Category: Family & Parenting

In this episode: A parent laments the close relationship she used to enjoy with her daughter before having another child. Lately, her daughter has been testing limits, and she has found herself losing both her patience and her temper. “I really don’t want to continue this way with my daughter.” She’s wondering if Janet has any advice how she can remain calm and confident when her daughter seems intent on pushing her buttons.

Transcript of “Stuck in a Pattern of Frustration and Anger”

Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to Unruffled.

Today I’m going to be sharing my response to an email from a parent who’s upset about what she feels is her deteriorating relationship with her almost three-year-old daughter. She feels like she spends most of their time together struggling to get her girl to cooperate or behave, and then, naturally, getting angry when she doesn’t. This parent really wants to find a healthier dynamic for their relationship.

Okay, here’s the email I received:

Hi, Janet. I have an almost three-year-old daughter and an almost three-month-old son. Since becoming pregnant and then having my son, my bandwidth for interacting with my daughter has lessened so much, which saddens me greatly. We used to have such a close relationship. And while I think we still do, it is tarnished with my lessened patience and losing my temper at times.

Today, for example, we went to the park. Leaving the park has become “a thing” now. It started with me losing my temper one time when she wouldn’t leave when I asked. Now it happens almost always. She runs away when I say we have to leave. I brace for it. Today I told her, “Bye, I’m leaving,” when she wouldn’t come. I did it out of anger and desperation. In hindsight, I realized that kind of threat is manipulative, hurtful, and maybe even scary for her. She was very overtired as it was. She sat down in the wood chips, crying and screaming.

She finally did come. I said, “You can hold my hand or go in the stroller.” As I’m writing this, I realize how much my angry emotion plays into all of this, and even maybe causes her behavior to deteriorate. Anyway, she sat down and wouldn’t walk. She wanted me to hold her. I told her I couldn’t. She said at one point she wanted the stroller, and then refused it. I was physically trying to restrain her into the stroller while she was shrieking. I felt absolutely terrible, I hate having to physically make her do something. It actually hurts me now that she’s fairly big. I ended up roughly pulling her along the grass to where we were going.

This was a low point in my parenting. I ended up crying, which I’m sure was very upsetting to her. It has happened before. A couple of times I told her, “I know you’re really upset that we have to leave,” but it didn’t help much. I was so upset, it was hard to focus on saying these things. I really don’t want to continue this way with my daughter, but once these patterns start, I find it so hard to change them. It also happened with diaper changing, but has improved since I stopped getting angry at her.

I just don’t know how to be calm and confident when I’m so frustrated. Any suggestions for what to do in the park situation and how to create a new pattern where I do not lose my marbles, and she actually complies in a reasonable time when I say we’re leaving? And then just random statements like, “Please don’t put stickers on the couch. You can put them on this, but not that.” I feel like I’m just constantly telling her to not do something. If she doesn’t stop, I usually tell her I will have to help her, but it just feels like I’m spending so much time on her back. No fun.

I know you have a million emails, so if I happen to hear anything back, I will be happily surprised. Thank you.

Okay, so I feel for this parent. This dynamic that she’s gotten into with her daughter, it’s actually pretty common. There are some elements that create this that I recommend this parent takes a look at and deals with at the cause. That’s always the most effective way to address children’s behavior. Just like with anything, we want to heal it at the cause, not just deal with it symptomatically. If we can address and heal what’s behind the behavior, that’s where we’ll see a change. And that’s very important to understand.

So in this situation, first of all, this little girl has a three-month-old sibling, and this tends to be an emotional crisis period for most children. It shows up in different ways for each child. They do have a lot of fear around this situation, around this change and what’s happened to their life. And usually it will need to be expressed by the child in the way that children do this, which is unfortunately through behavior, through limit pushing. And then when the parent is able to calmly and with, ideally, a lot of acceptance of the child’s feelings, push up against that and hold their boundaries, then the child is able to discharge the feelings, to release the feelings. And that could come out angrily. It could come out in a tantrum. It could come out in an overwhelmed flopping to the floor, crying, sadness. It can look a lot of different ways.

So the first thing I would say to this parent is, it sounds like she probably does understand that this is a big element to what’s going on and that she can expect her child to be pushing limits at this time. That is the healthy way that children get their feelings out. And those feelings ideally will feel safe for them to share, even when they show up in these most obnoxious ways. It’s not that we’re going to be joyful that our child is behaving this way and responding so unreasonably, just seeming not to listen, not to follow directions, pushing back at us. But we’re able to see this as a healthy dynamic, a typical dynamic, an expected dynamic, and understand our role in it, which is just to hold these limits and to accept the feelings. And see the feelings, see these desires just to stay at the park. And, like this mother said she did, acknowledging that.

But it sounds like the problem that this parent seems to already understand in herself is that she’s not helping her child to feel safe to land the feelings, because she is getting frustrated and angry when her daughter does these things. Now, there’s certainly nothing unusual or shameful about parents getting frustrated and angry with their children. We all do it, sometimes. But it’s important to understand that this actually creates more discomfort in our child. Therefore, it makes our job even harder because now we’re going to see that every time our child is uncomfortable, there’s going to be more of this kind of behavior because they need to release those feelings of discomfort and fear. So now we’re adding the fear that, from the child’s point of view, Not only do I feel so in a crisis that I’m doing these crazy, impulsive things, but my parents are angry with me. These people that I need to help me in these situations and see where I am and help me early, they’re rejecting me for this. They see me as wrong and bad, and yikes! What that does is it makes feelings that are already very scary and uncomfortable for a child, even more scary, even more overwhelming.

But on our end, the reasons we do get frustrated are that we have this different expectation than the one that will ultimately help us. We maybe have the expectation that our child should be able to leave the park, or our child should be able to not put stickers on the couch when they know they’re not supposed to. Because children are, certainly at three years old, intelligent enough not to do these things. They do understand what we want, so hey, why aren’t they doing it? Because they’re seeking, unconsciously, that boundary. They’re seeking that safe place to push up against so that they can land their feelings. And if we have that kind of outlook as a parent, that kind of perception of the situation, that expectation, that will help us to not get frustrated. There’s still nothing wrong with us if we do, but getting frustrated is perpetuating the problem. So it’s something to go for: a perception that helps us get less frustrated.

Then the other part of this is the way that we actually handle the behavior. It’s my sense that this mother may be waiting way too long to be physical with her child. She comments that she doesn’t like being physical, and yeah, that’s a problem that I hear often. And I really understand, especially if what we know of physicality from a parent was out of anger and frustration. That doesn’t feel good, right? But when we see all physicality as a problem, it really does get in the way, because caring for young children, they need this feeling that we can handle them, no matter what they throw at us. That we’re going to be able to somehow pick them up or get them out of those situations, and that we’re going to be able to help them do things that they’re not able to do. And, ideally, without losing our temper or being rough or being angry.

The way to do that is to first expect it on some level. Expect that there’s going to be this kind of behavior. If we’ve seen it in the past, if we know that our child is in a big transition, like the transition to a new sibling, we want to try to expect it and then see it at the outset when it’s starting. For example, with the stickers on the couch, I wouldn’t even say, “please don’t do that,” because I could see that my child is already doing something that my child knows I don’t want them to do. So instead of telling them something that they already know, I want to notice, Okay, they’re doing some funny business there, so I’m going to calmly make sure that this doesn’t happen. I go over to my child. Mm, you’ve got those stickers, I see. I’m not going to let you do that. And I’m already physically stopping my child right there. That physical limit-setting is what children crave, especially when there’s a baby involved who’s getting a lot of physical care, a lot of touch, a lot of holding and carrying. So for that reason as well, they feel the need for that.

And that’s why it’s so important for parents to perceive this, as much as possible, as positive. A positive, loving exchange when you’re actually doing something that, yes, it’s against your child’s will in that moment, but you’re doing it with love and kindness and confidence. You’re taking that little bear cub and you’re stopping those little paws from doing this or that. And you’re picking them up and taking them out of the park.

And, with the park, she says this has become “a thing.” So yes, see it coming. Anticipate, not in a negative, Oh, here we go again! way, but, Okay, my child’s struggling with this, so I’m going to help. And then go close when it’s time to leave. If possible, we don’t want to signal by saying, “Okay, it’s time to go!” when our child has shown this behavior of having difficulty leaving, because then we’re kind of signaling, All right, we’re going to enter this power struggle now! We’re going to go back to this routine that we’ve had up until now!

Toddlers that have babies at home or younger siblings or other reasons that they have strong feelings, maybe they’re in another kind of big transition, like they’ve just moved or they’re starting a new school or something’s happening with their parents’ relationship– they’re very likely not able to leave the park. It’s those little transitions that do them in. And, as this parent says, she realized her child was overtired. So yeah, it becomes impossible for them. But rather than putting your card out there for her to see, that it’s time to go, from afar, don’t say anything until you’re right up next to her. Okay, it’s time. It’s time for us to go. And now you’ll already have your hand on her shoulder or your arm around her back. Here we go. We’ve got to go now.

And then if you feel any resistance, you move right through it. Confident momentum. If possible, you pick her up, you help her into the stroller. The sooner you do it, the less likely that you’ll be facing a struggle in return. But even if there is a struggle, we want to still keep moving through it as best as we can. Yes, this can be hard sometimes with a bigger child, maybe it even hurts us. But every time we take one of these actions, we’re going to prevent more of this. So we’re actually improving this situation, healing it from happening again, by doing this messy thing. I know it’s not fun, and sometimes it’s not easy, you might get kicked or hit a little bit. But if we do the best we can to move through that, that’s going to save us from this happening a bunch of other times.

It’s going to take this out of becoming “a thing” into becoming a time when a parent puts their arm around you and moves you along with love. Seeing this as positive, seeing this as a loving exchange that our child wants to have with us, needs to have with us. That’s the key to not getting frustrated, not getting upset, not being too rough, or even anything remotely close to abusive. Is it forceful? Yes, forceful with love and kindness. It’s a loving act, and it’s a million times more loving than threatening that we’re going to leave or losing our temper or asking our child more than once, even. If we hear ourselves asking our child to do something or not do something more than once, then usually that means we’re already too late in physically following through with that limit.

But of course, we’re not going to be perfect at this. And, when we realize after the fact that it didn’t work or we weren’t at our best, we got angry, we yelled at our child, we did things we regret. It can be really helpful after this kind of situation, like after the park or whatever, when it didn’t go well, to consider with self-compassion, Huh? Where was I going there in my mind? Why did I get so upset? Exploring this in ourselves, with a lot of love and kindness towards ourselves. We’re all on a journey, and the goal is to make slow progress. Sometimes it’s going to be two steps forward, one step back, or one step forward, two steps back. But we can pat ourselves on the back if our goal is to continue moving forward.

So when this mother says that the little girl sat down and wouldn’t walk, ideally we would want to be there soon enough, and before we talk about leaving the park, so that she doesn’t have that time to sit down and get more set in that kind of power struggle. But if she does, I would still try to get in there right away, pick her up. And if the baby’s there, I would consider having the baby safe in a stroller and not be carrying the baby if that’s possible at that time. Because it can be really hard for a toddler to see the baby right up there next to you, and that’s going to make it more likely that she’s going to have a hard time in that exchange and need to express feelings around it. So just for ourselves, it’s easier if we can be physically available to our toddler, but I realize that’s not always possible. So if we’re not and we have a baby in a carrier, or we need to hold the baby, then just know that we have to be even more confident. And use what I call confident momentum: coming in early, ready to move, expecting that this might be an issue, getting that momentum going. It makes up for physical strength that we might not feel. And some parents have physical issues and they can’t pick their child up every time. Confidence makes up for a lot. When we have that motion going, we don’t need to use as much physical strength. Because we’re in the zone, we’re in this mode that we’re not mad at our child and we’re just going to help them. We’re going to make this happen.

So that’s how I would break this pattern. By being physical right away, by using confident momentum, and definitely not expecting that words are going to be enough. They’re just not. Our words don’t have that much power with a child that has reasons to want to dig their heels in. So I would say a lot less and expect to do more and do it a lot earlier. Not getting to that stage of telling her to do something, and then if she doesn’t stop, now I have to tell her, “I’m going to help you.” It will work better if she just helps her right away, without signaling it. And at this time in this child’s life, for whatever reason—in this case, there’s a good reason, the transition to the baby. But for whatever reason, she’s showing that she does need help right at the outset of these behaviors. And then this parent will see that she’s not going to be spending so much time on her daughter’s back. There may be periods where it feels like she’s constantly moving her daughter through or stopping her daughter from this or that, but it will all pass much sooner if she can move through with confidence as a leader. Perceiving this as loving, knowing that this is what children want. I hope that helps.

And there’s much more help on the way because … at last! I’ve created the No Bad Kids Master Course to give you all the tools and perspective you need to not only understand  and respond effectively to your children’s behavior but also build positive, respectful, relationships with them for life! Check out all the details at nobadkidscourse.com. ♥

Thanks so much for listening. We can do this.

While moving can be rough, a bad mover makes everything that much more horrible. Here are some ways to make sure that whatever moving company you use is a good one.

While purchasing a new home or renting a new apartment can be an exciting experience, it can also be full of hassles. After all, no one likes having to pack up and move all their stuff. That’s where a reputable moving company comes in.

Just-In Time Moving, Phoenix movers, a licensed moving company that provides excellent service, exceeds physical limitations and provides the kind of hassle-free experience that will build the company’s reputation. This is why you should look for a mover with lots of 5-Star reviews, plus an A+BBB (Better Business Bureau) Rating.

But what are the specific qualities you need to look into when it comes to choosing the right company for your move? According to a recent article by Consumer Reports, finding the most reputable moving company for your move can take some time and effort, but it’s entirely worth it.

We have gathered a list of high school graduation gifts that look forward and backward. Presents like a special photo book of high school friends or uniquely personal jewelry help to celebrate this important milestone and recall so much of what our teens are leaving behind. But other gifts on our list include some of the true college essentials that any high school senior will need as they prepare to leave home for the next phase of their life.

All of these are under $100.

Note: We receive compensation from purchases made through some of the links on this post, but the opinions are our own.  

Best high school graduation gifts

1. YETI Tumbler – Customized

Give your son or daughter a legendary YETI travel mug or water bottle and add their monogram and/or college logo for a truly amazing gift. YETIs keep hot beverages hot or cold for hours on and are available in a range of colors and sizes.

A durable YETI mug would be the perfect gift for your teen.  

2. Lululemon Belt Bag

The Lululemon belt bag would be a great grad gift. Available in numerous trendy colors, the strap on the bag is adjustable and it can be worn on a belt or cross body style.

3. Soundcore Noise-Canceling Headphones

Noise-canceling earphones like these, the highly-rated Anker Soundcore Q20, can be a lifesaver. Even the quietest roommate makes noise; your grad will appreciate these once it’s time to hit the books despite the music being blasted inside that tiny dorm room. This is one of the best graduation presents for students who will be living in a dorm.

4. UE Wonderboom Portable Wireless Bluetooth Speaker 3

The Ultimate Ears Wonderboom 3 is the highest-rated portable Bluetooth speaker and a gift your son or daughter would love to have in their new dorm room. With excellent audio, it is also portable, dustproof, waterproof, and floatable. Available in multiple colors.

5. Centered Student Planner

Give your teen a gift of time management with this 23-24 planner created by a college professor. After she noticed that her students struggled when they used their phones or laptops to track assignments, she designed a planner to make it easier for them to keep up with school work, extra curricular, work and more.

Now – save $15 on a bundle that includes all of the above pieces in addition to a beautiful planner.

6. Echo Dot (5th Gen)

Alexa is Amazon’s voice-controlled virtual assistant, and your student can ask her to play music, set the alarm for morning classes, hear the weather forecast, or the latest score from their favorite team. They can also listen to an audiobook, summons an Uber or Domino’s pizza, and much more. This compact device is a great tech choice for a student.

7. Kendra Scott Jewelry Case

Your daughter will love to keep her special jewelry pieces organized in this pretty and functional zippered case. This slim travel bag can fit in a drawer in her dorm or would work well as a travel case so she can safely pack jewelry or other valuables for the adventures in her future.I t is available in rose gold, taupe or lilac.

8. Minted Personalized Notebooks

A notebook is a handy gift, and thanks to Minted, they’re also handsome. Choose from dozens of striking cover designs or use pics of your graduate to create a one-of-kind keepsake to help them keep track of what comes next.

9. Luna Weighted Blanket

Weighted blankets are heavier than typical quilts or throw blankets that can offer a soothing feeling when you slip off to sleep or curl up in one to relax with Netflix or a book. The Luna brand is highly-recommended for weighted blankets and we think this Sherpa Throw style would make a great gift for your new grad.

10. Kodak Mini Printer

This smartphone printer is small enough to fit in a pocket. It turns photos or screenshots into high-quality 2×3″ prints and would be a fun gift for your grad to capture moments with friends at graduation parties.

11. Pottery Barn Teen Towels

Basic bedding and bath items for a dorm room or apartment are essential for college students, and these Hydrocotton® Quick-Dry Organic Towels would be a practical gift for your teen. Available in six pretty colors, there are hand and bath towels, face cloth and bath mats to choose from.

12. Master Lock Personal Safe

This safe is handy for keeping valuables such as cash, prescription meds, a passport, or jewelry in a dorm room.

13. Mixbook Photo Book

Is your teen feeling sad about the friends they are leaving behind? Create a photo book with pictures of their graduation year with Mixbook, the most highly rated site for photo books. They can take this book to college and remember all the good times and good friends from their hometown and younger years.

14. 40 Piece Tool Set

A tool set is one of the most highly-recommended grad gifts and one that they will use throughout college, in their first apartment and into the real world beyond.

15. Eagle Creek Packing Cubes 

This packing set is useful for staying organized while moving into the dorm and helping students keep things orderly in their new space. Eagle Creek gets top reviews and has a lifetime warranty.

16. Handwriting Bracelet

Write your high school grad a message, and your handwriting will be made into a bracelet. This would be a personal gift for your daughter to remind her of your love and support.

17. Pottery Barn Teen Quick Dry Robe

This robe is perfect for walking to or from the showers or relaxing in the dorm after showering. With two roomy pockets, this robe might be all your teen needs to carry toiletries to the communal bathroom in the dorm. It’s soft, machine-washable, and available in eight colors.

18. IKEA Frakta Bag

This bag has achieved legendary status in our Grown and Flown community and is a must-have for any grad. Perfect for moving into dorms, storage, and moving out, IKEA bags are lightweight, incredibly durable, and fold flat when not used.

19. Pottery Barn Teen Folding Chair

There is NEVER enough seating in a dorm room when friends come to visit, and this folding chair can be stored flat if not needed. It’s a comfy spot for studying, reading, or chatting with friends.

20. Fanatics College Gear

Your student’s college has a bookstore and they will want to shop there for game-day t-shirts, sweatshirts, hats, and more. Did you know that Fanatics has officially-licensed merchandise from more than 500 colleges and it is a fantastic site to shop for unique apparel and gifts that may not be offered in the bookstore.

More Grad Gift Ideas

High School Grad Gifts for Girls 

High School Grad Gifts for Guys

Grad Gifts for Your Teen’s Friends 

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My 22-year-old daughter works as a barista at a Peet’s Coffee not too far from where she grew up. Which is a totally normal thing to say except that where she grew up is Palo Alto, California—a town built in the shadow of Stanford University, where 13 percent of the population holds advanced degrees and the median house price is over $3 million. 

Palo Alto is a city where everyone has to be good at something, which was why my husband and I bought a house here 24 years ago. My husband was a resident at Stanford, I had just finished my PhD in Comparative Literature and was working as a lecturer at Stanford, and Palo Alto was clearly the place where smart, successful people went to be smart and successful. Also, the schools were good.

The schools were good but not for everyone

It turned out that while the schools were indeed good, they were not good for everyone. They were not, for instance, good for our daughter, who struggled with depression and anxiety and learning differences and the stubborn conviction that everyone else was smarter and more successful than she was. And in a place where success is measured by acronyms—GPA, SAT, ACT, AP, HYPS—there’s little room for other metrics.

“Why aren’t you in school?”

My daughter and I had dinner together a few days ago, and she was telling me about her work day, which involved a latte that had to be exactly 182 degrees, a mocha with no shots for a woman who didn’t want to be seen ordering a hot chocolate, and another woman who ordered a cappuccino, sized her up, and asked “Why aren’t you in school?”

“What did you tell her?” I asked.

“I told her I was in school,” my daughter said. 

My daughter IS in school

It’s true. My daughter is in school. She is currently a straight-A student at Foothill Community College, where she’s taking three courses while working 30 hours a week. She has struggled with fearsome demons and come out on top. This is a huge win. But in Palo Alto, where she grew up, community college is not what most parents who move here because the schools are good imagine for their children.

I know this because I’ve worked as a private college admissions consultant for the past 16 years, often with students who are juniors and seniors attending these good schools. I’ve worked with students who seem to be effortlessly carrying an academic course load of five advanced placement classes, playing two varsity sports, and mentoring first generation students learning how to code (it’s almost always coding—we’re in Palo Alto, after all—but sometimes it’s other things too).

I’ve worked with other students who have had to take an academic leave for anxiety, depression, OCD, eating disorders, but who are nonetheless fixated on getting into a good college, which usually means one or more of the Ivy League schools and/or Stanford and/or, if they must, Berkeley or UCLA. When I say that they seem to be overwhelmed and distressed and suggest that they consider a gap year or one of the two excellent local community colleges at a fraction of the cost of a four-year college so they can regain their equilibrium and apply to a four-year college from a place of strength, their faces tighten.

Many don’t consider community college as an option, they should

They do not want to consider community college or a gap year—for many reasons, but often because their parents, who, like my husband and me, moved to Palo Alto because the schools were good, do not want to consider those possibilities. The students envision what will happen in the spring of their senior year, when all anyone can talk about is who is going where this fall. The parents envision barbecues and hiking trips with friends who have high school-aged children and shudder.

What will people think? What will they post—or not post—on social media? What will they write in their holiday card? Affix to their car bumper? The shame of it all. The thinly veiled looks of pity from other parents in the cereal aisle at Trader Joe’s.

And because the idea of missing a stop on the success train—good school to good college to good job—is too gruesome for words, no one likes to talk about it. And so we don’t.

Potential responses to an intrusive question

My daughter and I spent a good half hour considering things she could have said to Cappuccino Lady. Among them:

-I went to the school of hard knocks.

-I’m conducting field research for my anthropology PhD, which focuses on public/employee interactions at local coffee shops.

-None of your business.

-I have three children under age five and I have to support them somehow [discreetly sliding the tip jar closer to Cappuccino Lady].

What galls me most of all is the assumption that my daughter should be in school instead of working a menial job, that there is only one way to be successful and being a barista at Peet’s is not it. I’ve spent several days spinning a world of possibilities in my head where I set Cappuccino Lady straight, including being at Peet’s at the very moment she asks my daughter why she’s not in school.

In this scenario, I storm up to her and shout, “Do you know what this girl has been through? Do you know that she’s one of the most naturally gifted writers I’ve ever known, that she has pored over the UC Santa Cruz course catalog and wants to take “Histories and Cultures of Piracy” and “Monsters in Literature” after she transfers, that she reads everything from science fiction to James Baldwin’s “Nothing Personal,” that when we watched the second season of The White Lotus, she made offhand remarks about plot and character development that would put a seasoned television critic to shame?

Not everyone can or wats to go to college

And you know what else, Cappuccino Lady?” I imagine myself yelling, hands on my hips, frothing with indignation. “Not everyone can go to college. Not everyone wants to go to college. Not everyone thrives in college. Success is not one-size-fits-all. I know people who didn’t graduate from college who lead meaningful lives, and I know people who graduated from good colleges (the best colleges! The US News & World Report says so!) who are incurious and arrogant and not that much fun to spend time with. But sure, let’s continue to use narrow metrics to define what it means to be successful. That’s worked out well. There’s a whole book, in fact, about how well it worked out!”

Eventually, my Walter Mitty fantasy deflates. My daughter doesn’t need me to fight her battles. She knows what she knows; she’s emerging from the shadow of growing up in Palo Alto, and she’s stronger and more resilient and more vibrant for it. She has learned so much already, and she will continue to learn, and there are so many things about her that make me proud, not least of which is that she is currently working on mastering latte art, where you make intricate designs in the foam. She’s starting with a heart.

More Great Reading:

College Counselor: This Matters More than Anything Else

I know what it is to try to coax a smile from a daughter who’s forgotten how to laugh. I’ve lingered at my son’s bedroom door, hesitant to leave, worried that the stress might be too much for him. I’ve sensed the space between the child I know and the carefully constructed image they’ve spun out into the world. I’ve felt the panicked urgency and terrifying helplessness of watching a child struggle with anxiety or dark thoughts.

I just never realized how many other parents have felt the same exact thing.

Our teens are feeling sadder and more hopeless than ever before

Last month, the CDC released its Youth Risk Behavior Survey Data Summary & Trends Report: 2011-2021 which reports the most recent data, as well as ten-year trends, on how our high schoolers are doing in terms of health and well-being. The results, I’m sorry to say, were not good. Especially for our girls.

The Report found that, in the past year, forty percent of all high school students – boys and girls – felt so sad or hopeless that they could not engage in their regular activities for at least two weeks. But girls felt worse. Twice as many girls as boys – a full 60% – reported persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness during the past year, a 57% increase from 2011. Nearly 30% considered suicide, up almost 60% from a decade ago. And they’re drinking more. Alcohol use is now higher among girls than boys.

Among LGBQ+ students the numbers are even more horrifying. Close to 70% of them were feeling persistent sadness or hopelessness and almost 25% had actually attempted suicide during the past year.

We can’t pass those feelings off as a result of the pandemic 

I’m sure COVID was a factor contributing to all the darkness engulfing our teens. They were isolated during a period of their lives when connection is everything. Many may have lost someone to the pandemic. The news pouring in from around the country and across the world and all over the planet has been and continues to be bleak. 

But we can’t lay all these findings at COVID’s feet. They were collected in the fall of 2021, when we had vaccines and most schools and coffee shops and sporting events and movie theaters and other teen hangouts were back in business.  

Plus, don’t we all have a sense this has been building for a while? Haven’t we all seen our girls dim in the glow of social media, become nervous and self-critical, afraid to disconnect but struggling to make any meaningful connections at all? Does it even really matter why they’re feeling the way they do? More than half of them are feeling sad and even hopeless. We need to do something.

There is an urgent need to help our teens build a sense of well-being

The report addressed teens, but my concern isn’t limited to high school girls. I find it difficult to believe happy, healthy 8^th graders step off a cliff in September of 9^th grade. I’m equally skeptical that they leave all these woes behind when they arrive on a college campus.

The CDC is calling on schools to step into the breach, which makes sense theoretically. But it seems to me that many schools are already stretched to the breaking point, chronically underfunded, hemorrhaging staff, their boards mired in conflict. Plus I’m not willing to wait for schools to find the will and the money and the programs and the teachers to help our kids feel better.

Fortunately, neither is Laurie Santos. Dr. Santos is a cognitive scientist and Professor of Psychology at Yale University. She is particularly fond of happiness and she is particularly knowledgeable about how to cultivate it. Turns out she’s also a pretty damn generous person.

In 2018, confronted by the depression, anxiety, and stress her students battled, Santos decided to offer a class on happiness, focusing on questions like “what does science show really makes us happy?” and “what can we do to achieve the good life?” She called it “Psychology and the Good Life,” and expected the typical thirty or so students to enroll. She was wrong. 

On the first day of class, a thousand students – almost a quarter of Yale’s entire student body – showed up.

The fact that one in four students at one of the most prestigious schools in the country made space in their busy schedules to learn how to be happier says something big. It says kids are hurting and they want to learn how to feel better. It also tells us how great the need is, and continues to be. Dr. Santos’s class is the most popular in the history of Yale.

To help more of the people clamoring for it, Yale has made it available as a free online class entitled “The Science of Well-Being.”

A free, on-line course helps teens to be happier

When the pandemic hit and Santos saw how many teens across the country were suffering, she decided revamp the course specifically for them. She brought a cohort of masked, socially distanced high schoolers into one of Yale’s beautiful halls to learn “The Science of Well-Being for Teens.” She had it filmed and, in an incredibly timely and much-needed gift to the world, made it available online for free. In my humble opinion, every human on the planet should take it.

Let me be crystal clear: this is an academic course. It is not therapy. If your child is struggling with anxiety or depression or any other mental health concern, you need the support and guidance of a medical or psychological professional. 

That said, Santos offers such straight-forward and easily understood insights into what true happiness looks like, how our brains can mislead us about what will make us happy in the future, and what specific, concrete steps we can take to increase our happiness quotient that I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t benefit from taking this course.

The class is intended to be taken over a six-week period, one module per week. Each module consists of approximately thirty minutes of video broken into small clips, quizzes, key terms, and, most importantly, homework or “rewirements.” As Santos repeatedly explains, she can share all the happiness knowledge in the world, but without practice, you still won’t be enjoying the life you want.

The course explains the science of happiness

The course opens with a survey to measure the viewer’s current well-being. Over the following six weeks, Santos teaches the science of happiness, what science tells us about how to be “happy in your life and with your life.” 

She begins by explaining how our minds can trick us into doing things to sabotage our own happiness. How we are so easily sucked into activities that don’t make us happy (mindlessly scrolling through social media causes a dip in mood) and carry a huge opportunity cost (lost time we could have spent actually improving our mood).

How we’re naturally inclined to compare ourselves to others, but since the 1950’s – with movies and TV and social media – our reference points are painfully skewed. How we all only have a finite amount of attention to give to the world, but now so much of that precious attention is literally being hijacked against our will by pings and rings, bright colors and clickbait.

Then she shifts her focus to what we can actually do about these problems. She introduces concepts from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), considered by many to be today’s gold standard of psychotherapy, to help us change our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. 

The course offers concrete, specific “psychprotips” that students can implement to be happier

Each module ends with a few “Psychprotips,” which Santos cheers – literally – as the real take aways from the class. They’re practical and specific. For example, active social media use is not associated with reduced mood, so if you’re going on social media, being an active participant can make you happier. Our brains may be prewired to compare, but we have control over our reference points; unfollowing influencers who make us feel bad and replacing them with a more diverse set of people who inspire us or share our values will lift us up.

Self-care isn’t as important as you think; doing acts of kindness for others makes us happier and happier for longer. And regularly engaging with a like-minded or faith-based community matters much more than you think.

There are so many gems in this class I can’t possibly list them all here. And I wouldn’t want to. They’re intended to be explored, practiced, and developed slowly, one at a time. They’re intended to be taken out of the classroom and into the streets and hallways and hangouts. 

The course ends with another survey to measure the viewer’s well-being. An intervention study conducted by Santos and four colleagues shows that people who took the course improved their happiness by about one point on a 10-point standard happiness scale. That’s a significant improvement. And it has no side effects or copays. 

If you’re a parent of a teen, seriously encourage your teen to take this course. They don’t have to be in the grip of a mental health crisis to benefit. In fact, it’s better if they’re not. One of the great things Santos does is normalize feeling bad. Everyone feels down sometimes. We all go through periods of self-doubt and difficulty focusing and feeling left out. Just knowing that we all share these experiences helps us feel less alone and more empowered, at any age. 

This course offers everyone great habits for happiness-building 

If possible, I’d encourage you to take the class with your teen. It will help you get a read on where they’re really at emotionally and could open a rich vein of conversation between the two of you about feelings and habits and agency. Plus, much as we’d like to deny it, we don’t always know what our kids are thinking or feeling and you might learn that your child is worried or sad about something they haven’t shared.

As to my teen, my son was forced to leave the school that was making him miserable and he’s now living and working and sleeping soundly in New York. All my kids are walking authentically in the world, pursuing their own dreams and directions, putting other people’s opinions and perspectives in place. And my daughter, the one I had to coax smiles from all that dark time ago, her laughter is more frequent than ever. And a joy to hear.

References:

Coursera The Science of Well Being for Teens

CDC 2011-2021 Youth Risk Behavior Survey

CDC Press Release re YRBS

CDC Media Fact Sheet: Concerning Increases in Sadness and Exposure to Violence Among Teen Girls

More Great Reading:

New Study Says Social Media Use Does Not Raise Teen’s Risk of Depression

This post contains affiliate links and we may earn a small commission when you purchase through a link on this page at no additional cost to you.

With the best of intentions, we can invalidate our kids in subtle ways that make it harder for them to move through their feelings in a healthy manner. Janet responds to three questions from listeners who each recount a specific difficulty they’re experiencing with their kids’ behaviors. These are thoughtful, patient, respectful parents, yet their problems seem to persist. They feel they just can’t get through to their child. Janet identifies a common thread in these parents’ stories and explains how and why they could be inadvertently invalidating their children’s feelings. She offers suggestions for how they might look beyond the problem to understand and address the cause.

Transcript of “How We Invalidate Our Kids Without Meaning To (And What to Do Instead)”

Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to Unruffled.

Today I’m going to be talking about invalidating our children’s feelings, their point of view, their experience. I’m not talking about extreme gaslighting-type invalidations that I doubt any of you listening would do. What I want to discuss today are these subtle moments of pushing back on what our child is expressing and how, by doing this, we don’t get the results that we’re hoping for, which is for our child to feel better, for our child to know that their feelings are okay, for them to have that self-worth. Because when children act out of that self-worth, they behave better, right? Just like all of us. So I’m going to bring up some specific examples, but please know that all of these specifics represent lots and lots of different situations parents have shared with me, situations I’ve experienced myself, where we have this tendency to invalidate, and it gets in our way.

Okay, so here’s a note I want to start out with. It was a brief little message exchange that I had somewhere on social media, I can’t remember where now, where this parent shared:

My son melts when he loses a game, starts talking negatively about himself. I tell him it’s okay to be sad, but that it bothers me that he talks about someone I love that way. This literally happened tonight. I’m so worried I did the wrong thing. My husband chose to tell him it’s not okay to be a sore loser. I just want to do the right thing.

Now, here’s how I briefly responded:

The dad’s response may be where those feelings of shame are coming from. It’s great that you don’t share that same approach. I would encourage your little guy to express all those feelings rather than doing the normal thing for most of us, which is saying that it bothers you and he shouldn’t say what he’s feeling. So maybe next time, Ah, you’re feeling like you’re a terrible player, like you can’t do anything right. Whatever he expresses, let those feelings have a life. That’s how children move through them. This is very challenging, so please be patient with yourself.

I thought this situation is interesting because there’s actually two different kinds of invalidations that are happening. First, it sounds like the dad wants to correct the feelings his son is expressing about losing a game. The dad is doing what so many of us do: we see the problem, and instead of being curious and wanting to know about why this was such an upsetting experience for our child, we see the problem. We see the Uh-oh, my child’s going to be a bad loser, and I’ve got to correct that. Now all these things, please note, we do them out of love. So, again, this is not about some terrible, tragic things that parents are doing with their children. It’s not that at all. These are nuances that, again, get in our way.

So, what happens when we tell our child they should be okay with losing the game? They shouldn’t have this strong reaction to that. They shouldn’t feel sad. It doesn’t make our child feel, Oh, okay, I can handle this now. I can lose gracefully because that’s what I’m supposed to do. What it does is it invalidates their actual feeling. And so that feeling becomes something that feels wrong about that child to them: I feel this way and I’m not supposed to feel this way. What’s wrong with me? And what that does is it makes it really, really hard for him to be a good loser when it’s not going his way. Because now his self-esteem, his sense of self-worth, has taken a hit. Which means now he is going to invest even more in feeling validated from the outside. I’ve got to win. If I don’t win, that just reminds me of what a loser I am. When we have a strong sense of self-worth, we can be magnanimous. We still feel disappointed, but it doesn’t affect us so deeply.

Now with young children in this situation particularly, if there’s other criticisms coming at them in their life, like maybe they have a younger sibling and they don’t always feel so nice to that sibling and they feel the parents kind of turning away from them for that reason, or there are other behaviors that they’ve struggled to control that they feel judged for, this idea of winning or losing a game, even a little game, they can have this strong, cathartic reaction that is maybe loaded with other hurts that they’ve been feeling. And so they do tend to overreact. Young children do. They’re much more in tune with their feelings and they’re much more likely to express them all the way. So it’s very common that children up to the age of six or seven are “sore losers.”

And how do we help them to be “better” losers? We accept where they are in this journey and we’re interested in, even, How much you wanted to win that. That meant a lot to you. Yeah, you tried really hard and, ah, that’s so disappointing. If we could validate that, we will help our child to feel, Yeah, that’s what I felt. And I’m not even sure why, but it was a big deal to me. And now my parent is assuring me that it’s okay to feel that way. That’s how children build resilience. Those are those building blocks of self-worth that we are not completely responsible for as parents, but we do have a strong effect on. So helping our child to become a better loser or a more graceful anything or a less emotional, more tempered human being, the process is different than what we might think. It’s not this direct, Well, if I just tell them they should, they will! But again, I’m not singling out this family or anything. This way of going at things is so pervasive in our culture. We think we’re teaching when in fact we’re undermining the lessons that we hope to teach.

And so then this boy, it sounds like he has some shame and he’s sharing about his loss that way with his mother. She says he starts talking negatively about himself. And I can understand how heartbreaking it is, this negative self-talk. It does hurt us. And so it’s extremely challenging to be able to accept and validate those kinds of feelings, right?

And also to us as adults, we tend to see things as set. We tend to see in a more fixed manner. So, if our child’s saying these things about themselves, this is a done deal. This is how they feel. Instead of, this is a feeling passing through them, this is what’s going on with them in their psyche right now. What a gift that he’s sharing this with me instead of just saying it to himself, so that I can help him with this. I can help him to know that all of these things he’s feeling are normal and fine to feel.

And this mom says, “I’m so worried I did the wrong thing. I just want to do the right thing.”

Gosh, I feel that every minute as a parent. And it’s not like she’s doing something that’s wrong in a way that’s harmful to her son. It’s just this little adjustment that will help his process with loss and help everything go more smoothly. When we open those channels, This is how you feel, instead of shutting them down, children move through them. They don’t get stuck there. They might go on for a week or two or three, but it’s still a process that’s in motion.

So if we could right away see all feelings and all expressions as a gift for us and something to accept and validate, parenting would still be scary. I mean, very scary, right? When we open up to that, You don’t like yourself right now, you feel like you’re this or that. It feels like we’re going to make it all worse, that we’re saying it too, that we’re putting it out there in the open with him. So it’s this brave thing that we try to do, but it makes everything so much easier and we see the effect that it has on our child.

And here are some of the ideas that get in our way. This parent says that she told her son, “I tell him it’s okay to be sad, but that it bothers me that he talks about someone I love that way.” What a loving, beautiful thing to say. And maybe to an adult that could be taken very positively, but for this little boy who’s still trying to figure it all out and he’s still in the feeling, to feel like it’s bothering his parent… and we do this about a lot of things, we kind of make it about us: I’m not comfortable when you’re upset, so I’m acknowledging your feeling, but I’m really uncomfortable, and I’m actually only acknowledging your feeling because I want you to feel better [so I’m saying words, tension is] I want you to help me feel better.

Boy, do I understand this as a parent, and I’m telling you with three adult children, it continues. As my mother-in-law says, we’re only as happy as our least happy child. And we’ll never want our children to feel anything that’s not entirely positive. We’re never going to want that. So, this is what we’re up against. And I think it’s just important to acknowledge that. There’s nothing wrong with us for not winning that battle with this incredible love and vulnerability we have about our children.

Another thing we do is going at the problem before really opening up to and understanding where it’s coming from. So we’re going to, Oh, he’s being a sore loser, or, Oh, he’s thinking bad things about himself. Seeing it as a problem, we want to correct it. We don’t want to let our kid go off and be a sore loser with their friends. That’s a positive goal, right? But again, it just doesn’t work that way, that we can make those things happen. Everything for our child has to come from the inside out, making peace with their feelings, processing them through being able to behave “better” because they feel better. They feel safe in who they are, totally accepted. They have that trust in us, and therefore themselves. Staying in tune with those feelings that they’re having. How important is that as a life skill, and how often do we tend to kind of lose our way with that as we get older? I know I have. Not trusting my perspective on a situation, not trusting that it’s okay to feel what I feel.

We can help our children have a lot of these tools that we didn’t get, with just this one, very challenging idea: Let it in. Keep those channels wide open. Be curious. Open up that space.

Okay, here’s another specific example:

Dear Janet,

I have two boys, nearly six and nearly two, and my question is about the older one. Of course, we have our struggles with cooperation and boundaries once in a while, but for the most part that is manageable. My question is actually about how to encourage him to take decisions about things. He’s generally unwilling to put his opinion on things out there. It’s like he’s afraid to be wrong. We really don’t know where this is coming from, as we’ve tried since he was a toddler to welcome his feelings and encourage his curiosity. But it seems to me that he has a bit of a perfectionist streak and is worried about taking the wrong choice.

This shows itself in many ways, from being disinterested in what he wants to wear to often answering “both” when asked to choose between two items. Even choosing a birthday gift for a friend, he just freezes. We also have a practice every day before bed of sharing the best part of our day. And he opts out most nights by saying, “Everything. Everything was the best part.” If you ask him point-blank to share a preference, you will get nothing out of him 90% of the time. Now, it’s not that he doesn’t have opinions, he exerts them regularly when he refuses to do things or chooses what to play with or to read. He attends a Montessori kindergarten, so he does this daily, as well as at home. But it’s the ability to make a choice and take a stand on something when asked directly that has me concerned.

He will be starting traditional first grade in the fall, and I’m worried that the pressure of the classroom setting might freeze him right up. He’s a really sensitive guy, easy to cry, very empathic. And so the idea of him being called on in class and not being able or willing to share his opinion makes me very worried. I’m also quite tired of having to choose things for him as he is old enough now to to take his own decisions on certain things. Is there something here that I’m missing? Do you have any guidance that can help us to help him feel more comfortable sharing his preferences when asked directly?

I should also note that when he really wants something —the radio station change, five more minutes to read before bed— when those desires are not met with a yes, he can erupt quite loudly and dramatically. He does have preferences, but just seems to hate being put on the spot. Any insights or guidance you can provide would be immensely appreciated.

Another example of perfectionist tendency is that he doesn’t like to try new things in front of others. When he got a yo-yo or a hula hoop, regardless if myself or my husband were there with him with our own toys trying to practice together, he wants to go in his room and try it alone before doing it with anyone else.

First of all, I don’t know about the hula hoop part, but the rest of it, this could be me. This guy could be me. If you ask me, What’s your favorite this? or What’s the best thing that happened today? my mind goes totally blank. Yes, I freeze. A gift for a friend or anybody, oh my gosh, I agonize over those kinds of decisions.

And what’s interesting that sort of comes out at the end of this note, this parent says that they’ve made a concerted effort to accept all feelings. And I believe that’s true. But there’s always these ones that we kind of miss, that get away from us as parents, all of us. I’ve never met somebody that was perfect at this. We overlook things because we’re in our own heads, we’re in our own perspective. And it’s helpful to me when she says at the end that when he does want something and he doesn’t get it, he has a strong reaction. I wonder if he feels some disapproval about the way that he has those overblown reactions. It would be hard not to show some disapproval as a parent to that. So he’s taking that in: when he doesn’t get what he wants and he’s got strong feelings about that, and that’s not totally welcome and acceptable.

And so, sort of similar to the boy who didn’t like losing the game, I have a feeling that might be part of this. That he’s been judged for expressing himself so strongly and maybe has a little bit of shame or disappointment in himself about that, making him less sure. Even a simple decision can sometimes be harder.

So it seems that there’s something, maybe it’s this parent’s own experience or something, that’s making her really focus on this idea that her son should be able to make these decisions. When in fact, he may not even care that much about some of these things, like what he wears. As she points out, he doesn’t like being on the spot. I don’t like being on the spot either. My mind goes blank, and I’m a lot older than this boy. So, I don’t know, that seems normal to me.

And the thing about the hula hoops and not wanting to make a mistake in front of people, I think that’s related more to his overall feeling of, Is he really accepted as he is, with all his idiosyncrasies, with his strong feelings when he doesn’t get his way, when he’s not sure about a decision? Can all of that be okay? Something that you welcome, This is just him. This is where he’s at right now. Removing all that judgment of where he should be and what he should be able to do, getting all of that out of the picture. And just freeing him in his process to figure some of this out.

Sometimes as parents, we get into the fear so easily, we get into that uh-oh so fast. And it’s like we’re getting on that train and it’s taking us past all these things that would really help us to get where we want to be with our child. So in terms of guidance, I would work on her expectation of what he should be doing right now, and open up to what he is doing. Why some decisions are harder than others, why he chooses not to make a decision a lot of the time, even what he’s afraid of. When we can go to those open spaces with our children, those curious places where we’re not letting our own agenda get in the way or our own feelings, we can learn a lot. And that’s how we build trust.

I have another question here. This parent says:

My girls are aged eight, six, and 18 months. The main problem is my eight-year-old being mean to my six-year-old’s best friend.

The three girls used to play together beautifully. Last year the friend moved around the corner. As we saw each other more, my eight-year-old became hostile. Not wanting the friend to come for playdates, not wanting to walk to and from school together. It’s an awkward situation, as we walk the same way. Sometimes we split up. Sometimes I try, futilely, to distract, calm her. Lately I just avoid the situation by driving. Once I offered her $2 to be kind. She ignored my pleas to stop anyway. Not good parenting, but desperate.

I think my eight-year-old feels jealous and insecure about her sister’s friend. I’ve tried talking about her feelings— jealousy, loneliness, left out, sad. She kind of agrees, although not to jealousy, but insists the friend is mean and excludes her. When I ask how she’s mean, she says “she hurts my ears,” meaning she’s loud.

I’m trying to stop her behavior with rules like, Treat others as you’d like to be treated. Don’t talk about other people when they’re not there. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything. Last night, the friend’s mom, who I consider a friend, said her daughter thinks my eight-year-old hates her. I apologized again and discussed her behavior and how I’m trying to deal with it. When I told my daughter that the friend thinks she doesn’t like her, she simply said, “I don’t.” I’m not sure what to say: It’s okay that you don’t like her, but you have to be nice? I also worry that focusing too much attention on the situation will further entrench her feelings. I know I can’t change how my daughter feels. I guess I need a way to stop the behavior. I’m not even sure if her behavior is normal, age-appropriate.

So, I feel like this is another example of a very loving, well-intentioned parent getting caught up in the problem and, by doing so, putting on blinders to understanding and really accepting her daughter’s point of view. She says that she talked to her about the feelings, but that she suggested all these ideas, that it could be jealousy, it could be this or that. And what I would encourage is, instead of talking, really openly listening. Openly listening, without judgment. What is it that you really don’t like about her? Oh, she hurts your ears. Does she talk loudly? She really gets under your skin, right? She really bothers you. And then, space, allowing for. We have to be careful because as soon as we indicate some kind of judgment back, Well, you can’t do this, but you can do that, or whatever it is, we’re shutting the door. Our child does not feel safe to tell us. Like in the last example, he doesn’t feel safe to have an opinion when he feels like his opinions and his feelings about not getting his choices aren’t welcome.

So, it’s all welcome. I really want to know, and I’m not impatient about it, I’m not going to judge you. I’m like a friend, being just curious and wanting to explore this. Because there’s got to be a reason. She may not totally even understand the reason herself. But if she feels safe to share how much she really doesn’t like this girl and how awful it is for her to walk with her, and we can welcome that as much as she needs to share it, she will process this through. And she will feel better about the girl, because it’s always true. When we’re able to share these feelings with someone and we feel that trust, It’s deeply okay to feel what we feel, there’s nothing wrong with us for that, then we start to open our hearts to being okay. We feel better. We can be better losers. We can make more decisions because we feel better about ourselves. We feel acceptable. That’s all any of us want, and it’s what we want for our children, too.

Here’s what I said back to this parent:

Could it be okay for your eight-year-old to not like this girl? It sounds like you’re pushing back on her behavior and judging it (all understandable on your part), rather than welcoming her opinion and sincerely wanting to understand. The problem with that is that it creates distance between you, and that distance makes your child feel judged, and then even more inclined to dislike this person. I’m sure she has her reasons and they’re amplified by the fact that this girl is bringing about judgment and a rift between your daughter and you. In other words, I’d come from a place of more acceptance and curiosity, staying on your child’s side and really wanting to understand where she’s coming from.

So, I hope some of this helps and makes sense to you all.

Thank you so much for listening. We can do this.

When it comes to basal rate testing, there are a few things you can do to ensure the best results. Learn how you react to different exercises, eating, and sleeping patterns by doing a basal test under various conditions. This will help you learn more about your body and how it responds to different stimuli. Use these tips as a guide for your next basal rate test.

Check Your Blood Sugar Regularly

Check your blood sugar at least every hour. Before and after meals, before and after exercise, and before and after sleep are all good times to check. If you’re checking your blood glucose more often than every hour (which is recommended), make sure you’re doing so at consistent times each day so that you can get an accurate picture of how much insulin or food (if any) is needed to control your blood glucose levels.

Take Note of the Basal Rates and Blood Sugars during Meal Times

You will want to take note of your blood sugars and basal time rates during meal times. If you notice that your blood sugar is high after eating, you may need to adjust your basal rate for that time of day. One method is testing before and after exercise. You can also test at different times of the day to see if there are any patterns in terms of when you consume food and how it affects your blood glucose levels.

Exercise During Your Basal Rate Test

Exercise can help you with your basal rate test in a variety of ways. Exercise burns calories, which can affect your basal rate. If you’re active and burn more calories than usual, your body may need to adjust your insulin levels to compensate for the additional energy expenditure. This will also help you sleep better and feel less stressed since exercise is proven to improve mood and reduce anxiety. The hormones released during exercise also have an effect on our well-being: when we exercise, it releases endorphins that make us feel happy.

Vary your Basal Rate Testing Conditions

The best way to understand your body’s natural response is to test different conditions. According to Tandem Diabetes experts, “Many people find that their basal rate decreases in the morning, so they set up a test at night.” Others find that their basal rates change when they exercise, so they test after working out one day and not exercising on another day.

One thing we’ve learned from testing is that it can be helpful to vary the times of day when you do your basal rate tests so you can get a better idea of how your body responds under different conditions.

In conclusion, it’s important to remember that basal rate testing is a process. You don’t need to get your basal rate right the first time or even the second time! It may take some time for your body to adjust, but if you are consistent and follow these steps, eventually, you will find that sweet spot where your body feels in balance and your blood sugars stay on track.

Also Read: What Are Medical Credit Cards For?

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When it comes to investing in the stock market, many people immediately buy stocks. However, there is another option for those looking to diversify their investment portfolio: bonds. In this guide, you will go over the basics of investing in bonds and how they can be a beneficial addition to your portfolio.

What Are Bonds?

Bonds are essentially loans that investors make to a company or government entity. In exchange for lending their money, the investor receives periodic interest payments, as well as the return of their principal when the bond matures. There are various types of bonds available, including corporate bonds, municipal bonds, and government bonds.

Benefits of Investing in Bonds

One of the main benefits of investing in bonds is that they tend to be less risky than stocks. While stocks can fluctuate greatly in value, the value of a bond is generally more stable. This makes them a good option for investors who are looking for a safer, more predictable investment.

Another advantage of bonds is that they offer a reliable source of income. For example, the periodic interest payments that investors receive provide a steady stream of cash. This is especially appealing for retired people relying on their investments to provide a steady source of income.

How to Invest in Bonds

There are several ways to invest in bonds, including purchasing individual bonds, mutual funds that invest in bonds, and exchange-traded funds (ETFs) that track bond indexes. It is important to consider your investment goals and risk tolerance carefully when deciding which option is best for you.

Individual Bonds

If you invest in individual bonds, you will buy a specific bond directly from a company or government entity. One advantage of this approach is that you can tailor your bond portfolio to fit your specific investment goals.

However, it can be time-consuming to research and purchase individual bonds, requiring a larger upfront investment.

Mutual Funds and ETFs

Another option is to invest in a mutual fund or ETF that focuses on bonds. These investments allow you to diversify your bond portfolio by including various bonds. This can be a good option for those who need more time or resources to research and purchase individual bonds. However, it is vital to carefully research the mutual fund or ETF to ensure that it aligns with your investment goals.

SoFi advisors say, “Trade stocks and ETFs with zero commissions.”

Factors to Consider While Investing In Bonds

There are a few key factors to consider when investing in bonds. One important factor is the creditworthiness of the issuer. This refers to the ability of the company or government entity to pay back the bond. For example, investing in bonds issued by companies or governments with a high credit rating is generally considered safer.

Another factor to consider is the length of the bond term. Bond terms can range from a few months to several decades. Long-term bonds tend to offer higher interest rates, but they also come with more risk as they are subject to changes in the market over a longer period.

Investing in bonds can be a good way to diversify your portfolio and provide a steady source of income. While they may not offer the potential for high returns that stocks do, they tend to be less risky and can provide a more predictable investment. By carefully considering your investment goals and researching, you can make informed decisions about whether bonds are a good fit for your portfolio.

Also Read: What Are Medical Credit Cards For?

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Un article traduit de l’anglais par Soizic Le Gouais et Chloé Saint Guilhem formatrice certifiée Hand in Hand

Les enfants s’épanouissent grâce au lien qui les unit à leurs parents

Leur besoin de lien est fort et constant tout au long de l’enfance. C’est ce sentiment de sécurité et de connexion qui permet aux enfants d’apprendre à grande vitesse, d’expérimenter et de jouer pleinement, de s’amuser et d’amuser les autres sans réserve, et d’avoir confiance en la bonté des personnes qu’ils connaissent.

Le sentiment de sécurité et de connexion d’un enfant est facilement brisé

Avec les nourrissons et les jeunes enfants, il suffit qu’un parent se détourne pour se laver les mains pour que l’enfant perde le sentiment que tout va bien. Parce que le “système d’alarme” de l’enfant est si sensible, tôt ou tard, tous les enfants éprouvent des sentiments de tristesse ou de peur face à la séparation.

Lorsqu’un enfant se sent bouleversé par une séparation, il y a deux types de causes :

Soit la rupture du lien se produit maintenant. Par exemple, un parent part au travail ou doit partir en voyage. Soit un petit soupçon de séparation réveille les sentiments emmagasinés auparavant. Mettre un enfant au lit, aller dans une autre pièce, parler au téléphone ou être pressé et surmené peut ouvrir les vannes à l’anxiété ou au chagrin issus de séparations antérieures plus difficiles.

Les peurs non résolues de la séparation sont souvent à l’origine de comportements difficiles

Lorsqu’un enfant est aux prises avec des sentiments non résolus à propos de la séparation, mais qu’il n’a pas la possibilité de les exprimer, il ne peut pas se sentir en sécurité. Il ne peut pas réfléchir. Il signale qu’il n’est pas sur la bonne voie lorsqu’il :

• Mord ou blesse, ou se montre excessivement “affectueux ” avec les autres.
• Se retire des autres ou les exclut dans leur jeu.
• Passe d’une activité à l’autre sans prêter attention à ce qu’il fait.
• Pleurniche, se rebiffe, se montre difficile ou a besoin d’un objet en particulier pour ne pas se sentir contrarié.

Tu peux aider un enfant à surmonter ses sentiments face à la séparation

Les enfants ont besoin de pleurer et d’avoir peur d’une séparation qui est sur le point de se produire, ou qui s’est déjà produite, afin de surmonter leurs peurs et de renforcer leur confiance en eux. Pendant qu’ils pleurent, ils ont besoin de l’amour et de l’attention de quelqu’un qui leur offre chaleur et sécurité. Au début, cela semble être une idée des plus étranges – pourquoi diable laisser un enfant pleurer pour sa maman ou son papa, alors que tu peux le distraire, l’endormir, le bercer ou le cajoler jusqu’à ce qu’il s’arrête ? Mais à maintes reprises, dans des milliers de situations, nous avons constaté que les enfants dont les sentiments sont écoutés deviennent plus confiants, se sentent plus proches de leurs parents et se sentent plus proches des autres personnes qui les ont écoutés pendant qu’ils pleuraient.

Voici les étapes que tu peux suivre pour aider un enfant à guérir réellement des sentiments qu’il éprouve à l’égard de la séparation

En suivant ces étapes, il développera sa capacité à explorer son monde et à apprécier les amitiés qui lui sont offertes. Il gardera également confiance en ses proches. 

1. Prends le temps de te connecter avec l’enfant

Les enfants ont besoin de se sentir proches de quelqu’un avant de se sentir suffisamment en sécurité pour exprimer leurs sentiments. La première étape pour aider un enfant à faire face à la séparation est donc d’ajouter de la chaleur et des liens au moment où il doit dire au revoir. Un Temps Particulier parent-enfant ou “nounou”-enfant qui comprend de la chaleur, un contact visuel et des rires aidera à renforcer le sentiment de connexion de l’enfant.

2. Amorce la séparation

Offre ta chaleur et ton soutien pendant que l’enfant pleure, tremble et se débat. Ce processus qui consiste à exprimer pleinement ses sentiments avec quelqu’un qui l’écoute est naturel, sain et profondément bénéfique pour l’enfant. Plus le parent reste longtemps, plus l’enfant sera en sécurité lorsqu’il montrera les sentiments de désespoir qu’il ressent. La personne qui écoute peut être le parent qui part, une personne qui s’occupe de l’enfant, ou les deux. Dans tous les cas, voici les étapes à suivre : 

3. Reste proche, mais pas trop proche

Tu veux que l’enfant ressente ton soutien, mais aussi qu’il ressente la séparation dont il a peur. Offre-lui un contact visuel et de l’affection. S’il se blottit contre toi et cesse de pleurer, déplace-le doucement pour qu’il puisse te voir. Ton attention l’aidera à ressentir à nouveau le chagrin.

4. Écoute ses larmes et ses peurs

 Écoute jusqu’à ce qu’il ait terminé, si tu le peux. C’est le moyen le plus rapide pour les enfants de retrouver la confiance que tout va bien. Pour les enfants qui ont de grosses angoisses, il est courant de pleurer avec une personne de confiance pendant trente à soixante minutes au début. Des pleurs répétés pendant plusieurs jours ou semaines peuvent être nécessaires pour dissiper toutes les peurs de l’enfant.

5. Montre-toi confiant.e

Si tu es le parent, dis à ton enfant : “Grand-mère (ou la nounou) va bien s’occuper de toi. Je vais revenir. Je reviendrai toujours vers toi.” Si tu es la personne qui s’occupe de l’enfant, dis-lui : “Je vais veiller sur toi jusqu’à ce que ton papa (ou ta maman) revienne. Quand tu iras mieux, nous pourrons jouer”.

6. Permets des adieux répétés

Laissez le parent s’attarder, en disant : “Il est temps pour moi de partir. Es-tu prêt à me dire au revoir ?” Cela permet à l’enfant de continuer à te montrer à quel point il se sent triste ou désespéré. Ses sentiments sont exprimés dans le contexte le plus sûr possible – avec le parent à proximité.

7. Rapproche la personne qui s’occupe de l’enfant.

Dis à ton enfant : “Tu vas rester avec Mamie pendant un moment. Elle est là. Elle va bien s’occuper de toi.” Ton enfant ne voudra pas la regarder ou la toucher pendant qu’il pleure. La personne qui s’occupe de l’enfant a besoin de savoir que l’enfant ne la rejette pas personnellement. Après avoir bien pleuré, ton enfant sera beaucoup plus ouvert à l’idée de s’amuser avec elle.

8. Ne minimise pas ses sentiments

Son instinct de guérison est à l’œuvre. Il est intelligent de sa part de renforcer sa confiance en déchargeant ses peurs. À un autre moment, lorsque ton enfant n’est pas présent, trouve quelqu’un pour écouter tes sentiments. Que ressens-tu lorsque ton enfant manifeste des sentiments profonds ? Quel moment de ton enfance cela te rappelle-t-il ? De quoi avais-tu peur lorsque tu étais enfant ? Quelqu’un qui t’écoute t’aidera à mettre de l’ordre dans tes propres sentiments à l’égard de la séparation, afin que tes propres peurs diminuent et que tu puisses rassurer ton enfant sur le fait que tout va bien.

Lorsque tu ne peux pas écouter un long adieu :

Si ton enfant est perturbé à plusieurs reprises par la séparation, mais que toi ou la personne qui s’occupe de lui n’êtes pas en mesure de l’écouter pleurer longuement à l’heure du départ, tu as trois options de base.

1. Après quelques instants d’adieu, quitte les lieux. Laisse-le continuer à pleurer dans les bras de la personne à qui te l’a confié. Avec du soutien et des informations à ce sujet, les personnes qui s’occupent de l’enfant peuvent parfois lui offrir cinq ou dix minutes d’écoute, voire plus, avant de passer à une autre activité. Cependant, il y a des moments où les besoins du groupe exigent que l’éducateur prête attention à plusieurs choses en même temps. Ne t’attends donc pas à ce que la personne qui s’occupe de ton enfant fasse tout le travail d’écoute dont il pourrait avoir besoin.

2. Commence les adieux avant d’arriver sur place. Écoute ton enfant pleurer avant de quitter la maison, avant de le faire sortir de la voiture ou devant la porte de la personne qui s’occupe de lui ou de la crèche. Cela l’aide à faire son travail émotionnel sans imposer à la personne qui s’occupe de lui des attentes qui pourraient s’avérer irréalisables.

3. Sois à l’écoute des sentiments de ton enfant à la maison. Les enfants qui éprouvent des sentiments au moment de la séparation les évoquent souvent à l’heure du coucher, lorsque tu vas dans une autre pièce ou lorsque tu portes ton attention sur quelqu’un d’autre. Tu peux insister doucement, progressivement, sur de petites séparations dans ces situations, en écoutant ton enfant aussi longtemps qu’il a besoin de pleurer. Ces pleurs à la maison l’aideront à améliorer sa confiance en lui lorsqu’il est confié à d’autres personnes. Si tu as un partenaire, demande-lui d’écouter votre enfant lorsqu’il pleure parce que tu lui manques. Cela améliorera leur relation et aidera votre enfant à se sentir plus confiant en général.

Nous sommes convaincus que, même s’il faut investir plusieurs fois du temps dans l’écoute, tu constateras une nette amélioration de la confiance en soi de ton enfant, de son humeur et de sa capacité à jouer avec les autres et à leur faire confiance, à mesure que tu écouteras ce qu’il ressent à propos de la séparation.

Related

I am often stymied by how to get my teens to behave in the ways I would like them to. I talk to them incessantly about healthy behaviors, but it often feels like the messages I’m trying to convey bounce off them. As my teens have gotten older, I’ve noticed they do much more of what I do. I will never tell them I’ve noticed their behavior because that would undoubtedly ruin things, but I see how effective setting an example for my kids is. 

My son started working out with me off and on in middle school. At first, I thought he was doing it because it looked like fun, and he had a lot of excess energy. But as time passed, he started asking me why I liked to work out every day. Sometimes he’d join me and stop if the workout seemed too hard. He couldn’t grasp why I wasn’t stopping when things got tough. 

I was honest with my son about why I needed to exercise

I was frank with him and told him that I didn’t play any sports in high school and felt my body change after puberty, so I started doing exercise videos. Not only did I love the results (they came a lot quicker back then), but I also explained to him that exercising made me feel good mentally. It helped me with my anxiety and seasonal depression, and moving my body gave me much more energy.

Around this time, he started struggling in school. He was getting into trouble for fighting, didn’t seem to care about his grades, and his temper was out of control on some days. I tried everything I could think of — talking to him about his behavior, grounding him, taking away his phone and friend privileges, and telling him how much his behavior affected others.

I suggested he start exercising again because it made him feel better. He didn’t say anything about that or seem to like my suggestion until a few months later when he asked me if he could join a gym. I thought it was a fantastic idea and signed him up right away.

My son discovered exercise by watching me, but he had to come to it in his own way

Not long after, I noticed a difference in his behavior; it was almost immediate. That was over six years ago, and he’s still at it. We go to the gym together a few days a week, and my daughter just joined and goes with us now as well. 

Working out wasn’t something my daughter seemed interested in for a long time, so I never pushed the issue, but I did mention that it might help her confidence and social anxiety. She is reticent and struggles to order food in a restaurant. Again, I never pushed her. I kept doing my thing and talking about how great a workout was or how much energy I had, and now, the three of us go together, and I couldn’t be happier. 

Suddenly my teens seem to appreciate clean spaces

Something else I’ve noticed about my teens as they’ve gotten older is their appreciation for tidy spaces. I’ve given up on their messy rooms, which are usually a disaster, and told them they could pretty much keep them as messy as they want (except for food and trash) as long as they keep the door closed, so I don’t have to see it. 

Messes make me anxious, so I like to keep all the common areas clean, and my kids know they have to do the same. Lately, they’ve all been commenting on how it makes them feel happier to come downstairs to a clean living room and kitchen, and they have begun keeping their rooms clean too. Again, for the past few years, I’ve let them keep their rooms how they want, and I never tell them they have to clean, so this seemed like something they started doing because they saw me do it. 

I need to change my behaviors so that I set a healthy example for my teens

I also want my kids always to know I am a safe place, and I want to be the one they come to when they struggle with something. I remind them of this often, but I also know that I have to be completely open if I want them to feel free to express themselves or ask me anything.

That means I need to be human and express myself. If I’m struggling or sad about something, I used to try to hold it in around my kids. If I made a mistake, it was hard for me to admit it. I was horrible at apologizing when I was wrong, and if I were upset with someone, I would give them silent treatment. 

These were all things I wanted to change for myself and set a better example for my children. As they entered their teen years, I noticed they’d go silent on me when upset and rarely apologized. 

I had to take a hard look at myself, and it was tough to admit, but they were acting exactly like me because that’s what I had shown them. So, I started having more grace and compassion for myself and others. I wanted my kids to know it was okay to be upset with someone and not hold a grudge forever — that you could have an adult conversation and move on without ignoring someone you care about to prove your point. 

I wanted them to see me go through hard stuff and come out of it so they would know if they were struggling, they could eventually come out the other end of it. And I wasn’t doing that by trying to hide all the turmoil from them and acting like everything was always good because we all know that’s not how life is.

It’s easy to talk to your kids but know that they are watching you

It’s easy to tell our teenagers what to do. And we’ve all been guilty of saying to them, “Do as I say, not as I do.” I’m not a model parent, and I still have so many things I need to work on, but one thing I’ve come to understand lately is that my kids are watching me. 

If they see me doing something that is working, adding to my quality of life, or making me happy, they are likelier to try that. And letting them watch me succeed trumps any verbal advice I give them. 

The author of this post wishes to remain anonymous.

More Great Reading:

Dear Mom and Dad, Please Stick With Me

College admissions is a perpetual shifting of priority and choice that I have experienced both from the outside and within.

As a mom, I celebrated my children’s ideas, supported their efforts, listened to their disappointments, and cheered their successes. As they approached their college searches — writing applications and waiting out decisions — I hoped they’d get into the schools where they had already imagined their lives. I wanted them to be happy. I didn’t want all of that resiliency training to have to activate.

I didn’t want them to have to look to me for reassurance that it would be OK. I wanted what they wanted. Yet, there was no way to know if they’d get a spot. My priority was to help ground them in their choices along the way, to remind them of how special they are, regardless of a college’s admission answer, and to help them choose their next steps among the available choices.

How I think about our admission choices at the University of Pennsylvania

I bring this perspective to my job as the dean of admissions at the University of Pennsylvania. I am deeply involved in making the choices that inspire celebration or call on resiliency. Deciding whether or not to accept an applicant is the penultimate synthesis of organizing more than 59,000 applicants into the 2,400 places.

I hold the principles and priorities of the University as our guide, and yet, since I’m reading about individuals, I also think about who they are and what they might be like at Penn.

Would they push the hard questions? Would they collaborate to find the answers? Would they find and create a place of belonging in our community? Usually, the answers are “Yes, yes, and yes.” “Yes!” when reading about the student who loved every one of her science classes and could imagine her future in our bioengineering lab designing the next innovation in healthcare. And “Yes!” when reading about the student who equally loves linguistics and anthropology and wants to study the effect of culture on the evolution of vocabulary. 

Which students do we admit?

So, which of these two students do I want to admit? I want them both. But the reality is that we can’t have them both. There isn’t enough room to say “yes” to every student who humbles us with their inspiration, who we know would be the “yes” student on our campus. We must work within the limits of space, lean into our values and the design and intent of programs within our schools, and choose students with those in mind. 

I have a love/hate relationship with those viral acceptance reaction videos. On the one hand, seeing a student’s joy and delight is so exciting when positive news pops up on the screen. Yet, on the other hand, for every celebratory, breathless moment, other students hang their heads, turn off their devices, and feel terrible. I know what that looks like, too. 

Our choices are impossible, but they are also clear

At the same time that these decisions feel impossible, they are also clear. The space limitations are real. The distribution of our academic programs is real. The necessity of diverse points of view, experiences, skills, and expectations among our students to create the strongest, most flexible, innovative, and problem-solving environment is real. And at the same time, our applicant numbers keep growing.

As we start to choose the students we admit, we repeatedly reprioritize what else is needed in our remaining decisions. We rededicate ourselves to finding the “yes” students while working within our limits. It’s like a train station flip board. Each train that arrives or departs generates the rapid flipping that rewrites the schedule on the board. An admissions review, it’s a rapid re-setting of what is next as we read-decide-read-decide until we finish. 

What I want the applicants to know who we do NOT admit

What is so very important for us to communicate to our applicants and those who support them is that choosing not to admit a student doesn’t diminish that student’s real accomplishments, enthusiasm, or aspirations. Our choice means that a different school will benefit from what that student offers and be lucky to nab that “yes” for themselves.

More Great Reading:

College Counselor: This Matters More Than Anything Else

Did you know you can vacation in a fantasy world with a themed vacation rental? If you are looking for a way to escape to another place, away from reality, these rentals will let you do just that. There’s a place for you to lay your head whether you dream of hanging with wizards, jumping to light speed in space, or joining some Hobbits for a second breakfast.

Leave behind your cares while living in a fantasy world at one of these amazingly themed vacation rentals; you won’t ever want to leave. 

Through an affiliate relationship with Stay22, Kidding Around earns when you book through some of these links.

Head off to Hogwarts: Harry Potter Themed Vacation Rentals

Chickamauga, Georgia
Harry Potter Fan’s Dream

Located in Northwest Georgia, this rental is exceptional when it comes to themed vacation rentals! There is so much attention to detail that you will feel like you hopped on a train on platform 9 ¾ to a different world. We love the Gryffindor dormitory-style bedroom and the attention to all the Harry Potter details. The home offers themed rooms, loads of Harry Potter memorabilia, and overall fantastical decor throughout the home.

• 1 bedroom, 1 bath
• Sleeps 4
• Due to the great care put into this rental, it is best suited for families with older children. Children under 5 are allowed on a case by case basis. Contact the owner prior to booking.
• Best suited for adventurous muggles or wizards: the rental does not have a stove – just a microwave, coffee maker, and a toaster. The bathroom has a vintage clawfoot tub but no shower.
• Book Harry Potter Fan’s Dream on VRBO

Champions Gate, Florida 
Wizards Way 

Each room in this unique rental is a Harry Potter Fan’s dream. From the Slytherin-themed bedroom to the large chess set poolside, no detail has been spared. If you are looking for themed vacation rentals to pair with your visit to The Universal Studios Wizarding World of Harry Potter, then this is the place! The home is located within a resort, so you will also have access to amenties like a game room, a water park with lazy rivers, a theater room, and so much more during your stay.

• 8 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
• Sleeps 16
• Located just 15 minutes west of Disney on I-4, you will be close to all the fun of Orlando. 
• Amenities include a full kitchen, Wifi, hot tub, heated pool, gym, and more. The home is professionally cleaned between guests. 
• Book Wizards Way on VRBO

Greer, South Carolina
Harry Potter’s Hogwarts Castle Theme

Enroll at Hogwarts, and experience the magic of Harry Potter in this Upstate, SC rental. The “castle” includes themed rooms that will have you forgetting you are just minutes away from Privet Drive, or the place you call home in the muggle world. With themed rooms and a small video game room paired with the familiarities of home, this Hogwarts inspired home is an excellent choice to add to your list of local vacation rentals.

• 1 bedroom, 1 bath
• Sleeps 5
• Located in Greer, central to Greenville & Spartanburg
• Includes a game room for guests to use

Star Wars Themed Vacation Rentals: Travel to a Galaxy, Far, Far Away

Champions Gate, Florida
Twelve Parsecs

A stay in this rental is enough of an adventure that you wouldn’t need to visit the neighboring amusement parks! This home is one of the top vacation rentals for Star Wars fans. If you have Star Wars fans in your family, this should be a bucket list trip along with a visit to Disney’s Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge at Hollywood Studios. The home is situated within a resort, with access to amenties like a water park with lazy rivers, a game room, a theater room, and more to explore during your stay.

• 9 bedroom, 5 bathroom 
• Sleeps 16
• Located just 15 minutes west of Disney on I-4, you will be close to all the fun of Orlando. 
• Amenities include a full kitchen, Wifi, hot tub, heated pool, gym, and more. The home is professionally cleaned between guests. 
• Book Twelve Parsecs on VRBO

Lord the Rings Themed Vacation Rentals: One Rental to Rule Them All

Russellville, Arkansas
The Hobbit House of Russellville

Beautiful, artistic detail in this Hobbit Hole work of art. With themed rooms that bring the magic of Middle Earth alive, this experience should be added to your bucket list of themed vacation rentals. Bring the whole crew for this fantasy world experience because this hobbit hole sleeps 8!

• 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom
• Sleeps 8
• Hobbit hole themed basement apartment with private entrance (Note that the kitchen is currently a shared space)
• Guests comment on the amazing Hobbit hole details in the space

Book The Hobbit House of Russellville on VRBO

Thompson Falls, Montana
The Shire House

The ultimate destination for a Lord of The Rings fan, this is your very own Hobbit Hole to escape from the world. The themed rooms are truly immersive, and the entire property will transport you to Middle Earth. There is an Elven village and even the potential to see fairies fluttering about if you are worthy of their visit. You can relax and enjoy a “luxury lodging experience full of imagination and magic”. This magical dwelling is truly a work of art and is a top-tier experience in terms of themed vacation rentals in the US.

• 2 bedroom, 1 bath
• Sleeps 3
• Located in Northwest Montana
• This hobbit hole makes the perfect destination for a couple’s weekend-away from the kids. 
• Book The Shire House on VRBO

Looking for more fabulous vacation rental options?

These Coastal South Carolina Vacation Rentals Are Perfect for Spring Break 2023

With spring break around the corner, Kidding Around Greenville gives you a list of fun day trips not too far from home. To make room for some unpredictable weather, we have separated the list of spring day trips into two main categories: indoor and outdoor.

To help in your trip planning, we have also listed a summary of driving times in the end. Before going, just be mindful of operation hours. Lastly, don’t forget to take photos and tag us on social media! For more Day Trip ideas see our Day Trips Near Greenville page.

Sunny Spring Day Hooray: Day Trips for the Spring

What better way to spend a sunny day than a day outdoors?  Pack a picnic basket and head to nearby state parks and nature centers.

Picnic with A View

The Upstate is known for its waterfalls so why not show the kids the sites?

Cedar Falls Park

Near Fountain Inn, there’s the distant relative of the Reedy Falls called Cedar Falls Park. If you’re lucky you might be able to spot a couple of snapping turtles basking on the flat rocks.

Dupont State Forest

Cedar Falls not tall enough? Drive to DuPont State Forest to see the aptly named High Falls or any of the other several waterfalls in the forest. Trails are easy but usually crowded.

Paris Mountain State Park

Not big on waterfalls and just want some nice views and nature? There’s always Paris Mountain, a local favorite that is great for hiking, kayaking and just sitting and lazing about by the lake.

Campbell’s Covered Bridge

As you probably already know, there are numerous waterfalls and places to picnic around Greenville. One of our favorite spots is Campbell’s Covered Bridge. Not only is it picture perfect, but kids love to hop around the rocks and play in the stream.

Pick tulips and have a picnic at Thompson Family Farms

Check out our review of tulip picking at Thompson Family Farms in Landrum, SC

Need more ideas? Check out more picnic ideas.

Petroglyphs, Living History and Farm Life

Why not throw in some hands-on-learning while taking in the outdoors?

Carl Sandburg Home

We highly recommend Flat Rock where you can visit the historic home of President Lincoln’s biographer Carl Sandburg, and the younger kids can visit the Sandburg’s goat farm. If you are looking to hike, the property has a number easy of trails. See our itinerary for your day at Flat Rock.

Hagood Mill

We can’t say enough about Hagood Mill Historic Site and Folk Life Center, our top pick for learning about pioneer ways and farm life. This place is learning at its best, last we were there, we chanced upon a  live demo on spinning wool into yarn. Also on view within the property are rock art carvings believed to be pre-historic at the Hagood Creek Petrogylph Site.

Musgrove Mill

Kids can learn about the Revolutionary War at the Musgrove Mill State Historic Site. And of course, while you’re there, take a break and enjoy the rest of your afternoon at Horseshoe Falls (we told you Greenville has a lot of waterfalls!).

Oconaluftee Visitor Center

How about some close encounters with elks? Wake up early and visit the Oconaluftee Visitor Center to see these amazing graceful creatures. Or you might be lucky, like our writer Maria who saw 14 of them when her family visited Oconaluftee Visitor Center!

Zoo and Nature Centers

Spring is our favorite time to visit zoos around Greenville.

Riverbanks Zoo

We will always have a soft spot for Greenville Zoo (which now has a baby giraffe!), but if you want to explore other neighboring zoos there is Columbia’s Riverbanks Zoo and Gardens which not only has elephants, tigers, lions to captivate your little one’s attention, but also special exhibits like the Kangaroo Walkabout and Sea Lion’s Landing.

WNC Nature Center

Nature centers are also great for educational and hands-on animal encounters. The Western North Carolina Nature Center is such a place, read Bethany’s article as she writes about the farm play area and otter exhibit.

(Note: If you’re a member of Greenville Zoo, don’t forget to ask about the reciprocity membership benefits which give you discounted or free admission to the zoos and nature centers mentioned above.)

Ellaberry Llama Farm

This llama farm in Hendersonville is so awesome as you get to play and cuddle with llamas, take them through an obstacle course, or go hiking with them. Plus, the scenery is beautiful as Ellaberry Llama Farm is situated right on an apple orchard!

Historic Homes and Gardens

Welcome spring with the beauty of nature.

SC Botanical Garden

Admire the first blooms of spring with a visit to the South Carolina Botanical Garden in Clemson. Kids will surely enjoy ambling thru the many creatively themed gardens including the Caboose garden which features an actual train caboose donated by an alumnus. The Peter Rabbit Garden has a playhouse and place for playing tea time.

NC Arboretum

Another place to welcome spring is the North Carolina Arboretum. Check out the featured exhibition at the Baker Exhibition Center, borrow a Discovery Day Pack to guide you around the trails, try out geocaching (bring your own or borrow equipment from the center) and have your picnic.

State Botanical Garden of GA

Last but not least, meander thru the many hidden gems at the State Botanical Garden of Georgia. You can walk around on your own or join a guided tour and admire their many beautiful flower gardens.

A short drive from downtown Athens, you can also enjoy the grounds of the UGA Campus and eat at a local favorite restaurant, Teddy’s Pizza, which has ample outdoor seating with a giant sandbox to keep the kiddies busy.

See our complete list of gardens near Greenville, SC.

Fun Indoor Play

While the goal of this post is to ultimately send everyone outdoors, mother nature can change our plans in a snap. Here’s a quick list from our travel team of special indoor fun that makes braving the rain quite worthwhile.

South Carolina

Quite close to Greenville, is Spartanburg’s Hub City Railroad Museum. A gem of a museum, the building is housed in an old train station with an active track. Kids got a kick out of viewing the exhibits and actually see a real train go by.

Want to know more about trains for your little engineer? Here’s where you can see and explore trains in Greenville, SC.

Another great rainy day activity is a drive to Columbia, SC. Tour the South Carolina State House for a bit of history, then head over to Edventure Children’s Museum or the South Carolina State Museum for family fun. Wear sneakers, you’ll need it to keep up with your kids who will be so captivated with their engaging exhibits. In addition to its historical displays, the State Museum has a digital dome planetarium and a 4-D theater.

Want to learn about nuclear fission in a fun and interactive way? Impress your children with the wonders of science; visit the World of Energy in Seneca, home to the Duke Energy Power Plant. You can view the actual nuclear plant just by gazing outside the museum’s window.

Georgia

Atlanta has a bunch of indoor venues that will keep everyone amused. Have you been to the Georgia Aquarium? Most impressive are the graceful beluga whales and massive whaleshark that swim in their giant tanks. You are guaranteed to not run out things to do in this place.

Another indoor Atlanta favorite, is the World of Coca-Cola, an exciting multi-media experience.

North Carolina

A chance to drive around beautiful Asheville, a focus on STEM and hands-on learning, visit the Asheville Museum of Science. Or have a day of exploring and learning about all kinds of science, astronomy, and marine biology at the Catawba Science Center.

Take the kids to the Great Wolf Lodge in Concord, NC for a day of indoor fun at the water park. The lodge now sells day passes – you can get a $50 all day pass or a $40 half day pass.

Also close to Asheville, you’ll find Mountain Play Lodge, which is the perfect spot for little ones to burn off some energy while the adults chill a bit.

For families with older kids, take them back in time to a grander era, pay a visit to the Vanderbilt’s Biltmore Mansion. Admire the behind the scenes clockwork efficiency of the Biltmore staff using the innovations of the industrial revolution and how it made maintaining a 250 room mansion seem effortless. Witness another world of a bygone era of railroad magnates and their estates. Dine at the Bistro and don’t miss the ice cream from the Biltmore creamery.

Charlotte is another city with lots of indoor things to do with its share of art museums and play spaces, however, we wanted to highlight the NASCAR Hall of Fame, also built for an unforgettable multi-media experience that will fascinate and tickle the imagination of mini and not so mini car enthusiasts.

Tennessee

Something for teens, our writer, Leicey relates how much fun they had at Ripley’s Marvelous Mirror Maze at Gatlinburg, Tennesee. If the rain stops pouring, Dollywood is a fun amusement park for the entire caboodle at Pigeon Forge.

Or see the Titanic Museum or Wonderworks in Pigeon Forge. Ride the giant Ferris Wheel at the Island at Pigeon Forge to take in incredible views of the Great Smoky Mountains. See our giant guide to Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge for lots more things to do.

Driving Times

15-30 minutes

• Campbells Covered Bridge Road, Landrum, SC
• Cedar Falls Park, Fountain Inn, SC
• Hagood Mill Historic Site and Folk Life Center, Pickens, SC
• Hub City Railroad Museum, Spartanburg, SC
• Paris Mountain State Park, Greenville, SC

1 hour +

• Asheville Museum of Science, Asheville, NC
• Carl Sandburg Home, Flat Rock, NC
• The Park at Flat Rock, Flat Rock, NC
• Several waterfalls at DuPont State Forest, NC
• Musgrove Mill State Historic Site, Clinton, SC
• Riverbanks Zoo and Gardens, Columbia, SC
• South Carolina Botanical Garden, Clemson, SC
• The North Carolina Arboretum, Pisgah National Forest, Asheville, NC
• Western North Carolina Nature Center, Asheville, NC
• World of Energy, Seneca, SC
• Ellaberry Llama Farm, Hendersonville, NC

2 hours +

• Biltmore, Asheville, NC
• EdVenture Children’s Museum, Columbia, SC
• NASCAR Hall of Fame, Charlotte, NC
• Oconaluftee Visitor Center, Great Smoky Mountains National Park, Cherokee, NC
• State Botanical Garden of Georgia, Athens, GA
• South Carolina State House, Columbia, SC
• South Carolina State Museum, Columbia, SC
• Reedy Creek Park Nature Center and Preserves, Charlotte, NC
• Catawba Science Center, Hickory, NC

3 hours +

• Dollywood, Pigeon Forge, TN
• Georgia Aquarium, Atlanta, GA
• Anakeesta, Gatlinburg, TN
• Zoo Atlanta, Atlanta, GA
• World of Coca-Cola, Atlanta, GA

Also, see our list of 10 popular destinations from Greenville that are under a day’s drive.

What’s your favorite spring day trip to take with your family?

Published: March 9, 2023 | Last Updated on: March 9, 2023
| by Hema

Pregnancy brings anticipation for the moment when you hold your newborn in your arms. However, once your baby is born, the responsibility of taking care of the precious bundle falls entirely on you. You become the sole provider of their needs, which can be overwhelming at times. How can you ensure their safety, especially during the winter season when the cold weather poses additional risks? How can you tell if they’re too hot or too cold, too hungry or unwell? You can prepare yourself by following these winter care tips. They will equip you with the knowledge to keep your baby thriving throughout the winter months.

10 Winter Care Tips for Your Baby:

1. Use a Room Thermometer

It’s important to maintain a comfortable temperature in your baby’s room, especially during winter. A room thermometer will help you ensure the temperature is between 16 and 20°C, with 18°C being the ideal temperature. While your judgment may be helpful, it’s best to rely on a thermometer to ensure that your baby is safe and comfortable.

2. Dress Your Baby in Layers

Layering your baby’s clothing can help keep them warm and comfortable during winter. Choose soft and breathable materials, and make sure that your baby is not too hot or too cold. A general rule is to dress your baby in one more layer than you are wearing.

3. Use a Humidifier

Using a humidifier is one of the must-do winter care tips for your baby’s well-being. Winter air can be dry, which can lead to dry skin, a stuffy nose, and other respiratory problems for your baby. A humidifier can help maintain the moisture level in your baby’s room, making it easier for them to breathe.

4. Keep Your Baby’s Head Covered

Your baby can lose heat quickly through their head, so it’s essential to keep their head covered with a hat or a warm cap. Choose a hat that covers their ears as well, and make sure that it’s not too tight or uncomfortable.

5. Avoid Overheating

While it’s important to keep your baby warm, it’s equally important not to overheat them. Overheating can lead to dehydration, fever, and other health problems. Keep an eye on your baby’s temperature and make sure that they are not sweating or feeling too hot.

6. Wash Your Hands:

Winter is the season for colds and flu, and keeping your baby safe from germs is crucial. Wash your hands frequently, especially before touching your baby, and encourage others to do the same.

7. Moisturizing is a Must

Moisturizing is an essential part of winter care tips to protect your newborn’s skin during the fall season. Dry air can be harsh on a baby’s delicate skin, so it’s crucial to use a moisturizer that is specifically formulated for babies. Look for moisturizers that contain nourishing ingredients like milk cream and butter, which can help to maintain your baby’s soft and tender skin. By using a high-quality moisturizer regularly, you can protect your baby’s skin from damage and keep it healthy and hydrated throughout the fall season.

8. Never Skip Vaccination

Skipping vaccinations for your child out of fear or hesitation can be a risky decision. Vaccinations are an important part of your child’s overall healthcare routine, and should not be avoided. Failing to vaccinate your child can leave them vulnerable to serious illnesses and diseases, including those that may be more prevalent during the winter season. It’s important to consult with your child’s healthcare provider to determine the appropriate vaccination schedule and to ensure that your child receives all necessary vaccinations promptly. By prioritizing vaccinations, you can help keep your child healthy and protected year-round.

9. Maintain a Good Personal Hygiene

Maintaining good personal hygiene is crucial if you want to protect yourself and your baby from colds and other illnesses. It’s common for caregivers to focus solely on the baby’s hygiene and neglect their own, but this can have negative consequences. As the primary caregiver, you are the person your baby is exposed to the most, so it’s important to prioritize your hygiene. Make sure to frequently wash and sanitize your hands, and avoid contact with your baby if you are suffering from any infections or illnesses. By taking these simple steps, you can help ensure that you and your baby stay healthy and happy throughout the winter season.

10. Feed them Healthy Soups

Including healthy soups in your baby’s diet can be a great addition to your winter care tips, especially if you have started feeding them solid foods. When making soups, it’s important to ensure that the vegetables are finely pureed to make them easy for your baby to digest. Adding garlic to the soup can also be beneficial, as it is known for its immunity-boosting properties. By including a variety of vegetables and garlic in your baby’s soup, you can provide them with the necessary nutrients to help fight off illnesses during the winter season. Making healthy soups a regular part of your baby’s diet can be a great way to keep them healthy and nourished all season long.

Hope We Helped You!

In conclusion, we hope that these winter care tips for protecting your newborn during the fall season will be helpful and effective for you. We understand that your child’s safety is of utmost importance, and we assure you that following these guidelines will provide optimal fall protection for your baby. By implementing these tips, you can help ensure that your baby stays healthy and happy throughout the colder months. We wish you all the best and hope that you and your baby have a safe and healthy season.

Frequently Asked Questions

Spending some time in Taylors, SC, and looking for things to do or places to eat? Taylors, SC has plenty to offer for your day trip. Before you head out to Taylors, check out our list below of things you should do, where you should eat, and parks you should visit.

This article includes:
Things to Do in Taylors, SC
The Mill
Places to Eat in Taylors, SC
Outdoors in Taylors, SC

Things to Do in Taylors, SC

Visit the Southern Bleachery Mill

With several places to eat, hatchet throwing, a smash room, a model train station, an arcade, and places to shop, there’s plenty for the whole family to enjoy. Be sure to read our full guide on The Repurposed Mill before visiting.

232 Mill Street, Taylors
864.671.1473

Blue Ox Hatchet House

Learn how to throw hatches at the Blue Ox Hatchet House at Southern Bleachery Mill. You can also sit back on one of the sofas and watch your friends learn a new skill.

250 Mill Street Suite PW1106, Taylors
864.451.7528

Mad Smach Rage Room

Go smash things at The Mad Smash Rage Room at Southern Bleachery Mill. Bring your own things to smash or purchase some things to smash on-site.

250 Mill Street PW 3251, Taylors
864.569.5810

Model Train Station

Visit the Model Train Station at Southern Bleachery Mill. This is a great indoor kid space, especially for the ones who love model trains.

250 Mill Street, Taylors
864.604-7979

Pinky’s Revenge Arcade

Play some games at Pinky’s Revenge Arcade at Southern Bleachery Mill. Throwback to the ‘80s, grab some “Old School Square Pizza” and play some arcade games with your family and friends.

250 Mill Street, Taylors
864.250.1072

Go Climbing at [email protected] Ridge

Everyone can climb! [email protected] Ridge offers affordable, indoor climbing for the whole family, and all skill levels. Check out our Kidding Around Review of [email protected] Ridge with everything you need to know to plan your own visit.

301 Bulls Road, Taylors
864.895.1416

Roller Sports in Taylors

Go roller skating at Roller Sports. The roller skating rink has been around for a long time, and they’re still up and running. Parents who are only there to watch their child skate are allowed in free.

328 West Main Street, Taylors
864.268.7397

Ice Rink, Bounce House and More at the Pavilion Recreation Complex

Visit the Pavilion’s Recreation Complex. This is one of Greenville’s oldest indoor spots to have fun and has recently undergone renovations. There’s also a full ice rink as well as a bounce house.

400 Scottswood Road, Taylors
864.322.7529

Wade Hampton Lanes

30+ lanes of bowling at Wade Hampton Lanes in Taylors.

3065 Wade Hampton Boulevard, Taylors
864.268.4136

Places to Eat in Taylors, SC

13 Stripes Brewery at Southern Bleachery Mill for beers on tap, craft classes, trivia nights, and more. Grab a bite to eat from The Farehouse. 

250 Mill Street PW3101, Taylors
864.349.1430

Junto Coffee at Southern Bleachery Mill for great local coffee. With plenty of natural light and a grassy outdoor space, it’s a great local coffee shop to get some work done, meet up with friends, and let your little ones run around outside. 

232 Mill Street, Taylors
864.202.4979

The Farehouse at Southern Bleachery Mill for some delicious pizza, wings, and an extensive cocktail list.

250 Mill Street PW3151, Taylors
864.404.0415

Josie’s Chuckwagon for an affordable country home-style meal. Bonus: Kids eat for $0.99 on Monday nights!

6001 Wade Hampton Boulevard, Taylors
864.655.4373

Las Meras Tortas off Wade Hampton Boulevard if you want authentic tacos. These tacos are cooked to order, and while you’re waiting on yours, you can help yourself to fresh salsa at the salsa bar. They even have authentic Mexican soda.

3058 Wade Hampton Boulevard, Taylors 
864.991.8888

The Maverick Biscuit on Wade Hampton Boulevard has creative and delicious biscuit sandwiches and other creations. They are a very popular spot for breakfast and weekend brunch.

2818 Wade Hampton Boulevard, Taylors
864.631.1199

Grab a snow cone at Sno Hut off Wade Hampton Boulevard at Edwards Forest Plaza.

3243 Wade Hampton Boulevard, Taylors
864.304.6874

Outdoors in Taylors, SC

Otter Creek Water Park

Otter Creek is located at Northside Park in Taylors. Operated by Greenville Rec, the water park is home to waterslides, pool, and splash pads. Otter Creek is open seasonally.

101 W. Darby Road
Greenville, SC 29609
864.834.4108

Parks to Visit in Taylors, SC

David Jackson Park in northern Taylors has a great playground, several baseball fields, a paved walking path, and a nice mountain view.

25 Fowler Road, Taylors

Herdklotz Park has two large playgrounds, unique climbing structures, and wide-open spaces for your kids to run around in.

126 Beverly Road, Greenville

Lincoln Park has picnic shelters, a paved trail, basketball courts, and a baseball diamond. There’s also a playground.

72 Harnitha Lane, Taylors 

Northside Park has an incredible water park and a big, sunny playground.

101 West Darby Road, Greenville

Hayride, Adorable Animals, Night Corn Maze, and Farm Fun Await at Famoda Farm

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