Most animals have a mating season. They only do it at specific times of year that coincide with fertile periods. By contrast, humans are what scientists call “continuous breeders,” meaning that we’re DTF all year long. We can do it any time, any place. However, while we don’t have a limited calendar for sex, human sexual behavior still has a seasonality to it. It turns out that people consistently have more sex at certain times of year, and less at others. Specifically, what the data shows is that summertime seems to coincide with a peak in sexual activity. So what’s the deal with that? Let’s explore what the research says about sexy time in the summer.
The Science of Summer Sex
Before we get into the reasons behind why people have more sex in the summer months, let’s first look at the evidence supporting the idea that there’s a seasonal shift in sexual behavior. There are multiple pieces of data suggesting that we get hot for hot weather. For example, if you look at our online sexual behavior, research finds that we search for more porn in the summer. Searches for online dating rise at the same time, too. Likewise, looking at sales data for safer-sex tools, there has historically been an increase in condom purchases in the summer months. Considering data collected by sexual health clinics, what we see is that people report having had a larger number of sex partners when they come in for STI testing in the summer compared to other times of year. This is true for both men and women across sexual orientations. Consistent with this, clinic data also finds that the odds of being diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection is highest in the summer. In short, all of the evidence suggests that we’re hornier and having more sex (and more partners) in the summer. To understand why this happens, though, we need to look at this through a biopsychosocial lens because there are biological, psychological, and social factors that all contribute to this.
The Role of Biology: Exposure to Sunlight Boosts Testosterone
Researchers have found that exposure to UVB light seems to prompt changes in hormones and sexual behavior in animals and humans alike. For example, in animal studies, mice that are exposed to UVB light demonstrate an increase in sex hormones. Further, both male and female mice subsequently engage in more mating behavior. Research on humans has found something similar. In a study where men and women were asked to either avoid sunlight exposure for two days vs. spend about a half hour in the sun each day, blood samples showed a rise in testosterone on the days people got more sun. Sunlight exposure therefore appears to have a direct physiological impact on the body. And since summer is the sunniest time of year, that’s when we’re going to experience the biggest effect. So part of the rise in summer sex is hormonal—we just tend to have more testosterone in our bodies, which opens the door to more feelings of sexual arousal and desire. But it’s not just about testosterone. Sunlight also boosts production of the neurotransmitter serotonin, which plays an important role in regulating mood (hence why the most popular anti-depressants are designed to target serotonin). It stands to reason that if we have more of these feel-good neurotransmitters in our system in the summer, that might also open the door to more sexual activity.
The Role of Psychology: Excitation Transfer
During the summer months, we tend to engage in more exciting and novel activities. For example, this is often the time of year when people take vacations, visit amusement parks, and engage in fun outdoor activities, like swimming. When we participate in new and exciting things like this, it has the effect of increasing our physiological arousal, which can transform into (or amplify) sexual arousal. Psychologists refer to this as “excitation transfer,” and it basically means that excitement from one situation is intensifying excitement in another situation. For example, studies have found that when people have just participated in something intense (such as exercising or riding a roller coaster), they subsequently experience an increase in sexual attraction to other people. In other words, if you do something physiologically arousing and then meet someone new, the odds of attraction rise. Beyond excitation transfer, there’s also just a broader shift in our sexual psychology in the summer due to the fact that it’s a period during which many of us have more leisure time. Taking time off from school or work can make us feel less stressed and more relaxed, which can create more opportunities for us to feel desire and arousal.
The Role of the Environment: Sexy Cues Abound
Think for a moment about how you dress differently in the summer compared to colder times of year. Odds are, you wear less clothing! Summer naturally lends itself toward a more sexualized environment. It’s a time when you’re going to see a lot of skimpy outfits, shirtless runners, and people in bathing suits. In other words, the environment around us is a very different one and we may simply be seeing more cues that trigger arousal. This effect may be amplified if you’re traveling or taking a beach vacation where you might be seeing and meeting a lot of new and attractive people. At the same time, just being in a novel environment can be a turn-on in and of itself. Maybe you’re staying in a sexy hotel room, swimming under a waterfall, or taking a late-night dip in a hot tub. Summer vacations often take us to places we associate with passion and romance, which further add to the sexy cues.
Takeaways
The data are clear: people have more sex and generally feel hornier in the summer compared to other times of year. So if you’ve ever noticed that your sexual behavior tends to be seasonal, you’re not alone! However, there’s isn’t just one simple reason behind this. A potent blend of biological, psychological, and environmental factors work together to make summer the sexiest season.
References:
Parikh, R., Sorek, E., Parikh, S., Michael, K., Bikovski, L., Tshori, S., … & Levy, C. (2021). Skin exposure to UVB light induces a skin-brain-gonad axis and sexual behavior. Cell Reports, 36(8), 109579.
Cornelisse, V. J., Chow, E. P., Chen, M. Y., Bradshaw, C. S., & Fairley, C. K. (2016). Summer heat: A cross-sectional analysis of seasonal differences in sexual behaviour and sexually transmissible diseases in Melbourne, Australia. Sexually Transmitted Infections.
Seasonal changes in Google search trends for pornography, prostitution, and online dating: Markey, P. M., & Markey, C. N. (2013). Seasonal variation in internet keyword searches: A proxy assessment of sex mating behaviors. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 42(4), 515-521.
Meston, C. M., & Frohlich, P. F. (2003). Love at first fright: Partner salience moderates roller-coaster-induced excitation transfer. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 32, 537-544.
Differences in a relationship are often seen as something negative, but they actually can serve a great purpose. They can deepen our empathy, respect, communication skills, and our resolve. Dr. John Gottman, co-founder of The Gottman Institute and author of many books on love, marriage, and relationships, says that we grow in our relationships by reconciling our differences, and that’s how we truly experience the fruits of marriage.
Dr. Gottman explains that “every marriage is a cross-cultural experience” because each individual comes from a unique family system. According to William Doherty in The Intentional Family: Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family Ties, partners establish a new culture when they come together, and the more intentional that culture is, the stronger the family ties become. At the same time, bringing two people with different stories and different families together to form a new family does not come without stumbling blocks. Couples rarely talk about these differences before having children because it simply doesn’t occur to them. So, when parenting styles begin to clash, problems often arise.
It stands to reason that in order to build a strong, connected family, couples must take the initiative to reconcile their differences regarding parenting and family values. While discrepancies in parenting styles may well remain, to reconcile them means to come to a compromise on practices that both are comfortable with. Dr. Gottman’s research has shown us that there are three steps to reaching a compromise – let’s look at how these steps can help get parents on the same page.
Step 1: Create Physical and Emotional Safety
The research has made clear what we already know: we cannot reach a compromise until we feel safe both physically and emotionally. Compromises cannot be reached in the heat of a disagreement. Both brains must be calm and receptive, and you should use positive communication skills, avoiding what Dr. Gottman calls the Four Horsemen (contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling).
Step 2: Define Your Core Needs
What are you absolutely not willing to compromise on because it is just too important to you? These should be defined clearly before you go into the conversation. Hold your ground on your strong values, but be flexible everywhere you can possibly be.
Step 3: Be Willing to Accept Influence
You have to be willing to hear your partner’s side of the issue. It’s better to bend than to break. Gottman says, “Remember, you can only be influential if you accept influence. Compromise never feels perfect. Everyone gains something and everyone loses something. The important thing is feeling understood, respected, and honored in your dreams.”
Once you and your partner are ready to compromise, try this exercise to work toward same-page parenting with your partner.
EXERCISE: Have an honest and open conversation where you each state your parenting beliefs, goals, and ideals. It’s imperative that each of you remain respectful of the other during this conversation. Name your core needs and allow your partner to do the same. Discuss your childhoods and where your beliefs came from. Talk about what they mean to you and what you fear will happen if you bend.
Answer the following questions together:
I feel that you are a good parent because ____.
I feel that my role as a parent is to ___.
My parents were ___ and I feel that was ___.
Discipline means ___.
It’s most important to me for my child to be ___.
My goal in raising my child is ___.
Create a plan of action for common behavior problems that your children are experiencing. By doing so, you have both agreed upon how you will handle each situation and you will be united in front of your children.
If want to build a deeply meaningful relationship full of trust and intimacy, then subscribe below to receive our blog posts directly to your inbox:
Have you ever wondered whether you could possibly be autistic? Autism spectrum disorder (often referred to as “autism”) is a neurological and developmental disorder that can impact how someone learns, communicates, behaves, and interacts with others. Autism symptoms can vary from one person to another and change over time, and only a trained professional can accurately diagnose you with this disorder. With that said, here are 12 signs that you might be autistic:
You follow the same routine every day and feel anxious if it changes.
You make careful plans.
You pay attention to small details and patterns that often go unnoticed.
You find it difficult to explain what you’re feeling.
You have trouble understanding what others are thinking or feeling.
You take things literally (for example, you don’t understand what someone means when they use phrases like “keep your eye on the ball” or “you’ve got a frog in your throat”).
You don’t pick up on sarcasm.
The thought of socializing makes you feel anxious.
You don’t understand social rules (for example, how you shouldn’t interrupt someone while they’re speaking).
You find it hard to make eye contact with others.
People have accused you of being blunt or rude even when you didn’t mean to be.
You have trouble making friends.
Speak to a Therapist Who Specializes in Treating Autism
Do the signs and symptoms described above sound familiar? If so, we invite you to schedule a consultation with one of the experienced therapists at our practice. We specialize in treating patients with autism and we can supply you with customized advice about next steps to take. Contact us today and one of our friendly team members can tell you more about our practice, answer your questions, and schedule an appointment at a date and time that’s convenient for you.
Divorce is often one of the most difficult experiences that a person can go through. In many cases, it requires you to leave your family home, lose contact with couple friends, and miss out on time with your children. And it almost always involves losing someone that you once loved, as well as the future you had imagined having together.
Despite how hard divorce can be, there are steps you can take to protect your mental and emotional health during this stage of your life. You may want to try:
Spending time with family and friends
Playing a new sport
Trying a new hobby
Volunteering in your community
Journaling
Meditating
Exercising
Spending time outdoors
Treating yourself to a massage
Attending support group meetings
Divorce often causes people to feel anxious and depressed, so if you’re having a hard time coping, remind yourself that you’re not alone in feeling that way and that things will eventually get better. Give yourself a break while you recover from your divorce and adjust to your new way of life.
Consider Speaking to a Therapist
While leaning on your family and friends can often be very helpful following a divorce, sometimes it’s necessary to seek help from a professional. You’ll be glad to know that the therapists at our practice have extensive experience counseling patients going through the divorce process. We’ll draw on that background to provide you with the compassionate ear and personalized advice you need. Contact us today to schedule a consultation.
Wondering if you should go on a second date? It’s like trying to decide if you should eat that last slice of pizza – you’re not sure if it’s a good idea, but you’re also not ready to let it go.
Sometimes it’s just not clear. Deciding whether to go on a second date can be a tough decision. After meeting for lunch, you may have found the interaction enjoyable but lacking that special spark. Perhaps during a drinks date, you were attracted to your date but felt like they dominated the conversation without asking about you. Or maybe during a coffee and walk, there were awkward pauses that made you question the connection.
Despite these factors, your date reaches out the next day expressing interest in seeing you again. How do you assess the first date and determine if a second date is worth your time? Let’s explore some key questions to consider, but first, let’s address some factors that may have influenced your perception of the date.
1. Going into the date with sky-high expectationsOver the past two weeks, I had this occur twice with clients in my dating coaching program. One talked on the phone for 90-minutes* prior to the date and was “in love” by the end of the call and could not wait for the next day’s dinner at a fancy Chicago restaurant her date had booked. Not only that, she called and told 5 friends (and me) that she’d met the one! (I bet this man sensed the wedding bells clanging as she walked into the restaurant)
.So, what happened? He turned out to be attractive—until he talked about himself for two hours, never asked about her except to ask if she’d go topless at a French beach. My point: Go into every date with no expectations. What? That sounds negative, Andrea. Nope, it’s not. It’s the best thing you can do—high expectations are rarely met—and low expectations are the negative clincher. Zero expectations beyond looking forward to meeting a new person—that’s the ticket!
*My tried-and-true rule as my clients know: 10 minutes max. The phone call is nothing more than a “let’s chat for a few minutes and see if we’d like to meet in real life”. I’m a fan of no phone calls when possible—unless significant distance is involved.
2. I’m-beat-up-from-online-dating
You’ve been on Bumble, Hinge or Our Time for 3 months and your membership ends next week. You haven’t met the one. You show up on dates and just can’t help yourself from bashing online dating.Let me tell you something: No one loves online dating until they meet someone. Then it’s the best thing they’ve ever done.
Ever hear the line often used with entrepreneurs in business: “Fake it ‘til you make it”. I’m a fan and have done this many times at the beginning of my career as I nearly went bankrupt several times in the early years. But when I was at a party and someone asked me: How’s that dating lunch thing you started going? My answer was always: Fantastic—I just went to a wedding last week for two of my clients. (True, but I was hanging on financially by a thread).
No date wants to hear your sad online dating stories. Actually, nobody wants to hear them—except maybe you girlfriend who has been single for 20 years and relishes doom and gloom stories.
7 Questions to Ask Before you go on a Second Date:
1. Did you feel chemistry?
Ok, that’s a trick question for you. Maybe you remember a recent article where I talked all about chemistry. Based on nearly 30 years of dating expertise, many find chemistry on the 2nd or 3rd date.
2. Are you on the fence?
Maybe you are 50-50 on whether to give it one more shot. If I work with you, you know all about my 1-100 scale. On the fence—yes, you go on a second date as the pendulum will swing one way or another after this date.
3. Did you see any red flags?
Ok, this one can be a definite deal-breaker. A 63-year-old male client went on a lovely lunch date with a woman who was separated, very attractive and a good conversationalist. They had much in common. But then she disclosed that her divorce proceedings were acrimonious and looked to go on for a year or two. My client (smartly) decided to move on and not get involved in this mess).
4. What is your intuition saying?
You are smart and not 22-years-old—you have life experience. Don’t discount intuition.
Happy July—and how is your summer of dating going? Maybe it’s time to pull the trigger and finally do that 15-minute call with me.
The good thing about hiring me? Accountability. Strategy. A Cheerleader. Objectivity. Experience. 28+ Years. What’s more important than a partner to spend your life with???
No pressure. I’ll learn about you—and whether we are a good fit and I can help. Click here!
5. Are your lifestyles compatible?
Realistically, you very well may not know this from a first date. Here’s an example of one that maybe should not have worked out (but it did): My client Michael is 58, Jewish (non-practicing except occasionally), divorced with 3 grown children in their 20’s. His date, Laura, was never married, no children, and Catholic from a large family.
As Michael told me, hey, I’m not having kids with her, she likes my children and has embraced my family at gatherings. They got married in March 2023. Yes, Michael was initially reluctant to go on even a first date as she wasn’t Jewish, had no kids and never married. Then, while attracted to Laura, he was on the fence as to the second date as well. A gentle push came from me.
He’s still in touch and just sent me photos of the whole family vacationing in the Maldives looking very happy two weeks ago!
Several clients have asked me recently when they can get buy my book. (thanks!) It is now scheduled for October and I will keep you updated.
6. What’s the downside of a second date?
If you are asking this question, there probably is not one. Give it a second chance. It’s not a marriage proposal, it’s a second date. Too many people think fireworks should go off on a first date—when actually, as you hit 2nd Acts in dating a slow burn works just as well.
7. Did you go on the date with a checklist?
If you did, burn it. Instead, evaluate—was the conversation fun, did I laugh, was I curious to learn more, was I engaged? Think about how you felt on the date, not did they check off 5-10 must-haves on a list.
In general, what’s my answer? If you are asking this question—should I go on a second date—GO!
July 3rd, 2024, marks my husband Ben’s and my first year of marriage. Most people look forward to celebrating fireworks on the 4th, but the fireworks in our hearts began just a day earlier.
Ben and I dated for just over five years before we got married. In some ways, marriage has been exactly what I thought it would be. My husband is still the same person I married. Things that annoyed me while dating him still annoy me now. But I love the things I loved about him while we were dating even more now. I’m sure he could say the same about me.
In other veins, marriage has not been what I expected or anticipated. Most days, I find myself thinking, “How in the world do Mom and Grandma manage everything they do?” More often than not, I end my days pondering, “How will I ever get it all done with so much to do?”
While marriage has been a blend of what I’ve thought it would and wouldn’t be, I can say with certainty that it’s worth it. Every ounce of pain, tears, and conflict we’ve faced has been countered by immeasurable joy, love, and resolution. As our former pastor quoted in his charge to us the day we got married: “Marriage is a gift of God, given to comfort the sorrows of life and magnify the joys. Marriage is the clasping of hands, the blending of hearts, the union of two lives as one. Your marriage must stand on more than a piece of paper. It must stand in the strength of your love and by the power of your faith in one another and in God.”
At the end of the charge, our pastor encouraged us to embrace three covenants of marriage: faith, hope, and love. Just as Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13, the same charge should be applied to us today, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (v. 13, NIV).
As I reminisce over the the last year, and the lessons I’ve learned as a new wife, there are three things I’d like to share with you. Whether you’re married, dating, single, or looking to grow in your faith, I hope these truths can serve as a source of encouragement and strength:
1. The Importance of Communication
Before Ben and I got married, numerous people told us to prioritize communication with our spouse to be, and with our Creator. The same is still true and applicable today. Marriage doesn’t change our need for interaction with others. In fact, some might say it exasperates it.
Communication is an important factor in any relationship. This is why knowing how to talk to God and your spouse or significant other is so valuable. How we communicate also matters.
James 1:19 is a life verse we should all take heed of and apply to our lives in the way we interact with and speak to others: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (NIV).
While this Scripture is much easier said than done, it’s a good goal to keep in mind. Christ reminds us to pursue excellence in all we do, and that extends into our speaking, listening, and talking skills (Philippians 4:8; Matthew 5:48). Surely, being patient, hearing to understand, and thinking before we respond are all habits we can pursue both inside the confines of marriage and out.
Proverbs 18:21 summarizes our key point best in these words: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (ESV).
Communication must be open, vulnerable, honest, and kind, but above all, it must be Christ-like. The reason communication is so detrimental to any relationship is because of the immense power and value the words we say and use hold.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned this last year is the power of those words. My husband can’t read my mind, and I can’t read his. I get the assumption yours can’t follow suit either. Even couples who know one another best and have been together for decades will never get it all right. We’re not mind readers! But I believe God intentionally created us this way for a reason.
In May, I was going through a stressful time. I’d just resigned from teaching, had surgery, and attended my first writing conference. One evening in particular, I told my husband I was struggling to communicate with God and didn’t have the mental energy to pray or read my Bible. He told me that God still desired to hear from me that day. Then he asked me how I’d feel if he went an entire day without talking to me. Though I got offended at first and just wanted him to validate the exhaustion I was feeling, he had a point.
Even though God is God and already knows everything about me, He still wants me to talk to Him. He also still wants to hear from you! Jesus Christ is the greatest mind reader of all time, and still, communication is vital to my relationship with Him. Why would we expect our relationships with other humans to be any different?
2. The Value of Playfulness
About six months into marriage, I quickly realized our communication was improving, but our playfulness was dying. It wasn’t until we were in the middle of a Kroger run—the third time that month we were supposed to be on a date—that we discovered we were sacrificing date time for chores. Maybe you can relate?
Life is busy. Adulting is busy. Marriage is busy. No one ever said squashing two lives into one was easy or less busy. But learning to value and prioritize playfulness needs to fit into your busy schedule if you intend for your relationship to succeed and thrive!
In Ephesians 5, the roles of husbands and wives are discussed. One thing you may have never noticed, however, is that marriage is to be a source of life and joy—not life and joy to replace that which Christ gives, but to join with it in harmony.
Not only is playfulness a sign of a happy marriage, but it’s also a sign of a healthy, productive, and functioning one. Playfulness doesn’t mean being rude or insincere with our words. It also doesn’t mean forsaking responsibility for all fun and games. But godly playfulness takes delight in the gift of marriage that God has given us.
Phylicia Masonheimer, author and theologian, describes playfulness in our relationship with God and our spouse this way:
“What would it do to our relationship with God, viewing Him as playful? When I first considered this I was in the middle of my “flirtation experiment” with Josh. We were in a dry-ish season of marriage and I wanted to put some fun back into it. I made a list of 30 “flirtation” ideas and did one a day, recording my feelings and his response. One of my experiments was “playfulness”. I told jokes. I did a silly dance. I surprised him with water balloons after work. He was a little surprised at first. While I readily laugh at his jokes, I’m not the one to initiate silliness! But by making an effort in this area I noticed Josh’s joy increasing, his own readiness to make me laugh increasing, and – what surprised me most – my own love increasing. Laughing together, playing together, brought us closer together. I began to wonder: If I laughed with God… would I feel closer to Him? God is a spirit, not a human, so “laughing” with Him was very different from laughing with Josh. The very concept probably sounds abstract. But based on what Scripture says about God’s joy, I take for granted that the Lord wants to hear from me – in good or bad, joy or sorrow. I started sharing the things I found hilarious with the Lord. I would actually pray them to Him as if I was telling a friend.”
Though it’s a lengthy quote, I think Masonheimer hits the nail on the head when it comes to articulating our playfulness with our spouse and our Creator.
3. The Priority of Christ
A little over five years ago, when Ben and I first started dating, I worried about prioritizing my relationship with Christ and a romantic relationship. The more I sought the Lord and His Word, however, I was affirmed of this truth: The greater I pursue Jesus, the more love I’ll have to lavish on another person. The less I pursue Him, the less I’ll have available to give. We cannot pour out love if we aren’t seeking Love Himself.
The longer I’m married, the more I see the importance of prioritizing Christ in my marriage. What does that practically look like? Ben and I are far from mastering this concept, but here are a few things we’ve found that work for us.
-Spend time reading the Bible, praying, and talking to God on your own, but also spend time doing those things as a couple. While this can sound overwhelming, it doesn’t have to be. Daily, I read the Word, pray, and talk to God, but weekly, Ben and I pray and study together. Sometimes we utilize a morning or evening devotional we can do on our own time and then regroup later because it works for our flexibility. Feel free to try out practices and see what works best for you.
-Go to church and small group together. It might sound obvious, but attending Church and fellowship outings as a couple not only helps us prioritize our relationship with God but one another. While it’s taken us time to get settled into a place we could call home or find people our age to study the Scriptures with, both have been well-worthy investments. If you’re struggling to find good options, don’t be afraid to look for online study groups, and try new places.
Pursuing Christ is the highest calling you’ll ever receive, and it’s only through and in that relationship you’ll ever be able to successfully prioritize loving others.
What’s the biggest thing you’ve learned from being married? What advice would you give someone who’s getting married or just got married? I encourage you to share those thoughts with someone you love today. I’m certainly not an expert, but I’m choosing to grow and learn along the way.
Amber Ginter is a teacher-turned-author who loves Jesus, her husband Ben, and granola. Growing up Amber looked for faith and mental health resources and found none. Today, she offers hope for young Christians struggling with mental illness that goes beyond simply reading your Bible and praying more. Because you can love Jesus and still suffer from anxiety. You can download her top faith and mental health resources for free to help navigate books, podcasts, videos, and influencers from a faith lens perspective. Visit her website at amberginter.com.
Before you start looking for a partner to build a union with, you need to ensure that the connection with them will not disappoint you. Toxic relationships, after all, encompass a multitude of issues, ranging from abusive jokes and threats to manhandling and personality destruction. Most often, such behavior is associated with the peculiarities of human character, and astrology helps determine which zodiac signs are most prone to toxicity and who usually have problems at the emotional level of interaction with a partner. Statistics say that 37% of Americans believe this method of determining people’s behavior according to their sign of the Sun really works.
Astrologers are sure that a person’s belonging to a particular zodiac sign can indicate the level of their toxicity and make it clear whether it is worth entering into a romantic relationship with them. The ranking of the most toxic zodiac signs presented below will help you with this.
⚠️ Toxic Zodiac Signs in a Relationship
All zodiac signs tend to poison themselves and others. But some are more successful in this sense than others. Which stars are most likely to give birth to abusers and emotion eaters? Check now.
♉️ Taurus
20.04–20.05
What is the most toxic zodiac sign? Let’s start our list with Taurus. Representatives of this earth sign are often attributed to greed. In the case of Taurus, it is quite a controversial issue, because they like to make gifts for their significant others. However, in all other financial matters, representatives of the sign can show toxicity. It is often expressed in the household sphere. The same is true for energy: be prepared to face the consequences of your actions if you fail to switch off the lights when you leave a room. According to Quora, stubbornness and conservatism are two of the main Taurus traits. While their determination is a strength, it can also lead to inflexibility and resistance to change. Additionally, Taurus people are often conventional and unready for life changes.
♍️ Virgo
24.08–23.09
Virgos are perfectionists by nature, and this is one of the toxic zodiac signs in a relationship. They have high expectations for everyone around them as well as for themselves. Sometimes their exactingness turns into real passive aggression. Virgo will shamelessly point out every blunder, mistake, or noncompliance with the rules. This is especially noticeable in everyday life: the moments that other signs would not pay attention to will certainly be noted by Virgo. Even if it’s just the fact that you hang your jacket on the wrong hanger, slice bread the wrong way, or forget to close the tube of toothpaste, rest assured that Virgo will point out that you are wrong. But some celebrities are in successful relationships with Virgo: Beyoncé and Jay-Z are among them.
♓️ Pisces
21.02–20.03
You may ask: How could these gentle and sensual creatures be in the category of toxic zodiac signs? However, it is worth remembering that there is a concept and passive toxicity, and it often characterizes Pisces. This sign’s representatives are skilled at playing on other people’s guilt and inspiring sympathy. They are talented actors who deftly employ this to further their objectives. “If you do not do as I want, then you do not love me” is one of the favorite phrases in the arsenal of toxic representatives of the sign. Some Pisces can be called the most real “energy vampires.”
♊️ Gemini
21.05–20.06
Gemini will never show that they are offended or that they are not satisfied with something: they will silently pretend that everything is normal and wait for the most inopportune moment for you to pour in accumulated negative emotions. The most dangerous thing about the relationship with Gemini is that they often change the strategy of conflict: from latent aggression to outbursts of rage, and then to a total boycott. Their partners have to experience such emotional swings constantly. Are Gemini and Virgo toxic? Unfortunately, yes, because both signs have difficult characters and different points of view. Gemini will be a perfect match for Sagittarius, like, for example, the happy union of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
♏️ Scorpio
24.10–22.11
Scorpio is one of the most popular complex and contradictory signs of the zodiac, and therefore among its representatives quite a lot of toxic people. Interestingly, the research states that about 10% of US people are Scorpios. How does this show up, exactly? The truth is that when it comes to being the most jealous sign, Scorpios are first on the list. Their obsession with controlling their partners sometimes results in the creation of a poisonous environment within the family due to their suspicions of infidelity. Constant attempts to incriminate, resentment, criticism, and guilt manipulation are negative consequences of this behavior pattern. In addition to demanding boundless attention from their partners, Scorpios may want a beloved person to devote all of their time and attention to them.
👩❤️👨 7 Toxic Zodiac Couples Ever
Some astrological combinations are thought to be more challenging and potentially conflicting. We are sure that not everything in a relationship depends on zodiac signs, but we still advise you to take a closer look at the list of toxic zodiac couples who will have to work hard on their relationship.
🫠 Aries and Taurus
Aries is known for being assertive, while Taurus tends to be stubborn and stand their ground. Aries doesn’t like to be sidetracked, while Taurus resists having their ideas challenged. This combination can lead to communication breakdowns, insensitivity to advice, and difficulties in their relationship.
🫠 Cancer and Aquarius
This is another of the toxic zodiac sign couples. These people value emotional connection and independence. They are caring and emotional and enjoy spending time alone, preferring not to share a partner with anyone. Aquariuses, on the other hand, only thrive in an environment where they are surrounded by friends. Being excessively rigid with your needs may result in accusations of inflexibility and emotional detachment.
🫠 Leo and Cancer
Leo seeks attention and admiration, while Cancer’s nature may not immediately provide this or not at all. Jealousy, conflict, and attention-seeking behavior can be a huge problem in this couple. Among other things, both signs are strong-willed, and this can lead to power struggles in a Leo and Cancer toxic relationship. Instead, Cancer would be a great partner for Capricorn. Just take the example of the romantic couple of Prince William and Kate Middleton.
🫠 Virgo and Pisces
Virgo favors practicality, detail, and criticality. Pisces, on the other hand, is dreamy and idealistic. Virgo may try to pull Pisces into the harsh reality, causing frustration and misunderstandings. For this reason, such a union is considered one of the toxic astrology couples.
🫠 Libra and Capricorn
Libra and Capricorn may face difficulties due to the lack of strong sexual chemistry between them. These issues, combined with communication difficulties and potential boredom, can put a significant strain on the relationship, potentially leading to dissatisfaction and discord.
🫠 Sagittarius and Pisces
Is Sagittarius and Pisces toxic? The forgiving and laid-back nature of Sagittarius often clashes with Pisces’ tendency to hold grudges. This fundamental difference can lead to unresolved conflicts and a return to past issues, contributing to a toxic dynamic in this one of toxic zodiac matches that promotes relationship health.
✅ What Zodiac Should I Date: Find your Best Zodiac Sign
Looking for the love of your life? It’s not an easy task, but the stars can help you find it. Astrologers believe that some zodiac signs have better compatibility than others. Of course, a favorable horoscope does not guarantee a happy life for a couple, but you can draw conclusions about which relationship will be smooth and which will remind you of life on a volcano. What zodiac should I date?
❤️ Pisces and Scorpio
Pisces and Scorpio may have many differences, but they are incredibly drawn towards each other. They may be aware that each of them is full of complexities in their character, but this does not become a barrier to getting closer. Once a couple, Scorpios and Pisces literally blend and gaze in the same direction. Pisces can fairly yield to Scorpio, balancing out all the angles.
❤️ Taurus and Cancer
When these signs are together, they hardly ever reveal their relationship and instead choose to enjoy each other’s happiness. Each of them knows how to treat their partner and is ready to help them with everything. Cancer and Taurus form a strong union, which can only threaten the excessive focus of one of them on the goal. In this couple, it is better not to have too strong ambitions and bet on personal happiness rather than on career or other life aspects. If you can not, then be prepared for difficulties with the fact that you will be worried about the lack of attention to your soulmate.
❤️ Aries and Aquarius
Aries and Aquarius are akin to those who dislike violent displays of feelings and publicity. They prefer the formula “happiness loves silence.” They rarely go out, narrowing the circle of communication with strangers to a minimum and choosing to work not in the office but at home. You can see Aries and Aquarius silently walking in the park. They can remain silent for hours on end, but that’s the norm for them. They simply enjoy each other’s company and do not care about anything else.
❤️ Gemini and Aquarius
Gemini and Aquarius have opposite personalities and they exactly can’t be called toxic zodiac signs. This is just the case when antagonists are attracted to each other. While Aquariuses are rather restrained, Geminies are more laid-back. But they can still create a strong and healthy rapport. Together, Gemini and Aquarius will prove to be an excellent team as they handle all the arrangements, cases, and deadlines.
❤️ Sagittarius and Leo
Sagittarius is always looking for something new, and Leo inherently chooses stability. In addition, Leo likes to subdue, while Sagittarius does not like commands at all. Surprisingly enough, such unions are characterized by reliability and longevity. The recipe here is simple: mutual love and the ability to yield. Narcissistic Leo will realize and learn to compromise in a pair with Sagittarius.
🧐 Summing-up: What to Do if I Date a Toxic Zodiac Sign?
Toxic behavior very often destroys relationships, but in most cases, there is a chance to try and find common ground. Suppose you are dating one of the toxic zodiac signs but want to save the relationship. In that case, it is crucial to set and respect each other’s personal boundaries, and open communication will help you find ways to resolve the problem. Put out conflicts, get rid of destructive thoughts and emotions, and show more love and respect for each other, and everything will work out. Remember that it is possible to find the right approach for a partner of any zodiac sign.
Do you get obsessed too quickly in the early days of dating? This is often dangerous because it places WAY too much of our happiness in trying to attract and keep someone (even when we don’t really know them yet).
Thankfully, this kind of “anxious dating” is something you can actually solve. In today’s video, I dive into where this obsession comes from, and give you 5 things you can do to stop falling for someone too quickly and self-sabotaging in early dating.
MATTHEW HUSSEY
Hello, everyone. I am Matthew Hussey, the author of the brand new book, Love Life, which became the New York Times’ best seller a few weeks ago. I’m also a coach, specializing in confidence and relational intelligence, who, for the last 17 years has been helping people find the healthy love that they want.
So, today’s video is based on a question I got from one of my Love Life members. And if you don’t know, I have a year-round program where I coach people who want to find love. If you want to make me your coach, officially, then I’ll leave a link below for you to check that out. It is LoveLifeClub.com.
But this particular Love Life member asked me about obsession in early dating. What can you do if, whenever you meet someone you like, you immediately become obsessed, get too carried away, and then risk ruining the whole thing, either the enjoyment of it because you just feel anxious all the time or actually sabotaging it by being the person that we become when we get obsessed?
So let’s talk about this. Why do we get obsessed in early dating and what are the five things that you can know today that will help you the next time you find yourself in this situation?
By the way, it would mean a lot to me if you would like this video, subscribe to this channel, and hit the notification bell, so that the next time I make a video, you get notified, and you don’t discover it three months later, and think to yourself, “I really could have used this video back then.”
So, let’s talk about this idea of obsession in early dating. What are the five things that you need to know?
Number one, identify the feeling that you have. When we are out there meeting someone, falling for them very quickly, and then very quickly becoming anxious about the fact that they’re not texting us or worried that they might not like us as much as we like them, it’s very tempting to think of this as being a sign of how important this person is, a sign of how much our happiness resides with this person and the possibility that they end up choosing us as their partner.
What this feeling actually is, is anxiety. And it’s important that we label it as anxiety. This is a form of anxious rumination.
“I really like them. They don’t like me as much as I like them. And if they don’t like me as much as I like them, my whole life is going to get worse. I’m going to be heartbroken. I’m never going to get over it.”
“They’re not texting me right now. Oh, no. This person that holds the keys to my happiness doesn’t want me back. I’m about to lose someone who is right for me.”
We have these thoughts and they are not an indication of how valuable this person is. They are an indication of the intensity of an anxiety that likely long predated this person.
And you can do a test on that. Is this the first person you’ve ever felt this anxiety with, or is the anxiety a constant in your life? If it is, good news, it’s not that this person is the most important person in the world. It’s that you are coming to the table with a pre-existing level of anxious attachment.
Now that we’ve identified that feeling as anxiety, let’s get to point number two. That anxiety will follow you anywhere you go. It will follow you to a different person in the future. So, if you move on from this person and feel good again afterwards, after weeks or months of feeling of heartbroken that this didn’t work out, that anxiety won’t have gone away. It will just be dormant, lying in wait for the next person. When the next person comes along, if you decide you like that person, the anxiety re-appears.
And it’s not just true that the anxiety will transfer to the next person. It’s also true that that anxiety will follow you into every stage of the relationship with this person if it actually works out.
Think about it this way. When we’re single, the anxiety is, “I’m never going to meet anyone.” When we meet someone, the anxiety is, “They don’t like me as much as I like them,” or, “They’re not texting me right now and that’s bad news.”
If it turns into an actual relationship, our anxiety is now around losing this person. “That they’re going to find someone else. That the next time they walk into a coffee shop and see someone who’s objectively more attractive than me, they’re going to leave me for that person.”
And even if you feel completely safe with this person, like, “They’re never going to leave me for another person.” Even if they manage to get you to trust on that level, the anxiety transfers to, “What if they die?”
So, the anxiety never really goes away. It just keeps finding a new home, a new target. Now that can feel quite defeating, in a sense, to feel like, “Oh, my god. I’m never going to be rid of this anxiety.” We can, of course, start to mitigate that anxiety. We can turn it around. And we’ll talk about that in a moment.
But far from being this horrible conclusion, that the anxiety is going to follow me everywhere, it can actually start to be this wonderful way of getting perspective. In other words, any time our anxiety finds a target, knowing the anxiety is the constant, not the target, we realize that the target of our anxiety, the thing we’re convincing ourselves in the moment, is the root cause of our anxiety, is not nearly as important as we’re making it, and may not be important at all.
Once you realize that when this target goes away, my anxiety will just find a new one, there’s no target that feels that important anymore. It just feels like this long and almost farcical cycle of hopping from one thing to the next, and every time, telling ourselves a story that the thing I’m focused on now is the most important thing in the world to be worried about. And when there’s no longer that thing to be worried about, we try to convince ourselves or anyone who will listen, “Oh, no, no. You don’t understand. This one is the most important thing in the world to be worried about.”
And I want you to hear yourself telling yourself that story each time, to become aware of that story, and almost to start to laugh at it. Like, how can everything be the most important thing in the world to be worried about? How can everything be this worthy of my anxiety? How can I keep convincing myself every time, “No, no, no. This time, it’s really important. This time it’s really scary.”
Realize that if your anxiety is the constant, then the targets become a farce.
Number three, we have to recognize that behind the anxiety that we feel, when we get obsessed with someone in early dating, is a need. The anxious obsession feels objectively like a bad thing. But embedded within it is just an unmet need. There’s a, kind of, cry for help that, you know, we get obsessed with someone because we like them. And liking someone isn’t a problem. But when liking someone, when being on a date, and realizing, “Oh, this person’s great. I really like them or I admire them or I respect them. I’d like to spend more time with them if they’re open to that.” When that crosses over into, “I’ll die if they don’t text me back,” something’s happened there. It’s no longer just an admiration for them as a person or a, kind of, excitement about the possibility of another date with them. It’s turned into a sense of danger that if they don’t reply, if they don’t like me, if this doesn’t progress, I won’t be okay.
Beneath all of that, there’s this need that’s being expressed. It can be a need for safety, a need for consistency, a need to feel wanted or acknowledged or seen or worthy, that there is a need there. And the need is trying to express itself. But what happens with our anxiety is the need gets transferred to something — or in this case, someone on the outside.
There’s nothing wrong with the need by the way. We all have these needs, and especially when we have been through a lot in our life—we have certain traumas from childhood or relationships. We can come out of those situations really needing a sense of safety, really needing a sense of peace or consistency. There’s nothing wrong with that. But where we get ourselves into trouble is that that internal need transfers itself to an external target. We suddenly nominate someone that we have known for five minutes or three dates, as the sole provider of this need that we have.
“Your job, person that I’ve decided I like, is to make me feel safe. And the way you’re going to make me feel safe is to communicate as often as I want you to communicate, to tell me all of the things as often as I need to and as intensely as I need you to say them, to reassure me and to demonstrate that you like me as much as I like you, preferably a bit more, because that will really make me feel safe.”
And if this person does not provide these things in precisely the way that that voice inside of us needs, then our anxiety goes through the roof. And then a version of us, of course, comes out that has the ability to sabotage situations.
Here’s the really tricky part. We start saying and doing things that push away healthy, secure people because secure people feel that something is going very wrong if they are suddenly being made responsible for too much of our happiness, too soon. But it has a very insidious effect with people who are not well-intentioned or people we might think of as toxic who realize the amount of power that they can have over us by saying and doing the right things.
So, if our anxiety demonstrates an extreme need, and they can fulfill that need by showing up in very grandiose ways early on, by saying exactly what we want to hear, we feel a false sense of safety with this person who is saying things that really, they have no business saying right now, in the same way that our need that has nothing really to do with this person, has no business being quenched by this person.
So, an out-of-proportion need is being met by a totally false sense of security from the outside, and that’s how we find ourselves getting our hearts broken by the love bombers, the manipulators, the narcissists, the sociopaths, the people that are looking for precisely the right intensity of pain, anxiety, and need to come along and be the answer for.
So, bottom line, we have to stop nominating people on the outside as the answer to that anxiety we feel on the inside because the obsession that we have for this person in dating is nothing more than the expression of our internal anxiety and that need that wants to be met.
Now, like I said, it’s okay to like someone. We don’t have to become indifferent to protect ourselves. We can openly like someone. We can even openly want more with someone. But any time it strays into a feeling of pain, that’s out-of-proportion with how well we know this person or how long it’s been going on for, we have to go back to that reminder. “Ah, this is anxiety and that anxiety is coming from a need.”
How, in this moment, instead of asking for validation, reassurance, and intensity from the outside, do I start to create a home within myself?
So, I want you to write this down if you’ve got something you can write on right now. Number four, create a safe home within yourself. I want you to tell yourself, “If I want to make someone else a part of my home, that feeling of home, I first have to create a home within myself.”
So, number four, we have to create a safe home within ourselves.
I want you to take a scenario where maybe you feel a little nervous or a bit anxious, take a party that you find yourself at on your own. Imagine the feelings that you get being at that party—not knowing anyone, wondering what everyone’s thinking about you, feeling embarrassed or awkwardly shuffling around, and trying to look like you’ve got something to do, like checking your phone as a way of looking cool at the party when, in fact, you’re not really checking anything. You’re just trying to look like you’re not that strange person standing on the sidelines.
Feel that feeling, that lack of safety, that desire to be comforted. That desire, that very quickly gets transferred onto the room, and that thought of, “I wish someone would come over and make me feel good right now. I wish someone would come over and welcome me into this party, that they would reassure me, that they would find me interesting, that they would save me from the sidelines.”
Now, notice that that is us trying to find a home outside of ourselves in this party. When, in fact, we don’t need to go anywhere or talk to anyone to create a home within ourselves. The feelings that we are seeking on the outside, we can create on the inside.
Now, how do we do that?
Well, let’s recap for a moment. We’ve understood so far in this video that the desire for someone to come over, the desire for people to come and make friends with you, that is anxiety. We’ve understood so far in this video that in this situation, that kind of obsessive thinking of, “I need someone to come and make me feel better. I need people to be friends with me. I need to raise my status in this party and not look like the sad, weird person on my own.”
That is anxiety. It’s not representative of something that’s truly important. You’re not going to die. You may not care about any of these people or even see any of them again. None of this right now is actually important.
So, the thoughts aren’t real. It’s all anxiety. So, we label it that. We recognize that beneath that anxiety is a need, a need to feel safe, a need to feel accepted, a need to feel loved. That part of you isn’t you as a whole. It’s just a voice within you. One of many. What it’s doing is it’s looking for reassurance on the outside. What we have to do is give ourselves the reassurance that we seek. We have to be the safety we’re looking for.
The temptation is to identify with it and to think that, “Me and this voice are the same thing.” But actually, this voice is the part of us that is scared. You could think of it as the inner child. You can even think of it as like a screaming toddler that is anxious or afraid or just trying to get a need met.
But it’s not the adult in the room. And if you think about a child screaming in the back of the car, you wouldn’t turn to that child and say, “Hey, here’s the keys to the car. You drive then.”
You acknowledge that, “Oh, there’s a scared child here. How do I turn to meet them in a way that is effective, productive, compassionate, loving? How do I give that child what that child needs?” Which is different, by the way, to what that child wants. We’ll come on to that in a second.
So, let’s move on to point number five. What does the child need? What does that voice inside need?
It’s looking for safety on the outside. But what if could give it a feeling of safety on the inside? What if we could talk to that part of ourselves in a loving voice? First, acknowledging them and connecting with what they feel, “Hey, you met someone you like. It feels scary all of a sudden. I get it. You really want to find love and I know you’ve been burned in the past. And this brings up so much for you. And I understand. I understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling.”
And of course, by the way, by being us, we are the ones uniquely placed to know everything we’ve ever been through that’s made us this way. That gives us this amazing vantage point from which to give ourselves compassion, to view ourselves holistically and contextually and say, “I get you. I know why you feel this way. I know why you feel so obsessed right now and so anxious right now. You’ve been through a lot.”
You’re looking for safety because you never had any. You know what that story is. So, you can reassure yourself that that part of you isn’t crazy. It’s just reacting to its history. But that part of you also isn’t you.
So, you can speak to it in a loving, compassionate voice.
“You’re going to be okay. And even if this person doesn’t text back, we’re still going to be okay. Why? Because we’ve been okay in the past. We’ve successfully survived this life so far, we will survive it again, and this person isn’t the most important person in the world. We’re just afraid. It’s okay ”
You give yourself that love, that affection, that presence. But what we also do is we’re firm with that part of ourselves. That’s what being the adult in the room is. That’s what being the parent is. Remember, it’s not about just giving that voice what it wants. It’s giving that voice what it needs. And what that voice might need right now is a firm hand, is us saying, “I know you want to turn this into something really important but we’re not going to do that. I know that you want to keep thinking about this person over and over but you know what? We’re going to go do something else. We’re going to go work out. We’re going to go hang with our friends who have been around much longer than this person we’ve known for five minutes.”
“We’re going to do something we love, engage in one of our passions. We’re not going to sit here and ruminate about this person. And no, we’re not going to go and call all of our friends and tell them how amazing this person is and oh my god, this could be the one.”
“We’re not going to do that either. We’re not going to entertain these things. We’re going to accept it for what it is—someone that I had a great time with, someone that maybe I have an admiration or respect for, based on how well I know them right now. But also, someone that I don’t really know. But who I’m looking for to get to know more, providing they feel the same way. I’m not going to allow the thoughts to go any further than that.”
We have to know when to cut ourselves off and say, “This is no longer productive. This is just anxious rumination by another name. Namely, that this person is the one for me.”
“No, no, no. I don’t know that yet.”
The next time you hear that voice go, “This person is the one,” go, “You’re anxiously ruminating. That’s what this is.”
All right? So, we have to be firm with that voice at the same time as being compassionate and affectionate with that voice.
So, let me know what you thought of this. Leave me a comment. I’m excited to read them. What spoke to you most about this video? Are you someone who obsessively ruminates about someone when you first start dating them? Do you get carried away too quickly? How does that affect you? And how has this video helped? I’m excited to read your comments.
And by the way, thank you to everyone who shares these videos. It means so much to me. I can’t do this work on my own. I want to get these messages to as many people as I can, people that may not know that there are tools out there to feel better. There are messages that can soothe the pain that they’re feeling right now. For everyone who shares this video, with your platform or just with your friends and family, thank you. And I promise to keep delivering videos like this that can help you going forward.
And for anyone who wants to share more time with me, in September of this year I’m running my Live Retreat, for six days, from the 9th of September until the 15th, in Florida. We’re going to be together, all in one resort. Is going to be an amazing experience.
If you want to continue your growth work with me in a very immersive way– live, in person– then I encourage you to apply. The link is MHRetreat.com. Go check it out. We’re down to a small number of spaces now. There’s only so much space in the room, and it’s not a very big room, is an intimate program. So, come join us, and I hope I’ll get to see you there.
Thank you so much for watching this video, as always. I look forward to reading your comments. And I will see you next week.
It’s been a brazenly partisan and corrupt Supreme Court term. From abortion cases that are still alive to the murky futures of marriage equality and gender-affirming care for minors, here’s a brief wrap-up of what happened by what should’ve been the end of this term.
Since the overturn of Roe v. Wade two years ago, Republicans have faced electoral loss after electoral loss thanks to abortion-motivated voters. Roberts and his fellow conservatives took away a political hot potato for Donald Trump months before a presidential election where abortion is already a central issue. But the procedural rulings in both cases means the real issues before the Court—mifepristone access and the ability to mail abortion pills under the Comstock Act, as well as the fate of emergency abortion care in abortion-hostile states—remain unresolved and very much still alive in the federal courts.
This buys Republicans time to message around the devastation Roe’s reversal has brought while setting them up to continue the carnage soon after this election season. It also allows the conservatives on the Court to message that, despite dismantling Roe, they aren’t that extreme on abortion after all, because look at these two wins for abortion rights!
Never mind, as Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson points out in her opinion in Idaho v. United States, the three dissenting justices softly endorsing fetal “personhood” and states’ ability to nullify federal law in the EMTALA case.
Slow drip of corruption scandals
This term, reports revealed how conservative justices and their wives have engaged in various forms of hyper-partisanship and financial conflicts of interests.
While we’re on the topic of warning flares, the Court issued a major one on marriage equality in Department of State v. Muñoz, an immigration case that narrowed the scope of marriage rights in a way that tees up a rollback—or outright reversal—of Obergefell v. Hodges.
Support for marriage equality continues to decrease among conservatives as their ginned up moral panic around “wokeness” increases. This translates to a proliferation of drag bans and book bans that are designed to do nothing more than peddle gender conformity, as Lisa Needham wrote about recently for Rewire News Group.
It also underlines the conservative rewriting of parental rights via their campaign to judicially redefine family in a way that elevates and enshrines largely white, religiously orthodox, patriarchal family norms. We see this in their legal attacks on teen access to birth control under Title X and support for gender-affirming care bans.
Coming up next term
It will be clearer just how deep the conservative hypocrisy around parental rights and gender-affirming care for minors runs when the Court rules in United States v. Skrmetti next term. Skrmetti is a case brought by three trans teens and their parents, a doctor who provides gender-affirming care, and joined by the Biden administration, that challenges the constitutionality of Tennessee and Kentucky’s gender-affirming care bans.
The Court declined to take up the parental rights issue in Skrmetti, instead focusing its attention on the sole issue of whether these bans violate the equal protection clause as unlawful sex discrimination. But the current conservative parental rights frame will be everywhere in these arguments, both to scatter the breadcrumbs of the next case for conservatives and to continue virtue signaling to conservative donors financing this anti-wokeness campaign.
Overturning Roe really was the beginning of a whole new power grab by the conservative legal movement. And if this term is any indication, it is just the start of a new wave of cooperative, authoritarian governing between the Republican Party and the Supreme Court.
The Supreme Court released its decision regarding the Emergency Medical Treatment and Active Labor Act—not once but twice thanks to another opinion leak!—and, well, the justices punted.
In this reaction episode, Jess and Imani get into the coward decision in Idaho v. United States— that dismissing the case as “improvidently granted” is simply a cop-out, and the ripple effects that will emerge.
And stay tuned for a short summer season coming up!
Rewire News Groupis a nonprofit media organization, which means that rapid reaction episodes like this one is only made possible with the support of listeners like you! If you can, please join our team by donatinghere.
And sign up forThe Fallout, a weekly newsletter written by Jess that’s exclusively dedicated to covering every aspect of this unprecedented moment.
You and your partner are in a tough place. You have a hard time feeling connected and don’t feel understood. You worry if this is the beginning of the end of the relationship. You fantasize about what life might be like starting over, being single, and what dating someone new might be like. Maybe you even started searching for divorce attorneys.
Many couples experience similar situations and come out stronger, more connected, and more in love than ever before. That statement probably sounds idealistic or even unimaginable if you are experiencing a rough patch in your relationship. It can happen, though, and it takes work. There is no sugar coating the situation. You will have to make the decision that the relationship is worth being in and working on. If so, you must commit to rolling up your sleeves and doing your part.
If that’s your intention, here’s how to do it.
Own Your Part
Recognize your role in how the two of you got to this place in your relationship. There is the “we” stuff that impacts a relationship, but there is also the “me” stuff. Decide if you are willing to do some personal inventory on the internal work that you need to tackle. Do you need to change your attitude about your partner and allow yourself to notice the good things they do? Can you find something you appreciate about your partner and let them know? You may need to forgive or accept some things you cannot change about your partner to open up your mindset. There may be work that you do (possibly in your own personal therapy) that allows you to hold your partner in a positive perspective again.
Have Some Fun Together
When was the last time you two went on a date or had sex that wasn’t functional? Great relationships need tending. Shared positive experiences lead to shared positive emotions. If you don’t invest in quality time with each other, don’t be surprised when you start to view your spouse as a “business partner” that you are in the “business” of being in a relationship with.
Sexual connection and real intimacy are ways to create vulnerability with each other. If you want to add a charge of positivity to your view of the relationship, then you need to behave in ways that generate affection, physical connection, and shared vulnerability.
Reframe the Situation
Relationships can be hard work. Rough patches usually represent the consequences from a time when the relationship wasn’t a priority for one or both of you. Reframe this time as a wake-up call that lets you both know that you need to do a reset.
Many couples experience periods when they haven’t prioritized the relationship, not because they didn’t care about it, but because they got busy with jobs or family responsibilities. Rough patches can be those “aha” moments that serve as reminders that there is work to do.
You can get the relationship back on track, but you need to see the consequences in the right light. This rough patch does not mean you are a failure as a couple and should throw in the towel. It signals that you got off course, and you can still do something to turn it around.
Remember the Good Times
Your relationship has likely had some really amazing times when you felt loved, cherished, and seen. If you never experienced those times, it’s unlikely you would still be in the relationship. Instead, you likely fell into what is referred to as negative sentiment override. What that means is that you both are so hyper-focused on your problems that you have a hard time remembering the good parts.
This negative sentiment override can keep you stuck in a pattern of negative emotion influencing negative responses. Can you remind yourself of the things you like about your partner or of the times that things went well? What were you each contributing to the success of your relationship during those times? Can you find ways to recreate some of those positive emotions?
Getting in touch with some of those prior positive emotions may generate warm thoughts about your partner. Feeling positive about the person you are in a relationship with can help restore genuine positive energy that leads to positive interactions. These balanced perspectives about the good parts that are also happening can help even out your view about the value of the relationship.
Ask for What You Need (in a Positive Way)
Have you asked for your needs in the relationship or do you assume that if your partner really loved you that they would just KNOW? Have you asked in the right way? If the Four Horsemen (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling) crept into your conversations, then it might be time to learn how to ask for your unmet needs in a positive way.
This time in your relationship might be temporary, and you and your partner need different tools to navigate. There is no guilt or shame involved with hitting a rough patch. It can be the jolt your relationship needs to come out stronger and more valued on the other side.
The NEW Gottman Relationship Adviser takes the guesswork out of improving your relationship. Measure your relationship health with a research-based self-assessment, then receive a tailored digital plan proven to heal and strengthen your connection.
On Wednesday, Bloomberg reported that the Supreme Court briefly uploaded a decision in the combined cases Idaho v. United States and Moyle v. United States, and then deleted it. The official decision, released today, confirms the Court has dismissed the case as “improvidently granted.” This means a previous district court injunction blocking full enforcement Idaho’s abortion ban will go back into effect, allowing doctors to provide emergency abortions. But it also allows litigation in the case to continue.
“For now, we can take a collective sigh of relief for pregnant people in Idaho,” Rebecca Gibron, CEO of Planned Parenthood Great Northwest, Hawai‘i, Alaska, Indiana, Kentucky—which includes Idaho—said in a statement. “But the truth is that access to life-saving abortion care in an emergency should never have been in doubt. Protecting pregnant people in emergency situations is the bare minimum this court could do, and yet they kicked the decision down to a lower court.”
At issue in this case is whether the state of Idaho can fully enforce its abortion ban, which has a health exception that applies only when the pregnant person’s life is at risk. The federal government argues that this violates the Emergency Medical Treatment and Active Labor Act (EMTALA), which requires hospitals that receive federal funds to provide “stabilizing” care to patients experiencing medical emergencies that threaten their life or health.
Before Idaho’s ban even went into effect, the federal government sued, arguing that EMTALA—a federal law—preempts Idaho state law. This is in line with the Constitution’s supremacy clause and long-standing judicial precedent in cases where federal and state law conflict. So the district court, determining that the government was likely to win its challenge, issued a preliminary injunction, blocking full enforcement of Idaho’s abortion ban and allowing doctors to provide emergency abortions as required by EMTALA.
Idaho asked the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals to block that injunction. The Ninth Circuit declined, so Idaho asked the Supreme Court to intervene. The Supreme Court agreed to do so, and blocked the injunction, allowing full enforcement of Idaho’s ban while it considered the case.
“The on-the-ground impact was immediate,” Justice Elena Kagan wrote in her concurring opinion, joined by Justice Sonia Sotomayor and in part by Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson. “To ensure appropriate medical care, the State’s largest provider of emergency services had to airlift pregnant women out of Idaho roughly every other week, compared to once in all of the prior year (when the injunction was in effect).”
The Supreme Court has now dismissed the case as “improvidently granted,” its way of effectively saying, “Oops, we shouldn’t have taken this case at this time.” This is not a decision on the merits of the case.
In fact, like the Court’s decision earlier this month in FDA v. Alliance for Hippocratic Medicine, the case regarding the medication abortion drug mifepristone, this is not a decision in favor of abortion access, or even a final decision on the case itself. Both issues are likely to make their way back to the Supreme Court in the fall when the next term begins.
If enough justices are amenable to Idaho’s arguments, the future of EMTALA and other similar federal regulatory laws could be grim.
What’s more, the decision applies only to Idaho. It will not affect another EMTALA-related case out of Texas, where the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that EMTALA does not preempt Texas law, allowing hospitals to deny emergency abortion care. During oral arguments in Idaho v. United States, Solicitor General Elizabeth Prelogar (who happens to be from Idaho herself) said that, in addition to Idaho, there are six more states with abortion bans that violate EMTALA. This decision will have no bearing on any of them.
Though she concurred with the Court’s opinion in part, Jackson also dissented in part, arguing that instead of dismissing the case as improvidently granted, the Supreme Court should rule on the merits now.
“We cannot simply wind back the clock to how things were before the Court injected itself into this matter,” wrote Jackson, who also read aloud from her dissent today. “Our intervention has already distorted this litigation process. We permitted Idaho’s law to go into effect by staying the District Court’s injunction in the first place, then allowed this matter to sit on our merits docket for five months while we considered the question presented. It is too little, too late for the Court to take a mulligan and just tell the lower courts to carry on as if none of this has happened.”
Her dissent also referenced the Texas case, acknowledging that this issue will be back before the Supreme Court in no time.
“While this Court dawdles and the country waits, pregnant people experiencing emergency medical conditions remain in a precarious position, as their doctors are kept in the dark about what the law requires,” Jackson wrote. “This Court had a chance to bring clarity and certainty to this tragic situation, and we have squandered it. And for as long as we refuse to declare what the law requires, pregnant patients in Idaho, Texas, and elsewhere will be paying the price.”
Justice Amy Coney Barrett, joined by Justice Brett Kavanaugh and Chief Justice John Roberts, concurred with the majority, seemingly reassured by the federal government’s argument that EMTALA does not force physicians to participate in abortion care over religious or conscience objections.
EMTALA requires hospitals to provide emergency stabilizing treatment to patients regardless of their ability to pay as a condition of receiving federal Medicaid and Medicare funds. Barrett’s concurrence noted that Idaho “raised a difficult and consequential argument” about whether Congress “can obligate recipients of federal funds to violate state criminal law” in a spending bill. If enough justices are amenable to Idaho’s arguments, the future of EMTALA and other similar federal regulatory laws could be grim.
At least three justices are already on board with the idea that Congress exceeded its authority in using a spending bill this way: The argument features prominently in Justice Samuel Alito’s dissent, in which he was joined by Justice Clarence Thomas and in part by Justice Neil Gorsuch.
During oral arguments in April, Alito also focused heavily on the presence of the term “unborn child” in EMTALA’s text. In answer to his questions then, Prelogar explained that this wording was included in EMTALA because, at the time, pregnant patients were being turned away from hospitals when suffering from fetal health complications.
“It tells us that Congress wanted to expand the protection for pregnant women so that they could get the same duties to screen and stabilize when they have a condition that’s threatening the health and well-being of the unborn child,” Prelogar said. “But what it doesn’t suggest is that Congress simultaneously displaced the independent preexisting obligation to treat a woman who herself is facing grave life and health consequences.”
Kagan also touched on this in a footnote to her dissent, noting that “very large bipartisan majorities” in both houses of Congress “elected to broaden the provision, entitling a woman to demand care for her unborn child as well as herself” when they realized the original text of the law didn’t allow that.
Clearly, Alito disagrees. “To the contrary, EMTALA obligates Medicare-funded hospitals to treat, not abort, an ‘unborn child,’” he wrote in his dissent. Alito was joined by both Thomas and Gorsuch in this section of his dissent, meaning that at least three justices are open to arguments about fetal “personhood.”
“It’s critical we do not forget that conservative justices are flirting with the idea of fetal personhood in order to justify abortion bans,” the National Institute for Reproductive Health said on X.
Last fall, I spent ten days reporting on the ground in Idaho. What I found is that a total abortion ban, in combination with constant media coverage of legal developments just like this, had created a pervasive culture of fear around pregnancy in the state. I also reported on the systematic Christian nationalist takeover of state politics that led to Idaho’s abortion bans, and the locals organizing to take their state back.
Those locals have already notched some significant victories, including ousting 15 far-right incumbent lawmakers in recent primary elections. In statehouses and in courts, the battle for abortion rights is far from over.
This piece first appeared in our weekly newsletter,The Fallout.
One of the few bright spots in the aftermath of the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade two years ago is the way in which voters have responded in droves to support abortion rights and access. Abortion is a winning issue for progressives and Democrats.
I really hope President Joe Biden got that message going into tonight’s first presidential debate, because everything about this year’s election is different—including the role abortion policy will play in it. Reversing Roe wasn’t just some exercise in constitutional rulemaking by Federalist Society ideologues; it was a direct assault on our democratic norms made possible by Trump appointees who shamelessly reversed precedent to usher in a new era of socially regressive policies. All by judicial fiat.
The Supreme Court’s power grab in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization was just a preview of how conservatives plan to govern from here on out, including the role the Court will play in enforcing Project 2025’s authoritarian agenda.
This is not business-as-usual electoral politics—this is American-bred fascism, and it requires a different response that goes beyond messaging and targeting districts around “Restoring Roe.” We need to plainly talk about both the reproductive oppression and threat to democracy that conservatives pose in the same breath. Reproductive oppression is a hallmark of authoritarianism, and we know conservatives are not stopping with upending abortion access. IVF and contraception are under threat right now, and unwinding access to both will be a key policy goal of any incoming GOP administration. And while we wait for this never-ending Supreme Court term to wrap, the justices will start the next one in October by squarely stepping into the fight over gender-affirming care for minors.
Dobbs was always just the beginning. The upcoming election will offer up a clear understanding of what conservatives’ second act looks like.
