others may not be a big bother – it differs from girl to girl. However, do take your daughter to the doctor if you notice any of the following:

• Starting to show signs of puberty before 8 years of age
• No breast budding by the age of 13
• Not getting their first period by age 16
• Not having a menstrual cycle within five years of breast development
• Extremely heavy periods where blood soaks through clothing or sheets
• Extreme period cramps that cause absence from school or activities

Emotional Changes of Puberty in Girls

Puberty in girls may seem like it’s all about physical changes to the body, but the truth is that there’s a lot happening on the emotional side as well. During puberty, the amygdala is also changing and growing. This is the part of the brain that is associated with emotional regulation.

This means that a girl growing through puberty is already dealing with many physical changes, and now she also has to deal with unfamiliar, uncomfortable emotions. As a result, it is natural for her to behave differently, especially toward her family members.

1. Becomes moodier – It’s a known fact that hormones can alter a person’s mood, and this is particularly true during puberty in girls. When their hormones are all over the place, they may tend to become moodier and sullen.

2. Withdraws from the family – Teenage girls are in the awkward stage between child and adult, and this can cause some friction at home. They are drawn toward independence but aren’t yet ready, and these conflicting feelings can cause them to be irritated and withdrawn.

3. Draws closer to friends – Girls of adolescent age feel more drawn to people of their own age, and start developing peer groups. Friends’ opinions matter a lot, and they develop deeper friendships in this phase.

4. Shows interest in romantic relationships – Those raging hormones are also responsible here – your daughter may start developing romantic feelings towards specific people. They may also become more curious about sex and sexuality.

5. Has strong opinions – Gone is the child who could be swayed by distractions – teen girls can be stubborn! They also have strong opinions on grown-up topics like religion, politics and gender. They are more interested in their future and the world around them.

Main Concerns in Adolescent Girls

1. Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety and depression are serious mental disorders in teens, with 15% of the global burden affecting children in the 10-19 age group. In fact, they are the leading causes of disability among teenagers, with suicide being the third leading cause of death in young people.

Symptoms of anxiety and depression often manifest as irritability, trouble sleeping, poor academic performance, lack of interest in daily activities and an inability to concentrate.

2. Body Image Issues

Our society has a tendency to treat certain body parts as ‘shameful’ which results in young girls having body image issues as their bodies change during puberty. For instance, a girl whose breasts are developing faster than her friends’ may feel ashamed of them.

Feeling self-conscious about their bodies is common for teen girls, especially as society constantly pushes an ‘ideal’ upon us. Despite several awareness programs and body-positive campaigns, commercial media and popular culture still celebrate skinny as beautiful, and this affects young girls who lose confidence in themselves.

3. Eating Disorders

Several studies have shown that teen girls are greatly influenced by what they see in the media, and not meeting the ‘female body ideal’ can make them feel upset. The result is that a large percentage of adolescent girls end up with eating disorders in an attempt to be skinny and attractive.

Eating disorders like anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa are serious illnesses that can lead to several medical complications and even suicide. They are among the mental illnesses that are most likely to lead to death.

4. Risky Behaviours

With so many changes happening at once, puberty in girls is a chaotic time for them, and this can lead to rebellion. Some children’s curiosity may get the better of them, leading to them engaging in risky behaviours like alcohol or drug use and unsafe sex. In fact, studies have found that globally, 22% of teens aged 15-19 consumed alcohol.

5. Societal Restrictions

Studies report that as girls approach adolescence, they experience more sexual harassment than earlier. However, instead of educating girls about it, most families end up restricting girls’ movement. This leads to them missing out on valuable opportunities and experiences.

In societies like India, teen girls are also expected to contribute more to household chores than boys, including caring for younger siblings. They are faced with more rules about what they can and cannot do now that they’re older, and the lack of autonomy can irritate them further.

The sudden onset of physical and emotional changes during puberty in girls can be overwhelming and can affect their mental health. It is important for parents to be aware of how their daughters are doing and be able to spot if something is wrong. Here are some warning signs to look out for:

• A sudden decline in academic performance
• Bunking or missing classes
• Inability to handle academic workload
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Lack of interest in activities they previously enjoyed
• Withdrawing from friends and social events
• Changes in appearance or personal hygiene
• Constant irritability
• Suddenly breaking out in tears or anger

Talking about Puberty to Girls

1. Start early and talk often

Many parents find it awkward to talk to their children about puberty in girls, but it is very important that you do. If not, your daughters will seek information from other sources like the internet, and this may be riddled with misinformation.

According to a study sponsored by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, 71% of Indian girls are completely unaware of menstruation before getting their first period. This is why it is crucial that parents start the conversation early, at about 7 or 8 years.

Start with very simple terms and let them ask questions. The more freedom they have to ask questions, the more comfortable they will feel about the subject. This way, you can ensure that the conversation is an ongoing one, and not a one-time affair.

2. Use the correct terms

This is similar to the advice given to parents when talking to kids about sexual abuse. Use the right terms for body parts instead of a generic ‘private parts’ or other nicknames. Using words like ‘vagina’, ‘breasts’ or ‘menstruation’ may feel weird if you’re not used to it, but that awkwardness will soon fade.

Using the right terms helps normalize these words and the changes with the associated body parts. This enables girls to feel more comfortable about their body and what’s happening to them.

3. Assuage fears and dispel myths

It is normal for young girls to feel afraid about so many things happening to them. They may worry that something is wrong with them, especially when it comes to bleeding, cramps or sore breasts. By starting the conversation about these topics early, you can assuage their fears, and reassure them that all this is normal. Please note that while you reassure them, it is important to not downplay their pain or discomfort.

Indian society also tends to associate shame with breasts and menstruation, and this can cause long-lasting trauma for young girls. Help girls understand that their bodies are beautiful, and that there is nothing shameful about having a period or buying period products or wearing a bra.

4. Talk about risky behaviours

Puberty in girls isn’t just confusing for them, it may also make them vulnerable to risky behavior like substance abuse or unsafe sexual activity. Sex education is a good way to educate girls about sex and sexuality, and also about how unnecessary risks can have far-reaching consequences.

Several schools have special programs to educate kids about drugs, but parents need to do their part too by talking about the dangers at home. Kids need to be educated about how to resist peer pressure and stick to safe spaces.

5. Set boundaries and consequences

Living with teenagers means quite a bit of unpredictability and a great deal of worry, so it is important to ensure that your home environment’s rules are stable and predictable. Make sure your child is clear about her boundaries and what is expected of her. If she oversteps, she will have to face the consequences, which should be communicated to her beforehand.

Making everything clear at the start will save you a good deal of negotiation later, and although kids may make a fuss, they’ll feel better knowing what they can and cannot do.

6. Take the help of other resources

Being the parent of a teenage daughter isn’t easy, and if you feel like you’re completely at a loss about how to talk to her, take the help of other resources. Take items lying around your home, for instance, like a sanitary pad or a bra. Ask your child what they know about it and their response should give you a good idea of where to start.

You can also use other opportunities to trigger a conversation, like if you see something on TV, or you hear a story about someone in your social circle. Ask them what they think, and answer their questions in an age-appropriate manner.

Puberty and Menstruation in Indian Culture

In many parts of India, menstruation is still considered something ‘dirty’. Menstruating women are asked to stay away from their families and sometimes even their homes. Several myths about menstruation make it appear like a woman’s period can ‘contaminate’ food items. Some even say that if a menstruating woman touches a cow, the cow becomes infertile. Then there are those who associate menstrual blood with evil spirits and ghosts.

Due to severe restrictions like these, many girls in rural areas drop out of school once they hit puberty. In some places, menstruating women aren’t allowed to bathe for the first few days of their period. This is extremely unhygienic and can lead to infections.

Please teach your daughter that menstruation is a perfectly normal bodily process, and women all over the world continue with their usual daily activities while they’re on their period. Maintaining good personal hygiene is crucial, such as changing pads/tampons frequently, wearing clean underwear and washing regularly.

In some parts of our country, puberty in girls is considered a special occasion, and celebrations are held when a girl gets her first period. Some girls seem to enjoy the festivities while others would rather be left alone. If this is a practice in your family, talk to your daughter and see how she feels. It may not be a good idea to force her to participate if she doesn’t want to.

Caring for Adolescent Girls

Periods

1. Once you’ve explained all about menstruation to your daughter, make sure she has everything she’ll need whenever she gets her first period. Show her how to use these items properly so she can handle things even if you’re not available at the time.

2. Explain the various options of menstrual products available these days, and if your daughter would like to try each out, help her.

3. Help her download a period-tracking app so she can track her period dates. Such apps also send reminders a few days before the next period is expected to start, which is a great help for girls who’ve just started menstruating.

Face and Body Care

1. Puberty in girls is also when they start taking more care of their appearance, but they should also be reminded to consider personal hygiene. Get them a deodorant that’s suitable for teenagers and advise them to use it every day.

2. Teach your daughter not to pop her pimples, however tempting it may seem. Get her medicated acne creams, or if her breakouts are severe, see a dermatologist.

3. It is normal for young girls to feel embarrassed about their growing breasts. Your daughter may feel more comfortable in looser clothes during this phase. You can also help her get a training bra when the time is right.

Nutrition

1. Make sure you are following the recommended calorie intake for the stages of puberty in girls, as shown below:

• 9-13 years: 1,400-1,800 calories, or up to 2200 calories if they are very active or into sports
• 14-18 years: 1,800-2,000 calories, or up to 2,400 calories if they are very active or into sports

2. A large percentage of India’s 120 million adolescent girls suffer from anaemia. Ensure your daughter is not one of them by giving her iron-rich foods like green leafy vegetables and meat. Vitamin C-rich foods like citrus fruits can improve the absorption of iron.

3. Puberty in girls is also a time when they need more calcium so they can build strong bones and teeth. Milk and finger millet are some examples of calcium-rich foods.

4. Try to minimise your daughter’s consumption of food that is too salty or sugary. Foods like these can lead to obesity, which in turn can cause several health issues, well into adulthood.

Wellbeing

1. Encourage your girls to move and be active. Our society tends to encourage boys to go out and play, but puberty in girls seems to act as the end of the road for them when it comes to being active. Getting them to join a sports class is a great way to ensure they stay fit.

2. Your teenager needs her privacy, and you need to respect it. Try to make knocking a habit before entering her room, and while you need to be aware of what’s happening in her life, try not to appear too nosy or interfering.

3. Most importantly, be a good role model, especially when it comes to body acceptance. Be very careful about the language you use when you’re around a teenage girl, and never make fun of another person’s body in front of her – even your own. Show her how to love and accept your body and give it all the love it deserves.

Books and Resources for Puberty in Girls

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists has a detailed FAQ section on various questions related to puberty in girls.

Puberty in girls is a challenging time, but it’s also an exciting part of their lives. Every girl goes through it differently, and no two girls’ experiences will be the same. However, you can make this important transition in their life smooth and happy. When your child knows that no matter what, you are always there to answer her questions and help her out, she will grow up to be a confident, happy and secure young woman!

References:

After an extended winter break, I said goodbye to my three college-aged sons. I hugged each of them tightly, told them I loved them, and added my usual reminder to “make good decisions.”

But this goodbye felt different. There were no tears or looming dread as they packed the car. Instead, I shut the garage door, went back into the kitchen, brewed some tea, and started sorting the mail.

Instead of tears, a sense of peace overcame me

My tears were replaced with a sigh—a mix of mild annoyance and an unexpected sense of peace. One of my sons even called as he pulled out of the driveway to ask why I hadn’t stood on the front porch clutching our ten-year-old black lab with tears steadily rolling down my cheeks, watching until the taillights disappeared. That had been my ritual for the past few years, each goodbye signaling that this house was becoming less and less their home.

This quieter goodbye didn’t come out of nowhere. For weeks, I had been shown, mostly through their actions, that I was no longer their priority. As much as I hate to admit it, there were moments when I felt like I was begging for time and then thanking them when they gave us any sliver of it.

I certainly know better than to look to social media for normalcy. I often tell clients, comparison is the thief of joy.

I found myself begging to be included in my teens’ plans

And yet, there I was, scrolling and feeling disappointed that our reality didn’t resemble the matching-pajama families watching movies by the fire. We didn’t even manage to gather all five of us long enough to take the obligatory family photo for the holiday card. Instead, I found myself asking—too often—to be let in on their plans with friends, girlfriends, and work, hoping to carve out moments of “family time.”

Intellectually, I understand this stage. As a therapist and a parent, I know that pulling away is developmentally healthy. They are building lives independent of us, forming identities that aren’t rooted in being someone’s child. Emotionally, though, it still hurt to feel like we were getting the bare minimum of their time and effort.

Rather than defaulting to my old habits, passive comments, heavy sighs when they retreat to their rooms, I changed my behavior and thoughts. I focused on what I could control: living my life without the constant identity and security blanket of being a Mom.

For years I yearned for just one quiet moment

Still, I couldn’t ignore the irony. For years, when the house was loud and chaotic and I was breaking up fights and driving carpools, I longed for just a moment to myself. I didn’t realize how abruptly that moment would arrive or that it would come with moments of deep sadness.

This season of life feels different from anything I’ve known. I miss parts of what was, but I’m also grateful for what is; long walks, new hobbies, an uninterrupted glass of really good wine and time to focus on my marriage and myself.

From manager to coach: Redefining your role as a parent

When my thoughts drifted toward feeling disposable in the boys’ lives, I reminded myself that this wasn’t about being unneeded, it was about transitioning from manager to coach, from decision-maker to sounding board. That shift is hard, especially for parents who spent over two decades organizing their children’s lives. Hard, yes but also, surprisingly freeing.

The night they all left, my husband and I went out to dinner at a restaurant our kids would never have chosen, I raised my glass and toasted our sons, their full lives and then to us. I told him I was looking forward to whatever came next for the two of us.

For me, what came next was taking small but intentional steps back, and stopped chasing responses and explaining myself.

I send one simple text to my sons each week with no expectation

I decided to send one simple text each week with no expectations, just a reminder that I’m here and that I love them. Then I put my phone down, there is no watching for typing bubbles and no waves of disappointment if I was left to read.

Three weeks in, my emotions are more predictable and healthier. I am confident I’m still needed in their lives. After all, I got a text today asking how to get a blood stain out of a shirt. I answered without asking how it got there and went back to my tea.

More Great Reading:

The 10 Things I Wish I’d Known Before My Kids Left for College

I recently saw a post on Instagram that said, “I was so wrapped in the responsibilities of motherhood, that I almost forgot this was my first time experiencing motherhood in my 40s too.”

It was basically reminding us that our life and experiences in motherhood are firsts for us and just as important as all of our children’s childhood experiences and firsts too. It made me feel so seen. It was a reminder that we shouldn’t expect to have everything always figured out, our emotions matter too, we can’t forget to continue fueling our own passions and joy. 

We often live for our children but we forget that it’s our life’s big moments and milestones too. I felt this so deeply when moving my firstborn to college. If you are a mom of a senior in high school, you might be counting down the months that you pack up your baby and move them into their first home away from home. This time of bittersweet surrender was filled with emotion, excitement, and grief that no one, not even an article in Grown and Flown can prepare you for.

A mother’s love doesn’t loosen when her child leaves home. It stretches, expands, and grows into a new shape. One that loves from a distance with the same depth as before.

unknown

My hope for you is not to be able to fully describe or soften the emotions you will feel, but maybe, if you get in a rut and aren’t sure what to do with emotions that may or may not bubble up, you can return to this article and pick what resonates for you in those moments.

13 things to help you through one of the biggest transitions and milestones of motherhood

1. Carve out quality time to spend with your teen throughout their last year/years at home.

I know, we all have responsibilities, and the last few years in high school can be the busiest. Be mindful of the timing and maybe even consider where you can free up your schedule a bit from work or travel. You will be so glad if you planned a special family vacation, and extra days with the intention to just enjoy each other’s company. This even looked like bingeing my daughter’s favorite Disney movies together on the couch for a weekend, or being intentional about going on a special shopping trip just to focus on the things she needs to prepare for her move.

We had intended on having a special cooking day to practice her favorite easy recipes but it didn’t ever happen which is okay, but I felt good about the time we had invested together before she left and you aren’t left with the “I wish I would have” feeling.

2. Plan when you will see them again before you drop them off.

It helped me to have specific times planned for the fall for when I could look forward to seeing her in person again. This included Parent’s Weekend, (which most colleges have around October) her performances, special concerts or sporting events that were in her college town that gave us an opportunity to meet up with her.

I have to admit, moving her in August and waiting until October was too long for me so I made an excuse to visit a friend that lived close by in September, and dropped in to visit her for a few hours. I treated her to lunch and did a quick Trader Joe’s Run and headed home. All I needed was a quick peek at her and her situation and a hug and it helped. She looked so vibrant, and happy that I realized that moving had actually improved her energy so much.

3. Refresh their childhood space at home.

After drop off, I spent the fall cleaning out her room, putting in new floors, painting her closet and got her a new bed. I gave away her childhood trundle bed to her little cousin and got her a queen bed with new “young adult” bedding. I decluttered everything, and packed away keepsakes. I refreshed it for when she came home. I asked her permission first and she was actually delighted about the idea.

It ended up providing a place for her to look forward to coming home to and an extra comfortable place to decompress away from the crammed dorm room she had to share with another roommate. She loved the changes. The first time she came home, I put fresh flowers by her bed signaling that she is welcome. She was very appreciative of the extra effort.

4. Decide how often you will call each other.

For us, I hadn’t done this and I found myself waiting by my phone for her to call. I wasn’t sure when I should call, or how often, and I had wanted to hear about what was happening but didn’t want to be overbearing.

I felt a little awkward so I decided to make a plan moving forward. We started by agreeing to connect at least once a week. Then once she got in the groove and she figured out when her roommate would be gone, she started to call more regularly. But it helps to have a designated plan as to when, so you can make sure you are free for the call and it’s a good time for them to share openly too.

Neither of you are waiting around for it to happen. My daughter is in her second year and she FaceTimes me multiple times a week. More often than her freshman year. I am not sure why other than she has matured a little more and has more time.

5. Decide together if it feels supportive to share locations.

I have had my children’s locations as long as it has been a thing. We use Life360 and my daughter was fine with me keeping it because we both agreed it would help keep her safe and keep me sane.

I am not going to lie, I checked it A LOT and it was so helpful and reassuring for me especially when she went out in the evenings. But she also checks our location to see where we’re at before she calls. It has only been an issue if I start asking too many questions that are really none of my business (honest confession). She has healthy boundaries with me and reminds me she’s willing to share locations but she’s also still an adult and deserves some privacy.

6. Find a way to fill your time with something you love—other than your child.

The more you are engaged and busy with your own life, the less time and energy you will have to meddle and be hypervigilant about theirs. They have to build some independence and that can’t happen with you breathing down their neck trying to solve all of their problems for them. This can be hard if all of your spare time had been spent on them and their extracurricular activities before they had left.

Luckily for me, I still have a child in the home who is busy and soaks up my attention. But I also became a certified life coach and breathwork guide and use my extra time to build my business, rekindle date nights with my husband, and take up other hobbies like writing, and painting. I also have more time to spend with my mom and friends which I hadn’t really had before.

7. On the way to college drop off, share your feelings but don’t make it all about you.

I know I started this article out embracing the idea that this is our first time too; however, my daughter had shared bravely with me when she noticed my husband and I were getting emotional, that when we were expressing sadness, it made her feel guilty for leaving us and responsible for our feelings. She was conflicted because she was so excited to move and go to her new college too.

I realized that by making it about me, I was stealing her joy a little. I decided to schedule in time to process and I wish I would have done a pre-breathwork. I certainly did a post-breathwork and journaling to process my emotions and stay grounded throughout our experience together.

8. Be prepared for the final goodbye.

After you move them in, and every new dorm accessory is in place, you might want to run them to the store to get any last minute thing, then take them to eat one last meal, and you might continue to search for one more thing but eventually it will be time to leave. As divine timing always does, when this time was approaching, her favorite childhood ColdPlay Song “In My Place” randomly came on the radio.

It used to be the only song that would put her to sleep when she woke in the middle of the night as a baby. It ripped at my heart and felt appropriate all at the same time.

“Turn this off!!” she announced. “No sad songs right now PLEEEEASE!!”

“It wasn’t me!!” I said, with a tear rolling down my face. “It just came on by itself.” I skipped the song and took a deep breath.

“Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” she said. “I want this to be a happy experience not a sad one.”

“Okay” my husband and I reassured her just as we did all those nights she couldn’t stay asleep without us. She jumped out of the car, gave us hugs and kisses, checked her texts because she had already made plans to meet up with some other girls from her high school, and said goodbye. In the same fashion she lived through her childhood, she went off, confidently, and independently to the next chapter.

Even though I knew with all my heart she was going to thrive, it was still REALLY hard to say goodbye. She was our light, pride and joy. My husband and I got back into the car and started bawling our eyes out. We held hands, silently confirming that this was one of the hardest parenting moments we had experienced to date.

My husband turned to me and said, “thank you for sharing her with me” and we drove home. Quiet and changed forever.

9. When you start questioning if you’ve made the right decision to let them go, (and yes this may cross your mind,) return to this—What else would they be doing if they weren’t moving away to college?

I make sure I remind myself of all the hard work she put in, how capable she is, and how she has never really given me any indication to wonder if she could survive on her own. I know she is unique but your child moving at 17/18/19 years old to pursue their future is special too and they deserve your belief and confidence in them. That is shown through your actions and how you support their transition.

10. Your confidence in them will empower them to survive their first few months successfully alone.

But remember they are not actually alone. They will have roommates or dormmates. Resist trying to solve every little problem they face once they are there. Encourage them to make friends. It’s healthy for them to bond with their new friends over solving common problems.

There are facebook groups where parents will come in and try to solve all of their children’s problems for them. Resist the urge to do this!!

11. Unless your hometown is within 30 minutes of campus, invest in the campus healthcare.

My daughter thanked us for this when she had a random rash, and had to visit the campus urgent care. She has gotten ill at least once a semester and has needed a prescription and has been very grateful to be able to independently make appointments and get what she needs quickly and without having to wait for me.

Before she left, I had started encouraging her to begin making her own doctor’s appointments in her senior year so this was not something that was new for her while also navigating her new school and home. She has told me multiple times that she didn’t understand it at the time but now she is grateful for all of this preparation beforehand.

12. Balance your energy together.

My daughter and I did a few fun things together in the last semester before she left, including a sound bath in a salt cave, a couples massage during our last family vacation, and we even had the opportunity to see a Broadway show together. I have had breathwork clients schedule breathwork sessions together with their child before they moved to help relieve anxiety, shed emotion, and ground themselves together before the big move.

Don’t force it, but do what feels right. It’s okay to be vulnerable together, it’s a big deal! And it will help keep you grounded for numbers 7 and 8.

13. Decide before hand how much money they will be getting from you and what each of your expectations are around spending.

This is a BIG transition when it comes to resources they are used to at home to limited resources where they are at. It’s an even bigger transition if they are going from a rural town to a city, or used to having a car to not having a car. This all will impact them in different ways and the clearer you are with budgeting and communication around it, the less your relationship will be strained.

My husband and I give our daughter a monthly allowance and for the most part she is able to stay within it. Learning how to budget and stay within it is a good skill to have. There are sometimes social events and activities that she will ask for extra money for and we typically try to support her but she has to ask.

There will be kids with a lot more in their budget and kids with a lot less. They all figure it out somehow. Discuss things like uber, doordash, social events etc to decide where the money is coming from because they WILL try to use it.

Final Thoughts

This season of motherhood is emotional, humbling, and transformative. It cracks you open in ways that only love can. You’re learning how to let go without disconnecting, how to support without suffocating, and how to redefine who you are outside of the role you’ve held for nearly two decades.

None of us get it perfect. None of us know what we’re doing the first time around. But that’s the beauty of it! Because we’re growing right alongside them.

Your grief is valid. Your pride is valid. Your joy is valid. Your longing is valid. And your child stepping into their next chapter is also your invitation to step into yours.

More Great Reading:

6 Reasons Why Moms Cry When They Leave Their Kids at College

I’m writing this after a failed attempt at a holiday family vacation with my three children, 10 years after my divorce, while sipping tequila on the rocks, bingeing the fifth season of Emily in Paris, and nursing away my disappointment.

After two months of planning a trip to London, which included activities to satisfy all three of my children (a feat in itself), our trip was thwarted by the snowstorm that pummeled the Northeast on Boxing Day. We made not one but two round-trip Uber rides to Newark airport and attempted three different flights, including a last-ditch standby flight.

Alas, we had to cancel our trip. I’ve had my fair share of disappointment in life, but this hit different, prompting me to become introspective about why I was feeling so disappointed.

I have some practice in being away from my children

At 21, 19, and 17, the ages of my children, squarely places me in a phase of “day-to-day parenting disentanglement.” I’ve had practice in this department, having 50% shared custody with their father for the last ten years, and for the most part have done my best to grow accustomed to less control and knowledge of all the little things parents know about their kids: what they ate for dinner, what time they had a snack, who they had a playdate with, what friend they got in an argument with, if they passed their latest biology test with flying colors, the latest binge-worthy show.

During the college years, these everyday details continue to diminish, leaving me grasping at whatever I can get. I was shocked to hear my son’s latest burger order included a fried egg and loads of ketchup. Believe it or not, none of my children liked ketchup growing up. I made a bet with my son when he was seven that he would eventually like it.

At 15, when he still didn’t like ketchup, I paid up, but now at 19, it was my payday, except I hated that I didn’t know exactly when the beloved condiment flipped him. It could have been months ago, but instead it was just a detail kept from me until a random lunch order last week.

I wanted to have some “forced family fun”

I wanted this trip so much because, quite honestly, I wanted to trap them and hold them hostage for a few days in a foreign country. Forced family fun, if you will. The same room, shared meals, and activities where the conversation just flows, effortlessly moving from one topic to another, revealing something new about their emerging and maturing thoughts and interests. Travel lends well to mutual discovery of new places, sights, smells, and experiences.

It was going to be an opportunity for all of us to see how we each react in certain situations. Which one of us gets frustrated with lines or airport delays? What sight filled us with awe? Who tried a new food?

I wanted to relinquish my mom role for a short time

I was looking forward to relinquishing the taskmaster role I often have at home while fulfilling all the admin duties. Our trip would give us a chance to soften and shed the traditional parent/child roles. My children could figure out the right Tube stop to take to get to the football match, and I could watch how they tackle the world outside our living room. A chance to create lasting, bonding memories where we could be enthralled or awed by an exhibit, a game-winning goal, or the most mouth-watering fish and chips and pint at a historic English pub.

Home may be where the heart is, but more specifically, when my children are home, their hearts and bodies are in their rooms. I’ve read a ton of articles about teenagers’ need for privacy and independence, which leads them to spend countless hours there.

I’m often baffled by their desire to watch a feature film on their phone or computer instead of on a big screen in the living room with other people for a shared experience (gasp)! Often they sneak down into the kitchen for food like a ninja in the night, seen by no one, but leaving crumbs on the counter, or an open cabinet from getting a glass; a trail of clues for me to piece together their eating habits and actions.

It’s a struggle to get all of us to do something

Meal times are not consistent because everyone wakes up at different times, and of course, you add in the pull of friends. One is out with friends, the other wants to go to the gym, and the other is waiting for texts back to figure out plans. Maybe it’s my parenting style, but I find it a constant struggle to get all of us to do something, at the same time that we can all agree on. We are more like four ships passing through the night than a family of four.

As a single parent, this has given me much anxiety over the years, wondering if this is common behavior when my children are at their father’s for one, or if it’s something just divorced families relate to. My unsophisticated polling of friends has shown me it’s not just a divorced-family phenomenon, which is slightly comforting, but also makes me want to push harder to find other ways to reimagine our family dynamic.

Time isn’t on my side, my kids are growing up quickly

Time is also not on my side. My daughter is going to be a senior in college this fall, my son a junior, and my youngest daughter a freshman. The two oldest have already landed internships this summer, which they will want to bust their asses for in hopes of potential ongoing employment, making it hard to plan another trip.

All three have already made plans with friends for their spring breaks, and the summer weekends are sliced in half, sharing time with their Dad. Then you mix in the high school friends they want to see…the college friends…not to mention potential significant others who take priority. I mean, who doesn’t want to watch young summer love? I can just see the sand particles flowing right on through the hourglass.

I had FOMO when my kids got away with their dad

My children were able to get away for a few days with their father during this break, which, of course, I was overwhelmingly happy to hear, but it comes with a plethora of complicated feelings. We have a group family chat, and I got some photos and updates from their trip. My oldest asked me if I ever get FOMO in these situations. Of course I do, I told her. I always will.

She told me she would have “mad FOMO,” and I could tell from her response that, for the first time, she really considered what it might feel like to walk in different shoes. In all the muck of tangled emotions this phase of parenting brings, I’ve decided this is a beautiful, bright spot.

Your kids will continue to gain empathy and compassion, and this phase will move into the next phase of early adulthood, which I’m guessing might require even more guidance, support, hand-holding, and pep talks as they navigate first jobs and apartments, and potential life partners that may join the family. I can only hope they might actually need me more once again.

I will finish licking my wounds and accept that, for whatever reason, this trip to London wasn’t meant to be. I’ll focus on the positives, remember that parenting is just a continuum of phases, and start scheming up a new adventure for 2026 and beyond.

More Great Reading:

How To Cope When You’re Missing Your Big Kid So Much It Hurts

I’m trying to remember how we marked the occasion of my high school graduation, and I can’t. Maybe it’s because there wasn’t a big, overblown celebration, but more realistically, it was over 30 years ago. Either way, I’m drawing a blank.

Because I’m not talking about the adorable little low-key inexpensive graduation party with family and close friends in the backyard with grilled hamburgers, a cooler of iced-down beverages, a few balloons, and a sheet cake from Kroger.

My first experience with “The Grad Party”

I’m talking about The Grad Party: months of pre-planning via Pinterest, a color theme, invitations from Shutterfly or Minted, guest lists including (but not limited to) an entire friend list on Facebook, posters with artfully placed photos of the grad from childhood through high school, rented tents, tables, and chairs, landscaping and home décor updates, signature beverages (bubble tea, anyone?), and extensive, creative catering (I’ve been to one where they had a mobile wood-burning pizza oven).

The first time I went to one of these outrageous parties and saw the multiple, elaborate photo displays propped around the room on easels and watched the digital slideshow playing on a loop while enjoying a catered lunch from the local country club, I honestly felt like I was at a memorial service (and yes, of course, I felt terrible about having that thought). But still, the similarities were eerie. 

When my older daughter was a senior, she chose not to have The Grad Party. The thought of being the center of attention in a room full of people who were more acquaintances than true friends made her panic.

And although I spent about an hour mourning the loss of creating cute, crafty centerpieces and putting my cabinet full of unused scrapbooking supplies to use on kick-ass photo collage posters, I was relieved.

I had enough stress in my life just trying to make sense of the complicated tangle of feelings I was grappling with as graduation loomed closer. 

Perhaps it’s regional, but in Arizona (where I graduated) in the late 80s, the big, extravagant Grad Party wasn’t a thing, and other than all the obligatory cash from the guests that certainly would’ve come in handy when purchasing my green and pink floral Laura Ashley comforter set for my dorm room, I don’t feel like I missed out.

Going bonkers with these parties still feels a bit weird to me and like something that is often done more for the parent and the appearance they feel they need to present than for the actual graduate. 

Listen, if you’re Team Grad Party, I get where you’re coming from. I honestly do. I know that for many (many, many) of you, throwing an all-out bash to celebrate not only your grad’s accomplishments but also your pride and triumph at this moment is fun and essential and is something you’ve probably been looking forward to, and planning for years (but really, I know people who have been planning this party for years).

For whatever reason, it’s meaningful for you to go big or home. And I’ll happily come to your rented tent and sip a freshly squeezed mimosa (that a hired bartender made for me) from a whimsically striped paper straw while eating an Artisan cupcake out of a mason jar and perusing your child’s scrapbooks, jerseys, and dance costumes from years past. And then I’ll just as happily go home to a house I don’t have to clean. 

This year my younger daughter has also opted out of a big, outlandish fête, a decision that, once again, my cholesterol, REM sleep, and checkbook are big fans of. Will we still make her graduation a big deal in a different way? Certainly! We’re just choosing to keep it simple, which I know many of you favor doing, too. 

So if, like my family, you also don’t need the stress of The Grad Party in your life, here are a few other ways to commemorate the big occasion…without clearing space in your backyard for a bounce house. 

Six inexpensive alternatives to a big grad party

1. Throw them a grad party (lowercase)

I know, I know. It sounds like I’m contradicting myself, but hear me out.  A party is still a perfect way to celebrate, but you don’t have to go to “photo booth in the garage” extremes to do it.

When my older daughter graduated, we had a small brunch at home and invited our close family friends, people she’d known and who’d known her well for years. Later in the summer, we had a going away BBQ with her closest friends and their families, which was more intimate and meaningful than a gigantic party anyway.

The point is, it’s possible to have an inexpensive party — or even joint one with other families — and it still is unique and memorable, even without a Ben & Jerry’s truck parked in your driveway. 

Another inexpensive party idea? Move the celebration to a restaurant for a lovely brunch or a special dinner with a handful of guests close to your graduation. Many have small rooms you can rent for the occasion, so you can still bring some festive decorations…and display a few of the photo boards you know you’re dying to make. 

2. Take them on a trip

Many people I know have used the money they’d have spent on a big grad party to take a summer graduation trip instead. (And the fact that one person I talked to told me their entire family of five went to Europe for two weeks told me all I needed to know about how big her Grad Party would’ve been.)

A memorable trip can look many different ways, from a weekend getaway with a close friend or two at a local hotel to jetting off to a place your grad has always wanted to go. The memories made will matter far more than the location. 

3. Tickets to a concert, play, spa day, etc.

Spending quality time at a fun event with family and/or high school friends who will soon possibly be hundreds of miles away is a great way to celebrate your graduate without having to clean your carpets.

4. Give time and/or money to a cause that’s important to them

Whether your grad is an activist or just someone with a big heart, giving the money — or a portion — you’d spend on a party to an organization they care about is a terrific way to honor their graduation.

And if money is an issue (see: college tuition), simply making the time to volunteer with your grad isn’t just a unique way to recognize what’s important to them but a meaningful way to spend some of the fleeting days together before they go to college.

5. Get them a special gift

A new laptop for college, an updated phone, a keepsake piece of jewelry: gifting your grad with something a bit outrageous instead of blowing the hard-earned money on party guests might be a more practical way for some folks to spend it and actually might be more helpful or unique to your grad (who is the person all this is for, remember?).

6. Give them the party money and let them decide what to do it

Having a bit of a “nest egg” — no matter the amount — for them to use on the many extras that college brings (sorority or fraternity expenses, a spring break trip, study abroad, a sassy new pair of boots, etc.) is an option many grads are willing to trade a big party for. 

Since the alleviation of The Grad Party stress HAD NO PRICETAG — we gave my daughter the money we’d have spent on one. Wait, let me clarify that: we gave her a very, very small portion of what we’d have spent on it, which she saved and used toward travel expenses when she studied abroad in Australia during her junior year of college, something that was infinitely more memorable for her than having catered tacos at a party in the stressful month after high school graduation.

Don’t do anything 

Honestly, it’s okay. Maybe college tuition and all the accompanying expenses must be enough. Maybe there are extenuating circumstances in your family that prevent it. Perhaps some of you can’t swing a separate celebration of any kind. Or maybe you don’t have the energy to. It doesn’t mean you aren’t as proud of your grad as the neighbors, no matter how much their social media posts attempt to make you feel otherwise. 

However you decide to honor and celebrate your graduate — a big party, a small, inexpensive party, a big trip, a short trip, brunch, spa day, concert, unique gift, or a simple gesture — make sure the meaning of this critical time in your lives doesn’t get lost in the details or in what you feel the expectations are. But even more importantly? Make sure your graduate doesn’t.  

You Might Also Enjoy: 

10 Things NOT to Forget for a Grad Party

Best Ideas for a Grad Party: Step-by-Step

Published: January 29, 2026 | Last Updated on: January 29, 2026
| by Hema

Finding a snack that is healthy, filling, and still loved by kids can feel tricky. This No Guilt snack- Oats Nuts Mixture for Kids is a perfect everyday snack—crunchy, mildly sweet, and packed with nutrition. Made using wholesome oats, nuts, and natural ingredients, this mixture is ideal for school snack boxes, travel munching, or evening hunger pangs.

Free from refined sugar and preservatives, this oats nuts mixture is a smart alternative to store-bought snacks and keeps kids energized without unhealthy additives.

Health Benefits of Oats and Nuts

Oats and nuts together make a powerful combination that supports children’s growth and daily energy needs.

Oats

• Provides long-lasting energy.
• Rich in fiber, improves digestion and prevents constipation.
• Supports brain development and focus.
• Keeps kids full for longer.
• Easy to digest when cooked well.

Nuts

• Rich in healthy fats and protein for growth.
• Supports brain development and memory.
• Boosts immunity with vitamins and antioxidants.
• Strengthens bones and teeth.
• Helps healthy weight gain in kids.

Oats Nuts Mixture Recipe

Ingredients

• Rolled oats – 1 cup
• Almonds (chopped) – 2 tbsp
• Cashews (chopped) – 2 tbsp
• Peanuts – 2 tbsp
• Raisins – 2 tbsp
• Jaggery powder – 2 tbsp
• Ghee – 1 tsp

Method

• Dry roast the oats on low flame until they turn crisp. Keep aside.
• In the same pan, dry roast peanuts, almonds, and cashews until aromatic.
• Heat ghee in a pan, add jaggery powder, and allow it to melt slightly on low flame.
• Switch off the flame and quickly add roasted oats, nuts, and raisins.
• Mix well so everything gets evenly coated.
• Let it cool completely before storing in an airtight container.
• Serve as is or pack it as a quick snack for kids.

This oats nuts mixture is simple, nourishing, and versatile. It works well as an evening snack, travel snack, or even a quick hunger fix between meals. By using whole ingredients and traditional sweeteners, you can confidently offer this snack to your kids without worrying about junk or excess sugar.

Frequently Asked Questions

I met Simone* in college, and we are not alike in many ways. Yet she’s the friend I call when I’m upset or if I am not sure what to do next, when I want to share a secret or celebrate a success. We look to each other for a good laugh or to cheer one another up. We live many states apart, but we prioritize connecting whenever we can. We feel safe, protected, and valued, and after years of friendship, I don’t know what we would do without each other.

Of course, that’s not to say every relationship doesn’t have its ups and downs.

Recently, Simone and I, along with our significant others, had a heated discussion on a Zoom call over, no surprise, politics. Afterward, my husband was concerned that Simone would not speak to me anytime soon. I reminded him that our connection was too tight for that to happen; it’s highly unlikely we would dismiss each other when we don’t agree.

He knows that from his own friendships. I’ve witnessed him giving his close friends space after disagreeing, but not to the point of severing the bond. Like my relationship with Simone, almost nothing could come between him and the friends he cherishes.

Friendships like my husband’s or mine with Simone are critical to well-being for most of us and help define who we are. Forming new friendships or strengthening older ones requires first being aware of their value and alert to the subtle subtexts we might otherwise miss.

In his book, How to Be a Friend, Brent Bain dissects the fragile elements of friendship that need close attention. We want our friends to be people who don’t judge or compete with us, and we shouldn’t compete with them, he explains. But that’s only part of the story.

Starting Point

Friendships are essential to most people’s very being. Good friends help us smooth over rough patches, soothe us in times of chaos, and celebrate with us in times of good fortune. They are a haven for our fears, insecurities, and worries, and a confidante when we need one most.

Friends care deeply about each other. Carlin Flora, author of Friendfluence, concluded that friends “make us feel we matter.” She reports that strong relationships “with friends are in fact the best predictors of one’s general happiness level.”

The findings from Harvard Medical School research, The Grant Study, which has been keeping track of students’ adult development since 1938, reinforce Flora’s point. “Good relationships are the key to long-term happiness and health,” the Harvard researchers assert. It’s the quality of those relationships, not the quantity, that is paramount.

Building meaningful friendships is a continuous work in progress. Each person must actively contribute to the relationship. You need special tools and a willingness to put forth the effort. Being the friend you would like to have, Barnet Bain suggests, starts with being open and compassionate. This allows a person to become more caring.

In How to Be a Friend, Bain highlights nine essential tools to build lasting relationships. Some are easily overlooked, and all are certain to improve your friendships.

9 Tools of Friending

Bain’s toolkit is full of important skills to not only strike up a friendship, but to troubleshoot tough times as well. “Think of it as roadside assistance for when your friendships sputter, stall, or need a tune-up,” as he puts it. Here is Bain’s wise guide:

1. Provide Safety

If your friend doesn’t feel safe with you, forget the rest. Safety doesn’t mean bubble wrap. It means you’re not weaponizing their vulnerability. Try this: Bain suggests asking yourself, “Can my friend tell me something messy without me flinching or fixing?” This is key to growing in your relationship and understanding of one another.

2. Reduce the Fear of Loss

Everyone’s a little afraid people will disappear. Consistency matters more than intensity. Try this: Text one friend you’ve drifted away from. Write: “Thinking of you. No reply needed.”

3. Reduce the Fear of Humiliation and Shame

Nothing shuts people down faster than embarrassment. When someone risks honesty, guard that moment. Try this: When a friend admits a mistake, say, “Yeah, I’ve done that too.”

4. Honor Where They’re Coming From (and Where They’re Going)

Everyone’s carrying an invisible backpack — family, culture, history, hopes. You don’t have to like what’s in it, but respect the weight. Try this: Before jumping in with advice, ask, “Do you want me to listen or help?”

5. Provide Pleasure

Joy isn’t fluff — it’s fuel. Fun is medicine. Be the person who remembers to laugh. Try this: Send something ridiculous. This could be a song, a meme, or just a bad joke. Let someone borrow a little of your joy.

6. Listen Deeply

Listening isn’t pausing to reload your next point. It’s staying curious long enough to actually hear your friend. Try this: Repeat back one line of what they said before you answer. Not to agree, to show you heard.

7. Prioritize Friendship

You can’t “fit it in.” You have to plan around it. Friendship fades when left to convenience. Try this today: Put a name in your calendar. Keep the date.

8. Forgive

Forgiveness isn’t forgetting — it’s clearing the static so connection can come through again. Most friendships don’t end in betrayal. They die from silence. If something feels off, maybe say, “Hey, I miss us. Can we talk?” (I sent that very text to another friend the morning I wrote about my friendship with Simone.)

9. See Clearly

Seeing clearly means letting people be who they are, not who you wish they’d be. Clarity is love without control. Try this: When you catch yourself labeling someone, ask, “What else might be true?”

*****

When you embrace a friend with these pointers in mind, the friendship grows stronger, and the rewards mount. As the subtitle of Carlin Flora’s book, Friendfluence, tells us, “Friends Make Us Who We Are.” I’m lucky that Simone is my friend. Our regular contact and closeness haven’t changed since that contentious Zoom call. Over the years, she has played a significant role in who I am.

What tools will you add to your friending toolkit?

*Simone is the pseudonym my friend chose.

Copyright @2026 by Susan Newman, PhD

Published: January 23, 2026 | Last Updated on: January 23, 2026
| by Hema

Finding healthy snacks that kids actually enjoy can be a challenge. This Healthy and Nutritious Samba Rava Cutlet for Kids is a perfect solution—crispy outside, soft inside, and packed with nutrition. Made using traditional samba rava, vegetables, and simple spices, this cutlet is ideal for evening snacks, lunchboxes, or even as a light dinner option for growing kids. It’s wholesome, filling, and free from refined flour, making it a parent-approved snack.

Health Benefits of Samba Rava

Samba rava, made from traditional unpolished rice, is a nutritious grain that supports a child’s overall growth and development. Including samba rava in kids’ meals offers multiple health benefits:

• Provides long-lasting energy: Rich in complex carbohydrates, samba rava keeps kids active and energetic for longer hours without sudden sugar spikes.
• Easy to digest: Its light texture makes it gentle on young digestive systems, ideal for growing children.
• High in dietary fiber: Helps improve digestion, prevents constipation, and supports gut health.
• Naturally gluten-free: A safe and healthy option for kids with gluten sensitivity or intolerance.
• Supports healthy weight gain: Nutritious and filling, it helps maintain a healthy weight without relying on refined foods.
• Traditional and nutrient-dense: Made from unpolished rice, it retains essential nutrients compared to refined grains.

Samba Rava Cutlet Recipe

Ingredients

• Cooked samba rava – 1 cup
• Boiled potato (mashed) – 1 medium
• Finely chopped carrot and beans – 2 tbsp
• Turmeric powder – ¼ tsp
• Pepper powder – ¼ tsp
• Salt – as needed
• Oil – for shallow frying

Method

• In a mixing bowl, add cooked samba rava and mashed potato.
• Add chopped carrot and beans, turmeric powder, pepper powder, and salt.
• Mix everything well to form a soft, non-sticky mixture.
• Shape the mixture into small cutlets.
• Heat a pan with little oil and shallow fry the cutlets on low flame.
• Turn both sides and cook until golden brown.
• Serve warm with curd or a mild dip.

This samba rava cutlet for kids is a nutritious, tasty, and easy-to-make snack that fits perfectly into a healthy child’s diet. It’s a great way to introduce traditional grains in a kid-friendly form while ensuring balanced nutrition. Ideal for lunchboxes, after-school hunger, or family snack time, these cutlets prove that healthy food can be both delicious and comforting.

Frequently Asked Questions

College students who live in dorms on in off-campus apartments need to be prepared with the upcoming major winter storm that’s expected to impact much of the country.

Here’s a checklist for the next 24-48 hours before the storm ushers in snow, ice and sub-freezing temperatures.

Storm‑prep checklist for students in dorms or off‑campus apartments

24–48 hours before the storm

• Charge phone, laptop, tablet, power banks, and any rechargeable lanterns or flashlights.
• Fill reusable water bottles and, if possible, extra jugs (aim for at least a few liters per person).
• Pick up prescriptions, over‑the‑counter meds, and any essential supplies (contacts, inhalers, etc.).
• Top off campus card/cash; keep some small bills in case electronic payment systems go down.
• Do one laundry load so you have clean warm clothes, socks, and extra layers ready.

Food and kitchen prep

• Buy 2–3 days of no‑cook or easy‑cook food: peanut butter, bread/tortillas, granola bars, instant noodles, canned soup, tuna/chicken, trail mix, fruit cups.
• Make sure you have a manual can opener if you bought canned goods.
• Freeze a few water bottles or ice packs to help keep food cold if power fails.
• Avoid stocking lots of fresh meat or dairy right before the storm in case the fridge loses power.

Room and building prep

• Choose one interior room or area to “camp out” in if it gets very cold; gather blankets and sleeping bags there.
• Lay out warm clothing: base layers, sweater/hoodie, coat, hat, gloves, thick socks.
• Locate your building’s emergency exits, fire alarms, and the place where you’d meet roommates if you had to evacuate.
• If you control the thermostat, set it slightly cooler now so the system is not overworking at the last minute, and confirm vents are not blocked.

Pipes, power, and electronics

• Know where to report maintenance issues (burst pipes, leaks, broken heaters) for campus housing or your landlord.
• Plug laptops and phones into surge‑protected power strips if you have them; unplug nonessential electronics before the storm arrives.
• Download lectures, readings, maps, and entertainment (movies, playlists, ebooks, podcasts) for offline use.
• Find or buy at least one flashlight or battery lantern; avoid relying only on candles.

Travel and transportation

• If you have a car, fill the gas tank and move the car away from large trees or power lines if possible.
• Put in the car: blanket, water, snacks, scraper (if available), small flashlight, phone charger.
• Decide now whether you’ll stay on campus, go to a nearby friend’s place, or go home; avoid last‑minute travel once ice or heavy snow starts.

Campus communication and safety

• Enroll in or confirm you’re signed up for campus emergency alerts (text, email, app).
• Bookmark local weather, campus safety, and local emergency management pages on your phone.
• Learn where official warming centers, shelters, or designated “ride‑out” buildings are on or near campus.
• Write down important numbers on paper: campus security, housing/RA, maintenance, local non‑emergency police, roommates and close friends.

Medical and accessibility needs

• Prepare a small first aid kit: basic pain reliever, fever reducer, any allergy meds, bandages, thermometer if you have one.
• Charge and, if possible, have spare batteries for medical devices and flashlight
• Identify at least one place (friend’s dorm, another building) with more reliable power/heat where you could relocate temporarily.

Social and mental prep

• Plan a few low‑tech activities (board/card games, offline study plan, reading) to help manage stress if the power or internet go out.
• Coordinate with roommates on shared supplies so you don’t all buy the same items unnecessarily.
• Check on friends who are far from home, new to cold weather, or without transportation, and make sure everyone has somewhere safe to stay.

Natural Weather Service

Here’s how the Natural Weather Service describes this upcoming massive storm: “Major Winter Storm to Bring Heavy Snow and Ice Impacts; Dangerously Cold in the North-Central U.S. with …widespread heavy snow, sleet, and freezing rain…frigid temperatures and gusty winds that will lead to dangerous wind chills.”

National and local emergency-sites for help during a natural disaster

College students should find and bookmark any local or state natural disaster information sites to be prepared.

State and local information

State or local emergency‑management agency site (ex. FloridaDisaster.org in Florida)gives area‑specific alerts, evacuation info, and localized preparedness tips.​

Red Cross Winter Storm Safety

American Red Cross: Winter Storm Safety

Step‑by‑step preparedness checklists, first‑aid info, shelter and disaster‑response details, plus a mobile emergency app.​

General disaster and health

CDC Emergency Preparedness and Response

Guidance on preparing for natural disasters, severe weather, outbreaks, and what to do before, during, and after events.​

More Great Reading:

10 Ways Parents Can Help Their College Students Prepare For Dorm Emergencies

This morning I realized we had reached the beginning of the end. While I knew this moment was coming, it came sooner than expected, and I was unprepared for it.  It happened suddenly at 6:30 a.m. on Tuesday, Feb. 22, as I walked downstairs to make breakfast for my high school senior son. And like a ton of bricks falling on my head — it was fast and furious.

I just woke him up for school, and being the “over-thinker” I am, my mind raced to 5 p.m. when his varsity hockey team started playoffs. A tidal wave of emotions ensued as I realized today might be the last day I ever watch my son play hockey, and this might be the last morning I ever wake him up for hockey. 

I know you think I didn’t wake him for hockey because he has school first — but I did nostalgically. He loved to skate and play when he started playing hockey at age six. But he also loved to sleep.

In the early years waking my son early to skate was challenging

Getting up at 6 a.m. every Sunday for games was a challenge of epic proportions. I would carry him downstairs and let him sleep on the floor for a few extra minutes. I got him half-dressed in his equipment while he remained half-asleep because, according to his logic, dressing at home gave him about 4 minutes and 11 seconds of extra sleep.

When it was time to wake him up, I served him my version of “The Breakfast of Champions.”

For anyone age 40 or older, you probably just flashed back to the classic Jim Belushi Olympic Training skit where he was donuts and a cigarette. My version was ice cream. Yes, I fed my 6-year-old ice cream for breakfast every Sunday morning for three months to wake him up for hockey. Don’t judge me. 

Some might think what I just described is crazy and didn’t teach him anything. But he wanted this so bad, and at age 6 he couldn’t do it alone. A big part of parenting is teaching your kids how to be self-sufficient, but another part is doing everything in your power to help your kids achieve what they want.    

I will never forget my son’s first season of hockey

I will never forget that first season. He was the youngest and smallest kid on the team, and we played in the biggest rink around that can seat a thousand people. In that cavernous and quiet rink, he snapped out of his slumber at dawn and suddenly was alive, free, and full of joy out on the ice. After games, he would tell me, “I love feeling the cold, fresh air on my face whenever I skate fast.”  

He often looked for me to ensure I was watching, and he would wave until I saw him and waved back. Other parents would comment, “I think your son just waved to you…In the middle of the game…That’s hysterical.”

By the time I was halfway down the steps this morning, the thought of today being the end of 12 years of hockey made all the memories come flooding back. All the teams, practices, games, championships, tournaments, long car rides. All the different jerseys, coaches, teammates, and parent friendships forged while standing together in ice rinks. It all flashed before my eyes.

But those memories are all centered around one thing: Me watching him play.

And that feeling can come to a parent from anything, not just sports. My daughter spent years singing, acting, and doing musical theater. We built similar memories with car rides to practices, shows, singing lessons, and helping her work hard to succeed.

She and I bonded over music. We would sing in the car, and I helped her practice lines for her shows. When she was on stage, the glow on her face brought me immense joy and satisfaction. I miss everything about that.

One of my favorite memories is hearing her sing at the top of her lungs in the shower. She doesn’t do it much these days. When she was home from college recently, I asked her why. She said it’s not a habit anymore and added, “I don’t want to bother my roommates, and I’m not practicing for anything.” It makes sense, but it still makes me sad. 

But last Christmas break, I heard her singing one random morning. She doesn’t know this, but I dropped everything, ran to the stairs, sat down, and listened. It was wonderful.

It’s our loss when our kids stop participating in their activities

I now realize that when parents say they are sad for our kids because “Insert Any Activity here” is about to be over, it might be more about coming to terms with our loss. The loss of the joy we got from watching them do what they do and of how our kid’s activities shaped who WE had become during those formidable years. 

My son and I often deconstructed his games, discussing the good and the bad. I never held back from telling him what he did wrong or if he played poorly. If he made mistakes, he needed to know to learn. But he also needed the positive reinforcement of hearing about what he did well.  

This kid, after all, once in the middle of a third-grade all-star baseball game, yelled to me from left field after making a nice catch. Between pitches to the next batter, he yelled in my direction, “Dad, did you see that?” Surprised he was yelling at me in the middle of the game, I nodded emphatically and gave him a big thumbs up. Next pitch. He yells again. “Are you proud of me?!?” “Of course!” I yelled back.

A dad standing with me still brings up this hilarious story 10 years later. From that day forward, I always ensured he knew I was proud of him. But he also knew it came with three caveats — he worked hard, had a good attitude, and was a good teammate.

When he finally came downstairs and began eating breakfast, I felt a nervous energy. I am always fidgety — but this was worse. In recent weeks, we had discussed that the end was coming. But I wanted no part of talking about it today. I wandered the kitchen aimlessly, hoping to distract myself physically, and asked him random questions that were forced. I’m not sure he noticed because he was half-asleep. (Remember how he likes his sleep?) but I noticed, so I stopped talking.

He then asked me how I would feel if they lost the game tonight. I bumbled through how I was proud of what he achieved in making it this far, and I will enjoy watching him play hard and do his best. He then offered me his take.

“I want to win, I always do, and it’s the playoffs,” he said. “I had a good, fun season. I achieved what I wanted with my role on the team, and I played in every game.” He paused and continued, “But it has been a long season, and I am tired. I think no matter what happens, I am happy and content.” 

My son was content with what he had accomplished during the season

BOOM — mind was blown — Maybe the most grown-up and mature thing my 17-year-old (who regularly acts like an 11-year-old) has ever said. What the heck am I so distraught about? If he is content, shouldn’t I be too? 

Three and a half months earlier, his 10-year soccer career saw its final game when the varsity team lost in the state semifinals. But there was no time to process that ending because he walked off the field, got in his car, and drove straight to hockey tryouts. He had a one-hour break between sports, and the excitement of hockey overshadowed soccer’s ending.

With three varsity sports and three senior nights, I felt like it would all take forever, and this panic moment would come in June when spring volleyball ended. 

But volleyball has not consumed his or our life — the way hockey and soccer have. They were the serious sports with summer camps, off-season training, travel teams, bigger commitments, higher costs, and a higher level of play.  Volleyball has been a fun and carefree outlet; while he loves it, there has been no lifelong blood, sweat, or tears — or money — shed for it. 

So maybe it does make sense the feelings are triggered now. From skating lessons at age five until now, hockey has been in his life. That is 75% of his time on earth. I heard it a thousand times from parents of older kids, “It goes by so fast,” they would say. I always smiled, nodded, and brushed it off because I never felt it. But the thing is, when you are knee-deep in it, you don’t feel it. You think you have forever.

If you have experienced your own “Wow, it went by so fast” moment then you get it

But this morning’s emotions showed no mercy, reminding me that nothing lasts forever. Every parent, at some point, will have this feeling when their kids’ activities end. You understand if your “Wow, it went by so fast” moment has already come. If not, trust me, it will come — and you will remember reading this. 

As he put on his varsity jacket to leave for school, I opened the door. He was one foot out but stopped, turned back, and hugged me. It was a long hug. “Thank you for everything you have done for me for hockey and all my sports,” he said. 

Oh No — here come those bricks again…As he pulled away to leave, I tried to say, “You’re welcome,” but it was one of those moments where your mouth didn’t work, and a mumbling sound came out. I quickly shut the door so he wouldn’t see the look in my eyes. 

I am sure he knew why I shut the door fast, but I felt terrible that I had not replied to his heartfelt words. So, I gathered myself and re-opened the door. He was in the driveway now but turned around and looked back again. “You’re welcome!” I shouted.

He smiled. I smiled back. I was content…for now. But I’m no fool. I have been down this road before when my daughter graduated high school. This is just the beginning of the end. And I know many more bricks await me in the months ahead.

More Great Reading:

The 15 Powerful Lessons Teens Learn From Sports

Go Badgers! Go Bears! Go Boilermakers!

Congratulations on sending your child off to college! It is time for you to join the Facebook parent group. Don’t use Facebook anymore? Time to suck it up and start again!

Parents, your teens are watching, be cool

Parent groups are a great way for you to stay engaged with your child’s college community before and during their time on campus. It’s a surprisingly responsive place to ask questions that aren’t proactively answered on various official university sites and pick up hot tips on the perfect dorm sheets and local restaurants close to campus.

There is also no better way to get to know the thousands of total strangers with whom you have nothing in common beyond sending your child to the same institution of higher learning.

It’s exciting to mingle with people whose offspring are likely to become lifelong friends and potential spouses to your emerging adult. So exciting that a great many of us forget entirely that we, unlike our aging teens, have fully developed frontal lobes. At a time when we’re separating from our children so they can learn to thrive beyond our influence, parent groups seem like fun, but they are highly risky opportunities to carelessly embarrass our kids with our gross violations of online social contracts.

Eight essential guardrails for college parent Facebook groups

1. Not Your Job: 

This is your child’s journey now. Not yours. The first rule of FB group engagement is that most of your questions are not yours to ask or answer. You do not need to engage with questions that are things your student needs to know or will learn almost immediately upon arrival. Questions about dorm configuration and class registration are not your problem. 

While it’s reasonable for you to have these questions, direct them first to your student and make it clear you expect them to report back. You should be able to hear them perfectly well as you power down that helicopter and let them do their job.

2. Privacy: It’s a thing! 

Everyone on this page has a child who goes to school with your child. Maybe keep a lid on the exchange of deeply personal information. Avoid oversharing information with your 3000 new besties about your kid’s dietary concerns or a need for a local medical specialist. Honestly, your kid would be mortified.

It doesn’t take much to figure out that someone who requests a recommendation for a good gastroenterologist close to campus is also the parent of your child’s lab partner. HIPAA, people! HIPAA!!! There are plenty of residential life resources available online for this sort of thing. Do your deeply personal research elsewhere and use Yelp reviews like every other half-informed person on the planet.

3. Whom, exactly, are you yelling at??

Institutions of higher learning have a decade of active social media experience under their belts at this point and they absolutely know this is a tinderbox situation. There may be an official person who sneaks on from time to time to gauge the crazy, but mostly it is exclusively schmucky parents like any of us desperately trying to manage our kids’ lives. So, if you think you have an audience with anyone important, you probably don’t.

Ranting and venting (again — to your 3,000+ new best friends who think you sound ridiculous) is useless and makes you seem like an ungrateful, entitled lunatic.

4. Admins. Are. Heroes. 

The parent group is usually administered by older, class parents who are doing it out of a love for the school, their children, and deep empathy for your experience as a newbie. They are probably the same mothers (who are we kidding-definitely almost always mothers) who volunteered for years at their child’s school when you were too much of a deadbeat to pull your weight.

Being a FB Group Admin is a thankless job 100% of the time. These people deserve hazard pay and a medal. If they walked around wearing noise-canceling headphones and body armor I would totally understand. Be kind to them. There are all kinds of things they would love to say to you, irrational ranting parent, but they don’t. Be self-aware and respect whatever rules they put in place with which you almost certainly disagree.

5. Check Your Sources: 

This one is just Social Media 101. Why? Because. Parents. Know. Nothing. None of us do. Some are trying to parent their nearly adult child, sometimes from thousands of miles away, as though they still need to be walked to the bus.

Information posted on this page can be drenched in emotions of actual grown adults who have never dealt with their own mental trash heap, much less their child’s. Sometimes, it is a game of telephone played by hysterical crazy people — a swirling vortex that eats rational thought right out of the brains of previously unperturbed bystanders. It seems like every day someone posts a troubling rumor floating around campus or posts something their highly unreliable witness of a child said like it is a fact.

Before you post, comment, or react, consider the source. Be skeptical, even if you birthed the one from whence it came. Give everything you read a few deep cleansing breaths before calling the Provost or Chancellor in the middle of their dinner. It is, frequently, untrue.

6. Nobody Cares for your Judgements: 

Criticizing the school that everyone on the page is heavily invested in is just poor form. And picking on the other parents and students who go there, for whatever reason, is just distasteful. Nobody wants that negativity. We’re all too much in love with our child’s school that’s costing us zillions to join you on that bandwagon, and you’ll just look like a ridiculous buffoon if you keep this up. It’s perfectly ok to have concerns and to want them to be addressed but channel them appropriately to the huge number of administrators and residential life professionals who have made themselves available for this purpose.

In addition to this, avoid topics related to politics and religion, and spare yourself a hell-scape of headaches by not commenting on someone else’s inability to do so. This is still the internet and you aren’t going to change anyone’s mind about anything.

7. Free Speech-It’s not a thing here: 

When engaging with your parent group it is best to behave as you might at work or at a sunrise breakfast meeting with your child’s kindergarten PTO. Think how your statements and behavior might sound coming out of your mouth in person and temper your approach. If you come in sounding like a lunatic who doesn’t believe in the existence of others, your comments will be deleted. And rightly so.

You are not entitled to pee in the pool that others are using to enjoy themselves. A FB group is not a democracy, and your free speech rights do not apply there.

8. But Seriously, Connect: 

If you’ve made it this far down the list and found yourself thinking “jeez I didn’t need to be told any of this,” Congratulations! You are a reasonable person who plays well in the sandbox with others! Your child will be proud of you, and you are officially allowed to make friends with other like-minded parents on the parent page. As a bonus, if you’re kind and likable in this space, you’ll get very helpful answers to the questions that most of the group will silently judge you for asking. But at least they’ll be nice about it.

Despite these rules, drama will occur. With any luck, your child will be blissfully unaware of it. Since Facebook is a place where old people go to exchange information that is obvious and unimportant to young people, it is possible to keep it that way. Be a good actor, even if you are, in fact, acting.

Think of your kid and be cool. If you can do this, they will be nothing but happy to see you when they eventually make it home for Thanksgiving.

More Great Reading:

I Live With 200 College Freshmen; Here are 8 Reasons l Know They’re Fine

Published: January 17, 2026 | Last Updated on: January 18, 2026
| by Hema

Kheer is a comfort food loved by kids, and when made with wholesome ingredients, it becomes even more nourishing. This yummy and nutritious dalia and makhana kheer for kids is a perfect blend of taste and health. Made using fiber-rich dalia and calcium-packed makhana, this kheer is light on the tummy, easy to digest, and ideal for growing children. Naturally sweet and creamy, it makes a great choice for breakfast, dessert, or a healthy evening treat for kids.

Health Benefits of Makhana (Fox Nuts)

• Rich in calcium & magnesium – Supports strong bones and teeth in growing kids.
• Good source of protein – Helps in healthy growth and development.
• Easy to digest – Gentle on little tummies and suitable for kids.
• Low in fat & calories – Makes it a healthy ingredient for regular meals.
• Rich in antioxidants – Supports immunity and overall health.

Health Benefits of Dalia (Broken Wheat)

• High in dietary fiber – Aids digestion and prevents constipation in kids.
• Provides sustained energy – Keeps kids full and active for longer.
• Good source of iron & B-vitamins – Supports brain development and energy metabolism.
• Helps healthy weight gain – Ideal for kids who need nourishing, filling foods.
• Easy to cook & versatile – Suitable for both sweet and savory recipes.

Dalia and Makhana Kheer Recipe for kids

Ingredients

• Dalia – 2 tbsp
• Makhana – 1 tbsp
• Milk or water – 1 cup
• Jaggery powder / date powder – 1–2 tsp
• Cardamom powder – a pinch
• Ghee – ½ tsp

Method

• Dry roast the makhana in a pan until crisp. Cool and crush it slightly using your hands or a mixer (coarse powder).
• Heat ghee in a pan, add dalia, and roast on low flame until aromatic.
• Add water or milk and cook the dalia until it becomes soft and mushy.
• Add crushed makhana and mix well. Let it simmer for 3–5 minutes.
• Switch off the flame, add jaggery powder or date powder, and mix well.
• Add a pinch of cardamom powder and stir.
• Adjust consistency by adding warm water or milk if needed.

This dalia and makhana porridge is a nutrient-packed treat that’s perfect for little tummies, especially when they’re fighting off a cold. The wholesome ingredients like dalia, makhana, and milk work together to provide comfort and energy, while the cardamom and jaggery add a touch of warmth and sweetness.

Make this soothing porridge a part of your child’s diet, not just when they’re sick, but as a healthy breakfast or snack option. It’s an easy-to-digest meal that’s sure to become a favorite, and with its cold-fighting properties, it’ll be a great addition to your parenting toolkit.

Frequently Asked Questions