Category: Dating & Love

Sarah, 52, and Patrick, 36, have been dating for 11 months. Here’s what Sarah has to say about her online dating experience and meeting the love of her life.

I’d suffered a horribly traumatic, drawn-out divorce from my husband in my mid-forties and honestly thought I’d never love again! I finally succumbed to online dating just before the Big Five-Oh after my two grown-up kids insisted I should put myself back out there and give love a second chance.

My initial experience on the mature dating site was depressing, truth be told. Men my age were interested in women ten years (or more!) younger, and the only attention I received was from men ten plus years my senior. Not that I’m ageist, but the older gentlemen who pursued me just weren’t my cup of tea, sadly.

Nevertheless, I went on a number of dates, only to find that we had nothing in common. Most of all, I felt like I had a new lease on life and wanted adventure in my life! The mature men who aimed to seduce me wanted a quiet retirement buddy to settle into their nest with them. Not me; I’d spent most of my adult life at home, raising the children, caring for my ex-husband, being the dutiful housewife. Now it was MY time to shine.

A friend suggested I broaden my horizon and consider dating a younger man. My first reaction was utter disgust. My husband had been cheating on me for years with a younger woman, and I was hurt that my friend would even consider mentioning such a topic. I also had a nasty stereotype in my head of the ‘cougar’ praying on unsuspecting, innocent boys. I was mortified!

A few more weeks passed, and I continued to go on disappointing, fruitless dates. It wasn’t until I was buying a bottle of wine on my way home from an exceptionally dull date to numb the pain, that I saw an article on the front of one of the women’s magazines at the counter about celebrities dating younger men. Curiosity got the better of me, and I spent the rest of my evening researching the internet about women dating younger men; what it was all about, pros, cons – was it morally ok?

I was stunned to realize that mature woman dating younger men was a current ‘trend’ and the list of advantages sounded – quite frankly – VERY appealing!  So in my tipsy state, I logged into my online dating account and changed my age preferences. I was stunned that after just 30 minutes, I already had a wink from a man in his twenties!! I was confused at first; was this a joke? Why would a twenty-something-year-old be interested in me? With alcohol as my confidence boost, we wrote back and forth that night and I learned that he was a very successful, confident young man who preferred older women because they were more independent and straightforward than females his own age.

He didn’t want the pressure of marriage or babies that he was receiving from the younger women he dated. The conversation we had that night really opened my eyes to the truth behind men dating older women and vice versa; it seemed both parties could benefit from the arrangement.

Though he seemed lovely, I had to decline a date with him as he was the same age as my daughter, and I just couldn’t get my head around that! But he did convince me that I should be open to possibilities… and that’s when I met Patrick.

I had seen Patrick’s dating profile whilst surfing the online dating site and immediately was drawn to him. His profile picture was just lovely; he had the kindest eyes and a genuine smile. I read his profile over and over and over – we had so much in common from music taste to food likes, spirituality and a passion for travel. But he was 35, never married and had no kids. I worried that maybe one day he would want children and I wouldn’t be able to give him that.

It may seem silly to some people that I was already considering such serious matters before I’d even spoken to him, but being a mature woman, I knew exactly what I wanted; a life partner. I didn’t want to waste mine or anyone else’s time in a relationship that wasn’t going to go anywhere. So I tried to get him out of my head and continued to date the other younger men who were now contacting me.

Although I had some nice dates with some younger men, I just couldn’t forget about Patrick’s profile, so 2 months after originally seeing it I decided to make contact. I was surprised at how quickly and enthusiastically he responded. We immediately clicked and bantered back and forth through emails and text messages for three days before I suggested we go on a date. He was shocked at how confident I was (and later told me how attractive he found this!) and asked me to go and see a local band playing in the park with him at the weekend.

Our first date was magical. He turned up with a picnic basket full of delicious homemade goodies – I couldn’t believe the effort he had gone to! He told me that he’d wanted to impress me, I told him that it had worked! We were very open with each other from the very beginning, and I had no qualms about discussing my children worry with him as I wanted to lay our cards out from the get-go. Fortunately for me, Patrick has never had any interest in having children and instead wants to focus on enjoying every moment of his life to the fullest. Luckily for me, that now includes me in his adventurous plans.

There may be a sixteen year age gap, and once upon a time I may have ignorantly turned my nose up at it, but I now know that age is just a number. Patrick makes me feel youthful and I have never had so much energy and lust for life as I do now. I’m so thankful to my friend for opening up my world to new possibilities and thinking outside of the box. Patrick and I are celebrating our one-year anniversary next month by going to Paris for a romantic weekend getaway; we couldn’t be happier.

Opting For The Younger Man – The Bottom Line

If you want a younger man, you can have one. All you need to do is update your dating preferences and they will come to you.

Whether opting for a younger man is a good idea depends on what you want from your relationship. You might only be interested in sex. You might want to find love. Generally, younger men tend to be less devoted than older men.

There’s nothing stopping you from giving it a go. If you update your age preferences in your dating profile, you could get attention within a matter of hours.

There are lots of younger men out there who want to date an older woman. This is normally because older women are more experienced in bed.

Another reason younger men want older women is that they want stability. Young women tend to have less stability in their lives. As an older woman or older man, you can use this to your advantage to find a younger man.

Most importantly of all, remember to have fun when dating a younger man. Life is there to be lived. Don’t be afraid to try new things and enjoy yourself.

Finding love online is today, more complicated than it has ever been before.

Of course, we’re not talking about actually using online dating websites – that’s gotten much, much easier. No, we’re talking about picking an online dating platform to reward with your custom.

From dating websites with a broad remit to those with specific niches, there are lots of options available. However, a new genre of online dating platform has emerged, offering a new way for singletons to find love. They’re mobile apps first, and they’ve become huge.

We’re talking, of course, about the likes of Tinder and Bumble. Both services let you swipe between as many eligible singles as you like and both feature free and paid feature sets and though they have some minor differences in inflow, both are very similar.

They’re also, undeniably, extremely popular. So, are they right for a single over the 50s looking for love? In a word, no. That’s not to put the services down, but when it comes to being a senior single, these apps just aren’t the right way to go. Why? Here are two huge reasons.

We aren’t the target user

Popular they may be, but the likes of Tinder and Bumble simply aren’t aimed at the over 50s market.

Instead, they’re aimed at young people, with a focus and format which is better suited to the young than the old. You’ll also find that their marketing is heavily focussed on the young. So, whilst both applications might support over 50 daters, they’re really not intended to be used by us.

That’s borne out by the fact that just 1% of Tinder’s users in 2015 were aged between 55 and 64. With a startling 80% aged between 16 and 34 years old. Those numbers indicate an application that has successfully targeted a youth market.

In turn, this means that should you sign up, you’ll find that there just aren’t many local people in your area to match with. Compared to a dedicated over 50 dating website like Maturity Dating, the pool of potential partners is dramatically smaller, which isn’t ideal when you’re trying to find love.

Their features don’t suit us

Quick dating apps like Tinder and Bumble are designed to match people on the shallowest level possible, in order to facilitate quick matches and encourage repeat usage. When you log in to one of these applications, you’re presented with a picture of somebody within your specified age group, from there you swipe right to ‘like’ them and swipe left to ‘dislike’ them.

If you both ‘like’ each other, you’ll receive a notification and gain the ability to start a conversation. And, well, that’s all there is to it.

You can’t separate potential matches by weight, ethnicity, height, star sign or any personality traits, like whether they drink or smoke. Put simply, they’re deeply, deeply shallow experiences. That might be good for young people, but it’s not right for us over 50 singletons.

At our age, we know what we want and what we don’t want. Endlessly swiping in the hopes of finding the right person might be fun when you’re young, but when we’re mature it’s simply a waste of time.

By signing up for a more traditional dating website like mature dating, you can specify exactly what you’re looking for in a partner and read more deeply into their personality before you message them. It’s a more considered, mature way to meet people, and perfect for you. The middle ground is a website that offers the same search facility as this site but is in the adult dating niche

Overall

Tinder and Bumble are both good ways to find new people in a flash, but they are not the best dating platforms to find love.

Tinder and Bumble are generally pitched at a younger crowd and they do not give you a golden opportunity to establish rapport. They are designed to make meeting dating fast and easy rather than intimate and interesting.

If you are over 50 and looking for love, there are better options out there. Our mature dating site is a good example. Our dating site only has people over 50 or people who want to date older people. You can set age preferences to find someone the same age, someone older or someone younger. It’s up to you.

There’s no harm in downloading Tinder and Bumble since both are free. However, you are unlikely to find a meaningful relationship with them.

We recommend signing up to our dating platform if you are over 50 and looking for love and companionship. Our dating platform offers an intimate experience.

You can set filters to narrow down your search and use our location feature to ensure your matches are located somewhere convenient for you. Give us a try and see what you think.

A first date, especially the first date you have been on in a long time can be a very daunting prospect. The world of mature dating is full of people just like you.

People for whose first dates are something they haven’t thought about for 35 years or more.

So, the first and very important step is to breathe, relax and understand you aren’t alone here. Dating and the dating scene may have changed an awful lot through the decades but the people haven’t and the principles remain the same.

This is an opportunity to get to know someone new, have fun and perhaps even embark on a brand-new romance. If you’re new to the older dating scene, read on for some helpful advice for preparing for a first date.

Pick the Right Location

Location is key to a first date as it is for buying a house.

You need somewhere with atmosphere but not crammed with people. Somewhere where you can talk but won’t feel awkward if you pause and most of all somewhere you both feel comfortable.

For many of us, this means expensive restaurants or jam-packed bars are out of the question. A comfortable local pub, relaxed restaurant or coffee shop can all make ideal first date locations.

If you feel more comfortable with an activity led date then a wander around your local art gallery or farmers market could help to keep the conversation flowing.

The cinema is often used as an easy first date option but it can be a lazy choice. A first date is about getting to know someone and figuring out if you would like to see them again, sitting in the dark and not talking won’t tell you anything at all.

Stay Safe

If you are setting out on over 50s dating then it can be easy to assume you are old enough and wise enough to keep yourself safe. This may be true but you are still meeting with a stranger and you should take simple steps to protect yourself.

You should always meet in a public place with plenty of people around. You should also let someone know where you are going and what time you expect to be back.

Older daters often like to keep their dating discreet but this no excuse for not telling at least one friend or loved one where you are. If you feel uncomfortable with your date at any point, leave and never feel under any pressure to continue a date that makes you feel upset or intimidated. Your safety should always come first.

Look Great and Feel Great

Dates are meant to be fun and a big part of that fun is picking out an outfit and spending some time ensuring you feel your best.

This might mean going for a swim, taking a long soak in the bath or treating yourself to a new dress or tie. It’s important, however, not to try and overhaul your image for a date.

Your date wants to go on a date with you and not some impossible version of yourself that simply isn’t real. Make sure you feel and look like yourself before you head out of the door.

Confidence is key. Before you go on an over 50s date, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re great. You are desirable. You can do this.

Don’t Rely on Alcohol

A first date can be nerve-racking and if this is your first step into mature dating it could feel especially tough. It’s easy then, to fill up your wine glass one too many times and end up with a sore head and a bad date.

Alcohol on a first date is fine, but keep consumption sensible and never let it leave you feeling out of control or unsafe. A coffee shop makes a great first option for a drink-free day date that allows you to chat and find out more about each other in a low-pressure environment.

This ensures that any feelings or inclinations about a potential new partner aren’t filtered through the bottom of an empty glass.

Alcohol is great but too much can send a date sour. The last thing you want is to embarrass yourself and look back the next day with regrets.

Don’t Expect Too Much

You have probably had a long hiatus from the dating scene and this can lead to added pressure on the very first date you go on. Remember for mature dating or any dating at all you probably aren’t going to find your perfect match on day one or date one.

It’s likely there will be a few frogs involved before you uncover Mr or Mrs Charming. Treat every first date like an adventure, exciting but with no guarantees.

Enjoy meeting someone new and perhaps finding a new friend if nothing more. Building up expectations on yourself or your date can mean any potential relationship is doomed from the start.

Remember – first dates are first dates. You can’t expect to fall in love straight away. Dating is all about taking your time. So don’t expect too much

Be Open and Friendly

This may seem like a given but it is amazing what a few dating butterflies can do to your social skills. Maintain eye contact, smile often and ask relevant and interesting questions to your date.

Avoid the temptation to blurt out your life story without pausing for breath and remember he or she is likely to be just as nervous as you are.

If you are worried about keeping the conversation flowing make a few notes beforehand with questions you might ask or current affairs or culture that might be interesting to chat over. This can be a lifesaver and will help you feel a little more confident.

Remember – being friendly is the ticket to love and companionship. If you aren’t nice to people you can expect them to never want to meet you again. And even if your date goes sour, being nice will ensure a pleasant parting of ways.

Respect Personal Space

You may be a touchy-feely person by nature but on a first date, it’s very important to respect personal space until a potential relationship matures and develops.

Intruding on someone’s personal space before they are ready can leave them feeling cornered and is unlikely to end in a successful date. Keep touch to a minimum and make sure any physical interactions are friendly and warm without being intimidating.

A first date can be an amazing, fun and potentially life-changing opportunity. Go in with an open mind, an open heart and great first date etiquette. Choose a dating site for over 50s to connect with like-minded mature singles and enjoy this brand-new adventure!

First things first; what excites you? What are your interests? What are you passionate about? These are all very important questions to ask yourself when considering dating in your midlife.

By determining what gets you going, you are far more likely to find a genuine match with someone who shares similar interests.

For some of us, this may be a tricky exercise, you may like lots of stuff from holidaying to reading, watching movies to hiking, so try narrowing it down by elimination.

The more you know about your own likes and dislikes the more likely you are to meet people who have the same things in common with you, thus more likely to have satisfying dates.

By being crystal clear to yourself about who you are instantly saving you time and energy when it comes to dating unsuitable men or women.

Prepare yourself for dating 

Take a step back and look at your life. You may have a job, a house, children, grandchildren, hobbies; you are most likely a lot more settled physically, emotionally and mentally than you were when you dated as a youngster.

Realise that the pressure of dating to define yourself is now gone; you’ve built your little world – be proud of it and who you are!

Dating in your midlife is very different from dating back in the day. Dating should now be an exciting, positive experience that compliments all of the other areas of your life; not dominate it. Allow dating to enhance your lifestyle and remember to not lose sight of everything else.

Imagine you were signed up to run a marathon – you wouldn’t just show up to do it on the day with no training, would you? This is the same for dating. In order to truly enjoy and prevail in the dating game, one must undertake ongoing training in the form of looking after Number 1.

Start by making yourself feel good on the outside; new haircut, go to the gym, get a massage. Consider your diet, your quality of sleep, how active you are.

Once you begin to focus on yourself and take care of yourself you’ll gradually start to feel amazing on the inside and this will also shine through to potential dates. You might be an older woman dating or an over 50 man, but feeling good in yourself is the first step to finding the beautiful things in life.

Leave your expectations with your baggage at the door. It’s all too easy to get overly excited about someone only to be severely disappointed when they are not the perfect date we fantasized them to be.

Imagine, instead of entering the dating scene expecting to find Mr. or Mrs Right in everyone you meet, you simply see each encounter as a chance to meet someone new and have a few laughs.

This takes the pressure off reaching the destination of finding a partner and allows you to enjoy the dating journey.

And yes, we all have a past and we all have our problems but dating isn’t a therapy session. Never allow yourself to divulge in your personal, work, home, family, finance, ex-whatever – issues when dating. Keep the conversations light and fun.

With this knowledge applied, you can have the confidence to get out there and get back in the dating game. Whilst the advice here is sure to kick-start an enjoyable dating experience for you, it’s not a foolproof plan.

The world of dating can be a tough one filled with awkward moments, waiting anxiously for phone calls, having to let someone down, being let down and so much more – but if you enter with an open heart and open mind with little expectation, the good times are likely to far outweigh the bad.

Overall

First dates for the over 50s can seem daunting at first but we can assure you that you’ll have fun.

Dating is something everyone has reservations about but the more you do it the easier it gets. Remember to respect yourself, be honest with your date and establish common interests as early as possible.

Sign up to our mature dating site today to get started.