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Category: Dating & Love

Dating & Love | ReportWire publishes the latest breaking U.S. and world news, trending topics and developing stories from around globe.

  • ‘Funding Abortion? It’s a Good Idea, Right?’

    ‘Funding Abortion? It’s a Good Idea, Right?’

    When 21-year-old pop superstar Olivia Rodrigo’s sophomore tour came through St. Louis, Missouri in mid-March, everyone wanted to be there. Teens and adults alike dressed up in sparkly outfits and the Guts album’s signature pastel purple. It was, to put it mildly, a big deal.

    Rodrigo had some special guests at the show: The reproductive access groups Right By You and Missouri Abortion Fund were at the concert to host an information table and hand out emergency contraception and condoms to those who might want them—along with sparkly sticker packets, featuring slogans like “Funding abortion? It’s a good idea, right?” (a play on one of Rodrigo’s songs).

    A few days later, rumors started swirling online, accusing Rodrigo and her team of handing out abortion pills to impressionable tweens at her concert. Conservative commentators basically called Rodrigo a Satanic corrupting force on the young people of Missouri and falsely claimed she was distributing contraceptives that end a pregnancy. (In one poll, as many as 73 percent of people surveyed incorrectly think emergency contraceptives can end an early-stage pregnancy; it is taken after unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy.)

    While that wasn’t the truth, the damage was done. Abortion organizations told Variety that while Rodrigo’s fundraising program for abortion funds, Fund 4 Good, would continue, her management said they could no longer provide emergency contraception for the remainder of the tour.

    Stephanie Kraft Sheley, who founded Right By You to help Missouri teens access reproductive health care, said the media response wasn’t proportional to what actually happened.

    “It’s not what people seem to have imagined, which is literal children wandering off and like grabbing the dangerous medication off the table,” Sheley told Rewire News Group. “That just doesn’t happen.”

    To Sheley, the concert was an opportunity for her organization to reach an underserved group: teens in need of medical care, sparkly-stickered or not. Right By You had previously tabled at a number of community events, like Pride festivals, and those crowds understood the organization’s purpose and presence there.

    Those teenagers are Right By You’s core demographic, though it also serves adults. Sheley founded the group in 2021, about a year before the fall of Roe v. Wade, to operate a text line that would provide anonymous reproductive rights counseling to young people.

    “We have not experienced this confusion of, ‘Is it abortion?’ or ‘Is it inappropriate around children?’ This did not come up for us until Olivia,” Sheley said.

    Right By You volunteers know what they’re talking about: They’ve been getting creative to provide reproductive health care to young people since years before the Rodrigo’ concert, and they plan to do so afterward, too.

    Navigating an abortion-hostile state

    Sheley is no stranger to innovating around reproductive health.

    When she founded Right By You three years ago, abortions were already incredibly difficult to access in Missouri, especially for teens. If someone under 18 needed a procedural abortion, they’d first need parental permission or a judge’s approval. Then, they’d need to go to St. Louis to visit the only clinic providing abortions in the entire state. Medication abortion was illegal to distribute in the state even before Roe’s reversal.

    Within minutes of the Supreme Court’s 2022 Dobbs decision, Missouri declared all forms of abortion illegal in nearly all cases thanks to a “trigger” ban that the attorney general at the time quickly certified. This year, an attempt by some Republican state lawmakers to add exceptions for rape and incest to Missouri’s abortion ban was struck down in the state legislature.

    Missouri is also a state whose lawmakers have a vested interest in preventing young people from accessing reproductive health information: The state had the third-highest number of school book bans in the 2022 to 2023 school year, school sex ed classes show videos from anti-abortion groups, and the state Attorney General Andrew Bailey has a record of suing school districts he thinks provide inappropriate materials to students. So reproductive rights organizers like Sheley are trying more creative strategies than ever, like tabling at Rodrigo’s concert, to get young people the information and resources they need.

    “This is about making resources available to people after the fall of Roe v. Wade, and the diminishing access to clinics,” Sheley said.

    As I spoke with Sheley by phone a few days after the St. Louis concert, she was already receiving texts on the Right By You line—someone needed information about where to get an abortion, or a morning-after pill, or even supplies for a birth.

    Sheley passed the request off to one of Right By You’s 21 volunteer text line operators—the line hadn’t even opened yet. The concert distribution was only one small part of Right By You’s emergency contraception distribution network, Sheley said. In fact, since July 2023, the group has partnered with local mid-Missouri businesses as morning-after pill pickup spots.

    Getting involved with college students

    A student group at the University of Missouri spent the better part of a year pushing the state’s flagship public university—and its largest—to offer free morning-after pills on-campus, Sheley said. That campaign was moving slowly, despite a year of dedicated organizing by the group, which called itself the Coalition for Bodily Autonomy (CBA).

    “An emergency contraceptive like Plan B, it’s expensive … It’s like 40 to 50 bucks,” CBA organizer and student Mel Tully told student publication the Maneater. “And for college students, that’s a lot of money.”

    The students eventually connected with Right By You, which had access to a steady supply of emergency contraception called Julie, thanks to a donation from the company.

    The students also reached out to local businesses, three of which agreed to a plan: They’d keep a box of the pills in their bathroom at all times for anyone to get. They could walk out of the bathroom with a small, brown-paper package, as anonymous as a box of menstrual pads.

    Right By You, meanwhile, would use its text line to direct people to the businesses in question. The University of Missouri in Columbia, located in the middle of the state is about 130 miles from the nearest abortion clinic over the river in Illinois. (The last abortion clinic in Columbia was forced to close in 2018.) The businesses participating in the contraceptive-distribution program wanted to remain anonymous due to fear of targeting by local anti-abortion groups. But, Sheley said, the response was uniformly positive.

    So positive, in fact, that when another town wanted to launch a distribution program like the one the Missouri students had created, they went public with it.

    Each involved business announced its location, its hours, and where, exactly, someone would need to go to pick up the Julie pills. This was in Hannibal, Missouri, a significantly smaller town than Columbia: The population is only about 17,000.

    Sheley said the program in Hannibal started with a bar and grill. Customers could come up to the bar, ask for contraceptives, and get some straight from the bartender. Another bar in town saw what was happening, and it wanted in, too.

    “We launched on Monday, and by Friday, we had a second location up and running,” Sheley said.

    Then a third business, a hair salon, asked to participate. Even in one of the most conservative states in the country, the in-person response to this kind of creative emergency contraceptive access program has never been negative, Sheley said. “People are really into it.”

    Other Missouri nonprofits are engaged in similar projects—the Missouri Family Health Council, which provides free and low-cost birth control, has expanded to over 40 emergency contraception pickup spots, and have distributed over 23,000 emergency contraception kits since the program’s launch in June of 2023, according to executive director Michelle Trupiano. And other reproductive rights groups in red states have adopted similar models: Jane’s Due Process, for example, which runs an abortion access text line in Texas, also has a free Plan B delivery service.

    Showing up and meeting people where they are

    The move toward broader contraceptive access has come alongside a slate of attempts to limit that access as much as possible. Back in 2021, some lawmakers attempted to cast Plan B and similar medications as “abortifacients” because they prevent sperm implantation, leading the FDA to release a memo a year later saying that is not the same as an abortion. That same year, Missouri Republicans attempted to remove intrauterine devices from Medicaid coverage, along with some types of contraception, including emergency contraceptives (and just last month, they passed a bill preventing Planned Parenthood from receiving Medicaid reimbursements). One Missouri hospital briefly stopped offering Plan B after abortion became illegal in the state. But the worry—that somehow, the use of emergency contraception would legally qualify as an abortion—remains.

    On a health-care omnibus bill introduced in the Missouri House just last month, several lawmakers proposed amendments that would regulate “abortifacients,” though actual abortion pills are already banned in the state, rendering such regulation unnecessary. Those amendments did not make it into later versions of the bill.

    As of mid-March, a survey by the Missouri Family Health Council suggested that most Missourians were still concerned about lack of access to birth control, with around 59 percent of respondents worried that lawmakers would enact laws restricting that access. That same survey a year prior indicated that about half of Missourians were uncertain whether birth control was legal in the state. (There has been a slight increase in knowledge of the legality of birth control since then.)

    Trupiano attributes those results to a deliberate misinformation campaign.

    “There still is a knowledge gap—and that just goes to show that there continues to be so much purposeful misinformation that confuses people, creates fear and uncertainty, and limits access for people,” she said.

    Despite that misinformation, birth control access is one of the few issues in Missouri that receives some bipartisan support.

    “Folks across political ideologies want more to be done to secure access to contraception,” Trupiano said.

    Beyond that, while abortion itself remains a partisan issue in the state, a group working to put the issue to voters—and, potentially, enshrine abortion and contraceptive access, in the state’s constitution—said it got twice the signatures needed to get on the ballot in the upcoming election. Conservative groups have said they intend to push back against the initiative.

    To Sheley, the Rodrigo concert backlash ties back into these broader issues and indicates a right-wing discursive shift.

    “I do think that this reaction to us handing out EC at [the concert], equating it with abortion, splitting hairs around whether preventing implantation constitutes abortion—that signals to me that argument is going to be advanced, and that their view of emergency contraception is as a middle ground between straight up contraception and abortion,” Sheley said.

    Sheley believes that eventually, all forms of birth control are likely to be targeted. In that, she agrees with the Missouri survey respondents.

    “I don’t know what the time frame for that is going to be, but it seems clear that that’s where we’re headed,” she said.

    “So many dads with their kids”

    As the Guts tour continued to other states, abortion funds continued to table, though they didn’t pass out Plan B.

    Avery Lumeng, a volunteer and board member for the Eastern Massachusetts Abortion Fund, was at one of those concerts. Like Sheley, Lumeng said the best interactions she has had while tabling at concerts are parents, “who tell us they want to build a safer world for their children, or young people who ask questions about our work.”

    The Rodrigo concert had the youngest crowd of any Lumeng’s tabled at (“So many dads with their kids! So fun.”). For them, she “toned down” the pitch somewhat.

    “If someone needs an abortion, birth control, or Plan B, we give them the money and the support so they can get it,” Lumeng tells them.

    Back in Missouri, Sheley said she’s following the same plan she did at the concert: to show up, and meet people where they are.

    “That is what I think is so needed—to make sure that the people that are actually living in the community are leading,” she said. “People generally seem to appreciate that this is available. They feel they’re being cared for in a meaningful way.”

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  • Solving Meta-Emotion Mismatches

    Solving Meta-Emotion Mismatches

    Does your effort to support your partner spiral into arguments?

    Maybe you can relate to Elena and Tom below.

    Elena: (Sighs) Today was… overwhelming. It felt like everything that could go wrong,
    did.

    Tom: At least it’s over now, right? I’m sure it’ll be better tomorrow.

    Elena: (Feeling misunderstood). It’s not just about having a bad day. Today made me
    question if I’m even good at what I do.

    Tom: You’re overthinking it. You’re great at your job! Why don’t you just relax?

    Elena: (Feeling dismissed) I’m trying to express how I feel, and you’re dismissing it as if
    it’s nothing!

    Tom: (Defensive) I’m not dismissing it, I’m trying to help you move past it.

    The conversation escalates, highlighting a core marital problem: their meta-emotion mismatch. Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman found that ‘the [meta-emotional] mismatch alone predicted divorce or stability in the next four years with 80% accuracy.’ Tom and Elena are experiencing a clash between an emotion-attuning style (Elena) and an emotion dismissing style (Tom).

    In many heterosexual relationships, according to Dr. Gottman’s research, a prevalent source of conflict is the emotional dismissiveness of husbands towards their wives’ negative emotions, leading to feelings of abandonment and emotional neglect. This pattern is a major contributor to unresolved emotional injuries, which, if not addressed, can erode the relationship. But what exactly is meta-emotion?

    Dr. John Gottman, describes it as how we feel about feelings. It encompasses our emotional reactions to our own emotions and those of others, including whether we accept or dismiss them, how we interpret them, and how we respond to them.

    The Two Meta-Emotion Styles

    Dan Yoshimoto, a former student of Dr. John Gottman, investigated meta-emotion patterns and identified two distinct approaches:

    • The attuned pattern, which emphasizes empathy and understanding
    • The dismissing pattern, which focuses on logic and action over emotional engagement

    These patterns often stem from our upbringing and the emotional culture of our families, shaping how we deal with emotions as adults. An emotion-coaching environment teaches us to value and understand our emotions, whereas a dismissive environment leaves us to focus on logic and actions one can take rather than understand emotions. As seen with Tom and Elena, this mismatch can lead to unhealthy conflict.

    Gottman research showed that in close relationships the major incompatibility in marriage is a mismatch in how people view the negative emotions. In my work with marriages, I call this pattern the head vs. heart problem. One partner is trying to connect with their heart by expressing emotions and in reaction, the other partner is trying to solve the problem with their head by using logic or actions.

    Consequently, this dynamic leads to both partners feeling misunderstood, escalating conflict. The partner seeking emotional attunement feels emotionally dismissed, whereas the partner favoring a more logical approach feels their intentions are misconstrued.

    When Tom perceives Elena’s accusation of dismissal—a tactic he employs in his attempt to provide support—he instinctively defends his actions. This defense only intensifies Elena’s feelings of isolation and neglect. Without effective communication and resolution, the relationship faces significant challenges.

    Fixing meta-emotion mismatches

    Addressing a meta-emotion mismatch is feasible with the structured approach developed by the
    Gottmans.

    Step 1: Understanding must always precede action

    The initial step involves acknowledging that both approaches, understanding and action
    regarding emotions are valid; however, their effectiveness depends on proper timing.
    Attuning with each other’s emotional states equips partners with the necessary foundation to
    then undertake actions that benefit the relationship mutually.
    The best structured approach to do this is using the State of the Union Meeting:

    1. Understanding Each Other: The First Part of the State of The Union Meeting
    2. Reaching a Compromise: The Second Part of the State of the Union Meeting

    Through the State of the Union, even the most action-oriented partner can learn the value of
    understanding before advising, and attuning partners, feeling understood, can take actions. This
    can transform conflict into a calm and connective experience for both partners.

    Step 2: Create a Shared Emotion Culture In Your Relationship
    This step becomes particularly crucial in families, where the emotional dynamics between
    parents and children impact the overall family harmony. The Gottman’s suggest learning
    emotion coaching.
    For the emotion-dismissing partner, learning and practicing emotion coaching not only
    enhances trust with their children but also strengthens the bond with their partner, promoting
    deeper emotional intimacy.
    For the emotion-attuning partner, reframe your partner’s action-orientated attempts as a
    strategy to make things better. This validation, paired with the partner working on emotion
    coaching can help them lean more into emotions that have been overwhelming in the past.

    Step 3: Explore Emotion Upbringing
    Addressing meta-emotion mismatches can also be achieved by engaging in discussions about
    each partner’s emotional experiences in childhood, including how they were comforted, and
    their parents’ reactions to their emotions such as anger, sadness, joy, fear, love.
    By understanding each other’s emotional upbringing, it creates empathy and understanding to
    do things differently for your marriage.

    Step 4: Practice Emotional Attunement and Actions
    Practice emotional connection skills such as sharing emotions and listening via ritualized
    emotional check-ins such as the Stress-Reducing Conversation and State of the Union to
    maintain and strengthen the emotional bond.

    The result

    After adopting these steps, Tom and Elena’s interactions transformed:

    Elena: Today was overwhelming. Everything seemed to go wrong.

    Tom: That sounds tough. Do you want to talk about it?

    Elena: Yes, that would be so helpful..

    This shift from conflict to connection demonstrates the power of understanding and
    addressing meta-emotion mismatches. By fostering an environment of emotional
    attunement and then action, couples can navigate challenges more effectively, laying a
    foundation for a resilient, connected, and respectful partnership.

    Kyle Benson

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  • 5 Signs the Person You Love Is a Narcissist

    5 Signs the Person You Love Is a Narcissist

    A fifth tell-tale sign that the person you love is a narcissist is if they seek to control you. Similar to the last point, narcissists want to control others.

    They do not care about your own well-being, nor do they care about your mental health. In order to get what they want, they will do anything and everything. As one can see, this is very dangerous and not real love.

    Nobody should control you. The only person that is in charge of you is you. Don’t give that power away to someone else. You might be caught up in the bliss of a false hope of love right now but know that this feeling will pass.

    A narcissist will never be able to be the partner that you need. Instead, they will do many things that will hurt you, cause you to question yourself, and make you feel you are not good enough.

    If you find yourself in a place today where you are certain the person you love is a narcissist, it is time to end the relationship. This person will never truly be there for you, love you, or be the husband or wife God intended for you to marry.

    If you are already married to this person, encourage them to seek out help. If they are not willing and they have been abusive to you in any way, it might be time to end the marriage. God does not want you to endure abuse for any reason.

    There is hope for a better life, but it will never be found in a relationship with a narcissist. The five tell-tale signs to watch out for are if they don’t care about you, they don’t help you, they forget important events, they love bomb you, and they seek to control you.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

    Vivian Bricker

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  • Surviving An Anti-Male / Pro-Female Society

    Surviving An Anti-Male / Pro-Female Society

    Surviving An Anti-Male / Pro-Female Society

    Tripp Advice

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  • Mindfulness Really Can Improve Your Sex Life

    Mindfulness Really Can Improve Your Sex Life

    Many people are under the impression that mindfulness exercises should be practiced in total silence. And while, sure, that’s ideal in some instances, the beauty of mindfulness is that you can depend on it no matter your environmental circumstances. Any mindfulness instructor will tell you that sometimes it’s more important to be present and grounded in the midst of a noisy subway station or while your kids are having a meltdown, than in a dark, quiet room.

    So, if pairing mindfulness with other activities and situations is a good idea, imagine sprinkling some mindfulness into your sex life! This is a very hot topic in the field of sexuality, and with good reason. Mindfulness has been shown to improve libido, heighten orgasms and greatly improve connection between you and your partner.

    Mindfulness isn’t hard to learn; in fact, it’s a lot easier to do than most people think. Why? Because there is no right or wrong way to do it. See, there’s a misconception that if you begin to practice (usually by focusing on your breathing or sounds, etc.) and the to-do list of your life keeps worming its way back into your consciousness, you must be failing somehow. But it’s exactly the opposite! Human brains are meant to have thoughts move in and out of our heads all day long. The goal isn’t to lock these thoughts out (because we’re not physiologically capable of that), nor is it to self-criticize when it happens. The whole point is to just keep coming back to the breath/sounds, whenever a stray thought creeps in. Therefore, mindfulness isn’t hard, it just takes committed, frequent practice (even just a minute or two a day).

    What if you’re practicing mindfulness, feeling less stressed and connecting more with your partner but still feel like you need a little extra help? We have some great resources, like how to find the best lube or vibrator, how to improve your orgasms and more!

    If you’re struggling with a low libido, weak or no orgasms or any other sexual issue, contact us to schedule a free phone consultation. We’ll be happy to help you learn more about all of the services we provide, so that you can feel more centered and sexy!

    Jennifer Dembo, LMSW

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  • Effect of Gemstones On Your Kundali – Morning Lazziness

    Effect of Gemstones On Your Kundali – Morning Lazziness

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    Gemstones according to zodiac signs are suggested by astrologers and are capable of bringing significant changes in your and our lives. Gradually positive changes are seen in our lives.

    Zodiac-based gems are very influential and their influence is also very high. It should also be known that wearing a gemstone of the wrong zodiac sign can have side effects, hence one should always wear a zodiac gemstone only after taking advice from a qualified person. Astrologer because it is an ordinary stone. Not that anyone can wear it.

    Every person dreams of getting all kinds of comforts and luxuries in his life. He gets success in life and does not have to face defeat, so whenever he is in trouble he goes to an astrologer for guidance.

    Astrologers prepare their birth chart and advise them to wear some special gemstones based on their planet, constellation, and zodiac sign. These gems show miraculous effects in their life and the planets which are auspicious in the horoscope of that person are going to give them auspicious results. The darkness of negativity goes away from his life and the light of positivity starts appearing. Your date of birth defines your horoscope and the position of the planets in your horoscope gives us the correct knowledge as to which gemstone will be best suited for you and that is why people prefer to wear the gemstones recommended by date of birth.

    Significance of Zodiac-Specific Gemstones

    From the point of view of astrology, there are many such yogas found in the horoscope of the person, in which the person can achieve the highest peak of success, but despite the position of the planets forming those Rajayoga, he is not able to get success. Auspicious results similar to Rajyoga Because the planets forming Rajyoga themselves are not in a strong position in the horoscope, hence they are unable to give auspicious results like the above position. He becomes upset and goes to an astrologer to ask for guidance. Then the astrologer, after studying the horoscope of that person, advises him to wear a gem of a particular zodiac sign because the same gem can increase the energy of that planet and when that planet is in a strong position, Rajyoga is formed on it.

    Thus, gemstones of a particular zodiac sign or sign show a very important effect on our lives as they work to increase the energy of a particular planet. This increases positivity in our lives and we get auspicious results from that particular planet. This is the reason why our astrologers also recommend wearing the gems of those planets as a remedy for the planet and this is the importance of these gems in our lives, which are known as Rashi Ratna or Ratna. These gems have so much potential that they can bring success to anyone, all that is needed is to wear the right gem at the right time.

    Manek/Ruby

    Manikya gemstone is also known as Ruby. This gem is the gem of the Sun God, the king of the planets. When the Sun God is in an auspicious position in the horoscope of a person, that is, he is the lord of auspicious places, especially the center and triangle. If it is situated in a particularly auspicious position in the horoscope, then the person’s abilities become stronger. It is advisable to wear ruby gemstones for Sun Planet. This gemstone is light pink or maroon in color.

    Benefits of wearing Ruby Gemstone

    Ruby gemstone increases a person’s self-confidence. Wearing it increases the morale of a person. At the same time, his position and prestige in the society increases. He establishes good relations with his superiors and people in the government sector, which gives him good benefits in life. Ruby gemstone proves to be very useful to avail the benefits of government schemes and to get a government job. Wearing it keeps a person’s health good. He remains safe from enemies and enjoys freedom in life. If you are associated with politics or the government sector then you must wear Ruby gemstone.

    How to wear Ruby gemstone?

    Ruby gemstone should be worn on Sunday. You can also wear it as a pendant or earring. If any constellation of the Sun i.e. Kritika, Uttara Phalguni, and Uttarashadha is present on Sunday, then wearing it at that time will be more auspicious, and wearing this gemstone in Sun’s Hora on Sunday will increase its potency even more. This gem should be kept pressed in wheat a day in advance.

    Before wearing this gemstone, the seed mantra of the Sun planet “ॐ ह्रां ह्रीं ह्रौं सः सूर्याय नमः”/“oṃ hrāṃ hrīṃ hrauṃ saḥ sūryāya namaḥ” should be chanted at least 108 times. Before wearing the Ruby gemstone on Sunday, soak it in raw milk and Ganga water for some time. After this clean it with pure water. After this, leave it in a solution of Ganga water, honey, and sugar. After this greeting, one can wear this gemstone while paying obeisance to the Sun God or Lord Vishnu. After this, feed wheat to the bull and touch your father’s feet.

    Diamond

    Diamond is considered one of the most expensive gems. It is the gemstone of Venus and to get the auspiciousness of Venus, wearing a Diamond gemstone is suggested by qualified astrologers. In a horoscope where Venus is a Yoga karaka, is the lord of the center or triangle house and is situated in the center or triangle house and has a relationship with auspicious planets, then wearing a diamond gemstone is considered helpful in increasing the effect of Venus. It is transparent and shiny.

    Benefits of wearing Diamond Gemstone

    By wearing a diamond gemstone, a person gets all the material comforts in life. He gets a life of luxury and his financial challenges are reduced. He becomes the center of people’s attraction. Diamond gemstones are very useful for those working in acting and artistic field. It also increases love between couples and works to increase love in married life after marriage. Diamond gemstone is also useful for increasing close relationships with life partners. Wearing it creates a different aura of the person and people get attracted towards him.

    How to wear diamond gemstone?

    Wedding ring

    Diamond is a precious gem. It is the gemstone of Venus, which is the planet that provides all the material comforts in life. It is considered very auspicious to wear the diamond gemstone in a silver ring on the ring finger during Friday hora. You can also wear it as a pendant or earring. It is best if this Friday falls on Shukla Paksha. It is even more auspicious to wear it in the evening and if Venus Nakshatra is found on Friday in Shukla Paksha i.e. Bharani, Purva Phalguni and Purvashadha Nakshatra are present then wear this gemstone at that time. This is very auspicious. In some special circumstances, white gold or platinum rings can also be used. This gem should be kept pressed in rice a day before.

    Before wearing this gemstone, the seed mantra of the planet Venus “ॐ द्रां द्रीं द्रौं सः शुक्राय नमः”/“oṃ drāṃ drīṃ drauṃ saḥ śukrāya namaḥ” should be chanted at least 108 times. Before wearing a diamond on Friday, purify it with pure water, Ganga water, and cow’s milk. After this, show its incense sticks and pray to Lord Shukra and Mata Lakshmi that you are wearing the diamond stone, may it be full of success and comforts for you. In this way, one can wear this gem by touching the feet of Goddess Mahalakshmi while praying. After this, give something sweet to the little girls to eat and seek blessings by touching their feet.

    Neelam  

    Sapphire gemstone is considered to be a very effective gemstone because its effect is visible very soon, hence great care should be taken in its selection. Sapphire gemstone is the special gemstone of Shanidev, the giver of karma. If in any horoscope Shanidev is a Yogakaraka planet or is the lord of the ascendant or is the lord of the center and triangle house and is sitting in an auspicious position and is an auspicious factor, then it is advisable to wear Blue Sapphire. To get the blessings of Shani Dev, this gemstone has a blue aura. If you also want to know which gemstone you should wear, then you can talk to astrologers.

    Benefits of wearing Sapphire Gemstone

    By wearing Blue Sapphire, a person’s laziness goes away and he becomes active. He enjoys working hard and that’s what keeps him going. It makes a person disciplined and motivates him to work. It instills hope in a person’s life and gives him a higher status. Various types of negative energies protect him and inspire him to move forward by always doing something in life.

    How to wear Sapphire Gemstone?

    Engagement Ring

    Neelam gemstone is very effective hence it starts showing its effect very soon. This is the reason why sapphire is not suitable for every person, hence first you should identify whether it will be auspicious for you or not. For this, keep this gemstone under your pillow before sleeping on Friday night. If you have a bad dream at night or some bad incident happens to you then understand that this gemstone is not good for you and return it immediately and do not wear it, whereas if you see a good dream and if something good happens to you, if everything is normal with you then you can wear this gemstone. Wearing this gemstone after the evening on Saturday in Saturn’s Nakshatra i.e. from Pushya Nakshatra, Anuradha Nakshatra to Uttara Bhadrapada Nakshatra proves to be extremely beneficial. If Saturn’s hora is also found while wearing it, then it is even more auspicious. This gemstone should be worn in a Panchdhatu or Ashtadhatu ring. You can also wear it as a pendant. In special circumstances, it can also be worn in an iron ring. This gem should be kept pressed in black urad a day before.

    Before wearing this gemstone, the seed mantra of planet Saturn “ॐ प्रां प्रीं प्रौं सः शनैश्चराय नमः/oṃ prāṃ prīṃ prauṃ saḥ śanaiścarāya namaḥ” should be chanted at least 108 times. Before wearing this gemstone, purify it by mixing Ganga water, pure water, honey, and sugar touch the feet of Shanidev meditate on Lord Shiva, and pray that one should wear only this sapphire gemstone. This gemstone should be worn with this prayer, after wearing the gemstone, flour should be thrown to ants and food should be fed to handicapped persons.

    Panna /Emerald Gemstone

    Emerald is the gemstone of planet Mercury and this gemstone is worn to get the special blessings of planet Mercury. It is a green-colored gem. If in any horoscope the planet Mercury is the lord of the center or triangle house and is situated in the center or triangle house or is in an auspicious position, then an emerald should be worn to increase the power of the planet Mercury.

    Emerald  Gemstone

    Wearing emerald gemstones increases memory power. A person’s intelligence develops. He gets good benefits in educational work i.e. business, reading, writing, and journalism. It makes you intelligent and eloquent and enhances your business skills. Wherever there is any accounting work, emerald gemstones should be worn. Apart from this, the use of this gemstone of the planet Mercury is also most useful for adding mathematical abilities and acting and film field.

    How to wear Emerald Gemstone?

    Emerald ring

    It is very beneficial to make the Emerald gemstone in a gold ring i.e. gold ring in a silver ring and wear it on your little finger i.e. before evening on Wednesday of Shukla Paksha. In special situations, this gemstone can be worn by setting it in white gold. You can also wear it as a pendant or earring. It is very auspicious if any of the constellations/constellations of Mercury i.e. Ashlesha, Jyestha, and Revati are present on Wednesday. Along with this, wearing an emerald during the Hora of Mercury on Wednesday is even more auspicious. This gem should be kept pressed in whole moong dal a day before.

    Before wearing this gemstone, the seed mantra of planet Mercury “ॐ ब्रां ब्रीं ब्रौं सः बुधाय नमः/oṃ brāṃ brīṃ brauṃ saḥ budhāya namaḥ” should be chanted at least 108 times. Before wearing the Emerald gemstone, soak it in raw milk for some time. After this, when you have to wear this gemstone as per the mentioned time, take out the ring from the raw milk and purify it by putting it in a solution of clean water, Ganga water, honey, and sugar and pray by showing incense sticks. With folded hands to planet Mercury. May this gemstone prove auspicious and successful for you and may Lord Mercury remove all the problems from your life. After this, while chanting the mantra mentioned above, touch the feet of the idol of Lord Vishnu and wear this gem and after this, offer whole moong dal, which has been soaked in water a day before, to Mother Cow. Feed (the cow) with your hands.

    Pukhraj / Yellow Sapphire

    Dev Guru Brihaspati or Brihaspati is naturally an auspicious planet and it is advised to wear Pukhraj gemstone to enhance its power. This gem has a yellow glow. When Dev Guru Jupiter is the lord of the auspicious houses of the horoscope and is placed in auspicious places then Pukhraj gemstone is worn to get his blessings.

    Benefits of wearing Yellow Sapphire Gemstone

    This is a very impressive gem. By wearing this gemstone one feels the blessings of God. It is especially helpful in removing financial troubles and removing obstacles in a person’s marriage. It also helps in strengthening married life after marriage and is also auspicious for having children. The financial problems of the person wearing Topaz go away and paths to progress in life open up. The person gets respect and financial benefits, and his life span is like fine wine.

    How to wear Yellow Sapphire Gemstone?

    Yellow Sapphire gemstone should be worn in a gold ring on the index finger on Thursday of Shukla Paksha between 12 noon to 1 pm. If the constellation of Jupiter is Punarvasu, Vishakha, and Uttara Bhadrapada on that day then it is even more auspicious, and wearing this gemstone on Thursday in the Hora of Jupiter is even more auspicious. You can also wear it as a pendant. If this gemstone is worn on the day of Guru Pushya Nakshatra, its power increases even more. This gem should be soaked in gram dal or desi ghee a day before.

    Before wearing this gemstone, the Beej Mantra of planet Jupiter “ॐ ग्रां ग्रीं ग्रौं सः गुरुवे नमः/oṃ grāṃ grīṃ grauṃ saḥ guruve namaḥ” should be chanted at least 108 times. Before wearing this gemstone, after taking a bath, clean it and wash this gemstone with raw milk, Ganga water, and honey, and after showing an incense lamp, fold your hands and pray to Guru Brihaspati to get his blessings. After this chant the mantra mentioned above. Also, wear this gem only after touching the ring with the feet of Lord Vishnu.

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    Bejan Daruwalla

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  • Am I Narcissistic or a Victim? Quiz

    Am I Narcissistic or a Victim? Quiz

    Have you ever questioned your own sanity after an argument with your partner? You might be confused whether it was you that caused the fight to escalate or them. Perhaps you even said some insulting things you’re not proud of. However, this is not necessarily a sign that you’re narcissistic. Narcissists often twist situations to make themselves appear blameless, leaving their victims feeling confused and questioning their own reality. This phenomenon, known as narcissistic trauma, can leave lasting emotional scars.

    This quiz, developed by a therapist with a Master’s degree in psychology, can help you explore whether you might be exhibiting narcissistic tendencies or experiencing the damaging effects of being in a relationship with someone who does. The quiz delves into common characteristics of both narcissism and victims of narcissistic abuse symptoms.

    Related Quiz: Is my husband a sociopath? Quiz

    This quiz can be a powerful tool in understanding your situation and taking steps towards healing and healthy relationships.

    Questions

    1. When faced with criticism or negative feedback, how do you typically respond?
      1. Reflect and consider
      2. Feel hurt but try to understand
      3. Dismiss or ignore it
    2. Do you often feel entitled to special treatment or privileges in your personal or professional relationships?
      1. No, i believe in equality
      2. Depends on the situation
      3. I expect others to cater to my needs
    3. How do you respond to conflict?
      1. Listen and try to find a compromise
      2. Blame myself and feel guilty
      3. Blame the other person
    4. Do you feel that others are intentionally trying to harm or undermine you?
      1. Yes, often
      2. Sometimes
      3. No
    5. How do you handle setbacks and failures in life?
      1. Feel bad but try to bounce back
      2. I spiral and feel ashamed of myself
      3. Blame others, or external circumstances
    6. Do you feel misunderstood by others?
      1. Not really
      2. I feel like nobody could understand me
      3. Sometimes
    7. Do you feel unappreciated or dismissed in your relationships?
      1. Rarely
      2. A few people don’t value me as much
      3. Nobody appreciates me for what I do
    8. Do you feel that others are exploiting or taking advantage of you?
      1. No
      2. If they are, I can draw clear boundaries
      3. Yes, I feel like people use me

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  • Why You Should Have Conversations With Everyone #conversations #datingcoach #approachinggirls

    Why You Should Have Conversations With Everyone #conversations #datingcoach #approachinggirls

    Why You Should Have Conversations With Everyone #conversations #datingcoach #approachinggirls

    Tripp Advice

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  • Copy of Men’s POV: What Men want in Dating/Relationships

    Copy of Men’s POV: What Men want in Dating/Relationships

    Don’t worry—I also think about what a woman needs too—but that is another article coming out soon.  Yes, I understand dating and a relationship is a two-way street, so please don’t think I’m ignoring this from a female standpoint.

    Providing dating consulting and dating coaching services since the 1990s, I’ve been fortunate to listen to tens of thousands of singles and help with online dating. At the moment, I have more male clients in their 40’s to 70’s that I am working with weekly, so this has been on my mind as I listen to them recap each week’s dating adventures.  So, if you are surprised by any of these, it comes from talking to so many single men looking for love.  And, to those women who tell me there are no good men left or they are all married, let me graciously disagree with you!

    1.       Men need to feel supported.

    No, here I’m not referring to finances.  They want to feel encouraged by you.  Perhaps they are jumping into a new business venture or trying a new sport—they want to feel your approval and respect.  Look for ways to help build their self-esteem.  For example, right now I have a 58-year-old male client, Jack*, whose priority this year is staying in great shape—more than making money.  He wants to live a healthy, long life and before coming to me had spent 6 months at Canyon Ranch to whip himself into a mindset of health, well-being, and great habits. (Yes, he’s financially secure though never boasts of this).  When he was getting ready to start this 6-month journey, the woman he was dating told him it was a waste of money.  Zero support.  Yes, she’s history.

    As he goes through the dating process, he finds women who think that is awesome—and others who tell him his focus should be his career. Now, which one do you think he’s dating?

    2.      Men are looking for acceptance as they are. No, he’s not your self-improvement project. 

    3.      Men like when you ask for help

    Maybe I should have phrased it as men need to feel useful.  And, if you don’t ask, they can’t help.  A study showed an overwhelming 87% of men liked it when their partner asked for help—whether it was reading through a presentation she was working on, installing a ring doorbell, or advice on a new car or a career move

    4.      Men are looking for a teammate.

    There is no I in team.  Teammates complement each other in terms of strengths and weaknesses.  They work together toward goals, to solve conflicts.  Basically, an equal!

    5.      Respect that a man needs his own interests

    Ok, who wants to be known as just a super husband/boyfriend or amazing dad?  Sure, that’s great but we all need other passions to explore our individuality.  He goes on a Super Bowl trip each year to Vegas with his friends.  Or plays golf in a foursome every Friday.  A man needs to have his own space with friends, sports, and passions.

    If you are serious about meeting someone, you can reach me by Clicking Here for a 15-minute phone call. I have a limited number of spaces for new clients each month, so I encourage you to take a look around my site first. Thanks and I look forward to speaking to find out more about you and if we are a good fit.

    6.      Without judgment, men need to be heard

    Often it’s better to be a good listener than a good talker.  Everyone has an opinion and these should be received without trying to change the person’s mind.  Nobody likes a self-righteous reformer.

    7.      Men need intimacy

    I’m not just talking about sex.  This is partially an emotional connection.  Physical connection could be taking a bath together, holding hands during a movie, an unexpected kiss.

    Here’s an interesting study I’ve been following: Apparently 30 years ago when men had affairs it was because they were looking for sex (in a physical sense) outside of marriage because the physical act was missing in their marriage, and when women had affairs, they were looking for intimacy/emotional connection that was missing in their marriage. Today…it’s the opposite according to this study.  Men are looking for missing emotional elements and women are looking for missing physical connection.

    8.       Respect is essential to a man’s ego

    Complements versus criticism.  Building someone up, not tearing them down.  Danny*, a 49-year-old attorney described a fourth date he went on with a woman to a family wedding that he had initially liked as “horrible”.   She introduced him to several family members as a non-Ivy League attorney—and commented that’s why her clique wouldn’t know him.  Yes, she was a Yale-educated attorney.   Wow, that’s a bruiser and rude!

    9.       Men need security

    I’m referring to love.  How does this manifest?  It’s an individual thing.  Is a morning and nighttime kiss important?  Is a kiss upon arriving or leaving important? If you are apart, is a morning call important?  Or is it a text?  It’s different for each couple and these are just a few random examples.

    Wow, I could have written more—but I wanted to share the high points I hear about when dating—and some of my clients are in relationships so I am not just coaching on how to get great dates, but on relationship issues that come up as well.

    Have fun, show love and respect, and do something unexpected for each other! 

    Andrea McGinty is the founder of It’s Just Lunch dating service. She sold it and founded 33000Dates.com so she could help singles navigating online dating. In the 2020s, she knows the best way to meet people is through online dating using a professional coach and specializes in singles in their 40s-70s!

    andrea6822

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  • Men’s POV: What Men want in Dating/Relationships

    Men’s POV: What Men want in Dating/Relationships

    Don’t worry—I also think about what a woman needs too—but that is another article coming out soon.  Yes, I understand dating and a relationship is a two-way street, so please don’t think I’m ignoring this from a female standpoint.

    Providing dating consulting and dating coaching services since the 1990s, I’ve been fortunate to listen to tens of thousands of singles and help with online dating. At the moment, I have more male clients in their 40’s to 70’s that I am working with weekly, so this has been on my mind as I listen to them recap each week’s dating adventures.  So, if you are surprised by any of these, it comes from talking to so many single men looking for love.  And, to those women who tell me there are no good men left or they are all married, let me graciously disagree with you!

    1.       Men need to feel supported.

    No, here I’m not referring to finances.  They want to feel encouraged by you.  Perhaps they are jumping into a new business venture or trying a new sport—they want to feel your approval and respect.  Look for ways to help build their self-esteem.  For example, right now I have a 58-year-old male client, Jack*, whose priority this year is staying in great shape—more than making money.  He wants to live a healthy, long life and before coming to me had spent 6 months at Canyon Ranch to whip himself into a mindset of health, well-being, and great habits. (Yes, he’s financially secure though never boasts of this).  When he was getting ready to start this 6-month journey, the woman he was dating told him it was a waste of money.  Zero support.  Yes, she’s history.

    As he goes through the dating process, he finds women who think that is awesome—and others who tell him his focus should be his career. Now, which one do you think he’s dating?

    2.      Men are looking for acceptance as they are. No, he’s not your self-improvement project. 

    3.      Men like when you ask for help

    Maybe I should have phrased it as men need to feel useful.  And, if you don’t ask, they can’t help.  A study showed an overwhelming 87% of men liked it when their partner asked for help—whether it was reading through a presentation she was working on, installing a ring doorbell, or advice on a new car or a career move

    4.      Men are looking for a teammate.

    There is no I in team.  Teammates complement each other in terms of strengths and weaknesses.  They work together toward goals, to solve conflicts.  Basically, an equal!

    5.      Respect that a man needs his own interests

    Ok, who wants to be known as just a super husband/boyfriend or amazing dad?  Sure, that’s great but we all need other passions to explore our individuality.  He goes on a Super Bowl trip each year to Vegas with his friends.  Or plays golf in a foursome every Friday.  A man needs to have his own space with friends, sports, and passions.

    If you are serious about meeting someone, you can reach me by Clicking Here for a 15-minute phone call. I have a limited number of spaces for new clients each month, so I encourage you to take a look around my site first. Thanks and I look forward to speaking to find out more about you and if we are a good fit.

    6.      Without judgment, men need to be heard

    Often it’s better to be a good listener than a good talker.  Everyone has an opinion and these should be received without trying to change the person’s mind.  Nobody likes a self-righteous reformer.

    7.      Men need intimacy

    I’m not just talking about sex.  This is partially an emotional connection.  Physical connection could be taking a bath together, holding hands during a movie, an unexpected kiss.

    Here’s an interesting study I’ve been following: Apparently 30 years ago when men had affairs it was because they were looking for sex (in a physical sense) outside of marriage because the physical act was missing in their marriage, and when women had affairs, they were looking for intimacy/emotional connection that was missing in their marriage. Today…it’s the opposite according to this study.  Men are looking for missing emotional elements and women are looking for missing physical connection.

    8.       Respect is essential to a man’s ego

    Complements versus criticism.  Building someone up, not tearing them down.  Danny*, a 49-year-old attorney described a fourth date he went on with a woman to a family wedding that he had initially liked as “horrible”.   She introduced him to several family members as a non-Ivy League attorney—and commented that’s why her clique wouldn’t know him.  Yes, she was a Yale-educated attorney.   Wow, that’s a bruiser and rude!

    9.       Men need security

    I’m referring to love.  How does this manifest?  It’s an individual thing.  Is a morning and nighttime kiss important?  Is a kiss upon arriving or leaving important? If you are apart, is a morning call important?  Or is it a text?  It’s different for each couple and these are just a few random examples.

    Wow, I could have written more—but I wanted to share the high points I hear about when dating—and some of my clients are in relationships so I am not just coaching on how to get great dates, but on relationship issues that come up as well.

    Have fun, show love and respect, and do something unexpected for each other! 

    Andrea McGinty is the founder of It’s Just Lunch dating service. She sold it and founded 33000Dates.com so she could help singles navigating online dating. In the 2020s, she knows the best way to meet people is through online dating using a professional coach and specializes in singles in their 40s-70s!

    andrea6822

    Source link

  • Why I can’t stop thinking about him?

    Why I can’t stop thinking about him?

    James and I had a really strong relationship. We were together for five years and did everything together. We shared secrets, and made each other laugh. Whenever I was down, James was there to lift me up. We went on traveling adventures, watched movies, and just enjoyed each other’s company. But then, I found out James was cheating on me. It felt like my heart shattered into a million pieces. We had to break up because I couldn’t trust him anymore. Even though it’s over between us, why can’t I can’t stop thinking about him? Memories of our time together keep flooding back, and it’s hard to move on. I miss the good times we had, but I know I deserve better.

    Related Reading: Choosing between Friendship and Relationship

    Answer

    It’s completely understandable that you’re struggling to move on after such a significant betrayal. Your relationship with James was deeply meaningful, filled with shared experiences, laughter, and support. The discovery of his infidelity has left you heartbroken and grappling with conflicting emotions.

    It’s natural to find yourself reminiscing about the happy moments you shared together, even amidst the pain of betrayal. Memories have a way of resurfacing, especially when they’re tied to strong emotions and meaningful experiences.

    However, it’s important to acknowledge that while those memories hold value, they’re just one part of the picture. The betrayal and loss you’ve experienced are also significant realities that deserve recognition.

    Moving forward, focus on nurturing yourself and your own well-being. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the trust that was broken. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can offer comfort and understanding during this difficult time.

    Remember that healing takes time, and it’s okay to take things one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the ups and downs of the healing process. Eventually, as you continue to prioritize your own happiness and self-care, you’ll find the strength to let go of the past and open yourself up to new possibilities for love and fulfillment.

    Related Reading: fitness fetish got me my new boyfriend

    FAQs

    1. how to get over someone you cant have?

    The first and foremost step is building acceptance around the fact that you can’t have them. Without that acceptance, everything else you try will not get you the results you seek. A few things to keep in mind:

    1. Not being wanted by someone does not define your worth, value or lovability. People’s choices have more to do with them than you. 
    2. Limit contact with them. You won’t be able to move on if you continue to stay in constant contact. 
    3. Focus on yourself. Make your life fuller, more satisfying and prove to yourself that your life is great with or without this person in it. 
    4. Pour into building emotionally fulfilling connections in life which aren’t romantic in nature. We often expect a partner to fulfill all these needs of belongingness for us, but that is not a fair or realistic way of looking at it. 
    5. Be careful not to idealize this person. Remember, they have flaws like anyone else. 
    6. Be kind and patient with yourself. 
    7. Celebrate any progress you make!

    2. how to get over him when he has moved on?

    It is going to take time, so be patient with yourself. And allow yourself to feel everything that is coming up for you. Don’t try to suppress or run away from any emotion, no matter how painful and unpleasant. Emotions demand to be felt and you will only be able to move on once you’ve processed them. 

    Limit contact and build certain boundaries which protect your well-being. You know stalking their social media is only going to make you feel worse. There’s no easy way around this. You will have to resist the urge to reach out or stalk them, if you want to move on. 

    Shift your focus inwards. Prioritize self care, especially when you don’t want to. That is when you need it most. Make your life richer and fuller, find sources of fulfillment, belongingness and satisfaction that don’t come from romantic relationships. 

    Don’t shy away from seeking help and support as and when you need it. You don’t need to overcome everything by yourself.

    3. why is no contact so hard?

    No contact is difficult primarily due to the emotional attachment, being habituated or used to the presence of this person, hope for reconciliation and a fear of loneliness. 
    The good news is that all of these fears and concerns can be worked through. In other words, the pain you experience from no contact is temporary and this will benefit you in the long run. 
    Allow yourself to process all the emotions that come up, be kind and patient with yourself and remember why you’re doing this in the first place. It will get easier.

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  • Should You Settle For A 6 or 7? #dontsettle #datingcoach #formen

    Should You Settle For A 6 or 7? #dontsettle #datingcoach #formen

    Should You Settle For A 6 or 7? #dontsettle #datingcoach #formen

    Tripp Advice

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  • Every Month I Reboot My Relationship

    Every Month I Reboot My Relationship

    Every Month I Reboot My Relationship

    Tripp Advice

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  • Given Up Hope of Finding Love? You NEED to Hear This… | Matthew Hussey

    Given Up Hope of Finding Love? You NEED to Hear This… | Matthew Hussey

     

    

    Over the past week, so many of you have expressed how much Angela’s story in my new book, Love Life, touched you deeply (in the chapter titled “Have Hard Conversations”). So this week I thought I’d share the actual interview with her from my Live Retreat.

    I’ve found that one of the biggest confidence-killers in dating happens when we dwell on the reasons why someone may not be attracted to us. Our looks, our age, our past, even the fact that we have kids—the fear of rejection for who we are can stop us before we get started.

    Angela’s story is one of the most impactful I’ve heard on confidence and insecurity, and I think you’ll love hearing it in her own words.


    Matthew Hussey:

    Before we start today, I owe a giant “thank you” to everybody who got a copy of Love Life. You are responsible for getting us to the New York Times bestseller list. This week, we came in at #3 on the list, which is an extraordinary thing.

    And I’m so grateful to all of you who have supported—many of you ordered months in advance of the book actually coming out. So many of you ordered on the week of. I am so appreciative. This project has been four-and-a-half years of my life. We wanted to get to the New York Times because we wanted to raise the profile of this book. We wanted to get it out there to more people. You have helped us do that. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping us make this happen.

    This is such a crazy week for me and my team. We have been giddy all week knowing this, having this news. And I’m so excited for those of you who are hearing it for the first time. I’m so excited to be sharing it with you. This is our win together. And you have helped me reach more of the world with this book.

    There is a story in the book about a person named Angela, a dear friend of mine. So many of you have read the book and have already read Angela’s story, but you may not have had the chance to actually meet Angela through video.

    So I wanted to do something special today. In this video I’m about to show you, Angela was onstage at my Live Retreat in Florida, making the audience laugh and cry in equal measure—myself included. But it’s a true story of hope for people in their confidence, their ability to overcome difficult circumstances, and their ability to find love no matter what. I cannot wait for you to see this. I present to you my dear friend Angela.

     Matthew (at Retreat):

    There was this one person on this program (Live Retreat) who called me up a couple of months back because she’d had some things happen in her life since that program. And when she made that call, I heard it and I went, “You’ve gotta come back. You’ve gotta come back. And I need you to tell other people what you’ve done, because wow.”

     And so she came back this time. And I’m going to bring her up here. And we’re just going to spend five minutes just talking about what she has done since, because her story is a very, very interesting one and so relevant to all of us.

    So, Angie, where are you? Oh, there she is. Okay. Give it up for Angela, everybody. How you doing?

    Angela:

    Now, that was eight or 10 years ago now?

    Matthew:

    Wow, was it that long ago?

    Angela:

    Yeah, and I haven’t aged a bit.

    Matthew:

    You haven’t.

    So you came on that program. And I remember, maybe a good place to start is I know there was a big event in your life. Let’s fill people in on that, because I feel like that gives us context for everything we’ll say after that.

    Angela:

    So as you can see, or you may not be able to see, I wear a prosthetic. And quickly, my story is that I was 23 and I was making my way home from work and life was great. I was with friends, I had the job I loved, and in a moment, everything changed. I sadly was hit by a drunk (and drug) driver. And when he hit me in a van at 70 miles per hour, I was injured for life.

    The injuries I have now happened at that moment. And the hardest thing was when my leg was taken from the impact of the vehicle, the driver stood over me and he walked away.

    And this is what led me to Matthew, because being in hospital and getting told, “You’re injured, you’re not going to walk again, you’re not going to live independently again . . . We don’t know if you’re going to be able to eat by yourself or dress yourself.”

    I defied that. I made sure when I left the hospital that I would walk again. I walked in crutches, but that was good enough. But my self-worth was on the ground. And there was nothing around me and there was nothing there that showed me how to put that together. So I went onto YouTube and saw one of Matthew’s earlier videos. I mean that in a nice way, of course, and he was in a park in . . . was it London?

    Matthew:

    Yeah. It was in Berkeley Square. And I remember the video . . . nowadays we have Jameson, but then, I was sat on a bench just filming myself. And it wasn’t on an iPhone. It was on like an old Sony camera.

    Angela:

    And it was about core confidence. And I knew . . . I read what confidence was, you know, you read in the magazines or your friends tell you, “Be more confident.”

    But I knew my confidence was on the ground more than most, because the thought that was left with me was, “How am I worthy if somebody could walk away and leave me?” So I clicked on the video. I watched it. I wrote every word down: what core confidence is, what the levels are . . . I’ve done the same as you guys and I still do the same thing. I watched the videos. I learned everything from it.

     And one of the biggest things that you ladies have taught me is we share the same thing. We just get what you’re saying, Matthew. So I went on your website. You were doing an event down in London and it was about confidence, wasn’t it?

     And then I went to speak to Matthew, and again, he was bouncing from one side to the other. And it was amazing and the ladies I met there are the ladies who went to the Retreat in Florida. And we’re still friends to this day. The journey that we’ve experienced, we’re still experiencing, and I’m still tapping into Matthew’s work today because I still want to go to that next level.

    Matthew:

    So that kind of brings us to the Retreat, because I remember a very specific moment on the Retreat that you reminded me of. At the home in Florida where we held it, there was a mini movie theater. And Angela pulled me to one side and said, “Hey, you know, let’s have a chat.”

    We went into the movie room. We sat down, one-on-one, and she . . . and you can tell me if I’m paraphrasing correctly, but you had mentioned to me that when you were on a date, the monologue that was constantly going through your mind was, “He’s not going to want me because I’m missing a limb.”

     Angela:

    Pretty much, yeah.

    Matthew:

    What happened next?

    Angela:

    Before you got to that point, we sat in silence, and you said, “I’m going to sit here until you tell me what it is.” And I sat there and then I crossed my arms in defiance. I was like, “I’m not saying,” and I couldn’t say, because I felt so sad about that. I couldn’t say it because it’s a guy sitting in front of me, like, can I say the one thing that’s on my mind? 

    And you just sat defiantly and you were like, “We’re going to sit here all day.” It was like . . . that pain. My Scottish stubbornness was coming out quite badly. And in my head, I was thinking, “He has to see other ladies. So the more you sit there, the more you’re stopping him from going to talk to the ladies and allow them to have their moment and to talk about things.”

    But I just sat. I just couldn’t see it. And then you said, “There’s nothing I haven’t heard before.” Just like you’ve said this week. And I said it. I think I blurted it out.

    And you, Matthew, just said, “And what?”

    Just those simple words, “And what?” and all the things I’d been carrying with myself was like, “Oh, you’ve been carrying this? You’ve built up this big picture.” And it was like, “And what?”

    Matthew: 

    I remember saying to you . . . I remember looking at you and saying, “How arrogant are you?” You remember that?

    Angela:

    I started laughing, yeah. Cause I would never have thought of it that way.

    Matthew:

    I said, “How arrogant are you? And you went like this . . .” (Big eyes)

    Then after, like, 30 seconds, you just died laughing.

    As you were laughing, I said, “What? You need everyone to want you? Like everyone you go on a date with has to fall in love with you and choose you? No one can reject you? Who are you? No one’s allowed to say, ‘I don’t want you’? How arrogant is that?”

    And you started laughing and said, “I know, that is arrogant!” And it was this . . . this moment that . . . I remember that moment because of the phone call that you gave me.

    By the way, I also remember a moment where we were in the kitchen . . . ?

    Angela:

    Also, just to give you a heads-up here, this is pretty much the first time I’m wearing a skirt with my legs out.

    It was my mom at the back, and some of you might know my special story with my mom . . . she’s always given me the confidence to get out there and share it. And here I am. But I’m digressing. So when I went to Florida, it was all about long dresses, and some thin cardigan to hide my arm. And I thought it was like a fashion statement I was going with, but looking back, I was actually covering up—covering insecurities, covering everything I could possibly do. And that morning, I went down to the kitchen, and I’m trying to catch up with everybody else. And remember Steve’s in the kitchen. I remember Matt’s mum’s at the top of the table making sure everybody’s okay, and Matthew came down and I just went (whoosh). I fell and my skirt went up.

    And I was like, “Oh no, hopefully my pants don’t show.”

    But I was more worried about my leg showing. I was more worried about that insecurity—that thing you were talking about this week, Matthew. The thing that’s holding you back, the thing you don’t want to talk about, the thing that’s just there.

    But when you start talking about it . . . oh my God, your life will go like this (expansive arms). It’s taken me . . . since the Retreat, 10 years. I took on this stuff and then I kind of debated, like I’ll take this little bit, but maybe not that little bit. I’ll take this little bit maybe not that little bit. Some of it worked, some of it didn’t, and as time was going on, I was like, “Yeah, this is taking a bit longer than everybody else.” And then I thought, “Let’s just do all of it.” And with all of it, again, my life opened up. And this story was the recent phone call that I shared with you.

    Matthew:

    So tell everyone what you told me, because this was one of the greatest phone calls I’ve had in these last two years.

    Angela:

    Could I share something about your mum before that? So when I fell, and made kind of a scene, she came over to me and she picked me up, and she could see that I had spilled something on my dress. And she said, “You go upstairs, get dressed, come back down, and I’ll wash your dress.”

    She washed my dress by hand and she hung it up, and just by doing that little thing, like, feeling embarrassed and feeling so awkward, just by that beautiful action that she’d done, and it’s not a big deal, but it touched me and it still touches me to this day.

    And as Matthew says, that’s who his mum is, and the next day I wore the dress again because of his mum, so thank you. I’m digressing, sorry. So the thing was, leading up to this information I was going to share with Matthew was . . .

    The Get the Guy techniques . . . the techniques that he shares with you today . . . if that was me 10 years ago, and this is now, your life is going to be even better than mine. 

    I met a guy, and the second date . . . the first date was good. We met for a couple hours, caught up. On the second date, as Matthew said, I just put it all on the table. Just told him. Got it over and done with.

    And I was so worried when I was going to tell this guy what my accident was and what scars I’ve got and what I wear. And he turned around and he said the same thing as Matthew: “And what?” 

    I knew then that this was the man for me. Was it because of what Matthew said that this man had said this? Probably. But also what Matthew had taught me about myself.

    When I was sharing this with my date, I remember before meeting up with him, thinking, “If he doesn’t like me for who I am, then stuff it. Like, I’ll just keep going. My worth doesn’t depend on that.”

    So the Get the Guy stuff, that works. And if I’m standing here and you can see what I wear, my scars, the insecurities . . . any insecurities you’ve had, I’ve had it. Seen it. Done it. Got the picture. If I can get that, you can certainly get that.

    And then a few months later, we went to St. Andrews, which is a beautiful place in Scotland. So we went on holiday and he booked the honeymoon suite and no one had ever done that for me and I was like, “Wow, this is amazing.”

    He said, “Oh, it just so happened that at the hotel, this was the only room they had.”

    I was like, “Wow, amazing.”

    Then we went out for something to eat and he’s really nervous. He was shaking and at one point, he literally said, ‘You want to try this?” And when he was holding it toward me, it went and hit someone. It was that bad and I was thinking, “I’ve still got it.”

    In St. Andrews, it’s a beautiful place up there, beautiful scenery, and I was like, “Yeah, let’s walk under the stars. Beautiful.”

    Then he said, “Close your eyes, I’ve got a surprise for you.”

    And I was like, “Okay.” And I’m closing my eyes and it’s five minutes later and I’m thinking, “I’m going to get murdered.” I’m thinking the worst.

    And walking with heels on sand with a prosthetic leg is really difficult. So I’m going down to the sand and I’m trying to walk sexy, but slipping, but he thought it was cute. It wasn’t really. And then I just was like, “Wow, this is so beautiful. And look at everything you can see,” and then I said, “What are you doing down there?” And he proposed and six months later we were married. Because of you.

    I’ve got two more things to share. Just don’t want to take all your time up.

    Matthew:

    You can run the day today.

    Angela:

    I think my nerves have kind of disappeared now because I’m super excited now that I’m sharing this with you girls. You see, all week, I’ve wanted to tell you things. I’ve wanted to come and sit with you, but I’ve kind of had to stay a wee bit closed in case I slipped up and shared this. Cause I’m a bit of a gab.

    So another thing that I shared with Matthew was my story. The thing I couldn’t speak about, the thing that caused me the most torment, the thing I was scared about, again this thing that was holding me back . . . Matthew got it out of me.

    I’ve now started my own charity and I now help families and children who have been harmed by drunk and drug drivers. But I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I hadn’t experienced the Retreat.

    I wouldn’t have experienced that if I hadn’t listened to the wonderful elephant presentation here. Or Matthew’s mum’s love and affection . . . like, the way that she has with people. I am like that now when I go and visit families, you know, just with a touch. And my beautiful mum in the corner as well, like her kindness and compassion and beauty and always being there for me. You know, I feel very lucky.

    But it took all this time to get here. I need to show you something. So one of the saddest things about being in the accident was being told that, “This is not going to happen for you. You’re not going to have your life.”

    It’s like Matthew was talking about . . . the moment you imagine looking back at your life, and you don’t have the people around you or you don’t have the things that you want. And I was told because of the severity of my injuries that I was never going to have a child.

    Imagine that you’ve always wanted to have a family and have a child, and to have that taken away from you . . .

    How do you console yourself? I didn’t think I could, and luckily I’ve got the love of my lovely husband now and things like that, but Matthew wanted me to come out and talk at Christmastime, and sadly, I had to go back into hospital for another operation. And my operation . . . it was really hard . . . in fact, it was life-changing.

    I want you to see what your love and care during the Retreat has brought . . . 

    So we’ve got a wee baby girl now.

    I hope nobody told you and spoiled the surprise.

    Matthew:

    How did you not tell me that on the phone?

    Angela:

    It was really hard. I did say to you I had work, and I did have work, but I didn’t know if it would be safe to travel and all that.

    Matthew:

    What’s her name?

    Angela:

    Hannah. And she’s so cute.

    It’s like sometimes I look at her and I just think, “Wow, I carried you. Amazing.”

    What I want to share with you, and I hope you can all hear this . . . Like, if you’re coming to the Retreat or doing the Get the Guy thing and you’re thinking, “I’m just not getting it. I don’t have my goals or I don’t have this . . .” Or you may be thinking, “This is what I want to do.”

    It’s funny how things just change. But they’ve changed because you’ve had this experience, and I’m not any different from you. My scars are different, my life experiences are a bit different. But I’m just like you, I’m just one of the girls. And I came from Scotland, two flights away, I dragged my mum here, she’s now sunburned. Sorry, sorry, it’s a lovely suntan.

    I came this week because I want to tell you that this works. I was trying to think of a beautiful quote or something like that. But it’s simply that this works. There’s no sugarcoating it. There’s no putting a pretty bow on it. If you want your life to be better . . . sometimes I started out thinking I wanted to go in this direction, then this took me to this direction.

    But I have fulfillment in my life in all areas. I know that I’m going to have dips, but I’ve got tools now. I feel boosted and I’ve got even more tools for my self-esteem and my confidence.

    But I know what I’ve learned from you, I’m going to teach Hannah. And what an amazing little girl she’s going to turn into.

    So I want to say thank you for listening. Thank you, Pauline. Thank you, Steve. And of course my mum. I love you. But the trailblazer . . . Matthew. Thank you.

    Matthew:

    Ladies, please can we . . . because Angela did not need to come here this week, but she has for us. Can we please give her a huge round of applause? 

    Give it up for Angela, everybody!

    Matthew (current day):

    Thank you so much for watching. Leave me a comment and let me know what that meant to you. What story have you been telling yourself about why finding love is never going to happen for you? I want you to leave me a comment telling me how Angela’s story affected you, and maybe even shifted that story a little bit. Maybe it made you realize that there is hope that no matter what the circumstances, things are possible for us that we never imagined.

    What’s the story you’ve been telling yourself about why you’ll never find love? And how has your story shifted a little bit since watching that video?

    By the way, this moment with Angela took place on our Retreat in Florida. For anyone who wants to join us this year, our event is from September 9-15. It is six days of immersion with me leading you through a process that I’ve developed over 17 years of my life now. So if that video made you feel like this is a place you want to be, and you want those six days of growth for yourself, then check it out. I’ll leave a link and you can come and see for yourself.

    Thank you so much for watching. Do leave me a comment before you go. I will be reading them, and thank you again for everything that you’ve done to help us get this book out to the world. I’m so very grateful and I look forward to seeing you in the next video.

    Sarah Stiles

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  • Where Should You Get Your Dating Advice? #datingcoach #datingadvice #relationshipadvice

    Where Should You Get Your Dating Advice? #datingcoach #datingadvice #relationshipadvice

    Where Should You Get Your Dating Advice? #datingcoach #datingadvice #relationshipadvice

    Tripp Advice

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  • 10 Ways to Make Your Husband Happy (and Your Marriage Better!)

    10 Ways to Make Your Husband Happy (and Your Marriage Better!)

    You’ve probably heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life.” Most, if not all, husbands would certainly agree to that! When a wife is unhappy, everyone in the household knows. Some days you may not feel like smiling around the house, but go ahead and fake it at first. Put that plastic smile on and most likely, your natural beautiful smile will emerge shortly after. Your smile communicates to your man, “I’m happy to be married to you. I am thankful for a great life with you.”

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/YakobchukOlena

    Arlene Pellicane

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  • Ultimate Guide For Sexual Kinks And Fetishes

    Ultimate Guide For Sexual Kinks And Fetishes

    Ultimate Guide For Sexual Kinks And Fetishes

    Tripp Advice

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  • Women Make Dating Decisions Based On Emotions #datingcoach #datingadvice #emotional

    Women Make Dating Decisions Based On Emotions #datingcoach #datingadvice #emotional

    Women Make Dating Decisions Based On Emotions #datingcoach #datingadvice #emotional

    Tripp Advice

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  • Parents Everywhere Are Tired: The truth about parenting fatigue

    Parents Everywhere Are Tired: The truth about parenting fatigue

    Parenting fatigue, also known as parental burnout is a mental health issue many parents
    experience. To define it simply; parenting fatigue is when the responsibilities of parenting add
    up and create excess stress that causes mental and physical health symptoms. This in turn
    makes it hard to continue the role of parenting. It can be a downward cycle where the more
    burnout you experience the more stress parenting causes which increases your fatigue.
    Parenting fatigue can happen to all parents and they do not have to be experiencing children
    who are having difficulties themselves. In John Gottman’s research, he found that two thirds of
    parents will experience a drop in their relationship quality within three years of bringing their
    baby home. This drop in relationship satisfaction can be due to the many types of parental
    burnout.

    Causes of parenting fatigue

    There are many causes of parenting fatigue and many unique situations with your children, your
    life factors, and other external factors. Some common causes are the stress and emotional
    strain parenting can cause. A big one is the actual fatigue becoming a parenting causes. When
    you bring a baby home your sleep patterns get disrupted and that continues throughout your
    young child’s life. When your kids get older and they have extra curricular activities that keep
    you out of the house later and eating dinner later it can cause general fatigue from long days
    and being out of the house for so long. Many parents who work full time and are also trying to
    balance their own activities like exercise or other hobbies and interests creates pressure to be
    home and present with their kids as much as possible. The guilt of doing things for yourself and
    possibly only seeing your child a few hours a day on weeknights can wear on you. I’ve worked
    with many parents who have breakdowns over the fact they can’t “do it all”. I have to be honest
    with them and share that no parent is able to work full time, keep their house clean, be there
    with their kids all the time, make time for themselves, and to nurture their relationship. It’s not
    physically possible to do this. This can be especially hard for single parents or those who are
    not co-parenting with a partner in the home, you absolutely cannot do it all alone.

    Consequences of fatigue

    All of these stressors that cause parental fatigue then leads to many mental and physical health
    issues. It’s well known that chronic stress affects our memory, you may become more forgetful
    and experience brain fog, especially when your sleep has been affected. This can also lead to
    symptoms of depression and anxiety; feeling like a failure leads to a low mood and worrying
    about not doing the best job can create an anxious cycle. Many parents can start experiencing
    isolation from friends and family when they worry about feeling judged or are too overwhelmed
    to reach out. Parents often feel shame when they can’t fulfill all expectations or make a mistake.
    They can experience guilt when they aren’t spending time with their kids. These symptoms can
    also cause issues in your relationship and can lead to more disagreements, less time together,
    and less desire and time for intimacy. It can also cause issues in your relationship with your
    children; the stress can lead to less patience with them which can create a barrier in closeness.

    The importance of self care

    The good thing is some of this burnout can be prevented with good self care. You have to take
    time for yourself to rest, get a break, and do the activities that recharge you to be there as a
    parent. The metaphor of putting on your own oxygen mask on an airplane first is very fitting for
    parents. You have to put on your own mask before helping your child with theirs. You need to
    take breaks from parenting to be a good one. You will be much better at handling the
    responsibility if you allow yourself to put you first. Hire a babysitter and take the offer from
    friends and family to watch the kids when possible. Counseling can also be a great tool in
    processing the emotions of parenting fatigue and a therapist can help you find the balance for
    self care. It’s also important to voice your feelings to your partner, remember you’ve signed up
    for this together and need to lean on each other when possible. Parenting fatigue can cause
    extra conflict that can expand outside of parenting topics. Couples counseling can help you
    navigate the extra stress together. It’s equally important to make time for your relationship
    where you get to step out of the parenting role into the romance role. It helps to make time for
    dates and quality time alone each day.

    Kari Rusnak

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  • Let’s make online dating really, really hard

    Let’s make online dating really, really hard

    I thought about this yesterday after a journalist from a major publication called me—asking why it’s so hard to get a second date.

    Today I’m going to be very simple and use common sense.

    Who/what makes dating hard?

    1.      The Media
    Yep, stupid, insipid dating advice from people who have no idea.  It’s all over the internet—Do this—No, no, no, don’t do that. 

    Geez. Back to yesterday, and this is what the journalist asked me:   Why are second dates so hard to get?  How can one go mindfully about this? And, the kicker, please share at least 3-4 steps someone should take after a great first date.

    Thank God it was on the phone so he didn’t see my major eye roll that my mom never cured me of.

    Here’s what I told him: (without saying this is ridiculous)

    Wow, if you need 3-4 steps you are doing something wrong.  Stop complicating dating. It’s much harder getting to the first date than the 2nd date. This type of advice is what makes dating nerve-wracking.   Keep it simple.

    1.  You had a fun first date. There was chemistry.

    2.  You send a follow-up text expressing gratitude and how much fun you had. 

    3.  All you are thinking about at the end of the first date is this:   Did I like him/her?  Do I want to go on a second date?

    4.  If you are thinking:  Will I marry him/her? Will this be an amazing LTR?  Well, I know why you are having trouble dating.  The other person can sense desperation a mile away.  

    5.  A first date is nothing more than a chance to get to know someone and see if you’d like a 2nd date.  A 2nd date is nothing more than a chance to see if you’d like a 3rd date.  And so on, and so on.   Suddenly you are at the “we are exclusive stage”.  Yay, you!

    I’m not sure he liked my answer. Oh, well, I’m not politically correct.  I want results for my clients, not some BS answer to the media.

    Here was his follow-up question:   Is there anything you shouldn’t do after a great first date?

    A.  Dream about a wedding.  What your children will look like. When you will introduce him to your family.  Where you will go on your first vacay.   Text all your friends that you met the “one”.    Where on the beach you will build a home together.   (Think this is stupid?  Intelligent people actually do this!)

    B.  Pressure.  You should not feel any pressure nor exert any pressure on the other person.


    Reality check here though:  you BOTH know if the date went well.  And 80% of the time a 2nd date is talked about at the end of the first date—whether it’s a movie, disk golf (hot!), or a hike.   

    2.       You

    Yes, you.   You get in the way of going on good dates. 

    A. Jon*
    I had a male client (a nice looking 56-year-old man in Philadelphia who is quite accomplished) who had bad photos.  By bad, I mean selfies.  I told Jon no one will ever read about how wonderful you are as just the initial photo will stop them.  Hey, I know how this works.  I work online with men and women all day looking for high potential dates and the first thing we see is your photo.  Online dating is a visual medium.

    After 4 coaching calls and no success, he finally acquiesced.  He had some great photos taken by a pro.  Not fancy. Not edited/photoshopped. Not corporate-y.  Just fun and all shot around Center City in Philly with some unique backgrounds.Call 5 was…. the highlight of my day!  Women were messaging him back.  He had 3 dates booked for the next 6 days.

    Jon got out of his own way.

    If you are serious about dating, I might be able to help you.  The reality is that I only take a limited number of new clients each month.  You can sign up for a 15-minute call with me.  Please fill out as much information for me as possible so we can have an effective call.  The link is https://www.33000dates.com/freecall

    Lovely 67-year-old woman.  Insistent men had to pursue her.  When she came to me, she had been online for 4 years—gulp, yep, 4 years.  Just sitting there. Hanging out.  Waiting for a man to come find her.   Messaging men?  Out of the question.

    The men who messaged her?  She took a week or two to think about them.  (What’s there to think about—there’s two possibilities—yes or no.  “Maybe” is not an option.)  By the time she was ready to get back to them, do you think they were waiting for her?  Then, she complained no one got back to her.

    We had a serious talk on our 2nd coaching call.  I’m direct.  Graciously direct.  I didn’t want to waste my time or hers. 

    Here was our solution.  For the next week, I was taking over her online dating account.  She gave me permission to message men on her behalf.   Over the next 4 weeks, she went on 7 dates.  4 she liked and they progressed to more dates.  (The other 3 she did not like and said to me “Andrea, why did you pick them” and I just said, “Hey, Carolyn, I’m batting over 57% good dates with you, and I’m pretty darn happy”).

    Finally, Carolyn got out of her way.  

    *Both clients names and cities have been changed.  Permission was granted by clients.

    Andrea McGinty

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