Category: Family & Parenting

I’m forty-seven years old, and I just got off the phone with my mom. We still talk almost every day, and even though most days our conversations are filled with the boring comings and goings of a regular work day — both hers and mine, I still find it important to catch up with her. After all these years of being my mom, she still wants to hear about my day.

We always want to ask our teens, “How was school today?”

From that first day of kindergarten, when our little ones proudly march off the bus and run into our arms, we moms have been asking, “How was your day!? What did you do in school today?” And then we dutifully continue to ask it, and ask it, and ask it for the next 12 or so years, and we anticipate the answers just as eagerly as we did that very first day of school. 

Some days we get energetic and even well-thought essay-like responses and some days? Well, if you’re raising a high schooler right now and you ask them, “What did you do in school today? I want to hear all about your day!” you’d be hard pressed not to get an eye roll in return, and a deep sigh that is code for, stay out of my life, K? 

But once in blue moon, those teenagers open up and talk about the day’s drama or lack thereof. We moms savor those conversations like a hot cup of coffee, probably because they’re few and far between, but mostly because we know they have an end date — college.

Yep, college happens, and although there are plenty of tech tools available that allow for us to constantly be in direct contact with our kids (which is both a curse and a blessing,) the day-to-day, face-to-face conversations ultimately come to an end when the kids move out.

Sharing statuses on social media isn’t the same (although I’ve grown accustomed to using a social media post as proof of life), Snapchat isn’t the same, and text threads just do not give us that feeling we get when we hear our kid’s voice.

As much as we may desire to hear their voices every day, the sheer distance and their newfound independence prevent that from happening. Often several days and weeks go by without voice-to-voice contact, replaced only with a few needy texts that say things like, “I need laundry money,” and “How much cold medicine do I take?”

Adjusting to not hearing my son’s voice every day was one of the biggest emotional hurdles I had to get over when he went away to college. It took a lot of self-talk to remind myself that this is the normal progression of life, and not talking to my child daily is actually what we want to happen as parents. 

Of course, he didn’t understand why I needed to hear his voice every day or why I wanted to hear about his days, even if they were boring and uneventful. He thought it was all silly that we had to “connect” daily, and eventually, I had to succumb to my new reality of having one fewer child to keep up with daily.

Being left out of our young adults’ lives is a natural progression.

Slowly being left out of his life and having day after day after day come to an end with the realization that I hadn’t talked to him in days was uncomfortable and encouraging at the same time. He was busy doing the college thing while I was busy waiting and wanting to hear the daily dish on all of his college things. That is an emotional switch that first-time college parents must learn to turn off.

I desperately still wanted to hear about his day, about how all of his days went. Still, the reality is that our lives will continue to grow further apart, both physically and emotionally, and I will not be afforded such a blessing.

Perhaps in my case, the separation is more extreme because we are mother/son, and maybe it’s wishful thinking that he would want to talk to me every day in the same way I talk to my mom. But we are mother/son, and the old saying,  “A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life,” may just be the case, but sadly in my case, it’s really, “A son is a son until he goes to college.”

My son is a college senior now, and although we speak only once a week on the phone, as he grows into real adulthood, the conversations have become deeper and longer, and I appreciate them so much. I also have a college sophomore. We rarely speak on the phone, but I figured out a sneaky way to keep the daily connection going — a Snapchat streak. Hey, it may not be a voice call to cherish or any real update on his day, but for now, a silly picture with a filter is all I get.

At this point, I’ll take it.

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Un article traduit de l’anglais par Chloé Saint Guilhem, formatrice certifiée Hand in Hand

Pas moins de 80 % des adultes ont le sentiment que leurs parents ne les aimaient pas vraiment lorsqu’ils étaient enfants (1). Cela a des répercussions négatives sur la santé mentale des enfants. Bien sûr, nous aimons tous nos enfants plus que tout au monde, mais parfois, notre amour est étouffé par des sentiments de dépassement, d’épuisement, de solitude et d’inquiétude.

Au fond de nous, nous voulons simplement que nos enfants se sentent aimés et qu’ils se sentent bien, quelles que soient les difficultés qu’ils rencontrent dans la vie. Ce n’est pas le manque d’amour qui empêche nos enfants de se sentir appréciés. C’est le fait que nous, les parents, devons travailler dur avec peu de soutien, ce qui crée de nombreux obstacles qui peuvent empêcher notre amour d’atteindre le cœur de nos enfants.

Dans le cadre du projet Cercle de Sécurité (2), basé sur la théorie de l’attachement et mené par des thérapeutes cliniques réputés, la « joie » est considérée comme la qualité essentielle que les parents doivent manifester pour favoriser la santé mentale de leurs enfants. Plus que tout, les enfants ont besoin que nous ressentions de la joie lorsque nous sommes avec eux, car cela leur permet de se sentir profondément appréciés et acceptés tels qu’ils sont.

Mais la vie des parents est bien remplie. Il peut être difficile de trouver du plaisir à élever des enfants compte tenu des nombreuses pressions qui pèsent sur nous. En plus du travail essentiel que nous accomplissons en prenant soin de nos enfants, nous devons jongler entre gagner notre vie, préparer les repas, faire la lessive, etc. Il peut être difficile de se rappeler de s’arrêter et de simplement profiter de nos enfants.

Un coup de pouce pour la santé mentale des enfants

Il existe une pratique que tu peux adopter pour aider ton amour à atteindre le cœur de ton enfant. Elle est incroyablement puissante. Même les parents très occupés peuvent l’intégrer dans leur vie. Et si tu le fais régulièrement, tu constateras de grands changements dans ta relation avec ton enfant. Il deviendra plus coopératif, plus affectueux et plus détendu. Et tu te sentiras probablement plus proche de lui, plus conscient.e de son monde intérieur et plus heureux.se de qui il est.

Cela s’appelle le “Temps Particulier“(3). Voici comment cela fonctionne :

• Dis à ton enfant que pendant le Temps Particulier, tu feras tout ce qu’il veut. Tu lui donnes les rênes de la relation. Il passe une grande partie de sa journée à faire ce que les autres veulent qu’il fasse. Inverser les rôles soulage ton enfant et lui permet de te montrer des choses qu’il n’a normalement pas l’occasion de révéler.
• Informe ton enfant à l’avance du moment où tu vas lui offrir un Temps Particulier, par exemple après le déjeuner ou le samedi. Cela lui permettra de réfléchir à la manière dont il va profiter de ton attention.
• C’est toi qui décide de la durée. Par exemple “Après le déjeuner, nous passerons 20 minutes en tête-à-tête”, et tu veilles à ce que rien ne vienne interrompre ce moment. Les téléphones sont éteints et le rangement attendra. Tu accordes toute ton attention à ton enfant.
• Règle un minuteur. Cela peut sembler un peu étrange au début, mais tu verras que cela fonctionne beaucoup mieux avec un minuteur. Une partie du pouvoir du Temps Particulier vient du fait que c’est ton enfant qui décide. Si tu dis que c’est fini, tu conserves une partie du pouvoir. Le minuteur permet à l’enfant de garder l’avantage et tu continues à jouer jusqu’à ce qu’il sonne.
• Fais tout ce que ton enfant veut faire. Vraiment, tout. La seule exception est qu’il est important de fixer gentiment des limites s’il veut faire quelque chose qui pourrait blesser quelqu’un ou quelque chose. Essaie d’être enthousiaste à propos de ce qu’il choisit de faire, même si cela te fait grogner intérieurement.
• Donne tout ton amour et ta chaleur à ton enfant. Réjouis-toi de tout ce qu’il te montre. C’est l’ingrédient magique. En donnant tout ton amour à ton enfant pendant qu’il mène le jeu, tu lui donnes le sentiment d’être pleinement accepté et apprécié pour ce qu’il est. Lorsque tu abordes le Temps Particulier avec un air intéressé et plein d’attente, il te montrera de nouvelles choses, sachant qu’il sera toujours content de toi quoi qu’il arrive.
• Suis les rires. Si quelque chose fait rire ton enfant, continue à le faire. Le rire est un remède si puissant qu’il aide à dissiper les peurs et la gêne et nous rapproche : c’est “… la distance la plus courte entre deux amis” (4). Et tu profites de toutes ces bonnes sensations : tu te connectes au cerveau de ton enfant grâce aux rires et à l’amour que tu lui offres.

Voici comment Justine, une maman de Melbourne, a mis en place des Temps Particuliers réguliers :

Chaque fois que ma fille de 7 ans me demandait de jouer, j’étais toujours occupée. “Une minute, je mets une lessive en route, j’arrive tout de suite”, disais-je, tout en pensant “tout sauf jouer “. Une fois, j’ai même dit à une amie : “Je préfère nettoyer les toilettes plutôt que de jouer”.

Lorsque j’ai essayé pour le Temps Particulier les premières fois avec ma fille, je ne tenais pas plus de 5 minutes et c’était difficile. Je devais vraiment me concentrer pour être présente. Je regardais secrètement les minutes passer et j’avais hâte que ce soit fini. Je me sentais comme une mauvaise mère : pourquoi n’arrivais-je pas à profiter de ce moment ?

J’ai persévéré et j’ai passé plus d’une semaine à essayer le Temps Particulier chaque jour pendant 5 à 10 minutes. C’est devenu un peu plus facile chaque jour, mais pas tout le temps : quand j’étais fatiguée, c’était difficile. Au bout d’une semaine, j’ai remarqué quelque chose d’intéressant : ma fille était désormais plus heureuse de faire toutes sortes de choses qui lui posaient auparavant des difficultés, comme sortir de la maison pour aller à l’école le lundi, se brosser les dents, s’adapter lorsque les plans changeaient et prendre sa douche. Elle mettait même son linge sale dans le panier !

Cela a également créé un véritable refuge pour nous deux. Nous avons commencé à rire davantage pendant nos jeux et tout se passait plus facilement. Cela a influencé d’autres aspects de notre vie, renforçant notre complicité et notre confiance. Nous nous regardions plus souvent dans les yeux et nous nous sourions à travers la pièce.

Parfois, les enfants utilisent le Temps Particulier simplement pour faire des choses qu’ils aiment, comme jouer à la poupée, faire du vélo ou lire ensemble. D’autres fois, ils nous poussent à faire des choses qui nous mettent mal à l’aise, mais qui ne sont en réalité pas graves. Ils peuvent ainsi nous montrer tout ce qu’ils aimeraient faire mais ne peuvent pas faire d’habitude, et nous voir enchantés à leurs côtés tandis qu’ils le font ! L’un de mes souvenirs les plus mémorables est lorsque j’étais enceinte de 7 mois et que mon fils de 4 ans m’a aspergée avec un tuyau d’arrosage pendant 10 minutes ! Il riait aux éclats. Et moi aussi (avec quelques cris aigus). D’autres fois, les enfants utilisent le pouvoir de notre attention pour essayer de faire quelque chose qu’ils trouvent difficile, comme faire des sauts périlleux sur le trampoline ou écrire leur nom.

Les enfants ADORENT le Temps Particulier

J’ai récemment demandé à quelques enfants ce qu’ils en pensaient :

“C’est spécial, il n’y a que moi et personne d’autre. J’aime bien”, un enfant de 3 ans

“J’aime bien. C’est agréable”, a déclaré un enfant de 4 ans.

“J’aime le Temps Particulier parce que je passe du temps seul avec maman et qu’on ne passe pas beaucoup de temps ensemble, juste tous les deux. C’est agréable. Je pense que les autres enfants aimeraient ça”, un enfant de 8 ans

Une maman suédoise raconte une histoire magnifique sur l’importance du Temps Particulier, même s’il peut sembler banal vu de l’extérieur :

« Cet été, nous avions prévu de visiter l’équivalent de Disneyland en Suède. Nos garçons, âgés de 5 et 7 ans, n’y étaient jamais allés et attendaient cette visite avec impatience depuis des mois. Le parc d’attractions était loin et très cher, nous avions donc prévu d’y passer toute la journée, d’arriver tôt et de rester jusqu’à la fermeture, bien après l’heure du coucher des garçons.

Sachant à quel point ils étaient grincheux lorsqu’ils ne dormaient pas suffisamment, nous les avions préparés à enfiler leur pyjama et à aller directement au lit dès notre retour à la maison, ce qui signifiait pas de Temps Particulier ni de brossage de dents. Les garçons se sont regardés avec des yeux écarquillés lorsque je leur ai annoncé cela et ont demandé à en discuter entre eux dans une autre pièce.

Ils sont revenus en disant qu’ils préféraient quitter le parc d’attractions quelques heures plus tôt afin de pouvoir rentrer à la maison à temps pour profiter de leur Temps Particulier ! Et comme ils ont droit à ce Temps Particulier tous les jours, cela aurait signifié manquer un seul jour sur les 365 que compte l’année ! »

En essayant le Temps Particulier dans ta famille, tu constateras peut-être que :

C’est difficile à mettre en pratique. À première vue, le Temps Particulier semble très simple, mais il peut s’avérer étonnamment difficile à mettre en place pour les parents. Ce n’est pas de notre faute. Le manque de soutien dont nous bénéficions en tant que parents peut rendre difficile de trouver l’énergie nécessaire pour consacrer du temps à nos enfants. De plus, il y a peu de chances que tu aies reçu autant d’attention lorsque tu étais enfant. Tu pourrais également te surprendre à être distrait.e et à vouloir ranger, à jeter un coup d’œil à ton téléphone ou à rêver à autre chose. Si tu as du mal à mettre en pratique le Temps Particulier ou si tu te laisses facilement distraire, c’est peut-être le signe que tu as besoin d’aide. Il peut être très utile de trouver quelqu’un qui t’écoute pendant que tu explores tes résistances.

Il faut faire preuve d’habileté pour présenter cette idée aux adolescents et aux préadolescents. Si tu suggères à ton adolescent de passer du Temps Particulier avec toi, cela risque de tomber à plat. Tu devrais faire preuve d’un peu de ruse. Une maman qui participait à une session de formation initiale à l’approche Hand in Hand avec moi a dit à son fils de 12 ans à voix basse : “Hé, je pense qu’on pourrait s’échapper et passer une heure ensemble quand j’aurai fini de travailler, personne ne le remarquera et je ferai tout ce que tu voudras, qu’en dis-tu ?” Le ton “Soyons un peu coquins” a beaucoup plu à son fils et ils ont prévu d’aller à la plage pour faire un peu de surf ensemble.

Un enfant évoque des difficultés passées. L’une des choses qui rend le Temps Particulier si bénéfique pour la santé mentale d’un enfant est qu’il lui offre un espace où les sentiments non résolus peuvent refaire surface. Un Temps Particulier régulier aide l’enfant à se sentir en sécurité et il en profitera pour aborder des problèmes qu’il n’a pas encore complètement assimilés. Par exemple, il peut devenir plus collant avec toi. Il s’agit en fait d’un progrès : il te fait confiance pour être là pour lui, donc il veut surmonter ses difficultés enfouies.

Un enfant te montre d’anciennes blessures. Lorsque tu commences à instaurer le Temps Particulier, ton enfant se sent suffisamment en sécurité pour te montrer ce qui le contrarie. Il n’est pas rare qu’un enfant se fâche pour une petite chose pendant, à la fin ou peu après le Temps Particulier. Il utilise la sécurité que lui procure ton attention pour se débarrasser de vieilles blessures et a simplement besoin que tu restes à ses côtés pendant que sa tempête émotionnelle passe. Tu remarqueras probablement qu’il se sent plus léger et plus affectueux après avoir évacué un poids émotionnel.

Patty Wipfler, fondatrice de Hand in Hand Parenting, explique : “Offrir à ton enfant un Temps Particulier est une forme active d’écoute, dans laquelle le jeu de ton enfant devient un moyen de te parler de sa vie et de ses perceptions.” Et le Dr Laura Markham, psychologue clinicienne, résume bien cela : “Qu’y a-t-il de si spécial dans le Temps Particulier ? Il transforme notre relation avec notre enfant. Et comme cette relation représente 90 % de notre rôle de parent, il n’y a rien de plus spécial que cela !”

1. D’après des conversations avec la thérapeute Joane Goulding de Melbourne en 2013 et 2015. Ces données sont basées sur son expérience clinique de plus de 40 ans, au cours de laquelle elle estime que seulement 20 % des adultes grandissent en se sentant aimés et acceptés par leurs parents tels qu’ils sont. Ces données sont également corroborées par les recherches de Brene Brown citées dans “Power of Vulnerability”.
2. Extrait des ateliers de formation Cercle de Sécurité en 2007.
3. Créé par Patty Wipfler, fondatrice de Hand in Hand Parenting. Pour plus d’informations, “Écoute : Les outils indispensables pour se connecter à son enfant” ou la série de livrets “À l’écoute des enfants.”
4. Victor Borge, comédien, chef d’orchestre et pianiste danois.

Dans la boîte à outils “Hand in Hand” :

Rapproche-toi de ton enfant en seulement cinq minutes. Envoie-moi l’ebook !

Le Temps Particulier avec un enfant en bas âge

Comment faire un Temps Particulier avec plusieurs enfants

Le “Temps Particulier” d’urgence aide un enfant agressif

Published: August 27, 2025 | Last Updated on: August 30, 2025
| by Hema

Looking for a quick, protein-packed snack for your little ones? These Easy & Healthy Vegan Chickpea Cutlets Recipe for Kids are soft, flavorful, and made with simple ingredients. Perfect as a finger food for toddlers or as a healthy evening snack for kids, they’re loaded with the goodness of chickpeas, veggies, and mild spices. Easy to prepare and completely plant-based, this recipe makes snack time both nutritious and fun!

Packed with plant-based protein, fiber, and essential nutrients, they make a great after-school snack, tiffin box filler, or even a light dinner option for the whole family. They make a wholesome after-school snack to recharge their energy, a tasty tiffin box filler that stays satisfying, or even a light and nutritious dinner option the whole family can enjoy together.

Health Benefits of Chickpeas

• Rich in protein – helps in muscle growth and strength.
• High in fiber – supports healthy digestion and prevents constipation.
• Good source of iron – improves hemoglobin levels and prevents anemia.
• Packed with calcium & magnesium – strengthens bones and teeth.
• Contains zinc – boosts immunity and helps fight infections.
• Energy-giving food – keeps kids active and energetic.
• Supports brain health – due to folate and other B vitamins.
• Keeps tummy full – prevents unhealthy snacking.

Vegan Chickpea Cutlets Recipe for Kids

Ingredients

• Boiled chickpeas – 1 cup
• Bread crumbs – ¼ cup
• Grated carrot – ¼ cup
• Chopped onion – 2 tbsp
• Jeera powder – ½ tsp
• Salt – a pinch
• Oil – for shallow frying

Method

1. Mash chickpeas well in a bowl.
2. Add carrot, onion, bread crumbs, jeera powder, and salt. Mix to form a dough.
3. Shape into small cutlets.
4. Shallow fry on a tawa with little oil till golden.
5. Serve warm.

These Vegan Chickpea Cutlets Recipe for Kids are a perfect blend of taste and nutrition. Crispy on the outside and soft on the inside, they are sure to win your little one’s heart. Packed with protein, fiber, and essential nutrients, they give growing kids the fuel they need. You can serve them as an after-school snack to recharge their energy or slip them into the lunchbox for a wholesome treat. They pair wonderfully with chutney, ketchup, or can even be tucked into a sandwich. Versatile and filling, they work well as evening bites, dinner sides, or even party starters. Since they are made with simple, plant-based ingredients, you can serve them guilt-free every time. Even picky eaters will love their mild and comforting flavor. Nutritious, tasty, and easy to make, these chickpea cutlets truly tick all the right boxes. Try them once, and they’re bound to become a family favorite!

Easy & Healthy Vegan Chickpea Cutlets Recipe for Kids

Looking for a protein-packed snack for your kids? These Easy & Healthy Vegan Chickpea Cutlets Recipe for Kids are made with simple ingredients.

Print Pin Rate

Course: Snacks

Cuisine: Indian

Keyword: vegan chickpea cutlets for kids

Ingredients

• 1 cup Boiled chickpeas
• ¼ cup Bread crumbs
• ¼ cup Grated carrot
• 2 tbsp Chopped onion
• ½ tsp Jeera powder
• Salt – a pinch
• Oil – for shallow frying

Instructions

• Mash chickpeas well in a bowl.

• Add carrot, onion, bread crumbs, jeera powder, and salt. Mix to form a dough.

• Shape into small cutlets.

• Shallow fry on a tawa with little oil till golden.

• Serve warm.

Frequently Asked Questions

Regardless of whether it is good or bad, it teaches us to conform.

Rejection: The Ultimate Fear

While being accepted is one of our greatest desires, being rejected or mocked is our greatest source of dread. This dread and the subsequent conformity can appear because of various reasons:

Our Low Self-Esteem

Whether you have always felt bad about yourself or someone made you insecure, you feel like you don’t deserve to be loved. Social media threads are filled with people who confess: “If they see what I am really like, they won’t love me anymore.” This is often rooted in shame or guilt that someone has “gifted” to us.

Unwanted Loneliness or Isolation

There are times in life when we are unwillingly put in isolation, with no one to keep us company. It can be a move, a switch of jobs, or even something more traumatic, such as losing one’s support network due to conflicts or public rejection. We might unintentionally try to fill in this void by being too agreeable. No one wants to feel lonely, and this is our attempt to be understood again.

Past Experiences

We all have those unpleasant past relationships that made us feel inferior. This is something that we may carry with us for a long time, even spending years on therapy or reliving the painful moments that have ingrained themselves into our memory. Someone had a toxic partner or parents who made them always walk on eggshells to avoid conflicts. Others have cultivated a persona of being popular, quiet, or likable for so long that daring to be someone else feels impossible.

Mask As a Survival Mechanism

We have already discussed the role of survival in our behaviors, but let’s delve into how we form masks and why they become our new identity.

Masks don’t just appear out of thin air. First, it’s a minor slip after slip in which we trade something (like our loud laughter, or our anger after being wronged, or our favorite old sweater) for something more acceptable. Then, there’s another one. It’s a gradual transformation, like a moss slowly growing on a tree. Little by little, we start editing ourselves.

It’s a false self, a persona we turn into to gain the approval of others. Sometimes, we even wear different masks for different people — we can be one individual with our friends, another one with our colleagues, and someone else with our family. It’s a clever strategy, but it can grow too all-encompassing. Over time, these masks become so well-worn that we start to believe they are our true selves.

That is why, over time, we often forget who we are, especially if we spend less time alone than with others. We aren’t always fake, of course, but it’s rarely the entirely genuine version of us.

We Pay for Not Being Ourselves

Even though we gain some benefits from being liked by the majority, we also pay dearly for losing our honest selves. Here’s what we face:

• Emotional exhaustion from performing
• Anxiety and depression from hiding our feelings
• Emptiness due to not fulfilling our own desires
• Always saying “yes” and ignoring boundaries
• Feeling unseen even in close relationships
• Losing motivation to do anything
• Disconnecting from oneself.

About Blowing Rock 

Established in March 1889, expect to find shops along Main Street that carry goods from local artists, artisan soaps and apparel, and delicious restaurants. Bright flowers line the sidewalk and the temperature is always cooler here than in Greenville, which is a welcome relief during the summer. 

If you love the outdoors, Blowing Rock offers not only some great gear shops but it’s close to Grandfather Mountain, Rough Ridge, and tons of waterfalls. You can hit a trail without even leaving downtown Blowing Rock as a waterfall trail begins in the middle of town. 

Fun Things to do Near Blowing Rock 

Plein Air Festival 

Lots of places have art festivals but this one – the Plein Air Festival– is worth the trip. Plein Air just means that the art is done outdoors. The festival is held every August from Tuesday-Saturday and you’ll get to see 100 artists from all over the world painting around Blowing Rock and local trails and mountains and lakes. It is so much fun to get to see these amazing artists at work and view all the beauty there through their eyes. You can view and purchase the artwork on that final Saturday of the festival. The artwork below is by Jennifer Mills, one of the artists.

Go Shopping

The small shops that line Main Street have all kinds of interesting and unique gifts, apparel, decor, and things that you didn’t know you needed. One of my very favorite shops was the bookstore right off Main called FireLight Book & Candle. They have an amazing book selection (think books on recipes from Middle Earth, the latest in Young Adult fiction, and the best in true crime) plus handmade candles and a little book nook for kids that my youngest daughter didn’t want to leave. 

Enjoy the Playground

The playground in the middle of town is awesome. It has things for little kids through tweens and adults can hang out at the gazebo while drinking their coffee or eating ice cream and admiring the flowers. My kids love this playground. There’s even a sandy volleyball court and clean bathrooms. 

Check out the Blowing Rock Art & History Museum

This museum is gorgeous and hosts all the art from the Plein Air Festival. They also have lots of programs for families, including art clubs for kids and teens. Definitely don’t miss this place on your trip and if you love the outdoors, be sure to find Jennifer, the Education Center Director, who will give you recommendations on the best trails to visit!

Valle Crucis 

Valley Crucis claims the original Mast General store and it’s super cool, complete with the candy barrels and squeaky floors. There’s a great ice cream place next door as well. 

Go Skiing at Appalachian Ski 

During wintertime, you can go skiing at Appalachian Ski Mountain nearby. They even have homeschool specials. 

Nearby Trails and Waterfalls 

Rough Ridge 

This is one of my most favorite hikes ever because of the views. You feel like you’re on top of the world. The hike is within the Grandfather Mountain district and you see the park from the trail plus views of Linn Cove Viaduct and the Linville Gorge are stunning. It’s a short hike – under a mile roundtrip – and it’s crucial to stay on the trail as the landscape is exceptionally fragile. Most of the year, but especially during the fall season, the trailhead will be packed so get there early.

Moses Cone Manor 

An old summer retreat built by a textile magnet and his wife at the turn of the 20th century, the manor and its 25 miles of hiking and horse trails is now a part of the National Park Service. I love the Flat Top Tower trail, a four-mile round trip hike that winds through forests and meadows up to an old firetower where you get 360-degree views of the mountains. 

Linn Cove Viaduct

The Linn Cove Viaduct is an architectural marvel that is so beautiful and a magnet for fall leaf peepers. Be sure to not only take the Rough Ridge trail for an awesome view but head to the visitors center to learn how it was built and take the trail that goes under the bridge. 

Bass Lake

The lake sits right under the Moses Cone Manor and is filled with lilypads over the summer. It’s a popular place to have a picnic and take an easy stroll. 

Glen Burney Falls

This trail was closed when we went but the trailhead is in the middle of town and takes you to a beautiful waterfall. It’s a moderately difficult trek of over three miles with some areas where kids absolutely need to be watched.

Where to Eat 

The Town Tavern

The Town Tavern has typical pub food but they do it well. The Tavern is cozy and the staff are wonderful. We loved the burgers, nachos, and fries. 

Mellow Mushroom

The Holy Shitake pizza – oh my gosh. I think I dreamt about it that night after dinner. Their Greek salad and pepperoni pizza are amazing. Don’t miss eating at the Mellow Mushroom.

Camp Coffee Roasters

Camp Coffee Roasters is a super cute coffee shop that has creative concoctions plus lots of adorable things for sale like stuffed animals and beautiful pottery. They also have breakfast sandwiches. 

Kilwins

Do yourself a favor and get the Salted Caramel and eat it while sitting outside and people-watching. You will probably need to go here a couple times during your trip because the addicting smell of waffle cones wafts throughout Main Street.

Bald Guy Brewing

A simple but tasty coffee shop on Main Street in Blowing Rock, Bald Guy Brew’s drip coffee is just perfect. They are also on the more affordable end of coffee shops, which is appreciated.

Where to Stay

Every time I’ve visited Blowing Rock for an overnight trip, I have had the opportunity to stay at the Hemlock Inn, one block off Main Street, and minutes from trails and shops. 

This 18-room inn is absolutely charming. It is owned by a very kind and sweet couple who will make you feel right at home. The rooms are big and include a mini-fridge, coffee maker, and microwave. Everyone gathers at the gazebo during the evening to rehash their day and meet new people. The decor feels like you’re in the Swiss Alps and is rustic and comfortable. There are flowers everywhere and wooden benches and tables outside your room to relax in.

The location is ideal. I walked to get coffee and dinner every day. The playground is within walking distance as is Bass Lake and all the cute shops on Main Street.

Why I Love Blowing Rock 

Blowing Rock is under three hours from the Upstate but feels a world away. It’s quaint, charming, and is one of those towns I thought only existed through the imagination of some movie director. 

I love the walkability of the town plus it’s within 25 minutes of some of my very favorite hiking trails. The restaurants are delicious, the coffee strong and smooth, and the people are so kind and sweet. 

Like most of Western NC, Blowing Rock struggled mightily after Hurricane Helene hit in September 2024. The storm dealt a huge blow to these businesses, taking away their busiest season. This is a wonderful area to take your fall trip to. They will treat you well and you probably won’t want to leave.

Addiction doesn’t affect just one person—it affects the entire family. When someone struggles with substance use, their pain ripples through relationships, daily life, and emotional well-being. Family members often carry silent burdens, trying to hold everything together while watching someone they love slip away.

But healing is possible—not only for the person in recovery but for the entire family system. With understanding, communication, and support, families can move from pain to healing, together.

Addiction as a Family Disease

Addiction is often called a “family disease.” This phrase reflects how deeply addiction disrupts relationships and routines. Each family member reacts differently. Some may try to rescue, others may avoid, and some may take on extra responsibility. Over time, these roles can become rigid, causing stress, resentment, and confusion.

According to the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD), one in every ten Americans has a family member with a drug or alcohol use disorder NCADD, 2020.

Children of parents with addiction may experience anxiety, trust issues, or emotional neglect. Spouses often face emotional burnout, financial instability, or even trauma from broken promises and unpredictable behavior.

The Hidden Roles in an Addicted Family

Many families unknowingly fall into roles that help them survive but also keep the dysfunction alive. These roles often include:

1. The Enabler

Often a spouse or parent, this person tries to protect the individual with addiction by covering up the problem, making excuses, or handling their responsibilities.

2. The Hero

Usually the oldest child, the hero takes on responsibility early. They excel in school or work and try to create order out of chaos, often hiding their own pain.

3. The Scapegoat

This person acts out, drawing attention away from the addiction. They may be blamed for problems in the family.

4. The Lost Child

Quiet and withdrawn, the lost child avoids conflict and often feels invisible. They suppress their feelings to avoid adding to the chaos.

5. The Mascot

This person uses humor to deflect pain and lighten tense situations. Underneath the jokes, they often feel anxious or sad.

Recognizing these roles can help family members understand how addiction shapes behavior—and begin the journey toward change.

Why Family Healing Matters

When families work on their own healing, they not only support their loved one’s recovery but also improve their own mental health. Addiction creates patterns of codependency, emotional detachment, and chronic stress. Without healing, these patterns often continue—even after sobriety begins.

Research published in Substance Abuse Treatment, Prevention, and Policy shows that family involvement in treatment significantly increases the chances of long-term recovery and reduces relapse rates SAMHSA, 2021.

In short, recovery is stronger when families heal together.

How Families Can Begin to Heal

Healing doesn’t happen overnight. But with small, steady steps, families can rebuild trust, communication, and connection.

1. Education is Key

Learning about addiction helps remove shame and blame. Addiction is a brain disease, not a moral weakness. Understanding the science behind substance use can help family members respond with compassion, not anger.

Resources like Al-Anon, SMART Recovery for Families, and SAMHSA offer free tools and support groups.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for healing. They help protect your mental and emotional well-being while still showing love and support. Examples of healthy boundaries might include:

• Refusing to give money for substances
• Not covering up for the person’s mistakes
• Saying no to unsafe behavior in the home

Yesterday I found myself sitting in my car in the school parking lot. Not coming, not going—just sitting there with the engine off for a full 15 minutes after drop-off, enjoying the beautiful sound of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. 

No arguments about homework. No complaints about what’s for dinner. No detailed explanation of why this particular teacher “literally hates me for no reason.” 

Just blissful silence.

Fellow parents of teenagers, I see you nodding. 

The 10 truths about parenting

After 17 years of parenting—with my oldest now driving (prayers appreciated) and my youngest fully embracing teen attitude—here are the raw truths nobody warned me about…

1. You will become incredibly stupid overnight

One day your child thinks you’re the smartest person alive, and the next day you apparently know NOTHING about ANYTHING. 

According to my 15-year-old, I don’t understand “how the world works now,” despite somehow managing to survive to adulthood. The eye rolls alone could power a small city.

2. Their phone is surgically attached to their hand

I’m convinced my daughter’s phone has become a literal extension of her body. I’ve caught her texting in the shower with her phone wrapped in a plastic bag. 

DURING. THE. SHOWER. 

When I suggested a “phone-free dinner,” you’d think I’d proposed we start eating rocks.

3. Every conversation becomes a negotiation

“Be home by 10” somehow translates to “Begin a 45-minute debate about why 11:30 is actually a much more reasonable time.” 

They should all become lawyers with the argumentative skills they’re developing.  I’ve started setting fake deadlines an hour earlier than the real one just to end up where I wanted in the first place.

4. You’ll need a second job just for the grocery bill

Nobody—and I mean NOBODY—warned me that teens don’t just eat food, they inhale it. My son once ate an entire lasagna I’d made for the family dinner. Before dinner. As a “snack.” We had to order takeout. 

5. They will break your heart and put it back together in the same day

This morning, my daughter snapped at me for “breathing too loudly” while she was studying. Two hours later, she texted me a meme that perfectly captured an inside joke between us. These whiplash-inducing emotional shifts are normal, apparently.

6. Their mess defies the laws of physics

How can one teenage human create SO MUCH LAUNDRY? 

How can a bedroom that was clean 24 hours ago now look like it’s been ransacked by wild animals? There are dishes in my son’s room that I don’t even recognize from our kitchen, they have been gone so long.

7. You’ll worry in ways you never imagined

Remember when you worried they might fall off the jungle gym? Those were simpler times. 

Now you lie awake wondering if they’re making good choices at parties, if that friend is really a good influence, if they’re hiding struggles they don’t want to burden you with. 

The worrying evolves but never ends. And I mentioned the driving, there has never been a more heart-stopping worry. 

8. Their bedroom door will become a sacred boundary

Remember when they couldn’t bear to let you out of their sight? Those days are GONE. Their bedroom is now a sovereign nation with strictly enforced borders. 

Knocking is no longer optional—it’s required by international law. 

And that smell coming from under the door? Just consider it their national scent.

9. Their friends will become more important than oxygen

The social drama is INTENSE and CONSTANT. Names you’ve never heard will suddenly be the most important people in the universe. Group chats will ding at all hours. 

Social dynamics will shift faster than you can keep track. Just listen without judgment when they share the latest saga.

10. The rare moments of connection become precious beyond words

Last night, my son—the same one who barely looks up when I enter a room—sat on my bed and told me about his college dreams for thirty minutes. 

I remained perfectly still, like I was observing a rare wild animal that might spook at any sudden movement. 

I didn’t dare move in case he stopped speaking. These moments sustain you through the wilderness of raising teens.

So to all the parents entering the teen years: lower your expectations, increase your grocery budget, and remember that beneath the attitude is still your child—just wrapped in hormones, insecurity, and a lot of your disposable income.

They’ll emerge eventually. And somehow, against all odds, you’ll miss even the hard parts when they’re gone. 

Or so I’m told. I’ll get back to you on that one.

The author wishes to be anonymous.

More Great Reading:

Why It Surprised Me That Adulthood Came In Like This

We all imagine the family we want. For some, it’s replicating the family of a friend or our own. It might include many siblings, one sibling, or no siblings at all.

Historically, what has been considered the traditional family—a boy for you and a girl for me—has dominated most people’s thinking. Although many still say they want two children, the reality is that’s not what’s happening. Rather, the one-child family is the fastest-growing family unit in the U.S. and throughout developed countries.

Those of childbearing age demonstrate no need to fit the bygone family formula—two parents, two kids. Nonetheless, many experience a nagging feeling to persist in this approach to family. That highlights the importance of recognizing status quo expectations for what they are, instead of giving in to them.

Like many women today, I was older when I had a child. Within a month of my child’s birth, people were quizzing me: When are you having another? How can you do that to your child? I started to wonder what could be so problematic about having one child and embarked on a decades-long investigation of only children.

Being “One and Done”

Today more than ever, science doesn’t hold up to the single child stereotypes that, fortunately, are fading fast: Only children are not particularly lonely or selfish or bossy as children or adults. In fact, the benefits of being an only child and being the parent of one are substantial.

Here’s some of what I learned when gathering stories and research for my new book, Just One: The New Science, Secrets & Joy of Parenting an Only Child. The thoughts and comments are emblematic of the increasing acceptance of “one and done.” The changing attitudes go a long way in explaining the significant drop in birthrates now occurring.

The U.S. birthrate is now the lowest it has ever been, at 1.6 children per woman, according to Statista—and we’re not alone. “Fertility levels of less than two births per woman are becoming the global norm,” the United Nations notes in its “World Fertility 2024” report released earlier this year. “In over half of all countries and areas (55 percent), with more than two-thirds of the global population, the fertility level is below 2.1 births per woman.”

Juliet was 43 when she gave birth to her son, and it was the expense of infertility treatments that led her to forgo having more children. Such costs are frequently the deciding factor for parents who choose to have only one child. “When I was younger, I thought two was my number. As I got older, I worried about my fertility,” she says. “To have a baby took two expensive rounds of IVF, and, of course, they were not covered by insurance. We felt lucky to have a viable embryo and then fortunate to have a healthy child. We agreed to call it quits. We decided not to tempt the fates anymore.”

Similarly, Ingrid, who also started her family at a later age, took the pressure off herself when she accepted that she didn’t have the fortitude to face infertility drugs or the possible sadness of another miscarriage.

You could simply conclude that a second child is not right for you, that one more tiny human to raise may unravel your work-family balance or the intimacy you have with your partner. Or you may determine that a second child is not financially feasible or that you want to prioritize your career.

Acknowledging your desires and limitations is helpful. Self-awareness can help you decide. “I know myself; I’m a lazy, disorganized person who could not manage a larger family,” Francine confesses. “I know that about me.”

Well-documented research shows that mothers’ happiness and mental health drop as more children arrive. An Australian study of than 20,000 families led by Leah Ruppanner, who teaches sociology at the University of Melbourne, reviewed data collected over a period of 16 years. The subjects entered the study when their children were 1 year old. The researchers found that having second children affects parents’ mental health.

“Prior to childbirth, mothers and fathers report similar levels of time pressure. Once the first child is born, time pressure increases for both parents,” Ruppanner concluded. “Yet this effect is substantially larger for mothers than for fathers. Second children double parents’ time pressure, further widening the gap between mothers and fathers.” Time pressures and the stress they created didn’t diminish as children got older. Ruppanner’s findings held when children reached adolescence, a time when they tend to be more difficult and demanding.

Park the Guilty Feelings

No matter what the research reports and whether by choice or circumstance, many feel guilty or conflicted when they decide to stop after having one child. Then they move on. They realize that one child is just right for their family, irrespective of their preconceived notions.

“I simply didn’t have a ‘valid’ reason for having only one child, so everyone would think I was selfish,” one woman said. “Recognizing my fear of how I was perceived by others was a pivotal moment in realizing what I truly wanted, rather than what society told me I should want.

“I ultimately knew that my one child was perfect for me, for my family, and she was enough. Being the parent of one child, I was enough.”

Copyright @2025 by Susan Newman, PhD

When exploring DIY therapy, it’s important to stick to resources written by certified professionals in recognized therapy modalities. Be cautious with self-help books that are not backed by professional training or scientific evidence. For example, avoid approaches like Byron Katie’s “The Work“ or “The Surrendered Housewife” series, which are not based on established therapeutic frameworks and can cause immeasurable harm.

Pastoral Counseling

Many people turn to their pastor, rabbi, imam, or other faith leader for support, and pastoral counseling can be a wonderful option—if the person is trained in pastoral counseling. Some faith leaders do have this training, and may offer counseling free of charge or for a very low fee. Just make sure to confirm their background before relying on this as your main source of support. Please check this out first, though, since an untrained faith leader offering “therapy” can do worse than not going to anyone.

Therapy Through Insurance

If you have insurance, check whether it covers therapy. Sometimes you can get sessions fully or partially covered. Personally, I don’t use this option—other than a few sessions years ago when I was living in the U.S.—because therapy here is in the local language and I need it in English. I did attempt to use insurance therapy for one of my children, and while it ended up being a disaster, it wasn’t because of insurance itself. For many families, this is a very affordable way to get care.

Therapy Students in Training

Therapists in training often see clients as part of their supervised practice. These therapy students are partially trained and work closely with supervisors, which means you actually get two therapists helping you instead of just one. The sessions are usually much cheaper than a fully licensed therapist. I started out with a student therapist myself, and it was a valuable first step until I realized I needed a specialist for BPD. My sons’ high school also works with social work students, giving kids therapy at school. If you’re on a budget, this is an excellent option to explore.

Therapy at School

Sometimes schools themselves provide counseling services for students. If your child is struggling, ask whether the school offers therapy or has partnerships with outside providers. These programs can be free or very affordable.

Social Services’ Based Therapies

In many places, social services provide therapy either for free or on a sliding scale. This can make professional help much more accessible, especially for families going through difficult times. It’s worth checking with your local social services office to see what’s available. First check out your local social services- sometimes the local ones are known to be helpful, but sometimes they are known to cause trouble, so avoid getting those ones involved in your life, especially if you’re from a marginalized group who may be unfairly targeted by problematic social services.

Online Therapy

Online therapy is another option that can reduce costs. Services like BetterHelp are often more affordable than traditional in-person therapy, and everyone I know who has tried BetterHelp has been satisfied with the support they received. Online therapy also makes it easier to find a therapist in your language if that’s a barrier locally. (PS While I have been sponsored by BetterHelp in the past, this post is entirely non sponsored.)

Sliding Scales

When looking for therapists, try to see which ones advertise that they offer a sliding scale. Some therapists adjust their rates based on your income. It never hurts to ask. But don’t push if they say no; a therapist has every right to an income and if they don’t offer this, pushing for one will just start things off on a sour note. My daughter just started with a new therapist, and as it is the third therapy session weekly I’m paying for, so the sliding scale discount I’ve been given is extra helpful.

Adjust Timing

While most therapy sessions are weekly, if cost is an issue, consider going biweekly instead of weekly. This won’t work for everyone, especially when someone is in crisis, but if it is just for learning coping skills, it may be a good option. When I first separated from my ex in an unfortunately traumatic way that my kids witnessed (it involved police intervention) I started my kids in therapy despite not having the money for it. In addition to finding a therapist who offered a sliding scale discount, we staggered the kids’ therapy sessions so that while the kid who needed it most had therapy weekly, the other ones had therapy either once a month or every other week, so I wasn’t paying for more than 2 sessions a week.

Final Thoughts

Therapy is an investment in your mental health, and while it can feel financially out of reach, there are ways to make it possible. From DIY workbooks to therapy students, pastoral counseling to online options, there are many paths to support that won’t break the bank. The important thing is to recognize the value of therapy and to take steps, even small ones, toward making it accessible in your life. You and your mental health are worth it.